#i can't do this alone anymore

[worm-on-the-moss]

danny zuko'd gideon nav save me

#i missed this!! i've lost so much progress but it still feels good! #can't do these three month long artless stretches anymore #artist cannot live on doodling in notebook margins alone #even ten minutes a day of something half serious would do me good #(i have to share such things on this good christian app so that i actually do it) #anyway gideon nav patron saint of rescuing gay bitches from artblock pray for us #gideon nav #gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #tlt #gideon the ninth fanart #the locked tomb fanart #tlt fanart

[sweatermuppet]

im not paying $25 to submit a poem somewhere man i could buy groceries with that :'/

#i have gone all this time never paying for a submission -_- #i need a sponsor or a grant or smthng i feel like i can't do it alone anymore #i looked at some opportunities a million years ago but it's scary to even try

[moghedien]

Shipping Cassandra and Leliana is so funny because I feel like the only people who actually do it have either only played Inquisition or don't think much past "Well they're the Left and Right Hands of the Divine" because you KNOW they only get along to the extent they do in Inquisition because they've never had an actual conversation because the second Leliana opened her mouth about her theology in front of Cassandra, they would have been trying to strangle each other

#either they never talked about it #or Cassandra just silently had an aneurysm because she didn't want to disrespect Justinia by fighting Leliana to the death #also because Leliana is obviously the Divine's favorite in that manner #but I think Leliana is smart enough not to stir the pot when she needs Cassandra #because like look at her if she romanced the Warden #Cassandra will be like 'we LOOKED for the Warden we can't find them!' #but the second its clear they aren't gonna be trying to bother the Warden about leading them anymore #Leliana is like 'yeah I knew where she was the whole time wanna write her a letter? we're in touch constantly she's busy leave her alone' #also like how Leliana reacts to be romanced and becoming Divine versus Cassandra #Cassandra is like 'oh we're going to break up because that's what my religion strictly tells me to do' #meanwhile Leliana not only DOES NOT break up with the Warden but is very public about not having done so #like literally even all the way back in Origins she flirts with the Warden by being like 'Hey god wants me to eat your pussy' #and she's 100% serious about that #Cassandra would become an atheist before she got on board with Leliana's beliefs lbr #dragon age #cassandra pentaghast #leliana

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

I think the worst (best) thing Twst could have ever made is making Malleus just a little Lizard dude, like what do you mean the once silly looking little guy is destroying everything he can so his dad doesn't leave him??? you think I can take him serious??? the little guy who still throws a tantrum like he's an egg??? you want me to take this man serious???

#twst spoilers #spoilers #maybe spoilers #local shouldn't be allowed to think #like what do you mean I should take Malleus serious as a threat #like I know he's lashing out because nobody bothered to teach him emotional maturatiy #and is terrified on being all alone again because his Dad will leave him and his only friend that doesn't have anything to do with his #family or Briar valley leaves him #and he's scared of being alone again and nothing more than a glorified trophy #but like they also showed him as a silly little baby and I can't take him serious anymore because now all I can think about is him just #acting like a child #and I should stop because funny just goes back into sad territory because Malleus was never taught how to properly handle his feelings

[lloydfrontera]

thinking of javier having to be psychically restrained from following lloyd into the reincarnation portal, only being able to be stopped because he's already half-dead from all the blood he lost trying to protect lloyd from helkaros. javier struggling with world-shattering power to free himself and crawl after his best friend, being told it's useless it won't help even if he follows there's no certainty they'll meet each other in their next life and him, delirious in pain and grief, thinking that it would be worth it. whatever happens next, whatever comes after, if there's even the slightest chance, the smallest possibility that he could find lloyd in his next life... it would be worth it

it takes arcos and marbella both to finally talk him out of it and it's not so much what they say as the reminder that he still has a duty there that he can't abandon it no matter how much it tears him apart. because he swore to protect the frontera family and he swore to protect lloyd and he failed at the latter but lloyd would never forgive him if he failed at the first. because lloyd died protecting his family and javier can't leave them behind now no matter how much he aches to follow him.

