#i didn't ever explicitly give him permission

[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

You Change Your Mind Like a Girl Changes Clothes

REQUEST: Hii, I saw some of your fanfics on AO3 and loved them! I saw you had an event up, so I was wondering if you would mind writing Azul x Reader with the song 'Hot n Cold' (from the falling in love with Azul playlist)?

SUMMARY: Azul keeps doing contradictory things. And you don't know why. WORD COUNT: ~800

WARNINGS: Uhm angsty even though it technically wasn't supposed to be whoops?? Azul basically being indecisive. A/N: Okay so technically this song is in the "falling in love with Azul" playlist but!! This was the way I saw it- Make sure to talk things out with your significant other to not get into a big misunderstanding (like this one) I'm like 99% sure this was not what you were expecting from this song (paired with that playlist) and it was probably a weird idea on my part to add it there- It took me literally so long to write this because I had a random motivation decline and I'm so sorry about that- But I'm really glad you enjoy my writing!! For this event.

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

You always knew Azul could be like this. But you hadn't thought of how harsh it would be.

Every time you were together behind closed doors, Azul was affectionate with you. He held you close, was happy… He smiled more, too.

But as soon as you were out in public, all of that was gone. He didn't even glance in your direction. He acted professional, and that meant you didn't get any special treatment.

Honestly, Jade and Floyd had received more attention than you. And you weren't all too happy about that.

To be fair, you knew he had trust issues from his past… That he was still insecure. All of that wouldn't change just because he got in a relationship.

But you wished he could stop with the extremes, for they were driving you crazy.

Azul, on the other hand… He was scared.

No other way to put it.

He was scared that you would leave him.

He was scared that he would become the laughingstock of the school.

He was scared that others would use you to get the better of him.

So he had to keep your relationship a secret. Even if that meant lying to others… Himself… And even to you.

Azul hated himself for it, though. How he wished he could just openly show affection to you! You meant the world to him, though he never explicitly showed it in front of others.

The only times that he felt he could truly show how he felt towards you were when you were alone together. There he was certain that nothing could harm either of you.

But still… He noticed how cold you were getting. How you sometimes didn't respond to his words. How you didn't look as happy as you used to.

So one day, he decided to talk to you about it.

You weren't all too happy when Azul asked you why you were acting like this.

Wasn't it obvious?

He was giving off so many mixed signals that it was driving you crazy.

Did he really think that wasn't the case?

When you told him this, Azul just about froze.

Was this what you really thought?

That he didn't like you?

It was absurd - why would you ever think that? You were the light of his life, the person that he cared about more than anything.

Still, a nagging feeling of guilt grew in his chest as he thought over your words.

"…I'm sorry," he managed at last. "I just… Was scared. I know it's no answer - that it's a bad one. And I apologize for that."

He took in a shaky breath. "And I do care about you. I really do. I just didn't want you to leave me… And I didn't want other people to use you to their advantage." His gaze fell to his feet. "I do know that I haven't been the best partner, and again, I apologize for that. I just…" He trailed off.

"I just wanted the best for you, and I didn't want you to think less of me." He awkwardly cleared his throat. "And I… I wasn't sure how to go about all of this relationship."

You weren't even sure what to think. On one hand, you could understand his thought process - even if it was flawed. On the other hand…

"I understand if you don't want to continue our relationship. It's entirely my fault." Azul shook his head slightly. "I…" He paused. "Never mind. It is my fault."

He had just been afraid that someone might use you to their advantage - threaten you, make you think badly of him… Perhaps even use you as collateral. He knew better than anyone that he had many people who disliked him and would use underhand tactics against him. Jade and Floyd were one thing - they could take care of themselves, after all - but you? You were different.

You were precious to him, and he couldn't bare to see you hurt because of him.

"You deserve someone better than me. Someone who is able to love you better." Azul sighed softly, finally meeting your gaze. "Someone who can give you all the attention and love that you deserve."

And with those words, he turned away, quickly leaving the room. He didn't want you to see how heartbroken he was to say that, how he wanted to take it all back - to beg you to stay. But he knew he couldn't. This situation had transpired all because he had been horrible at communication, and he knew it. So he just had to wait for your response - if it would ever come.

A/N: Okay so Author Note at the end to explain my thought process - so basically Azul isn't good at relationships and he's insecure and is afraid of rejection, so he acts like this at the beginning of the relationship - however you guys have to talk it out so your relationship is fixed/stronger. Like after this is where your relationship strengthens I guess? But I made it a really vague-ish ending because I know some people would be like "I can't be with a guy like this" haha.

As always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡ Send your thoughts grr

This post has details for requesting, and I also currently have a writing event going on here. Please check it out!

#kazumiwrites #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x you #twisted wonderland x y/n #twst x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul #kazumi's events #twisted wonderland azul ashengrotto #azul twisted wonderland #azul x reader #x reader #twst azul #azul ashengrotto x gender neutral reader #azul twst #azul ashengrotto x y/n #ashengrotto #twst azul ashengrotto x reader #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst wonderland #Spotify

[cursedtrashmuppet]

OFMD season 2 fixit:

spoilers below

Ok new theory/idea: The last episode was a more mature version of Stede's dream sequence at the beginning of the show. But it's still a dream sequence. Hear me out!

Stede is the hero, they run to each other on the beach, they kiss and reunite, it's beautiful and mostly uncomplicated. But more everything is more nuanced because Stede has a more nuanced view of the world, piracy, the other characters etc. They ultimately prevail but it Izzy still dies like in Stede's first dream. But this time, Stede is sad, not happy, because his feelings for Izzy had changed by this point. But Izzy is still an obstacle, he's the reminder of blackbeard and Ed's old life, so he still needs to go in a shallow narrative sense, for what he represents.

By Stede's admission, he thinks Izzy was blackbeard's mentor etc. (It's unclear in that training scene whether Stede was being honest about what Ed had explicitly said, or if he's interpreting or just trying to flatter Izzy into training him.) So, in the end, Izzy dies, sadly, but there's resolution for Ed in the end. And dream-izzy says what Stede believes: Izzy drove Ed to darkness, but he is loved by everyone around him and that he's essentially giving Ed permission to stop being Blackbeard. From Stede's perspective this makes perfect sense. From an audience perspective, it's not as complicated as it should be, but it's not wrong, exactly, just doesn't factor in things Stede doesn't really know or didn't see happen.

Cut to - Funeral, zheng says Stede is useful, wedding, we own an inn, boom: Happily ever after. Buuuuuut, it's actually still a dream! He's unconscious after the attack on the Republic. There, I fixed it! Now they can rewrite the episode and make it better or the whole of season 3!

Wishful thinking, I know. But I'd like to believe it.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd season 2 #izzy hands

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I'm a zutara anti and don't support the idea that Zuko ever treated Katara better than Aang did. But don't you think it was kinda messed up of Aang to kiss Katara without consent in episode "The Invasion"?

Aang knew there was a chance of him dying if something went wrong, and he wouldn't have time to properly talk to Katara, the girl he had already had A TON of flirty moments with (including a kiss and ridiculously cute dance), and say "Hey, I like you and I'd want us to date if we survive this." The kiss was the quickest way to let her know how he felt.

Katara was surprised by the kiss, but kissed back and was blushing afterwards. By the end of the episode she's literally cuddling with Aang. VERY different from her genuinely upset reaction to him kissing her in Ember Island after she said "I'm confused about whether I want to date, can you give me some time to think things over?" - something the show does NOT treat as Aang being in the right, and he realizes was a mistake almost immediately.

"Oh but he didn't explicitly ask her permission first!" Sokka also didn't ask permission when he first kissed Suki on the road to Ba Sing Se. He literally interrupts her in the middle of a sentence in which she was apologising for making moves on him. No one calls that kiss non-consensual because we had two episodes of these two flirting - both of which had Suki give him surprise kisses.

He goes for a surprise kiss again while disguised as a guard in "The Boiling Rock" and gets slapped by her, but it isn't framed as Sokka forcing himself on her, but rather "He didn't think that this wouldn't be as funny to Suki as it was to him since he knew who he'd kissing, while she didn't." Where's the outrage towards Sokka's joke and Suki immediately relaxing when she realizes "Oh okay, it's not a stranger that just tried to kiss me, it was my boyfriend."

Why is "They got history and one of the characters went for a kiss" only considered assault by this fandom when Aang does it? It's extremely hypocritical.

