#i don’t know what other tags to put so

[ihearnocomplaints]

I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link

my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.

So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.

I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.

Thanks.

#Idk what to tag this #i’m just so tired. #i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me #like 1) I did the chores they asked of me #2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the #brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some #that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others #and they wanted me sort them. by myself. #I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes. #And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy #and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free #sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining #I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared #I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.

[imthursdaysyme]

It’ll pass series 1/5: ronance

#drawing #art #stranger things #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #ronance #look I’m sorry for this series #it’s all sad #and I’m sad #bc I don’t have a funny story to put in the tags ☹️ #but I like to think they were like together #enjoying each other and the closeness of being around someone simply but never going too far #I think that Robin would say it first bc she loves so easily and so much that how can she not let Nancy know that she loves her? #how is robin supposed to keep her feelings to herself when she always felt so unloved as a child? how could she refuse to let someone know #that they were loved? #and sweet Nancy with her walks built up high and tight with guards stationed round who grew up with people yelling her they loved her #and never meaning it #so she sees beautiful Robin and her nervous smile and easy confidence in her declaration of love and thinks that she’s either lying #or soon Robin will see Nancy with her walls down and see her unguarded and think oh #this isn’t what I expected behind the walls you built up #and leave #so robin loves too much and Nancy is scared that she’ll not be enough for that love so she stops her heartbreak sooner than it can start #even though telling Robin it’ll pass is a heartbreak in itself bc Nancy fell and didn’t even know it #robin has already seen glimpses behind Nancy’s wallls and thinks it’s the lovely #but alas no communication happens #and so they part and Nancy always wonders if rob would have still lived her with her walls down #and Robin will always wonder why her love wasn’t enough #anyway #digital art

[victimized-martyr]

I love all your kyman hc's so much!!!!😭❤ I just need to hear more, so here are my questions: if kyman got married how would they act around each other? And do you think they'd adopt kids and if yes: what would they name them? And would they raise them jewish or christian or both?

Aaahhh I know there are too many questions I'm sorry 😭😭

Don’t apologize, I love talking about kyman :D

Regardless of context, the core of their dynamic is: Cartman is the instigator, Kyle reacts, a little back and forth, escalate the issue to Nth degrees of insanity, Kyle lands the final blow. Though sometimes, depending on the issue, Kyle lands the last punch thinking he’s won, only for Cartman to win the war last minute. Another way the show’s mixed things up, is that Kyle’s victory is undermined either by South Park itself, or Cartman. I see their marriage as an opportunity to expand their unique dynamic and introduce new plotlines/ jokes that couldn’t be done if they were still kids.

I see Cartman taking Randy’s place as the adult that’s always up to no good, the fixture of South Park’s weirdness. self serving hijinks flare up just about every week. Meanwhile, the Sharon (or straight man) to offset that cannot be anyone else but Kyle. This time however, unlike the marshes, and perhaps most couples in South Park, the Brofloski’s are truly in love. That’s kinda the joke. The couple that started out insulting each other and trying to kill each other on multiple occasions end up in the happiest relationship. I see them fitting nicely among the pantheon of sitcom couples— Mitchel and Cameron, Marge and Homer, Ralph and Alice, Gomez and Morticia. Their relationship, in Trey fashion, pays homage to and in the same breath, mocks those classic couples.

TLDR, Their dynamic is in tact, it’s just evolved to a new label. Instead of sort of friends-ish, they’re a couple. They’re still loud, obsessed with each other, fight over issues, hang out and share similar tastes. Only this time they got rings on their fingers. And if they don’t fistfight, how do they deal with their classic arguments? Well, like any sensible american couple, of course! they fuck each other’s brains out! ( just kidding. I have this vision of Cartman doing the most outrageous shit and Kyle chasing him offscreen in anger, Cartman shouting “domestic abuse domestic abuse!”)

I’m not sure what they’d name their kids. Does it matter? I do know what personalities I’d like them to have though— the 1st, their oldest, is outgoing, entitled, bossy, manipulative, a performative people pleaser, makes everyone’s problems their responsibility, and is quick witted. (A 2w3) Much like Eric, they are exceptionally charismatic and love being in the limelight. And like Kyle, they love getting involved in the lives of others, seen as helpful. The 2nd child is less outspoken, prefers to keep opinions to themselves, a dispassionate observer. ( poster child for 8w9) Like Eric, they’re materialistic, and prone to laziness. Still, they are an intellectual like Kyle, and far more principled in comparison to their sibling/Eric. They’re probably the most capable and dangerous in the family. They don’t shoot themselves in the foot like Cartman, and they don’t fight against the currents of South Park like Kyle. If they wanted to, they could take over the world and succeed where the Brofloskis failed. They just don’t care though lol.