because if it were only him javier wouldn't hesitate to live countless lives and die even more countless deaths just for a chance to find lloyd again but it's not and javier can't justify not spending the rest of this life protecting the very family lloyd gave his life for.

and besides, he reasons once the grief has settled deep into his chest, a solid weight he knows he will carry for the rest of his existence, he will cross that gate at some point. it may take months or years or maybe decades but he will cross it. and then he can follow lloyd to wherever he may have gone just like he swore to.

it's only a matter of time.

#i talk a lot <3 #the greatest estate developer #tged #tged spoilers #lloyd frontera #javier asrahan #llojavi #thinking specifically of javier thinking 'you can't do that. don't do it alone' as lloyd crosses the gate #like at that point it's not even about stopping lloyd anymore. it's just javier not wanting him to do it without him. #it's about the 'do as you wish. just let me be at your side while you do' of it all

[robo-dino-puppy]

horizon forbidden west | talanah 9/?

#horizon forbidden west #hfw #talanah #the sunhawk #talanah tuesday #what is up with that acid arrow just chillin parallel to her bow? #it was stuck like that the whole time lol #talanah khane padish #hfw talanah #hfw npcs #fffffff i just noticed her armor clipping damn it #i hate that i can't leave it alone but i can't so i fixed it #(at least enough that it doesn't bother me anymore) #why do i not just look for clipping problems on that shoulder before editing? that would be smarter...

[lionheartedmusings]

i slept through mike getting yoinked and like at this point i don't even react anymore? like "oh, a brazilian qsmp man was taken? ah, must be a monday" bc we all know the feds' favourite pastime is kidnapping brazilian men. it's pencilled into their collective schedules weekly. they do it for fun. they hate them, hate that they're there, and will kidnap them for giggles.

#qsmp #q!mike #to be fair tho i do think narratively they're overdoing the kidnapping and sometimes it's best to leave it alone bc i can't be bothered #to care much anymore? like i'll care when he comes back absolutely fucked up #but man gets taken every other week it's nothing new

[ratinthevoid]

why did i believe i can ever come out to her

#i need to move out i need to move out i need to move out #i hate this #i can't do this anymore #i hate them but i feel like i'm not a loved to bc they care about me #fuck christiany and your stupid god #i was trying so hard and i can excuse a lot but what's even the point if they never understand #christianity is so evil so fucking evil it rots your brain #she tak about leftist propaganda and cults like she didn't let one control her for years #she want me to tell her stuff promises she can support me but it's simply a lie #she can only accept me if i'm the daughter she want me to be if i bend in the ways that are comfortable #just a little more but every day is so fucking hard #i know i'm gonna suffer and that i may be alone my whole life #but i prefer to be alone and suffer in a different place than be stuck here #and maybe i don't have to be alone maybe other people can have friends that actually care about them #fuck i believed for so long she won't have problem with me being aro like it's not even a sin right??? #i keep doing that i'm trying to tell them everything so they tell me what they really think and i'm not the bad person #but it doesn't matter if i'm the evil here i can accept it i was trying for so long #i know i'm difficult but maybe it can be easier for everyone if you just give up on me

[wesavegotham]

The different parts of Gotham War not lining up at all in terms of plot, character motivation and characterization is bad enough, but now that DC is suddenly trying to explain when other titles like Detective Comics and Batman and Robin are taking place in relation to Gotham War it gets even worse because now all of these storylines make so much less sense too.

