#i can see the finish line

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of @bengiyo's queer cinema syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004),Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today i will be talking about

Philadelphia (1993) dir. Jonathan Demme 

[Run Time: 2:05, Available on: YouTube for rent, Google Play, Amazon, Lang: English]

Summary: When a man with HIV is fired by his law firm because of his condition, he hires a homophobic small time lawyer as the only willing advocate for a wrongful dismissal suit.

Cast: * Tom Hanks as Andrew Beckett * Denzel Washington as Joe Miller * Antonio Banderas as Miguel

___

To steal a comment from @lurkingshan, it has been awhile since I’ve watched a good legal thriller. Philadelphia is brilliant, and I don’t just mean in the general sense, I mean it is smart. It is smart in how it sets itself up. We start with Andy and Joe on opposites sides of a court room, we can see the rapport between them, but we set them up on opposite sides from the beginning. We move from there to Andy at the hospital, receiving his transfusions, looking across the way to a man whose karposi’s sarcoma has advanced to the end stages a look to where Andy himself will end in this film. And then to Andy’s law office where there is physical touch, after physical touch, after physical touch. Some that happen so quickly, others that linger, that the camera focuses in on, and I only wish that we’d seen Andy the day after that meeting, because I would be curious to see if and how the physical touches changed with people in the office. 

But that’s not what we get, and we don’t really need it because what is truly important is that Andy is sicker than he originally let on. The point is that the law firm set Andy up while he was away. The point is that at so many stages in this film I was mad. And that was how I was supposed to be. I was mad at all the homophobic pieces of shit that were sitting there making excuses, that based a significant portion of their legal argument about not discriminating against Andy because he was gay with HIV, by trying to discredit Andy’s character because he was gay. [and of course the law office used a woman as their representation and had a Black man at their table as well…you know they were really trying to look good]

gif by @rancidtofu

You might know by now that I love a complicated relationship, so I was really thrilled that Joe eventually decided to represent Andy. Because Joe was homophobic as fuck, and he very much did not want to take the case. But again this film is smart, we never have to hear from Joe’s mouth or anyone’s for that matter that Joe decided to work with Andy after seeing how he was being treated by the librarian, but we know there’s no way it isn’t informed by experiences of racism in Black communities. The way Joe was stared at by a library worker when he was sitting at his table, the way Andy was stared at by a library worker when he was sitting at his table. The way Andy was being suggestively ushered away to somewhere out of view to other library patrons. 

I loved that Joe was viciously homophobic because it demonstrates so well the boundary between work and personal life. Joe is able to do his job and do it well, and eventually after months of working with Andy, is able to come around, even touching Andy’s face which we know even has a lesion on it, by the end of the film. That is huge from someone that started the film literally running immediately to the doctor to make sure he didn’t have AIDS from shaking Andy’s hand. From a modern lens I can totally see how that would probably feel stereotypical or derivative or something like that but I think it is important to keep in mind that this film was one of the first Hollywood movies to feature HIV/AIDS and also portray gay people in a positive light. I haven’t actually been adding the for/by/about designations to the Heartbreak Alley films because something about doing that didn’t really sit right to me when we’re discussing the violence to and death of queer people. But this film definitely was not made for queer people, and Tom Hanks acknowledges that he was cast in the role for his “non-intimidating screen persona” and that “one of the reasons people weren’t afraid of this movie was because I was playing a gay man.” 

The casting here was strategic to further assist audiences in sympathizing with a gay, HIV positive character. 

gif by @rancidtofu

I really love all the little moments of solidarity, the smiles between the Black secretary at the law office and Joe because They Know™ about experiences of discrimination in the workplace. The solidarity between the secretary with AIDS and Andy. I loved that a Black woman was teaching Andy how to apply make up to cover his lesions. I loved that Andy’s entire family knew that he was gay, knew he had AIDS, knew he had a partner and that they all loved and accepted him, and that he had so many people in his life that truly, well, and deeply cared for him. 

And I love how that is used to deliver maximum emotional impact, at least to me, in one single stupid opera line. 

