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junkworldusa · 3 years

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belated book asks, thank you for indulging me!

1- What book are you currently reading? bros karamazov, 2/3s through atm.

i hate that i’m thinking about pathologic (video game) the entire time but i can't help it. the way characters are constantly bursting into people's houses & going "you’re an angel, you're the best person i've ever met, you're a saint" to someone they just met 5 minutes ago is so. distinct. i joked on twitter that the first half of the book is just alyosha running around completing sidequests, which i still think is true, but once i got to the grand inquisitor part i was like "Okay mr dostoevsky, you’ve got me."

2- What book did you recently finish? "selections from science & sanity" by alfred korzybski, recently featured in the gumby quotes. a while back i listened to a 6 hour long interview with robert anton wilson where he talks about korzybski & general semantics so i gave it a shot. it's an abridged version of a 900 page book & i definitely plan on reading the full work at some point, it's wild. if you’re interested in language, consciousness, the gap between words & meaning, and/or hacking your brain i would recommend it. he repeats himself a lot but that's a side effect of his pedagogy, the goal of which is the eventual re-wiring of your entire nervous system in order to achieve a more rational worldview/healthier reactions to things. (so repetition via words/sounds/actions is necessary 2 engage the organism-as-a-whole.) the most important takeaway for me is that everything & everyone you interact with is a completely unique object, and this necessarily extends to temporality-- Bob in 1999 is NOT the same person as Bob in 2010, and treating them as though they were is a harmful mistake. interestingly enough, im taking a class with J.F. martel (weird studies podcast, author of "reclaiming art in the age of artifice") & last night he said what amounts to exactly the same thing, except he was arguing for like, a soft animism (i-thou vs. i- it) & korzybski was arguing for a more "rational" & secular world. so fascinating.

3- What’s a book that’s been on your to-read list for a long time? ulysses. i know. i know. i have a copy but keep bouncing off of it. idk why, i liked portrait of the artist as a young man. i think i’m worried i’ll turn into this person:

4- What’s the next book you’re hoping to read? i just got "speech play: research & resources for the study of linguistic creativity" in the mail so probably that. i'm on a childlore kick rn & this is like... horizontally related 5- Is there a book you own, but aren’t planning on reading?

around 2 years ago i was walking home after a show high on E & i ran into a guy i had met at work a couple times. went over to his apartment because MDMA is like, "everything is SO meaningful and SO much fun." i barely remember our conversation but he ended up being like "you would like this book, here take it, i have 3 copies." so i now own a copy of "the eater of darkness" by robert m coates. i still haven't read it. the moral of this story is [???]

6- What was your favorite series as a kid? Would you still read it now? so many of you asked this question :P

THE TRUTH: i was obsessed with lotr from age 8 to 13 with a level of dedication that i've never known since. yes, i would still read it now. i reread the silmarillion last year & it was naturally a way more rewarding experience than when i was a kid! 8- Fantasy or sci-fi? i like & have read a lot of older sf/f (le guin asimov pkd etc etc) but im not actively into either nowadays. i read whatever reaches me from the queer sf/f twitter pipeline (like whatever's on wizards vs lesbians) but otherwise dont pay much attention. so the answer is "idk!!!”

12- Have you ever read a celebrity memoir? If so, whose was it? the only memoir i've read in recent years has been "memories, dreams, reflections" so if jung counts as a celebrity, there you go 14- Fiction or non-fiction? non-fiction in both quantity of books owned & what i prefer reading. i almost view them as 2 separate activities bc the motivation for & experience of reading them are so wildly different 15- Favorite fiction genre? i know i said im not "actively into" sci fi but 16- Favorite non-fiction genre? "philosophy" i guess. i also really love any phenomenological/experience-based studies of paranormal stuff, like "the terror that comes in the night" by david hufford or anything by jacques vallée. basically books that both a) take strange experiences seriously & b) examine/catalogue them scientifically (to whatever degree).

22- How do you organize your books? “poorly” 26- What’s your favorite book? fav non-fiction book: “time loops” by eric wargo. what if freud's career-making "irma dream" was a premonitory dream about the oral cancer that would severely impede his quality of life in his old age? (fantastic blog entry by the author, serves as a kind of intro to this topic: http://thenightshirt.com/?p=4326 )

when i read “time loops” it felt like everything i had ever read (& will ever read future tense) was for the sole purpose of understanding it. “time loops” picks up where J.W. dunne's 1927 "an experiment with time" left off. i won't say too much more about it but everyone should read it. it's so smart & engaging & will totally blow your miiiind, maaaan speaking of "an experiment with time," in 1964 a guy named vladimir nabokov began an experiment of his own following the directions dunne laid out in his book. dunne encouraged readers to write down their dreams in order to test the theory that a later event could generate an earlier dream.

nabokov’s experiment with dreams & time strongly influenced “ada or ardor: a family chronicle” which happens to be my favorite novel. i first read it when i was 18, and i've reread it 3 times since then (with the help of ada online, my beloved http://www.ada.auckland.ac.nz/ ) i would not recommend this book to anyone who doesn’t already like nabokov & know what he’s about. it’s fucked up & self indulgent & i love it so much

30- What character do you connect with the most? when jung said he was bad at math? i felt that

#asks

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queenlua · 3 years

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You're a druid and an ex-evangelical, right? What does being a druid mean to you? How did you get from evangelicalism to where you are now? And of course feel free to ignore this if it's nosy. (sincerely, a Christian who wants to leave but who doesn't know what to do)

this is going to make me sound ignorant as hell, lol, but i'm happy to share

under a cut because this got very long, sorry, lol.

my personal progression was: "vaguely christian -> VERY christian -> christian agnostic -> agnostic/atheist -> agnostic/druid -> some sorta druid-neopagan-animist thing." i guess i'll just go through what made me switch between each of those, and close out with some high-level thoughts that may be helpful for you?

okay, so when i was

VAGUELY CHRISTIAN,

i went to Sunday school every week because That's What You Do, and because my whole hometown was very southern Baptist, i never questioned the veracity of its teachings much... until they ran a whole weekly series on "why [x] is wrong," where [x] is some other group

e.g., we had a week on why Mormons are wrong, and i didn't bat an eye because i hadn't even known Mormons existed until that moment

then we had a week on why Muslims are wrong, and that... bothered me, because i had a friend who was Muslim, and she was just objectively a better person than me, and i was like "any universe where she goes to hell and i don't seems really fucked up"

then we had a week on why EVOLUTION was wrong, and that just absolutely threw me, because while i hadn't thought about evolution much (i think i was in fourth grade or so), it seemed common-sense? scientists thought highly of it? "adaptation over time" just seems logical?

so i went to the public library every day after school for like a week, read some Darwin and some science books, and came back to my Sunday school teacher with, like, an itemized list of objections to the whole "evolution is wrong" thing. and he came up with some standard Answers In Genesis rebuttals, and i did more research and came back the next week with more science, and we repeated this a few times until he was like "lua, you just gotta take some things on faith"

which. lmao. full existential crisis time, because no matter how hard i thought, i couldn't *not* believe in the science, but i also didn't want to go to hell, so i was like "maybe if i believe SUPER HARD i will SOMEDAY be able to unbelieve the condemn-me-to-hell bits"

so i decided to become

VERY CHRISTIAN

and my frantic googling for shit like "proof of god" and "god and evolution" *eventually* broke me out of the Answers In Genesis circles of the internet, and into some decent Christian apologia, like, think First Things and various Catholic bloggers. and there, i found some way to square my gut sense that evolution was right, with a spiritual worldview.

like, i remember finding some blogger who said:

"young earth creationists get tripped up when they try to explain stars that are millions of light-years away, and end up basically arguing that God's tricking us somehow, and—no! my God lets you believe in the evidence of your eyes, my God does not demand that you make yourself ignorant or stupid, my God expects you to use your brain"

and i just started crying at my computer, because no one had ever said "using your brain is Good and part of God's will," i was like *finally* here's someone who won't tell me i'm going to hell for just *thinking* about things

