Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
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BLUE ೯⠀⁺ ⠀ 𖥻 l.norris
𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐱 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐳!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 — ᝰ.ᐟ SMAU
PLOT ━━・❪ When she reminds him of the colour blue, and he becomes more and more obsessed with the colour, eventually the two becoming entirely to obvious much to the dismay and shock of her brother ❫
WARNINGS ━━・❪ everything written is fake and for the purpose of entertainment, mature language, kinda cringe tbh, not proofread ❫
a/n: ❝ you remind me of the colour blue, girl i’m so in love with you ❞ - this fic is inspired by these mac miller lyrics cause I can’t get them out of my head.
key info - anything with ‘ ❀ ’ means speech is in spanish as it makes more sense for two people who both speak spanish to communicate in their native language rather than in the second language of english, however I speak no spanish and would be unable to translate mass amounts of text, will be translating smaller parts tho with an app so translations may be wrong!!
my fics!
comment or message me privately if you want to be on my taglist !
( INSTAGRAM POST — JULY, 2023 )
yourusername
uploaded a post — 3h ago
liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 41,432 others
yourusername I want blue injected in my veins
view all 987 comments
username you and the colour blue>>
carlossainz55 the correct answer is red
yourusername BLUE FOREVER AND EVER
alexalbon she’s a Williams girl fr
yourusername @ alexalbon actually suddenly feeling more papaya
carlosainz @ yourusername 🤔
username who got you those flowers yn?
yourusername cant a girl get herself some flowers
username @ yourusername judging by the fact you posted a deleted Instagram story of you crying about being bought flowers I’m gonna go with someone else got them😭
username someone check on lando
username why?
username @ username lando has been trying to convert her to papaya for years especially when carlos was his teammate
username @ username are they dating?
username @ username dk fans want them to be tho, landos been obsessed with her since he joined McLaren (he ignores these claims)
username I thought she was in england with carlos for the british grand prix ?
yourusername I am I flew in this morning, these photos were from the other day🫶🏻
( INSTAGRAM POST — JULY, 2023 )
yourusername
posted on their story — 7h ago
viewed by landonorris, and 63,765 others
replies to your story
landonorris you should come visit my garage blue, maybe give me a good luck kiss
| yourusername I think my brother would kill us both, but maybe you’ll receive a well done kiss later…it’s only free practice tho so maybe maybe not
| landonorris who cares, don’t torture me please. stop by mclaren hospitality later
| yourusername visiting you where everyone can see is scandalous (I’m going to anyway)
username dye his whole garage blue
| yourusername I think I might 🤭
lnfour
posted on their story — 5h ago
viewed by yourusername, and 233,444 others
replies to your story
username HES SO HOT OH MY LIFE
username home race? podium impending?
yourusername tell him I love all the blue on his wrist… and his hair, face, and arms🤭
| lnfour it’s all your fault, you’re infecting me (lando)
( IMESSAGE — JULY, 2023 )
carlitos
1 new notification — 6m ago
❀
( INSTAGRAM STORY — JULY, 2023 )
landonorris
posted on their story — 2h ago
viewed by yourusername, and 1,444,444 others
replies to your story
username LANDO LANDO LANDO
username p1 next🙏🏽
carlossainz55 I’m on to you norris
| landonorris what
| carlossainz55 you’re not slick my sister and you
| landonorris huh
yourusername so proud of you lan🧡
| landonorris couldn’t have done it without your good luck kiss
| yourusername you’re so cute just wanna smother you
| landonorris I’m scared of you blue
( TWITTER — JULY, 2023 )
astonsainz
published a tweet — 5h ago
( IMESSAGE — JULY, 2023 )
carlitos
0 new notifications — 0s ago
❀
( INSTAGRAM POST — AUGUST, 2023 )
landoluvrrr
uploaded a post — 1h ago
liked by username, and 24,876 others
landoluvrrr lando recently during the summer break
view all 934 comments
username 🤔
username bros been wearing a lot of blue recently
username real is the gf effect this strong
username I wonder what carlos thinks about them
username I can’t imagine he’d be happy🤣
username *plays mac miller*
username hes so hot I love him
username is he on holiday?
username hes been spotted in Greece with yn sainz this morning
( INSTAGRAM STORY — AUGUST, 2023 )
yourusername
posted on their story — 3h ago
viewed by carlossainz55, and 69,569 others
replies to your story
username WHO IS THAT MAN
username YOURE IN GREECE WITH LANDO? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LIVE MY DREAM
❀
carlossainz55 answer my texts are you in Greece with lando? are you dating him? I will fucking fly to Greece if I have to yn
( INSTAGRAM POST — AUGUST, 2023 )
landonorris
uploaded a post — 4h ago
liked by yourusername, charlesleclerc and 3,683,419 others
landonorris I’m addicted to you, blue
view all 5,811 comments
landonorris please don’t kill me carlos I love your sister
yourusername don’t be scared of him he’s a big softy, love you too🫶🏻🫶🏻
username the way the he calls her fucking blue, my guy is in love
charlesleclerc carlos just texted me that he’s gonna kill lando I now understand why
yourusername charles don’t freak him out, stoppp
charlesleclerc does it make it worse if I say carlos sent me a photo of a ticket to greece?