It's even MORE hypocritical when it comes from Zutara fans because their ship literally only exists because of the time Zuko tied Katara up against her will, which inspired lots of non-con/dubcon fics.

#anti zutara #pro kataang #pro aang

[locallixie]

first kisses ; boyfriend!stray kids' reactions [hyung line]

🖇—... boyfriend!stray kids' reactions to your first kisses. [Hyung line] > [Maknae line]

> genre ; soft, fluff, boyfriend!stray kids, first kisses with stray kids, gn!reader.

> warnings ; none.

> word count ; 650+

bang chan —...

You two have been going out for a couple months now, everything still feel so new and awkward. If only you can tell him how he make you feel whenever he's around, how you want him to hold you and give you his love.

Taking everything at your own pace, he didn't push you to do anything you didn't want, including kissing and most forms of physical affection. He kept a comfortable distance from you.

You felt brave today, hugging him close to your body and pulling him to your face. Your lips captured each others, his soft and plump lips pressing on your own. The first ever kiss you share with one another since your relationship begin.

Though caught of guard, he smiled into the kiss as he returned. Holding you in his strong arms, he kissed you again himself.

lee know—...

Being the assertive and bold person that he is, he couldn't hold himself back from display his affection to you. A love filled with pure passion and sensuous undertone

Your first kiss was a on your first date together as a newly official couple, he bought you a romantic dinner under the night sky. As wine began to seep into your system, you were having a wonderful time beside him.

Unknowingly, he leaned in. Kissing you lips, quick to bring his tongue in. As your tongue swirled and dance against each other in a harmonious manner, he brought you closer into his warm embrace.

He didn't explicitly stated that he love you, at least not verbally. He expressed his feelings through physical touch, kissing you, hugging you, holding your hand. The phrase 'I love you' was so silenced yet so loud.

changbin—...

Changbin was a adorable guy, only acting cute and talking in a baby voice when he's with you. He would use that voice to ask for food, for help, and most importantly for attention.

"[Y/N], come give Changbin a kiss!" He giggled sweetly, opening his arms wide as inviting you in.

You would usually give him a small peck on his cheek, but that today wasn't doing it for him. He requested for another kiss, hoping you would get the idea.

Changbin was a big kisser, and you were not quite one. You have been avoiding his lips for a while since the very beginning. However, you were curious of how it would feel to have his lips on yours.

This time, you were the one to make the first move. You got it, you understood what he wanted you to do. You used your hands to cup his chubby cheeks that he worked hard to gain, inching closer bit by bit as you still held hesitation in yourself.

The first time, you kissed his lips. His smile grew wider, wrapping his big arms around you as he kept you there. You were almost suffocating in his arms, begging him to let you go.

"Changbin, I can't breath!" You struggled.

hyunjin—...

The most popular boy was interested in you out of anyone else. Hwang Hyunjin, the 'it' boy that everyone and their mothers know of.

Incomparable beauty like an actual prince, a charming and sweet personality that stole everyone's hearts, and his talent for art that was admirable.

You, held a special place in his heart and mind. He asked you out with ease, though internally he was panicking whether or not you would reciprocate his feelings.

Lucky for him, you said 'yes'. He was the happiest person alive, diving into you as he kissed your lips in joy.

He pulled back suddenly when he realised what he just did. Apologising nonstop, bowing and almost dropping to the floor to show his sincerity.

You pulled him up, reassuring him that you were fine with him kissing you. You loved seeing how someone so cool and calm like him could fall apart when he was with someone he liked.

"Can I...kiss you again?" He asked for permission. You nodded with a gentle smile. Hyunjin pressed his lips on yours, sharing another kiss.

#stray kids x y/n #stray kids #stray kids x you #stray kids reactions #hyung line #stray kids hyung line #bang chan #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #chan skz #skz #skz fluff #minho skz #skz changbin #skz hyunjin #stray kids soft hours #fluff #first kiss #kisses

[decepti-thots]

i would be super interesting in hearing your thoughts on the first trans tf character actually! transgender, textual and subtextual, in transformers is something i've been thinking about a lot recently

Personally, I do count it as Classics/Recordicons Howlback- for those not aware, the strip I'm referring to is this one.

...oh god this got longgggg, i will cut this to save all your dashes.

Willis actually talks about it here on Tumblr, basically saying he had been avoiding female characters in writing those strips for a while because while there are a couple of lasses in that continuity, the general rule of thumb was that everyone was supposed to be 'genderless' (which unfortunately in Classics continuity was actually just 'man as a default', because of course it was). And then he decided this was pretty daft of him because why couldn't a 'genderless society' just. Like. Decide 'hey, being a girl sounds neat' or whatever and then Be A Girl if they wanted. Which is pretty much what IDW would eventually retcon in as an explanation for how a robot species conceives of gender.

But since this is basically just a word of god situation, some folks argue this doesn't 'count'. Personally, despite not usually paying much attention to 'word of god', I count it because I think you have to give a certain amount of leeway when looking at the context it was being done in; if a creative wants a queer character or concept in there for a franchise where asking permission for that is required and yields uncertain results, insisting 'word of god doesn't ever count' strikes me as ungenerous. But true, Howlback is never canonized on panel as trans, so I see what people mean.

And then one elephant in the room in this whole discussion is... IDW Arcee. Spotlight Arcee is not a 'trans narrative' just because it leans on some very, very nasty transphobic tropes, and for many years IDW Arcee was not really treated as trans even by writers trying to do better by her than that shitty-ass comic. But as of the last ever issue of IDW1, and yes I really mean it was made 100% confirmed in the last ever comic for folks who didn't read exRiD btw, Barber managed to retcon it so Arcee was definitively, in-universe trans the whole time. And the Jhiaxus stuff didn't even have to be thrown out to do it. So is Arcee the 'first canon trans character'? Do we go from the date of OP #25, or from her Spotlight appearance? I personally go somewhere in the middle- Barber functionally treats her as trans throughout exRiD, he just never quite finds room to fit in an unambiguous mention- but that muddies stuff a lot. Some people argue IDW Arcee is the first canon trans character because she is both on-page trans and was introduced earlier, even if the confirmation of her as trans came way later, and very much in spite of what happened at the beginning.

And of course in between Barber taking over Arcee and him canonizing her as For Real Trans, we have Lug and Anode in Lost Light. This is on the page, it is explicitly unambiguously trans, and for some folks both of those things are needed for First Trans Character credentials. Meaning that they feel Lug and Anode, in 2016, were the actual honest-to-god first trans characters in TF, since they may not count Arcee's earlier appearances since at the time they were written, she wasn't yet trans. (Edit: amendment regarding a precursor to them is here.)

But then, what about the AVP stuff? Well after Howlback was word of god-ed as trans and before the above from Barber on the page in IDW, back in 2015 AVP, which is considered canon material, got asked about if any characters were trans. And answered in the affirmative! Notably, these are all little nods to characters who for various reasons have Stuff going on with their canon genders, e.g. G1 Overlord being nodded to as genderfluid because that character in the anime he originates from is basically 'created from' a man and a woman who are a married couple. (G1 Overlord is weird.) Also, Archadis was originally designed to be a female character and then swapped to male, which gets a nod as a trans man character, that sort of thing. These are technically not 'word of god', as AVP, despite functionally being a way to canonize word of god stuff, is in-universe fiction of its own and considered as such. I have seen at least one argument, therefore, that the 2015 AVP stuff constitutes the first unambiguous in-fiction depiction of explicitly trans characters in TF, as it predates all the above bar Howlback, who they don't count. But I've also seen some people say AVP is actually just a word of god machine and not canon as a result! So some people say none of the trans stuff in there is Real Canon!

...and you could really take it further and therefore look at which of those characters would be the earliest to debut in-fiction and I think that means you could make the claim the first ever canon trans character in TF is indeed G1 Overlord, which would be mostly very silly to do, but funny, so I think someone oughta.

Anyway. All this is to say, there's a lot of contenders for who is first, and probably more characters you can definitively call 'trans' in SOME context than many folks realize!

[pokkemonsideblog]

Okay, like, the interesting thing about the Gold/Silver rival dynamic (within the gsc arc specifically) is that it seems to primarily exist on Gold's end and he...doesn't really look like the good guy between the two.