(st. augustine does a much better riff on a similar theme, fwiw, but i only found him later)

still, it was an uneasy fit, because, the more i learned and read about world history, the more it seemed... weird... that the One And Singular Path To Salvation was... the successor to some niche desert cult... which didn't even occur at the *beginning* of written history, like, it was all predated by that whole Mithraism thing, etc... and like, sure, i could trot out all the standard theological talking points for why Actually This Makes Perfect Sense, but gut-level-wise, the aesthetics just seemed kinda dumb! and no level of talking myself out of it made that feeling go away!

so at this point i started referring to myself as a

CHRISTIAN AGNOSTIC

i mean, not aloud. i still lived in southernbaptistopia and i didn't want, like, my hair stylist to tell me i was a horrible person. but in my *head* i called myself Christian agnostic and it felt right.

and i started church-hopping, which honestly was really fun, would recommend to anyone at any point. i visited the fire-and-brimstone baptist church, the methodist church, the episcopalians, the universal unitarians, etc.

unfortunately, while this gave me *some* new perspectives, each of the places either had the same shitty theology as my old megachurch (i remember the *acute* sense of despair i felt when i was starting to jive with a methodist church... only for the dumbass youth minister to start going on about evolution), or, they just lacked any sense of the *sacred*. like, the Church of Christ churches, with their a capella services, *definitely* had it; i felt more God there in one service than i did in a lifetime of shitty Christian rock at the megachurch. but their beliefs were even *more* batshit, so. big L on that one.

having failed to find a satisfactory church, i was basically

AGNOSTIC/ATHEIST

by the time i went to college, but honestly pretty unhappy about it; while it was harder than ever for me to actually *connect* with the divine, i didn't like thinking that my previous experiences of the divine were total lies. because my shitty evangelical church, for all its faults, could not *completely* sabotage the sense of God's presence. there were real moments in that church where i do believe i experienced something divine. mostly mediated by one particular youth minister, who in hindsight was the only spiritual teacher in that church who didn't seem a bit rotten inside, but! it was something!

so when i happened upon a bunch of writings on the now-defunct shii.org (that's the bit that makes me look WILDLY ignorant, lol), i was utterly captivated.

said author was a previous archdruid of the Reformed Druids of North America, an organization that was formed in the 1960s to troll the administration of Carleton College (there was a religious-service-attendance requirement; they made their own religion; their religion had whiskey and #chilltimes for its services). however, this shii.org dude seemed to take it pretty seriously. he was studying history of religion and blogged a lot about his studies, both academic and otherwise. while RDNA had started out as a troll, that didn't mean they hadn't *discovered* something real in the process, he said.

this, already, was going to be innately appealing to me; i've got a soft spot for wow-we-were-doing-this-ironically-but-now-it's-kinda-real? stuff in general.

in particular, shii.org’s discussions on the separation of ritual from belief was really interesting to me: most religions/spiritualities have *both*, but like, you can do a ritual without having the Exact Right Beliefs (if there even is such a thing!), and it can still be useful to you, it can have real power. (he had a really lovely essay, speculating on the origins of religion as just a form of art, but that essay is now lost to the sands of time, alas.)

(note that i wouldn't really recommend seeking out *recent* writing by the shii.org guy; he kinda went full tedious neoreactionary-blowhard-who-reads-a-lot-of-Spengler at some point? sigh.)

the shii.org guy led me to checking out a bunch of books on the history of neopaganism & also books by scholars of religion in general, and the more i read, the more excited i became. and i started doing little ritual/meditation stuff here and there.

then i was fortunate enough to attend some events with Earthspirit (this was when i lived in Boston), which cemented my hippie dalliances into something more real. the folks there, being from Boston, were all ridiculously overeducated (a sensibility that appeals to me), but also, being the kind of folks who drive out to a mountain in the middle of nowhere for a spiritual retreat, they tolerated a full range of oddities (everyone from aging-70s-feminist-wiccans to living-on-a-farm-with-your-bros-Astaru to dude-who-started-having-weird-visions-and-is-just-trying-to-figure-out-the-deal to Nordic-spiritualist-with-two-phds-from-Scandanavian-universities-on-the-subject, etc), which gave me a lot of room to explore different types of rituals, ceremonies, "magic", etc.

(polytheism in general lends itself well to this sort of easy plurality! i can believe other people are experiencing something real with their gods, and i can be talking to a totally different set of gods, and that’s just all very compatible, etc)

anyway, i started calling myself

AGNOSTIC/DRUID

around then, because i knew i'd found *something*, something that felt like all the realest moments i'd ever had in nature, and all the realest moments i'd ever had in that shitty megachurch, but i wasn't quite ready to put a theology to it.

but, idk, you do the thing for a while, and you start encountering some things that you may as well call gods, and you realize you're in pretty deep, and you ditch the "agnostic" bit and just throw hands and start describing yourself as

SOME SORTA DRUID-NEOPAGAN-ANIMIST THING

because that's the most precise thing you can muster. in particular, the druid bit resonates because nature's still very much at the center of my practice; the neopagan bit resonates because i'm not especially interested in reconstructing older traditions or being faithful to any actual pre-Christian traditions, and animist resonates because what i sometimes call gods seem to be tied pretty tightly to the land itself. it's all very experiential; all this mostly means i'm some weird chick who sometimes grabs a car and drives out someplace very lonely and hikes for a while and does some hippie shit to try and talk with the land or the god or whatever is there. and sometimes i come back from it changed, or refocused, or what-have-you, and hopefully i'm better for it. i'm aware this makes me look a little ridiculous, and is an unsatisfying answer, sorry!

WRT YOUR SITUATION

i don't know you or your situation, obviously, but if i wanted to give former-me some advice to save her some angst, i'd say

-> Christendom itself is far wilder and more diverse than many churches lead you to believe. if you still want to be Christian on some level, and it's just a shitty church that's convinced you the whole project is fucked, i'd honestly explore, i dunno, your nearest Quaker meeting. they're invoking the Holy Spirit with regularity but they're not raging douchenozzles about it.

-> if you're specifically interested in druidism, i found John Michael Greer's "A World Full of Gods" really nice. (caveat: Greer has *also* gone full right-wing nutjob these days, sigh, so like. would not recommend a great swath of his writing. but that one's good)

-> deciding that a just God wouldn't give me a brain and then ask me not to use it was hugely comforting to me. like, that was the start of the whole process, that was what made me feel ok searching for other churches and trying to find something that fit. obviously you should take this with 800 grains of salt, because obviously i'm no longer Christian, and thus maybe i'm just some poor misguided fallen soul, but... i still kinda believe that! maybe if you can make yourself believe that, it'll seem less scary?

idk, happy to answer more questions, sorry for the long ramble, hope it helped~

#druid stuff

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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Hi :) I... really wanna read a fanfic or two but I can't find one I vibe with xD So... do you know one that's not too long (around 100k words maybe), has hurt and comfort, smut (am I allowed to ask about that?? Ahhhh) and a happy ending? Top!lock would be a bonus but it's not necessary. And if it's a nice AU (like... any kind but no crossovers pls), it would be perfect! :D By the way, I found your blog only a few hours ago and I already feel really comfy and Idk, kinda at home here ^-^

Hi Nonny!!!

Welcome to my corner of the Tumblrsphere!!! I’m so happy you’ve found me, LOL, because I love all my followers and friends! <3

First of all, I think it’s super cute that “not too long” to you is “around 100K” LOL LOL LOL!!! <3 That said, I’d argue all my fic recs are fabulous, LOL. But again, I’m stupidly proud of the wonderful lists I’ve accumulated, because it satisfies my organization kink LOL. And yes, you’re ALWAYS allowed to ask for smut here LOL.

ANYWAY, so I’m gonna use this ask as an excuse to post up a long-overdue part two to my 50 to 100K fic list! But first, here’s some past lists for the genres you’re looking for:

FIC MASTER PAGES: PG1 || PG 2 || PG 3

Toplock (Mar 2020)

Omegaverse

Please Check PG 3 for all my AU fic lists. There’s a lot :)

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 1: Under 5K Words

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 2: 5K to 10K Words

Fandom Favourites / Popular Fics

I hope those will get you started! So now, here’s the main event!! Hope you enjoy them!

