#i didnt do shit for 5 months :

[variksel]

at what point am i to blame for what adhd does to me. at what point is it "adhd made it fucking physically impossible for me to focus today so i didnt do much work and hate it" versus just "i didnt do much work." am i allowed to feel shitty about it or is that just wallowing

#genuine question honestly #like. it feels like fucking shit to not have anything to show for sitting at a computer for 8+ hrs #but like thats My Fucking Fault for not doing the work #like god i tried but it just wasnt good enough #and like. what am i allowed to say about it? oh my adhd meds ran out (5 months ago) thats why it didnt work out? #but the reason i havent gotten new ones and let these ones run out is bcs of the same exact reason #i just couldnt bring myself to refill them just like i couldnt work today #so thats again my fault and it Sucks SoBad #i base a lot of my self worth on being productive and adhd makes mr feel like im not worth much when i cant do anything #UGH ANYWAY thats dramatic but. idk. bums me out i really was looking forward to working a long time today #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #actually adhd #adhd problems #adhd brain #vent #rant #adhd rant #neurodiverse stuff

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[dorkicon]

bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind #for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at #and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years #only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down #despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down #so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen #and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it #and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first #--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane. #and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl #bc of course they dont give a shit about the library #they just care about how scary the queers are #and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town #and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time #(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the #--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right) #when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting #the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display #its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages #talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w #--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens #sourse: i was one of tgose #and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk #and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look #--elsewhere #bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater #--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education #i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too #but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in #--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on

[cowboy-robooty]

one of the biggest mistakes of my life was not watching jojo rabbit in theatres swear to god... one of my top 5 movies

#i wanted to watch it actually but i didnt because i was a fucking loser with no friends and no car (too young for lisence) #and idc abt watching movies alone i love doing shit alone unironically but bc i had no car id have to go with my mom or dad #and i was like fuck no not worf it tf this movie think it is? the lego movie? #and now i finally watched it like a month ago and found it it literally is same level of amazing as the lego movie #shit makes me crazy you know that its good when i say its as good as the lego movie okay #cowboy robooty who was chronically obsessed with the lego cinematic universe for like 5 years #im still one of the strongest warriors okay but i cant be the strongest anymore bc the lego movie 2 should not exist and YES. REX DANGERVWST #MAKES ME A LITTLE CRAZY I LIKE HIM SO MUCH OKAY. BUT AUAGWHSHS THE PLOT AND AND THE MESSAGE AND THEY HAS LITERALLY ONLY HALF A SECOND OF #GOOD COP BAD COP. WHERE TF WAS HE?!? HES PART OF THE GANG!!!! #AND THE WHAT THEY DID TO WYLDSTYLE OHHHH MY GAWWWDDDEJNSKWLS #AND THE WHATEVRAWANNABI MARRYING BATMAN BULLSHIT.......................... JUST IGNORE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE... OKAY THEN. #Sorry. robooty crazy as usual u know me heehee! #but yes i fucking love jojo rabbit and i am still obsessed with the lego movie and... #well i think the lego movie is one of the greatest movies made of all time. #so lego movie is second favorite movie and jojo rabbit is swimming around in top 5 #number one is a secret ee hee hee!

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this

[grymmdark]

eaaughhhhh siblings are so hard to have sometimes.....

#grymms spectacular fucking posts #my sister is an incredibly frustrating person to live with #she spends all day either at her computer playing games or in her bed #she has back and knee pain that makes it so she cant bend over plus general chronic pain so she doesn't do a whole lotta chores. which i get #but she also complains about our parents not doing enough to take care of the house. like they both have fulltime jobs and have to take care #of 2 disabled kids. it's not fair to expect that they can also regularly do chores ontop of that #and if she spent her time putting in a bit more of her fair share of housework then I'd be a bitmore understanding but she doesn't do that #much. like i have chronic pain and i go to school 5 days a week and i do more chores than her #and she's an incredibly stubborn and emotional person who will flip out at anything and so i feel like im walking in eggshells talking to he #r #one time i was upset and said that if our parents went to jail for me skipping school I'd just dumpstedive for food and she said she didnt #wanna do that and i said she didnt have to. and she took me saying that as saying i wanted her to starve and didnt talk to me for a month #like if i cant even say something small and stupid when im upset and she's the one whose egging me on by saying stuff while im upset then #what can i even say around her aughhhh #anyways i know that shit like this is why i have a therapist but there's genuinely nothing i can do about this because she is the problem #and she's the one who isn't doing anything and aughhhhhh she makes my life so much harder just by being around #and i love her i want her to get better and move out for her own good but it's so hard to love someone who is nothing but a burden who #refuses to be responsible