I genuinely enjoyed essentially sitting in a court room for two hours watching Joe strategize, and execute his traps for the jury to win them over. I love how you know that they have won the second that a juror repeats verbatim a line Joe had said repeatedly throughout the trial. I am grateful the film was kind enough to let Andy be awake and alert enough to know that they had won. That his one of his last acts on earth was getting to engage with the part of law he loved most: “that every once in awhile, not often, but occasionally, you get to play a part in justice being done” Justice was done here, Joe and Andy both played a role in what could potentially become another precedented case in the roster to build towards a stronger future for gay people in the workplace. I think that (though likely coupled with how much his body was beginning to fail) is what finally made him ready to go. Because for so much of this film he would hesitate when it came to death. 

gif by @rancidtofu

He froze over the line “the actual physical [death]” when quoting the line about AIDS causing a social death. He talked about planning his memorial to try to get a reaction out of Miguel, and when Miguel gave him a response he very much did not want to hear “maybe you should” he took Miguel to a party, he talked about opera instead of practicing his Q&A. 

I am grateful the film ends at his memorial, not just for the memories, though I am especially glad it ends on a video of Andy as a child (to appeal to the ‘he was somebody’s kid type of crowd) but that the memorial was not entirely gloomy. There was life, there was conversation, there were smiles, it made things feel more real. Just like all “see you tomorrow” lies everyone knew they were telling themselves felt real. 

Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington are such powerhouses of actors and I am so so grateful that they did this project together. 

Favorite Scene 

(I am acknowledging that these gifs by @antoniosbanderas have nothing to do with my listed favorite scene, but I just need you all to know that the scene of these two laying in bed was cut from the final edit of the film, so I didn't actually get to watch it, so now you know it exists if you didn't already)

My favorite scene is when the law firm is questioning Melissa Benedict, a secretary that used to work with one of the lawyers in his previous firm. Melissa was diagnosed with AIDS after a blood transfusion, and she was put on the stand to prove one of the lawyers knew what AIDS lesions looked like and therefore was able to identify that Andy had HIV a week before he was fired. 

I was ready to reach through my screen to smack a bitch when the law firm’s representation started trying to make a moral argument, that Melissa’s AIDS was acceptable AIDS to have in an office because she involuntarily contracted the disease through a medical procedure, whereas Andy had had gay sex and therefore voluntarily risked acquiring HIV. And you can just see Melissa looking over at Andy so often when the law firm is trying to make this argument, and trying to get Melissa to answer questions in a way that would make her seem like she is actually of the law firm’s opinion. 

And she doesn’t let them do that to Andy. Instead she looks right at him and she qualifies her response saying: “But I don’t consider myself any different from anyone else with this disease. I’m not guilty, I’m not innocent, I’m just trying to survive” and it is just a beautiful moment for me. Especially because this film is trying to portray queer people in a positive light, having a straight, white woman with a disease she had no way of preventing say that she was just like anyone else with AIDS is hugely important to driving that message home. 

Favorite Quote 

gif by @fran-kubelik

I am so sorry in advance for how long this quote is, and that 90% of it is technically just Andy translating an opera but: 

“‘Look the place that cradled me is burning.’ Do you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it Joe? Now in come the strings and it changes everything. It’s like the music, it fills with a hope. And that’ll change again. Listen. Listen. “I bring sorrow to those who love me” oh oh that single cello. “It was during this sorrow that love came to me.” (sobbing) “A voice filled with harmony. It said, live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud. I am divine! I am oblivion. I am the god that comes down from the heavens to the earth and makes of the earth a heaven. I am love. I am love.” 

The level of emotion, the implication behind each and every line that he translates, the way that those lines spoke to me as a queer person. “Look the place that cradled me is burning” this body, his body is failing; this life, his life is coming to an end. “I bring sorrow to those who love me” we see that with Andy’s mom, with his entire family for that matter, we see how loved he was and know that his death is going to be a devastating blow for a lot of people. “It was during sorrow love came to me” Miguel is there for all of it, through all of it. When he collapses in court, his family is the first to get to him, to try to help him. When he’s in the hospital the entire hallway is flooded with people that love him. Andy breaks at this point in his monologue, choking out the line “A voice filled with harmony. It said, live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud.” I do not think Andy was ready to go until the very end when he finally said he was. Live still. Andy wants to live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud. He will see Heaven soon, he is looking at the world through the lens of a dying man. “I am the god that comes down from the heavens to the earth and makes of the earth a heaven” We have one life to live, we should use it well, Andy has so much love in his life, that’s truly such a heavenly thing to have. He is seeking justice, in such a way that others might be protected the way he wasn’t. “I am love. I am love.” 

I just. 

I don’t know y’all I just really liked this film. 

Score 

9.5/10

I’m salty that Denzel wasn’t nominated for an Oscar, though I am wholly unsurprised, and I am glad Tom Hanks won and that his speech included praise of Denzel. 

