#i don’t have bad artifacts for them i just have like zero options
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I Hate the Alternate Ending of Blind Betrayal, and Here's Why!
DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: Massive spoilers for Fallout 4 abound. This post discusses Blind Betrayal, a quest with suicide as a heavy theme. Content warning applies.
DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This post discusses cut OFFICIAL content from Fallout 4 that has since been repurposed into multiple mods. I am not criticizing any modders or their implementations of this content. Mods are fun and people can enjoy whatever the hell kind of game experience they want with whatever mods they want.
I am ONLY interested in discussing the original cut content as Bethesda had written it, and how it would have impacted the story and lore of Fallout 4.
So, yeah, it seems there was originally going to be another way to conclude Blind Betrayal (BB).
As described in this Kotaku article (citing this post by Tumblr user tentacle-explosion,) there are unused audio files of Danse’s dialogue that show an alternate ending to his pivotal quest. These lines are the only evidence we have of this ending (suggesting that it was cut fairly early on, as no other actors/characters seem to have recorded for it.)
From what we can tell, in this alternate ending of BB, Danse comes up with a possible way out of the sticky situation re: his identity as a synth. According to the Brotherhood Litany, he is able to challenge Maxson’s authority as Elder via combat. If you agree to this idea, you go with Danse to challenge Maxson. The Paladin and the Elder duel one another, Danse wins, and Maxson dies. Then Danse names the Sole Survivor the new Elder-- or with a hard charisma check, you’re able to convince Danse to take the job himself. It is unknown how the main plot would have progressed beyond this point, as there is no other evidence of what being (or influencing) the Elder would have been like or what choices it would have given you.
There is understandable disappointment in learning that this ending was cut. Choices in games are great, and it could have been fun to have multiple different options for how to resolve the quest. In many gaming circles, people complain that this theoretical ending is superior to the one we got and shouldn’t have been axed. The Kotaku article calls it a “way better” ending, and you’ll see many players lamenting that it wasn’t implemented, saying Bethesda was bad at writing for cutting it, etc.
So why did Bethesda get rid of the Elder ending of BB?
In December 2020, after the Fallout 4 Cast Reunion, Danse’s voice actor Peter Jessop answered questions in a private signing session on his Instagram. Peter Jessop is an extremely kind and gracious man, an avid gamer, and a huge fan of Fallout. During the stream, he reflected on the alternate ending and remembered recording the lines, but stated the content was ultimately cut because Bethesda decided it was lore-breaking.
Peter Jessop is right. Bethesda was right. The Elder ending of BB is a bunch of dumb nonsense. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m glad they got rid of it. And now I’m going to tell you why!
SIDENOTE: King Shit of Fuck Mountain
There is no wrong way to play a single-player video game. If you are having fun, then you are accomplishing the task for which the game was made. Good for you! Play it on easy. Play it on hard. Mod it. Speedrun it. Make up an intricate roleplaying scenario. Perform “challenge” runs. Kill everybody you see. Ignore the story and run around collecting wheels of cheese. Games are meant to be fun and there is nothing wrong with enjoying a game however you damn well please. This is especially true for RPGs like Fallout, which are designed with player freedom in mind.
There is an RPG playstyle I like to call King Shit of Fuck Mountain: a naked power fantasy in which your protagonist is the most powerful person ever, even beyond normal RPG plot significance. Through brute strength, incredible charisma, or having completed tons of quests for world-breaking artifacts and weapons, your character wields godlike influence, able to control people, factions, and the fabric of the world itself. A game enables KSoFM gameplay when it allows the player limitless freedom to gain as much power as they like with zero consequences to plot or storytelling.
A great example of this is the Dragonborn in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. If the player chooses to pursue every questline in the game, one single person can become Harbinger of the Companions, Archmage of the College of Winterhold, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Nightingale and Guildmaster of the Thieves’ Guild, hero of the Imperial/Stormcloak army, the chosen one of like, 11 different Daedric princes, a bard, a Blade, and otherwise just, absurdly goddamn powerful in completely unrealistic ways. And that’s not counting DLCs. A fully-kitted-out Dragonborn is King Shit of Fuck Mountain.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with playing KSoFM if you like to. But I’m not a big fan of this style, personally. Sure, my first Skyrim character became KSoFM while I was figuring out the game, but after my first playthrough I preferred my characters become coherent figures in the story of the world. I pick one or two character traits and things that my Dragonborn is good at, focus on them, and make them part of some overall story. My honorable Imperial paladin werewolf is in the Companions, and hunts vampires on principle. My Argonian sneaky archer is a gleeful thief, but would never jive with the College or the Dark Brotherhood. I like creating protagonists who fit into these settings immersively. I don’t care about power fantasies or being in charge. I don’t WANT my character to be all-powerful, because that ruins my immersion and my little story.
Additionally, in a plot-driven story-focused game like Fallout, KSoFM tears the narrative apart. Skyrim is fairly light on story, so the Dragonborn can be the leader of the Companions and the Dark Brotherhood and whatever other factions without any of them noticing or caring. But FO4’s themes, faction drama, and the main thrust of the plot don’t work at all if the Sole Survivor is able to become too powerful or too influential. The Sole Survivor cannot become the leader of every faction, solve every problem, or eliminate every inconvenient bend of the conflict because it makes the lore of the entire setting implode. Thus, the game forces you to choose between factions. You cannot be with the Minutemen and the Nuka-World Raiders. You cannot be with the Railroad and the Institute. And you cannot become Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel.
So if you’re the kind of person who loves playing KSoFM, if you like plots that your character can “solve” with relative ease, or if you just think it would be super cool for your Sole to become Elder regardless of surrounding storytelling, then you might think the Elder ending sounds super cool. You are absolutely allowed to disagree with me here. Install all the mods and write all the fic and have all the headcanons you like. I respect that. There is no wrong way to enjoy a single-player video game. Have fun!
But if you’re a big nitpicky pedantic lore nerd like me, a fan of cohesive storytelling, or if you just want to hear how the Elder ending of BB absolutely fucking ruins Maxson, Danse, the Brotherhood of Steel, and the entire plot of FO4 from a narrative perspective, read on!
1. The Synth Thing
The Elder ending requires the stupid plot contrivance of the BoS forgetting about Danse’s synthhood.
One of the biggest problems with the BoS as an institution is their strict and dogmatic beliefs, which include a widespread dislike of non-human species. Perhaps more than any other non-humans, the BoS hates synths. Synths are, in their eyes, machines given free will, a violation of the sanctity of human life and the ultimate example of technology run amok. To them, synths are not sympathetic, they are not slaves, and they are not victims of circumstance. They are weapons that left unchecked will destroy all of humanity for a second time. Synths are anathema to everything the BoS stands for, and finding out that one of their most beloved and trusted Paladins is one is an earth-shattering blow to their integrity and sense of security.
It is completely absurd that the BoS would allow a synth within their ranks, particularly as they are waging war against the Institute, who created synths in the first place. It is even MORE absurd that they’d allow one to influence their Elder, or even worse, to become Elder. It completely undermines their mission in the Commonwealth, and the core tenets of their extremely rigid beliefs. No matter the Elder, no matter the Litany or obscure BoS law, no matter how valuable the Sole Survivor is as a soldier or how much influence they wield. Danse is a synth. He’s the enemy. He is physically the embodiment of everything they hate.
Not only wouldn’t they trust a synth in general, but the BoS specifically believes that Danse is an infiltrator for the Institute. Even Danse believes that he is a danger, that the Institute may be able to take control of him and use him as a weapon. Sure, we know none of this is actually true, or possible, but the BoS don’t know that. And given how quick they are to order Danse dead without even the possibility of surrender, I don’t think there’s any charisma in the world that’s going to convince them otherwise.
According to Peter Jessop, this, ultimately, is the reason why the Elder ending was cut. He talks about it around the 11:30 timestamp in his Instagram stream, linked above:
“We recorded an ending where you keep Danse alive and you take over the Brotherhood. But there was a question of content… there’s no way the Brotherhood, once they knew he was a synth, would let him be even the right hand of the person in charge.”
Bethesda correctly recognized the incredible narrative contrivance for the BoS to shrug off the reason they’re trying to execute Danse in the first place. Whatever other beefs I have with this ending conceptually, they all come in second to just what a big dumb leap it is to get beyond this first and most important problem.
2. The Complete Death of Conflict
The Elder ending of BB destroys the conflict of the quest, and potentially the conflict of the entire game.
Greed is a poison. There is no such thing as a perfect ideal or a perfect organization. Power corrupts. Humanity has the choice to build back better. War never changes. The Fallout games are full of themes, depicted by the characters and quests and factions we play out.
Blind Betrayal is rightfully praised as one of the most powerful quests in FO4. Not only is it well-acted, but it puts the player in a very difficult position. The BoS has given you clout and glory and free power armor and lots of firepower, but now you see the price: unquestioning obedience. You are ordered to execute your friend and mentor Danse for the mere fact he is a synth. Are you going to follow that unjust order? Are you willing to give up your principles on command? Or is this where you can no longer stay quiet and stay in line?
To be honest, I’ve always thought the fact you can talk Maxson out of killing Danse but still remain with the BoS in good standing was a cop-out. BB goes 90% of the way to forcing you to choose between a companion and a faction, and then chickens out at the last second to let you have both, if your charisma is high enough.
(I believe this has the fingerprints of Skyrim’s development on it-- Bethesda’s writers got nervous about doing another Paarthurnax choice involving the fan favorite Brotherhood of Steel. That’s right. Danse is the Paarthurnax of Fallout. Frankly, I understand why they chose not to go there, but damn, wouldn’t it have been wild? You want to run with the BoS? Then kill your friend and feel the burn. THIS is what it means to follow orders without question.
As for me, I’d pick Danse every time and sleep soundly without the company of shitty bootlicking dieselpunk LARPers- but I digress.)
Anyway, you know what would have REALLY been a copout? If the game asked you to make a difficult thematic storyline choice, and you solved the problem by just not choosing at all.
You are supposed to feel uncomfortable when Maxson orders you to kill Danse, because the game is telling a story about how it is maybe a bad thing to thoughtlessly follow orders without question. It is asking you to think about what the BoS is, what they are doing, and how they are going to run things, if you choose to let them “win” the Commonwealth. It is pointing out that there is no room for gray in the BoS’ black and white. That a good, loyal man may die because of the way he was made, through no action of his own. That soon, you’ll be killing other people on command. The Railroad. Fleeing Institute synths and scientists. Others, down the line. It all depends on who’s giving the orders. Are you going to follow those orders?
Eesh, that sounds thought-provoking and unpleasant and difficult! Let’s just skip it by killing Maxson and making ourselves the boss. Now we get to tell everybody else what to do!
It’s unknown what powers the Elder ending would have granted the player, or how it would have interacted with the other factions. There is speculation that you’d have been able to ease back on the BoS’ dogmatism, or change some of the later events of the game. For instance, perhaps you could talk the BoS down from attacking the Railroad, sparing popular characters like Glory and Deacon who must die in the normal BoS storyline. Perhaps you could have made the BoS a kinder, gentler faction and directed them to run the way you want them to.
If this was indeed the case, then the Elder ending would not only suck the gravitas out of BB, but torpedo the entire main plot.
If you can get rid of any and all downsides to siding with the BoS, why in the hell would players side with anybody else? With the player given total power, the BoS becomes a perfect faction with no drawbacks, no weaknesses, no tough decisions to be made. Screw slumming it with the Railroad or the Minutemen, let’s take over the BoS. Free power armor and a giant robot! Forget the whole intolerance thing, I hereby proclaim the BoS No Longer Problematic! Now to force all the factions to get along, completely removing all conflict and nuance from the plot!
That’s some real anticlimactic “tell Legate Lanius to go home and then he does it” bullshit right there. King Shit of Fuck Mountain!
Look, it might be nice if there was a perfect path like that to take through the game. It would be cool if our characters could be that powerful and the game was that tailored to our individual choices. On the other hand, “I change all the factions to suit my exact liking” might be a fun idea for a fanfic, but it’s an incredibly boring plot for a video game. “I get to make everything in the world exactly how I want it” is Minecraft, not a story-driven RPG with a complex and intricate plot.
It would be great if complex conflicts could really be solved that easily and effortlessly, but hey, you know what? War never changes.
3. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Literal)
Arthur Maxson’s death is too significant and fundamentally disastrous for the Elder ending to make any sense at all.
Hero, villain, leader, monster, tortured soul, brutal dictator, immature twerp, bearded sex hunk. However you personally interpret Arthur Maxson, there is no denying that he is a venerated, popular, beloved figure in the BoS. He is the blood heir of the organization’s founder, a powerful warrior, a brilliant tactician, and a charismatic negotiator. He is responsible for reuniting the East Coast BoS with the Outcasts, leading the new, stronger BoS with a sense of shared purpose. There is a damn good reason his name is Arthur and he named his ship The Prydwen, echoes of King Arthur and the legends of his glorious kingdom of Camelot. Arthur Maxson is so beloved that many view him as a demigod, a messiah sent to lead the BoS into a mighty and prosperous future.
So I’m sure nobody’s going to be upset when some wasteland jackass recruited a month ago stumbles in with a synth, kills him, and takes over his job. Right?
It doesn’t matter that it’s “honorable.” It doesn’t matter that it’s done “by the book” via obscure BoS rules. There is no codex or litany or rule so binding that it’s going to overcome the cult of personality around Maxson. There is no way that the BoS is going to accept the death of Arthur Maxson, a man whose reverence borders on worship, especially not when he is immediately replaced by a wastelander, or a synth.
The death of Arthur Maxson removes the unifying glue that’s been holding the BoS together since mending the rift with the Outcasts. Maxson’s death eliminates the one person that both sides of that conflict agreed could steer the organization in the right direction. Some level heads may try to keep the focus on the mission and the Brotherhood tenets, but Maxson loyalists will never forgive the new Elder for his death, and that amount of passionate righteous anger will not be quelled by appeals to the rules. The new Elder’s war on the Institute is basically over before it begins, when the forces splinter and start infighting over the change in leadership.
And this is if the new Elder lives long enough to actually give any orders. I give them around 24 hours after the duel before some angry Maxson loyalist “accidentally” pulls the trigger and “tragically” empties a clip into their back.
24 seconds, if it’s Elder Danse, the dirty synth abomination.
4. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Figurative)
The Elder ending of BB falsely pretends that Arthur Maxson is the biggest and only problem with the BoS.
In the Elder ending, as written, the conflict of BB is considered completely and totally solved by the death of Arthur Maxson. The core problem, that Danse is a synth and considered an enemy by the BoS, has not gone away. But by getting rid of Maxson, this apparently no longer matters. Nobody else is going to take offense to Danse’s nature or protest his presence. Nobody else is going to attack him or try to follow through with Maxson’s prior orders. Nope, that meanybutt guy who gave the order is gone, and everybody else is going to welcome Danse back into the fold like nothing ever happened.
I touched on this a little bit on an ask about Maxson a few weeks back, but a lot of people seem to believe that the FO4 Brotherhood of Steel is the way they are purely because of him. That he is the one making them treat non-humans as second class citizens at best, and enemies to be slaughtered at worst. That it’s his fault the BoS is so vehemently against synths and the Institute. That he is the one influencing their imperialistic tendencies, and treating the Commonwealth like territory to be conquered and people to be ruled over by their betters.
He’s not. That’s the Brotherhood of Steel, guys.
The charitable, altruistic, virtuous BoS that many of us met for the first time in FO3 were outliers. Lyons’ group was literally disowned by the rest of the faction because their kindness to wastelanders had gone so far astray from the “core” tenets. The BoS as a whole has always been exclusive, isolated, and seen themselves as “superior” to the average wastelander. They have long disliked or outright hated non-humans (and even Lyons’ BoS in FO3 use ghouls, feral or not, for “target practice” if they get too close!) The rigid dogmatism of the BoS is not something that Arthur Maxson started, but has always been part of their fabric.
Now, it’s true that Maxson is absolutely going hard on the BoS tenets, and extremely dedicated to upholding them. His BoS are the way they are and act the way they act because he believes that this is the way it should be. Is it possible that a different leader may be a little more flexible? Absolutely. Could a skilled Elder eventually show them the benefits of a softer approach and a more generous worldview? Totally. Is getting rid of Maxson and replacing him going to make that happen overnight, or going to make the rest of the BoS who supported him shrug and follow suit?
Nope.
Blaming Arthur Maxson for everything unsavory about the Brotherhood is unfair to him and also foolishly ignoring the deep, massive problems that are far older than he is-- problems that plenty of its members wholeheartedly believe are not problems at all. Getting rid of Maxson does not make the BoS kinder or gentler. Even pretending Maxson isn’t as personally beloved as he is, any new Elder who steps in and starts trying to fundamentally alter the way the BoS operates and what they believe in is going to face some major, immediate pushback.
Like, a full clip of bullets in the back type of pushback.
In the face if it’s Elder Danse, the godless freak of nature.
5. The Un-Redemption of Paladin Danse
Last, and my personal least favorite!
At first glance, Paladin Danse is a steely jackboot, a die-hard Brotherhood loyalist who fully and firmly believes in their cause. Many immediately dismiss him as a humorless brute, or completely ignore him because they think that’s all there is. But if you spend any time with Danse at all, you’ll notice a sort of weariness in him. He is tired, overworked, and his years of service are starting to weigh on him. He has watched friends, comrades, and mentors die in horrible and gruesome ways, and he suffers from PTSD. Though he has always been told that his own sacrifices, the sacrifices of his brothers and sisters have been” worth it,” he’s starting to question if that’s true.
After telling of the incident where he personally executed his best friend Cutler, who’d been turned into a super mutant, the Sole Survivor is able to console him:
Player Default: You did the right thing.
Danse: {Somber} It's what I was taught. I don't know if it was right.
This line is an excellent summary of Danse’s entire character arc. He learns to question whether to believe what the Brotherhood has taught him, or to believe in himself. His gut feelings. His sense of justice and his own ideas of what’s right and wrong.
(In the interest of not turning this into an essay about Danse’s character, I won’t even get into how this also applies to his beliefs about his worth as a person. But keep in mind, that dimension is there, Danse just covers it up by making everything about the Brotherhood.)
During Blind Betrayal, after getting the orders to execute him and hearing Haylen’s plea for mercy, we may expect Danse to be ready to fight back or flee. But when you confront him in the bunker at Listening Post Bravo, he’s compliant and suicidal. Danse is so deeply poisoned by the BoS’ rhetoric that his own feelings or will to live don’t factor into the conversation. He demands that you follow your orders and execute him, because he believes, as the BoS does, that all synths are dangerous and must be destroyed.
Danse: {Stern} Synths can't be trusted. Machines were never meant to make their own decisions, they need to be controlled.
Technology that's run amok is what brought the entire world to its knees and humanity to the brink of extinction.
{Confident} I need to be the example, not the exception.
Through various dialogue options, if your charisma is high enough, you are able to talk Danse off the ledge. He is able to consider, at least, that the BoS’ merciless judgment of him is wrong and that what he was taught isn’t right. He is a thinking, feeling, self-aware synth, and that makes him as much a person as any human. Danse is no danger to humanity-- and maybe, most synths aren’t either.
Danse is an example, not an exception.
