#i don't quite feel like this clicked but i want to post something every day for this week and i am all drawed out for the day

[therealmrsgojo]

Valentines special (Gojo Satoru x Reader)

Hi, everyone! Posting my personal favorite snippet on my fic I'd lie! you can click the link if you want to read the full version of it. summary: first time meeting itadori yuji, as gojo satoru's wife! warnings: canon-compliant, pregnant reader and drunk-in-love gojo.

15th of August, 2018

You find yourself in the kitchen, humming softly to the music playing in the background. The aroma of the spices and herbs fills the air as you chop the vegetables for tonight's dinner.

A small smile adorns your lips as you hear the servants of your home offer to do the chopping instead. "No, thank you. I find myself enjoying these lately," you politely decline.

The servants bow to you in return, watching in admiration, their eyes fixed on the elegant and glowing woman in front of them, the head wife of the Gojo clan.

As you continue your tasks, your phone rings, breaking your concentration. You wipe your hands on the tablecloth and answer the phone.

"How's my pretty wife doing, hm?" Satoru's voice greets you from the other end of the line.

"I'm doing well," you reply, looking back at the pot and stirring its contents. "I'm cooking our favorite dish. It's almost done, honey."

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Satoru's voice inquires with concern. "You just got off from work. If you're going to do the cooking instead of letting the helpers do it, why don't you quit your job for now and just wait for me every day with your pretty little face?"

"That's not going to happen, Gojo Satoru," your tone was stern and resolute. You continued by confessing, "I hate doing nothing. Simple things like cooking make me happy." He could hear the passion in your voice as you spoke about your newfound love for cooking.

On the other end of the line, he sighed deeply, realizing he couldn't argue with you. He knew that you were a determined and independent person and that it was hard to change once you set your mind on something.

Imagining your pouty lips, pleading eyes, and even a soft, simple "please" from you would make his knees buckle in defeat. He, the strongest sorcerer, was no match for you.

"And also, I wanted to give you a heads up that Megumi will be joining us for dinner tonight," he said, pausing a moment before adding, "Oh, and a new student of mine, too, if that's alright with you."

"Of course it's okay," you replied with a smile, "I appreciate you telling me beforehand so I can prepare. Do you remember the last time you brought Maki, Panda, Yuuta, and Megumi all at once? I was caught off guard and unprepared."

"I remember. Especially how you didn't kiss me for a whole day afterward because you were so upset." Satoru laughed, adding, "We'll be there soon. Love you ~ "

As the call ended, you turned to one of the servants standing nearby, ready to assist you at a moment's notice.

"Hana, please prepare some guest rooms for tonight," you said, trying to keep the excitement out of your voice. "We might need them later for our visitors. Thank you." You patted her shoulder, seeing her nod, before she turned around to follow your orders.

After your engagement, the wedding came soon after, taking place a few months later. You and Satoru had decided to have a simple ceremony with only the most important people in your lives present. You wanted to honor the traditions of the Gojo clan that had fascinated you since you first met Satoru.

Following your honeymoon, you were named the new head wife of the Gojo clan. Satoru's parents had decided to move out, passing on the responsibility of running the family estate to you and your husband. This was a significant moment for you both, as it was a tradition that had been passed down through generations.

The other servants had kindly taken care of wrapping up your cooking and set the table for dinner. You stood in the kitchen, washing your hands; you couldn't help but feel satisfied with your small accomplishment.

Lost in thought, you suddenly felt a pair of soft hands tenderly caressing your stomach, a body pressing up against your back, and nose slowly breathing in the scent of your neck. The unexpected touch sends a shiver down your spine, but you quickly recognize the familiar touch of your husband.

As you turned around, you saw your husband's warm smile that lit up his face. He quickly bent down to one knee and nuzzled his face into your stomach, murmuring, "I missed the both of you." You laughed at his affectionate gesture as you lovingly caressed his hair in response.

"I'm not sure they can hear you yet, love," you conveyed with a gentle smile. "I'm just barely two months pregnant, 'Toru."

Your husband looked up at you with a pout on his face, making you giggle like a teenager. He then stood up, took your face in his hands, and pressed soft kisses to your forehead, nose, and lips. The warmth of his embrace and his scent enveloped you completely.

He then turned to you and said, "Hi, my wife," looking at your face with a loving gaze, as if he was seeing you for the hundredth time but still couldn't get enough of you.

You both heard voices from the dining room, and your husband took your hand, pulling you and leading you toward the two students you had been expecting.

As you entered the room, a pink-haired boy with a curious look on his face muttered, "Wow, it's so big here, Fushiguro," his eyes scanned the delicate features around the room in amazement.

"(Y/N)-san," Megumi noticed you first and walked towards you with a small smile. You embraced him, feeling happy to see him doing well, patting his back and giving him a quick peck on the cheek before letting go. "How are you, Megumi?" you asked him.

"I'm doing well, thank you, for all that food you sent to the dorms, too," he replied, his cheeks turning slightly red at your affection.

As you stood there, your husband caressed your hair and introduced you to the other student. "Yuji, this is my wife (Y/N)," he said, turning towards the boy staring at you in awe, his mouth slightly apart.

"Itadori Yuji, nice to meet you," he said, bowing profoundly and complimenting you on your beauty that made you and your husband laugh.

"Nice to meet you too, Yuji. Let's go eat now, shall we?" you said softly, patting his shoulders as you led him to one of the dinner chairs.

The dinner was filled with laughter and stories as you all caught up with each other. You felt happy to see Megumi and Yuji bonding so well, as they were a perfect mix. You also learned about Nobara, another student you wanted to meet soon. As supper ended, every one commended your cooking, and you suggested that the two students stay for the night, offering rooms that were ready for them. They agreed happily.

As you both retired to your quarters, your husband's face was pressed up against your stomach, his hands caressing your hips as he mumbled sweet nothings to your unborn child.

You ran your fingers through his hair, smiling at the sight of the strongest sorcerer alive baby-talking to your pregnant stomach.

"I love you, (Y/N)," Your night was spent tenderly, with sweet words lingering in the air between you and your husband.

The moonlight bore witness as you made love with each other, lost in your own world of passion and intimacy.

Note: Aaaand that's it! Happy hearts day everyone! Thank you for reading this.

"Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."

xoxo,

Aurora.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #satoru #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #jjk satoru #satorugojo #gojo #jujutsu satoru #valentines day #aurora's fics

[vmbrq]

(about your ovulation / ethan landry post)

YES PLEASE YES YES YES

-

this is SO TMI but last night i was basically crawling up the walls with how horny i was for ethan landry, and i was so fucking confused. checked my app: i’m ovulating. makes sense.

