#i cant throw a good outfit so i let my character suffer
NINA PARK @ Gallagher’s NYE Party
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Racism in the Way we Follow Artisit
too long wont read: artisit of color get pushed outta spaces all the time and are heavily disregarsed, compared to white people who can use our likeness and proser from them. Follow artist of color 🗡
Okay heres my think peice on suporting small artisit of color, when i say causal im talking mainly about hobbyist becuase a lotta ppl are hobbyist. Im going to be rebloggging the shit outta this and if u reblog it and ur Colored plz tell me so i can follow u VvV
Its not hard to find a niche on social media, you see it happen all the time. You can see people post art for larger projects people are dying to keep up with, see people make character art that harkens back and yet also stands alone. People make illustration after illustration, all to be consumed on its own, but the finess and technique unique to the artist draws a consistent audience.
All of this happens because an artist is good. Sometimes they just know how to market themselves with commissions, sometimes enough people stumble upon their passion projects. I'd like to talk more about passion projects.
A lot of artists want to make stories, but they don't have the time, at the moment, or maybe unfortunately ever. That doesn't mean they lose the social need to be seen and heard. Art fundamentally communicates, and to have words be spoken with no response takes a toll on someone. It's not anyone's job to look at less polished work or works they aren't invested in and boost it to a popular statis. However, I remember when it was easier to find those casual everyday artists and sift through their work. I'm not that old, but I still have an inkling of when everything wasn't commercialized.
The internet has just gotten smaller, there's no way around it. Look at tumblr. You see posts with thousands of notes, but it never feels like there's a thousand people. Obviously this is because you don't want to follow all those people, but on days when things are slow, when you see the same things over and over again, when you see a corner of social media get smaller and smaller, where do you go to find something new? How do you find people? If you want to be found, how do you make yourself found?
Its hard to find people on other sites too. Sure, there's more people, but if you look at any site, it's not helping you find anyone who doesn't get interacted with already.
I don't want to take this in the direction of "woe is me, i'm but a tiny artist struggling to be found." That happens to most people, maybe not most people you know, because you tend not to see these people, but its not a unique struggle, it's more of a stmptom. I couldn't go over the whole illness of commercializing socialization right now, but I will go over specifically how it affects people of color.
If you aren't hyper aware of everyone on your dash, take a second to look at your favorite artist, most frequently seen artist, ect. How many of them are white. Be honest with yourself. They don't have their race listed? Very safe to assume they're white if they don't make their race clear in other ways. Look at how many people interact with them. Look at how their art is reacted to. It's not a crime of theirs to be a good artist, but look at how many people are not white. How many people can you find? How is their art received? Who talks to them about it? Are white people anywhere to be found?
Most of the time I take no issue with the artist having people enjoy them, it's the juxtaposition. This can happen with artists of color who are "neutral", who don't inject bits of their own heritage and specifically Colored ™ view into their art, and artists who do. You see this for a host of reasons.
Firstly: people of color aren't welcomed in -online- spaces. People don't want their fun tampered by an angry black person. They don't want japanese and korean people regulating their anime and kpop interactions. They don't want native people berating them for their feather art or Jewish people pointing out dog whistles (not to say Jewish people are not or can never be white but its a related issue to people of color's treatment). People who aren't white are just not welcomed in creative, consumptive, or critical spaces, because they make people uncomfortable. If someone talks about race too much that's annoying. Its not like all our universal lgbt experiences that we all deserve to rant about (which is true), it's the same tired schfeal that every non white blabbers about, we get it already! White people just do not want to engage constantly with something that doesn't affect them, because they have the ability to disengage, many rarely ever will engage. By virtue of needing to take stances, people of color are not viable options for white followers. They lose a large chunk of audience, which takes away large sections of the social media web they could have spread to, because they're too vocal about their race.
As an extension, it does also discourage interaction with artists of color for other artists. You'll notice that in a fandom or niche that white people, because they have not been antagonized out of these spaces, make up the majority of popular artists. They interact with each other more extensively and boosy each other's voices, on grounds of being friends. This is fine but it is another aspect of how people of color can't find each other and can't gain recognition.
