#i deserve friends who'll put in the same amt of effort and will listen and change or am i just not worth it and have never been

[anapologethicc]

:/

#i'm just so tired and upset like i don't even have the energy to be angry at this point #it's not the first time and it won't be the last i know this but it's just still just so upsetting #why am i always the only one more invested in relationships whatever they may be. I'm always more invested and i always get hurt #and i never fucking learn that there's no point in trying to communicate and with some people becuz it's pointless #they will never care as much as you and I'll feel guilty for expecting shit becuz i keep getting the excuses of im busy or tired #and I'm exhausted and im still trying to maintain a friendship with every single one of them like a stupid ass hoping they'll reciprocate #and they never fucking do and everytime i bring it up and try to communicate and shit. IM ALWAYS THE ONE TO COMPROMISE every single time #and im so tired of being the only one openly talking abt and acknowledging that things are shit. everyone else is fucking silent #i then end up looking like the crazy person becuz im the only one obsessed with fixing my relationships whereas nobody else really cares #they say they care. they say they'll try and it works for like a fucking week and then its back to the same old shit. #and it's always me who gets hurt and 10 steps back in my mental health. and everyone else is just fine and dandy and FUCK #it's not fair becuz i'm not a bad person and i try my hardest to be there for everyone and I AM. and i know that im not perfect but i try #im always trying to be a better friend and a better person. i don't know what im doing wrong and why nobody will put in the effort for me. #and it's alwyas just with me that they decide they can try a little less. oh ananya will understand and she'll be fine but like don't #i deserve friends who'll put in the same amt of effort and will listen and change or am i just not worth it and have never been #(i swore to myself i woukd not go down that path of thinking but like) when ur friends work on all their friendships and just don't try #when it comes to you it makes you wonder where you're lacking as a person and as a friend. and that's so fking shitty man #and ive tried so hard to fix things and im working on my mental health my school work and keeping up with everyone amd asking if they're ok #i hate feeling this sad like there is just this heaviness on your chest that won't go away and then you can't even breathe #and i just want everything to be okay and to be enough for just one fucking time in my life #i feel like such a shitty person complaining becuz i feel like i sound so ungrateful for what i have cuz im scared that nobody would really #wanna be my friend if my actual friends of years aren't even trying anymore. hais whatever #it'll prolly pass and im prolly just being overdramatic like everyone says :/ #time to sleep ig #to delete #just saw and heard sign of the times on the dash #i will now be sobbing to sleep #night yalls💖 #wishing everyone a wonderful day/night and hope everyone is doing okay🥺💕