50 - 100 K WORDS Pt. 2 (Novel Length)

See also:

Fics Under 2000 w.

Fics Under 2000 w. Pt. 2

Fics Under 2000 w. Pt. 3

E-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt 1 (Short Fics under 20K)

Novella Length Fics: 25 to 50K (Aug. 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Long S3/Post-S3 Fics (20K+ w.) [Apr 2020]

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017)

Smut-Free Fics Over 50K (Aug 2019)

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock's first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hilll AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w., 15 Ch. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief...

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU || Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) – A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU || BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w., 23 Ch. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #long fics #50 to 100k #Anonymous #fic rec wednesday #e-rated fics

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thinking-in-symbols · 3 years

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Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years. When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog. Today I thought I’d revisit that. I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames. I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station! Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this. I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things. I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic. But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm. “Proficient” is a relative term. But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages. I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this. If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused. More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what? I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial. So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish. I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently. Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room. So there’s more work to do. More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point. I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man. I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment. I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories! Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place. I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this. I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected. This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect. Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet. Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket. I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much. Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep! Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years. I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position. More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious. Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately. But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this. That’s a cool idea. I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle. I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money. No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop. That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career. Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others. No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope. I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird. Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right? Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating. So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it. I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues. Just kidding. But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done! Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French! But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao. I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself. How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post. But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done. I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever. I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this. I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive. But a van? Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort. This has actually been front-of-mind for a while. I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point. I do have other thoughts on this, though. Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term? Three months? If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school. However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet. I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through. We’ll see where this goes. It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done. It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes! :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated. But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing. So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years. Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it! Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-)

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet. I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat. Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad! I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”. I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself. The point is, they got done. That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships. I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying. And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life. I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh. I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing. I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect. These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life. I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap. Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change. I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds! Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development. The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort. For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point. It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two. The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science. Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas. I mean, I’ve done some. But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree. I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school. Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now! So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list. I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate. I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more. I know what I need to know. It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news. I’ve always been scared about entering the working world. All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have. But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term. So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done. What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished. I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest. But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life. Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK. There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames. Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

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dergenflergen · 3 years

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This is something very blog irrelevant so feel free to skip if you don't wanna read about my Work Woes™

I've been working at a boarding kennel/ doggy daycare place for a little over 2 years now. I like this job most of the time. I love some of the pets I get to work with. But working here as long as I have, my expectations for animal care have definitely risen. And half the time customers fall below that expectation. And I'm not talking about minor disagreements in their care. One of our cats has been boarding for about a year. She had 2 siblings when she first was dropped off but all 3 of them are older cats and the other 2 have unfortunately died at the kennel. I wasn't there when the first one died but I was the one who found the 2nd one. I let my manager know, we wrapped her up, put her in a box, and I later took her to be cremated. What I hate is that we have no idea when this last one will finally be going home or if she too will die at the kennel because 2 months after they were dropped off we were told that they would be boarding "until further notice". You wanna know why they haven't went home?? Because their owner is making a cat room in her home and it hasn't been finished yet. These cats are old. They're sweet and cuddly and don't play much. They don't need a fucking cat room. It is completely unfair to them having died in a foreign environment and us having to find them like that.

There's another cat that's been boarding even longer. Probably about 4 years so far. A big, fat, declawed tabby. Another sweet cat even with his hatred for crocs (I've got many teeth marks on mine thanks to him). His owners have been looking for an apartment. For 4 years. That will take him. By no means am I shaming these people for being poor. But this cat has been here for so long. They rarely visit him. And anytime him going home has been brought up in the past they just give us excuses. We've brought up rehoming him. Finding a foster even. Shit one of my coworkers had even offered to foster him just to get him out of the kennel environment and to try and help him actually lose weight. But no. They chewed us out for that. Because we're clearly in the wrong for trying to do something that we think is best for your cat.

Then there's people who get dogs without doing their research. There's this one person that brings in their border collie mix for daycare from 8am-4pm mon-fri. Despite the fact that he's been kicked out of daycare. Why does she continue to bring him? Because he's destructive at home. Because he's a working dog and she doesn't work him. Collies are a high energy dog that needs a lot of physical and mental stimulation that she just doesn't provide. Not to mention that every time she picks him up she reeks of weed.

And then there's the stress. The sheer amount of stress that I've been through lately has been ridiculous. We have been severely over booked and understaffed. The understaffed part isn't entirely my managers fault as we just have not had many people applying. And with covid, a lot of other kennels/doggy daycares shut down so all those people came to us. When we are overbooked we start putting dogs in crates. It's not entirely avoidable as sometimes dogs that are boarding together initially sometimes have to be separated later on so then that's another run that we need. And I don't find crates to be that big of a deal so long as it's small dogs that are in there. When we do have dogs in crates it's always dogs that are dog friendly so that way they all get to stay outside in the yard a majority of the day, only being in a crate to eat and sleep. The problem is that we were even more overbooked then usual with spring break and we did not have a lot of small dogs. Labs, collies, dogs on the bigger side, were in crates.

Plus things don't run that smoothly if that wasn't already evident. I can't think of a single worker that would actually board there dog here. I sure as hell wouldn't.

Idek where I'm going with this at this point. My manager has become so reliant on me as of late for when she's not there, especially since a lot of our good people have left, and it's getting to be too much. I want to find another job but I'm at a loss because idk where I could go thats not customer service, doesn't require schooling, and pays at least 12/hr as that's what I make rn.

Ugh.

#i could go on and on #we do the best we can and we genuinely care about peoples pets #but its just ridiculous #jane talks #dont reblog

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seven-oomen · 4 years

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Lol, glad to be of service on the plot detail. Can not wait to find out precisely how I helped, and congrats on finishing the chapter. Very, VERY excited for the new one, though if previous experience is anything to go by, it’ll probably show up right about when I have to clock in. But that will give me something to look forward to during my shift. :D That game sounds awesome, but so intense. The other person I know paying it said she only made it about three hours before she had to pause for a while due to emotional overload. And I’m well used to that authorial tendency towards “sorry not sorry” when it comes to reader reactions. XD

Oh god, I love the idea of them as potentially competing players. Huge chunks of the unaffiliated/unaffected Houses would get caught up in the rumors and romance of it all. Chris in the stands getting all kinds of weird looks because he keeps rooting for both teams (uh…no pun intended?). And yeah, I like Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic for Chris. Oh god I can see all of them excelling at the dueling club. He and Noah take Muggle Studies and develop a minor fascination with muggle weaponry. Ooh, what would their Patronuses (Patroni?) be? Would Peter be a wolf Animagus instead of a werewolf given their representation in the books?

And I love all the kids reacting to new siblings. (Jackson will always be the baby, even when he’s not, lol.) Hmm, I can’t decide if I like the idea of going more fantasy or sci-fi for the nursery (Fables sounds amazing, though, and I feel I need to find some copies. But perhaps slightly dark for a nursery.) Part of me feels they could give it sort of Hobbit-y feel, with rolling hills and towering forests, but add woodland characters in from lots of other series, too, scattered throughout the trees (and Ents, and Groots). Maybe a fake tree in one corner with one or two of those hanging chair things. But part of me just keeps screaming “OMG OUTER SPACE!!!" She could paint galaxies and nebulas across one wall. They could put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, and have a mobile of Star Wars ships over one crib and one of Star Trek ships over the other. Gah, I can’t decide! And Malia (or Peter) would totally need to make them each one of these wolf lovey blankets. In the correct colors for Peter’s coat, possibly out of the yarn with his fur, so the scent could comfort them. I actually found a number of geeky hats, etc, that she could make for them (I may have gotten a bit carried away. Again. In my defense they’re adorable.) Now I’m also curious how the kids set up their own rooms in the new house. Also curious where Ben’s deductive skills might later lead him.