Secondly: Artists of color diversity is less valued than white diversity. I don't mean to say that most white people do not ever want to see a melanin in an art, but palatability plays a huge factor in it. This is definitely where I personally start to relate less to the struggle cuz I dont have this kinda background as a mixed white raised mainly by my white mother, but a lot of artist who throw in a little bit of that spice get underrecognized, unless their art is presented in an informative manner. Characters in regalia, characters doing rituals, characters existing in context outside what white people can feel accomplished for looking at, are underrecognized. Compare this to how white people draw non white characters, often either drawn to sell diversity for standalone art peices (think of how many lgbt awarness post have a muslim women in a wheel chair) or to exist in a eurocentric context with a disregard for other cultures, think of ambigously brown characters dressed in english knight outfits, which is not something in and of itself bad, but when representation must always come in the form of black washed europeanism, versus any authenticity to non white cultures, you can see the problem more clearly.
White people are celebrated for having color be relatable, for fronting brown in their work with no consequence, as a slider on the color wheel rather than an entire relook at their approach to race. Lightskin East Asian characters turn black, because they know darler is better for being socially aware, that its morally better to be darker, and they leave this character completely culturally Asian. A white colonizer can turn brown, because we need more brown and we need it here, please disregard this is the face of an opressor. I can make a host of brown to share diversity, I can repaint the west to fight deep rooted casual racism.
I myself struggle to find a good balance between having brown n dark characters and having characters that look like myself, not becuase i need to see myself, but becuase I dont want to profit off dark skin people as a light skin person, and I feel its disgusting to profit when they struggle, when I cant even name a dark skin artisit with more platform than half the people I follow. This is never a concern for white people, they merely have to curl up some hair and tan up a design and they've done their duty.
If you're wondering if I think you should unfollow white artist. Yes actually. White artist that have mainly brown characters, espically as characters they project their feelings onto as their puppets, shouldnt have a platform when ppl of color suffer. We are not going to bring more people of color into our lives by looking at these facts and counting on only a changed conscience. We have to boost these artists voices and dampen white artist voices. We are not going to reverse the deep seeds of racism by not doing anything. And while of all things this isnt a pressing issue, I want to see people put people of color into their life more often, and if yall wont talk to us outside, you have to bring us in somehow. We are never going to stand equally at the tip if yoy dont let us start at the bottom.
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persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago
disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post.
now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!
so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form.
I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.
back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)
2) the ending
just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life).
But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved.
Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5.
3) the entire last semester
i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.
what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun.
one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.
4) everything else
- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!
- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much
- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.
-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE
-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to
-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much
- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy
-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up
- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces
- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality
-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall
so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again.
I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)
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Hmmm where should I begin I think ill start with explaining a little bit about why I initially started writing this thing. Primarily because I was tired of being silenced while essentially people destroy my identity and character. But not in my local town or where I work... but the entire nation. Thats fucked up! No matter how you want to look at it. Its crazy that in todays society its OK to spew hate lies and deceit and everybody goes with flow... but the moment you start saying listen Idk what you have been told or what the latest gossip is but I can assure you its probably not what you think it is. As soon as that happens the whole world loses their minds...
The other reason I started writing is because although I don't necessarily want to put myself on a pedestal I think I might be a pretty rare individual. Over the course of the last four years with the show in full effect and the constant psychological and sexual abuse im put through is in full swing I haven't suffered from a TBI making it possible for me to figure this whole thing out without having my conscience memories taken from me to. That being said this is journey for me as well learning about myself and what this has done to me... whether you believe me or not that really is unimportant to me I just think that this story documented. Along with societal constructs and the amount of fuckery we actually involve ourselves in, without ever doing any research! And blaming the individual for telling the truth asking you to stop helping because your just making things worse. I'll explain further down what I mean.