I could never, ever see them as a two religion household. Yeah, Cartman has been portrayed as a bigoted Christian (or in his words, “[used] Christianity as an excuse to be a piece of shit”), but carrying that extremity to adulthood isn’t as funny. I don’t know how to articulate that other than, many extreme right wingers on twitter weren’t able to read Cartman’s bigotry in Cupid Ye as hyperbolic and instead took it as fact, and praised the stuff he whispered into Tolkien’s ears. His actions in Cissy were recently trending and was seen as heroic and like, justification why trans ppl can’t use whatever bathrooms they want. You can’t escalate the crazy stuff from real life anymore— it’s become reality. So the funniest thing to do, is either personify it as something else or, run in the opposite direction. If anything, PC has shown us that it’s funnier that the very same kid who once belittled Judaism in fact, became devoutly Jewish and proceeded to rub it in everyone’s faces rather than him ending up as some evil businessman. You rob bigots the chance to idolize Cartman, but give Cartman the freedom to hone his brand of idiocy on other things. So! Kyle slaps the antisemitism outta him, they get married, bam. They are a Jewish family.

#south park #kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #cartman #what is brevity? hell if I know #asks #talk tag #Again it’s important that Cartman’s an asshole in different ways #like there’s this excellent trey quote where he introduces Matt as his wife #and like. wouldn’t that be the perfect way to piss kyle off?? #‘My lovely wife Kahl’ ‘honey you really need to get that sand out of your vagina’ #Cartman just loves Kyle’s attention in general so yeah he’s a tease but instead of insults he prefers flirting #is it because its the right thing to do and the way to respect his spouse? sure if that’s what u think. all Cartman knows is that #the less he insults his husband and the more praise he gives the better sexy times is #the insults don’t come from a genuine place anymore either bc again he’s reconciled how in love he is w/ kyle #and w/ kyle he knows cartman is all talk and he loves putting him in place and like why would he pummel his husband in punches if kisses #knocks him off his pedestal even more?? literally a look will bring his husband to his knees (reverence..apology..other..doesn’t matter) #oop im blurring this tag w/ my next answered question lolol

[sparky-is-spiders]

Normally meh about soulmate aus but I think a Jonsasha au where they aren’t originally each other’s soulmates until they both start becoming the Archivist. They make themselves the other’s soulmate without even meaning to. There is no one else who could understand them. Soulmates because they are two halves of one monster. The Archivist is only complete when they work together. When they become one mind in two bodies. By the time the world ends their soulmate marks have already been warped beyond anything that could be understood as a soulmate mark by most.

#although honestly you don’t even need a soulmate au for most of this #just the marks I think #watching your mark change and knowing that what’s happening to you isn’t the machinations of fate #or a predestined occurrence #but a CHOICE #if you were meant for each other then maybe becoming a monster was just what was meant for you #but that’s not what happened. the marks changed. you chose to become this and you chose each other #normally I’m not super big on soulmate aus? #like I’ll read them if I like the ship or the premise catches my eye #but I don’t often think about them or seek them out unless I can find something to chew on #and I like the idea of jonsasha as eldritch soulmates #warping each other’s fates with the weight of their choices #I’m not even hyper fixated that much on tma anymore but I still love this ship so much #so much potential I love to chew on Them #jonsasha #since this’ll probably show up in the tma tag: #please no j//mart or martin #I don’t like the ship and I don’t like him #I’m not sure how many people will read this far into the tags #but I always feel like I’m throwing a fit over nothing putting my ‘no martin’ request in the actual post itself #tma enjoyed unfamiliar with my martinhate I am going to trust you to either read the tags or to not see any reason to bring martin into #*enjoyers #my nice wholesome eldritch soul-warping jonsasha au #do not let me down #jonshipping #<- tag for putting jon into relationships so that I can rotate him like the pretzel #also also not mentioned in this post but jonsasha are t4t #ok that’s all thank you #goodnight tristate area

[kicktwine]

So how was stormblood? I know it's very hit or miss for people, so what're your thoughts?

