#i don't know so I put farnsworth but

[therandosfandos]

@frenderbender09 @euforimorily THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUT EARLIER BUT I GOT LAZY-

"so...you saved Bender a few years ago?", Fry asks with wide eyes and awe on his facial features. Elzar nods in response, "that's right!", he then sighs and his shoulders fall from pride to sorrow, "I should have seen this coming, it was so obvious...", he facepalms with one of his four purple hands.

Amy spoke up next, "wait, there's something that I don't understand...", she starts.

Elzar perks his head up, telling the martian he was listening to her. Amy continues, "if this was just four years ago, then why doesn't Bender remember it?", she asks.

The chef hummed in thought, "I don't know actually, but I know whatever happened couldn't be good", he takes a deep breath. "The FYRA isn't a good agency", he decided to just spit out the words, "it's not even for protecting robots, it's for using them... experimenting on them...", Elzar winces, "trust me, I've been there before...", he looks down sadly.

"Been there before?", Leela hesitates suspiciously. Elzar quickly halts her before she gets onto him, "I had a robot friend back in the past, her name was Spali and she was built to be a sushi cook", he explained, "but she was whisked away to the FYRA after a incident that I have no idea what happened about, I followed after her but it was too late, she was recycled in this...way I can't even describe...", a gloomy look on the neptunians face.

Hermes puts a hand on the taller aliens shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Mon..."

Elzar chuckles, a smile of gratitude forming on his lips, "oh, don't you fellas worry about it, it was a long time ago...but I'm not gonna let it happen again, thats why I wanna help you! Bam!", he pounds his fist onto his hand.

The chef was cut off guard when Fry rushed in and hugged him so tight that the alien couldn't breathe, "er...get your buddy...hrk! Off me-"

Leela pulled Fry back by the collar of his jacket, "sorry about him..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it, darling", Elzar dismissed with a wave of his hand. Leela smiles with appreciation and nods her head, "so where do we head from here...we still don't know where the hell the FYRA is-"

Zoidberg cuts her off, "but we do know that these people have been tracking the robut and stalking him", he clicks his claws.

"Yes, that too...I just don't understand what's so important that they need Bender so badly...? The notes said that Bender had parts they specifically needed, but what?...", Farnsworth hums to himself.

Fry holds his head in his hands, "we don't even know their motive here and it's been a day already!", he bangs his fist against his head slightly. His poor little robot was all alone, scared, suffering somewhere and he wasn't there.

"I know you're upset Fry...but like I said multiple times before, we will find him, I'll make sure of it", Leela says gently with a determined expression. Fry sighs softly, "alright, Leela", he takes her hand as she helps him up.

Farnsworth adjusts his glasses as he looks at the sky, "sweet zombie jesus! It's twelve-o-clock in the night!", he gasps.

"Well, we better splurf out somewhere to camp out for the night...", Amy says as she looks around, humming to herself before spotting an old worn down car shop, "hm, how about there?", she points.

The crew and Elzar nod, heading over there and taking their respective spots to sleep. Fry for the first time in a long while, fell asleep without his favorite robot in his arms...and it made his heart ache. "Be safe, buddy...", the redhead mutters, "I love you..."

***

To be strapped down on a table was pretty boring honestly. Once you get out of the panic stage, boredom consumes ya and now you're just lying there and thinking about your life choices and no escape routes.

That's what Bender was doing anyway, and he made sure everyone knew it. If they were gonna do this to him, he wasn't going down without a proper fight in him this time, not again, "I'm bored! So bored! I'm bored meatbags!!!", Bender sang out in such an annoying tone of voice, it made every scientist in the building want to gouge their eardrums out.

Finally after what seems like an eternity, the door slams open and Bender shuts his mouth, "took ya long enough, fleshbag", he deadpans and snickers. The scientist flashed him a glare, "what the hell do you think you're trying to do? Whatever it is, you're not getting out of here, you're never getting out of here...not until we get what we need", she explained, peering down at him.

"Well, sorryyy if I just so happen to be bored out of my misery, lady!", Bender rolls his optics. The scientist sighed, "what? You want a puzzle or something?"

"I could take it or leave it, in fact, I might just take it without your permission when I get outta here", Bender says nonchalantly.

The scientist hums in discontent. "Whatever, anyways, now that you're quiet, we have someone we need you to meet..."

Bender perks up, "...who?", he doesn't like the sound of the scientist's voice, it meant that whoever it was, wasn't a good person whatsoever and he needed to be weary and cautious with his moves and comments.

"You'll see soon enough, Unit 22"

#futurama #bender #fry #frender #the bent downfall #the bent ownership

[mx-piggy]

Time for my weekly Futurama review. It's odd watching an Xmas episode two days after my birthday but it was definitely worth it. Spoilers ahead!!

I didn't think it would happen, but I Know What You Did Next Xmas has topped Children of a Lesser Bog for me. So far, this is my favourite episode of the revival. Johnny 2 Cellos said in his podcast with Toonirific Tariq (Cartoons That Curse) that this was his favourite episode of the first six. Considering how much I adored Children of a Lesser Bog (despite its expositional issues), I hadn't expected this to beat that episode quite like it did.

Just a head's up, this review is going to be a lot of 'I thought this thing was very neat', because I smiled for pretty much the whole duration of the episode.

I Know What You Did Next Xmas did pretty much everything right, especially considering this isn't from the show's original run. It's not up there with revival episodes like the Late Philip J. Fry (which comes to mind because of the very fun inclusion of the Professor's time machine), but it's certainly not far off. It has a really cool sci-fi concept in terms of the time travel elements, with the Professor going back in time to 'fix' Robot Santa, and with Bender and Zoidberg abducting Robot Santa and being the ones to save the day as a result. I'm not intelligent enough to figure out if any of this 'works', but I think it was cool. The humour was also very strong; I don't think it's the funniest episode of the revival so far, but it's definitely up there for me. And, the episode was really wholesome, which is surprising since the episode's A plot is Bender and Zoidberg kidnapping and trying to dispose of the body of Robot Santa.

Speaking of which, my favourite aspect of the episode was how incredibly sweet it was. Seeing the different families gathering together for the holidays was so lovely to see, even if we only got a couple of scenes with each of them individually. It was nice to see Fry spending the holidays with the Farnsworths because of how often he feels like he has no family seeing as he left his old one behind him in the past. The same goes for Leela; it's so lovely to see her finally get the family life she missed out on as a kid. The Kroker-Wong family gathering was really nice; it was fun to see them further explore the family dynamic with the kids. And, it was fun to see Hermes with his family, of course with them limboing. I also really love how the episode took the direction of everyone realising they'd forgotten to invite Bender and Zoidberg to their holiday celebrations, and actually wanting to spend time with them. The revival's been really good at presenting the characters like people who genuinely enjoy one another's company, definitely better than a lot of the Comedy Central episodes, which would sacrifice these heartwarming character interactions.

This revival's also been really good with continuity, in my opinion! It was a joy to see Kif and Amy's kids again, especially in the cosy setting that holiday episodes provide. The time machine was implemented really well. And, I really enjoyed the references to previous episodes, such as when the Professor was going back in time and it showed moments from (I believe) the Day the Earth Stood Stupid and Put Your Head on My Shoulders. I haven't seen Disenchantment yet beyond the first episode (I'll probably check it out once it's finished) but I still thought the cameo was neat. I also really liked the joke of the Professor saying he was going alone so no one would end up becoming their own grandfather (God, Roswell That Ends Well is such a good episode). I've seen people on here complaining that the revival is lazy in referencing or continuing from previous episodes of the show so frequently, but I really don't see the problem? Like, don't you want there to be a sense of continuity? It bothers me that a handful of fans have been thinking so uncritically about how the show implements topical elements and references to itself, but I digress.

If I had to nitpick, I guess I don't feel like Robot Santa had as much of a presence in this episode compared to previous episodes. It's a complaint I've had about characters like Mom or Zapp, where they don't feel nearly as much as scene-stealing as they used to. It could just be because of the overall different vibe of episodes from the original run compared to the show's various revivals. It's something I can't quite articulate or explain, but the Simpsons has the same problem. With the Simpsons seasons 2-8 and Futurama seasons 1-5, the episodes feel a lot sharper in their humour, if that makes sense? But, with episodes past a certain point, the humour just feels kind of dull and like it doesn't land as well; like Homer or Fry will say a half-funny line and then there will be some dead space that kills any humour. That's sort of how it feels, anyway. If you want me to elaborate on that, please feel free to ask me in the comments, a reblog or an ask. But, yeah, I thought the 'cookie' joke was funny considering how menacing Robot Santa normally is.

I'd love to see this revival focus on some more underexplored dynamics like Bender and Zoidberg because it was really fun seeing them together in this episode. They have such good chemistry due to their surface-level differences and inherent similarity. They're both incredibly sensitive and lonely individuals who crave friendship (which has some irony to it because robots are seen as being emotionless and Decapodians die when they reproduce, so in a way it's almost as if they're not made to have connections with others), but where Zoidberg is incredibly kind and openly tries to build connections with people, Bender is kind of a total jerk who tries to seem tougher than he actually is. Zoidberg's such a precious character and I'm hoping we get some more Zoidberg-centric stories in this revival. I'm also waiting for a Hermes episode, and possibly a Professor episode.

