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#i cant control myself anymore
shanti-ashant-hai · 5 months
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why can i not. do things. anymore.
what is wrong
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elipheleh · 7 months
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The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline. They also have the right to choose not to come out at all. The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.
-Alex, Red White & Royal Blue (2023)
i want to talk about this quote. full disclosure, it’s because i keep seeing some really frustrating takes (some of which veer into queerphobia) and i am getting a bit annoyed with people and rather than directly addressing it with them & appear to be picking a fight im going to make an analysis post in my space. (tbf. its mostly on twitter and i have a priv account so that limits me)
disclaimer; this is my interpretation, im not saying its the only interpretation just something to consider. i am queer & cognitively disabled - don’t assume malice and dont be cruel. i will ignore and block freely.
tl;dr/very simplified summary: it doesn’t mean “dont ever speculate about other people’s sexuality” but rather that ‘coming out’ in the way society understands it shouldn’t be a necessity for queer people to exist openly as queer. full context under the cut & self-exploration questions at the end.
so lets start with the context. alex is talking at a point in time when the world has read their emails and so knows both are queer (bi & gay, specifically), but neither alex/the white house or henry/the palace have commented. so more simply - alex and henry are known to be queer, but have not come out. alex uses the speech to come out as bi, and as being in love with henry. he also uses it to imply that he & henry should have the right to choose not to do this formal coming out alex is doing.
okay. lets get into the quote analysis.
The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline.
reasonably self explanatory. each queer person gets to decide their own timing for coming out, and the way that they want to address their sexuality.
They also have the right to choose not to come out at all.
this is where problems with interpretation have started to appear. fundamentally yes, this means people are allowed to not be openly queer/‘out’ if that is what their decision is. but it also means that they can be visibly queer - for example being in a visibly queer relationship; signalling with their aesthetic (e.g. someone being butch, someone who wears only ‘girl’ clothes despite that being at odds to their assigned gender); casually posting about queer things on social media etc - without addressing their own sexuality to others.
it does not mean that you should assume everyone is straight until they explicitly tell you otherwise. and quite frankly insisting that it does mean that is veering into homo-/bi-/queer-phobia because you are insinuating that being not-straight is a negative thing.
The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.
some people seem to be interpreting this as ‘you shouldnt force people out of the closet’ and i don’t think thats quite to the nuance of what it means. yes, i do think that is part of it - in much the same way as the previous sentence - but it is not really the whole of it. in my opinion this is actually addressing - at least to some degree - the concept of ‘we should assume people are straight until they explicitly say otherwise’.
the ‘forced conformity of coming out’ addresses the idea that to be “out” you have to follow these steps; that you have to make a public statement that ‘this is my sexuality and i am [queer/bi/gay/pan/ace/etc]’. you are conforming to this precedent of “how to come out” that countless queer people have followed. there’s nothing inherently wrong with doing so, but actually there are different ways to be queer - and even being “out” as queer - that don’t involve following that playbook.
here’s a hypothetical to demonstrate my point. two men, who have never dated any women, live together & spend basically all their time together over 5-10 years. they holiday with each other’s family, they’re always together at events (e.g. weddings of non-mutual friends), but they’ve never told you/the public that they’re queer and/or dating each other. at what point does one start to assume they’re together? and does the answer change if its a man & a woman rather than two men? if a man & a woman did that, people would assume pretty early on they’re probably dating. but yet when it’s two men suddenly it’s invasive to speculate. this is where this concept of the forced conformity of coming out comes in - along with the veering into homophobia i referenced earlier - why must they say the words “i am gay” for it to then be ‘okay’ to consider that they’re together? (the homophobia comes into play because if you think being gay is morally neutral (which it is) then you shouldn’t have any issue with the speculation about people being together regardless of their genders.) the idea that straight is the default is where this forced conformity starts to really kick in.
i guess the main things i want people to ask themselves are these (and i have been asking myself these questions, there is no judgement or censure just self examination):
1. do you think people can be openly queer publicly without explicitly sharing that they are queer? (by this i mean in an announcement or in casual conversation. can you be openly queer without ever addressing it explicitly?)
2. if you do, why do you think that talking about the possibility someone is queer is something that should be hushed up? is it because there is an internalised concept that being queer is something abnormal and/or negative? if it was a straight couple would you feel the same way?
