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#i didn’t even go to sleep that late
purpleminte · 2 months
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Kinda sucks to feel entirely dependent on your phone for something like waking up in the morning.
Like literally the only thing between me waking up at a reasonable time and me waking up two or three hours late is just whether or not my alarms decide to go off.
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wundrousarts · 10 months
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if you're still taking requests, maybe archan, mahir, or francis? i love them all so much and they're very underrated. only if you want to! your art is the best part of the fandom.
I like doing requests as warmups or chances to experiment or etc. so you are always free to send them in and there’s a good chance I’ll get around to it eventually! Anyways, I just went ahead and drew them all lol 👍
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I still need to figure out their designs further, but I think this is a good start… I don’t think I’ve ever properly drawn any of them. Every year around 9/19 I set out to draw a 919 lineup and it never ever happens, so I’m glad I could still share how I see them this way :)
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lesbiansanemi · 3 months
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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professionaljester · 4 months
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love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how
#abc shut it#vent#i’m so lonely it’s not even funny#my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone#i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it#i’m so bored and lonely all the time#my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine#like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :)#like i know part of it is the depression but#idk i just don’t do anything when i get home#sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours—#after work are gone and i have to go to bed#like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket#like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server#like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected#to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life#and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone#i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol#like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone#and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say#and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like#i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t#that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting#or being too much
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thisfuckingdork · 6 months
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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 7 months
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Got overwhelming depressed so I bought tea
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rustinged · 8 months
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on what account do your base your idea of yourself on? do you base it on your past actions, thoughts, ideas? how far back? do you account for how you have changed? do you base it on what you are doing in your day to day? I force myself to be brave. does that mean I am brave? am I simply feigning the personality of bravery? or is that what a brave person is to begin with? what is a brave person? say your current actions conflict past actions, but you feel your current actions (positive, negative, or neutral) don’t reflect you. what is “you” ? how are you defining you? for how long can you continue with your current actions before your past actions become irrelevant?
#example: you have to get up early everyday for your job/school/etc but you like to sleep in. you consider yourself a nocturnal person#but it’s hard for your body to keep up with staying up late so you begin waking up early consistently - even on the weekends. you naturally#do it and never sleep in anymore#would you still consider yourself a night owl#even though you mentally know that in the past you liked to sleep in - there is no new evidence to back up that you are in fact a night owl#your current actions say you like to wake up early#i feel like it always boils down to the question of: are you your actions or your thoughts#am i brave because I carry out brave actions? I am a cowardice at heart.. but none of my actions say that. but do they have to?#am I a brave cowardice then? shaking as I reach every goal#is it possibly to exist as both? should it be possible to only exist as one?#drives me nuts to think about this kinda stuff. it’s why I hate filling out that mbti test#am I answering these questions based off of past actions that I may or may not identify with anymore if I don’t have a recent example?#if I don’t go out how can I answer social questions? if I do go out because I didn’t leave my house for 2 years and am catching up on all#the social time I missed BUT it still feels out of character for me - how do I answer??#they ask for my actions I can give them my actions but the lack of asking my feelings and vice versa is what gets to me#I have to end this cause I can seriously go on forever
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wormsdyke · 8 months
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fucked up that it’s dangerous to sleep in the bath bc it’s one of my favorite nap places. i love being submerged in nearly boiling water it’s so cozy and every time i’ve slept in the bath it’s been amazing. and i only choked on water once
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weenhands · 2 months
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littleoblivions · 10 months
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i accidentally slept until 1:30 why am i like this
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pepprs · 11 months
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not doing good. at all
