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anzcty · 3 years

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Analysing Episode 6 Sylvie - her actions, her choice and a whole bunch of theories (Spoilers!)

After watching the Loki finale, I have been scrolling through Tumblr for quite a long time. I already knew that people's opinions were gonna be incredibly different but I definitely did not expect this much negative backlash. Especially when it comes to two specific topics - the Sylvie and Loki kiss and Sylvie's betrayal (/choice/actions). I'm gonna be talking about the latter, for it is another time I'll talk a lot about Sylki's relationship. (Beware that this post is also really long though)

First of all, everyone has different opinions and I respect that. I absolutely adore movies, books, TV-shows and videogames because despite what's happening within the story, each viewer has the opportunity to see something else in what they are shown (besides the obvious canon). What I mean is that everyone interprets certain scenes differently and gains the opportunity to make up theories. Therefore I want to clarify that I do, by no means, want to force my views upon others. It's nice to see people talk about the Loki Series (as long as it doesn't get too negative and hateful, iykwim) because every viewer can share their specific experiences with it :)

I'm gonna analyse Sylvie's character a bit ( because, well, I'm bored and I kinda wanna protect my beloved character that I've only had for a few weeks >:^0 AND the only thing I could think about the past day was this episode) and try to explain her actions in the finale (keep in mind: not justifying them, but explaining them).

I'm terribly bad at concentrating on one single topic point so I kinda made a 'list' with questions and whatnot that I wanted to dive deeper into. Your thoughts are also more than welcome!

I already want to apologise for grammatical mistakes, for I am not a native english speaker.

Sylvie's reason for being taken away by the TVA is still kinda unknown

You know, I've heard quite a few theories about Sylvie's nexus event by now. Some people say that she got taken away because she was playing with her toys in a way that indicates her having a good heart (playing as a Valkyrie and wanting to save someone, another hint may also be the reaction she showed towards someone else who got kidnapped by the TVA, yelling at the soldiers to "help them out"). Another theory is that she already knew she was adopted, unlike Loki who found out way later than her. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but we never got to hear the actual reason why Sylvie got kidnapped. Even Renslayer didn't say a word about it.

Now I'm gonna come up with yet another theory. What if Sylvie didn't really have a nexus event in the first place how we know it? In the final episode, Kang has said that he has planned out everything beforehand so both Loki and Sylvie would end up right in front of him. Did Kang's plan also possibly involve him getting killed by Sylvie? Hear me out: We don't actually know if the Kang we saw in episode 6 is the actual 'nice' Kang and not one of his evil variants. He has already talked about 'reincarnation', so who says that after ending the first universial war, Kang didn't reincarnate into someone with an unpure heart (aka, one of his evil variants)? That'd mean that the real Kang would have been killed and the Kang we've seen in the finale is actually an evil version that simply lied to both Loki and Sylvie. Besides that, we also don't know if Kang actually had that 'point' where he didn't know what would happen next. The show revolves a whole lot around trust, not only regarding the characters, but also the viewers. Who's to say that Kang said the truth? Maybe he planned it all out: He created the TVA, let Sylvie get kidnapped and therefore give her a reason to hunt after Kang, who in return could reincarnate if he got killed OR get killed and therefore give his other variants a possibility to conquer the universes yet again. Don't you think that it was kinda suspicious that Sylvie escaped so easily out of Renslayer's hands? The one person who's probably closest to Kang? (Even though, yes, she doesn't know who he is but Renslayer seems to play a very important role in his plan). What if the Kang we saw was the nice Kang though? Would he plan everything up to a point where another universial war would break out because he might know that there is indeed something/someone out there who could end it and therefore, possibly end Kang as a whole or create a new kind of system revolving around the universe? And therefore, get rid of the possibility of another universial war happening? Who knows. I am definitely overthinking and reaching at this point. One more thing that stood out to me while thinking about the episode again today (which kinda weighs more into my theory of Sylvie being a keypoint (or rather a puppet) in this plan): Kang has talked about his Tempad and that he knew that he would need it to have enough energy. But for what? Yes, his initial idea was to give it to Loki and Sylvie to rule over the TVA, but what if it was supposed to be used for another reason? Sylvie used it to transport Loki back to the TVA (though I kinda think he was accidentally transported to another timeline, hence the reactions of both Mobius and Hunter B-15) and therefore get rid of the only thing that could prevent Sylvie from killing Kang. The Tempad was used to secure Sylvie's path and therefore eradicated Kang's only option of safety. You can see the Tempad loosing it's glow after Kang was killed, possibly due to Kang himself being the origin of it's energy. But maybe, it only had enough energy for one specific action: getting rid of Kang's protection. I do think that Sylvie is now stuck at this place and somehow has to find a way back to Loki's reality. The Tempad clearly doesn't work anymore (at least in my opinion) and there was quite a long shot showing the Tempad up close, which is kinda suspicious tbh. Also, something regarding Sylvie's unanswered nexus event feels kinda odd to me, too.

My theory in conclusion: Sylvie (and Loki) are unconciously helping Kang with his plan (a big, big, BIG plan). They're his puppets, especially Sylvie, because she's the one who created the Multiverse to begin with. Think about Loki, who was said to be manipulated by Thanos in Avengers? It's basically the same train of thoughts.

Sylvie does not take Kang's offer into consideration

To be honest, this was something to be absolutely expected of her. Sylvie was kidnapped as a child, taken away from her home and family, and had to grow up in countless apocalypses where she could never form a real bond with anybody because she knew that those people were all going to die anyway. (Please don't judge me if I got that wrong, maybe I understood the next thing wrong? Idk, if so, I'm very sorry) She revealed that she was kidnapped way before Loki was even born (something I have to think about, too, because, if Loki is the actual Loki the other variants are based off, why did he exist after Sylvie? Wouldn't that make him a variant of Sylvie instead? Idk timelines and parallel universes are hard to understand for me :') I'm kinda stoopid ), therefore she must've had spent several decades of her life running away. She had no life at all. Her only goal was to bring down the TVA and whoever is behind it, driven by pure rage, seeking out revenge for stealing her life and basically forbidding her existence. And now that she has found said person, the only thing that'd be right for her character would be to go for the kill. As immoral as it may sound, it is the only thing that makes sense. And I am actually very happy that Sylvie's goals didn't change besides the fact that she did indeed soften up a little and has gotten someone really close to her. In contrary, it makes sense for Loki to do the exact opposite. His goals have changed. He does not act the way he did in Thor or Avengers anymore. He has found another goal for himself: to make Sylvie feel alright. He has had immense character growth and didn't take a chance to change his goals back in the Thor movies or in Avengers, (....maybe later in Thor: Ragnarok, kinda). This is exactly what I think might happen to Sylvie, too. She is at the beginning of her character arc. She doesn't take the chance to change her goal, but goes for her original goal instead. Said goal does not really have positive consequences (though, maybe it might have some? We're about to find out), which results in a so called 'negative character development', which Loki has already gone through. I think that Sylvie is gonna grow as a character in season 2 and get a positive character development in addition, just like Loki did. I highly doubt that she's gonna become the antagonist, it does not make sense at this point.

Why does she not take Kang's offer (besides her very obvious intention ofc)? That leads straight (or not so straight, pun intended) to the next thing I wanna talk about. Sylvie's distrust in everything and everyone. Besides not wanting to let other people go through what she has been gone through and wanting to let people have a free will, she also does not trust Kang with his offer of 'ruling' the timeline. And it might be because she also does not trust the one she'd be ruling with: Loki.

Why does Sylvie not trust Loki?

I don't even have a specific answer to that, except that Sylvie has an incredibly thick wall built up around her. Loki has always been portrayed as the one you should not trust because he's known for backstabbing people. Loki could have thought the same about Sylvie, but he didn't. Due to his character arc, he himself has learned to trust other people and tries to redeem himself with making himself a person others can trust (He may project that onto Sylvie, meaning that he puts his trust into a Loki variant and therefore in himself, too). You can connect that fact with both Sylvie and Mobius. They're both people who are incredibly important to Loki. He wants them to trust him. He openly told Sylvie about his mistakes and tells her that he's not that person anymore. Sylvie on the other hand does not trust that easily and is - in my opinion - a very important key regarding Loki's character development. It is incredibly hard for Sylvie to trust others (probably due to her trauma) and it therefore creates a very difficult situation for Loki, where he has to 'prove' himself as trustworthy. It's basically about 'trusting yourself' if you put it that way. It's something Loki has to learn about himself: not betraying the trust of others. Sylvie might have to learn something like this, too: learning to trust someone else. It's kinda like a two sided coin - one side is about putting trust in others, whereas the other is about gaining trust from others (and what you do with it). (Good) Relationships in general are always based off trust and honesty. So in order for them to be able to have healthy relationships with others and themselves, they have to learn about trust within themselves (I hope you understand my point, I got carried away, sorry). Loki started to trust Sylvie very easily (maybe because of love? Maybe because of something else? There are still a lot of unanswered questions) whereas Sylvie doesn't trust Loki very easily. Sylvie's character arc might (hopefully) carry on with this topic in the next season.

Was that kiss initiated due to emotional or practical reasons?

Kinda both, somehow. I do think that Sylvie used the kiss to her advantage but you can also clearly see how moved she is while hearing Loki's words. Facial expressions are insanely important when it comes to acting and both Tom and Sophia delivered perfectly. You might've already heard of the quote "The eyes tell more than words could ever say". Look at Sylvie's face when Loki tells her that he wants her to be okay. She is teary eyed, sighs even. She is indeed touched by his words and I strongly think that Sylvie also has non-platonic feelings for Loki, despite barely showing anything.

Here's a snippet out of an interview with Sophia:

(Source)

Both Sylvie and Loki are said to be people who can not trust others. They both have a vulnerable side though. Loki clearly showed that several times when with Sylvie (singing to her, the blanket scene, the comfort scene in the room of the timekeepers, the confession of wanting her to be okay) and is also shown incredibly vulnerable at the end of episode 6: there are several shots showing him, crying. Sure, we have already seen Loki cry a few times beforehand but this time, it's different. He cries because the one person he is the most vulnerable with doesn't trust him, and that does hurt like hell. By the way, if you look at the close-up shot of Sylvie after she yeeted Loki back into the TVA, you can see pain in her eyes, too. But that pain quickly shifts into rage and determination. Something that I have to admit was incredibly well executed by Sophia and the people who directed this shot. Sylvie does show her vulnerable side for a brief moment before putting up her walls again and reaching for her goal.

In conclusion: I think Sylvie initiated the kiss as an emotional response to Loki's words but also used it to distract him to be able to kick him back into the TVA at the same time. Keep in mind that it was because he was in her way of fullfilling her goal. She didn't want to kill or hurt him, so she sent him away instead. So, yes, I think the kiss had both emotional and practical intentions.

Did Sylvie betray Loki?

Even though it really felt like she betrayed him, she didn't. Let me tell you why:

Loki knew exactly what Sylvie was gonna do after reaching the person behind the TVA. Loki supported her all the way up until Kang suggested a deal to them, that's where Loki's and Sylvie's paths divided. Loki is a very smart character, he outsmarts a lot of Marvel characters and therefore I think it's very in character for him to consider one part of the deal and outweigh the pros and cons. Not because he wants the throne, no, but because he wants Sylvie to be okay. A universial war could lead to countless casualties - possibly those people close around him, so of course he would want to keep her safe through that decision. Making them both rulers over the TVA and the sacred timeline would probably guarantee a strong protection from several threats. Also, maybe he thought about the possibility of Sylvie regretting her decision (which she clearly did in the end) and wanted to protect her from even more emotional pain. But as we know, Sylvie's intention has always been laid out in front of her and it didn't change. Loki knew what choice she was going to make and merely tried to change her way - without being successfull.

I don't really know what to think about this scene though. To me, it doesn't meet the requirements of a 'betrayal' but at the same time it does feel like one. It's very difficult to explain :'D

Also, I've seen some people asking themselves how or if Loki will ever be able to forgive Sylvie for making her decision. Let me assure you one thing: he will forgive her. He has said it himself: "I know what you're feeling, I know what you're going through". He has been at Sylvie's point, too. Not only once, but several times already. He seems to have learned from his mistakes, Sylvie has yet to do so. ("I betrayed everyone I've ever loved" is a line to keep in mind now, too. Maybe it could even be projected onto Sylvie this time, because Loki is indeed very dear to her) If there's someone out there who can empathise with Sylvie the most, it is Loki.

Why would Sylvie straight up cause another Universial War?

As I already said. Sylvie's arc is a negative character arc. It does not end well and causes a lot of chaos. Think about Peter Quill in Infinity War and his rage moment on Titan. They could have had the infinity gauntlet way before but Peter got emotional (understandable) and therefore destroyed the chance of an early good ending. The same happened with Sylvie. Her decision was mostly emotional, but also practical on the other hand (giving people free will and freedom). She will face the consequences and I'm pretty sure she's gonna redeem herself and tries to help fix the big mess she has caused.

Sylvie's breakdown

Another scene that was absolutely brilliant was the scene after Sylvie has killed Kang. She backs off slowly and then slumps to the ground, breathing heavily (now that I think about it, I think she even started to cry). She has waited for this moment her whole life, but now that it's done, it kinda feels like she didn't exactly get what she needed. Hunter B-15 has already mentioned it before that Sylvie needs to hunt the person behind the TVA down, unlike Renslayer, who only wants to find out who it really is. Although Sylvie might have recognized that this wasn't everything she needed at this point. We already got to know that she didn't have a clue what to do after she's done with the TVA. She didn't have a goal beyond that. And now that she has reached the point where she is clueless, she might have recognized what she really needed beyond finishing her goal: friends, a life, literally anything that doesn't make her feel alone. And she literally just kicked that one thing away from her. Loki, the one person who has been closest to her and gave her the feeling of not being alone anymore, the feeling of having a friend (or someone more than a friend), has been pushed away by herself. I think that in this exact moment where she sinks to the ground she recognizes that not trusting Loki was a mistake this time and that revenge isn't enough to satisfy her forever.

But maybe that one thing that will satisfy her for a long time is something she's returning back to in season 2. I am so excited to see her again and find out more about Sylvie's character!

Thank you so much for reading this! If you want to add something to this list or correct something or anything, feel free to do so. I'd love to hear your thoughts on Sylvie's character in the finale and what you think might happen with her in season 2 :) see y'all, stay safe and have a nice day/night!

#sylvie laufeydottir #loki series #sylki

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ofdragonsdeep · 3 years

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26 (Star)

This was written as a fill for the quick-prompt for the week of 13th September on the Book Club discord, which I... cannot link because I am not an ~official author~ because I'm shy.

They are supposed to be 100 words or thereabouts. This... is not.

The eldest of the Durendaire children tires of misery.

(spoilers for early SB, Firmament quests, and minor AST nonsense)

The soft sound of the waves splashing against rock warred with the hustle and bustle of Limsa Lominsa for a place in the ears. Ar’telan, sat on one of the benches in the aetheryte plaza, watched the people come and go, locals and merchants and tourists thronging between docks and markets, watched over by stern yellowjackets keen to keep the peace. When he had first set foot in Limsa Lominsa, however many moons ago that had been, someone had told him that you could tell a native from an outsider by how much the salt spray settled into the crags in their face, consonants discarded from the speech like so much unnecessary ornamentation.

