#i didnt actually know that was what the originally meme said

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey I was just wondering if you could do a tadc x reader who dies their hair very often? like every month or so they dye it a different color and no one knows what color it'll be next

TADC cast x reader who dyes their hair a lot!

UEUEUEUUEU hope this is okay! i must admit i was a little uwuwuawua on ideas for a lot of the characters </3 grr finding new songs to play on loop to get me into writing is hard; though currently antonymph by vylet pony is doing things to my brain

CAINE:

makes a huge deal of things whenever you dye your hair simply because he thinks what you do with yourself is cool; and since its the digital world you can get away with dying your hair as often as you want! cant damage what technically isnt real! probably makes hair color suggestions and is absolutely thrilled when you actually follow through within the coming days. prepare to have some weird combos, though... probably changes the color of his suit to match your hair... even adds stripes if your hair has stripes, or any other pattern dyed into it

POMNI:

honestly? more power to you, thats her reaction mostly. would pomni dye her own hair, or otherwise get anything to modify her appearance? probably not... but she thinks you look great with it... probably asks why you chose the current color you went with, as well as asking whenever you change. nothing like "oh WHY? why THAT color?" but like genuine non-rude curiosity... doesnt like outwardly betting or wondering what color youre going to pick outloud since she doesnt want you to think shes rude or something

RAGATHA:

has probably made multiple color variations of accessories she has made for you so you can wear anything without having the colors clash... thinks your hair is pretty, me thinks! doesnt matter what color it is, could literally be the unpleasant green-pink-brown color gradient meme and she would still find something nice to say about it... does sometimes wonder what color youre going to choose next... probably has a hush hush bet going on between her jax and zooble on what color youre going to choose next... huh what no jax didnt just get all moody because you walked in with aqua blue hair- no hes not passing something to ragatha, what are you talking about?

JAX:

as mentioned above he makes bets with some of the other circus members on what color youre going to rock next... if you ask him for any suggestions on what color you should change to next, dont expect any serious answers. even if he is being serious, jax doesnt strike me as the type to care much about colors and shades so hes probably going to drop the most basic colors. ..

"purple."

"what KIND of purple? light? dark? pastel? reddish or bluish?

"purple."

stuff like that, i think! probably fiddles with your hair, especially if you dye your tips a different color... jax fidget headcannon strikes again

KINGER:

on a bad day he might just not recognize you for a short moment... i originally said that as a joke but considering he sometimes forgets gangle is literally standing right next to him, i dont... think thats much of a joke... but after the initial confusion, i think he would really like whatever color you choose! likes playing with your hair, if you let him! he finds it soothing in its own way, and now he just has pretty colors to look at! cant explain why but i feel like he would be very good at identifying colors, so if you come in rocking some new color hes going to ask if its (insert specific shade of red that no one knows the name of. like. amaranth red.. or something..)

ZOOBLE:

honestly, they get it! i like to think that they swap out their pieces in order to fit whatever look or vibe they want for the day; aaaand i personally hc that in the real world they would dye their hair and get a bunch of piercings! though, they dont really remember much stuff from the real world, at least not clearly... but the point still stands, you guys probably get together to make a new look together! though, on days where they dont give any input on what hair color you choose next, theyre making bets with jax and ragatha... dont know why but i think zooble wins the most in the bets... shrugs

GANGLE:

oh she thinks its so pretty! has probably always loved things like that, since its a form of self expression! and she can kind of relate to that since shes an artist, albeit her medium is paper rather than her body... thinks... probably gives shy recommendations for colors if you ask her, is also bad at masking (lol) her surprise when you actually take her idea into consideration and follow through with it... makes her feel some type of way that someone cares enough about her ideas that they literally apply it to their appearance, you know?

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Hey so idk if you would know this but where did the term canyon in reference to Izzy fans come from? I feel like I just started seeing it like three days ago but everyone seems to already know what it means

lol so disclaimer that this ask has been in my inbox since september 23rd and alsoooo i might not be the best person to ask bc i am belothed by many who consider themselves part of the izzy canyon (which is their right). so if you asked an izzy fan about this you would probably get a different answer. also from what i can tell the term originated on twitter and i don’t go there.

the tl;dr that i heard secondhand from someone who identifies as izzy canyon is that at some point last year (summer or fall-ish i think) a lot of izzy fans were blocking so many people who didn’t like izzy that a lot of them ended up being unaware of general fandom trends and it became a running joke among them that izzy fans were isolated from the rest of the fandom in an "izzy canyon." and then allegedly the term expanded to just mean "if ur not a dick abt ppl liking izzy u can be in the canyon." THAT BEING SAID there are other ppl who had a very different experience with how "the canyon" originated and what kind of fan space it tends to be.

(slightly longer explanation below)

the thing with The Canyon is that to understand its origin and also why some fans have a problem with it, you gotta know two things:

there are annoying puriteen anti types on the internet who think liking certain characters make you a bad person. from what i can tell theyre mostly on twitter and tiktok. these people are annoying but also in my experience they're usually pretty easy to block and ignore.

the popularity of izzy hands is disproportionate to his narrative role in the show, and the popular fanon interpretation of izzy hands casts him not only as a principal character but as a much more sympathetic, righteous character than he is in canon. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I THINK ANYONE IS A BAD PERSON FOR LIKING IZZY. this DOES mean that i think ppl who think ed is izzy's domestic abuser are wrong. and also this is part of an age old fandom trend of fandom favoring a masc white guy who is often a side character and also often an antagonist.

so from what i can tell. in the early days of the ofmd fandom (spring-summer 2022) there was a lot of #1 going around on twitter, screaming about how if you liked izzy hands then you're a racist abuse apologist or something. at one point a throwaway account tweeted a callout for a popular izzy fan and said "we know they live in this area and work for this company, so these are the locations where they might work. everyone should call these numbers and tell their job to fire them. also we're gonna target these izzy fans next" and like, obviously this account was pretty quickly taken down. but it was a pretty scary thing and left a lot of izzy fans pretty paranoid, hence the blocking everyone who didnt like izzy.

(there was also a "izzy hater group chat" twitter account that was literally just a small group of mostly minors posting memes and also abt izzy that got accused of being connected to that whole mess. but afaict those guys have nothing to do with harassment of izzy fans they just dont like izzy)

so the thing is now that all of that has been used to justify shutting down any type of conversation about #2, or writing off anyone who posts meta about izzy that isnt like, "he works so hard and is so unappreciated despite everything he's done for ed" as an "izzy anti." analyzing izzy critically and posting this in the #izzy hands tag on tumblr is likened to genuine harassment.

oh lol and speaking of harrasment: there was also a problem with ppl on tumblr getting anon hate, and izzy fans will tell you that the anon came from an izzy hater who was targeting izzy fans bc the anon messages use "izzy critical rhetoric." however as someone who has posted "izzy critical" metas or whatever, i have actually gotten the same harassing messages accusing me of being an izzy stan and a racist abuse apologist. that's not what a targeted harassment campaign looks like. that's all been less of a problem ever since tumblr made it so you need to be logged in to an account to send anonymous messages.

anyway my stance on all of this:

i don't hate anyone for liking izzy. i am critical of certain comments/behaviors i often see from ppl who identify as izzy fans, but izzy fans are rarely the only ones who have this problem. from what i've seen tho, a lot of it comes from izzy fans.

before i ever saw even a hint of harassment against izzy fans, i saw izzy fans coming onto my posts and to posts by fans of color trying to argue that these posts were contributing to their harassment. from my perspective, it looked a lot like fans of a white character were trying to shut down conversations abt their favorite guy, especially when those conversations were being had by fans of color. i was very skeptical and oftentimes pretty dismissive abt the existence of this harassment.

since then tho ive done a pretty deep dive into the anon harassment on tumblr, and also looked at takes from different perspectives on the whole thing, and my conclusion is that there is harassment of izzy fans, however it is on the same base-level shittiness that most people experience from just... being on the internet. death threats and insults and slurs are literally just part of being on the internet. and yes, it SUCKS and it's wrong and nobody should have to put up with it, but izzy fans are not victims of specific targeted harassment. theyre victims of being on the internet and having to put up with general internet shittiness. and im sympathetic to that up until ppl start using "ive been harassed for being an izzy fan" as an excuse to be incredibly nasty (check out this tumblr acct for examples of what i mean lol). the ofmd fandom is annoying and parts of it are toxic but like, by no means is this the most toxic fandom to ever exist. we're not at "undertale fan giving out cookies with needles in them at a convention" levels just yet.

finally, tangentially related: i am inherently wary of fandom sub-groups that like, name themselves?? in my experience, the more people make being a Type Of Fan part of their identity the more it tends to lead to problems. this goes for fans who label themselves "antis" or "anti-antis" or whatever the fuck. i've personally been called an "izzy anti," an "izzy hater," and an "izzy critical fan" but like, i dont really call myself that?? it just seems weird to me idk. it gets to be very "us vs them" on default with little nuance and ive never found this kind of thing to be like, productive in fandom spaces. but that's just me.

