#i cant STAND the sound of that guys voice but im obsessed with the song like my struggle is endless

[diagnosed-anxiety-disorder]

I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER A SONIC ROCK BAND AU SO IMMA MAKE A BUNCH OF HEADCANONS BECAUSE I CANNOT CONTAIN THIS

this is what happens when you mix an emo punk rock fan with the sonic universe-

Sonic - Lead singer / guitar (kinda like Billie Joe Armstrong or Dexter Holland) Shadow - guitar / backing vocals (Frank Iero. NEED I SAY MORE) Tails - keyboardist / synth / DJ (it's giving Cumulus from Ghost or Sid from Slipknot) Silver - bass guitar (maybe even like the Geddy Lee pedal set up too) Knuckles - drummer (with the Neil Peart drum set up and CC from BVB vibes)

Sonic: pop punk vibe!!

probably shreads too fast on the guitar and loses his guitar picks every goddamn minute so he has his entire mic stand covered with those guitar pick holders

does the thing that Freddy Mercury does where he picks up the mic stand and walks around while singing

definitely crowd surfs and tells the mosh pit to go wild

*kicks over amp* AAAAAAAA

has random stickers over EVERYTHING, guitar case, guitar, you name it

reads all of the signs in the audience and sometimes replies to them

stops the show in the middle and starts ranting about literally whatever

*trips over every wire possible* IM OKAY!!

comes up with lyrics with Shadow. sonic's better at delivering than composing

mini list of songs he would FUCK UP /pos

Pretty Fly (For A White Guy) by The Offspring

The Zoo by Scorpions (him and Shadow are probably obsessed with the Scorpions bc theyre a good band with rock ballads)

Fist Bump from Sonic Forces (i hc that he sings this as a duet with Shadow. i feel like their voices would go well together)

MeMe from Miligram (i also hc that Sonic knows Japanese if it isnt canon)

In Too Deep by Sum 41

Shadow: classic rock, hard rock, rock ballads, heavy metal and EMO

he either stays in one place the whole show or runs around

Frank Iero chaotic energy i wanna see him go wild

contrasting to his introverted personality, on stage since the audience is all dark and he cant see the MASSIVE crowd the band has, he feels like he can let loose and stuff

he probably has had his fingers start bleeding during a live but didnt notice until Silver started freaking out

has probably broke down and cried on stage once but everyone comforted him and he finished the show EPICALLY

always makes sure that the crowd is staying safe. probably did that one thing that Andy Biersack did when he jumped into the crowd to personally fight this one guy

oh yeah he will also get pissed if you diss the band at their show or if you're just being an asshole and will deal with you personally

will beat you up if you assault someone in the pit

WALL OF DEATH WALL OF DEATH WALL OF DEATH

definitely a perfectionist and probably studied classical music theory. definitely a JS Bach fan and played the piano once

comes up with lyrics and melody line

mini list of songs he would do amazing on:

Mobius by HiiragiKirai cover by Meychan

The Show Must Go On by Queen (HES SUCH A QUEEN FAN ISTG)

Dragula by Rob Zombie

Infected by Bad Religion

Gone Away by The Offspring (he's def thinking abt Maria for this one) gone away lyrics yeah ouch-

Tails: also classic rock fan but he also likes vocaloid!!

"accidentally" G notes the crowd (emos)

*plays a rick roll sample randomly*

during the parts where he doesn't have anything to do he just starts flying and tossing signed photo cards or some kind of merch into the crowd

probably manages some part of their social media as well

literally live tweeting the performance

is the supplier of Sonic's extra guitar pics and sometimes makes custom ones for him that are a bit more grippy? (idk how guitar pics work im a violinist)

honestly the most wholesome person there, everyone loves him, he goes apeshit sometimes but we love him

multi-instrumentalist and sometimes even makes his own instruments!

he plays the Theramin and nobody knows what it is but it sounds cool

makes up tracks on the spot during solos sometimes

CHORDS GO BRR

is the one that does the mixing and stuff for their songs

personal favs he would love:

Jump by Van Halen (everyone likes this song, if you dont then ur wrong /lh)

Kingslayer by BMTH & BABYMETAL

Lost Valley from Sonic Forces (I LOVE THIS SONG SM)

Silver: goth, heavy metal, Ghost specifically

owns a Mikey Fucking Way t-shirt

probably can play the upright bass or cello as well

people from the audience give him gifts and it makes him very happy

also has a lot of stickers on his bass and it's case but the stickers are color coded and organized vs sonics random bullshit GO

i like to think that he wears fingerless gloves

is the one that stops Shadow from jumping into the crowd when someone disses the band

always makes sure that everyone in the band has like a solo area where they can just go wild because he thinks it's more fun that way

probably can do improv on the spot

gets excited when they have an acoustic live show

helps come up with album cover ideas and all of the depth in their album / song lore

Last Train To London by ELO (hes probably a big ELO fan)

Detroit Rock City by KISS (this is my dad's fav so it's mine too)

The Legacy by Black Veil Brides

Knuckles: thrash metal Slayer fan TM

can do the thing where the drumset go upside down

similar to Sonic, he throws his drumsticks bc he loves playing so much so he has a bunch of extra sticks

ties back his hair during recording bc it gets in his face

HEADBANGING WOOOOO

has A BUNCH of song cover suggestions for the band

probably plays the drums randomly while sonic is ranting and sometimes does a duet with tails

sings along to the songs but nobody can hear him bc his drums are too damn loud

accidentally stabbed his snare drum once and started panicking

he definitely gives a name to all of his different drum parts (his favorite is the crash symbol and bass drum)

everyone thinks he was a former band kid but he keeps denying it

sometimes people think the band is using a drum machine but they're not

SONG HCS

Raining Blood by Slayer

1000 Memories by Bad Religion

Eyeless by Slipknot (RIP JOEY JORDINSON I WILL CRY)

You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi

ok and now for some random headcanons!!

Rouge is the agent or like manager for the group and helps pick out outfits for them and does stage design

ik i put in a lot of classic rock songs in my song headcanons but i feel like the band would be like a Smashing Pumpkins, early BVB, The Offspring and Sum 41 kinda vibe. and ofc MCR and Blink-182

everyone is a fan favorite, but they all dont know how to interact with fans except for Tails and Sonic

Silver and Tails sitting alone in the recording studio in the middle of the night writing a song aaaaa

sonic and shadow doing those song battles

they all play guitar hero, it's the law

they actually freaked out when MCR dropped the new single out of NOWHERE

sometimes their punk songs is just dissing G.U.N.

they have a fanart / fangift wall where they put all of the stuff their fans give them

the tour bus is like sectioned off and everyone decorates their space differently so it looks like 5 different aesthetics in one place

IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT IM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS I DISREGARDED ALL OF MY HOMEWORK TO WRITE THIS OKAY BYE

#sonic band au #sonic headcanons #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #tails the fox #silver the hedgehog #knuckles the echidna #MY BRAIN GO BRRRR #guitarist sonic #lead singer sonic #guitarist shadow #keyboardist tails #bassist silver #drummer knuckles

[labratgirlz]

hi girl*ypop. hes my full will wood review again for the bit have fun.

okay so The Plan Is:

listen to each song you recommended, then listen to the albums you recommended + live shows, then listen to the full discography. im starting this at 10pm writing in my notes app. you made this happen to yourself. get ready for a whirlwind

ok so starting with red moon: genuinely epic vibes. love this one actually added to my liked playlist 💪

thermodynamic lawyer: this sounds so fucking familiar but i cant figure out where. also added to my liked playlist loved it. love me some catharsis screaming tbh

l

aplaces angel: like everyone else i was obsessed w the normal album over covid so. i did already know this one but i have not heard it in a Long time. epic and awesome as epic

oh love 6up 5oh. not my normal taste rhats for sure but its a lot of fun. if i ever make a playlist for when im walking home it will be on it. OH WAIT YEAH I LIKE THIS theres too muchwill wood on my liked playlist ufkc u

aikido took me like ten minutes to type in help. sleep meds are kicking in. its ok! not my regular vibe and i Cant stand clapping but it slaps.

front street scratches an itch in my brain that i Did Not know was there. cant tell if the weird knocking noises were part of it or my hallucinations but it 100% added to the experience. i liked the first half betterthough

a little bit mine: is cool.i like the drums. it has a good rylhytme also sorry ill get less and less coherent as it goes on also the piano is very fun. big fan

and if i did you deserved it: ok tbh just string instrumwnt is Not my favourite however his voice... eyes. Whatever maube there's a reason ur gay for this guy. nice voice or whatever. stfu also i loved it. btw. or whatever. i listened go the live vers and i love it wish more live versions were on spotogy.

euthanasia (live): fucks so far. as mentioned i dont love solely stringed stuff but i like it. once again... the live versions really bring out his voice in the softer songs.

becoming the lastnames: does it could if your parents REALLY should be divorced? /silly ummm. also i kinda dissociated during this one. but it was cool!! i liked it. makes nice sounds SORRY MY SLEEP MEDS ARE KICKING IN EVEN MORE.

falling up: like the beat its quickwr. and the sounds are nice. i like them ill save it to my grounding playlist tbh

thats enough lets get you home: oh this was fun. also grounding playlist tbh. i wanna learn this one if o ever teach myself guitar

blackboxwarrior: heard it before! dont love it in all honesty... its good! just not my thing soryyyy

marsha thankk you: REARRANGED MY MOLECULES!!!! I LOVED THIS SONG FOR SO LONG I LOVE ITNFORCWR

ok now im doing live vers of songs. starting with uhh whicgeever one u put first lmao ok so 6uh 5oh waz fun. i like it a lot its fun as a non studio i think they both have their good parts

love me normally- why is his shirt off. why dod someone tell him to take off his skin i mean j would do that but also why is his shirtboff in the first place. what

really no opinion on the third one. nothing bad irs just Not my thing lmao

i already liked suburbia but i think i like this live one better

hes funny actually. hes really good about the performer/audience divide which is epic. cj the x taught me about that. epic thermodynamic lawyer tbh i prefer studio vers but the live was also fun. ok whats next ummm

ok live shows ill get to tomorrow. which means i have ro listen to everything is a lot then the normal album. on it boss.

the 6up 5oh bit where like theres rhe chorus of other voices is so epic. i love when thats used

i like jimmy mushroom

lysergide daydream would also go on a walking playlist oh i know what playlist it fits on. banger tbh

everything is a lot is fun i like it also added to grounding playlist. omg my cats just came in

red moon again everyone scream and cheer

big fan of chemical reaction already

skeleton appreciation day wa sfun i liked it

oh oh oh i really likethe first step. liked playlost it goes. epic and awesome

ok ill send this now while i listen to normal album + after that ill go full discography and if anythign sticks out ill just send more asks. i hope u regret ever trying to get me into any media ever <3

YAYY glad you liked it overall ❤️ i would write a response to eveythig you said but that would get very long and i am absolutely sure nobody would read it

[zabadi]

society when hozier covers no children

#i cant STAND the sound of that guys voice but im obsessed with the song like my struggle is endless

[lavalantula]

What are your top ten? <3

ah anon this is to many for me to cheat so.. 7/10 of these are hypmic but here we go. u cant escape my Opinions!! thank u for the ask !!!!!

1. Wire - worthikids (this song is really good, yes, but i cant believe it made #1... its so short i think i put it on loop for like an hour and it rocketed to the top. still really good tho! watch the mv it u havent its really good.. clowns VS vampires good animation good song.... what more is needed?...)

2: Kaigen - hypmic (bad ass temple)

3: SHIBUYA GHOST NIGHT - hypmic (fling posse)

4: ware osaka! ~ what a OSAKA! - hypmic (dostuiare honpo)

5: Alligator Teeth - mother falcon (i talked about this already ^^)

6: Rhyme Anima's Mixtape - hypmic (4 original divisions..) (i talked abt this one... i could say more...)