You are very welcome for that image. It is a lovely one isn’t it? And can you imagine some of the poses they’d do for photo ops (especially with how shameless Peter is?) I also think one of the kids would manage to convince them to go out into the Preserve in those costumes to get some nicely atmospheric shots for Malia’s blog. At least one of those ends up on one of the walls of the house (nursery if more fantasy themed, living room/den otherwise) I just wish I could have found better pics than Google was providing. I refuse to believe there are that few guys that do Red Riding Hood. I know I’ve seen it at cons before.

Ugh, I have SO MANY FEELINGS about slow dancing together, and singing to/with each other. Just. All the yes. Gimme. Which reminds me, I was listening to one of the Guardians Awesome Mixes the other day, and it occurred to me that "O-o-oh Child” would actually work fairly well for the playlist, or as a lullaby they sing to their kids (maybe a hand me down from another family member, sung together before everything went to shit, then separately as a tiny point of connection, they start using it again when the newer kids come along. Maybe they even catch one of the older kids singing it to one of the babies? Idk, I’m apparently having feels.)

Omg, yes, go to bed, lol! Sleep is helpful and useful, especially when sick. (I say, as though I’m not terrible about it as well.) Enjoy your day off, and the probable many hours of gaming it will entail.

This is the section I changed:

The condom breaking on Noah and Peter had been one hell of a spectacle between the three of them. After what happened with him they’d been on edge and actively trying to avoid another accident. Anu, however, had other plans for them and had caused another pregnancy scare. They could only hope that they wouldn’t have to face reality once again. When Peter had told him he had three heartbeats and his scent had changed, he’d freaked out beyond belief. Merlia had bought him a pregnancy test and Talia had offered to have a talk with his father when it came back positive. He’d declined. He really didn’t want to tell his father that he was currently pregnant. And if Peter and the wolves were to believed, with twins. His father would carve his babies out of his stomach before he allowed him to carry to term. A protective hand rested on his abdomen and he looked up to find Peter staring at him, smiling.

Originally I had written that Chris wasn’t worrying and that he didn’t know he was pregnant just yet. Thanks to our back and forth, I realized, wait a second that’s a really big plot hole and I need to fix that.

I think Malia not telling Stiles was a plot hole as well, but I didn’t catch it on time and it’s not glaring in this case. (I think, I hope.) Whoops.

I’ve finished the game by now and I am very torn on it. On the one hand, I was very emotional but it just got darker and darker as it progressed and we are forced to spend time with a character we don’t like. And the way they wrote that story just doesn’t work for me. Which is really sad because the first game was my favorite game ever. And my Joel cosplay was one of the first cosplays that let me be a dude. I realized I was trans and got comfortable with that fact through cosplay. And Dean Winchester and Joel were fundamental cosplays for this. (I’m also planning a really dope Peter Hale cosplay. I’m so excited. Lemme show you some pics of what I want to do with SFX)

So this game, it’s very intense for me and I couldn’t finish it because of its story. I watched the rest on Youtube and I agree with many that it’s not a bad story, it’s just not likable. And you’re not meant to like it, but when I play games I play them for the story and to know this story is so unlikable. It kinda kills me inside.

But it definitely drives me to write a really good likable story myself. Even if it gets dark, I want people to say yeah, ok. I get it. I understand why these characters did this. But I’m happy this ended well and my favorite characters got a happy ending together. That’s what I want Once upon a Time to mean.

"O-o-oh Child” would actually work fairly well for the playlist, or as a lullaby they sing to their kids (maybe a hand me down from another family member, sung together before everything went to shit, then separately as a tiny point of connection, they start using it again when the newer kids come along. Maybe they even catch one of the older kids singing it to one of the babies?

I loved this suggestion so much, I once again put it in the story. It’s gonna be sweet but also heart wrenching. I can’t wait to see your reaction.

And once again, I adore all of this. I just have a lot I wanna say, also in regards to your reviews and I’m trying to figure out what things I can talk about.

This story is rather full of men who are uncles, in fact. But not men who are from U.N.C.L.E., that's a different fandom entirely. Am I getting a bit slap happy? Quite possibly. Oh well.)

This had me hollering, thank you for that. I honestly don’t know what my uncle obsession is in this story. It just fits? But this was funny, my god.

"Please..." Melissa muttered. "Uncle Chris, you patented the kicked puppy look" Did you mean for that to be Derek?

Yeah, the lines were supposed to be :

"Please..." Melissa muttered.

"Uncle Chris, you patented the kicked puppy look"

I missed that one in the edit, but I fixed it! So there was a space that I missed. New line, new character saying something.

Had a moment of delayed reaction to noticing that Peter says "I've made these", not "I've had these made" (was too excited and reading too quickly the first time), and like, made as in carved himself?

I was wondering why that hadn’t come up yet, hahaha, but I see. And yeah, he carved it himself with his own claws. I thought that had a deeper meaning and that’s where the wood carving headcanon came from.

I think that’s everything that I can address right now. I’m definitely writing everything else down.

And I will definitely share a sweet little flashback today and find a good FC for John Hale. (Nathaniel, Talia, Merlia, and Peter’s dad.)

I’m thinking:

But if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know ^^

#ben says stuff #once upon a time comments #submission

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bentchcreates · 6 years

Photo

Start Here, Stories of First Encounters

Let me just say this right off the bat, I’m giving this 6 of 5 Stars! First of all, the editors and my co-authors deserve the 5.5 of 5 Stars. This is my favorite book this year, cheesy for me to say, but it is! I’m giving a half star more for my own story because I’m very proud of this, okay? :P I’ll talk more about that on a separate blog post, haha.

To begin, I want to thank the editors (and our PM, Hi Mina!) for coming up with this anthology. The intros by Ron and Brij, in itself, were already strong messages to those who are looking for contemporary romance that represents Filipinos of this time, LGBTQIAP or not. It perfectly put out the reasons behind the conception of this anthology, as well as the hope that this sparks a flame towards more Queer Romance and Queer HEA in Philippine Literature.

1. In the Moonlight by Agay Llanera

This was a sweet start to set the tone for the rest of the stories. It’s an awesome sequel to my other favorite, Another Word For Happy. And like what I said in my review for AWFH last year, Caleb seems to have been made after my own heart.

I wish I was exaggerating, but the indecision, the awkward reaction to ‘the kiss’, the hyperawareness to the smallest of things, IT ME! When I was Caleb’s age, at least. LOL. And I’m sure a lot of gay people (maybe not even gay people, everyone, really) will find it relatable one way or another.

What Caleb is better than me, though, is his courage towards the end of the story. He did something I never would’ve been able to do. And I hope when others read this, they’d be inspired to be braver, too.

2. Come Full Circle by Bobbi Moran

I love me some slow burn romance and huhu, the slow burn in this one killed me (in a good way!).

This short felt quite episodic as the characters are shown through different stages of them finding themselves – and eventually, love – but that slow progression allowed me to really root for them to be together at the end.

I found the attention to detail fascinating (especially the architectural ones when Alana and Marion went on a holiday) but what I loved most about this is the accuracy of tiptoeing in a relationship when one is still unsure where the other one stands. I mean, relationships are already complicated without the whole guessing-and-hoping-the-other-one-plays-on-the-same-team narrative, but add in sexual confusion (and tension!) and you’re in for a wild, but nonetheless more interesting, ride. This story tied to a full circle satisfyingly.

3. Gorgeous by Motsie Dapul

This is probably my first F/enby romance and it certainly lived up to its title. This might also be the first fiction story I’ve read using the singular they/them pronoun and while it took me about a minute to re calibrate my [faulty] sense of grammar, it wasn’t jarring and it told Jays and the MC (I’m not 100% sure she was named, I need to reread the story, stat!)more genuinely for me.

It is also somewhat a variation of the enemies to lovers trope which is always interesting. I’m happy to note that there is grovel. :)

I think what I want to focus more about this story is how something that happened years ago, something that seemed small and irrelevant to you, might mean a whole different world to another person. And simple things like words said haplessly, or actions that weren’t well thought of in our youth, could still impact us as adults no matter how much we’ve changed in the time in between.