#ask #anon #mine #txt #link #og

[class-1b-bull]

hello! heard your drafts were empty, here’s a suggestion!

personal nitpicks you have about the characterization of class 1B/or just the characters in itself in any aspect?

also more of an ask instead of a prompt, but how often/do you do more full length fics? haven’t fully looked through your backlog yet xp

- 🎭

Not proofread we die like men

My personal thoughts/nitpicks for each character.

Awase - Honestly I have nothing to nitpick about his character itself (other than his lack of style) but I dont like how the fandom doesn't acknowledge how hard he has worked to become a pro (he litterally almost died for momo during the summer camp attack)

Sen - i have nothing to nitpick exsept I wish we could see his love for photography a little bit in the show instead of just having horikoshi saying he likes photography yk

Kamakiri - i dont like how he doesnt have a cannon backstory or cannon reasoning for being as loud and brash as he is. Bakugou and Monoma have their reasons for being dicks so I wanna know his.

Kuroiro - i have nothing to nitpick because he is perfect. (Seriously tho, i love his design, character, personality and quirk and it all fits him so well. I just wish we could see more of him)

Kendo - im not sure what it is about her character but theres something there I dont really like. I cant tell what it is tho so I cant nitpick it rip. Its been bothering me since ive first started bnha.

Kodai - my only nit pick with her is I have a hard time writing for her sometimes but thats about it. Shes kinda boring and she has no hard set personality traits so i struggled to wrjte her in the past

Komori - the only thing I have to say for her is we dont see her as much as we should in the show but that could be said about all of class 1B.

Shiozaki - i actually didnt like her when I started this blog and was originally gonna exclude her from the blog because she made me uncomfortable but the more i have written for her the more she grew on me so now I dont mind her.

Shishida - hes kinda boring to me but I like the memes that make him seem like the class dog instead of just a student yk? I saw someone say hes scared of a hairdryer before lmao. Not rlly a nitpick but idc

Shoda - hes kinda basic to me all around. His cannon personality, likes, quirk, ect. Its all just kinda bland in comparison to most of the characters in the show (especially since this show prides itself on unique characters)

Pony - i dont like how she stabbed ojiro in season 5 or 6 I forgot which one. But yea thats about it. Shes pretty fun for me to write sometimes especially when I talk about her being American. But yea all i really have to nitpick is her stabbing ojiro

Tsubaraba - his quirk and personality is more on the unique side when it comes to this show (considering most of the side characters are the quiet/shy type.) But his design isnt anything special. The only way I can tell kosei apart from a random background character is his eyes. If his back is turned I have no idea who he is lmao

Tetsutetsu - in my heart those things around his eyes is a mask. I dont care that the author said they're eyelashes, its a mask. (Same thing with tokoyami having hair and not feathers...)

Tokage - shes cool and all but she is so fucking hard to write (especially since im trying to not dumb the characters down to one or two specific details) but her entire wiki is just 'emotional girl that likes dinosaurs, she kinda smart too' yk?

Manga - i love him and there is nothing to nitpick because he is perfect. He has one of the more unique personalities and quirks out of everyone in the show (in my opinion) and it fits him very well.

Honenuki - i dont like his design all that much. I like the mutation and his quirk is ok in my opinion but I dont like most other parts of his physical design.

Bondo - i like him but ive struggled to write for him a lot of the time because hes kinda boring and lacks any unique personality traits. Talking to him would be like talking to a wall but idc i live him anyways.

Monoma - his reasoning for being a dick to all of class 1-A is better than bakugous reason for being a dick but people excuse bakugous behavior but not monomas for some reason. Not really a nitpick on him but oh well.

Reiko - all I have to say about her is her personality is a little hard for me to write sometimes. Maybe because i dont know as much about her as I do some of the other students but she lacks emotion sometimes.

Rin - he is called the martial arts hero so where tf is the martial arts? I wanna see rin do martial arts in the way weve seen uraraka do martial arts but we dont get that >:( also there is so little content for him it actually drives me insane.

And to answer the fanfiction question-

I have yet to do any actual fanfiction simply because I dont think I would be good at it. I have creative ideas and i can put it into words until a certain point but I am unable to drag things out properly and put proper care into longer writings due to impatience and my lack of confidencein my longer writings. I might think about writing short oneshots for charachters in the future but for now I will stick with headcanons :P

Anyways my life is slowly being consumed by sun haven.

#class 1b #bnha headcannons #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #awase yousetsu #sen kaibara #kamakiri togaru #shihai kuroiro #itsuka kendou #yui kodai #kinoko komori #ibara shiozaki #jurota shishida #nirengeki shoda #pony tsunotori #kosei tsuburaba #tetsutetsu tetsutetsu #setsuna tokage #manga fukidashi #juzo honenuki #kojiro bondo #neito monoma #reiko yanagi #rin hiryu

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

do you have an example of a post where an academic theory is rephrased as a hot take? most of the dracula content ive seen is just memes, so that sounds fun to read. (also, thanks for teaching me the word "acafan", ive been one for a few years now but didnt realize there was a term for it)

@ckret2 talks here about takes being bantered around on Tumblr that show deep academic knowledge of Dracula!

I'm not actually in Dracula fandom. I've got the world's biggest case of sour grapes about Dracula. My Canadian university had a campus in Italy where you could take a course on like, Dracula and the Origins of the Vampire Mythos, that included its own two-week trip through the Balkans and Central Europe, and I wanted to go SO badly, but there was no way I could afford it, so I decided that I Didn't Care, Dracula was Probably a Stupid Book Anyway. (I know it's not, but it was that or have more money angst, you know?)

ANYWAY. ACAFANDOM.

The rest of this is not Dracula related at all, but this is my blog and I'll rant if I want to. What I'm really fascinated by is the academic study of fandom, treating fannish culture and the works we create as legitimate objects of the academic gaze.

Did you know: The Organization for Transformative works, which runs the AO3, also has its own open-access peer-reviewed scholarly journal?

Transformative Works and Cultures

Their current Call for Papers is for a special issue on Centering Blackness in Fan Studies; the most recent issue is about Fandom Histories, which is to say, how fandoms tend to preserve, remember, and represent our past.

(dreamily) One day I'll get my shit together and write an essay for the Symposium section of TWC, which is the space they've set aside for voices from fandom who aren't part of the Academic Establishment.

Two of its founding editors, Kristina Busse and Karen Hellekson, also edited the 2006 book Fan Fiction and Fan Communities in the Age of the Internet: New Essays. Which has an essay that blew my mind and changed the way I think about relationships forever.

Specifically, it was Elizabeth Woledge's "Intimatopia: genre intersections between slash and the mainstream", where she took a conversation that was happening in academic discussions of romance novels and brought slash into it.

Basically, romance scholars were talking about what the difference is between a romance novel, pornography, erotica, or any book that features a love story, because readers sure as hell know that those are all different things. And one of the theories was that the romance genre has this ethos it called the romantopia, an overriding sensibility that what this story is about is the main characters coming together to form a strong marriage. (This is compared to the erotopia of pornography, where the story is "about" the main characters coming together to reach sexual climax.)

