#i can't even be ok about the therapy i started cause i don't think i can afford it anymore so yeah... i'm literally back to how i started

[lynn-writes-things]

Ok you touched upon it in your GOD TIER relationship writing but could you do headcanons for the jjk men that focus on how possessive and/or jealous they are with their partner? ☺️ Thanks

oh ASBOLUTELY I can!! thank you for the request!! :) I'm lovin' these haha

jealousy, jealousy - jjk men

starring: Yuji Itadori; Megumi Fushiguro; Yuta Okkotsu; Toge Inumaki; Noritoshi Kamo; Satoru Gojo; Suguru Geto; Toji Fushiguro; Naoya Zenin; Choso Kamo; Ryomen Sukuna

cw: some of these get pretty suggestive!! ; very very very brief mention of a knife k!nk in Toji's, but I promise I did not elaborate at all I promise <3

Yuji Itadori:

1/10

he only really gets jealous if you're laughing at some guy's jokes if he doesn't already know him, cause he likes being the person to make you laugh the most :(

ngl he gets a teensy bit pouty even if one of his friends make you laugh harder than he does :((

he's not overbearing tho, he gets that you're your own person and can talk to/laugh with whoever you want, but he might get a bit irked every now and then

he'll probably come up and throw his arms around you, or kiss your cheek, and tbh he's such a social dude that he'd probably start talking to the guy

(tbh they'd probably become friends, it's Yuji, man just goes around being his sweet himbo self and ends up collecting a new buddy everywhere he goes)

Megumi Fushiguro:

7/10? mayyybe 8/10?

he's super insecure in himself, having such a rollercoaster of an upbringing will do that to ya'

idk he just doesn't see himself as being as he really is, he's got a lot of childhood trauma that keeps his self-confidence stunted

(because evidently Fushiguro men cannot grasp the concept of therapy)

he'll either come up and grab your hand/pull you into a side hug or somethin' along those lines

nothing too extreme, he's not big on pda ya know?

OR he gets really pouty and reserved

you'll have to get him alone and ask him what's wrong, pls help him figure out how to talk through his problems dude, he needs the helping hand

reassurance and affection will fix him right up, don't you worry!!

the key to fixing a pouty Megumi is just lots of love <3

ngl if you're gonna throw in some minimal spice here, he'd totally be the type to mark you up that night (probably not anywhere too visible, he's still Megumi, still a very easily flustered baby boy <3)

Yuta Okkotsu:

2/10

he's got a bit of insecurity in himself, but ever since making friends with his classmates he's really gotten better with his confidence!

sure, dating you kinda shook his nerves back up, but he trusts you completely, he doesn't think you'd ever cheat on him, so he doesn't really get too worried about it ya know?

that's MOST of the time

sometimes someone will just rub him the wrong way and he'll step in, usually just kinda hugging you from behind or kissing your cheek/forehead or somethin' like that

he'll definitely make a point of calling you by a cute petname while doing it too

like a lil' "Hey baby!" or "Hi, love!!" :) <3

Toge Inumaki:

7/10, bordering an 8/10

he's just.. insecure :(

between the seals on his mouth and his limited speech, he just doesn't really feel like he can give you the kind of love that you deserve

cause he's too worried about uncovering his mouth to kiss you in public, and he can't fucking talk to you

it just makes him feel bad, like you deserve better

that being said, he doesn't wanna lose you, so he will absolutely fight for you if someone tries to flirt with you

he's got no issue with other forms of pda, so he'll come over and wrap his arms around you, put his head on your shoulder, or he'll just straight up grab your arm and pull you away (not hard, baby boy would never ever hurt you)

he might get pretty pouty tho, probably get pretty in his own head about it

so you'll have to kiss him and hold his hand and reassure him that you love him, that he's more than enough for you, and that you'd never want anyone else - just him <3

now.... I have touched on this......

if Toge can TELL that you're playing it up and TRYING to make him jealous?

ngl it kinda turns him on if you're doing it on purpose lmoa

this mf is NOT afraid to leave visible hickeys <3

let's just say he's gonna make damn sure that you know you are his <3

Noritoshi Kamo:

hmmmmmmmmmm, 5/10? maybe?

idk it's hard to gauge with him cause he refuses to act on his feelings for the sake of saving face publicly

like he absolutely gets jealous, but he'll never really show how jealous he is

he'll just kinda come up and say that he needs you for something

or generally come up with an excuse for you needing to leave

if he's REALLY jealous then he'll lead you away with his hand on your wrist or arm

he's definitely the type to talk to you about it once you're alone together

you won't have to force it out of him (like a certain somebody) cause he wants to clear things up right away

he's got enough stress goin' on, he doesn't want your relationship to be stressful too, so he's big on communication <3

he's a verrry affectionate guy in private, so if you reassure him of your love and give him lots of cuddles and kisses then he'll relax and be happy <3 :)

Satoru Gojo:

9/10 if you add in the possessive factor

if we take away the possessiveness, mayyyybe closer to like a 4/10

Gojo is one cocky son of a bitch, but he is also a fucking ball of bottled up trauma, ya know?

he trusts you as much as he can, but again, trauma comes into play here

man has deep rooted trust issues and until he properly addresses and works through them with you, he can't allow himself to fully trust that you won't leave him out of nowhere too

ANYWAYS

he's good at fronting ya know? so if someone's making him jealous, he's apt to just cling to you like a child and flash the dude the cockiest fuckin' grin after he kisses your cheek super obnoxiously (we're talking full blown "shmack!" noises)

"Made a new friend, my lil' mochi? Whatcha talkin' about? Hm?"

nowwwww if you TRY making him jealous, he will not take the bait

he will simply wait until you are alone (even if that means dragging you into a closet somewhere) and uh... he'll make sure everyone in a nearby radius hears you say exaactly who you belong to <3

Suguru Geto:

ahhhhh, the cunning, conniving, cocky bastard himself <3

0/10 tbh

like I said in the other post, he's too confident in himself and in his trust for you to really get jealous

he is possessive tho, but in a really cocky way??

if he sees someone getting a lil too friendly with you, he'll come right up and sling his arm around you, kiss your temple, and just join right into the conversation

if the guy stops talking (cause Suguru is fucking intimidating with how calm and collected he carries himself) then he's very quick to fill the silence

"Oh, don't stop on my account. You were saying? Something about how nice my baby looks, right? Go on, continue, aren't they stunning?"

all the while he's got this mf look in his eyes, his smug ass grin, he doesn't even have to say anything to get the message across

"Bet you wish you were me, huh?"

ngl there's also a quiet implied threat, like he's daring the guy to actually speak up

alternatively he will give you a look

I'm thinkin one eyebrow slightly raised, unamused expression

this mostly happens if you're the one trying to make him jealous

all in all this look of his towards you has a very clear message of "Get over here now or you will regret it"

yes sir 🛐

Kento Nanami:

another 0/10

not the jealous type, he trusts you completely and he's pretty confident in himself

he's very good at communication, and he's willing to do anything to make things work, so he's not worried about anyone stealing you away from him

the only time I can really see him stepping in is if someone's flirting with you and you're clearly uncomfortable and the guy isn't letting up

it's then that your big strong prince charming will swoop in and put his arm around you, or just kinda step in front of you and firmly tell the guy that you are taken

Nanami can be a pretty intimidating guy when he wants to be, so it's very likely that the guy will back off

if not? well, Nanami knows how to fight, and he isn't afraid to get his hands dirty if it means saving you from some creep <3

oh-ho, but if you try to make him jealous? giggling, maybe throwing in some light touches to the guy's bicep or somethin?

he knows what you're doing. ha.. haha.... oh honey, you ain't walkin' tomorrow :)

Toji Fushiguro:

hehe

10/10, possibly an 11/10

like I said, my man's a double whammy, he's jealous AND possessive

he trusts you to the best of his abilities, but it's very very hard for him, ya know?

everyone who was supposed to love him growing up only ever hurt him, then the one person who he loved, who taught him how to love and to be loved, fucking died

so, he's scared, trusting somebody scares the hell out of him, but he does trust you as much as he can let himself (it'll get better as time goes on, but ya know, it's just gonna take a bit)

basically what I'm getting at here, he's still not totally certain that you're gonna stick around (and quite honestly, he doesn't know why you do in the first place)

he is also MAD possessive tho, you are his and he does not intend on sharing <3

if he sees another man so much as look at you twice then he's pulling you closer, wrapping his arm around you, kissing you, throwin' out lil "Hey there, doll" and stuff like that

if you happen to be away from him (say he went to the bathroom or something) and comes back to see some guy with you, if you look even mildly uncomfortable, or if he can see you trying to get the dude to leave you alone, and he won't.......

hehe, that dude is gonna be napping for a bit! ......on the ground! ...........in the middle of the bar! ......he might wanna invest in some concealer for the black eye tho :')

he's scared you're gonna leave, but make no mistake, nobody is fuckin' takin' you from him without a mf fight

no matter the circumstance, a jealous Toji is a very good assurance that you uh.. yeah.. yeah I think you get where I'm goin' with this

he is not afraid to leave visible marks on that pretty neck of yours <3

ngl my knife k!nk is gonna scare people away here so I'm just gonna keep that on inside! use your imagination!! :)

Naoya Zenin:

8/10

he's honestly a pretty insecure guy who tries to act overly confident to mask it cause his clan taught him that any signs of weakness will make him unworthy

his family is just so damn strict with him, always has been, always making him feel like if he makes one slight wrong move then he's just a total fuck up

that translates to his relationship with you, he's terrified of making a mistake, he's constantly overthinking things and feels like he's screwing things up with you all the time

he just never feels like he's "good enough"

that being said, if someone's gonna try and steal you from him, they're in for a fuckin' fight

much like Toji, he may be insecure, but he loves you too much to let anybody take you away from him <3

if someone's flirting with you - hell, if some guy so much as looks at you wrong - he's grabbing you and kissing you

not a peck, no, he'll kiss you like it's the last thing he's ever gonna do

he's gonna leave you breathless and EVERYONE is gonna know that you're his <3

Choso Kamo:

1/10

I was gonna give him a 0/10, but I started thinking more about this

he's not quite a cocky man, but he is very sure of himself and confident

and for him to love you means that he trusts you completely

but he knows that he's kinda.. not really up to date on a lot of things

he wonders a lot why you'd rather be with him than someone who can relate more to you and understand your little references

(help, now I'm just picturing Choso as fucking Steve Rodgers, after you start introducing him to more media he'll just start fucking going "I understood that reference!!" and be so proud of himself)

ANYWAYS

like I said tho, he isn't much a jealous guy, but he is cautious, so he'll step in if he sees you talking to a guy he doesn't know

either just stands by you lookin' all intimidating, or he'll wrap his arms around you

he won't say anything to the guy, I think he'd just kinda stand there (menacingly), givin' the guy a look

if he does recognize the guy then he's a lot more chill about it, unless the guy happens to be a known slut like Gojo or Geto

even then, he knows they won't try anything if he's by you, so he'll just be a lil extra clingy <3

Ryomen Sukuna:

0/10 for jealousy, 1000/10 for possessiveness

ain't NOBODY touching you <3

some guy dares to flirt with you? haha, hey buddy, how's hell treatin' ya?

if he's in a good mood then murder can be avoided, but the guy will prooobably be scared shitless when faced with a big scary Sukuna giving him a death-glare

big scary guard dog <3

he also doesn't ever leave your side because of his possessiveness, like he is always right there, always holding onto you in some way or another

you are his and he will not fucking share <3

no one shall even have the slightest chance <3

oh, but I mean, obviously if he gets even mildly riled up, he's obviously gonna have to "remind you" that you're his, and his alone :) <3

#jjk x reader #yuji itadori x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #yuta okkotsu x reader #toge inumaki x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #suguru geto x reader #kento nanami x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #naoya zenin x reader #choso kamo x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader

[thewxtchwhowrites]

Hola, oke no sorry haha. I can’t speak Spanish, just a bit hehe.

I don’t know if you write for request but because I wanted to say Hola I think about an idea now. What about Bucky taking you out for Dinner and your ex is there as well and tries to convince you he is the right one but Bucky is such a sweet gentle man and super protective?

Thank you in advance, even when you don’t write it hehe.💕

Ha. Did you think I forgot about you? Well no darling, it wasn't like that.

Here you have (late, but sure) and at once I took the opportunity to do therapy writing this. I was dumped about seven months ago by my partner, when I received your request, so I thank you very much for the idea, although it took me a while to prepare it.

I really hope you like it and it's what you expect, I interpreted it this way.

summary: you finally come out of an emotional sadness and decide to go out with Bucky to dinner, without thinking about who you would end up running into.

words: 3219

Beautiful dividers by @cafekitsune

You were carefully walking down the stairs and your heels started making noise as they hit the steps, causing Bucky and Steve who were talking near the door to turn to look at you.

Bucky looked nervous, and it was no wonder, the truth is that he had not been on a date in more than 70 or 80 years, with everything that had happened in his life these last few years since the 40s.

