excuse this rant because I lost my phone a few days ago
I can’t call someone to talk to them about shit
my best friend is on night shift
and my other best friend is involved
The backstory is that me, K and V were friends in high school - K keeps in touch regularly and V only messaged me when she was drunk, and when she invited me and K out she would really quickly ditch us for her huge group of cousins
(her cousins absolutely ripped the piss out of us and didn’t try and speak to us ever. because K and I are white, and they are not. We tried really hard and we were left out everytime, because I dont drink, and K felt left out and didnt want to drink. V and all her cousins are Muslims so they hide the drinking and smoking from their parents.) K and V started going out without me, but K would invite me last minute after V “””forgot””” to invite me. I included V in everything; my birthday, I bought her gifts at Eid like she did for me at Christmas, we went on a fucking summer holiday together, I made sure she wasn’t alone during school??? and she couldnt invite me out for lunch. By the time K realised I wasnt invited and tried to include me, I wasnt able to make it. I’m notoriously a planner and everyone knows it. fucking everyone.for V’s birthday she sent me a text saying we were all (her, her cousins and K) going to Edinburgh and that I could share a hotel room with K - we were having dinner, going for pre drinks and then going clubbing. I dont drink and I work a minimum wage job. Working out the costs her birthday night out was going to cost me at least £100. So I didnt go, and because I didnt go, neither did K, for fear of being the only “white girl”. Long story short, V never messaged me again and promised K that she was texting me all the time. Nope. Fast forward 8 months till today -
we thought we were getting 5 inches of snow last night so I had to stay overnight at work otherwise I might not have made it in in the morning (I was working till 11pm and was due in at 7am the next day because my work is so very fucking shit). Fine I got to stay in a hotel but yay for my 4 hours sleep before another 10 hour shift
Work really fucked me up and I really didnt hold it together well because we’re understaffed and theres loads of pressure and I’ve not been in the company or industry long (6 months). I cried on and off for 3 hours in work today. But I need the money too much to resign.
Got home and cried about it some more and then my parents leave to give me space and to go out for dinner with friends. I got a dominos, I bought Civil War and got half way through. Message from K saying “lmao I went out with ‘V’ today and it was totally fine haha”
Obviously I told her I was really hurt and she kind of didnt really react?? I STILL WASN’T INVITED despite that being the reason shits falling apart and shes like “aw bro its all good, Im sure its mutual hatred anyway lol rip friendship”
so I finish what was basically a 28 hour day in work, to sit alone while two of my “friends” go out and then tell me about it later
I’m likely being unnreasonable out of anger but I’m ill with stress and I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired of giving it my all and getting nothing back. I’m tired.
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1. Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid. Being in the present
2. What was your favorite musical group when you were a kid? probably the black eyed peas or smth
3. When was the first time that you had alcohol? like 10
4. What is your worst dating experience? a guy showed me a picture of himself on a motorcycle as a way to “impress” me. i got like second hand embarrassment
5. What is the craziest thing you have ever done? if i ever told my mom that i smoked cigarettes in my room when i was younger she would hit me. so probably that
6. Name one thing that not many people know about you. i’m scared my ass is starting to sag
7. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? being quietly powerful
8. Do you have any phobias? heights
9. Name three countries you would like to visit. greece, peru, and india
10. If your house was on fire and you could grab only 3 things before leaving, what would they be? id, credit card, a sweater for later
11. Do you believe in extraterrestrials or life on other planets? ya
12. Do you believe in the paranormal? ya
13. What would be your dream job? having a desk in an office and i just do paperwork and input data in a computer. i get an hour for lunch and there’s parking right outside the building.
