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throwawayblog-blog1 · 7 years

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Dirk @prettyboypng or mod jas @gbptboys is a pedophile and manipulative

@prettyboypng other URLs he’s used include aroacehawkeye, planet-eater, dyscalculiacdonnie, officialbrobot, ocpdmaxie, bipolardirk, deadglitchkid, circuitsbreaker, swordself, deadmettaton, soulrxsonance, chipotanakni, and shadeslayer

i’ve included specific warnings in front of paragraphs and receipts, but global cws for suicide baiting, emotional abuse, csa, pedophilia, and child porn solicitation.

whether you read this or not, i would strongly recommend blocking and staying far away from dirk if you’re a minor.

uhh, i’ve never made one of these things before. i am writing this post because he’s continually managed to brush his actions off and manipulate how people perceive him so he just seems like a victim of unfortunate friend drama, and with the content of his actual actions, i find this frankly really fucking disturbing and i don’t want other people to be hurt or taken advantage of by him. I’m tired of him escaping accountability.

i’ll split this into two parts. the account concerning csa will be first, and then i’ll be adding mine and other’s experiences with him below.

#child porn cw #pedophilia cw #csa cw this section will address csa and child porn solicitation

so this doesnt come from me, but from a minor who had been friends with dirk for a while and recently began suspecting they’d been sexually abused by him. i’ve been asked to rewrite what they told me in my own words and keep it totally anonymous in the interest of their comfort and safety, so i’ll be replacing any mentions of their name with lark.

lark mentioned that when they first met dirk they admired and idolized him and made that very apparent to him, and also that they dont ever remember being excessively complimented and praised by him like most everyone else was (i describe this happening below), which they believe is evidence of emotional manipulation and not just a coincidence.

lark confided in me that, despite how immediately beforehand dirk would ask lark if they were a minor and they would say yes, he talked to them about intensely personal nsfw subjects, such as masturbation, and his sexual desires. he would also express frustration when lark would mention having a crush on anyone but dirk, even though dirk shouldn’t have any reason to want a minor to be interested in him, even jokingly. he did this after he had turned 18, and while knowing that lark was a minor having literally just asked them himself, as if that absolves him of any fucking responsibility.

lark also recalled another incident where they and a friend (who was an older minor at the time) got onto the subject of drugs, alcohol, and nudes and other sexual pictures while in a conversation with dirk. their friend sent a suggestive picture of themself, and dirk sent one that he’d accidentally taken while taking photos for his nsfw blog (which lark stressed they and their friend ended up having access to, something that dirk brushed off because it was a ‘cool URL’). it eventually culminated in lark feeling pressured to send a suggestive photo of their own, which dirk did nothing to stop beyond reverse-psychological platitudes like “dont feel pressured to just because we’re doing it”. dirk did nothing to tell lark or their friend “hey maybe dont send sexual pictures of your bodies to me, because theres no reason that i would want to encourage that sort of thing as an 18 year old adult man, unless i’m a fucking predator.”

i understand this is a very serious thing to be presenting especially without receipts, but i’m an adult and wouldn’t feel comfortable handling receipts of that nature because it concerns sexual events with a minor, and warning people about dirk while maintaining anonymity is really important to lark.

this section will address emotional manipulation and bullying, specifically concerning me and my wife @gendfleur

i should start by saying that i don’t have many receipts for my own claims about him because i don’t have access to all of his old blogs where some of the worst of the posts were, and i’ve also changed computers so i can’t grab any of our old Skype logs. i’m conscious of how this might make people even more critical of my claims, and so i’ve taken care to remember as much as i can and to be as detailed as possible with the receipts i do have.

some brief background about my friendship with him: we met in september 2014 through a homestuck fictionkin skype group, and were close until june 2015, when i cut off our friendship. rose had been qpps with him since before the network was made, and they broke up in december 2015.

towards the latter half of our friendship he started flipping between showering me in positive attention and then ignoring me cold shoulder, which was kind of a red flag for what was about to happen.

dirk has a habit of giving people excessive praise and admiration often in public tumblr posts, making them feel special and wanted, and then making extreme emotional demands and using passive-aggressive bullying tactics, such as deliberate ignoring and vagueposting, to manipulate his friends into complying with them. he’s done this in private with almost everyone i know who has experience with him, and he’s also done this publicly with his mutuals in the past.