I understand why it’s hit or miss! It — to get to the point i would be straight up lying if I said I was an unbiased consumer because I’m not, I’m a coastal American mid 20s rando with a Lot of very current cultural baggage around concepts like patriotism and freedom. And Hamilton references. It all has a sweet and strong and very anti-occupation message (along with themes I very much enjoy dissecting like the constant assertion that it Doesn’t Have To Be This Way, or the expansion into You may not understand this person but you must be able to accept them,) but when combined with Stormblood’s shakier coherence in writing and dialogue and pacing, it comes off as A Bit Off. to me. And I think it missed ever so slightly just due to how it was all structured and set up with the characters we have and motivations we have because the stuff OUTSIDE or Adjacent to the main story, despite how out of place it could feel, was structured great!! Like the Kojin and the Ananta trial and the Kugane mishaps and trying to murder Zenos twice and the ghost ship. Could the main structure have come across very well yes absolutely! It does it on and off it succeeds in there often! But sometimes it doesn’t. I can see a lot of where concepts were promised and not fully delivered, pacing was a bit off, things just happened without really belonging there (despite how much I loved Susano, he could have been better structured. same with many instances and also I feel like the unethical science should have been MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT — maybe it comes back. Who is that scientist.), sometimes dialogue felt somewhat canned. I feel like in a consequences-heavy expansion, many things just didn’t have important consequences, which was very strange

HOWEVER! I cannot give the new gameplay features abd dungeons any crap they are all SO GOOD. And so PRETTYYYYY. And there were so many solo duties that ruled! Every dungeon in this expansion was like whoa this is a PLACE im in you know what I mean??? I’m in a place that’s big and there’s people and there’s NEW MECHANICS and active time maneuvers (??!!!!!!!) and unique fights! I can jump on the roofs in Kugane! And, mind you, when the dialogue was good, it was good. Lyse has a fantastic voice actor. Alisaie is my favorite girl elf creature in thw world. Estinien is like the best p- the guy ever. also m’naago is my new friend. The tower was a great part of sb to me despite my singular gripe. I think Zenos’— I know it’s controversial to some people because he does assume your wol to be a bit more murderous than some people would prefer their characters be and doesn’t take no for an answer, but his um speech did something to my brain a little bit

ON that note the ending was very fast?????? Or like — not FAST, but I wasn’t expecting Zenos or Shinryu to go down in one fight. Two co-op fights, right next to each other. I kind of wanted to beat him up myself. And when Zenos was so impossible to beat before. I was expecting both of them to be WAY harder. Though Shinryu is a COOL fight I’d do the royal menagerie again in a second. I was kind of expecting a three stage trial? Like Nidhogg? I love going into space hiiii big dragon where were you this whole time… u were shafted… but u could not be suffered to live so. Maybe if we’d gotten an instance of fighting the dragon alone after beating the trial?? Could have been Themes. I don’t know

anyways no I can’t quite pin it down, but I’ve said it before I think they had the outline for the story and then built it and went oh this is too much and not enough at the same time and got stuck writing the whole thing after getting stuck in the story they already had. A COMMENDABLE job for getting turned around like that, way better than a lot of video games stories out there, good gameplay and areas that didn’t feel too empty. glances at coerthas falcons nest area. I think the ways they did the exploration thing was good, having us venture further into occupied territory etc, but so much exploration stuff felt oneoff and not there to do much for someone who has been skipping almost all of the side content except stuff I’ve been told is good. It almost felt like they were Trying New Stuff a lot, and some of it succeeded some of it failed. Such is trying stuff!! Such is trying to imitate what you had while making something new and exciting! And I can’t fault them for that

so like — putting aside the fact that I haven’t done post-sb which is like missing 40% of the Thing according to past expansions and my thoughts very well might change, i would 100% do the fights again, maybe watch some cutscenes, but I don’t think I’d NG+ this one. where is that lady selling buuz it is a CRIME i did not get to have any buuz let me buy one yoshi p

#hi Zenos I’m not going to go get tea with you but would you like to drown in a swamp with our antlers locked until someone’s head gets #ripped off and the other guy has to carry it staring at him for the rest of his miserable existence #play game #I can’t stand you as a horrible person or cancerous political presence. I bet you want to rip my throat out about it #u want me to fight you so bad it makes you look stupid #stormblood spoilers #maaah I don’t want to put my thoughts in main tags I’m writing a 30 minute high school English essay. Just grabbing thoughts and going #the more I think about it the more I think shinryu NEEDED a second one player fight #every other final fight has been multiple tri- wait well. Hm. Nidhogg was a patch quest. #no I stand by it the final HW fight was a cliffhanger so u knew a bigger fight was coming. Shinryu needed a second stage you had to fight #alone with your teeth and claws. Kill the eikon yourself; eikon-slayer. what else could you do. Nothing #nothing but kill it #This was always meant for you #maybe with Zenos inside losing control of it? maybe with him snarling at us the whole time. idk idk #I am starting to feel embarrassed for typing so much and having raw unrefined thoughts so that means I have to hit post #AND SHINRYU WAS SUPPOSED TO BE STRONGER THAN BAHAMUT I don’t know