yourusername converted you, is it or is it not your fav colour🫡
mclaren 🤨
yourusername @ mclaren whoops, the mcl60 has blue on it tho so it’s ok😇
carlossainz55 you’re dead.
username carlos didn’t know?!
carlossainz55 MY BABY SISTER
yourusername not a baby!
carlossainz55 I’m flying to greece rn, yn don’t move
landonorris please don’t kill me, I love your sister and I promise to treat her right and cherish her for as long as she’ll let me
yourusername leave him carlos or I’ll call mami
carlossainz55 answer your phone we need to talk lando.
landonorris uhhh
yourusername you will not threaten him, I’m gonna be there whilst you call him
username help carlos in the comments is so funny, I wonder how long he’s gonna flip out for😭
yourusername not long, took a look at landos face on call and went back to being obsessed with MY BOYFRIEND
carlossainz55 @ yourusername he was mine first
yourusername @ carlossainz 🤨
yourusername the papaya to my blue 🫶🏻
liked by landonorris !
tags — @edwardslvrr
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dsmp if... you were a romance trope
i got inspiration (sapnap, dream, george, karl, quackiy, wilbur)
sapnap (hockey x figure skater):
- im in the middle of heartbreaker rn and SHUT UP
- i LOVE THIS TROPE
- IM NOT EVEN A FIGURE SKATER I DO TAEKWONDO BUT I STILL FROTH OVER THIS SHIT
- and then in addition to that one tommyinnit is a figure skater and everyone else is on a hockey team “ice these hurts” or smt h like that
- i love this trope.
- anyway i think that this trope comes hand in hand with enemies to lovers
- his hockey team and ur figure skating group are at the same winter sports competiton
- and you have to share a rink
- booooo
- so everyday you end practice with the sight of a bunch of hockey buffs roughhousing in the stands, waiting for you to finish
- and everyday a certain brunette one sneers and smirks at you as you walk off the ice
- “had a nice practice ice queen/king?” he asks you teasingly
- “shut up, yeti” you mutter back gratingly as you bump your shoulder into his build as you pass him
- and he comes up with a new one everyday
- and you quip right back at him, unphased
- one day, he comes into practice early just to spite you
- what he wasn’t expecting is to see how good you actually were on the ice
- he sat there like “ :O” and just watche dyou glide across the ice with what seemed like barely any effort
- and he watched how passionate you were in your craft and the dance
- and bro was whipped right then and there
- so that day as you were leaving he said “you were amazing out there” and it took u jumpscared
- you were like “no insult today?”
- and he was like “dang, didnt know u liked them that much ;) but not today, not for something as beautiful as that”
- and i think you can guess where it went from there... :)
dream (ceo and employee romance):
- AKAIAKAKAHAKH TELL ME YOU SEE THE VISION
- i mean hes a ceo alr so its like one step in the door you know
- anyway hes a ceo
- bro wears those fancy ass suits everyday and has like a wine cellar mini fridge shit thing in his office
- any way you pull up to his headquarters one day for like an interview and you were so fucking nervous
- you ran into him in the elevator (and no clue who he was)
- and you basically vented to him for the 30 second elevator ride before scurrying off to your interview
- bro didnt even get dreams name or anything - he kinda just smiled and wished you well as you ran away
- he thought you were so cute
- and you thought dude was hot as fuck
- anyway you got the JOB!! LETS GOO
- the next day, your supervisor is like taking u around showing u the works - ....and you meet the ceo
- its dream
- and youre like :0 and he’s like *smirk wink* ;) “hey”
- and youre like “well fuck hes the ceo i cant be in love with him”
- and you avoid him
- but he makes it his life’s mission to get on ur radar
- in the break room, in ur cubicle, in the cafeteria, in the parking lot man is ON YOU LIKE A MOTH TO A LIGHT
- eventually he convinces you to go to fancy dinner - and WOW hes paying?? so that shit was FIREEEE
- fancy wagyu steak and 102379182 year old wine i mean cmon
- it was good ok
- he asks you out after dinner and assures u ur job wont be at risk and everything
- ba da bing ba da boom
- now youre dating happily and he spoils the FUCK outta you
- lmk if you want this one as a big fic with dialogue
george (neighbors):
- tell me why whenever i have my delulu daydreams with george he’s always a neighbor
- very much boy next door vibes
- omg HES YOUR COLLEGE ROOMMATE NEXT DOOR
- stoppppp
- on move in day he pulls up with his family and u with urs and youre like
- “hi ! nice to meet you im so exicted to move in!” and bros like “same!”