BUT YES LIKE ethan wouldn’t understand why you’re so touchy all of a sudden, not that you’re not touchy but it was amped by like, 100. and then it dawns on him and he’s like “oh. 🤔 oh 🤭😏” like he has never seen you so feral for him before, and it turns him on so much to know you want him so bad. bonus points if you cry while you’re riding him because he feels so good and you’re so horny for him.

i’m dead died dead

i know it's been a minute since i made that post, BUT MY FEELINGS STILL STAND AND YOU'RE SO CORRECT. and whenever i'm ovulating, i feel like a werewolf chained to a tree during the full moon, so you're so real for that.

your behavior would be different--not intrusive or unwanted, just different.

but, he doesn't comment on it when you ambush him from behind while he's talking with chad, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his back to take a deep inhale of laundry detergent, aftershave, and something distinctly ethan. you'll take every available opportunity to have at least one hand somewhere on his body in public, whether you're casually rubbing your palm over his back or hooking an arm around his to keep him close or linking your pinky with his. you steal kisses off him whenever you can. you're more forward about wanting his attention, even if you don't always outright say it.

while he certainly isn't complaining, he just doesn't quite understand where the onslaught of affection came from. sure, you love him, and you very rarely shy away from demonstrating it, but this exceeds what he's used to. throughout the day, he remains blissfully unaware, never knowing that you're a solid four seconds away from popping the button on his jeans and taking what you need. the shifting of his jaw and the concentrated furrow of his brow as he works through difficult homework questions, the defined sculpt of his arms in short-sleeve button-down, the earnest adoration reflected in his big, dark eyes as he listened to you speak--everything about him just looked so good.

how could you be expected to keep yourself in line?

he would refrain from inquiring until you two are in the privacy of one of your rooms, not wanting to embarrass you or put you on the spot in front of other people. but even then, he doesn't get much of a chance, because as soon as he shrugs off his backpack and turns around, you pounce, nearly causing him to trip over his own feet as you push him back onto the bed and climb atop him.

he's surprised, rightfully so. but you kiss him, and he's more than willing to let you. but his hands flutter tentatively around your waist as he tries to ground himself and sort through his thoughts. it feels as if his world has been flipped upside down. he simply thought you were being affectionate. was he wrong? were you trying to signal to him and he just never noticed? is there something going on?

"hey," he interjects when you finally break the kiss. his chest rises and falls beneath your hands as he pulls for oxygen, the collar of his blue shirt rumpled from where you'd drawn him closer, his eyes dazed and searching yours for an explanation. "hey, are you--are we..?" you shouldn't mistake his pause for rejection, he just wants to understand. he's rarely seen you this desperate for him before.

and when he finally does? when you, just as disheveled and breathless as he is, whine that you need him--that you need him so fucking badly, all it takes is a couple moments of consideration before he realizes what's happening with you. he swallows as the pieces of the situation click into place. fuck. you're ovulating. suddenly, your earlier behavior makes sense. your desire for his attention, your craving for touch, your insistence on being pressed as close as possible to him on the subway back to your apartment--you must have been feeling the full weight of its effects all day. and now that you have him beyond the view of the public eye, you can't wait any longer.

a hushed, broken moan of his name as you impatiently grind down on him is all that's needed to stir into creation a fire in the pit of his stomach. you want him--no, you need him. you need him. he can already feel his cock beginning to stiffen against your thigh, and the tip of his tongue flickers over his bottom lip. his gaze scans your expression once more, and his breathing grows shallower when he finally identifies that distinct glimmer in your eyes as sheer desperation and need.

at this point, he's certain nothing will be able to deter him from having you.

"how badly?" he pants. it's paired with a slight, teasing upturn of the corners of his lips, just testing the waters to see how you'll react. to see how deeply your desire runs.

he gets his answer when you, in a fit of irritation at his lack of urgency, draw him into another searing kiss that he returns in full. he gets his answer when you swat his hands away from your waist when he attempts to ease you down on his cock, your own pace much more reckless as you sink down on him without giving either of you a moment to adjust. he gets his answer when you pin his wrists down to the mattress, using them as leverage while you fuck yourself stupid on his cock. you treat him as if he were nothing but a toy for you to maneuver and utilize for your own pleasure, relentlessly pursuing orgasm after orgasm even as your thighs tremble and tears of bliss pool along your lash line.

for a moment, he wonders if you're too drunk on pleasure to speak properly. but your hands move from his wrists to his strong shoulders, and you dig your nails into his skin as you begin to babble mindlessly. "feels s' good. more, i ne--i can't--" you hiccup, a single teardrop slicing through the layer of perspiration blanketing your cheek. "need you to cum," you mumble. "want it inside."

"you sure?" he pants, eyes wide. "we've never--"

"ethan!" you complain petulantly.

shit. his hands, now freed and granted permission, move to grip your waist firmly. a squeal is punched from your throat when he meets your descent with a sharp, upward thrust of his hips, burying himself as deep inside you as possible.

he grins. fine by him.

#ethan landry smut #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #scream 6 smut #scream smut

[dirtytomatoedwrites]

ONLY HUMAN

Summary: Changes are happening. Rafe can feel it.

Paring: Rafe Cameron x Fem!Reader

Strictly 18+ No Minors to Interact

Warnings: Dark!Rafe, Dub-Con/Non-Con, "Blood-Drinking", Character Death, Smut, Horror.

Word Count: 2k words

Author's Note: Wanted to contribute to Kintober but also wanted to experiment with how and what I write. Hope you enjoy and Happy Halloween 😈

Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Please don’t steal or copy bits of my writing or any writing from other writers cause karma will get ya.

It was the headaches that first hinted something was wrong.

Not just mild, fleeting headaches, but relentless migraines. They were excruciating, bouts of pain that seemed to originate from deep within his skull, right behind his eyes and radiating outwards in waves.

They were accompanied by disturbing visual auras—shimmering zigzags of light that swirled around his field of vision, making the world seem fractured and broken.  He couldn't help but wonder if something sinister was taking root—something malignant, something deadly.

Over-the-counter pain pills and the heavy prescribed meds from his dad’s bathroom cabinet didn’t help. Being exposed to sunlight only made things worse; once a source of warmth, now felt like molten fire, forcing him to wear his sunglasses indoors. But after a while even that didn't work.

The only respite came when he submerged himself in utter darkness. And so his days became isolated, cocooned within the confines of his bedroom. The thick, heavy curtains drawn creating a sanctuary from the glaring sunlight that now felt like an enemy.

Cloaked in this artificial night, he clung to the few comforts that remained: scrolling through his Instagram feed to stay connected with friends. But even their mundane accomplishments made him feel worse, knowing the world carried on—while his was standing still.

Topper boasted about his championship win and how his dad was lending him the family boat to celebrate. Kelce posted pictures of himself at the golf club, scoring a suspiciously low 90. And then there was you. Sweet you. Pretty you.

“When did you get a puppy?”

He clicked on the video, showing you cradling the little fur ball. Despite the pain, a chuckle escaped Rafe's lips.

Ah, so it wasn’t your pup after all but a friend’s, he mused. He watched as you gently petted and cooed at it, your voice a calming balm soothed even his anxiety while his gaze drank in your contented features slowly, lingering just a tad too long on your eyes and lips.

Clearing his throat Rafe clicked off the vid.

RAFE- Yo can you guys quit posting this shit? You know I'm dying over here. Don't need to feel like killing myself too.

The boys' "lols" and your kiss and hug emojis, along with well-wishes, made him smile, giving him a glimmer of hope. "It'll pass in a few days," Topper responded. "Migraines can't last forever. You'll be up and about soon," you assured. And for a brief moment, Rafe believed it.

But then, the loss of appetite hit him.

Food suddenly didn't have the same appeal anymore, not after the headaches started. Bland, tasteless, gagging on his favorite meal—the texture of food itself seemed off somehow, like it wasn't going down quite right, like it wouldn't clear his throat when he swallowed it. And if the terrible texture wasn't bad enough, it tasted like it wasn't made for human consumption. Every bite seemed artificial, a blend of plastics and chemicals.