I mean, let's just start with their motives. Within Pokespe generally, regardless of arc, Silver's main goal was never just to be stronger, or even revenge (i mean, revenge was brought up by pryce during one of their fights, but that was never really listed as silver's main motive), his main motive was always primarily to protect people and stop cruelty and Silver put everything else aside for that goal. I'd like to mention that he never strays from this goal either. He never, as far as I can recall, willingly hurts an innocent person. The closest he ever comes is stealing Totodile, and that was a strictly necessary act which still caused minimal harm and which Silver was completely willing to face any and all consequences for once the battle against Pryce was over.

Gold, on the other hand, made it explicitly clear that he's only fighting for himself. Not for the general good of other's, not for his friends, not for anyone except himself. Something he very readily admits is selfish but doesn't seem to care much about. Almost everything Gold does is for some kind of personal gain or desire. Even when he does help people, it's usually, at least in the early arcs, moreso about the pride or recognition he'd receive from helping people than it is about an actual sense of morality or duty to other people. Gold's motivated by self interest. Even the start of Gold's journey- and his rivalry with Silver- was motivated by self interest, because while catching a Pokemon thief sounds like a good motive on paper, Gold's willingness to openly lie to police and take Pokemon without explicit permission for the sake of this mission make it pretty obvious that his actual reason was mainly for his own wounded pride after being unable to stop Silver the first time around (especially as gold continued this rivarly even after learning totodile wanted to go with silver)

And throughout this rivalry, Silver proves to have Gold...pretty outclassed. He wins most of his fights against Gold, he wins fights that Gold can't, and he makes a point of reminding Gold that he doesn't have the time or willingness to deal with him half the times Gold tries to challenge him. Early on, pretty much every time they meet, Gold tries to start a conflict and Silver very openly isn't interested but will often humor Gold by letting him play hero or giving him the match he wants just for the sake of getting Gold to leave him alone so Silver can continue his goal of stopping Pryce (as well as team rocket and anything else he comes across causing issues) from hurting anybody.

And in fact, Silver saves people in front of Gold- or even Gold himself- on various occasions. He's willing and able to help and protect Gold when he needs to even when Gold's actively antagonizing him through it and Silver doesn't have any big reason to want to help Gold besides his inherent moral valuing of human life regardless of how needlessly rude and aggressive the person in question is literally all of the time. Which Gold makes incredibly hard for Silver by being resistant to any help Silver offers and questioning/insulting him no matter how high the stakes are.

Need I bring up that time Gold almost got himself and a little girl mauled by a bear until Silver jumped in because Gold decided to drag her out to the dangerous mountains to prove he can use a Pokeball which he genuinely couldn't use, something they probably only survived because Silver jumped in to save them and also teach Gold how to use a damn Pokeball, and then once Gold managed to follow Silver's very detailed instructions, Gold proudly announced that Silver owes him now and later went on to whine to himself about how Silver didn't thank him? (not to mention that this whole thing started because gold insulted some guy- who had been more than willing to help silver earlier that day because silver's actually competent and polite- and then immediately got all whiny when the guy said he wasn't worthy of his work anyway. and gold even had the nerve to get very upset that this guy considered silver worthy and not him right after silver saved his life because he couldn't use the pokeballs properly but silver could!)

Or that time when Silver saved Jasmine and Gold immediately ran in yelling at him and insisting Silver could never possibly help anyone, then when they got trapped in the collapsing building Gold almost got them killed by trying to light a fire in a confined space (which he was very petulant about silver scolding him for), and when Silver came up with a plan to save their lives, Gold whined and complained, asking why he'd ever listen to Silver anyways, then once Silver managed to pull off his plan and save them both, Gold just huffed at him to give him his Pokemon back without any sense of gratitude for saving them both (and jasmine)?

Or remember when Silver let Gold tag along on his fight against Pryce at the Lake Of Rage, only for Gold to immediately make the entire thing about him by repeatedly demanding Silver shut up, stay out of the fight, and generally know his place, as if this wasn't Silver's mission to begin with and as if Gold has more right to fight Pryce than the person Pryce kidnapped and abused for years (which, granted, gold didn't know about at the time, but maybe if he'd let silver talk instead of just assuming everything was about him, he wouldn't have been so clueless)?

And then in the final battle of Gsc against Pryce, Silver was genuinely worried about Gold and upset about the idea of him being hurt or killed (even though gold had still been incredibly hostile and rude in pretty much every interaction they'd had thus far and literally just gave this whole rant about how he's not fighting for silver- "who's fighting for silver?"- and is only here for selfish reasons) but then the literally moment Gold got back, the first thing he did was make inappropriate remarks towards Silver's sister and then drag Red off to help him train for the sake of fighting Silver later (he also insinuated silver should be grateful for his help even though gold made a big show about insisting he didn't care about helping silver and was only here for his own sake), like, Silver seemed genuinely upset for Gold's sake even though he'd been a real jerk to Silver up till then and continued to be a real jerk to Silver the moment he got back.

Of course, Silver was still standoffish and impatient with Gold, and Gold did have a few moments of being decent towards Silver as well, but overall, their "mutual rivalry" seems to be almost entirely on Gold's side and it honestly the more the arc goes on, the less it feels less like they're both awful to each other and the more it feels like Gold's just harassing Silver and being incredibly rude to him for no good reason even when Silver helps him or when there are much higher stakes they should be worrying about.

Which I actually think is a really interesting dynamic that highlights the characters personalities and motivations very well tbh.

#pokemon #pokespe #trainer gold #rival silver #long post #i swear i like gold lmao #but i feel like the whole point of his early arc is that hes kinda an asshole tbh...

[countlessrealities]

@evilmcg sent: “I assume you’re not very into the holidays but did you want me to fix you a plate anyway?” for E-Morty

Mortimer hardly looked up when he heard the door of the lab opening. There were only a bunch of people who were giving the permission to step in and guessing whom it had to be was easy. His second-in-command was there with him and he had seen his counterpart just a couple of hours before. There would be no reason for his other self to come and seek him out again so soon.

That left one person: Meg.

Once upon a time, he wouldn't have included her in the list of the few exceptions to his "do not disturb" order, but since their relationship had taken a more intimate turn, he had become more lenient towards her. Not that he would have ever explicitly admitted that.

"You'd be right to assume that. I don't celebrate. I've never had," he replied, moving a few schematics off the holographic screen he was working on. "No one in my family has ever been into this sort of thing."

Meaning that his parents had never been sober enough or not angry at each other enough to allow them a celebration.

"But I could eat," he finished with a little shrug, finally looking towards her. His amber eyes, however, didn't linger long and they moved on his second-in-command instead. "We did skip lunch, didn't we, Rick?"

The man shook his head, gaze never leaving whatever blueprint he was busy drawing.

"A-A break could be beneficial for you, master," came the matter-of-fact reply. "I-I can continue the work in your absence."

Morty's lips curled into a little sly smirk at that. "Now, now, Rick. I think that you should join us. Meg can only be happier to show off more of her culinary skills..." His voice trailed off as he looked back at the girl. "Isn't that right, Meg?"

Oh, he knew that it wasn't the case, not when it came to his Rick, at least. The girl was creeped out by him and he hadn't missed how she did her best to avoid the man as much as possible. On his part, his second-in-command seemed to be content with her attitude towards him. It wasn't hard to see that he didn't particularly like Meg's presence. In his eyes, she was nothing but a nuisance.

Without even trying to hide his delight, the president input the code to lock the project away. Time for some well-deserved entertaining. Forcing the two of them to share not just a room, but a table as well was going to be extremely entertaining. For him, at least.