Steve seemed to calm him down, when the blond turned to look at you he had a smile on his lips, he looked like a proud older brother.

As you walked down the stairs you wondered how you had really gotten to this day, and the truth is that the whole series of events had been very convoluted and fun...

Or at least now that you were feeling better.

You had been depressed for a couple of months and it was because your boyfriend with whom you had been in a relationship for five years had broken up with you overnight with a simple message:

"I can't keep doing this, forgive me."

Your eyes began to fill with tears as you continued reading as best you could:

"I owe you what I am today. And it hurts me to tell you this, I don't know, I feel like I'm really screwing up by leaving all these years behind." Your tears no longer let you see, your vision was blurred. "But I want to make that decision and continue alone from now on. Maybe we can be friends in the future."

Bastard. You thought to yourself, it was obvious that there was something strange about his behavior after you both had your last movie date, but you decided not to listen to your intuition even though Natasha had warned you.

"I don't know, honey, I think you should be prepared…" Natasha sat on your bed and sighed, taking one of your pillows in her hands, and noticing one of the photographs you had on your wall where you and your now ex boyfriend ex-boyfriend, were at a Coney Island fair with ice cream on your faces.

"But Nat…" You said while shaking your head. You were delusional, without a doubt. "We've been together for five years, I don't think we'll break up. He's just a little stressed because his business isn't going well."

There were times where your ex-boyfriend would disappear for weeks, claiming that he was busy working or trying to run his business (a music store that his grandfather had owned for many years) and sometimes when you logged on to social media after work, you would notice that he was still online sharing posts or tweeting, although he didn't respond to your chat.

Sometimes he'd leave you on 'read' or sometimes he just wouldn't seem to open the chat, which was… strange.

Until it happened.

Even the final message of that long paragraph of excuses had a rather late apology that said:

"I'm very sorry, not only for the moment in which I'm telling you all this. But also for what I've put you through and how I treated you, not speaking to you for weeks and then coming to you to write all this shit."

That last message definitely led to long hours of crying, especially at night in your room at the Avenger Compound, not wanting to leave your room, maybe just to eat with everyone or for missions, and then return to your room.

You were even more temperamental during missions, you hit harder and you were even more reckless, which Bucky noticed immediately, he knew that attitude and hatred.

The first thing Nat, Wanda, and Maria Hill did when they found out was bring you ice cream and have a girls' night out, which ended relatively well, at least until Wanda put on a movie and the guy's name was your ex's.

A couple of nights later you heard a soft knock on your door, you were crying as quietly as you could and you thought that maybe you had woken up Steve or Nat who were sleeping in the adjoining rooms, when you got up and opened the door, it was Bucky.

"Bucky?" You asked with some confusion.

"I… I brought you this." Bucky took a cookie out of his pants pocket, when you took it you could feel that it was broken. "I accidentally sat on the cookie while I was on my way here on the motorcycle, sorry."

That, even if it was something simple, made you laugh and maybe it was the first time in five fucking months that you laughed sincerely and not in a forced way.

Bucky after you thanked him, he nodded softly with a shy smile on his lips and left saying goodnight.

You look at Bucky's face as a smile began to form on his lips as you walked down the stairs, it seemed like he saw the most beautiful thing on the planet and he even had a small bouquet of flowers for you in his hands.

As soon as you finished walking down the stairs, Bucky approached you at the bottom of them.

"You look…" Bucky started to say, but stayed silent.

"Do I look too dressed up? Is too much?" You said nervously, touching your hair and ironing your dress with your hands at the level of your stomach, it had been Nat and Wanda's idea to groom you as if you were a little doll even though you weren't totally used to it.

“No, you look like an angel…” Bucky interrupted you. He continued to look at you with those blue eyes, it was a kind, sweet look. You felt your cheeks redden and you let out a nervous laugh.

Steve raised his eyebrows at such a compliment, and since you had your back to Steve, he took the opportunity to give Bucky a thumbs up.

"Oh, this is for you." Bucky gave you the small bouquet of flowers that you took carefully, they smelled delicious.

“James, you didn't have to do it." you said in a whisper, looking between the flowers and Bucky.

You didn't remember that a man had ever given you flowers before, your ex in itself was not a person to give you that type of details and you, sometimes, didn't allow yourself to receive them either.

But for some reason with Bucky, the fact that he gave you those details, it felt different.

“It's true.” He put his hands in the pocket of his black pants, nodding at your comment. "I didn't have to, but I wanted to do it."

That comment caught your attention.

Steve patted both of you gently like a father and opened the door to the compound, smiling.

"Have fun…" Steve looked at you and nodded his approval as if you were his little sister. "But not too much."

Steve looked at Bucky when he said that last sentence, that was definitely a warning to him, Bucky just shrugged and let you take his arm as they walked to the motorcycle to Izzy's.

Honestly, you don't know how it happened, but it happened.

You began to spend more time with Bucky as the days and even weeks went by, first he asked you for help to play a prank on Sam by painting Nightwing as if it were a stingray and recording it to show in the group chat that you all shared.

Then you would help him with technological issues or you would end up sitting in the compound's cinema watching old movies while you listened to him tell you things about how things were in those times.

And maybe some embarrassing stories about Steve.

You discovered that he was chivalrous, opening the door for you and even letting you in first by placing either of his two hands just under your back in a protective manner. Even when you had to take something somewhere he offered himself, not allowing you to do it.

Including the bowl of popcorn, because he didn't want you to get burned.

You thought that sometimes Bucky was an exaggerator, but you began to notice that he did things that even your ex-boyfriend had stopped doing after being together for a while.

When you and Bucky went out on the street, he always offered you his right arm, since he felt a little insecure offering you his left arm, the mechanical one. However, that insecurity started to disappear and then he didn't care which arm you grabbed as long as you held his arm when you walked.

The times when neither of you could sleep and you stayed talking, whether in your bed or his, he didn't fall asleep while you were talking about those topics that you were both passionate about, nor did he change the subject, he just watched you with attention.

Bucky even remembered the things you had said to him a couple of months or weeks ago and that you didn't even remember what you had said to him.

You were healing little by little, starting to be you again.

And somehow he was healing too.

If you were at one of Tony's parties or maybe at a mission meeting, sometimes you would look at Bucky when he wasn't looking at you, and the other way around would also happen, and if you caught each other looking, both would just smile like a couple of fools and look away.

One night you heard a soft knock on your door, you recognized that soft knock, when you opened your door it was Bucky again, but he looked different tonight.

"Hi..." Bucky said slowly, seeming a little nervous, his right hand resting on the frame of your door, trying to look casual. "I wanted to invite you to dinner, well, it's not really a dinner."

You could notice and see Bucky's nervousness when trying to say things as he had (probably) rehearsed them in front of the bathroom mirror and he added:

"Or yes, maybe it is, I don't know."

You interrupted his rambling with a smile on your lips, gently raising a hand to the level of your chest.

"Yes..." That's what you said, you noticed how his eyes softened at the fact that you had agreed. "Yes, I'd like to go."

He nodded repeatedly and sighed in relief, letting out a soft chuckle.

"So Friday at eight sounds good to you?" Bucky was clearing his throat, trying to hide his excitement that you had accepted dinner, you nodded. "Okay, I'll see you on Friday."

Bucky quickly kissed your cheek, wished you goodnight, and left without stopping smiling like a fool.

When you two arrived at Izzy's, Bucky greeted Leah with a smile, she seemed surprised but happy that she now finally saw him with someone other than Mr. Nakajima, especially seeing you walk in with him.

You and Bucky sat at one of the tables and you had a sneaking suspicion that someone was watching you, but you weren't sure after all there were more people than usual today, it was Friday.

After a couple of laughs, drinks, Asian food and bad jokes, a few caresses on your hand from his you noticed out of the corner of your eye that someone was approaching the table and you swore it was a waiter.

But it was your ex.

“Y/N…” Your ex said in a firm voice, looking from Bucky reluctantly and then back to you. "What are you doing here with him?"

The audacity of this idiot. You thought as you heard those words come out of your ex's mouth.

"The real question is, what are YOU doing here?" You responded rudely as a frown began to form on your forehead.

"So you're the… man who broke her heart." Bucky told him in a calm voice, but he was really trying to stop himself from smashing your ex-boyfriend's face into the pretty little sushi boat that was on the table, because he didn't want to ruin your night.

Bucky slowly stood up from the chair, making your ex jump a little, maybe he was nervous with Bucky's presence.

And the truth is he should be nervous.

Bucky was quite tall, strong and even if he didn't have a vibranium left arm, he would have enough strength to change your ex-boyfriend's health status to deceased if he tried to go far with you.

And on top of that he had to avoid at all costs breaking the second rule that he had agreed upon with Dr. Raynor in therapy: No one gets hurt.

Your ex scrunched his face in disapproval at Bucky's words, not believing what he was hearing, but now you understood many things, you had been receiving notifications on social networks, especially from Instagram indicating that your ex occasionally looked at the stories you published.

Part of you didn't understand why you continued to have him on Instagram, perhaps because you used that social network very little, but whatever, now you understood what your ex was doing there.

"What? N-No, I was confused…" Your ex started to speak, he even tried to get a little closer to you, but he couldn't since Bucky gently moved his left arm that was covered by a glove. "Now my mind is more than clear and I want us to go back Y/N."

Bucky tried to talk to him by placing his right hand on his shoulder.

"Look, son…" But your ex just moved, removing Bucky's hand from his shoulder.

"Don't call me son, we are the same age, pal." Your ex responded aggressively, while rolling his eyes, looking back at you.

Very few knew that Bucky was actually 106 years old, which if you had been in another situation you would have found it funny.

"Look, I don't know what you've been through in these eight or nine months, but she and I are together, and she's not interested in getting back with you or anyone else." Bucky spoke in a fairly firm tone of voice, being respectful.

You began to feel anxious, you felt your stomach turn not only from nervousness, but from the embarrassment you were experiencing in the establishment, many of the people at the adjacent tables were looking towards you.

"Are you really going to throw away all these years together with me, by being with him?" Your ex-boyfriend spoke softly, as if he was trying to manipulate you. "Y/N? I know you haven't forgotten me, you still love me, I know that."

You looked between both men, there was some doubt in your eyes or that's what Bucky thought he saw in you, maybe it was embarrassment.

You got up from your seat and enter the bathroom of the place with tears in your eyes, on many occasions you had dreamed of something similar, dreams that ended in nightmares that you tried to ignore some nights, many ended with your ex calling you different things like 'bitch', 'whore' or 'ungrateful witch' while throwing things at you or shaking you.

You ended up waking up drenched in sweat many nights, breathing heavily and then crying silently until sleep overcame you, although those tears and nightmares ended up being silenced by Bucky on more than one occasion while he slept next to you, stroking your hair or hugging you in his arms.

You had entered the bathroom and locked yourself inside one of the stalls, you were hyperventilating, you didn't think the wound would reopen again, you really thought you were over that, you didn't know how much time had passed, you were just sitting on the toilet seat with tears in your eyes.

Until your train of thought stopped when you heard the door to the women's bathroom open wide, hearing soft footsteps coming in and seeming to have stopped near the mirror.

"Y/N?" It was Leah's voice, it sounded soft because the bathroom had quite an echo. "Are you okay, do you need anything?"

"He's gone?" You asked shakily, leaving the bathroom stall, as soon as Leah saw you with your makeup smeared with tears, she gently tilted her head, giving you an empathetic look and approached you.

Leah nodded at your question.

"Yes, between Mr. Nakajima, Bucky and I, we took that being out of the restaurant." Leah rolled her eyes, she reached into the pockets of her apron for a handkerchief with a couple of flowers embroidered on it and wiped your face. "I really thought James was going to break his face, I was already thinking about what to replace the restaurant furniture with… they are made of old wood."

Both laughed at the comment, although you also imagined Mr. Nakajima, who had a bad temper, pushing your ex out of the restaurant door.

He was a man with a quite volatile temperament, like Bucky's.

When you returned to the restaurant you didn't see Bucky, he was outside leaning on his motorcycle, you said goodbye to Mr. Nakajima who was also leaving the restaurant with you and of course to Leah, thanking both.

Mr. Nakajima opened the door for you and let you out first.

"Pretty ladies first" Mr. Nakajima said with a kind smile, which made you laugh, and that made Bucky turn his head to the door of the establishment and approach you.

"Are you ok?" Bucky gently took your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs.

You looked into his eyes and you could feel that he was still upset by your ex's attitude, in fact, he seemed a little uncomfortable, perhaps remembering your look of doubt.

You nodded silently. You had a thoughtful look again.

"Honey…" Bucky began to speak softly, lowering his hands to his sides. It was the first time he had called you that pet name since you had started talking and going out. "I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with."

You remained silent, listening to what he had to say.