Drinking water only seemed to make things worse—every sip led to a lurching of his stomach, a violent uprising of nausea that ended with him hunched over the toilet, retching, even when it seemed there was nothing left.

Enough was enough.

He decided to video call Dr. Morris.

"Were you able to take your temperature recently?" She asked as she scribbled down his list of symptoms.

Rafe touched a hand to his forehead. "Yeah, it’s pretty normal. Checked it this morning; it was 98.6, or maybe just a touch below."

"Alright..." Dr. Morris murmured as she scribbled notes. "And the headaches, did they appear with the eye changes?"

"Eye changes? What changes?"

Dr. Morris gave a short laugh as if he was pulling her leg but stopped immediately when he didn't laugh with her. "There's discolouration around the edge," she said, her finger making a circle near her own pupil. "It's crimson. Haven't you noticed the color change?"

Rafe leaned closer to the screen, trying to see the reflection of his own eyes. They did seem different—possibly a bit darker around the edges? It was hard to tell in the dim light.

"I haven't noticed—no offense, doc, but I've had other things on my mind," he replied tersely. "So, what's wrong with me?"

"These symptoms can indicate many things: the flu, food intolerance, a bacterial infection. We'll need to run tests. But given your age and lifestyle, I suspect it's just a bug. I'll refer you to Claire for a blood test appointment this week, and in the meantime, I'll prescribe something for nausea to help you keep food and fluids down."

"Alright... doc." he nodded with a sigh of relief "That sounds like a plan."

Time bore down upon Rafe, its weight an oppressive force that enveloped each passing moment, shrouded in the inescapable cocoon of artificial darkness. The world outside seemed distant, lost behind the heavy curtains drawn across the windows.

Confined within his dimly lit room, the persistent throb in his head wove a malevolent lullaby, blurring the boundary between reality and hallucination. The antinausea pills only dulled the edges of his suffering, allowing sips of water to stay down, while he managed to eat small morsels of food. But a hunger unlike anything he had ever experienced before clawed at him from deep within, a gnawing emptiness that defied satiation.

Amidst his despair, his Instagram feed served as his bridge to the outside world, a bittersweet reprieve. Travels, festivities, sporting events—brief snapshots of lives that captivated him as long as it took to scroll. Yet, within those fleeting glimpses, you shone distinctly. A light in the darkness. With a magnetic radiance, your digital presence seemed more real than the dim walls surrounding him. He found himself irresistibly drawn to you, toggling between your Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, silently observing every aspect of your life.

You were his friend and yet, with each photo and video, you unveiled new layers he had never noticed before. Were you always this serene? This happy? Your laugh that infectious? Peace seemed to radiate from you. And he found himself wanting to understand its source. Your digital presence had become a double-edged sword—offering him solace at one moment and then amplifying his torment in the next.

And then one night, the comforting yet painful ritual of immersing himself in your virtual world was interrupted.

Rubbing his eyes, aching from the screen's glare, he decided to splash some water on his face. Entering the dimly lit bathroom, he was startled by his own reflection. Leaning closer to the mirror, his eyes just inches away from the glass, he scrutinized the change.

The crimson around his pupils had grown darker, more pronounced, and now covered most of his pupil.

But what scared him more was the pulsing pattern. Every heartbeat seemed to send ripples through the shade, expanding and contracting with his pulse as if it had a life of its own. As if it were connected to some deeper, more sinister force within him.

"What the fuck?"

Panic set in, and Rafe fumbled to switch on the brighter overhead lights, hoping that maybe the subtle light from the bathroom bulb was playing tricks on him.

But under the stark, unforgiving light, the reality became even clearer. His heart raced, matching the rhythm of the ominous pulsing in his eyes. It was as though something was alive in there. A parasite. A silent watcher buried deep within, looking back at him from the mirror.

And just as that thought gripped his mind, another thought intruded, one that wasn't his own.

SLEEP

A dark siren echoed through his consciousness, promising peace and tranquility if only he gave in.

SLEEP

Its voice dripped with honeyed sweetness, promising it would make it all better.

SLEEP

Rafe felt its presence, an intangible force that clouded his thoughts, pulling him down into an abyss of darkness. He wanted to resist, to fight back against the compulsion that demanded his obedience. But fatigue suddenly weighed heavily on his eyelids, and the false comfort of the voice was impossible to resist.

SLEEP

With trembling hands, Rafe switched off the bathroom light, the shadows immediately lengthening and merging into one great expanse of blackness.

SLEEP

Suddenly, his steps were heavy, as if sinking into quicksand, his mind numb and zombified as he trudged along. Exhaustion made it a struggle to even reach his bed, and when he finally collapsed onto it, heart pounding against his ribcage, he began to sob because he knew he was surrendering to the unknown.

You awaken with a jolt, your heart racing and your eyes darting wildly in the pitch black. The air in your bedroom feels thick, an ominous heaviness that chills you to the bone. Your bed, once a sanctuary of familiarity and safety, now seems alien and cold beneath you.

Something catches your attention—a subtle but undeniable weight at the foot of your bed.

With trepidation, you force yourself to look down, and sheer horror grips you.

There, bathed in the eerie glow of the moonlight, is Rafe—or at least what remains of him. His posture is slumped, defeated, his silhouette a mix of lost and predatory.

Your throat tightens, and a scream gets stuck within it, but before it can escape, Rafe's voice—eerie and unlike him—cuts through the silence. "I had to see you... it commanded me too."

In a supernatural blur, he's suddenly upon you, his weight oppressive and suffocating. His skin is sickly pale, drawn tight over gaunt cheekbones. But it's his eyes, blood-red radiating pure evil, that hold you captive.

His icy fingers glide over your face, every touch searing your skin like a brand, a mixture of tenderness and threat that has you trembling.

"You're scared," he rasps, his voice a deathly whisper. “I’ll make it so you’re not."

The moment your lips meet, everything fades—your perception of past, present, reality; memories; even the chilling dread that had consumed you. Suddenly you're floating in a void, a liminal space between desire and oblivion.

His lips are a potent elixir, and with every passing second they pull you deeper into a spellbound haze. Your body is electrified with the intensity of his embrace. Every inch of skin comes alive beneath his ice cold touch.

Every whisper of breath; moan; gasp emanating from your lips mingles with the steady beat of your pounding heart. Your thoughts evaporate like wisps of smoke as the kiss intensifies to lust that surpasses all understanding.

His fingers leave a trail of fire down your exposed torso, as his hands slip away your clothes and his own. You do not notice. You're too consumed by pleasure and need alone. The need to be taken. The need to be fucked.

Suddenly he's pushing inside you and moving against you with an impatient hunger, claiming you for himself until you become one entity with one pulse, one breath, one desire—to reach ecstasy together.

With an animalistic vigor, he thrusts into you again and again, faster and harder, each stroke more powerful than the last. Pleasure builds inside you until there are no boundaries between pain and pleasure, only bliss. Bliss consumes every fragment of your being, building into an orgasm so profound, so primal, mounting higher and higher until—

Cold fingers seize your chin, jerking your head to reveal the delicate skin of your neck. Your eyes widen as grotesque, razor-sharp fangs extend from Rafe's perfect white teeth.

