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dollypopup · 7 days

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So, I wasn't gonna post anything about this, honestly, but because I was directly asked, here's my 2 cents!

First, I want to thank you for saying you trust me with this! I'm also on the ace-spectrum, and I'm a queer, bisexual woman, so I do have a lot of empathy with you and everyone else who was down for queer rep.

(Also, I do not have Anon turned on for my asks. I absolutely respect your privacy, but I've been harassed before, and if people want to come at me, they can do it with their whole chest. Similarly, if people want to come TO me, I'd love to be friends!) I want to start off with the fact that whilst I understand that you believe the article, I don't. Call it the skeptic in me, or my media literacy classes during my grad program or denial or what have you, but we live in a huge era of misinformation. A tabloid is not likely to be any kind of reliable source, and a random reddit user even less so. It's like making a balloon full of pudding and having a clown say it's helium. We're not going to know until the needle pops it. Surely, no one would ever lie on the internet.

That being said, as much as I yearned and wanted for Demi Colin to be confirmed, it's not set in stone, and so it couldn't have been taken away from us. Honestly, even being ace-spec, a lot of the HC of Demi!Colin started putting a bad taste in my mouth when I realized that a lot of this predominately cishet fandomw as doing it as a means of keeping Colin 'pure' for Penelope, and that struck me as incredibly acephobic. Sure, they were HCing him as one of us. . .but not because it fit with his character or provided a rich and interesting arc for him to explore, but more so that his identity was an extension of their hopes and wants for Penelope. It wasn't for him as a character, but for him as a prize. And that made me so very sad, so my dream of Demi!Colin died when I saw that happening so frequently. Us Demi and Ace folks deserved better than that, and we continue to.

Either way, I think you are absolutely allowed to feel your disappointment! This is a frustration safe zone! There was a lot of potential this season, especially for Colin, that I feel has been dropped. But even IF that article contains some truth (big, heavy IF). . .idk, I see it through the lens that lot of us Demi folks have had sex. Even no strings attached sex. I know I have. Was I disassociated from it for a lot of the time? Yeah. Was it satisfying? No. But did it happen? It did. I chose to take part in it, and they were experiences that helped me grow. And I am no less Demi for it! IF this article is true, instead of us freaking. . .I feel like it could tell us a lot about Colin's character.

He is a man who has had, largely, no good role models in his life. Not in this regard. Who does he have to guide him? Anthony? Literally said he should have taken Colin to brothels. Benedict? Hell, he had a threesome himself. Why wouldn't Colin be out here thinking 'This is what Men do, this is what my brothers do, why not?' Colin is young. He's 23 still trying to find himself. And the entire idea of 'oh, he's a nerd! no way he's had threesomes' lol, like nerds aren't kinky? Come on, I'm a nerd and I've done way more than people would assume I have. He was traveling for months, and I think this really isn't as huge a deal as we're making it out to be. I ship Polin exclusively, and I love the idea of them having their firsts together, but I'm also not angry otherwise. In my mind, he's still demi. Just like he'll always be ND, even if it isn't confirmed.

Sidenote, o want to touch on something that is somewhat unrelated to your post, but something I'm seeing a lot is the whole 'it's dehumanizing for him to watch two women!' or 'it's lesbian fetishization!'

from the very bottom of my heart, as a gay woman, people saying that can eat me. These are the same people who didn't care about any of our representation, before. They didn't care about having lesbian characters, didn't bring them up. Now that it affects their (largely) het pairing, and specifically Colin as a perfect prize in a pairing he has largely been denied a narrative within, we're talking pieces and pawns for their discontent? No, I refuse. There are legitimate criticisms that can and should take place about Bridgerton's lack of care toward wlw, and especially that our only representation may actually just be a lesbian performance for the sake of a threesome, but this is not a criticism on COLIN. It is a criticism on the PRODUCTION. Because if we had queer women in the series before, it wouldn't be an issue. However, I refuse to have my sexuality used as a 'ewwww gross! look what they're doing! isn't that soooo wrong?' gotcha moment by people who just don't like his character. If we're gonna have a conversation about it, we should have a conversation about it based purely on our actual desire to protect and care for queer women. Not using us as stepping stone soap boxes to prop up an argument.

Queer people are really done dirty in the Polin fandom, and this is proof of it. Demi!Colin is important to me, and he continues living on in my heart and my fics, and even if it turns out that he's fucked up and down the Amalfi coastline and watched live porn, that won't make him less demi to me, personally. Ace spec people's experience with sex is all unique, and honestly, watching seems very in line with Colin's character. I don't agree with peeps who call it weird or gross that he watches porn.

This is an incredibly puritanical fandom, and I find it more and more evident as I spend time in it. The entire 'suffering' 'penance' 'deserve her' 'grovel' train was already very clear in that regard, and then people only wanting Colin to be a virgin so he remained 'pure' and 'untarnished' (legit takes I had to read with my own eyeballs) for Penelope was so Catholic on main that it made me feel insane.

Us ace-spec peeps deserve to be and should have the space to be upset at any developments taking place! We also deserve to be free from people doing pseudo pearl clutching and hiding behind feminist and queer-friendly language to disguise that they're just upset that Colin is getting anything at all in his storyline that centers around him and his own discovery outside of Penelope. Even if he isn't a virgin, he can absolutely still be Demi, Anon! And I hope that brings you some comfort.

Am I a fan of the threesomes foursomes moresomes and live porn speculation? No, not particularly. Am I livid furious throwing up about it? Also no. This series has betrayed me and disappointed me in so many ways, but so has the fandom. I guess I'm accustomed to it, now. But I want to reiterate that we should not believe everything that is posted. Some rando on a reddit forum confirming a tabloid article does not investigative journalism and peer review and confirmed sources make.

But in the event that the season does disappoint and gives us some baffling storylines: this is where fanfic can be such a comfort. It's how a story lives on in perpetuity. I've written trans!Colin and queer!Colin and demi!Colin and virgin!Colin and bdsm!Colin and all sorts! We can give we everything we want. It's our playground and it's meant to be fun.

But over my dead body will I believe a Sun UK article lol

#tagging because i was asked to make it public #polin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #hot takes are hot i guess?