[justablah56]

shout out to my friend hearing I'm going by aether and literally . without missing a beat . saying " aeth her ? I barely know her ! " I'm literally cackling

#just blahs #james you will always be hilarious #congrats to James . one of my two cishet friends . for being the funniest fucking guy to ever exist #king shit honestly #this is the guy who called me Banquo for the first like . 5 months we knew each other #bcs he didnt know my name he just knew my role in the play were were doing for the theatre class we were in together #hes great i love that guy

[charliecuntcicle]

they fucked on that roadtrip sorry

#hal jordan #green lantern #oliver queen #green arrow #halollie #green lantern/green arrow #like ik they were doing shit but you want me to believe they were on a roadtrip basically alone + that old dude for that long #i dont remember how long exactly it was but theres a point where ollie says theyve been on the road for 5 months so #at least five months #but anyways #you want me to believe they were around only eachother for that long and didnt fuck??

[chompe-diem]

GOOD NEWS

JAKE IS LIKELY RETURNING TO THE $5 TIER STREAMS NEXT MONTH

bad news murph is not doing another dm stream in that case (hopeful news it seems he's enjoyed it as much as we have and seems interested in returning at some point)

#naddpod #is that a liveblog i see? #brian murphy #jake hurwitz #i mean i wasnt surprised i didnt get my question answered but i was tryna ask murph in the chat if he'd be interested in doing streams even #after jake comes back #tbh. i wld love another $10 tier thingy #i pay for $10 tier and while i personally Do Believe it's fully worth it for all the perks it comes with as a whole #*tucks hair behind ear* i wouldnt mind..... a lil somethin extra #....look i dont wanna discredit the pricing system esp because the honest truth is i am not great with money and value #however i mainly am comfortable paying $10/month bc 1) ofc it's affordable for me to do but also #2) i personally feel like $5/month for all the short rests/aftershow eps theyve ever done [which is also 4 new ones per month] is a steal #so to me paying 10 bucks feels like 5+ dollars for all the short rests and then the extra bit bein the bonus mixed bag n caldwell's stream #i just think a lil somethin more for the $10 tier compared to the $5 tier wld be neat..... #HOWEVER also i am not tryna shit on them ofc. clearly the perks distribution has been working for them so far #considering theyre one of the most popular patreons??? lol i have no grounds to claim theyre doing it wrong or anything #butijustthinkitwouldbecooltohavemonthlymurphdmstreampluschatmovesabitfastformurphinthe$5tieranywaysoplsconsiderthanks

[sanchoyo]

guess who got a JOB 👈👈😎

#idk how itll actually be but it sounds good in theory!!! #they can do my hours + benefits!!! on part time!!! (GOOD benefits too!!!) PLS LET IT WORK OUT....PRAYER CIRCLE #i dont start until MAYBE next week (or later depending on the speed of the background check/drug test stuff) BUT....it SOUNDS good to me #ill be workin Alone for the most part...just Vibin in my Own Area...free food/drinks too!! #i rly would like for it to work . bc this was GREAT TIMING i lose my dads insurance v v soon like 1 month T_T was starting to sweat over it #AND ITS NOT FAST FOOD OR RETAIL (HUGE W IF I HAD TO GO BACK I WOULD START BAWLING) #+ the boss seemed v nice and chill (and had sick tats) (I DONT HAVE TO DYE MY HAIR A NORMIE COLOR EITHER!!! DOUBLE W) #sanchoyorambles #very very happy. and so nervous i will probably puke #there were no interview questions btw it was just us cracking jokes + paperwork i got hired on the spot B) #i mean /i/ had questions but like none of the usual bs like #'where do u see urself in 5 years. why is this ur ideal job' type shit which was GREAT bc i hate those qs SO MUCH #we all know im here for money. and benefits. we do not need 2 play these games #but actually dishwasher or janitor kinda IS my ideal job?? so??? lol actually #i LIKE chill jobs where im cleaning things im GOOD at it when i had a higher pressure job where my work actually like #could influence HOW WELL AMBULANCES WORKED. IF I MISREAD A BLUEPRINT OR DIDNT DO MINOR THINGS RIGHT. THATWAS SCARY AND TOO MUCH PRESSURE #i mean my real dream job is artist/writer/otherwise creative in nature but. yknow! not realistic rn so....we r doing what we gotta 😤 #i...will try very hard this time #i NEED that debt to be paid off fr