- sometimes hes loud bc hes talking to his friends but you dont mind
- hes a cs major and ur whatever u want major
- one day you decided to start singing rlly loud while cleaning
- ur singing taylor swift
- and then george could hear you from the room next door to yours
- so he writes up a little post it note that was like “loved the concert! when’s the next one?” and stuck in on your door
- you found it and started mad blushign
- you had a crush on him since day one awwww
- anyways you two started communicating via post it notes and songs played loudly through the walls <3
- till one day you hear boyfriend by big time rush
- and then you play girlfriend by avril lavigne back
- and then he slips you a post it note under the door and you open the door before you could read it
- and its an unspoken like thing that you start dating
- its so romantic how you can saw you guys starting dating because of taylor swift !!
quackity (academic rivals):
- DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THIS TROPE IT BRINGS ME LIFE ALRIGHT
- alright
- two law school students FIGHTING IT OUT ACADEMICALLY
- you guys met in ur freshman year english class or some shit
- clashed together in a discussion group
- and its been game on since then
- your texts with each other are flaunting texts
- “hey alex, guess who got a 97 on the last midterm?”
- “guess who got a 99 ;)”
- over time, the texts started getting more and more hostile
- people started to thing you two actually hated one another’s guts
- but in reality it was more for the thrill
- but this continued throughout your law school careers
- and you both become successful lawyers in the end!!
- and when the headmaster calls you both into his office and says
- “youre both valedictorian! congrats! you have to give a speech together”
- well its like all the hatred faded away
- you grinned and cheezed at each other before giving each other the biggest hug ever
- so you both wrote a speech together
- and soon the day of graduation came
- and q goes at the end “i wouldn’t be here without the person who motivated me through it all, so thank you (y/n)” and youre like “hey man *sob* wtf *sob”
- and you kiss him on the cheek and cheer to all the graduates
- after the ceremony he catches up to you in the parking lot, grabbing your wrist before you could go off with ur family
- and blurts out word soup
- and ur like what
- and hes like “i really like you, and law school wouldn’t have been the same without you. can we be more than friends?”
- and youre like “duhhh” and kiss him right there
karl (best friends to lovers):
- YOU ARE IN LOVE BY TAYLOR SWIFT
- that is the song for this SCENARIO
- you two met when you were little kids in like first grade
- your friends werent there on that day so you hung out with each other
- hooked to the other since then and there
- it was always “karl and you” and “you and karl”
- you came as a packaged deal
- through ups and downs you were there together
- you graduated high school together and were going to the same college together now
- while karl barely got into any romantic relationships, you seemed to be going through a few of them
- you were desperate for a love connection and honestly i aint blaming u
- one day after a horrible date he came over to your dorm and u had an impromptu sleepover
- you were in karls old shirt and some pajama pants and he was in his pajamas
- and you two were just watching a movie together
- before he turns to you abruptly, and you turn to look at him
- and he’s like “you’re my best friend”
- and you saw a switch flip in him
- since then, the dynamic between you two changed (for the better)
- you became more flirty more touchy
- you started to act like you were a couple more and more
- one day you saw him open his wallet to pull out his card
- and u saw that he has a picture of the two of you in his wallet
- and then you knew that he was it for you
- you ask him out that night
- and hes so happy hes picking you up and spinning you around
- <3
wilbur (musician x fan trope):
- okay this is inspired by those tik toks that are like “did you see the way he looked at me” and its harry styles staring and eyeing down a fan in the audience like YES
- and he’s a musician so it fits!
- imagine lovejoy is like a HUGE HUGE Band so maybe this is in the future
- anyways you and ur friend go to a lovejoy concert
- for the sake of the story, youre not that big a fan of lovejoy just familiar with hits like sex sells and one day
- the whole time ur friend is like “theyre so good hes so good its all so good”
- you two end up a few rows from barricade
- and you and ur friend start screaming it up as you should
- youre not oblivious to the way the lead singer keeps looking over in your direction, winking and smiling
- imagine a sweaty, singing wilbur glancing over at you during sex sells and giving you a smile as he rasps out “you know sex sells i know that”
- brb ascending to heaven
- anyway a time comes when he stops to speak to the audience
- he wastes no time
- he struts over to your side of the stage and points at you
- “what’s your name?”
- and you scream it at him
- “what a lovely name!”