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the-lady-hestia · 27 days

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Good evening fuckos

My blog is changing. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. So I’ve decided to make a new pinned post to make sure everyone is on the same page

anyways

Hi I’m Hestia! ❤️

I’m a 22 y/o astronomy student, trans woman (she/her pronouns), lesbian, self described hedonist, and all around dork.

Small blog specific shit: my DM’s and asks are open so come say hi! Also I am not afraid nor will I hesitate to use the block button at my own discretion.

Particular interests of mine include Star Trek, Brandon Sanderson’s “Cosmere” books, Dungeons and Dragons, video games such as The Outer Wilds and the Horizon series, Avatar the Last Airbender, Starkid, and so so much more

As I said above, I am a trans woman. If this upsets you, keep it to yourself. Your opinion about my life is irrelevant and it will not influence my decisions or choices. If you think trans people (women, men, anything in between or outside) don’t deserve respect and dignity you are a straight up bad person and I wish you the opportunity to expand your understanding of human experience so that you can stop being a bad person

As for that hedonism bit, I will, on occasion, reblog or make posts about sex, sexuality, intimacy, consent, kink, aftercare, etc. I will also occasionally reblog things like nude artwork.

With all that being said, it’s probably best if I say

This blog is an 18+ only space

This blog is not a safe space for TERFs, Exclusionists, and/or anyone who thinks there is a right and wrong way to be queer. Labels are just words someone made up. Go make up your own!

Finally some statements: I am and always will be an avid and passionate supporter of Asexuals, aromantics, anyone on the aroace spectrum, folks who have conflicting identity labels (MSPEC Lesbians, etc.), neopronoun users, and anyone else who has had people tell them they aren’t being queer the right way.

To all of you, the broken the beaten and the damned, the lovers and the dreamers, the human and the dancer, Have fun. Be queer. Love with all your heart

Life Before Death, Strength Before Weakness, Journey Before Destination

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cripple-culture-is · 9 months

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i have a genuine question.

i'm very sure i'm physically disabled on some sort of level(?), and doing research, i have seen other disabled folk say that my experiences are valid. i have seen people say that unnamed/unknown/undiagnosed disabilities are still such, and should be included in the discussion. i know how limited i am in terms of all the things i can't really do, such as stay outside or even stand for very long, and i often get many headaches just for doing minor things like that. i'm also prone to chronic pain/illness, albeit quite mild, but i feel like any of it's not enough to earn me a voice. there's some sort of guilt i have when i want to claim a community label or discuss my experiences, as i wonder if i'm speaking over people who have it worse than me and definitely do know everything about themselves with the confidence to justify their place.

do you think someone like me belongs in disabled safe spaces? would i get harassed and booed out for using my privilege to fake and deceive my way in? am i not really disabled and/or should i seek a much lighter, open to questioning, unprioritized, etc. version of the wider community so that i can get what i need without intruding on those who need it more? i'm just afraid of offending people who are actually, clearly disabled. i assume it's possible for someone's life to be physically difficult to navigate due to complications without necessarily being classified as disabled. y'know?

Thank you so much for the question! I am very happy to answer it 😁

I'm going to preface this by saying there is no such thing as being "not disabled enough". There are disabled people with higher and lower support needs (I have low support needs, my wheelchair using relative has high support needs), but no one is inherently "not disabled enough".

People tend to think of disability as being linear. They see the disability spectrum as ranging from being "less disabled" to "more disabled". That's not true. Not everyone with the same condition will manifest the same way.

Not everyone with my medical condition is disabled. While I seem "less disabled" than my relative, I am still equally disabled under U.S. law.

There are always people who will have something worse than you. But the more you think about them, the more you begin to ignore your own struggles. It can fall into the realm of "toxic positivity". By thinking "Oh, I don't have it that bad, someone else has it worse", you kind of gaslight yourself into thinking you're completely fine when you're not.

I read actually a lot of internalized ableism in your comment. Happens to all of us. It honestly makes me cringe, but it's definitely not your fault.

From my own experiences, you belong here. People think that only visible disabilities are VALID disability. Those with "actual clear" disabilities. But most disabled people actually have invisible disabilities.

I am NOT visibly disabled. I don't use a wheelchair, cane, or any other type of mobility aid. I have an autoimmune disease that causes chronic pain, inflammation, and joint damage. I have been physically disabled my entire life.

Trust me when I say that you not being visibly physically disabled DOESN'T MEAN you aren't physically disabled.

July is Disability Pride Month, yes, it's the 31st, so the last day of July. But the point still stands. There's a banner on the Disability Pride Month pride flag for people like us. The white banner stands for invisible and undiagnosed disabilities. There is definitely a space here for you.

You aren't "faking" or "deceiving" your way into the disabled community. Will you be harassed? Maybe. There is some ableism within even the disability community. I've been harassed in real life for using things I have a legal right to, merely because I'm not "clearly disabled".

I can guarantee that if you saw me, you would just see a "standard", "normal", non-disabled 20 year old girl. 100%. I know because that's how most people see me. But I'm physically disabled under American law.

There is space for you here. You are welcome here. And I do not tolerate ableism of any kind on this blog, therefore, you're safe here, and your experiences are just as valid as any of the other physically disabled people here ❤️

Most non-disabled people don't run into barriers in society when it comes to what they can do physically. Chronic pain is ALWAYS considered a disability under U.S. law, and if (and hopefully when) you get a chronic illness/chronic pain diagnosis, you are automatically protected under the ADA. If you run into issues standing for long periods of time, you are likely disabled. I struggle with the same exact thing.

And I know most people DON'T struggle with that. Earlier this year, I saw 20+ people stand up for the entirety of a junior hockey game, including intermissions, and that was about 1 and a half to 2 hours long. I can only stand in one spot for about 2-5 minutes without my knees and feet hurting, to the point where I will always shift my weight from foot to foot when standing.

And I'm also going to be 100% honest with you. People will say "those who need it more". There actually AREN'T many accommodations for disabled people, and there's actually no shortage of accommodations for disabled people. They are just HIGHLY HIGHLY gatekept by the non-disabled government and withheld, sometimes even from those who need it.