example posts of this from his old blog @circuitsbreaker, plus transcripts:

http://archive.is/qnrRl

[sorry i know you guys don’’t care i'l geta round to replying to the nice replies i got earlier later okay]

http://archive.is/fD6F3

[*keeps refreshign to see if someone wil lsay “no i care!”* *nothing* okay]

http://archive.is/3znpI

[mkay yall will get Up in Arms when i make a joke abt a dairy product but when i have my posts tagged #like/reply if u read# or im asking for help or posting about something thats important to me yall drop off the face of the blogosphere……. alright]

http://archive.is/hqHC5

[nobody cares about me and nobody cares about what i say and nobody cares about things that are important to me and nobody listens to me anyway and nobody cares about me !! haha nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

http://archive.is/0ronD

[i really am leaving i was jsut saying gn to rose but js Proof most everonye deosnt actually cae: really big difference on notes on my post saying no one cares and then on all my other posts. yall just dont want me to be Sad well heres a thing u can prevent it by Liking my Posts if you Read them like i have In the Tags now! conveicneit right. whatever]

and because these posts are a little old (the most recent of those was january 27 2015) here’s an example from a more recent blog of his, @soulrxsonance, proving that even half a year later (this was posted august 25 2015) with less frequent guilt-trip posts, he hadn’t actually changed his behaviour

#self harm cw http://archive.is/XECIx

[thanks like, the one personwho said anything to glaceon (note: a system member of his) when she asked for thanks for stopping me from self hamring,thaks everyone else for not,caring,atall,thanks,the intrents abotut o be turned off so bye]

wrt me specifically, i’m schizophrenic and autistic so social interaction is really exhausting. this is something i made very obvious by talking about it casually around him and in tumblr posts that he could see, but despite that he went out of his way to make me feel shitty for not being able to live up to his demands (they were random and hard to discern because he would never be straightforward about it but usually if i failed to be present for his breakdowns, like all his posts, tell him frequently that i loved him, talk to him whenever i had free time, or other exhausting bullshit then he would start the guilt-tripping), and often in a very roundabout way through vagueposting and ignoring me, which he would also get increasingly frustrated at me for not understanding... despite the fact that i’m...... schizo and autistic, so i’m shit at understanding social subtleties and hidden messages in peoples behaviour. i have no doubts that he understood this about me also, and yet he did nothing to de-escalate his behaviour.

one clear example of this that i can remember but can’t find a receipt for is when he was having a meltdown on tumblr and was asking for people to tell him they loved him, but after it was over he confessed it was just because he was trying to get someone specific to say it, who he was afraid didnt like him as a friend anymore. this was really obviously about me, because it was around the end of our friendship when he was already namedropping me when he thought i wasnt online like ‘i dont think cerb cares about me anymore’ (which is relatively innocuous but when aggregated with everything else he did, really goddamn bothered me)

another example i remember is when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian after id’ng as a trans guy for the entirety of my friendship with him up to that point. i came out through a post on my blog and stated that i’d had to contest with internalized trauma and abuse to get to a point where i could admit i was lesbian, and he vagued about this later on, saying roughly ”a lot of my friends who used to be trans dudes have been coming out as nonbinary girls lately and it makes me feel like my boyness might be fake too”. i understand that he’s also trans and so i can imagine the thought process behind making a post like that, but i still found that incredibly insensitive and maybe even borderline misogynistic of him.

being friends with dirk was making me suicidal because of the stress of his manipulation (and at this point, trying to interact with him when i was able seemed to be fruitless because he would usually ignore me anyway). so, one night in june 2015 i sent a very diplomatic message to him saying, in essence, “i love you but this isnt healthy for the both of us, and im sorry if im misreading but i think this is for the best”, and then deleted him and unfollowed him.

this is where i remember things getting really, really scummy and panick-inducing for me, because he started vagueing and namedropping me even more frequently, on his public blog for all his friends and my friends to see. i dont know the real extent of this because it seems he deleted certain posts at some point and i was never interested in checking his blog to see for myself back then, but i had mutual mutuals coming to me for months, telling me that he was running his shit off saying something vicious about me.

an example of this (i know this is kin drama lol, and i want to emphasize that i’m aware dragging petty kin drama into posts like these is usually frowned upon, but what i’m focusing on here is how wildly he blows me just fucking finding a kintype out of proportion and the fact that i only talked about this on my blog after i cut him off, strongly implying that 1) he was stalking my blog 2) he was getting someone else to stalk my blog or 3) someone following me was relaying info about me to him for kicks)

http://archive.is/0s9QJ

[tfw someone who told you you couldnt be friends with them anymore is now kin of yourere favorite fucking pokemon thats also incredibly personallyyl important to you because it reminds you of good parts of your childhood and of good memories of your family an firneds and its just a really personal thing and now it FUCKGGKKNGNG RIUIIENEND OFOOFOOFREVVVVVVVVVVVEER]

here’s a statement by @comorbird, a good friend of mine who was also mutuals with dirk and had access to his vent blog after i deleted him