Now I don't think im all that brilliant really i mean I think I am but in reality what you think of yourself is important but really doesn't mean shit if your told how dumb you are everyday or treated like shit because there's things you just can't do. Not that your incapable of doing them or don't know how to do them but because you literally suffer from multiple mental health conditions the primary condition being a dissociative identity. That being said, there is no medication no cure or any type of hope to ever not have to be worried about dissociating. The fucked up part about it is... is that my dissociative state isn't like normal dissociative states. Most dissociations can happen at anytime during the day or anytime the environmental triggers come into play and so its easier to diagnose and get the help one needs. Mine unfortunately from the hypnosis event that I explained to you is literally during the most vulnerable moments in anyone's life the one place your supposed to feel safe or at least do everything you can to keep yourself safe. But in no way am I able to do that... mine is triggered while I'm sleeping and its not just any trigger but is a trigger that another human being has to consciously do in a certain way to get me to dissociate.
I know for a fact that I don't dissociate on my own or sleep walk or anything like that because I lived with brittany for 4 years and would constantly ask her if I did anything out of the ordinary while I was sleeping. She would yell at me and tell me no &^%$# you barely move in your sleep! And so I would believe her because im sure she was telling the truth... later she would use this as a reason to start her plotting saying I didn't trust her and I would blame her for things like not keeping me safe... and i don't know what else but I'm sure it wasnt good. You don't create this type of carnage in someone's life because you have good memories with that person... or maybe she just didn't realize what exactly it was I was running from to begin with...
What I've just explained to you is to help you understand how fucked up I really am... even after being with someone for at least a couple years nothing going on... I still found myself doubting and worrying about not being safe. And thinking that I had been betrayed yet again. Even though nothing had happened... its fucking crazy... crazy sad. I guess at this point I really had no idea how it all worked.. so you can understand my speculation. But now that I know it makes things different at this point though I don't trust a soul probably never will again.
Another good example of this was I was jn a state where I was still well known...! But didn't have to deal with the sexual and physical abuse just the nental... and ill tell you it literally took me a month to successfully hit on a woman and get her number and read signs properly her friend was telling us we needed to get married and that we were perfect for eachother... I thought so too! We got along really well and damn she was sexy! Whew!! Unfortunately I was running out of money I was staying at an air bnb and needed a job... out of all the places I applied to the only place u heard back from was the place I never wanted to return to... I just thought that maybe things would be different this time... unfortunately they werent... did my best to meet a woman and start dating but she knew who I was and the people who fucked with me and so she started playing games... instead of supporting me and doing with me what I needed to keep myself safe she started saying well were not having sex evertime we hang out setting expectations of us forming a relationship... and not just something casual. The only way I'm ever going to be in a relationship again is by that person who won't play silly games like I mentioned earlier... the last time we hung out she was dressed in a tight leather outfit makeup done and kept turning me down and saying I couldn't touch her after we had already had sex on our first date... but she wanted me for herself and was playing games although she was turning me down... she was like im just going to go to the bar after I drop you off and find something to do... im assuming somebody was more of the case... after that I didn't talk to her again.
So I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with addiction and what happens to a person psychologically during the event of getting intoxicated... I'll elaborate a little bit. It is documented that when an addict is getting high that their adrenaline and endorphins are higher while seeking out and preparing the drugs then when they actually get high. i think this is because of the chasing the first time paradigm. where one continues to get high because they are chasing the feeling they got when they did it for the first time... which never happens so they continue doing more and more until they either die or throw their lives away. this led me to think hmm if that's how the brain works I think it might be the same way for those experiencing pts. stemming from a lifetime of trauma. so if you believe....!!! what i have said already which i doubt but its really of no concern to me but just know i tried to tell you and explain knowing i did all i could is all i can do... back to what i was saying... if the brain works this way when it comes to addiction then id have to tell you that it is the same when it comes to pts.. So listen to this, the other side thinking to themselves.. although they probably wont admit it to the general public but this is their logic, ok...? well we know what we have done to him... and... yea... it is pretty messed up... but if he would just try... then it might be different and we would stop... haha well that's like saying the addict chasing their first time is actually going to achieve it even though its impossible because of all the damage they have already done to their minds and bodies... the only way one can get as close as possible to achieving that first high again is to abstain for a long enough time to establish and restore the chemicals that have been depleted over the course of the addicts drug use history. just like you cant expect me to do something that has caused me severe consequences, even though what I did was right... and acceptable and essentially the keys i need to free myself from the cage that i find myself in... today. that wasn't the case then. and with everything else being the same as then all i can do is associate the two and not screw myself over again and face the possibility of getting my head kicked in. as delusional as that might be its the truth. and with everything being the same as it was then I'm supposed believe that the things that's supposed to set me free isn't a trap haha good luck but if you want to know my criteria it would be doing the right thing!! lets see if you can figure it out!! oh and this doesn't only go for the woman ill be with but also for anyone trying to help me in any way shape or form.... sorry but its the only way i can be certain your not part of the machine!
