#i cant afford therapy fuck off

[miss--river]

.

#i just want a good mom #i get so pissed off when i see people having good relationships with their parents #because i want that too #both of my parents are terrible people #if i didnt live with my mom i wouldnt need therapy so badly i think #but as long as i live with her i'll never be truely happy #i cant afford to leave right now though #if i ever get the chance though i dont give a fuck what happens to her after i leave #because i no longer want to associate with her

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[ayyponine]

(oh victory. stern talking to frm boss on diminished performance at work prompts local woman to finally book drs appointment and figure out wtf wrong w her <3)

#if only so i can hold up a paper and go please dont fire me. im only lacking the energy bc i havent properly digested food in about 2 months #i thought it was the stress of my abuser staying w my terminally ill mother or the increased work load you guys have been putting on me #but im STARTING to think it might be IBS a food allergy long term lack of nutrients OR. i mean cancer does run in one side of the family so #:'') ive been putting it off bc im scared to find out but. more scared of having to go back to unemployment not w my fucking rent babes #or would a serious diagnosis only INCREASE my odds of being let go bc they cant afford fr my state to worsen and need someone reliable?? aaa #not me hoping i get diagnosed: Deadly Disease Likely To Kill Me In Under A Year so i neednt worry abt anything beyond that limited time span #knowing full well it's wayy more likely to be like. make some minor changes to general life style and youll be fucking fine syndrome. anyway #whats up good morning i otherwise had a great weekend at the bbq and the free music festival. and i do have therapy later tonite

[jacobied]

feeling fucked up tonight<3

#i cant stop being stupid and insane about my book MAYBE not even definitive yet getting a french translation like haha what if i did some #hot girl shit and called it off and died ? :3 #i havent drawn or written anything Good in like months i feel like removing my bones from my body like god get ouT im so stuck on everythin #and now i dont even want to do the Good Cool Thing thats right in front of me for god knows what reason other than im fucking crazy #also every other week i realize tht i will nawt be able to get anything meaningful out of therapy [as if i can afford it lol<3] for minimum #the next couple years bc if i bring up me being lonely me being isolated they're just gonna tell me to stop being scared of covid<3 #like girlie said that to me in 2021 ! the vaccine was JUST out lol like the fuck ? what the fuck ? guess i'll die here ! #jade.exe

[celticwoman]

.

#this depressive episode is kicking my ass #i want to enjoy things so bad but the only things i can do rn is cry and stare at the wall #its so fucking frustrating i hate feeling this way #i need to go back to therapy but i cant even afford that #god life sucks sometimes ! #hopefully theres a bus strike tomorrow so i dont have to leave the house #anyways im sorry i havent replied to messages. ill do it when i feel better #lets hope thats soon. otherwise i might have to off myself #sigh #cami.txt

[jennrypan]

Not to be bitter on main but can the world stop showing me cat shit.

FUCKS SAKE.

I get it, I dont have a fucking god damn cat anymore and probably wont ever get one cuz my mom refuses to let me and my job would it impossible to spend time with it!!!! I know! Fuck off and fuck you.

I dont care how your cats doing, I dont care that you found or saw one. SHUT UP. Fuck!

On one hand Im sooo happy for these people but on the other end im so fucking..angry and bitter and jealous and it fucking sucks.

And the fact I couldve spent time with my cat and Ill NEVER know what happened and how she got worse CUZ MY FUCKING MOTHER TOOK MY KEYS FOR TWO DAYS SO I COULDNT FUCKING SEE HER AND I GET BACK AND SHES LIMPING AND CRYING AND I DUNNO WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED FUCK.

I cant stop thinking about it and I just fucking get angry cuz I spent one day with her!!!! And she fucking died!!fUCK. I CANT FUCKING GET OVER THAT AND IF I FUCKING EXPRESS HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS AND HOW MUCH ITS DESTROYED MY EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL STATE ID FEEL LIKE IM BEING DRAMATIC AND ANNOYING.

#thats really sad #j.p speaks #not fandom related #im literally never happy ever and havent been happy in a while #im big enough to admit im a bitter person who does not wanna hear about good things sometimes cuz i WISH that were me. it sucks idk #obviously im not gonna be an asshole out loud but i wish i didnt see these many videos e e and my aunt just..telling me about her cat. #like the only ones that seemed to give a shit my fucking cat died on my bed #is my FRIENDS and its insane #my family just said i didnt care about my cat enough or just and just fucking moved on #my mom also got mad at me cuz SHE locked me out two days after my cat died and i had to spam her to get let in #fuck im so fucking #im so pissed off #this happened in september and Im still so fucking pissed and distraught and its INSANE #i cant even afford therapy to get over it!!!

[thatdemiboymess]

Even just half-heartedly looking for work as someone who is legally blind, autistic, with no highschool diploma, GED, or degrees and who can't leave the house is a very specific kind of let-down and disappointment that just really makes a person depressed.