You belong in this community, and you are welcome here ☺️

#cripple punk #cripplepunk #crip punk #cpunk #physical disability #physically disabled #physical disabilities

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circular-bircular · 6 months

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i think the phrase "Strictly speaking, there are far more singlets that plurals" is kinda a strange phrase. because if we view pluraltity and systemhood as a binary opposite to singlets, and you either are one or the other, maybe yes. but i do think it is a spectrum, and there's more people who lean really close (if not 100%) on the singlets side, but there are people who are between being singlets and being plurals, and there are people who aren't singlets but who are also not plural (systems like u) or people who are systems but who also identify as singlets, or people who are both systems and plural (either at the same time as one thing (ie, plural systems) or as distinct experiences but parellel (plurals who are systems or systems who are plural) and such)

i think there is something to be said about normality and healthiness and such, because in reality there is no true normal, and you can be as abnormal as abnormal can ab the normal, but you can still be healthy. similarly, you can be very normal and also very unhealthy in some (or many) ways. also, perspectives on normal change from culture to culture and land to land, so it can vary. in some places, systemhood/plurality is the norm, and in many others, it's definitely singlets that rule / are the norm.

also, ofc i think hearing characters isnt inherently plural. there's many non-plural reasons why someone might experience hearing characters (ie, active imagination plus vivid inner narrator, hallucinations, them actually being alters and not headmates (if we're separating plurals from systems at least, some are one in the same but some are different), etc), and while it can definitely be a plural experience, it's like how people can have DID and have parts but still consider themself a singlet / not a system or plural in the way others do. im really shocked people say it's inherently a system/plural thing. yes, maybe everyone has the capabilities of being a system/plural, but not everyone is or will be, and some experiences are just... experienced different by different people.

All of this has been really cool to think about — genuinely, thanks for your insights. I wasn’t particularly considering plurality as a spectrum (sometimes can be hard to wrap my head around that) so thanks for reminding me of that.

Also, I do… vaguely see myself as plural?? It’s hard. The alienation is strong from the plural community. I used to strongly identify with the label and still do, but I feel almost like I can’t due to a lot of factors.

I also like your additions about normality. I have complex thoughts that my brain can’t put to words atm, but I wanna emphasize that normal isn’t a synonym of healthy, and abnormal doesn’t mean unhealthy.

Last addition, to loop back to the whole writer thing: the “this is inherently plural” thing has been frustrating, particularly because I don’t think EVERYONE I’ve seen talking about it is meaning it that way. A lot of the time, I see folks say, “it’s not normal to hear your characters autonomously in your mind, you should consider the idea that you’re plural!!” And while that’s valid… it is absolutely a “normal” experience — what people who read that interpret that as is “this isn’t a singlet experience.” And singlets do experience it.

I’ve seen at least 3 people now start identifying as plurals and systems *directly because* “well I hear my characters in my head and that’s apparently plural!” And while, again, this could be fine (not my place to tell folks what they’re experiencing), it had led to genuine distress in people I know. I hate seeing folks in distress like that over something that might just be… well. A “normal” experience. Not sure how else to describe it rn.

Anyways. Lordie. I’m gonna head to therapy now. Thanks again for your insights — it’s given me a lot to think about!!!

#syscourse #Armageddon comes while I’m sleeping

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enhaheeseung · 2 years

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Here's a question: How come when women talk about male idols in sexualized ways (i.e "I want to see him shirtless", "I want to suck his dick") it's seemingly fine and found harmless and fun, but when men said the exact thing about women idols (i.e. "I want to touch her boobs, "I want to smack her ass") It's seen as sick and perverted??? I literally saw someone post a picture of Heeseung where his junk is perfectly outlined through the pants he's wearing, and instead of that person seeming perverted, they're thanked for spotting it? If a male fan of a female idol were to spot a picture of that said idol's cameltoe or cleavage, then he's a terrible person?? I'm confused, and nothing works on the same spectrum.

I’m going to answer this in the best way I can, I’ve personally never seen any comments being left like that about females idols. however, I do know they exist, that being said, I am not offended by it. I have a mainly nsfw blog so it would be hypercritical to say something negative about males sexualizing female idols when I do the exact same thing, now, I can’t speak for others and why they see a difference just because a male talks about women in that manner and vice versa.

To me it’s literally the same thing, the only thing that’s different is the genders. So to me it makes no sense. But to someone else it could make perfect sense, I guess what I’m trying to say is that ultimately different strokes for different folks, the whole world has been unequally judge since almost forever. Ultimately I don’t think we will ever have an answer to these questions, cause they are opinions and not facts, so we could talk about this topic or any other for an eternity without a conclusion, cause nearly everyone operates on opinions and not what’s right or wrong.

Anyways I’m going to end this here, thank you for your question. I didn’t mean to get deep, but this is the best answer I have to your question, hope this gives a little insight on this topic as well.🤎

#enhypen heeseung #enhypen #lee heeseung #heeseung #engene #enha heeseung #enhypen hard hours #enhypen smut #heeseung smut

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planet4546b · 2 years

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this is an extremely bizarre question i just thought of but. thoughts on the s/n cast being in a lighthearted (??) au a la hs/college/coffee shop au but still forced to meet (group project members, reluctant coworkers, etc.). i have no idea if this makes sense fksjks

ohohoho this is very fun. time to normalify my favorite weirdos!!!!

lighthearted au of choice is 'everyone works in the same shitty mall' because its the one i can make make sense in my head the best. dont ask why jdhslkag

sam is the long suffering assistant manager for a best buy. eric is the actual manager and the rest of the spire network folks are the other employees here. darcy has stolen at least 2 entire xboxes. indrani, grace, and sam walk to the food court together every day to have lunch together and shittalk everyone else.

sam has a ham radio hobby and uses her store discount to buy parts (i havent been to a best buy in forever idk if they have those. bear with me here). she is a radio nerd in every universe and i love her <3

mel works in the new escape room (cy also works here) and is weirdly serious about it?? emily works in a trader joes. jackie is in the weird little board game store you know the kind.

jackie steals pokemon cards from behind the counter for mel. mvp

i could literally just have said they know each other from working in the same store but instead im about to build the weirdest relationship map ever because #ilovecomplexity. ok here we go

mel, em, and sam have lived in this town and known each other since they were kids. mel and sam were closer in high school, but then mel left town to go to college for a few years (before dropping out), and sam and em started hanging out a lot more. jackie just recently moved to town to go to the state school nearby (fun fact: in a previous version of this story it took place in suburban illinois, and emily went to university of illinois urbana-champaign so lets say its there for funsies). emily is also taking classes there so she and jackie ended up in a class together (em is a math major and jackie is the worlds most pathetic physics major so they probably took like calc 3 together or something) and thats how jackie got dragged into the group!!!