The Echo had taught him that people would hear what he wanted them to hear, when it wanted to work, but he had never been able to sound like a local. Even Reyner, the commander of the Yellowjackets and perpetual ‘proper’ speaker, still sounded more at ease in Limsa than Ar’telan did. Still, he was comforted by the familiar surroundings, sun reflected off white-bleached walls, the comforting thrum of life.

With a thunk of shoes on stone, Ar’telan hopped from the bench and began his walk around the city. He was here for no reason - not one that the fate of the world dictated, at any rate. It was nice, in the space between disasters, to find himself in familiar places without a pressing cause.

The walk took him to the upper decks, past the drunks and the hopeful street workers and the festive balloons in the Aftcastle. Melkoko waved to him from the door of the Missing Member, and he offered her a nod of greeting in return, not quite brave enough to actually go into the building and risk Rhoswen’s wrath for simply existing in a space adjacent to her. It was a little quieter in the Hyaline, the vendor at the counter ceasing her attempts to sell him ‘spice’ as soon as she recognised who he was.

“Fair weather, Warrior o’ Light! You got business with the Cap’n?” Heddyn asked, Ar’telan considering the stairs he guarded and the question he asked, weighing them in his mind.

“If he is free to speak, it would be nice,” he said, and Heddyn gave him a nod and a playful salute, vanishing up the stairs to check with his Captain.

A flurry of movement escorted Ar’telan up the stairs and into the back room of the Hyaline, an open deck which looked out over the flagship of the Kraken’s Arm and the many barges that surrounded it. Captain Carvallain had any number of ventures to his name these days, from exotic ‘spice’ (Ar’telan was still uncertain what, exactly, the word substituted for) to pleasure barges to trade in mundane goods from the far-flung port of Kugane. It was only the lucrative nature of that final venture that prevented him from attempting to skin Tataru alive whenever the Scions were mentioned in conversation, or so Ar’telan presumed.

“Ar’telan. Strange to see you here,” he greeted, a nod of his head the only acknowledgement of the miqo’te’s presence. “I do hope you have not brought any irksome companions with you this time.”

“Just me,” Ar’telan confirmed, noting the way that Carvallain relaxed, if only a little. Carvallain sounded like a Limsan local, even though he wasn’t, the Ishgardian lilt to his accent universally ignored by any who might think to note it. It had been many moons ago that Ar’telan had first taken notice - walking the snow-heavy road to Gorgagne Mills, the quiet farmstead bearing the same name that Carvallain had taken for a surname. He had dwelled upon it when he had spoken with Jannequinard, at the Athenaeum Astrologicum in Ishgard proper, and helped him and his Sharlayan friend with their struggles to see astromancy of the Sharlayan bent recognised within the city. It had come as no great surprise when Tataru and Alphinaud had used the ‘subtle’ arts of manipulation to use the entirely unconnected story of Count de Durendaire’s unfortunate eldest son, lost at sea, to convince Carvallain to ferry them to Kugane.

And now here they were.

“Good. The trade that your voyage to Kugane started has been good for our coffers, but I would rather that meddlesome little woman didn’t learn that I was grateful,” he said, examining his nails as he said it, as though it were nothing. “The rumour mill has told me some very interesting things about how you’ve been spending your time. Are many true?” Ar’telan grimaced.

“I’m not sure I could name half of them,” he replied. “I have mostly been in Ishgard, when not doing the tasks which make the news.” The cloud passed over Carvallain’s face for a moment, but it cleared before it could take a greater hold.

“Yes. One of the Houses is most fond of you, aren’t they?” he said, voice light. Ar’telan managed a nervous laugh.

“Something like that. But I know them all quite well, now,” he said, hopping up onto the wall and sitting on it, tail swishing in the breeze from the ocean at his back. “The old Count de Dzemael has been building structures for dravanians in the Churning Mists. I’ve been helping Francel with revitalising the Firmament. There was a call for aid from outside sources for that.” Carvallain nodded, his expression guarded now.

“We sold a few things to some interested parties, but that has been the extent of our involvement in the matter,” he replied. “I will confess, it is odd to hear Ishgard spoken of… positively. I cannot imagine the stubborn rocks in the nobility are overly fond of it.”

“Lord Speaker Aymeric has been doing good work,” Ar’telan said. “And you might be surprised. Count Charlemend has been working as a volunteer in a hospital for the poor.” Carvallain snorted at that, then paused, a frown on his face.

“...You are serious,” he realised. Ar’telan nodded, not elaborating for fear that he would be tarred with the same brush as Tataru, even though his motives were perhaps in the same venn diagram. “Unbelievable. The times are truly changing, I suppose.” He gave Ar’telan a searching look, his stance stiff and uncertain, an unusual look for the leader of pirates. “Bah, I tire of this pointless dance. Speak plain. Did you come here to bully me like your vicious little secretary?”

“Not intentionally,” Ar’telan replied, which was true, but not particularly endearing. “I just thought you might like to know. What you do with the knowledge is not my business.” Carvallain sighed.

“I suppose I am curious as to the lead-in,” he allowed. “Very well. Tell me what you know.”

---

It was not an easy conversation. For all that Ar’telan was aiding Charlemend in his sincere desire to leave the old ways of life, the pain that he had inflicted - on purpose or not - was clear to see. Carvallain’s brow still darkened at the sound of his name, and Ar’telan thought of Ronantain, desperate to mold himself into the image of the good noble that had been taught to him for all too long in his short life. He thought of Jannequinard, so brilliant and clever, throwing himself into anything he could enjoy that was just disrespectful enough to leave his betters despairing, but not enough to have him thrown from the parapets and disowned.

He thought of the knight, lost to grief after failing his charge, who had died in the mills that gave Carvallain his name.

But the conversation had left him with something most unexpected: an elegantly penned note, the calling card of the Kraken’s Arms, an offer in dispassionate ink on the back of it.

“You may read it, if you wish,” Carvallain had said. “I don’t imagine that much goes unseen by your eyes, these days.”

Ar’telan had put it in his pocket, and kept his gaze averted.

---

The cold air of Ishgard hit like a wall as Ar’telan teleported into Foundation, and he shook his head and shivered in its suddenness. He had long since lost his need for the warmth of his home in Meracydia, but La Noscea was far warmer than Ishgard, and it hit like a shock. He took his gloves from his pockets, pulled them on, and rubbed his hands together as he walked. The aetheryte shard network would have been faster, but for all its inhospitality, Ar’telan still longed to stretch the minutes he spent in Ishgard to bells.

The Athenaeum Astrologicum was busier now than it had been even at the height of the war, students of all stripes thronging in and around its walls. A few of them recognised him, for his work with the erstwhile management in the past, but without a globe at hand most of the students paid him little heed. Ar’telan found that suited him just fine.

Jannequinard was at the desk when he walked in, eyes buried in the pages of a book. He glanced up, looked back down when he noted that Ar’telan was not a nubile young woman ready to be talked into compromising positions by a dashing young fox of a nobleman, then looked back up again when who he actually was registered with his brain.

“This is a surprise,” he remarked, and Ar’telan grimaced.

“Anyone would think I never visited,” he said, and Jannequinard sighed. A card from the sleeve at his hip was wedged into his book, in a move that would have made Leveva bonk him over the head with the nearest sufficiently weighty implement, and he leaned forwards, head rested on his hands.

“You either have terrible news, or interesting news. If it is the former, I will have to ask that you leave. I have a date this evening.”

“You do?” Ar’telan asked, surprised, and Jannequinard sagged in defeat.

“Yes, yes, very funny. An actual date, with an actual, living woman, before you get as sarcastic as those two.” He shot a venomous look at the two astrologians who served as the Athenaeum’s formal welcoming committee, who did not even seem to notice it. Ar’telan assumed they got it a lot. “So nobody is dying? There has been no attack by mysterious assailants on important personages, abducted nobles, crying orphans, anything of the sort?”

“Not that I am aware of,” Ar’telan replied. “I could ask at Rolanberry Fields if you want a crying orphan, though.”

“The Fury blessed you with a streak of humour since we last spoke, I see,” Jannequinard said, arching a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “Then why have you come?” Ar’telan paused, not having actually considered how best to approach the situation. Jannequinard did not appear to be a subtle man, but he could be, when the situation called for it. Or when he thought the situation called for it, at any rate.

“I have something for you,” Ar’telan said eventually, reaching into his pocket and taking out the missive, putting it down on the desk between them before continuing. “From one of the Captains in Limsa Lominsa. An offer of trade, I think.”

“You think?” Jannequinard repeated, the suspicion plain on his face. “I will assume that you have misread the name, since you speed through all other matters, but I am not above a little spying, so I shall take this regardless.” He picked it up, looked at the sigil on the front with a mixture of concern and disdain, and flipped it over. Muttered fragments of words gave Ar’telan the very short version of the offer Carvallain had made, but it was when Jannequinard made it to the signatory that he stopped.

“Who gave this to you?” he asked, his cordial tone dropping several notches. Ar’telan felt like he might shiver despite the warmth of the Athenaeum’s fires.

“Captain Carvallain of the Kraken’s Arms,” he replied. Jannequinard shot his gaze around the room in a panic, before remembering that it was impossible to overhear the words of someone who was not actually speaking them.

“...Come with me a moment, will you?” he asked, getting to his feet. That was enough to draw the concern of the other astrologians in the room, but he waved them off irritably and escorted Ar’telan into the back of the Athenaeum.

---

The private study rooms were conservatively furnished, a small number of wooden chairs and great tables capable of holding the full breadth of an unfurled star map, and very little else. Jannequinard closed the door on the one he had appropriated, then almost forcibly sat Ar’telan in the nearest chair, despite his half-formed noises of protest.

“I know that a lot of people in this city think you are a fool with more goodwill than sense, but contrary to popular opinion, I am not stupid. You are aware of what happened to my… my brother, yes?” Ar’telan noted the way his voice caught at the admittance. It was not sorrow - Jannequinard had likely been barely more than a boy when it happened, though Ar’telan was not entirely sure how old he or Carvallain were. He knew Jannequinard chafed at the prospect of inheritance, to the degree that he had been a ‘maybe’ in the aftermath. Knew that Charlemend would not have taken his eldest’s loss well. Knew that he was opening old wounds. Maybe that had been Carvallain’s aim, after all, and he just the errand boy for it. But he had said that it was Carvallain’s knowledge to do with as he wished, he supposed.

“Yes. He was lost at sea. Pirates, they thought,” he replied. “It is why you did not wish to follow Leveva and I to Limsa Lominsa, is it not?” Jannequinard wrinkled his nose, annoyed that Ar’telan was both bringing up his past failings, and also seeing through his ruse.

“Perhaps. That is neither here nor there,” he dismissed with a sharp wave of his hand. “What matters is that you have brought me a missive from pirates, signed in the name of my dead brother, and you expect me to believe this is an accident.”

“I never said it was an accident,” Ar’telan replied, which caught Jannequinard off-guard.

“No, I suppose you did not,” he allowed, then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am going to have to cancel my date, aren’t I?”

“I do not think the Count will mind if you leave it til the morning. He is busy with his work, these days,” Ar’telan offered, attempting to soften the blow. Jannequinard looked back down at the note.

“Did he give this to you himself?” he asked. Ar’telan nodded his head. “Did he- is he- Is it really him?” he managed, voice quiet. Ar’telan nodded a second time. Jannequinard swallowed, looking down and up again, a look of the lost on his face. “How long have you known?”

“I have suspected since I first met you,” he replied. “I have known for certain since just before the War of Liberation in Ala Mhigo.” Jannequinard attempted to process this, and utterly failed to do so.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.

“Because it wasn’t my choice to make,” Ar’telan said. Jannequinard let out a long, defeated sigh.

“Yes. Yes, I suppose that makes sense,” he agreed. “If I had managed to escape our father I would not want some random adventurer dragging me back under his heel. Damn all of this.” He put the card into the space on his sleeve where the Bole-shaped bookmark had previously sat, scowling down at it as though it were razor-edged. “Very well. I shall inform the Count.”

“You don’t have to,” Ar’telan said, and Jannequinard stopped short, as though he had not even considered that option. Ar’telan didn’t imagine there was anything that Jannequinard did that did not find its way back to the Count, one way or another, but he had made a deliberate choice to give this letter to Jannequinard first.

“I… No, I shall tell him,” he decided eventually. “Carvallain de Durendaire died long ago, but by the Fury’s grace, if we can make peace with the Dravanians then perhaps what is left of my family can make peace with themselves.” He got to his feet, a scowl on his face. “I would have thought that something of this magnitude just might be predicted by astromancy, but alas.”

“Maybe it would have if you paid attention to Leveva’s lessons instead of the bosom of the nearest passing noblewoman,” Ar’telan offered, and Jannequinard showed his appreciation by accidentally stepping on his foot.

---

Jannequinard had insisted on Ar’telan accompanying him on his ‘dire quest’, a task to which the miqo’te had acquiesced without argument. Though Ar’telan was used to speaking with the Count in the Firmament, given the amount of time the both of them spent there, the evening meant that Jannequinard instead returned to the family manor with his sidekick in tow, a move which gathered quite a number of concerned looks from the manor’s guard. Ar’telan weighed the pros and cons of reassuring them that he was not Jannequinard’s unfortunate cancelled date, and decided against it.

Durendaire manor was a house of wealth, but it did not feel homely to Ar’telan the way that Fortemps manor did. Shields bearing the family crest adorned the walls, pictures of Counts past and their families between them. Fresh arrangements of flowers sat on marble pedestals, a luxurious red rug covering the polished blackstone floor, and the wallpaper looked to be made from astral silk or some other luxurious cloth. Ar’telan found it to be overwhelming.

A manservant knocked on the office door for them, and Charlemend looked between the two of them in concern that quickly changed to alarm as they entered.

“What has burned down?” he asked as the door closed, and Jannequinard made a frustrated noise.

“I can bring you good news,” he protested, gesturing to Ar’telan to take one of the chairs. With an apologetic look to the Count, Ar’telan shuffled into one, noting the tension between father and son with an increasing nervousness. “In fact, I am bringing good news. Ar’telan here has been kind enough to secure us a trade agreement with one of the prominent powers in Limsa Lominsa.” The distaste in his face was familiar to Ar’telan, from when they had been there on Ishgard’s behalf, with Francel in tow.

“We already have an agreement with those… with their prominent traders,” Charlemend said, the carefully-chosen words not masking his unhappiness. “Not that I expect you to know that, but it was Ar’telan who secured it.” Jannequinard looked over at Ar’telan, who offered an innocent shrug.

“There is more than one pirate in Limsa Lominsa,” he said. Charlemend made a distinctly unhappy noise.

“Yes, I am well aware. If it is worth disturbing me at this hour, and by the both of you, no less, I shall take a look at it,” he said. Jannequinard took the card from his sleeve, and passed it to his father.

“I would advise that you sit, father,” he said, stepping back as the Count took it. The suspicion was plain in Charlemend’s eyes, but he tempered it. Ar’telan was not sure if it was for his benefit, or Jannequinard’s.

“These are the same brigands we dealt with during Lord Francel’s attempts at trade outreach,” he murmured, seeing the sigil upon the front. “Their captain, ah- Gerald, was that his name? Was eventually willing to see reason.”

“Gerald is the First Mate,” Ar’telan said, glancing at Jannequinard as he said it. “But yes. I was surprised as well.” Charlemend offered a huff of annoyance, then turned over the card.