With agonizing force, they snap onto your throat, synchronizing with the grinding of his hips, and the sudden, overwhelming orgasm that tears you into a million pieces. Your muscles convulse and quiver around his cock, while Rafe's grip on your shoulder tightens, anchoring you in place as he drinks deep.

"What's happening?" you choke, sensing your heartbeat slowing. Tears now cascade down your cheeks, mingling with the blood trickling from your collarbone, staining the once-pristine white bedsheets.

"Rafe... I'm scared," you whisper, your grip on his arm weakening as desperation fills your fading gaze.

A monstrous hunger gleams in Rafe's eyes as he briefly withdraws, crimson trailing from his lips. An unsettling vitality now surrounds him, no longer pale or sickly; he appears healthy and handsome, reminiscent of his former self – a picture of perfect health.

In a cruel mockery of tenderness, he raises your wrist to his mouth, his eyes gleaming with ravenous hunger. With savage grace, he sinks his bloodstained fangs into your vein.

The world seems to bleed into his mouth as your life force drains. Each beat of his heart grows louder, stronger, overpowering the diminishing rhythm of your own, which slows... slows... and finally fades into silence.

GIF by outerbankspov

HAPPY HALLOWEEN MY LOVES 🖤😈😘

--------------

Thanks for reading x If you enjoyed it please like/reblog/drop a comment would love to know what you think. Until next time ❤️

#18+ read #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x you #rafe x reader #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe fic #rafe x you #outer banks rafe #outer banks fic #outer banks smut #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #outerbanks rafe #dark!rafe cameron #dark!rafe #obx fanfic #outerbanks #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction

[sharkboywrites]

"You're Just a Boy, You Are No Man, And Nobody You Know Will Understand"

Twst staff finding out stealth ftm reader is trans (platonic)

Reader is a trans man and implied to pass, misgendering, mentions of dysphoria and periods

A/N: Back with a part two to this post after the poll came out mostly positive. I really love the staff taking on a parental role to Yuu/player, its just so sweet.

Dire Crowley

Getting teleported to twisted Wonderland was a very difficult experience, and of first the first person you met, and the one causing most of the problems for you, was Crowley. As the headmage of the school, he had to do something with you and generally take care of you. it was only a matter of time before you had to tell him the truth.

This doesn't mean you avoided the inevitable conversation as much you could. You were able to go a few weeks without running into an issue, that being the dreadful natural process that comes once every month.

While you could run to Sam, there was the small issue of the right clothes to wear, after all boxers won't really cut it in this situation, so unfortunately you had to go to Crowley for the right things to wear.

It was definitely an uncomfortable situation , sitting in Crowley's office, having to explain the situation to him. He was also, clearly, made a bit uncomfortable by the situation, but as headmage of the school, it was his job to provide you with what you needed.

you could already sense that dreaded feeling coming in the back of your throat as you explained. You really didn't want to cry in front of him, it was embarrassing, but there was really nothing you could do to stop it. In all honesty, Crowley doesn't know how to react in this situation, he's not really good with comforting and all that, so he isn't sure what to do once you get up and leave once the conversation, tears threatening to pour from your eyes.

You do find the next day, however, the clothes you requested, although you're decently sure he made a guess on the sizing, and a small chocolate bar. A small note sat with the items, reading "You've been excused of all chores for this week, take the break you need". Truly a bird dad at heart, even when he's not good with the talking part.

Divus Crewel

While Crewel can be seen as, well, cruel, he's taken a liking to you as you've made your way into Night Raven College. Now obviously he hadn't thought much of Crowley, knowing he did the bare minimum keeping you at the school, but he didn't expect this.

Other than your school uniform and the clothes you showed up in, you really didn't have anything else to wear, and he was not having it. Of course once he found out he dragged you to the nearest clothing store. Caught up in his anger and disappointment with Crowley, he didn't see how nervous you actually were about getting new clothes.

It wasn't until you had to make decisions did he pick up on your hesitation. he was a bit pushy with trying to get you to pick out things, but it wasn't until it came to trying thing on he realized just why you were so hesitant about this whole thing. It really all had clicked the moment you had to actually try things on, but he had reassured you that everything was fine and took a different approach.

He started to prioritize clothes that would make you feel comfortable over the ones he thought looked fashionable, although don't doubt for a second fashion won't still be considered.

Once you're all done you've got a new wardrobe and Crewel understands you a lot better. After this there's very clear favoritism once in the classroom now, which Ace will complain about until the day he dies. But that's alright, it's worth it to put with the complaining now that Crewel's you're new dad figure who's willing to do anything to make you feel comfortable with the other boys

Mozus Trein

Out of all the staff at Night Raven College, professor Trein is the most of a dad, quite literally, after all he had three daughters. Because of this, he can pick up on those small things that make you different from the other male students at Night Raven College. While he had his assumptions, he never outright said anything. He decided it was none of his business, and that if you wanted him to know, you would come to him instead.

it was during one of his classes that he noticed you seemed really uncomfortable. Not just uncomfortable physically, but mentally. It looked like you were ready to burst into tears with one wrong move. When class ended, he told you to stay after.

In that moment it felt like everything had gotten so much worse. Had you messed up? Were you in trouble? That's really not something you could handle right now. but to your surprise, he asked if you were alright instead.

You couldn't help when you started to cry a bit at that moment, although you did your best to hold back as much of it as you could. this caught him off guard, he didn't want you to cry. After reassuring you that it was alright, you explained to him what was going on. You told him how you were trans, how you were trying so hard to hide it, and how dysphoria had really been eating away at you ever since you got there.

Fortunately, when raising his own daughters Trein had to comfort them plenty, so he was able to calm you down enough to once again reassure you that everything would be alright. He told you that if you had any issues, to come to him and that he wouldn't tell anyone if you didn't want to. if you wanted the rest of staff to know, he'd help you slowly come out.

After that, he's very attentive to you in class, always making sure you seem alright. He really just wans you to be okay, even if he doesn't know that much about being queer. he starts to see you as one of his kids, and he wants to protect and help you in any way he can.

Ashton Vargas

Out of all the teachers you weren't very exited to learn about your identity, it was Vargas. He's like the average intimidating man that you're not sure if you want him to know you're queer. his reaction would either be super supportive, or he'd be the most transphobic person you'd ever met. teaching gym, it was inevitable that he would eventually find out you were trans.

When it came to locker rooms, it was really a challenge. there was no way you could change with the rest of the guys, they'd figure it out in seconds, and no you can't get out of changing for gym. So you had to go to Vargas to ask if there was somewhere else you would be able to change. Of course, he made you explain. it wasn't in a mean way, but he wants to push every student to being the best version of themselves, and being too scared to change in a locker room was not going to help that, a least according to him.

So, you had to tell him. You explained to him that you were trans and not only were you not comfortable changing with the rest of the boys, it would be unsafe for you if in the room with the wrong person. he's very taken aback by this. he probably isn't the type of teacher to think about students being queer, not in a homophobic way, just not something he generally thought about. So he offered to let you use one of the bathrooms nearby, as long as you didn't tell anybody about it.

This does not mean, however, that he'll suddenly go easy on you. you're still expected to do the same exercises as the rest of the boys. you are a boy and therefore will be pushed just as hard as the rest of them. Sorry, no getting out of that one. Vargas doesn't really see you any differently. You're still one of his students and need to be pushed to your limits, no matter how much you may dislike it. In fact, this makes him even harder on you. he's strict about making sure you don't exercise in a binder and gives you work outs that would make you more physically masculine.