The song at the end was fun, in my opinion anyway. Definitely a good send off for Kwanzaa-Bot (I presume so, anyway).

I'm wondering if I missed something in the original run or the CC run, because they've made a surprising number of references to Leela drinking in this revival. Does anyone know what that's about? Maybe Leela's always been a drinker and I just don't remember it for some reason.

If I have any more thoughts about this episode because it was really that good, I'll make a follow-up to this post. As always, feel free to reblog, comment or send me an ask if you have anything you want me to elaborate on, or if there's anything you want to add!

#episode: i know what you did next xmas #hulurama #futurama #futurama spoilers

[pokemedia-text-dump]

teko's uhhhhhh guide to hammer-swinging idiots i think

so i saw a certain @ConcernedRowlet's guide to pokemon care on chatter and i was immediately like "hey this is super good and all but you know what it needs? more memes and affectionate badmouthing of the pokemon in question" so allow me to enlighten you about how to care for these little hammer shitling goblins through the lens of my personal experiences and a shitload of sleep deprivation in the form of a rotumblr post

[ahem] "fuckin' tinkatink line! how do they work?"

[Image ID: A half-conscious Tinkaton sprawled out on its hammer, covered in grime and food debris. Its tongue is hanging out of its mouth slightly.] yes they truly are the pinnacle of grace, aren't they

these guys are all-female fairy/steel types and they're uhhhh so like you know those inventors in a lot of TV shows the ones who somehow come up with just the thing to save the day and can casually flaunt the rules of science because it's cool for the audience to watch like uhhh professor farnsworth or something ...yeah imagine that, but they're perpetually disheveled and constantly acting like they just did a line of cocaine and pounded back a six-pack of monster immediately after

let's start with tinkatink tiny babey the little rattle thing they hoist around that's supposed to be a hammer due to them not being very strong in this form it's less a "hammer" and more like "heavy-ass monster hunter greatsword" to them their technique with it is less "hit the enemy" and more of a "use the sheer weight and heft of the thing to swing yourself around in the hopes you manage to concuss something" sort of thing it's important to get them accustomed to using it quickly so they're less likely to hurt themselves trying to flail around, especially in battles

they're fiercely protective of their little scrap clump, and for good reason you know how i said they're not very strong well ferrovores (metal eaters like aggron or steelix) often eat their hammer  it's like a little iron-flavored sucker this is bad news for the tinkatink, because having the physical strength of a wet spaghetti noodle doesn't do much for self defense

this is not a wild pokemon exclusive thing, either if you have any ferrovorous pokemon in your squad be sure to establish early on that this thing is friend, not food it's important for the tinkatink too they're perfectionists when it comes to the hammer and will take it pretty hard if it gets eaten what you should do if this happens is assure them it's not their fault, and give them little pieces of scrap metal to help them along

now onto tinkatuff! bigger! stronger! dumber? these guys are sort of like the vigoroth of the line well uh if vigoroth didn't evolve into a fat lazy fuck, at any rate in this form, your buddy gets more of the hyperactive temperament the line is known for

they're also very stupid there i said it i'm sorry but they are dumb as all distortion like, they're not dumb in the sense that there's nothing going on up there like a slowbro or volcarona but they're morons in the same way as a frat boy with ADHD on top of having a ridiculous amount of ideas rattling around in their skulls (most of them poorly thought-out) they think they know everything when they really, really don't and since they have the impulse control of a two year old things can go...badly

[Video ID: A Tinkatuff, gleefully carrying a large fragment of a Copperajah tusk and cackling, while getting chased across the screen by a herd of Cufant. Leading them is a very angry-looking Copperajah with most of its left tusk missing. The trainer holding the Rotom Phone can be heard facepalming, then proceeding to mutter "I told you this was a bad idea, you pink idiot..." He then sends out a Ceruledge and starts running forward in an attempt to protect the Tinkatuff.]

in this form it's imperative for you to put a lot of effort into cleaning them this is because they get...filthy like really filthy here's a fun little experiment: attach a poke doll or other such plush toy to a pokemon's leash and let it drag through the dirt as it runs then briefly dunk it in whatever you're cooking for dinner  congratulations you're now in the ballpark of how dirty they get

in the wild they basically live in huge burrows of scrap metal and food waste they make in their forges they have little to no standards for cleanliness because of this told you they were like frat boys they eventually begrudgingly pick the bare minimum off of their trashpile-mates when their fur becomes super duper matted and stuff it's up to you to keep them from getting to this point by gently scrubbing, cleaning and thoroughly combing their fur on the regular fortunately they don't like, hate baths and stuff: they just really can't be assed to clean themselves in the slightest

ooh right right right the hammer almost forgot about that not long after evolving these guys will seek out any metal they can get their mitts on to beef up their hammer ...the "beefing up" usually consists of just taping on a few pieces of bent metal and lengthening the pole, but still, A for effort

but when i say any metal i mean any metal they can and will get it off of a large appliance, your plumbing, even a steel-type corpse if you leave them to their own devices they can literally smell metal so don't think your plumbing is safe either so as soon as they evolve it's best to get them more materials fortunately many stores in paldea (and a few other places) sell different types of sheet metal for the express purpose of sating their appetite and if not just going to your local hardware place is usually enough to tide them over or if you're really cheap you could just rummage for stuff in local scrapyards take her with you when you do this your partner has a good eye for what they're after, she'll know which kind of metal is right for her the hammer gets juiced up more and more as they get stronger so you're gonna have to provide them with more metal when it finally reaches a certain size and grandiose-ness you can often expect them to evolve not long after

on top of that, being the ADHD-ass little nutjobs that they are, they test their hammer by smashing it against whatever catches their eye they get much physically stronger here, so their swings have a bit of heft to them now unless you want a lot of ventilation in your home take measures to control this immediately fill a punching bag with rocks, let them go nuts with it, and put it back up again whenever they start beefing up their hammer some more this teaches them not to hit random stuff

and finally tinkaton! tinkaton are crafty very crafty they're still not smart by any means but they are crafty so crafty, in fact, that they often use other pokemon as tools

[Video ID: A Tinkaton, holding a Charcadet upside down above a hunk of metal that it's working on. The Charcadet's fire plume is shining brightly as the Tinkaton uses it to weld a handle to its creation like a blowtorch.]

there are close to no limits on what they can find uses for, so if one of your team members finds themselves getting used as a power drill or smth, don't be surprised: this even applies to their battle strategies

they get a lot stronger in this phase and i mean a lot you think some of the stuff fighting types like machamp and conkeldurr can handle are impressive try hurling around a 200lb+ blunt object like it's a long twig and still being able to lift more if they wanted to they could probably swing you around as a hammer too! ....not sure how well that would go, since you'd probably splatter as soon as they hit you against something, but they still could!

their hammer is very large and elaborate now it's almost a miracle that it's still built around the same rattle thing it had as a tinkatink! they don't need beds or blankets or anything because, get this, they just plant the hammer into the ground and pass out i always wonder how their back isn't torn to fucking pieces when they wake up from sleeping on a giant lump of metal if they trust you enough, they'll eventually start lightly bopping you on the head with it as a sign of affection!

in the wild, they live in large clans with other members of their line called "forges" these forges are equal part giant trash and scrap burrows and huge testing grounds for whatever crazy thing they decide to band together and build they also make prosthetics for wounded pokemon out of steel-type carcasses in exchange for scrap metal and berries!

forges typically give roving trainers a wide berth because they know pissing off humans is a bad idea very rarely a stray tinkatuff will ignore this because, again, they're foolhardy dumbasses if they go after you just hit it with a few status moves and it'll typically turn tail and get a stern talking to from the forge's elders or you could just use whirlwind or smth the different forges in paldea are proficient at utilizing different pokemon, and even form sort of partnerships with them for example the asado desert forge teams up with varoom and revavroom to use them as steeds [Image ID: A Tinkaton with a red scrap cloth headband riding a Revavroom, leading a pack of Tinkatuff and Tinkatink riding several Varoom.]

as you'd guess from this they're very social creatures it's important to let them bond with the rest of your team better in this form, as they serve as surrogates for their pack if you want you can also visit your local forge to let your tinkaton screw around with the forge members a bit for funsies

a common misconception is that tinkaton hunt down corviknight by tossing rocks (or sometimes other pokemon, such as falinks troopers) at them in the air with their hammer hence why squawkabilly is used as the flying taxi coach in paldea this is actually a lie and they get hard walled by corviknight (and then they get salty over not being able to do anything useful in the battle) they do it because to them it's funny as shit it's like their equivalent to miltank tipping they don't really do it to other people's corviknight because it's not as funny: they don't get as surprised because they're far closer to the ground

they're also super driven to build stuff what is "stuff?" nobody knows! not even them! sometimes they just get a flash of inspiration and start scribbling out plans for some sort of grandiose scrap metal behemoth and you just have to roll with it if you have a bit of engineering/mechanical know-how, you can feel free to join in the fun!