It was a harrowing transformation to witness. Irritance became disbelief, which became anger. He looked up at the two of them, Jannequinard with an uncharacteristically stony face and Ar’telan the picture of neutrality, and anger morphed to a deep and painful sadness without a single word. The card fell from his hands to hit the papers at his desk, his hands shaking.

“How long have you known?” he asked, his eyes on Ar’telan now.

“Longer than I have known you,” he replied. Charlemend’s hand curled into a fist, and he thumped the desk in despair. Jannequinard moved away from him at the sound of it - not in fear, but to head off the concerned manservant who threatened to manifest at the unorthodox summons.

“This is my fault,” Charlemend said, words uttered through gritted teeth to scattered papers rather than his visitors. “All my life I strived for the ideal that my father taught me. Accepted it - what else could I do? And in my sons, in my nephew, I passed down that same poison. Duty above all.”

“Father…” Jannequinard began, surprise clear on his features. It was not an unusual sight, not on Jannequinard, but the circumstance was strange.

“I was not ten yalms from him in Limsa Lominsa. They said he had listened in as we spoke,” Charlemend said, his voice barely a whisper. “Tell me - was it him? Was it Carvallain you spoke with?” Carefully, Ar’telan inclined his head.

“They could not believe it when he agreed to the contract,” he said. “But he had hope in Ishgard for change. In you. Enough to take a chance, but not enough to risk everything he had.” Charlemend ran his fingers across the card.

“What changed?” he asked.

“I told him of the Firmament,” Ar’telan replied. “Of your work at Saint Vandreau’s Grace.” He shook his head then, shuffling over to the side on instinct as Janneqinard returned to the second chair that sat opposite the desk. “Everything that happened with Maelie and Ronantain. If he had not heard you in Limsa the last time I do not think he would have believed me.” Charlemend put his head in his hands, and were it not for a stamina tempered by years as Count in the hostile environment of Ishgard, Ar’telan thought he might have cried.

“He will never come home, will he?” the Count said, his voice quiet and holding the weight of his years.

“No,” Ar’telan agreed. “Ishgard is not his home. It has not been for many years.” The Count let out a long breath, raising his head and running his hands down his face.

“Yes. You are right,” he said. “I will not - I cannot squander this opportunity. If he did not believe me capable of respecting his boundaries then he would never have sent this missive.” He nodded, apparently at peace with his decision. “Very well. The message speaks of a meeting, and though it does not specify a venue, I will not force him to even consider returning to Ishgard. Might I trouble you for an escort to La Noscea, Master Qin?” Ar’telan nodded, a smile on his face.

“Of course. Name the day.”

—

The sharp tang of salt in the airship’s propellors heralded their arrival to Limsa Lominsa proper. Ar’telan, possessed of far more of a head for heights than either of the Durendaires he accompanied, had watched the sea appear on the horizon over the side of the airship, Charlemend going more than a little green when he watched the miqo’te balance against the edge without so much as a rope around his waist. The Admiralty’s ships wound in and out of the harbour, the size of chocobo carts from their height, and in each separate berth sat the flagships of the three remaining bastions of pirate tradition, grand and imposing against the bleached white walls.

Both Charlemend and Jannequinard - the latter had not needed to come, but had insisted, a rare turn of events - seemed happy to get their feet upon solid ground again, even if Jannequinard eyed the creaking lift that took them down into the Drowning Wench with a dubious eye. More than a few of the Wench’s patrons eyed the Ishgardians as they passed, as even Charlemend’s attempts to be inconspicuous still screamed of his wealth, but after Baderon raised a hand and yelled a greeting to Ar’telan, they averted their gazes. Even V’kebbe, leaning against the wall and eating one of the Bismarck’s favourite sandwiches, only gave him a respectful nod of acknowledgement as they passed.

—

Every single member of the Kraken’s Arms in the Hyaline went tense as they entered. Ar’telan glanced back at the Durendaires, but even Jannequinard had picked up on the steely atmosphere enough to stop dead in his tracks.

“I see we’re popular here,” he remarked. Ar’telan sighed.

“I’ll talk to him. Wait here. Try not to get robbed,” he said. Charlemend looked offended, but Jannequinard only offered his empty pockets in demonstration of his intent.

There was a look of distaste on Carvallain’s face when Ar’telan crested the stairs, not dissimilar to the one that his father wore when discussing the topic of pirates. He, too, was as tense as his crew - not something that Ar’telan was used to seeing, not even when he had approached him to deal with the crew on Charlemend’s behalf before. His eyes, quick and clever, appraised Ar’telan as he approached, then went back to staring at elegantly manicured nails.

“The crew have told me. I suppose it is too late to change my mind,” he remarked. Ar’telan shook his head.

“He would leave if I asked,” he disagreed. Carvallain scoffed, but there was no force behind it.

“I suppose if I did not believe you I would not have extended the invitation to begin with,” he said. “Very well. Gerald, I believe the Misery could do with an inspection before we next depart.” Gerald offered a smart salute, understanding the assignment well enough to vanish down the stairs and pull the entire crew along in his undertow. “Fetch him. I will be expecting you to evict him if this turns sour, since this is your fault,” Carvallain said, his voice terse. Ar’telan did not begrudge him the order, in the circumstances.

“I will do my best,” he said, and went back down the stairs.

—

Charlemend and Jannequinard had made note of the piratical exodus, but neither had moved from where Ar’telan had left them - whether because they did not dare or out of respect, Ar’telan could not have rightly said. He could see the nervous vein ticking in Jannequinard’s neck, Charlemend’s uncomfortable posture, the way there was less distance between them than he had ever seen in Ishgard, and felt a little guilty.

“Follow me,” he said, and they both snapped to attention, Jannequinard taking a notable side step.

“I was concerned this had become a ruse to set pirates upon my person,” he said, but though Charlemend scowled at the idea, he remained unusually quiet.

—

The walk up the stairs felt like a funeral procession. Ar’telan tried not to think about how Charlemend had already buried his son, mourned his loss, and uprooted the corpse for this little dance. On the balcony, Carvallain stood with his arms folded, his trusty axe still notably at his back. At the top of the stairs, Charlemend stopped dead.

“...Carvallain,” he said, his voice quiet. There was no question in it, only the heavy weight of proof, the understanding of what it all meant - all the years, all the measures Carvallain had taken, all the times they had come so close and yet remained apart.

“If you wish for an embrace, you will not get one,” Carvallain said, but there was less of his authoritative bark than Ar’telan was used to hearing, less of his smooth command of the situation.

“Well, if I read the signs correctly, you offer them for a very reasonable price down in the docks,” Jannequinard said, and Carvallain laughed despite himself.

“I would charge a little more for one from me,” he replied. “...It has been a long time, father. Ar’telan here informs me that you heal the sick and bring orphans presents, and so forth. When precisely did the voidsent replace you?” Charlemend shook his head.

“I will not trade barbs with you, Carvallain,” he said, his once-proud posture sagging with the weight of years. “For so many years I hoped… After we buried your memory, I told myself it was cruelty to imagine. Yet here you are, a man grown and a leader both.” He did not attempt to cross the distance between them, but he did offer an inclination of his head. “You have flourished beyond any heights which Ishgard could have offered to you. I am proud of you.” Carvallain started at the words, a little of the stony facade dropping.

“I… I did not expect to hear as much from you,” he confessed. “In my earlier years, it brought me a kind of spiteful joy. Leader of a den of sin and iniquity.” He gave Jannequinard a searching look. “For all that some among our number might enjoy such things, that you can look upon all I have built and see it as the accomplishment that it is…” He sighed, shaking his head in despair at himself. “I do not regret my decision, though I did not precisely choose to be on a vessel abducted by pirates. But for the sorrow that I have caused you… I am sorry.” Charlemend took a steadying breath.

“It means the world to me that you trusted in me enough to reach out,” he said. “Thank you.” Ar’telan looked between the two of them, then to Jannequinard. The younger Durendaire still seemed ill-at-ease, but he gave Ar’telan a nod of acknowledgement, stepping to the side to let him retreat to the stairs.

From here, they could mend their own bridges.

#please don't @ me about whether Janne is a son or a nephew #I only realised my headcanon was a HEADcanon not actual canon while I was writing this #ffxivwrite2021 #gods give me strength #Carvallain de Gorgagne #Charlemend de Durendaire #Jannequinard de Durendaire #Warrior of Light (solo story)

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dreriskim · 4 years

Text

Allow me to bring you home ♥

Author’s note: fan fic of Open heart this is my version of Book 2 Chapter 1. I tried my best to express my thoughts the best way I could. It’s hard when English is not my native language, but I do hope you enjoy it nevertheless.

Characters: Ethan x mc (Dr. Eris Kim)

---

Doctor Ramsey just got back from the Amazon. He's been away for 2 months fighting an epidemic with WHO. He did not tell Eris about his plans on volunteering mainly because he knew she might also enlist herself on the program. Part of the reason why he wanted to volunteer was to clear off his mind, and try to fight off the rather confusing affection he feels for Eris. Maybe months away from her will make him realize that what he feels for her was nothing but a fling.

Eris went crazy trying to text or call him, but to no avail. She knew he will be back today that was why when her friends invited her to Donahue's, she immediately said yes. While drinking, she keeps on staring at the door and every time it's not Ethan, she feels utterly disappointed.

She continued drinking while listening to her friends' conversations they are currently talking about their excitement for residency. Suddenly, Sienna nudged her elbow and flashed a wide grin, "Look who's here!"

Eris immediately looked up, and saw the man he was looking for the entire night. She squared her shoulders and sat up straight at the sight of Ethan Ramsey. Her heart started pounding so fast, and she felt extremely nervous. He is wearing a leather jacket, and his beard grew longer. His eyes wandered around the bar as if he is searching for someone.

"Hi Dr. Ramsey! Welcome back!" Jackie shouted capturing his attention, then she placed her hands on Eris’ shoulders. "Our Eris here is excited for her first day in the diagnostics team!"

Eris scowled at Jackie, and nervously glanced at Ethan. When they locked eyes, she couldn't breath properly, and she realized how much she missed staring at those bright blue eyes.

"Rookie." he greeted with an unreadable expression.

"You're late! I'm a resident now." His lips turned up in a wistful smile, and they gazed on each other a little longer. She felt like he was staring straight to her soul.

"Maybe you-" She was about to invite him to sit with them when he shifted his gaze and cleared his throat. "Enjoy the rest of the night." Dr. Ramsey made his way inside the bar without looking back.

"Don't worry Eris. You will work with him in the diagnostics team. You'll have plenty of time with each other." Sienna whispered, and gave her a reassuring smile.

He is clearly avoiding me. Eris thought to herself.

After their encounter, she started drinking non-stop as if to wash away the sadness she feels inside. This is not what she expected their reunion to be. She waited for him for 2 months without any news from him or about him. What is she to Ethan Ramsey? The times they spent together did he regret all of them?

That’s it. Eris thought she wants to give him a piece of her mind. She snatched a bottle of whiskey from the table, and headed inside. She saw Ethan in his usual spot drinking his scotch alone with a grim face. She sat beside him and gave him a strained smile, "Hi Dr. Ramsey"

"Dr. Kim" he acknowledged then continued drinking. She gulped the bottle of whiskey she's holding, and he looked at her in disbelief.

"Dr. Kim, drinking too much alcohol affects your brain's frontal lobes resulting to incapacity to behave properly."

"Oh, really Doctor?" she smirked as if teasing him. "so what is your treatment plan?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "My recommendation is for you to stop drinking over your limit."

She smiled at him and placed her hand on his tensed jaw. "Wrong answer!"

He looked at her in complete shock. "Listen! I am not going to be-" Eris put a finger on his lips. "I think a kiss is a much better treatment, and I suggest a lifelong follow up." She bats her lashes at him, and his breath hitched when her finger started tracing his lower lip. Ethan immediately composed himself and removed her touch, "Christ Eris! You're drunk!"

"Oh, am I?" She suddenly remembered why she's here beside him in the first place. "I want to commend you for your bravery. You ventured in the depths of the Amazon fighting an epidemic, but I have to ask. Why didn't you keep in touch? After everything that happened between us?"

A gloomy look falls on Ethan’s face, he shifted his gaze to his glass. “..That wasn’t bravery, and everything that happened between us was the very reason I did not keep in touch. I know for sure that the moment I hear your voice, I’d start packing and fly back. It's already a shame to admit that I was there because I wanted to get away..." he paused for a moment trying to weigh his choice of words. "from you."

She looked at him with full of confusion. "From me? Why? I was worried. I just had to know if you were okay, if you were-" Eris stopped. She looked at the ceiling, and blinked twice trying to hold the tears that had been building up. Then she laughed, "I guess you're right. I'm drunk!"

"Dr. Kim in your career phase, professional development is too important and I cannot jeopardize that with.. whatever it was that we had.” He looked at her with pain in his eyes. "We have to put in the past. You are going to be in my team, I’m going to be your boss. I need you to focus on what truly matters."

She felt a stab of pain in her chest, and she tried her best to conceal it. "and I’m here.. secretly wishing to sleep with you tonight." she made an effort to smile, and chugged her whiskey again.

She leaned in to him and whispered to his ears. "Ethan, I want you..." she said looking at him almost pleading.

Her words sent shiver down his spine to wrap around his length. Ethan felt uncomfortable with the sudden reaction from his manhood, and gave his best to restrain himself. “Eris please--” he muttered as if begging her to stop.

she chuckles at his reaction, "Okay okay!" she stopped caressing his cheeks and raised her hands in surrender. "I won't bother you anymore. Although, maybe a night with someone else would make me forget about you." she pouts.

He looked at her in disbelief. His jaw clenched, and facial muscles tensed at the thought of Eris spending a night with someone else. He stared at her face, her cheeks are flushed red. Her brown eyes are starting to look heavy, yet still mesmerizing. She looks breathtaking just like how he last saw her. He has been trying his best not to succumb to her incessant teasing, but she is making it hard for him. She is undeniably irresistible.

"Good night Dr. Ramsey. I’m gonna enjoy the rest of the night just like what you said." she gave him a painful smile, and when she was about to leave, he stopped her by holding her hand firmly.

"I suggest...don't do things you might regret." he said narrowing his eyes.

"Thank you for the reminder good Sir. However, last time I checked, outside the hospital, you don't get to tell me what to do!" She grinned, and started to move out of the bar stool.

She's leaving..

Ethan started to panic at the thought. Eris leaving? No. No. She can't. Fuck! He was the one who initiated for them to reset- to move forward and forget everything that ever happened between them. Yet, he just can't let her go.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "So?" her eyes darted at Ethan's hand.

All of Ethan's effort the last few months turned to nothing - when he cupped her face and crashed his lips onto hers. Eris’ heart pounded in her chest, and everything around them turned into a blur. He used his tongue to part her lips, and paved his way inside her mouth. He kissed her like he’s being intoxicated by the taste of whiskey on her lips. A withering pleasure begins to envelop them as A Rocket to the Moon’s Baby Blue Eyes blast through the bar’s speakers. She moaned when he sucked her lower lip. He continued to kiss her passionately, furiously, hungrily like she was the very air he breathes.

Eris put her hands on Ethan’s neck deepening the kiss, and burning desire started to make her knees weak. His hands went straight to her waist to hold her still. After torridly kissing her, they finally break apart. A mixture of lust and pain etched on his face. He is still holding her as if he's scared she will run away. Ethan looked at her straight in the eyes, and she saw everything she wanted to see and more.

Ethan yearns for her just as much as she does.