7: 3 Seconds Killer - hypmic (buster bros)

8: WELCOME U - hypmic (matenro)

9: TOMOSHIBI - hypmic (matenro)

10: I Keep Rolling - the 502s (i talked about this one too ^^)

thank u anon for the ask !!!!!!!!!!

be CAREFUL expanding these tags theyre wildly long and all me talking about hypnosis microphone . read at ur own mental health risk

#look. look. first of all thank i anon i love u. #second im gonna talk hypmic in tags so im not too embarassed. cuz guys. ive got THOUGHTS!!!! #kaigen.. god idek where to start i mean the lyrics are beautiful 1st. jyushis part is my bio actually! #if everything in the world is darkness id have no reason to open my eyes... blah blah its long but so good < #actually in japanese 'yume to kami wa magaimono.. jibun wa minna no waraimono!' is my bio #but god im obsessed with that internal rhyme scheme i love rhyme schemes i love sounds etc #the live. the live. ill say it: WAHHHHHHHHH....... #okay. okay i have to move on. GOD please that song is so fucking good. okay #shibuya ghost night.. what to say <3 i love it i love fling posse im crying right now <3 #no real thoughts about this i just think this song is really fun... #ware osaka what a osaka! i love the title its a pun (ware means laugh and its pronounced the same as 'what a') #i cant talk enough about this song i really really like it. if rei didnt suck so bad and be evil DH would be my fave division bc of this 1 #& the rhymes are good .. i think their accents make them really stand out from the other divisions too it makes for an interesting sound #rhyma anima mixtape again its just sooooo <33333 ughhh <3 #3 seconds killer is good !!! its BB again .. this is where the songs started to get Not As Good but its still good ok! #WELCOME U... objectively a boring song but there are parts that make my brain happy so i listen anyway #oh i really like hifumis part in the middle kijima has started to do a really interesting thing w his voice... it sounds weirdly strained #but in an intentional way? and i think it pairs really well with doppos weird screaming... #TOMOSHIBI is Beautiful .. its just way too boring i cant believe i listened to it this much? but it comes on right after kaigen so.. #thats IT im done hi if youre reading this hiiiii ^_^ if ur not i dont blame u... #this is just for me im talking to myself.. youre the one eavesdropping........ #im listening to rhyme anima mixtape and my brain is buzzing.. MTCs part is bad matenros is boring bbs is just ok. #fling posses... this makes my brain spin around in circles rapidly #its the part right at the end that i like when theyre all singing together.... #okay im done *hits myself with a broom* #asks #anon

[bigbrainblue]

19th birthday

It was late.

you don’t know how late, but late enough that you hadn’t heard a car pass in well over 20 minutes, the only light around was from the distance street lamps and the reflection of the moon on the ocean that stood before you. the only sound coming from the crickets in the hills, occasional wave crashing, and your own shallow breath. 

currently you were sat on a beach. alone.

it was your birthday, you had come to the beach from your birthday party. a party to celebrate the day you were born 19 years ago. 

the party was fine, but there sure as hell were a lot of people, way more than you would have liked

you knew people there, sure, but a good portion of the party was people you've never even heard of, just coming for a party and the booze. 

you had arrived with your friends, a lot of them actually, you had just managed to lose them all one by one slowly as the night grew longer and as your vison started to blur.

the people you came with were your friends, Niki, will, toby, tom, clay, George, nick, and Alex. 

you were having fun, drinking, walking around, socializing. but soon it became too much.

the drinking had made you obsess over every thought that came into your head.

you decided to take a break, have some fresh air, and now here you are. on a beach. alone. at night.

one of the thoughts your brain wouldn’t let go was about Alex, the boy you’ve known since junior year of Highschool. you two met when you decided to do a foreign exchange year in Mexico. it just so happened to be that the parents that decided to host you for a school year also were the parents of a teenage boy the same age as you, with straight black hair that stuck to the back of his neck and with freckles scattered around his face. over the next 9 months you guys became best friends, never leaving each others sides.

you didn't know it then, but you had fallen in love with this boy, this amazing beautiful smart caring boy. 

but eventually you had to go home, but you guys never stopped talking.

Alex eventually started posting videos on YouTube, and not long after, streaming on twitch as well.

you watched him gain fame as you supported him at the sidelines, cheering him along the way.

at some point he convinced you to do it too. you spent long nights on calls with him, helping you set up your streams and giving you ideas for new YouTube videos. 

with the help of Alex, you started to gain fame too, even passing him at one point.

through streaming and YouTube, you made so many friends, and yet none of them compared to Alex. 

speaking of Alex, you wondered what he was doing, probably having the time of his life, drinking an hooking up with girls a bajillion times hotter than you

*A/N HI OK IM SORRY IF THAT PART SOUNDED MEAN I PROMISE IT ADDS TO THE STORY OK BYE*

you laughed quietly at yourself thinking about how stupid it was to think that you could pull a guy like Alex.

just then you heard it.

a familiar voice from behind you, “what’s so funny?”

you looked back startled and confused

‘Alex? what are you doing out here?”

“well y/n I could ask the same thing to you, its your party, i noticed you were gone, so I went looking for you. as simple as that”

“i got overwhelmed in there, I'm sorry. i just needed some fresh air”

“ its ok, don't apologize for something you cant control. can I sit?”

“nope” you said sarcastically, hoping he would get the joke

“too bad!” he said, plopping himself right next to you in the sand

you giggled at his humor

neither of you said anything, it wasn't awkward silence, you two had known each other long enough that sometimes, it was nice to just enjoy the company of the other person beside you in silence. 

and yet, suddenly Alex said something.

“have you been crying? there's dried tear streaks along the sides of your face”

you turned your head towards his and whipped the sides of you face, seeing that he was already looking at you, studying you and your facial expression. 

“i guess. if I did, I didn't notice.”

“how did you not notice yourself crying? that sounds like something very noticeable” he said, putting an emphasis on the very,

you laughed, probably harder than you should have.

he smiled, happy to see you happy

“do you wanna talk about it? why you were crying?”

“no, well, not here at least-” you said gesturing your hands at the ocean 

“plus, there's sand getting in my ass” you added on to your previous sentence

Alex laughed and agreed, standing up and brushing off hi pants, and then handing out a hand for you to grab as he pulled you up.

you also brushed yourself off, and you weren't lying, cause man was there a lot of sand in your ass.

he started walking away from you and as you caught up with him you asked,

“where are we going?”

“you’ll see, its a great place, I promise you will love it” 

you followed Alex to his car as he opened the passenger side door for you.

“how romantic” you commented as you climbed into his car. poking fun at him

as he got into the car he plugged his phone into the aux cord, playing a song you had heard a couple times, but would have never expected for Alex to listen to it, it just didn't seem like the type of music he would like.

he set his phone down face up as the screen flashed up at you as he put the car into gear and pulled out into the street

you saw the title of the song he was playing, “Falling For U” by Peachy ft Mxmtoon, and his wallpaper, a photo of you two from junior year. both standing next to each other awkwardly as his mom made you guys take a photo together on the first day you got there. you wondered how long it had been his wallpaper for. 

you laughed and asked him about his wallpaper

“i mean you gotta admit, we look extremely sexy in that photo. especially me”

this comment from Alex made you break out laughing, even harder than before, as he started to hum along with the lyrics of the song. joined with him actually saying a line out loud every once in a while

it was a peaceful drive, Alex played more lofi songs as you stared out the widow.

eventually he pulled the car into an empty parking lot of a small gas station 

“is this the place?” you questioned 

“nope, just a pit stop.” he said

you both went inside, grabbing snacks and drinks and piling them into the back of the car. Alex making you wait to open them until you two got to your final destination

 eventually, the car rolled into a another small empty parking lot, except this one was made of dirt and was a lot higher up.

Alex had pulled the car to the edge of the parking lot, as you finally got to see why he brought you here,

you looked through the windshield to find a view of the entire city. 

you gasped in awe as you looked towards Alex, who, again, was already looking at you.

this time he wasn't studying you, he was admiring you.

you blushed, but pushed it off.

you and him both got out of the car so you guys could grab the snacks and the blankets he had in the back of his car.

he hopped onto the hood of his car and you joined him.

-

you starred into the sky full of stars above you. 

you gasped as you pointed out a shooting star passing over head 

“what did you wish for, Alex?”

“i cant tell you or else it wont come true”

“well then couldn't you wish the opposite of what you want to come true and then tell someone so the opposite comes true?”

“you're so stupid-” he said jokingly as he laughed.

“so, do you want to talk about why you were crying earlier, or is this still not the right spot” Alex chuckled at his own joke

“yes but, I have a question first”

Alex hummed in response, curious of what the question could be

“do you believe in love at first sight?”

you could feel his gaze on you, but you didn't divert your eyes from the stars above.

“do you remember the first time that we met? at the airport when my mom forced us to hug and take that god awful photo together, and when we ended up playing tictactoe in the car for an hour while we drove to my house?”

“yes? of course i do, that was simultaneously the worst and best day of my life. but that doesn't answer my question dumbass” you said, still not giving into his gaze onto side of your head.

“I think I just did, did I not?” 

it finally clicked, him looking for you at the party, the song in the car, the story

you turned your head to meet his gaze, finally giving in

he sat up and dramatically grabbed his chest, pretending to have been stabbed in the heart, enacting a theatrical performance

“y/n m/n l/m, i am dying, and you must know, that I am in LOVE with you!” he dramatically gasped and fall back down., pretending to be dead. 

you played along as you gasped and put the pack of your hand on your forehead as you spoke

“oh my dear Alex, I love you too, and now you will never get to know how much i loved you” you faked sobbed onto his chest

“maybe a true loves kiss will help save him” he whispered, making the scene even funnier and causing both of you to bust out laughing

“ah yes, the only way to save my prince, a true loves KISS!” you said before coming down and kissing Alex on the lips. 

he sat up with a loud gasp

“I am alive! a kiss of true love saved me!” you giggled beside him as you watched him play out his Oscar-winning performance

“may I kiss you again m’lady? for saving my life of course.” he questioned

“of course, you can kiss me anytime m’lady” you said back, pulling him into a deeper kiss

he pulled way first before speaking

“WAIT DID YOU JUST CALL ME M’LADY?

#quackity #y/n #x y/n #mcyt #dsmp #alex quackity #quackity fluff #quackity x y/n #quackity x you #quackity x reader #quackity x reader fluff #i dont know what other tags to put

[xsixxx]

Bad Influence - Chapter 11

Word Count - 5.4K

Authors Note - It's been a while! 👋🏻 About 4 months I think 😬 If there are any Bad Influence fans actually left out there, I'm so sorry & I love you. I had a really fuckin shitty last few months of 2019 & because of that, I kinda stopped doing the stuff I enjoy, writing this fanfic & using this blog being one of them.

Then I tried to come back before I was ready 😂 I wrote this chapter out about 2 months ago, but never bothered to post it bcos I didn't care enough about it. But I've recently returned to it, rewrote it & remembered why I fuckin love writing this fanfic. So I'm super excited to post this chapter & I hope you don't all hate it after how long it's been 😂 It's a bit rough bcos I'm getting back into it & I'm kinda rusty!

I love you guys for baring with me, I can't wait to get back into writing this fic for you 🖤

Warnings - Um, the f word is used in like every sentence oops, some implied smut when Nikki is remembering (choking trigger warning), I guess 'violence' but not really violence???, a whole lot of angst & a teeny bit of fluff at the end

Tags - @cruecifymesixx @freddiessmallnipples @queen-crue @scarecrowmax @lovesick-heart0 @littlesunnymoon @80sheart-strings @cranberrirolls @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @versnatasha @zoenicolesetser @crazysaladchopshop @ggorehorror @lunamadhatter99 @justtryingtoovercome @chaoticvybe @you-know-im-a-dreamer @eightiesrockbaby @valentines-in-london @xrosegoldwolfx @fupatroopaa @lilypetite88 @this-blog-must-be-the-place @ashleecrue @lauravic @dark-princess99 @unknownoblivion @mgkobsessed @antheasnow @rockaholi @nassauartist @sparxx27

(there's one bit where Nikki is glaring across the bar at a character & this gif is spot on)

*Nikkis POV*

I drummed my fingers to the sound of a guitar as I watched Mick do his thing through the glass of the recording booth, his fingers working magic as he played the riff to Looks That Kill.