[velvetjune]

judging people who played alan wake 2 solely on if they loved the musical sequence or not

#alan wake 2 #im joking around but also not #such a unique gaming experience that was incorporated w so much love and care #ive seen confusion here and there on why there’s even the musical chapter in-story #mostly when they performed at the game awards lol #but imo it was a great way for Mr Door to work together with the Old Gods and their mode of storytelling/communication (rock and roll!) #to try to tell Alan what’s happening to him to help him rise from the spiral #and of course there’s everything with how much Alan often restrains himself based on rules he imposed on himself #the dark place has its own power and rules with artists work but this was one way of #Alan essentially going ‘I know what’s happening here. I know the rules and I HAVE to do all this to save myself and my loved ones’ #to which Mr Door/Old Gods go ‘you absolutely do not [throws Alan in musical]’ #something something about how it helped put him in the mindset he was at the end of the game #to realize he could work w saga and not sacrifice Logan or Casey. that he’s not in a hopeless loop of destruction #but in a spiral with hopes of ascension and change #(basing this off the initial ending — haven’t finished the Final Draft) #alan wake #I don’t know if im making sense but that was my interpretation #my other explanation for the musical is that it’s there because it’s fucking awesome and creative #reminds me of the starkid ‘guy who didn’t like musicals’ with the confusion of the main character #(although hilariously it seems like Alan is proud of the musical even if he lives in a state of ‘wtf is happening’) #before my essays in the tags end want to say that the dark ocean summoning also deserves this love and I found it equally fun to ‘We Sing’

[deus-ex-mona]

rage is a ✨way of life✨

#found out that i successfully angered someone by not showing up to work on saturday lmaoooooo #and im just like… gOOOOOOD. BE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!! #mans has no room to be mad anyway. it’s his fault i had to ot for 7 hours to cover his work for him in the first place soooooooo #a nd he’s getting demoted next year and im ahauxucjsjjsjsjsjxjdhss #in other news im kinda annoyed by my mother’s (unfortunate) pressuring of me to go to the upcoming family christmas gathering :( #like no way manssssss i haven’t seen the extended fam since my grandma’s funeral and i’d like to keep it that way thanks~~~~~~~~ #and a c h r i s t m a s gathering of all places… m a n. im half expecting them to drag everyone to church to end off the gathering… #i wouldn’t put it past the hosting aunt to do that ngl. she had tricked me into attending a church service in the past and all… #like. man. there’s this local mall that has a similar name to said church service… #so ofc it’s normal to assume that said mall is what she was referring to when she said ‘let’s go to [insert name]!’ with no context right??? #and uggshdhdjjsjsjdjs i don’t wanna be introduced to my cousins’ kids as ‘auntie [insert nickname i hate]’ bc that’s lame #and m a n. i definitely don’t wanna interact with my cousins’ kids. i either don’t know or can’t pronounce (or both) their names #i only remember the oldest one’s name (bc he has a stereotypical frat boy name) and the one who’s named after a ninja turtle #but none of the rest. i think some of them have names from my cousins’ spouses’ home countries? dk about the others though #i’m 80% sure one of the girls was named something like ‘triceratops’ but that doesn’t seem right… #being named after a dinosaur sounds cool though… or any prehistoric creature really #if i could choose my own name i’d like it to be ‘coelacanth’ #just so i can say ‘i coelacan’t do it!!!!!’ if someone asked me to do something i don’t wanna do. the pun potentials are endless mans #huh. wow… i started this off with a mad coworker and ended it by turning into a coelacanth… how did we get here anyway…? #oh wells no one reads the tags anyway uehxudjdjdjsjsjss my secrets are ✨safe✨

[fumifooms]

shut up, straight

I dared to say "hey let’s not shit on m/f couples it alienates queer people in the community too" on my blog and didn’t even put it in any tags and here we are ✌️ You are a tar pit.

#Ask #I hope u can do some soul searching. Ik this’ll sound patronizing but I genuinely mean it #Get urself a cleansing at the depollution center maybe it’ll make you less hateful #Idk if making a martyr out of me is what u want but like I won’t shut up prommy. Just don’t harass me <3 #Love that I was right about the ace discourse #I’m gonna tag these uhh discourse for if anyone wants to block out the unfortunate asks #Discourse #Like why put hate into the world like this. Haven’t people hurt u don’t u know how it’s like. Why are you doing this to others #I’ve only ever had a gf as a woman myself and I’m on the aspec but ok sure #If u want to never hear of me again so bad just block me? Easy and free

[digyoman]

i don’t think i’ve ever shared my lloyd playlist on here…. perceive this culmination of an intense hyperfixation and questionable music taste!