So congratulations, you're given even more work than all the other students, but it's in good intentions from Vargas.

Sam

In the end, it was inevitable that you would also have to go to Sam at some point. I mean those period products aren't gonna buy themselves. Even though it wasn't really an ideal situation, Sam seemed like the person who'd you'd rather come out to than everyone else.

He's a bit odd, but he doesn't seem like the type to be judgmental, although he might bug you a little bit about it, not in a mean way though, the way he does to everybody. He's a bit of a sassy guy and that isn't going to stop for you.

When you first ask if he has anything that could help, he simply laughs. yes, it's an odd request that he wasn't expecting, but of course he has some. In fact, he even has enough for you to pick out a preferred size of whatever it was that you wanted.

he doesn't tell anyone if you don't want him to, although when you show up, with friends or not, he'll make a few sly jokes about it. Not enough to out you, just enough to let you know that he knows, and it doesn't bother him at all.

this took me a lot longer than I thought I would, probably because I kept goofing off and getting on my phone instead of writing. I feel like Sam's part is really short but at this point I'm pretty tired and need a hot chocolate lol. ty for reading and have a nice day <3

#sharkboywrites #male reader #twst #twst x male reader #twst x reader #twst fanfic #transmasc reader #trans reader #twst x trans reader #x trans reader #trans fanfic #platonic x reader #twst staff #dire crowley #divus crewel #mozus trein #ashton vargas #twst sam #twst crewel #twst crowley #twst trein #twst vargas

[mingtinys]

Soggy Cereal

pairing : choi san x gn!reader

college roommates!au , friends to lovers , fluff , valentines day fic !!

warnings : language

word count : 2.8 k

requested ? no

a/n : this was horribly rushed , barely proof read , and i kind of hate the ending , but i do want to post something for valentines !

You really should've just turned off your phone for the day. Maybe then you wouldn't be feeling so bitter. But after being bombarded by post after post of your friends being surprised by their significant others with vibrant bouquets, fancy brunches, expensive jewelry, and fluffy stuffed animals, it's a little hard to not feel so sour. Perhaps it's a bit unfair to hate an entire day, but February fourteenth just sucks, and you're ready for it to be tomorrow. 

"What's wrong with you?" San asks, genuine concern gracing his features at the way you've been scowling at your phone for the past hour. You'd nearly forgotten he was even in the room with you. Too caught up wallowing in your own misery to appreciate the bowl of cereal he'd so kindly made you. He digs into his own, spilling milk on the counter in the process.

"Nothing's wrong."

The look on his face tells you that excuse isn't going to do you any justice. He chews as he speaks, pointing his spoon at you from across the kitchen island. "You're a shit liar. You've been glaring at your phone all morning, something’s up."

"It's stupid." Your response is short, clicking off your phone and placing it facedown so you won't be tempted to glance at it any further.

"No, it's not. C'mon, just tell me."

San slips from his spot across the island, bowl in hand as he takes up the stool next to you. "Please," he drawls, putting on the most god-awful puppy eyes you've ever seen him muster up. You've lived with Choi San long enough to know, unfortunately, he's not just going to give up.

". . . I've never had a valentine. And I know it's cheesy but it'd be nice to have someone confess their undying love with some stupid rose bouquet or overzealous box of chocolates. Just once, ya know?" You sink in your seat, elbows propped up on the counter to rest your chin in your hands. You refuse to look at San.

"What do you mean?" San's voice is a little too optimistic for your mood. "We get each other gifts every year!" By his terms, he's not wrong. While the cheap boxes of gimmicky drugstore chocolates are a nice gesture, they're far from romantic. Not that you've ever expected such from San, but it's just not the point.

"No, San, like a real valentine."

He blinks at you for a moment, the frown on his lips only stays for a millisecond. "I'm gonna pretend like you didn't just call me a fake valentine."

"You know what I mean. We only get each other gifts because we're friends and no one else will." You plop down from your stool, sliding your bowl of soggy fruity pebbles over for San to finish. You've always found it weird that he actually prefers his cereal mushy. He'll even wait a good ten minutes after making a bowl before he eats it so it'll absorb as much milk as possible. But as nauseating as you find the mannerism to be, it is quite convenient. It's basically become tradition for him to finish off what you don't eat once the texture becomes too soft.

But it's the first time he's ever declined your leftovers. Instead of immediately polishing off your bowl like usual, he sticks to you like a shadow. San follows you down the narrow hall and to your room, making himself comfortable on your bed while you begin sorting through your closet for your work uniform. "I thought you liked getting each other gifts."

There's a certain dejected undertone to his words that make you pause and rethink how you're wording things. You aren't upset with him. If anything, he makes days like Valentine's significantly more bearable. If it weren't for the small box of chocolates and singular rose waiting outside your door this morning, you'd probably be having a lot bigger crisis over being alone on days like today. But your point still stands, nothing about the gesture is romantically inclined.

Your eyes finally land on your uniform, crumpled up in the laundry basket that sits next to your dresser from the last time you washed clothes yet never put them away. "That didn't come out right," you sigh, watching the way San's frown deepens as you lay the articles on the bed next to him. "I really do appreciate the gesture, San. It's incredibly sweet. I just meant it'd be nice to receive something from someone who likes me more than just platonically."

The last thing you want is for San to feel like you don't appreciate him. In fact, you probably do a little more than a friend or roommate should. "Please tell me you get what I'm saying. It's not you, I promise, I'm just feeling a little . . ." You search for the proper word. "Lonely."

San looks like he's about to say something but pulls his lips into a thin line before any words come out. He thinks, then says "I get it." But the frown is still there. You know he's the one who asked, but there's a bit of guilt that gnaws at your insides for dumping all of this on him so suddenly. So you pad across the room to your desk and pull a small pink gift bag from the bottom drawer in hopes to remedy the sad look on his face. Confusion pulls at his brows when you extend the bag to him. 

"I was gonna wait until after work to give this to you, but seeing as how you already gave me mine . . ." His face lights up at the realization. He's quick to snatch the present from your hands, His excitement tugs at the corners of your lips. "And be gentle with the bag, I wanna reuse it for your birthday in a few months."

You're not sure he even hears you, already tossing the tissue paper to the side and digging inside the bag. You'd love to watch his expression as he opens each component of your gift, but you're a few minutes shy of running late to the only thing that pays your half of the rent. So you begin slipping out of your pajamas and into uniform, not caring that San's just a few feet in front of you. You've learned to be pretty comfortable around him, given his bad habit of never knocking and the broken lock on your door that the landlord never got around to fixing. It was cause for him catching you in quite a few awkward situations for the first few months.

Though eventually, as the two of you grew more comfortable with one another, you were both willing to drop your guard around the other. Even to the point of just leaving your door open for him to come and go as he pleases. No one but San can say they've truly seen you at your worst and vice versa. Besides, San doesn't pay you much mind anyways, too engrossed in his gift to notice you changing.

You've just finished pulling your shirt on when you catch him eyeing you with one eyebrow raised. "What?"

He clears his throat theatrically, holding up the glittery pink card you bought for no more than two dollars. "'I think you're out of this world,'" He reads, turning the card to reveal a picture of a cheesy cartoon alien once he's done. "Really?"