#death wish cw #stalking cw

it kind of speaks for itself. this also proves my suspicions that he stalked my blog.

like, i get being upset over losing a friend. i’d understand it if, instead he vented about it in private.

but the fact that i knew he berated me openly, on his public blog for all our friends and mutuals to see, was fucking humiliating, triggered my paranoia very badly, and kept me on edge for months. i’m still appalled that he would do that instead of at the very least keeping it to private conversations, especially since he knew that i’m schizophrenic and that i struggle with paranoid delusions and that sort of shit. and even then, wishing someone who very politely distanced themselves from you was dead and stalking their blog is a ridiculous, extreme reaction to have.

rose was part of our friend group, and shie had been dirk’s qpp since before i knew them both. in the latter half of dirk and i’s friendship, hyr and i became pretty close, at some point even admitting we’d developed crushes on each other. in our talk about this (probably sometime in april or march 2015?) rose told me, roughly in hyr words “i’d totally be down for romantic dating but dirk gets jealous really easily so i’m afraid of broaching the subject with him. maybe sometime in the future though.” eventually rose came to realize that this was evidence that shie felt like dirk was controlling hyr romantic life despite them only being platonic partners, and we said fuck it and started dating in august 2015, after i stopped being friends wtih him just to clarify.

dirk noticed that we stayed close after i cut him off, and he unapologetically guilted rose for being friends with me and then eventually for dating me, bringing up how much he hated me in front of hyr and expecting hyr to go along with it, and getting very frustrated when shie would defend me or shy away from the topic. this had a really negative affect on hyr for a long time, forcing hyr into meltdowns and making hyr suicidal to the point of being institutionalized involuntarily around july or august 2015, and he did nothing to stop himself or tend to hyr hurt feelings. shie felt like shie couldn’t publicly talk about me lest shie would make him upset, while i was genuinely suffering panic attacks whenever i saw him on my dash.

so like i mentioned, rose was institutionalized against hyr will, and as this was happening dirk decided it would be a great time to contact me in an effort to... reconcile for rose’s sake, i guess. i don’t doubt he only decided to do so at that point to escape possible accountability for allowing the situation to boil over like that, and so he could safely make me feel like shit in a situation where i was under tremendous pressure to just smooth things over, especially since he brought in a friend of his to 'mediate’ or whatever (not their fault, i totally blame him for that). for the whole time he just told me how shitty he felt for me to “cut him off so suddenly”, how it “fucked him up”, that “he couldn’t really trust anyone after that” - and when i asked if i could also unload, he refused on the grounds that it would “just make him angry again and ruin his mood”.

rose has also confided in me countless times about the endless emotional demands he made on hyr, and the vicious guilt-tripping he would subject hyr to when shie couldn’t meet them. shie is also very mentally ill and was struggling a lot at this point in hyr life with being homeless and going in and out of inpatient care.

it’s also important to mention that dirk called both rose and i his “dependeds” (a term for people with dpd to refer to specific people they tend to rely on emotionally more than others), and he used that as a tactic to turn us into objects with no needs of our own, and to force us to feel morally responsible for him. this was something he dropped on me with no warning a couple months before i cut things off, and to be forced into that kind of responsibility without even asking me if it was okay made me very uncomfortable. i’m not blaming him for having dpd or saying all people with dpd are like that, but it was just another thing he specifically did.

i do have some receipts for what i described above.

these are some examples of him vagueing about rose on tumblr, which i feel demonstrate some of the guilt-tripping tactics he used, making sure that rose would come back to his blog and see how badly he was doing when shie couldn’t be there.

http://archive.is/IKY2k

[nattt (note: a nickname dirk had for rose) isn t onlune i skyed fleur (note: old pronouns rose used to use) when i s=woke up and fleur hasnt responded pelase goet back online so i ew can wtchsomething]

http://archive.is/75VVb

[lms if yo u like me more than you like horizon (note: an alternate name that rose uses) edit.// and dontnn fucking lie to make me feel better]

http://archive.is/Lar3j

[“hm wow my depended isnt here and idk when fleurs coming back so i guess i better throw myself into listening to aesthetic and/or angsty indie bands and only caring about that” - me, apparenalty,]

http://archive.is/po2Cn

[i know im fukkincg pathetic i know im a huge fucking loser for not doing anyhting like this earlier and i know im gonna be in the club with people who have been fucking doing this since like middle shcool or some shit!!!! jsut tell me if i should go to the meeting or not ffuckkginf my dpended is unreachable ust fukcing tell me what to do please thankss]

this chain of posts is specifically about times when rose was in the hospital, which goes to show how goddamn classy he is for using hyr suicide attempts to make hyr feel like shit