14. If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be? money, the desire to work out, and better natural eyebrows/ eyelashes
15. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? i like my first name but i would drop my dad’s last name and take my great-grandmas
16. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? new orleans
17. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. eat, cry, listen to haydn
18. What crazy activities do you dream of trying someday? adopting a baby
19. If you could go on a road trip with any person (dead or alive), who would you choose and where would you go? i would choose prince and we would go where ever he would want to go
20. Any tattoos or pierced body parts? piercings on my face
21. What’s your favorite color? like that 70s mustard color and pastel purple
22. What is your favorite flower? plumeria
23. What is on your bedside table? lamp, glasses case, hand lotion, mouth guard, sleep mask, headphones, vicks, and 2 stuffed animals
24. What was your best Halloween costume for Halloween? dressed up as lydia from beetlejuice
25. If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? gene belcher
26. Are you a morning or night person? neither
27. Name a singer whose voice you can’t stand. iggy azealia or however u spell that bitchs name
28. If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? trapeze
29. What do you remember about your high school prom? my pretty dress and how there was no food
30. What’s your favorite holiday? halloween
31. Have you ever been mentioned in a newspaper? yes actually
32. Have you ever gone skinny dipping or streaking? no
33. What body part do you get caught staring at? asses and boobs ..the usual
34. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? boringly, the latter
35. What is your most treasured possession? my car
36. Adult Beverage of choice? cider
37. What is your favorite food? pasta the way i make it tho
38. Can you fake any accents? thick irish but only for like 30 secs
39. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their ugly ass faces
40. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? eat ass..im sorry im not brave enough
41. If you had to live under the sea what kind of an animal would you be? starfish
42. Most hated chore on the household chore list? buying groceries
43. In life who has had the most influence on you? my grandma
44. If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
45. If you could be one kind of beer which one would you be and why? i dont know beer
46. What extremely difficult life situation have you overcome and how did you do it? uhhh pass
47. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? i didnt wear underwear one time and then wore a dress like a fucking moron. it was windy...etc
48. If you could choose, how would you want to die? laying in bed with clean sheets
49. If you could change the world what would you do? lmao
50. Name 1 thing you love about being an adult i take better care of myself now than when i was younger obv
51. Which would you rather have, $50,000 or true love? my instinct is to go for the money
52. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? no not always
53. What song always makes you happy when you hear it? heart love -albert ayler
54. Who’s the funniest person you know? my old coworker
55. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? the voicemail at my dentist office
56. How big is your bed? its literally 2 military cots pushed together and held in place with 2 mattress toppers
57. What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? a painting of a dog gnawing at the cork of a wine bottle
58. What’s the first thing you thought about this morning? will i be forced to do errands with others
59. Are you afraid of the dark? sometimes
60. 3 things you cannot live without? this list is making me realize how boring i am. i cant think of anything besides the obvious: credit card, headphones, clean underwear etc
61. Favorite song? if i cant have you -etta james and harvey fuqua
62. Are you a giver or a taker? a lil bit a both
63. Virgin or not? no
64. Are you very sarcastic? sometimes
65. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? pfft no i slide those mf right off
66. Which you favorite icecream flavor? coffee
67. What was the last drink you drank? water
68. Do you prefer hugs or kisses? uhh by who? in general, none.
69. Have you ever gone cow-tipping? no im not a total loser
70. Do you like to sing in the shower? always
71. What’s your favorite midnight snack? captain crunch cereal
72. Whats your favorite movie? the first thing that came to mind was waynes world
73. Have you ever gambled at a casino? no and i never will
74. Have you thrown up in a car? no?
75. Do you scream on roller coasters? no
76. When did you go to your first funeral? 7 yrs old
77. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? 6 yrs old
78. Whats your favorite season? fall
79. Who was your imaginary friend? no one
80. Date someone older or younger? older
81. If you don’t know the words to a song do you improvise? usually
82. What turns you on about the opposite sex? chris hemsworth & winston duke
83. What turns you off about the opposite sex? arrogance and lack of self reflection
84. What scares you the most and why? dying and knowing im dead cuz its scary yo
85. What do you do in your free time? lay in bed and waste time
86. Name 3 things in nature you find most beautiful? birds chirping early in the morning, fog, and when sunlight peaks through thick canopies in the rainforest
87. Tell me about something you really regret? oh god so many little things
88. Tell me about your favorite book, magazine or comic? calvin and hobbes is nostalgic
89. Something or someone you miss the most from childhood? does myself count
90. Your best friend dies, what would you do? mourn
91. What is your zodiac sign? cancer
92. Name a couple of T.V. shows you watch a lot? the office, jane the virgin, the nanny, living single
93. Name a movie or movies you can watch over and over? beverly hills cop, zodiac, contagion, the princess and the frog
94. Would you ever go skinny dipping? if the water is warm
95. Have you been told you can sing well more than once? no lol
96. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? ballerinas were sitting on the banister and then one jumped on my back and tried to murder me
97. What were you doing the last time you really had a good laugh? teaching kids origami
98. What is your happiest childhood memory? the summer in mexico
99. If you could take a one month trip anywhere and money was not a consideration, where would you go? new york
100. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? consistency
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