not only that but people keep on keeping on with inflicting the psychological trauma on me getting me written up at work for harmless comments but as an employee at this business I can not give anyone a compliment while in uniform so please refrain from hoping ill make an effort at my job. I got in trouble for telling a girl she was gorgeous I didn't know she was only 16 but its not like i was asking her to fuck or coming at her in any type of sexual manner but she is friends with the woman causing all of this... saying I need to stop running my mouth. she even went as far as to say to me man that customer has a nice ass and me saying it doesn't compare to your yours and her saying my ass is flawless... then telling on me saying I kept telling her she had an ass of a goddess.. GTFO HAHA my boss started laughing like so you didn't say that... fuck no! I said what I told you I said. she's like alright oh and then apparently you cant tell another employee that they have pretty eyes either just a heads up! but its cool I'm over it I just cant believe I bring out the evil in so many people like man WHO AM I?? WHAT AM I NOT BEING TOLD?!?! I could care less honestly but I'm glad you go to such lengths to try and make my life miserable... i could only imagine what it must be like to actually be miserable... UGH... that would...suck.... i think a lot of this stems from my supervisor giving me three flat tires in one night and then acting like oh... did i give you a flat tire...??? then telling me your not that smart.... never said i was bro but instead turned it around on him telling him dude... don't downplay yourself... your smart!! over and over again. i told one of the other supervisors that i didnt think the guy that had been training me liked me and these were the reasons why but she is also a distraction. and told him exactly what i had said.
just so you guys know anytime that there is someone who likes me and i actually have a chance with. they have someone that is hotter then me maybe smarter or appeals more to the persons wants and desires through manipulation simply to keep them occupied while im in the area and then after i leave and then the person that would have been perfect for me gets dumped and is left all alone again... kind of like whe. Brian started dating brittany after we broke up...
another thing i should put into perspective is that what's wrong with me is a byproduct of child molestation and abuse that being said its ok to prey on something that was created to protect myself because now I'm an adult and i hold the keys... too bad my hands are missing!! since i was 6 when i started dissociating that means every time I'm in that state i go back to being a 6 year old boy... making those who take advantage of my split essentially child molesters... no matter how old i am!!
So how do you diffentiate the good from the bad...?? The bad people are the ones proclaiming and contantly trying to make others believe im gay. I mean i could really care less and tell you myself I'm gay but primarily because of the reasons I mentioned above. The funny thing is the bad people will be the first to be like we should help him... just so that they can be like see he's gay!! Wtf cares... the fact that they go out of their way to prove something that people have all ready seen with their eyes... is a little bit over kill don't you think?? J.s. be vigilant!
The funny thing about all of this is that the same process ensues from community to community and so for you to be led like sheep and ignore the guy going through it all is sorry for saying fucking Stupid!! But hey its cool
The other thing I can't understand is how you can walk by drive by and go out of your way to tell me how dumb or stupid or gay I am but not one person can be like yo whats up im such and such did you write this or that...? Really! But I'm supposed to do what none of you do!? Really cool keep going with that ill be thee idiot! The gay idiot! Thanks for reminding me though!! Maybe one day you'll be as gay as me!!