....unfortunately that's where the burglary sprees start

now i know what you're thinking you little smarty-nipple

"wehhhh but maybe yours is just a bad temperament or you're not raising it right or-"

N O .

i have worked with several of these rattata bastards and i can say with complete certainty that they're all a bunch of kleptomaniacal shitheads seriously if you took one of those Rabbid things from Rayman and gave them a hammer well uh you wouldn't exactly have a tinkaton but you'd be pretty arcdamn close

if they need metal and you don't give it to them they will steal things computer parts refrigerator doors stove hatches engine blocks it does not matter what it is or what it's made of if it ain't nailed down and it's made of metal they're taking that shit this is why it's really, really important to teach them to ask for your aid if they're in the mood to build something

they also need to hunt wild steel-types not often, mind you, kinda like pyroar prides but it's still sometimes tinkaton are hardwired to kill for their materials giving them sheet metal and stuff helps with the urge to build but not the urge to "disassemble" steel types you'll need to get the proper licenses to hunt pokemon and only go after any steel-types that are in season to do this what they're after is metal pokemon with only small bits of metal on their body, or those which have the metal-y bits on the inside, like lucario or togedemaru, are typically off the menu they also need you to help, and possibly your other pokemon remember what i said about them being pack hunters to them, you're the pack's leader, so they look to your guidance for hunting

unfortunately this, along with the stealing part, is why a lot of trainers end up abandoning/releasing them in this phase some people can't bring themselves to be complicit in outright hunting down pokemon, only capturing them, which is understandable being denied part of the enrichment it needs, the tinkaton begins lashing out in other areas to try and vent some of the stress it's built up with no other suitable outlets this can lead to your opponents or even other people getting seriously hurt if you're looking to raise one of these guys, please, look for a suitable alternative unless you're willing to really, really commit that said, give 'em what they need and rein them in here and there and you'll have a loyal (if slightly violent) partner who can come up with some truly amazing things like this [Image ID: A Tinkaton decked out in an imposing suit of armor made from assorted scrap metal and Steel-type hide, posing triumphantly atop its hammer, which is planted into the ground. The armor has a Corviknight's head plating as a helmet, and a segment of a Forretress' shell hanging from the back like a cape.]

finally, a few anecdotes from my own specimen of these dum-dum yokel gremlins

cotton likes eating her food on her hammer as well as sleeping on it, yet she doesn't like it getting cleaned ...she doesn't seem to make the correlation between a dirty hammer and more baths ...nor does she seem to care

she likes listening to "Sweet Release of DEATH - Sugary Spire" before battles because it gets her even more hyper than usual this helps because i like to use her as a support lead/damage dealer hybrid, because, as befitting their crafty nature, they learn a lot of support-oriented moves

anyway yeah that's all i got later nerds

#pokemon #pkmn rp #pkmn irl #pokemedia #pokemon care guide #tinkaton #true facts #ze frank

[catsforthewin]

I Just Wanna Watch Tv...

The television invented by John Logie Baird and Philo Taylor Farnsworth.

I may not know you personally my good sirs but I am infinitely thankful to you and so so grateful for your services to the public and overall society. Your invention has helped so many minds unknowingly. The television inspires great minds, provides comfort and stability, hope for the hopeless, relief for the depressed, generates creativity in young and old minds alike. it is full of life and soul and it saved mine. It continues to do so even now and it will continue to do so for as long as I exist.

I remember coming home and racing to get everything done before the evening cartoons would start. I would receive tea and biscuits, snacks and sometimes meals. I would sit there for a few hours everyday and absorb the happiness and the magic of the shows. I would encourage my family members to join and it felt ..good. Even as I speak, even at my lowest point now, I can still feel the energy and the creativity that I have been blessed with. It hums under my skin and it fulfills me in times of need and inspiration. Though to my situations I have lost some of that magic I have no doubts that I will be able to recover it all back. Because if I have hope in one thing in this world.. it is my creativity.

Putting it into words would seem a bit difficult, but if I were to try.. I'd say it is like the stars in our skies, burning with heat and shining with light, It is like the evergreens in our forests, beautiful and vibrant and equally dangerous and deceiving, armed with the power to heal and the power to destroy, like Elixir of life and Pandora's box.

Inside the tv were beings I considered family. They came in all kinds of sizes, colors, species and shapes. They didn't judge me, hurt me, abuse me. They taught me good lessons and how to be a good human being. They played a heavy role in making me who I am today. I do not hate, I do not discriminate, I do not hold onto prejudice. I am not racist, homophobic, sexist, ableist, fatphobic, atheophobic, xenophobic, etc. I do not have that burning void of anger in me. I looked at the unknown in curiosity. I did research, learned about things I didn't understand. I do not feel anything negative towards anyone I don't know because of their identity. I would despise a person because of how they behave.

My mystical box taught me all of this. It taught me how to love and accept and heal together. It taught me that bad people aren't always evil and good people aren't always angels. It taught me to try to get people to be better but evil will get the punishment they deserve. It taught me to love animals and take care of nature. It taught me compassion and empathy, understanding and not judging before you know everything. It taught me how to stand my ground but also protect myself. It taught me that backing down isn't shameful and crying isn't a weakness, It is just how we release pressure. It taught me to trust my intuition and what to look out for in evil people. It gave me so much knowledge and so much more. Here would be a good place to stop for I am getting tired and it would take me a lifetime to write about everything and that does not seem optimum, Tehee.

This may seem like a bit of a rant but I thought that it was time to show my appreciation for the television.

so TV, this one is for you, one of my best teachers

I felt family and love from a box.. and it was glorious beyond comprehension.

#happiness #be who you are #be who you want to be #mental health #peace and love #imagination #creative #fantasy #depressing life #for me #but i hope not #for others #television #tv #i love tv #life lessons #learning #family #tumblr is my diary #lonesome

[just-another-frender-blog]

New question: what are your thoughts on Bend Her, and what makes it infamous? I never thought of it like that before--I just assumed that it was generally liked. But admittedly, the sites that I used to lurk weren't known for being progressive.

This is another great question. I've wanted to do an analysis post on this episode for a while, but it's intimidating to talk about. I want to clarify that I'm not trans first and foremost. I don't speak for any trans Futurama fans, but I will be talking about that aspect in great detail. I've also only watched this episode once, so I pulled up a transcript to verify everything I'd like to say about this episode.

This episode is generally regarded as having aged poorly and being insensitive toward trans individuals. A lot of people even consider it to be the worst episode of Futurama because of this reason. The biggest reason is the concept: Bender wants to win all the medals in the female bending unit Olympics, so he transitions into a fembot to do so. I already knew this when I watched it and was prepared. My girlfriend refused to watch it for this very reason, and I watched because I wanted to watch every single episode of this show.

Right off the bat, this episode has a ton of fat jokes at Hermes' expense, which fucking sucks. They aren't funny at all, and I don't care that this episode came out in 2003, it usually isn't this mean-spirited. Before this episode, Futurama really didn't punch down all that much, especially for an early-2000s cartoon, so this stood out to me. And then we get into to some of the worst this episode has to offer: a bunch of jokes about how women are biologically weaker than men.

Biology is a thing, but of course, Bender shouldn't be able to beat all these trained athletes just because he's a man and they're women. Once again, this episode came out in 2003, but the sexist and transphobic stereotypes are awful anyway. When Bender finally transitions into Coilette, we get a lot of transphobic dialogue from the main characters. Notably Leela and Amy are basically TERFs in this episode, which was... interesting.

[When Bender's about to transition] Fry: I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. However, I will watch out of curiosity.

[After Coilette won] Leela: I don't know which I'm more: Enraged or disgusted.

Coilette: I'm just out there making us ladies look good.

Amy: Snuh-uh! You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders. (Accidentally based)

[About Coilette] Farnsworth: Oh, dear. Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. Just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. (...good lord...)

[After Coilette decides to detransition] Leela: OK, look. If I help you with this do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out?

I think you get the point. This episode has a lot of sexist, transphobic, homophobic dialogue. And a ton of awful stereotypes about queer people in general. The stereotype of the predatory trans woman who'll invade women's spaces, particularly women's sports is an idea that gets people killed, and this episode only reinforces that notion. And yet... I have mixed feelings because I do think there's more to it than that.

Beneath all of this is a genuinely interesting character study of Bender's sexuality. Initially, he does only become a fembot just to spite everyone else and win all the medals. The more he stays a fembot, the more he seems to actually enjoy himself. He likes putting on makeup and dresses. He also enjoys his dates with Calculon, and even though he initially claims to do it to con Calculon, it's heavily implied that he's genuinely fallen in love with him. He does the most un-Bender thing and detransitions so he won't break Calculon's heart.

This episode provides a lot of explicit proof that Bender is queer, though I can't outright say it because it's not exactly confirmed. This is even implied at the end of the episode when he transitions back into a manbot. Once again, it initially seems like he's back to his old self now that he has male robot genitals or whatever. When he's alone, he stares longingly at Calculon on TV, signaling that Bender did enjoy his time as a fembot and did have feelings for Calculon.