"I have nightmares at night, I have anger issues, I'm 106 years old…" Bucky chuckled, looking away from your eyes for a moment to see a couple of people crossing the street during the lonely night. "Even other problems, especially because of my past, so I will totally understand if you want to get back with him."

You didn't know what your expression really was, but Bucky seemed surprised as he looked back at you.

"What? I said something wrong?" Bucky asked, maybe you looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm really going to have to talk to Dr. Raynor." You said nodding with a smile on your lips.

Bucky looked at you confused, he didn't understand what the mention from his psychologist that he was seeing it had to do with this conversation.

“Oh please…” You rolled your eyes, sometimes you forgot that Bucky was born before penicillin. "It means that I'd be crazy if you think I'm going to choose my ex. I like you, James B-"

Bucky leaned forward, crashing his lips against yours and bringing his hands back to your face, your eyes instinctively closed, enjoying the kiss which became more intense and then you both separated, gasping for air, without saying a word...

You two now knew how the other felt.

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes mcu #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #request one-shot #request #one shot #thewxtchwhowrites

[homunculus-argument]

I'm very glad to see that your new therapist is working out well for you so far! It makes me think that I probably should find a good one myself, however I don't really know how to go about that. Not locating one, I mean getting into the issues I need to deal with, especially if I don't really know where to begin beyond "I'm emotionally and mentally fucked up and would like to not be". As someone who's seen multiple therapists, even if the others didn't really click for you, do you have any advice about that?

To be honest, not really. It's the same annoying thing as what people say about dating - you just have to keep trying with new ones until you find one that clicks. But not knowing where to begin is a starting point, and that's still progress if you can find a therapist that seems to be helping with trying to start figuring out what the problem is. My first therapist was the best match I could find at the time, with my problem of "I don't know why I'm like this", and she helped me start unwrapping what I even mean by that.

After she helped me through getting diagnosed with ADHD, and the problems caused by being undiagnosed and unmedicated were resolved, I started to feel like she can't help with the ones that remained. I once told her that being in therapy felt like that joke of a man who goes to a therapist on all fours because he thinks he's a dog, and comes out walking upright - he still thinks he's a dog, but the therapist trained him to walk on his hind legs so it doesn't show. She laughed and agreed that this is essentially what therapy is, and that's when I figured that that isn't what I need from therapy.

The second one was the best match I could find at the time - now that I had been trained out of acting insane, it was easier to start untangling what was making me act in unhinged ways in the first place. Going into what I was feeling and what kind of experiences had trained me into having that kind of responses to that kind of situations. That was useful for a while, but after a time I started to feel like she was trying to make me complacent with how I am by reassuring me that there was nothing wrong with me - she tried to validate my feelings by telling me that I'm ok, and I felt invalidated by the way she was denying that there still was something wrong with me, and denying that I'm not ok.

In three years of therapy, I had gained enough clarity about what kind of a problem we're even talking about, that once my last session with my second therapist was done, I looked up a therapist that specialises in one specific problem that I hadn't even been aware of when I started with my first therapist, and which my second therapist reassured me would fix itself on its own once I'm better. Three years of therapy had made me aware enough of my own problems to be able to find a specialist and point a huge crack on the wall, point at it and go "look at that thing. That's not supposed to be there, right?"

And have her go "oh yeah, that's bad. Yikes."

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 9 thoughts:

Not enough of my daughter. Where is my baby girl? Though I do enjoy getting different PoVs. It'll work for a little bit.

Weld is neat. Didn't feel great about him at first but he grew on me. His scene with Vista made me love him. He's a good kid. (He should probably have learned Aegis, Gallant, and Browbeat's names before talking to the team the first time though)

On the note of that scene - THEY HAD A THERAPIST THIS ENTIRE TIME? The Wards had a therapist available to them and no one was having them see said therapist after 3 of their teammates died? Piggot is so bad at this.

Me reading Flechette's chapter with the aim of making her gay as I have done with everyone else: "Oh wow this is a really easy one!"

I wanted to see more of Parian sooo badly after I first saw her and I'm so fucking glad this is how I see her! Flechette and Parian are wonderful and I hope they get gay married and retire together.

Me saying that probably highly increases the chance that one of them dies in the future.

I'm very glad Flechette gave up on Shadow Stalker. I like Flechette and she shouldn't have to deal with that asshole.

I feel so bad for Clockblocker. He's just a kid and his dad is dying and that sucks. I wanna bake him some cookies or something.

The professor of that class was so clearly identifiable as "one of those professors". All "up until now you haven't had to think, but in Parahumans 103 you'll need to think and I'm not gonna baby you yada yada". It's still just a 100 level course dude, geeze. Get off your high horse.

Clockblocker and Vista are siblings and I love their dynamic.

Despite me feeling for these kids some, the second the Travelers started clowning on them I was enjoying the shit out of myself.

Fucking Trickster is just so much damn fun. His powers are cool and he really lives up to his name. I love him.

Glory Girl getting rocketed off into the sky by Ballistic had me in tears from laughter.

Kid Win has ADHD. I was sure Kid Win had ADHD before I even started on the Kid Win chapter where he says he has ADHD. Someone get this kid some Adderall. And some therapy for all that self doubt and imposter syndrome.

Kid Win also didn't even hesitate to illegally spy on Chariots personal computer by hacking into the wi-fi, so that doesn't give me great confidence in the Wards following rules. Or any heroes. I'm sure that won't ever come up again though.

These Slaughter House Nine guys I'm sure won't be a big deal. They won't do horrible things to hundreds of people. Gonna be taken care of by heroes off screen during the next arc. No worries at all!

Vista joined the team when she was 10? The superhero team that has to deal with death on a semi-regular basis and terrifying violence all the time. That team. She joined it when she was TEN?! Shitty system you guys have here!

Saved the best for last - SHADOW STALKER GETTING FUCKING MEMED ON BY MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER! (And my daughters friends)

God I wasn't sure about her chapter at first. She is so mean and I didn't necessarily want to spend a long time in her head watching her be mean. But then my daughter showed up in a swarm of bugs and fucked up a bunch of Nazis and I knew everything was going to be ok.

The instant Shadow Stalker started to follow Skitter I knew she was gonna get fucking wrecked. I don't know why I knew, maybe I just know my daughter well enough. But no matter the reason I was so happy to watch it happen. Wasn't worried for Skitter at any moment cause I knew she was gonna bitch slap this asshole.

Just. Damn I fucking LOVE watching my daughter just be a goddess of bugs and go to town.

I could keep going about Shadow Stalker getting absolutely destroyed for who knows how long, so I'll just have to stop myself.

And we see a new person with the Undersiders, did Aisha get her powers? I'm so happy for her! I can't wait to see what they are.

Imp is a great name and it's kinda fucking bonkers it wasn't taken by somebody else already.

Did I mention Shadow Stalker getting clowned?

Cause she did.

Just completely baited and then my wonderful baby girl even got to tase her. I'm so happy for her. Sometimes a little violence is the answer.

#Worm #Worm Web Serial #Parahumans #Cairavende reads Worm #The Wards #Vista is baby #Flechette and Parian are always going to live a happy gay life in my head no matter what actually happens #Parian is too pure for this world #Shadow Stalker getting taken to FUCKING CLOWN TOWN #I love my wonderful bug daughter so much #Seriously though how bad can a group of villains call The Slaughterhouse Nine actually be?

[weasleytwinwheezes]

Cleopatra

Steve Harrington x HopperDaughter!Reader

Summary: After Hoppers 'death' in season 3, Y/N moves out of state to live with her mother. She spends the next 8 months healing herself of the trauma of seeing her father die. Spring Break of 1986 she moves back to Hawkins, but seems to be too late for the love of her life (Hopper is legit dead in this ok)

Warnings: angst lol, cussing, unrequited love (kinda?), miscommunication (kinda??), feelings of being replaced/replaceable, minor mention of panic attack, happy ending bc im not a monster

Authors note: I adore Steve and I couldn’t let this end with him being hurt lol

When you knelt by my mattress, and asked for my hand But I was sad you asked it, as I laid in a black dress With my father in a casket, I had no plans

“Marry me Y/N? I’ll take care of you. I have the money and I couldn’t stand it if you left me,” Steve begged, tears streaming down his handsome face. 

“This is unfair Steve,” you sighed towards the blank ceiling. 

“How? Why? We could be good together!” he pleaded.

“Because my father just died. Because the entire world is shit right now. Because you're only asking me because I'm alone now. I have no family here and you know that. Because I don’t know what I want anymore,” you sobbed, unable to look at him.

"You're not alone Y/N! You have me! I know this is a nightmare and you're scared. But don't you dare say you're alone when I'm sitting right here!" Steve yelled with a cracking voice.

Turning your head, you stared at him. Standing before you was the love of your life. The same boy who had been there to pull you out of that mall, the boy who brought a smile to your face, and butterflies to your stomach. But right now he was just the boy who reminded you of that terrible night and you didn't know what was worse. Pretending that you were going to be okay or pretending that you were still in love with him.

"Steve, I can't do this. I can't handle this right now. I don't know what's happening. This is too much," you choked out, chest tightening with the familiar feeling of a panic attack.

Pushing up from the mattress, you saw his face crumble. But the need to be alone overpowered the breaking of your heart, so you rushed from the room and never looked back.

And I left the footprints, the mud stain on the carpet And it hardened like my heart did when you left town

"Y/N Honey? Are you still there?" your mothers voice questioned, riddled with static from the payphone.

"Yes mom, I'm still here! Just double checking the map. It looks like I should get to Grandmas in about an hour or so," you responded, tucking the worn map into your jeans.

"Oh she's just going to love having you there. Give her my love will you? And be careful! You know how worried I am about you!," she babbled on.

"I know, I know! I'll be careful and I'll be sure to let Grandma know you're thinking of her! Now get off the phone! Aerobics starts in an hour and you know how busy the interstate is this time of day! You don't want to miss it!" you rushed out, itching to hit the road again.

After quickly saying goodbye, you filled up with gas and headed towards your hometown. The entire trip home had been stressful. The last time you were here was a nightmare. All you could think about was the events at Starcourt Mall and walking away from Steve.

Oh Steve. He was the only part of Hawkins you were apprehensive about. After months of therapy, you understood that you could have gone about the entire situation differently. But grief can often make you do irrational things. Even if it makes you pack up all your things and move 500 miles to Richmond, Virginia.

You had loved him the only way you knew how, by leaving before you caused him more pain. Your father had loved your mother the same way, so it was no surprise that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Steve had already suffered too much at your hands. It was you who pulled him into everything with the upside down and you were the reason he got tortured by the Russians. Walking away from him was the only good thing you had ever done for him.

But I must admit it, that I would marry you in an instant Damn your wife, I'd be your mistress just to have you around

Frankly, it shouldn't have shocked you so badly to see Nancy Wheeler hanging off of his arm like she did so many years ago. But it did, it made you feel like you were that same naive girl who watched the boy she loved fall for someone else. Maybe it hurt because the pain of seeing them together felt like it had the first time. Or maybe it was because he had replaced you again.

You didn't expect him to be alone and miserable like you were. But you also didn't expect him to be back with her. At least now you and Nancy Wheeler had something in common.

You had both broken his heart.

But I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life And when I die alone, when I die alone, die I'll be on time

The days in Hawkins quickly turned into weeks, then months. Soon enough it was time for graduation. You tried to tell yourself that you were going to support your old friends, which wasn't wrong. You had reconnected with Robin Buckley after moving back. So you at least had a reason to be at Hawkins football field. But you knew deep down, that you were going to see if they were still together.

Robin had practically begged you to tell you what went down between Steve and you. Repeating the same sentences, 'He never told us why you left. He just smiled and said it was for the best. Then Nancy started coming around.' 'You know he never said that you two split?' 'I don't even know what they are to be honest, he's never really said. But these days he isn't exactly Mr. Gossip.'

A part of you was happy he had found someone to be happy with but you wished deep down it was you.

As you stood there below the bleachers, hot sun beating down on you, you watched as families filled in to watch their loved ones graduate. Your own heart clenching at the memory of you dad yelling as loud as possible when your name was called. He was so proud of you and you hoped that he still was. Wherever he was.

So absorbed in your thoughts, you didn't notice the person walk up next to you.

"Y/N Hopper? Is it really you?" a voice startled you.

Turning to your right you were greeted with the face of the man you loved. He looked good, if that could even describe it. His face was plagued with worry and it was bruise free.

"Steve Harrington, to what do I owe the pleasure?" you responded softly.

"Oh nothing the pleasure is free but you could only imagine my surprise when I found out that love of my life has been in Hawkins for months and not once reached out to me," Steve spoke hotly, eyes boring into yours.

You could feel your mouth opening and closing, trying to form a sarcastic comment or just a response at all. But your tongue and heart stumbled on the word 'love'.