#microdosing on Putting Myself Out There by slowly revealing my playlists to the world #this one has been out for a while and i know a lot of people have already seen it #but just in case you haven’t! #looking back on it now is so weird because there are some songs that fit very well! and there are others that make me say. what. #i tried very hard to only include songs that i think really resonate with him but… idk AUGHSBDH #don’t judge me too hard i’m just having fun!!! #*throws up* #lloyd henreid #the stand #the stand 2020 #← it’s technically supposed to be a book playlist but. a majority of the songs are modern so i feel obligated to tag 2020 LMFAO

[caterpillarinacave]

So you choose not to step through the door, after all why mess with nonsense when you're already in nonsense? You check the items in your pockets, your phone you shut off to conserve power, the dog tag, key and top clink together but offer no help, and when you fiddle with the walkie-talkie you manage to get it to turn on, excitedly you call out to the void but only static responds, which is disappointing but predictable, so you put the items away and hunker down for the night, looking at the sky you can see that the stars seem strange, though you're no expert, and the moon seems to have a second smaller moon near it which looks pretty cool but is a stark reminder of how not on your own world your predicament has landed you.

In the morning you begin looking through the nearby bushes and plant life taking note of anything strange, you notice the berries you had been picking before you stepped through the door are also growing around here, they look and taste the same, and some other plants seem pretty similar to the forest from before as well, although the further away from the door you go the more unfamiliar plants you come across (of course that may just be your lack of familiarity with plants) and the few animals you have noticed are bizarre in a way that you can't explain, like the people from town, they seem almost perfectly familiar, just a little off and the noises they make have you thinking they wouldn't be able to communicate with their counterparts either, brushing aside another branch you come across a strange funnel made of metal which you pocket and what looks to be a regular whistle, you wipe it down and blow but hear nothing aside from the air going through, you consider it is either broken or maybe a dog whistle, as you go to put it away you hear something big running in your direction, before you can decide how to react a large creature storms out of the bushes and stops in the clearing before you, it's huge as a horse with paws and sharp teeth it licks as it looks around and spots you, it shakes its head again reminding you of a horse, then steps closer before turning and staring expectantly, you get the feeling it's waiting on you, impatiently, and you realize it seems to expect you to get on its back. Do you get on?

Yes.

#I am a terrible terrible Irish child #Clearly all those folk tales whose only moral was “don’t climb on the strange horse” were lost on me. Technically not a horse though. So. H #Uh please don’t run into the bog with my on your back strange horse thing. #…This may be one of my worse ideas #On one hand moving away from what appears to be the only connection my world doesn’t sound like a great idea #Back through the door is logically the the best bet. However I’ve already explored the area #The only thing to do would be to just sit there for hours and that will get me nowhere. The things that do have leads like the walkie- #Sputtering are things to pay attention to but not things that are likely to change if I don’t move. The whistle is the newest thing- #And let’s be real I’ve been in the bramble for like 14 hours without the neurospicy meds I am teetering on dangerously antsy #Probably better to get on the horse before I come up with something more stupid #It’s interesting my world flora seems to surround the door. I wish I’d payed more attention before I stepped through #If the nearby flora on the other side seemed like it would come from this world it would suggest that the door just leaks between universes #In two ways. If it’s earths flora then it’s either only leaking one way which we could no from one step through #Or - which we will not know but should pay attention for if we step into some other world - if the earths flora shows up around EVERY porta #Which would suggest earth is the base in some way #It might be beneficial to climb a tree to try and see farther out #Though I don’t exactly get many opurtunited to haul myself up a tree so I would put to much stock in a)my upper body strength #And b) my ability to chose a tree that won’t kill me #It’s defintley worth taking in as much info as possible. I’ll try and notice things like different winds gravity tempature ect #What should i tag this all. Help I got lost in a blackberry bush? Anon who takes me to alternate planes of reality? #I know #Guys I got lost in a bush #That’s a good one. Nothing weird there at all. #FINE I’ll rage it “guys I got lost in a blackberry bush” #I wonder what makes things so familiar. Perhaps this world exists very closely to the other. Perhaps they’ve crossed paths before. #Perhaps they’ve shown up in our dreams. Perhaps I have bad memory and my brain gaslights itself into thinking everything’s familiar #I wonder maybe the horse is a horse/dog thing- that would explain the likeness to the dog whistle (?) #This can’t get any worse I say doing something that could very much make it worse #Eh what’s the worst that can happen. At least I don’t have to pay taxes in this world #Guys I got lost in a black berry bush