#[ ic :: Evil Morty ] #[ ic :: Evil Rick ] #&& 'Evil' Meg #[ ᴳᴱᵀᵀᴵᴺᴳ ᵁᴺᴰᴱᴿ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ˢᴷᴵᴺ ᴵˢ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴳᵁᴵᴸᵀʸ ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᵁᴿᴱ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴵ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ ᵀᴼ ᴴᴬᵀᴱ :: ᴍᴏʀᴛɪᴍᴇʀ & ᴍᴇɢ ] #[[ I'd apologise for him being a dick but ]] #[[ I mean what's new? x'D ]]

[oathkeeperoxas]

Hello Serie!!! I would love to hear about 10, 18, and 20 for the behind the scenes asks. <3<3<3

10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

Exposition-->dialogue---->plot

I CAN write plot but like... its hard lmao. Much more filling and satisfactory to throw characters with their messy emotions at each other until some sort of conclusion happens

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

uhhhh well the thing is I have a Bad memory for things I have posted and so as soon as I post them the content is Gone from my brain... with some rare exceptions. Basically the entirety of invidia sticks out to me as good in like, a composition way, as I feel like I combo'd plot, vibes, metaphor, backstory, crunchy ideas and tension in a really neat way. But you already know that, so instead I'll talk about some of my oneshots from my codywan on tatooine series (I can't just pick one sorry they are my babies)

in what's real and going on below I finalised a few thoughts about how I was going to process trans Obi-Wan in not only that verse, but basically ALL of my writing. Slapping characters with my trans headcanons is all well and good, but over the last year and a half I've put a lot of myself into him 🥺 and I've basically teetered between going full wish fulfilment and then yoyoing back to my reality and everything in between. So much fic with trans characters has pregnancy as a straight up part of the integral plot, as if that is the only time we're allowed to be visible outside of porn - giving myself permission to explicitly push back against that as someone who has 0 desire to ever be pregnant was very cathartic. Writing Obi-Wan saying NO it is not possible for him to be pregnant and even if he could be he would not WANT to be, was just... a lot, and I didn't expect it to be! Not to say that I will never write about a trans pregnant person (I literally have pregnant Obi-Wan fic posted right now) but freeing myself from that expectation even to myself was quite the weight off that I didn't even realise was there. On a less serious note I also enjoy this fic as it was born out me memeing to myself when editing chapter 1 of darkest before the dawn and going 'lmao they rly just fucked raw and Cody didn't give ONE thought to the possible consequences. sex ed on kamino must be shit' so also following up on that was satisfying from a writing/plot perspective

in a state of constant repair there was a lot going on - it was fun to do from a composition view as it is kinda a 5+1 fic with the snippets taken from across the entire timeline of the series it belongs in, and getting to revisit some of the earlier era was fun, especially to look at where the gaps were and what happened offscreen, and what I actually wanted to show onscreen. My favourite part was tying up all the threads that I had dropped in the previous 150k of the series regarding the history that Cody and Obi-Wan were writing of the war and the TRUE story of the clones, which I started in darkest before the dawn and expanded a little on within Evolve | Revolve and which made me go yess hahaha yesssss because I am quite taken with history, have studied it and contributed to it, and throwing my irl interests in with my fandom interests sparks joy! So giving that power, closure, and release to Cody through the ability to write his own history and choose his own story just, slaps very hard okay

in sky's a changin' I think I am quite proud of how I threaded the needle of all the topics I wanted to cover - Luke's questioning of his past, his father, his name, and where he came from, versus his burgeoning understanding of the Force, of Ben and Cody, and of the mysterious past that he's starting to see that binds them all together. He's growing up! Getting all that info together in a way that felt organic and fit into a fic under 5k felt like a real achievement.

What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

BERU!! Me starting my codywan on tatooine series like yeah she's there, meanwhile she storms up to me, shakes me and tells me her entire character like WHAT happened there. Then she was ready to blast guys in the Kenobi show too which made me all the more fond of her <3

Thank you for the questions!!!

Behind the scenes writer's ask meme

#this is probably... more than you thought you'd get haha #but i am doing my end of year reflecting and thinking and like. man. i covered some ground this year huh #ask meme #elwenyere

[liecoris]

@dangaer sent:

it's strikingly traditional, the way he has chosen to arrange this date. the darkness of the room merely disturbed by fluttering candlelight, table set up for two in a way closer to a restaurant than the cafe he becomes more and more familiar with every day. the smell of something homemade that covers up the room, merely adding to the atmosphere against the instrumentals he has managed to set up through the speakers he's certain she'll arrive home from her plans for the day, without any indication that he was ever supposed to set it up. the fact that they have not explicitly confirmed their plans does not deter him, after all. ❛  i'm surprised to see you home so early. ❜ ikki admits with ease, unable to cover up the smile that enraptures his features once the door opens and they see eye to eye, he can't say he's lying, when the food is still cooking and an apron rests half - undone on his chest ( the kiss the cook a little too on the nose, but he likes it - even when the cook looks more like an 'ok' and the kiss is near invisible ) though any disappointment one may suspect he feels remains covered by the elegance in which he moves, closer to offer a hand to help her take off any outer garments in which sh has chosen to don ( he must admit, it's a rather cute look for her in the winter months. he'll be sad to see them gone, but at the same ... ) with a movement of his hand before her own, permission hunted before he takes too much of a step forward. ❛  it's not something we discussed together, but still ... i wanted to make this for you, as well. ❜ the plan is a nice one, to help serve a thought out meal in place of taking them to a crowded restaurant and avoiding too much public eye. the steak he attempts to cook is with what he remembers her taste to be like, various side dishes reminiscent of the ones brought back by her for their lunches from time to time. he has managed to top it off with a piece of himself, a cake brought with his own money back from the cafe kept with his name on it all day. maybe they can watch a movie together when eating it, or simply sit at the table drinking wine alongside it instead. either way, he wants her to feel as special as she has made it for him, and in turn does he admit. ❛  happy valentines day, mukuro. you'll allow me to treat you in turn, tonight, won't you? ❜ flourished with a press of his lips to the back of her hand. ❛  i'm at your humble service, madam. ❜

Mukuro still wasn't used to having someone waiting at home for her, honestly she didn't know if she was ever going to be used to that feeling。 Quite honestly, there were times that Mukuro would remember the fact that Ikki was at home waiting for her, and that would cause her to get her work done sooner rather than later to return as soon as she could。

Mukuro's lips were already drawn in a smile when she entered the home and only grew when Ikki came around the corner。 

Mukuro was never a fan of the colder weather due to having to wear layers, but honestly when Ikki would offer to help her with her coats or jackets, that gave her a little incentive to start wearing them more often。 When Ikki offered her his hand, Mukuro happily took it, he needn't to have asked for permission ( especially for something like this ) but the action was still very sweet of him to do。

「It smells amazing in here, I can't wait to see what you've prepared~」 Having a fancy meal at home rather than in some likely crowded restaurant was far more preferred to Mukuro and to have this be something unplanned was even better。 

「Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Ikki~」 Her smile turns soft when Ikki's lips press against the back of her hand。 「I'm all for being treated tonight but first, I did make you some chocolates I want to give you~」 Mukuro takes a step closer to him and gently caresses his face with one of her hands before moving past him and heading to where she kept the chocolates safely hidden in a place that wouldn't cause them to melt or be easily seen。

【 unprompted asks 】 ♡ 【 always accepting 】

#dangaer #»» ᴠɪꜱɪᴏɴ ꜱʜᴏᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴘɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ. || 🐍 — main verse. #»» asks. || 💌 — ꜱʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛꜱ. #»» ic asks. || 🦊 — ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ɪᴛ. #long post #»» queue. || ✨ — ʟɪᴇ∙qᴜᴇᴜᴇɪꜱ.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Enduring Ties - Chapter 7 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

"When I call you my love, my world, my treasure, do you think I'm just being theatrical? Do you think I don't mean that?"

Cailan stayed silent. No answer felt like the right one.

"Sex can be very nice but it's not everything, Cailan. Not by a long shot. Do you really think a little fun with an acquaintance is worth more than the years we've spent together? More than the strength and the love and the support you've given me? I'll tell you, Cailan, it doesn't come close and that's why I had set my attraction towards you aside. I intend for us to be together our whole lives. If I make a mistake that tarnishes our bond, I have to live with that. We both do."

"I think... I think it's hard for me to believe how much you genuinely care for me. Not because you don't do a good job of showing it but because it's not something that's supposed to happen. It's not unusual for a master to feel affection for his Companion but it lacks the depth and endurance of a romance between two humans. It's a temporary substitute while a human seeks a long term relationship or a supplement to an unsatisfying marriage."

Liam rolled onto his side, facing Cailan and wrapped an arm around his waist.

He didn't pull him any closer but he knew that Cailan found the touching reassuring, grounding.

"I don't blame you for being confused, Cailan. I still haven't sorted all of this out in my own mind. I try to simplify things for myself by telling myself that you're my slave and I can have whatever sort of relationship with you I like but that misses the point. What we're doing, and what I strive for, is outside the bounds of a typical relationship between master and slave."

"I hope you'll forgive me for sometimes being slow to catch up, even when you're quite clear about what you want from me. I was very well prepared for a typical relationship and though I appreciate what you've given me instead it does confuse me at times."