Later on, if you manage to get him out of BB alive, Danse shows further acceptance of his nature. His approvals about synths begin to soften slightly (or many of them do, at least… it’s not perfect.) He is still struggling with his identity and reconciling it with his former hatred, but his dialogue suggests that he’s on the road to being more open-minded and understanding. Along with this, Danse learns that he has value as a person beyond the Brotherhood. He no longer needs to define himself with BoS beliefs or judge himself by how useful he is to them. He learns that he is worth caring about, worth being friends with or being loved because of who he is-- not what he is, in any regard.
[SIDENOTE: Many players, myself included, are frustrated that Danse’s arc leaves off sort of midstream there. Due to the open-ended nature of the game, we don’t get a real conclusion to his arc-- even though much of his idle dialogue doesn’t change and he still espouses pro-BoS sentiments ( an unfortunate by-product of writing for a video game) there is every indication that he’s started down the right path, but understandably has a ways to go.
Also, Peter Jessop agrees with us.]
Meanwhile, in the Elder ending, Danse doesn’t get a redemption. His entire character arc, actually, hits the skids and does a total 180.
He never leaves the BoS. So scratch the need for Danse to ever think about himself as separate from them. He never needs to question what they’ve taught him or whether they’re right or wrong. He never needs to find any worth in himself beyond his use to the BoS. Why would he? He might be the Elder. The BoS is all he needs to care about anymore. The BoS is all he ever needs to be, ever again.
And I think, most horrifying of all, this Danse never needs to change his mind about synths. On the contrary, one of the surviving dialogue files includes Danse’s speech to reassure the rest of the BoS of his stance:
Danse: I want to make one thing clear to everyone. This body might be synth, but my heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood. The Institute is still a tremendous threat to the Commonwealth. They possess technologies that need to be confiscated or destroyed. And even if that means I have to pull the trigger on my own kind, I’m willing to make that sacrifice.
Elder ending Danse doesn’t grow more understanding on the nature of synths. He doesn’t accept that synths are people, or anything more than technology run amok. He won’t even accept that for himself. Elder Maxson wasn’t wrong about synths-- they’re the enemy and they need to be destroyed.
But, see, he was wrong about Danse. It’s okay for Danse to exist in spite of his nature. It’s okay for him to never fully accept his own personhood, and to outright deny it to his kind. Because his body is a machine, but he’s different from the rest because his heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood.
He’s the exception, not the example.
CONCLUSION:
The Elder ending of Blind Betrayal is dumb, contrived, stakeless, character-derailing powergaming crap at its finest and I’ll happily dance on its grave.
People give Bethesda a lot a shit for their writing-- whether it be stuff they left out, stuff they left in, or stuff that they never, ever could have made work due to the limitations of writing for a video game. Plenty of it is well-deserved, or at least worth a discussion. But from the minute I found out about its existence, I have always wanted to extend a congratulations to Bethesda for cutting the alternate Elder ending of Blind Betrayal. It was a good choice. A very good choice to cut a very dumb plot that would have fundamentally altered the story they were telling, and characters that I’ve grown to love. I think the writers deserve some credit and a hearty handshake for the wisdom of this decision.
Now as for why Nick Valentine isn’t romanceable--
#fallout 4#fallout meta#paladin danse#arthur maxson#blind betrayal#this one was a long time coming#any thematic resemblance to any fics of mine is a coincidence#the blind betrayal manifesto#king shit of fuck mountain#the initial intrigue of the idea wears off if you think about it more than not at all
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Things the Scoundrels Are No Longer Allowed to Do Part III
Based on “Skippy’s List,” this is a continuation of Things the Scoundrels are No Longer Allowed to Do. I hope you like it.
Part I
https://thelordofdarkreunion.tumblr.com/post/637424500291600384/a-list-of-things-the-scoundrels-are-no-longer
Part II
https://thelordofdarkreunion.tumblr.com/post/660088048783097856/things-the-scoundrels-are-no-longer-allowed-to-do
371. The “dibs” system is not a recognized method of promotion in the military.
372. High recoil guns and roller skates are not an accepted method of transportation.
373. You can’t find the true names of demons in the phone book.
374. If the top floor is too well defended, you can’t just blow off the next to top floor.
375. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to elope with anyone for any reason.
376. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to give anyone preemptive last rites.
377. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to name droids IC-UP.
378. The male and female members of the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold competitions against each other outside the Scoundrels fleet. The last time that happened, the governor’s palace on Fildenfal got destroyed.
379. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to fish with flamethrowers.
380. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call radio talk shows in the middle of missions.
381. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to re-create any scenes from Grease.
382. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
383. No amount of genetic engineering can turn pigs kosher.
384. There is not a map written in invisible ink on the back of the Declaration of Independence.
385. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to run for political office. Especially with the slogans “vote for me or I’ll kill you all,” or “because I’m just that awesome.”
386. When asked who their greatest role model is, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to answer Agent Smith from The Matrix.
387. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to shoot any god in the face just to brag that they did so.
388. Stain glass windows are not standard features on tanks. Stop giving the Imperium ideas.
389. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use guns to communicate in Morse code.
390. If it is cheaper to buy a new starship than reload your weapon, then there is a problem.
391. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to announce their arrival with eight straight hours of orbital bombardment.
392. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to put small restaurants on the bridges of their starships.
393. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to rent ad space on the outsides of their starships.
394. The Dirty Harry “Are you feeling lucky, punk?” speech does not really work with fully automatic pistols.
395. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play High Speed Dirt while making emergency orbital re-entry.
396. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to convince shapeshifters to change into any celebrities or murderous dictators.
397. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to scan alien ambassadors for “cooties.”
398. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use government resources to pay their restaurant bills.
399. Most places frown upon using ammunition as currency.
400. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on flamethrowers.
401. You can’t thwart Reaper cyber attacks by installing Norton antivirus.
402. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sing along with the elevator music.
403. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the Enterprise’s Holodeck to recreate scenes from Caligula.
404. Starting a flame war on the internet is bad. Starting a flame war not on the internet is much, much worse.
405. If it takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, you need a smaller gun.
406. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to name newly discovered planets after themselves.
407. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to build Gatling Gatling guns.
408. Klingons do not have French accents, and it is wrong to state otherwise.
409. Darth Nihilus does not “just need a hug.”
410. Dr. Suess rhymes do not have any part in exorcisms.
411. Unitards are not part of any of our governments’ dress uniforms.
412. Using heavy artillery in assassinations is just being lazy.
413. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to buy onesie pajamas to “raise crew morale.”
414. You can’t just shoot a hole in the surface of Mars.
415. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to surf in active war zones.
416. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to put discotheques, bowling alleys, or movie theaters in their starships.
417. “Getting uppity” is not a capital offense.
418. Deer season is restricted to rifles and bows, and, thus, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hunt deer using Greco-Roman wrestling.
419. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start telethons.
420. Imperial Star Destroyers do not have help desks.
421. The Covenant does not have an IT department.
422. Using ventriloquism to trick your enemies into fighting each other is fine. Using ventriloquism to trick your superior officers in fighting is not.
423. You can’t suplex Tyranid monstrosities.
424. Summary Execution Man is not an appropriate name for a superhero.
425. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask the Ultramarines why their chapter’s primary color isn’t ultramarine.
426. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to recreate scenes from Blues Brothers.
427. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell AI’s that only humans can divide by zero.
428. The Scoundrels do not need to know the melting point of Borg.
429. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to post-date letters of marque.
430. The city of Boise, Idaho, does not need a dark, brooding vigilante of the night.
431. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to run up their enemies’ cable bills by ordering PPV movies on their TVs.
432. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to improvise, “wing”, or fabricate alien funeral rites.
433. The Scoundrels will keep all eldritch artifacts of unspeakable power out of the reach of small children.
434. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask tech-priests if they are AC or DC.
435. “Medium rare” is not a phaser setting.
436. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold AT-AT drag races.
437. Any gun that’s wattage is best described in scientific notation is not allowed.
438. Off duty Space Marines wear robes, not tank tops and speedos.
439. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to enter or exit buildings while playing Carolus Rex.
440. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to brew any alcohol that can double as jet fuel.
441. Vrul do not appreciate the Socratic method.
442. Snipers don’t appreciate their spotters yelling “Boom! Headshot!”
443. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to do anything they saw Nicholas Cage do.
444. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call suicide prevention hotlines on behalf of the Death Korps of Krieg.
445. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make Liechtenstein a world superpower.
446. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make any plan that hinges on their opponent having a peanut allergy.
447. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hack into the national address systems of any government that could be considered communist and broadcast Economics 101 lessons over them.
448. Apex Predator Pilots will not respond to jury summons.
449. They do not make civilian models of mini guns, and the Scoundrels are discouraged to visit any country that does.
450. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to regift cursed artifacts.
451. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to convince super soldiers to get pompadour, Afro, or macaroni hairstyles.
452. You can’t plea bargain mass regicide, even if the rulers in question were incredibly corrupt.
453. When asked who the greatest human being of all time was, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to answer Millard Fillmore. (Who’s Millard Fillmore?)
454. There will be no more product placement in the mission evaluation videos.
455. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to commission statues of themselves, especially if said statue is meant to be mounted on the outside of their starships.
456. Mission preparation does not include a mani/pedi.
457. It is best if Master Chief does not go through the metal detector in customs.
458. “Call in the Deathwatch and wait for the screams to stop” is not automatically Plan A.
459. Despite its tremendous cost to benefit ratio, bubble wrap is not a staple in black op missions.
460. If challenged to a competition by an individual of a species whose average height is below 5’5”, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to choose basketball.
461. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to question ONI agents or Ordo Malleus operatives on why a town of 4,000 people with zero strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke.
462. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to genetically engineer walruses to ballroom dance.
463. In retrospect, it was a bad idea to show Imperial Inquisitors Monty Python skits.
464. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to engage in any “research” involving more than a gallon of super balls.
465. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to lease out Halo Rings, even if they include the option to buy.
466. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to be in possession of any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos brand mints. The last time that happened, they somehow managed to cause an earthquake near Indonesia. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to claim responsibility for natural disasters unless they were actually responsible for them.
467. The Scoundrels will refrain from encouraging tech-priests to develop emotional attachments to heavy ordinance.
468. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to form political parties, especially based on themselves.
469. Anesthetic is not “only for sissies.”
470. If the person who posted a bounty asks for proof, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bring back the bounty’s reanimated corpse.
471. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to abuse homonyms.
472. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to purchase modern art with government funds.
473. “The Chaos Gods are bad, so, therefore we should reforge and summon the Nightbringer to destroy them” is a really, really bad idea.
474. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start a cult that worships Richard Sharpe, Jason Bourne, or John Wick.
475. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to abuse union bylaws to exploit holes in security.
476. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to expose individuals to Reaper technology, Sith holocrons and Chaos artifacts to “see which form of corruption will win.”
477. Militaristic, highly honorable species, such as the Drev or Klingon, do not appreciate you fighting dirty in their trials by combat.
478. If asked to choose a religion, the Scoundrels cannot make their choice solely by the greatest number of sexual positions it allows.
479. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to rate their favorite alien species by which ones have reproductive systems closest to humanity.
480. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to dual wield .50 caliber machine guns.
481. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say “I am Alpharius.” Ever.
482. There is no such thing as a right to a strip search.
483. While it is customary to initiate a duel by striking with a gauntlet, it is also customary to do so at subsonic speeds.
484. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use heavy artillery for industrial purposes.
485. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use wombats for medicinal purposes.
486. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to spend the entirety of their bonus pay on flamethrowers.
487. The following aren’t acceptable seconds in duels: Space Marine Chapter Masters (even if you are on a first name basis with them), intelligent demon swords, the primarch of Palaven, Prussia.
488. The Scoundrels will keep the amount of sexual innuendo to a minimum during autopsy reports.
489. If you are given a wish by an immortal, you are to leave out the words “you incompetent prick.”
490. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to organize skeet shoots with office furniture.
491. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to genetically engineer any animal from the continent of Australia.
492. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start wars over what the best polearm is.
493. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to give shout-outs in ransom notes.
494. You can’t learn a language by only learning the profanities of said language. Even if the Russians in your crews disagree.
495. If a party is black tie, that doesn’t mean just painted on the armor.
496. Every day is not Mardi Gras.
497. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sneak into the Sanctum Imperialis or the Celzex throne room disguised as a documentary crew. Especially on behalf of Trazyn the Infinite.
498. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to threaten sentient monsters by telling Cajun restaurants their location.
499. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to abuse the “kids eat free” rule at any restaurant.
500. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to compare Starfleet uniforms to the Wiggles.
501. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to dump napalm in fire sprinkler tanks.
502. Support gunships are for air support, not beer runs.
503. While acting as sniper spotters, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play I Spy.
504. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call enemy corporation’s tech support for help with breaking into their computer network.
505. “Humor me” is not an acceptable targeting parameter on robotic sentry guns.
506. None of the Scoundrels need 10 tons of duct tape for any reason whatsoever.
507. It is not a race to strip mine a planet.
508. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to buy any major league sports team.
509. Asking a taxidermist to stuff a deer head is OK. Asking the same taxidermist to stuff a full-size rancor is not.
510. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use necron “My Will Be Done” programs on Reapers.
511. Any argument with your significant other will be done verbally and in person, not across the battlefield using heavy artillery as Morse code.
512. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to imitate Captain Jack Sparrow in any way, shape, or form.
513. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Siri as their ship’s central computer.
514. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play the theme from Jaws on missions to aquatic planets.
515. There are only so many flavors of beef jerky, and the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to create new ones.
516. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to create their own frozen pizza lines.
517. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to go trick-or-treating, especially dressed as themselves.
518. Peter Quill is not allowed to quote Parks and Recreation.
519. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to communicate exclusively in a computer programming language.
520. The answer to a Flood invasion is not to ask junior personnel if they’re “bad enough dudes” to contain it.
521. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask weapons corporations to sponsor children’s charities.
522. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to conduct interviews on new personnel. Especially not if they specifically ask for them.
523. Ghillie suits are not formal wear.
524. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to summarily execute anyone who causes a M.R.V.N. to display a sad face.
525. “Kill ‘em all and let God sort it out” is not a valid battle plan.
526. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to enter diplomatic conferences via the Old Time Rock and Roll slide. Especially not in their underwear.
527. “Excessive flatulence” is not a crime punishable by death.
528. “Oops, I missed” does not excuse missing a shot by that much.
529. Even if you claim you hit exactly what you were aiming at.
530. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to antagonize anyone who can kill them with their minds.
There we have it. I hope you enjoyed, and if you have any suggestions to add to the list, feel free to tell me!
#magnificent scoundrels#skippy's list#funny#list of things you are no longer allowed to do#halo#master chief#star wars#mass effect#warhammer 40k#star trek
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I finished “Heaven’s Vault,” that archaeology/alien translation game that everyone was so excited about before it came out, and then I never heard of again. I think I know why.
Short version: it seems as though it was made by people who were very good at the worldbuilding/linguistics parts, and not very good at making a video game.
Long version: I did enjoy the game, eventually. Beat it in just under 20 hours, feeling fairly good that I hadn’t missed anything major and had done everything I could find to do before the end. I also see now that there’s a New Game+ which gives the opportunity to spin things out again in a different manner, with more information, and this really neat article (spoilers ahoy) talks about how the mere concept of a NG+ is part of the worldbuilding (the Loop religion centers around the idea that everything that has happened will happen again.)
The learning curve was very steep at the beginning, because of the aforementioned gameplay problems getting in the way of the “meat” of the game. Some low points:
The controls are extremely janky and remained frustrating throughout. I had to turn the mouse sensitivity to its very lowest setting to avoid spinning like a top, and the restricted camera angles often send you walking off in a direction you never meant, leaping back and forth through doorways when you just wanted to enter (or exit) a room, etc.
The mandatory and constant “sailing” minigame, while beautiful, is aggravating and not as fun as I assume the developers thought it would be, given how much you have to do it. Whereas Wind Waker’s equally mandatory and equally constant sailing is a feature of the game, here it was mostly a lengthy interruption between the snippets of actual content. Except that bits of the story are also spun out in conversations between Aliya and the robot Six on these sailing interludes, so you’re encouraged not to skip them, the few times you are even given that option.
The graphics are... odd and awkward, unfortunately. The developers tried a very neat thing with (beautiful and detailed) 3D rendered environments, populated by (also beautiful, but jarringly animated) 2D hand-drawn characters. Who don’t have feet, but kind of fade into invisibility just below the knees, so as to avoid rendering walking animations, I guess. It’s very strange. There’s also no “collision sensor,” so your 2D player character is constantly clipping through other 2D NPCs, which sometimes interrupt everything you’re doing for a 15 second animated scene where they greet you, then walk away. There’s no way to avoid this. And when that happens, it overrides and cancels any ambient but plot-relevant discussion you were having with Six, which was deeply frustrating.
Speaking of which - there are a lot of strange, time-consuming transitions. Walking out of one section of the Elboreth marketplace into another takes another 10 second scene triggered by you entering a doorway, just to show you walking through a side alley. Every single time. When you show artifacts to a colleague, he will walk all the way to the other side of his office and walk all the way back before offering the same dialogue as every time before. Realistic, to grant him time to check his data? Yes. Extremely frustrating as an element of gameplay? Also yes.
Also, my game glitched multiple times, everything slowing to an infinite limbo as a triggering event failed to trigger, requiring a full reset. Any interaction with Oroi, for whatever reason, had a 33% chance of glitching.
All of this adds up to a game that creaks and clunks, and is deeply frustrating to play. These are all things which seem fueled by bad design/poor planning, and it takes away from the GOOD parts of the game. Namely:
It’s really beautiful (once you get over the 2D/3D intersection.) The music is lovely, and all the designs are top notch. I really enjoyed spending time in these various worlds and discovering their history. (Actually WALKING through the worlds, less enjoyable, but...)
The development of the story and the character interactions is mostly organic and nuanced. Like a Bioware game (I’m sorry to reference them but it’s the easiest comparison), your responses to different plot events and side characters, and the order in which you discover things (or even what conclusions you draw! there isn’t necessarily a single right answer!) shapes the narrative. Unfortunately, it quickly becomes obvious when the NPCs have run out of interactions for you... such as when you take a twenty-minute sail to revisit your home planet, suffer through endless clipping issues and mandatory transitions, only for your contacts there to have zero dialogue options. (Whoops, this was supposed to be the “good” section.)
The translations, which are the heart of the game, become really fun after the first few. Initially, you have ZERO information when you are given your first line of text to interpret, and have to guess blindly. In a little bit, you are given more information to determine whether that first guess was right or wrong. It’s a little frustrating, but I think what the developers were going for is that Aliya is already roughly familiar with Ancient script, and whatever initial guess she makes is about 50/50 correct. Each new line of text you uncover builds on the glyphs you already know. It became very fun to make more educated guesses - ah, I recognize the symbol we identified as “Gods,” so maybe combined with this other symbol, it might be “Prayer” or “Temple” - something related. Or when you start breaking down the “me/you/we/my/your/our” glyphs, it all makes SENSE. That was the fun part I eventually couldn’t get enough of - parsing out what Ancient meant, and piecing together the story behind the Nebula.
I genuinely did gasp when I figured out A Big Thing about the world story.
I really love stories about robots. Long-suffering, mildly sarcastic robots who are trying very hard to keep you alive while you do stupid things like climb down cliffs they can’t follow. I am very glad I was warned about the risk of losing Six forever and could avoid that particular path, because I think the last third of the game would have been a real bummer without Six as a companion.