#purrs#today and yesterday ive been unspeakably depressed. and no one knows what to do with me and i don’t know what to do with me. but ivs been ge#getting absolutely SHIT sleep bc of my siblings staying up late and my sisters ocd stuff which is probably part of it. I now im wide awake a#and it’s 2 and im miseravle and can’t sleep and already did sleep for 2 hours and it didn’t help and im hungry and weak#i truly don’t n kw what’s wro ng with me. i want to be happy and normal but every day i have long moments where im trying so hard not to cry#and i think most ppl would excuse themselves to go cry or take a break or like. speak up and ask for help if they’re miserable but i don’t d#do any of that. i just hold it all in until i get so tired it disappears. and then when i do snap im too miserable and ashamed to actually b#be honest about how anyone can help me which only makes me cry more. atp idk what will help. im in therapy now im about to have some time of#km eating food i like even though it’s not the healthiest ive tried resting and getting sleep and whatever. maybe im just not cut out for#any of what im doing and i just need to detach myself from reality even harder than i am already doing apparently. idk nothing im typing is#making sense i just can’t fall asleep now and im so pissed at my siblings and im pissed at my whole family for not giving a shit that im mis#miserable and easily overstimulated by noise bc i could’ve had ghe room downstairs and im still being held hostage by redacted and being#shaken awake to redacted like last night and work is killing me for the dumbest reasons. i literally cannot keep living like this#delete later
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ezraphobicsoup · 7 months
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it’s for real this time i’m gonna sort things out and i am going to end this (talking about work)
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itshayhay · 2 years
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ITS COMEBACK DAY AHHH!!! I’m so excited!! especially for baby atinys seeing how Guerrilla is going to be their first cb 😭😭🕺
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arthur-r · 1 year
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finished the silence of the girls. crying for a combination of the book and the rest of life
#i started keeping track of how many times i cried today after it had happened twice#not counting book-related i cried seven times#and if you count crying at this book i cried ten times total#i dont know what all it’s been. a lot of things. the stupid national debt was one of them. i’m on my period#i cried about the national debt and how my friends don’t love me and how someone important was absent from school and how no one is serious#and how my dad couldn’t help me and how my mom is on an airplane and how i can’t fix anything for my sister until it’s too late#and maybe i cried eight times because i know too that i cried at the idea of my teacher calling home and my dad taking away the door#and how even though i would do anything for that not to happen again i still couldn’t make myself submit what i had#(it’s okay now. the teacher says it would be a shit AP essay but fine for this class. so i’ll be okay)#i also skipped two meals today. part cause i had a stomachache but mostly because i had the excuse of saying i had a stomachache#i dont know if i would have been able to eat anything but i do know it was on purpose that i didn’t try#but hey. everything is supposed to be fine. i’m going on a date (kind of maybe) next week. my band is doing my stupid trans period song#the play i co-wrote will be performed on stage next weekend. i’m sleeping in a real bed this week#but everything feels a little hollow and fake. and somehow i have enough tears to last me to the end of the day
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ashmp3 · 1 year
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i was sooping… In the sooping. And i have many thoughts as i always do but the loudest one being why the fuck would anyone even do anything with dokyeom and jeonghan if they asked me Hey wanna eat with us Me: I don’t eat. Like these men are always scheming never relaxed like why do they have so many betting ideas up their sleeves are they aware that’s like insane a bit? Second thing mingyu is always whimpering and whining u cant take him anywhere on top of being sweaty and gorgeous he needs to moan. Third thing why did they stop filming when vernon was about to lotion his feet
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westernsunshine · 1 year
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Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars
#so basically i had an appointment booked tomorrow to talk about potentially getting a prescription for microgynon or similar#just to even out my cycle. but i already got a prescription from boots because i discovered that’s a thing you can do#but i was like ‘no i’ll keep the appointment and finally talk about my anxiety’#my idea was to go in there and be like ‘so here’s the deal; i got my pills already and you should probably check my blood pressure#i’m like 99% certain it’ll be 100 over 80 as always but we should make sure it hasn’t shot up because i could like. die.#second; everybody in my life is begging me to get help for my anxiety. what do now’#but then i thought about it and i was like…… do i really want to go to the doctor’s BEFORE WORK and also talk about all these complex issues#like i WILL cry if i talk about my mental health or lack thereof with a random stranger. i will. because it’s a humiliating conversation!!#i don’t like having it!!! there’s a reason i quit therapy 13 years ago and haven’t gone back#also i don’t want to get up that early. lately i have not been sleeping well and i need all the sleep i can get and my shift doesn’t start#til 11; which WOULD allow me to sleep in if i didn’t have a doctor’s appointment at fucking 9#i was also thinking in my own brain like. what if i chicken out and only have them check my blood pressure (which is a pointless exercise#because it Is going to be 100 over 80 and also i could just buy a blood pressure machine and do that in my home. then they’ve put aside a 30#minute block for someone who literally doesn’t need it. i should cancel it in case someone needs an urgent appointment#so i called them and cancelled it lol#listen. one day i will stop playing this game and just TALK to somebody. but it is not this day#i genuinely think that for the moment i can manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and meditation and just reminding myself that i am being#stupid and to shut up. like i’m fundamentally okay. i am going to work. i am functioning at work. my manager is happy with how i’m doing#and says other coworkers have told her i’m great. everyone is commenting saying i’ve lost weight and i look well#i take my little mabel for walks and i read books and enjoy my hobbies. like. i’m OKAY.#i know things could still be better but fundamentally i don’t think i have anything meaningful to tell a medical professional#like maybe everyone gets nervous and sad and feels like it’s all pointless. what do i really expect to happen#would antidepressants even help me? who can be sure. not me#tl;dr i’m FINE except when i’m not but even then i think generally i will be fine#personal
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