"What? It's cute and it was on sale!" You giggle. The smile that breaks his playfully judgemental expression is enough to light the room. "Just keep going, there's more."

San neatly tucks the card back into its envelope. You take a seat beside him, watching while you tie your sneakers. At the bottom of the bag, underneath his favorite candy and snacks, sits a little box wrapped in shiny red paper. He holds it up, looking at you with an expression that reads what is this?

"Open it," you encourage.

He's gentle as he peels back the tape sealing what's inside, mumbling something about being able to use the wrapping paper for your next birthday gift as well.

While what's hidden inside the paper is no surprise to you, anticipation still grips your insides. The last of the paper falls away, revealing a hinged black box with a silver logo that sparks recognition in San's wide eyes. He looks at you, then the box, and to you once more before settling back on the box.

"This is . . ." He starts.

"I hope it's the right one, I went back to get that bracelet you pointed out a few weeks ago when we passed by the antique shop."

San opens the box and inside sits a silver chain bracelet, adorned with a singular little mountain charm. "I can't believe you remembered that," he whispers, delicately lifting the bracelet to examine it further. He then slips it onto his wrist, turning it this way and that to watch how it catches the light.

It was by no means some huge expensive gift, the owner of the old shop was more than happy for it to finally find a new home. But the way San's eyes lit up when he spotted it through the window was enough for you to know it was priceless. Though you knew he likely would never go back to get it for himself, and Valentine's seemed like a good enough excuse to get it for him.

"Thank you, Y/N. Seriously, I love it so much."

"I'm glad," you give him a smile, though it's nothing compared to his. "Now enough sappy shit, I have work soon." You snatch your keys from your bedside table and gesture for him to get up. He stands, though not without a groan of annoyance, "It's so stupid you have to work on a holiday."

"Like I have anything better to do today."

San follows you back out to the kitchen, spotting the long-forgotten remnants of your cereal still sitting on the counter. He lets out a soft "Oh!" and picks it up, taking a heaping spoonful into his mouth. It makes you cringe, the flakes so swelled up and half dissolved from how long it has been sitting there. It might as well be illegal to consume.

"You're seriously disgusting."

"And you're seriously wasteful. Besides I thought you were late, do you really have time to be heckling me?" He glares.

"I am and I’m blaming you." You state, glancing at the time once more.

You're halfway out the door when San calls out for you again. "Text me when you get off, I'll order takeout and we can watch shitty romcoms until you feel better."

While you're not sure watching movies about people finding their true love will necessarily make you feel better, San always does. So you don't think about it much and give quick confirmation before rushing out the front door and down the steps of your building.

To say work was horrible would be an understatement. As if watching your friends post their Valentine's gifts and significant others online wasn't already bad enough, serving table after table of happy couples was worse. Throughout the night, you were constantly subjected to copious amounts of PDA and extravagant confessions of love. Even witnessing a proposal at the end of your shift. Not to mention tonight's dinner rush was particularly bad at tipping.

But the cherry on top came when a customer, in a horrible attempt to impress his date, decided to nitpick at every tiny aspect of your service. Not refilling their wine fast enough, not checking on them enough, not being cheery enough, anything and everything he could think of.

The relentless critiques while being surrounded by the one thing you wished to avoid today stirred up every unresolved emotion from earlier. Turning your tastebuds sour once more. When your shift was up, you drove home as fast as you possibly could, completely forgetting your promise to let San know when you'd be back. The thought didn't even register until you pulled into your apartment's parking lot. That's right, San wanted to watch movies.

There's a part of you that wants to cancel on him. You're so tired and beaten down from the day that you honestly want nothing more than to tuck yourself away in bed and sleep for days. San would understand. He'd be disappointed, but understanding. Just as he always is. But when you open the door, the apology speech you'd been planning to let him down with dies out on the tip of your tongue at the sight before you.

Your usually messy and rather bland apartment is lined wall to wall with twinkling fairy lights. Their soft yellow glow illuminate the otherwise dim room. The scent of warm chocolate lingers in their air, mixing with the cinnamon-scented candle San always keeps lit. It's all very magical, yet confusing. You rack your brain as to why San chose today of all day to decorate.

Dropping your keys and bag by the door you venture further into the space. Peaking around the living room for San, you find the area to be completely vacant. You check the kitchen next, but there's still no sign of your roommate. However, what you do find is quite the arrangement of items set up on the kitchen island.

A bouquet of six tulips sit nicely in an ornate glass vase, vibrant in their color. Next to them, a tray of messily crafted chocolate-covered strawberries. Judging by the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, they're homemade. One of San's university sweatshirts is folded up neatly on the other side of the tulips. The one you've always told him you keep one eye on at all times because the design is your favorite and they sold out before you could get one. In the middle of it all sits a small, fuzzy teddy bear. It’s leaned up against a new box of fruity pebbles with a folded-up note in its lap. The writing on it is messy, but unmistakably spells out your name. You instinctively reach for it, flipping it open to reveal two scraggly sentences surrounded by pink and purple hearts.

"Not to be "mushy," but I am "cereal-sly" in love with you. Be my Valentine?"

"You're not supposed to be home yet!" San's startled voice breaks you from your thoughts. You nearly drop the note at his outburst. "I– did I miss your text? I thought I'd have more time, shit– um . . ." San looks frantically between the array of gifts and you. Then says, very unsure of himself, "Surprise."

For the first time in your life, you are truly at a loss for words. Because it's pretty obvious why San set all of this up, but your brain seems to lag at the thought of it. You feel like you need him to confirm before you can believe any of it. "Is this for me?"

He nods. "I know it's not exactly perfect, but after what you said this morning about not having a Valentine, I just thought . . . Well, I thought now might be a good time to tell you I sort of, kind of, maybe like you. Like a lot."

He gets antsy in your silence.

"And I know you said you wanted roses but everywhere was sold out. So that nice lady next door– you know Mrs. Kim– lent me some tulips she picked from her friend's garden. Oh, and everywhere was also sold out of boxed chocolate, but Yunho had some chocolate chips he let me borrow and I picked up some strawberries from that market down the street—"

It's pretty obvious San doesn't plan on ending his rambling any time soon. Words continue to waterfall from his lips, but they're all lost on you. Too overwhelmed by the thoughtful gesture and all the work he put into it to register the details of his story. You struggle to find the words to properly convey how much San, and all of this, mean to you. So you discard any semblance of a simple thank you from your tongue and instead take the opportunity to do something you've thought about time and time before.

You waste little time in closing the gap between you and San. Note still clutched in your fingers as you throw your arms around his neck and pull his lips in to meet your own. He reacts impressively fast, holding on to your waist and kissing you back eagerly. The rush of warmth that courses through your veins is like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It leaves your mind with no thoughts but those of Choi San.

In your opinion, the moment ends too quickly with San pulling back to look at you. But how can you complain when his eyes hold that much love within them? "You didn't have to do all of this," you whisper after a minute.

San just shrugs, letting his thumb graze over the skin of your cheek. "No, but I wanted to.”

"I love you too, ya know?" You refer to his note. "Even if you like gross soggy cereal."