And what Woledge said she found quite frequently in m/m slash written by women was a focus on intimacy, on the experience of being deeply seen and known and loved by someone, deeply seeing and knowing and loving them in return, and building a relationship based on that mutual intimacy. Her "Intimatopia" theory says that what these fics were trying to get at was not just a relationship where the participants had agreed to fulfill certain societal expectations together, like "husband", but to deeply interrogate the needs and desires of everyone involved, and define the relationship based on those.

(This theory explains some parts of why slash fandom is perpetually enamored of tropes like fake dating and forced intimacy. You can have characters who achieve both marriage and orgasm, but don't really know each other('s feelings), so the story isn't over yet.)

Which... as a bi girl in the mid-2000s who longed for sex and romance, but was completely starved for positive queer stories, and also didn't find most mass media depictions of heterosexuality appealing: Yes, that is exactly what slash provided me with. Beyond the queer representation, I found that the occasional het written by slash writers was also way more focused on the female partners as individual people, and didn't push them as much into traditional roles, compared to the times I wandered into primarily het-oriented fandoms and was startled by just how heteronormative everything was.

A lot of the writers I adored were queer women who didn't face as much pushback writing flawed and messy men as they did if they dared write problematic femslash, but they were still writing really authentically about the queer lives, experiences, and sensibilities they lived with. Male characters were just as affected by homophobic laws, attitudes, social forces, and military policies as they were, after all. Their male characters reacted, in real-time, to the events that changed their writers' lives.

(About the femslash, I... look, I tried to like femslash in the 2000s. I tried so hard. But albeit some exceptions like The Devil Wears Prada fandom, it seems that there was huge internal community pressure to represent lesbian relationships as idyllic and friction-free. Everything had to be neat and clean and good and giving. Everyone was automatically good at empathizing and accommodating and compromising and nobody felt like people. Especially not the people from the source material I'd fallen in love with. When I found later that one of the big femslash sites was called "Passion and Perfection" it felt like, of fucking COURSE it was.)

So I mostly got my first experiences of sapphic relationships not from the fanfiction itself, but from the personal lives of the writers. They'd blog about their relationships, about who did the dishes and how to persuade your doctor that no really, you're sexually active but not at risk of being pregnant. They talked freely about how changing legalization about same-sex marriage would affect their lives. And they'd often interact with each other in public; a lot of relationships were between fans who both participated in the community, and would collaborate artistically, or organize each other surprise birthday gifts, or write stories to cheer each other up or comfort the other person during times of separation. They represented the diverse queer quotidian possibilities of relationships where you threw out the gender roles and got to be weird together.

And I think... without acafandom, none of that would have felt important or real. For a long time, I would have said that I didn't have any real connections to the LGBTQ+ community. Early on I got a lot of messages that bisexuals weren't welcome in most of the in-person spaces I found, and nothing that I tried later fit either. I didn't like clubbing, loud music, drinking, or loud parties, so none of the LGBT events in my area felt like they were "for" me. And to be honest, unless they were in slash fandom, the reactions of gay men to fanfiction had pretty much all been somewhere on a scale from "derisive" to "scathing": "This isn't about real men. This is garbage and it doesn't represent us."

Which like, fair, I don't feel "represented" by 1950s pulp novels or 90% of recorded lesbian porn, or frankly, most femslash of the 2000s. I wouldn't recommend that era of slash to your average gay man as comfort reading.

But there was something there, in those stories, in that culture, that nourished my soul in deeper ways than I could even say. There was something in this thing we were doing that was important. And Elizabeth Woledge helped me start to explain why.

And in my life as a student and employee, it didn't matter as much how I got my knowledge, but if I used it and showed up on LGBTQ+ issues. It mattered if the old forms I typed up at work got edited to use gender-neutral language. If I corrected academic or direct-service discussions on relationships and intimate partner violence to include more accurate information about LGBTQ+ people. If I pushed for privacy and data management policies that would allow LGBTQ+ people to be open about their identities in some situations without exposing that information to others. If I could make sure that other LGBTQ+ people in the vicinity could see they were welcome and safe. If I could explain proposed legislation changes to people with the power to vote or agitate in some way about them, to make them more sympathetic.

(And yes it's fucked up that I feel like, as a bi woman, I have to pierce my breast and bleed out for the community before I will really "deserve" to belong there. But I do.)

So... yeah. Acafandom's really close to my heart, the way fanfiction is, because without it, there's a lot of my experience that would just feel too weak and frail to form into any sort of social narrative. By using the incredibly powerful tools of scholarly analysis, and taking fan experiences seriously as objects worthy of study, we can figure out what about these things we're all doing actually works. We have more tools to face the future with.

#long post #rambling #acafandom

[thegeminisage]

tng update time. last night we watched "datalore" together and this morning i caught "angel one" on my own

datalore: not terrible!! i felt really bad for data the entire time of course. kind of delighted to find out he is amnesiac-adjacent in this episode, at least as far as not knowing where he comes from or why. i've gotten used to thinking of him as friend-shaped but lore reminded me of just how creepy he actually does look because he was making the creepy faces

the planet and lab were cool though it was hilarious that one of the pieces was just an ass with the crotch faced away from us to protect data's modesty lol

i liked the bit about data having an off switch.it is ironically such a human vulnerability. we have those too! it's called head trauma.

ik what i said about picard not being a dick anymore but i noticed he IS still a dick sometimes and it's mostly to either wesley (valid) or data (may he DIE). i was glad data told him not to call lore "it" and that he APOLOGIZED. he should apologize to data more often

lore is literally just a data who is better at masking btw. like thats all it is. he thinks using contractions makes him allistic and he's like ha ha look at me i'm better than you meanwhile he has to use a little laser to remove his own facial tick and his special interest is murdering humans and good for him

one thing i HATED about this ep was once again wesley made a valid point and everyone told him to fuck off. meanwhile whenever hes fucking around they let him do whatever he wants. this is making me CRRRAZY. all this stuff about you would have listened to me if i was an adult!! i'll kill the little brat myself

however the episode was immediately rescued by the appearance of this meme:

which sent me immediately into screaming hysterics because i was NOT expecting to see it in its original format here. i quite literally had to pause the episode and explain this meme to catherine with tears running down my face

angel one: not as bad as the skip/watch lists led me to believe (i didnt have to play it on 2x speed for example) but still pretty fucking terrible. oh what if WOMEN were in charge wouldnt that be WEIRD AND SCARY? meanwhile the women are wearing what pretends to be "no makeup" in 1987 and theyre super fucking hot

i thought that blonde chick was rthe one from tos's backdoor pilot and even looked it up but no she just moves her face the same way

riker's slut outfit really was something. he was such a good sport about it that i thought it was kind of mean of deanna and tasha to laugh at him but considering how women are treated on this show they deserve to actually. tasha especially.

absolutely bonkers that he tried to turn the head woman down and she slept with him anyway. close encounters of the space babes riker version??? quite literally the man said i'm not an object to be seduced and then he got seduced. wild

anyway, the morals of this were all over the place. they cant remove these people bc theyre not bound by the prime directive but they literally are interfering with this planet's system of laws etc...also the fact that like everyone is arguing for gender equality when the genders are reversed is all well and good when they live in a utopian society where genders are equal but we live and star trek was made in the real world where the genders are NOT equal so it just comes out sounding like but what about the meeeeen?? i mean. what about them?? sorry.

i. HATED. the b-plot of this episode. everyone's like oh no i wonder how this virus spreads! and then they allow worf to stay on the bridge while he does those dad sneezes. maybe this episode should have been before the other to explain data's sudden hyperfixation on learning to sneeze lol. like ik all infectious disease media hits different post pandemic but jesus christ we had more sense than that even BEFORE the pandemic

tonight we do 11001001, and then i'm doing the next FOUR on my own...rough.

#personal #tng lb #star trek blogging #ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE KIND OF DEATH YOU'VE EARNED LITTLE MAN?