Sam, Dean & Sera Gamble
It’s been my feeling since I watched Seasons 6 and 7 that they were different than all other seasons. I didn’t hate them, but I didn’t necessarilly like them either. They were Sera Gamble’s era, and though Im sure it’s hard to stay true to Kripke’s vision, and yet add your own vision to it, I don’t think she did a very good job. I was speaking with a friend recently, who told me it’s a common opinion that Gamble was a Sam girl, the last show runner to “take care” of Sam’s character, and the last one to understand the brothers’ relationship. I nearly spit my coffee on my laptop! Now, this isnt to wank on my friend, I wont name her, but she’ll know who she is if she reads this. She’s a sweety and I respect her, so friend.... this isnt against you :)
Now me, personally, I do tend to see things completely opposite of how most of the fandom sees it, I dont know why that is, but I do. This time is no different, because Im going to go outside the box and explain why I think Gamble was a Dean girl, and maybe even secretly hated Sam. I dont know why she got fired, if any of you do, please enlighten me, because it would seem to me that she got fired for favoring Dean too much and nearly destroying Sam’s character, and Im going to explain why.
To start, she wasn’t the head hancho yet in S4, but she was the one who insisted that Sam sleep with Ruby and Dean sleep with Anna. Now I understand how intriguing it was to think of one brother sleeps with a demon while the other sleeps with an angel, but if you read these conditions in a fan fic, youd scream “Dean girl!” and complain about the Sam hate in the fact that Sam slept not only with a demon, but with a dead meat suit, while Dean’s angel conveniently had her own body and not someone elses vessle.
Anyone who wasnt a Sam fan before hand, certainly didnt become one after that. Now I know it was hard to redeem Sam after the events of S4, and I wont blame Gamble for that completely, but the end of S5 brought back the brave, sweet, selfless Sam we know and love. The one who only wants to do the right thing, has unlimited love and faith in Dean, is willing to take responsibility of his actions, will give up his life to save the world, and the love for his brother is strong enough to overpower the Devil himself.<sniff> but Gamble got the show for season 6 and what happened?
The very first thing, is reward Sam’s courageous act of S5 with coming back soulless. And for a while. at least 5 episodes, all that meant was Sam was Sam minus his good qualities. His compassion, kindness, and love for Dean. Sure, Soulless Sam was sexy and funnier than normal Sam, but for the most part, he was just cold. Again, if you werent a Sam fan up till now, you werent becoming one during this arc. The arc itself, though it seemed to be about Sam, was really about Dean and his reaction to Soulless Sam. What it did to him, how Sam let a vamp turn him, how Dean hated being in the same room with him and very little about how it affected Sam other than for him to say he doesnt care about anything, even about Dean, which made us all hurt for Dean, not Sam.
One of the biggest traits in the WInchester bromance, is that Sam and Dean will go over and above the call of duty for each other, and are self destructively co dependent, and yet the only time in s6 and 7 that Gamble showed this was when Dean went to get Sam’s soul back and died to talk to Death. We see Dean laying his life down for Sam, because he loves him so much, meanwhile.Sam is trying to kill Bobby. Still not winning Sam fans here. Also Sam was trying to kill Bobby to make it impossible to get his soul back, because he was afraid of what would happen to him, which is inconsistant with being soulless, because Soulless Sam (and other soulless people) had no fear, so to me it looks like a plot device to keep Sam unlikable, it had even been stated by Bobby, that Dean was his favorite, not something a “Sam girl” would put in the mouth of the man Sam loves as a father, is it?
Then Sam gets his soul back and with all the talk about how much damage it could do, one would think Sam would be the focus of s6b but he wasnt really, not even in the episode that he got his soul back. We did get an awesome bro hug then, and Im thankful, but the episode turned quickly to a filler/monster hunt, that pushed Sam to the side while Dean went to get that dragon killing sword and do a little physical comedy.