#Gotham War #Listing all the reasons why Gotham War and Ram V's Tec run don't fit together would be complicated #Because they are doing similar things with a similar cast of characters but in extremely different ways #And I don't have the energy to go through both storylines to get the details right #But Batman and Robin is simple #You can't have a cozy father-son-story and Bruce going insane and shoving all the parental responsibilities onto Dick #to be a brooding loner again taking place at the same time #Is the entire Batman and Robin book supposed to take place during the few days that Damian was the only one on Bruce's side in GW #Before Bruce abandoned Damian? #Because unlike when Death in the Family happened you can't even use the excuse that Damian changed his mind #And decided to stay with Bruce even though dinf ended with everyone including Dami not showing up at the talk Bruce wanted to have with the #Which was what they did in B&R 2011 #Because back then it was the family that decided they didn't want to work with Bruce anymore #In GW it's Bruce who tells them to leave him alone #He very explicitly abandons Damian despite the fact that Damian didn't betray him and stayed loyal #So this time Damian can hardly change his mind and decide to stick by Bruce because it's Bruce who rejected him #I'm still so confused by Zdarsky putting that in the story in the first place because he clearly has very little interest in Damian #Out of all the male Robins he played the smallest part in this #It probably would have been better for B&R if Damian had been somehow absent for Gotham War like in a lot of previous batfam events #And left the time B&R takes place unspecified #So that it just takes place in its own bubble #I'm usually all for DC telling us how things fit together but for that to be good things need to actually line up #And not outright contradict each other

[sisterdivinium]

She broke off the kiss when she felt the top button of her shirt be undone.

Panting, Jillian took a step back, eyeing Suzanne’s black veil, her vows. A pair of concerned eyes stared back at her while a pair of hands still at Jillian’s shirt trembled slightly. She caught them with her own and kept them in place.

“Are you sure?” Jillian breathed out, before raising one and then the other of Suzanne’s hands to her lips, bestowing delicate blessings upon hardened knuckles.

A tender smile lit up the face a scar had once darkened. Suzanne leaned into her again and pressed a soft promise upon Jillian’s mouth.

“Are you?”

The candlelight flickered. Silence reigned gracefully over the convent and the city below it while their breath mingled hot and nervous, alive amid stillness.

This was nothing new; they were both aware of what lovers did, of course — only the memory was so distant, the idea so foreign… Suzanne had married heaven, Jillian knowledge; fleshless spouses such as these could never adore them back. Years, lifetimes of neglect suddenly made new what was old as time as they stood together at the precipice of this unfamiliar intimacy.

Love had simply happened; circumstance allowed a word, a gesture, a touch — this rarest of benedictions, this uncanny discovery science would never fully explain, faith never fully accept. Touches were made bolder, hands dared to clasp one another, pull, hold tight, invite the inevitable kiss to seal the contract and tear down the veil…

The veil.

Jillian touched it solemnly, waiting. With tremulous fingers, she began to undo it as soon as another button on her shirt was tentatively pushed out of its place; they spoke in their own mute language, echoing the question and the questioning answer with every timid move: “Are you sure? Are you?”

In this languid ritual, no inch of skin was taken for granted. Every revelation was adored, slowly, slowly, ever searching for certainty — a kiss at the base of the neck, another at a shoulder, hair coming lose, are you sure, are you sure, are you sure...? There was something blasphemous, there was something sacred in each curve, each joint, each scar; Jillian needed not envy Suzanne’s repertoire of hymns, for they would both compose their own with every kiss. Divine rhymes in the tongue of quietness littered the warmth they so carefully exposed.

Hesitation darkened the shadows around them — how pathetic, how ridiculous, how adulterous, for who would now worship god or numbers, the invisible deities who had hitherto kept their beds so cold and spacious? How audacious to display a birthmark, a crease, a patch of unkempt hair, mortality itself, when the holiness of prayer or genius had so long carried the privilege of guarding them…

A total embrace, two hearts reaching out to one another madly, terrified of beating so near, so alike — but more frightened still to avoid this, to part.

Night time is god’s asylum for sin, for shame; so they remained where the orange flame could yet paint them out from shadow, where they could quickly notice whether the answer had or had not changed — are you sure?