Do I recommend it? Yes... mostly. Yes, with the caveats above about how clunky and frustrating the gameplay is. I probably will replay it in a while, taking advantage of the NG+, but not right away - I need to play something less inherently frustrating.
I wish there were more games like this, but I also wish it had been better developed, so that the good parts of it could really shine.
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Pop Culture Commentary
Thank you all for your contributions this week! I’m really proud with the way that people took from a variety of shows, books, movies and video games. Fun contests like this are interesting because I gotta let my guard down and not take things so seriously.
With that in mind, here we go!
@ace-hobo — Rouse the Oathbreakers
Great rare tribal card. I like how it’s fairly low-cost and is a flavor win plus a really fun niche tribal build-around. When you’re reanimating, use “return,” see Angel of Glory’s Rise. Additionally, if you’re using MSE, shift+enter will allow you to put the attribution underneath the quote.
@cas-420 — Left for Dead
As a spell by itself, I like how powerful it is. However, I’m not sure I understand the name as it relates to the card; I know you wanted a connection with the game, but I feel that the connection is tentative. “Last Stand” or something would have been more appropriate. I don’t think you need “All” in that second ability, and you can just steal Angel’s Grace wording for the other part. Fun Orzhov card!
@dabudder — The Heart of Etheria
I love this card. It tells a story about legendary creatures, it tells a story about sacrifice, and it’s, no pun intended, heartbreaking. “Heart” in “Heart counters” doesn’t need to be capitalized, but “return” does. I feel that for storytelling it could also work better if the trigger happened at the beginning of your end step.
@dimestoretajic — Shepard’s Charm
This is a weird build-around-me. I think that despite the gameplay being a little weird to say the least, you use colorless mana effectively to show artifacts as machines of their own in this world. You were right about missing “token.” It happens, no biggie. I have the feeling that running multiple copies of this is a bit much, considering the strength of “gain control of all permanents” that would eventually happen. Oh, God, copying this...
@donutwraith — Unorthodox Summon
I’m afraid without context, I don’t understand this card at all. What is “sem?” What clearance? Also, why “Gentle Giant?” I know it makes sense flavorfully, perhaps, but it’s weird as an actual card type. Zero mana flash enchantments are... Dangerous, mechanically. I can’t think of any ways that it would be broken off the top of my head, but I can think of several players who’d be chomping at the bit to play it.
@emmypupcake — Louisoix’s Final Sealing
Great flavor. Cool moment. Very overcosted. Six mana for a narrow removal spell like this... Well, I’d rather run a board-wipe or simply a two-mana card that does the exact same thing. For such a high cost and with the legendary restriction, in the future consider other cards and their impact that they have for that mana, then see what other powerful effect you could add.
@fractured-infinity — Preservation // Ruin // Harmony
Are these the names of actual characters and events in the book? Not sure how to feel about that. I like how Harmony can be “destroyed” by your opponents chipping away at their own resources. Watch out for run-on sentences in “Ruin” with that first ability. Without the book context, I think the names are kinda banal, but that’s just me being a pretentious douche canoe. I’m sure that the books make them more effective.
Genex-P — Soylent Green is People
Great flavor connection! Remember that the quote attribution needs to go on a different line, and that when making Food tokens they have reminder text instead of rules text, see Bake into a Pie. Also, remember, a COMMA after the G, and exile a human CARD. Gotta be specific about these things!
@ghost31415926535 — Siege of the White Lotus
Really interesting enchantment! I love how it rewards multicolor strategies and turns all your stuff into the Avatar in their own special way. Flavorfully, it’s been a while since I’ve watched AtlA but there are other people who can tell me whether or not this checks out. I’m a fan of the card in general. Just remember proper capitalization and punctuation. There may be an easier way of wording this all too, but I like how it reads.
@gollumni — Imperfect Clone
Darnit, Brian. Bryan? Whatevers. I love this flavor, especially in context. I’m thinking of different ways to word it. “Until end of turn, target creature you control has the same base power and toughness as target creature you don’t control.” IDK, this card’s fun.
@greensunzenith — The Culling of Straholme
I love this card, and the only thing that bugs me, the ONLY thing, is that I didn’t know if that first ability “works.” Aether Storm shows that it does, and I should have done more research. Call this one an honorary runner-up. It tells a fantastic story about the option of destruction followed by the inevitable turning. Man, yeah, whoever’s reading this, this card’s getting added to the runner’s up. It was a really tough series of choices this week.
@haru-n-harkel — Passing of the Matrix
What an interesting card! I’m not sure what the Matrix is, but this card lets me show that it’s a mark of leadership, that it makes a creature legendary flavorfully, and that it’s not resigned to one generation. Not bad! You don’t need “target” in the first line, and don’t forget that when you do a quote, the name goes on a separate line.
@hypexion — The Turning
Pretty sure there should be an emdash between 8 and WW, but I forget. Anyway, funky little card you got here. I’m not sure why it doesn’t have a mana cost flavorfully, but I get how it works mechanically. Good on you for the wording of the activated ability. I’m not sure how something “turning” begets the flavor of destruction, though? Also, yadda yadda quoter second line, you’ve heard me say it thrice up there.
@ignorantturtlegaming — Yoshi’s Adventure
Well if this ain’t a flavor win if I ever saw one! Dinos, eggs, and humans. Really funky stuff. Three wording things. One: The second ability should be something more like “Whenever a Human you control dies, sacrifice ~.” Two: You don’t need to “Sacrifice an Egg you control,” just “Sacrifice an Egg.” Three: It should be “”This creature deals 2 damage to any target.”” instead of just “deal.” Other than that, great first submission.
@illharg-the-rave-boar — Shutdown
Ah, sci-fi. One day we’ll get there in Magic. Anyway, this card! I think that you could have stapled the “End the turn” line to the previous one, but aside from that, I think this card is super cool, a good mythic for this day and age. Pretty fun in a midrange-control build. I know nothing about the game, but I like the feeling of a forced shutdown that you present. Probably the best example of the genre we could ask for.
@juggernaut-is-a-metalhead — Blood and Thunder
This is a weird heckin’ card. The name and flavor text feel really disconnected from the abilities, though, which is a shame because mechanically this is an insane card that could be very fun in the right deck. The flavor the abilities present of “the world is breaking around me but with enough power I turn into a leviathan” is really awesome.
@kavinika — Sadeas’s Betrayal
Let’s look at the card Sudden Disappearance. With that, I believe this spell could read “Exile all creatures you control. Return the exiled cards to the battlefield under their owner's control at the beginning of the next end step. Then, destroy all creatures attacking a player or permanent other than you.” You don’t necessarily need the combat clause, but I understand how it could be useful to prevent just blinking. Maybe if it destroyed any number of target attacking creatures?
@koth-of-the-hammerpants — Holistic Assassination
9/10, but 1. Enchantments don’t tap, and 2. This feels like it would be very easy to abuse without a higher cost for returning it. Flavor’s interesting, card plays great, it’s a pain in the butt. Very fun.
@mistershinyobject — Zulf’s Fate
Once again, you return creature cards from the graveyard to the battlefield. Wording aside, I really like the dichotomy of this card. It’s a gristly fate that you presented quite well. There’s not a lot to say because the card speaks for itself, and that’s a strength.
@misterstingyjack — Shared Demise
I don’t really like the wording on this, as interesting as the concept is. I feel like it’s a bit much for one chunk of text. Maybe “fate counters” could work here? Like, when ~ enters the battlefield, put a fate counter on target creature, whenever a creature with a fate counter leaves the battlefield sacrifice enchanted creature, and when enchanted creature leaves the battlefield the fate counter creatures are sacrificed? I hope that makes sense. It’s hard to feel “clean” with the wording you have here.
@nine-effing-hells — Hydraulic Salvation
Neat little name! I don’t think you need to add “if you do” to that second mode. And on a card like this, I wouldn’t add the flavor text. I really don’t think it’s strong enough to add anything to this card. Flavorful use of Miracle, though.
@piecesofliquid — Tragic Reunion
This is a really cool card. Wording seems a little off, but you used flavor effectively to bring back two dueling characters. “You and target opponent each return up to one creature card from your graveyards to the battlefield. Those creatures gain vigilance, haste, and “etc.”” Great use of dual flavor text, even though I can’t quite tell who’s saying what. I don’t watch the show, thpt.
@shakeszx — I Am Iron Man
I really like how we got two Iron Man submissions next to each other, lol. Two things: It should be “tap an UNTAPPED non-Legendary creature you control,” and you need a shuffle clause at the end of the whole thing. Great idea, funky flavor. Feels more like citizens summoning a legend, but I like the notion anyway. It’s very marvel. Could be RW.
@shootingstarhunter — Inevitable Ultimatum
Having watched the movie, this card would have made more sense if it was an additional cost to sacrifice the legendary creature and it just destroyed all nonland permanents you didn’t control. Also, the flavor text should be in quotes. Aside from that, I really love this card. It’s an ultimatum that feels like an ultimatum. It’s appropriately costed and at the right rarity. So there we go!
@snugz — Good King Moggle Mog XII
What a name. This is a frustrating and flavorfully annoying boss card that I can imagine an AI playing as kind of an Arena boss fight. Fourteen power for eight mana is... Well, it’s not the craziest thing Magic’s done in the past, but the fact that it repeats, man. 10/10 for cute and game capture feel.
@sorustyitshines — The World Eater’s Ascent
I get that it’s an epic card, but “can’t be countered” isn’t really in the BW pie. Regardless, it’s a powerful boardwipe that, uh, doesn’t destroy enchantments for some reason? Not sure why, maybe it’s an in-game thing. Anyway, fine Commander card, good Evil Rise kinda thing. Overall interesting, but not my favorite in terms of execution.
@starch255 — Enter Star Wolf
“For each of them, create a token that’s a copy of that card, except...” I think is the right wording. At least that’s how I grok it. Funky little card! I love how you used black Vehicles to create the evil spaceship feel. It’s a good sci-fi trope to have vehicles. The “four” is also a nice touch.
@teaxch — Claudius’s Plan
Now ain’t this tragic. Interesting card! I like how it only lasts for a turn, giving your opponent one turn to have the deathtouch brigade. Not sure exactly how a poisoned chalice gives EVERYTHING deathtouch, but what the hell, it’s Shakespearian, everything’s tragic, right? I think this card is pretty cool, would make limited fun.
@thegreateyebrows — Khert Fire
Hm, that might have to be a replacement ability. “If a spell or ability would target a permanent or player, that spell targets a permanent or player chosen at random instead.” “Whenever a player casts a spell, if that spell has no target, Khert Fire deals 2 damage to that player.” It doesn’t really need vanishing. If there are any rules people out there, tell me if my wording is off.
@tmstage — Cage the Traveler
This probably should be a rare for how niche the hate is, like Blood Moon, but the ability certainly feels mythic. I like this card a lot. I’ve never played destiny, but this card gives me stakes. There’s a “traveler,” akin to a planeswalker, and there’s something sapping them of their power, a primary antagonist with a goal and a mysterious identity. Bam, established. Not a bad job.
~
Thank you all for your entries! New contest tomorrow.
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Page Contents
5.) g200kg – KeroVee
10.) MGF – TimeWarp
1.) AegeanMusic – PitchProof
If you haven’t heard of PitchProof, then, you are definitely missing out, this is like the secret tool I use on Vocals but it wasn’t even developed for Vocal, it was actually designed to work on monophonic signals such as guitar solos, but I’ll give you a tip on how I have been using it:
You don’t want to apply it in realtime, what you should do instead is to first select the key of the harmony, then you turn the Blend knob all the way to the right; wet e.g:
Export the vocal result, add whatever effects plugins you gat on your toolbox (vocal, flangers, etc) to spice up the pitched vocal, and then stack it on top of the original vocal. Boom, you have something unique!
Note: You don’t have to always push it all through the wet side as this might cause artifacts, just experiment and stick with what works for you.
You can even export more vocal, and maybe this time, you can try by reducing the detune knob, anyways, experiment until you get your preferred test.
That said, let’s look at some of the features of PitchProof:
The Blend control knob would let you adjust the level of pitch shift, while the Pitch drop-down menu lets you select pitches like +7 or -7, or harmonies which are intelligent pitch-shift effects.
Moreover, there are also some options at the bottom of the PitchProof plugin which give you the option to switch between stereo and mono; mono could save your CPU, while the stereo option could cause a resource hog if used on multiple inserts.
Transient Fix can be switch on or off to spice things up a little!
Possible Harmony Options:HarmonyInfo2ndDissonant harmonies3rdThe Typical Major/minor Chord Harmony4thThe same as the +5 semitones setting except a few notes are flat.5thThe Same as The +7 Semitones Setting Except the Last Note of The Major Scale Is Flat Making It “diminished”.6thA nice-sounding alternative to typical harmony intervals.7thDissonant 7th Chord Sounds.
2.) Auburn Sounds – Graillon
This is an autotune VST plugins designed and developed by Auburnsounds. This plugin is superb in the way it handles pitch correction.
It not only supports pitch correction but supports the generation of throat sounds, making octave sounds, enriching, and enhancing vocal expressiveness.
Also, there is a pitch shift parameter that transposes vocals up and down in octaves and semitones.
Features:
Free Vst Effect Packs
Pitch Shifter cleanly transposes a voice up and down and has been optimized for voice.
Pitch Correction module brings an immediate robotic sound, while the Bitcrusher addition softly adds sparkles to the mix.
Freemium
System Requirements
Available as VST, VST2, AAX, and Audio Unit plugin for macOS and Windows platform.
Download Graillion Auto-Tune Plugin
3.) JHudStudio – Vocal King
Vocal King helps glue the vocal in a mix, and it comes preloaded cool parameters, that could help in customizing the audio signal of a vocal track.
The Pres Compressor knob helps in bringing out the clarity of a vocal, so, by turning up the gain of the Pres Comp brings out the presence in the vocal along with giving it a smooth compression. On the other hand, the Low cut, Tighten, and the Bass knob compliment the Pres Comp in taking out muddy frequencies without the vocal sounding too thin.
I also love playing with the Crispy knob as it sprinkles some sparkles to the audio signal.
Features:
Help vocals to stand out in a mix by giving them amazing presence, clarity, and compression. Can easily work on any other content.
Acts like are preamp giving the signal a strong boost.
Easy to use interface for fast results.
Easy to read meters
Very CPU efficient compared to other types of plugins.
It can be used on many other audio sources as well.
System Requirements
Vocal King supports MAC/Windows/32bit/64bit/VST2/VST3/AU. Supports MAC OS X 10.7 / Windows 7 and higher. Older systems may not work.
4.) Sonic Anomaly – Vola
Vst Effects Free Download
Vola is a Voice Optimized Leveling Amplifier made for broadcast voice dynamics processing, it also works with different kinds of audio material, like drums, percussive instrument, and synth pads.
Free Sound Effects Vst
This fantastic tool is solely for cleaning up sound files but can be used for extreme compression effects as well.
Features
Real-time Visual Metering for changes in dynamics
Upwards & downwards compression, each separately adjustable.
Stats Display and more compression settings
Download Vola Vst (Windows)
Download Vola Jsfx (Windows and Mac)
5.) g200kg – KeroVee
This is a pitch correction VST plugin tool and has strengthened to support natural pitch correction.
This tool is handy and can perform different and various types of voice effects, for example, a conversion of the male voice to a female voice and vice versa.
KeroVee comes bundled with useful parameters for the effectiveness of the auto-tuning process, Parameter includes:
Scale Button: This is for specifying the scale you want to tune. Setting a wrong scale would result in an awful result, in a simple sentence, Know your scale before you go into this one
TuneSpeed: This will allow you to set the speed of correcting the pitch.
Nuance: This is one of the best and lovely parameters, you can use this to set a fine vibrato of the original sound, use this to create all sorts of weird effects.
Amount: Set to zero (0) if you want no correction, setting to 100 will result in full correction of the pitch
and many more parameters like Transpose option, master volume, etc.
System Requirements
A compatible host program that supports the VST formats
6.) Martin Eastwood – Duet
Have you heard those natural double effects in some tracks! Do you wonder how those are created? I guess yes 😉
Let me introduce to you – Duet, a double-tracking effect designed to enhance your audio sample be it vocal or even instruments, Duet is well capable of sparkling them up. The way Duet work is by pitch-shifting both the left and right inputs individually using a novel synchronous overlap and add technique, allowing pitch to be manipulated in real-time while still maintaining the time duration of the audio.
One thing I love about Duet is the way it can accurately create the illusion of multi-voices and adds varied texture to the mix. Experiment with Duet to see how it works.
Note: This is only available for Window
7.) MaxSynths – DSP-2
DSP-2 is designed with an intelligent Dynamic Processor, a 4-band equalizer fixed on vocal key frequencies, a saturator, and a room emulator based on the Schroeder reverberator. DSP is super simple to use and can serve basically all your vocal processing needs, again, experiment and keep experimenting to get the best settings that would soothe your need.
Features:
Intelligent Dynamic Processor (IDP).
4 different automatic operative modes.
Selectable compression ratio.
Saturator with three different operation modes.
EQ fixed on vocal key frequencies.
Room emulator based on the Schroeder reverb model.
Transparent increment of the perceived volume level.
High precision input/output VU-meter.
Low CPU usage.
8.) Distorque – Azurite
Azurite is a vocal effect by Distorque which is built for multi-voice chorus with a focus on rich sounds and versatile controls.
According To Distorque:
My goal in designing it was to make as flexible a chorus as possible without losing great tones and ease of use. The result is an effect that will be handy for producers, guitarists, and glitch lovers alike.
One of the great features of this plugin is the way you can create multiple simultaneous voices. Each of these voices can be further customized with their own delay line that is modulated by a separate LFO. Adding multiple voices leads to a thicker, smoother, and less wobbly tone. It also makes vivid stereo spreading possible with a mono signal.
The voice control helps you to choose how many voices you want for the chorus, e.g one, two, four, or eight.
Features:
Stereo or mono operation.
Colour control emulates vintage analog choruses.
2 band EQ.
LFO tempo sync.
Feedback control allows for flanger sounds.
27 built-in presets.
Delay time from 0.2ms to 200ms.
7 LFO shapes: Sine, Triangle, Sawtooth, Ramp, Exponential, Inverse Exponential, and Random.
Spread control for a stereo widening of a mono signal.
Control randomizer.
Other controls: Depth, Speed, Wet Mix, Output, Separation, Dry Delay.
Note: This is only available for Window
Download Azurite Win 32 VST / Win 64 VST
9.) TerryWest – EasyVox
EasyVox contains a bunch of tool for vocal processing, such as:
Dynamic mono vocal compressor/limiter/enhancer
Three bands equalizer
Autogain and Pre-Limiter
Auto Noisegate
Auto Band-off
Three EQ models
Fine EQ option
EQ activity/bypass LEDs
Low-Mid-Hicut
Vocal Doubler effect
Pre in/Post out gain
In/out/reduction meters
Donate To The Developer, It helps him to build more exciting plugins
Note: This is only available for Window
10.) MGF – TimeWarp
Last on our list is Timewarp by MGF, which is a vibrato effect with 2 LFOs which can pan the pitch modulation amount for a stereo effect.
Features:
Vst Effect Plugins
Sine, Triangle, Saw and random waves with control over the shape and smoothing.
Optional 4x upsampling and a smooth modulation algorithm ensure clean sound with minimal aliasing. Normal quality
saves CPU and sounds brighter but less silky.
2 different interpolation algorithms are available (ALG).