As I said earlier, a lot of the main characters are very transphobic toward Bender/Coilette in this episode. They all crack jokes at Coilette's expense. None of them even attempt to take her transition seriously, with Amy and Leela outright refusing to see Coilette as a "real woman." It's hard to say for sure where the writers want you to stand on this, but I personally think that you aren't meant to agree that the way they're treating Bender/Coilette. It seems like you're meant to question their biases, though the episode does a poor job of conveying this.

I also want to get into the time this episode came out, 2003. Little was known about trans issues in the general public, and queer issues in general. According to some old Internet forums I read about the episode, this was the first piece of mainstream media to touch on trans issues. It came out before a lot of really awful, modern-day trans stereotypes were more prevalent. It's possible that the writers meant well when writing this episode and fumbled the bag.

That being said, I have no way to verify this and I don't think they've ever publicly come forward about this episode. It's not exactly clear what type of interpretation the viewer is supposed to take away from this episode. And even if you aren't supposed to agree with the way the PE crew is treating Coilette/Bender, it still hurts to see your favorite characters act transphobic/homophobic. I don't want to see TERF Leela, commentary or not. There's one part where Leela calls Coilette/Bender dating a manbot "a disgrace." I've been in a same-sex relationship for three years, and I remember feeling horrible when she said that.

Good intentions don't matter if the bigots in your audience use these "jokes" as fuel to hurt minorities. I think some people forget that there is a more conservative and bigoted side of the Futurama fanbase. I have to be careful when I engage with certain sides of this fanbase for a reason. I remember watching clips of this episode, going to the comments, and seeing a ton of hate toward trans women. So many people were praising this episode for it's portrayal of trans women and so many of them were using it to justify bigotry toward LGBTQ+ people.

"Bend Her" really does send a lot of mixed messages. I've seen trans people who despise this episode and trans people who really love it. Both sides of the argument are valid and should be heard. I think it's wonderful that queer people can see themselves in Bender (myself included tbh). But that doesn't mean that this episode doesn't do harm. We should criticize it for its harmful aspects, regardless of age and intentions. I love Futurama overall, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to critique it.

Hell, concrit allows these types of shows to improve if they continue, like with the upcoming reboot. Maybe we'll get better queer/trans representation. Maybe they'll do a better job of writing the female characters. And maybe they'll finally let Bender out of the closet rather than queer-coding him. I want to end this by inviting any of my trans followers to add to this message. I identify as cis, and I want to make sure trans Futurama fans can add to the conversation as well.

#futurama #bender #bend her #oh my god #this is so long #i'm sorry! #tw: transphobia #tw: homophobia #tw: misogyny #asks #very long post

[magnificentruinspersona]

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I recognize your support and friendship, and I commend your courage of conviction to speak the truth to power even when it is hard. These nations that chose to avoid voting or voted against the resolution at the OAS regarding the circumstance in Venezuela, I desire you to understand that your decision only furthers injustice and tyranny in the Americas.

It is my.

hope that you will reevaluate how your vote on these kind of problems in the future. Ultimately, we all have a responsibility to actively secure freedom in the Americas, however that can just require really difficult choices. Mr. Sires. Thank you, Mr. Chairman, for interacting on this hearing, and I want to thank the witnesses for being here today. Thank you quite. The Caribbean is typically explained as America's 3rd border and I agree with this description. With almost 45 million individuals incorporating 16 independent countries and 14 overseas territories, the Caribbean is a varied region that consists of some of the hemisphere's wealthiest.

and poorest countries. It is an area of great economic and cultural, political and security ties to the United States. The U.S.-Caribbean relationship Click for source is characterized by extensive economic linkages, significant security cooperation, and continued U.S. Over the past 3 years, the administration has put forth a brand-new effort supporting energy diversity and tidy, sustainable energy projects to enhance the area's energy security and to help it move away from its reliance on oil from Venezuela. Venezuela, which has long subsidized energy costs to many Latin American and Caribbean countries, need to turn inward to rescue itself from economic and political collapse. Amidst these troubling times we need to work.

with our Caribbean partners to diversify energy sources, reinforce their economies, and build on a mutual security interest. On the legal front, last month your house approved H (Which of these arguments might be used by someone who supports strict campaign finance laws?).R. What is a consumer finance company. This act is developed to increase engagement with the Caribbean that needs the Secretary of State Look at this website to submit a multiyear strategy to Congress for U.S. engagement with the Caribbean areas and upgrade on its U.S. diplomatic effort to engage the eastern Caribbean countries. As an international power, the United States deals with difficulties and threats from every corner of the world. Nevertheless, it is important that we remain participated in the Western Hemisphere and not forget our interests so close to home. I eagerly anticipate speaking with our witnesses on how the U.S. efforts in the Caribbean can enhance and how America can continue to strengthen its collaboration with our Caribbean neighbors. Mr. Duncan. I will thank the ranking member, and I will simply say I don't know the number of other members we are going to have today. We have actually adjourned for the August recess break and we wanted to continue. Understanding that we were going to adjourn, we wanted to continue with this hearing since that is how essential it is to the ranking member and myself, so don't think because no other members reveal up that it isn't a vital concern to the committee and to the subcommittee. And I anticipate speaking with the witnesses who are very well understood to the.

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committee so their bios are offered to us, and I will recognize Eric Farnsworth for 5 minutes. ERIC FARNSWORTH, VICE PRESIDENT, COUNCIL OF THE AMERICAS AND AMERICAS SOCIETY Mr. Farnsworth. Well, Mr. Chairman, thank you extremely much for continuing with the hearing on such a crucial topic. Thank you for your leadership overall on these concerns as well as the Caribbean particularly, and Mr. Ranking Member, you how to get rid of timeshares also. It is really essential to have a bipartisan voice on these issues and we keep in mind that. We take fulfillment in that and thank you for that management, and we ask that that would continue in some method given the value of the problems at hand. The United States does have tactical issues.

in the Caribbean Basin and we do not frequently talk about it because way, however in my view they are strategic, from support for democratic institutions-- some of which are rather fragile; a few of which are strong and enduring-- we have security interests consisting of drug trafficking, counterterrorism, the battle versus monetary criminal offenses, certainly migration and humanitarian issues, energy, the environment, economic advancement; it is an extremely wide variety of concerns to which the United States has interest. Mr. Sires. Thank you. Mr. Chairman. Mr. Duncan. The Chair will now go to Mr. Yoho from Florida. Mr. Yoho. Mr. Chairman, I value you putting this together, and I want to thank you for putting the pivot on our neighbors in the Caribbean. As you have mentioned which we have actually seen, and it is not just this administration, it is most likely over the last 20 or 30 years where we have actually taken our eye off the ball in the Caribbean. When we have country states that near to us with like cultures, you know, we value the very same things, our household worths, things like that, that near to us, and we take the eye off of that we begin losing our competitiveness and we have seen that.

And it is so crucial down because area and we want people, you understand, number one is to be protected in that area. And with the conflicts going on worldwide we do not want them to get into because location and sadly, we are starting to see that. And I believe among the biggest things is President Maduro, after Chavez, seeing what is going on in Venezuela. And we have seen in the past, when you have self-appointed dictators that concern power and when they fall there is a vacuum filled. We have seen that worldwide.

#Youtube

[beautifulpuppycheesecake]

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I acknowledge your assistance and relationship, and I applaud your guts of conviction to speak the reality to power even when it is tough. These countries that picked to avoid voting or voted versus the resolution at the OAS relating to the situation in Venezuela, I desire you to know that your choice just enhances oppression and tyranny in the Americas.

It is my.

hope that you will reevaluate how your vote on these kind of issues in the future. Ultimately, all of us have a responsibility to actively secure liberty in the Americas, but that can only need very tough options. Mr. Sires. Thank you, Mr. Chairman, for interacting on this hearing, and I wish to thank the witnesses for being here today. Thank you extremely much. The Caribbean is often referred to as America's third border and I agree with this description. With nearly 45 million people encompassing 16 independent nations and 14 abroad territories, the Caribbean is a varied region that includes a few of the hemisphere's richest.

and poorest countries. It is an area of terrific economic and cultural, political and security ties to the United States. The U.S.-Caribbean relationship is characterized by substantial financial linkages, considerable security cooperation, and continued U.S. Over the past 3 years, the administration has put forth a brand-new effort supporting energy diversity and clean, sustainable energy jobs to improve the area's energy security and to assist it move away from its dependence on oil from Venezuela. Venezuela, which has long subsidized energy expenses to lots of Latin American and Caribbean nations, should turn inward to save itself from economic and political collapse. Amidst these troubling times we need to work.

with our Caribbean partners to diversify energy sources, enhance their economies, and build on a mutual security interest. On the legal front, last month your home approved H (What is a cd in finance).R. How to find the finance charge. This act is designed to increase engagement with the Caribbean that requires the Secretary of State to send a multiyear plan to Congress for U.S. engagement with the Caribbean areas and update on its U.S. diplomatic effort to engage the eastern Caribbean countries. As a global power, the United States faces challenges and threats from every corner of the world. Nevertheless, it is crucial that we remain participated in the Western Hemisphere and not lose sight of our interests so near home. I anticipate speaking with our witnesses on how the U.S. efforts in the Caribbean can enhance and how America can continue to enhance its collaboration with our Caribbean next-door neighbors. Mr. Duncan. I will thank the ranking member, and I will simply say I don't know how many other members we are going to have today. We have adjourned for the August recess break and we wished to continue. Knowing that we were going to adjourn, we wanted to continue with this hearing since that is how essential it is to the ranking member and myself, so do not think due to the fact that no other members appear that it isn't an essential issue to the committee and to the subcommittee. And I anticipate hearing from the witnesses who are extremely well understood to the.

