#i cant stop listening to their fucking GOD LIKE vocals bro help me

[merotwst]

I don't know if you've seen Hadestown (there's a couple reccordings on youtube, it's really good) but I have had this idea stuck in my head of...just...Mc putting on a play in Twisted Wonderland, maybe during their second year when they no longer have to deal with the overblots, and kidnappings and cleaning ramshackle. And Jamil gets the part of Orpheus because his voive is just *chef's kiss* and I know he can play the guitar even if he denies it I KNOW HE CAN

Just Jamil singing the most beautiful love songs in a play about freedom, mending ones relationships, love and hope? Please I'm on my knees at the image of him getting the main part, getting to show his true talents to an audience and be recognized all while his crush is singing alongside him and he's never been happier??? It has me on a chokehold

OK LET ME BE HONEST

the reason i took too long to respond to this was bcs i had to listen to the musical. i finished it and UWOOOGH I FELL MADLY IN LOVE FUCK IT'S SO GOOD ANON THANK U I LOVE U FOR THIS

as for the jamil brainrot

YES?!?!?!?!? OH MY FUCKING GOD

no, i can see myself becoming absolutely mesmerized when he plays this poor boy who keeps his heart on his sleeve

LAAAALALALALALAAAAAAAA

ok but also

hear me out.......

i feel like he'd be so fitting as a hades....

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH BECAUSE HE'S SO GOOD WITH PAIN(?) IDK IF U GET IT BUT THE MELANCHOLY OF HADES WOULD BE SUCH A PRETTY COLOR ON HIM

and then imagine him slowly slowly learning to fall in love with his persephone again

THE SILENT ANGER AND RESENTMENT EVENTUALLY MELTING INTO LOVE ONCE AGAIN IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT PLEASE

imagine him looking at you with the coldest of glares (fans face and flutters eyelashes) and then soon, sooner when jamil hades remembers how much he loves you, the way everything becomes clear to him. what happened to you both? what has he done? he loves you. please say you'll try again with him

SCREAMING SCREAMING CRYING BLUSHING PLS I WOULD PROBABLY GIGGLE DURING REHEARSALS AND HE'D GET ANNOYED "LIZ, STOP THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME"

NO URE TOO BABYGIRL I CANT HELP IT

i wanna play persephone someday UGH HER GROWLY VOCALS

THE BELT in lady of the underground was EVERYTHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE EVER SINCE I WAS A FETUS I WANT TO BE THAT BELT HOW DO I BECOME THAT

i love love love persephone

ahhhh he'd be so excited if his crush got cast as his persephone pls imagine ure dancing with jamil in the end ure in love ure happy again he wants u to be happy go back and bring sunlight into the world once again and he will wait for you in his darkness. he'll keep ur memory of light in his heart until you return to him and ure in his arms again for the other half of the year im tearing up hold on

kalim would be orpheus

he'd be perfect as orpheus with his sunny personality it would br so natural. i dont wanna hear his bird screeching though cuz like apprently in the game people thing his voice sounds good bro idk bitch wher he's constantly SCREAMING. THAT'S NOT IT. ok sorry for the kalim slander i love him lemme squish his cheeks squish squish little bitch boy that i adore smooches forehead

and jamil would definitely be the type make his life more complicated by forbidding him to look back lmao anyways

BECAUSE WOW I DONT WANNA PUT JAMS IN ORPHEUS' AND EURYDICE'S TRAGEDY EITHER

he deserves a happy ending

he is the perfect hades idk if his voice would fit but we can make it work

i know because i was cast as persephone i was there i saw jamil he was perfect

the perfect babygirl for hades

#JAMIL BABYGIRL AS HADES PROPAGANDA #i love this thank u anon for the brainrot #flips hair hi hades kissy face #jamil as hades: stop #. meromess #. merotalks #. ellie's darlings #. ellienon !