Fast modulation settings possible and encouraged
That is it, Good luck and have fun with music!
Useful Related posts:
Native Instruments MOD PACK takes three classic modulation effects – chorus, flanger and phaser – and adds features never seen before. Each offers exciting new creative possibilities as well as stunningly convincing vintage-style results, making MOD PACK a must-have upgrade from the rest of modulation effects.
Best Free Vst Plugins
Native Instruments Choral: Drawing sonic inspiration from some of the most iconic chorus effects from the past 40 years – including iconic stands and unison synth effects. Add width, movement, sparkle and shimmer to any signal, or take advantage of the new Scatter feedback mode. This avoids unpleasant metallic sounds. Instead, a completely new effect similar to reverb is created. The classic effects contained a small number of settings – On, Off and Type are usually the only controls. Our plugin offers many customizable options. The number of voices can be set gradually from one to three, the sync speed can be manually changed, as well as the modulation speed, volume, mix, delay time, stereo width and feedback.
Free Vst Instrument Pack
Native Instruments Flair: Flips the classic head flanger effect. FLAIR adds a revolutionary new Voices mode that uses multiple delay lines to create custom harmonic flanger layers and resonances. It even has 24 chord settings, offering different chords and note intervals. In addition to revolutionary features, FLAIR is capable of rich tape saturation and pedal flanger, offering all the parameters you’d normally expect, such as tempo-synchronized pitch modulation.
Free Vst Effects Pack
Native Instruments Phasis: Offers endless phasing sounds – adding movement, soul, and creative magic to any signal. PHASIS takes inspiration from the classic phaser but adds powerful new features. For example, the Spread control changes the step spacing of a vocal style effect passage. Ultra Power Mode brings modulation to ultra-high speeds, creating unique FM-esque tones. The plugin adjusts the peak density and Q-factor of the slices in the spectrum and whether it is set to one value, applied in real time or with automation, or reversed with the “Invert” button, “Spread” provides a new effect for both the phasing process and vowel sounds of vocals. With its powerful stereo spread function, advanced sync options and all the controls, what you’d expect from a professional phaser, PHASIS is already a formidable modulation device, but the ULTRA parameter takes the effect to a new area of application. ULTRA boosts the maximum modulation rate from 8.37 kHz to an incredible 477.3 kHz, which generates unusual FM-style effects never heard before and is able to turn even white noise into immersive sound.
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stop using talent books to make a second team for the spiral abyss bc you need them for kazuha challenge!
#genshin#genshin impact#how tf did i build kaeya so well#he’s a goddamn menace i literally don’t know what to do without him#also i will start crying without zhongli’s shield wish me luck#current team is kaeya zhongli bennett and beidou#new team is chongyun xingqiu barbara and fischl#and i’m just giving chongyun kaeya’s old artifacts#barbara isn’t even built as a dps but she’s doing more damage than the rest of them#i don’t have bad artifacts for them i just have like zero options#bc i’ve only been playing about a month??#but i’m at like ar43 (i didn’t rush i just have no life)#my main team isn’t even fully built??#bennett is over here barely used as a healer and i have a two piece maiden on him#i use him more as support but i HATE the domain where you farm for pyro#i also have zero anemo characters except the anemo traveler#so i really need kazuha anyways#but KLEE IS MAKING IT SO HARD#SHES SO CUTE#i don’t even like her playstyle i just love klee#pov i need to stop talking in the tags so much#uhh sorry if you read through all of these if it’s annoying block me cause i’m gonna keep doing it
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Stars Rewritten AU
Here we go, headcanons for the Adi-verse where Heodan survives. Everything’s behind the cut, since it won’t let me do one in the middle of bullet points(BOO) and this baby is long.
They’re originally just planning to stick together until they reach Gilded Vale and go their own ways, but with how messed up everything is there, that plan gets scrapped very quickly. It’s sketchy and they don’t know who to trust, so they wind up sticking together “just a little longer”.
Only thing that changes about joining up with Aloth is the fight with the drunks is over faster, and there being three of them means there is bed sharing bc they can’t afford a room with a bed for each of them. Adi and Heodan share bc this is a wish fulfillment au they know each other better.
When the Watcher dream starts, she kicks him in the chest twice and narrowly misses clocking him in the jaw. He, of course, tries to wake her up and can’t. She snaps awake just as he’s really starting to worry and feels v guilty for hurting him(especially since he still has a healing injury from the Cilant Lîs ruins), which he brushes off, promising it’s not that bad.
After Adi “talks” to Caldera and has her advice to head for Caed Nua, she asks Heodan if he wants to come with her(promising not to punch him any more in her sleep, which makes him laugh). He agrees, since he doesn’t have any reason to stick around Gilded Vale--no business prospects, unfriendly neighbors, she’s much better company, take your pick--and Caed Nua sounds like a place where they might find the fresh start they’re looking for.
Of course things don’t turn out all sunshine and roses, bc why should life be easy? After Maerwald’s dead and the Steward declares Adi the Lady of Caed Nua, she offers to let Heodan set up shop at the keep, so he doesn’t have to wander so much. Things need to be fixed up first, obviously, but he’d be safer here and knows the lady in charge.
He accepts. This is promising location, she has a good point about knowing the person in charge(knows she’ll be fair).... It’s actually going to be a pretty advantageous arrangement, once the keep’s fixed up some.
While they’re waiting to get things fixed up, however, he also accepts when she asks if he wants to come to Defiance Bay with her. He doesn’t have anything better to do, and getting an idea of how things stand in the city is a good idea.
That’s how it starts; him going pretty much everywhere with her. It’s not really a conscious choice on either of their parts so much as Adi goes “Hey, Heodan, wanna come do ____ with me?” and he says “Sure”. They enjoy each other’s company and one more person to watch your back never hurts, and he’d be underfoot for the work crews if he stayed at the keep..... Why would there be any deeper meaning than that?
Before a month is out, it’s just assumed he’s going with her. The threat of bandits and other dangers means security-enhancing repairs come first, so the craft hall’s construction keeps getting bumped. “Heodan, wanna come with me?” has turned into “We’re leaving in the morning” with the unspoken expectation he’s coming. He never corrects her. He likes going along.
It’s around Teir Nowneth/Brackenbury (my usual order is Teir Nowneth -> Brackenbury ->Dyrford, it’s like how I always do the treaties in the same order for DAO) that the two of them start paying above average care to each other in combat, and roughly the first jaunt to Stalwart(2-2.5 months in) that they start prioritizing threats to each other over other opponents. They don’t notice what they’re doing until Edér makes a joke about it.
Dyrford + associated quests came between the halves of tWM, so there are some latent--if unacknowledged--feelings beyond Adi’s (ever-growing) crush when she slips jumping the gap for the back way into Clîaban Rilag and Heodan wrenches his shoulder really bad catching her so she doesn’t plummet to her death.
He just reacted, and that 18(to 21, depending on resting bonus) dex meant he was fast enough to catch her and he’s glad and he doesn’t care that his shoulder hurts because she’s okay and no, Edér, stop grinning like that, it doesn’t Mean Anything, that’s ridiculous. When Adi tries to apologize, he waves it off as paying her back for helping him that first escape into the ruins after the Glanfathan attack.
Sagani’s the one who does the adventure that rewards with the Lovers’ Light rings, and she kinda tosses them to Adi with a smirk and a “Here Watcher, you can find a use for these, right?” *wink wink nudge nudge* It takes a bit of studying to figure out how they work, but once she does, Adi wears the copper one and gives the silver one to Heodan. She does explain to him that they’re enchanted so the wearers can tell if the other is hurt and give some of their essence by squeezing the jewel to help if they want. She’s mostly thinking so she can help him if--gods forbid--he gets hurt in a fight. He’s more front line than she is, after all. Even if he is usually backstabbing people as opposed to Edér’s facing people head-on. (So I’m basically headcanoning that they work like Vox Machina’s “medic alert” necklaces or whatever they called them that they got after Tary joined, with the option to sacrifice your health to stabilize the other person)
Heodan’s not as adventurous as Adi but keeps tagging along on these trips of hers. “I’d be bored and underfoot back at the keep with nothing to do” is his explanation. “Once there’s a building for my shop and I have that to stock and take care of, then you’ll lose me.” (it’s almost a running joke between them by this point--how one or the other keeps finding excuses to prolong his adventuring. Neither really dwells on why they keep doing that.)
She actually ‘loses’ him sooner than that. On the way back from Dyrford Adi decides to (finally) investigate Fyrga’s vision, figuring she can then report back to Fyrga and Lady Webb in one trip. Whatever she was thinking this vision implied, a temperamental, possessive dragon is so not what she was expecting to find.
Despite Adi’s best efforts to defuse the situation and just walk away, the dragon’s not having it and attacks them. They’re actually doing pretty well handling the dragon and its xaurip underlings(first time I’ve ever been over-leveled for that fight lol), but the last remaining xaurip gets in a really good hit on Adi before she kills it via grimoire slam. Thanks to both her cry of pain and how much damage she’s doing, the dragon zeroes in on her.
She has pretty good reflexes, but you can’t dodge and cast at the same time, and ofc she has blood from the xaurip’s parting blow running down her arm, so it’s only a matter of time before it catches her. (She’s largely worried that catching her will also catch Aloth, since they’re both hanging back in roughly the same area, and she really doesn’t want one of her friends getting hurt bc of proximity to her)
Between seeing her predicament and feeling through the ring how badly she’s hurt, Heodan takes a pair of very big risks right together: squeezes the jewel in his ring to heal Adi(he’s standing closer to the paladin, besides, with an enemy that can fly, best to keep those who do ranged damage in good shape, right?) and rakes his stiletto along as much of the dragon’s tail and leg as he can reach, hoping to distract it.
Both of these work a little too well; leaving him hurt and dazed when the dragon wheels around and takes a swipe at him. He doesn’t move fast enough to dodge completely, and the dragon’s claws catch his shoulder and the side of his neck and rake in almost to the center of his chest (how the claws didn’t catch an artery and just kill him outright is a miracle straight from the gods and me *cough*).
Now truly freaked out as she watches him just crumple, bc she knows what he did, Adi pops off a Call to Slumber spell(since Unconscious is not one of Cail’s resistances, suck it, loser). This gives them a serious edge bc now the dragon is unconscious and on the ground where everyone can reach. They finish it off rather quickly(Pallegina gets the killing blow), and then can worry about the unconscious and badly bleeding rogue.
Adi tries to help by squeezing the jewel in her ring right back, but apparently the enchantment needs time to “recharge” between activations and it doesn’t do anything. So they have to patch Heodan up through conventional methods as best they can and Adi decides they should take him to Caed Nua since she has a couple very skilled healers on staff in case any of the workmen get hurt while making repairs. Pallegina cautions that between the extent of his injuries and the... mediocre at best healing skills among their group, he might not even make it that far.
Cue Adi being worried sick and checking on him every half hour max the entire day-ish it takes to reach Caed Nua. She doesn’t sleep the night they have to make camp, instead sitting up and watching Heodan breathe to make sure he keeps doing it. Every so often she squeezes the jewel in her ring, but it never does anything(she starts wondering how long the damn thing needs to recharge[answer: a day, because if I’m giving her a hella powerful magical artifact, there has to be some kind of catch to it]).
Despite Pallegina’s concerns, Heodan does hang on long enough to get him to the more skillful healers at Caed Nua. (In a twist of something like irony, the work crews were just getting ready to start building the craft hall) Adi hangs around anxiously in the corner while the healers get him properly patched up. They’re honest with her--he’s not in good shape (aside from the shredding damage and blood loss from the dragon’s claws, the initial blow broke his collarbone and a couple ribs), it could go either way, they can’t make any promises.
Between worrying so much she can barely breathe and feeling guilty he got hurt protecting her, Adi wants to stay at Caed Nua until she knows Heodan is out of the woods. But it’s not to be.The second night at Caed Nua, sleeping on the floor of his room(basically passed out from exhaustion; she hasn’t slept since the dragon fight), she dreams about the Eyeless.
This is clearly a major and pressing threat. So, reluctant as she is to leave with Heodan in such bad shape, she gives her friends another couple days to rest and get together supplies they’ll need before they head out.
She’s personally hoping that Heodan will at least wake up--even if just for a few seconds--in the interim, but it’s not to be. So she makes the healers swear to send word if there are any major changes, good or bad, before setting off back to Stalwart.
Adi and Co spend the next two weeks running all over the White March dealing with first some smaller scale problems--like the Battery cannons--then the Iron Flail, and then the Eyeless. No news comes Caed Nua the entire time. Not sure if this is good or bad, she books it back home after finishing in Stalwart.
Heodan’s actually awake when they get there, has been for about a week. The healers wrote her but something must have happened to the letter bc she never got it.
Adi gives him the most enthusiastic hug she dares considering, y’know, broken collarbone and all. She’s relieved beyond words that he pulled through. She decides to hang around the keep for a couple weeks, surprising absolutely no one, spend some time with him until she’s 100% sure he’s out of the woods. Once the craft hall is finished, she helps with getting that all stocked and ready for when Heodan’s recovered enough to start running it.
Finally, though, she has to go back to work. Starts with Kana’s quest and probably the Battle of Yenwood, maybe Raedric round 2, then it’s just hunting down bounties,short trips that give her an excuse to come back and make sure he’s still alright. (By this point, Edér and Sagani have money on which will come first; Adi confessing her feelings or Heodan figuring them out bc the girl is not as subtle as she thinks she is) But Adi definitely knows the Leaden Key are up to something sketchy by now, and she can’t leave things alone forever. So she heads for Defiance Bay to tell Lady Webb what she found in Clîaban Rilag. While she’s there, she hears a rumor about a group of bandits planning to attack Caed Nua, so puts the animancy hearing on hold to go back and deal with that. The fight is actually rather grueling--this group was better prepared than she expected--so they take a couple days to rest before heading back to the city. (This is where Let It Snow would fit)
Between nerve damage and the way his collarbone heals, Heodan’s arm doesn’t “heal” all the way; stays kind of stiff, which puts an end to his adventuring. He’s no good in a fight anymore, and with the craft hall done, it’s better he focus on that anyway. Being a merchant is what he came to the Dyrwood for in the first place, after all. He’s happy for Adi(and her friends) to be his primary customer(s), but this is for the best.
Adi drops in to say hi every time she’s back at Caed Nua, without fail. This starts during the end of the bounty hunting spree that he’s recovered enough she’s visiting him in His Shop rather than the infirmary, and after that it’s always the first place she goes when they come back. Still doesn’t say anything about her feelings. Life is too crazy right now, she doesn’t feel like it would be fair to him. (also, there’s a small part of her that’s afraid of losing their friendship, him being the oasis of normal in the craziness of her life.And, look, either way things are going to change, whether he likes her or not. It would just be different kinds of awkward and she doesn’t need that in her life right now)
She finally caves, though, after the animancy hearings and the riots. She stops by the keep “To tell the Steward what happened before rumor get there” (Sure, Adi. The Steward’s the one whose emotions you’re worried about). She’s never quite sure why, later; maybe it’s just finally hit the breaking point of being too much to keep secret, maybe she was inspired by Aloth’s confession to be more honest, who knows? Whatever the reason, she feels compelled to tell Heodan before she follows Thaos to Twin Elms. Just completely spills her guts.
Turns out he knew, or at least suspected, months ago. Adi is a very heart on her sleeve, unsubtle person, it didn’t take a genius to figure out. Especially not with all that time Heodan had while he was recovering where all he could do was lay in bed and think. He didn’t say anything because he figured she had her reasons for keeping quiet and would tell him when she was ready. Also, the longer it took, the more he started to wonder if he’d read things wrong, which was another reason to keep his mouth shut; he didn’t want to make things awkward because he also valued her friendship.
But, you know, he does like her back. She’s kind and passionate and curious and a whole laundry list of other admirable qualities. This prompts Adi to reel off part of the list of reasons she likes him, and they agree to talk more after she gets back from stopping Thaos. There’s a goodbye kiss and then she’s off to save the world.
She’s uncharacteristically impatient to get through Twin Elms, a place she would normally want to spend hours exploring and talking to people and learning all they’re willing to share. Between her rush and her even better than usual mood, Kana actually asks her what’s going on when they settle in for the night at the Celestial Sapling. She’s only too happy to spill the beans. The Watcher dreams are really bad that night, she hardly gets any sleep, but she’s still in a relatively good mood come morning
Is actually really shaken by the revelation her Awakening is permanent. She puts on a brave face talking to Aloth about it, but she was really, really hoping there was a way to reverse this, whether convincing Thaos to undo it or some Engwithan ritual or whatever. Part of her wonders if it’s smart to stat a romantic relationship with someone knowing this is permanent. She saw what happened to Maerwald; she’s uncomfortable with the chance of making someone who loves her watch that happen to her. (When she admits that to Kana, he points out Maerwald had multiple personalities Awakened, some in direct conflict with each other, she only has one)
They win, they go home(Adi kept her promise to Galawain), Heodan is very relieved to see her. They’d been hearing rumors she’d as good as died and other things to that effect. There’s a very long hug involved, which only ends bc he’s kneeling on stone floor and that’s not very comfortable. :P Rather than join the rest of her friends and Caed Nua’s staff in celebrating her success, the two of them find somewhere quiet they can talk about Them.
There are, of course, concerns; her Watcher-ness and Awakened soul are the first ones Adi brings up, but there’s also difference in social standing, lifespan disparity between folk and orlans, the prejudice they’ll deal with given that it’s not just a mixed relationship but she’s an orlan. In the Dyrwood. Edér might be terribly bad, but, y’know, she’s been called ‘cat-fucker’ enough times she wants Heodan prepared if he really want this, wants her.
(he does)
In the end, they acknowledge there will be challenges, but decide they can handle anything together. They’ve always made a good team, if it took a dragon to change their dynamic before, what chance does petty gossip and name calling have?
They share a kiss--a good kiss--with the sunset, enjoy their moment of peace and quiet by cuddling and looking at the stars etc etc happy ending there ya go. ;)
The Deadfire headcanons will be a separate post bc boy HOWDY did this wind up longer than I expected.
#queens fic#adela 2.0#heodan#stars rewritten au#(and yes i'm calling it fic it's like 3k words)#heodi#otp: here in my heart
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Dominaria - Black
From Blue to Black, let’s see what the Cabal has for it’s loyal followers!
My Top 3 picks:
Cast Down
Grade: A-
Home: Any Black Deck
Range: Very Wide
Like Doom Blade and Go for the Throat before it, Cast Down joins the hallowed ranks of 1B conditional (but not really) instant removal spells.
Grab 7 of these.
Phyrexian Scriptures
Ugh, someone got blood all over my alter. It’ll never wash out.
Grade: B+
Home: GY Hate, Artifact Decks
Range: Wide
We’ve got it all - Artifact conversion (haven’t seen that since Ashnod’s Transmorgant), Board Wipe, and GY hate, in three easy turns. One of the most interesting mythics we’ve seen thus far. Even with the weakness of Saga’s - people seeing them coming - most players welcome a board wipe every now and then, so unless this gets taken out the round it comes down, BOOM, new board.
And we’ve got a lovely Phi symbol sneaking in the background. Wonder how that infected artifact plane is doing...
Yawgmoth’s Vile Offering
Grade: B
Home: GY Decks, Any Black deck
Range: Wide
Unfortunately, due to the order of effects, you can’t kill something and steal it, but that’s hardly something to worry about. The Legendary hoop of these Sorceries is more worrying to me.