"I can't believe you have this much power over me, Eris Kim." he sighed.

Eris smiled at him teasingly. "Dr. Ramsey, you do know we're at Donahue's right?"

"Right." Ethan glances around the bar, and everyone seems preoccupied with their own activities.

"Allow me to safely bring you home." Ethan touched her hand, and she gave him a coy smile. “Do you seriously believe I would really go after a random guy and sleep with him?”

Ethan shut his eyes for a while, and it’s as if a dam broke when he opened them again. “Please.. don’t ever mention going after another man in front of me again. I--” He trails off and shakes his head.

All he knows is that whatever they have or had... has much power over him than he ever thought.

#ethan x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey #ethan open heart #playchoices #a rocket to the moon #choices: stories you play #open heart #open heart choices #oph #oph2 #choices oph #ErisKim #fanfic #babyblueeyes #jealousethan #pixelberry #choices

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years

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I'm a bit embarrassed to ask this. Have you ever read a fic that, stylistically, it's beautiful, linguistically it's tight, and it's obvious the author poured their whole self into constructing the plot, crafting the world, and nailing down the characterizations, but... You just don't get it? Like, perhaps there's some insight you're missing, and it's almost there, you think maybe you're close to getting what the author is trying to portray, but you just can't make the connection necessary?

(Embarrassed nonny continued) You even reread to make sure you didn’t skip anything, but it’s like it just seems that something missing? Or that you’re the one missing something vital? So you go to the comments to see if anyone else is confused, but all you see are lovely, supportive compliments about how beautiful the story is (and it is), or how heartwrenching it is (usually so). But you seem to be the only one not getting it?

(Embarrassed nonny cont. again) Is it destructive to let the author know that I think a story is beautiful in it’s telling, but that I don’t quite understand it? I don’t want to offend the author, who has clearly worked very hard, and I appreciate them so much. But, I want to understand the story they’re telling, even if I’m the only one not getting it. If that even makes any sense. P.S.- thanks for always taking time to listen to fandom woes and fielding requests. You’re a champion! ❤

Hi Nonny!

First of all, there’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about! Stories are partly about authorial intent, and partly about reader interpretation; no two people will interpret a story the same, and no author SHOULD expect a reader to interpret their story exactly as the author intended. SHERLOCK is a perfect example of this (the writers SAY they meant it to be one thing and literally the ENTIRE FANDOM is divided on what’s actually being shown on screen), or if you want to be more classical, the works of Shakespeare as well.

In fact, Shakespeare is a perfect example of your problem: I love Shakespeare: it’s beautifully written, it sounds lovely to the ear, and it invokes imagery based on how someone interprets it. But I sure as heck have NO idea what I read until someone explained it to me, or how I SHOULD have interpreted it (which, is oxymoronic to my point, I know…). Only after I hear how someone else interpreted the work, I can then RE-READ a work and begin to understand what was meant by it, and then develop my own interpretations.

I’ve read a few fics by a couple authors in this fandom where I LOVED their writing, but I had NO idea what was happening until I re-read the fics… it’s a reading comprehension thing with me, I’m sure (my brain tends to move a bit quicker than I can read and talk, and in turn it also tends to wander when my eyes aren’t going fast enough, LOL), but a lot of times, if I just read a fic a second time I can then grasp the words my brain omitted the first time and then really enjoy and love the fic. I hate that about me, but that’s how my brain works… Perhaps it may be the same with your brain? If a fic is well written and you enjoyed it but just had some comprehension issues, perhaps a second read-through will help you as it has done with me :)

So, now to answer your question: if after reading a fic, and you don’t understand it, is it okay to ask the authorial intent of the story? Unfortunately, there is no yes-or-no answer to this question, Lovely, as every author is different. Personally – and this is just for me speaking, and what I would do or what I would not mind if I were the author – I think it’s alright, so long as you are respectful to them! Dig around their user pages and you can often find ways to interact with the author outside of their fics, or information about whether or not they want to read criticism etc. on their stories. If an author doesn’t want any interaction, they’ll be very clear about it, but most authors have ways to get in touch with them, so to ME that’s a saying “hey, if you have any questions, here’s how to get a hold of me!”.

If they have a Tumblr with asks turned on, you can even do it like you have done for me here; write exactly what you mentioned, just tweak a few things: Mention how much you love their prose and their storytelling, and you can really feel how much love they put into the story. You found it interesting, though you’re unclear on a few parts. Ask them kindly how they intended for an audience to read it. Many creators appreciate honesty when talking about their works, so just be honest and say that you didn’t understand something and wouldn’t mind a bit of clarification about something. They can’t fault you for not understanding something, and if they do, well… I find that rather ableist, in my opinion: That’s like telling someone with dyslexia to just stop mixing up letters, or someone who’s native language isn’t English to just learn one of the most complex languages in the world with so many structure rules that make no sense half the time…. *shrugs* It’s harsh of me to say, I am sorry about that, writers, but reading comprehension doesn’t come easily for everyone.

ANYWAY, back to my point: An author, so long as you are respectful (and maybe peppering in some compliments and praise never hurts either… a lot of us creative-types have praise kinks) and don’t throw a backhanded compliment (like don’t say: “Your work is so amazing! Though I think you should make it easier for people to understand it, your words are too complex”), they will be more than happy to write out their intent for the story. Let them know it’s YOU who’s not understanding (so, “I have trouble understanding this part” as opposed to “you should make this work easier to read for everyone”… make the onus on YOU). DON’T be demanding (like, don’t say something that can be interpreted as “it’s YOUR responsibility to cater to MY need to understand”), and be patient for a reply.

You can see why this isn’t an easy yes-or-no answer, LOL.

Essentially, kindness begets kindness, and respect begets respect. And – this isn’t an attack on you personally with regards to this ask, because I know my audience are adorably shy beans – it might be a show of good faith and intentions to stay off anon when you ask your question; it shows the author that you aren’t being malicious, just simply a smol bean who loves stories and want to learn more about theirs. BUT, it IS okay to stay on-anon if you are shy / worried about not the author but other people interpreting it the wrong way, just make sure you tailor your question to the author in a respectful way that it comes across as respect. Perhaps something like this:

Hi, [author]! I really love your story, [story title]! It’s well-written and I can really tell how much you love this story and how much soul you put into it. I just had a question for you with regards to [name concern here]. [state question here]. I have trouble sometimes with [reading comprehension, English/language, dyslexia, etc.], and I would love to know what your ideas and thought process was for [character, plot point, situation, etc.]. Understanding what the author intended really helps me enjoy the stories even more than I already did, and your thoughts would be really helpful for when I re-read your story! Thank you so much for your time, and thank you for blessing us with this beautiful story!

Or something like that, LOL. And if you genuinely aren’t a native-language speaker, let them know that it’s not your first language so you’re just honestly not grasping a colloquialism that’s common in English but not in, say, German. It’s more common than you think! I’ve had people ask me in private before about a phrase I’ve written or about how they should interpret a meta of mine; I’ve never taken insult upon it, and in fact I love helping people understand my work so that they can enjoy other peoples’ content in the future.

As an additional thought I just had, I think a good example of fandom-understanding-authors is, actually, the @johnlockficclub; every couple months or so we read new stories, and then at the end of the story, we ask authors our questions about their intent of the stories, and in turn the author gets an interesting (I hope) insight into how various people interpreted their stories. Even during the live-chats leading up to the author q-and-a, we all see how we each interpreted certain sections of the chapters we read that week, and see various viewpoints we never considered. So I think that is a wonderful way to see authorial intent vs. reader interpretation, and as far as I know, all the authors we’ve “interviewed” loved just getting that kind of feedback for their stories. You should join in on at least the author interviews just to see how they go and give you some ideas on how an author will take feedback. It’s so fascinating to me!

Just a fun little anecdote that oftentimes, it is a positive experience for an author because most of them love to talk about their stories – their stories are their children, and they care deeply for them, because it’s a part of them, and it’s an expression of their love. They WANT you to understand and enjoy their work. It’s a cyclical thing: if you understand their children so you can love them too, then they will love their fanbase and will want to continue to write since they received feedback that was validating to them that they produce work that people enjoy and want to know more about.

Finally, I’d love for some authors to weigh in on their thoughts about this; would you be offended if someone loved your story but would want your clarification on some things, or want to know how you intended for the audience to perceive it? Please let us know!

Sorry this answer was so long, but I hope it helps!

P.S. Aww, you’re far too kind, Nonny! me. XD

#steph replies #my advice #fan fiction #authorial intent vs reader interpretation #my thoughts #Anonymous

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kerfufflewatch · 6 years

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just 1500 hastily-written words of “what if Hanzo did the incredibly cheesy thing of learning to speak bits of Spanish for McCree”

(if any of it’s wrong, I sincerely apologize and please correct me! I know some Spanish but it’s been awhile, so it’s really a combination of my sparse knowledge and that of Google :| )

McCree steps off the shuttle into the Watchpoint hangar, weighed down by the bone-deep exhaustion of a ten-day mission and the intense desire to collapse face-down in his bed and remain unmoving for as long as circumstances will allow. On the ride home, he had entertained the notion of a shower and food before the collapsing, but at this point, not even those could sway him from his course.

However, when he catches sight of Hanzo waiting by the entrance–waiting for him, he realizes with no small amount of joy, because Genji had already passed through– he decides bed can wait just a couple more minutes.

“Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” McCree sighs, leaning immediately into Hanzo before Hanzo can even lift his arms, letting Hanzo take half the weight of his body. Hanzo chuckles, the sound of it rich and warm to McCree’s ears, and envelopes him in a welcoming embrace. “Hey, sweetness.”

“Hello, Jesse,” Hanzo murmurs. “¿Como estas, mi querido?”

“Cansado, pero bien,” McCree answers absently, face pressed into the crook of Hanzo’s neck. Then he pauses. Lifts his head. Looks down at a smiling Hanzo, whose eyes glimmer with mischief.

“Where in the hell’d you learn that?” he asks.

“Internet.”

“Really.”

Now the mischief is replaced by a hint of apprehension. “Is that alright? I admit, I only know a little, and I do not fully understand the rules of the language yet . . .”

McCree had been paying so little attention in his exhaustion that he has to think on it now, take a few seconds to remember what Hanzo actually said. Once he recalls the words, however, and the way they sounded in Hanzo’s rough, low voice next to his ear, he grins.

“Reckon you ought to tell me everything you’ve learned,” he says. Hanzo smiles, too, and as he leans up to give him a proper welcome-home kiss, the words echo in McCree’s memory.

Mi querido. My dear.

–

Hanzo doesn’t tell him everything he’s learned. Instead, he makes McCree wait.

He hasn’t endeavored to learn the whole language. At least, not yet. “Just a few things,” he explains, embarrassed, when McCree hassles him about it (in English and Spanish, just in case he can get Hanzo to respond in the latter). “I … thought you might like it, if I learned a little.”

McCree does. Very much.

Hanzo drops the occasional word or phrase when McCree isn’t expecting it, as though he is deliberately attempting to surprise him with a new bit of Spanish here and there. McCree shouldn’t be so surprised every time, but he is, pleasantly so.

Hanzo’s accent isn’t flawless–something about the transition from the strong, syllabic tones of Japanese to the smoother lilt of Spanish seems to trip him up at first. There are a few words that aren’t pronounced quite right, although never so badly as to mix them up, and he’s pretty clearly not a native speaker. Still, it seems like Spanish was developed over some thousands of years just for the day when Hanzo would start speaking it, because pronunciation or no, every word that passes his lips sounds like the sweetest music to McCree’s ears.

He can’t pretend, either, that he isn’t awful flattered by the effort Hanzo’s putting in. Hanzo doesn’t devote his attention to projects he does not deem important, after all.

–

“No, listen, listen,” McCree insists, laughing. He gestures with his drink, overexaggerating in his tipsiness. “You gotta roll the Rs! It’s not that hard!”

“It absolutely is,” Hanzo responds, half-angry and half-laughing. He points an accusing finger at McCree, sloshing the drink that’s in the same hand. “You only do not know because you grew up speaking it!”

“No, it ain’t. If a bunch of thirteen-year-old white kids in middle school could do it, so can you. Listen. You just gotta–tip of your tongue behind your top teeth and sorta blow past it.” He demonstrates, trilling an elongated R sound with the practiced ease of 38 years of learning. Hanzo frowns comically at him.

“That makes absolutely no sense,” he says before immediately attempting it himself. McCree swallows down his drunken giggles as he watches Hanzo try a good four or five times, visibly overthinking the position of his tongue in his mouth and making awkward R noises that could be considered flipped once or twice, perhaps, but not properly rolled.

Then he does it, just once, and he looks as surprised as McCree is. “Hey, there you go,” McCree says.

Hanzo makes the noise again, a perfectly rolled R. Pleased with himself, he smiles and says, “¿Te gusta, mi amor?”, unnecessarily but flawlessly rolling the ending R.

McCree’s mouth runs dry. Hanzo must see how that affects him because he smiles, slow and seductive. “Mi amor,” he murmurs again, but he hits the R too hard and flubs the pronunciation, McCree snorts, unable to help himself, and Hanzo frowns deeply.

“Fuck,” he says, sending McCree into fresh peals of laughter.

–

“Buena suerte,” he says before McCree boards the shuttle for an assignment in Russia, followed by a dry kiss to his jaw. McCree fancies Lady Luck does favor him a little more that evening when his infiltration goes off without a hitch.

“Ten cuidado,” he says before they separate on a shared assignment, and he smiles a little when McCree repeats the sentiment.

“Te extraño,” he murmurs, averting his gaze, when a mission keeps him away a bit too long and their video calls are their only chances to see each other for two weeks. That one makes McCree’s chest ache viciously.

“What do you think?” McCree asks, turning to Hanzo for approval. He hasn’t worn this suit in a good long time, and he��s not too sure about the fit anymore, but he’s not keen on getting a new one and he can’t very well walk into tonight’s swanky event in jeans and spurs.

Hanzo eyes him up and down slowly, reverently. McCree lets himself feel a little proud. Must not fit too bad after all.

“It is very good,” Hanzo says. He steps into McCree’s space, taking the ends of his tie in both hands. He leans up, brushing his lips against McCree’s jaw. “Estoy muy guapo.”

McCree can’t help the sudden laugh that bursts forth. Hanzo looks up at him, startled and affronted. “What?” he demands. “I am certain that was the right word.”

McCree coughs, clears his throat, swallows down the chuckles that still threaten to be known. “I know what you were goin’ for, sugar,” he says, “but you conjugated that a bit wrong. Just called yourself handsome.”

Hanzo frowns thoughtfully, and McCree can all but see him running through the words in his head, trying to pinpoint the mistake.

“Well,” Hanzo says after a moment, “that one is also true.“

McCree doesn’t even try to hold back his laughter this time, and Hanzo laughs too, shaking against McCree’s chest with the tie still gripped in both hands. “Well,” McCree says, “thank ya anyway, sweetheart. The effort’s appreciated.”

–

That suit only last about six hours. Between the two bullet holes in the back of the coat (a small price to pay, considering the bullets almost ended up in the back of him), and now Hanzo’s hands desperately ripping the thing off of him in the heat of the you-were-almost-hurt-and-I-need-you-now frenzy that followed the near-miss, it never stood a chance. McCree doesn’t mind much.

“What do you want?” McCree asks breathlessly as Hanzo pushes him back onto the bed, already worming a hand past the band of Hanzo’s pants.