Fuck, that weird little guy could play.

“Nikki, this song is gonna fucking kill!” Tommy yelled enthusiastically, beating his drumsticks on the arm of the battered couch his was lounging on.

I smiled weakly back at him, my nerves keeping me from matching his excitement. “I hope so,” I mumbled. I look around the studio, basking in the enormity of where we were right now. Mötley was recording their second album & my nerves were shot. It had to be perfect. It had to do well.

“Stop stressing man, everyone’s gonna fucking freak over this album, I just know it!” He replied, smiling encouragingly, his usual Tommy level of positivity feeling sickeningly sweet, but still, I nodded at him gratefully. “So we hitting up The Whisky or what tonight boys?” He continued, addressing Vince as well as me, who was pouting on the couch next to him.

I chuckled without amusement, shaking my head. “Fuck no, not a chance I’m going in there yet.”

Tommy scowled at me. “Sixx, come on dude, you cant avoid the place forever. Plus, she might not even be working tonight!”

“I’m not risking it! I’m not gonna be able to enjoy the night if she’s there, judging my every fucking move, you know how she is.” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“So you’ve still not talked to her since..” Tommy trailed off, awkwardly. But Vince happily picked up from where he’d left off.

“Since you lead her on, fucked her & then blew her off?” He snapped arrogantly, instantly causing my jaw to tense.

“Don’t fucking start with me, Vinny. I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh, you mean you don't wanna hear about what a dick you were? What a surprise.” The sarcasm thick in his voice.

I slammed my hand down on the recording table & stood up sharply. “The fuck is your problem, man?” I snarled, his attitude & the mounting stress from the album mixing together to create a dangerous cocktail of anger & belligerence.

“My problem?” He questioned, standing up to meet my stare. “My problem is you Sixx. Beths a good fucking girl, what you did was real messed up, I should fucking floor you again for how you treated her. You owe the chick an apology at the goddamn least.” He spat, his anger in Beths defence honourable, but fucking irritating.

I chuckled arrogantly at his misplaced valiance. “Give it up the knight in shining armour act Vinny, I didn’t see you rushing to commit to her when she was getting your dick wet.”

I saw the danger flash in his eyes as he took a warning step towards me. “I didn’t fuck her & leave either.” He hissed, the venom in his voice palpable.

“Aw, did I upset your girlfriend?” I joked patronisingly, very aware that I was pushing it too far, but yet I couldn’t help myself, Vince acting all high & mighty was really starting to piss me off.

Vinces eyes narrowed sharply & I saw his hands ball into fists at his side. “Like I said, she’s a good girl. She didn’t deserve that.” He said through his teeth, the strain to keep calm evident in his voice.

I smirked at him amused, looking him up & down. “Whatcha gonna do Vince? Hit me again? Defend her honour? She’s a chick dude & a stuck up one at that. And she ditched your ass if you remember, you should be thanking me.” I laughed, shrugging.

“You know what Sixx, you’re an asshole. You know as well as I do that Beth isn’t another fucking groupie to this band. Nah, I didn’t wanna date her, but I like her- We all like her.” He corrected himself quickly.

“Vinny’s right man, I’m not taking sides, but Beths cool & I kinda do like having her around!” Tommy piped up, nodding.

“Fuck off T-Bone, you only want her around because you know as soon as she goes, so does your uptight piece of ass.” I shot at him, my frustration with the pair of them growing at a dangerous rate.

“Dude c’mon, there’s no need..”

I cut Tommy off viciously. “What the fuck has happened to this band?!” I shouted, shoving Vince out of my face. “Since when do we give this much of a fuck about chicks?! Look at where we are?!” I gestured around the recording studio. Mick had stopped playing & had casually lit a cigarette as he watched us bickering through the sound-proof glass. “This is what’s important. Now I’m going for a fucking smoke, this conversation is done & when I come back in we’re gonna record a fucking album, got it?!”

I barged out of the studio, flicked open my lighter & sparked up my cigarette, leaning back against the wall as I took in a shaky drag, my anger still surface level. I exhaled & closed my eyes, feeling the May sun warm my face & start to melt my mood away.

What was everyone’s fuckin’ obsession with this girl?!

Yeah she was cool, but she’s still a chick. And chicks = trouble.

I let my mind wander back to the look she gave me as she lay beneath me, my hand around her throat as she came undone & smirked to myself as I lifted the cigarette back to my smug lips. She was so worth the chase.

But Christ, I’m supposed to feel bad because I don’t want all that cutesy shit afterwards? No. Beth knew me, we’d had enough arguments about the kinda guy I am, she did this to herself. Not my fault that she thought she meant anything more to me than any one of those other girls. She was a fuck. A good fuck. But a fuck nonetheless.

I took another drag as the image of Beth sat in her bed with that stung look on her face snuck its way involuntarily into my mind. I could see those hurt tears & hear her bitter words ordering me to leave. I couldn’t help the pang of guilt in my stomach that accompanied the image.

She’s a fuckin’ chick, Nikki. Chicks = trouble, I recited to myself, rubbing my face roughly with my hands, almost in hope that I could scrub away the memory of her pained face. Get over it man, it’s done.

I sharply exhaled the last of my smoke before throwing it aggressively to the floor, somehow more frustrated than I was before.

Time to go record a fuckin’ album.

*Later*

*Beths POV*

I smoothed out the material of the tiny black dress I was wearing as I pouted my lips at my reflection in the mirror, appreciating the sight of myself all dolled up & ready to forget all about Nikki fucking Sixx.

I flashed an all too familiar looking smirk at myself before I spun around of my sky high heels & strutted out of the ladies bathroom & back over to Sophia who was waiting at the bar, two drinks in hand. She winked at me as I got closer, holding out one of the glasses for me to take.

“Girl, you look unreal! If we weren’t here trying to pull for you, I’d take you home right now,” she laughed, nudging me & winking again.

I let out a laugh as I took a swipe at her arm, “I am not here trying to pull!” I insisted, not even managing to fool myself. It’d been a little over a week since I went from the all time high of fucking Nikki to the crashing low of realising I meant nothing to him in a matter of minutes & I’d laid around feeling sorry for myself ever since. Well, not tonight. I was gonna find a guy & I was gonna remind myself what a goddamn catch I am.

“Oh Beth, there’s a reason you’re wearing that dress tonight & girl, it ain’t for the coverage,” she giggled as I took another playful swipe. “Hey, there’s no judgements here! I’d want a good lay after the emotional rollercoaster that has been Nikki Sixx!”

I raised my eyebrows at her as she quickly mimed locking her lips. “Sorry, sorry, we don’t mention that name, my bad.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine, I’m over it,” I lied. “But, if a cute guy wants to buy me a drink & maybe show me a good time, I’m not gonna say no.” I shrugged as we both burst into a fit of giggles, before I took a long sip of the very strong cocktail.

“Well that sounds like my queue.” Came a smooth voice from behind me. I turned to face the handsome stranger who was stood leaning casually against the bar, eyebrow cocked as his eyes scanned up & down my body, drinking in the sight of me. “You have excellent timing.” I blushed, appreciating his good looks right back. He was classically good looking, with blonde hair & a chiselled jaw, dressed smart in a shirt that hugged his toned physique & muscular arms just enough to spark a little intrigue as to what lay underneath. He was the exact opposite to Nikki in every physical way. Where Nikki was unruly & unkept, this guy was clean shaven & well groomed. He wore no leather or studs & his smile was friendly & genuine, not smug & he wasn’t dripping in arrogance.

“I’m Daniel.” He introduced himself, holding out a hand for me to shake. I looked into his electric blue eyes & blushed once again.

“Beth, it’s nice to meet you.” I replied as smoothly as I could.

“& I’m Sophia, but I guess no-one asked,” she piped up mockingly, winking at me. “Now Dan, unless you’ve got a cute, single friend for me, I’m gonna get outta your way & go for a dance.” Soph smirked, grabbing her drinking & flouncing off towards the dance floor, blowing us a kiss as she did.

We both let out a laugh. “She seems great,” Daniel said as I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. “She mentioned something about an emotion rollercoaster though? I hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes?” He queried.

I swallowed my drink before letting out a little laugh. “Not at all, there are no toes to be stepping on, don’t worry.”

“Well good, I’m glad. I’m surprised though, a gorgeous girl like you doesn’t have a man. You’re sure there’s no-one, because you seem way too good to be true!” He flirted, as I laughed

“Oh you’re smooth.” I teased, “but no, there’s absolutely no-one.” I answered, pushing any & all thoughts & feelings I might have towards Nikki Sixx out of my mind.

*Little later*

“Wow, so you’re a doctor?” I asked, impressed.

Daniel laughed, shaking his head. “I wish! I’m a med student currently, but that’s the hope one day.”

“What made you wanna get into medicine then?”

He paused for a second, his warm smile faltering for a brief moment & I sensed his hesitation to answer. “I, um, lost my dad when I was younger. Spent a lot of time in hospitals with him when he got sick. I remember watching all these doctors around me taking care of people, helping, curing.. They seemed like superheroes to me back then. After we lost my dad, I knew I wanted to help people, be one of those people that kids could look up to in the same way I did, yanno?”

I nodded, smiling at his compassion & genuineness.

“Sorry, bit heavy for a first meet, I know.” He laughed awkwardly.

“Not at all!” I replied, “I asked the question, you just answered it honestly, I appreciate that.”

As Daniel carried on talking about his studies, I couldn’t help but admire him. THIS was the kinda guy I was supposed to end up with. Smart, hot as hell, a brilliant career ahead of him, goals, aspirations.. He was exactly the kinda man I could take home to my father. Daniel was everything I should want & he was actually interested in me.

And yet, I still felt that unwanted & yet infuriatingly all-to-familiar flame ignite the second I heard his voice drift over from the bar.

“Jack & coke please darlin’.”

Nikkis voice hit me like a slap in the face & rush desire all at once & I immediately froze, my body unsure how to react to my contrasting emotions.

“Are you ok?” Daniel asked, reaching out & touching my arm, concern written across his face. I flinched as his touch, still lost somewhere in Nikkis voice, & snatched my arm away instinctively.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ Started Daniel, his concern look now laced with panic.

“N-no, its fine honestly, its not you, its just..” I drifted off, briefly glancing behind me, trying to pin a location on the voice. My eyes caught sight of the four of them standing at the bar, waiting on their drinks. Nikki was dressed in his usual leather trousers, torn at the knees, & combat boots & a torn up shirt. His hair almost appeared messier than usual & he had a cigarette hanging from his lips. He couldn’t have been more different from the sharp, handsome man sat opposite me.

Daniel followed my line of sight & spotted the literal motley crew. Nikki was already hitting on the bar maid, distracting her whilst Tommy & Vince reached over & stole a bottle from behind the bar; all whilst Mick stood by, watching disapprovingly & swigging from his trademark flask.

“You know them?” Daniel asked hesitantly.

“Nope.” I replied bluntly, snapping back to reality & turning back to him. “I fancy getting out of here though, you wanna head back to mine, continue the drinking there?”

Daniel looked a little taken a back at the upfront offer as I stood up & downed the last of my drink, but I was fairly certain he wouldn’t refuse. I didn’t care either way at this point, I just needed out of here.

“Um sure-“

“Great, I’ll go find Sophia..”

“She’s over there, talking to those guys you apparently don’t know.” Dan stated, his tone now flat & a little judgemental as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Look, Daniel, I don’t wanna get into it, but its better we just leave.” I said, hoping to avoid any questions, but his face was growing more unimpressed by the second. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you Dan, ok? But I can’t be here right now, so I gotta go. I’d, um, I’d like you to join me.. If you want to, of course. I mean, you don’t have to..” I mumbled, suddenly very aware & embarrassed by how he must be viewing me in that moment.