"I know, love. Don't fret about it. Your greatest downfall is how hard you try to be good and how could I be cross about that?"

"It helps when you redefine what it means to be good for me. Even when it's to express my own feelings and make sure my needs are met. I feel guilty about doing it for myself but when you give me firm instructions, make it an order, it's so much easier."

Liam smiled and pressed a kiss against Cailan's forehead.

"That's why I do it. I found that being too gentle and permissive with you made you anxious. You need guidance."

Cailan nodded.

"I will admit that I am happy to provide it. With the kinds of friends I make they sometimes assume, when they find out my father gave you to me without so much as asking first, that I would not choose to be your master. That, were there some other way you could be safe and happy, I would choose that instead. That is not the case. What I have with you is exactly what I want."

"I know," Cailan whispered.

Liam had told him this before.

He seemed to feel it was a morally questionable position but it always brought Cailan comfort to hear it was still the case.

He belonged to Liam and wouldn't want things any other way.

Of course he wanted Liam to want to be his master.

"Ours is different from a typical relationship between master and slave in many ways but there is one difference that is particularly important. This has always been true but if we're to be getting into areas of physical intimacy I feel I ought to explicitly state it. Are you listening carefully?"

Cailan nodded.

"Always."

"If you give me a clear, firm no to anything, ever, even to the most reasonable of requests, I will respect it. If you need something between us to change in order for you to be happy, even if it's well outside of what you've been taught to expect as a slave, I will do it. I will do anything. I know none of that will come naturally to you but I need you to understand that you are what is most important to me. Please do not ever let me make you unhappy."

Cailan wrapped his arms around Liam and clung to him.

His throat felt tight and his body was trembling.

Liam stroked soothing lines up and down Cailan's back.

"What are you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Loved," Cailan said. "But... vulnerable, too. The idea of doing what you suggested scares me. It feels like something I shouldn't do. But... but knowing that you would do that for me..."

"I would," Liam murmured into Cailan's hair.

Cailan pulled away just far enough that he could look Liam in the eye.

"I'm sorry I doubted your devotion. You've given me no reason to. You've given me everything."

"No, Cailan, you explained yourself well. I gave you a very good reason to. I told you I intended to have sex with you when you were grown and then I never did and I gave you no reason why. I understand."

"So... so can we..."

"When you think about these things, are you thinking about how you want to be a good boy and serve your master or are these thoughts that turn you on?"

Cailan bit at his lip.

His natural instinct was to insist, even to himself, that all he wanted was to serve.

But the dreams... the dreams had not been about serving Liam, at least not primarily.

Of course they were framed from a position of Liam wanting something from him but if he were honest the true fantasy was that Liam would want to give him what he wanted.

"I think it's difficult for me to see my sexuality as something that's entirely my own. There are things I want you to want from me and to want to do to me, if that makes any sense."

"No, we've been through this with other things. I understand. You have a hard time enjoying things just for yourself. I don't think that's entirely incompatible with healthy sex. It should be mutually enjoyed. But, Cailan, that goes both ways. You understand how much it would upset me if you hid your feelings and let me do something you didn't want, don't you?"

Cailan nodded.

"Of course. I do understand why you would think I might do that. Sometimes I still struggle to remember that what you want from me isn't necessarily what I've been trained to expect a master to want from me. When it comes to specific, concrete things it's easy enough but more general concepts like prioritising my own wellbeing are more challenging."

Liam gave him a gentle smile.

"I know, sweetheart and I won't rely solely on you to keep it in check. It's my responsibility in this to make sure at all times that you are okay and to do nothing that may hurt you if I can't be sure of that. But I do believe we are ready for this next stage in our relationship. Not just that you're old enough for it but that I have the maturity to handle this properly and that we understand one another well enough to make this something positive."

Cailan smiled and wet his lips.

"So... so are we going to..."

"No yet. Not here in this tent where we might be interrupted or overheard or rushed."

Liam leant forward and pressed their lips together, just for a moment.

"But soon."

[automatismoateo]

I was splashed with "holy water" without consent at the catholic hospital I work at and I'm actually really frustrated about it. via /r/atheism

I was splashed with "holy water", without consent, at the catholic hospital I work at and I'm actually really frustrated about it. Hello all. Ive been a redditor for a few years and have only commented on the subreddits that I've joined, but this is my first time ever posting something. That being said, I'm an active member in my smallish hometown's subreddit and I don't want anyone figuring out that it's me that's posting this (hence this throwaway account I just made 5 minutes ago) so I just wanted to preface all that. I work in the ER/ED of a catholic hospital that I live 5 Mins away from. I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in biology just over 2 years ago and, having only worked in restaurants my entire life (Im in my 30s), thought it would be a good idea to work in a hospital setting to build my resume bc i want to go to med school/ PA school. So I've worked in this catholic hospital for almost 2 years as a tech since it was the only hospital that would even give me an interview. That being said, in the interview I was assured they were inclusive of all religions etc. Since I'm a pretty outgoing person, most people know I'm extremely anti religion/ Christianity/ catholicism whatever. I even have a pin on my badge that says "maybe today Satan". Fast forward to the event- one of the deacons/priests came to our unit about 10 mins after we had all gotten on the floor and said "everybody huddle up I have some holy water I would like to say a prayer and bless everyone". So I kind of snuck out of the area in order to not be around this witchcraft thing. I just went to the nutrition room, grabbed a coffee and waited about 2 mins for it to be done. I come out of the room and I'm walking to the area I need to be in and I see the priest walking down the hall towards me with his potion, spraying the area as he walks along. As I walk by him, he sprays me with it and I go "are you serious? Why would you do that I didn't want that on me and frankly makes me uncomfortable". To which he replied "oh relax you're not going to sizzle up or catch on fire I know you're a good guy" (he doesn't know I'm an atheist). And then proceeded to splash me AGAIN with this super sacred water. I legit was just in disbelief that it happened and I just stood there for a second and walked to my other coworkers and immediately starting saying what happened and that it bothered me that he didn't ask me for permission nor respect the boundaries I had quite explicitly laid out. My coworkers were like "he's just trying to bless u blah blah holy water is a good thing" etc. Am I overreacting? Probably. I feel like I am but it just seriously bothers me that I tried to avoid the situation and then he just disregarded me asking him to not do that. Yes, I'm aware of where I work and all that but this is a giant catholic hospital network in multiple states and they're accepting of all faiths (or lack of) and so my thought process is what if he did that to someone who was Muslim or Buddhist or something else? I really shouldn't be surprised I suppose though I mean it's not unheard of for a catholic priest to not care about consent with altar boys or anything. Tldr: splashed by a priest with holy water while walking by him at the catholic hospital I work at, asked him to not do that and he proceeds to do it again. Submitted September 21, 2023 at 06:18PM by LeftMountain5968 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/r0mNK9s)

#reddit

[dearcosmosis]

Dear Mother

* This is a letter to my mother to express my hurt. *

---

Dear mother, how are you? We lived together even till now, I don’t think we have ever been that much apart. You think close proximity equals to tighter knitted hearts. It’s such a pity even if we hang ourselves out in the air, our hearts will not get an inch closer.

When my father left us and refused providing living expenses, causing you to work ceaselessly, it led me to believe that I am insignificant and unlovable, because you were never there for me for anything. I thought money was everything, but it is painful to access it. In the meantime, I acquire the habit of eating to fill my emptiness. I also cried every night for three years and tried to kill myself but I never let you know, because you were already ghost. You wanted me to grow up myself, be good and less fussy and left me to fend for myself. I wanted praise, to be told it'll be alright and to be guided even a little but you are too busy being a ghost. I was the adult then and now. Now I could not delay gratification, I need love now and I want it now, I cannot eat properly.

Then you finally divorced him, and brought my brother to the hearing. You said I was to young to be there, causing me to feel rejected. I believed that I am abandoned and undeserving of being part of a major family event. You wanted me to be protected from the harm you thought I could not handle, but I wanted to be there to process the hurt both of you impacted on me since the shouting days. It is unfair to be excluded and be expected to share my deepest thoughts. You don't choose to do everything you want and be given, that is dictatorship. I don't think I can trust or love, like the vulnerable and majestic love we will give anything for. The world is really just too noisy even now. You tried to protect me but I cut and find ways to destroy myself.