[dirtbra1n]

there’s a word for it. a name. for the people who take care of corpses before a funeral. hanzawa masato doesn’t remember it right now, though, because right now he’s up in the midnight hours, lying flat on the couch in the living room. too warm. he doesn’t care to remember it, the name.

it’s way, way too warm.

dying used to be simpler than this. there was no pavement, there were no buildings, there were no faceless people.

cold, though. there was cold.

the water wasn’t really flowing, too shallow, he was slowing it down, but his blood was. staining the ice.

it was gross.

he couldn’t stretch out his legs, couldn’t reach his arms out over his head. his fingers were cold and useless and deadened, and slow. the air he was struggling to breathe was pushing in and flowing out of his lungs through the puncture wound in his chest. so slow.

he’s been there before. he’s here now.

sitting stiff in the water, soaked to the bone, dying in isolation. bleeding out, masato thinks he’s alive. suffocating, he’s convinced he won’t be for much longer.

he’s not sure he’s anywhere.

dying used to be so easy.

instead of waiting until he couldn’t stand to look at himself anymore, kneeling until his head went under and waiting it out, probably getting swept away by the current until he crashed downstream—he wouldn’t know, he never lived to see that part—instead of that—

he’s wading around a little lost. he’s bleeding. the ghosts only look at him when they know it’ll sting worst, long shadows cast over the water, malformed specters dancing in mockery of him. he thinks his feet are getting a little worse than sliced up by jagged hateful rocks out of sight. that’s depressingly the least of his worries. it’s being impaled by the moon in a loop of time that fucking hates him. but he’s already bleeding. he’s a little surprised that he’s still got blood to bleed.

instead of releasing what could have become a burden, it’s him standing, helplessly, in the river, night after night after night. because it’s nighttime now. it keeps being nighttime.

it’s the kind of thing you’d almost expect to be a relief.

“hanzawa senpai.”

masato turns his head, creaky like a wooden doll. “…tashiro-kun.”

kimono-clad, he offers a hand. “you’re not face first in muck this time.”

masato doesn’t take it. a sharp smile curves his cheeks, not insincere. “thank you. ‘this time?”

tashiro smiles sheepishly down at him. squints. “did you die?”

“do I look dead?”

it’s hard to see from the water, but masato knows that tashiro’s shifted his eyes. saw it in the back of his mind, recorded on crackly film. he says, instead of answering, “I’ve got bandages.”

masato wishes he had something to rest his elbows on, to brace himself on. it doesn’t feel right playing his games standing upright, his hands in his sleeves instead of holding his head on his shoulders. “ta-shi-ro-kuuun, what do you think I need those for?” masato knows what.

tashiro replies anyway, drily from up on uneven paving, “hanzawa senpai, you’re bleeding. you need blood. to survive.”

“tashiro-kun, did I die?”

things are splintering a little. crackly film.

a web of cracks splitting tashiro’s composure, his voice shaking, “why did you?”

that wasn’t what masato asked.

—

“hanzawa senpai.”

“…”

“senpai.”

“…tashiro-kun.”

“you’re not face first in muck this time.”

the smile’s carving itself in, muscle memory. masato’s not going to ask what he meant by this time. “thank you.”

“did you die?”

“do I look dead?”

in the old school projector film behind his eyelids, the flickering doesn’t feel out of place. “I’ve got bandages.”

“ta-shi-ro-kuuun, what do you think I need those for?” masato’s always known what.

“hanzawa senpai, you’re bleeding. you need blood. to survive.”

“tashiro-kun, did I die?”

the shadows cast by a lantern hidden just behind tashiro make his shoulders look broad. masato swallows down a laugh, but he’s not sure what’s funny. “don’t be shallow, senpai, looks aren’t everything.”

the laugh comes out anyway. he manages, “I feel dead, forget the looks.”

“I can’t. I won’t.”

masato takes his turn to squint. they weren’t taking turns. it doesn’t matter. he doesn’t know if he still feels like laughing. he knows for sure that he can’t think of anything to say.

it’s just as well. tashiro isn’t having the same problem. “I think you should just, I don’t know. care about yourself more.”

masato swallows. his lips press into a chagrined line. “I don’t not care,” he says.

tashiro looks right through him. his eyes are like headlights.

he doesn’t actually need to say it, and masato can tell that he almost doesn’t, but maybe tashiro thought he needed to hear it out loud, feel it taking up space. maybe he was right.