"And before you try to justify it, I understand. But do you know how embarrassing it is to have Dustin fucking Henderson tell me that you're back and have been since spring break?! I thought I was being pranked! I told him 'Y/N would let me know! She wouldn't hide', but it looks like I was wrong. You did hide. You didn't even try to see what would happen if you visited. You didn't even try to-"

"I did try Steve! I came to your house after days of trying to work of the courage! I came to apologize, to tell you about everything I've done, to tell you how much better I was. I came to see if there was any chance that you could possibly still want me. But I saw you with Nancy and I couldn't handle it. It felt like senior year all over again, so I walked away. I wasn't going to be the reason your heart was broken again, I couldn't do that." you forced out, fighting back the tears threatening to fall.

"Y/N Hopper, you're a lot of things. But I never took you for an idiot," Steve snapped.

"What ?! You ridiculous ass! I'm over here bearing my heart to you and you have the utter audacity to call me an idiot-" you were cut off by the familiar feeling of his lips on yours.

Suddenly it felt as though the weight of the last year fell off your shoulders. You knew you were missing something. You just didn't know it was this. The kiss was soft and you couldn't stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks.

Feeling Steve start to pull away, you reluctantly untangled yourself from him. Stepping away from each other, you both held your breath unsure of how to unpack what just happened.

"Look Y/N, don't you dare interrupt me. I'm not with Nancy. I haven't been with anyone since you left. Hell, as far as I'm concerned-we never broke up. I'm not even sure when you saw us together, but it was during spring break then I can explain. She's been helping me with my college admittance essays. I took a year off after everything that happened and I needed someone who was good at writing to make sure it was legible. I swear to you that's all it was. She is still happily dating Byers. I haven’t gotten over you. I can’t get over you,” he spoke wholeheartedly, staring deep into your eyes.

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. He hasn’t moved on with Nancy. Steve didn’t go back to her. He had just admitted to wanting you still.

“I’m so sorry Steve. I was so scared to see you already and I guess I was I figured it was easier if you did move on. Even if I didn’t,” you replied softly.

Reaching to gently pull you towards him, Steve pressed a small kiss to your forehead and spoke, “Y/N, I never gave up on us. I know that I shouldn’t have asked then but I was so afraid you run away and leave us all behind. That’s wasn’t the answer though. I never stopped loving you because I think deep down I knew you would be back. I’m not angry with you, I never was. Just please don’t run away again baby. I couldn’t take that.”

As you opened your mouth to respond you were interrupted by the whine of feedback from a microphone with a quick reminder of “Please find your seats! The Hawkins High graduating class of 1986s ceremony will begin momentarily!”

Grabbing Steve by the hand you pulled him towards the bleachers, matching smiles on both your faces. As you settled in beside the Wheelers you squeezed his hand. Leaning in you whispered, “I’m not going anywhere Steve and the answer is yes this time. It was always supposed to be yes.”

#steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve the hair harrington #steve harrington my beloved #steve harrington angst #Steve Harrington #steve harrington x you #Steve harrington x hopper!daughter #steve harrington x nancy wheeler #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #jim hooper #hawkins #stranger things fic #stranger things angst #stranger things 4 #steve harrington smut

[more-cardigan-than-woman]

Just for the Weekend 7/10

Summary: Jason and yourself have a quiet morning to get ready.

Reader x Jason Todd

W/C: 2.2k

Warnings: 18+, Fluff, tension, pining, brothers who only call to cause trouble, swearing, Jason is so touch starved.

Part 6

You wake up feeling like a baby swaddled in a cozy blanket. Is this the Malibu air? You reach to try and stretch only to find that you can't move your arms or legs. Blinking your eyes for just a second you wince at the morning sun before wiggling again.

"Stop moving," a deep voice behind you grumbles, arms tighten around you, holding you close to his chest.

"Jason," your voice still hoarse from sleep, "I gotta pee, let me up,"

"2 more minutes," his lips connect with your neck and you feel a shiver all over your body, "stop squirming,"

"But I gotta pee!" You say louder, shit you need to get away before you fall under whatever sleepy dream spell has him in its clutches.

"Shit, I'm so sorry," he says, finally waking up and letting you go, "I didn't mean to. I didn't-"

"Thank God," you bolt up making a beeline for the bathroom, slamming the door behind you. Your heart rings in your ears, heat all over your body, fucking hell. You didn't want to get up, but 2 more seconds in that bed and you'd never want to leave.

Outside the bathroom Jason is having a similar feeling. He'd woken up long before you, much more used to long nights and existing on minimal sleep. It was a welcome change not to go to bed at sunrise. He’d awoken to you kicking down the pillow wall, soft little snores falling from your lips and your cute ass snuggling into him. He knew he should wake you or at the very least push you away, but he just wanted to enjoy the cuddle. It has been so long since he's had anyone who even wanted to cuddle him, well aside from Roy, but that was always after a mission, followed by the very casual sex they sometimes enjoyed and Roy was always the big spoon. But to just cuddle, with no expectation of more, to have someone so much smaller than him wrapped safely under his arms. To have you here, after such a wonderful day yesterday, he feels like he's won the jackpot and now he worries he might have blown it.

Rolling over he peers at his phone : 1 new message

Dick- if Jonathon tries anything, kill him.

Jason- She hit him in the face.

Dick- what? Wow must've been bad. Where were you? Aren't you supposed to be her date? Is she ok?

Jason- Bathroom, I was gone a minute. She’s fine, just got a sore hand from his head. It’s probably full of rocks. I was impressed at how fast he fell.

Dick- convenient. If she doesn't come home in one piece I'm sending Dami after you.

Jason- why is she wearing my shirt to bed?

Dick- ummm…. She likes it?

Jason- did you steal my shirt?

Dick- are you mad about it? Want to talk through your feelings?

Jason- no.

Dick- you're welcome 😘

"Fucking asshole," he says slamming his phone on side table.

"Talking to Dick?" You ask sitting back against the headboard and checking the time on your phone, making sure you've still got a few hours before you need to start getting ready.

"How could you tell?"

"He brings out that reaction in everyone who loves him,"

"True. Would you like to get some breakfast? Maybe eat outside?"

"Yeah that sounds nice."

XxX

Jason carries the tray of food out onto the balcony, the pair of you sitting much closer than you need to as you share the platter of breakfast goodies.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it," you say as you take a sip of your coffee.

"You don't want to tell me what happened with Jonathon, but can you tell me why he's like? I dunno… So mean to you."

You think it over, not really sure where to begin.

"You don't have to, it's just… he really seemed to have it out for you,"

"It's ok. It's just a long story. But the short of it is, I dumped him and he didn't like that."

"And the long story?"

The long story. Should you tell Jason about the worst time of your life? You’ve done all the therapy and managed to move past most of it, cutting out your toxic ass family really did the most help. But does Jason really want to know? Is he going to think you’re just another spoiled little rich girl who threw away every opportunity that her privilege offered? Dick didn’t. The voice in your head reminds you, and something tells you that maybe Jason just wants to get to know you better, understand you just a little more. And when he asks you like that? With a blueberry muffin half shoved in his mouth and crumbs on his chest, how are you supposed to deny him anything?

"You know who my father is right?" you start, putting your coffee down, knowing how animated you can get when you tell this story.

"Some big bank guy?"

"Yeah, so my dad basically set me up with him when I was at MetU,"

"You went to college in Metropolis?"

"Yeah, anyway. So my dad set us up. We were going to be the next big power couple. I wasn’t really sold on the idea, but Jonathan was really nice at the start. Attentive even. But then after a while he started to get more possessive, controlling. Tried telling me that my English degree would be great when I was his little wife," the thought makes you cringe and to your surprise Jason takes your hand, his thumb rubbing gentle reassuring circles on the inside of your palm, "I knew I needed to leave but the ramifications of that… I might lose my dad's money. I’d never supported myself before, I had no idea how I was going to pay for college on my own. How was I going to do anything? So I applied for every scholarship I could get my hands on. Meanwhile Jonathan was getting worse, like he could see I was trying to find a way out. He started spreading rumors, lying to try and trap me with him. So I ran," as the tears begin to fall from your face, Jason surprises you again, moving from his seat, lifting you up and sitting you on his lap.

"Is this better?" his voice is gentle as he wipes some of the tears from your cheek. He knows how hard talking about these kinds of things can be. If it wasn't for the very aggressive hugs that Bruce and Dick used to force on him, he doesn't think he'd ever have had the courage to talk about things with anyone.

"Yeah," you lean back into him, not quite sure what compelled him to do so. But his huge arms cuddle around, you feel yourself relax a little. This is the past and you're safe now, his touch reminds you. Safe with him. Your heart thumps and you try to squash the thought away, but he’s still looking at you like that, his hand still lingering on your face.

"You can stop if you like,"

"No, it's ok.” you take a sip of coffee to try and distract yourself, “Where was I?”

“Jonathan was being a possessive, condescending asshole,”

“Oh yeah. So I realized that the longer I stayed the more trapped I was going to be. So, I ran. Ran to the one place I knew that he wouldn't look for me. Bludhaven, and instead of hiding I was found.” you recall the dingy hotel you had hidden in that would let you stay for a week while you got a plan in order, it was dirty and small, but it was safe. “He showed up in a suit and tie, with a bag of clothes to tell me that I have received the Wayne foundation scholarship for Gotham university."

"Dick,"

"No actually, it was Alfred. He helped me get back on my feet and when I went to the party to celebrate the scholarship winner and that's where I met Dick." you smile at the thought, it was the end of the worst part of your life.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry you went through that," he says, brushing the tears from your eyes, his hand resting in your hair.

You feel your heart flutter at his words, it sounds like he is actually sorry, like if he could he would fix it for you. You're not sure if it's the sun, the delicious breakfast or maybe just that you want to. Tilting your head down your breath starts to mingle, you whisper, "can I kiss you?" your nose brushes his, your lips only seconds away.

"No, Love. Not like this." he holds your face, keeping the trace of distance between you. He hopes you don’t see in his eyes how much he wants to say yes, how the very thought of kissing you is overwhelming him. He’s hardly thought of anything else since he had his lips on your neck this morning. But and it was a big but, he didn’t want your first kiss to be shared after you just spent half an hour crying and telling him about your ex. You deserve more than that and so does he.

"Oh." You move back trying to squirm away to hide your embarrassment. What are you thinking? It was a heat of the moment thing and now he’s going to think you’re an idiot.

"You just told me something very traumatic happened to you. Why don't we just sit here a bit and enjoy the sun?"

"Hmm," you lean back into him. Jason's hand resting on your thigh, yours around his neck as you bask in the light of the morning sun and that gnawing rejection lingers in the back of your head. Fuck, you want to run and hide, but he’s so warm and his arms are so tight around you. You can stomach a bit of embarrassment if this was the consolation prize.

Xx

The morning is easy, you both take turns showering, while the other hides out on the balcony and tries their best not to sneak a peek at the other goods. The looming rejection lingers at the back of your mind. Fuck, you're an idiot. Why would he want to kiss you? You just told him how fucking wrecked you are. Idiot.

"You look beautiful," Jason says when you walk out onto the balcony towards him. The long flowy material of your scarlet dress trailing behind you.

"You scrub up alright yourself." You wink,his hair is as perfect as ever, the curls framing his face like he’s in a painting, the light silver lock falling right over the scar on his brow. You love the light weight, short sleeve red button down clings to his biceps, a slutty amount of buttons undone, giving you a full view of his brilliant chest and a tiny scar you can almost see. A pair of dark grey trousers stretch around his thick thighs and you're sure that if he turned they would be molded around his pretty ass. "Can you help me with this though my hand is still a bit sore," you lie, your hand hasn't hurt since you woke up. But you want to feel his hands on you again, want to get a whiff of the cologne you could smell idling in the bathroom when you went in after him.

"Where's the?" He asks looking at the backless part of your dress, "surely there isn't a zip that's completely invisible"

"Here," you point to your hip, "goes up," you direct him to your bare skin on your side, subtly trying to inhale that fresh forest scent.

You peer up at Jason and he looks like he's about to have an aneurysm, "right, because why not put it there." His fingers graze up your side and you try your best to hide the sparks that light up inside you and the shiver that runs straight into your pussy, "There ya go Love, now give me a twirl," he winks and you oblige him.

You spin, your hair thankfully staying in place as you spin, smiling at how far your skirt fans out. You're knocked from your reverie when a hand grabs your waist, pulling you close to him and his lips connect with yours. He’s like fire and hunger and the blazing sunshine on your face as you kiss. His hand stays firmly on your waist as yours wraps around the opening of his shirt. The world keeps spinning but in the moment it feels like it's turning just around you.

"Jason," you breathe when you finally come up for air. His forehead leans into yours, you kiss him again, not wanting to ever stop. You want to ask him why? How? What? But all you can do is stare into those bright blue eyes and ask for more.

"Sweetheart," he whispers, his hand still holding your face close to his, he kisses you again. Fuck, you taste better than he imagined, he doesn't want to stop. But he can see the questions in his eyes and he’s not sure if he’s ready to answer them yet. "the wedding,"

"Shit, right. We better go," his hand releases you but you're only 3 steps out of the apartment before he grabs your arm and pulls you back for another, "my makeup, Jason."