#ateez #san #choi san #ateez san #ateez choi san #san x reader #choi san x reader #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez valentine #san fluff #choi san fluff #san imagine #choi san imagine #san x you #choi san x you #ateez x you #ateez fanfic #choi san fanfic #san fanfic #san imagines #ateez imagine #ateez imagines #choi san imagines #ateez fic #san fic #choi san fic

[itspyon]

Have you by any chance taken a look at r/dwt2 recently? I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the posts over there about Dream's interactions (or lack thereof) with the fanbse rn and the big content drought. I think you always have realistic outlooks on this stuff and it would definitely help some people on here that I know are trying not to feel too down about it. (100% /nf)

hello dashboard

this is the longest post i have ever written. remember, this is how i personally see things. you don't have to agree with all of it or at all. still, long as fuck. you have been warned

i do not use reddit and i especially don't visit spaces that are a vent melting pot. not something i want to encourage by giving it clicks

however it is a topic i do have thoughts on, of various kinds, so walk with me on this one. i believe the position is in right now is 1 - one he hates, 2 - one he was forced to be in and 3 - one he's too afraid to get out of

you can understand my second point easily, i don't think there's any argument about it. if it was up to him, the current state of his content would not be like this, not talking quality, but in the general lack of it. he had to reorganise his life around october 2022 to the point he considered quitting. that's not an easy thing, logistically an otherwise, and for dream out of all people to have even think about it, it must have been a tremendous feat to get out of that spot mentally. then he could not make usmp happen. dealing with the hate. gumball. releasing the video. these aren't things that he could predict, and did shape the timeline of content release

i don't want to say i feel a bitterness about it from him, because he's not a bitter person. but when he talks about the things that weren't, i do feel that sad yearn, the-one-that-got-away-esque vibe in the conversation. which is completely understandable, because those are his projects he put time thought money and love in. and then he gets the carpet pulled, and now we're here. i feel people forget that a bit you feel sad about all the content, imagine him. we knew about usmp for tops 3 or 4 days, he had been working on it for months. empathise with him a bit and understand this is not a place he wants to be in either

my general "critique" of him regarding the situation is the third point. i say fear, i don't exactly know if that's what it is, and just as above, i understand why it would exist yes, obviously the face reveal and meeting fans and having the parasocialism hit you in the face changes a lot. i understand, say, walking back from his "Stans" video, i understand walking back on the nsfw, i get those things. but we're a bit past that point now, where denouncing that parasocialism is turning into what i see as becoming the cc he has said he doesn't want to be

and i say this as someone that has been around for a WHILE. he has in the past spoken negatively about the path he is taking. the cc that's removed from his audience, the famous guy that has all his accounts managed, the creator with the over scripted, over hyped, removed of all spontaneous dynamic content that ends up either underdelivering, or not delivering at all. ( note here, i don't think dream will ever underdeliver. not in his dna. simply describing that general persona )

he's not there yet, at all, but he's edging close enough where people are starting to feel uneasy about it. some quietly, some in an understanding tone, others demanding and demeaning. and i feel at every step of walking down this figurative path, my first and second points ring very loudly. he doesn't really want this, he never asked for any of this. he has been forced into this position. but now he's on this weird stasis chamber of sorts, not fully in it but also doing nothing to get out ? i see the absolute love he has for music. i see how much he loves minecraft, and his fans, and the weirdness of it all. but he's alienating himself from it and not particularly putting up any sort of fight. not even raising his voice. nothing at all

no snapchats no tweets no likes no replies no streaming no casual popping into a friend's stream. and i am happy for him ! let me make that super clear ! taking time for himself, chilling, doing things in private. i'm glad he has that space now, and he's enjoying a life he very much could not have for years

but the very overwhelming, and genuinely new type of quiet makes that uneasiness i mentioned before grow exponentially. this isn't a quiet we're used to, and i have been through many. i am personally fine with it, i am not the one to demand content, i can simply do something else. but it does worry me he's kind of just taking the punches, and is taking them so much to heart he has removed himself this much from the public, in a seemingly unnecessary fashion. and here's the real issue for me on that third point, and where that worry comes from, and maybe in part curiosity ?

he's sure of what he's doing. at least it appears that way. i don't see all the puzzle pieces, and i am concerned at the picture they paint. is he scared ? is he tired ? is he waiting it out even more ? should i be concerned ? is that maybe too parasocial, or am i just so put off by the change of scenery and the lack of explanation for some of these changes ( like i said, i understand some, but others seem out of left field ) , it that it makes me reasonably worried

still. i get it

i criticize some of it, because yeah, i am selfish, i want the content creator that i have been following for five years to be, at least in part, the one i subscribed to. i want some content, any content, at all

i also understand the road to here was not the one neither of us expected it to be, and it changed him more than it changed me

i am a passive onlooker of his life, and i have no right to make demands to what he gives me access to. i only can complain as much as it is appropriate, which is vocalising my feelings of missing him, because he has given me a piece, and now i don't quite get why it's gone. previously he would have told us why, now it's dead lining

but it's his life. it's his time. it's his piece. and it's his choice. he can do with it as he pleases. i can be unhappy. i can have issues with it, i can worry. i can demand explanations. i am not entitled an answer. the second people understand that last part, they will have a much better time dealing with the quiet

i miss him, i really do. i understand why he's gone. i don't approve of how far he's taking it. but that doesn't fucking matter, because whatever the reasoning is, if he is doing it this way, it's for a reason that's enough to him. and i'd say, we have to trust him with his own life

#pyon askies #pyon long post

[thefrogman]

On fucking up...

The house has been incredibly quiet since my dad passed. And that quiet turns into loneliness quite often for me. So last night I decided to use every spoon I had to go to the movies. I swallowed my social anxiety and went out into the world.

The theater had these recliners that sit on a raised step. But when you are actually sitting in the seat you can't see that step. Once the movie was over I forgot about the step. I got up to leave and my ankle caught it on the way down. I flew forward and crashed into the back of a row of seats.

A middle aged gentlemen saw this and said, "Gee buddy, this your first day walking?"

And the other 8 people in the theater gave a boisterous laugh.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Making a mistake feels bad.

Making a mistake in public is an embarrassing lesson in humility.

And making a mistake witnessed by 15,000 people is terrifying.

When you get something wrong and people call you out, your first instinct is to dig in. Everyone wants to dig in. Which is usually the worst possible reaction. You want to defend yourself. You don't want to believe you were wrong. And you start spewing out reasons why you can't be wrong. I think the current vernacular calls this "tweeting through it."

Over the years I have tried very hard to fight that instinct to dig in. To consider what people have said and recheck my facts to see if my original information could be inaccurate. And sometimes you find out you were right and strengthen your point of view.

But when you find out you were duped or misunderstood the information, there is nothing quite like that sinking feeling.

And when you are wrong in front of 15,000 people... that sinking feeling goes to the center of the earth.

You get sucked into a thought spiral...

"How do I fix this? Do I send a message to all 15,000 people? Do I just post a video of me repeatedly punching myself in the face? Do I delete the post? No, can't delete the post, people will think you are trying to hide your mistake. Plus all those reblogs."

You have to accept the fact that even if you publicly admit you were wrong, a lot of those people are never going to see it. They are going to believe the thing and possibly spread it to others.

You've created a runaway freight train and you just have to watch it crash into stuff.