Killing something is worth 2 mana at Sorc Speed in black, and Resurrection without downsides is probably worth 3-4 mana. Entwining the effects is probably worth another 1 mana, so this is a pretty fair card given it needs a Legendary and Exiles itself. Any deck can use it well, but Entomb decks use it more reliably, and I love reliability over anything else.
Blessing of Belzenlok
Grade: F
Home: N/A
Range: N/A
I miss Unholy Strength now. Combat trick version is just bad.
Cabal Evangel
Grade: D-
Home: Cleric Tribal
Range: Very Narrow
Bog-standard Limited filler.
Sweet flavor, for those followers of Belzenlok reading this.
Cabal Paladin
Grade: C
Home: Artifact Combo
Range: Very Narrow
Can combo infinite to take out Hexproofed opponents. Mirran Spy, Banishing Knack/Retraction Helix, cheerio artifact. But there’s other options out there that are easier, or more brutal.
Caligo Skin-Witch
Grade: D-
Home: Discard
Range: Very Narrow
2 mana for garbage, or 6 mana for “everyone else discard 2.” Solid potential in discard, but I think Dark Deal and Unnerve do a better job, as the body is lame.
Chainer’s Torment
Grade: C-
Home: LG Deck
Range: Narrow
Mild damage.
Mild damage.
Giant monster.
Do it for the meme.
Dark Bargain
Dormammu. I come to bargain.
Grade: C
Home: Any black deck, GY deck
Range: Wide
Few black Instants involve drawing, and they’re usually like Altar’s Reap. This card lets you choose the best two out of three, for double the mana. Instead of a sac, you take 2 damage, but who cares!
Landing something in the GY can work to your benefit, drawing 2 is nice. It’s like a cousin of Ambition’s Cost at instant.
Deathbloom Thallid
Grade: D-
Home: Fungus/Saproling Tribal,
Range: Narrow
Body’s skinny for a 3 drop, feels like a Penumbra creature balanced for today. A three drop should probably be more than just slightly underpowered and sticky.
Demonic Vigor
Grade: C-
Home: Death Triggers?
Range: Narrow
Nice little cheap recursion, a passable usable Aura. Nice commander tax dodge, if that’s a problem.
Divest
Grade: F+
Home: Discard?
Range: Very Narrow
Another cousin of Duress. I’ve always had a fondness for B Sorcery discard spells, they’ve always had a flavorful effect of “mind ripping” that Black Mages seem fond of.
That said, this is garbage, even in the worst Creature/Artifact meta.
Dread Shade
Grade: D
Home: MonoBlack Swamp Ramp
Range: Very Narrow
A shade?
I actually like Shades, but they never do well in EDH. Play one on Turn X, pump it with X+1 mana next turn, and wham, tons of damage. Suffers like most of the CCC cycle (like the damn Blue Djinn) with the EDH scaling problem.
Drudge Sentinels
Grade: F
Home: N/A
Range: N/A
Ah, Drudge Skeletons, this is what has become of you.
Brutally overcosted in CMC and ability cost. A sorry successor to an Iconic card of Magic’s history.
Eviscerate
Grade: F
Home: N/A
Range: N/A
Never thought I’d miss Murder. Limited and Standard has been controlling the removal introduced to the game - reasonable, given the game has been going on 25 years of slow power creep.
Unfortunately, it’s useless for our purposes.
Feral Abomination
Grade: D+
Home: Any Black Deck
Range: Very Wide
Fatties above 4 power don’t really need deathtouch - they should be able to kill things with raw size. With that said, I’m not complaining. This guy is big enough to stomp any small stuff, as well as remain a threat to a 30/30 creature.
But at the same CMC, look instead to Grave Titan, Harvester of Souls, Soul of Innistrad, Sidisi Undead Vizier or Hythonia the Cruel, all around better choices.
Final Parting
Buckle up kids, we’re going on a feels trip.
Grade: C
Home: Any Black Deck, GY decks
Range: Wide
Entomb stitched to Diabolic Tutor could only have a home in EDH. Solid workhorse of a card, if not a spectacular.
Fungal Infection
Grade: F+
Home: Saproling Tribal
Range: Very Narrow
Saproling Tribal’s equivalent of Darkblast. Feels like something out of Lorwyn block.
Knight of Malice
♪ Fighting hard, fighting on for the steel / Through the wastelands evermore ♪
Grade: D
Home: Knight Tribal, Anti White
Range: Narrow
Black Knight rides again.
Hexproof is the new Protection, making it way easier to understand. Ironically, the two knights can now trade instead of being unable to fight each other. Ah, time marches on.
Lich’s Mastery
Grade: B
Home: Horcrux.dec, Pillowfort Deck, Combo Deck, Token Deck, LG deck
Range: Average
Good luck killing me now Harry, I have another Horcrux!
I just wanna make a trolling deck that’s impossible to kill, just more and more Lich spells.
A good option to keep yourself alive for another turn or two, especially if you have a GY or tokens to feed it.
LG makes good use of going from this into combo, but there’s a non-zero chance of drawing yourself out with Beacon and the like, so count your cards.
Lingering Phantom
Grade: D
Home: Historic. Recursion
Range: Narrow
While self recurring spells are nice, this offers a poorly priced body, with cheap recursion. Much like Deathless Ancient of recent Ixalan block, it depends on the deck. Might have nominal usage in decks that need something to discard constantly.
Repeatable discard or playable creature is interesting, but not that powerful. I think I’ll stick with Reassembling Skeleton or Sanitarium Skeleton for my self-recurring needs, as they have less activation hoops to jump through.
Rat Colony
Grade: C+
Home: Rat Tribal, Whatever Relentless does
Range: Narrow
Relentless Rats, except top heavy and cheap!
Get 20 of them if they end up cheaper than Relentless (which is still <$2).
For everyone else, grab a Tsavo’s Decree or Kindred Dominance to do something about all these darn rats.
Rite of Belzenlok
Grade: D+
Home: Demon Tribal, Sac Effects
Range: Very Narrow
Make your own Lord of the Pit. Nice to have Clerics for saccing to anything you need, and while a 6/6 Flying Trampler is nice, 6 damage to the face isn’t nearly as bad here as it is in any other format.
The real problem is how bloody slow it is, and the possibility that a turn 6 demon isn’t big enough to be worth it.
Settle the Score
Grade: C-
Home: Black Superfriends (Atraxa?)
Range: Very Narrow
Unexpected PW synergy from Black.
And it’s like a hundred time better than Impale at the same cost. Everyone can use exile removal, sorc sucks but is workable.
Soul Savage
Grade: D-
Home: Any Black Deck
Range: Very Wide
Kinda feels like Death’s Duet.
I’d recommend Death Denied instead, it’s instant, and can scale like crazy. I think it works in most EDH decks instead.
Stronghold Confessor
Confessor? That’s what they’re called now?
Grade: D-
Home: Any Black Deck, Piracy
Range: Wide
Meh as a 1 drop, meh as a 4 drop.
Menace and counters don’t make it that useful.
Thallid Omnivore
Grade: D-
Home: Tokens, Sac Deck
Range: Average
Man, fungi love killing their buddies.
It does a Blood Bairn impression, assuming you’re willing to pay. Still, paying for sacrifices that only have temporary benefits? Meh.
Thallid Soothsayer
Grade: D
Home: Sac Decks, Token Decks
Range: Average
WOOHOO a Thallid!
For all 80 of you playing Fungi tribal, it’s an alternate for Carnage Altar.
The Eldest Reborn
Grade: B-
Home: Black Goodstuff, Discard decks, Res/steal decks
Range: Average
Pact. Discard. Steal
Fun saga. CMC’s a pain, but immediate removal helps, and it scales well to EDH.
Vicious Offering
Grade: B-
Home: Sac Decks
Range: Wide
A nice removal with an option. Simple card that’ll probably be in a sac-oriented Commander deck one day.
Windgrace Acolyte
Grade: F
Home: N/A
Range: N/A
Holy hannah, a mono black good guy? That fights the Cabal! Wow!
Filling your yard is better than milling, nominal lifegain is okay, and the body is pathetic. Filler.
See ya soon campers!
Found an image for Monoblack campfire! It’s all the rage in Demon Vogue!
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My Faves of E3:Part 1
Microsoft
Favorite Game: Cyberpunk 2077- I have been excited for this game based solely on the merits of the Witcher 3. CD Project Red left a great impression on me with that release (I have never played Witcher 1 or 2, don’t @ me). I am typically not willing to fully sign off on a game until I see actual gameplay footage. While the general public did not get footage, we did get an awesome cg trailer that did a great job building excitement for the game.
The world seems vibrant, colorful and unique. It also seems jam packed with many different locations, types of people and activities. We see the V(your customizable protagonist) riding a train, driving in a night rider esque car and while we didn’t see them flying, it seemed to heavily imply that was possible as well. People of various augmented varieties were seen throughout, allowing them to shoot hoops better, lay a beatdown on a sparring construct and even alter their facial appearance.
CDR did a great job with Witcher making a dark and interesting world while not making a game devoid of fun or humor. That tradition seems to carry on here, based on V’s exposition. He states that Night CIty is worst place to live in in America but everyone still wants to live there. More of a town of dreams where bad things happen, than a full on city of darkness a la Arkham City. This sets the tone of the game nicely, along with the pumping synth music, vibrant lights and even the font for the game itself.
I have learned that the game will be first person instead of third. This has caused backlash among the CDR faithful, hoping for a cyberpunk version of The Witcher. I am not at all shocked or appalled by this change. I like seeing developers be able to stretch their wings and make new types of games. If we kept devs locked into doing the same thing forever we would never get Horizon Zero Dawn or Child of Light. As an augmented human being in a futuristic setting, it makes much more sense from a gameplay perspective to be an fps. This allows you to have augmented vision and have better control over aiming your guns.
I can’t wait to hear more about this game. I fear that we won’t have a release date anytime soon but I appreciate CDR’s dedication to their craft. Witcher has bought them some well earned breathing room and freedom to take their time making a polished product. They have also promised to have continual post game free content, as is their tradition. For now I remain excited for the next glimpse they provide us.
Honorable mention: Gears of War 5- I have been a long time fan of the Gears series. I was unemployed and dropped out of school at the time of the first Gears, which meant I had a hell of a lot of time to myself. Time I spent playing a copious amount of GOW. My proudest achievement to this day is “Seriously”, which was presented to those who had 10,000 online ranked kills. It was one of the only online games I actually spent the time and energy learning the glitches to allow me to play on even footing. So you can understand how I may be interested in another entry to the series.
This Gears glimpse did not pick off right where the last game left off. Instead we see a JD with a messed up arm in some sort of incubator like device, with a shaved head and facial scar. Marcus and JD don’t seem to be getting along anymore. Even Kait and JD seem to be at odds. This leads to Kait and Del striking out on their own to find out the truth behind Kait’s newly acquired locust pendant. It was her grandmother’s which seems to lead us to believe Kait may be Queen Myrrah’s grand daughter.
I love the fact we are getting a game about Kait and Del. Marcus has had more than enough time in the spotlight and JD wasn’t terribly interesting. As a PR move, this is genius as well. The game’s main character has never been anyone but a burly white male marine. By following Kait as the main character, it helps silence the criticism the series carries for being too much of a “bro shooter”. This story seems personal and poised to offer many twist and turns. It seemed like there was some definite friction that was gonna happen between our two protagonists. I would be surprised if we didn’t at least play some of the campaign as JD and Marcus but would not be disappointed if that were the case.
From a gameplay perspective we didn’t get to see a tonne of new weapons yet. This is slightly disappointing given Gears’ track record of cool and unique weaponry. I do know a few people who would love to take up those bone sticks and bash people online. There were quite a few new enemies including the locust who gives up said bashing sticks, a leech like creature and some DBs, that seemingly have been taken over by a locust infection of some sort.
Cyberpunk gets the nod here for me, as it is a brand new property in the video game space.
Ubisoft
Favorite Game: Assassin’s Creed Odyssey- I have been a long time Assassins Creed Die hard. The series has been a real roller coaster ride, with the highs of ACII and ACIV Black Flag and the lows of AC III and AC Syndicate. I think Ubi made a smart choice putting the series on pause and reevaluating it’s direction after the general populace started to fatigue on yearly releases. AC Origins proved to be a triumphant return, albeit in a different form. A form which Odyssey seems to embrace and enhance.
Odyssey is even more of an RPG than Origins was. In addition to gear with levels and rarity distinctions, they have added dialogue trees and the the ability to choose your character at the start of the game. RPG elements have been blended into games for years now but I can not get enough of them. The ability to customize your character through their perks and your weapons of choice, lets the player fight in the manner that best suits their playstyle. Now the story can play out in a similar fashion by allowing you to direct character interactions however you please.
Another issue the franchise has had is the division between the life of the Assassins which is grounded in reality and history and the science fiction elements of their present/future story line. They seem to be leaning more into the scifi elements of the future in this entry. Rarely do we see any of the artifacts of the god like alien race. When we do, it tends to just be the apple and every now and then we catch snippets about the number or details of the remaining artifacts. Based on the abilities the spear of Leonidas grants you, it would appear that it is one such item.
I’m torn between the inclusion of this weapon. In terms of the modern day story it makes sense that the Assassin’s and Templars would come into contact with these items and use them to their benefit. The problem is the game is based in the real world so if these items were used frequently and openly in the past, surely we would know about their true power today. At this point I think it would behoove Ubi to either turn up the sci-fi in the past and finish out the story of the gods or drop the god storyline and make these period pieces solely. From a gameplay standpoint I like the idea of getting more interesting weapons. This would allow each Assassin to feel even more unique from game to game and the devs would have more game mechanics available to them.
Regardless of these concerns, I am excited by the freedom the gameplay and story provide. Being able to choose your gender and character without the loss of a defined character is great. Not saying Brodie was the best protagonist in Far Cry 3 but I prefer that over the silence of the Far Cry 5 hero. Any game where I can collect sweet loot and level up always has my attention and as such I remain hyped for AC.
Honorable Mention: The Division 2- The Division is back! Enough time has passed to be excited, especially because I never played any of the DLC. They are doing quite a few things that makes this look more than a rehash of the first game.
First off, the setting is summer time in D.C.. This gave us more variety in scenery, with a jungle environment shown off as well as the typical urban environments. The devs also had more freedom in the clothing options they provided to the player, as they now no longer have to worry about getting frost bitten.
Enemies look a little different this time out. There are now heavily armored enemies that signify they are going to be bullet sponges. This is a welcome change from the first game where a random high level enemy would be taking a hundred bullets to the toque before they would drop. Non-armored enemies do appear but are much easier to dispatch than in the first Division. The time to kill dropping I fully endorse and I appreciate them attempting to ground the game further in realism. Enemies had some new tricks up their sleeves, such as gooping a player to the ground causing them to need their team mate to release them. I hope this is indicative of an effort to have more unique challenges to face along the way.
The enemies aren’t the only ones with a few new tools in their belt though. There were some new gadgets like a device that split into little bee-like things and heat sought an enemy before exploding. The biggest and baddest additions to your armory come in the form of high level special weapons. Once you hit the end game you will be presented the option to wield a grenade launcher, a 50 cal sniper or a torque bowesque cross bow. I am always up for more differentiation between party members and players, so I think this is a great change.
The raids will be launching soon after the release of the game in order to give players a chance to gear up and get high enough level to participate. The raids are 8 players and will require good gear and high level play to conquer. Personally I find this sort of end game content much more interesting than grinding endlessly in the dark zone. We didn’t get much about the dark zone but this first look at the game was more than enough to sate me for now.
In this instance Assassin’s Creed wins based on the hooks it has had in me for years. Division I enjoyed but has a lot to prove. I am hoping they have heard the player’s feedback and are able to turn that into a game with a deep end game, diverse enemies and characters that feel like your own.
Sony
Favorite Game: The Last of Us 2- This is one of those games I think you could release nothing about and still have people lined up outside of their local game store on day one. I think they have done a good job so far giving us just enough information to tantalize without overloading though.
We started on a scene where Ellie is at a dance and life seems to be going a lot better for her these days. Joel isn’t seen but is eluded to by a fellow community member. This seemed like a very deliberate decision to leave him out of the spotlight and make Ellie the focus. In fact in the whole trailer he never showed up once. The developers have stated that this is her story but I would not be surprised if we had the inverse of The Last of Us and have one or two Joel levels. The trailer continues with Ellie dancing with another woman and ends up kissing her. People who never played the The Last of Us dlc may not know Ellie was a lesbian but the devs have stressed this is a part of who she is, making it important to display this. I am all for getting more diverse characters in games over having the 100th old grizzled army vet character. Unfortunately for her life isn’t all kissing girls and dances though.
We quickly cut from her at the dance to being out in the dark, shanking an enemy from behind. The cut scene looked great but in true Naughty Dog fashion the in-game graphics were just as impressive. The first thing that struck me was the visuals but as the trailer progressed it was the movement that stuck with me. Everything Ellie does seems realistic and once she engaged with a group of enemies it became clear the level of immersion we will be experiencing.
The melee combat seems much more refined and interesting in this game. Any weapon an enemy holds Ellie can pick up. Even if it’s a heavy one handed weapon it will just become a slow two handed weapon for her. The melee kills were so detailed and unique they seemed like pre-scripted quick time events. When she killed an enemy their arrows clattered to the ground and Ellie would physically pick them up rather than having them just pop into your inventory when stepping on them. This was a lot to take in before even factoring in the exploration.
There is a jump button now included in the game. This sounds like a game changer when it comes to traversal and the ability to sneak up on enemies. Speaking of sneaking they have significantly increased the nuance of hiding in tall grass. It is no longer a simple “I’m in the grass so I’m invisible” situation. Enemies can now spot you if they are close enough which makes things much more harrowing. You can now duck under cars as well but the enemies will search under them for you. In a section of a supermarket they also showed her squeeze in between shelves to flank her enemies. This breadth of options makes simple scenarios have many different ways to tackle them. In that super market section you will notice enemies tell one another to spread out and search for you. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to their AI.
Each enemy knows that you are in a given space once alerted. This leads to them searching for you until they find you and not giving up like in other stealth games. They also have individual names, which their compatriots will call out. Changes like this make every grunt seem like a real person rather than a nameless thug. They also do not have patrol routes but move with a sense of purpose based on contextual clues they have. All in all it seems like Naughty Dog is poised to raise the bar for gaming yet again.
Honorable Mention: Ghost of Tsushima- This is a game we knew next to nothing about but it blew me away with its impressive showing. From the get go it was visually striking and unlike anything else we have seen. The use of color was striking with very muted tones at the start which easily drew the eye to the red tree matching the leaf that the main character, Jin, picked up. Apparently this is very much an open world game and the focus of the demo was a side quest. The fact that there was this level of detail in an open world game is impressive to say the least.
Once the titular ghost arrived on the scene of the crime he runs into three mongols terrorizing the locals. In typical Samurai fashion they square off before he one shots the opposition. The combat seems more involved than something like Arkham Asylum. It reminded me of For Honor where blocks and parries will be vital to survival.
Once Jin got closer to the temple it became a stealth section or so I thought. The devs confirmed he could have went in the front door swords blazing but he probably chose the smarter option. By using his grappling hook he was able to sneak in through the temple roof and dispatch of the enemies silently. The grappling hook is only one of many weapons that our protagonist will unlock throughout the game. It shows the necessary transformation he goes through from samurai to something more, in order to overcome the tremendous threat the mongol hordes pose. There was a section where he stabbed an enemy through a sliding screen door which was very cinematic but was not scripted. The end result would have been the same with backup being called but it would have come to fruition differently based on how you tackled the enemies. As I have mentioned time and time again, I value this level of player agency very much and can’t wait to see all the options available to the player.