[princelink]

#i got a new job finally but they're super weird about scheduling and its driving me up a wall #im apparently basically on call which i didnt realize would be the case when i applied #and so far they haven't called me and i only worked two days this week #its been 4 days off so far and they haven't called yet for tomorrow thats 5 days off in a row if they dont #what the fuck am i supposed to do about rent :))))))) #im too neurodivergent for this shit i need a schedule i need to know whats going on and they dont tell me anything #im absolutely losing my mind i think im more stressed out now than when i was looking for work for 3/4 months #the depression and anxiety is through the roof and growing and i don't know what the fuck to do with myself or this whole situation #i even called yesterday and was like uh??????????? Hello?????? #all i was told was that they would call me #im so fuckin nauseous about all of this #im sick of waiting by the phone like a lost puppy wondering if im going to be working the next day #i cant live like this im at wits end #rambles

[antarcticajoy]

I HATE being put in charge of things, but damn if my strategy didn't work so well that 28 doors were fixed in 5 hours the day before this children's hospital opens

#no i did not schedule it for then and this shit was laughably mismanaged #like everything the office people could fuck up they did #and i worked a miracle #and didnt even get a thank you or good job #just for frame of reference for doors it usually takes like 30 minutes to do one #at least #so 28 in 5 hours is an insane amount #im so good at my job to bad i fucking hate that kind of work #i just want a pat on the back like #i was asked to do the impossible told i was in charge of it and was kneecapped and still fucking did it with time to spare #and my back hurts so bad #and i have a headache #and im starving #can i please get some appreciation or acknowledgment or like good karma? #can something really good finally happen to me because nothing good has happened to me in 2 months #and im so tired #not to be pathetic but im gonna go cry now im exhausted and alone and unappreciated

[chapst1ckmcdyke]

Legit got trapped in a social jabbing sesh of smear the queer by my coworkers yesterday.

They all gathered around and started joking about hiding in my closet and whacking off while they watch me, and the nice sales lady who took us out to lunch, have sex. Graphic details about blasting rope and everything. To them this was normal.

Honest to god men get in a group with each other and it devolves into lord of the flies- they’re worse than fucking animals all of them.

#i didnt report bc it was ALL of them #5 or 6 guys #which is p much my whole department #but i sent them text messages establishing a paper trail telling them how out of line it was #so now if any of them fuck up i can go to HR and say ‘look- i tried. now fucking do something’ #i feel thats the best thing to do since i have played soft ball to establish im not a threat for 6 months #i think that shit is well over #im tired of playing games #ask to tag

[she-toadmask]

I am not one to be negative about Pokemon but Scarlet/Violet is the second worst main game on Switch (BDSP is the worst mostly for being a disappointment)

Legends has better shiny hunting

Sword/Shield had better raids

I didn't play Let's Go as much as the others but it is polished and an enjoyable experience