#overdose cw http://archive.is/nMGV4

[the last tiem the ac went out rose fucking ovserdosed so im (:]

#suicide cw http://archive.is/duyCL

[LIk e last time fleur was ther e for fuckkkign 2 weeks or a month o r something and we called each other nearly every day and i stil lwanted to fucking kms adn now its been like a week minus the weekend and i havent heard a fucking wor d and idk if fleurs okay or if fleurs staying longer or if fleur thinks im mad or if fleurs mad at me or fi fleur doesnt want to talk to me or hates me or is leaving me o r if fleurs calling someoen elese nstead of me or if fleur s even fc uk kign A l i v e anymore and its tearing me up. thats meant to be tering like tearing paper not taering like crying]

http://archive.is/jKwGV

[i keep having dreams that fleur will just pop up in the group chat im in with fleur, replying to smth, with no explanation, no hello, no hey im back, and ill be like “woah woah woah,, are you back? is that u?” and fleurs like yeah ofc and im like “ur really here right, its not a Dream,” and fleurs like “no im really back!!!” and im like “im not gona wake up and u wont be htere right” an d fleurs like no dw omf but. here we fucking are.]

http://archive.is/1pPmq

[i bet rose hmfucking hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again or doesnt care about me at all its either that or fkeurs Afuckign DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

these posts are from after they broke up, but also show how guilt-trippy he was

http://archive.is/61QZf

[fleur didnt “see me in fleur life anymore really :/” and then when i shut down and fleur asked to break up and i said fine fleur was all relieved bc fleur was worried abt my reaction like 1. i guess im that fucking pathetic and predicatlbe and fucjckkdfnknlsd fscc d tht fleur just knows im gonna flip out and was already scared to talk to me bc of it Lol 2. ii fucking was already broken up w fleur ever since fleur said fleur didnt see me in fleur life anymore but didnt want to brekau p uwu like what the fuck does that mean who says that everyone i lvoe is just going t o fuckingn tlel me they dont see me in their life none of them really do rn anyywaso]

#gore text cw #neck trauma cw http://archive.is/ilXdx

[idk i just idk fleur cares so much for hym and i cant do it it makes me want to cut my throat open and i dont even care about fleur anymore but im still upset about it i just cant do it im gonna take out my contacts and have a big cryfest]

these are examples of him playing the victim wrt to me cutting him off

http://archive.is/L9VFF

[no wonder he cut me off i deserved it i deserve all bad thigns i m such an annoying piece of shit im surprised he was even friends with me in the first place no wonder he cut me off im horrivle and annoying and more work than im worth no wonder they left me im not worth it im not worth anything no wonder fleur didnt fight for me or take my side or care at all im not worth it i dont deserve anything]

http://archive.is/uRTlR

[i thought i was one of hys closest friends but he cut me off like i was nothing and no one even fucking knew he did it until i told them he did. also fleur fucking knew that he was planning on doing it and didnt say a word to me this entire time until months after when i was having yet another massive breakdown about it so glad to know i mean absolutely nothing to the people who i see as literally the most important people in my life and that my not being in their life doesnt effect them at all and they dont even care to tell me when theyre talking about me behind my back about how annoying i am and how one of them is going to leave me in the dust]

http://archive.is/yKvpZ (it’s pretty long so i’ll just paste some choice bits)

[because of one of my past close friendships im fucking terrified everyone whos important to me is actually just planning on and thinking about how/if they should abandon me.] [mm fuffkkcinng iim so sfucked up over this honestly it was suppsoed to be ““““““““the best dcisisiong uuwuuwuwu” or sommemthing and its fucking ruining my life i cant thin k and i cant talk to anyone and i cant not talk to anynoen] [and i dont ahve any sort of reason to know or think or beleive that this wont happen because that ther person was thinking about it for fucking weeks and weeks] [fucking weeks and weeks of planning on leaving me and pretending everyhting was fine, of me thinking we were friends! of me trusting that person! of caring! i cant fucking trust anyone and that person doing that literally just prved it]

http://archive.is/QEIH2

[i dont even remember how long ago that happened honestly . its just kind of melting into “last month” the same way missioui is just “last year” #adn im fucking reliving it over constantly just like missouri how great! the 'clean break' systme really fucking works doesnt it! really fuc]

#suicide baiting cw for this last paragraph. eventually rose and dirk broke up around december 2015 (idr exactly) and then he blocked hyr unceremoniously, and it was at this point that rose went to his vent blog to unfollow it and saw a post that said, roughly “i hope cerb fucking kills hymself and that rose is devastated about it”. i don’t have a receipt for this because he’s since changed the url of the blog or deleted it altogether. it’s not all that surprising to me anymore anyway, with what i learned from sid telling me that he wished death on me pretty frequently.

that’s the end, i guess. if you have any questions i can try to answer to the best of my ability, i’m doing my best to be honest and transparent about this so i’m happy to clear up any confusion. please block dirk for your own safety, especially if you’re a minor.