““And an actor who put his film image at risk and shown because of his integrity, Mr. Denzel Washington who I very much share this with”

Lovely film, highly recommend.  Now on to The Living End

#bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #queer cinema syllabus #unit 4: heartbreak alley #philadelphia #philadelphia (1993) #denzel washington #tom hanks #antonio banderas #and with this film I am now 60% of the way through Unit 4 #I can see the finish line

[tally-ace]

chapter ten.... almost.... done.... soon.... posting.... <- my dying breath

#IM ALMOST THERE RAHHH #I CAN SEE THE FINISH LINE #IVE GOT LIKE 500 WORDS TO WRITE AND WE'RE FREE BOYS #delete later

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

It's my last week working at the motel and I thought it would go by very quickly, but I woke up this morning consumed with such a profound sense of dread that I have a feeling it's going to be the longest week of my life

#so close and yet so far #i can see the finish line #i can almost taste it #just a week away #my job #work #motel

[claymorexpunisher]

I have I Live in Your Basement and Monster Blood IV left to read!! Can y’all believeeee???

61/62 books in! 😫

#I can see the finish line #I can see the promised land lmaoo #goosebumps #classic goosebumps #original goosebumps #rl stine #children’s horror #children’s lit #middle grade #scholastic #reading #bookblr #reading challenge

[12timetraveler]

Nearly 39k words and still going.

I'm so close to finishing but also so far away.

Gonna take a little break, do something else, and then maybe come back to it tonight. If not tonight I bet I'll finish it tomorrow.

#wip #i can see the finish line #but ive been writing since like... 5 this afternoon #its now approaching midnight

[lvlystars]

ONE MORE DAY‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#🦋 — brain go brrr #exams are almost over #i can see the finish line #sure i have like 10828393728 bruises and broken bobes #BUT IM MAKING IT

[antlereed]

so so so tempted to just. rewrite this entire chapter

#i can see the finish line #but i want to restart the race for some fucking reason #im probably just gonna restructure some of it

[waveoftheocean]

"i can see it in his eyes" 🥰

#trigun #trigun stampede #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #wolfwood #vash #my art #mine #deep in my trigun feels rn help #also sad commentary on my life and drawing speed that i'm actually amazed that this took me “only” 3ish weeks to finish #insert shrug emoji #anyways this line has been bouncing around in my head since i heard it #WHAT CAN U SEE IN HIS EYES VASH #HIS EYES THAT ARE COVERED BY DARK SUNGLASSES #honestly idk if this line or ww's “oh so you can smile like that” make me more head in hands #WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT WITHIN LIKE HOURS OF MEETING SOMEONE #no matter which version they r soulmates fr...

[missholoska]

been wanting to do this template for months and decided to throw all three of The Faves at it ✨

#undertale #toriel #sans #chara #safeutdr #undertale art #holoskart #these were supposed to be finished for the anniversary. as you can see that Did Not Work Out. #trying to imitate a specific style took a lot more time and effort than I accounted for ahah #besides the game sprites I relied on the LINE sticker sets as guides for the shapes and very minimal shading #and since chara has so few appearances to work with I also used the sepia flashback cutscenes and one of frisk's stickers #I had a lot of fun with this challenge!!

[cornflakesdoesart]

silly final lair comic based off of a user's text post who used to go by maraguanwocky but must have changed their @ since and I can't find the blog nor the post anymore ToT

#poto #phantom of the opera musical #erik phantom #raoul de chagny #christine daae #final lair #comic #fanart #digitalart #alw phantom #I must have drawn the initial sketch in like 2020 #than as you can see in my dtae and signature I lined this in 22 #and only now finished it lmao #I'm not very good or experienced at making comics lol #hope this is readable #not described

[kaeyachi]

Kaeya had always been an efficient and hard-working individual (he had to be to support Diluc in the background as his brother rose thru the ranks after all).

He has so much free time because he completes all his work way ahead of schedule. And if he still has enough time, he adds more to the workload in secret.

And once all of that was done and over with, he makes time for everyone. He has to. He feels as if every moment has to be given to someone else.

No one knows how he does it. No one has to know.

Every mission has a dozen strategies in line, and every battle plan is made with efficiency in mind. His perfect record will not be tarnished. He can't risk it (even if it baffles others that he would willingly activate a ruin guard just to prevent a failed mission. Jean disagrees with his methods, but Kaeya can say that the results say otherwise)

He needs to be quick.

Efficient.

Perfect.

And so he comes and goes like the wind.