3. what does “coming out” mean to you? why does it mean that, what have you internalised to get to that conclusion & is it something that always works or are there other ways to be openly queer (or ‘out’ if you prefer)?
4. is it possible that there are queer people living openly and happily as themselves without explicitly addressing their sexuality to the wider world, who don’t want to address it publicly? does this make them closeted or ‘less’ queer to you? if so, what makes you think that?
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raintides · 8 months
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AUGHHH AGHHHH anyway i got to episode 84
revolver throwing the duel as his way of apology and soulburner being so angry but also not being able to land the final hit MADE ME SO!!! also shouting and crying at the convo afterwards that was like
revolver: are you satisfied?
soulburner: of course not! i don't even know your identity! i can’t duel you! what am i supposed to do?!
revolver, resolutely: i am kogami ryoken
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frecklydork · 8 months
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god im so excited for the Barbie movie today. I might be a bit tense while seeing my triggers on screen but honestly I’ve been doing so so so well handling my ptsd the last few weeks and I'm very proud of myself!!!!!
there’s a few triggers I’ve been actively working on reclaiming and I KNOW I’m going to be okay watching the movie bc I am not letting anybody take this from me. I know I’m gonna wanna see it more than once. I even bought myself a cute pink skirt for it ;w;
#I’m gonna wear pink glitter in my hair too for opening night#woof#like i know im gonna be rly tense but i have been doing SO much better than i was just a month ago#if anything ill just be incredibly tense at first. but i genuinely think ill relax more as the movie progresses#bc ive been using grounding techniques for months and ive been working so goddamn hard to reclaim pink#WHICH IS SUCH HUGE PROGRESS FOR ME to think back to january when i couldnt look at pink at ALL#and i think seeing pink literally every single second for 2 hours straight in the barbie movie#is gonna also help my brain be like 'oh hey everything is fine' help it to become desensitized#bc ive been doing exposure therapy and im doing so much better than i was even just one month ago!!!!!!!#barbie is my girlfriend. and ken is my boyfriend. and i have two hands they can hold#god!!! you know how many barbies im gonna kiss!!!!! SO MANY#this is MY movie i have been so fucking excited to see!! its my number one favorite thing ive been looking forward to!!!!#i have wanted to see this! so! fucking! badly! and fuck anybody who tried to ruin that for me#i dont want ptsd to control my life#i feel like im riding a bull and gripping it by the horns while its trying to kick me off while im yelling Not Today Bitch#thats what trying to reclaim triggers feels like#but i can fucking feel it working i can feel myself getting better with some of these triggers i cant believe it#and i think just a year from now most of these triggers wont be severe anymore#which is my goal. i dont even need them to be cured completely i just want to function normally#cannot tell u how fucking unreal it is to have so many triggers that are like. normal everyday stuff#colors. clothes. phrases. transformers. im taking ALL of that shit back#STARTING WITH PINK ONE OF MY FAVORITE GODDAMN COLORS 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#THE EMOJI LOOKS RED ON DESKTOP BUT THAT IS OKAY.
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dallonwrites · 7 months
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reblogs off bc i dont want to start Conversations based on other peoples posts but re the whole "who is in control you or the character" question, i find it SO interesting because it's by letting myself discovery write that I (for me personally disclaimer) found the perfect balance between intuition and intention. which to preface "intution" is the easiest way to describe how the inside of my writers brain feels bc often i just get vivid characters/stories/images/scenes with little control at first and i have to figure out what they mean. anyway discovery writing is what works for my brain to make intentional decisions because i need to be amidst a draft to get the Story Cogs working, whenever i try to outline before a draft it's always been just throwing things at a wall bc it feels too far away, but because im also using the discovery element to do that it's like. that's where i think the whole i feel like my characters reveal themselves to me comes from. because im always discovering small bits about them even if i've written them for years just but because discovery writing is also what prompts me to be intentional about writing as i write something it's like both are happening at the same time. so the whole "who's in control" it's like...i don't think control is the right word for me at all because its not Me or the Character it's me trying to understand the character to understand + then write my intentions. like neither me or the character are in the drivers seat because there's no car we are in the middle of the story forest and at first i won't know what it means at all except that it is a Story. and my character will start going one way and sometimes i'll follow and pay attention to where they're taking me to figure out if this is the right path/where to go next. and sometimes i'll figure out how to read the compass first and realise i need to drag their ass in another direction