sam has the worst little awful apartment youve ever seen (its literally the r/malelivingspaces i dont deserve a bedframe post) and jackie is somehow always hanging out there (jackie lives with 3 roommates and is always in a fight with one of them). sam frankly does not mind. the two of them get a long a LOT better without an impending apocalypse. physics student jackie + radio enthusiast sam spend a lot of time discussing like, the electromagnetic spectrum and also jackie is making sam watch breaking bad and sometimes they play minecraft.

emily: im gonna ask sam to have dinner at the california pizza kitchen with me

mel: what the fuck. thats a terrible idea. why would you take her to the fucking california pizza kitchen in the mall we literally work at. what??

emily: ...... should i do the cheesecake factory??

jackie is the ultimate 'lie to your boss. leave work for no reason. just walk out. fuck it ✌️' guy and is constantly trying to get the other three to spend work hours just sort of fucking around and hanging out with them. like theyll tell their manager theyre taking a bathroom break and then walk down to the escape room and talk to mel for 30 minutes. mel, who takes her work in this universe as seriously as in canon, absolutely HATES this and is like no im not skipping work with you. stop it. but caves eventually and spends a lot of time just sort of wandering through the weird field behind the mall with jackie and getting high. its great

chaos and absolute tragedy when the sbarros in the food court is replaced by a fancy health food place and its the only topic of discusion for months. no survivors

emily and mel are on a much better path towards actually mending their relationships in this world. i think they both still live at home, and having their other siblings leo and addie around (as well as their mom and grandma) makes them WAYYYY less likely to want to tear out each others throats. sam loves going to dinner at em and mels because it reminds her a lot of her own family (and because shes known them so long shes been going over there forever. helped addie with her math homework when addie was in hs kinda vibe. its nice)

also while sam is still estranged from her family in this version, the paternal relationship between her and eric is also much more clear, which is also nice. sam PEOPLE LOVE YOU.

luna this is bad. im actually kind of very invested in this au now. im kind of going to keep thinking about it all week. uh oh. anyways this is very scattered but thank you for the very fun question MUAH

#asks #cherrytries #i legit am KIND OF REALLY INVESTED IN THIS NOW. jhkldshakjg #the ultimate joy of making aus for your own ocs. truly one of lifes pleasures!!!!#also its so fun that like. sometimes i realize just how well i know these characters bc this took very little effort #to actually come up with. i was just like. yeah i know them. i know what they would do. very fun!!!#signal to noise #oh also fun fact about me. i. dont know how coffeeshop aus work??? i dont understand them??#is it everyone working at the same coffeeshop?? is it one person is the coffeeshop employee and the other the customer they always see????#like i genuinely have no idea. regardless fkjdsagkas

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autumnonapoea · 6 months

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I went to my very first Pride festival yesterday. I had an amazing time being with friends and around our people. I also kind of hated it

Hate is a strong word; wary, maybe?

A number of caveats: I’ve been out for two years, on HRT for just over a year, and my inexperience is probably pretty obvious. Also, I am certainly some degree of stupid. I’m a trans girl whose gender falls more into the spectrum of gremlin than anything else. The gaggle of trans folks I was rolling with are feral sewer kittens. I love us. And we are as far from the upwardly mobile cisgender gay men of Midtown as one could likely get in the LGBTQIAtl

My typical gay-as-fuck night out generally centers around Mary’s on a Tuesday night, sipping delicious and splendidly colorful mocktails on the back porch, making eyes at the other dolls and possibly making out with someone or several someones. Hey, I am pretty, give me a little credit. If Tranny Tuesdays are my norm, I can really only liken Pride to the Super Bowl of faggotry. And while I love wings (all flats for me please) and chips and dip, I do not enjoy the Super Bowl

The line to get into Mary’s was… well I think we can leave it at There Was A Line. The crowd inside was unfamiliar and enormous and the fact that I was incredibly stoned only made the feeling of overwhelm more potent. Standing on line I was very aware of the increased traffic through East Atlanta Village and I said to one of my friends that it felts like we were on display for straight people. Again, I was out of my head so it may have been my imagination but the passenger faces pressed against car windows making eye contact with me as they slid down Glenwood told me otherwise.

I saw no one I knew inside the bar and no one I knew on the back deck. I was surrounded by flashy beautiful clothes on gorgeous people with rainbows painted on their faces and adorned on their clothes and while I felt serene and high as shit in the moment, I did feel a little out of place in my ratty army jacket covered in metal patches. So after a short while, my friends and I went back to where we started—the deck behind the pizza place next door. THAT felt familiar and safe and fun. We drank and smoked and talked shit and made out and wrestled and cuddled and a few folks got off on consensually putting out cigarettes on each others’ arms.

Atlanta Pride was good, it was an amazing sight, and I felt—in an enormous crowd of queer folks of all stripes—lifted up. But the pageantry and spectacle of the weekend wore on me, from the rows of corporate booths with rainbow tchotchkes trying to hawk bank accounts and cruise lines to the booming music pumping from multiple stages. I know I am saying nothing remotely new here, but Pride™️ felt more for Them than for Us.

I am aware that my goblin ass queerness thrives in dark corners and filthy parking lots. That no one is in any hurry to put glossies of me and the swamp creatures I love on any kind of brochure. And one back porch, another one right next to it? I don’t really care as long as I’m with my friends. And while “pageantry and spectacle” may be part of many gay experiences, the enormous specter of trans persecution that has spread over these last few years makes me wish my greasy weirdo bullshit could just be, if not normal, then left alone. I’m glad everyone loves the party but that six-by-twelve patio is where I go for my oddness to blend with my fellow trans girls’ oddness and effectively disappear for an evening at a time. And it does not belong to me anymore than anyone else. And I’m being contradictory and cranky. And I have little to no thesis here. And I had a great time at Pride. And I’m a little wary of it at the same time.

#Pride #atlanta #trans gremlin sewer kittens #i have a lot of weird feelings about this #i may disagree with all of this shit tomorrow

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sidneyfirefae · 1 year

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Hello!! I'm Sidney (she/fae). Welcome to my blog!

