#i can't even post something like this without my heartbeat skyrocketing

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

saw this random post about how the discourse around my blog has been "swept under the carpet" and

and the thing is, after being suicide-baited by a terf smear campaign, repeatedly, for years, that doesn't feel "swept under the carpet" to me. to me, from where I'm standing, that feels more like "survived at terrible cost"

#apparently a big part of the discourse is about how there is a bunch of shit going on in a Gaud discord server I've literally never visited #and a dozen other things that beggar belief #harassment tw #not a shitpost #serious post #tw suicide #not to be a downer on main but the trauma is something I'm still struggling with #i can't even post something like this without my heartbeat skyrocketing #there is so much adrenaline in my veins rn just from writing this. so much fear #someday I'm going to talk more about the mental health consequences of online harassment bc i know a LOT of you have similar experiences #I'm pretty sure my case is one of the more extreme ones but so so many of use have trauma from social media based bullying #and I would like to examine that in greatet depth one day. when i am healthy enough to handle it #christ my heartrate will not calm down i need to put the phone down #and the thing about terf harassment is it gets spread everywhere by people who are well-meaning #so much of that bullshit is really hard to identify if you don't actually know where it comes from and what motivates it #so people just get angry and scared and reblog targetted harassment campaign shit #without realizing what it is and what they're actually perpetuating