“Anything,” Hanzo says through his teeth. His hands come up to frame McCree’s face and draw him into a hard, sweet kiss, and when they break, he lingers, lips brushing McCree’s.

“Tu,” he murmurs. “Solo te necesito.”

Hearing Hanzo use Spanish to say he needs him is certainly more of a turn-on that McCree had expected and immediately lights a spark in his gut, but it’s the utter sincerity in Hanzo’s voice, the grip on his face that’s just this side of too tight, the worry in Hanzo’s brow that hasn’t unknit since McCree first got back from the mission that cause something in McCree’s chest to twist painfully.

“Alright,” McCree says, throat tight. “You got me. You always got me.”

–

In a way, McCree sees this one coming. It’s three syllables and damn near everyone in the Western world has heard it in some form, so he imagines Hanzo probably picked up on it ages before he actually started trying to learn anything. It should be cheesy and terrible.

Still, though, he is not prepared–not for the way Hanzo’s lips form the words against the back of his shoulder as they lie together in bed, not for the hitch in Hanzo’s voice as he starts to speak, not for the way Hanzo’s hands tighten minutely around his middle, not for the low, nervous, wonderful rasp of Hanzo’s voice murmuring, “Te amo.”

It takes a long moment for McCree to trust himself to speak. He wraps a hand around Hanzo’s, brings it to his lips, presses a kiss to the backs of the knuckles. “Me too,” he whispers. “Me too, darlin’.”

#Overwatch #McHanzo #Kerfuffle Fic #it's okay Hanzo I can't roll my Rs either #that entire scene is courtesy of my dear friend Aeron who has TRIED to teach me to roll my Rs #and who insisted there be 4k of McCree teaching Hanzo #it's not 4k but it's a few hundred

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arwenadreamer · 5 years

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I need a beta reader

Hello supernatural friends, I could need some help! I wrote my second English SPN fanfiction, and since English is not my first language, I need some native speaker to beta it. Especially concerning certain expressions and phrases that may sound a bit stiff or wrong coming from a non-native speaker. Of course I´m open for critique and suggestions regarding content, too. Spelling and grammar should not be too bad and a lot better than in my tumblr posts since the automatic spelling correction doesn´t work on tumblr. The fic is a weechesters story settled in the Episode “Bad Boys”, where Dean is sent to a boys home by hid dad. I always wondered how that must have been for Sam, being told that Dean got lost on a hunt. This is my take on it, both from Sam´s and Dean´s POV. It´s an emotionally heavy and angsty fic. No shipping. John Winchester is kind of an ass, but that is not because I hate him, it´s just due to the fact that he did leave Dean in that home and lied to Sam about it. How am I supposed to write him nice with that context? So yeah, he turned out rather mean. The story is 17 pages long. I would be really grateful if any of you could help me out here. PM me if you want to know more. I´m also gratefull if you could just reblog, to help me find a beta-reader. And just so you know what you would be getting into, I put the first small intro chapter to the fic under the cut:

It Isn´t Rocket Science

Dean pushed the curtains aside and stared out into the dark night. Below him he could make out the silhouette of the Impala, reflecting the porch light in her shining black hood. He wasn´t really sure whether he welcomed the sight. Sadness filled him, which he really wasn´t used to. After all, he loved the hunting life! His dad was a hero, and so was he. Dean saved people. It was their family business. And he was proud of it. But in the last two months he had experienced a completely different life. He had experienced normalcy. There weren´t any dangers around. He only had to worry about making it into the wrestling team. And that really wasn´t much of a challenge. Instead of working very hard on living up to his dad’s standards, he only had to impress the ladies. Okay, only one lady. Robin. God, she was so beautiful. And she could kiss! Dean really longed to go with her to the prom tonight. Dance with her, hold her in his arms. Breathe in her sweet scent and kiss her soft lips. But even more so he wanted to spend time with her in the future. He wanted to go to school and help out on the farm. Sit on the dinner table with Sonny and the other kids every night at six, laughing and talking, free of the crushing feeling of responsibility that usually weighed him down. And Dean could have that. Sonny stood behind him, a comforting presence. He would fight for him, stick his neck out for him, if he just gave the word. Dean could stay. The temptation was big. Dean felt like he´d never wanted anything more.

But then a movement caught his eyes. Sammy was leaning out of the backseat window, the space shuttle in his hands. And in the blink of an eye Dean knew what he had to do. All doubt vanished. He felt sad, leaving all this behind, sure. But he knew where his heart belonged. He might feel sad leaving Sonny and this life, but he would feel devastated if he would ever leave Sammy behind. It really wasn´t rocket science. There was only one place for him in this life. And that was right beside his brother.

#Supernatural #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #weechesters #spn family

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tkmedia · 3 years

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How Stars’ Montoya is helping hockey embrace underrepresented communities

From the very beginning, Álvaro Montoya could feel there was something particular about his presence in the hockey world, something special.It started early on, in Michigan, as his Wolverines won two CCHA titles. It continued with Team USA, when he helped the Americans claim the first world juniors gold in the country’s history. He felt it especially once he graduated to the NHL, during a near-decade that took him through Montreal, Edmonton, Winnipeg, Long Island, Phoenix and Florida. It wasn’t the titles or the wins or anything else that transpired on the ice, though. It was something more. It was the signs he’d see dotted among the crowd, the shirts with his name scrawled across, that endless love from Hispanic fans that followed him from city to city. It was that feeling he had in June 2004, when the New York Rangers called his name with the sixth pick at the NHL Draft, and in doing so, made him the first-ever Cuban-American NHLer, and the League’s first native Spanish speaker. The impact of that historic step, and the attention and responsibility it brought, might’ve been overwhelming to other teenagers with big-league dreams. But Montoya never saw it like that. “I get asked, ‘Did you feel the pressure, or did it weigh on you?’ And the honest truth is it was such an honour,” he says, looking back on it now. That appreciation has only grown with retirement, the time away granting Montoya the chance to see his career from afar. “I go back to when my grandparents and my mother fled Cuba in 1963 from that communist government, you know, left behind everything they knew for future generations, for their grandkids — I really got to see my grandfather’s dream, my grandparents’ dream, come full circle.” He’ll now look to ensure others get that same chance. Three years after suiting up for his last NHL game, Montoya is back in the league after being named the Dallas Stars’ director of community outreach, a role that’ll see him help the organization reach out to underrepresented communities in North Texas. It was a long time coming for the 36-year-old, after a couple years spent speaking to different teams gauging who was most willing to help him roll up his sleeves and do the real work, and a career that showed him long ago that this would one day be his calling. The Dallas Stars are excited to welcome Al Montoya as the Director of Community Outreach! : https://t.co/3Zj1Tts49h pic.twitter.com/rzcjbInrPq — Dallas Stars (@DallasStars) September 9, 2021 Really, the path that led him to this opportunity started in his earliest days at the rink, his own younger years granting him a firsthand understanding of how different life looks for players and fans who come from communities rarely represented in the sport. “I grew up in kind of two worlds,” he says of those days back in Chicago. “We grew up in a Spanish-dominated household, which was so beautiful. there were times in our life that we didn't know if that was right, at least personally — I would leave the house at eight years old and be like, ‘Oh, maybe I shouldn't speak Spanish anymore, because nobody else around me speaks Spanish.’ “Sport really allowed me to develop and navigate these worlds. … It’s sport that really allowed me to express myself when I was confused, whether it was what path should I follow or who should I listen to — I truly believe that sports transcend all that. It's that universal language.” It was in Florida that Montoya truly had his eyes opened, his run with the Panthers bringing him the closest he’d ever been to bridging the gap between those two worlds. “I mean, the Freedom Tower that's down there … that's where my grandparents got off the boat, and where their first apartment was, and where my cousins brought my mom and my uncles sandwiches, you know? They still tell the stories to this day,” he says. “Whether it was doing interviews with the Latin community on a weekly radio show, whether it was speaking to Telemundo or Univision, whether it was helping out in the Spanish broadcasting that we were a part of, it was amazing. “And it wasn't something that felt forced — it's something that helped me, selfishly, connect with those that I grew up around. You know, whether it was going to my favourite restaurant, Versailles, at Calle Ocho in Miami, in Little Havana — these were traditions that happened before hockey and that I was able to bring together with hockey.” While that run in Florida allowed him to bring his hockey career to his community, it made room for the reverse, too — an early preview of the work he’s since devoted himself to. “It was bringing my madrina — which is a godmother in Spanish — it was bringing her to her first game in South Florida. What does she do? She shows up with pastelitos, which are Cuban pastries from the local bakery that I had been having since I was a kid,” Montoya remembers. “She shows up with 20 people that I hadn't seen since, you know, 1990 at a Christmas that we celebrated down in Miami. “It was their first game, and their cousins were able to come. And it was just that chance to really connect and bring the game.”

Montoya representing the Stars at El Súper Clásico. (Courtney Kramer/Dallas Stars) Growing the sport and its surrounding culture is going to require more of that, Montoya says. More connections, more bridged gaps, more branching out and taking hockey into communities it’s rarely ever engaged with or embraced. “I think in hockey, we’ve always relied on the fact that this is such a fantastic game, and ‘Come see us soon and you'll see why,’ right? And I think nowadays, no matter what you're doing, no matter what industry you're in, there's just too many things out there for people to be entertained by,” he says. “I think the best way to do it, to grow hockey, is to go where hockey isn't. Not rely on the fact that we have the best game on earth, because we know we do, but the best way to go about it and make people feel more included is to go to events or be in touch with communities that aren't part of the game.” Montoya’s vision of what’s needed is clear, because he’s been there himself. He’s confronted those early moments of awkwardness that come with mixing the culture at home with the culture at the rink. For him, the way through came from the luck of simply being the best athlete of the kids around him, he says. But that’s not always how the situation shakes out. “As a minority in sport, why do we have to be so tough to make it through?” Montoya says. “Why aren't there more minorities in hockey?… I think all of us in these underrepresented communities had to go through some tough periods in our life early on in hockey or whatever sport you're playing, to bypass it. And there's a lot of kids that'll say, ‘If you're going to treat me like that, I don't even want to be a part of this sport.’ “So, what I want to do, and what we're trying to do, is pave the way so now kids have someone to look up to and they can see that maybe their path doesn't have to be as difficult.” Letting those kids see the name ‘Montoya’ as part of an NHL front office is a step in itself, he says. The next ones will come slowly and steadily, by putting in the time to bring about legitimate change in the North Texas hockey community. Maybe not tomorrow, or the week or month after that, but some time down the line. “You know, we're going to be at the front of these things now. We're going to be seeing what's important — we've built a relationship with the Mexican consulate here to understand where we should be,” Montoya says of his plans with the Stars. “I think building these relationships with business owners in the community, and aligning ourselves with them, will help show what we're doing is honest work. And not only that, we want to be consistent. I think having me here, I'll make sure that we're consistent and it's not just a flash in the pan, and I think that's the best way to make a difference. “You're really trying to build up for the long term and make it something that feels genuine. I feel like we're starting pretty close to the ground level and the only way is to go up. So, the best way to do that is being consistent, and going to the people.” Read the full article

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dfroza · 3 years

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standing in this faith (of the Son) will definitely go against what some people think and believe in this world.

and all that we now face here is temporal in nature, for the truest nature of things is the eternal.

and we are meant to stand, to have courage and to “believe...” by conserving the True message of grace and rebirth which is a form of bravery that also includes gentleness, kindness, forgiveness, grace, and humility. but we certainly don’t have to compromise our faith and hope in Love’s sacred truth just because others may disagree.

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 18th chapter of the book of Acts where Paul continues to share his message in the face of opposition, and yet there were some who were persuaded to receive it by believing and being baptized. Paul even had a dream with the Lord speaking to him to keep sharing without fear:

From Athens, Paul traveled to Corinth alone. He found a Jewish man there named Aquila, originally from Pontus. Aquila and his wife Priscilla had recently come to Corinth from Italy because Claudius had banished all Jews from Rome. Paul visited them in their home and discovered they shared the same trade of tent making. He then became their long-term guest and joined them in their tentmaking business. Each Sabbath he would engage both Jews and Greeks in debate in the synagogue in an attempt to persuade them of his message. Eventually Silas and Timothy left Macedonia and joined him in Corinth. They found him fully occupied by proclaiming the message, testifying to the Jewish people that Jesus was God’s Anointed, the Liberating King. Eventually, though, some of them stopped listening and began insulting him. He shook the dust off his garments in protest.

Paul: OK. I’ve done all I can for you. You are responsible for your own destiny before God. From now on, I will bring the good news to the outsiders!

He walked out of the synagogue and went next door to the home of an outsider, Titius Justus, who worshiped God. Paul formed a gathering of believers there that included Crispus (the synagogue leader) and his whole household and many other Corinthians who heard Paul, believed, and were ceremonially washed through baptism. One night Paul had a vision in which he heard the Lord’s voice.

The Lord: Do not be afraid, Paul. Speak! Don’t be silent! I am with you, and no one will lay a finger on you to harm you. I have many in this city who are already My people.

After such turmoil in previous cities, these words encouraged Paul to extend his stay in Corinth, teaching the message of God among them for a year and six months.

During this time, some Jews organized an attack on Paul and made formal charges against him to Gallio, the proconsul of Achaia.

Jews: This man is convincing people to worship God in ways that contradict our Hebrew Scriptures.

Paul was about to speak, but Gallio spoke first.

Gallio: Look, if this were some serious crime, I would accept your complaint as a legitimate legal case, but this is just more of your typical Jewish squabbling about trivialities in your sacred literature. I have no interest in getting dragged into this kind of thing.

So he threw out their case and drove them away from his bench. They were furious and seized Sosthenes, the synagogue official; then they beat him in front of the tribunal. Gallio just ignored them.

At the end of 18 months, Paul said good-bye to the believers in Corinth. He wanted to travel to the east and south to Syria by ship; so, accompanied by Priscilla and Aquila, he went to the nearby port city of Cenchrea, where he fulfilled a vow he had made by cutting his hair. The three of them sailed east to Ephesus where Paul would leave Priscilla and Aquila. Paul again went to the synagogue where he dialogued with the Jews. They were receptive and invited him to stay longer. But he politely declined.

Paul: If God wills, I’ll return at some point.

He caught a ship bound south and east for Caesarea by the sea. There he went up for a brief visit with the believers in the church at Jerusalem; then he headed north to Antioch. He spent considerable time there and then left again, visiting city after city throughout Galatia and Phrygia, strengthening the disciples in each place.

Meanwhile, back in Ephesus, a Jew named Apollos made contact with the community of believers. He had been raised in Alexandria.

Apollos was eloquent and well educated in the Hebrew Scriptures. He was partially instructed in the way of the Lord, and he added to his native eloquence a burning enthusiasm to teach about Jesus. He taught accurately what he knew; but he had only understood part of the good news, specifically the ritual cleansing through baptism preached by John, the forerunner of Jesus. So, when Priscilla and Aquila heard him speak boldly in the synagogue, they discerned both his gift and his lack of full understanding. They took him aside and in private explained the way of God to him more accurately and fully. He wanted to head west into Achaia, where Paul had recently been, to preach there. The believers encouraged him to do so and sent a letter instructing the Greek disciples to welcome him. Upon his arrival, he was of great help to all in Achaia who had, by the grace of God, become believers. This gifted speaker publicly demonstrated, based on the Hebrew Scriptures, that the promised Anointed One is Jesus. Then, when the Jews there raised counterarguments, he refuted them with great power.