This is just my personal blog so it doesn't really have a theme or anything, just me reblogging stuff that interests me or feels important or is funny, etc. There's also an about me section further down, but first off, I wanna make sure to say this is a welcoming and safe space for:

TL;DR

All genders/gender identities (neopronouns/xenogenders included)

All romantic & sexual orientations

Intersex folks

Neurodivergent folks & mentally ill folks (if and when the distinction is important)

Self-diagnosed folks

All systems (traumagenic, endo, tulpa, etc)

Disabled folks (physical and mental disability)

Fat, plus-size, and other non-dominant body types

All religions & spiritual beliefs

All ethnic/cultural backgrounds

Kink

Furries

Probably forgetting some but will come back and add

Longer version

Queer folks!

This includes all members of the LGBTQIA+ community/communities outside of the Western episteme around what is considered "queer". Neopronoun users, intersex folks, ppl who are xenogender, and probably a lot of other things I can't think of are all welcome.

Neurodivergent & mentally ill folks!

Brains are Weird and the range of human experiences with said brains is very broad. There's still so much we don't really know, but I know to be kind. Self-diagnosis is valid! We are intimately familiar with the gaslighting and systemic/financial barriers involved in the diagnosis process and that diagnosis is not nearly as simple a thing as it's made out to be. People who self-dx have almost always done vast amounts of research into themselves and their experiences. Mental illnesses count as ND, as we have definitely experienced with OCD (although that's hardly the only exquisite flavor of brain sauce we have going on). It's still important to distinguish the two and be mindful of the nuance, especially since people's relationships to their own minds vary greatly.

Systems of all kinds!

Whether that be traumagenic, endo, tulpa, or any of the many other kinds of systems, plural folks are all welcome. I'm part of a mixed-origin system myself and can only restate the previous point that Brains are Weird. Plurality is a broad spectrum and can be both healthy and not; in our experience, having each other has been critically helpful and we can't imagine life without each other. Syscourse is ... a lot and we try to avoid it, and I think ultimately it falls into the same issues any sort of excessive online discourse does, which is forgetting to account for diverse lived experiences and the real people experiencing them. Don't fakeclaim people.

Disabled folks!

Mentally and physically disabled folks, spoonies (or users of other systems) and all. No matter your needs, no matter how far you stray from that terrible concept of "normal", you have a place here. I'll do my best to be as respectful as I can, but there's still a lot I don't know about, so I apologize in advance and thank you for bearing with me. We identify with the label of disabled, but our experiences are unique just like everyone else.

All ethnicities/racial backgrounds!

Just like everything else here, this should go without saying, but I just want to be clear. We have studied anthropology and the history of conceptions of race/racism, and we know how ridiculous it all is. We're all just people. We are POC, but our experiences are only of our own ethnic background, and we're always trying to learn more about other cultures and experiences.

Religions of all sorts!

Any and all religious/spiritual beliefs and practices, so long as they are not used to harm people. We're not religious, but we also know that religion and identities that have historically been targeted by religious institutions can and absolutely do co-exist. Like a lot of things here, we're not very knowledgeable about many religions, but we hope to express nothing but respect and curiosity.

Kink!

I'll admit I don't know much about kink -- I'm aspec and an incredibly romantic sapphic with OCD -- but just because I don't personally vibe with the incredibly kinky stuff y'all be getting up to doesn't mean it's wrong in any way. Sexuality means different things to different people, and as long as it is explored consensually and healthily, there's nothing wrong with it. One of our system members is quite kinky, so I know firsthand that mutual understanding and acceptance of varying sexual preferences is absolutely possible. I'm also not a furry and don't entirely get it, but y'all are lovely and just as welcome here.

There's probably a lot I'm forgetting, but when I remember I'll make sure to add it. Basically, don't be a bigot. People are people, and I love you all.

____________________

About me

Howdy! You can call me Sidney Firefae. I'm a grey-ace nonbinary sapphic trans woman who uses she/fae pronouns. I'm part of a nameless system with a range of interests, and consequently I'm currently the only one of us who uses tumblr.

Anyhow, thanks for reading. I know there's probably stuff I've missed, hopefully I remember and can come back and add it.

Have a nice day!

#do i need to tag pinned post?#pinned

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swampy-sayin-it · 1 year

Text

Slip Sliding Away

"What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,” but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it? So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead." James 2:14-17, 26

Many of my brothers and sisters in the Lord are of the Protestant end of the spectrum. While agree on the cardinal beliefs in the life, death, ministry, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ we do have some major differences in what the Bible says on certain issues.

First of all, no one person has it all together enough to be perfect in the teachings of the Bible. However, one also needs to know when one is slip sliding away from those teachings too. Second, when reading and studying the Bible do more than just pass over the texts but take in what it states and not what you have heard what it states because they can be wrong too.

Faith Alone? I have read the scriptures concerning justification by faith alone. There is nowhere in the Bible where it says one is justified by faith alone. Being justified is a past tense term meaning a past action has occurred already. Yes, once we are saved we are justified. Now, what did Jesus mean by being saved? When the rabbi Nocodemus asked Jesus about being born again,"Jesus answered, “Amen, amen, I say to you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit." John 3:5

Jesus also instructed His disciples to preach the gospel to everyone and if they converted, they had to be baptized to be saved. (Mark 15-14-18, Matthew 28:19,20, Luke 26:44-48) The Apostles also followed those instructions start on the day of Pentecost forward (Acts 2:37,38 and 10:42-48)

So, when did this all get corrupted? You start with Martin Luther who made the proclamation of "faith alone"? Luther added the "alone" portion of that short statement. It is not biblical. Let that marinate for a second. We are saved by the grace of God and did not earn one bit of it. However, if Jesus taught that that grace must be returned by baptism, if possible. That is our part of the adoption.

The Baptism Part To be clear, there are various ways that a church does their baptisms. To me, they are all valid. The thing is that when the opportunity arises the newly converted need to get wet. This does not matter if one lightly poured on the forehead or dunked completely. The whole idea is to show the whole world that one has made changes, repented and converted. As for the formula portion, a Pentecostal preacher had a mixed congregation of Trinitarians and Oneness folks and he baptized this way, "In the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit and in Jesus name". Yeah, that covered it.

At some point in a convert's new walk with Jesus comes the baptism of the Holy Spirit. This the promise Jesus made to all the converted. It shows that one has been adopted into the family of God. This is also where one receives the gifts of the Spirit. Not everyone gets the same gifts and so let us not get into the petty arguments about them. The gifts are for working.