"Looks perfect,"

"No I mean," you reach up rubbing your lipstick from his lips,

"Leave it. Let's go get these kids married so I can get you alone again."

Part 8

Taglist:

@goblinhobo @bubbles-incorrect-yb @hungry-hungarian @megumisbabymomma @ilikw @gone-batty-fics

#jason todd fanfic #reader x jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd #red hood x reader #red hood fanfic #reader x red hood #red hood

[ellena-asg]

I still remember watching episode 1x11 for the first time years ago and remember this one scene that made my heart dancing (oh, I'm still in love with it). Yes, McDanno one.

I'm sorry, I know that the episode is supposed to be about girl named Erica and her (murdered) husband Jake Harris and Erica's rocky relationship with her mother-in-law but... Oh, look:

Nancy Harris: Jake and Erica met six months ago and three weeks later they were engaged.

So we've got our boys talking with Erica's mum-in-law and she hates Erica and she says these words above and then...

Then Danny's response is (this is an exact quote!): So you don't believe in love at first sight? (no, please, it can't be just "Danny and his sarcasm", not in this moment).

And here is Steve's reaction (oh, of course that he reacts):

Steve looks at Danny, immediately after hearing his question. And it's just a moment, it's like a one quick heart-beat but Oh My Gosh.

I bet that Steve and Danny thought about the same. About each other. Cause it's so much about them! Oh, pre-Danny Steve and pre-Steve Danny, yes, they could be like "Love at first sight? Nah, maaan, no way, I don't believe in this shit!". BUT. But boom! 2010 came and THAT happened:

What I once interpreted in my comics as:

(yes, that's definitely what I heard from their hearts)

I'm billions percent sure that Danny talks with Nancy in a very serious way and that his question is damn serious and sincere too. Well, I think that it's both - a question to Nancy and Danny's expression. I can see Danny's surprise (like "Oh... You DON'T? You don't believe in that, huh?") and I can hear his "You know, I, um, personally disagree. It, it happened to me so... It's not a bullshit, I think".

And of course that he means Steve. Cause it's about love and Steve... Steve is Danny's first (real) and only love (if we're talking about his romantic life). And vice versa.

All these girls were just an escape, a mistake. Yes, Gabby, Melissa, Lynn... They were adorable and good-hearted and loved by boys in some way - but it wasn't romantic. It wasn't THAT. Boys loved them like you can love someone for being a kind good person/human being, a good friend-like person. But it was never that kind of love (and f.e. Melissa knows that so well, so painfully well). And it was never at first sight.

And yes, I'm thinking about Cath and Rachel too. I know that many of you won't agree with me - and that's totally ok! But I think that Steve never loved Cath. Maybe once he tried but deep down he knew he couldn't. And Rachel? It was she who started it. She saw a handsome cop, she hit his car and then, as Danny once said: somehow things happened. Somehow they got married. I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like "oh that was so great" to me. Danny's words, the way how he describes it as "things happened"... There's nothing romantic there. There's nothing joyful. And Danny sounds like "You know, I met her, she seemed to be nice, we met again and somehow I thought: Why not?".

But oh, Danny felt that it's not good. In one of the episodes he confessed that he wasn't even sure about marrying Rachel. And though I remember about his anxiety, oh *high five, Danny! yeah, anxiety is a bitch* - I don't think that it was caused (only) by anxiety. I think that deep down he didn't want it, he wasn't sure about his feelings. He didn't believe in "happily ever after" with her. Well, to me it's meaningful. And when in 6x11 Danny admitted to Steve that deep down he didn't want any therapy with Rachel, he didn't want to save his marriage - this is what looks like "I always felt that I didn't love her".

Yes, I think that Danny couldn't love Rach. He tried but he "only" could love her as a friend (in the beginning) and as a mother of his daughter. It's not only because of the awful way Rachel and her damn mother treated Danny. It's not only because of Rachel hating Danny's job/passion. It's not only because of Rachel cheating on Danny with Stan (ok, I can't be that sure but, well, I've got the feeling) and her post-divorce behaviour (using kids as tools to hurt him). I think that even in the beginning, when all seemed to be ok, Danny always felt that he and Rachel weren't a real thing. They weren't meant for each other. They didn't even understand each other. When Gracie came to this world... He stayed for her.

Gracie. She was the only love caused by this marriage. And after divorce it was all for Gracie and thanks to it... Danny came to Hawaii and found his destiny, his beloved one - beloved at first sight.

It's Steve. Thanks to Steve Danny believes in love. Even in love at first sight. And Steve can finally have it all too, thanks to Danny.

And I love that after the talk with Nancy we have the scene at the office where... Danny talks with Steve about Nancy and about his own ex mother-in-law. Cause it's... You know, moment ago he thought about real love and about Steve so now he needs to talk about his old life with Rachel and her mother to... To show the contrast. To Steve and to himself. To show the difference between "I was so miserable" and "now my life is so great". Between "It was a mistake" and "YOU are my love, babe".

But of course they're both such walking disasters so their feelings stay in their minds and/or sometimes are expressed but "the receiver has no idea". And someone should make the first step... So, as always, they try to focus on their case.

And THIS case. Gosh. I've recently rewatched this episode and now I see how much McDanno-ish this episode is. Yes, it's about Erica and Jake, the "Beauty and the Beast" (but I don't mean it literally, Jake isn't a beast, he isn't worse than others, he just got this role in the show and ok, I get it, I get the point of the story). And there is also the case and the killer. And other tragic stories (I mean other couples-victims). But the more I watch it, the more these stories look like a background. And this background gives us McDanno and their romantic story.

I shared my thoughts about the famous Garage Scene so now I'll confess that I think that Danny and Steve are truly touched by Erica's and Jake's story. And I bet that it's hard to focus on the case cause there are many moments shouting "You know well what Erica is feeling now".

Let's start with Jake. Boys are cops, Danny is such a detective so they should think about all possible scenarios. "Erica only wanted Jake's money, she didn't love him and his face" is just one of them. Oh, I bet that Lenkov wanted (again, hell) to show Danny as "only pretty things man" but Scott was amazing as always and he showed how complex and great Danny is. Danny doesn't laugh when he sees Jake's photo. Yes, he makes a comment but - BUT! 1) He's detective at work and he needs every scenario and he knows people well, he knows what many people may think about guys like Jake, duh, he's not an optimist - he knows that world is cruel, that people are cruel, that "happily ever after" happens very rarely, oh, he's bitter sometimes, isn't he and 2) Danny cares about people's hearts, about all what is inside - he knows well that "outside" is just a surface 3) Danny knows that love is love, you can fall in love with anyone - even with Steve McGarrett ;)

So boys do their job, talk with Erica and... when they see how devastated she is, how ANGRY when she thinks that they think she didn't love Jake, how HAPPY when she talks about Jake and their moments, how she believes in love...

They feel her, don't they? ;) They know. They know she really loved Jake.

And when Jake is found dead...

They can imagine the pain. They know that in their case it would be the worst scenario. The death of Yin means the death of Yang. And they're sorry, they're sad that Erica's and Jake's story has no happy end. Look at Danny's face. Look at Steve, the way he is hugging Erica - like a brother who KNOWS and cries with her.

Ok, now let's see what else we have in this episode...

Danny and Steve arguing in front of the motel. Why does it remind me of them arguing in the garage? ;)

🎶Sexy eyes🎶 and the TENSION. Yeah, when you think about your love at first sight all damn day and suddenly you hear "one more lonely night for me"... Yup, you can be frustrated.

McDanno behaving like "Oh, honey, why aren't you wearing the ring? We're married!". "I know, babe. I love you, babe. We're married forever, babe. It's just... My goofy fingers". "Babe". "Oh, ok. I'll wear it for you, fuck my goofy fingers".

Mr and Mr McGarrett-Williams vibes.

Aaaaaand...

I know that it's their case. I know that these wedding rings belonged to the victims. I know that the background is sad and tragic. BUT wedding rings. Wedding rings and McDanno holding them together. Just look at that scene and for a while don't think about the context.

This episode is like "He is my One and Only, my love at first sight and my love forever. This man - yes, that's the one I really want to marry". It's like showing their beginning ("When Danny met Steve", rom-com, 2010) and "what should be in the end: happily ever after, so damn married").

Ok, now you can call me a weirdo 😆

#McDanno #h50 #h50 meta #danny williams #steve mcgarrett #cops in love #season 1

[vanillaxoshi]

Cahaya's mental health gotten worse ,everyone starting getting worry and Fang might have helped.

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Idea from the anon who share this scenarios .

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Cahaya have been acting off lately .

Tanah and the brothers found out that by Cahaya keeps dozing off and sudden mood changes.

Sometimes, Cahaya accidentally fell asleep on the mission or somewhere in the station . That's a bit tolerable because it's not rare that Cahaya skip his sleeping routine end up being sleepy .

But......

Acting berserk ?

Acting violent ?

Acting angry ?

That's not normaly Cahaya would do.

Cahaya can be mean but not distraught .

Cahaya can be sleepy but not randomly happened so often .

Cahaya can be in bad mood but not suddenly changed his emotions while he is just fine earlier.

..... This is not OK. . . . . . . .

"Hey, Haya. Good morning. "

"Morning, Tanah. "

In the TAPOPS library, Tanah meet Cahaya who is reading some books .

"......Can we have a talk? "

"OK? What's wrong? "

" It just......Your lately behavior . It's making us worried. "

" So, that's what you want to talk about ?"

"Thanks for your concern but I'm fine. "

Cahaya's tone have mixed some emotional that just make Tanah more worried.

" Haya, we're worried about you. "

" You're not that kind of person just starts acting like that-"

"Like what? "

Cahaya cut off Tanah before he can finish his sentence.

" Like when I get sleepy in the scene that I shouldn't have ?"

"Like I just starts to act more mean and might hurt someone physically ? "

"Like how I'm talking to myself when no one else is there . Suddenly leaving everyone alone ? "

" Or I'm just fine the last minute and then I just mood changes that making everyone uncomfortable ? "

" Tanah I know ! And I can fix that !"

" All I need is control myself to not causing trouble to everyone and everything is back to normal again ! "

"- so we will be fine like before! "

Tanah watch Cahaya crunches his papers that is on his hand with a force smile on him. His eyes are empty , no emotions can be tell . 

It hurt Tanah to see this.

"......Cahaya you need get Doctor ,therapy or whatever because -. "

" This is not fine ! You have to stop forcing yourself like that ! "

" I'm fine-"

" No you're not !"

" How long you been doing this ?"

" How come I didn't notice that ?"

" How come you want to hide that from us ? "

" I- I-  I'm sorry for not notice that sooner. "

Tanah voice getting more trembling as he keep saying.

" ...... I'm leaving , I just finished reading. "

Cahaya stands up as he leave the scene.

" Wait Haya-"

Tanah want to catch up with Cahaya but he can't help but notice the books that Cahaya just left on the table .

It's all about how to deal with mental illness . . . . . . . .

Days later

" Girls? Have you guys seen Cahaya today ? "

" No ,Petir . What's wrong ?"

In the training room. Yaya and Ying having a spar before Petir come in.

" Speaking of Cahaya , I haven't talk to him for a while now . "

"Yalor lately I don't know what is he thinking , when want I greet him he just ignore me. "

"Is Cahaya alright ? He's been acting weird lately. He even wouldn't pick up my calls "

" I'm also worried about him Petir. What's wrong? "

" ...... Ying , Yaya. I'm sorry , I can't tell you guys the full story yet ."

"Just text us when you see him, we been looking for him for a while now. "

"O-Ok !"

Petir leave the training room and bump into Angin with Tanah and Daun .

" He's not in the training room. What about you guys? "

" Api and I checked the library and the canteen. No sight of him. "

" No sight of him in the control room too. "

" The others also didn't find him , no trace of him. "

" I shouldn't force Haya to the doctors. I'm so sorry-"

" Tanah ."

" Don't say that , we all tried to help him but right now-"

"We have to find him first. "

"......."

While the siblings are discussing where to find Cahaya.

Fang who just heard the conversation from the hallway just have an idea where Cahaya might be.

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(Look at you , being a coward and disobedience to your brothers .)

"stop it ."

( No wonder your brothers Hates you .)

"Shut up , that's not true."

( Who would love such a Monster like him ?)

" I'M NOT LIKE HIM ! "

(Really? Are you sure ? You're not like Retak'ka ? )

" I'M NOT-"

( Retak'ka is once Tok Kasa's brother , once had family , once was kind .)

(But look at him , what have he become ?) ( Nothing but a nightmare to the galaxy , a disappointment to his brother !) ( You hold the power that was once belong to him !  From the monster itself !) ( And your telling yourself that's nothing alike ?)

" I-"

( One day you will bring misery to the galaxy ,to your brothers , to your friends .)