- the crowd cheers
- “ahre you single?” he asks with a grin on his face
- the grin grows when u nod at him
- “give me ur number!?” he asks and you nod at him as ur friend is dying next to you
- he gestures u and ur friend to the front of the stage by the barricade
- and he passes you a marker and make syou WRITE YOUR NUMBER ON HIS GUITAR OR HIS SHIRT OR SOMETHING
- oh yeahh go you go you
thank yoU! let me know if you want any of these to become a bigger story/imagine and LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PART 2 WITH OTHER PEOPLE :D reblogs appreciated
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Desi Girl
Pairing: Carlos Sainz jr x indian!reader
Context: Attending a desi wedding with bae
ps: No specific faceclaim, i got every image from pinterest. Desi girls need some love too and i love carlos so i thought he would be the perfect fit for this.
yourusername
yourusername shaadi (wedding) time!!
ps; not my shaadi, my sister's
tagged: carlossainz55
landonorris where's my invite
yourusername remember the time we invited you for diwali and you almost burned yourself bc YOU INSISTED TO LIGHT FIRECRACKERS WITH MY BROTHER
landonorris no regrets
yourusername you almost died dummy
landonorris like i said no regrets
carlossainz55 ....
ynloversz i love how carlos is so used to their banter that he stays out of it lest he too face the wrath of y/n
yncarlos tired older sister and annoying younger brother dynamic
ynmylove the fact that she already has a younger brother who annoys tf outta her and now she gotta deal with lando and her lil bro
mywifeyn my girl cant catch a break😭
charlesleclerc i wanted to come too...
yourusername you can come when we get married
carlossainz55 what she said^^^
yummyyn they’re so in love😩😩😩
carlitoyn mother is mothering; daddy is daddying
ynwifey shes so so mommy😩
randohater yeah must be fun mooching off your millionaire bf
ynloversz oh someone hold me back im boutta get violent
mywifeyn its always these ignorant americans smh 🤦
ynmyqueen her family is hella rich and practically run almost everything in India so before hating on someone who is way richer and prettier than you, do your research cuz this is embarrassing for you.
f1wags
f1wags Carlos Sainz and his girlfriend Y/n Y/l/n in Jaipur, Rajasthan at her cousin sister's wedding. Both looking quite good in traditional indian outfit.
carlito55 OMG CARLOS IN A KURTA. THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT CARLOS IN A KURTA
carlyn MY JAW DROPPED. THEY LOOK SO GORGGGGG
Ynfanacc mother slaying as usual
yourusername
youusername with meri jaan (my life)🫶
tagged: carlossainz55
ynloversz “meri jaan”🥹
carlitoyn tell me why I’m crying
carlyn they love each other so much I’m crying
carlossainz55 tum meri jaan ho ❤️ (you are my life)
ynwifey Carlos replied in Hindi Oml I’m boutta cry
landonorris did yn help you type this or did you use google translate??😑
yourusername I may have helped a bit
carlossainz55 tu gadha hai (you’re an idiot) landonorris
yourusername now that’s all him, I’m so proud that he’s learning hindi 🥹 (btw my brother taught him that)
yourbrother roasteddd
Ynnnn55 they visited a temple together omlll
ynpyaar (pyaar means love) I literally met them today and they are even cuter and down to earth in real life.
yncarlos I love that even though both of them are really rich they’re still so down to earth which honestly makes them even more attractive
carlitoyn it’s not even just yn, but her entire family is also like that, honestly love her family, they’re such kind souls, it’s no surprise yn is too
carlossainz55
carlossainz55 with mi amor ❤️(my love)
yourusername I love you ❤️
carlossainz55 I love you more baby
landonorris i see you have no shame
yourusername what is our crime??
landonorris having fun without me
yourusername 😐
carlossainz55 😐
yncarlos THE IT COUPLE!!!!
carlitoyn MISS MAAM YOUR OUTFIT!!!! THE HENNA ON YOUR FEET!!! THE FIRST PIC SO CUTE IM GONNA PASS OUT
liked by yourusername and carlossainz55
ynwifey THEM DANCING IS SO ADORABLE
carlossainz55 posted a story
caption: everyone is tired 🫨
yourusername
caption: 🥳🥳
yourusername
caption: Congratulations didi (older sister) and jiju (brother in law)
carlossainz55
carlossainz55 fun couple of days with mi amor
tagged: yourusername
yourusername carlos drank so much chai, he has become a certified indian now🫡
carlossainz55 mazaa aaya (had fun)
yourusername Im glad 😘
landonorris better get an invite to y'all's wedding
yourusername of course lando
carlossainz55 could be any day now so you better check your mail
ynloversz WHAT
carlitoyn always eating with the looks queen 😍
f1wags you guys are a beautiful couple truly ❤️
comments have been limited on this post...
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author's note: Y'all would not believe how much i enjoyed this. Ive been super inactive because ive been super busy with stuff plus with not wanting to write but hopefully im back and will be writing more stuff, a lot F1 related bc im into F1 rn.
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