The Book of Acts, Chapter 18 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 9th chapter of the book (scroll) of Isaiah that points to the birth of the Son known as the Prince of Peace:

But there will be no more gloom for those who knew such hardship. In times past, God humbled the land of Zebulun and Naphtali; later, He will restore the honor and glory to the way of the sea, the land beyond the Jordan, Galilee, home of the nations.

The people who had been living in darkness

have seen a great light.

The light of life has shined on those who dwelt

in the shadowy darkness of death.

And You, God, will make it happen. You bolstered the nation,

making it great again. You have saturated it with joy.

Everyone in it is full of delight in Your presence,

like the joy they experience at the harvest,

like the thrill of dividing up the spoils of war.

For as You did back in the day when Midian oppressed us,

You will shatter the yoke that burdens them,

You will lift the load that weighs them down,

You will break the rod of their oppressor.

It’s true. All the fabric of war will go up in flames:

the troops’ heavy boots that stamped us down and their blood-soaked garb

Will all be burned beyond recognition or use.

There will be a new time, a fresh start.

Hope of all hopes, dream of our dreams,

a child is born, sweet-breathed; a son is given to us: a living gift.

And even now, with tiny features and dewy hair, He is great.

The power of leadership, and the weight of authority, will rest on His shoulders.

His name? His name we’ll know in many ways—

He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Dear Father everlasting, ever-present never-failing,

Master of Wholeness, Prince of Peace.

His leadership will bring such prosperity as you’ve never seen before—

sustainable peace for all time.

This child: God’s promise to David—a throne forever, among us,

to restore sound leadership that cannot be perverted or shaken.

He will ensure justice without fail and absolute equity. Always.

The intense passion of the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies,

will carry this to completion.

The Lord has dispatched a word against Jacob;

it will come down hard on Israel.

All the people of Ephraim and the citizens of its capital Samaria will know.

In their pride and arrogance they say:

“Hey! The walls have collapsed, but this gives us a chance to rebuild

better than it was before with the best stones instead of brick.

The invaders may have chopped down the sycamores,

but we will plant cedars in their place.”

But the Eternal stirs up Rezin’s enemies to move against Israel

and arouses all their foes to join them.

They come, these enemies, from both sides (Syrians on the east and Philistines on the west)

and consume Israel, swallowing it whole.

Still, God’s anger smolders.

His hand is raised; there’s more to come.

But the people don’t return to God after all His punishment.

They don’t change their ways and right their paths

To seek the Eternal, the Commander of heavenly armies.

Therefore, He will take them to task.

In a single day He’ll cut off from Israel the head and the tail;

He’ll cut down the noble palm and lowly reed.

The head are those charged with leadership—political and religious—

who used their power in the worst possible ways;

And the tail are the prophets who slur their lies.

These misguided leaders have misled this people;

and those who follow have become swallowed up in their deceit.

Even now the Lord takes no joy in a single one, not even the young.

Mercy has run out for even those without power—the widows and orphans.

For every single person is at fault and behaves badly.

No one thinks or acts as God would have them do.

Every mouth utters foolishness like a wildfire, out of control;

wickedness rages, leveling and clearing briars and thorns;

Forests and thickets burn, leaving the whole a smoking heap.

Still, God’s anger smolders. His hand is raised; there’s more to come.

The Eternal, the Commander of heavenly armies,

sets our world on fire in His fury.

The rotten people become kindling for the fire,

turning against one another until no one is spared.

They slice off what’s on the right and are still hungry;

they eat what’s on the left and still aren’t satisfied.

And in their voracity, they consume their own.

Manasseh and Ephraim devour each other

and turn their covetous eye south, toward Judah.

Still, God’s anger smolders. His hand is raised; there’s more to come.

The Book of Isaiah, Chapter 9 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Thursday, june 17 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons that looks at the significance of forgiveness:

In the Gates of Repentance it is written: ‎"I hereby forgive all who have hurt me, all who have wronged me, whether deliberately or inadvertently, whether by word or by deed. May no one be punished on my account. And as I forgive and pardon those who have wronged me, may those whom I have harmed forgive me, whether I acted deliberately or inadvertently, whether by word or by deed." Amen...

Yeshua taught us to pray “forgive us as we forgive others," which implies that our forgiveness (of others) is the measure of our own forgiveness. In other words, as we forgive others, so we experience forgiveness ourselves... Forgiveness releases the hurt, the anger, and the disappointment so these feelings do not inwardly consume and exhaust our souls. And yet forgiveness must be self-directed, too, since refusing to forgive yourself denies or negates the forgiveness given from others. Forgiving yourself means admitting that you act just like other people, that you are human, and that you are in need of reconciliation too. We have to move on, past the shame, and to turn back to hope. As a Yiddish proverb puts it, "You are what you are, not what you were..."

It is written, "in many things we offend all," and therefore we must confess our sins one to another to find healing (James 5:16). However the practice of love overlooks a multitude of sins, and if we do not condemn those who offend us, then we will not need to forgive them for their offenses. Walking in God’s love sets us free from the slavery of negative emotions such as resentment, bitterness, anger, unresolved grief, and so on.

I love this affirmation and prayer attributed to Eusebius of Caesarea (c. 263-339 AD): "May I be the friend of that which is eternal and abides. May I never quarrel with those nearest me; and if I do, may we be reconciled quickly. May I never devise evil against anyone; and if any devise evil against me, may I escape uninjured and without any desire to hurt them. May I love, seek, and attain only that which is good. May I wish for the happiness of all and the misery of none. May I never rejoice in the ill-fortune of one who has wronged me. When I have done or said what is wrong, may I never wait for the rebuke of others, but always rebuke myself until I make amends.”

“May I, to the extent of my ability, give all needful help to my friends and to all who are in want. May I never fail a friend in danger. When visiting those in grief, may I be able by gentle and healing words to soften their pain. May I respect myself. May I always keep tame that which rages within me. May I accustom myself to be gentle, and never be angry with people because of circumstances. May I never discuss who is wicked and what wicked things he has done, but know good men and follow their footsteps." Amen. [Hebrew for Christians]

6.17.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

June 17, 2021

Reasonable Service

“I beseech you therefore...by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:1-2)

For those who would know God’s will for their lives, these verses provide the definitive answer. The key is sacrifice, not conformity. It is paradoxical, but wonderfully true, that real living is dying—dying to the world and living unto Christ! This great theme is emphasized repeatedly throughout the New Testament (Galatians 2:20, etc.).

Whether paradoxical or not, the principle of sacrificial living for Christ is eminently reasonable service! “Reasonable” is the Greek logikos, from which we derive our word “logical.” “Service” is the Greek latreian, referring to service as a priest. We have been made “an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 2:5). It is perfectly logical that we render such lifelong service to the great Friend who laid down His life for us in order to take away our sins and give us everlasting life with Him in the ages to come.

It is also logical that we should not conform our lives to the standards of this present evil world. Why should we imitate this world’s materialism or humanism, in dress or music or morals or anything else? We have far higher and more lasting standards, guided by the Word of God and by minds renewed in Christ.

Our minds once were “blinded” by “the god of this world” (2 Corinthians 4:4), but now they can be guided by “the mind of the Lord” (Romans 11:34; 1 Corinthians 2:16). Here is the key to knowing that good and acceptable and perfect will of God! HMM

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dipulb3 · 3 years

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LG HU810PW projector review: Powerful color and 4K resolution from 2 lasers

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/lg-hu810pw-projector-review-powerful-color-and-4k-resolution-from-2-lasers/

LG HU810PW projector review: Powerful color and 4K resolution from 2 lasers

The LG HU810PW has lasers. Two of them! Lasers are awesome and I won’t hear anyone say otherwise. In this case the two lasers, aided by a green phosphor, let the 810P create some remarkably lifelike colors and a brilliantly sharp image thanks to its 4K DLP chip. Unfortunately, that DLP chip also creates a mediocre contrast ratio that lets down the 810P compared to the best home theater projectors I’ve reviewed.

Lasers create superb color

Exceedingly bright

Super-sharp 4K detail

Don’t Like

Expensive

Contrast ratio is terrible

Confusing settings

Lip-sync issues

What the 810P does right, it really does right. UltraHD 4K resolution is always welcome in a projector, letting every bit of detail in the video impress the eyes. This projector is also very bright, producing roughly 1,500 lumens. It’s the colors that steal the show, however, with deep vibrant reds, blues, greens and more, all at impressively high levels of brightness.

The downside is that with dark scenes the 810P looks pretty mediocre, saddled by grayish black levels and lack of overall punch. At $3,000 it’s also much more expensive than 4K projectors with better contrast, like the Optoma UHD30. Given the flawed contrast I can’t recommend the LG HU810PW to everyone in this price range, but if you crave brightness, color and detail, it’s tough to beat.

4K, 2 lasers, no lamp

Native resolution: 3,840×2,160 pixels

HDR-compatible: Yes

4K-compatible: Yes

3D-compatible: No

Lumens spec: 2,700

Zoom: Manual (1.6x)

Lens shift: Manual (horizontal and vertical)

Lamp life (Normal mode): <20,000 hours

The HU810P is both 4K and HDR, and does a better job with HDR than most “HDR” projectors I’ve reviewed recently. That said, it’s important to keep in mind no projector can really do HDR.

As befitting a higher-end projector, the 810P has both horizontal and vertical lens shift. The zoom is decent as well, at 1.6x. The case is about twice the size of lower-end projectors, and significantly heavier. I was shocked something that’s mostly empty space for bouncing light around weighs over 24 pounds.

Lasers! Instead of a UHP lamp, like most projectors, the 810P has two lasers, one blue and one red. The blue laser, in addition to creating all the blue light, gets split and sends some of its light to a green phosphor. So not only are the lasers creating all the light you’re seeing, but they’re also creating the color. Traditionally, DLP-based projectors separate these two things, with the lamp creating white light, and then color filters allowing some of that light to pass through to the screen, when needed. Color wheels are inherently inefficient, which is one of the reasons why lasers are great in projectors.

Another benefit is that lasers last a lot longer than UHP lamps. The light source in the 810P is rated for up to 20,000 hours, or about 14 years if you run it 4 hours a night. It also turns on and off far faster than most UHP-based projectors, which is a nice bonus.

If you were thinking lasers needed less cooling, and therefore fewer fans, you’d be mistaken. Generally the 810P is quieter than the small, low-priced DLP projectors. It also has a more ignorable lower pitch to its fan noise. It is not, however, silent. Overall I minded the noise less than on any other home theater projector I’ve reviewed in the last year, but it’s also louder than I expected for $3,000.

Geoffrey Morrison/CNET

Connections for days

HDMI inputs: 3 (2x 2.1, 1x 2.0)

PC input: No

USB port: 2 (0.5A power)

Digital audio output: 1 (Optical)

Internet/LAN: Wi-FI and LAN

12v trigger: No

RS-232 remote port: No

MHL: No

Remote: Backlit

I’m generally of the opinion that most projectors only need one HDMI input, since it’s far easier to run one long HDMI cable and switch the sources somewhere else. The three HDMI and two USB inputs on the LG certainly don’t hurt, however, and two of them are HDMI 2.1 with ALLM (Auto Low Latency Mode) and eARC.

The USB inputs are only rated for 0.5 amp, which might cause problems with some streaming sticks. Yes, the 810P has some built-in streaming apps itself, but for some reason lacks Netflix and HBO. In any case I expect people spending $3,000 on a projector will most likely connect an external streaming device this projector, likely via a soundbar or AV receiver, which eliminates these issues.

The 810P has one of the strangest remotes I’ve used with a projector. It’s similar to LG’s TVs in that a motion-sensitive cursor appears on screen at the slightest of touches. It ends up being faster to use the traditional joypad and clicking through the menus.

And you’re going to be clicking through a lot of menus. The 810P has what could conservatively called a metric butt-ton of settings. Submenus upon submenus, endless settings to adjust every aspect of performance, many of them confusing. For example, Adaptive Contrast and Dynamic Contrast are in two different submenus, separate from the regular contrast setting. Feel free to join me down the rabbit hole in the Measurement Notes section at the end of the review.

One very strange problem you can’t fix with any settings is the most egregious lip-sync delay I’ve seen on a display in a very long time. You can adjust the audio timing in the menu, but this only addresses the projector’s own internal speakers. If you’re using an external speaker system like a soundbar or receiver (and let me be clear you should with any projector) it absolutely must have lip sync adjustment. Otherwise anything you watch will appear cheaply dubbed, with the voices not matching the lips on screen at all.

Geoffrey Morrison/CNET

Picture quality comparisons

Since the LG is higher in price than most of the projectors I’ve recently reviewed, finding direct comparisons proved difficult. I settled on two projectors that I think can be used as a framing device for the overall story of the 810P while primarily focusing on how the LG looks. The Optoma is roughly a third of the LG’s price, but is one of the better 4K projectors in that range. The Sony is an older, more expensive model, but one that I’m quite familiar with. Its strengths and weaknesses provided a great counterpoint to the LG. I connected all three via a Monoprice 1×4 distribution amplifier, and viewed them on a 102-inch 1.0-gain screen.

Let me get this out of the way first: The LG’s contrast ratio is bad. Like, really bad. Side by side, the UHD30 at $2,000 less has more depth and looks less washed out, and that projector’s contrast ratio could generously be called “OK.” The first few days I had with the 810P I was constantly reaching for the remote, thinking I’d set the brightness control too high. You just can’t get decent black levels out of it without dropping the entire light output of the projector, which doesn’t actually help the contrast ratio, just makes dimmer.

This comparison test was the first time in a while I’d watched the Sony, which uses three liquid crystal on silicon (LCOS, or SXRD in Sony parlance) chips, a technology known for its excellent contrast. Here it wasn’t even a competition. The Sony was on another planet compared to the LG. It was like a 100-meter dash against Usain Bolt except he had a head start and was racing me.

I’m the first one to tell you that contrast ratio is the most important factor of overall picture quality. So you’d think the review would end here. But the LG does just about everything else so well that it can (almost) overcome this serious deficit.

Geoffrey Morrison/CNET

Let’s talk about light output. We’re not at the point that projectors are “bright enough” for most homes. None can truly compete with ambient light, that’s just physics. But being able to watch a movie with some lights on, not having to completely black out a room, that’s useful. Having a bright 100-inch+ image is compelling, to say the least. The image on the Sony is fantastic, as you’d hope for something that, when new, cost several times the LG. It is not, however, what one would call “bright.” Even in its brightest mode, you need a totally dark room to enjoy the Sony. That’s not the case with the LG.

Those two lasers, plus the phosphor, also let the LG create some impressively rich and vibrant colors. It delvers a wide color gamut in a way that’s extremely difficult for color-wheel-based projectors to do. The BenQ 3550i had excellent color, but it was super dim, compared to its competition. The LG does even better than the 3550i, while being as bright as the brightest projectors I’ve reviewed. That’s an impressive feat, and goes to show how much lasers are the next leap in projector technology that we’ve been hoping for.

Then there’s detail. 4K on a huge screen is what higher resolutions are made for. DLP’s greatest strength is its ability to create an ultra-sharp image with no hint of motion blur. It’s actually the only current technology that lacks motion blur (pour one out for plasma, friends). So every wrinkle, every hair, every blade of grass, it reveals all the fine detail promised with higher resolutions. The UHD30 pretty much matches it in this regard, but the LG seems a little sharper overall. That might be the lens, it might be processing, it might be both, neither of which were great on the Optoma. The Sony, despite being 4K, looks far softer. LCOS still has motion blur, and while black frame insertion helps, that makes the image even dimmer. A tricky trade-off.