#irl #vent #suicidal ideation #i am a money sink and a financial burden and trying to look for ways to fix that turns up nothing!!! #society abandons those who cannot work!!! and i sure do seem to be unemployable!!! #like #i would need a work from home job that doesnt require a highschool diploma ged or a degree that i can do as someone who is legally blind #at the LEAST #even just being a cashier at pet smart requires a fucking highschool diploma!!! and i cant even do that sort of work anymore!!! #i dont have any fancy little talents or areas of expertise either!!! i cant code i suck at source work i cant do graphic design!!! #what am i supposed to do #can someone just like put me down like a sick animal or smth at this point #because i feel like all i amount to at this point is a burdensome and childish good for nothing waste of space #and an additional source of stress and disappointment for everyone who has ever cared about me or had hopes for my future #sincerely feel like everyone who knows me would be better off if i were dead #no one would have to take care of me then - theyd be free of any burden i put on them #hell considering how few people i talk to and how little o do talk to ones i DO talk to they probably wouldnt even notice i were gone #and once they did they probably wouldnt be upset for long at all if they would be upset to begin with #my partner would be free to find a smaller more affordable place to live or could even get a car and live in it as he thought of doing #before if i werent around being a little needy whiny bitch #seriously whats even the fucking point #im so tired of just...fucking everything. #i dont talk about it much but i really do just feel like shit all the fucking time man #and i feel so fucking powerless and like i have no control of my life too #should probably be in therapy still but i just know theyd force me into the psych ward again #not that talk therapy would do shit for me anyways tho #i dunno #im tired and sad and hopeless and i just wanna go to sleep and not wake up again #not that it matters or anything though lololol

[bedcorpse]

this stupid fucking antidepressant hasnt done SHIT what the FUCK

#emma shut up #and i cant afford therapy + cbt is utter bullshit so i have no desire to try and 'self help' my way thru a mental health crisis #like can i just jump off the fucking balcony. please. for the love of god #im so fucking sick of being alive #personal

[builtfromthesamestar]

. pt 2

#cw: mental illness #cw: mental health #tw: suicidal ideation #long story short im not doing too hot rn #im back from college and im lonely #im so upset about these kids and how the US government fucking sucks #like whats the point to anything rn? #im so close to just saying fuck it but i cant #but seriously like the world is going to shit so why do i bother trying to acheive success when its gonna tear me down anyways? #i dont want to live in a world where children cant have a full life or where im just never going to be able to be successful? #my school degrees are absolutely fucking worthless #but im 30k in debt but like im never going to pay it off #my dad and i are way too fucking similar #hes a suicidal alcoholic and honestly i get it #literally whats the point of living in a world where you cant afford to be alive anyways? #like sure my friends are worth it but is anything else? #ill never be able to travel or live comfortably and ill be struggling for the rest of my life and i. just so fucking tired #i cant afford therapy or even health insurance #fuck i cant even afford my car right now #i cant even find money for living on campus next year #i just want to push all of my friends away but i also want to tell them this #but i cant #i cant bear the idea of telling them this bc itll make them worry and theres nothing they can do about it #thats why im posting this on here but jfc im so tired #personal #tw: loneliness #if you know me in person and see this no you dont

[wildcardsoul]

my PERSONA 3 OC!!!!!!!! Touma Hiroya :) He's a part time school nurse and researcher for SEES! He's also a little gay with Shuji. His persona is Eos! Credits and more info under the cut

Lineart and design done by my boyfriend alistartdraws! I just colored it & 3rd drawing was commission by scudoangelo on twitter

A very very brief TLDR Touma was born into an average family. mom, dad, older sibling. parents end up leaving/dying so its just the siblings on their own. older sibling ends up becoming a scientist in the kirijo group working on the experiments while touma is still going through medical school. sibling dies in the explosion, touma's now on his own struggling to afford things. has to end up dropping out of school and cant afford to pay rent so hes struggling on the streets for a bit. during the dark hour shuji finds him and yoinks him up bc hey! hes got the potential! plus hes like ohh yeah no i owe you sorry your sibling died. shuji gives him a place to stay (maybe they are roommates. idk) and helps him get in as an apprentice nurse at the school . he often visits the dorms with shuji and helps treat the kids wounds after battles and stuff

he has noooo idea about shuji's true plans and motives and genuinely falls for him . shuji.. also likes him but he's kinda conflicted bc its messing up his evil plans!!! it does not matter though he still tries to go through with them, and after getting shot touma goes to try and save him from falling off the top of tartarus, and ends up falling too. during this rush or near-death and the desire to want to protect shuji, his persona finally awakens and he's able to save him and get him patched up .. and get him into some fucking THERAPY!!!!!! and they kiss and stuff the end <3

#persona #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #persona 3 oc #p3 #p3re #p3 oc #shuji ikutsuki #self ship #self insert #selfship #self shipping #oc #original character

[hellshire-harlot]

Categorically, I’m one of the lucky ones. Both my parents are employed, and I have an employment opportunity coming up quite soon. We own our house, I’ve never had to go hungry, and we always have heat, electricity, and Wi-Fi.

and yet. AND YET.