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

#tw eating disorder ment// / #long post// / #tldr;;; hey guess what guys. you know what you should do if you think you see a body check?? #compliment em. just avoid the topic of their weight/size/etc or their disorder (even to encourage them to recover. dont start there) #literally pm them and tell them you like their hair. their clothes. their voice. their personality. their art. their username. ANYTHING #that HUMANIZES THEM AS A PERSON OUTSIDE THEIR DISORDER #and BUILDS FOUNDATIONS FOR SELF LOVE!!!!! #/UNCONDITIONAL/ SELF LOVE that reminds them their value lies in MORE THAN THEIR BODY TYPE #that is so unfathomably fuckign IMPORTANTTTTT YOU GUYYYYS DONT UNDERSTAND I #literally please at the very least if u arent comfy with that just stop . Insulting. underweight bodies. that is literally. #'''enabling''' their habits. u have to be literally impossibly ignorant to think that wont make them worse. so. fuck you #if you actually 'care' abt these suffering ppl the way you claim uhhh improve your behavior after hearing all the flaws with it pointed out #puhlease #? #instead of just. sticking the r3xies in the corner and saying 'it makes me uncomfy so if i cant see it it doesnt matter' #like why tf do ppl assume so much of this is about 'attention' or rather positive attention for self destruction #and therefor ANY ATTENTION AT ALL must be bad and shunning is the right answer. like???? #bro just. put in literally an ounce of effort here and give them the right KIND of attention which is easy to figure out if ur educated. #godddddddduhh #yes im sorry but the mentally ill slowly dying ppl DO require your attention actually. if ppl are in danger 'for attention' its uh. #more important that you just. dont ignore that and figure out the most nuanced responses Later actually #yall just dont want the responsibility on you if you say the wrong thing and im sorry but to an extent thats just... kinda... selfish #they need ya buddy you dont have to be bffs with every single one of em but you could just like. treat em like a person at least shruugg #all im asking is that yall educate yourselves a little better and stop this horrible shit

[smutty-ki113r]

omg holy shit- the tiktok with the wink- i am blushing; shaking my heart is racing because that person looks so much like him like wtf!! THE WINK- i will replay this video until i die istg(which won't take long with the way my heart is pumping-). i can't stop giggling either omg. stop i am simping so hard. so i think we are in the same boat here (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

ok he said: "sounds like my typa person; can they give me a tarot reading??? dude; monster high is sick i could watch that shit for days! tell them i want a cuddle buddy so bad and I am excited to meet them in person!" i don't know if that's how he said it word for word but the sense is the same. and don't worry he keeps asking if u wrote again- he likes hearing abt u ^^

dude the thing is i am more scared of them actually liking me but being like: "poly? nope." and then they ask me to choose and i would probably just not shift there again but that would be so fuckn sad cuz I love nina and ben. they r like super important to me. haha but ig i should shoot my shot anyways right?

-🃏

AGGHHHHHHHH we both be simpin- (this first paragraph is just me freaking out so.. feel free to skip ahead) OMLLLLL SAGHHJHHH JFHSLEI HJUIOYKFGHNCHJIYTURJDHJFTYGIU I CANT STOP SOBBING ;ASRHGPUHRG;OUSHRG;OI GOD HELP ME IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW HE ACTUALLY KNWOS ABOUT ME AND THINKS IM COOL IM GONNA STOP BREATHING I NEED HELP- IVE NEVER LIKED SOMEONE THIS MUCH-

*cough cough* ok im done. (●´⌓`●) My vocal cords gave out. He keeps asking if i wrote again like a fic??? I would read his tarot, I would cook him food, I would suck his d-. Essentially, I would do anything for him. If it will make him smile I would fucking do anything. God me??!! MEER!!?? His cuddle buddy OMLOMLOML RED CALM DOWN- im gonna strain my vocal cords BAD.

Also bro- I wanna listen to lady gaga with him. This is now my life goal. (✧Д✧) Do you think he likes lady gaga?? (;ŏ﹏ŏ) God what I would give to listen to love game and just dance around- I don’t care if he thinks im weird. I’ve been waiting all my life for this.

Well how is jeff and Toby’s relationship with eachother?? Ask around about that!! Im sure that once you are completely certain they like you, shoot your shot. BUT ALSO BRO- please please please believe in yourself. You are amazing. Don’t give up mannnnnn. ALSO TYSM FOR THE COFFEEEEEE NOW IM CRYING AGAIN- AIGHA;YIYHIGYISFISA;OH;S I LOVE YOU SO INSANELY A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#🚹 #creepypasta #ben drowned #jeffery woods #jeff the killer creepypasta #toby rogers

[razzlow]

2, 28, 40!!

2. I legitimately ult hs ek AND cs but if i had to choose itd be changsub

28. I love all of them but Tell Me was so!!!! 🗣🗣🗣

40. This isn’t one per member but i actually compiled lists on my own time bc im a loser. they’re long and embarrassing and unedited so im putting them under a cut ghghg

Eunkwang

His naivety like ????? im crine

When he gets 1 (One) bit of attention and gets super excited

His Actually Heart Shaped mouth????