[aita-ghosting]

aita for ghosting after being given an ultimatum?

tw abuse, suicidal ideation, others probably. im so desensitized now

sorry if this is less than coherent, im having to tiptoe around a lot of niche context, to say the least.

sorry if this is really long. to say im struggling as i write this would be an understatement.

i was on and off again with my significant other for several years. we met in high school but are now both adults. there are a lot of exact details i no longer remember.

i had a crush on them first. i was young and hadnt started exploring my gender identity or sexuality until maybe a year after i met them. i fell hard and fast, but they weren't interested. they knew, it was obvious to everyone. they got boyfriends out of spite and deliberately acted repulsed by me, yet they complained anytime i tried to go no contact with them.

they got a specific boyfriend about a year after i met that truly became the bane of my existence. i was compared and contrasted to him in ways that deeply degraded my sense of self-worth. he was two years older, and "better" because he had a car. whenever crush told both me and him the same lie to "test" us, he always won. he was abusive and manipulative, or so crush would tell me. he threatened suicide if they left him. he physically abused them. i hated him. anytime crush would fall on hard times with him, they would come back to me. they would tell me they love me, want to be with me, want to marry me, the works. anything to make me stay, even after they went back to him. he was consistently chosen over me, but i was stupid and hopeful enough to stay on promises of maybe, later, not right now. afaik they are still in contact with him, but they are not dating. they could be, though. it wouldnt surprise me.

this is where things get more vague. i apologize in advance.

each time they hurt me was slightly worse than the last. i was basically the meme of the frog in a pot on a slow boil, unable to notice i was being cooked alive. it took years for them to acknowledge that they were being less than fair to me, much less outright abusive. they expected that acknowledgement alone to make up for the abuse itself. somewhere along the line, i slipped into reactive abuse. every time i made this mistake, i was punished for it. i was made to hurt in ways that they knew i would forgive. they love-bombed me with gifts and affection and used what i "gained" to rationalize past, present, and future abuse. i could never win. it was a perfect darvo every time, and i always fell for it.

this most recent "try" at a relationship was conditional. they wanted to take back something they had given me. they told me that it was under false pretenses that i received it in the first place. i didnt know until they wanted it back. i didnt want to give it up. the "gift" was unexpected, but i genuinely appreciated it and grew very attached. it became very important to me, and it still is. i wanted to tell them no, but i couldn't.

so, i lied instead. i made a duplicate, kept the original for myself, and gave them the other one. they were functionally the same. neither of us could actually tell the difference if they were put side by side. they were satisfied. they seemed happy.

somehow, i psyched myself out about it. i doubted that i had the original to the point that i started to question reality. i was in a really bad place. i also felt guilty, because i had lied to someone i said i loved and cared for, someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

let me be clear, i know i am wrong for lying. that is not what my aita is about.

eventually, i couldn't stand it anymore. i told them what i did. i told them i lied. they were understandably upset and angry. they got psyched out too, and the duplicate i gave them no longer satisfied them.

this is where they give me the ultimatum: give back everything they ever gave me, including the thing i lied about, or leave and never come back. so, i confirmed that's what my only two "choices" were and left without saying anything. they could contact me if they really wanted to, but i dont expect them to try. i imagine theyd recognize this if they saw it, though, which kinda sucks.

i wish i could say i feel better now, but i dont. i regret it and i miss them. i keep telling myself i love them, still, but i know they dont believe it. if i truly loved them, i wouldve given them what they wanted.

anyway.

aita for ghosting my significant other after they gave me an ultimatum that i found unfair?

#aita #abuse tw #manipulation tw #emotional abuse tw #suicide tw #suicide threats tw #relationship drama #mental illness tw

[failed-apple]

I posted 7,227 times in 2022

That's 7,227 more posts than 2021!

785 posts created (11%)

6,442 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@walmart-satan

@vxmitbxnnie

@and-rue-meda

@toothsheeran

@depresseddarknesss

I tagged 1,139 of my posts in 2022

#apple rants - 541 posts

#apple asks - 50 posts

#save - 15 posts

#thanks for the ask💕 - 10 posts

#i hate it here - 9 posts

#apples gender stuff - 6 posts

#important - 5 posts

#/lyr - 4 posts

#same - 4 posts

#apples autism is showing - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters (yep up the character limit PLEASE TUMBLR)

#dansa med oss klappa era händer gör som vi gör ta några seg åt vänster lyssna o lär missa inte schansen nu e vi här i karamelldansen uauaua

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

*binges*

1,448 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

#4

i hate that tiktok has turned autism into "im so quirky and slightly socially awkward, i eat with small spoons and walk around with t-rex hands". its a fucking disability and creating this narrative only furthers the stigma of the traits that actually affect peoples lives. making autism sound fun and relatable does absolutely nothing good. the only thing it will do is demonize autistic traits and create another "well youre not autistic cause thats not what autism looks like" exept this time its people with higher support needs who will get the most affected and i hate that

(edit: i didnt really word this correctly and idk if it really comes across in the way i meant but i definitely didnt mean that every autistic person only should show their struggles or even that autistic people owe anyone showing their struggles. autistic people should be able to show joy online and i, and other autistic people do relate to some of these memes and theres nothing wrong with that. my point was that i dont like that the word autistic is turning into meaning quirky and i did blame these tiktoks for it, while thats probably not right i do think that they contribute to this. again i didnt mean to put down other autistic people and im sorry if it came across this way. (i do however still stand by my original point and from what people said in the notes it seems like other people do as well so im gonna keep the original post up, just with this clarification))

1,610 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#3

1,861 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

#2

me: *isnt scared of death, bugs, heights, snakes, gore etc.*

calories: *exists*

me:

6,776 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

go drink some water you bitch

Based on the fact that you're dehydrated!

17,543 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

eyy look at that ive posted a lot. and apparently i started this blog this year so thats cool i didnt know that

#tumblr2022 #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #apple rants #tw ed #<just in case someones going through the year in review tags

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 1: Overture

hello i am back with a New Update on things to react to, and i thought Hazbin Hotel would be the perfect place to start since all episodes were fully released a few days ago! and also EVERYBODY i know has been bugging me about watching this show and now i FINALLY have the time to!!

spoilers under the cut

wow barely a few seconds in and i can already tell that the music is gonna be So Banger

wow okay so the opening exposition is Super Interesting

just wanna say the animation is also Fantastic in this section but ooh the lore drops

i really love the way the angels are stylized here, and how its all in black and white with accents of gold (except Lucifer who has a very light red gradient in his wings)

and also its the way that More color is brought on screen by Lucifer only oooh

oohh and the way that red gradient turns gray when the angels are like, disapproving of his ideas

its So Funny how Adam fumbled his first wife So Hard that she ran away and fell in love with someone else then his second wife got convinced by the First Wife and Her New Love LMFAOO

MAN this makes me feel SO Bad for Lucifer and i feel Conflicted as someone raised christian but like. i feel bad for him they do say that the road to hell was paved with good intentions

also Lilith thriving on the evil stuff like you Go Girlboss

these are So Pretty to look at

aww Charlie and Vaggie are So Cute

SEVEN YEARS? ouch seven years without hearing anything from her mom

omg they are So Cute

OMG THIS IS SO CUTE

damn the ominous Ringing of the Bell in the only angelic-like structure of hell

BYE ALASTOR'S AD.....

"Founded five days ago by Lucifer's ~delusional~ daughter!"

"As she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you!" STOPPPP NAHHH THATS FOULL

the shaky camera i cant

"HAHA I NAMED IT" LMFAOOOO yeah you sure did buddy

incredible, they dont have A Working Phone

their faces LMFAOO

love that Alastor is bad at TV commercials because he's like... a radio host. the radio demon. he is Decidedly Not a TV Guy

also can i just say that the animation is So Smooth and So Fluid like wow i could rewatch the way each character moves 100 times and that is NOT exaggeration

help he is So Mad that they arent doing a radio show

ok actually Angel Dust's voice is really good like?? idk something about it is just Fun to listen to

Charlie trying to be So Nice is extremely entertaining

OMG HUSK !! HIS VOICE HELP !! it fits So Well

also shoutout to the background music

omg Angel Dust has got a little heart spot on the back of his head thats really really cute

aww Charlie is so cute

OOH A SONG ALREADY

LMFAOO "That bitch is halfway down the street!" i love Angel's goofy little smile as he says it also Amazing how the fuck did she get over there so quickly????

i love Charlie's and Vaggie's voice

"They're bloodthirsty and deranged!" <- really funny that this is being said about angels

he is a Hologram hey this guy's An Asshole what the fuck did Charlie ever do to you

new reaction image she looks so done with his bullshit im cackling

i can already tell that the new commercial is Not gonna go well

HEKSDJKSDN ANGEL DUST "I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place... on the path to redemption!" THE CHANGE IN TONE I CANNOT

oh ok so this Asshole Angel Guy is adam

"I'm the original dick!" BRO???? HELP?? IM ?? this does not sound like Angelic Behavior anyways what The Fuck is he even on about

the fact that he specifically calls out Climate Change as Earth's Problem, but not HERPES?? implies that angels get herpes i guess????