I was heartbroken when you read and denied my letter I placed in a hongbao, because I attempted to convince you that I wanted to study in Japan. It seemed to me that was without much thoughts. I think it was about this time when I no longer love red, a colour I vividly remembered to favour around 10. The disapproval led me to believe that my needs are not important, and my eventual to my low confidence. You wanted financial stability because you don't have much, you didn't believe I could make it then and will incur you money to compensate. I wanted you to believe in my potential, a chance to heal my suffering so far and to increase my confidence in language and get a foreign education, as well as to solidify independency. I tell myself I cannot make it, I am not capable like the way you implied. I felt my wings are clipped and heavy. As if every child, I wanted her approval and blessing. But I felt like a teenager, that I needed permission. But I am now an adult, as I was then too. I am able to make my own decisions and be responsible for it and I am ok now without her approval. I am not an extension of her and I am filial whatever she can claim.

Across the years, you bought me things that I did not want and explicitly mentioned;  at times you imposed your intentions and thoughts on me, without giving me a chance to express, shouting at me and demanding me not to cry because you are not yet "dead". I do not need to be judged for a foreign bf that I had, to apologized for that. When my mother expected me to stay in SG near her, it led me to my life is her property and it made me horrified. I was powerless and again my needs are not important. You wanted me to fit into your jigsaw or right what you could not for your own life, but I wanted to be me regardless of anyone even you. You placed your love to me on conditions. I told you, people are driven foremost by their own needs even parents. You agreed. I am not a teenager, I deserved to be happy, even when my choices do not align with you. You may do motherly things, but I do not believe in sacrifice. My thoughts are sacred and no one gets to tell me how to feel or think. You did not how to love, but that's is your topic to deal with. As I told you, no one can save oneself. I believed that my needs are not important, and I do not have the strength to overcome that. You are you, and I am I. You can make you own choice to not to approve me, even if there are so many ways of living in this vast life.

Despite all I was an adult, why did I let myself coerced into this mess? No, you had your say, this is my letter. It seems like a midlife crisis that never seem to end. You were a young little girl in a household where boys are treasured, forced to grow up fast and devoid of your education, emotional and soul. You passed your helplessness, loss of speech and freedom to me. I wake up so every often imaging myself on my deathbed, wishing I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not what others expected of me.

I forgive me, because tomorrow I might not wake up. You are forgiven. I am love. I am abundance. I am alive. We are all going to be okay, and in the light. We are light and free. When I look into the mirror I still see part of the goodness in you.

#feelmysoul #life #shadowwork

[battleshot]

once again, I am revoking prom’s rights ... One minute he’s cute... and then. he can just give you that one look. and you’re like. okay. |:

#i didn't ever explicitly give him permission #-- i was just looking at art #; sobs ; #why prompto. can't we ever just have one day without your beautiful face .... eh who am i kidding. nobody wants that uwu the chocobabe #ooc #tbd

[theminecraftbox]

I'm thinking about c!Sam's reasoning for abusing c!Dream. There's security, there's personal enjoyment, and there's revenge. One of his reasons is avenging what happened to c!Tommy in Exile. Which raises the question, is it okay to exact revenge if c!Tommy didn't give permission? c!Sam wasn't the one who was abused. He didn't experience what happened. What right does he, an unrelated third party, have to intrude on a personal matter?

/rp /dsmp

So this got me to lay out some of my ever-percolating thoughts on how Sam’s motivations of duty, vengeance, and personal satisfaction entwine. And I think the key here is that Sam views punishing Dream and securing Dream as more or less tautological.

Everything, actually everything, that Sam does to Dream is contextualized to some extent or another as punishment. He views himself not as a third party at all in anything involving Dream: instead, he’s Dream’s duly appointed Warden carrying out Dream’s sentence, with a unique obligation to make Dream understand that what he did was wrong and to make sure he will never be any state to do it again. There is no such thing as business that is Dream’s that isn’t also Sam’s; Sam views it as both his right and his duty to have ownership over everything that has to do with Dream, including everything he knows.

We hear from Sam that Dream has started to tell him about exile/his abuse of Tommy. What we don’t know is exactly what Dream told him, under what circumstances, and to what purpose. Was it an interrogation, where Dream was being explicitly threatened? Was it just Dream’s only way of getting a bit of human contact? Was it something Dream offered up in an intentional play to get some desired reaction from Sam: trying to scare or hurt or provoke him? And what exactly was said? But what we do know is that, based on Sam’s attitude towards everything to do with Dream, Sam absolutely would view details of exile as something that Dream OWES him, no matter what Dream thinks and no matter what Tommy thinks.

Sam is not Pandora’s Warden, he is DREAM’S Warden. If Dream somehow escapes and Sam hasn’t managed to impress upon him the significance of what he’s done, then clearly Sam has failed in his duty. He needs to control Dream, utterly, in both mind and body, in order to keep the server safe: that’s the threat that Dream represents. This means that Sam can brook no disobedience, no rebellion, no talking back. Dream needs to respect Sam’s power over him, or else he might as well be free. And as far as Sam is concerned, the only language Dream understands is that of coercion. Which. Is kinda true, in the sense that Dream is not going to give up his privately held goals for anyone or anything, and violence, physical or otherwise, is about the only final resort.

Regarding those “final resorts”: the interesting thing behind Sam’s abuse is that it mostly wasn’t zero to sixty. The situation started out—well, not fine by any objective measure, but fine by the standards that Dream had set. The cell was precisely as inhumane as Dream had designed it, and no more; Sam seemed to follow protocol to a tee. And then, slowly and steadily, he escalated.

The initial conditions of the cell? The consequences of the disk finale, and karmic retribution for Dream’s own design. The first time we hear of Sam withholding food? Because Dream burned his clock. Et cetera.

So Sam views the main task of securing Dream as a psychological task as much as or more than he views it as a physical one: that is to say, his motivation of security is by its deepest nature subordinate to/entwined in his motivation of punishment. To secure Dream is to, first and foremost, punish him, and vice versa. His punishments are double-purpose: no visitors, to isolate Dream/because it’s a security risk. No food, to starve Dream/to make him more manageable and obedient. Torture, to hurt Dream/to force him to relinquish his power over the server. That glass wall, to box Dream in/to make the lava wall secure. There is always a rationale.

Everyone who visits Dream agrees with Sam’s implicit right to completely control Dream and Dream’s space, and to use that control to correct his behavior. Even Dream’s kindest visitor, Bad, asks if Dream’s been punished for the “prank” of burning the clock. He seems taken aback when Dream mentions that the punishment is starvation, to the point where Dream quickly talks it down and minimizes it… but he doesn’t react by saying Sam doesn’t have some essential right to mete out consequences.

Insofar as anything about the prison brings Sam to express personal satisfaction, it’s always when he thinks he’s accomplishing this job well. And it’s always in the context of Dream getting something he “deserves”: something that Sam can rationalize away from his personal motivations, something he can pretend is objective. Sam tells himself it isn’t that he ~enjoys hurting Dream~, oh no, he’s merely enjoying karmic retribution; he’s improving the prison, he’s protecting the server from an evil they can’t comprehend.

He tells Dream after Techno’s escape that he’s “glad” Dream is suffering, specifically because he thinks of it as a) treatment Dream literally designed for himself and b) echoing Tommy’s suffering. He’s fantasized vividly about torturing and killing Dream, but he restrains himself from acting on those fantasies personally.

Prior to Tommy’s second visit, we know that things had been getting steadily worse in the cell for awhile: periods of reduced food, restricted visitors, the existence of the Warden’s Willbreaker, and the offscreen creation of all the personalized weapons including Warden’s Torment that Sam reveals on his island.

But when Dream kills Tommy, Sam dramatically and rapidly escalates his treatment. His instant reaction is to starve Dream for more than a week. He retreats to his island, and when Quackity comes to get him, he takes precious little convincing to return intending to kill Dream, detailing his violent fantasies. And very soon after that, he again takes little convincing to offer Quackity weapons of torture and total carte blanche.

We know from the pre-made shears that outright torture, or at the very least the explicit threat of it, is an extreme Sam had been considering for some unknown amount of time. It took two crucial things to push him over the edge, neither of which would be sufficient on its own: 1) Tommy’s death and 2) Quackity’s offer of a pragmatic rationale.