“your caring sucks, senpai. it killed you.”

masato doesn’t want to follow that thread. “how many times have you been here, tashiro-kun?”

tashiro doesn’t buy into it. his demeanor is at once solemn and jarringly pleading, “senpai, won’t you live for once?”

masato means to say it like a joke, because it is one, but by accident the words, “how could I begin to deny you,” are dropping off his tongue, he doesn’t even know why, he doesn’t know why he said that, and no amount of exaggerated irreverence can hide from tashiro—eyes like cleavers, more like—the characters slipping into the water.

the ripples aren’t all that big, but they’re big enough.

like when your head aches, or the gash in your chest is losing you too much blood, or the water is tugging itself a little too close to that gash to be comfortable. something like that. something like that. it’s enough.

he doesn’t think he’s making any sense. it’s just too warm.

“maa-kun,” his older brother’s crooning, pushing his damp bangs off his forehead with cold fingers, “I think you’re sick.”

masato blinks away what he hopes is sweat. “gross.”

“not gross, worrying. sit up please.”

“I’ll throw up.”

“you won’t.”

“you’re right, I won’t.”

he’s getting fussed over in the middle of the night, on the couch that he’s sweating all over, and he’s watching a fan across the room spin and it’s nauseating and he stops looking at it. he’s getting fussed over in the middle of the night, by his older brother, because his mom’s out of town visiting her sister. he’s getting fussed over in the middle of the night, feeling a little out of his body. feeling a little—not at all—a lot like a little kid again. feeling sick, and pathetic.

he goes into the bathroom, wobbly and upset and over-warm, and he throws up.

—

reality’s tearing itself up, his dreams are eating it up, he’s falling apart and melting at the seams, he sits in almost-too-cold water until he thinks he’s gonna throw up again.

put him on ice, already, the sooner the funeral the sooner he can get some fucking rest.

his older brother’s sitting against the door frame, slipping in and out of consciousness. he murmurs, reaching forward to pet his hair, “‘s it too cold?”

masato doesn’t think it’s sweat. “it’s okay.”

—

it wouldn’t have been a very good joke, even if it’d come out right.

masato thinks he just choked around, “I want to. I want to.”

#iii of iii: funeral arrangements #hanzawa to tashiro #hanzawa masato #tashiro gonzaburou #…hanzawa masato’s nii-san as well #getting all my darts tags out of the way first. #now then. it’s been two months. most of what you see here was written in the last two hours #number of reasons for this. no idea what most of them are though #writers block for a bit Maybe ‘‘‘‘hyperfixations’’’’ other than this one DEFINITELY #but also. a breadth of images in my head that want out but maybe don’t fit here or there. Yeah. probably will be a followup of miscellaneous #lines and so on later. like spring cleaning. but on the cusp of the new year #i don’t know. it’s time being weird and dreams being weirder and looping over and over #and it’s the sibling emotion bleeding all over. because that’s where i’ve been since at least november #two months ago ogasawara was supposed to be in funeral arrangements. two months is a long time. #i’m warm while i’m writing this. #also in a little bit of a fugue state. the word masato was looking for was ‘undertaker’ #okay. it’s good to get this out no matter what. because putting myself in a position of obligation with i ii and iii. was bold for me #but. i think i don’t mind in the end #that said What gets written from this point forward gets written. no one expect anything from me for a bit #but also feel free to put thoughts in my head. i do so like using words for those sorts of things #enough from me now. good talk #dirtbrain writing

[sapphicdib]

.

#i think this is just my irritability from my meds #so i’m putting my rant down in the tags #im going to delete this later but i just needed to get this out bc i’ve seen it quite a few times now #but if i see one more fuckin person say something along the lines of ‘stop drawing the iterators/slugcats in this way because it’s boring #or wrong or doesn’t match up with MY HEADCANON’ #im gonna fucking lose it. if you want to see slugcats or iterators drawn how YOU like them. why don’t YOU draw them. or YOU pay other #artists you draw them for you? #the fact that some people are so god damn entitled to fanworks that passionate people are making FOR FREE #this isn’t about any of my followers or anything and i block people who say shit like that on sight but for real. #your interpretations of characters and designs are not the end all be all. i interpret sigs shape language as pointy! a lot of the fandom #sees her as square! you know what i DONT do? make posts about how artists should stop drawing him square #you know what i DO do? draw her pointy MYSELF! #i’ll delete this later bc it really doesn’t matter and it’s NOT directed at any of my followers or moots it’s just a general thing ive seen #you do realize that most of what we have to go off of are 10 pixel tall muppets right. #going crazy stupid with designs is FUN! im beginning to think some of y’all take this shit WAY too seriously lmao #anyways.

[sparky-is-spiders]

Jonsasha is always delicious to me but there’s something special about a roleswap au that calls to me, y’know?

Like. Just their season four dynamic?? I stand firm in my belief that if the Eye didn’t take Jon then he’d be ripe for the Lonely. But even then I don’t think he would forget the appeal of Beholding. Would he understand her need to feed? Would she have told him about her hunger back before the Unknowing, when it looked like they would both sink into the Eye together?

Maybe I’ll come back to this later because right now I’m too tired to be coherent but I was just. gripped. by the idea of Jon getting the statement about Sasha feeding on others and covering it up. Because she’s good, and she needs this, and he loves her. Does he somehow send the statement to her? Hide it? Destroy it? I don’t even know but I’m just so caught up in the idea of it. Solidarity between the only two people in the Archives who truly feel the call of Beholding. A devotion that Sasha may never know about. An understanding Jon feels too strongly. I don’t know if amy of this even makes sense I’m just gone on the pining…

#i’m in love with them #i just think there’s something special about jon being sasha’s assistant #sasha is His Archivist #and he is Her Assisstant #maybe it’s ​something about the power dynamic or the possession #i don’t even know #i’m so tired. i’m so crazy for them. #putting this in the jonsasha tag but otherwise not maintagging my tired ramblings #jonsasha #obligatory no j//mart or martin pls #anyway excellent love language for an otp is standing aside when you know they’re going to do something dreadful #maybe your partner isn’t doing it to be evil. maybe they’re even trying to be good #and part of you Knows this can’t really be justified #but you can’t bring yourself to stand between them and what they want #you’ll justify it to others. hide it. try anything to shield them from the consequences even if you know they need to face those #anyway i love that in my jonsasha. instrumental to their eldritch monster love #ok goodbight tristate area

[iwillstabyou]

I’m listening to Hozier and I’m feeling emotions I didn’t think even existed

#hozier #francesca hozier #I pity neurotypicals in a way because they’ll never experience music like this #and I genuinely don’t know what that would be like #sometimes I hate being autistic #like when I’m about to have a meltdown in the airport because it’s too hot and my ‘friend’ just yelled at me for being ‘difficult’ #or when I shut down because I’ve socialised for too long and the room smells too strongly of air freshener #or when I spend years getting bullied for being a freak #but then other times I’ll be listening to music #and I’ll just feel so… euphoric #so… real #so… aaaaaaaaa #i can’t put it into words #it’s the same way I feel when I’m alone and I stare up at the stars #I just feel so… much #and it’s beautiful #and in these moments #i love being autistic #yeah it makes my life really difficult a lot of the time #but it also allows me to feel like this #and I wouldn’t change that for the world #just autism things #music #my random musings #hozier has turned me into a poet #honestly might make these tags into a separate post because damn that resonated

[cream-and-tea]

i love love looooove doing whatever tf i want with structure in lay me down BEYOND belief. have just decided that chapter eleven is basically a romcom montage except it’s set in the evil apocalypse library and also there’s no romance and it also uhhhhhhh makes me want to cry ❤️

#was going over the outline i had for this chapter and realized that the only real ‘plot related’ events #happen at the very beginning and end of it. and i got SUPER bummed for a minute there bc i was like. well fuck #now i’ve gotta chop this up and put this stuff in other chapters and do some major restructuring and that SUCKS #then thought about what if i didn’t do that and also thought about all these little mircoscene ideas i keep having that don’t really #fit anywhere that keep ending up on a list in my notes app then a cartoon lightbulb clicked on over my head #and now the ‘heavy’ scenes (ig?) are separated with montage. #and listen. logically. LOGICALLY eye know that it would make more sense to do the restructuring and that my little anecdotes are NOT #reallyyyyy ‘necessary’ at all but i literally found a way to have my cake and eat it to do u really think i’d pass that up #ALSO those scenes are EXTREMELY necessary TO ME #and in the end that’s kinda all that matters god bless. #anyways writing is fun u guys it’s literally so much fun i’m so happy with how this worked out #and if u read through all these tags ilysm. mwah. #wip: ghost story

[nooomagnus]

Help I need to go to bed but my dog is resting his chin on my leg what do I do

#wrong answers only #it’s so WARM and SOFT and he PUT IT THERE because he TRUSTS ME #every time he swallows I can feel it it’s so cute #his side is also pressed up against my other leg #I’m about to move away for five months I don’t know what I’ll do without him #not to be a total stereotype but like. the bond I have with my gf’s dog is crazy #(the aforementioned dog who is also kind of mine) #we are both sitting here looking out the window waiting for our person to be home #for both of us ​our number one priority is making sure she’s safe #we would both kill and die for her. and #(i am such an annoying dog lesbian for this but I don’t even care) #I think he knows it #son boy tag #also yes I am on west coast time yes I need to go to bed what about it #m #lifeposting