HIS SHARP CANINES IVE NEVER FOUND TEETH SO CUTE IN MY LIFE

he’s so blatant like he can’t hide anything at all everytime bitubi make him do something on the fly his mouth actually opens and closes as he thinks he’s an open book what a cutie

hes said many times how shy he is and sometimes its really obvious but he still does his best to make everyone else around him feel more comfortable and less self conscious often at the cost of his own image

HE’S GOOD!!!! A GOOD BOY!!!! when he asked his viewers to stop using cancer as an insult!!! he’s angelic???

Minhyuk

When he laughs rly loud and carefree im like TT

Anytime he’s around children FFFFFFF https://twitter.com/btob_ot7/status/839509874383990785 LOOK AT THIS MAN he wants to be a father so bad wtf

the fact that he cries so much and cares so much hes a Good Kid i would lay down my life for him

NVM he pretended to cry on his birthday by using eyedrops i thought it was real this KID he’s such a smartass and i lov him

MASSLES

he tries so hard, ha ha no shame minhyuk, but legit he tries so much its so admirable??? and hes good at so many things too and if he isnt he tries his best to be

shamelessly into himself hes hot and he knows it

btob saying hes the best abt watching their broadcasts ffs literally my first time in an instalive i could see minhyuk sending hearts

king of fanservice but like,, actually because he cares so much for fans UUUUUUUUU https://twitter.com/btob_ot7/status/822158518656598017

king of flaunting himself make-up or no make-up!!! he never covers his face with masks or hats at airports when he’s barefaced and he’s!!!! so cute!!!! but it also sends a good “looks aren’t everything” message i love minhyuk

never 4get “gender, age (as long as it’s not between a minor and an adult), and nationality cannot stop love” WHEN WILL YOUR FAV EVER confirmed good-boy minhyuk the straights cant have him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16I0PGQuED8&feature=youtu.be he works so hard i want to cry

Changsub

When he Exists

When he shows his strong kind side he never brags about it like with the Cool Men thing and with the rollercoaster ride on wgm TT

https://twitter.com/zhala_6/status/835545324328529925

When he fawns over kids, talks to them, carries babies UUUUUUU “Kids are the hope of the future, they’re so cute, how could you not love them” BIH

https://twitter.com/tanyung_/status/835571551290462209 UUUUUU

his smile :’(((

the cute mole under his jaw wtf i love everything abt this boy

HIS ELF EARS :’(((((

his voice is legit my favorite voice ever

https://twitter.com/agnesbtt/status/838381162837999616 “changsub-ssi comforted me …” IM ON THE FLOOR he’s so cute his partner on duet song festi was cute too ffffs why didnt the audience support them enough im cryin

every time btob win an award and he makes That face heRE’S TO 100 MORE OF THAT WHERE IS THEIR DAESANG

Hyunsik

OBVIOUSLY HIS SMILE

his cute hiccupy laugh

The fact that he, a muscle man hypebeast baritone, only ever sings mega high notes (but also blease sing lower more take care of ur voice) his voice is so strong and stable always listen the kpop vocal analysis dude can break thru my window and yell @ me about how he’s not actually stable for as long as he wants i wont back down

The fact that he, a muscle man hypebeast baritone, is also a soft sweater paw boy

HIS THICCASS NECC

AND THIGHS

the fact that he almost entered a body building competition before debuting??? 

his oppa kink LLMAO

imo hyunsik is also super good at watching the other members’ broadcasts i see him so much

HIS SENSE https://twitter.com/B2PMGG_/status/839030988751556609

https://twitter.com/nauimellodi/status/839044646357520386 SIK’S SENSE also “please i really love tigers” ID LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR U

LISTEN HES A FURRY BUT HIS LOVE OF TIGERS IS SO CUTE “tigers are so beautiful and sexy and cool and cute and funny and-” WHAT IS HE A 5 YEAR OLD

Peniel

When he patiently and kindly deals with the other members uuuuUUUUU

when he helps them with english or plays with them in english and doesnt laugh at them meanly UUUUUUUUUU

his smilllleeeeee UUUUUu

his sweet voice makes me cry :’((( i want more singing lines like in what’s happening or because its christmas :’((((

HE’S TOO GOOD TO FANS his vlogs, how he started answering melodies tweets recently, how he made an english AND korean version of that girl even if he didnt manage to finish the kr ver on time to release it HE MAKES SUCH A HUGE EFFORT TO INCLUDE EVERYONE