All three run better than SV and have fewer glitches

#fortunately my 3ds should get finished with repairs this month so i can do some sos chaining instead #i have bank and transporter on it if they didnt fuck it up #it sucks i find sv hunting so frustrating because there are a bunch of pokemon where that's the only way on switch to hunt them #like i would love to get a shiny scatterbug but to hunt it on 3ds i would need to do a new playthrough because my files are weird #(i bought a powersaves and tried to do multiple files and switching computers made it a mess so i just need to play again) #and then i need to get some help somewhere to complete the ENTIRE nat dex to get the shiny charm #because i balk at the idea of not using shiny charm #and even then i have to do random encounters because i dont want to do masuda method #i'll have to do the same with oras but at least dexnav provides an alternative #it will be nice to replay those games properly #fun fact i have done rng manipulation hunting in bw2 #got a shiny latias 2/3 of the lake trio (got a full odds uxie in bdsp so ive got the whole gang) and an absol for a friend #bdsp despite my low playtime i got 3 shinies #the aformentioned uxie a quagsire in the marsh and a random tentacruel. no idea how or why #i intended to finish the dex in bdsp for the shiny charm even though it helped like two things but i didnt vibe with the game enough #ds rng manip is cool if you have not a 3ds and a computer look into it. did gen 5 for specific mons and got cute charm glitch on hgss #there is also rng manip for 3ds titles but i didnt find out until the charging stopped working right so i havent been able to try it #(i removed the battery to charge it so the date reset regularly) #also id you have a 3ds. hack it. do it. 3ds.hacks.guide it's very well-written and lets you do cool shit #including piracy

[youaremysunshine-court]

There is no right or wrong there is only the way humans have always done things and the way humans are being forced to do things to feed an ever growing economy

#this reads like some fantasy we are the dragons slaves shit but its true #its literally so infuriating when i see girls on tiktok being like put mumbo fucking jumbo acid on your face for clear skin #NO #wash your face often eat a good diet stop starving yourself and you will see changes in you skin #you dont need a 40 minutes skincare routine anymore than you need to waste 2000 bucks on a face wash #for gods sake just use aloe vera #your ancestors did it for 1000s of years and didnt evolve to look like starving pencils #its just cheating you into hating yourself so youll waste money on useless products #like sure i understand wanting nice skin i love when my skin is soft #but you can achieve that with a blender and like... 3 cooking ingredience #IF IT AINT BROKE DONT FIX IT #yk? #its like that post about the toaster with settings for different kinds of bread #i can achieve the same effect with 5 minites a stove and a toasting fork #or this thing about replacing your phone every 10 months NO #STOP #do you know what youre doing to the environment #my dads been using the same phone for 6 years you do not need a new one annually its not a medical checkup #they even fucking stole hair care. just ask your grandma what she did for nice hair and shell say eggs or smth AND GUESS WHAT? they work! #eggs do wonders for your hair do not spend 800 bucks on shampoo thats 'just right' for waving curls or straight ringlets or whatever #its not worth it. #just dont.

[saltytyrus]

.........

#so i managed to pass my skills test but my teacher still managed to fucking suck 🙃 #she asked for clinical date preferences last week and i sent in my email of the dates pretty much immediately #by 12am that night #and at the start of class she said she was missing emails from people / they weren't even aware of it #she said she probably got 5 emails #so i assumed i was good bec when u send an email and follow her annoying tag line (learned from experience) u expect her to have received #and opened it #🫠 she did not #it was the end of class when she said im doing weekends / if im available bec theres no more weekday spots open #and that I DIDNT SEND AN EMAIL 👹 #to which i pulled it up plus the date and time stamp and suddenly she located my email 🙄 #i dont even think she apologized just said im still set for the weekend dates #which sucks because 1. i send my email early and followed the rules 2. i showed evidence of it 😭 and 3. my mom and i were going to drive to #saint louis over the weekend for a conference she wanted to attend 😭😭 #she's fine with it but ughhhhhh #ive angry cried a total of 3-5 times over the course of 2 months from this instructors bullshit #sent* #on the bright side shes not my clinical instructor so today was probably the last day i had to deal with her in person #its not even about the dates it's about the principle 😭😭😭 read your fucking emailsss #even when she reads them she manages to miss the point / question and bitch over shit i wasn't asking #its extra annoying given that I was the only one to already have paid for the clinical course 🫠 everyone else was unaware that we #had to pay again