This story tells and awesome story of discovering one’s self, discovery of love, and acceptance of the MC’s past, present and future with Them. :)

4. Shipping Included by Danice Sison

Can this be any cuter?? <3 <3 <3

I will admit that I didn’t get all the KPop references but I know those who are knowledgeable (and obsessed) with oppas will appreciate and enjoy this.

Done in alternating POVs between the protagonists, David and Kiko, the story’s strength lay on the well-rounded characterization of the heroes, as well as the kids who made their meetcute extra cute! There is a glimpse of what it must be like to be a Filipino KPop fan while also focusing the spotlight on those who don’t share the dedication but support their loved one’s hobbies nonetheless.

The Kuya and Tito may not be in their girls’ fandoms but Kpopocalypse gave them (all of us, really) a different reason to swoon and make fingerhearts at each other.

5. Delubyo by Barbie Barbieto

This is beautifully written.

This was the first work from the author that I’ve read and I loved it so much, it made me seek out her other work. Haha. The style and flow of words are smooth and easygoing, it hooked me up real quick.

Add to that is Pebbles’ odd four-month relationship rule which I thought was mean at first, but actually makes so much sense and is understandable from someone who’s constantly afraid to put her heart on the line. Still, I don’t tolerate it. (I loved this so much, I’m super invested and I want to have a talk with Pebbles bec huhu, the poor ex-girlfriends! LOL)

I love the progression of her feelings towards Gabrielle, told brilliantly somewhere in the middle of the story – after that awesome beginning! It made the ending such a relief and a source of immense kilig!

6. The Other Story by H. Bentham

*sly grin emoji*

7. Blooms and Hues by Ella Banta

I loved the softness of the themes in this short story, reminiscent of Gay YA fiction I used to devour in college (from foreign authors like Brian Sloan, Alex Sanchez, John Hall, etc.) and the short films I still find on YouTube from time to time.

It is a lovely addition to this anthology, despite not being heavy on the romance like the other stories, especially since being queer in this country, love, relationships - and matters of the heart in general - are less likely to be this soft and dreamy. (At least during my time as an actual young adult. IDK, maybe kids these days are allowed this gay tenderness we weren’t given access to. It wasn’t even such a long time ago, I mean…anyway, that’s not what this review is all about. I got distracted. lol)

The artistic MC and LI are adorable. And flowers! I’m never not in love with stories where flowers come into play.

8. Another First by Yeyet Soriano

I admit that I felt scared to continue with this once it was established that Jess, the MC, is in a long term relationship at the beginning of the story. I dislike scenes with messy break-ups due to cheating, but I soldiered on and was greatly relieved that this didn’t go that way.

I liked that the characters acted like the adults that they are and that this did not turn into a rehash of popular love-triangle telenovela plots. I especially loved the part where things had to settle down and fall into place for all characters (Jess, Lili and even Matt) separately at first – on a personal level – before the romance could be resolved. It showed a healthy depiction of self-discovery and acceptance a little bit later in life.

9. Luck from the Skies by Katt Briones

This one I’ve actually read before the book came out and ugh, rereading it second, third and fourth time did not make it less wonderful! The characters have supporting roles from Katt’s other book, Chasing Mr. Prefect, but the timeline here is before that book’s time.

I liked the fictional artista/modeling angles and the progression of friendship between Chan and Asher towards a romantic ship (#ChaSher5everr!!!). The rainy weather theme is also very Filipino and how it plays in the advancement of the plot is just brilliant! And kilig! So kilig!

Sab is defineitely a scene stealer (I love bestfriends!) but since the romance was so strong in the first place, she didn’t overshadow my boys. LOL.

Also, prepare to crave bulalo!

10. Lemon Drop Friday by Brigitte Bautista.

“Here goes [Brij] again, making a mess [with my heart]”

When I was reading the review copy and got to this point in the book, I stopped for a full day before I started this story. Part of me knew I would breeze through it and I didn’t want the book to end just yet. And I was right.

Brij did it again! Made me fall in love with her mastery of words and then made me cry because this was so good and so satisfying.

I was highlighting passages throughout the book (for review notes) but with this one, I couldn’t even stop to highlight words, I just wanted to fully immerse in that universe and feel the love, and the fear of rejection, and the ultimate HEA where these messy girls finally, finally got together!

I have a favorite quote (aside from the mis-quote above. Lol)

“If she looked at me a tad longer, she would figure it out.”

Argh! MY HEART! I loved Tala’s POV so much! It’s quirky and funny and honest and SO relatable. I’m done talking about this because I WILL SPOIL IT FOR EVERYONE so please get the book and read it! :P

To end, again I want to thank everyone who worked (and continue to work hard to promote) this book! I cannot fully express into words how important this is to me, as well as to others who might need these stories in their lives (whether they know it or not). I hold this dear this not because it is among the first queer books from #romanceclass, but more because all were written with wonderful skill and heart. Each story offers something unique for the reader who might be reading queer for the first time as well as someone looking for themselves in the written page,

We yearned so much to be represented well. We craved for stories we can connect to on a deeply personal level. We waited for our happy endings, in fiction at the very least.. This is definitely the beginning of us getting all that. And more.

Blurb:

There’s a first time for everything. Gatecrashing a KPop concert with an oppa in a business suit. Taking shelter from the storm with the girl you’ve been meaning to shake off. That kiss that blurs the line between friendship and something more. A one-night stand (or, is it?) with your best friend from across the hallway.

Dive into these 10 stories of first encounters – unapologetically queer, happy endings required, with a smattering of that signature #romanceclass kilig. Whether you’re recalling your own firsts or out there looking for one, there’s a story in here for you.

So, go on.

Turn the page.

Start here.

Edited by Ronald S. Lim and Brigitte Bautista. Featuring short stories by Agay Llanera, H. Bentham, Ella Banta, Danice Sison, Yeyet Soriano, Barbie Barbieto, Katt Briones, Bobbi Moran, Motzie Dapul, and Brigitte Bautista. This anthology contains M/M, F/F, F/NB romance stories with happy endings. Some stories have a high heat level.

Release Date: January 27, 2018

Book Cover Design: Dani Hernandez

Additional Photography: Alexandra Urrea & Chachic Fernandez

Buy Links:

Pre-order Start Here on Amazon: bit.ly/rcStartHere Order Start Here on paperback (PH only): bit.ly/StartHere-PrintPH

Add Start Here on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37880247-start-here

Author links:

Katt Briones: @kttbri (Twitter& IG)

Ella Banta: @gabbie_ellaine (Twitter) , @ellamaepot (IG), gabrielluna.wordpress.com (blog) , https:// www.facebook.com/ ellabantawriting/ (FB)

Agay Llanera: http:// amzn.to/ 2k2gj34.(Amazon)

Yeyet Soriano: @ysrealm (Twitter & IG) @Yeyetsorianowrites (FB), www.yeyetsoriano.com (blog), [email protected]

Danice Sison: @hastyteenflick (Twitter)

Bobbi Moran: [email protected]

Motzie Dapul: FB.com/atemozzarella, FB.com/atemozzarellastories, @atemozzarella (Tumblr) , mozzarellastories.wordpress.com (blog), motzie.dapul@ gmail.com.

Barbie Barbieto: @barbiebarbieto (Twitter), barbiebarbieto.com (blog)

H. Bentham: this is me. heh.

Editors:

Brigitte Bautista: @brijbautista (Twitter & IG), brijbautista.wordpress.com (blog)

Ronald S. Lim: @tristantrakand (Twitter), [email protected]

#start here #bentchcreates #bookish #romanceclass #lgbtqiap

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driftwooddragons · 7 years

Note

Re: that post you reblogged about racism in Europe: Coming from Europe I have been taught my whole life that the definition of racism is ‘treating people as if different races are a thing and theirs is inferior’. And in most of Europe, last time the word ‘race’ was considered acceptable it was used by the Nazis in the biological sense, and people who look very white like the Polish, Sami etc. were seen as inferior races. I’m not trying to pick a fight or excuse racism in any form here, 1/2

I guess I just don’t understand how treating people as if they’re a different RACE is not racism, or why it’s seen as a problem that it can ALSO include white people. (Also I’m not from an English-speaking country, so maybe this is an Anglophone-non-Anglophone cultural way of seeing things, IDK.) Anyway I love your blog, hope you’re having a nice day! 2/2

(Your last anon here again) I realized my last asks maybe came across as racism-apologist, and I’m sorry! I’m just trying to understand, because having always been told that anyone can be racist to anyone else who is not part of their ethnic group, it’s very confusing and a little disturbing to encounter this idea that you can’t be racist to white people. It feels like it’s making light of the struggles some people here have faced and still face, and leaves a bad taste in my mouth… IDK

________________________

Yeah, so I don’t think I’m qualified to speak to this either.