Kaeya values time because he knew every second counted. He can't just stand there as if he were frozen. Time could run out in an instant.

Kaeya had only been late once his entire life.

He'd rather he never be late ever again.

It took one day of being of being imperfect for everything to fall apart. On that tragic day...had he gotten there on time... then maybe...

.

.

.

" Come on, let's get moving, traveler. We're not frozen in place after all. " Kaeya teasingly says. He stiffles a giggle at the traveler's exhasperated sigh.

"Yeah yeah, we've heard enough of you calling us a slacker. Can't you be a bit more patient?" Paimon whines at him.

Kaeya snorts, but acquiesces, hiding the shaking of his hands at the thought of being idle.

He imagines hearing a clock ticking.

Kaeya knows that that is his own problem. He tries his hardest to relax as he waits for the traveler to finish whatever they're making on the alchemy table because, seriously, it is supposed to be a relaxing day. There's nothing major going on, and his schedule is once again empty as intended. What's the hurry?

Kaeya taps his foot on the ground as he waits. He wishes he could take his own damn advice when he tells others to relax.

#kaeyachi randoms #kaeya #kaeya alberich #this is actually shorter than it originally was can yall believe? #kaeya with anxiety truther there i said it #kaeya cant stand being IDLE #get it? get it? #you see that is a play of words in reference to when he is stood idle on our screens. he is one of the more verbally impatient characters #and we also see it reflected on his actions both in fighting and at work. he has a speed boost bonus and if he isnt teleporting he is #actually moving so fast that he seems like it. this is what i also concluded that results him in large amounts of free time that only amber #seemed to be hardpressed about. the people of mondstadt find him reliable and approachable despite the lax attitude and frequent nights at #angels share. we also had lore tidbits before of kaeya straight up saying he finished all his work and jean saying that he also did the #backlogged ones. It is actually insane that we hear him relaxing frequently and i bet its not because of the lack of horses COZ LOOK AT HOW #BUSY THE OTHER CAPTAINS ARE. Also id like to think that he is a toned down noelle and that is why jean told him to watch over her training #give us noelle and kaeya interactions pls i kinda need it tbh #to all those that reached this far into the notes i actually have more to say so get ready #if it wasnt clear the only day he was late was when crepus died. everything fell apart for him that day so i can see some obsessive need to #just keep running around and doing things as efficient as possible. I also think that he found the knights slow and inefficient in several #occasions and he is willing to put them in the line of fire just to get their hearts pumping with adrenaline (and fear lol). idk kaeya is #just so anxiety-coded. impatience-core. Mr. dont waste my time type of guy. and also wow look i found a way to make his idles become angst #silly me ehe #oh youre still here? how about i tell you that kaeya-efficiency-alberich probably knows where everyone is at any time of the day? #can we honestly please give him more free time i need more of him tbh #fun reminder that bro is working around 3-4 jobs casually lmao #i also just realized that the notes is a whole nother post on its own #AND THE ACTUAL FUNNY PART IS I CAN STILL ELABORATE MORE ON THIS LMAO #wait let me add this one tiny idea too but he thinks time is so valuable. bro lost 2 dads and lost time with his bro + he significantly #lessened his time at dawn winery for quite some time. i can see why he is extroverted now.

[milkbreadtoast]

1 more basque cheese cookie... 🛐🖤

#burnt cheese cookie #cookie run #cookie run fanart #cookie run kingdom #golden cheese kingdom #바스크 치즈맛 쿠키 #쿠키런킹덤 #basque cheese cookie #my art #i had this sketch ready for a while but finally finished it up and colored it #tried to do it quickly + not spend too much time on coloring/lining #but it still took a few hrs fmdbmf #(drawn on phone of course) #but im happy bc i made another drawing of my husb- fav cheese kingdom cookie😇👍 #i hope other fans of this cookie can see and enjoy my fanart too

[kaiserouo]

Every hunter loves Cayde.

By "every hunter" I mean literally every single hunter.

#i don't really like hive's bone spike design #but look at their three eyes #so cute #the more i stare at them the cuter i think they are #so cute in fact this gets first priority over like 18 ideas waiting in line #yes i just finished witch queen campaign and saw a stupid lot of them running around #who knows maybe i can see this happen in year 7 #cayde 6 #destiny hive #destiny hive hunter #destiny 2 #destiny 2 art #destiny 2 fanart #my art

[spockandawe]

Here's a big project I've been sitting on! All That You Love Will Be Carried Away, by our very own @ceruleancynic! And a box, naturally, building boxes for books continues to bring me immense joy.