A gasp, a moan — quiet, slow, pure, unlike any of the songs of devotion or the groans of dying enemies Suzanne was so used to, unlike the inhuman humming of machines Jillian herself had hallucinated into being.

Fumbling thumbs, accompanied by giggles only the girls they had once been had any right to utter, travelled uncertain, insecure, knowing their desired destination but losing themselves in the infinite invisible roads that led everywhere. An awkward angle elicited embarrassment, but what was there to be embarrassed of? Theirs were other sorts of experience. Killing, healing, creating, inspiring… The nun and the immaculate mother would have time to learn together what worship was, with less questions at every touch, less fear at every breath…

But never without wonder.

And as Suzanne sighed and Jillian heaved and neither deigned to contemplate the cross on the wall when religion lay down right beside them, entangled with their very limbs, they kissed once more.

The first few rays of daylight lazily coloured the trail of smoke which the melted candle had left in the room.

“We’ll have to get up soon enough… Morning service.”

An incredulous guffaw of laughter shook bare, radiant skin, catching in the folds of discarded clothes mixed in a heap of black and white upon the stone floor.

“Are you very sure...?”

#doctor superion #mother superion x jillian salvius #warrior nun drabble #i er... i wrote this the other night instead of sleeping #there's nothing grand although well... it's about That but also Not That? #i had been toying with the idea of how they would behave with one another given how they've probably not been in these situations often #like how do you deal with the vulnerability of being with someone else after so long? when you're not a teenager anymore #i've been thinking a lot about age and how it changes us #(mostly for the better tbh although i WOULD have preferred to not wear glasses myself now) #anyway. #you might not want to read this at work? idk. you might also not want to read this alone at night bc of feels lol #narratives and similar #also if you can't tell i'm a bit hesitant to post this so go easy #mother superion #jillian salvius #warrior nun

[feralnumberfive]

My followers amount is about the same as the population of my town right now. Heyyyy small town in Iowa how are you guys doing 👋

#actually my amount is higher right now because my town's population is declining because it low key sucks here lmao #in all seriousness I'm very appreciative of my followers and am quite honestly blown away that I ever got followers in the first place #so thank you all so very much and I can't wait to talk about the final season of TUA with you all ❤️ #and I'm also sorry I don't post very often anymore let alone anything about TUA 😔 #I do have fun on this blog and won't be going anywhere though even after TUA ends! (the show that is)

[fellhellion]

tbh i don’t even think miguel’s breakdown rant about miles’ existence as “anomaly” spiderman causing the death of 1610 peter is even about peter, or even quite abt miles. it’s about the idea that somehow 1610 peter could’ve shut down the collider if it weren’t for miles, even though miles’ presence didn’t actually affect peter’s death in any way. it’s about the idea that peter could’ve prevented a reality - that is, anomalies getting slingshotted throughout the multiverse - that miguel feels like he’s buckling under the emotional burden of (”And all this time, I have been the only one holding it all together!”). But even that’s not quite it, it’s about the fact that Miguel has been sitting on the resentment of feeling like he’s utterly alone in this burden, when in reality he’s not. When he created a structure designed to help share that burden between people who should understand it the most. But he won’t - can’t - ask for help bearing the emotional burden because it’s not even quite about the anomalies, it’s about Gabriella. But you deserve to suffer for it, you deserve to hurt. You dwell and grieve her and a mistake you won’t forgive youself for over and over again, all while hiding away and refusing to confide in the people who care about you how badly you’re spiraling, all while a part of you resents them for not knowing, even as they couldn’t know. 