After that, we got a couple hell visions, but no real bromance or happiness that Dean had Sam back, it was just business as usual. We had a lot of comedy though with French Mistake, Fronteir Land, The Heart Will Go On, and Mommy Dearest. Keep in mind we have Dean looking all sexy in his cowboy outfit, and Sam just dresses like Sam with a cowboy hat. Clear signs of a Dean girl
Season 6 wraps up with 3 episodes, The Man who Would Be King, that is very Cas heavy even though he’s a side character. He doesnt share this story with Sam or Dean, they just support it. Let it Bleed, which is Dean heavy, Sam isnt in much of it, and Cas is in even less. It’s primarily all Dean, Lisa and Ben, and then The Man Who Knew Too Much, which is actually one of my favorites, Its Sam heavy-ish, even though his hell wall just collapsed, and a fantastic story is unfolding, but he has to share the episode with Cas’s story independent of his own. and of course, Dean has things going on with Bobby. This is not a sign of a Sam girl.
In the real SPN world, Dean would have stood down with the threat that Sam wouldnt be fixed if he didnt. As we saw him easily give up Anna for Sam, and how he let Lucifer/Sam beat the crap out of him just to keep Sam above ground and give him time to take over. Dean didnt even have a plan to that could help Cas’s problem, but he was willing to let Sam suffer and maybe die, just to stop Cas’s plan that he had no idea if it would fail or not? That’s definitely not “understanding the brothers’ relationship”
Now we move on to S7. The first 2 episodes are pretty heavy for Sam. It looks like he might get a good solid storyline this season. But what does a Sam girl think will help the already painful flood of Hell memories? I know, lets highly imply that Sam was raped by Lucifer!!! YEAH!! This goes great in a show that only gets a pg14 raiting, that emphisizes in love and family. it really NEEDS to have a lead hero raped by the devil for 180 years! How about we also add insult to injury and make Lucifer charming and humorous so the audience will like him! Not like Alistaire that the audience couldnt wait to kill.
I had hoped for the return of the Winchester bromance when Hello Cruel World had some wonderful moments of it. Dean waking Sam for breakfast, and tending to his hand wound, and listening to him about the hallucinations. The scene in the warehouse where Dean showed Sam to press on his wound to keep focus on whats real was one of the best bromantic moments of the series, and then Dean panicking with Sam unconscious in the ambulance. But it was sadly short lived. The next episode is mainly taking place weeks later, Sams issues are touched on for a minute, but he goes out on a hunt by himself, which pisses off Dean who still has a broken leg and cant drive.
And then Leviathans, and DIck Roman and Samgirl Gamble for some reason thinks it would be such a riot for Sam who has been hallucinating Lucifer and the cage, to get roofied, married, and tied up naked by a stalker fan!! WTF????? And then Bobby dies, and then Sam gets kidnapped by Vetalla for 3 days while Dean was sleeping, and while Sam is bleeding out, Dean is trying to be friends with an annoying teenage girl. and then Dean gets to travel back in time and look smokin hot while he hangs out with Elliot Ness, then Dean fathers a monster daughter, and Sam kills her, and LETS CHASE SAM AROUND WITH CLOWNS!!! Oh wait, is he still having hellucinations? Hmmm I forget, and this is about the time I think Gamble had gotten fired because I have no idea what she was thinking to this point.
Sam’s hallucinations had been put on the back burner so much that I wonder if her intentions were to keep him in that state for a long time. To maybe throw into the mix every now and then, that Sam isnt stable. so he might not be strong enough to handle this thing, or he might not be in his right mind, so Dean will REALLY be the main hero and the most credible of the 2. Because Dean even used Sam’s mental state as a reason why he lied to him about Amy, and Sam just accepted it.
Repoman brought Sam’s hallucinations back to the surface, and i think Carver may have taken over by then because Sam was frantic to find his kidnapped brother, much more than Dean was to find his a few episodes before. Carver had to have been back by The Born Again Identity because Cas came back. I wont say I like the way Sam’s mental health was handled, it was just over by Cas taking on the pain, but at least it got attention and SOME form of closure.
Now Carver isnt without some pretty epic sins, but he definitely wasnt afraid of bromance, and the Winchester co-dependency. I wonder if Gamble gets such support simply because she is a female and women tend to want to support women in business full of men, and I understand that, but Ill still call out the woman if she does a crap job, which I really think she did in this case. She did a better job at taking care of Dean than Sam, and she did nothing to help their relationship.
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