We are barely above the poverty line. Some years I had to go without school lunches because we couldn’t afford the fees. We save money wherever and whenever we can. Going out to eat at a burger joint is a special treat for special occasions because we can’t afford it often. Some of my favorite foods and snacks- pomegranates, veggie straws, chips, hell, even lemonade -are luxuries because we just don’t have the money to spare for it. The attitude has rubbed off on me so much that I go out of my way to avoid spending money and I feel guilty when others spend money on me, even for things like gifts or fucking therapy.

If any of our phones were to break, it would probably ruin us. If any of our cars broke down it would be even worse. One of the reasons I got into achievement hunting and building and exploring in video games is because buying new games is almost always a luxury we can’t afford. I use achievement hunting and making complex builds and finding all the Easter eggs as a way to squeeze out every last bit of enjoyment I can from a game so I can last until we can afford to get new ones. All of our clothes are thrifted or second hand. Same for most of our furniture. We stay in our house all day not only because we don’t like going out often and there isn’t a lot to do, but because WE CANT AFFORD TO DO FUN THINGS MORE THAN A FEW TIMES A YEAR.

I worry constantly about how my basic needs affect my family’s wealth. And we’re the lucky ones, because I’ve never had to worry about being homeless. I don’t consider myself very lucky, actually. My family worries constantly about money. They hate their jobs. They can’t afford to get new jobs because going without a paycheck is too risky. And how would they get new jobs? Neither of them went to college, and we don’t have the money for any of us to go. I’m basically unemployable in my current mental state, and that’s not liable to change. We’re lucky. Most of my friends have it way worse than I do. And yet I don’t feel very fucking lucky.

Everyone talks about poverty in the context of not being able to eat or receive reliable healthcare. Obviously those are huge fucking issues that need to be immediately addressed, and I don’t mean to minimize them. But I hardly see anyone talking about the kind of poverty that gives you just enough to get by a little comfortably- but no more than that. You have the money for your home, your food, your car. But you don’t have money for games. You don’t have money to go out and eat something nice. You don’t have money to buy toys for your kids. You don’t have money to see a movie, or buy that new phone that would be such an improvement over the secondhand one you have now. You don’t have money for anything that would put you at ease. And yet, you’re made to feel lucky, that you should be grateful. You’re not poor, poor people can’t put food on the table. Stop complaining. Be grateful. You could have it so much worse.

No one even addresses that yes it could be worse. But it sure as hell could be a lot fucking better, too. And that kills me.

#Poverty #Lower class #Classism #minimum wage #Vent #anarchism #anti capitalism #Eat the rich #I’m just so frustrated #I just want to have something nice every once in a while #Luxury #Middle class #Lower middle class #Money #Struggles #financial struggles #Homelessness #Poor #Class struggle #class war #I want to kill every Billionaire in the world. I want to make them suffer. #I want to tear their eyes out and make them eat them. I want to make them suffer like I have #I wanna rip their throats out with my teeth and burn them alive. #wealth redistribution

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

This is mostly just a vent but. Im so deep in burnout i cant go to work. i wake up and get ready and dressed and then i freak out and have a meltdown bc its overwhelming and i end up thinking of everything im fucking up by calling in to the point my boss tried to call me to talk and i just never responded bc i dont know what to do. im looking for a new job but idek if thats gonna help. my bf and i just got our first apartment and im able to make rent rn with literally no money left after and i feel so guilty bc it's causing him so much stress too. i have a therapy appt set but im so scared to ask for the help i need bc idk how to tell a professional i think im autistic and have adhd without sounding like im begging for meds. and to top it all off i just got home from my parents and my cat that i left (for my little brother) has a hematoma that parents could probably afford vet care for if they really tried but they wont and i cant even think about paying for that rn. im so scared shes gonna die. shes 8-9 and has been getting matts lately and shes already practically blind and im so scared. i skipped school for almost 2 weeks when my last cat died idk wtf im gonna do.

Hi there,

I’m so sorry about your kitty. I lost my childhood cat last year. Her name was Alice. I called her Allie for short. Here she is:

As for the apartment issue, I can’t really help with because I’ve never lived with my significant other (but I’m hoping to in the future).