I saw his eyes narrow at my discomfort &, I’m assuming against his better judgement, he nodded & stood up to join me. “I’m not sure what’s happening here, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you too & maybe you could fill me in on why you’re running away over that drink at yours?” He asked, a little suspicious but friendly. I nodded, giving him a small smile.

We started towards the exit when I felt a pair of hands snake around my waist & lift me excitedly into the air. I squealed in shock & suprise as Tommy span me around before placing me back on my feet.

“Beth! I cant believe you guys are here, what’re the chances? Soph said you came here to avoid us & we came here because Sixx wanted to avoid you! How fuckin’ funny is that?” He said, roaring with laughter, his hand resting on his stomach as he struggled to regain control on his amusement.

“Tommy.” I said sternly, shooting him a look that told him to shut the hell up. He quickly stood up straight, coughing a little to hide his laughter, before glancing over towards Daniel.

“Hey, who’s this? I’m Tommy dude, how ya doing?” He said, offering out his hand enthusiastically.

“Daniel, I’m good man, how’re you?” He answered, accepting the handshake hesitantly.

“I’m good? Hey, you wanna come meet the rest of the guys?” Tommy offered enthusiastically, without a second thought as to why that might not be such a good idea.

“Actually T-Bone, we’re just heading out.” I replied sharply, giving him another warning look.

“Ok, ok,” he laughed, holding his hands up in defeat as he got the hint. “It was nice to meet you man!” Tommy smiled at Dan, who nodded awkwardly back to him before T-Bone practically bounced back over to the bar.

“Don’t know them huh?” Daniel asked, his voice oozing with sarcasm suddenly, making me cringe.

“I’m sorry, they’re just.. A lot, ok?” I tried to explain, frustrated, mainly with myself.

“What’s the deal with this one?” Asked Dan, gesturing towards Nikki, who was leaning against the bar, sipping on his Jack & coke, his eyes fixed coldly on he two of us.

“That’s the, um.. Emotional rollercoaster.” I answered sheepishly, coughing to distract from my amounting discomfort, whilst simultaneously avoiding the eyes of both Nikki & Dan.

“Right.. Well, your rollercoaster is on his way over here.”

Fuck.

I glanced up to see Nikki, in all his arrogance, strolling towards us, his usual smirk fixed in place.

“I’m so sorry for whatever he says.” I quickly whispered to Dan, before Nikki came to a stop in front of us. I watched his eyes scan up & down Daniel, obvious sizing him up without an ounce of subtlety, before he turned his attention to me.

“Leaving without introducing us, Lizzy?” He drawled, the pretension thick in his voice.

“Yes Nikki, I am. So if you’d like to move-“

He cut me off, his focus back on Daniel. “I’m Nikki Sixx,” he stated, without the courtesy of a handshake.

“Daniel,” Dan replied, flatly, seemingly glad there was no extended hand to shake.

“And how do you know the lovely Lizzy here, Dan?” Nikki asked, his smirk never once faltering.

“We just met tonight, but we’re justing heading back to hers, if you don’t mind.” Dan replied simply, taking my hand.

“Oh but you see, I do mind.” Nikki stated bluntly, his smile as wide as it was dark as he side stepped back in front of Dan who had tried to manoeuvre round him. “Lizzy here is what we like to call a groupie & we,” he gestured towards the rest of the band behind him, “don’t particularly like sharing.”

“Oh fuck you, Sixx.” I scoffed, my face growing hot with a mix of anger & embarrassment. I turned to look at Dan, cringing at his raised eyebrow & gave him an apologetic look. “Don’t listen to him, he’s just being an asshole, I’m not a groupie.”

“Really?!” Nikki replied, dragging out the word dramatically as his shit eating grin somehow managed to grow wider. “Because I remember fucking you about a week ago & my boy Vince over there,” he pointed to at the very pissed off looking lead singer, “swears he remembers fucking you not long before that? Or are with both mistaken? I mean, there are a lot of you girls, you do all kinda look the same.. Feel the same too.” He chuckled darkly, shooting me a sly look. I glared at him with an expression so deadly that dared him to carry on. He rose to the challenge. “I tell you what though buddy,” Nikki continued, leaning into Dan so he was speaking into his ear, but just loud enough for me to catch what he was saying, “if you’re heading back to hers you’re in for a treat. She’s got the mouth of a motherfuckin’ Angel.” He finished, glancing over at me & winking. I was prepared to fly at him in a blind rage, fists balled, ready to wipe that smug smile off of his face permanently, when Dan spoke up, in a voice so peaceful & gentle, that it made his words seem somehow harsher.

“You are an arrogant piece of shit. I’ve been sat with this girl for the last hour & I spend a minute in your presence & it’s immediately clear to me that she’s way too good for you. But I’m sure she’ll realise that in her own time.” Daniel turned back to me, his expression stoney & irritated, but I could swear there was a hint of sympathy in his eyes. “If you ever get off of this rollercoaster doll, you know where you can find me.” He said, letting go of my hand as he stepped around the unmoving Nikki.

“Daniel, wait..” I caught him by the arm & quickly stepped in his path, stopping him.

“Beth, you seem like a great girl & I don’t think I’ve ever hit it off so quickly with someone like I have with you. But it’s obvious you have something with that guy & I’m not really interested in competing with him for your attention.”

I nodded slowly, knowing his words were fair. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. And I mean it, if you decide to get off the rollercoaster.. I can probably offer you a slightly calmer ride. A carousel maybe?” Dan winked, laughing as I let out a light giggle. His blue eyes focused on mine, sending a surge of electricity through my body that momentarily extinguished the flame that Nikki somehow always managed to light. I lifted my lips & placed them softly on Daniels for the briefest second, before pulling away.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

His eyes lingered on my lips for a second, silently asking for more, before he came back to reality & gave me a genuine smile. “It was nice to meet you Beth. I do hope I get to see you again”, he nodded, before kissing my cheek & heading for the door.

I stood still for a second, gathering my thoughts & regaining my composure, before walking towards the bar where the Crüe & Sophia were stood, trying to act as if they hadn’t been watching.

I had barely made it over to them before Nikki was straight in there with his sly comments, immediately trying to get under my skin.

“Aw was Prince Charming not happy to hear the Princess was actually a band slu-“

Nikki didn’t get the chance to finish his insult. He was silenced by the remainder of my drink soaking him as I threw it at him furiously, dousing his arrogance with my cocktail.

“That is for thinking you have any right to chase away a good guy just because your petty, selfish ass is jealous.” I spat. “And this..”

The loud crack of my hand slapping him sharply across the face echoed around the bar, followed by the whooping of Vince & Tommy. I even caught a glimpse of Mick smirking.

Nikki recoiled, his hand flying to his crimson cheek, shock & fury on his face. But his rage couldn’t match mine. I grabbed his face roughly, my hand cupping his chin & cheeks, forcing him to meet my wrathful glare.

“That is for fucking me & leaving me like I was one of your whores.” I seethed, my voice quiet & dangerous.

Nikkis face went from white hot anger to an ice cold stare in an instant as he straightened up, pushing me off of him as he did. He took a step towards me, but I didn’t move an inch. I was way too fucking angry to back down.

“Listen Princess, you’re fucking lucky I’m not a bad guy-“ he began, but my sharp laugh rang loud, cutting him off.

“Not a bad guy?! Nikki, are you really that delusional?! You’ve done nothing but purposely fuck with my head from the day I met you. You’ve insulted me, dragged me down to your level, used me, screwed my chances with two different guys & for what?!” I screamed, tears threatening to form. “No, you know what?! You're fucking lucky Sixx, I’m not gonna do this here. I’m done. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

I span around, ready to make my dramatic exit, when I came face to face with a very happy looking band manager, Doc. He clearly couldn’t care less about our drama as he marched over to us like nothing was happening.

“Bartender, a round of shots for these boys & their girlfriends. We need to celebrate;”

“The fuck are you talking about Doc?” Snapped Nikki, his eyes still fixed on me.

“Boys, you’re in!" He announced, unable to hide his obvious pleased-with-himself smirk "I've just been told that Mötley Crüe have been offered a last minute slot to play alongside the likes of Judas Priest, Scorpions, Van Halen & The Prince of fucking Darkness, Ozzy fucking Osbourne at the US Festival on Memorial Day weekend!” Doc exclaimed, laughing as the band began shouting & whooping, looking disbelieved & excited as hell. Choruses of “are you serious?!” & “you’re fucking kidding!” we’re passed between them as Doc reassured them that they were on their way up.

In that moment, watching these guys I’d grown to love over the last couple of years get the break they worked so hard for, I couldn’t be mad. I watched as Tommy jumped on Nikkis back, Vince hugged Doc & Mick silently smirked to himself. They deserved this.

Doc handed me & Sophia a shot as we congratulated them all, although I couldn’t quite bring myself to share my enthusiasm with Nikki. But he was too busy to notice as he held up his shot glass in a toast.

“To us! We’ve got an old man, a kid drummer, a cover band singer & a fucking run away. Win it all or loose it all, we’re Mötley fucking Crue!” He yelled, his excitement & energy almost infectious, as much as I wanted to hate him.

“To you guys!” Sophia cheered, laughing as we all downed our shots.

“Let’s get another round in, we’re celebrating! And pour one for yourself gorgeous.” Vince called to the barmaid who was more than happy to oblige, blushing as he winked at her, turning on the Vince Neil charm that would assure she’d be going home with him at the end of the night. I remember that well, I chuckled to myself.

The atmosphere of the night had changed so dramatically from what it was 10 minutes previously, everyone’s anger & awkwardness forgotten in the wake of such elating news. I looked around all the happy faces; Vince flirting with the bar maid, Tommy all over a giggling Sophia, Mick & Doc eagerly discussing set lists & felt an overwhelming sense of misplacement. After all that had happened, I just couldn’t bring myself to match their enthusiasm, not tonight.

I noticed Nikki's gaze focused on me, his face betraying his now obvious guilt as he watched me stand alone, uncomfortable & upset. His sudden success had clearly snapped him out of his petty, jealous mood.

Uninterested in an apology from him, I let my eyes continue to scan the room, looking anywhere but at him, when Sophia glanced over, catching my eye & gestured for me to join in. I forced my best smile as I walked over to her & Tommy.

“Take another shot Reynolds!” Tommy shouted, pushing a shot glass of mysterious liquid at me. I laughed politely as I shook my head.

“Thanks, but no thanks T-Bone. I think I’m actually gonna shoot yanno, I’m getting pretty tired.” I lied.

“Beth, don’t leave, please?” Tommy pleaded, his face suddenly serious, moving away from Soph & towards me.

“T-Bone, it’s not a big deal honestly, you guys enjoy your celebrations!”

“Just talk to him. I know the fucker doesn’t deserve it, Beth, I know. But he cares for you more than you think, I promise. We all do.” He added, placing his hand in mine & giving it a squeeze as he flashed me a goofy half smile.

I gave him a half smile & squeezed his hand back. “I know Tommy & I love you guys, I really do. But I can’t be around him, its.. it’s too hard.” I muttered back, so quietly it was almost inaudible above the music playing in the bar. But Tommy caught it.

“You care for him too, don’t you?” He asked, just as quietly.

I nodded, my eyes filling with tears. “God knows why T-Bone, he’s made it clear he doesn’t care about me. I’m just another girl he fucked.” I sniffed, furiously wiping away my tears before anyone noticed.

“Beth, Sixx is a dick. I’ve watched him fuck over chick after chick who was convinced they’d tame him & he tosses them without a second thought. But not you. I don’t know what the fuck goes on in Nikkis head, but that fucker cares about you. So please, don’t ditch us all just because you think he doesn’t.”