#anyway i just thought this was interesting because i used to think i needed to outline to be intentional/in control of my story#but outlines are too distant for me to feel like im in control so thats why theyre more organisational than creative for me#whilst we're infodumping on process i also dont like the whole are characters Like Real People or just Story Tools#like yes my characters are tools for the story just like how the story is a tool for demonstrating my characters#like again i dont think its one or the other for me#but i treat them as very 'real' (which this can be another tangent in itself) and intuitive is the best way to describe how i process them#but that doesnt mean there isnt intention and control you know#like the reason i describe my characters and stories as 'real' to me is simply bc they are very vivid in my brain#and that vividness often expands the bounds of the story#i want to go on the 'real' tangent the weight of that word one day#i think this makes sense if u know that for me i rarely get 'ideas' i get images#and characters/relationships#and i have to figure out what that means as a story#also no i dont think you need 'intuition' bc thats just the word i use for myself but i do think you need to understand#how intention works w your writing process and what it means for you to be intentional and what helps you be intentional#and sometimes that will be not considering any form of 'intuition' at all#beloved writeblrs i think i need to launch the dallonwrites substack i cant be doing these tag essays anymore!! i need to expand!!! someone#give me a podcast
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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I just want to be able to indulge in my disorder without losing my ability to draw often and hyperfixate and hold a conversation and physically digest food without nausea and pain
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br1ghtestlight · 25 days
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me when im a horrible cruel ungrateful and rude person and then nobody likes me or wants to be around me
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azulsluver · 1 year
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God I need Azul buttass naked, oiled up in scented raspberries and twerking on me rn
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m00ngbin · 3 months
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Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this
Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places
Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable
#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds#its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear#something ive been thinking about is disability#i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that#in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do#im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have#to give up what freedom i have left#i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life#and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support#being independent and being self sufficient#i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it#and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful#maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary#my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body#im not in control of my own body anymore#maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it#because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and#not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening
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renegaderevan · 4 months
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.
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thegalacticidiot · 5 months
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Im so tired
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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Work has ruined me i literally cannot enjoy playing yakuza because of my stomachache like fuck you ....
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bugbxyjunk · 7 months
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hi i talk about s/h and and e/d in here stay safe and don't read the tags if you know you can't 🫶🦈
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fleastinger · 7 months
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#if i told you i could not fall asleep on your birthday could you believe me?#that i slept in the jamaica shirt?#i have no idea if that was your gift to me or if it was for my uncle or someone else#i have your shot glass that you so haphazardly gave to me#but tbh i was such a coward i couldnt bear to touch and give out all of your gifts#it feels wrong. a reminder that I fucked things up with us#i dont even know what i want anymore or if i can get through this#i feel so alone wallowing at the current state of things#im constantly short of money and overspending like crazy#i keep thinking about the guilt of it all and the knowledge that you wouldn't be so happy hearing from me if you knew what happened#and what i continue to do#i just feel so lost after realizing i ripped apart of my soul out by leaving you#and knowing that i did something that had broken it beyond repair if i didnt go#just. hoping your year is better#and now i cant stop thinking of the ways i freely gave my love to you without thinking#how we shouldve been serious sooner and that i couldve been with you if i was better#better at controlling myself or better at admitting that i was struggling#oh my sweet...it doesnt even matter the little things like my sex drive being higher than yours#or the fomo id have about not doing things when you let me socialize and would join/invite me to things#its hard to confront giving my niece a gift from you and face the fact that the trip wouldve made me open up#i was just. too cowardly to let go of my ex.
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bare1ythere · 1 year
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My local fan convention has a cosplay show that anyone can enter to show off and get a professional photo taken, and just the thought alone-- only considering participating- made me feel slightly dizzy
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thorst · 9 months
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Imagine how awkward apartment hunting with Bruce Wayne would be.
You: okay, it's a great place. I'm going to present an offer of (10% below asking price)
Real estate agent: *slowly looks between you and your "friend with experience in real estate", who is very obviously the Prince of Gotham, Bruce Wayne himself*
You: can I get the paperwork ..?
Real estate agent: so that's (10% below asking price), right
You: yes
Bruce: *breathes in*
You: you don't have to do that
Bruce: I kind of do, though
You: at least let me buy lunch
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