But let’s think through it together - but if someone more qualified comes along, then we’ll listen to them instead of my ramblings….

I think what it comes down to is different cultures/languages have different definitions of racism.

So, for instance, in my mind, you can’t be racist against white people because they’re the dominate/oppressive group. Now, this isn’t to say that white people never experience being a hated group - but that hatred would be called xenophobia or prejudice.

Like, racism packs with it an idea of superiority/inferiority and systematic oppression.

Of course, this then gets into the problem of culture… like, Hitler DID see Slavic people as inferior to those of German and Scandinavian decent… and he attempted to oppress them because of that. That’s racism - because he did see them as a different race. So… how does that work? Is it only racism if your beliefs are THAT extreme?

I guess the real question is are MODERN prejudices against white people of certain nationalities called racism or are they called xenophobia? I think that’s the argument that the post I reblogged was making - that maybe it was racism in the past (when people not only believed race was a thing, but also had really extreme ideas about what the “races” were), but these days it’s not racism - it’s just cultural xenophobia.

Like, does a random British person look down on the Greeks because they think they’re a separate race of people who are inherently/genetically inferior… or is it because Greek culture is foreign to British culture and they don’t understand it, so they dislike the people?

I think the argument is that it’s the latter… so, modern “racism against white people” in Europe is actually xenophobia. Whereas, historically, Hitler WAS a huge racist, because he saw everyone who wasn’t “aryan” as an inferior race.

So, it’s exactly as you say - people who think race is a thing and act to oppress are racists, people who just dislike others because they are different are xenophobic.

THEN we get into systematic racism…. where modern culture/society is still recovering from many many years of extreme racism towards people of colour… And as a result, our culture/society (whether you’re in north america or europe) is STILL really racist towards people of colour. So, the society itself, the way it’s set up, the way it subconsciously educates us, is very dependent on skin colour…

And I think this is where you don’t want to use the same word for the prejudice that a white Polish person in Britain might encounter to the systematic racism that… let’s say a dark-skinned Algerian in Paris might encounter. The racism in America/Canada can be seen WAY more starkly in living conditions of various minorities… and I can’t speak to what it’s like in Europe… but I do know that you have similar problems in the Paris area with housing projects and such. And on that note, this also gets into colonization/decolonization arguments… and yeah, I’m REALLY not able to speak to that.

So, what have my blatherings brought us… that modern day, I think all people know that race isn’t actually a thing, therefore, when they’re hating on particular groups of white people, it’s because they’re xenophobic. HOWEVER, modern day society is built on hundred of years of extreme racism towards people of colour and it’s still reflected in our society and we’re still influenced by it (think about representation in media, children’s books, toys, etc) and as a result, when someone is hating on a person of colour, it’s more than likely either consciously or unconsciously fueled by racism, rather than xenophobia.

For instance, think of that dude saying that Idris Elba was not “English enough” to play Bond, when Bond was played by a Scotsman and Irishman in the past…. what makes Idris less English than an Irish person? Is it because his parents were from Africa? Irdis was born and raised in England. How many generations do you have to live in England before you’re “English enough?” If Idris’ parents were white Polish people, would we be even having this conversation? So, you sort of see the difference in the xenophobic prejudice that someone from Eastern Europe might face and the racist prejudice that anyone non-white might face.

Like, we’re all still racist whether we want to be or not. Because of the legacy of racism, we have to work really hard to NOT be racist. If you’re not consciously not being racist, then you’re probably being racist. The irony is that consciously not being racist makes you feel like a racist, because you want to live in a perfect world where you don’t need to have the thought “am I being racist right now?” But we ALWAYS have to have that thought.

Anyway, my point is, I apologize if I am racist. And I’m not claiming I’m right about any of this… this is me, just trying to work through language and terminology and how it relates to society and cultural differences.

I’m also coming at this from a largely North American perspective - although I have lived in Europe, it was very briefly. I’ve also studied European history A LOT, but that doesn’t tell me that much about what today is like - and today is kind of a cesspit with this weird resurgence of nationalism and xenophobia.

(Though, that does remind me that when I went to an anti-nazi rally in Germany when I lived there, they did use the German word for xenophobia rather than racism, when they described the nazi’s beliefs…. not sure if that matters. It was over 10 years ago now.)

#long post #Anonymous

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brasenie · 6 years

Text

listening to the autumn in hieron post mortem and the way jack talks about lem is both 1. relatable and 2. really helped me in figuring out bell later on and i guess now that tfk is over i might as make a post on this secret blog about it lmao

liking bell less as a person (or rather, more being able to acknowledge his flaws) was like... INCREDIBLY important for me in the sense that i don’t think i’d be coping as well with his ending/it not being a super solid. ending ending for him if i was still as... personally connected as i was i am STILL nervous about him being an npc but i think ollie and i will have enough time to talk about things before then? we have a year. and also i SORT of trust ollie with him

but for the first... 3/4s of the campaign bell was very very me. he was depressed and anxious and that was like... a good thing for me to work out? i don’t regret it bc up until his death it really gave me a chance to explore what depression had meant for me re: my family, and how long i wanted to run away, and how anxiety hurt my friendships and how i looked at myself and playing bell genuinely gave me a chance to mess with that. but it almost stopped being good when we got to the deadlands arc bc the first part of that episode it was just like... i wasn’t having FUN. he was in such a dark place and it wasn’t like when i had the letters to marie and 1. when he died i realized i needed to separate myself from him a little bc the emotional distress was like. it’s a game. it’s a game and if he had died i would have been wrecked and that’s just not fun and 2. him being emotionally healthy was the first time i started to see his flaws which like... i REALLY enjoyed and which really played into why i went so far with his ending (also re: his ending i was just so Taken Aback and didnt see it coming that i was making the decisions INCREDIBLY in the moment and didnt see where things were going until i was in way too deep narratively lmao)

of course there was the stuff like. he blames himself for failing to keep people safe, puts too much pressure on himself, and is a perfectionist etc etc. but also like... he’s overdramatic? he doesn’t like attention on a large scale e.g. from his family but from the people he cares about he’s definitely needy! he loves being doted upon and i think voyages emotional distance is probably one of the roughest parts of where he is at the start of pof. but also his care for the people he REALLY really deeply cares about goes so deeply he’s willing to put them over his values - and this to a certain extent has always been true? like he’s always been willing to............. just sortaaaaa let ciks necromancy fall to the side (maybe that’s why pelor’s always been a little pissed lmao), and even with orna never took any actions besides yelling at her like, once. his love for people can be a little selfish! and i keep thinking about the line/concept ‘he’s only good at lying to himself’ a lot bc he has always had myopic morals in a sense, it’s just that his love and loyalty have shifted those morals to a... darker place where he’s much more tolerant of uh, Bad things.

and like... idk part of me DOES want to say that i think deep down he’s a good person? but he’s also a deeply flawed person who’s been willing to abide a lot of things for what voyage wants (and later what he wants!) and so idk if i could even say that anymore! bc the “worst” thing is that he pretends things are okay? i don’t think it’s like... weak willed of him bc i don’t think he is weak willed, i think his decisions to stay with voyage have been very deliberate (and im VERY resolute on like. making sure i continue to think of him as his own person instead of an extension of voyage. like as an npc he may have that role just bc like... that’s how it works narratively when your husband is a main npc).