The Works Part Yes, one is saved by the grace of God and justified by faith. Now it is time to start paying for it. These are called "works". The "works" mean producing fruits of the Spirit through you. As James would write if your Christian walk is doing nothing with it then your faith is a dead faith. Being disabled is not an excuse either because one can always do something from the heart for someone else. When the time comes our greatness in Heaven will be determined by what we did with our faith. (see the parable of the talents).

In conclusion If anyone wonders if they are "born again/born from above" all one has to ask themselves this. If at the end of your life is near are you asking yourself is there one more thing I can do for the Lord Jesus Christ? Be honest with your answer and be at peace.

#christianity

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propheciesanddreams · 1 year

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um hi! hello! i just wanted to share my love for atws because over the past couple nights i’ve been re-reading it and i just wanted to share appreciation for it (also further me just wanted to apologize for rambling in this because this message was long that i thought after writing it. (thank you my notes app for holding my thoughts before i put share them anywhere lol))! i’m not sure if you will share this as you are participating in no post november, but nonetheless i wanted to share my love for it anyways because i keep getting hit with the “you have already left a kudos here :)” message yet i still hit the button on every chapter. due to my health issues, it’s been hard and because of my country’s health care system, it takes so long to get the testing i need and find out what to wrong, diagnose it and how to treat it, and much as i appreciate not having to pay for much of what i need to keep myself going through the day because of universal healthcare and insurance, it still sucks and has been super crappy on my mental health nonetheless. but that leads to me to sorta why i felt a huge push to re-read atws again. disabled remus has become so important to me and i feel like your fic has made me feel less alone because of your remus. the casual conversation and discussions of his disability and his mental health is just so ugh *waves hand around*! i don’t think i can accurately describe my enjoyment for atws and your remus on general and i will probably hold hold him dear to my heart for a long time. your remus and your fic in general has made me feel better even just a little bit because you’re doing such an awesome job on it. i’m not sure how to describe how much love has grown in me for your fic because of your story telling abilities and your discussion on being disabled and sexuality especially being on the ace spectrum. for me reading about being ace, as a person who is ace, is amazing to see and that not everyone on the ace spectrum is sex repulsed and since much of the media i see is mostly ace folks being sex repulsed, i sometimes feel lost on where i sit. but again, your fic and the casual discussions of being ace is so heartwarming to me and again important to me. and being written by a person who has said they have disabilities and who is ace, again just makes me feel less alone and not as lost trying to exist. i think your fic has really impacted me i such a good way recently because my health issues and constant sexuality crisis. i feel a little bit seen because of your fic even if much of your writing if for you and sharing to everyone because you chose to, but it’s still makes me feel a little more okay with just existing in the world because someone else, even if it’s a fictional character, has gone/is going through the same thing as me. i know this really long and it’s like the middle of the night (at least for me) and i am so sorry about me rambling, but i just wanted to say thank you. thank you for writing and sharing atws because it’s has impacted me is a good way and is a fic i will probably hold dear to my heart. so thank you, i appreciate you and your writing with so much of my being. also i don’t want this message to feel like there is added pressure to make each chapter you create better than that last because even if something you believe isn’t good, i will probably find it amazing! thank you for reading my message too btw (assuming you did if you’re reading this line haha) and i hope your day goes as best as it can. i know sometimes you arnt doing great so hopefully this message makes you feel a bit better. have a good day and thank you again! :) 💙

I made the mistake of reading this at 4am and sobbing in my half asleep state. Now I’m awake I’m still crying cause this is the nicest comment!! Thank you for leaving it and letting me know that you’re rereading the fic and what the fic means for you.

I poured a lot of myself and my trauma and my own experience into atws and for it to mean so much to someone else—wow. I have no words.

The thing with disability, chronic illness, mental illness, and even sexuality as you’ve brought up is that it all does impact every aspect of your life but it also isn’t the only thing about you, right? So I needed these conversations to happen casually throughout the getting to know one another and falling in love stages. I’m so glad that translated well into the story! Doubly glad it meant so much to you that they were casual discussions.

I’m glad the fic has made you feel less alone through everything you’re going through. Getting a diagnosis is such a scary and arduous process that I don’t wish on my worst enemy. Especially when you’re already dealing with lower energy and capabilities and now you’re being asked to advocate for yourself and go through so many tests and procedures. I’m so sorry my friend that you’re in the midst of it all. There will be an after time and even though it might not mean any symptoms are alleviated (because unfortunately a lot of times there’s no cure once diagnosis is made) I hope that you may find relief and respite in the answers.

With the ace characters, it was fanfic that made me realize I was demi, and while it wasn’t planned from the beginning, this character just told me he was ace while I was writing hahaha, it made my heart happy to include a sex favorable ace character. I’m so glad that resonated with you as well.

As much as it might feel like you’re alone or lost, you aren’t. I understand the comfort of a character who has gone through what you have and I think that’s the importance of writing and reading and of art in general. Pain unfortunately unifies us. We don’t have to be alone in it.

I think I’ve covered all you’ve said? So sorry if I’ve left any parts out. Thank you thank you for this comment really. Comments mean so much to authors, to me! I appreciate it more than you know.

💜💜💜

#lovely asks #fic: and they were soulmates #atws praise #I’m going to reread this when I’m sad #or when I feel like deleting all my fics

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my-darling-boy · 3 years

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Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

#like this isn’t even half of what I want to say #but I’m gonna stop cos this is So Long #no clowns in my inbox pls #long post #ableism #autism #actually autistic #ok to rb

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atley01 · 3 years

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AFAB transmasc & non- binary tips!

these are kinda just things I wish I knew when I first realized I was trans :)

1. you can wear “feminine” things and still pass!! ive seen trans mascs wear skirts before and still pass as a male/masculine. (/srs) dont be afraid to wear feminine things, I know that for me, in the beginning I thought I had to be 100% masculine “big man much masculine, such boy” in order to pass and in order for my identity to be respected, but that just isnt true!! you wouldnt expect that of a cis guy, dont expect it of yourself :) dont be hard on urself!!!! pls! you can paint your nails, dye ur hair, have long hair, wear makeup, ect, and still pass!