Sam really wants Dream to give up the revive book. But he doesn’t want the revive book because he really wants the power to bring people back from the dead. The information itself is not one of his primary motivations, not the way it is for Quackity. He wants it because it is a power Dream is withholding from him: because it’s emblematic of the power Dream still holds over the server, over Tommy, and over Sam: it’s the thing keeping him valuable and alive. And Sam views this psychological threat as just as dangerous in Dream’s hands as a physical threat: again, security = punishment; Dream cannot be allowed to have ANY power.

…anyway, this turned into a much longer ramble than I meant it to. But the key thing is that Sam absolutely 100% thinks exile is His Business. The reason he asks Dream is because he feels protective over Tommy; but the reason he feels he has a right to know, and a right to punish Dream for it, is because he feels he owns Dream.

#abuse. #torture. #pandora's vault #what was he doing in there #c!dream and c!sam

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

YES I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN REQUESTS AGAIN! Can I get the infatuation boys reacting to them being YN's first 😏

Hello, love, yes, yes you can.

Also, for those who don’t know, the four infatuation boys are Jaemin, Jungwoo, Sungchan, and Johnny

The Infatuation Boys React to Being Your First

Infatuation AU

TW: Possessive Behavior, Suggestive (But Nothing Explicitly Written), Dom/Sub Dynamics, Praise Kinks

Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

Genre: Romance, Suggestive

[Requests Post] | [Main Masterlist] | [Infatuation Masterlist]

Word Count: 0.7K

A lot of GIF creators have expressed varying levels of discomfort when their creations are used on Yandere posts or otherwise darker things so I decided not to use one for this, I hope you all don’t mind!

Na Jaemin

Oh man. It would start as a simple kiss, just one that you had easily stolen from him, but when you separated and simply looked into each other's eyes, it would start to escalate from there. When his thumb hooks under your waistband, that's when you'd tell him and, good god, he's going to make sure you have the best first time. He'd take it slow, asking you for permissions all along the way and reassure you that you were doing just fine, he'd try a few things to make sure you were relaxed and, if ever you asked him to stop, he'd listen to you always. You're his first priority, always.

"How does that feel? Should I go slower or faster? You're the boss tonight, but don't get used it."

Kim Jungwoo

You were both about to go to bed when you started to press small kisses down his neck. With soft words you'd tell him "I'm ready" and he'd have to stop himself from going all out on you right there. You had told him before that you had literally no experience when it came to the more intimate aspect of a relationship and he respected that, so now that you told him that you were ready to try you'd best be prepared for the night ahead. He'll make sure you can't forget it. He's been patient for this long. He'd take it slowly at first, of course, but once you start getting comfortable... Let the corruption begin.

"Ah... how long I've waited for this. Just listen well and I'll make sure you're fine."

Jung Sungchan

Oh thank god because you're his first too. You'd both move at a gentle pace, vanilla isn't even the right word because neither of you knew what you were doing, you were just doing what felt right. Gentle touches that came from uncertainty would pursue, each of you asking the other if they were feeling good, if they liked this or that, it was something you were both learning together. But, as you'd soon learn, he tends to be better at following directions rather than giving them. Tell him he's doing a good job, he loves it.

"Is this how you do it? Sorry, I... wait... can you do that again? Please?"

Suh Johnny

Oh, he knew, definitely. He'd be guiding you the whole time on what to do because, as you should know, he comes first. Both literally and metaphorically. If you listen well then he'll be gracious in return and when it's finally his turn to pleasure you? You were through the roof. You were sure that it was through experience that he was just this good but how is it that he made it so that you didn't want him to stop? He knew exactly what to do to make sure you never felt bored and... why's he sliding a pillow under you?

"Good girl, you're doing so well. Just trust me to take care of you, alright? I know you can do that."

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[n1kolaiz]

"Man fears death and yet, at the same time, man is drawn to death. Death is endlessly consumed by men in cities and in literature. It is a singular event in one's life that none may reverse. That is what I desire."

Character Analysis: Dazai Osamu

Age: 22 || Ability: No Longer Human

I've done a lot of research concerning Dazai's character because of how complex he'd initially appeared to me. It is still a question as to what his personality type is; some say he's an ENTP while others argue that he's an INTJ, and his enneagram would most likely be 7w8 (The Realist), but that isn't the thing I'm going to focus on.

According to general databases and fan analyses, his temperament is dominantly melancholic. A person's temperament is basically how they react to and live in this world. For those of you not interested in such details, don't worry, I'll get to my point.

The melancholic behaviour is characterised by individualism, self-reliance, and reservation. People of the melancholic temperament are described as having been overcome with sorrow and depressive thoughts, which is beyond the feeling of "just being sad."

Nonetheless, they are generally calm beings, with a tendency to hide how they truly feel by keeping their composure, even in events that demand severe reaction otherwise. Other aspects of melancholic temperaments is that they are absorbed in the cruelty and tragedy of this world, and tend to get lost in their thoughts.

Sound familiar?

Dazai is seen to be as the comic relief of the adaptation, and he'd never fail to bring about a sense of lightheartedness to relieve the serious moments; we all know that for sure. Remember the time both him and Kunikida found Nobuko Sasaki in that godforsaken hospital, and how Kunikida asked him about his opinion on the current state of affairs?

But, despite having developed a calm and serene personality, Dazai's dark side was more apparent during the Dark Era. There was a type of intimidating and arrogant flair evident in his behaviour, or even on his face. It was the type of demeanour that came off cold and terrifying to the rather unlucky people he dealt with. In a moment's notice, they could literally die by his hands. And I believe most of them usually did. It was during this time, he was more brutal and vicious. He lacked remorse. Plus, Dazai's suicidal ideations were more dense during this Era, and his suicidal tendencies did not do anything to alleviate the depth of how dark his character was posed to be.

Side note: Unfortunately, people misunderstand this 'depressed' part of Dazai; they minimise his character so much to the point that people use only a single word to describe him: suicidal. He is, in fact, so much more than that. I'll elaborate more on that in a while.

"Hey, Odasaku, do you know why I joined the Mafia? I joined the Mafia because of an expectation I had. I thought if I was close to death and violence—close to people giving in to their urges and desires, then I would be able to see the inner nature of humankind up close. I thought if I did that… I would be able to find something—a reason to live."

Dazai's approach to life is that of an aimless soul, weary of the world's oppressions and exhausted from the concept of living itself. Nevertheless, what he said above about having an expectation made me realise something: he had a goal, which he wasn't that enthusiastic about achieving—seeking for a reason to carry on with life. So he joined the Mafia.

And there, he met Oda Sakunosuke.

Despite how resilient Dazai carried himself to be (especially during the Dark Era), this specific excerpt stands in direct opposition of how he effortlessly embodied all things daunting:

"With every step I take, I feel as though the earth has opened up into a bottomless pit as I fall endlessly. As Dazai pointed to his forehead and approached the muzzle, the look on his face – like that of a child about to burst into tears – had already been branded upon my eyes."

- quoted by Oda Sakunosuke, excerpt from Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era Light Novel.

When I read this, it sent my mind into a spiral of despair and confusion. It was so vague, yet it made so much sense. Dazai was desperate to escape from this life, but part of him seemed to live in conflict with his desire for death. I won't elaborate more on this, because this specific excerpt has personal meaning to me, as I'd expect it to have for others as well; so I wouldn't want to ruin anyone else's perception on it.

Back to my point: Odasaku was one of the only characters who managed to interpret the complexity of Dazai's mindset and was able to compartmentalise the specific details of his persona that made Dazai the way he was. Oda knew that Dazai wasn't just suicidal.

"For most things in life, it's harder to succeed than fail. Wouldn't you agree? That's why I should attempt suicide rather than commit it! Committing suicide is difficult, but it should be relatively easier to fail at attempting suicide!"

Others boasted about how he was just a suicidal maniac, and that was only because of how good Dazai was at concealing his own feelings whilst flamboyantly priding himself in new, risky techniques, which he sometimes elaborated on. But Oda, on the other hand, saw through his jokes, and empathised with his friend, never wanting to ever barge into his vulnerability without Dazai's permission, but still trying to be there for him.

"Listen. You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be ale to find a reson to live. You won't find it. You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity."

Notice how Odasaku recognised Dazai's despair, before Dazai even dared to acknowledge his very own emotions? That was why, at Oda's death, he took the initiative to uncover Dazai's bandaged eye to show him that there was no use in concealing his feelings anymore.

Odasaku's last words to Dazai was to "be on the side that saves people," for he was aware that even though Dazai didn't believe there was a clear distinction between good and evil, he thought that perhaps Dazai would find meaning in his life, even if it was just a little bit of purpose.