So overall the LG HU810PW looks far better than you might expect, given its mediocre contrast ratio.

Lastly, the LG has an odd artifact that I’ve seen in other laser-based projectors. I want to call it “sparkle” but it’s technically called speckle. It’s like certain pixels are brighter than others. If you’ve ever played with a laser pointer, you might have an idea what this looks like. However, at a normal viewing distance of around 10 feet, it’s hard to notice and after a day or so watching it, I stopped noticing it. Even when I did notice it, it didn’t bother me.

Geoffrey Morrison/CNET

But lasers!

What the 810P gets right, it really gets right. That’s why, after all the issues mentioned above, I still actually like it. When showing content that plays to its strengths it’s capable of a truly gorgeous image. Detail for days together with some of the best color I’ve seen in a projector at any price. It’s just beautiful.

I was constantly reaching for the remote trying to fix the black level, however. The contrast ratio is flat out poor. LG has done everything they can to mask that fact, but there’s only so much they can do with the Texas Instruments’ DLP tech compared to something like SXRD. TI’s 4K chips seem to be even worse in this regard than their 1080p chips, and that’s a problem since contrast ratio is by far the most important aspect of overall subjective image quality.

With brighter scenes the 810P is capable of truly gorgeous images. But when the dark scenes arrive, as they always do, making the whole image dimmer by dropping the light output only partially masks the problem. In the end the HU810PW is good, but not great, and at this price I want great.

Geek Box

Test Result Score Black luminance (0%) 0.418 Poor Peak white luminance (100%) 116.3 Average Derived lumens 1498 Average Avg. grayscale error (10-100%) 10.372 Poor Dark gray error (20%) 6.416 Average Bright gray error (70%) 11.213 Poor Avg. color error 4.934 Average Red error 2.112 Good Green error 0.651 Good Blue error 4.134 Average Cyan error 13.8 Poor Magenta error 4.264 Average Yellow error 4.642 Average Avg. saturations error 5.97 Poor Avg. color checker error 5.6 Poor Input lag (Game mode) 129.3 Good

Measurement notes

I could spend pages upon pages trying to explain what each setting means and which are the best, but this review is long enough already. Here’s the short(ish) version.

As mentioned earlier, the labyrinthian menus have endless settings. To help, somewhat, there are pop-up tooltips. Sadly these are often less helpful than you’d hope. Many could refer to anything. For instance, the Black Level control reads “Correct contrast and brightness by adjusting black levels.” If this sounds like what on most displays you’d would call the contrast and brightness controls, you would be correct. Except this has three settings and is completely separate from the actual contrast and brightness controls.

Then there’s the Real Cinema setting, which reads: “Adjust the frame ratio in the same way with the movie and it provides the feeling of the movie theater.” The owner’s manual just explains that it “Provides a cinema-like experience.” So my guess is it shows 24p content at a multiple of 24, which is great! But it should just say so.

I don’t mean to harp on this, but there are projectors that cost a fraction of the 810P, from significantly smaller companies, that are easier to use and far more polished. For $3,000 I would hope for more of both. I say this as someone who reviews projectors professionally, have done so for nearly 20 years, have had a projector as my main display for nearly that same amount of time and I found all the settings here almost baffling at best, and frustrating at worst. I hope anyone who buys this either loves spending hours on setup, or is willing to pay someone who is.

One other noteworthy issue when attempting to get an accurate picture, the color temperature varies with the iris setting. At lower brightness levels it drifts noticeably blue.

What follows are some of the more important settings, to help you dial in the 810P without too many hours invested.

Energy Saving: “Minimum” is brightest, which is technically accurate, but confusing.

Brightness Optimizer>Iris Mode: The presets are just steps you can adjust in the User setting, e.g., Bright Room=10

Brightness Optimizer>Adaptive Contrast: Varies the laser power depending on the brightness of the image. Slightly helps with apparent contrast.

Advanced Controls>Dynamic Contrast: Changes contrast and brightness settings based on content. I left it off. Didn’t seem to help much.

Picture Options>Real Cinema: 24fps content displayed at a multiple of 24. On.

Picture Options>TruMotion: Motion interpolation, aka soap opera effect. Off, of course.

Picture Options>Black Level: My guess this deals with 0-255/16-235 ranges. Leave on Auto unless you have an odd issue with some piece of gear.

On the measurement front, the LG was all over the place. In the Warm color temperature setting, the closest to accurate, the image lacked green with brighter images, and had too much red with darker images. Generally the color points with HD content were accurate, with only cyan drifting blue and magenta drifting slightly red.

Brightness was certainly not an issue. I measured 166 nits, or roughly 1,498 lumens, with HD content. The contrast ratio averaged an abysmal 490:1 across multiple modes and settings. Even with the laser adjusting its brightness to the image, the best dynamic contrast ratio I could get was 2,407:1.

With HDR content it was even brighter, maxing out at a massive 290 nits, or 2,600 lumens in the Brightest picture mode. However, this mode was visibly blue/green and wasn’t worth the trade-off in overall image quality. Still, 2,600 lumens! Impressive.

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charger-batteries · 3 years

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Asus TUF Gaming A17 Review

Asus' TUF gaming laptops are priced and positioned below its elite Republic of Gamers (ROG) models, but the TUF Gaming A17 gives you more than you might expect for $1,099.99. It combines a beefy eight-core AMD Ryzen 7 4800H "Renoir" processor with a very ample 16GB of RAM and a positively generous 1TB solid-state drive. It backs its 17.3-inch full HD display with a capable Nvidia GeForce GTX 1660 Ti GPU. It offers longer battery life and tougher construction than many competitors, passing MIL-STD 810H tests against shock, vibration, and environmental extremes. The GTX 1660 Ti won't max out the system's 120Hz-refresh-rate screen—and the screen isn't the most gorgeous thing you've seen—but the A17 is a good option for plus-size gaming on a budget.

TUF-Guy Credentials

Available in Fortress Gray or Bonfire Black (my test model TUF706IU-AS76 was the former), the A17 combines an aluminum lid with a plastic keyboard deck and underside. The lid is decorated by four faux corner screws and an ungainly winged-shield logo that (sort of) spells "TUF" if you squint at it sideways. The rear edge of the lid is sliced away to reveal a strip of the deck with "TUF GAMING" lettering.

Medium-thin bezels surround the 1080p non-touch screen, and a slight bump in the top bezel accommodates the webcam. The camera lacks IR face recognition capability and there is no fingerprint reader, so you can't use Windows Hello to bypass typing passwords. Chiseled lines bracket the keyboard, which features translucent W, A, S, and D keys. A hexagonal power button occupies the top right corner.

Though ponderous next to a 15.6-inch system, the Asus is not too big and heavy for a 17.3-inch gaming rig, measuring 1.0 by 15.7 by 10.6 inches and weighing 5.7 pounds. That undercuts the HP Omen 17 (1.6 by 15.8 by 11 inches, 7 pounds). There's little flex if you grasp the screen corners, though some is noticeable if you press the keyboard deck.

The only ports on the notebook's right side are a USB 2.0 port and a Kensington lock slot. On the left, you'll find Ethernet and HDMI ports, two USB 3.2 Type-A ports, one USB 3.2 Type-C port, an audio jack, and the connector for the AC power brick. Asus forgot an SD or a microSD card slot.

Colorful, Comfortable Keys

Pricier gaming laptops tend to divide their RGB keyboard backlighting into multiple zones or allow for the programming of individual keys, but the A17 shows just one color at a time. Using the Fn and cursor arrow keys, however, you can adjust the ample brightness of the key lights, or choose among color cycling, breathing, or strobing effects.

There's a Home/End key at the far top right of the layout, but you're most likely to access Home, End, Page Up, and Page Down via the numeric keypad, which will mean awkward toggling of Num Lock as you switch from data entry to navigating a spreadsheet. The typing feel is pretty good, a little shallow and plasticky, but fairly snappy and firm. The good-size touchpad has two rubbery buttons. It glides and taps smoothly.

As for the TUF Gaming's biggest asset—the 17.3-inch screen—it offers support for adaptive sync and a 120Hz refresh rate for games. (Asus says the TUF works with G-Sync monitors plugged into the USB-C port via a DisplayPort adapter.) Alas, though, the native display is the least-appealing feature of the TUF Gaming A17. It's dim even at the top backlight setting, making white backgrounds look dingy, and colors appear muddy and muted. Viewing angles are broad, and the contrast and detail are decent, but overall the screen is no better than bearable.

The 720p webcam captures adequately bright and colorful but rather soft-focus and noisy images. Sound from the bottom-firing speakers isn't very loud, even cranked to the max, but it isn't bad—short on bass, but clear and able to distinguish overlapping tracks. DTS:X Ultra software lets you make a minimal difference in the audio's character by choosing among music, movie, RPG, shooter, strategy, and voice presets, or playing with an equalizer. A free 14-day trial of DTS headphone software is included.

High Marks in Performance Testing

We've tested 17-inch gaming rigs that cost three times as much as the TUF Gaming A17 (Asus' own ROG Strix Scar 17 comes to mind), but for our benchmark comparisons here I chose four more or less affordable gamers. Two are 17.3-inch machines, the Aorus 7 SA and HP Omen 17—which stretches the definition of "affordable" by some $500 over the TUF, splurging on a GeForce RTX 2070 GPU that makes it the favorite in our graphics tests. Two are 15.6-inch systems, the Dell G5 15 SE and our $999 Editors' Choice winner, the MSI Bravo 15. You can see the contenders' basic specs in the table below.

Productivity and Media Tests

PCMark 10 and 8 are holistic performance suites developed by the PC benchmark specialists at UL (formerly Futuremark). The PCMark 10 test we run simulates different real-world productivity and content-creation workflows. We use it to assess overall system performance for office-centric tasks such as word processing, spreadsheet jockeying, web browsing, and videoconferencing. PCMark 8, meanwhile, has a storage subtest that we use to assess the speed of the system's boot drive. Both yield a proprietary numeric score; higher numbers are better.

Like its rivals, the A17 blew past the 4,000-point mark that indicates excellent productivity in PCMark 10. Like nearly all modern laptops with PCI Express-based solid-state drives, all five contestants aced PCMark 8's storage subtest.

Next is Maxon's CPU-crunching Cinebench R15 test, which is fully threaded to make use of all available processor cores and threads. Cinebench stresses the CPU rather than the GPU to render a complex image. The result is a proprietary score indicating a PC's suitability for processor-intensive workloads.

Cinebench is often a good predictor of our Handbrake video editing benchmark, in which we put a stopwatch on systems as they transcode a brief movie from 4K resolution down to 1080p. It, too, is a tough test for multi-core, multi-threaded CPUs; lower times are better.

The eight-core, 2.9GHz (4.2GHz turbo) AMD Ryzen 7 4800H is one potent processor (in the 45-watt desktop replacement and gaming rather than 15-watt ultraportable class), and it gave the Asus, Dell, and MSI superb results in these tests.

We also run a custom Adobe Photoshop image-editing benchmark. Using an early 2018 release of the Creative Cloud version of Photoshop, we apply a series of 10 complex filters and effects to a standard JPEG test image. We time each operation and add up the total. (Lower times are better.) The Photoshop test stresses the CPU, storage subsystem, and RAM, but it can also take advantage of most GPUs to speed up the process of applying filters.

The MSI and Dell slipped a bit in this exercise, but the TUF posted a first-rate time, even if its ho-hum screen and lack of an SD card slot make it an unlikely choice for avid photo editors.

Graphics Tests

3DMark measures relative graphics muscle by rendering sequences of highly detailed, gaming-style 3D graphics that emphasize particles and lighting. We run two different 3DMark subtests, Sky Diver and Fire Strike. Both are DirectX 11 benchmarks, but Sky Diver is more suited to laptops and midrange PCs, while Fire Strike is more demanding and lets high-end PCs and gaming rigs strut their stuff.

As expected, the Omen 17's GeForce RTX 2070 graphics claimed first place, but the Asus delivered a creditable performance, a notch above low-cost gamers with GeForce GTX 1650 GPUs.

Next up is another synthetic graphics test, this time from Unigine Corp. Like 3DMark, the Superposition test renders and pans through a detailed 3D scene, this one rendered in the eponymous Unigine engine for a second opinion on the machine's graphical prowess.

The Asus, Dell, and Aorus essentially tied for second place behind the HP. Spending more will get you higher frame rates, but these are more-than-acceptable results.

Real-World Gaming Tests

The synthetic tests above are helpful for measuring general 3D aptitude, but it's hard to beat full retail video games for judging gaming performance. Far Cry 5 and Rise of the Tomb Raider are both modern AAA titles with built-in benchmark routines. We run these tests at 1080p resolution using both moderate and maximum graphics-quality presets—Normal and Ultra for Far Cry 5 under DirectX 11, Medium and Very High for Rise of the Tomb Raider under DirectX 12.

Once again, it trailed the Omen 17, but the A17 posted very satisfactory results for its price, easily surpassing the desirable 60-frame-per-second mark even at the games' finest image quality settings. We've tested many budget gaming laptops that wish they could do this well.

Battery Rundown Test

After fully recharging the laptop, we set up the machine in power-save mode (as opposed to balanced or high-performance mode) where available and make a few other battery-conserving tweaks in preparation for our unplugged video rundown test. (We also turn Wi-Fi off, putting the laptop into airplane mode.) In this test, we loop a video—a locally stored 720p file of the Blender Foundation short film Tears of Steel—with screen brightness set at 50 percent and volume at 100 percent until the system quits.

We like to see at least four hours of battery life from a gaming notebook. The Asus more than doubled that, winning this event. Actual gaming will, of course, drain the battery faster than mere video viewing, but with the A17 it's at least possible.

One of the Better Deals in a 17-Inch Gamer

With its 1TB SSD—and a second M.2 slot accessible by unscrewing the bottom panel—the Asus TUF Gaming A17 is a welcome change from low-cost gaming laptops with a skimpy 256GB of storage, and its Ryzen 7 processor is a real powerhouse. But while you can live with the screen, you won't be thrilled with it; I waffled between giving the laptop three-and-a-half and four stars on our rating scale, and the display narrowly tipped me to the lower score.

Still, its less-than-dazzling display doesn't negate the TUF Gaming A17's above-average value when you tally up the rest of the components. Good 17.3-inch budget gaming rigs are scarcer than their 15.6-inch counterparts, and if you desire a big screen but lack a big checkbook, this sturdy performer deserves consideration.

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srtringbean · 7 years

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First Love

Pairing: Namjoon x reader Genre: angst, romance, smut later on, angst Warnings: nothing yet Word count: 3731 Summary: “Don’t fall in love with someone like me… you’ll just be disappointed and leave…”

Part 1 Part 2

Since you moved to Korea about a year ago things have been rather different for you. For starters, because you were a filmmaker Big Hit noticed your work inspired by BTS and so they contacted you for an interview to work for them. I know exciting right? Well you ended up taking the offer and loved it. About a month in you met the boys and boy you nearly melted into a puddle that day but they were very welcoming. It’s been over half a year now working for the company so making friends wasn’t as bad as you thought. The unnies would help you in your korean since you weren’t exactly native speaker fluent but you were fluent enough. It was even better when Namjoon actually spoke to you in english here and there. He was trying to make you feel more comfortable since you started working there so you two became close friends.