" i'm not ."

( Fang will be disgust being your friend .)

"......."

( Face it you will-)

" Squeak !"  " Squeak !" 

" What ?"

Cahaya get draw back to the reality by squeaks sounds  .

Some shadow mouse are gathering around Cahaya , some look concern, some for them is rubbing their head to Cahaya as showing comfort .   

"Haya ?"

" Are you here ?"

Fang craws out the vent that is connect to Cahaya's secret room .     

"How?"

" You mentioned that you find a personal space somewhere in the station that no one could find so I guess is not somewhere that I can found on the map."

" So I sent my shadow mouses to find you ."

" But I'm not expecting there's a huge space in this place ."

" It's cool- Oh! sorry for disturbing your personal hiding spot but your brothers are all looking for you ."

"...... Get out ."

" I'm Sorry ?"

" I say Get out !"

Cahaya shout at Fang which make the shadow mouse startled by the voice and run towards Fang to seek protection .

" Don't come back ! Or tell my brother about this place or I'll-"

( Look at you , acting so aggressive toward him . The poor little mouses are all scared because of you .)  

The voice appear again. 

Cahaya stops his track and look at the mouses that is hiding behind Fang now .

They look terrified .

( Fang is going to hate-)

" Ok, I'll leave . I wouldn't tell everyone about this place . "

"I just want to make sure you are safe ."

Fang scoop all his shadow mouse in his arm to comfort them .

" I don't know what happened but you seem needs some personal space . So I'll leave ,but if you need anything please call me . "

" I'll help ."

"...... Why are you being so nice to me ?"

Cahaya look at Fang with a disbelieve look and tears uncontrollable coming out his eyes .

" Aren't you supposed to hate me ?"       

" Haya ?"

Fang is shock by Cahaya's sudden change of behavior, starts to panicking when Cahaya starts to laughing uncontrollably and looks like could pass out any second .

" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "

" Look at me now ,who am I kidding of course you-"

" I don't , I don't hate you Haya ."

" And I'll never will . "  

Fang walk closer approach Cahaya who now have heavy breathing as he tried to comfort him .

"I don't know what makes you think that but I can promises you I wouldn't hate or abandon you . "

"If your angry you can lash out on me, if you can't take it ."

"If you tired you could come to me , I'll give you a shoulder to rest ."

" If you need a space , I will not disturb you ."

" So please , clam down . Let's take deep breaths with me . Ok ?"

" ......Ok."

" Breath In and breath out-"

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10 minuets later , Fang is siting beside Cahaya while his Shadow animals cuddling with Cahaya .

Cahaya is enjoying the shadow animals embrace as Fang let out a sigh of relive .

" So do you want me to leave now ? The shadows can stay of course-"

" No , I want you stay now ."

" Ok."

"......So you're not going to ask me anything ?"

" Do you want me to ask ? "

"......No."

" Then there's no reason to ."

Cahaya stiff beside Fang as he trying to say something .

"......Fang can you- there's something that I want to talk about ."

" Alright , I'm all ears ."

" So lately ,after all the Retak'ka incident I might have some problem with my behavior that might......"

" Making Tanah and the others worry , which leads them thinking that is a good idea that I might need some therapy and medical attention ."

" And today I was 'scheduled' to attend a section of therapy ."

" That's the reason that I hide ."

" And I admitted that I'm not well-behave lately but I can fix that ! "

" All I need to just make sure that I'm not making mistake like before ! And then everything will be fine again ! "

" ...... That's sound not really convincing aren't it ?"

Fang look at Cahaya with a deadpan face. 

"...... Normally I would tie you up and force you to take a doctor but it seems like it wasn't the case now ."

" What exactly problem that is most distributing you now ?"

" ......Really ? You being the therapist now ?"

" I'm trying to help here ."

" Huff- yeah . 'Helping ' "

"......."

".......huff."

"......I hate it when you actually just make me want to said it ."

" You're welcome ."

" That's not a compliment ."

" I know ."

" .......I been having nightmares and hearing voices lately ."

" They told me that I'm ......Useless , and something about how I becoming someone like Retak'ka ."

Cahaya shivers as he mention that name .

" And a part of me start to believe that ."

" I understand Tanah's and the others concern but-"

Tanah's and his others brother's worry face and words come flash to his mind .

" I wish that they can put some faith on me ! Not just straight up send me to the doctors !"

" It's so frustrating to watch them tried to help me !"

" I can fix myself ! I just need more research to-"

" Haya ."

Fang stop Cahaya for keep saying .

" You're nothing like him. "

".......I know it just-"

" It does not change the fact the power I hold once bring misery to the galaxy. "

"It does not change the fact that I'm also wanted to to more stronger, more powerful. "

" I'm afraid that one day I become like him and Tanah and the others have to stop me. "

" I just don't want to be a burden to my family and-"

" You're not a burden , You're not a person that would bring misery to the galaxy ."

" You may have the power that he once hold , you may be want to be stronger .But that does not mean you will have to do what he have done before ."

" It is your power now , you're the one who in charge ."

" It is your way to be more stronger , it does not have to take the same method as him ."

" Taking problems alone is not the best method and it cause more problem to the others can't understand what are you dealing with ."

" Yes it's frustrating when you brothers are 'over worry ' believe me , I know how it's feel. "

" Well, I can't force you to do something that you don't want to do but I hope that this conversation can help you to clear something up ."

"......."

" Thanks Fang ."

Cahaya scoot closer to Fang and rest on his shoulder.

" I'm tried and I'm borrowing your animals for a while now , shadow tiger and shadow kola are so fluffy ,can they understand what am I'm talking ?"

" Yeah , they are happy that you like them . "

" Really ? Glad to hear that."

" Rest now , You'll need energy to deal with you sibling later ." 

" Yeah......Thanks again Fang ."

Cahaya's tiredness starts to come but he does not feel afraid to fell asleep now .

Fang watch Cahaya drift to the dreamland as he let out a relived look .

Fang whisper something that Cahaya didn't hear. 

" .......I'll always afraid to get hated by everyone with my choice but if that was the only solution ......."

" I will not hesitate to do that and you have the right to hate me ."

" So please don't think of yourself that harsh ."

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After that day , Cahaya might still refuse go to the doctors but he's been more open with his problems with everyone . Sometime he will go to have a few section to the therapy , his condition have improve but still not fully recover .

Sometime the sibling can't find Cahaya and Fang . It alert them first but slowly they accept it after seeing Cahaya getting better . 

They still don't know the secret room that Fang will go, while Fang let his shadow animals to cuddling with Cahaya . Cahaya is having a peaceful nap with them away from those voice and nightmares .

Whenever you write Cahaya he just seems like a very wet cat, so vulnerable, so pathetic

but anyways, thats how it is whenever its a mental illness, him unable to control his emotions and bursting out, his awareness and his difficulty to change that because its not easy.

conflicting thoughts and well yeah just plain difficulty collecting himself. Forcing him to a doctor is the worst decision for someone mentally ill, and that calm conversation with fang is a pleasant choice. sweet ending

#xoshi asks #xoshi answers #zi lins scenarios

[magpiethepunkfairy]

Remaking a post so it's here on my main account

Responding to @goblintoothfairy on a post I made

This gave me a lot of thoughts and feelings I am so sorry for a very long post

I wanna answer your question but it's gonna be long and I wanted it to be it's own thing and not potentially get lost in the void

It's complicated honestly

And it's also something that for me is directly tied to both my physical and mental health

I can't give any kinda general or blanket advice cause it was kinda the perfect storm for me, a lot of different things changed and fell into place

I got outta school, I was able to get out of the physical environment, the bright lights and loud noise and layered smells, and the social environment, to many people, passive aggressive peers And teachers, complicated social things and shitty friend groups. I'm able to set my own schedule and better control the energy I'm using each day

I got out of a toxic and shitty relationship, we were not good for each other, I can be a lot because of my physical and mental health and he couldn't handle it and instead of be honest about it he took it out on me.

I got back into therapy and started taking a really cool self defense class. My therapist is really cool and he's also an instructor for the class

They push me to challenge some of the things I was telling myself, push me to defend and also to just Have boundaries. Teach me to stick to my words and actions, show me I'm capable of more then I allow myself to think.

But they also except and understand my limits, physical what I'm able to do and also just when I'm not comfortable with something, they encourage me when I tell them no I can't/won't/don't Want to do something

And through all of this I started internalizing things, came to terms with parts of my identity as a queer person more but also as someone who's neurodivergent and disabled

I started paying attention to how I was really using my energy and if I was really ok with it

I decided I was worth more then the things I'd let people and Myself put me through

I decided I deserve to be myself and that if the people currently in my life couldn't handle it they weren't worth dissolving myself for

And this last part is extremely important to me

I am Still working on it, still going through the motions of catching myself in negative loops and changing it

I still have bad days, I still really struggle sometimes

I'm also realizing that's ok, that I'm going to still struggle

That I might always struggle, and even that's ok

I'm working on focusing on being kind instead of nice

To myself and others

I give myself space to have my negative thoughts and feelings, I still get stuck in them sometimes

But I feel them, and then I go talk to my mom, or open a window, or eat a snack

It's a long hard process, and it will be a life long one for me

I'm currently working on just Talking to my friends more, my mind convinces me I'll ruin it, that they hate me, it still wins the battle most days

But I'm working through it, getting better most days

I'm no keeping quiet about things I care about and believe in for other people's comfort

And it honestly has Nothing to do with other people and everything to do with me working towards being the person I want to be

I hope this helps, and if it doesn't that's ok, I really don't think there's a one size fits all way to go about this

Another important thing, it's been something I've been actively working on in some form or another for two years now, and I still have so much more work to do

#im so sorry to re make a whole big thing #ive been kinda obsessively sorting and un sorting some of my blogs #i think imma just delete my other ones #so ill STOP doing this lol #queer ramblings #queer #nonbinary #ramblings #punk #trans #gender noncomformity #actually adhd #actually autistic #anxitey #mental health #fibromyalgia #pots syndrome #chronic pain #chronic illness #they/them #it its #long post #text

[nateoldrin]

i will likely be having major surgery on my 30th birthday next month and i don't know if i'll survive it, and i wanted to leave this message for anyone younger (or my age or older!) who struggles with this. if you suspect that you have PTSD or C-PTSD from medical treatment, please read below. if you don't suspect this but have told someone they're not valid for that, read below.

ok and encouraged to reblog.

i wanted to use this vent drawing for this for extra impact, as this is one of numerous (hundreds) of vent pieces i have pertaining to this issue. tw for types of trauma, abuse and medical trauma.

PTSD, and likewise C-PTSD (and DID, though that is not the topic today as interlinked as they are for me) can be caused by an unintended trauma too. people think that all trauma has to happen because harm befell you on purpose or due to a gruesome accident - sexual assault, domestic abuse, repeated beatings, car accident, war, and so on. PTSD usually comes about from a single event (though not always!), while C-PTSD, or Complex PTSD, "by contrast, is more likely to occur when a person experiences multiple or ongoing traumas or when a single trauma lasts for a long time and leads to feelings of captivity."

the examples most often used are to do with purposeful harm, such as abuse or repeated assault, but did you know that doesn't have to always be the case?

PTSD, and C-PTSD, can be developed from prolonged FEELING of being trapped or harmed regardless of the intent of the people who are inflicting the harm, ie

prolonged medical treatment at a young age.

this is a complicated topic, but to put is in very simple ways: a baby doesn't know that it's being cut into (surgeries), harmed (pain), taken away from its parents (observation, life risk, etc) and so on for its own good. a newborn can't tell. you can't explain that to a baby's brain. so to a small brain, this is all perceived as intended and severe harm akin to sexual assault. i have a similar type of response to certain stimuli as people who have trauma that comes from SA. i have been told, numerous times, that my trauma doesn't count because:

1. i don't remember it; my flashbacks are emotional and consist of deep breakdowns with total loss of cognition but no memory of what's harming me so sometimes i can have a sense of doom, or have a flashback without knowing what's going on

2. it wasn't caused by intended harm (such as SA)

i have even thought in the past that i was sexually assaulted due to how similarly i react to SA and medical treatment (i have been groomed and assaulted as well, though not as a baby, so my trauma doesn't stem from there). after years of therapy, my doctor told me that it's because to a child, especially one who can't yet understand complex situations, such as a newborn or baby, an invasion of the body's boundaries and the bodily autonomy is invaded horrifically in both a surgery and a SA, so my body just reacts to it as it is: my bodily autonomy was invaded, i was harmed, i was horrifically "abused", i was never "safe" and my parents "didn't save me". whether those concepts are rooted in reality doesn't ultimately matter, because that's what my brain THINKS. it's a trauma so deep, it can't be uprooted with remembering, understanding, forgiving, etc.

it's a very complex healing process because speaking strictly logically, i have no one to be mad at, no one to blame, and no memories to process - all of my trauma is stored in my body, in my subconscious, in my muscles, in my bones, in my fractured mind. i developed psychosis due to this. people were trying to help me, and though i know that now, my child self never did. it's not something i can go back to explain to him.

when i first started therapy at 18, i didn't even believe my therapist that i was traumatized by my numerous medical treatments. i don't remember this, but allegedly i even got enraged the first few times she suggested it. i have since accepted it and tried to work on it in numerous ways. i'm also not comfortable disclosing what my exact medical condition/medical situation is, but i will say that when you have a chronic health condition, having C-PTSD by it is horrific, because you can never really "escape". i will never be free. if i no longer seek medical treatment for my disability/problem, my condition is terminal, but if i keep seeking treatment then i get re-traumatized each and every time i have to get checked up (or hospitalized). additionally, this has made me mentally incapable of really being independent - i also suffer from other things that this has simply made worse.

i can't really heal because i don't have the time, and growing up i was never given the tools or ability to be angry at my circumstances ("be grateful" "your life was saved" "this was a miracle" "good people helped us" "your surgeon was a genius") so it built up. i could not healthily express anger until my early 20s.

so, if you think that you may have PTSD/C-PTSD from prolonged medical treatment since a young age (in my case, literally since the day i was born until now - 30 years), try and talk about it with a therapist if you can, and know you aren't fake.

trauma doesn't have to be caused by purposeful harm to be trauma.

stay strong. i don't know if there is light at the end of the tunnel for us, but don't give up hope, and know you are real.