-also though, note that passing dosent have to be important to you if you truly dont care for it! its more about whether or not you are comfortable and you feel validated, not whether or not some stranger on the street sees you as a boy. Again, you dont have to feel like passing is super important to you if it isnt

2. THERE ARE T O N S of ways to bind! some of these ways include; trans/KT tape, sports bras, (Gc2B binders are no longer making safe binders! Try buying from Spectrum or fytist! DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT! USE! ACE! BANDAGES!!!) before I could get a binder, I used compression sports bras and it worked like a charm! Keep in mind Im not the biggest chested, but Im not small either. A good thing about compression sports bras is your parents probably wont be suspicious of you if you ask for sports bras, even if it dosent compress all the way I find that it gets rid of tons of dysphoria in comparison to a normal bra. some sports bras may have padding that pushes ur chest up/ makes it look bigger though so you may want to remove the padding.

3. do not feel like you cant play around with labels/identities! for me, I at first identified as FtM/ a trans guy, and after a while I realized I was non binary but it took a lot of courage for me to actually come out! it isnt a bad thing to play with labels and learn about yourself, if you think its gonna make you more comfortable, then go for it dude :)

4. if you have the money to buy a binder but you dont want your parents to see the package, you can have it shipped to a friends house and pick it up there :) you could also get a full tank binder or even a half tank binder and tell your parents its a “cool & trendy tank top,”

-additionally if you are worried abt ur binder showing and people thinking its a bra, if you get a color like white, black, or gray (or any color that isnt skin tone) it can pass off as an under shirt, and if anyone asks you can just say its a tank top ;)

5. PRACTICE. BINDER. SAFETY. If you are binding AT ALL, in ANY way shape or form, you want to practice binder safety!! dont sleep in your binder, make sure your measurements are the right measurements, dont work out or do strenuous physical activity in your binder, and DO. NOT. DOUBLE. BIND. also dont bind for more than 8hrs, you can take binder breaks, and also when youre new to binding work urself up to being used to wearing binders :) try stretching before and after you wear your binder! You may be sore in the beginning so heating pads / blankets could help!

6. you dont have to look a certain way to be trans. you dont have to be skinny to be trans, you dont have to be white to be trans, you dont have to be anything to be trans. trans dosent have a specific look to it, and everyones expirence with their gender is unique. you are so incredibly valid <3

-side note: for my non-binary folk, you do not owe anyone androgyny. Dress how you want!!

7. if your parents wont let you get mens boxers, you can get womens boxers! they honestly look the same

8. remember youre so incredibly valid and loved or else I will make u remember because you are so valid dude i see u and ily /p

9. there are ways to get the illusion of a flat chest without binding at all! overalls can make your chest look flat, jean jackets/vests can also do this but additonally they can make your shoulders look more square/ broader. graphic tee’s, and big sweaters could do the trick too. sometimes I roll my sleeves up to give a more masculine look. those like drug rug hoodies are life savers. Oversized is good but one or two sizes up will do.

10. for bottoms, skinny jeans can make you look more masculine, but also mom jeans & boyfriend jeans, can work too if you cant buy mens jeans. sweatpants are not only comfortable, but can make you look more masculine. if you want to wear shorts, try wearing longer shorts, like maybe cargo shorts?? or something of that nature. Cargo pants in general always make me feel super masc. calf lengh socks could help, too. some shoes may make your feet look bigger, or even add on height and make you taller. they make things to put in your shoe to make yourself taller.

11. if your parents wont let you get a “boy haircut” you can either ask for a layered, shoulder length haircut ( the shag / wolf haircut that has been kinda trendy lately) then style it and stuff it in a beanie, or not if you dont want to, or you can ask for your sides shaved like an undercut. that way they feel like you still have long hair, but you get your short hair with the shaved sides that you can always stuff into a beanie. layered haircuts can be seen as more masculine, so even if your hair isnt super short you can make it look really masculine :) (but also if your parents say no boy hair you can try asking until they say yes or asking for your birthday or something) you can show them photos of fem presenting people with the haircut you want and say that it isnt a “boys haircut,” that its “trendy” especially during the summer time you can have the excuse of “its hot out and this haircut would make me overheat less ”

if you guys have any tips you can leave them in the comments! ily guys, stay safe and take care!!! (i might add onto this, idk)

#trans guy #nonbinary #trans tips #lgbt #lgbtq #nonbinary tips #ftm #passing tips #trans ftm #trans nonbinary #trans pride #trans masc #transgender

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nothorses · 2 years

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(Hope you don't mind if I just share my thoughts in your askbox, a recent reblog of yours inspired me).

I am finding more often the phrase "Gender is a spectrum" and the implications therein to be almost too simplistic. I think it's a fine jumping off point to approach gender, but for many people, even within the queer community, that's where it ends. To a degree that they try and then create that spectrum, or at least a representation of it, which I think is counter intuitive. The moment you start plotting identities on a literal spectrum and defining where they exist in relation to another is the moment you've kind of reverted back to the binary system, just varying degrees of less-binary.

I think instead we should move towards definitions that acknowledge there is no standard cultural understanding of gender, and there isn't just one way to relate to a gender identity. many of us have different paths to come to the same conclusion, and some come to entirely different conclusions all together. I think we should embrace everyone's unqiue understanding of their own identities, not just create a new, less restrictive standard. Personally, I don't find it easy to visualize my own gender on a spectrum at all, I love the term binary because it describes exactly how I feel about my own gender identity, and it's not any less wrong than someone who can. there's no right or wrong way to do gender.

(...but i understand that isn't as catchy as gender is a spectrum.)

Ooh, yes, I agree!

I think my personal understanding of gender has evolved a lot in the past year or so, and the conclusion I've sort of come to is that... well, it's a lot more complicated than even very inclusive folks make it out to be.

A lot of people try to explain gender as a wholly-internal experience; it's something that exists inside of you, detached from society, culture, and experiences. It's something you're born with, and it's intrinsic to who you are.

And while that might hold true for some people, I think it's also more confusing and counterproductive, even erasive, than it is universally helpful.

An individual's concept of gender isn't always going to be 100% internal and intrinsic. We all understand gender differently- not just our personal gender, but gender as a concept. Some of us relate it more to personal experiences, and some of us take influence from external sources; our cultural understanding of gender, our relationship to gender roles, the ways we have been personally treated in relation to gender, the ways we internalize all of those experiences... and more!