but there’s definitely some self-deception going on - which i thought about a . and i think maybe that’s what tips his current situation over the line from “not great” to straight up tragic, bc i see there being 3 main outcomes. 1. he eventually cracks, he’s eventually forced to realize that what they’re doing isn’t justifiable and he either finally leaves (but where would he go?) or stays with voyage but is like. miserable 2. he stays, but he can’t keep up his hopeful facade anymore? and this isnt quite as bad in some ways bc at least he’s not lying to himself as much but like idk how voyage would deal with that lol 3. he manages to keep lying to himself (and mostly voyage) until the day he dies, very, very very tired.

anyways this got WAY sadder than i thought but here’s some slightly happier notes? his hope still is genuine. the kindness he gives is still gentle and he still wants to heal more than hurt, and if he believed at this point there was hope beyond violence, he would. his justification is that he genuinely believes imura is cruel and that daggertooth is the one chance at happiness for them and a lot of other people, mostly. mostly he just loves. he loves the people he loves so so deeply that it eats away at him and mostly i think he just wants to be happy? like he wants to keep voyage alive so they can fight in this war, he wants imura to leave them alone. he misses baths, he misses books, he misses his friends a little (both the KC and then also the crew of the curse? obviously his heart is voyage but he sailed with them for 20! years!). i think he’d be content if they had a small house in daggertooth by the water and he and voyage could grow old together and he had time to like, read. he just wants to be happy and like part of me wishes he could get happiness in this universe. but also i’ve separated myself from him enough that if he doesn’t get that i’m like... okay with it

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paulmccartneyofficial · 7 years

Note

for the ask thing: 1-150 🙂

ok charlie let’s fuckin go

here they ALL are

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

something tells me its steve rogers boy………

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing lmao

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

christine this summer :-)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

for the most part, but sometimes I Get In A Mood™

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

uhhhh i dont really like anyone right now?? um. the last person i liked, possibly, since that’s what i did for him. but uh. the only person i fancy rn is like paul or rumours lindsey and like paul would definitely take care of me but if im drunk and with rumours lindsey then that means lindsey is also drunk and there’s no hope left for either of us

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

k personality wise, christine says im attracted to “bad boys” which like is probably true??? idk. often artsy and aesthetically pleasing peeps ?? i dont knwo

LOOKS wise, my sister in law has pointed out that every guy i have liked has a square-ish face and has dark features and often times blue eyes, but not always. see: lindsey and sebastian stan. so i guess i have a type ????? lol

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probably not lmao i dont have time 4 that

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

uh…………..sorry but its lindsey buckingham :/

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not really no lol just uh. nonconsensual sex makes me uncomfortable lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@stevieselectricskillet

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“me: pretends i’m not paul mccartney trash anymore”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

oohh. uh. stockholm syndrome by one direction, stephanie by buckingham nicks, go insane (live in 1997) by lindsey buckingham, hold me by fleetwood mac, bright by zayn

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i fucking love it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes yes yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i literally went the entire summer without smoking weed once after smoking like every day of senior year lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

of course?? im not an idiot

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

we actually reconnected over the summer after like 14 years of no communication but we’re both very different now so we don’t really talk anymore

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i live for them

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yes! i love them all. they make coming home from school wonderful

and as for at school, i only hang out with my neighbors p much

21. What are you bad habits?

i pull out my hair unfortunately. sometimes i’ll pick at my nails if they’ve chip on their own.

22. Where would you like to travel?

england, italy, montreal, los angeles, ireland, lebanon, scotland, ancient greece, turks and caicos, the bahamas, hawaii (solely for the set of lost and jurassic park), and wherever hobbiton is

23. Do you have trust issues?

half of my anxiety is a result from trust issues so ya lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

my hour long shower that i take because i’m living at school and i am allowed to use as much hot water as i want

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

double chin! :)

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone/send snap streaks out/put on whatever song is stuck in my head when i wake up

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i really don’t care about my skin color why is this a question

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

a few people. mary, lexi, and amanda, mostly.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

unfortunately……..

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

its currently in one

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

uhhh…….. i’m not the threesome type .… . if i had to choose two celebs for that particular situation tho, then harry s. and zayn, hands down.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ww2gffg (egg) / kaeskiu (kaeli)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to play baseball, but i don’t anymore. however, i, too, boogieboard, like lindsey buckingham does. disclaimer: i have been doing this sport since i was a small kid, thus, i have been doing it longer than i have known about lindsey buckingham. i truly wish we did not have this in common

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv hands down im not dumb

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

of course?? isn’t that part of life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i don’t say anything. i just embody an ellipses by crafting a particular look on my face with raised eyebrows and unamused eyes. if nothing comes of it, then i usually let out a sigh and look off to the side like a dramatic bitch. i am a kim k gif

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

the main male character of my book is sort of my dream guy so there’s that.

he’s got a knack for aestheticism through artistic values, ambition and true passion in the work he does. he’s very sarcastic and funny, yet somehow still sweet with it. wouldn’t hurt a fly. hates trump’s guts and understands that feminism isn’t about him. has his privilege in check. he and i understand each other in a bond that no one else has with us. it is good. it is sweet. i am in a constant state of awe and shock of how in love with him i am. im even continuously falling for him more and more every day.

it is good and we are happy and we know each other better than anyone else.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

lush

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i am out of high school and chillin in college my friends. im gonna do some art

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

always. if they can recognize their flaws and truly try to work at them, then yes. they deserve a second chance.

there is always more light for us to see.

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im either extremely depressed or just salty

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes, all the time. i believe that a simple smile from anyone can sometimes be enough to change someone’s day.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

either the state of my hair, my bladder, or my stomach.

46. What are you paranoid about?

being secretly hated.

47. Have you ever been high?

yes, too many times

48. Have you ever been drunk?

ya about 9 hours ago to be exact

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

honestly i fuck up so often that ya, i probably have

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black??? i think? wow. i am now realizing that i’ve actually #MovedOn from the hoodie life. tragic

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

i am in a constant state of wishing i were stevie nicks

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i really wish i had bigger hands so i could play a normal sized guitar

53. Favourite makeup brand?

um im cheap i thought sephora was a brand for like 2 years so that one time i think cover girl had a star wars line?? that was cool i own a few of those lipsticks

54. Favourite store?

its still lush

55. Favourite blog?

@lindseybuckingham

56. Favourite colour?

yellow

57. Favourite food?

ravioli

58. Last thing you ate?

a granola bar i think

59. First thing you ate this morning?

i pulled an all nighter its now 6:30 in the morning and i have yet to eat

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i’ve gotten gold at a few jazz band and chorus competitions and then one time my DI team won our districts competition but only by default

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

hahahaha i was suspended senior year for leaving school early with two of my gal pals to get breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint. we were supposed to have at-home suspension, but our drama club show was that weekend, which meant we’d be kicked out of the show last minute. i look about 12 years old and i have doe eyes with long eye lashes. i cried my way out of that shit and saved both of my two gal pals in doing so, too.

we ended up all having in-school suspension with each other. so essentially, they locked me and my two friends in a room for an entire school day. we could do whatever we wanted.

we actually ended up acting out the entirety of the play, antigone, for our teacher that stayed with us. and then we wrote a song about a turkey named dave.

it was actually one of the best days of my high school career.

62. Been arrested? For what?

no but i cried one time when a police officer pulled me over for having a tail light out.

63. Ever been in love?

unfortunately, yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

i was a freshman. his name was alex and he was older than me and he really liked me and he was pretty cool and easy to talk to and stuff but also. he was greasy and did nothing with his life at the time. haha. and then one day, he and his friend, who also liked me, both separately asked me what class i had last. it was history. alex showed up at the door first, and he took my hand. the other boy showed up and was like “oh”. then i kinda just shrugged to his friend and we left him there. i felt like i was on the bachelorette.

then he walked me to my bus and just kissed me. and like we never officially said it but i guess we were dating from that point on?

it was quite exciting at the time.