“I’m sorry Tom, I know he’s your friend & you wanna see the best in him, but you’re wrong. Nikki Sixx only cares about himself.” I replied, straightening my posture & regaining my composure. I pulled Tommy into a tight hug & congratulated him again. “I’ll see ya around T-Bone, I’m sure.” I winked, gesturing towards Sophia.

He laughed, “I’ll look after her.”

I blew him a kiss before heading towards the door, not wanting to disturb anyone else’s night with my drama.

“Lizzy, wait up.” I heard Nikkis voice call. I closed my eyes briefly, choosing whether to stop or keep going. I chose the latter & walked swiftly out of the door, pretending I hadn’t heard.

But my ignorance was in vain & he was right behind me, following suit out of the bar.

“Nikki please, just go back-“

My sentence was cut short by his lips crashing onto mine. I froze, feeling anger, lust & passion sweep through my body as my brain tried to compute the correct emotional response. I pushed him away sharply, deciding anger overwhelmed any feelings I had towards him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Are you asking for another slap?!”

“Lizzy, I’m sorry ok?” He blurted out, clearly uncomfortable with apologies.

“You’re sorry?! Oh, well that makes everything ok then.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him.

“I know ok, I fucked up. I’ve been a dick to you & I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know how to do this shit.” He mumbled, running his hands through his tangled hair.

“Do what, Sixx?” My frustration mounting with his half-assed apology.

“I don’t fucking do.. This.” He gestured between the two of us, struggling to find his words.

I sighed with exasperation. “What is this Nikki? Is this an apology or what, because honestly there isn’t much you can say right now, just let me go home.” I finished, turning to leave, but he caught hold of my hand, pulling me into him. He placed his hand gently under my chin, bringing my face up to his.

“I don’t do this, ok? I don’t do feelings or relationships, fuck, I won’t even sleep with a girl twice.” He laughed, before clearing his throat when he saw my unamused expression. “Lizzy, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I got pissed as hell when I saw you with that fucking pretty boy, I snapped.. I don't know, I guess I was kinda jealous.. I do care about you.”

I scoffed. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

“I do, Lizzy. But listening to you telling me why I’m a bad guy, all the shit I’ve done to you, you’re right. And I’m sorry. Just, please don’t leave. Come celebrate with us, we all want you here. I want you here.. You’ve been with us from the start, it wouldn’t feel the same without you. You mean a lot to me... Um, to us. You mean a lot to us.” He corrected.

I looked into his green eyes & saw the sincerity, noted the lack of arrogance in his voice & the absence of his usual smug smile. I so badly wanted to give into him. I wanted to taste his kiss again, melt against him like I always do. I wanted to take his hand & go back inside, enjoy the night with the band, drink, have fun & fall into bed with him when the night was over.

But I’d fell for Nikkis sweeter side before, I knew how the night would end. He’d leave afterwards & I’d be hurt all over again. And I wasn’t gonna let that happen.

“No Nikki, I’m sorry.”

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[needyoulikeaheartbeet]

FOLKLORE FIRST THOUGHTS

ft. very little editing LONG SONGS! LONG SONGS! AESTHETIC TITLE! 63 MINUTES!

1. the 1

PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg her voice is so soft if you wanted me you really shouldve showed IF YOU NEVER BLEED YOURE NEVER GONNA GROW OMG ALREADY A BANGER LINE OMG HOW SHE SINGS THE BRIDGE YESSSSSS THATS CATCHYYY

2. cardigan*

DEEP VOICE SULTRY OOOOOOOOOO the piano reminds me of jazz the IIIII hand under my sweatshirt baby kiss it better omg this is sexi ? OMGGGGGGGGGGGG wow the chorus and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed you put me on and said i was your favourite WOW playing hide and seek part omg her voice the IIIII part is sooooooooo nice omg this is hot but sad but like NICE THE STRINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JADORE TELLEMENT you drew stars around my scars but now im bleeding THE STRINGS THE CHORUS THIS IS SO GOOOOOOOD IM CRYING PETER LOSING WENDY this is tugging on my heart strings... that bridge... wow... im literally crying tears rolled down my cheeks wow that was so beautiful im still crying LOL

3. the last great american dynasty

oo that twang-y in the distance im still crying from cardigan sorry all her what friends? was that bleeped? LOL [The clean version of the album on Spotify was available for me before the explicit version] omg how she sangboys you can HEAR her smiling i love it so much my precious bean THESE STORYTELLING LYRICS I NEED TO RELISTEN TO IT ALL STARLIGHT VIBES? omg i had a marvelous tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime <3

4. exile (FEAT BON IVER!!!! OMG?!!!)*

i love how much piano there is in this taylor i love it thank u WHAT A RICH VOICE youre not my homeland anymore?? so what am i defending nwo? im baby STRINGS!!!! <3 this reminds me of the last time kinda duet i cri balancing on breaking bridges im not your problem anymore so who am i offending omg wow her voice is so pretty i gave so many <3

5. my tears ricochet

omg the intro is nice is that her voice? or keyboard voices i didnt have it in myself to go with grace that electronic voice during chorus reminded me of getaway car... i c u jack + the beat... in the bridge wait wake? I NEED LYRICS TO FOLLOW ALONG SKFSKDFNS TOO DISTRACTED AND CONSUMED BY THE MUSIC [I was indeed distracted and not following the lyrics so I thought the wake was connected to one of the previous songs gskng I was like who died omg dummy]

6. mirrorball

ooo this sounds pretty from the start this sounds like a gem i find on youtube at 2 am when no one is around my dear! oooo i like AW SHINING JUST FOR YOU! IN HER HIGHEST HEELS, LOVE? That's so cute i can change eerything about me to try to fit in is SO relatable her vocals r so pretti aw this song makes me smile, the bridge was v cute [Little did I know when I’d relisten and read the lyrics that this song is not one to make you smile ma’am]

7. seven

this is different! this doesnt even sound like her omg but its so nice omg the verse hehe cute THE STRINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YES big fan aw is this from kids pov? pirates poor lil bb sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart wont tell no other

this is different but beautiful

8. august

oooo yes another youtube sounding gem with the quality of the music and her voice oh wow how she sang more OMG YES louder THIS IS NICE twisting in bed sheets aw cause u were never mine oh wow after second chorus the MUSIC YES THIS IS SO NICE IM SO HAPPY AND CONSUMED one ting? huh? cancel plans in case you call... omg

MEET ME BEHIND THE MALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you werent mine to lose aw... this song i like a lot

omg the story telling im crying i missed this so much it reminds me of fearless era this is so wow tat resumed loudly LOL i laff but omg this is like happy but sad at the same time THE STRINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I CANT THIS MUSIC IS SO NICE I WANT IT TO CONSUME ME AND JUST LISTEN TO IT FOREVER like an instrumental version. just driving. even this version. this was so nice. i missed storytelling like this. i adore

9. this is me trying

i like dis so far yes, another youtube gem ORCHESTRA my words shoot to kill when im mad i have a lo of regrets about that sphere omg at least im trying!!! wow ma'am that was so pretty ???? the build up to the bridge wow jack?

10. illicit affairs*

beautiful guitar, wow omg yes those vocals?? lil guys? or is that guitar i like oh wow yeah def an illicit affair huh this is pretty folk dis make me sad but excellent storytelling omg

clandestine meetings ooooo the BRIDGE YES omg !!!! youve shown me colours that you know i cant see with anyone else you taught me a secret language i cant speak with anyone else OWWWWWWW

11. invisible string

this is fun to dance to its so cute bad blood ? *side eye emoji* prechorus is really nice and catchy her voice is so nice ugh i like this bridge <3 is this about joe? chains around my demons one single thread of gold tied me to you!!!! centennial park blues then purple pink skies! lover <3

12. mad woman

nice piano and strings the beat o wow i hate you forever (... is this clean? fuck you forever?) UPDATE IT IS FUCK YOU FOREVER WOO! omg you found something to wrap your noose around w o w, that's so powerful women like hunting witches too; omg wanting me dead has brought you two together wow but when she sang it wow i love watching you climb over people like me wow this is pain :( the vocals in the background are so nice and add to the feeling it makes my tummy sad :(

those back vocals make me think she can still sing safe and sound live one day maybe so tha tmakes me happy though

13. epiphany

the intro feels like an epiphany lemme tell ya i close my eyes thats nice i dont understand whats happening i need lyrics to follow along but it sounds nice strings <3 does this have to do with the wake? the outro is so soothing british accent?

14. betty

country! this is country! COUNTRY! OMG SHES SINGING COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOO!!!!!!! LIKE ACCENT! OMG the classic storytelling... taylors so good at this my god the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you PARDY music between chorus and bridge UGH YES JAMES! YESSSS THE SOLO BREAKDOWN yes the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you i showed up at your party? aw! (and then you kicked me out LOL) will you have me will you love me will you kiss me on the porch aw shes so talented wtf. man aw standing in your cardigan kissing in my car again stopped at a street light you know i miss you aw [this was the clear trio clue lol]

15. peace

omg that guitar yes sexi rich deep yez thats so nice

that was catchy omg (when she started) OMG IT IS CENSORED...... i talk * with my friends? GIVE US THE UNCENSORED GOODIES CMON!!! oh i just saw the one thats explicit CLOWNS TO THE WEST WEY IT US aw the rains always gonna come when youre standing with me

16. hoax

so simple, vocals and piano wowie omg best laid plan around there the STRINGS are stunning. seriously stunning wow im obsessed this is nice sad feels the guitar added agh yes omg im gonna cry it still hurts beneath my scars when tey pulled me apart im cryin.... that part im cryin!!!!!!!!! THIS WHOLE BIT the background vocals are stunning her voice :( the stirngs :( the piano :( the guitar :( the simplicity :( me saying okay and nodding while crying

Note. The asterisk was me trying to decode which songs were part of the trio, but I kind of lost track and got confused once we hit Betty / I was too distracted by it being country hahaha

#folklore #first listen #personal #taylor swift #taylor swift folklore #folklore taylor swift #taylurking #taylornation #taylor nation

[blue-beeeerrryyy]

Made in the A.M || Noah Centineo

So I haven't written anything (besides my short answer essays) in months. And with all this hype over Noah Centineo (who I've been obsessing with since season 3 of The Foster) I thought I would join the conga line of tumblr Noah hype and write my first ever series. So I got a lot of inspiration from One Direction’s last album, Made in the A.M. and I’m going to attempt to use every song but if I don’t use all of the songs as a continuation, the other songs will be one shots, or random points in the reader’s story. But the first part is going to be based on the song, Temporary Fix. Furthermore, if you guys want to listen to the album while you’re reading, I highly encourage it (but you are not required to).  Also if would like to be on the taglist, lemme know.

Chapter One -Temporary Fix

You knew who he was. The type of guy who knew his effect on girls and woman alike. You knew he wouldn’t take you home to meet his mom, never show you off to friends, or take you on cute little dates. But you didn’t want that at first.This is the story of how you fell in love with the internet’s boyfriend, before he was the internet’s boyfriend.

Noah was at some club drowning his sorrow after what he thought was the love of his life. You noticed him verily quickly, since you watched The Fosters since the beginning and glad of what he brought to the show. You thought about going up to him and asked for a picture. You stopped in your tracks when you noticed he was drinking alone. Noah saw you coming up to him, but became confused when you turned around and walked back. He continued to watch you from the bar. He thought you were beautiful, with the way you laugh and dance. Even though he wasn’t over his ex, he just felt the need to have you in his life. Soon after he finished his drink, he left the bar and was making his way to you.

You felt his presence before he said anything. You thought it was one of your friends with the drink you asked for, only to be met with a drunken stranger. He started to talk to you but with how heavy his slur was, trying to understand him was like understanding a baby’s gibberish. The more and more he spoke, the closer he got to you, and before you knew it. He had grabbed your ass. You could see Noah in your peripheral, walking at a fast pace towards you. He must have seen the whole thing. But you didn’t need his help. What happened next probably shocked everyone who was watching. You lifted your right knee right into the creeper’s crotch so hard, his balls might be in his stomach. Once he was on the ground, you started screaming your head off until you felt a hand on your elbow. Ready for round two, you swung around to slap the person holding you. Once you made eye contact with the person, you stopped mid-swing.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” you cried to your best friend Dallas. Dallas just laughed at you and motioned to the crowd that had surrounded the situation. You smiled at everyone and just went towards the bar.