#ok to reblog

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stopsubstanceabuse1-blog · 5 years

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Don’t Text Your Ex

New Post has been published on https://www.substanceabuseprevention.net/dont-text-your-ex/

Don’t Text Your Ex

In 2019, we’re more connected than ever. We’re constantly glued to our phones, addicted to texting and social media. We have a direct line of contact to pretty much anyone we want, anytime we want. This means that, for better or for worse, we have a direct line to contact our ex at our fingertips, 24/7. Let’s be real: Most of the time, texting your ex is not a good idea.

When you’re feeling lonely and constantly thinking about your ex, it’s really hard to resist sending a text. Trust me, I know! We’re creatures of habit, and when you’re so used to talking to someone you care about all the time, it’s hard to break the habit and cut contact. But by continuing to text your ex after your relationship is over, you’re just dragging out drama and prolonging the time it takes to truly get over someone.

Here are some tips for coping with post-breakup loneliness and resisting the urge to text your ex. As someone who has resisted urges to text my exes more than I’ve given into them, these are some tried and true methods for you.

Mute, unfollow, block

When it comes to trying to get over an ex, I’m a big believer in “out of sight, out of mind.” Not being constantly bombarded by exes’ social media posts can help keep them out of the forefront of your mind, hopefully preventing urges to text them.

Mute or unfollow your ex on all social media platforms. If you still can’t resist typing in their username to stalk, then you might need to block them. Change their name in your phone to something like “DON’T TEXT! YOU’LL REGRET IT!” If you’re feeling brave, you can even delete their number from your phone. Power move, right there.

Don’t be hasty

Don’t text your ex the moment you have the thought or the urge. Instead, go do something else to distract yourself, and see if in 30 minutes you still have the urge to text them. Watch a movie, take a bath, go to a workout class, whatever feels good for you, and leave your phone out of reach.

If you still have the desire to text them even after your distraction, just repeat this cycle over and over for eternity (just kidding…sort of). Instead of acting on impulse, you can learn to feel that impulse and desire, sit with it, and then overcome it. Over time, you’ll learn to control your urges instead of letting your urges control you, and you’ll be proud of yourself for staying strong.

Talk to friends and family

You can ease your loneliness by getting in contact with someone close to you (who isn’t your ex). Build a support network for yourself. Have a go-to list of a few friends who you can chat with, or vent to when you feel like you want to text your ex.

You can be honest and vulnerable with them, telling them that you’re really feeling lonely and having a hard time coping with your breakup. Ask them to hold you accountable and help you resist contacting your ex. Schedule some in-person hang outs, and plan fun things in the near future that you can personally look forward to.

Channel your loneliness into something else

You can use your loneliness as fuel to do something greater than moping around. For example, this is a great chance to channel your emotions into a creative outlet.

One of my personal favorite things to do is journal. Sometimes I’ll write a letter to my ex in my journal, penning all the things I’d want to say to them. Putting the pen to paper can help externalize your feelings and make you feel like you’re getting things off your chest, even though this isn’t a letter your ex will actually be seeing.

You can also write poetry, draw, paint — whatever! You don’t have to worry about creating a masterpiece. Just focus on feeling a release that makes you feel good. Alternatively if you’re not a creative person, you can try getting active. Take that post break-up anger and head out for a long run — or another personal favorite of mine, kickboxing.

Remember: What you’re feeling is normal

Of course, the urge to text your ex is real, normal, and extremely common. Just think about how often you need to discourage your friends from texting their exes. Breakups can bring out the worst in us and make us feel out of control. I

t’s rough, but it’s totally possible to get over a breakup. As time goes by, you’ll heal and become stronger. Then, you won’t have to keep telling yourself to resist texting your ex, because eventually you won’t even have to think about it.

Everyone gets lonely sometimes, and even the most strong, independent people have to fight impulses to text their ex! Self control is a craft, and resisting the urge to text your ex is an art. So stay strong and use your time while single to learn to be comfortable by yourself, focusing on your true number one — you!

Source: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/dont-text-your-ex/

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