HELFHLDKJ I CANT Hazbin Hotel is KILLING it with the facial expressions

there is not One Thought behind that eye new reaction image

its okay Nifty you're trying your best

there are just Too Many good reaction images and memes spawned from just this One episode

Alastor is So Mad and Bitter about TV

BRUH the way he couldve done all that The Whole Time but he didnt because he Hates tv 😭😭

also wtf Nifty's giant now

well... at least Vaggie and the Hotel Gang are having a better time than Charlie with this Asshole Angel Guy

"I've never made a mistake in my fucking life" says the guy who fucked up so bad that he had to get a second wife

fuck this song is banger BUT i hate adam

DAMN "And for those of us with divine ordainment/Extermination is entertainment!" fuck when he sings it it goes So Hard but like aw :(( what The Fuck Heaven

WTF THEY MOVED IT EARLIER ????? WHY ??

help Alastor just glitching on screen

oh what The Fuck theyre moving it earlier cuz somehow a demon killed an angel? and theyre gonna kill ALL OF THE DEMONS????? WHAT

and thats the end of the episode im.

wow well. honestly it was REALLY good and i am so excited to watch the rest of the series

unfortunately i have to go now, bye i will be back with my reactions to the second episode! tomorrow (hopefully)

farewell, folks!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers

[thepastelpeach]

!!Help Needed!!

hey everyone, its peach here! so i hate having to ask this again, but if y’all remember i made a post earlier this year about my brother getting into an accident that put him out of work right before this whole covid thing happened and that we were struggling with bills

well unfortunately months later we’re still struggling, we’ve only barely managed to get by on whatever income ive been able to make, and now on top of it all we’re having to move before the end of the month (september) which is only a few weeks away

we need at least 500 on bills and moving expenses, so if you have any spare change and would like to help a struggling artist and her family during these difficult times ill be linking a few sites below where you can donate/support me. of course you are not obligated to, as i know everyone is having trouble right now, but if you can i would be eternally grateful. i also have a few more commission slots open if youd like to support me that way^^

stay safe, stay healthy, and stay peachie my friends, i love you all<3 ~thepastelpeach

PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/thepastelpeach

KO-FI: https://ko-fi.com/thepastelpeach

PAYPAL:  https://paypal.me/thepastelpeach?locale.x=en_US

#pasteltalks #help post #i really really do hate making another one of these #like i hope n pray that yall know i hate feeling like im using my platform to take money from ppl like this #but i have no other choice but to put my personal pride n morals on the side to whatever i can to care for my family #but any little bit helps honestly #and i would be so so so thankful to anyone who is able to donate #but i do not fault anyone who isnt able #if you cant donate then a reblog helps too #i love all of yall #and i hope you guys are doing alright and staying safe #gif #donate #paypal #ko-fi #patreon #need help #financial assistance #bernie sanders meme #i didnt actually know that was what the originally meme said #and im using it unironically completely on accident

[junietuesday]

[image description: Toothless, labelled “me, flooding my blog with these aro memes”, looks ridiculous in front of Light Fury, labelled “my poor, unsuspecting followers here for literally anything else”. Meanwhile, Hiccup, labelled “my three (3) aro followers”, gives Toothless a thumbs-up. End description.]

can we get an f in the chat

#aromantic #actuallyaromantic #safeforaro #aro #arospec #actually aromantic #safe for aro #aro memes #june speaks #i know most of you guys are here for be more chill sorry not sorry #(bOUT WHAT I SAID I’M JUST TRYNA HAVE SOME FUN DONT WORRY DONT WORRY DONT LOSE UR HEAD I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT ANYONEEEEEEE) #june’s homegrown original dank memes

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

i think its interesting that youd post the original "my brother in christ meme" as proof it isnt antiblack appropriation only to show it appropriates the habitual "be" used in AAVE/BVE which is a prime example of how Black culture + specifically language is appropriated as "a funny way to talk" for jokes by people who arent Black. regardless of your race thats a pretty telling example of dismissing antiblackness, as is your doubling down afterwards.

like, at this point its not just that you didnt know better, you had every opportunity to learn, apologize, and move on. instead you decided that was beneath you and that somehow cultural appropriation that doesnt involve slurs isnt bad? like what? and no matter how you respond the vast majority of your followers will support you, you arent in danger of losing your platform by admitting that the majority of people spreading that meme are appropriating a culture that isn't theirs. You don't have to tell us your race in order to do that, or dismiss that it is antiblack regardless of whether or not the slur is used.

and just to be clear, this is a different anon.

My brother in Christ I literally said, in that exact post that you are referencing, that cultural appropriation is a serious issue. I quite literally did not know the original version of this meme until someone linked a know your meme page, this meme is not in any way still about censoring the N word. The site showed two examples of photo memes censored with the phrase. Everything else was said independently in tweets and tumblr posts because it became a funny thing to say in internet colloquial English.

Do white people appropriate AAVE? Yes. They do. They frankly embarrass themselves because they don’t know that AAVE is an actual dialect. However, with dialects in places where populations overlap, there are going to be some terms and phrases that bleed over. This whole drama is quite honestly reminding me of a few years ago when a few corners of twitter were trying to claim it’s racist to say “y’all“ if you weren’t black, despite that being a well-established part of southern US English. ”My brother in Christ“ itself was also not in fact appropriating AAVE in any way, shape or form, meaning the fact that it is more predominantly used as an absurdist thing to call people online is not an appropriation of black culture. It veered so far left of even being used to censor a slur, it’s become an independent meme at this point. This is also quite frankly the least productive thing to argue about. This isn’t white people proclaiming locs are unprofessional and banning them as a part of black culture then spinning them into a white person‘s bold and exotic fashion statement, this is people on tumblr using a meme that everyone will forget about in under a month. There just isn’t any benefit to starting a fuss over it.

#Discourse #not owls

[seaofserene]

knowing your partner well makes writing together a lot easier. tag this with the people you enjoy roleplaying with but want to get to know better.

BASICS  :

name : toby! tobster, tobes, the nicknames are abundant lmao age : 23 preferred pronouns : they/them exclusively. sexuality : LMAO your guess is as good as mine. ace for sure tho zodiac sign : Sagittarius! taken or single :  im a single pringle three facts : 1.) i’m the type of person who will come online to post a bunch of sad shit about my muse and then fuck off again for a few weeks. you will come to find that misery fuels me and if we’ve plotted something there’s a chance i’ll drop something sad in your DMs at some ungodly hour. sorry in advance. 2.) i was an xbox kid. i grew up on games like halo and the elder scrolls, and also obscure af franchises. nintendo? i dont know her. i was playing ratatouille the videogame for the original xbox. 3.) i was BIG into warrior cats in middle school. that was my shit back in the day. i also can tell you a ridiculous amount of useless information regarding the warrior cats fandom and its history on youtube too if youre ever curious.

EXPERIENCE  :

how long (months/years?) : i think i started actually roleplaying characters when i was like 14/15 and i’m 23 now so 9/10 years?? how’d you start : i started off doing shitty anime/creepypasta self insert roleplays on kik messenger :’) platforms you’ve used :  kik messenger, chatango, youtube livestream chat, discord, and tumblr.