Noah watched you shy off from the attention, and heads towards the bar with looked like a friend. He loved that, his ex loved the attention from not only him but others. Hence why they’re exes. He observed you trying to get the bartender’s attention with no such luck. He went to the empty space next to you and your friend and hollered the bartender’s name.

You were having trouble getting the attention of the bartender, who was too busy flirting with the blonde at the end of bar. You got scared when you heard someone yell next to you. Whipping your head around to the ear intruder, you see Noah standing next to you. He smiles at you and your friend and you blushed so hard you could feel the heat coming off of you. The bartender finally made his way down to you guys and waits for Noah to order, completely ignoring you and Dallas. You rolled your eyes at his ignorance and told Dallas how he wasn’t going to get a big tip from you.

“I’ll have what I was having earlier, and whatever they want.” Noah said over the loud music. You whipped your head so hard that you thought you got whiplash. He just shrugs and gives a wide grin. You told the bartender what you and Dallas wanted while getting the cash out for the drinks. That’s when Noah shook his head at you and said, “I got this.”

You didn’t want to intrude on Noah’s night but you wouldn’t say no. While you guys waited for your drinks, you struck up a conversation with Noah. you guys had talked for so long that you hadn’t even realized that your friends that you came with had already left and the club was pretty empty. Noah noticed you looking around and noticed what you saw.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” you nodded your head, feeling adventurous. Noah called for a Uber, and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. You were fangirling a little bit, but trying to be as discreet as possible. Noah brought up some random topics to talk about while waiting for the uber. You were discussing the show Friends, but got interrupted by the buzzing of his phone letting him know his uber was here. You noticed the black SUV and pointed it out to Noah. After hoping into the vehicle and having small talk with the driver, he turned up the music and gave you and Noah some privacy.

With the liquor courage still running through your veins, you jumped into Noah’s lap and started kissing him senseless. With it being so late, the streets weren’t that jammed packed so you made it to Noah’s apartment fairly quickly. You and Noah said your goodbyes to the driver and walked into the apartment building. When you finally made it to Noah’s door and it was unlocked, you were pinned to the wall. You giggled at the curly headed boy, who was attacking your lips, neck, and shoulders. He pulled you off the wall and started to make his move towards the bedroom. Clothes were flying everywhere as you were getting closer and closer to the mattress. Your exposed legs hit the edge of the bed before falling onto it, Noah still kissing you as you fell.

You woke up to find yourself a t-shirt that wasn’t yours and hickies all over your body. You were slightly hungover but thank goodness it was your day off. You looked around the room for your clothes. You knew what happened last night, the details being just as clear as if you were sober. You had met Noah Centineo last night. You held a conversation with Noah Centineo without sounding like a fangirl. And you played hookie with Noah Centineo. But now that it was the next morning, you needed to go and disappear from the world for a bit. Thank goodness, you could hear water running, assuming that he was in the shower. Which gives you the perfect time to dip on out of here. You got on all of your clothes and grabbed your purse from the entryway floor. After checking your phone for the time and notifications of your friends spamming the group chat. You wondered if you should leave a note? You decided that it wouldn’t be weird and took out a pen from your purse and grabbed a paper towel from the kitchen.

Hey, last night was fun. Sorry to dip out while you were in the shower but I wasn’t expecting anything besides awkwardness. So to avoid that for the both of us, I’m heading home. But if you ever want to like hang out or anything hit me up.

After putting many holes into the paper towel, you left your phone number and headed towards the door. Hearing the shower turn off as you opened the door, you dipped out in the direction to the elevators. Your phone starts to buzz in your hand, scaring you shitless. Your uber was outside, and you breathe a sigh of relief. As you got in the uber car, your hand vibrated and you saw a text from an unknown number.

Its Noah

You laughed at the simplicity of the message but saved the number regardless. You had made it home about an hour later cause of traffic, and became bombarded with squeals and questions. Dallas, Lily, Sydney, and Cammie can’t contain themselves, so you have to yell at them to shut up so you can answer everyone’s questions in an orderly fashioned. It was about a hour and some change later when you finally were left to your own devices. You decided that you needed a shower since still being in your clothes from last night and just wanting to get rid of sweaty-ness that you accumulated from the heat of LA and last nights workout session.

After that much needed shower, you were laying in your bed, scrolling through some social media timeline, when you got a text from Noah.

Whatcha doin?

Laying in bed, why?

Wanna go to the pier?

Ummm sure, what time

Right now ;)

You started freaking out because Noah Centineo was asking to hang out with you. But you were supposed to have a girl’s night since its the first night in months since all of the girls were off at the same time. Maybe you could convince him to postpone till tomorrow.

I actually cant im supposed to hang with the girls tonight. What about tomorrow?

No its cool talk to you later

You felt bad for leaving him hanging, but the girls are more important.

It’s been a couple of weeks since you and Noah met, and you guys have pretty much have established that neither of you were looking for anything. Which is good for the both of you seeing as you both had just got out of crappy relationships. But that doesn’t mean you guys hadn’t added an a certain benefit to this friendship. You had just fallen asleep after working all day, only to be interrupted by an uncontrollable buzz coming from nowhere else but your cell phone. You answered with a sleepy hello, instantly being met with a loud deep voice.

“(y/n)! What are you doing?” the brown haired boy yelling into the phone. It sounds like he’s at the gym, from the noises of weights and punching bags. Just cause you don’t go to the gym that often, doesn’t mean you don’t know what those sounds are.

“I was asleep, No.” you yawned. “You know cause some of us have actual jobs that we have to go to everyday.” you say sarcastically. Noah chuckled dryly at your sass.

“You’re just so funny. Do you wanna come over?” now you’re fully awake and have already agreed to come over. Luckily you haven’t been drinking so you can drive yourself to his apartment. You had packed a bag just in case you can’t make it home in time to get ready for work. It was just one of those nights apparently.

#noah centineo #noah centineo imagine #noah centineo one shot #noah centineo series #Made In The AM #How can someone be so perfect? #to all the boys i've loved before #to all the boys ive loved before movie #to all the boys ive ever loved #peter kavinsky

[rinnnyxr]

Depression You don't enjoy your hobbies You sleep too much/too little You don't think you matter You wish you could kill yourself You feel more sad than happy

GAD You get anxious for no reason at all You have nervous ticks (biting nails, hair touching,etc) You always have a nervous stomach You always feel like youre on the edge You get a lot of body aches

OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) You have obsessive thoughts that you cant make go away You have a special routine and if you dont do it exactly... you will have a panic attack you have to double check things If things arent exactly how you want them you get constant anxiety and you cant stop thinking about it You have a fear of losing control

PTSD You have gone through something traumatic You get flashbacks all the time from the trauma Loud noises cause a panic attack You have night terrors (different from nightmares) You zone out/black out and relive the event

Bipolar You feel extremely sad You get extremely happy/excited You talk so fast people can't keep up You have sleep problems You are constantly thinking of death/suicide

Schizoprenia You constantly hear voices in your head  You have word salad (disorganized sentences) You hallucinate You have the flat effect (no emotion/zombie like) You have laugh at the wrong times

Dissociative Identity disorder You are detached from your emotions You have amnesia of certain events/people You dont remember faces or you have a difficult time remembering You get anxious Youre suicidal

BPD- Borderline Personality disorder You take major risks Youre very sexually active (many partners) You have unstable relationships Extreme mood swings You have explosive anger

Autism (broad, there are way too many so im just gonna list to common ) You have a hard time in social surroundings (relating to people..communicat You resist change You have at least one learning disability you CANT make eye contact You cant share enjoyment with others

SAD- Seasonal affective disorder You feel more happy during the summer time Seasons changing can make you feel sad/depressed You think about death but not suicide You have insomnia You get irritated easy

Bulimia Nervosa You eat a big portion of food at once You have bad self image You eat a lot but force yourself to puke it all up You feel like you cant stop the eating / out of control You self harm

Anorexia You see yourself bigger than you actually are You enjoy the feeling of starving yourself You have extreme weight loss in very little time Your hair is falling out You have anxiety if you have to eat

ADHD You are always moving (tapping pen, shaking leg) You cant pay attention long You act before thinking You lose interest quickly Youre always talking too much/too fast

-

I know all the words to some of the songs from Grease I have seen a show on Broadway before I have ran up and hugged a stranger, mistaking them for someone I knew I have drooled all over my pillow before while in a deep slumber I’m listening to my favorite song right now I have/had a mood ring(s) I have an Apple Mac I have taken an art class in school before I have owned a disco ball at one time or another I can speak fluent Spanish I’ve been to a roller rink and fallen flat on my butt I can write in Japanese I have been hospitalized for more than a month before due to a terrible injury I would streak for 50 bucks I have pole danced before just for fun I have a ridiculously large purse I have ridden a camel before I love carnivals and fairs I have spent the whole day at the mall and just walked around I live/lived/visited in Germany I love to people-watch at the airport I don’t have a favorite flower I have seen the movie Love Actually I have a lot of random shit hanging on the walls of my bedroom I drink as much milk as I’m recommended to I keep my movie ticket stubs I’m going to go see a play or musical soon I have studied abroad before I don’t drink enough water I love yogurt I’m trying to lose weight I HATE my toes I’m trying to gain weight I love the show “True Life” on MTV I loathe reality TV I have taken a College Algebra math course I can count from 1-10 in two or more different languages I need to paint my toenails My internet homepage is my email provider’s page I never send e-mails anymore I have a cell phone & I don’t think it’s a piece of trash I have an iPod/MP3 player & a really kickass case for it, too I put my shoes in the dryer I still watch the Price is Right and Jeopardy I love to bargain shop I could live off of breakfast cereals I wish I could be a member of the opposite sex for one day I dislike standardized tests I hate 90s music I can’t wear watches because I have too much electricity in my body I just don’t wear watches because I think they’re ugly I text in class or at work I can’t WAIT for summer I once wore something that was 5 times too big for me in public I have been to Canada I hate it when guys leave the toilet seat up I have a really cool 6-CD changer stereo I own all the CDs from my favorite band I hate Myspace My favorite band has a “The” in front of it All I wear is band teeshirts I’m a loner I can speak another language fluently I like Dave Matthew’s Band I practically live in my pajamas when I’m at home I love mashed potatoes I have seen my favorite band in concert more than twice I love string cheese I hate The White Stripes I’m homophobic I have a certain order in which I put on my socks and shoes I’m a morning person I have a High School diploma I love Chinese take-out I think sushi is disgusting & I’ve never even tried it It’s raining right now I love listening to old-school Madonna I’m picky I’ve volunteered before in my community I’m always sore I hate back massages I give a mean back rub I’m interesed in acupuncture I love foreign food I listen to my iPod/MP3/CD player in class or in the office when I’m supposed to be paying attention or working I fall or have fallen asleep in class I would never wax my legs, even if you paid me I have tried Nair before & it hurt like hell and didn’t work I suffer from sleep apnea Someone in my family or someone I know battled cancer and won I have a shirt hanging in my closet that hasn’t been worn for over 2 years Snickers is my favorite candy bar I had an imaginary friend when I was younger I do my chores every day My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper Okay, this survey is going on for way too long I know the difference between “to”, “two”, and “too” & when is the appropriate time to use them I have/had birds I have been to Hawaii before I want to go on a Cruise I always read before going to bed I passed Geometry the first time I took it My nails are not painted I have a song stuck in my head right now I have watched at least one episode of “Friends” before Chocolate chip pancakes are pretty much the bomb I have no clue what IHOP is or stands for I’m currently avoiding someone I know morse code Facial hair hot I’ve been dehydrated before I love to run! I have a crush on someone right now & they don’t even know I exist Bolding surveys are calming I’m listening to a sad song right now I still use old-fashioned bar soap to wash myself in the shower I have an electric toothbrush I have taken professional studio photos with friends or family I have seen Steven King’s movie IT When I was younger, my friends & I always used to make up dances and perform them I think I’m going deaf I’m getting bored of this stupid survey all ready I’m an accident just waiting to happen I’m so clumsy I have licked someone else’s shoes before, for money or just because I’m always indecisive I have kickass bunny slippers I need a tissue I have watched the Disney movie Mulan before & loved it I have attended a tea party before I have seen a bear before, and it wasn’t at the zoo I have walked in on someone having sex before The drawers on my dresser don’t close all the way because they’re so full I hate my 3rd period teacher I read Manga I used to collect beanie-babies way back when I sell or buy stuff on eBay I have been to a museum before I have plans tonight I like Spongebob Captain Hook is one of my favorite Disney villains I hate the movie The Sound of Music I need to charge my phone I like elephants

-

[Vacation Editon]: Thailand or Hawaii Mexico or Costa Rica Santorini or Amalfi Coast Caribbean or Tahiti Yellowstone or Yosemite New York or San Francisco Paris or Barcelona Miami or Ibiza Australia or New Zealand

[Food Edition]: strawberries or blueberries iced coffee of hot coffee oatmeal or cereal hot dog or hamburger chicken or steak smoothie or milkshake potato chips or french fries ice cream or gelato

[Personal Style Edition]: sneakers or sandals jeans or leggings leather or suede neutrals or bold colors heels or flats hoodie or zip-up thigh fit or loose fit statement accessories or simple/no accessories closed-toed or open-toed blue jeans or jeggings long sleeves or short sleeves curly hair or straight hair cowboy boots or riding boots necklaces or bracelets natural nails or fake nails canvas shoes or sport shoes bun or ponytail sweat pants or leggings

[Celebrity Edition]: Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner P!nk or Ke$ha Emma Watson or Emma Stone Kate Middleton or Meghan Markle Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie Nicki Minaj or Cardi B David Beckham or Tom Brady Jake Gyllenhaal or Ryan Reynolds Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez Oprah or Ellen Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon Steve Jobs or Elon Musk Kendrick Lamar or Drake Taylor Swift or Katy Perry Beyoncé or Rihanna

[Workout Habits Edition]: leggings or shorts squats or deadlifts planks or crunches treadmill or free run elliptical or Stairmaster free weights or machines Nike or Under Armour

[American Food Edition]: grilled cheese or mac&cheese french fries or onion rings potato chips or popcorn fried chicken or chicken wings pizza or sandwich pancakes or waffles pasta salad or potato salad cookies or cake apple pie or cheesecake sausage or bacon Burger King or McDonald’s Coke or Pepsi

[Candy Edition]: Reese’s Cups or Hersey kiss Sour Patch Kids or Jolly Ranchers Jelly beans or Gummy bears Baby Ruth or 3 Musketeers Almond Joy or Mounds Hersey bar or KitKat Snickers or MilkyWay Skittles or Starburst Junior Mints or York Peppermint Patty

-

You have an iPhone. You have a pink or blue phone case. One of your contact name starts with W, Y or Z. One of your contact is labeled, Doctor. You made a call before 7:00 am. You have your alarm set on your phone to wake you up. You have headphones with you. Your ringtone is a song. One of your recent calls was to one of your parents. You have a text saved from over a year ago. You have a selfie taken. Your screen saver is a picture. Your battery is more than half full. You have a picture of you and a guy saved. You have a video saved. You have a text saved with ‘What’s Up?’ You have at least one game downloaded. Your significant other is  #1 on your speed dial. You have more than 50 photos  saved on your phone. You have 1 - 5 downloaded applications. You have 5 - 10 downloaded applications. You have 10+ downloaded applications. You have at least 10 pictures of you. You have at least 30 pictures of you You have at least 20 pictures of your family. You have at least 20 pictures of your friends. You have more than 10 songs. You have more than 50 songs. You have more than 100 songs. You bought it. Your parents bought it. Your grandparents bought it. You have more than 1 phone case. You hate when people want to look through your phone. You have a few contact but not a lot. Your phone is next to you. You have a white phone case You have the latest iPhone You checked your phone before 7:00 am this morning. Your most recent call was less than 30 minutes ago. Your music collection contains a song with ‘baby’ in the title. You have Facebook installed. You have a picture with more than 4 people in it. You have a picture of you and a guy with no shirt on in your phone. You have Candy Crush installed as an application. You have a Lady Gaga song in your collection. You made a call after midnight. You have a black phone case. You have a picture of the graduate saved in your album. Your music collection, includes a song with ‘school’ in the title. You have more than 5 voicemails saved. You have YouTube as an application. You have Instagram as an application. You have Twitter as an application. You have Tumblr as an application. SnapChat is one of your applications. You have a Mike in your contact. You have a song with the word ‘money’ in the title.

[luisneer]

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived. 

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at [email protected]. Thank you

    2016

   morgantown has ~48 vape shops

 **morgantown has ~480 vape shops

 siri has werner herzog-like inflections

 considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

 think i remember ~5% of things i said today

 imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

 felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

 just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

 looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

 listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

 feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

 feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

 enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

 felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

 left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

 repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

 strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

 feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

 in winchester, VA

 thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

 thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

 successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

 ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

 feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

 feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

 persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

 psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

 feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

 psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

 imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

 saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

 experiencing difficulty trying to smile

 enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

 intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

 felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

 imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

 enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

 perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

 spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

 feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

 feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

 i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

 i dont like videos

 i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

 simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

 feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

 huge power outage at shepherd lol

 realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

 remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

 feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

 struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

 feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

 crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

 laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

 drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

 just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

 opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

 'camcorder' would be a good band name

 i thought arnold palmer had already died

 willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

 i want to stop being mean

 i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

 wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

 tangled up in myself and others

 twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

 eating shark

 thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

 thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

 had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

 i miss being in therapy

 i love carpet

 i love carpet !!

 just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

 mood lately very fragile

 this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

 all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

 sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

 my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

 fuck, im feeling so much terror

 gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

 the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

 interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

 what if old people have secrets

 my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

 i feel guilty in general

 thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

 im close friends with satan rn

 feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

 from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

 finger

 desk

 coffee cup exterior

 pajama pants

 knee

 carpet

 chin

 phone

 shirt

 shoe

 thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

 feeling shorter, broader

 the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

 is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

 the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

 i like citing things in MLA

 i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

 doesnt seem to be getting later

 lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

 heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

 i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

 crazy how things get worse

 there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

 bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

 weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

 also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

 the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

 the sunlight is obscene

 im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

 im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

 i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

 yr = your ur = you're

 my favorite things are pdfs

 now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

 i hear him but i never see him

 i love latte art, i drink many lattes

 thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

 felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

 went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

 my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

 record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

 i prefer EPs

 felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

 writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

 have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

 the internet isn't big enough

 usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

 "uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

 feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

 the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

 i'm sad

 my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

 was luis neer in odd future

 thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

 becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

 thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

 imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

 how does anyone do it

 in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

 everyone in the world is high except me

 feel like i want to have poems published immediately

 having delusions of grandeur

 im sitting on my record player

 my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

 prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

 my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

 all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

 watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

 my nose feels like it's going to bleed

 im sad because every bf looks like me

 getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

 the internet is too freaky...

 i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

 im watching the angry birds movie

 the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

 ive never had a new years kiss

   2017

   im weird

 eating medicinal ice cream

 im not going to do any drugs in 2017

 made a medicinal phone call

 i want to drink some blood

 i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

 years dont kill people

 feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

 i've felt stoned since i was a baby

 downloading google earth

 made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

 realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

 i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

 experiencing cognitive dissonance

 used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

 i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

 my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

 thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

 mediocore

 beyonce is cool i think

 i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

 remembered that i own a pinata

 i will be at awp

 how could i make twitter a better place

 i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

 feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

 felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

 watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

 i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

 im dumber than me

 reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

 i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

 my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

 sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

 resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

 eating chicken and squash

 i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

 when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

 terrified of being cool

 walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

 i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

 2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

 i have 5 twitters

 i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

 why doesnt anyone blog about me

 thesis statements arent real

 thinking about my book

 i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

 sad about my tumblr

 my name is all over the internet

 im a lizard

 someday there'll be no more ppl

 a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

 feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

 idk how to use venmo or what it is

 present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

 when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

 the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

 on tumblr i have 4 followers

 almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

 feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

 ground control to commander venus

 i like my new tumblr

 i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

 feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

 is everything ok

 i look like michael moore

#words

[wilhellmine]