In Dead Apple, we briefly relive this moment, but I'll write more on that some other time.

And when Dazai joined the ADA, he loses that dark side to him. No, wait, let me rephrase that: he loses a part of that dark side to him. He eliminated the raw sense of bitterness against the world from his face, and instead, he is seen to be a little more passive, and a little more adaptive. No doubt, he still does explicitly state his desire to die, but his wishes are very specific, if you know what I mean.

And a few years later, his journey with Atsushi began.

Atsushi and Dazai's relationship is just one of a kind. I think it isn't a matter of whether Atsushi needed Dazai, or whether Dazai needed Atsushi. It's the fact that they both needed each other. It's the way they both worked hand in hand, and how they sustained each other in ways they were lacking.

The two were polar opposites, but they had a tender kind of warmth embedded in their protectiveness for each other. Atsushi was just as lost as Dazai, but somehow, they worked together just fine. It was like their duality was meant to be. It was the type of symbiotic relationship, where their care for each other was implied, but very deep.

Does this also sound familiar... perhaps, in relation to Dazai's friendship with Odasaku?

Side note: Oda and Atsushi have the same enneagrams, which is Type 2, 'The Helper.'

There is a sort of balance that is brought about by two opposites. Odasaku taught Dazai many things, and I believe Oda learned a lot about a man's life from the way Dazai lived out his life with the innate desire to die. Atsushi sought for the right to live, while Dazai searched for a reason to live; in addition, Dazai validated Atsushi's feelings, and Atsushi was able to acknowlegde the amount of pain Dazai was going through.

Despite how Dazai's perspectives and beliefs stood in contrast with those of Oda's and Atsushi's, a type of inseparable bond connected the man who no longer felt like he was human, to the people who was the most human.

No Longer Human in the Japanese romaji is 'Ningen Shikkaku.' Ningen means "human," and Shikkaku means "disqualified." The late author, Dazai Osamu, wrote the book No Longer Human. He had gone through the rough throes of trauma and wrote this book as a semi-autobiography, whose plot was centred around a man who faked happiness, for he was tainted by the truth that everyone around him was fake themselves. He turned his life into a joke in order to protect himself from the delusions of this world.

This brings us back to the melancholic temperament, where a person was too deeply immersed in the sad truths of reality and the world itself.

And that's what Dazai's character and ability is based on: being disqualified as a human being, because he wasn't well-versed with what being human was actually like. The fabrications of being human sprung up all around him, but he wasn't willing to be fooled by how ingenuine the world truly was.

“I am convinced that human life is filled with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity, truly splendid of their kind—of people deceiving one another without (strangely enough) any wounds being inflicted, of people who seem unaware even that they are deceiving one another.”

- excerpt from Dazai Osamu's No Longer Human.

People who don't feel human emotions or don't react to circumstances the way humans do have a variety of ways of explaining how they feel inhuman. They are highly intelligent, which separates them from the average class of humankind, since they've analysed and untangled the truths of life in order to attain understanding, which they value above all else. But, this understanding of the world and its painful truths results in a deep kind of sorrow, which only a few people can seem to empathise with in order to help them out with that burden.

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”

-excerpt from Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.

Don't you think that this deep sorrow that lies in the heart of the intelligent, makes them the most human of all? They're too human, to the point where they don't feel human. Perhaps, it is a type of defence mechanism, where the mind numbs the heart from feeling normal human emotion, because logically breaking down such concepts is easier than feeling them. But it comes at a price. The heart is willing to recklessly comprehend and fathom any sort of emotion, including pain in its true form, but the mind bears more pain in understanding such concepts because it seeks to decipher every single agonising detail of how complex human emotions are. The mind thinks, the heart feels. There is a clear distinguishing factor between the two. Whether feeling hurts more than thinking, or thinking hurts more than feeling, or whether both these processes work hand-in-hand to make up the reality of life itself, is up for an individual to decide.

Only a few people can seem to empathise with intelligent people who are deeply sad at heart, in order to help them out. As for Dazai, it was Atsushi and Oda. They never took away the pain, but they made him grow from it; it worked vice versa, too.

Of course, there are less tedious and more appealing aspects to the concept of Dazai's intelligence. Dazai was seen as a threat to his enemies because of how manipulation and his keen skill of deduction made up how sharp his mind was. Besides, no one could commit '138 murders, 312 cases of extortion, and 625 cases of fraud, along with various and sundry other crimes,' without having a certain level of intelligence, right?

Dazai had the moral alignment of 'chaotic neutral.' He was more focused on using his intellect to achieve the desired end results of a predicament, and he wasn't afraid to use the wrong means. A famous example was when he deflated the airbags of Ango Sakaguchi's car in order to gain the assured protection of Kyouka Izumi.

Justice is a weapon. It can be used to cause harm, but it cannot protect or save others.

Another example was when he blew up Chuuya Nakahara's car.

Just kidding. That was just a simple pastime (；・∀ ・)

His moral alignment points to what Oda said about him: the part where he mentioned that Dazai didn't really see any difference between good and evil. As long as his ends were achieved, especially if it were in the benefit of his fellow colleagues, he wasn't afraid to exploit, threaten, or endanger others' wellbeing. Because, at the end of the day, the end result triumphed the morally bad methods utilised to achieve it, correct? He always had a reason for his motives and actions, even if those actions were evil and inexcusable.

(eg. action: the psychological abuse he bestowed upon Akutagawa Ryunosuke.

motive: to enable him to hone his own ability favourably and to curb his arrogance)

But the consequences of one's actions will always catch up with a person, no matter what heights they've achieved.

Okay, we're reaching the end of my rambling very soon, I promise.

“If I had to go, I’d like to go out just as beautifully.”

“I’d prefer you don’t go.”

This part of the post is highly inspired by iwachuwu!!

An important factor of Dazai's development is highlighted BSD Wan's episode 10:

I'd like to appreciate that this scene focuses on how much Dazai actually means to Atsushi. When Atsushi responds with "I'd prefer you don't go," he said it lightheartedly for he thought Dazai was joking. But he wasn't. And once Atsushi absorbed the fact that Dazai meant what he said, he was overwhelmed with anguish at the thought of ever losing Dazai. Dazai, on the other hand, had a sense of longing on his expression. There was that look of pure desperation on his face. He was so desperate, yet he knew he couldn't act on his desperation due to a promise he'd made to someone dear to him. But keep in mind, Dazai is unpredictable, so we can never be sure of what's going on in that headspace of his.

Nevertheless, this time, Atsushi recognised Dazai's suffering, as no one usually cared to do, and Dazai didn't put in any effort to hide how he truly felt, as he habitually did. And this mutual emotional connection happened countless times during all the times Oda spent with Dazai as well.

To summarise,

Dazai's character had been carefully wired and patterned out in a way only a few would put in the effort to understand. Dazai was more than just suicidal; he was a being wandering from place to place with no specific aim. He was too smart for his own good. Dazai understood too well of how the world worked and deemed it void of any sort of hope.

Side note: Yes, the truth does come at a price, but it all comes down to how a person understands the truth. As for Dazai (both character and the author he was based off upon), well, it was quite tragic. But that's the way it is for some people, I suppose. But everyone has a different path to travel on, remember that.

His transition from working with the Port Mafia to the Armed Detective Agency was proof of how well-executed his character development was. It was two different personas morphed into what he is today: a womaniser with questionable morals a person who is still standing even after the rough refining process endowed upon him by the realities of this life.

However, he had people along the way come and teach him a thing or two, which perhaps made his life a little more interesting. Perhaps these people were passing clouds that hid the void out of sight for just a moment, and Dazai was always seen to be grasping on to these moments, and letting them go whenever it was time to let go.

His outlook on life makes his intellect look all the more intriguing. It shows that not only does his intelligence contribute to his own wit and shrewdness, but also the practical sense of realism that explains how tired he is of the concept of living because of the truths there are to bear.

However he's enduring the pain right now is by far the most bravest thing a person could commit themselves to doing. It takes courage, and it takes strength, but only a few would ever take the time to recognise such efforts.

Dazai has one of the most beautiful character developments, but I do hope that the development doesn't reach its end anytime soon.

fanart credits: @S7dOZPN3jWBB6cW on twitter

“Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.

Everything passes.

That is the one and only thing that I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.

Everything passes.”

excerpt from Dazai Osamu's No Longer Human.

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