MUSE  PREFERENCES  :

female or male : tbh i dont really care about what gender my muse is, i’m more interested in their personality, motives, & how much fun i think i’ll have writing them! favorite face :  least favorite face : ngl i didnt understand these questions LMAO what

WRITING  PREFERENCES  :

fluff, angst or smut : i love me some fluff, i REALLY love me some angst, and i dont rlly rp smut. plots or memes : i DEFINITELY like plotting and hashing out ideas for muse dynamics first because ive found that makes it a lot easier for me to become invested in a roleplay when we already have established stuff centered around it. that said; i still enjoy rp memes too! theyre a good icebreaker, although it’s even better when you already have an established relationship there for the rp meme to work off of, imo. are you like your muse(s) :  EHHHHHHHH ??? no i dont think i am KDJFHSKDFJH i mean considering she’s my oc there’s probably some bits and pieces there, but ultimately no not really.

tagged by : @metalcd​ thank u vennn <3 

#✧･ﾟ ♫ *spongebob bubble transition sound effect.* ( ooc. ) #AYO

[twewy-comix]

let’s continue watching the twewy anime

SO something i actually missed in the last (uh, first) episode is that right as a dude gets vaporized by frogs, you get a glimpse of THIS GUY:

“murder? whatevs”

you can see him here in the game too (though in later ports it’s only for a split second). okay episode 2 time

something i DID notice last time but didnt bring up for some reason: “YOU HAVE 7 DAYS” was a change made for the NA version, and the JP game originally said “TIME LIMIT WITHIN 7 DAYS”

(kinda like how the JP ntwewy logo says “the world ends with you” underneath, rather than “it’s a wonderful world” like the first game’s)

the original guydol

hey, speaking of the NA and JP logos!! and another retcon: the mural’s eyes have been changed to the NA version too (the original had a cross and pentagram iirc?) also, who can forget the most important detail:

yaoi

some people say the anime really jumped the shark with all these retcons

shit wait i didnt know itd actually be in the OP fuck s-some people say the anime really--

lately whenever i go out i see some ditched pair of sunglasses lying around. like it’s happened two or three times now? who does that? what happened

manspreading

realizing he hasnt been douchey enough lately, neku decides to try voicing his emo thoughts (but not before making sure there are DEFINITELY no frogs around to blame it on). except all that did was make beat think neku needs therapy

now THIS is quality content!!!!! i have a brain disease and when shiki asked “wanna touch him” i thought mr mew talking like the rabbit from ghost stories

he’s selling guydol bath water HE KEEPS DRINKING IT AND MOANING

SAME

oh this is different. we’re on day 4? in the anime and this is the mission from day 5 in the game... i wonder if there’s gonna be an anime-original mission

REAPER... CREEPER... there’s not much more that rhymes with those sorry

anime shiki is a meme expert. im proud of her

so instead of going to a tin pin game with makoto, ai’s going to a concert with her gf. gay rights

and speaking of gay rights look what else got moved

(uniform eri..........)

so instead of shiki being depressed because of higashizawa’s vague cannibalism threats words, she’s depressed because neku saw eri. makes sense i guess! also we’re still a day ahead of schedule, so to speak

hey it’s those two! you can tell theyre still alive cuz theyre all desaturated

also neku didnt wake up with a red pin and now theyre gonna use guydol prince to advertise it somehow

or, uh... i dont think they actually said what theyre advertising yet...?

oh well nevermind then

they find a wall but instead of a really expensive pin 777 gave them a key pin so a creepy dude in a dark alleyway takes the wall down

also neku has two player pins. i wonder why!

jesus shiki tag your spoilers

so uh, was he gonna advertise the pins already or did neku and shiki rickroll makoto’s boss into making oji advertise them ok wait theyre having him tell his fans to watch the commercial, got it. i am very intelligent

this is fine

the sky turns black and a giant noise symbol appears in the sky and shoots lasers at all the players in the area and everyone but neku and shiki gets vaporized.

..................so, uh........ isnt it a bit early for the “the pins are evil” thing

SPEAKING of gay rights suddenly a magic ray of light from the heavens puts a stop to all that bullshit and everything is fine again

no, neku! it was the frogs!!!

“i dont mean to put a damper on the satanic badge ritual”

in conclusion: zowee yooree. getting hard to keep track of the changes, but overall good episo--

neku not now, just watch the ntwewy trailer everyone knows this already

thank god theyre not changing the paint roller gun, that would be unforgivable

there’s our normal friend josh

i made the “jumped the shark” joke too early. i guess you could say i really jumped the gun

#twewy spoilers/ #evil sky lasers

[mr-and-mr-dameron]

Learning to love ALL of Star Wars

I’ve grown a lot the past few years, and with that I’ve came to appreciate a lot more things about what I love. I’ve went from bitter and spiteful about what I don't have to appreciating what I do have, and at the centre of that storm is Star Wars. A franchise I’ve only really been invested in the last year. 

The beginning

So I was always a “fan” of Star Wars, sure. I grew up with the prequels and I was excited when Disney was releasing their new movies. But the past year is where I really got invested and found a whole new love for the franchise. And strangely enough, it was through the simplicity of Lego.  You see, I started watching videos by Brickvault about Lego Star Wars minifigures, and something about seeing the toys I loved as a kid from a modern perspective took me right back to wooshing my Jedi starfighter around my room. From there, I started moving away from Lego and dipped my toe in theories, lore videos and eventually discussion and review videos, the turning point being Cosmonaught Variety Hour.  Now, I have some opinions on the guy now, but Cosmonaught was perfect for me at the time. He was opinionated, entertaining, but most importantly knew his shit, and I liked that. His videos on Star Wars are pretty good, and really helped form my opinions back then... In a bad way... Now I’ll make this clear, this is NOT on Cosmonaught, it was just how impressionable I was as a person back then. I’m just saying how his video affected me on a personal level.  Up to this point I didn’t really understand the hate for the prequels besides the fact they were “bad movies” and “people don’t like them”. Cosmonaughts video on the prequels gave me those reasons, and I finally felt like I got the distaste for those films. However, like they say... A little knowledge can be dangerous, and boy was I about to learn that lesson the hard way... 

The fall

So here I am, knower of all things, the CORRECT things... I’ve watched my fair share of videos from a handful of sources, I know my shit. I’m making my opinions known, and I’ve become that friend.  But whats this! A dissenting opinion!? My boyfriend actually likes the prequels more than the Original Trilogy!? SACRALAGE!! I must prove him wrong! And prove him wrong I...! Did not... In fact, something rather bizarre happened... He convinced me.  I was stubborn at first, but I’ll admit, my wall got broken down at long last. He (bless his soul for dealing with me) managed to get through to me exactly what it was he loved about those films, and it wasn’t just the nostalgia. I had always seen the politics of the Galaxy like most other people did, some boring preachy nonsense that had no place in Star Wars, but I came around to it.  Granted with a little help from the Clone Wars I managed to piece together just what it was there was to like about these films... I wont say they’re perfect, far from it. But internally they have so much more going on compared to the Original Trilogy. The Era has some of the most fun and expandable concepts and ideas in all of Star Wars, and while it may not be as iconic, the visual artstyle of it all is still its own recognizable brand of Star Wars.  And almost like magic (or my phone spying on me) youtube started recommending videos that disagreed with Cosmonaught, and I got my first taste of how his video wasn’t as sound as I thought. Now as a side note: I still like Cosmonaught. He’s a funny guy who like I said knows his shit, but he obviously isnt the be all end all right and wrong which I hadn’t quite learned. I can enjoy his content while disagreeing with it, and I think thats just fine. I find myself disagreeing with a lot of creators I watch now and he’s just joined them.  But hang on, we’re missing something here... A certain... Mouse? Perhaps?

The dark times... The Disney Empire... 