What we have here is not just the main fic, or the main series, but also All That You Love (The High Hope Remix) alt pov short fic by byzantienne, and, a detail that I was really excited to include: the initial comment exchange between these two fantastic authors of m the first fic in the series. Did I title that second little book 'all that you meet cute will be carried away' as a silly placeholder? Did I then get super attached and refuse to change it? Uh-

Hell yeah, I refuse to be dignified about any of my favorite hobbies!

But the real secret delight here was that I've been looking for the right opportunity to get weird with boxes. Peller boxes, hinged slipcases, yes, fine, but those are like the box version of my sixfold book adventure. I'm still shooting for some parallel to my fourteenfold book, I'm looking for a way to go completely off the rails. I have some ideas, but it's hard, finding a good large chonk and a small number of equally sized texts, which made a unified and complete set, AND which excited me to work with. That might sound unnecessarily picky, but I swear, there was a good reason for it!

Oh baby. Oh baby.

This worked out so perfectly. I wanted a large book at the center of things. And I wanted two small books oriented in a different direction, placed end to end, at its edge. And I got it! I didn't want to commit too early, and it would have been heartbreaking to fail, but once the big book was together, and the preliminary typesets for the two little books were almost identical? I just HAD to try.

Tumblr is already silencing me and refusing to let me attach as many images as I want, so for this post, let's talk about the main book a little! Cute little quarto bricks are my new FAVORITE favorite thing, as I'm sure you can guess from my archives, and this one was a dream to put together.

It had to be a three-quarter leather binding, naturally. And I was sitting on some gorgeous iridescent maroon paper for endpapers (no photos in this set, it refuses to photograph well, as is the way of pretty iridescent things). I spent some time agonizing over my other material, and whether to use two different marbled patterns, but I went with it in the end. The vibes were distinct enough but the palettes overlapped enough that I really enjoyed the effect. And with the northcott art of marbling fabrics (my beloved) I was able to use lines of symmetry to get some nice fussy cuts for the big book and the little ones. All of the books have leather endbands, matching the spine. And the big book has the big thick faux raised bands I tried out with my last svsss! I don't have enough pictures to show off all the book interiors, but I used this cover plate for the series and main fics within it.

And then, like I showed you above, I put it all together. Marbled paper and silk moire for covering the box, a lot of very tense wrangling of glued-up paper in very small spaces, and, at one point, carefully lowering glue-covered pieces of moire bookcloth down these little pits (walls already covered) using that tab in the front like the world's awkwardest elevator shaft. But the EFFECT!

I'm very, very pleased with myself, and delighted to have delivered this book to its new home. I've been absolutely VIBRATING with a desire to share, so! I can't be contained by tumblr's image limit. Hold on for two seconds (approx.) and I'm going to reblog this post with some wip pictures and more detail about how I worked this thing out and assembled this box and modified my initial design on the fly

#crafts #bookbinding #ceruleancynic #all that you love will be carried away #box making #did i manage to photograph the main book with the foil all reflecting in decent light so it shows up properly? #please dont expect too much of me i get overexcited when i can see the finish line 😂

[todayisafridaynight]

'tumblr if you snipe the quality of another post of mine im going to break into your cellar and ruin all of your wine' translation: click for better quality

80's version

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza 7 #masato arakawa #masumi arakawa #jo sawashiro #snap sketches #almost finished the line art of this during stream but had to run before i could complete it !!!! sad !!!! #anyway. this was supposed to look sillier- or at least jo and arakawa were supposed to look dumbfounded #idfk what happened during sketching for me to change it but this isnt terrible either i dont think. s'alright #ill mourn that alternate version tho... i wanted the vibe of a gag manga if we know what i mean #but again This Is Fine. i also havent drawn in about ten days so i should post SOMETHING to remind people i draw LMAO #maybe if i make an 80's Version of this i can go with that idea... hm....... might fit better too... we'll have to see don't quote me #you CAN throw a brick into my inbox and say you'd like to see that tho. if you want. #anyways im done looking at this i need to be consumed with existential dread again byyyyye

[anywayhereskirkwall]

One good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together

#dragon age #dragon age origins #alistair theirin #morrigan dragon age #leliana dragon age #zevran arainai #art #my art #good lord this has been months in the making. I feel like you can see the order I did them in because I was figuring things out as I went #like morrigan was the first line art I finished so her face is a lil different and leliana was the first one I colored so that style is a #lil different. oh well I think they still look fairly unified. I hope