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committee so their bios are offered to us, and Click for source I will acknowledge Eric Farnsworth for 5 minutes. ERIC FARNSWORTH, VICE PRESIDENT, COUNCIL OF THE AMERICAS AND AMERICAS SOCIETY Mr. Farnsworth. Well, Mr. Chairman, thank you extremely much for continuing with the hearing on such an essential subject. Thank you for your leadership in general on these concerns as well as the Caribbean particularly, and Mr. Ranking Member, you too. It is actually important to have a bipartisan voice on these issues and we note that. We take satisfaction in that and thank you for that leadership, and we ask that that would continue in some method offered the importance of the concerns at hand. The United States does have tactical issues.

in the Caribbean Basin and we don't typically talk about it in that way, however in my view they are tactical, from support for democratic organizations-- a few of which are quite delicate; some of which are strong and enduring-- we have security interests consisting of drug trafficking, counterterrorism, the battle versus financial criminal offenses, clearly immigration and humanitarian concerns, energy, the environment, economic advancement; it is an extremely large range of issues to which the United States has interest. Mr. Sires. Thank you. Mr. Chairman. Mr. Duncan. The Chair will now go to Mr. Yoho from Florida. Mr. Yoho. Mr. Chairman, I appreciate you putting this together, and I desire to thank you for putting the pivot on our neighbors in the Caribbean. As you have mentioned and that we have actually seen, and it is not simply Look at this website this administration, it is most likely over the last 20 or thirty years where we have taken our eye off the ball in the Caribbean. When we have country states that near to us with like cultures, you understand, we value the same things, our household values, things like that, that close to us, and we take the eye off of that we begin losing our competitiveness and we have actually seen that.

And it is so important down because location and we desire individuals, you know, top is to be safe because location. And with the disputes going on in the world we don't want them to invade because area and regrettably, we are starting to see that. And I think one of the greatest things is President Maduro, after Chavez, seeing what is going on in Venezuela. And we have actually seen in the past, when you have self-appointed totalitarians that pertain to power and when they fall there is a vacuum filled. We have actually seen that all how to get rid of timeshares over the world.

#Youtube

[probablyevilrpgideas]

My one, most important lesson for DMs: STEAL.

Steal everything. Steal with both of your grubby little hands, your mouth, your feet, and, if you can manage it, whatever lovecraftian horror lies between your legs. Take everything you can.

People often think creativity is conjuring things ex nihilo from your head.

It's not.

You know where the rust monster came from?

GARY GYGAX FOUND A WEIRD RUBBER MONSTER AND STATTED IT.

The same goes for the owlbear, carrion crawler, umber hulk and purple worm, and the bullette was created the same way by Gygax's friend Tim Kask, who was also a play-tester and the first editor of Dragon magazine.

One of my favorite adventures I've run was literally the plot of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic season two premiere A Canterlot Wedding. I just replaced the ponies with the various humanoids of D&D, and Queen Chrysalis with a warlock. The plot was exactly the same, just with the minimal amount of massaging to let outside characters blunder in. And it's my favorite because that's all it was, but none of my players watched MLP so no one caught it (which was actually a little disappointing, for me the fun of references and allusion is other people getting them).

My other favorite D&D thing I've done is a dungeon I've variously referred to as Deathtrap Dungeon, Meatgrinder, and The Trial. It is, broadly, my own creation, but it was incited by my visceral hatred for how Gygax wrote the Tomb of Horrors. I wanted a super hard dungeon, but one that gave the players a chance, so I wrote my own. And within it is a bunch of stuff I took from other places.

I planned on the PCs being stuck in it until they finished, with no ability to leave and sell things or rest in town, so I needed a way for them to still use money. So I took Vulgrim from Darksiders, who serves literally this exact function. I didn't use "Literally Vulgrim," I created my own faux-Goetic demon Claunek, but if I ran someone who was a big Darksiders fan through the dungeon, they would likely recognize Claunek as Vulgrim.

On level three, some doors are infected with a specialized fantasy cordyceps fungus.

One of the rooms on level one requires sigil construction to solve. There's a grid of various dangerous effects, and a slot on one wall with a bunch of lettered tiles nearby. You have to figure out the right word or statement to spell out in the slot with the tiles to create a bridge across the grid. Now, this wasn't a great thing to throw at my players, because none of them know anything about sigil construction or magic squares. So they made a lot of rolls and I had to expo dump.

A similar concept appears again later on, but in this latter case, it's not about making a sigil but constructing a sator square from lettered tiles, which then is the clue as to how they proceed.

One of my favorite characters I've made was the result of "I like playing artificers" and combining the Voltaire songs Riding a Black Unicorn, The Mechanical Girl, and the basic plot of Iron Man. I never got to play them, but I still like the character I made.

Another character I made, and did get to play, began as "What if Saitama from One Punch Man plus Professor Farnsworth from Futurama, but as a wizard?"

I'm literally working on an adventure right now that was inspired by listening to the song Die Anywhere Else from Night in the Woods, and I'm kind of working towards it being more or less the non-character-dependent plot of Night in the Woods.

My point is, don't feel like you have to come up with things out of nothing. Steal plots, steal characters, steal monsters, and twist things together, and put your own tweaks on things. It's not wrong. You're just making adventures to run for your friends, or characters to play in your friend's game. This kind of blatant creative theft is only wrong if you're claiming you created the thing, are using it wholecloth with no changes, and trying to profit (either literally financially or in some other way). For just a game at your kitchen table? Take whatever you want, put your own spin and coats of paint on things, and just have fun.

#I feel like I've said this before so I had to make sure it at least wasn't on this blog #if I have it was a while ago so deal

[lilolilyr]

My @b-and-w-holiday-gift-exchange gift for @likeafouralarmfire @sallysetonswife!

3k, T, no archive warnings apply

Summary: Helena has been reinstated as an agent, but she is not yet allowed to go on retrievals. While Myka is out hunting artefacts, she stays behind - and tries her best to ignore her feelings.

Read on Ao3 or continue reading here

Reblog fic links to support your writers!

~

Helena is pacing between the kitchen and living room of the B&B.

She's downstairs because her own room isn't large enough to pace in any kind of satisfying manner, and while she would have preferred to tinker with an experiment or take apart and examine some piece of modern technology to distract herself from her nervousness, she is still only an agent on probation, largely reliant on Arthur Nielsen's goodwill (well, not entirely negative at least; she doesn't think that his opinion of hers could have ever been called 'good' as of yet), and he doesn't appreciate her tinkering in the slightest, so pacing will have to do.

Everyone else is still out, Leena presumably grocery shopping, back in a few hours at most, Agent Nielsen and Claudia at the Warehouse, probably home in time for dinner, and Pete and Myka... 

Helena almost falls, stumbling over the living room threshold, when she is hit by the uninvited thought of Myka not returning. The bottom drops out of her world at the idea. Myka has to come back to her, she has to, Helena is still not over the loss of her daughter, not even talking about everyone she left behind in the nineteenth century. To add any more loss to that...

Shaking her head as if trying to shake off the thoughts, Helena resumes her pacing. There is no need to worry about loss. She barely knows Myka, there's no reason to –

No. Helena shivers, narrowly avoiding hitting a cupboard with her elbow as she passes it. She needs to change her strategy to convince herself that everything will be alright, because this isn't working.

There is no reason to worry about loss because... Pete and Myka go on missions all the time. Yes. This is just the first time someone has gone on a potentially difficult artefact retrieval since Helena has been cleared to know about such things. She'll get used to it. It will be better once she is allowed to go on such retrievals herself, she's sure.

There is no reason to worry about loss.

When Helena is on her fourth tour through the two rooms, Claudia stumbles in through the doorway of the B&B, Farnsworth in hand, followed by Agent Nielsen himself. Claudia is currently complaining about the fact that she is not allowed to collect some sort of data on her smartphone:

"Aww, come on, Artie! I promise it's safe! I know how to hack phones, so I know mine's not hackable, and really even if someone found out about it, what are they gonna think, that I'm researching for some sci-fi movie? They might need those results today, and I can't-"

At the mention of what Helena assumed were Myka and Pete, the field agents currently out tracking Shackleton’s socks, she stops in her tracks and interrupts Claudia.