He’s so legitimately funny and cute u could hear the staff on amigo tv and on knowing bros falling 4 him (legit who was that staff member on knowing bros that u could actually hear calling peniel cute i lov her)

Ilhoon

When he acts all cool and aloof but in reality is a big loser with 0 swag AND 0 class

the fact that hes a fUCKING TEABOO UUUU HES SO EMBARRASSING BUT HES SO GENUINELY OBSESSED WITH THIS KINGSMAN SHIT AND ITS SO CUTE IM ASHAMED OF MYSELF

his smile;;; id die to protect it

his super loud laugh ILHOONS A FUCKING GREMLIN BUT HES SOFT AND I LOV HIM

his god awful selfie angles like same dude me too

u didnt hear this from me but j*ng *lh**n is c*te and i l*v* h*m

Sungjae

when he has all these solo activities and never forgets to mention btob and never lets it pass when interviewers try to get him to say that he’s better than them or better off without them like UUUUUU

tall as fuck but acts like a gremlin,,, terrible

he’s a genuine Hot Boy™ and im going to fight him for Real

he’s so sweet i;;; in the soribada awards show all of btob but ESPECIALLY sungjae kept hanging out w the MC even after they were done + had changed into casual clothes;;;;; even non-fans acknowledged how they hard carried the behind the scenes segments + kept the lonely MC company in a show where the organizers didn’t even leave him a chair until viewers kept on pestering them abt it bc it was sad;;;; and like;;; that’s so sweet of them i genuinely want to cry;;; i lob sungjae but u didnt hear that from me

#ask #this is how i type to myself bc i never talk to anyone #hal0hal0 #ANYWAYS dont look at the readmore its Bad who wrote that i dont know her

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

Welcome, welcome, welcome. After last weeks very entertaining trainwreck, I gotta say I was pretty fucking pumped to revisit the AYTO cast. Nothing makes these recaps easier to write than failure of other people. Lucky for me, this cast not only fails but also does some straight-up stupid shit in the process. I mean, between Tyler and Carolina these recaps practically write themselves.

Anyways, Im drinking cheap wine and my laptop is charged. Lets begin now.

AFTER BLACKING OUT AND LOSING A SHIT TON OF MONEY

Carolina has produced enough tears to give the town of Flint some clean water. Shes literally moving from one location to the other just fucking sobbing. Joeys pretty upset toonow hes a loveless trashman. Sad!

They are both like kneeling on the floor, praying to sweet baby Jesus that they can overcome this horrible hardship of losing your love of two weeks. Joeys low-key kneeling down to pick up some trash off the ground because you cannot take the man away from his livelihood, goddammit.

Kathryn/Rushboobs is like ARE WE DONE?? to Ozzy and its like, uh, is this a trick question? Oh duh, I forgot shes an education major from FSU. Someone needs to basically fucking spell out how this game works for her.

Ozzy tries to let her down easy and she storms off because how dare he try and focus on the whole object of the game!?

Kam, the girl with the grey/purple hair as my mom calls her (like, mom its a three fucking letter name), is like “OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING CRYING.” I am Kam, Kam is me.

Rushboobs cant help that she has a lot of feelings and the fucking mentality of a 14-year-old.

Tee is like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND WITH A BRAIN.” And when you want an intellectual boyfriend the first place you should go is an MTV reality show. *cough, cough BULLSHIT cough*

Shes into Oswaldo, who is low-key hot but also looks like Austin Ames friend from (the one in the middle). YEAH, I KNOW, IM FUCKING RIGHT.

He is talking about how he wants to be a businessman and watches Animal Planet because knowledge is power. Yeah, I bet watching episodes of is really going to put you ahead in your fuckin career.

Honestly, I cannot hear him saying anything besides diner girl.

THE CHALLENGE

Can I just saylots of slow motion running this season. We get it. You use special effects.

The game involves the casts social media and they have to answer questions based off their profiles. Apparently they all are fucking crazy online too, further solidifying the fact that they will never get jobs in the real world.

Except Joey. Trash collecting doesnt have a lot of requirements to it.

They all are asked the same questions and need to find the answer for their partner in a maze like web that Ryan so cleverly calls the inter-net.

Whenever Ryan says something fucking cheesy that cast cracks up like its the best shit theyve ever heard. I imagine producers are standing behind them with like guns pointed to their backsfucking laugh at Ryans pun or Ill murder your family. Carolina, shed a tear if you need help.