And, yes, even one's body can have an influence on this. Much as I believe trans people are their genders regardless of presentation and transition, I also could not, for the life of me, genuinely get myself to feel like I was a man- to believe it- until I was well into my transition.

Even now, I struggle with that. I wouldn't even blame dysphoria for that; much as it played a role, I just couldn't believe myself when I said I was a man. It felt truer to say I wanted to be one, and, well... even if it is "just dysphoria", is that not still a factor worth considering? It influences my concept of my own gender anyway, who's to say it's not a "real" factor in my experience of gender?

We need to allow room for diverse experiences and concepts of gender; and that means letting gender be not just a web of relational points, but a wholly individual experience influenced by a wide variety of possible factors.

Even the most straightforward-seeming concepts of gender (like "man" and "woman") will have different relationships to other genders and concepts for every individual. Everyone's "spectrum" of gender will look different from everyone else's, because there is no one correct or universal way to understand each individual gender in the first place.

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kiseiakhun · 3 years

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So where's the HalGuyKyle essay? 👀

Okay okay okay

This got long so I'm going to just

So the thing about them is that they each build on a part of something that the other two lack when they're in a relationship together. Kyle and Hal are too indirect - Hal's not one for talking things out, and I can think of at least three examples of Kyle just happy to float along in relationships even when he KNOWS there are issues. Guy is a metaphorical battering ram of honesty. He won't let you hide things. He's indelicate, and he hates secrets, and you know exactly where you stand with him. Kyle and Hal can dance in circles forever, but Guy will plow through that circle. More than just forcing them to confront their truths, Guy is a force of motion. He's something that keeps moving forward, not letting the other two fall into stagnation, and I think Kyle and Hal would both be attracted to how solid he finds himself, how he's unflinching in his conviction. Guy knows who he is, while Kyle and Hal (especially Hal) go through like three identity crises a year. I wouldn't call him simple, but being with him is uncomplicated. It's not always easy, sure, but no matter what, he's devoted, he's sure of himself, he's sure of who they are. Guy is like a scaffold, or a guiding light. He's solid and dependable. You always know what you're getting.

Meanwhile, Guy and Kyle together feels like. They feel like the most stable twosome of the group, but maybe I'm biased because I'm still fresh off of binging all the guykyle fics lmao. They're devoted to each other - remember how Guy went red because Kyle died? That moment lives in my head forever. But I don't think Kyle can really... get the full complexity of Guy in the way that Hal can. And it's not through lack of trying, or deliberate ignorance (though Kyle does have a habit of putting his partners on pedestals), but simply just. Not from being there. Hal and Guy have such a long history together. They're the ones who've seen each other at their worst. I haven't gotten to the point where I see a lot of Kyle and Guy's dynamic together in the comics, but they seem to lift each other up. They seem to bring out the best versions of each other, but sometimes that's not what you need. And I think Hal has an easier time of seeing all of Guy, of knowing all he is. The interesting thing about Guy is that he seems to know the people around him - of how and why they act, their motivations, the things that drive them - better than he knows himself. And it's interesting because Hal doesn't tend to focus a lot on others, either, but he does have an intrinsic knowledge of Guy. They're similar enough that Hal barely has to try in order to Perceive him, but they differ in that Hal actually does introspection. So he's aware of how his own brain works, he overthinks his own motivations and what drives him it's that parallax induced trauma to the point of landing on an ouroboros of recursive thought loops. He Knows Guy, much as he wishes he didn't sometimes, and it can be refreshing to be around someone who you don't have to be perfect around. Kyle is just... so good. He makes everyone want to be good. When you're around him, you want to be the good person he knows you are.

And I could write ANOTHER essay on how Kyle and Hal were written to be complete opposites of each other, but the circumstances of them becoming a lantern were so similar. They both started off completely alone. There was no one to guide them at the start of their careers, no one to help them. Hal was the first, at least the first in earth, yes Alan was technically the first but he didn't have the corps so I'm not including him in this count. And when Kyle was GL, there were no corps. They were gone. They were completely destroyed. Kyle was the only lantern for a DECADE. Well, a decade in real time so like, probably two years in universe. And I don't think anyone else quite understands that particular type of loneliness. Even when the corps were back, Kyle and Hal are the ones who are like. Idk if exceptional is the right word but they keep getting singled out? Like Hal as the spectre, white lantern Kyle, etc. It's that sense of belonging yet not belonging all at once, and they both feel like the other is too good for them and it's like how by being on opposite sides of a spectrum, you're closer to each other than the folks in the middle. They don't seem like they should get each other, but they DO. When one of them says "I give up," the other one is there, telling him no, and holding out his hand. Kyle brought Hal BACK FROM THE DEAD and Hal brought Kyle back from parallax!! They SHARED THE SAME MIND. If Hal and Guy see and acknowledge the dark, ugly parts of each other, Kyle and Hal have metaphorically touched hearts. They've seen each others soul and they deem it worthy. Adding Hal to Guykyle is like adding salt to taffy. It adds depth to something that's already good. I guess this metaphor only works if you like saltwater taffy.

AND while I love halguy, they're as liable to break bones as they are to make out. They've both internalized different aspects of toxic masculinity and they seem like the most volatile combination. When they're good, they're great, but when they're not good they're BAD. They're terrible. Hal went to the school of internalizing your feelings until they all burst forth in a terrible flood like a tsunami that destroys everything (Parallax) (a trait he also unfortunately passed down to Roy, both of them spiral HARD), and Guy has an unnerving habit of taking the energy you give him and then amplifying it. Usually by making it worse. Fortunately for them, Kyle is a diplomat. He walks into a gun fight and he convinces them to put down the guns, and idk how he does it because he's also impetuous and short tempered and sort of an asshole tbh but SOMEHOW HE DOES IT. If anyone can make Hal and Guy get along, it's him. Also lbr, he sees Hal and Guy getting testy and snapping at each other and he goes 👀 and tries to insert himself in the middle and redirect their anger to something more fun. He's attracted to passionate people, and Hal and Guy are brimming with passion. He's also so horny, and Hal and Guy are. Like. Just look at them.

#i didnt mean to write an actual essay but here we are #i wanted to do a meme response idk what happened #hal jordan #guy gardner #Kyle Rayner #halguy #halkyle #guykyle #halguykyle #meta #asks #supericelight

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