#cptsd #ptsd #c ptsd #complex trauma #medical treatment #theres a lot more i can say but this was v draining feel free to send asks if youd like

[chaosfantasmic]

LINKS FANFIC INTRODUCTION IS HERE!!!😲😲😲😲😲👉*your gay*

well y'all polled it out, and here you. (Also if this is bad I'm sorry I'd pay for your therapy but I'm broke so🤷)

....

Oh of all times to get dumped into a new hyrule THIS was it? They had just been in the captains era and there were hoards of monsters as usual, what was up with that why the hell did he need so many? But point is, at the end of the fight wind had a VERY FUCKING BAD concussion, some bitchey bokoblin socked him the head, yknow but Hyrule would just give him a little red potion and he'd be alright the next morning. But NOOOOOO hylia had to be a fat fucking bitch and open a portal FROM UNDER THEM!? Ok that's inconvenient but at least they were all together, wrong, very shitting wrong, it just so happens that the very badly injured one (im talking about wind) did not come with them, so now they were in god knows what era, with no idea where wind is or weather or not he's still ALIVE, and worse of all it was NIGHTIME, so they couldn't go looking for him, which meant they were forced to set up camp while there injured brother was off somewhere in this place (cause god this hyrule was HUGE, like even wild agreed it was BIG), so yea, it wasn't looking to great.

.....

(WIND POV CHANGE WOOSH WOOSH TRANSITION TRANSITION😲🖕)

Where am I? Why is it....so..dark? Oh, it's nightime. What happened why-, oh yea, I remember now we were in wars hyrule fighting all the damn monsters there, and I got...hit..in the head with a bat..and I got a concussion and then a portal opened up and I'm here.

When the sailor sat upright his head immediately started throbbing like crazy, he clutched his head and groaned

"Annnd there's the concussion." Wind cursed

He grumbled, did he really have to get dropped all alone in the woods of god knows where at night, with a concussion might he add.

The forest was pitch black, either that or he was starting to hallucinate, the only sound was the hum of the crickets and the calm flow of a nearby river

But wind was anything but calm. His head was bleeding like a river and orange and purple spots started to cloud his vision.

Should he at least try to stand up? No no that's not a good idea, he could barley lift up his arm without nearly being exhausted.

"ok calm down wind, calm down, your brothers are here...somewhere, they'll Probobly find you....eventually...maybe....hopefully."

"They're not coming."

And that was when wind realised just how shitty his current situation was.

He could very well die if he didn't do something, which you really can't when your on the verge of passing out. Was he really going to die, no no he couldn't die, what about granny and aryll and the rest of his brothers, what would they think?

The sailor knew that there wasn't much time left before he lost consciousness, so he did the last thing he could think of, with the last of his strength, he shakily mouthed out

"Help."

....

(HEY! TRANSITION!, POV SWITCH BITCHES RAAAAA)

Well help did come

Out of the corner of Winds eye, he saw a small figure, standing amongst the trees, holding a....racoon? Ok he was definitely hallucinating now.

"Ok buddy, It looks like I have some business to attend to, you promise to visit me tomorrow ya?" The mysterious person spoke as they let the racoon jump out of there hands, letting it run off into the woods.

Wind couldn't make out there face, it was covered by a thick green hood.

The person walked up and crouched down beside him, eyeing his head, they grimaced

"Eesh, what creature did this to you?" They said

They shuffled around in there pocket before pulling out a wad of bandages and a thick rag, they set the rag on the spot where winds head was bleeding

"There that should soak up most of the blood-ICK! Gee when did i last wash this thing?"

The rest was a blur to wind, his vision had started to fail him, his ears started ringing, and everything was blurry. All he remembered was a bandage over his head, and the warm orange glow of a fire

"Don't worry, your ok." The person said softly as he drifted off into unconsciousnes

....

Heeeey you finished it, oh Majesty has something to tell you!

#legend of zelda #linked universe #funny #silly #lol idk what else to put here #lu warriors #oc #legend of zelda oc #lu time #lu wind #lu sky #lu wild #lu twilight #lu four #lu hyrule #lu legend

[a-colorless-fighter]

IMPORTANT UPDATE (PLEASE READ)

Hello readers, I know you were hoping this update would be a third chapter, and are wondering why I last updated in a LOOONG time, so I'm here to explain that.

PLEASE READ ALL THE WAY, I KNOW IT'S LONG BUT IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!

TW: Discussion of real, life-threatening injuries and death

Over two months ago, I woke up to my dad frantically trying to call me and my mom with a text saying "CODE RED! EVERYONE PICK UP YOUR PHONES NOW! AND ANSWER MY PHONE CALL!"

My mom's phone was dead and my younger brother's phone wasn't working, so we called my dad back on my phone, put him on speaker, and braced ourselves for terrible news.

We were informed that my older brother, whom I will call James (Not his real name), had a 6-minute seizure and is currently in an ambulance being sent to the hospital.

6 minutes is classified as a severe seizure.

It happened out of nowhere, he was just playing soccer with his buddies when suddenly he got the worst headache ever to the point of crying. He walked over to my dad and then suddenly started seizing.

We found out he had a knot of veins in the center of his brain that bursted.

He had a brain bleed, they had a tube in the top of his head to drain some of the blood, and they had to take out part of his skull to allow the swelling to not cause any more brain damage from pressure.

I don't want to get into too much detail about the two months he was in the hospital, but it was the scariest thing I've gone through.

I was constantly worried he was going to die.

And even if he would be alive in the end, there is a high chance he wouldn't be the same.

The reason this connects to why I was unable to work on this fanfic is because my fanfic is about that topic, it's about a character (Leo) having a brain injury, and not being the same person anymore.

Even simply thinking about this project put me in a depressive state.

The good news is that James is alive, He is ok. And you guys do not need to worry about him at all.

We had a lot of miracles happen and I am more than happy to say that he is still the brother I knew before this happened. He has recovered remarkably fast and well since he is young and healthy.

He is EXTREMELY lucky to ONLY have a few vision problems and just be a little weaker on his left side, he is taking PT (Physical therapy) and luckily the doctors said he won't get any worse, whether or not he will fully heal, we don't know.

But I don't care I don't care that he has vision problems and is weaker on his left side,

HE IS FUCKING ALIVE!!!

and that's all I care about.

If this happened to him literally ANY other time, he would have been dead. if he was in his room alone, he would have been dead, if it was nighttime, he would have been dead. But luckily he was in an area where a lot of people were watching him, and there were people there to help carry him to a safe place to wait for an ambulance.

I've had a LOT of time to hang out with him and mentally recover from what happened.

And I've decided... I still want to continue this Fanfiction.

It doesn't pain me to work on this at all anymore because I know my brother is ok. If anything, this work can be used as a way to vent my emotions from the incident. I can't change the fact this happened, but I can try to look on the bright side of it. I mean- Having this experience will probably make my writing better, at least for Leo's brother's side of the story. I understand how they feel on such a deep level and want to keep writing this because it's a healthy way to vent emotions.

I do want to take a moment and thank you for all of your guys' support. I read EVERY SINGLE COMMENT and it makes me SO happy to read about what you think of my work. I cannot express how much it boosts my motivation and mood when I read a new comment. I have a LOT planned for this series and I want to continue it and make it better than before!

Also, IDK if anyone noticed, but NAME CHANGE! I'm going by "UnknownStripes" now on AO3, (which is actually a reference to future events in this series *wink *wink...)

ALSO! EXCITING NEWS! I have been re-writing the previous two chapters! I noticed a LOT of mistakes and parts that frustrated me, so I will be re-writing them. The same stuff will play out, it's just going to be written better with some dialogue changes, plot-hole fixes, AND CHANGE THE FUCKING WEAPONS THE EPF USE TO TRY TO CAPTURE THE TURTLES LIKE WTF WAS I THINKING?!!!!???? WHY THE HELL ARE THEY USING ACTUAL FUCKING BULLETS TO TRY TO CAPTURE DONNIE AND LEO WHEN THEY WANT THEM ALIVE?!! HOW THE FUCK DO DONNIE AND LEO JUST GET FUCKING SHOT AND THEN BRUSH IT OFF LIKE ITS NOTHING LIKE- BRO- AHHHHHVBSDBVOSNONCOIWBVONKSZNV!!!!! So yeah, I'll be fixing that. But having them use tranquilizer darts would affect how I wanted the scene to play out so I've been stuck on that, but I FINALLY FOUND A PLOT-HOLE FILLER!! WHOOOOOO!!! So you'll just have to wait and see!!! I'm actually almost done re-writing the first two chapters! I worked on it a LOT BEFORE the incident with James went down. I just have a few more things to edit and then they will be ready to post! As for the third chapter... I am about 1/3 done. Idk when I'll be able to post it but I will be working on it a lot in my free time! You guys deserve it for having to wait so long, but I also want it to be good, so I ain't gonna rush it.

ALSO! I am an artist, You may have noticed the cover art I made and added to the first chapter. I'm happy to announce that I will be adding MORE ARTWORK to the chapters to help with visualization, and to give my lovely readers something pleasant to look at. I will also be posting the artwork much earlier on the Official ACF Tumblr, along with extra sketches that aren't going to be used in the actual chapters. I also want to give more frequent updates there too, plus I am open to asking questions and doing polls! So if you want to see any of that, GO FOLLOW THE TUMBLR PAGE! (AKA THIS TUMPLE PAGE IF YOU ARE READING THE TUMBLR VERSION OF THIS UPDATE)

I'll make an announcement like this when I post the re-written first two chapters,

Love you all SM! <3

-UnknownStripes

A Colorless Fighter - Chapter 4 - UnknownStripes - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

#ACF #AColorlessFighter #a colorless fighter #rottmnt leo angst #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise leo #leonardo #angst #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfics #update #anouncement #fanfic update #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #agent john bishop #agent bishop #heavy angst

[wyrmskulls]

I havnt recovered from the Caz fight yet. BUT

here are some genuine thoughts on Astarion from my- knew nothing of baldurs gate before playing run: (from me the Ace with no sense of self preservation)

"Oh great a sexy vamp man- bet friend XYX is all over that, they are romanceable, right? like dragon age?"🧛‍♂️

".... that 'don't touch me' sounded too real.... hope im wrong"

" I mean if we are cool with Shar worshippers and devil pacts why not a vamp, join the club buddy."

"he is a cagey little fuck I think I'll go after him this play through love his little faces"

"I'm not into pain, thinking this was a bad choice" chains and whips to not excite Tav XD

"I mean maybe it's the years of slavery and not sexual trauma???" 🙏

"noooo, I mean of course the sexy vamp wants to fuck, I probly have to- to get more of his story...." proceed to worry stupidly about unskippable sex scenes and noises for no reason (you can press x any time to get to the next thing / dialog)

get propositioned again at party.... "maybe this relationship won't work out, he's way to thirsty least there wasn't another sex scene lol dun worry buddy, I'll help you murder that guy that hurt you, just can't keep up with the horny XD"

"so I just feed him bad guys and tell him he is pretty? yup that checks out"

act 2

Start working on wyll, he seems like a cool guy... "whoa bud, is this you first romance scene.... by saying yes to a dance... feels icky cause I know sex happens at some point, like some entitled jerk at a bar, least astarion was real upfront about it" ( in hind sight this was unfair to wyll, but everyone was being so horny and the only scene I had was astarions so I drew some incorrect conclusions with wyll being a 'good guy' asshole)

"I mean we has evidence that deals with devils are bad.... or is it demons... anyways I support you in a friend way, getting raphel to Facebook stalk your abuser to make sure he not still pineing after you is OK with me."