Thats not really a thing, you fucking idiots.

It goes like this:

Question: Biggest turnoff in a guy?

JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who listens, because I listen. ALSO JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who eats food because I eat food.

Joey, be a doll and never speak again. Thanks!

Question: If I won the lotto what would I buy?

NORMAL PEOPLE: A plane ticket anywhere in the world! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would donate to charity! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would pay loans! HAYDEN: ME BUY LARGE TRUCK.

Question: Whats a gross habit you have?

OZZY: Im just here to fuck Carolina, so Im picking the first thing I see *picks wipes boogers on the wall* CAROLINA: Omg he knows me so well!!!

Note to self, never, ever go to Carolinas booger house.

Hayden and Rushboobs get in first, Joey and KARI get second. To make it even more awkward, Ozzy and Carolina get third. Oh, I love this.

Ryan tells them they are all going hiking with monkeys and Ozzy has to act excited, like he doesnt do that every other day.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Michael is like I WAS AN EMT BUT I QUIT BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT? Thats like being like I WAS A VET, BUT ANIMALS, RIGHT? Michael, further implicating himself as unemployable.

Gianna is like, still having a lady boner over Michael and Hayden has developed a city on Friendzone Island where he is now the mayor. Shes like, laying all over him and totally loving the fact that hes more whipped than a girl in BDSM porn.

Carolina is in love with Ozzy faster than President Trump can delete the LGBT Rights page from his website. Quite suddenly, hes the hottest guy in the house and she liked him the whole time she was with Joey. Hmm, sounds like alternative facts.

Shes like “MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE YOU” hes like “mmmm okay, Booger rubber.”

Also, when talking to the camera separately, Carolina seems like the most boring person literally ever. Was she on a sedative? Why do I feel like they put her on this show like, mid-wisdom teeth removal?

Rushboobs is pounding wine, honestly same, while Ozzy and Carolina start making out.

Tyler, this seasons resident fuckboy, is like Shannon is fun and flirty! Which is the way of saying easy! Shannon, you seem nice, but when you speak I want to throw myself in front of a fucking train. Her voice truly sounds like everything annoying in the world just took a massive shit in her vocal chords. Did she do the voice over for Bubbles in ?

Taylor is like “dafuq is this?” And straight-up calls Tyler out. Shes like you didnt even get to know me very calmly and Tyler is like WOAH.

TYLER: YOU ARENT MY GIRLFRIEND TAYLOR: I know, I just wanted to get to know you because you seem cool TYLER: WOW, WHAT A CRAZY BITCH

Rushboobs is talking to Ozzy about how she still cares about him and shell never forget the 14 days they had together on a reality show, where everything is pretty much superficial.

Carolina comes in hot and is like “RUSHBOOBS DOESNT KNOW IF IM GOOD FOR OZZY OR NOT! not even understanding that they arent talking about her.

Joey comes in to defend Rushboobs and mostly just shit talk Carolina. Joey starts yelling at Carolina about how she juggles guys and shes crazy and all this other bullshit. Joey, pull your tampon out and quit being a little baby about this. Move the fuck on. Youre a single trashmanyour life can only go up from here!

Joeys like “WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FIRST CLASS FLIGHT HOME WITH OZZY!!!!” And its like, ooooohhh good one, bro, and Ozzys like uh, Im from here. Ozzys mom will be picking him up after the show, thanks for the concern though.

Shannon is talking to Tyler and I swear I have heard more interesting shit come out of a Baby Born doll. Why do you sound like you survive on a diet of rainbows and helium? Whatever, they annoy me. Moving on.

THE DATE WITH ALL THE LITTLE BIRDIES AND THE MONKEYS

They go to play with the monkeys and Carolina is like we took food out and the animals attacked us. Wow, groundbreaking.

She and Ozzy start making out and its like, could you just chill for a second? There are fucking animals eating corn off your head.

Joey starts complaining to KARI about Carolina and shes like I think you still like her. KARIs in med school man, dont fuck with her. Also, she can literally see into your mind with those big-ass eyes of hers.

Hes like “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IM OVER IT! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED THAT I AM SO OVER THAT HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, CRAZY BITCH CAROLINA.” The trashman doth protest too much.

KARI leaves because she doesnt need this bullshit. She can fucking read minds and save people. Time to move the fuck on.

Am I watching ? Because I swore I just heard Joey say can I steal her for a minute? Joey, do not fucking try to hybrid my reality shows rn!