#this is only one component of what i read in his breakdown personally but its an interesting one. its not blaming miles for gabriella. #miguel never shifts that blame. he bears it wholeheartedly. but what i think he offloads onto miles in that scene is the resentment thats #been building - that he CANT acknowledge because doesnt he deserve that suffering? how else do you atone? - a resentment that he #feels so alone in what he does EVEN AS HE CREATED THE SYSTEM TO SHARE THAT BURDEN WITH EVERYONE ELSE #and they WOULD share it with them. but he won't confide because he's a chronic self isolator. because i don't think miguel can disentangle #himself from the fact that a part of him doesnt want to be in pain anymore #because he believes that pain IS the price he needs to pay for what he did. even though it was an accident. #so he offloads that resentment onto miles. blames him for peter's death because he can't acknowledge that resentment for what it is #because miles' very existence lights a beacon of doubt that every choice he made believing SINCERELY it would protect people may have been #in vain. and youve doomed those you wanted to protect all over again #ANYWAYS. is this anything fkjdshfkjsdhfkjsd #tunes talks spiderverse

[visdiefje]

(shaking with rage) yeah no I will come visit you during my work hours because you forgot about hanging out with me in the evening and scheduled time with your partner then. No this is great. No I actually love being presented with the choice of Work During Your Evening OR Be Alone All Day Yet Again

#genuinely and not to be petty but should I just Not seek to befriend people in relationships anymore?? #this relationship is less than 2 weeks old and already it's impossible to schedule anything unless I and ONLY I bend over backwards for it #if I didn't work a flexible job I'd just be fucked #if I say no then I'm only punishing myself because I'm just Alone Yet Again Not Talking To Anyone #and they won't really care or notice #this sucks and I'm annoyed and I can't do anything about it unless I build a wider social network #which I cannot do because everyone is like THIS #at least some people are upfront about not having time #I know I'm being irrational. I know. I'm just. upset and annoyed #bien rambles

[mirai-desu]

Bonus » Series 3, Episode 6

“Eliza. I assume she is the reason you're late.” “She... she was working the same case as me, yes, but that's no--” “William, you talk of her incessantly. The things she says and does, her triumphs and disasters. Of course you claim she vexes you so and causes you nothing but trouble, but the truth is there for all to see.” “My relationship with Eliza is purely one of friendship.” “You are in love with her. ... Unless you can convince me otherwise. ... Well, I wish you luck. You will need it.” “Arabella--” “And I say this out of friendship, not malice. Eliza's ambition will outweigh everything, even her feelings for you. Nothing will ever be enough for her. Certainly not the future you envisage. You can see yourself out.”

#miss scarlet and the duke #while this whole obstacle plot was definitely frustrating... #I actually really love this scene whoops #our man just sat there like... oh #he can't deny it anymore #not to Arabella #not to himself not anymore #and the vibe I'm getting from Stuart and RN (from their interviews after S3) #is that S4 is gonna have William be more proactive about his feelings #(yes I know the one where he's actually sat there alone isn't in this edit #I only do two caps for the Bonus edits so whoops #but it is in my general 3x06 one lol) #my edit: miss scarlet and the duke #my edit #msatd spoilers

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

dietitian warned me the other day i may need to go inpatient if this keeps getting worse and it hasn't left my mind ever since. partly because i don't see the reason. i am literally gaining weight. and also because a non-zero part of me wants to go back inpatient and i don't know why

#and also because self destructive impulse go brrrrrr #steadily lying more and more about being full again so that's fun #unfortuantely eating disorders are chronic and will only go into remission not go away entirely!!! so if i just die that will solve that #problem right :) #personal #tw suicide #tw ed #puddleglum hours #i don't want ot have to keep myself alive anymore!! i am so tired #i don't even have a diagnosed eating disorder lol #hilariously funny to me in a terrible way #diagnosed with Big Sad disorder (mdd) but not Can't Eat disorder which is what i originally went to get help with when i first reach out to #a doctor #you know how often i regret that? so so often #im just here like LET ME DIE when the two times in teh last two days i have been Left Alone With Knives i have Talked Myself Out of using #them #in part because im scared of trying and failing again #in part also because i don't want to scar my siblings yknow?? like a friend once said that sometimes you refrain from doing things for othe #people and not yourself and i think she was so right