"What information do they need; why can't you give it to them? Arthur, if this is-"

"No, no no no no no," Nielsen waves his hands deprecatingly, puts away his coat and walks past her into the kitchen. "I'm not discussing this again, Claudia. You worked on it all day and they have everything they need. Miss Wells, you are not part of this investigation for a reason; if you have any interest in this artefact that you are not telling us about-"

"Interest? Interest? These artefacts are dangerous and incredibly hard to find, you probably still don't know everything there is to know about them, and they were supposed to be safely locked away since my time in Warehouse 12!" Helena could ignore him not acknowledge her status as an agent, calling her ‘Miss Wells’ even months after she had been reinstated, no matter how much it irked her, just like she ignored the fact that he still refused to use her first name, and the way he always thought the worst of her, but what she wouldn’t ever ignore was him placing anyone in unnecessary danger.

"Aww, H.G., you're worried!" Claudia coos as she follows them into the kitchen. Helena feels her eyebrow twitch. Claudia’s acceptance of her apparently also had its downsides, as the much younger woman has started to tease her about topics Helena would rather leave unacknowledged. "And I bet it's not because of Pete, huh!"

Nielsen, as Helena still pettily refers to the man in her head, scoffs and leaves grumbling under his breath. Helena huffs and busies herself making tea, trying not to think about Claudia's words, but of course that is in vain.

Yes, she is worried. Quite terribly so, and just because a certain curly-haired agent is on an artefact retrieval mission while Helena has to stay back at the B&B, not even involved in the hunt by looking for clues and staying in contact via Farnsworth but largely left in the dark. Artefacts of this classification still not what she is allowed to be dealing with – even though she has once retrieved this exact artefact herself and already knows quite a lot about it, thinks her input might prove invaluable in the retrieval...

But she knows, intellectually, that Myka has been trained for this job, and that she is unlikely to have any problems doing what Helena once did in the past. The artifacts aren’t even very likely to be fatal unless through long exposure wear, and Agent Myka Bering is incredibly capable, quick-thinking and strong, there is really no need to be worried about her this way.

Except Helena – cares, she cares deeply for this woman, and the slim chance that Myka might not come back to her is enough to work her into a frenzy.

Everyone retires early that day, Leena the first to head to bed as she is the one with perhaps the healthiest sleep rhythm, then Nielsen deciding that he and Claudia need their sleep, in case they will have another long day tomorrow should the intel Pete and Myka have proves wrong and they need to start looking for the artefact all over again.

Helena doesn't feel tired, and she has no reason to go to bed this early, but she knows that she can't afford to lose any more sleep than she does on a regular basis, and with her worrying about Myka thus, sleep might prove elusive for a while, so she figures it might be a good idea to get an early start, at least. Plus, Nielsen would just think her to be up to no good if she were to be the last one awake.

She even dozes a few times, but keeps waking feeling anxious and out of breath, and after the third such instance decides to give up on a full night's sleep or at least take a break from trying and get up for a midnight cup of tea and some reading.

In the hallway, Helena nearly runs into another person, and her heart jumps into her throat when she realizes who it is – like an apparition, sent there from Helena’s own desperate wishes that she may make it home safely, Myka is standing in front of her, looking a little ruffled but no worse for wear.

"Oh – hi. Sorry, didn't mean to wake anyone," Myka says, and Helena tries hard not to show how little she is sorry to be seeing Myka right then.

"I was already awake, don't trouble yourself," she hears herself replying without consciously choosing the words. "You are already back? Has the retrieval gone alright?"

"It went fine – well, at least we got it neutralized in the end, and, yeah, we're fine," Myka replies a little awkwardly.

Helena realises that it is still the middle of the night and as much as she would love to keep talking with Myka, keep reassuring herself that whatever may have happened on the retrieval, Myka is really unharmed and near her, Helena should not keep her from her nightly absolutions and sleep. "Sorry – You're tired. You must be tired, I mean. I didn't mean to detain you," she quickly says, taking a step to the side to allow Myka to pass through, but Myka shakes her head.

"I'm not, actually – slept a bit on the plane. Pete's crashing from his sugar high right about now, though..."  

They share a chuckle at the thought of the other agent's proclivity for sweet foods that he has no doubt partaken in during the flight, then Helena speaks again, deciding to take a chance and invite Myka downstairs with her. "I was about to make some tea as I was unable to sleep – would you like to join me, if you don't plan to go to bed just yet?"

"Oh – sure, that sounds nice," Myka replies, fidgeting a little – Helena can't tell what her awkwardness is about, if not because she wants to go to bed and can't find a way to tell Helena so – until she sees Myka's eyes flicker downwards for a moment, and realization hits.

She is wearing a lovely modern piece of nightwear that would have been positively indecent in the nineteenth century... That Myka is so affected by the sight of her skin under the lace is a nice revelation, and Helena decides she might as well have some fun with it. Breathing deeply to emphasize her features, she smiles at Myka. "It does rather, doesn't it?"

"I'll just – go put this in my room real quick?" Myka almost squeaks, and Helena has to suppress a smirk.

"Alright, I shall get the tea started." She brushes her bare arm against Myka's on purpose as they walk past each other, then is both shocked and entirely unsurprised at how much the simple touch that had been meant to entice Myka further is affecting her as well, like an electric current surging through her body.

Shocked, because something she has initiated shouldn’t catch her off guard… but then, Myka has always had a certain effect on her. And after two days spent worrying about her fellow agent, Helena knows that it is not only a physical yearning. No matter how hard she has tried to ignore her feelings, especially in the face of Myka having been in potential danger, in the end she still knows herself better than this.

She truly cares for Myka, more than she cares for anyone else in this new world.

After putting on the kettle, Helena adjusts a shoulder strap of her almost see-through negligee, and suddenly wonders whether this had been a bad idea. Myka is not a simple conquest, someone to seduce for a night of fun, never to be talked of again. It's not, or not just, because they work together, that Helena could handle... But with the newfound realization of the depth of her feelings for Myka, and her still present jitters from her earlier worry, Helena feels a little out of her depth. 

She doesn't want to play with Myka. Doesn’t want to seduce her into her bed. She wants Myka to be with her, freely, without any pretence, and in more ways than just one. With the way Myka just reacted to her, she even thinks there is a chance Myka feels the same way, and hope blossoms before she can quash it…

Helena shakes her head at herself for being a lovesick fool. Just because Myka is physically attracted to her doesn't mean that she is also emotionally involved. Helena knows that while she has a lot of, in her humble opinion, good qualities as a partner, and quite a few things in common with Myka, she is also not an easy woman to love.

"What has the teapot done to offend you?" Myka chuckles from the door, and Helena quickly forces a more neutral expression onto her face. 

"Apologies, I was lost in thought. Here, the tea's ready."

They sit down on the couch together, each warming her hands on a teacup, Myka leaning against the armrest and Helena doing the same on the other side. They are facing each other, bare feet almost touching.

Myka seems much less flustered now than during their encounter in the hallway, and if her eyes didn't still flicker to Helena's neckline from time to time, Helena might have thought that she had imagined it all.

"The retrieval went alright, then?" Helena asks, trying to start with a safe topic, as she wants to find out more about whether Myka might reciprocate her feelings before she steers their conversation to talk about her feelings, then instantly backfooted when she realizes Myka might not be allowed to tell her even that much. "Sorry - don't feel obliged to tell me anything you aren't at liberty to say. I know Agent Nielsen is..." she sighs.

Myka gives her a commiserating look. "He's stubborn, yeah. But I don't think there's any rule about telling you that it went okay, Pete touched one of the socks and got whammied for a bit before I could neutralize them, but nothing major. Um, I was completely fine."

"I'm glad," Helena breathes out, feels the last of the tension and worry from earlier fall off her. Suddenly, it feels like everything will be alright, and the idea of telling Myka how she feels no longer seems quite so terrifying, either. "It’s been... bothering me, the not knowing."

Myka chuckles, not at all the reaction Helena had expected from her almost-admission of her worry for the other woman. But from Myka’s next words, she supposes she will have to be a little less subtle in the future.

“Of course, you always want to be in the thick of things,” Myka replies. “Especially with an artefact you had been after in the past…”

"One I had found in the past," Helena immediately corrects her, then shakes her head to get back to what she really wanted to say. “No, not that – or not just that. Something else bothered me a lot more.”

Myka raises an eyebrow at that, taking a sip of her tea.

Helena forces herself to meet Mykas eyes, trying to appear fearless even as her heart beats quickly in her chest. She will be brave and reveal her feelings for Myka, take a chance even if Myka might push her away. "Of course I never like to be kept in the dark, but it wasn't so much the artefact itself that occupied my thoughts today... I had no way of contacting you, no way of knowing whether you were... alright."

Myka blinks, looking completely dumbfounded. "You were... worried about me?" 

This is not how Helena has meant for this to go. "No need to sound so disbelieving. Or do you think I lost my ability to feel in the bronze?" Helena doesn't even know why she is lashing out this way, but the genuine disbelief in Myka's tone of voice just has her on edge.