Got his Act 2 scene "OHNooooooo I was right it was a sexual trauma 'don't touch me....' ohhhh noooooo. he didn't wanna fuck either????? baby boy, you never gotta sex again if you dun wanna, we can hug forever!" cried a while ngl

"look here blood witch- no means no, if your house wasn't destroyed, I'd destroy it myself."😈

"i mean he said he kills kids, so it's ok to kill him, then raphy boy will tell us if you back is bad news or really bad news <3"

"It's really bad news..... so no big astarion lover of cuddles l, will help you kill the guy who ruined your life. that's what romantic partners do. we kiss and nothing else and I will murder people to keep doing that <3" pondering an evil play through honesly

"he was so upset when Tav died in battle.... like doesn't he know rez scrolls are a thing? it's ok Tavs gonna live forever.... not sure how we will figuer that out" researches dnd lore to find several solutions XD

"Gale bud. friend. pal. I care about you and your life. your ex is shitty for asking you to do this, but also if you do blow up you'll take us all with you.... and even if you don't, #1 priority over there will be back under vamp thrall so this is a no go, put your shirt back on."🙃

act 3

found a cliff in the camp before act 3 with a song that made me cry again it is for sure astarions "wtf dude I was emotionally stable now what have you done"

"circus lady, here are all my loves deepest secrets- oh no she's a shapeshifter???? oops, it's ok love we will kill her too why not" No one can know how hurt you are but meeeeeee 😋

"a statue of my boyfriend in camp don't mind if I do~☆ aww now he has a halo so everyone can see he is a good boy who totally doesn't cause me to murder people and would never murder anyone himself" 😇

"Astarion NO, we are not gonna kill a bunch of other spawn just cause you are scared. I get it, and you don't have time for therapy but trust me that not gonna feel great in a few hundred years"

"ooooo blood bitch is back and you fucked up. look at this boy standing up for himself - yes that's right take us to your private house so we can kill you at our leisure.... man oh man I used to have morals now I got Astarion."

*****

and now I'm tired XD

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate spoilers #bg3 spoilers #spoilers #asexual #i haven't proccessed my feelings yet #astarion spoilers #wyrmskulls

[the-eggplantblog]

Mr. Stone a large stone golem. He resides high up in the Blue Mountains one of the many large mountains that the Glade of Dreams has.

Overall a secluded and cranky Stone golem who’s a little territorial and may try to chase you out his area. When Mr. Dark stole the Great Protoon, he was easily convinced to go after Rayman and was quite the stubborn one to change his ways. A proper ol punch from Rayman knocked some sense into him or was it the new head he just got?

Either way he has been trying to be much more friendlier to the Musician family and other inhabitants who lives on the mountain

mr stone: AAGGGG THEY FOOLED ME

Rayman: Yes, big guy… they tricked you, I've been trying to tell you all this time… (annoyed face plus angry noises)

mr stone: AAAAACKKKK, LOOK LIKE A STUPID FOOL, DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT DAMN WITCH WILL GET AWAY WITH THIS AFTER THIS???? (breaks a wall)

rayman: EEEKKK (dodges the blow and the pieces of rock that almost fell on him, I would be lying if I said that he almost had a cardiac arrest right there) uggg…hem I think you have serious anger problems, you should really solve that, I say Look, you almost killed me (poor Rayman would say, somewhat scared looking at him) I know they tricked you and all that… but seriously… you have things to solve.

mr stone: AAGGGG I KNOW I KNOW, BUT I CAN'T AVOID IT…..agg I just don't know how to deal with my anger, any provocation or stressful situation brings out the worst in me, especially now with all this shit happening in the mountains, everyone tells me I should control myself a little, BUT I CAN'T, I'M JUST A ROCKING MOUNTAIN BUILT TO HIT… (sighs showing frustration)

Rayman: (looks at him carefully)

mr stone: really sorry for this…no I can't control myself and I almost killed you I'm really horrible…that's why I hide here and avoid everyone to avoid these things…but I can't…I always explode at least I'm sorry and I hurt everyone, I think that makes me even more angry.

Rayman: Today…I see, I think it's difficult to be a great rock being, right? Hmm, have you tried meditating or looking for hobbies? That helps with stress and I think that maybe looking for other activities could help, maybe also take therapy, you just need some help that's all, (smiles at him)

Mr Stone: Do you think so?

Rayman: Yes, I think I can help you, you know? I also have problems with my anger sometimes hehe, I know it's difficult to control your anger…especially when you have a short fuse, but my mom always helped me with that and now I can control my anger, well most of the time hehe

Mr. Stone: Really? (His face lights up) No one has ever cared so much about me (He starts to cry) THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Rayman: Damn, you don't have to cry big guy (he pats him on the back), I promise you that I will defeat Mr Dark and everything will return to normal and then I will come with you and we will work on your anger control, I promise you as a promise pinky

Mr Stone: (smiles) hehe, thank you kid…promise me that you will take care of yourself AND THAT YOU WILL DEFEAT THAT FUCKING WITCH AND HIS FUCKING ARMY.

Rayman: haha ok (smiles a little nervous) ​

I don't know, just the idea gave me inspiration to write this, Rayman after defeating Mr. Stone and explaining the situation to him, Mr. Stone gets very angry, Rayman realizes his problems, he angers and sympathizes with him, as he says, he has also had some problems. of anger, but his mother told him how to handle his anger, he has always been a stubborn child who can get angry at provocation or situations that he does not like, that is why he sympathizes with Mr. Stone, understanding his situation.

So he proposes to help him after solving this whole disaster caused by Mr Dark, so Mr Stone happily accepts this offer.

#rayman #rayman fandom #rayman 1 #foxy talk #headcanon #rayman 2 #xd #rayman origins #mommy betilla #mr stones

[blooming-violets]

I don't want you to think I'm critical of dancing on her own OK maybe I am but I'm not here to .....make your day worse just give my own two cents I'm glad that peter gets therapy and I'm glad you mention peter is extremely young during all of this it makes me a little bit more empathetic to see his side of the matter and while it's wonderful that our lady character is capable to forgive him despite all this shit he put her through I still don't think she should be romantically involved with him like ever it not that he doesn't deserve her and bla bla (though that is also a very valid point) it not healthy for either of them she has seen him as an escape from her abusive childhood and clung on to the one thing she sees as normal it's quite similar for him to keep her with him because of his abandonment issues maybe there is quite strong love there but is it strong enough to take away the fact that they both view each other as coping mechanisms ? Im also much more optimistic and I like to think if anyone was in th place of the oc would've cut out peter along time ago which is what I wanted for them to go on healing parts separately from one another and find themselves and each other along the way again that's what is my hc for this actually that she views Gabe as the last starw forces him to move out And gets the fuck away from this man whose cut her of from so fucking much just cause he can't stand to have someone else in her life that's so so shitty but then I'm not her I don't even know how I would react if I was put in this situation humans are so weird in this way we are all wired differently while we like to think we want to do something some way we might do the opposite I guess I'm one of those people who like the "but this is the right way to go about things" ending rather than gray ending that don't satisfy me but that's my problem maybe that's what makes this fic so good for me it forces me to confront how I feel about morally Gray characters and complex situations rather than conforming to this good Black and white ending we have something Strange though it is also happy ending just not the one I agree with so yeah....the point of all this is youre a great writer thanks for writing this and I hope peter gets all the therapy he can lives with knowing that he's a very very lucky man cause I would've kicked him out a long time ago. I'm going to go ahead of believing that they never ended up together romantically

Hahaha this made me chuckle because I thought I was bad at rambling, run-on sentences with zero punctuation but I think you have me beat! I need to go reread this line by line because it's so much and I love it. And I'm glad you have your own opinions on it! That's what makes writing fun to me is seeing everyone's different takes and sides and who identifies best with what part. I love discussing my work and other people's work that I love in detail. Sometimes I think too many people just throw out a "this was good!" and then bounce. I want to talk about stuff and hear people's deeper thoughts. Esp for a fic like this, I knew it would potentially be divisive.

When I write, the characters sort of are their own people and I'm just their puppet for them to put their stories on the page. I don't know how else to describe it but I have such a clear picture of who they are, what they do, and why they're doing it that they become their own little entity chillin up in my brain. So when I write, I can say "How would x react to y?" And then they sort of take over from there.

For this particular story, I had two very broken, traumatized people. You hit it perfect by saying they were each other's coping mechanism. She has literally never had another friend in her entire life besides Peter. That is not healthy! None of this relationship is healthy. It starts off with Peter protecting her from bullies, the first and only person in her life to ever stand up for her, so she basically imprints on him as her savior. She views him through rose colored glasses. Even when he's horrible to her, when she looks at him, she only sees that scrappy little boy from the first grade beating her bullies with a stick. She can't separate that image of Peter from the man he's grown up to be.

Peter, on the other hand, is so psychologically broken that he's just as bad (actually, he's worse). He's torn between wanting to always save her but not being able to know how/being too scared of failing/her actually not needing him. He doesn't know how to navigate being a super hero and the deaths that come with that and how to keep up healthy relations. You are absolutely right when you say it's not healthy! It's very much not. His depression also lead him down the path of becoming hardened, bitter, and mean. He emotions are frozen up still.

What's funny is that I don't actually view the ending as happy. It feels almost bittersweet to me. She had been waiting her whole life for Peter to love her how she wants. This is the first time he's expressed that out loud to her. She's been waiting for that kiss for so long that I don't think anything else mattered to her in that moment. She's blinded by her childhood dreams. Peter is blinded by his fear of losing her.

Technically this isn't the "end" also. I mean, it's the end of me writing the story but they would still live on in the fictional universe. I do think that she would lose her virginity to him eventually and I do think he would be really sweet about it. But as for them working out long term, I really don't know. The thing about therapy is that it slowly unveils stuff about yourself that you didn't realize over time. (I also don't think a therapist would encourage this relationship, both hers and his, I think they would tell them to hold off on it). I doubt they will listen, though, because I know these characters. They are going to try before they are ready. They are going to try to force things and I don't exactly see the best outcome for them.

For the ending, it's not exactly happy or a finality of what they will be. It's meant to be hopeful and nudged into the direction of healing but that's where it ends.

The rest is to up to you, my love! Envision their messy attempts at a relationship to fail. Envision her striking up a conversation with Gabe a year into the future and him inviting out to movie. Technically anything that happens after they go back home is up to the reader! It's out of my hands!

Final points because I've rambled far too long, the story wasn't meant to be about what is right but what would happen if you put two messy, traumatized humans together and forced them into different situations. They wouldn't make the right choices because they've never been taught anything different. All she's ever known is Peter so, therefore, all she's ever going to chose is Peter...until she works on that in therapy and, hopefully, finds her own self again and learns how to live without her crutch. For now, they recognize their love for the other, whatever form that takes and, for now, that will have to do because they don't know any other way of living. Bittersweet! Not happy.

Thank you for this ask though. It made me happy that someone could even care enough to feel anger on behalf of a character I wrote and want justice for them. All I want is for people to love the creatures in my head as much as I do.

#asks

[ugh-yoongi]

if it's not too much intruding can i ask, what was it for you to start going to therapy? but if you dont want to say its ok, i got u♥, i dont mean it like "whats your trauma?" i mean like.. what im really wondering is was it because something happened or you just decided to go cause its healthy?

i don't mind sharing! i think it's healthy to talk about these things. i made a post a few months ago about my Deep Lore that may contextualize this post but i can't find it. you might be able to if you go digging around.

i originally went to therapy for the first time in like, 2010-2011ish? i was coming out of an abusive relationship on top of not having spoken to my dad for three-four years, so my anxiety was really bad, on top of dealing with chronic depression since i was in fifth grade.

i went for a while and then my therapist moved states, and i stopped going. she gave me a lot of tools to deal with what i was going through and, for the most part, i started healing from a lot of what i'd been through. i was an entirely different person, and while i hadn't fully figured it out, i was at least aware enough of my triggers and how to cope to be better.

this time was actually prompted by a conversation i had with my cousin, who is also a therapist. my executive dysfunction has been horrible the last few years since my stepmom died. like, i cannot bring myself to do things i know i have to do, even if it's as simple as doing the dishes or taking a shower. it's felt like my brain is just not connected to my body, i.e. i cannot get my body to do what my brain is telling it to do. and she was like, yeah, that's textbook neurodivergence. adhd + depression + anxiety go hand in hand.

i've had a shit couple of years. my uncle died in 2015, i started nursing school and dropped out because it literally made me suicidal, my best friend's mom (who was basically my second mom) died in 2016, my stepmom died of covid in 2021, got married and almost got divorced in 2022, and i had the most insane and horrible september 2023 i could've possibly had, on top of a billion other things i don't feel totally comfy sharing. there's just been a lot, and i was like, okay i need help again. i need new tools.

so, to actually answer your question: it was both because i needed help again and because it's just healthy!

#jewel answers