So hop back to modern day for a sec, this timeline pretty much lines up with the end of the Disney movies right? So how do I feel about those? Well... When the first three came out, I liked them. Like everyone else I was loving new Star Wars. As a young art student, I loved Rogue One and TLJ for their stunning visuals, deeper themes and their attempt at something new and fresh. I loved the throne room fight scene, the light speed ram and how Rogue One had such a bitter sweet ending.  But ho ho no one else felt that way! And whether it be peer pressure or my love of dumpster fires my opinions changed like that. I laughed at the Rose Tico and Snoke memes, I hated the Canto Bight subplot and poor Luke being butchered on screen like that, and then there's Rey...  Solo came and passed. I refused to go see it, as I did with TROS which came out around the time I was getting back into Lego, and along with the prequels I was watching video essay upon video essay about why the sequels sucked and how to rewrite them. Some of them coming from a positive place, others... Not so much..  And so my hatred for them grew as I got back into the franchise and came to appreciate the originals for what they done great, and loathing the new films for lacking that same spark. And unlike the prequels, I didn’t really get enough pushback to change my mind. But what I did get was the full brunt of spite and hate the fans had for these new films, and honestly? It was depressing. 

Hate leads to suffering. 

I finally reached my rock bottom. I genuinely reached a point where I debated giving up Star Wars for the sheer amount of negative feelings I had towards the state of the franchise (which might I add is valid if you ever end up feeling that way about something you’re meant to be enjoying). 

I struggled to get past how Disney “ruined” Star Wars, and clearly nothing was going to change. 40 Years of history had been wiped out and the new timeline was a contorted mess, and the amount of discourse and disagreements in the franchise honestly did not help at all. 

Nothing was simple, everything had a catch. You like how Kylo was irredeemable in TLJ? Well he’s redeemed in TROS. TFA is a fun film but it sets up a lot of the things people hated about the sequels so you cant even just head canon that the other two never happened. And then...

Saved by Lego

There was Lego, making the best of a bad situation. It didnt care if you didn’t like that Palpatine was back (somehow), it didn’t care about the clunky prequel dialog, and it didn’t care about the thousands of retcons from the entierety of the franchises existence. 

Whether by contractual force or not: It was pure, distilled Star Wars. 

I loved how a set with Rey could stand beside a set with OT Luke and thats just how it was. It put into context that this was reality, and I could either be bitter about what could have been or accept what was, which wasn’t easy and I’m still not really over it. But I reached a place where I could accept the fun in all of Star Wars, that I liked how some of these characters looked, that these characters all existed in one Galaxy, and it was nice. 

And it led me straight back into... 

Learning to love Star Wars

One of the most important lessons I learned in the past year was trust your gut. Sure, hear out other peoples take on something, and if it changes your opinion all the more power to you. But don’t fight the fact you felt something in that initial reaction. I liked the prequels as a kid, so why don’t I as an adult? Is it because i outgrew them and see them for the disasters they are? Or is it because a someone who watched them as a fully grown adult that grew up with the OT was underwhelmed? 

And to that extent... I rewatched TFA and TLJ with an open mind and an open heart. The result? 

Im indifferent towards TFA. It has fun character moments and has a decent adventure, for what it is its good. But I actually found myself enjoying TLJ after all these years of hating on it. I liked their take on Luke, I liked the mutiny subplot, it didnt push the story forward leaps and bounds but it was a more methodical take on the franchise and for the I liked it. It wasn’t perfect, its biggest flaw is how bleak it can feel and its lack of doing anything interesting with its setting, but it does do a fair amount of decent things and I’ve come to appreciate it for that. 

I’m planning to watch TROS at long last soon, so maybe I’ll update it here. But what I will say is that I hope Lucasfilm don’t give up on the sequel era and characters quite yet. There is still a lot to love here as much as you may not like it, and I hope that they can explore more interesting meaningful themes and narratives in external media that they couldn’t in mainline films cough cough Stormpilot cough cough...

I know not everyone will agree with how I feel now, heck a lot of my problems I had still stand, but I’m at peace with it all now. I just want to sit back and enjoy this franchise for what it is. While I might not forgive Disney for its severe mishandling of... everything (a rant for another time) I’m content just not them supporting to the best of ability.

Star Wars is in such a unique position where each generation has a different stance and appreciation for different parts within the franchise. The prequels were hated until its fans grew up and started defending it, The Clone Wars was hated until its fans grew up and started defending it, and the sequels ended last year, their fans haven’t quite got their voice yet. But I’m interested to hear what they have to say. 

#star wars #star wars trilogy #self reflection #thoughts #meta commentary #star wars prequels #Star Wars Sequels #lego star wars #my post

[spirit-shroud]

what are some roles that have been largely changed for cityrune? since you said queen was an influencer now :]

hi ty for asking me im vibrating. havent gotten to talk about this au now for three years and now that chapter 2 is like real and this time i can like........draw occasionally and i have more understanding of nuance...... [grips table] [screams]

this isnt quite what you asked but heres what's everyone from chapter 1 has been Up To with a little bit of context (and under a read more bc it got LENGTHY):

kris - professional stay at home teen (they live w/ asgore n help run the flower shop sometimes. this decision was entirely bc i dont like toriel). was wrongly diagnosed w Sudden Soul Rejection when they were incredibly young and given an experimental transplanted soul as a replacement. it works for them fine, give or take having to see gaster once a month for checkups. but sometimes the soul makes them skittish n decides they're going to sit in front of the pc and play 30 consecutive hours of a certain simulation game and not even let them drown people in the pool. if it were entirely up to them, they'd be like. passing out on the sofa to documentaries about bigfoot. or practicing cool knife tricks to impress their friends at their next tabletop meetup

- EDITED IN: the soul is kind of their friend. they are wearing a hypothetical get along shirt. most of the time, they agree on actions and things to do. tends to refer to themself + their soul as we/us which originally was just something they did in their head but they kept slipping in speech/text n just became a Thing of how they talk. switches to 'I/Me' whenever smth is wrong.

- also edited in: they believe the soul they have is their original soul bc nobody has told them otherwise. whenever theyre like 'oh yeah we think about our soul n view it as a separate entity to us like. all the time. it likes to hurt if we make too many choices it doesn't seem to like and kind of forces us to be a toned down version of what we want to be but thats just how souls are haha' and everyone is like.... 'Hey Kris That's Really Not How It Is.' theyre like. 'huh. gonna ignore that for now' - this was going to be a plot point

toriel - head of H0MEWOR1D (H01)'s department of education; kind of lost her roots as a simple math teacher as she was pushed into a lot of power she didn't even really seek out. divorced asgore over some miscommunications in their relationship; also loosely as a result of grief from asriel's death

asgore - the same. runs a lil flower/gift shop. people come in more to talk with him than to buy flowers most of the time, though

asriel Flowey - he's back in flower form, thanks to the government an accident. causes a lot of technology glitches wherever he goes, and wants revenge. isn't sure how to go about it. asriel "died" around 8 years before the story takes place and kris still misses him and refuses to even THINK about even the IDEA of calling someone their sibling after what happened, just in case it somehow happens a second time

susie - more of the same really. she spends most of her time either at grillby's (she's sort of become his assistant n helps with opening/closing. it just happened) or getting into low-stakes trouble w/ kris

noelle - she's in the city's equivalent of college and shes so tired. shes So Abysmally Tired n got kinda pushed 2 follow in her mom's footsteps. she's rarely around anymore except through text or on monsters & mages (dnd) night. (however.........she will come back w/ a long break n hang out w everyone again)

berdly - tbh i didnt even consider berdly when i made the au initially. idk what he's doing. probably in a similar situation to noelle??? canonically got kicked out of the M&M group due to clashes w/ other players but lurks in their group chat to posts memes sometimes

didnt rly think of any other of kris' classmates (+ their families) after ch1 and probably will continue to not, until chs 3-5 come out and i gotta whip up roles and histories for like. a lotta guys all of a sudden. i also forgot about noelle's parents

sans - runs a convenience store that everyone kind of thinks is a front, but also it has really cheap snacks and the local teens make a point of stopping there after school. so essentially, more of the same papyrus - similar to ut. is a very polite and sweet boy but you'll know when he's coming

grillby - he's back. he runs a bar like back in ut but the cozy vibes and weird-for-a-bar hours keep attracting kids who need parents, so half of his menu is comprised of overly sweet mocktails. usually only frequented by monsters