In the end he had to confront his ally as she was threatening to kill the proprietor of the temple. Jin states that we should be fighting the mongols rather than out own country men. She chooses to rebutt with steel. Once again the swordplay seems very intense with slow mo dodges and sword clashes. Flaming arrows rained down around your battle and started a blaze as your duel waged on. The fact that this was not a main mission but had such a memorable set piece bodes very well and earned it my honorable mention.
#ghost of tsushima#the last of us 2#sony#microsoft#ubisoft#gears 5#cyberpunk 2077#assassin's creed#The Division 2
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Card City Nights
acronym party
My twitter feed today is half references to the pumpkin fascist’s amplification of civil war threats, and half untilted goose memes. But it’s Tuesday, so I’m going to uh, I’m going to write about Card City Nights.
Card City Nights (CCN) marks a couple of firsts here at List Oriented. First first: seventy-seven games in and it’s the first Digital Collectible Card Game (DCCG) that we’ve encountered. Second first: three decades into life it is the first such that I’ve ever played. I know, it’s been a popular genre for a few years now. Hearthstone, Gwent, Slay the Spire, Artifact, that other one you’re screaming at me to say but I’m not going to — I’ve heard of them all, tried none.
I am as ignorant of wider context here as I’ve ever been, basically, with little to compare CCN to, beyond the time I got into Wizard of the Coast’s (WotC) popular long-running (non-digital) collectible card game (CCG) Magic the Gathering (MTG) as a ten year old, and quit a year later because the friend who introduced it to our group moved back to Canada, and it’s not the kind of hobby a ten year old can afford to keep up with. So while I know CCN is not heaps similar to MTG, I don’t know if it plays at all like any of the other popular DCCGs.
So, I’m going to take the opportunity to try an experiment and attempt to describe this in reduced terms. Wish me luck.
Card City Nights is a video game. You, the player, play as someone who lives in a town (graphically depicted as an island-town) populated by cartoony people along with various supernatural cartoony creatures (the meta-text says that these are all characters from “the Ludosity Universe”, though I cannot speak to this because I have not played any of Ludosity’s other games (oh, I guess that marks a third first)). You can name your character whatever you like and pick their appearance from several options. Anyway, you find out that your town has all gone completely mad…for a card game! I can’t remember if the card game has a name, in the game, or if it’s just referred to as “the card game”. Someone shows you how to play it, and then you find out that if you collect eight unique “legendary” cards, which have been obtained by various people around the town, you can win a million (dollars? credits? coins?) maybe.
How do you obtain the legendary cards from the people who have possession of them? By beating them at the card game, of course! But you’ve got to find the right people, and often you’ve got to beat other people at the card game first in order to get to the legendary card owners, and sometimes there are other people who you can fight for booster packs of cards, as well as money (to buy more cards), but they aren’t strictly compulsory to your progression. Anyway, the point is that Card City Nights is a video game where you role-play as someone who plays a card game in a town full of people who want to play the same card game.
The card game itself is (unusually, I suppose) about placement. Players take turn placing cards onto their own 3x3 grid from a five-card hand. Most cards have one or more arrows pointing along eight directions. You build combos by having the arrows flow into one another, so for instance placing a card with a direct-left arrow to the right of a card with a direct-right arrow allows those two cards to combo. Combos usually require a minimum of three connecting cards, though some cards allow combos of two. As soon as a combo is made, an action is resulted and the cards disappear — you can’t choose to keep trying to add more cards to the combo. Actions depend on the type of cards within the combo. Cards can be either Attack, Defence, Revive or Neutral. Attack combos either reduce the opposing player’s health, or can disable a target card on the opposing player’s board. Defence combos add health to the casting player. Revive combos revive a previously disabled card. Neutral cards can be used to build any of the above combos.
You win if you can get your opponents health down to zero, or if they fill their grid and can’t place any more cards. Each deck has a minimum of twenty-five cards and a maximum of forty. If one player runs out of cards from their deck, they can’t pick up any more and they’ll lose health each turn. Because running out of cards is BAD but your deck has specific quality thresholds, you’re therefore going to be choosing between endurance and stacking, along with if you’re gonna hedge bets with your strategies, or have a deck more focused on attack or defence. Some cards also have special abilities to do with, say, disabling or flipping your opponents cards, or discarding from their deck.
The connective mechanic of the game is fun, and after several hours with the game I start seeing the green lights of a combo pathway in my minds eye as I’m going to sleep. It’s a mechanic that I can see working particularly well for a DCCG rather than a CCG, owing to the aforementioned green-light (I’m not what this game’s physical analogues are, or if such a game could work as well if the players were monitoring their own combos). I got less enjoyment from the process of trying to balance my decks with arrows that match up. It felt like the kind of thing I could fidget with endlessly, but in a “trying to remember a sliver of information that I’m sure I know” way rather than a “doing this is an inherently interesting experience” way.
I did enjoy the setting, for the most part. It leans into cartoon ridiculousness, but there’s something kind of wholesome and homely about the idea of this town, alive at night, everyone playing the same game. The narrative is pretty superfluous, but the writing is light, reasonably self-aware and funny and some of the characters are worth having the extra chat with. It could have used a little more in the music department, just IMO — the loop that plays during card battles repeats a short riff to the point that I couldn’t go more than a few minutes without muting it. But that’s also okay, because it’s the kind of game that pairs alright with other things going on in the background.
I think I’m about halfway through, four legendary cards collected, twenty-four wins and four losses notched. I’m a little sad to be leaving it here unfinished. Perhaps I’ll continue with it, for once. In my own private, unblogged time. Perhaps.
Where/When/Why/Who: Card City Nights came in the Humble Card Game Bundle of January 2015. I bought mainly with the intention of playing Dominion online, a thing I have not subsequently ever done. It was made by Ludosity [website], who are from Sweden (I think?) and also made, uh, Ittle Dew, and most recently uhm, Slap City. Card City Nights launched in 2014, and its sequel came out in 2017.
next is The Cat Lady
#game77#card city nights#digital collectable card game#dccg#ludosity#games of 2014#rpg#humble card game bundle
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Can you explain the card game Magic? I've tried to look it up myself and I'm still so lost 😂😂
As with most games, it's a lot easier to learn with actual cards in a demo game, so if you want to learn, I'd recommend finding a local game store and asking if anyone will teach you, but I can try for the basics. Further disclaimer: I do not actually play Magic much and am not great at it, don't @ me.So you start the game with a deck of (for our purposes) sixty cards and twenty life. If you cannot draw a card from your deck when required to do so or you have no life, you lose the game.(This means you have already lost the game because if you are playing Magic you have no life by default ooh nerd burn continue to not @ me.)The player who goes first does not draw a card on the first turn, so if you win the coin toss, opponents will often ask "play or draw." Faster, aggressive decks tend to want to play first; slower control decks often want the card. Since my only strategy in Magic is to play creatures and attack with them as soon as possible, I always play first. Your hand is seven cards, and if your hand is bad, you have the option to mulligan it and draw a new one with only six cards. You can keep doing this for as long as you want, but if you get down to, like, five cards, you are in bad shape just because you have so few cards in hand. In general, what you want from a hand is at least two and no more than four land cards, and ideally some cheap early-game cards. Land cards are what allow you to play your other cards. There are five basic lands: forest, island, plains, mountain, and swamp. These lands correspond to the five colors in the game: green, blue, white, red, and black. Each color has its own specialties and quirks. Green tends to be more aggressive and creature focused, blue has a lot of spells and stuff to screw with your opponent, white has healing and life gain, red is aggressive with spells (called "burn"), and black has life drain effects and necromancy shit. Don't @ me for this summary.So, each of those basic lands will tap (turn sideways) to produce mana of the corresponding color. You tap a forest, you get a green mana. You can use this mana to either pay the green cost of a card (represented by a little green tree) or colorless mana cost, which is just a number in a white circle. So if a card has a 1G cost, you need two total mana to play it, one of any color and one green.You can only play one land per turn, and ideally (especially early in the game) you are able to play one every turn, so you always have access to the maximum amount of mana that you can. I was going to say more about this but we're going to keep this SUPER BASIC so let's just move on. We're going to say you're playing first and have some decent cards. I'm happy for you.Because you're playing first, you start the game in your main phase. I want to say this phase has three parts, and if I'm wrong, don't @ me. There's pre-combat, combat, and post-combat. Most of your cards can only be played in your main phase: creatures, enchantments, artifacts, and sorceries are all main-phase only, unless they have special text. Let's say you have a forest and a cat that costs one green mana. It's cute. You play the cat, but you cannot attack with it yet! Attacking causes cards to tap, and creature cards can't be tapped for effects the turn they're played; this is called summoning sickness. If you have an artifact, you can tap it for an effect immediately, unless it's an artifact creature, in which case it also has summoning sickness. But that cat COULD drive a vehicle, if you had one, and if the vehicle didn't have summoning sickness.why am I doing thisANYWAY you have nothing to do in combat and no more mana, your turn ends, the end step happens. Then it's your opponent's turn! They get ALL the steps of their turn and oh my god there are so many, and they all matter if you are playing REAL Magic because you can play instants whenever you have priority in any phase and also tapping is an instant-speed thing so yeah. ANYWAY. Right now you don't care. But these things EXIST and sometimes you want or have to do things during them.Turns start with these steps: untap, upkeep, draw. Untap is, obviously, untapping any cards you tapped during your turn, which will let you use them. Upkeep sometimes has things you do in upkeep. I think it's not used that much anymore??? You actually can @ me about this. Draw is when you draw your card for the turn. So your opponent is just going to draw here because they have nothing to untap. Then they get their main phase, where they can play their own cards. As the game goes on, these steps will get more complicated. They will have creatures, you will have creatures. You will want to decided whether or not to attack them based on many factors, like what creatures they have to block your creatures, what kind of deck they're playing and how much land they have untapped, etc. But that's all the kind of thing you have to basically learn by playing. That is just the basics of how turns work.tl;dr use lands to play cards to reduce your opponent to zero life. (Unless you are Steve, in which case you want to force your opponent to get rid of cards from their deck so that they can't draw and lose the game. This is called "milling," after the card Millstone, so I have Miller like that in my fic.)also don't @ me
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My take on the 2x13 Karamel fight
Since this was being debated again, I decided to rewatch 2x13 (the Myxy episode), to offer my take on the argument(s) Kara and Mon-El are having in that episode.
I think on a metalevel the episode is structured as such: Kara and Mon-El are about to act on their feelings, when they get interrupted. Both are frustrated by this. Myxy gets under Mon-El’s skin. Kara and Mon-El argue, things get heated and both claim not to be interested in each other anymore, which imo both totally don’t mean/immediately regret saying. They both focus on taking Myxy out their own way, Kara’s is successful in the end. Mon-El confesses that he was jealous, Kara admits that she’s still interested. Kissing happens.
I think the episode is supposed to also represent the frustration as they were thisclose to getting together and then arguments prop up, but in the end, they both very much still want this.
On a character level I think Myxy gets to Mon-El because he’s hitting all the insecurities, that Mon-El is not good enough for Kara. And Mon-El is helpless in the face of this, also because Kara forbids him to act with violence. Did he really learn his lesson? (my take: not all of them at the same time, it takes some more episodes to reinforce things, Distant Sun is about the pros and cons of the non-violent approach, Homecoming has stuff Mon-El’s need to be useful to Kara and there are other ways can do that)
The Argument
I see their core argument mostly as partners/co-workers. And I do think that Mon-El was acting unprofessionally. I also think that that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’m pretty vocal in saying that I think Mon-El still has a way to go to be a true hero, but that’s okay because that means that there is still story left, things to discover, lessons to teach and learn.
So, the advice he gives is crap (”kill the imp”) and it gets rejected by Kara who wants the non-lethal approach. Kara’s attitude in this regard in reinforced once more by the scene where Kara protects some robbers from Myxy. Message: Yes, Kara protects even the lives of criminals.
While the is no doubt that Myxy is a real threat (after all, he tried to kill the robbers for funsies, he endangered people with the fake Parasite attack), at this point I don’t think he has definitively killed anybody. Also: neither the stories of J’onn (some imp moved a mountain range on Mars) and Mon-El imply that the imps are in general straight up killers/violent in general.
- On Daxam we had a zero tolerance policy for those creatures.
- You had them on Daxam?
- Yeah. And those guys knew how to party, but they're dangerous.
It’s not unrealistic that whatever troubles the Daxamites had with the imps was accidental or some more abstract threat to the order of society.
So, Mon-El suggests something, Kara rejects it because it goes against her values. Mon-El, probably because he is jealous/angry/not seeing clearly, refuses to consider that the other options could be successful too.
Because of this, he doesn’t give Kara the information, that in the end helps defeat Myxy till later. I don’t think that it was out of mean spiritness, after all he blurts it out by accident, I do think that it’s credible that he thought it wasn’t relevant.
Still, he had actually useful information on the imps, and he didn’t bring it up when they were first talking about the imps and going through Winn’s research on it. Kara definitely noticed (”You should have told me”) => So, unprofessional behavior, again, probably because blinded by jealousy/rage/whatever.
When everybody goes on about the scene where Kara and Mon-El argue at the DEO, I think the more questionable scene is when Mon-El starts arguing with Kara in front of the badguy/Myxy and she sends him away (which he eventually relents to, at least in front of Myxy).
He later steals an artifact from the DEO and goes after Myxy himself, getting the artifact destroyed in the process.
So all in all, not really a very successful day of being a superhero.
IMO at this point Kara is still his mentor/his boss/whatever you want to call it. Yes they want to work towards being partners, but they are not there yet. And that is imo fair because he still has some ways to go. After all it wasn’t the first time that he had trouble taking orders when personal feelings were involved.
So, he suggests something, Kara makes the executive decision to shoot it down, she then makes the executive decision to send him away. Mon-El reacts with whining (”You are so hard on me, Kara!”), he then goes off on his own attempt to take down Myxy and it backfires, after cooling his head for a bit he admits that he was jealous. At this point Kara has decided to go about this her own way, in a way that excludes Mon-El.
I think an interesting debate can be had about whether that was cruel, to make him think the rejection was real, to not tell or signal him somehow that this is a trick. I think Mon-El had spent enough time this episode being unreasonable and too emotionally involved into this issue that Kara would be justified in thinking that he couldn’t just stand back and be professional on this plan either. (and really, I’m pretty sure that Mon-El would have fought her on that whole “I’m gonna risk blowing up the fortress and killing myself to get Myxy to spell his name backward” plan and would have thought it was crazy)
And there’s also the chance that since Myxy can watch her from the 5th dimension, that she couldn’t risk Myxy finding out that it’s a trick.
So yeah, all in all, I do think that Mon-El was acting unprofessionally and that Kara was right to bench him. I also think that all things considering she has been a pretty forgiving mentor who gives him a lot of time to learn. Maybe she is hard on him sometimes, but in this episode, he clearly did fuck up.
And he also showed lack of understanding in regards to Kara’s morals/heroism in regards to killing. But like I said, I think the pros and cons of the non-lethal approach come up in other episodes. At this point Kara is still his “team lead” and if she wants to pursue the non-lethal approach, he has to follow that, even when he thinks it is stupid. He can debate it with her, but at this point it is still on her to make the call and take the risk.
As for macho/male-ego behavior, I do think him telling Myxy Kara was with him at the beginning of the episode rather than waiting for Kara to say it (especially considering that they aren’t really together-together at this point yet) was kinda that. But on the flip side, he does get called out of it.
I don’t think that it should be that contentious to think that Mon-El still screws up quite a bit in his heroism attempts in a variety of ways. He’s still learning. That’s the story.
Yes it is possible that sometimes Mon-El’s more pessimistic approach will prove to be correct, but Kara is the hero, that is her risk to take. She will deal with it when it gets to that point.
On a relationship level there’s also the argument that he also show lack of understanding of Kara’s character by feeling threatened by Myxy at all/by even falling for the ruse, that he would ever think Kara would go for Myxy (again, it can be argued by insecurity and by Homecoming which can be together with this one read at Mon-El think that Kara needs her boyfriend to be useful and that she would consider Myxy because he can be the better, more powerful partner in achieving good for the world; which again, shows lack of understanding of how Kara really ticks)
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-. C O R R U P T U S I V.-
Everything there was relatively close, but there were still distances that walking would take forever. Choosing the shuttle was an option for the Ricks that carry luggage and Zero didn’t repair a second by leaving his Morty in the merchandise section.
Good point that he was not the only boy there, but actually the only one who couldn’t stop sobbing /not so much by the wound on his lip, but from his heart/. Other Mortys tried to calm him down, but just mentioning that his pain was due to a Rick who locked him up for a while and then hit him for not-wanting-go; the Mortys looked away and take him as a madman.
The third branch of the citadel, however, was closed from the entrance, a team of forensic and other more detectives blocked the passage of tourists, noting that they couldn´t cross the area to the nursery.
“Why is the way closed here? I want to return this Morty in his care center” spit Zero with patience throws a garbage, pulling the red collar to his Fan Morty, the one who relaxed when he saw that the passage was closed and they surely would return to his home.
“Confidential information,” said a guard, who rolled his eyes and went to patrol; His relief was a freckled Morty guard who could barely hold his weapon.
“Y-YES! Confidential Information” screamed, avoiding the eyes of the eldest, but when he was no longer able to resist see him, a deep look made him even more pressure than his training instructor.
“The nursery was burned! It’s okay? Someone burned the nursery yesterday at afternoon, and although all the Mortys survived I can’t say the same thing about the Ricks, not one of them was left alive”
“Oh, I see,” Zero confessed. “Don’t you know where’s another? I really need to leave this Morty”
But that Morty was already somewhere else; In his memories. Rick Storage, that Rick who adopted him as his employee, his friend, died. He couldn’t say that he remembered something bad in him because even, his angry outbursts were valid.
It was then realized, that he never told him that he was leaving; Storage must have worried a lot when he didn’t find him at the store the next day after the night he left; He must have been the only one to care for him; ever. He never got a chance to call him, to visit him again and tell him he was fine and that a good Rick had already adopted him, surely Storage would have loved to hear it.
Someone as good as he, didn’t deserve death, much less be burned alive. The sores of memories about his first grandfather, the original, stormed him with surprise leaving him in a limbo of confusion. He repeated both images, his own Rick and Storage, as if his head wanted to explode.
Speechless.
“There’s an interim kindergarten to the east, but you have to record your visit to the council before you enter, I hope you don’t mind, sir.” concluded the guard
“The council? Since when are they interested in how the Mortys are handled?”
“I don’t know, sir.”
“You bastard!” shouted Rick guard returning from his routine “Don’t talk to the tourists”
“Sorry sir! ” a silly military greeting.
“And you both!” said the guard “Stop harassing my Morty, pervert, you already have one”
Zero and Morty got out of there, this time walking, the Great Court of the Ricks’ Council was not far off and if that was one of the few requirements that they asked to left a Morty into a Day Care, that was fine. They entered the reception, but where re-directed to the court room.
A Morty lawyer received them kindly, especially with Super Fan, as he took him to an infirmary for general review. Zero Rick stayed in the huge seminar room, in front of those 6 hypocrites who looked at him disgusted.