Myka instantly looks defensive. "No, no, of course I don’t mean that! I never doubted that you have emotions, Helena." Leaning forward, she briefly touches her hand to Helena's knee, then awkwardly shuffles back again, trying not to spill her tea. "It's just that it's you. I mean, I'm mostly over – well, not over the fact that you're H.G. Wells, but you know, I've gotten used to the thought, but you're still you, and you're amazing, and – you were worried? About me? Um, me and Pete, I mean," she awkwardly backpedals. 

"About you," Helena corrects her, feeling her courage return at Myka's praise. "I consider you much more capable than your partner, and yet I found myself... worrying... about you more than about him. Because of... what it might do to me, had you not returned." Helena shivers a little at that thought, wishes she had phrased it differently, in a way that's less final. Earlier that day, she had tried to distract herself, to not think about anything but that Myka would come back, that she would have to – now that Myka has returned, the could-have-beens come to the forefront of Helena’s mind, and she doesn’t have the strength to keep pushing them away.

"Hey – hey, Helena, it's alright. I'm here, okay?" The clacking sound of Myka's teacup when she puts it down on the hardwood floor snaps Helena out of her thoughts, and she realizes Myka is talking to her. "I'm here, okay? Nothing happened." 

Myka grasps Helena's hand in her own, and to her intense embarrassment, Helena feels tears falling from her eyes. Grimacing, she tries to wipe them away, but there’s the teacup still in her hands, and Helena flinches when the hasty movement makes her spill some of the thankfully no longer scorching hot tea onto her hand.

Myka shushes her, sets Helena’s cup away too, and then pulls her close. And at this tender gesture, it is as if the floodgates open. The worry of the last two days and the stress of this new world in general combined with her confusing feelings about Myka all coming down, and Helena finds herself weeping in Myka's arms, pressed against her chest.

When she has calmed a little, Helena noticed a curious mix of emotions, like she wants to hide after her embarrassing outburst, but also like she never needs to hide anything from Myka again, not after Myka has seen her so vulnerable and has done nothing but hold her.

Oh, she so hopes that it means Myka has feelings for her as well, that she isn't just holding her out of pity.

When she forces herself to look up and meet Myka's eyes, she finds the other woman smiling at her. Then Myka gently wipes a tear from Helena's cheek.

"So – you worried about me? You – care?" Myka bites her lip. "Please tell me if I got it all wrong, or if this is a bad moment, but..." Her hand still rests on Helena's cheek, warmth spreading from her touch all over Helena’s body. Her eyes flicker to Helena's lips, and Helena feels hope once more.

She swallows, then clears her throat. Her hand covers Myka's on her cheek. "I more than care," she replies, stroking her thumb over Myka’s fingers.

Perhaps they should have kissed then, but somehow, neither of them move, too caught up in each other’s eyes, in the touch they already share.

After a long moment, Myka notices their position and pulls back a little quite at the same time that Helena leans in – and when Helena means to pull back with an apology on her lips, Myka eagerly leans forward, almost pushing them both to the ground in the process.

Freezing before their awkward back and forth can get any worse, Helena waits for Myka to act, who is blushing furiously and finally snorts out a laugh.

Helena raises an eyebrow, slightly bewildered, but Myka only laughs harder, and after another second the hilarity of the situation – though she can't tell whether it truly is that funny, or it’s just sleep-deprivation, relief and awkwardness making them laugh – gets to Helena as well. Soon they have collapsed against each other, gasping for breath as they try to keep their exuberance quiet enough not to wake their co-workers upstairs.

Her sides aching from laughter, and with her forehead pressed against Myka’s shoulder, Helena realizes how much she needed this, to let go and just feel, to quit worrying about any feelings and problems that could come up in the future, if only for a moment.

When they have calmed down again, Helena is the one to wipe tears of laughter from Myka's cheeks. And then, it is the easiest thing in the world to lean in and press her lips to Myka's.

There is no reason to worry about loss.

This time, she almost believes it.

~

Hope you liked it :)

I don't think I have a b&w tag list yet, but lmk if you want me to @ you when I post more - I'm only doing that as a curtsy for folks who actually reblog and/or comment on my fics tho.

I already have this and a few other W13 fics on my Ao3!

Image sources: HG - Myka - neon sign

@purlturtle thank you so much for beta reading this! <3

#b&w holiday gift exchange #bering and wells #w13 #warehouse 13 #gift exchange 2022 #gift exchange 2021 #bering&wells #bering & wells #myka/helena #lilo writes #lilo writes fanfic #gift fic #lilo makes gifts #sallysetonswife #purlturtle #my w13 #my post #mine #feb'22 #bering and wells fanfiction

[haddonfieldproject]

<<PREVIOUS⏺<<CONTENTS>>

WARREN COUNTY/CARPENTER COUNTY LINE, ILLINOIS

Twenty Seven Hours Later

“Oh god!” The Governor turned from the Mustang with a hand over her mouth, her face suddenly pale.

“Oh jesus fuck!”

She took off across the roadway, running has fast as her flats would carry her. One of those shiny black shoes slipped on the wet asphault causing her to teeter, but she did not fall. She reached the tall wet grass on the opposite side of the road, bent, and proceeded to vomit in the ditch there. Salazar hurried after her.

Meeker and McGrath gave each other a tired look, and then looked back to the wreck. They barely noticed the white truck pull up behind them and Fred Colbourne hop out. A siren wailed in front of them as another Carpenter County Fire Department vehicle joined the other one and ejected six or seven more fire fighters in full yellow and orange regalia.

McGrath pointed to the crumpled body which lay in the middle of the road, atop the white lines.

“That's definitely Lloyd Chumway there,” he said morosely, “And this one here in the drivers seat...that's Lee.”

Meeker spit. “Pretty well intact, considering.”

“Well, they were in a pretty nice truck.” McGrath said, glancing over to the Governor who had now dropped to her knees. Salazar held her gently by the shoulders. She was still wretching.

“It's Booger's truck,” Meeker replied softly.

“The cook from the diner? The one with his head in the..”

Meeker cut him off, “Yep.”

“What about the kids in the Mustang? Can you ID them?” McGrath asked, walking around to the other side of the orange sports-car.

“Well,” Meeker took a deep breath, “This is Brad Doyle's mustang. He's pretty well known by the police around here. Not a bad kid.” He spit again, “But not a very good one either.”

McGrath's eyes panned across the headless torso in the driver's seat clad in a blood soaked Code Orange shirt. Bits of blood, bone, and brain lay all over the steel bumper of the truck which had completley intruded upon the cab of the Mustang. Some of it belonged to Brad, some belonged to the mess of a carcass that lay in the center of the car beside him. There was nothing but a heap of blood, skin, bones, and some sort of leopard print clothing. Another crumpled body lay in the backseat. Young female, her head turned around the wrong way on her neck. She was missing her legs.

“Do you know these other two occupants?” McGrath asked.

“The one in the backseat is Kyndra Bailey. I'm guessing this one,” he gulped as he looked over the tattered remains, “this one is probably Zoey Gonland, her girlfriend. They liked to hang out with Brad.”

McGrath looked up from the other side of the car, “More trouble makers?”

“They were good kids. A little bit of the talk of the town, but good kids.”

McGrath shook his head, “I don't follow.”

“A high school lesbian couple in a small town like this. Everyone knows them.”

“Jesus God Almighty,” Fred Colbourne said as he stepped up to the wreck beside them.

Another man, this one tall and thin with short brown hair, a yellow polo shirt and khaki pants also appeared beside them. Meeker looked at him. The man extended his hand.

“I'm Shelton Ganoux, the Carpenter County Medical Examiner. They called for me as soon as they arrived.” The man said, nodding a head to the fire fighters who were laboring around the wreck of the semi-truck and ambulance.

“And we here in Warren County greatly appreciate your help,” Meeker said, shaking the young man's hand firmly. “We've had one hell of a night over here and our boys are a little tied up.”

Ganoux half-bowed his head, “So I've heard.”

“What the hell happened out here,” Colbourne asked.

The Governor and Salazar re-appeared next to them. The Governor pulled a kleenex from her pantsuit pocket and dabbed at her mouth.

“It appears we have two separate accidents, occurring within about an hour and a half of each other. The orange sports-car, the truck, and the tractor trailer incident occurred at around six o'clock this morning, while the ambulance seems to have collided with the tractor trailer at around seven thirty.”

“Makes sense,” Meeker mumbled.

“What?” Colbourne asked, “What makes sense.”

“It looks like Mustang was behind the tractor trailer and went to try and pass him when they struck the Chumway Brothers in the truck coming from the opposite direction.” McGrath said.

Meeker's phone began to vibrate in his pants. He pulled it out, hit the green button on the screen, and stuck it to his ear.

“Meeker!” He barked. The voice that answered was gruff.

“Hey Deputy, it's Lorne Appleby.”

“Who?”

“Appleby, from Protective Services.”

“Oh right. Well?”

“Nothing yet. I'm gonna head to the hotel room for some shut eye. Miss. Cromer should be back in a few hours. Just wanted to keep you abreast of the...”