It was around the time that their comeback was approaching making it very stressful and busy for them. Filming for the music video, getting the set ready, having to edit, etc. man it was a load on you. “Oh, y/n do you think it’s possible to redo those two scenes this week and have editing finished by Monday?” Your sunbaenim asked knowing you were going to start editing today and thank the gods he asked today and not when you were halfway done. “Ummmm yeah I think I can but i’ll have to stay here all week since it’s a lot of editing to do and filming again.” In all honesty you weren’t very thrilled to stay and do overtime but you got paid more and had no plans either way so you took the offer. “Are you sure it’s not too much to ask? I know you’re one of our best editors and directors but don’t over do it.” Everyone in the company knew how hard you worked within the six months of being there just to go from editing to executive director and the head of the editing department but your sunbaenims were concerned about you since you were also the youngest there being only 20. “Yeah it’s okay i’ll just go home and pack some stuff to stay over the night.” giving him a smile to reassure him he nodded and smiled back leaving the room.

The walk home wasn’t far from the studio though the cold air freezing your body up made it feel far. You approach the building to greet the man letting you in. “Ah y/n there was someone looking for you earlier.” he was the cutest ahjussi ever and he treated you so kindly you being a foreigner. “Really? Who?” “It was a tall handsome young man with blond hair? Pink hair? You kids and your crazy hair colors.” you couldn’t help but chuckle at his remark. It was Namjoon he was talking about so you head to the elevator and press the number 4 button. Namjoon was basically the only best friend you had since moving and he made you feel very comfortable to be around. He wasn’t just an idol in your eyes unlike how most fans viewed him that way. Yeah you liked BTS a lot before working with them but even then you only saw them as human beings who happened to make really catchy music. When meeting them for the first time yeah you literally cried because they’re a group who holds a lot of meaning to your heart. “Oh sunbae what are you doing here?” It was hard to recognize him wearing all black (almost everything he wears really) face covered with a mask and wearing sunglasses but his pinkish blond hair was all you needed to know it was him. “Yahhh y/n you don’t need to be so formal just call me namjoon.” Giggling at his request you did it on purpose sometimes knowing it bothered him so you spoke up, “ Okay Namjoon what are you doing here?” “Oh yeah uhh the boys got you this…” He pulled out small bag with a light blue bow on it. “What’s this for?” curious what was in he gave it to you and before opening it he cleared his throat. “Well we know you’ve been working hard and we wanted to thank you for all the hard work and sleepless nights you’ve had for dealing with us… and uhh yeah open it.” There was excitement in his eyes when you opened the bag as if he was a child getting ice cream and you thought it was cute. “Oh my god….” It was a group photo you being the center of it. It was taken on your first day on the job and you had a bad start messing up but in the end there was a picnic with the boys cheering you up. It was as if it happened yesterday making you smile. “Do you like it? Oh god you don’t like it. I told them it would be stupid i’m s-” “I love it… thank you.” tears started to form in your eyes and out of pure instinct you hugged him tightly and let out a soft cry. As shocked as Namjoon was he returned the hug and man did his heart flutter. “I also got you something too..” He pulled out of the hug not wanting to but had to. “Wait what you did?” As you opened it there was a piece of paper folded nicely and then a locket. Opening it, it was a picture of when you guys visited home in LA recently looking at the other half was a selca of him making you laugh a little. You missed home... “Yah~ why did you put yourself on the other half?” It was funny but very adorable. “Well your best friend is always here for you.” He said with the biggest smile. There it was the smile that won everyone over. The dimples the were the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. “Well i’m glad that I have this to remind myself who my best friend is. Do you want to come in I made some hot coco earlier.” “You sure aren’t you busy? I don’t want to interupt your day.” “Yes I don’t have to go back until like 3 and it’s 1:30.” He came over many times that everyone asked if you were dating but you said no and brushed it off. Of course he was handsome and very good looking yet also a sweetheart who was actually an amazing person that you wished people knew about him like you did but- no no no you didn’t like him stop. “Sorry I didn’t have time to clean up the mess.” Looking at the mess you were too lazy to pick up for the past what two weeks now? Gross you thought to yourself. “If you’ve seen the dorm then this is nothing compared to that. Plus I’ve been here so many times it doesn’t matter.” Well… he is right.

Watching her heat up the hot cocoa he made his way to her living room and noticed her bookshelf stocked with film books and movies. He loved watching her geek out over blockbuster films or when you would show him the difference in lens or shots and loved it most when you showed him projects you were working on. The work you made was beautiful with the stories you tell making viewers being moved. Looking up and down he saw a photo laying there with y/n and another man who looked a hell of a lot older than her. “Y/n?” You hummed in response while stirring the drink. “Who’s this?” holding up the photo you looked up and immediately froze. God why did you keep that picture? Bringing back awful memories making you feel emptiness you walk over grab the picture and burn it. Taking a deep breath you feel your hand shaking but try to keep calm. “He’s nobody…. Do you want some cake too?” trying not to crack. “Are you okay?” noticing your change in expressions “Did I do som-” “It’s fine Joon…. It’s just nothing…” “Are you sure you’re okay?” Just breath y/n just breath…. “Just…. Just drop it okay? I’ll tell you some other time Joon.” He was concerned but knew not to push any further so he didn’t say anything else. Namjoon knew how difficult it was for you to express your feelings to anyone really but he noticed your efforts in trying to loosen up. He wanted to know more though and just wanted you to trust him, not that you didn’t but obviously there was more to know but your walls were too high up and too thick to break down due to your stubbornness. After eating something he helps pack some clothes and anything else you might need to finish your work. “Hey i’m going to take a quick shower do you mind picking up a little?” “Yeah sure.” “DON’T break my stuff okay?” “What I would never do such a thing! Now go take a shower stinky butt.” Yes it seems odd that he would stay while you shower but you reached that comfort level of friendship with him when you first invited him over. You kind of wish you had a picture of his reaction because it was priceless. After showering you picked out your daily comfortable style that everyone loved not knowing why. It was literally the same thing you were probably the girl version of Jungkook with his white shirts jeans and timberlands. Picking out a black shirt that was lose and a pair of jeans that were high enough to cover your not so toned sides and picking out your favorite long black cardigan that the boys got you since you literally loved cardigans. Especially the long ones. Walking out you saw Namjoon on the couch reading who knows what. “Hey let’s go.” clearing your throat loud enough for him to hear. “Oh okay.” As you guys arrive the other members seemed to be showing up as well. “Y/n!!!” Taehyung ran and picked you up to hug you and embarrassed you pat his back while spinning you. “Yah! Put me down you know I hate being carried.” You did… You really hated it thinking you weighed too much for them so you ended up dropping weight though you still hated being picked up. “But you’re so light!” he said pouting “Anyways… how’ve you been? Why do you have another backpack?” “Oh i’m staying the night here to finish your video and this week we have to reshoot two scenes.” “Yahh paboya Isn’t that too much work since our comeback is next week?” Yoongi was another good friend of yours since he understood you 100% emotionally. “It’s okay sunbae I can get it done if I focus and not get distracted that’s why i’m staying here for four days.” “Aw we wanted to go bowling Saturday but you’re working…” Jungkook was only two years older than you making you the maknae of the group. It boosted his ego tenfold really and you didn’t know why. “We can go some other time oppa.” Also did I mention he loved it when you called him oppa? He loved it knowing that he actually was older than you unlike fans older than him would call him that and he hated it. You on the other hand found it hilarious. “Yah she’s busy with work jungkook-a we shouldn’t even be going out since we have our comeback next week.” Jin and yoongi both scolded the younger one but you couldn’t help but smile. “Yahhh it’s okay to go out without me and plus you should go out and have fun and relax you’ll be busy next week and for the next month and a half or so. It’s okay.” “Are you sure? We’re concerned about you overworking yourself.” Jimin was always concerned about you over doing it with work. “Listen short stuff i’m fine okay i’ll be fine once I finish this i’ll rest okay I promise.” The boys couldn’t help but laugh at you calling jimin short even though he was taller than you slightly. “Yah! I’m taller than you and older!!!” “Yeeees sunbaenim~~!!” As you walked into the building before he would start scolding you. Namjoon stayed in the front talking to boys forgetting he had your stuff. The guys started to head inside for practice before yoongi pulled him to the side. “Hey is y/n okay? She looks exhausted lately and thinner too. I don’t think she’s taking care of herself.” If anyone knew you it was Yoongi and Namjoon. They both worry you being the youngest taking in so much work and them also knowing what it feels like going through their own personal matters. “I don’t know hyung… today she seemed off..” thinking about the picture he saw earlier today. “Why what happened?” Lately yoongi noticed you staying later than usual working on projects that didn’t need to be done until another month. It certainly wasn’t invisible to the naked eye on how tired you looked for the past month and a half but every time a member insisted for you to rest, you’d ignore them and continue to work. It’s been getting worse and out of hand. “There was a picture of her and what I assume her ex and when I asked her she became upset and burned it saying he was a nobody.” “Namjoon... “ putting his hand on his shoulders to help him relax, “ Everyone knows you see her differently, I mean you make it pretty damn obvious and she is either really slow in catching on or she’s afraid to let someone in. She trusts you well us enough but she also shows you her trust towards you differently than towards me. There is obviously something holding her back but her overdoing it with work won’t help her and I know for a fact it’s to distract herself. Even PDnim noticed and is starting to get concerned. She trusts you more since one you’re the only fluent english speaker making her feel somewhat more relaxed. Try to talk to her.” Taking in a deep breath he knew his hyung was right but it wasn’t easy talking to you being so damn stubborn. “Hyung trust me I’ve tried, she’s the most stubborn person i’ve ever met. Way more stubborn than you are and that says a lot but I’ve tried, I really really really have tried. I’m scared she’ll hurt herself.” He sure as hell wasn’t lying about that because every time someone got passed a stubborn wall, good luck getting through the next 50. “Yah it’s okay we’ll talk more about this some other time okay?” Yoongi patted Namjoon back to walk in the building.

You were so focused on you work that you hadn’t realized Namjoon still had your stuff until he walked in. “Oh you had my stuff. Sorry i was working I forgot about it.” “Do you need anything? Food? Anything?” “No i’m okay i’ll call you or yoongi sunbae if i do.” you smiled before you went back to work. He left the room and went to the practice room and the rest of the day was just work.

After a long night the boys left back to their places and Namjoon told the boys he would stay to check up on you. He knocked on the door before entering only to find you sleeping. You looked so peaceful and even though there was some drool he couldn’t help but let out a slight laugh. “Man you really need to let yourself rest.” There was a box of tissues across the table so he grabbed a few to clean you up causing you to move slightly making him become cautious trying not to wake you up but he failed when trying to put a blanket over you. “Hmmm….Joon?” your voice was scratchy and your eyes were squinted trying to figure out what was going on. “Oh sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up. Are you okay?” “Mmm I’m okay just tired….. What time is it?” “It’s almost 11 why?” Rubbing your eyes you take a big sigh and get up leaving him looking at you confused. It’s been about 8 hours of working but technically 5 since you fell asleep. “Let’s go to the convenient store I’m hungry.” Half awake and half asleep walking out with your bag. You didn’t even care how you looked with your messy hair and squinted eyes. “I can order take out if you want? And go to a cafe and get you coffee.” Watching you always eat ramen noodles when working annoyed him and everytime he offered you always said, “No it’s okay joon, it’s close by so I don’t have to walk that far.” There it was, the same sentence making him feel bad. Before he knew it you were already outside going towards the elevator so he caught up. Nope he wasn’t letting you eat another sad bowl of ramen again so he pulled you the opposite way to who knows where. “Yah~ what are you doing the store is that way.” Still trying to wake up but not trying to get out of his grip you being too tired. “Y/n you need to eat a real meal okay not cheap ramen.” Without arguing you let him drag you around. “Ajumma can we have a spicy bulgogi with the dumpling stew!” “Ahhhh Namjoon Ah!! Yes coming right up!” This was your and Namjoon’s favorite place to eat on your days off. After waiting for a while the food came out and it smelled so good you were kind of glad he dragged you here. It took a while for you to convince the ajumah and namjoon that you could eat spicy food and they doubted you but you told them that you were mexican and when they gave you the “spiciest” they had boy were they dumbfounded after you finished barely breaking a sweat. You were sniffling but you weren't dying that you needed milk. You may be a foreigner but you could do spicy food all day every day.

After the meal you thanked the ajumma again. It was already 1:30 into the day and you had to get to work but nope he decided to drag you some more. “Joon i have work to do now isn’t the time~” whining hoping he would comply but didn’t. “Come on y/n you need a break you can go back after the sun rises. Please come on we haven’t hung out in forever since we’ve been busy with work~ pleeeeeease.” “OKAY OKAY OKAY FINE just…. Please stop whining please.” You said burrowing your face into your hand. This boy just didn’t know how to give up didn’t he. Both of you sitting down on a bench looking at the view you couldn’t help but rest your head on his shoulder. He was warm and it felt comfortable you wish- No y/n no stop he’s just a friend. “Hey y/n… can I ask you something?” You looked up at him with a slight smile. “You technically already did.” “You know what I mean.” “Yeah what’s up?” Curious to what the boy had to say you sat up and faced him. “Do you believe in love?” You didn’t expect for such a bold question making you freeze. It was a tough and soft subject for you to talk about and you thought you should tell him how you felt. It was only fair to him. “S-sorry i shouln-” “I do…” looking forward at the river. He seemed shocked that you responded since you normally pushed the subject away. It felt unfair that you had to keep a secret from him because of your fears. So little by little you started to let him in to see if he was worthy of your trust. “I believe in what I fear the most. I believe that it exists yet I don’t know how it feels. It’s scary for me to fall in love so I run away when I feel it approaching me and end up hurting those I love.” He looked at you while you stared out in front of you motionless. It was a bold question to ask but he had to. “Do you feel it approaching you?” Nervous for your answer he mentally prepared himself for rejection. “I do…. But this time, I don’t feel scared. I mean I’m terrified but I have to face it at some point. I can love someone but…. I don’t know how to be in love with someone.” She wanted him to know so badly why she was so fucked up but she was scared he’d leave her. She knew he was a caring person and she knows how he feels but she wants him to tell her when he feels ready and although it’s unsure of what she’ll do, y/n doesn’t want to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve her burden. It’s scares the living hell out of her that she’ll crumble down so hard that nobody would want to put her back together and that’s why she pushes the thought of being “in love” away. “Y/n…. you know I’m here for you right? You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready.” You looked at him and gave him a genuine smile. Reaching out to place your hand on his face he took in the warmth of you palm and closed his eyes. “I’m never going to be 100% ready to tell you Joon. I just don’t want you or any of the boys to see me at my worst. It’s not something to be seen knowing people can walk away. Don’t fall in love with me.... You’ll just be disappointed and leave...” But it was too late for him not to. He’d fallen so hard for you that you were a delicate feather to him and he held you so gently thinking you’d break apart at any moment. He didn’t care anymore whether you push him away because he mentally prepared himself to break those walls you’ve built. Or so he thought….

Okay okay okay so I don’t know if it’s good but feedback would be very helpful I hope you guys like it i’m hella nervous ~.~

#Kim namjoon #Namjoon #Fanfic #Bts fanfic #Namjoon fanfic #bts scenarios #rap monster #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts romance

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