QC - same as usual. has a "rivalry" with grillbz but, theyre besties and have a book club

mettaton - he's real and he's back. he's similar to how he is back in ut w/ his EX body. likes to hang out at grillby's and talk to unsuspecting fans. has a show for everything

napstablook - similar to how they are in ut. helps mtt with making music sometimes. doesn't leave the house too often, but spends a lot of time posting on undernet

undyne - unfortunately. more of the same. she is a cop in the monster district. i am also upset by this but couldn't think of anything better for her

alphys - a doctor studying under dr. gaster in the hopes she'll one day take over his research. she spends most of her time as a nurse with a bigger title, though, and blocks out the weirdness of her job with anime.

gaster - weird guy. H01's top soul researcher and resident House wannabe. trying to manufacture the ultimate soul that can be controlled with simple internal switches, but so far he's only had 1 (very limited) success with a certain human. monsters just melt, and darkners just sorta......get weird... he's onto Something, though.

ralsei - lonely boy with some very strange hobbies. popular on UnderNet for poetry, baking videos, and general cryptid vibe. is the DM for the monsters & mages group (also seems to think everything is actually very fine in H01 when it is very much not)

lancer - about the same. professional Round Boy. lives w/ rouxls full time. follows susie around like a lost puppy and calls himself her "underling."

rouxls - runs a hotel/casino kind of deal where the objective Bad Guys hang out, and usually ends up doing any of the spade king's paperwork.

spade king - mafia godfather. kind of a dick. don't play cards with him

seam - works with the spade king as his right hand cat more or less because they have for a lot of years and are in that 'sunk cost fallacy' zone. thinks of retiring to a quiet life in the monster section of town like, daily

jevil - used to work with the spade king, but got imprisoned for Crimes. got weird after The Accident (separate from asriel's accident)

temmies (all) - dont really get mentioned except offhandedly but they run the monster space station. so far, are the only monsters who have ever been to space.

as far as chapter 2 goes:

yeah i dont have much so far for characters. in the original version of the au i accidentally made darkners as a whole just kinda..... not great? like all sorts of weird organized crime ties n sort of going out of their way to be A Problem to the city (not even in like. a revolution way. in a working against them but with the same goals kinda way). with the whole context it worked At The Time, bc i just had the spade king to look to as a villain, and also in this au the darkners are just trying to survive a world that ultimately was not built for them (that humans think they own, and monsters sort of... seeing this and wondering what it'll mean for them whichever one wins), but w/ new info abt how the dark world works n more guys to work with i want to kind of. edit the vibe a bit. like yea darkners will ultimately do whatever it takes to take over H01, but maybe in a better way than like. idk. all this. it doesnt have to be peaceful or anything it just has to be more adaptable as we meet more kinds of darkners

however yeah i thought up 'queen as some sort of childless mommy blogger/influencer' and that completely revived all memory i had of this au. she should be on mtt's talkshow. also she sells collectible wine glasses w/ her likeness

spamton is another one of gaster's failed soul experiments, but he hasn't melted yet, and seems............fine? sort of. so he hasn't gotten decommissioned yet. he does want to give you malware tho. hot monster singles in your area n all that

im blanking on the rest of the guys but i hope any of this was comprehensible

#kc takes questions #cityrune au #idk if tumblr still autotags things but if it does i am SORRY

[ankhisms]

the always wonderful shelley @shanheling tagged me to do this thank u so much!! i think that everyone i wanted to tag has already been tagged to do this but if you feel like doing this feel free to consider urself tagged by me!! im putting this under a readmore bc its long and i ramble a lot

the piece i was tagged to explain my process on is this oc piece! unfortunately i have a habit of deleting my original clip studio file once ive finished my art and saved it as a new png file, so i dont have the file to show the sketch and different stages of this piece. but I still can go through my general process and talk about how i did that piece!

1. planning

honestly i think about the art that i want to do a lot, and in this last year or so ive thought about the art i want to do more than ive been able to actually create and finish that art that i want to do. for my planning i tend to do a lot of different thumbnail sketches for the art im thinking of

these are some examples of thumbnails, a lot of times ill do thumbnails just on pencil and paper and with some of these theyre done quickly with my fingers on my phone note function on a day where i was feeling too bad to get up and draw on paper but still wanted to get the thumbnail ideas down. two of these are for the same songxiao piece that i still havent finished and i have more thumbnails digitally on clip studio for the same piece, i do a lot more thumbnails when a piece isnt working the way i want it to and theres times where ill completely scratch a thumbnail or a sketch and start over in order to do more thumbnails because i dont feel happy with some aspect of it.

two of these are small gouche painting thumbnails for two pieces i did maybe a month or so ago, i did the thumbnails and then tried to expand on them digitally and im wanting to do more thumbnail paintings like this in the future because it was fun

for the piece of my oc trio it was based off a series of ask prompts i got for a few different outfit prompt memes i had reblogged, so i based their outfits on the ones in the meme. when im drawing figures i tend to try and get the movement down in the poses when im sketching, i do several rough sketches of the pose before beginning to start setting down lines (if im doing lineart at all because sometimes i dont like doing lineart and do a more lineless painting kind of style). i really try to get my art to convey some kind of emotion, in the oc piece i wanted it to feel fun and like youre seeing three best friends while theyre out on the town having a fun night

2. creating

this is the only real example i have of a piece in the middle of being filled in and created, this piece is one that im really not very happy with & have had lying around for a while and ill probably scrap it and try to come at it from a different perspective at some point. but anyway it still shows what i do, i lay down a kind of neutral gray color underneath my final sketch/lineart if im doing lineart in that piece and then i start picking out the colors that i want for the piece and kind of setting out a pallette for myself. i dont do this color pallette thing 100% of the time but i do it really often, especially if im working on a commission or a larger piece where i know theres going to be a lot of colors or if its a piece where im not sure exactly what color scheme i want so laying out the colors together helps me kind of decide what kind of scheme i want. i am sooooo picky about my colors in my art i am genuinely obsessed with colors in art and there are times where i really have to stop myself from working on something forever just constantly adding more colors or putting little tiny changes and gradients in the colors.

after ive got the colors i want down i tend to try and block out parts of the piece with the base color for that section, and then i start to paint with the colors that i want to go on top of that base color from there.

once im satisfied with the colors/shading/rendering and everything ill go back and look over things and will fix things that look off or sometimes completely redo segments if they dont look right to me. when i was younger and mainly doing digital art using my phone and my fingers i would use a lot of filters and overlays on top of my art once i was done, and honestly im glad to not be doing that anymore because i dont think it made my art look any better. i do color adjustments and sometimes will put on a color overlay or a layer to emphasize the shadows and the light in the piece, but i try to keep those layers to a minimum and like i said before i have a tendency to obsess over the colors and ill spend a good amount of time in the color adjustment tool of clip studio and then ill just decide "actually it looks fine as it is" so yeah!

3. posting

i feel like i dont have a lot to say here gbfm i mean i honestly have a lot of thoughts about the relationship between artists and social media and how social media changes our views on art including our own art and how we can feel like we constantly need to be posting new art and just become content machines churning out new stuff. but ill save that rant for another time. i used to be really concerned about how many notes my art would get when i was younger, and i dont at all blame anyone who still is very concerned about that bc it sucks when u work hard on something youve created and then you dont get a lot of recognition for it, but honestly within the last two years or so i feel like ive begun to have a lot healthier relationship with posting my art. i really just post my art on my art blog, reblog it to my main blog, and then thats that yknow! i do really appreciate any and all support people give me, it means the world to me, but for me having the mentality where i dont need to post all the art i make and i dont need to be posting every day or every week or every month even has been a lot healthier for me because then im not constantly asking myself why didnt this get notes is my art awful??? and yeah i just kind of post it and my brain goes okay were done with that art we gotta make more

ive honestly been struggling a lot with art thru the pandemic and if youre reading this and have been struggling with creating in any way recently or even before the pandemic, please know theres no shame in having trouble creating and it doesnt make you bad at whatever it is u create!

thank you for reading this, feel free to consider urself tagged by me again if u want to do this!! love u all

#showyourprocess #beep beep its a txt