“Mrs. who?”

“Cromer...Ellen Cromer...from DCF.”

Meeker rubbed his forehead. “Aww yeah..right right. I'm sorry Appleby, I got a million things going on right now.”

“I know, I know. Like I said, just wanted to keep you abreast of the situation.”

“Who do I got over there now?”

“Officer Chang just left, Officer Stanton just arrived, two other officers in a squad car just went on patrol an hour or so ago...forgive me, I don't remember their names.”

Meeker adjusted the phone from one ear to the other. “Oh right, that's Warner and Farnsworth I think.”

“Maybe.”

“Okay, keep me posted.”

“Will do.”

Meeker ended the call.

“Who was that?” Fred asked.

“Guy from Protective Services about Maddie Keane.”

“Still haven't found her?” Colbourne asked.

Meeker shook his head and waved at the wreckage in front of him. “And if it wasn't for all this shit and everything else I'd have every god damn cop out there looking for her.”

Fred patted his friend's back. “I know Bengie. I know. You're doing the best you can.”

They were quiet for awhile and Ben took some deep breaths to gather his thoughts.

“You know what I'm wondering?” Colbourne asked after some time had passed.

“What's that?” Ben replied quietly.

“How in the world did no one around here hear a wreck like that?”

“Well the only ones out here are Reverend Taylor over there,” he pointed to his right, to a house on the top of a hill, “and Amos Yoder. Amos claims to have been woken up by the second accident, he's talking to the state troopers now.” he pointed to his left, toward a dirt road leading down to a quaint little farmhouse with a big red barn. An Amish man was indeed standing along side the curb next to his driveway talking to an Illinois State Trooper who was dictating his statement on a clipboard.

“Amos said he slept right through the first accident, and I've known Kevin Taylor for years, we had sleep overs together when we were kids. He has to sleep with some kind of noise. He always brought a sound machine to my house, annoying little shit.” Meeker continued, “He sleeps with a box-fan I think. He probably couldn't hear a frieght train coming through his living room.”

“Besides that it was still raining at six o'clock this morning,” Ganoux said, “the sound of the storm could have muffled much of the noise.”

“I just can't believe Gary Windorf didn't see the over-turned tractor trailer.” Colbourne said, gesturing to the ambulance. Gary Windorf had been the driver.

“We told him to haul ass,” Meeker sighed, “it was still dark and raining.”

“Plus he was coming up from over this hill,” McGrath added, waving at the rise in the road behind them.

The Governor cleared her throat. “So we have the Chumway brothers here...where the hell is Myers? Is he in the back of that ambulance where he belongs?”

“Who is Myers?” Ganoux asked.

“Objective number one,” Meeker replied, “Big guy, jumpsuit..”

“The guy with the mask, kinda toasty?”

“That'd be him,” McGrath nodded.

“He's over there.” Ganoux pointed. Three firefighters crouched beside a body near the tree line. The figure was face down in the mud only a few feet from the trailer of Gabriel Couture's truck. “It appears the patient was thrown from the ambulance.”

“But he's dead?” Meeker asked.

“Very much so. He hit a tree in mid air.” Ganoux replied.

“He was dead before he was even put in the ambulance,” Colbourne grunted.

“Well, I can't tell that. I'd need to do a full autopsy to do that.” Ganoux said.

“Forget that,” The Governor spat, “Get his ass in a body bag and let's get it back to the High School. Get all these bodies over there so we can...”

She was interrupted by the sound of approaching vehicles. The whole party turned as a black GMC Van pulled up behind the firetrucks. In the distance, it looked as if the van had been followed by a train of semi-trucks. The truck tractors where plain white with no lettering, while the trailers were gray, and also blank. The hiss of the parking brakes sounded off one at a time.

The doors of the GMC Van opened. Several almost identical looking Caucasian men in black suits stepped out. They seemed to be led by another man, who had climbed out of the passenger side of the van. He was older than the others, judging by the gray in his hair.

The older gentlemen stepped up and extended his hand to the Governor.

“Governor Harris?” He asked simply.

“I am,” The Governor replied, taking his hand.

“I'm Dick Spencer, Director of the Disaster Mortuary Operational Response Team for Region Five.”

“How do you do?” The Governor asked with a forced smile. “This is Deputy McGrath of the---”

Spencer cut her off and pulled a piece of paper from the inside breast pocket of his coat, “Did you request Federal Response?”

“Yes sir, we've had a bad night in this town---” The Governor started but again, Spencer cut her off.

“And you are fully aware that in so doing, you have allowed the Department of Homeland Security to begin to conduct an investigation into the order, as to the reasons why such an order would be placed pursuant to Guideline 542, section B, article F?”

The Governor looked at Meeker and then to McGrath, who took the roll of papers from Agent Spencer. “Yes sir..I am aware of the...”

“Excellent then,” Spencer looked down at the papers and began to thumb through them, “I have two affidavits for your law enforcement officers here to fill out. They must be in precise detail as to the events that transpired over the night , and why you would need to place an order for a portable refrigeration unit for casualty victims.” He looked at McGrath, “You need to fill one out as does this local officer...Officer----???”

Meeker took one of the papers, “Deputy Sheriff Ben Meeker.”

“Meeker,” Spencer nodded, “I also have a battery of questions we need to go over, but first I have three questions.”

McGrath took the other paper, “Yeah, shoot.”

“Do you or do you not want to be a big pain in my ass today?” Spencer asked.

McGrath laughed in spite of himself. “What?”

“I'm not aware that I said anything amusing Agent?” Spencer replied, cutting a look to Meeker and then back at McGrath, “Do you want to be a big pain in my ass today?”

“No sir,” McGrath replied.

Spencer looked back at Meeker, “Do you want to be a big pain in my ass Deputy Sheriff?”

“No sir,” Meeker replied.

“Excellent,” Spencer said, “Now let's get something straight. I don't want to be here, okay?”

Meeker and McGrath nodded.

“You are aware that last night was Halloween?” Spencer asked.

Meeker and McGrath looked at one another, not sure how to answer. McGrath was brave enough to try. “Well—yes...”

“Do little girls and boys play dress up on Halloween?” Spencer asked.

The two men looked at each other again and then replied in unison: “Yes sir,”

“You know who else plays dress up?”

Meeker and McGrath looked at each other a third time and then back at Spencer and shook their heads.

“Russian mail order brides play dress up,” Spencer said matter-of-factly. “Just hours ago, I was playing dress up with my Russian mail order bride, and you can imagine what kind of activities proceed playing dress up and drinking Vodka and 7-Up all night. And you can imagine how doing these things would be very taxing for a man my age, couldn't you?”

“Yes sir,” the men replied.

“I would like nothing better than to be back in my bed, in my Chicago penthouse, with Katya on my ‪Saturday morning‬. But instead, I'm called out to this piss-ant little town in the Storm-of-the-fuckin'-century. You can imagine how that would put me in a bad mood, correct?”

“Yes sir,” the men agreed.

“If there is any thing between those two affidavits that doesn't match up, or if there is anything that has transpired in this town that isn't cherry, or if the two of you aren't one hundred percent crystal clear and straight with me and obedient to my will like two little golden retriever puppy dogs, I will have Washington DC on my ass, and I don't want ‪Washington DC‬ on my ass for anything, and that will turn you into a big pain in the ass for me, and we don't want that now do we?”

“No sir,” they responded.

“I want to get this over with so I can go back home and enjoy my weekend, got it?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good,” Spencer pointed to the trucks, “Second question,” he said, “Where is the mobile refrigeration unit going to be erected?”

McGrath stuttered and looked at Meeker.

Meeker swallowed and said, “Best place I guess would be the parking lot of the high school...we've already set up a field---.”

“You guess?” Spencer stammered.

“Yes sir,” The Governor cut in, “The parking lot of the High School is where we want it.”

“What high school? I need a name people! I need an address!” Spencer's volume level went up a notch.

“It's Haddonfield High School, on the corner of Belmont and Main Street,” Meeker said.

“Well is it Belmont or Main Street?!” Spencer nearly roared.

“‪248 Belmont Avenue‬,” Meeker responded calmly.

“Got it,” one of the accompanyng men in black suits said quietly, and then they all turned to walk toward the first truck.

“Third question,” Spencer said, his volume level returning to normal, “is there a police station in this god-forsaken town that we conduct business in, or do we rednecks like to stand out in the road and play with our dicks in front of a bunch of mangled car accident victims?”

“I have two of my boys setting up a big tent in the parking lot of the hospital. That's gonna be ground zero for now until that scene gets under control and we can shift everything to the high school.” Meeker replied.

“The tent we use for the exhibitions on fair days and stuff. The recruitment tent?” Colbourne asked.

“Exactly. Herman Beach and Chris Huber are grabbing it from the storage unit. They should be there any minute. We should probably get over there now, I think we're done here.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” Spencer said, turning back toward his vehicle. “There better be coffee.”

The Governor piped up, “Don't you have a Mayor in this town somewhere? Someone is gonna have to talk to the press!”

Meeker winced.

NEXT>> (Coming Soon)