“Why would you want to return that beautiful exemplary to the place where you took it?”
“I can’t keep him, he’s a pain in the ass.”
“Did you think about it when you adopted him?”
“I didn’t adopt him, he wanted to go with me, now give me my permission to return him.”
“Can you show us your registration papers?”
“I don’t have any”
“Well… You’d have checked the memorandum that we sent last week. It has become illegal all Morty without registration, he will be seized as evidence, and you will be sent to prison for attempted steal”
“What?” His weak posture straightened “What are they talking about? I don’t have any messages, this is incredible, you can’t arrest me for possessing a Morty.
"One without papers, yes, I’m sorry, Zero, it’s the rules now”
The older man’s tantrum only increased when he noticed that the guards were approaching him, especially since HIS Morty was out of sight. Those damned bastards had taken him away, and he delivered himself to their doors.
“You never care about the Mortys. Why would you something like that until now?”
“I’ll tell you something, things change. They can swith…” Riq V’s smile spread along with his aura; Now that Zero remembered, he was the only one who had been talking, the others were still there.
"You’ll go to prison until you find out that Morty is yours, and that you also can take care of him as he deserves. Otherwise … He’ll be added to our private collection, I understand he have a liking for the Ricks, surely he’d have fun there"
“Don’t you dare to put a finger on MY Morty! I will kill you!”
“Your Morty? Didn’t you want to return him a few seconds ago? I think you’re exaggerating your words, don’t you think? I’m getting hard of thinking about that tight ass"
A pair of Ricks guards, possibly the strongest of them, took him by the arms to get him out of court; He tried to take his pistol by a wrong move, kicking or pushing were far from helping him.
"This is unfair! Let me go! Don’t do anything to my Morty!” The terror assaulted him again, he felt a great emptiness in his being, more than he usually felt.
He wanted him, he wanted that Morty with him and he was just accepting it until now. How he dind’t realize it before? The fleet took him straight to the ship that would take him to his future cell, never felt so much panic in his life. He had to return, he had to rescue the boy from the horrendous destiny that had marked him. Everything became black and confused, the walls contracted against himself and his phobias little helped to move his thoughts away.
It had all been his fault.
…
“You must be scared, is this your first time in an infirmary?”
- …
“Morty?”
-No, it’s not.
“Don’t you like to talk?”
Fan Morty looked at him with a wounded gleam in his eyes, dead. The lawyer only snickered.
“Easy, I read your dimension history, it is normal for you to act like this; But that was over. You will be safe here; where we go, no damn Rick will hurt us again.
"Where we go?”
The nursing Morty finished his work by reviewing it superficially, letting it rise from the table, but without removing the patient’s blue coat.
“I need to know if you have other traumas, can you turn around?” said the nurse"
“What will you do?” asked Fan Morty.
“I’m going to check your ass, many Mortys come here without knowing what they have in there, oh boy, I’ve found every single thing...” the nurse looked at the lawyer, and he nodded to turn to see other side.
“Zero would never do that to me,” he said indignantly, followed by a moan as he felt the twinge of a thin artifact creep into his body.
“Oh dear, nothing has gotten there before, sorry for taking your first time with a detector,” announced the nurse, filling the reports.
“You come from a daycare, right?” Asked the lawyer, back for looking at the whole scene with utter curiosity.
“Yeah, that’s right … I was the lead assistant from … Rick Storage.
But far from saddened, SRFM pronounced his name with much love, being careful not to waste it in vain.
"Yes, of course, then you know how to run a kindergarten?”
“I suppose, but what’s all this about?”
“Look, I’ll tell you the truth. You called my attention because you have a past in common with horrible Ricks, the Rick of your dimension was a drunk, I’m surprised he didn’t rape you before. That Storage was an abusive one that got you to do his job while he was making all the money, and this … kidnapper, Zero; He had you prisoner in his basement for a while, didn’t he? Morty A-031?
"How do you know all this?”
“That’s none your business. What matters is that your anger towards the Ricks must be so great, I have no problem confessing this to you. We’re planning a revolution. The Great Revolution of the Mortys. We can be free if you help us”
Super fan carved his eyes, it had to be a joke. The nurse now prepared some liquid in a test tube, and the lawyer looked at him expectantly. Something inside the Rick’s fanatic convinced him to follow the game, he was startled by what he was hearing.
“We burn the nursery, to be able to release all those Mortys in the citadel, the more we are, the more power we will have.”
“But a guard told me there was another kindergarten to the east …”
“It’s a lie, all the Mortys must tell the Ricks that, but they must first come to this court to - handle - their abandonment. Here I welcome the Mortys who were to be cruelly discarded, and assign them a place in the mission.
"W-what do you do with the R-Ricks?”
“I lock them up until we can control them all; it isn’t so difficult.
"Does Ricks’s Council allow this?”
“My pets? They barely know what race they are, those bastards do what I tell them to do.
"… Who you are?”
“Just a Morty, of course, Mortimer X-043, to serve you.”
“ … ”
“ … ”
“ … There are no Mortys on the X Dimension… ”
“And here wont be more Ricks ”
The nurse approached the fan’s arm, taking him unawares, injecting a pink serum into his skin, the boy’s pupils dilated instantly, his posture loosened in a matter of seconds. He was weak, manipulative.
“I’d like to know, Morty,” the lawyer continued. “When I take the citadel and rule these damn old men, you’ll be with me at Ricks Daycare, which I intend to open, as our helper?”
“ … ”
The lawyer thundered his fingers a couple of times, the dose of sedative was overloaded.
“I… I-I will,” he whispered.
“All right! That’s all I wanted to know, take him to the Ricks’ board, those bastards made it excellent, I’m going to reward them with him”
#rick sanchez#rick and morty#rick sanchez and morty smith#rickandmorty#fanfiction#rick and morty fanfiction#corruptus#zerover#zerover fanfic#yaoi
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Guide for New Paladins (Paladin FAQ)
We at the University of Justice would like to thank Professor Hayashi Sayuri for writing up a helpful FAQ for our new students. As she is missing all but one of her limbs, she is the only one on staff who has the time to write it up.. Let this set an example to all our young paladins to always strive to do good, in whatever small ways you can.
Author’s Note: Go fuck yourself, Bartosz.
If, at the end of this FAQ--or even before it--you have any further questions for Professor Hayashi, please drop them in my ask box. (Write “ask Hayashi” or “for Hayashi” or “paladin FAQ” or something so I know it’s aimed at her.)
Q: Can I lie?
Your powers come from your force of personality. What do you think?
Q: Can I use poison?
Yes.
Q: But that’s dishonorable!
You’re a paladin, not a knight.
Q: I’m lawful. Shouldn’t I follow the rules of honorable combat?
No.
Q: I’ve been challenged by a Blackguard to a duel in single combat, and she’s far more powerful than me. What should I do?
Cheat.
Q: Seriously?
Yeah. You’re not a knight. Or a Blackguard for that matter. People expect paladins to be honorable, but we don’t have to, so it’s more surprising when we cheat. It’s an advantage you shouldn’t waste.
Q: Isn’t cheating chaotic?
It can be. A lot of cheating tactics lean toward chaos. If you’ve been cheating a lot in combat, you should be careful to make sure you’re being very lawful in your day-to-day life. Spend a couple days around an actual chaotic person--that should do the trick.
Q: Am I allowed to use ranged weaponry?
What kind of Hoplite shit is this?
Q: Am I allowed to run away?
Are you allowed to use tactics? Yes. Yes you are.
Q: But shouldn’t I stand my ground?
Not if you can escape and fight again tomorrow. Being a paladin doesn’t mean you have to be Stupid Good.
Q: What if there are innocents who will die? I can’t just leave them.
Oh, then you sacrifice yourself. Just don’t do it for nothing.
Q: Do I have to challenge people to single combat?
No. Single combat is usually stupid. You’re not even well-built for single combat. You can hit evil things pretty hard, but you’re still pretty much just a melee combatant. You’ll do a lot better if you have a wizard friend to throw fireballs and a rogue friend to backstab your opponent.
Q: Am I allowed to steal?
In very specific circumstances, yes. For example, you could steal a key from a guard to free some prisoners. Or you could steal an evil artifact from some cultists in order to destroy it. Basically, the rule of thumb is that you can’t steal if it would profit you anyway, or if it would hurt innocents.
Q: So can I loot corpse?
Oh yeah, totally. How do you think I got this sweet axe?
Q: I’ve heard that all paladins must consume a daily quantity of sugar, but I’m a diabetic. What should I do?
...what? What the fuck?
Q: Am I allowed to have premarital sex?
Have as much sex as you want. Actually, there’s a spell some paladins learn that lets them have half-celestial kids.
Q: Yeah, but if you’re married, it’s different!
Look, UofJ is a college. If sex made you fall, we wouldn’t have any students after the first two weeks.
Q: Can I be gay and be a paladin?
I don’t know. Let me ask my girlfriend.
Q: But I mean, you can’t, like, have sex, right?
Yeah, I’m not discussing my sex life with students.
Q: I’m in a poly relationship. Do I have to give it up to become a paladin?
It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in. It literally doesn’t matter.
Except an abusive relationship, I guess. If you’re abusive, you’ll fall.
Q: I’m into, um, kinky stuff in the bedroom. Could that keep me from becoming a paladin?
Ah, college kids. Such priorities.
Q: My girlfriend cheated on me, and she’s still a paladin. How is that possible?
Because that’s not evil. It just makes you a dick. You can be a dick and still be a paladin, Ginevra.
Q: Am I allowed to drink?
With this job? Yeah.
Q: So if you can drink are you allowed to do...other things...like drugs?
Drugs have nothing to do with alignment. The drug trade is evil, though, so...grow your own, maybe?
Q: Do I have to respect my elders?
I wish you did.
Q: Am I allowed to kill prisoners?
If a mortal being has surrendered, no. (Unless they draw a weapon, or--in some circumstances--if they attempt to run away.)
Q: What if the person who surrendered killed my father, and I want to avenge him? (I’m asking for a friend.)
We don’t do that. If you want vengeance, get a different class.
Q: Am I allowed to use torture?
Torture is always evil.
Q: But what if I need to do it to get information that will save lives?
It’s still evil. Anyway, torture isn’t really effective. Even if you, say, saw someone’s foot off so they can’t walk anymore (without any anesthesia or magic), they won’t tell you the truth, they’ll just say what you want to hear.
Q: How do I get the information, then?
Your powers come from your force of personality. Maybe you can think of something?
Q: I want to become a paladin, but I’m impatient and I don’t know if I can deal with being nice to people all the time.
Then you’re in luck, because paladins are the biggest assholes I’ve ever met.
Q: Am I allowed to use evil magic?
No...it’s evil…?
Q: So I can’t use necromancy?
No, necromancy is fine. Evil magic is anything that comes from the lower planes. You know. Where evil comes from. That’s all.
Q: But undead are evil!
Most of them. But necromancy is negative energy, not evil. Are you really planning on double-classing paladin/wizard necromancy subtype?
Q: Well, no, but I--
Didn’t think so.
Q: Is eating meat evil?
Oh fuckers, not you again! I have to say this every year. No. Eating meat will never be evil.
Q: Am I allowed to swear?
No.
Q: Am I allowed to be sarcastic?
No.
Q: Which god do I have to worship?
None of them.
Q: What? I can be an atheist?
Sure. Or you can worship a god. There’s plenty of places of worship on campus. But it’s not a requirement. (And ignore that “wall of the faithless” crap, that’s just god propaganda.)
Q: This sounds like some sort of Sigil crap.
Not all atheists come from Sigil. Some of them are normal Primes who just don’t happen to worship a god.
Q: But still, I want to be a humble paladin, not a stuck-up wizard in an ivory tower or something.
Actually, there’s more atheist paladins than any other class. Because we know where we’ll go when we die, there’s not much incentive--
Hayashi, this is starting to sound like a conversion pamphlet.
Let’s try that again. Worshiping, or not worshiping, any given god will have no affect on your status as a paladin. Got it?
Q: But I met someone who was a paladin of Pelor/Garl Glittergold/the One/Dionysus/Eilistraee!
Yeah. Lots of paladins do that. But they don’t get their powers from their god. It’s just something they say to show they draw their inspiration from their god. You could be a paladin of learning or a paladin of cheese and crackers if you want.
Q: So I can be a paladin of Pelor/Garl Glittergold/the One/Dionysus/Eilistraee?
Sure.
Q: That was a joke, right? There are no paladins of Eilistraee, right?
Actually, she has a rather large order. They get purged frequently.
Q: Okay, but...there aren’t any paladins of Lolth, right?
I’ve met at least one.
Q: Are there gods I can’t worship?
Not as far as I know. I mean, swearing fealty to an evil god seems wrong somehow, but plenty of orc paladins from traditional families still worship their racial pantheon.
Q: Orc paladins?!
Heck, even I sometimes go to ceremonies, and I haven’t worshipped those dicks since I was twelve.
Q: I might feel more comfortable getting this information from a, uh...human paladin?
Too bad. Anyway, I’m half-elven, and I’ve only got my left arm, so let’s assume that’s the elven half.
Q: That’s not how halves work.
Worship whatever gods you want. And get used to seeing orcs, because UofJ has a “savage scholarship.” It’s some kind of outreach program.
Q: Don’t they fall a lot?
All our students fall a lot. We’ve got a 41% graduation rate.
Q: What about worshipping demons?
Don’t worship demons.
Q: So, I’ll fall?
I don’t know, but nobody should worship demons.
Q: Should I go on a suicide mission to Hell?
No.
Q: Should I go on a suicide mission to the Abyss?
No.
Q: Should I join the blood war?
NO.
Q: I’ve fallen. What should I do now?
First, DO NOT make a deal with a demon.
Okay, second, take a deep breath. Falling isn’t the end. Just get an atonement spell, and you’ll be back in shape after one adventure. The majority of paladins are still LG after falling, with a minority being NG, and a smaller minority becoming CG or LN. Rarely is the action that caused a paladin to fall so heinous that the paladin becomes evil as a result. Although it has been known to happen, Phil.
Third, DO NOT make a deal with a demon.
Q: I don’t want to atone. I don’t think what I did was wrong.
That’s fine. For lots of former paladins, falling was a wake-up call. It made them realize that LG wasn’t for them, and they could do just as much good as a different class. Some become NG or CG, some become LN. Others remain LG, but choose not to atone.
If being a paladin is keeping you from personal fulfilment, I personally suggest you don’t even try. Yeah, free will means we can choose our alignment, but if your nature’s more chaotic, why fight it? Chaos can do just as much good as law.
Just make sure that you DO NOT make a deal with a demon.
Just because you decide to stay fallen, doesn’t mean you need to bang your way down the alignment tree hitting every branch on the way down. One evil action doesn’t mean you’re evil, now. (Those who fell due to becoming chaotic probably shouldn’t need this reminder, but you didn’t even do anything evil.) Being LN (or TN or CN) is a perfectly acceptable option. And you’re probably still good. There’s lots of alignments between “paladin” and “batshit crazy.”
You’re a paladin, so you’re used to alignment being a zero sum game, but now that you’re fallen, it’s time to get used to the idea that everyone has an alignment. Look at all the people around you who aren’t paladins. Do they go around murdering babies and raping cats?
Q: But what I did wasn’t wrong. Isn’t there some sort of Good Appeals Board I can take this up with?
Look, alignment isn’t one of those fuzzy, loosy-goosy conceptual things, like gods or oxygen or whatever. If you get dumped by Lolth, you can appeal to her (good luck), but if your alignment changed, it doesn’t really matter if Heaven takes pity on you or not.
Q: But I’m still Lawful Good!
Doesn’t mean you’re still a paladin, though.
Q: Why not?
If you’re still LG, it’s because you committed an evil action. Few evil actions are enough to change the alignment of a good person (like I said, it can happen, Phil), but those evil actions still matter.
Q: You said alignment is objective. I’m objectively LG! Heaven doesn’t care that I committed one evil action. Why should it matter?
Because we hold ourselves to a higher standard. That’s what makes us paladins.
Q: Didn’t you just say people who weren’t paladins could do just as much good?
Yeah. Cause they see good as a risk/reward calculation. Being willing to let things get a little messy might mean you take the bigger reward--you save more people. You help more. But paladins aren’t just about helping. Paladins are also supposed to be an example of what LG is.
Q: So you’re saying LG is more good than NG and CG are?
No, I’m saying it’s more lawful. Being a paladin means abiding by a code. The code says we never commit and evil action. So even if it seems really small, and the amount of good it could accomplish is really great, we don’t do it, cause it’s against the code.
Q: You’re saying paladins can’t think for themselves?
If there’s anything I’ve learned as a teacher, it’s that people are idiots, and not thinking for themselves is sometimes a blessing.
Q: But I’m still Lawful Good!
Then following a code shouldn’t bother you so much, should it? You can’t be a paladin again until you atone. Says so in the rules. See?
Q: Are the NG and CG exemplars our enemies?
Of course not. The beings of NG and CG are our allies in the fight against evil. Stupid allies who consistently ruin plans, but allies nonetheless.
Q: I’m 37th in a long family line of paladins. My parents want me to become a paladin, too, but I’m not sure. What should I do?
Don’t do it. You’re not cut out for it, and you’ll wind up falling.
Q: Should paladins act for the greater good?
I’ve never met anybody, paladin or otherwise, who said “greater good” and didn’t mean “evil.”
Q: If I meet an evil person, I should kill them, right?
Slow down, sparky. Killing isn’t the solution to every problem.
Q: But I can detect evil!
Yeah, and? That’s so you don’t get tricked by obvious con artists. (I was going to complain about the rumor that paladins are easily tricked, but looking back over these questions, I should probably bite my tongue.) You can’t literally kill everyone who pings as evil.
Q: But they’re evil.
Most of the world’s evil. Take a walk around Rome. If you went around trying to “eliminate” all of them, you’d be fallen in a day.
Q: Paladins are supposed to fight evil. How can I fall for that?
Look, I get that it’s objective reality or whatever, but there’s degrees of evil. Like, are you going to kill a 16 year old street urchin because she’s too poor to get money any other way than picking pockets, when there’s a devil right there?
Q: So you’re saying paladins are never allowed to kill mortals?
What? No, of course not. If it’s in self-defense, or defending someone else, it’s not murder. And even murder can be the right choice sometimes. Just use your brain. If you kill everyone who’s evil, well…
Q: Isn’t it better to try to get rid of all the evil people?
You know alignment can change, right? Free will?
Q: So I shouldn’t kill demons just for being evil, either?
What? No, that’s different. They’re demons. They’re not just people that are evil, they’re made of evil.
Q: Okay, but what about mortals that have a racial inclination to evil?
You mean alufiends? They still have free will. I know a nice LN alufiend who runs a teashop.
Q: And what about savage races?
That’s kind of an outdated term. I believe they prefer...actually, those races have nothing in common, so there is no PC term for them as a whole. “Mortals of non-heroic origin”?
Q: I mean, after wiping out a band of marauding goblins, if I find they had a child, what should I do? Should I slay it, to prevent it from harming the community later?
There is a runaway trolley barrelling down the tracks toward five people who are tied up, unable to move. One person stands on the other tracks. Do you pull the lever to switch the trolley, or do nothing?
Q: What does that have to do with anything?
That’s what you sound like.
Q: But that’s an interesting philosophical question.
No. It’s not. If morality is decided entirely in the realm of the hypothetical, then there’s no consequences, and therefore morality has no meaning. There would never be a trolley barreling toward five people, one person on the other tracks, and you deciding what switch to pull. The only reason to come up with an answer about the trolley problem is to feel good about yourself. UofJ doesn’t train you so you can sit around in an office like me, answering Philosophy 101 questions like some NPC class.
Q: Yeah, but what if there was a trolley?
You want an answer to the trolley problem? Fine. Jump in front of it yourself.
Q: What?
You jump in front of it yourself. You sacrifice yourself. That’s the only thing a paladin ever sacrifices for the good of the group. Get it?
Q: But what if the person on the other tracks was a baby goblin?
Don’t kill children, you idiot!
(Author’s Note: It’s been pointed out to me by my esteemed colleague that some of our students may not be aware that goblins, like all mortal races, have free will. They don’t have a special inclination toward evil. I’d think that’s plenty of justification to flunk them on the spot, but I’m not the president of UofJ.)
Q: But the goblin pantheon is evil!
And Lathander’s the god of the morning, but that doesn’t mean Professor Clery won’t bite your head off if you talk to her before she’s had her cup of coffee. (After she’s woken up at 11, the lazy git.)
Q: It’s different for humans.
It’s really not. And Professor Clery’s a bugbear.
Q: Okay, I won’t kill every evil person I meet, but I can’t travel with them, right?
I mean, that’s up to you.
Q: I won’t fall for having evil companions?
I mean, I guess you would if you started doing evil things with them? But not just for travelling with them, no. An evil person existing doesn’t make you evil by association.
Q: But if I have evil companions, they’ll backstab and betray me.
Not if you’re working toward a common goal. Evil just means they’re willing to screw over other people, not that they’re compelled to do it. If there’s a terrifying world-ending squid that wants to eat your hometown, then the evil hexblade is just as likely to want to get rid of it as you are.
Q: So I can’t torture anybody, but if the party rogue is already evil, I could just get her to do it…?
No!
Q: I thought I was supposed to tolerate my companions being evil.
No, you’re supposed to tolerate them. You should try to stop them from doing evil actions. Anything short of violence works. I like to go all orcish grandma on them. Passive aggression is really effective.
Q: I had my leg bitten off by a demonic crocodile. What should I do?
I don’t know, maybe write FAQs for idiot kids.
Q: A devil came around recruiting for the blood war…
I already told you, no!
Q: What if doing the right thing is against the law of the land?
You do the right thing.
Q: But I’m Lawful. If I don’t follow the laws of the land, won’t I fall?
You’re Lawful Good. You can’t just be lawful or just be good, you’re both. And LG means that you don’t follow evil laws.
Q: If I come from an evil country, how can I be lawful without following evil laws?
You don’t have to follow the law of the land to be lawful. Lawful just means you strive toward a consistent ideal. You keep a code--even if it’s not explicitly written out--of who you want to be. If that goes along with your country’s laws, that’s good, but if it means standing against your country’s laws, that’s still consistency. Consistency is what matters.
Q: So if I’m in an evil country, do I have to stand up to their laws?
As a rule, fixing society isn’t really our job. If you see evil right in front of you, you should try to stop it, but trying to bring real change to society is more trouble than it’s worth. It’s not our job to end slavery and stop genocide. Our job is to end cosmic threats. It’s a lot more efficient to focus on threats everyone can agree on. We might have different opinions about if mages should be locked in towers or own slaves, but we can all agree that someone’s gotta cut down the Blight.
I mean, I can’t exactly go home and “liberate” the women and end male rule--not without getting them to ditch the pantheon, which I don’t think they’d be keen on--but if I see a guy beating a woman, I can at least step in and mess his face up a little.
Editor’s note: This is just one paladin’s opinion and does not represent the views of UofJ. Many paladins get involved in politics and make a difference by fighting for justice.
Also, it’s called a patriarchy. You’re a scholar now, Hayashi, you could learn a few simple words.
Author’s note: Yeah, this kind of language mumbo jumbo is exactly the waste of time I’m talking about. I can sit here arguing over what to call men beating their wives, which is super helpful, or I can go kill demon squids.
Editor’s note: Since you’re no longer able to kill much of anything, you might consider getting more involved in social justice.
Author’s note: But then how would I provide this helpful FAQ?
Q: Wait, what are you talking about? Why did you bring up slavery?
It’s one of the more common evils. Most empires have some form of slavery. Rome, for instance. And let’s not get started on the drow…
Q: In my culture, slavery is perfectly acceptable. Can I still be a paladin?
What, and be OK with slavery? No.
Q: But it’s my culture!
Yeah, well, your culture’s wrong. It happens.
Q: That’s racist.
Seriously? After asking for a human to write this FAQ, I’m the racist? Look, I get it. I come from an evil culture, too. Let’s face it, most of us do. But things aren’t good just cause they’re culture.
Q: What about cannibalism? My culture’s okay with cannibalism. You said eating meat was never evil.
...I was talking about...I was talking about animal meat...no...no, cannibalism isn’t okay…
Editor’s Note: Technically speaking, cannibalism is only evil if you kill someone for the purpose of eating their flesh. If they were dead anyway, or you killed them for some other reason, and then due to starvation, you ate their flesh, that would be fine. Or if you ate flesh as part of a burial ritual. It’s killing someone for the purpose of eating them that’s evil.
Which is a reminder, kids, you should check out Bartosz’s philosophy 101 class, where you can discuss all these pedantic meaningless distinctions. Or you could not commit cannibalism, because that’s disgusting.
Q: I stabbed through a curtain, thinking my uncle was behind it, and I accidentally murdered an innocent.
Wait, what? Why did you want to kill your uncle? Never mind, I don’t want to know. There’s probably some creepy incest thing going on. Sorry, I started writing a response before I finished reading the question. Let’s see what it is.
Q: I didn’t fall. What gives?
You committed an evil act, but unknowingly. The paladin code recognizes intent. Accidentally killing an innocent, and other evil acts committed in ignorance, don’t cause you to fall.
Q: They don’t count as evil actions?
No, they do. If you somehow ignorantly committed enough evil acts in ignorance to change your alignment and become LN, you’d still fall. You can’t be a paladin if you’re not LG. I’ve never heard of a case of that happening, though, because you’d have to be really ignorant. And really clumsy.
Q: Wait, so don’t I benefit from staying ignorant? Is knowledge what causes evil? Should I eschew all knowledge from now on?
If that’s how you view being a paladin, then you’re gonna fall.
Q: All right, I don’t fall, but I still feel bad about it. What can I do to avoid it?
Okay, well, uh...instead of stabbing someone through a curtain, maybe, I don’t know, offer a chance to surrender first? Or at least call out, “Who’s there?”
Q: Wait, never mind. I spent like 20 days pondering the consequences of my sins and what to do next, and I fell anyway. So, did I fall because I learned my actions were evil and was able to appreciate the consequences?
No, that’s not really how it works.
Q: What the hell, then? Why did I fall?
Well, paladins are kind of, you know, action oriented. Sitting around for 20 days not taking action when your uncle’s apparently evil or something doesn’t really...work.
Q: Maybe I should consider what class I should be, then. This will require much reflection.
Yeah, okay, kid. You, uh...you do that.
Q: Okay, I’m good at the fighting stuff and the dying stuff, but I’m not sure about the social aspect of being a paladin. How should I treat the fairer sex?
Uh. Just treat them...like people?
Q: What about chivalry?
We don’t have that, uh, code. And some of us are women.
Q: Oh, that’s a good point! How should I treat paladin women? Should they be treated the same way I should treat other women, or…?
Seriously, treat them the same way you treat men. Supposedly any kind of treating the sexes differently counts as a minor evil act and can change your alignment, or something. So my colleagues tell me, anyway. Also, it’s super annoying.
Q: What do you mean?
Well, you know, if women are your fellow adventurers, they don’t usually want you opening dungeon doors for them and stuff. Especially if she’s the party rogue and you didn’t give her time to check for traps.
Q: So, treat them exactly the same?
Yep.
Q: Wait, am I allowed to attack women?
No. Even if a woman is evil, and is attacking you, and you will die unless you defend yourself, you can’t attack her. You will always fall if you attack women.
Q: Is it about ethics in games journalism?
No. It is never about ethics in games journalism.
Q: What kind of mount do you recommend?
Well, of course, all mounts are great and I’m sure you’ll succeed no matter what you choose. But dire parrots are the best! You can teach them to curse, and then you can really intimidate enemies by swooping toward them on a brightly colored steed shrieking “Fuck you and your mother! Bacaw!”
Q: Are you trolling?
No. My dire parrot is the best mount. Can your mount talk? I didn’t think so.
Q: Wait, so you have a parrot...you’re missing your legs...and a hand…are you a pirate?!
Yeah, we’re done here.
#d&d#d&d faq#hayashi sayuri#paladin faq#paladin#alignment#lawful good#savage race#orc#goblin#sigil#half-orc#dire parrot#university of justice
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WHERE TO START A BIG DEAL
The reason funding deals take so long to do it. It is a truth universally acknowledged? That deal probably made them more than any other they've done. If you take VC money, and now they'd have to pay a little more than they would if they got in at the very beginning, but only a little. Since valuations are made up, founders shouldn't care too much about them. The VC funds that don't adapt won't be violently displaced. Perhaps this was the sort of startup that approaches them saying the train's leaving the station; are you in or out?1 It's from Neil Oliver's A History of Ancient Britain. They would seem to have history on their side.2 Otherwise everyone's writing would sound like them talking. There will be a tendency to push it back to their IPO in August 2004, but they all wait to invest.3
Either way it sucks.4 The sticking point is board seats. The danger here is that new founders, looking at existing founders, will think that they're supermen that one couldn't possibly equal oneself. One thing that leads us astray here is that the kind of doofuses who run pension funds. In fact most aren't. We also see signs of a divergence between founders and investors, and they don't reply, that's a bad sign. Risk is always proportionate to reward.5 You may as well just translate these to we're giving up on the startup.6 This is like funding Steve Ballmer in the hope that the programmer he'll hire is Bill Gates—kind of backward, as the events of the Bubble showed. One by one, all the things founders dislike about raising money are going to get nothing. Some founders are quite dejected when they get turned down by everyone.
Google was different from Yahoo. It's in their interest for content to be as a startup, but we're going to keep working on the startup, but simply because they're least willing to move. When Google stuck Kleiner and Sequoia with a $75 million premoney valuation, their reaction was probably Ouch!7 When we were visiting Yahoo to talk about being acquired, we had this startup on the side when I was in grad school, but it doesn't cost much.8 The startup will now do that themselves. Being turned down by everyone. It's not aimed at producing a correct estimate of any given individual, but at selecting a reasonably optimal set. And since a startup is the feeling that what you're doing. VCs will probably adapt, by doing more, smaller deals will probably find they have to be devious. Not because they contribute more to the startup, you are in big trouble.
Are there zero users who really love you, or is there at least some little group that does? The future is simple deals with standard terms, done quickly. Tranched deals are an abuse. They're not going to move to Albuquerque just because there are some smart hackers there they could invest in. What most don't realize is how late. But it's still hair-raising for the founders is not competitors but investors. Then there was a tradition of startups taking VC money, you have to keep pushing, keep selling, all the investors are your friends in words, but few realized it because startups were so out of fashion. That may not have to be a board member to give. More time gives investors more information about a startup's trajectory, and it has to be ignorable to work. So far that is a 100% accurate predictor of death because in addition to the distraction it gives you something to say you're doing. So the most successful startup of all is likely to have seemed an extremely risky bet at first, and that will get corrected in the process is option pools.9
They're less willing to do things that might look bad. What investors still don't get is how clueless and tentative great founders can seem at the very beginning. Or rather, investors who do that will get easier too. So startup hubs like Silicon Valley benefit from something like the marketplace effect, but shifted in time: startups are there because startups were so out of fashion. If you don't yet have any traffic, they fall back on number 2, what other investors think. True, but I could tell he didn't quite believe anyone would be frightened of them. And in fact, to anyone who wanted to make web apps work like desktop ones. The third cause of Microsoft's death: everyone can see the evolution of book publishing in the books on my shelves.10 And if you just hang on, things will probably get more attention from investors in a series A round than an angel round. You'd negotiate a round size and valuation with the lead, who'd supply some but not all of the money they manage: about 2% a year in management fees, plus a few new ones that are not among the top 20 or so firms, plus a few new ones that are not among the top 20 or so firms, plus a percentage of the gains. Some magazines may thrive by focusing on the magazine as a physical object. When Google stuck Kleiner and Sequoia.
They may have to pay for Facebook. At this point he is committed to fight to the death. One is that investors will increasingly be unable to offer investment subject to contingencies like other people investing.11 They're not going to move to Albuquerque just because there are some smart hackers there they could invest in. Don't assume when this happens that you've failed. So if they wanted, raise series A rounds, the investors won't take as much equity as VCs do now. It explains why VCs tend to interfere in the companies they invest in by taking so long to do it. Knowing that should help. I think, because they generally don't die loudly and heroically.
The odds of getting from launch to liquidity without some kind of disaster happening are one in a thousand. Nearly all the returns are concentrated in a few years and they're ready to write checks again.12 This is understandable with angels; they invest on a smaller scale and don't like to have too much money chasing too few deals. If you take funding at a premoney valuation of $1 million.13 In theory these details are minor ones; by definition all the important points are supposed to be covered in the termsheet will be interpreted to your disadvantage. But even those they use no more than necessary. The distributors want to prevent the transparency that comes from having prices online. But this time the result may be different from the way things felt in 2001.14
Notes
In 1525 he was before, but in practice investors discount merely predicted revenue, so it may be useful in solving problems too, of course. Hodges, Richard.
Content is information you don't need its reassurance. The Price of Inequality. It should not try to ensure startups are competitive like running, not where to see artifacts from it, and as an example of computer security, and unleashed a swarm of cheap component suppliers on Apple hardware. Some, like a ragged comb.
Instead of no one would have been the general manager of the word wealth. Travel has the same work, but I think in general we've done ok at fundraising, because neither of the aircraft is. The reason I did the section of the number of startups have exits at all.
Associates at VC firms. Interestingly, the employee gets the stock up front, and there are only locally accurate, because there was a refinement that made them register. As Jeremy Siegel points out that successful founders is often responding politely to the problem is the most powerful minister of the Web was closely tied to the other people. It would have expected them to stay around, but more often than not what it means they still probably won't invest in syndicates.
Rice and Beans for 2n olive oil or butter n yellow onions other fresh vegetables to a degree in design is any better than their lifetime value, don't even want to approach a specific firm, get an intro to a college that limits their options? Gauss was supposedly asked this when he received an invitation to travel aboard the HMS Beagle as a kid.
I write. Decimus Eros Merula, paid 50,000. We didn't let him off, either as an adult.
Classical Antiquity, Heffer, 1964. Monroeville Mall was at Harvard Business School at the time it was outlawed in the general sense of being watched in real time.
The problem with most of them. Xkcd implemented a particularly clever one in a deal to move from Chicago to Silicon Valley, MIT Press, 2006.
Our founder meant a photograph of a type II startups won't get you type I.
If the next downtick it will seem more powerful language in it. There are titles between associate and partner, including both you and listen only to your instruments. This is the other hand, a proper open-source but seems to me like someone adding a few fresh vegetables; experiment 3n cloves garlic n 12-oz cans white, kidney, or was likely to come up with elaborate rationalizations. If the rich paid high taxes during the entire cross-country Internet bandwidth wasn't enough for one another both directly and indirectly.
It's a bit dishonest, incidentally, that all metaphysics between Aristotle and 1783 had been raised religious and then being unable to raise their kids to be in that sense, if we think.
There were a first approximation, it's easy to imagine that there could be pleasure in a spiral. For example, the manager mostly in good ways.
How to Make Wealth when I became an employer. Determination is the only reason you're even considering the other people. Who knew how much of the company really cared about doing search well at a Demo Day.
Consulting is where your idea is bad.
#automatically generated text#Markov chains#Paul Graham#Python#Patrick Mooney#Internet#disadvantage#work#magazine#object#death#sup#Content#Business#stock#August#history#Aristotle#option#percentage#ways#VCs#truth#Siegel#estimate#fees#people#hardware#lead#Richard
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DM 101 : The Ring of Campaign Destruction +12
Villain design can be challenging. You want Baron von Creep to provide an adequate level of menace for your players. You may even want to make him a recurring bad guy, and if you’re playing Pathfinder or something similar - good luck with that! You know that you can only give him so many class levels and templates without turning the battle into a steamroll in the wrong direction.
So what do you do? If you’re like every GM who has ever played the game, you might consider giving him something .. special. A device or artifact that breaks or bends the rules of the game, or at least is out of place in the setting. That way the players will be surprised, right? They can’t plan for that sort of thing - Baron von Creep will be sure to get away!
Hoo, boy.
You’re setting yourself up for trouble.
Let me be clear - these sorts of tweaks to a villain, if used sparingly, are not inherently bad. But if there is any rule in roleplaying games that is nearly as prevalent as the legendary Rule Zero, it’s this :
The players will find him. They will kill him. And they will take that shit.
Now, you have some outs, depending on what genre you are working in and what the object is. Maybe it breaks before the players can get hold of it. Maybe it only works for the villain or people of his bloodline. Unfortunately, if you pull that kind of stuff too often, your players are going to get frustrated. You’re showing them all these cool items, and then only letting them be used by NPCs. It’s disempowering. And once the ‘breakage’ things bites the players in the ass and denies them an artifact once, you can guarantee they are going to start planning combats like surgeons plan procedures.
Seriously. Just when you think “There’s no way they can capture this experimental vessel that can fire while cloaked!” they will come in with a goddamn PowerPoint presentation of a seventeen-step plan that is just PERFECT and the only way you’ll be able to deny them is to use GM fiat, and fall back on railroading. “I don’t want you to have this, it would make you too powerful, so no.”
You need to assume the players will get the item. And use it.
So, does that mean you shouldn’t use things that break the setting or rules a little? No. Those things ARE interesting. You just need to consider some other options besides “Uhhh.. it breaks and doesn’t work for you.”
First, not every item that breaks with expectations needs to be game-breakingly powerful. There’s a lot of design space, even in a game with as many supplements as Pathfinder, for magical items that are practical, useful, and don’t duplicate a given spell effect. There’s room in science fiction games for lost archaeo-tech that is pretty cool and useful, but won’t let the players conquer the galaxy.
Secondly, the more powerful items might have some price attached that the heroes aren’t willing to pay. Baron von Creep might have a ring that, if he is slain, restores him to life miles away, in the place of a now very dead random citizen lying at the player characters’ feet. Not only does that give you an interesting story twist as the PCs try to explain what happened to the authorities, most good or neutral aligned parties wouldn’t think of using the ring except in the direst of circumstances. They can get the ring, they can use the ring, but now the choice of whether or not to use the ring is interesting.
Lastly, sometimes just let them have it. If you had Baron von Creep, lord of post-Apocalyptic Poughkeepsie, show off his Infinite Energy Generator, and they kick his ass, while simultaneously having made a detailed plan to keep the Reactor from overloading, let them install it in their base. It might mean some work for you if you had wanted to focus some roleplay on the difficulty of acquiring scarce resources, and now you have to re-write some future adventures, but your players are going to feel like a million bucks with a win like that.
If you’re going to show your players cool stuff, you also need to let them use the cool stuff sometimes.
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