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe my followers can give some advice or tips on this.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

tiktok is good for a lot of things but what i really hate is the tiktokers who are like wieiad as a person healing my relationship with food BECAUSE many of these people have access to nutritionists, which they dont mention. so yeah, of course your fOoD hEaLiNg JoUrNeY is going so so well becky, you can afford the medical professionals to help, and you have the money to make your $50 smoothie bowl every morning. you have the income to support you $200/session personal trainer. you can afford fresh produce and to put together nutritionally complete meals. a lot of people cannot afford any of that. thats why some of us arent healing. we cant even afford to start.

likewise with ppl who are grieving and post what theyre doing to help themselves. self help is great dont get me wrong, but of course youre gonna feel 10000x better when you can afford to have your basic needs met AND go out for retail therapy, or some form of spending to help your process every day. everyone would much rather cry in a nice, clean home where they can afford to spend $200 redoing their space on a whim than to cry while stressed out over which bill is getting paid and how are they gonna put gas in their car. like no shit your grief healing is going great, mine would also be fan-fucking-tastic if i could afford to hire someone else to clean my house or afford to do up my garden or if i had money to go out to eat with friends like????

none of this is realistic for the avg person but the way tiktoker influencers are they make you almost feel bad for not being able to do stuff like that idk if its just me tho. but it pisses me off lol like i dont think these ppl realise the unreal privilege they have.

[grntaire]

oversharing on the internet again lol

i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.

but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao

#personal

[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

Personal share: I just needed to vent this out to a void of some sort.

Nobody warns you about the 'literal' COST of Living you face once your born. I feel like my childhood was me being scammed into spending a bunch only to be later slapped in the face with the receipt and expected to pay it. "What?You can't pay it? Well let's make it a debt you owe me, now get to work bitch"

I'm sharing this here because honestly, I think if anyone I know and love in my real life were to hear me out they'd tell me what I already know "That's just Life".

With how sensitive i am right now, I'd break down into a sobbing mess and I can't afford that right now......

- Im on the verge of feeling numb again, like brittle and so ready to disappear.

-Im struggling to feel passion and feel stuck in an endless cycle of work, sleep, eat repeat.

- I feel empty and a constant thrum of nausea at everything I say, do or when I see my reflection.

-Ive tried buying my joy and short bursts of satisfaction but it always leaves my bank account empty and fades too quickly.

-I miss my parents, but I'm a adult now and they expect adult things from me. They don't have time for my mood swings because I'm "just too much"

-My sister is drained from work and I don't want to be an additional burden

-My best friend is preparing to fight for her new career and I don't even have my liscense to drive. (I have no idea why she still keeps me around when I'm so unambitious)

- My cousin has lost so much weight and im growing jealous of her confidence. (She's married and has 3kids!! I'm jealous that she's found someone she trusted to start a family with and I'm still a lonely sob)

-My brother is moving out to live with his long term gf and start his studies. (He has no loans thanks to my sis and I, Obvs doesn't respect or care for me as much as he does her. I deserve it honestly, but it still stings sometimes)

- I struggle to speak most days because I just don't think. I have anything worth saying. (But my job requires me to call ppl and I cant afford to lose this gig)

-I struggle to eat because I just can't find the balance between starving and overindulgence. (I love my body. But there are parts of me I feel I need to change because society or loved ones say I should)

-I struggle to socialise because I just don't share the same interest as those around me or my work colleagues. (Is this because I don't know who I am some days? Or because I just don't have the energy to be contradictory to somebody else's opinion?)

-Im constantly sick and feel guilty for taking days off and still getting sick leave pay. (My job caters to this!! It's in my contract so why can't my brain stop making everything feel like doomsday!?)

- I don't often make mistakes but when I do their huge and I feel immense shame and guilt everytime. I'd offer up my limb if it would make the bad feeling go away. (These are the moments I wish I could read minds, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it!? Is it actually ok or are you just saying that then talking shit bout me behind my back?)

Honestly..... I just don't think I value myself enough right now, I don't think Im seeing my worth and I desperately need to fix it before it becomes worse.

I've had this fight before and I won, I'm not doing it again.

I'm tired.

God am I tired.

Fuck.

If this doesn't ease up before my next one to one with my boss, I'll ask them to send me to therapy (work benefit is that'll be free)

#dont read #im just in a mood #feelings and gloom

[ktae]

i get my prozac by mail and for absolutely no reason it got forwarded (to where idfk bc i've lived in the same apt for over three fucking years) and i've already been off my meds for like a week and usps says they'll follow up with my claim in 3 days so i guess im going to the stupid post office after work today. also my doctor refuses to refill my adhd meds without a follow-up and i literally do not have the time or money for that so i'm just rawdogging life completely unmedicated rn 🫠 and even when i was on my meds i was doing really bad so i'm like totally spiraling and idk what to do i cant afford therapy i cant ask my parents for help i cant even kms bc my dad's dad just died and even though i'm at my limit i can't double whammy him like that. FUCK

#suicide t