He pulls Carolina aside and is like KARI WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Uh, wait what? Carolina starts yelling and this is just a goddam mess. Honestly, the sexual tensionyou could cut it with a knife.

Ozzy goes to save Carolina before she starts rubbing boogers all over Joeys face.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Carolina and Ozzy are in the Truth Booth, thank god. Put me out of my fucking misery.

But wait, Ryan offers a deal where they dont send Ozzy and Carolina and they take $150,000 bucks instead. But if they take the money, they can never send those two in the truth booth again. Damn Ryan, back at it again with the shitty trades.

The house is divided with Kam being like CAROLINA IS CRAZY TAKE THE MONEY and everyone else being like hmmm idk.

Ryan asks Derrick, who is like the unofficial spokesperson of the house, what their plan is and they decide to not take the truth booth trade. Damn, Ive heard stupider shit come out of Kellyanne Conways mouth.

And lookie here, NO MATCH.

Moral of the story: Listen to Kam. Listen to me. Never make a decision on your own. Bye!

Carolina is crying again. Someone put a Brita filter under this bitch.

Rushboobs is like wow this is so sad *smiles* *dances* *throws flowers around the room* *throws party*

Joey and Rushboobs bond over alcohol and their hatred of Carolina and start flirting. This is how it goes, I shit you not:

RUSHBOOBS: Stop! JOEY: No, you stop *leans in closer* RUSHBOOBS: No, you stop *leans in closer* ME: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN STOP.

Ive seen better flirting skills from a fucking third grader. Where did you learn to communicate with the opposite sex, Rushboobsyour students? Joey, I dont even want to know how your livelihood has affected your lovelife.

Tee is like “I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCK OSWALDO,” and its like, wow okay. Shoutout to her parents. But also, do you girl #womensmarch

KARI and Tyler start talking. Tylers playing the role of the victim like I cant help that every girl wants to bone me! wow, life must be so hard for you. How do you even get up in the morning?

Tyler is hot though, dammit. Always the pretty ones. KARI ends up straddling him and they go to bed together. Well. Okay then.

Meanwhile, Kam and Eddie are hanging out and giving me couple goals. If they arent a match Im fucking throwing hands.

MTV: Kam and Eddie, you are not a couple ME: CASH ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOW DAH

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

The girls pick tonight so hopefully it wont be too much of a shit show.

Rushboobs picks Joey, a trashy match made in heaven.

Tee picks Osvaldo, the knowledgeable son of a bitch. I imagine he is just whispering animal facts into her ear all night.

Hannah picks Derrick/Kellyanne.

Casandra and Jaylen. Yawn.

Kam and Eddie, because duh.

Shannon picks Tyler. Yuck. Ryans like Tyler, hows it going? And Tylers like “I GOT TO KNOW KARI INTIMATELY!” Okay. Not the question but whatever. So classy. Goddam, I want to kiss your face but also hit it with shovel???

Hes like I was sauced and tries to act like it was a drunken thing. Very cool of him. And STOP USING THE TERM SAUCED. Like I literally just picture you rolling around in marinara.

KARIs like fuck it, yeah I gave him a handjob. Wow, okay MTV youre really doin the damn thing. Honestly, who hasnt given a regretful handjob?

Taylor is crying because shes like wait you never even spoke to me! Everyone, including me, feels bad for Taylor because like, Tylers fucking gross.

Tyler: The funny thing about a conversation is give me a handjob.

Tylers like I guess Im the bad guy and its like, hmmm, what gave it away? I shall play you the worlds smallest violin. Can you hear it?

Carolina picks Hayden and Giannas like “WTF NO.”

Gianna picks Ozzy and Ozzy literally looks like he wants to kill himself. Relatable.

Alicia picks Mike. Cool story.

Taylor comes up and crying and Ryans like how do you feel? Uh how do you think she fucking feels? Is the crying not a clue? Shes like I feel disrespected but honestly, when am I ever not. This is like a speech from a movie.

TAYLOR TO TYLER: But waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. (name the movie)

Taylor picks Michael as her perfect match.

Andre is like “Taylor is hot and sad. I make happy. We bone. Yay!”

Im endorsing that couple RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Andre and KARI are left.

They are all like we cannot get another blackout! and Im like just fuck me up, fam. Give me another blackout, make my goddam day.

But alas, they get 4 BEAMS. Not bad for a bunch of pretty degenerates.

Cant wait to see what fuckery next week holds!

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from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

#‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L #But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda