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#i don't feel bad i just feel a bit lost
nguyenfinity · 11 months
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Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)
Lighthearted bonus:
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#enstars#hiiro amagi#rinne amagi#i don't know if this is a bad time to be amagi-posting given that hiiro's fs2 just dropped but. oh well#also this might be the last thing i draw for a bit because i am in the final stretch of this semester#if you sent in a request. i will get to it and thank you for your patience#anyways i know i'm kinda being like 'haha rinne mama's boy' which like. yeah but also sometimes--#--sometimes you're an adult in their 20s and like. yeah sure you're technically an adult or whatever but you still feel like a kid yeah?#and sometimes you just maybe want your mom to help you when you're lost or confused or when you need someone to tell you it'll be okay#but you won't get that for whatever reason#sincerely: an adult in their 20s#....can you tell why rinne is like. a vibe to me now#anyways i'm not saying mamagi dying was a necessary evil but if hiiro and rinne had an adult who actually loved them at home they probably-#-wouldn't have left and we wouldn't have the main story#if she was alive today tho she'd be going to their lives sorry i don't make the rules (yes i do)#if she ends up being exactly like the rest of their village in some future lore i'm gonna be so sad.#she'd throw hands with niki's parents#imagine leaving your sons behind because you straight up died (couldn't really do anything about that)#meanwhile your son's boyfriend's parents just. up and left him because they could#also posts with her will be tagged mamagi#if you read all that <3#mamagi#she'd adopt all the bees and alkaloid too#imagine if they got their singing skills from her#also mamagi 1 rinniki shipper (also does not care it's not legal)#rinniki
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kakusu-shipping · 10 months
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Hi, I would like to understand why do you ship Mario and Luigi? You don't have to answer if it's not comfortable for you. 🙂
This soooooo immediately reads as a bait question, but I'm trusting you here anon I'm trusting you asked this in genuine good faith which I don't know why you would but if you want to know;
The short answer is Because I Want To and I Like Them. Plain and simple, there doesn't have to be a deeper reason. Sometimes we just ship things because we want to. Understood? Okay cool.
A slightly longer answer would be because they're the kind of Ship Dynamic that brings me the most comfort. I love a ship where they are each other's other half, they understand eachother and support eachother and just get eachother in ways no other person ever could. Loving eachother, being together is all they've ever known, they can't imagine a world where they're not together, side by side.
Platonic or Romantic aside, Mario and Luigi are a perfect pair, that's their entire thing. Mario is Reckless and Headstrong, Luigi is Calculating and Sturdy. Mario charges forward, Luigi holds the line. Mario picks mushrooms out of his spaghetti, and Luigi eats them. They fill in the gaps the other leaves, they compliment and communicate and trust one another undoubtedly.
I love a love like that. Of course it's you. It was always going to be you. It could never be anyone but you. I am not me without you, and you are not you without me. They are eachother's everything
They are a bonded pair, do not separate.
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mars-ipan · 5 months
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overcoming anxiety (through practicing the things that scare you) is so interesting. i used to be horrified of taking up space or alerting other people of my presence. now i'm compelled to tell strangers i like their outfits or hair or earrings- on bad days i tell maybe a quarter of them. do i still overthink it? absolutely. but i call attention to myself to tell someone else my opinion. and with the way they tend to smile and tell me "thank you!" i'm pretty sure it's taken to heart.
i used to be horrified of making phone calls as well. this is one i'm still getting over- i just Don't Like Doing It. i used to have a phone call routine that i still joke about- realize i need to call someone, cry, avoid it for a few days, suck it up, write a script, memorize the script, cry again, final script read, make the call with the script in front of me. and i would be Exhausted by the end of it. i don't cry when i need to call people anymore. i'm even needing scripts less and less- i've found out that people actually won't kill me if i talk a little too fast or stumble on my words. i doubt i'll ever like making phone calls- i especially hate robots (i'm afraid they'll mishear me and direct me wrong or a person will suddenly show up and i won't be prepared)- but i can make them now.
i get overwhelmed really easy. just a thing that happens to me. my brain is really really good at taking one task and breaking it up into thousands of little tasks and it feels like i'm drowning. if i try to make it fewer larger tasks then it starts to feel insurmountable. i was completely lost on how to deal with this (other than avoid until you get that panic attack and can do work in the post-catharsis calm until 6:00 AM) until one night when my dad (who i often meet late at night due to overlapping mental illness symptoms) asked me how to eat an elephant. i looked at him, confused, and he said "one bite at a time." that was way more effective than any other analogy i've seen has been. "light at the end of a tunnel"- i don't feel like i'm moving forward, i feel like i'm scaling a wall. "steps on a trail"- i can see my destination, but it feels impossible to move forward. but eating an elephant? that sums it up perfectly. this huge task which seems impossible at a glance. but it must be done. so you eat the elephant, a bite at a time. every time i'm overwhelmed i repeat that phrase to myself. it hasn't made any major changes yet, but it keeps me calm enough to start before i hit the panic attack, which i'll take.
i was such a perfectionist growing up- i actually thought it was a good thing (school always taught me to strive for perfection). but it made me scared to try new things- if i wasn't immediately good at them, then it clearly wasn't for me. i'm still not great at starting new hobbies, but i try a lot of new things within the hobbies i already have. i test out different ways of making art, i try new puzzle games i don't understand, etc. and the feeling of steady improvement reminds me that i don't need to be good right away. some of the most satisfying moments don't come from immediately being good- they come from achieving that skill over time. i'd like to try to learn to sew soon.
idk it's interesting. i rewire my own brain's fear response by doing the Horrifying Thing enough times for me to understand that no i will not die. and while i'm doing it it feels like nothing is changing. i get so stressed every time- it can actually take a lot out of me (turns out fight-or-flight burns a lot of energy). but i look back at then vs. now and i realize how far i've come, and i can't help but think "huh. neat"
#marzi speaks#this post has no point. i am simply thinking out loud#i think understanding the root of where the anxiety comes from helps a lot too#like. my mom feels most secure when she's in control#she doesn't like situations in which she can't control how she responds or what happens when she does#it makes her feel helpless. and that's how her GAD affects her#it's also why her fear response is 'fight'- she stress-cleans and expresses authority because those are things she can control#it's a self-soothing technique#but for me it's different. i'm most at ease when i know where i am and what's going on#this could be for plenty of reasons. i'm bad at directions and time blind so i feel lost easily#i had to learn to do a lot of things by myself growing up because my brother needed a bit of extra attention#my parents used to sometimes forget to tell me about things- i wouldn't know we were going somewhere until they asked me if i was ready#or even just that i was always surrounded by so much information and i love learning with my whole heart#when i can't know what will happen next or why something's happening in the first place i get disoriented and frightened#i don't need to have a say in what will happen. i just need to know. then i can roll with the punches#this is why MY fear responses are flight and freeze#i self-isolate because i know environments like my room and my mind#other people are unpredictable. i know what i will do#i like puzzles because they're something i can learn and figure out. once i understand it's a matter of patterns#and they take my mind off of the unknown i'm worried about#my mom will engage in a lot of conflict behavior. i engage in a lot of avoidant behavior#yes this caused arguments growing up lmao. i'd be freaking out abt smth and she'd be confused as to why i wasn't just going and fixing it#or she'd be freaking out abt smth and i'd be confused as to why she didn't try to just get all the facts#but we're better communicators abt that now teehee#it's interesting though. we have the same illness (generalized anxiety disorder) and are similar in a lot of ways#but because our root fears are different our responses to them are different#this could also be learned#my mom grew up poor and didn't get to do a lot- she worked her ass off to have financial freedom#i grew up comfortable with every question i asked entertained by two very smart parents. when a question can't be answered i feel dissonant#it's probably a bit of both in some cyclical manner. still nifty to think about
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the-punforgiven · 4 days
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penrose-quinn · 11 months
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I hope my three day trip with my friends will finally put my mind at peace. I just feel so lonely...
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sherlock-is-ace · 6 months
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i find it fascinating how intrinsically different i am from my family for the simple fact that I'm queer and they're not... They respect me and love me, even in their ignorance. And I can't really ask for more than that, but they'll never understand what it's like to be queer, they'll never see the world the way I see it, and that's absolutely mind blowing every time.
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Gonna be a while before I think I'll be drawing much beyond some planned doodles I said I'd do to a couple close friends, but... I'm curious, what FNaF AU drawings types from me sound more interesting..?
A random poll yes, but I'm curious, and ngl, I think I'm approaching one of those not so great "Spells" where I'm losing confidence in the things I'm well, supposed to be doing for fun. ^^;
#insomniac hyena rambles#fnaf: a wound left bleeding au#I'm still gonna do my best to finish AWLB#just having some anxiety/depression type feels again#not feeling confident cuz my brain likes to say if I'm not making “professional level” content I'm doing bad#+ Lost like. near all ability to work on OC type things without anxiety semi recently. so sorta. having a lot of anxiety over Stardrop and-#another OC-type character I had planned for part 2#sorry for rambling in the tags. still writing part 2 when I have time/motivation#around 160ish pages in now. so that's pretty nice I think#chapters are a lot longer than early part 1 chapters so far too. kinda neat#to any creatives out there. i know easier said than done#but please. do what you can not to let the world rip your confidence in your work away from you#dont rewire your characters and stories just to please others#(I mean this within reason though. this is the internet so I feel the need to clarify. if your work is genuinely made to be offensive. then#yea. reconsider.)#but generally speaking! if your story wasn't meant to have x themes/characters/etc#or a character or thing wasn't meant to go x-way or do x-thing. and you don't want them to. don't cave just cuz someone else out there want#it to be that way. don't sell your own ideas and thoughts short just to be a people pleaser#it wears you down a lot eventually and saps confidence#Idk im ramblin. point is! Enjoy what you do. if it makes you happy. then hold onto it! Goodness knows everyone needs those bits of happines#Uhhh I think that's all my tired morning thoughts lol#oh ! this isn't me saying yall cant still yeet ideas or theories or such at me!#just that unless I really like the idea. and can fit it into what I've already planned#chances are. im gonna try real hard not to cave and add it just cuz i was asked to#trying. real hard to stop being an overly people pleasing person. its caused me more harm than good in life I think#I can be nice without destroying myself lol
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cephalonheadquarters · 2 months
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They have no idea what just happened to me
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onewholivesinloops · 1 year
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suletta compares herself to the tomato miorine gave her and botanically tomatoes are classified as fruits. need i say more
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fembutchboygirl · 3 months
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I remember that time i told my ex that if they were a bad person i would love them anyway. And then i did
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kosmicfeelings · 4 months
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I wait for you
;Alex G
#alex’s diary#I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon.#I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it#I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me#quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door?#I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me?#To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way.#While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore.#You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it.#I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me.#But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you.#I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you.#There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you#How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day#I'm still lost and confused and upset.#I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis#Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining.#I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here.#I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it?#I know you once loved me so that should be enough.#I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was.#I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day#I thank you for everything that you have given me.#I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end.#But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before#Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again#no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you.#im sorry for everything.#I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
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dadbots · 7 months
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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shima-draws · 2 years
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Crawls my way out of my grave
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miodiodavinci · 1 year
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i need to be asleep but i'm looking at the tax return money i have stashed away and wondering just how much of a quality upgrade i should make in terms of mixing headphones
#the brand i've been using has served me fairly well#but i don't know if they're still in production because the last ones i've ordered came worn/damaged and had to be returned#and my current pair is Quite Literally hanging on by a thread#(read: it is taped together with electrical tape and a large tongue depressor to replace the broken hinge)#(and has a small bead jammed into the cup joint to prevent it from swinging outwards)#(and i have to put a folded sock on my head to counteract the compressed headband foam)#so i've been thinking i ought to upgrade just a bit from the $20 range to perhaps the $50 range#but i'm staring at the company i'm thinking about ordering from and wondering if i should just#go ahead and spend a little more to get a slightly more sensitive and collapsible studio-level pair#but spending more is scary ! ! ! !#what if they're bad ! ! !#what if they sound terrible and feel bad and get lost in the mail when i try to return them ! ! !#or what if they sound so so good all my mixing things will sound terrible no matter what ! ! !#or well i'm not sure how to describe that last fear but i think it basically amounts to#what if it makes vocal synth voices sound bad somehow#ughhgh i know it'll be better for me in the long run to invest now while i have the option#because no doubt the more expensive pair will last longer and give me better quality results#(evidence: an astounding number of people reporting they've used theirs for 5-10 years with no sound decay)#as opposed to my current ones which i've had to replace every 3 years#$70 for potentially 10 years of good audio . . . .#which is roughly what i'd be paying with the cheap pair but with only mid-tier audio#h m m m m m#i'll sleep on it i guess . . . .
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pretty cringe of me to be freaking out over not meeting a requirement that I knew I was being lax about but didn't know was an actual hard and fast Rule
#it's the guilt (not working as hard as i should be) mixed with the fear (consequences looming but not certain)#mixed with the utter mortification (getting caught objectively and provably slacking)#truly the catholic guilt does not leave you alone even when you know that there was a well intentioned mistake in with the bad decision#like yes i Did let the response time go too long and i knew that as i was doing it but if i knew it was going to reflect on the team and not#just me i would have been more conscientious#and i Was depressed for a bunch of last year so like. my numbers are demonstrably a little bit shit across the board. but still#i do care and i don't want to do badly#i'm just falling prey to my old enemy thinking i could put things off until i was feeling capable#exactly as i'm doing right now#it's embarrassing to have my new boss' scrutiny on me too#she's a much shrewder boss than any i have previously had and she's kind of a hardass for someone so personable#my previous boss was very chill and when she's not happy she tends to issue a directive and leave us to achieve it w/o making it personal#and the one before that was a new manager who cut me a lot of slack bc she had a lot on her plate and not much experience#whereas my current one if she gets a suspicion about your work i get the impression she starts to audit you#and you'd better keep your work squeaky clean and keep your receipts#not an easy person to win back lost trust with#an uncomfortable position to be in for someone like me who's never been good at maintaining a steady and impeccable workflow#i've always had a surge -> crash kind of productivity cycle#but i've never been in a spot before where i feel like that is a genuine risk to my job and i do not love it#ugh#so deeply deeply anxious#nothing i can do but catchup overtime and try to do better
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scarletbirbs · 1 year
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Are you really not enjoying Tim Drake: Robin? I was really worried after DCYJ but Meghan really surprised me. It's not perfect, far from that, and maybe it's not the kind of comic Tim needed after years stuck in DC fridge, but it's been really fun, I'm invested in Tim new life and Darcy and detective Williams have been pretty cool so far too. Plus Meghan said she has plans to give Tim a nem mantle (thank god for that). Idk, sorry about this rant, but I'm really liking this run so far, so I was a little surprised when you said you didn't like it.
It's not terrible but it's just not good, yknow? In my opinion at least.
I want to like it, I really do, but there's just a few things holding me back that I can't get over.
I do think that it's better than Young Justice: Dark Crisis and I think it's because Meghan has a decent grip on Tim but like...no one else. So her Tim-centric comic is faring better characterization-wise than YJ:DC did with all the other characters because of this.
But I think it's no mistake that Meghan is bringing in a completely new supporting cast (for the most part). She can use those characters however she likes without having to worry about previous characterizations. Even Bernard is for the most part a blank slate given that he only had like 6 previous appearances before Meghan took over. And I think it's because she just can't write characters that have a lot of history and previous characterization. I think that's also why she has isolated Tim down at the marina, to reduce the need to tie in other Gotham established characters.
I think Meghan is capable of making good stories, but she is terrible at maintaining characterizations of characters she didn't create and doing her research. There have been so many factual inaccuracies in the comics she has written for DC, it's insane and this is even showing up in TD: Robin in issue #3 where Tim says that Stephanie was never trained by Batman. She definitely was trained by Batman in the pre-New 52 and since the comic is referencing Steph's time as Robin (which was only in the pre-New 52 universe), that fact should still be canon.
While Meghan can (sometimes) tell good stories, I can't get over the fact that she seems to at best be unaware of the past or at worst blatantly disregards it. It detracts from my enjoyment of the comic.
So yeah, the whole connecting current cases to old mystery novels is cool, but I wish it didn't come at the cost of disregarding much of Tim's past.
And then I just still can't get over the art. Like I can't. I'm trying, but I can't. The characters look so bad. Bernard looks like a woman half of the time. It really really detracts from my enjoyment.
So like...I swear even though this sounds negative as fuck, I am trying to like it but there are just things here and there that I can't get over. I think the comic in general is a cool concept, but there are just execution errors I can't get past (mainly the factual inaccuracies). But like I said, I do think it is better than YJ:DC.
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