Ghost Adventures Slash FanFiction 2. part - Zak

Part 2. - Zak - I miss you so much... everytime when I see you, I just want to embrace you and never let you go. I cant just live on like that. Why did I say all these things? Why did I say, that I hate you? I wanted you to go away from me, because I thought that you will be safe from harm, safe from the demons, that are surrounding me. But I cant handle the loneliness, that is spreading trough my empty house, trough my epmty life, through my empty heart... Nick... Im so sorry, so sorry... I was not able to sleep, so I grabbed my digital recorder and headed outside. I found a abandoned old house, so I climbed inside... I never expected that I would find someone in there, except ghosts. It was... you... "Zak...? Is that you? What are you doing here, man?" I was so surprised! Nick... I saw you again after all these months... What should I say? Quick, quick, I need to say something... "Im searching for ghost. And what are you doing here in this place?" "The same thing, I heard some ghost stories about this place and I was just curious, if they are real or not. Why are you alone here? Where is Aaron? Why dont you have a camera?" "This ghost hunt is just for me, its not because of Ghost Adventures. I just wanted... to be alone. I just wanted to do some investigating without cameras and stuff. Just me and my ears and a digital recorder. It makes me calm. And what about you?" "Well... Im here for the same reason. I just wanted to be alone for a while..." "Alone... just with some ghosts around." I smiled at you and you smiled back. "How are you?"  I asked. Oh, God, please, tell me that you are alright. Please tell me, that "my" demon did not hurt you in any way... But there is one thing, that I would like to hear more... Please, tell me, that you miss me, so I can say, that I miss you too... "Well, I'm fine... and you?" Oh, Nick, if you only knew... Im so lost without you. I cant stand myself. But how can I tell you that, when it was me, who buried everything, that was between us... I think there is a song, that describes my feelings perfectly... I have a smile stretched from ear to ear to see you walking down the road we meet at the lights, I stare for a while the world around us disappears just you and me on my island of hope a breath between us could be miles let me surround you, my sea to your shore let me be the calm you seek oh and every time I'm close to you there's too much I can't say and you just walk away and I forgot to tell you I love you and the night's too long and cold here without you I grieve in my condition for I cannot find the words to say I need you so... But I cant tell you, that I miss you so much. I cant say, that my heart hurts like if there were a thousands of little knives inside of it... I needed to say something that you would expect from me... "Yeah... I'm fine too..." What a lie! I think this was the biggest lie of my life... I think you noticed that, because you stared at me suspiciously for few seconds... I needed to come up with something, but... oh well... I think all I can do is chasing ghosts... I was hoping, that some spirit will actually kill me and then I would be haunting you... watching you from afar, unseen, quiet, I would never show you, that Im near, so you would not be scared... Isnt that a strange idea? It probably is... but its the only way that could give me a chance to be with you forever... "So... would you like to investigate this place with me?" I asked. I doubted for a while, if it was a good idea, but before I could tell you, that you dont need to do that, you said... "Yes." Yes! Oh God, its here! Its just you and me again, alone, like in the old times, when we were young, much younger than today. When we were just two friends. I remember a night, when we sneaked to a locked cemetery and we were sharing ghost stories, some that we heard and some that we experienced. And we yearned for adventure. So we created our crew, our Ghost Adventures crew, and we have been investigating haunted places. After some time Aaron came to us and then it all started... the TV show, popularity, fans... we changed a lot... But now we can be the same as we were back then... When there was nothing else, just a friendship between two guys... and then... after some time... maybe something more, that just a friendship... "Dont be afraid," I said, "I think there is nothing to worry about. I mean that there are no demons, that would possess me or you." Or there should not be any... As we came at the end of the hallway, I felt some weird energy and then I heard a voice, a very quiet voice, that said like three or four words, coming from upstairs. "Wow, did you hear that?" I asked. "Yeah, I did. It sounds like some voices..." "Yeah, it does. Do you want to go upstairs?" "Alone???" "No... Im in this with you. Come on, lets go upstairs together." We went upstairs. I felt you behind me, really close to me. I wanted to grab you and kiss you like I never did before, but... So I tried to call the ghosts. "Who are you? Show yourself in front of us! Speak to this digital recorder, so we can hear your voice! Is there anything, that you would like us to know? Talk to us!" I felt a cold breeze around me. "Nick... come to me, now! Can you feel that? Its freezing right here! Come, take my hand, I'll show you where the icy cold spot is." I grabbed your hand to show you where I felt the cold air. I turned over to you and you looked like you were about to faint. "Are you ok?" "Yes, I am... I just... I just felt..." ...and the you just fell to the ground... "Nick! Nicky! Wake up! Nick! Please, say something!" I took you in my arms and carried you out of the house. What went wrong? Did the ghost drained your energy? What should I do? I knew, that I need to get you to a hospital, because I could not wake you up... I was so scared... What if the ghost really attacked you? That would be my fault... And I would never be able to forgive myself for asking you to hunt the ghosts with me... Finally! I came to the hospitals with you in my arms, calling for help. The doctor came over and took you away from me. "What are you gonna do with him?" "Please, calm down... Everything will be alright. I need you to stay here, please," said the nurse, as she tried to calm me down. I called your wife to tell her about what happened to you, but I changed my mind. I said, that we will go outside to have a beer, like in the old times and she said "Im on a way to my mother, she is sick. Please, can you take care of Nick? Dont let him drink that much. I know, that you havent seen each other for a longer time, so have fun guys. I'll be back in a week, can you please tell him that?" I just said "Yes, I will... You dont want to talk with Nick?" and she said "No, I need to focus on driving. I know you will take care of him, bye, Zak!" and ended that phone call quickly. It was weird, but it gave me the chance to be with you a whole week without someone interrupting anything, that could happen between us... again. I was sitting in the hospital lobby for three hours. Then the doctor came and took me over to your room. "He is really, really exhausted. This blackout was caused by a total exhaustion. Your friend should take a break. But we think, that he will be alright... If he wakes up..." I came to your bed. You were just lying there, with a pale, tired face and with closed eyes. "Nicky... are you ok? Please, wake up. Talk to me... please... Nicky... Please, dont leave me..." You slowly opened your eyes. Zak... Im ok... Im fine... What happened?" "Nick... Thank God... you are awake... You passed out, so I took you to the hospital. You were unconscious for three hours. The doctor said it happened due to a total exhaustion. I didnt tell him, that I think a ghost drained all your energy." "Oh... yeah, I feel a little bit tired... Thank you for not leaving me there." "I would never do that!" "Really?" "Nick... I - would - never - do - that! Oh God, I was so afraid that I could lose you..." I raised my hand and touched your face softly. You are so sweet... I love your skin, your complexion... Isnt that crazy? How you love those certain parts of someones body? Their scents, their skin, their eyes, the soft lips... I could not resist... You were so tired and you looked so cute, so vulnerable... I embraced you... if you only knew what it was doing to me... But you shaked my hands off. "Whats wrong?" I saw the confusion in your eyes. You took a deep breathe, before you started to talk. ¨ "Zak... I cant... Please, dont touch me... I'm afraid of what it is doing to me... I never forgot the night, when... you know..." Yeah, I remember that night. You are usually shy, but this time you werent... We headed to our next lockdown, to Oklahoma, where a demon terrorized a family. We did some interviews on the first day and it was scary as hell. In the evening Aaron decided to go out with a couple of his friends. You were cudled up in your bed and I was going through some unexplained EVP's that we did catch during the interview. Aaron asked us to come with him, but I was focused on my work and I didnt feel in a mood for a party, because tomorrow was the day of the lockdown. You said, that you are tired. Aaron just smiled, said, that he will be back before the morning comes and then he went away. We were alone. My chance... "Nick? Are you sleeping?" I asked, without turning over to you. "No," you said, "did you hear something in the EVPs?" "Not yet... Nick?" I turned my head over to you. "Yeah?" "I want to ask you something..." "Huh?" "I dont want it to sound crazy but... I think... I mean... Could there be a possibility, that a demon is affecting someone... like... sexually?" "You mean like the succubus?" "No... I mean... Like forcing him to think about something... I have obsessive thoughts about... well... you know... about having sex..." "Zak. You are a man, a human being, I think this is normal... Everyone has these thoughts sometimes." "And what if I tell you, that Im dreaming about a man?" You raised your eyebrows. "Well... I dont know... I think this can happen sometimes, dreams are just dreams, you know. People are dreaming about weird stuff all the time. I dont think that your dreams have a deeper meaning or that something is wrong with you because of these dreams." "And... what if I tell you... that I am dreaming about... you? What would you say?" For a while you stared at me, your eyes piercing right into my soul. Then you just got out of bed and you went closer to me, still looking me in the eyes. "What I would say? You really want to know that?" you whispered quietly. "Yes... please, tell me..." I whispered back. "Take that shirt off..." "What?" For a moment I doubted what I heard. Did you really say it? "Take that shirt off..." I did what you asked for. When I saw the look in your eyes, I could not resist it. The heat... the passion... I took the chance. I pressed you against the wall and kissed you. Oh God, it was like heaven. I thought about kissing you for years! And now... I could taste your lips... I felt like being drunk. I wanted more... You embraced me. Your fingertips were cold... or was it just me, my hot skin? I pushed you to the bed and started to kiss your body... I kissed you on your cheeks, on your neck, I went down... I remember it clearly. My dreams came true. There is nothing that could erase this memory from my mind... I felt blood rushing to my cheeks. I smiled a little bit. "Im afraid that I still love you. But this love is unwanted. You didnt want to live this way, so I quitted the crew. Because of you. Because of me. So we can live normal lives with normal relationships." "Nicky... you didnt notice that? I dont have a relationship... Im still into you... I never stopped loving you... I just didnt know what to do with my feelings... Thats why I didnt want to continue with this..." "What? Why didnt you say anything about it? We could talk about it! I would understand it, I felt the same way. Our friendship would not be ruined by this! You said that you hate yourself, when you are with me! That you cant live this way. That you dont love me! Why did you say that?" "I... I thought that when I will hurt you, you will leave me and everything will become normal... Because you started to act weird and I felt there is something, thats affecting you, something, thats not from this world, something different and dark... So I said, that I dont feel anything for you... And you left... But nothing was alrigt, I just acted that way, so no one would notice that there is something wrong with me... Nicky, I feel that there is something that owns me, maybe a spirit or a demon, that doesnt allow any woman to stay with me. It doesnt want anyone near to me! I didnt want that... something... to hurt you, just because I love you... This is the real reason, why I was so mean and why I wanted you to go away from me and leave our crew. I thought it would be easier for both of us, when you would start to hate me..." "You and your f--king demons! Are you kidding me? You are lying!" "No, Nicky, Im not... I swear..." That night. I fell asleep with you in my arms and then I had this disturbing dreams. I have seen myself killing people in different ways. I heard the name of the demon rushing through my mind. And then I found you, in my dream. And I... I killed you there... With a brutal force... I did it with a hammer... Oh God... I can't even think about that dream, because it scares me so much... Could I be able to do something like that to you? You are everything to me... I felt like the demon could hurt you, maybe it could use me to do harm to you. I told you about that dream, just before we started the lockdown, but I didnt tell you, what I did to you in that dream. Then you were using a spirit board and something entered your body. There were so many bad things, that happened in that house. Jay and the man, named Darren, were communicating with the demon through the spirit board. Darren asked, where will the demon show itself. The board said "Nick"... and I was terrified to death. I was just staring at the camera in our nerve centre and I told you to be careful. After that the spirit board said "G, goodbye." I grabbed the walkie-talkie and asked if it said "Nick G. goodbye?" and then the planchette moved to "yes". I felt like if my head was about to explode and then it started... You wanted to go out, but something it me forced me to say, that you should not leave the seance. I asked "Do you want to kill Nick?" because I wanted to know, if there is a possibility... that something evil that is attached to me, could do that. And we started arguing! It was affecting me and you! And it was laughing at us! Then it just dissapeared, the feeling of that power forcing me to arguing with you... it was away! I immediately told you that I wanted you to quick the seance with the spirit board, I wanted you to come back to me, but you didnt want to go away from that house! I was afraid after that lockdown, because I thought, that there is something attached to me, that is about to hurt you. So right after that lockdown I told you, that I dont feel the same as you. That I dont love you, that I hate you. It was breaking my heart, when I was telling you this. I was literally in pain, when I saw the look in your eyes, the tears on your face... But I didnt knew what else to do... You were married, you had a newborn baby... I know, you said, that you will leave your wife because of me, but I thought you would be happier without me... I thought that if you leave me, you would be safe... I knew, that if I tell you the truth, you would not leave our crew and you could be in danger... "There is nothing in the world, that I would want more than to touch you, be with you, having you by my side every day, every night... I cant sleep, I cant eat... All what Im thinking about is you and that one night... Nick... I never wanted... I dont know, what to do... Can you forgive me, Nick? Please, forgive me..." "I'll forgive you, Zak, but only under one condition..." "What is it? Tell me! I will do anything, that you want me to do..." "Kiss me... Kiss me, Zak. Kiss me again. For the last time..." That was more than I dared to think about. I leaned to you, so slowly, that it was almost painful, but I liked the tension between us, although I felt my body shaking. I kissed you on your lips and it was like ecstasy for me. It felt like if I was craving for a some sort of unnamed drug for a long time and I have got it at that moment. I was squeezing your thigh, I realized that after a moment, but the sparkles in your eyes told me, that you dont want me to stop. I moved my lips to your neck, I found that spot, that I was so familiar with, I kissed it gently and then I bited you... You moaned out loud, it took me to another level of being excited, when I heard that, my heart nearly stopped to beating and then it was beating faster and faster... And it nearly stopped again, when I heard knocking on the door. You jumped away from me, when the door opened and the nurse, that was trying to calm me down three hours ago, came in. "Mr. Groff, you can go home. We made some tests and it seems like you were extremely exhausted, but thats all. There is nothing to worry about, but you need to rest for some days." "Oh, thank you..." "And... well... I know you two guys like to hunt ghosts... you should come to this hospital and do some EVPs, there is a ghost of a little boy that cries in the night, we are always searching for him, but no one is there... Would you like to investigate it here?" "Oh... yes... that would be awesome, thank you." You turned over to me, trying to catch your breath. "I hope she didn't see anything, Zak..." "Well, I think she saw something... maybe... But it doesn't matter to me. Come on, let's get out of here. I will take you home. I'll take care of you." "Home?" "Yeah... Im taking you to my house." "But what about my wife?" "She went to see her mother... I called her and said, that we are going to have some beers, like two old friends..." "And what did she say? She didnt want to talk with me?" "No, she just said 'Have fun, guys. Take care of my husband. Ill be back in a week.'" I saw the surprise in your eyes. "Well... alright then, you said, lets go." Now we had a whole week, that we can spend together... This time, I wont let you go...

#ghost adventures #nick groff #zak bagans #aaron goodwin #gac #fanfiction #fan fiction #fan fic writing