65. Are you hungry right now?

no i took a medication that sort of ceases hunger.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

woah. uh. well some of my real friends are also on tumblr which is cool.

its kind of a weird question. i love them all equally? just in different ways. my real life friends are all people that i hang around constantly. i have deep conversations with them. i do crazy things with them. i love them.

my tumblr friends, however, are all a gift. there’s more of a set bond with them; we’re all friends not because we see each other all the time, but because we all have common interests and similar personalities.

tumblr friends are actually pretty cool. if you can maintain a friendship like that through long distance, then it’s gotta mean something pretty big, right?

i text and communicate with my tumblr friends a lot more than my real life friends, actually. if i’m on my phone when hanging out with my friends, i can guarantee you i’m texting my tumblr friends.

it’s pretty sweet.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter because no one in my family has one except my brother who i tell everything to

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr, obviously.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no, i’m making this long ass post.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

irl: mary, lexi, amanda, my sister christine, my brother steven, my sister-to-be jenna, chris, cammi, jack.

tumblr: kate, emilie, ryan, charlie, lola, brooke, james, sophie, ken, erin, pickles, luki, kimber.

71. Craving something? What?

wine

72. What colour are your towels?

grey. all of them. at home, they’re tan.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

three normal pillows, one pillow pet, and one angry emoji pillow that i made and now hug because i’m a lonely fuck

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i have one chewie plush thing and an old bruins bear that i often kick off my bed back at home.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

those are the only 2 i think

although i currently have the marsh hall monkey from community council that was given to me for one week and i’ve had it for like 3 months because i haven’t bothered to pass it on to someone

75. Favourite animal?

i am a kitty lover

76. What colour is your underwear?

yellow :~)

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

java crunch (its coffee ice cream with chocolate covered coffee beans)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

its a black jonas brothers shirt that i got when i was 10. i am often found wearing this shirt

80. What colour pants?

grey sweatpants

81. Favourite tv show?

friends

82. Favourite movie?

i will always be star wars trash

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls ??? if u favor mean girls 2, then ur a sinner

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls, obviously. im not a heathen

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

regina’s mom

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush

87. First person you talked to today?

amanda, probably

88. Last person you talked to today?

u, charlie

89. Name a person you hate?

eric clapton or liam. i can’t decide

90. Name a person you love?

my birth mother because she is one of the strongest people i know. honest to god, there is not a single person on this planet that i am more proud of than her.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself

92. In a fight with someone?

the boy i Once Loved™

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

way too many, my friend

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

also way too many. like, at least 5

95. Last movie you watched?

…….new moon…….

96. Favourite actress?

carrie fisher

97. Favourite actor?

robert downey jr.

98. Do you tan a lot?

like go to a tanning salon? no. i’m broke. and i wouldn’t waste my money on that anyway.

in a general sense? yes. i tan very easily. my genes are very kind to me in that i don’t burn when i go out in the sun. except for my nose. :/

99. Have any pets?

i have a little calico kitty named beanie and she is my light.

100. How are you feeling?

well, given that i haven’t slept in 19 hours, i’d say pretty good.

101. Do you type fast?

apparently i type extremely fast and it blows a lot of people away

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh, honey. don’t we all?

103. Can you spell well?

yes, but i always have those moments where i second guess myself or have a brain fart on a very common word.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

i miss my old best friend, freddy, more than ever now. i haven’t seen him since graduation last year, which isn’t that long, but it’s long enough. he and i were like brother and sister in elementary school and even now. he’s the kind of friend that i have gone years without talking to, but then the moment we finally speak to one another, it’s like nothing ever happened.

he and i were both accepting of each other and supportive of each other in some of the hardest times of our lives. when the other kids bullied him for playing with polly pockets on the playground, i joined him in playing with them. we were inseparable from then on. when my mother came out to me and my parents divorced, he was the one i talked to. when he was coming to terms with his sexuality and discovering who he was as a person, i was always the person he was fully open with.

and after drifting away and not talking to each other for a few years, i went to him after being assaulted. i told him everything. and he believed me–he was the one who listened when i felt like no one else was. he offered me that shoulder. he understood and was there with me, through thick and thin.

and at the end of our senior year, through many tears, we said our goodbyes.

i’ve never felt more empty without someone ever.

(p.s. this made me just text him)

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes ofc haha

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

……ya don’t drag me tho. u woulda too

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a long time ago, yes

108. What should you be doing?

i legit should be asleep and i’m not……

109. Is something irritating you right now?

there’s a sore pain in my left shoulder–probably from knots in the muscle. i can’t do much about it.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

ohhhh, boy. yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

wasn’t this at the beginning

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

amanda that one time we watched that video of stevie and lindsey crying while performing “say goodbye”

113. What was your childhood nickname?

KP, KP Duty, Kales

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?

i don’t own one, but when the opportunity presents itself for mariokart or just dance, i’m there

116. Are you listening to music right now?

ya, hey girl by lady gaga ft. florence is on rn

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

i don’t eat chicken

118. Do you like Chinese food?

chinese food makes me feel bloated and gassy and it smells that way too even though it smells good so i’ll probably have to decline and say no, i do not really care for it

119. Favourite book?

harry potter and y&b

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

it depends on how dark it is and if im alone or not

121. Are you mean?

everyone’s a little mean

122. Is cheating ever okay?

cheating is wrong, always. but if an instance happens where someone kisses another individual spontaneously, they have two ways they can clear themselves up from it: don’t do it again and tell your partner that it happened. do not get upset if they’re not happy with you/leave you, because you’ve done them wrong. or, if you’ve done it with an individual that you have fallen or are already in love with, then you should leave your partner immediately.

sleeping with someone is not okay. if you have sex with someone else, then you should tell your partner and don’t get mad when they leave you. if you love the other person, then leave your partner for them.

and always tell the truth.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

someone asked me this today, actually. bizarre. i’d like to think so. i don’t go through huge measures to keep them clean–i just don’t drag them in the dirt.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes. of course.

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes. you can fall in love with people. you can always be happily in love multiple times in your life. a true love, however, is the one that meant the most.

paul mccartney? he’s married, but his true love was linda. lindsey buckingham? he’s also married, but his true love is stevie and even he does not deny that. stevie nicks? she’ll deny it all she wants, but we all know, including herself and lindsey, that lindsey is also her true love. troy and gabriella? we all know the answer.

true love is real.

126. Are you currently bored?

clearly since i’ve spent like. three hours working on this jesus fuck

127. What makes you happy?

music, people, family, and life.

128. Would you change your name?

i love my name. it was my mother’s gift to me when she brought me into this little world. i am blessed to have a mother that i love so much and that loves me so much. when i think it, i think of her and her silly story of how she came up with it. i identify with it strongly for this reason–it is a constant connection to my mother.

the only thing i’m actually planning is to add the middle name “jane”, as my mother has always calls me by “kaeli jane”. she wishes she thought of that before she named me, as she loves it so much more now.

129. What your zodiac sign?

capricorn

130. Do you like subway?

this is so vague. the restaurant? the transportation?

i’m don’t particularly care for either one. mixed feelings.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-TE_Ys4iwM

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

this is another repeat

@stevieselectricskillet

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

And he was just like a great dark wingWithin the wings of a stormI think I had met my match

He was singing and undoing the laces

134. Can you count to one million?

what kind of question is this

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

any post with mclennon that i make is a dumb ass lie

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5 feet tall :/

138. Curly or Straight hair?

my hair is normally straight but sometimes some of the front strands just naturally have banana curls and i don’t understand how it happens but also im not complaining

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette my friend

140. Summer or Winter?

i always used to say winter and then winter always comes and i always want to die so summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

december because im narcissistic and love my birthday month the best

september is also a good month. lots of good songs about it and also a very lucky month for me in the past

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i only eat turkey when i have to eat meats (i.e. being home with my parents for a week, when the vegetarian options at my school are heavily cream based, as i am lactose intolerant, etc.) but i typically choose not to eat meat

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee in the morning and tea at night

146. Was today a good day?

sure, i suppose

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don’t want anyone to KNOW that” - Carrie Fisher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes omg

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The months March, April, May, June, and July should not be abbreviated when used to indicate a specific date.”

#Anonymous #about me

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