The sad thing is I have learned this lesson a few times in my 10+ years of being a minor public figure. It has caused me to be so paranoid about passing along bad information that I will fact check things to death. Sometimes 5 or 6 sources. I'll look at reputable sources and disreputable sources. And I'll try to corroborate those disreputable sources just as an exercise to give me confidence I have the best information at that time.

But the other night I finished watching John Wick 4 and was high on action juice. I started watching every John Wick video on YouTube. My history shows about 40 videos. And at 2 or 3am I heard the director being hyperbolic in a podcast clip and thought a fun fact was too great not to share.

I thought, "I'm not telling people to eat horse paste for COVID. I'm not pretending I'm a submarine expert who knows exactly how to save people at the bottom of the ocean. It's just a flippy gun maneuver. I'm sure Chad knows what he is talking about."

So I posted the thing on my personal blog with sleep in my eyes and figured it was fine. And after 500 notes no one had really said anything, so I thought it was okay to share on my main blog.

And that was my biggest mistake. I deemed the subject matter to be trivial so I lowered my standards.

I forgot that damn step was there and flew into the seats.

There are dishonest people on the internet. Tons of them. People who will post dangerous misinformation without a care. People who have a pattern of lying. Grifters who thrive on baiting people for clicks. And I think it has caused us to react to bad information with hostility by default. People forget that there are still honest people who just make a mistake or get duped. Yet they can still feel the need to make people feel stupid for believing something that seems so obvious to them.

I have been guilty of this myself. I have called people out forgetting they are a human being behind that social media avatar.

The first person to call me out just said, "This is not true, LMFAO."

That's not helpful.

People made me feel like I was a liar. And I am very sensitive to that. For years doctors, family, and friends were skeptical of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And when someone accuses me of being dishonest, I get very anxious and see red.

But I tried very hard not to dig in. I asked for more information--for evidence. Just point me in a direction so I can figure out what's true. But I got angry when all they said was that I was wrong without elaboration. Which is another form of digging in.

I guess I'm asking people to start with compassion before hostility. Maybe if we don't know the person or they have been a mostly reliable source, we can give people a chance. If the person has a history of deception, that's a different story. Bad faith is usually pretty easy to spot.

I remember for a long time I used to love telling people their blood was blue until it was exposed to oxygen. It was just the funnest fun fact I had ever heard and I *needed* others to know the thing I knew. Giving people knowledge can be intoxicating. But then I told my good friend who just became a medical resident and he was like, "I don't remember that in medical school. I think that might be an urban legend."

I still got that sinking feeling and I still had flashbacks to every person I told... but I was grateful he was so kind when he corrected me.

You can correct someone with kindness.

I'd ask that you imagine yourself in their shoes. Think about how embarrassing it is when you get something wrong. And just be like, "Hey, I think you got some bad information. Here's why."

When someone faceplants into a row of seats, metaphorically or otherwise, maybe ask if they are okay before laughing at them.

#long post

[1moreff-creator]

Everything We Know About Mai Akasaki + So Many Theories

AKA, me going insane over a character with exactly nine seconds of main series screen time so far. I checked.

At this point, it's probably fair to say that Mai Akasaki is by far the most mysterious aspect of DRDT. A character we only learn about in short, cryptic bouts of information, yet one which seems intrinsically linked with the series' plot and characters. We know extremely little about her, and what we do know, it's usually speculative.

However, it's still really interesting to talk about this funky little woman, and try to figure out what exactly her deal is. Join me in insanity land, as I compile everything I could find about her, and speculate on her story! I can practically guarantee that you'll learn something new.

WARNING: Insanely long post. I reached the 30 image limit, to give you an idea of how crazy this is.

Wait, Who?

Her! <3

(A lot of what I'm about to say come from this post by despairing-disaster and this one by akemiai, huge shout out to them!)

For the uninitiated, Mai Akasaki is the secret seventeenth student of the DRDT cast, hidden somehwere in this school wait no that's Mukuro. Her name can be found in the hidden quote in MonoTV's character profile, which itself is found by doing "inspect element" on said page.

Her name is Mai Akasaki

(I am such a hacker)

Typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/maiakasaki (or clicking there) takes you to a pretty empty page, with this text:

All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I'll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I'll give it to you as well. Don't apologize for asking, I'll give you my forgiveness too.

As you'll see later, this quote is probably something Mai would say.

And this hidden quote:

"Are you still searching for a secret? For some explanation that will satisfy you? There's no answer I can give you that will make you happy. Maybe I should have lied instead. I'm sorry."

Note the quotes, which as far as I can tell, aren't in any of the other hidden phrases. That said, spoilers, I don’t have any idea what this means.

You may aso have noticed some highlighted letters in that first quote. Typing those in, https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/aoaviepkro, takes you to the most important page for our purposes:

(Also, you can just look it up on google nowadays)

Mai Akasaki's character profile. And yes, it's the girl Teruko remembers after being stabbed by Xander, in episode 6 of chapter 1. After that memory, Teruko thinks:

It's strange I would remember her now, of all times. What was her name again? It's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't remember. Xander always reminded me of that girl. Perhaps that's why I'm thinking about her now. They looked similar, with that same red hair and smile. And... they both wanted to help, didn't they?

Teruko and her clearly have something going on, but we'll get to it later (take a shot every time I say something like that). For now, we have to dive into the profile.

Profile of Someone Dearly Loved

Basic Info

She's listed as the "Ultimate ???", likes phone charms and dislikes silence. She's 5'8'' tall, weighing 124 lbs and with a chest sie of 30 in. I doubt anyone cares about the latter. Her birthday is February first, which you may want to keep in mind for later.

The Subtitle Quote

As every character does, Mai has a quote right under her name. In her case, "There's a way for you to be happy". Keep in mind these quotes are usually things the characters would say, and as you'll see in a moment, that fits.

However, what's interesting is that this quote was not the one originally there when Mai's page was first found. It changed. It used to be, apparently, "Anything, anything at all..."

What I don't know is when it changed, or why. The earliest reference I can find to the change is this post by stfu-sage, the 20th of March, 2023. This is just three days after the release of Ch 2 Ep 8, but that feels like quite a strange time for it to change, especially since we don’t know how many days passed without anyone checking the profile. I feel it makes more sense if it had changed either with the release of Ch 2 or with the BDA on chapter 7. Regardless, the exact time doesn’t matter much.

What do these lines mean, though? Well, starting with “Anything, anything at all”, I believe it’s related to line from the Mai Akasaki URL. You know, “All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I’ll give it to you…”, that one. When you read them together, it makes sense:

All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I'll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I’ll give it to you as well. […] [You can ask for] Anything, anything at all.

Considering the code for Mai’s profile is in the “ask for my hand” line, I think it makes sense.

Then, the changed quote, “There’s a way for you to be happy”. Considering the general time for the change, is it possible this is something Mai said to Arei, during their time at Hope's Peak? It's the best I have for now, but I feel we may need more context to know what this is about.

In any case, I can't gather much more from the subtitle quote. Although I do feel like pointing out, Mai’s quote is somewhat unique in that none of the words are highlighted. All the other characters have one or a few words highlighted (eg: Arei - secret, Teruko - no matter what), except MonoTV and Mai. Don’t think it means anything, but it’s there.

Hidden Quotes

And here we have it. The most important part of Mai theorizing. Whenever you refresh the page, a new body of text appears, which is related to a specific character via the code of the website. You can see in the screenshot I took, it says “A girl with many friends”. But here’s a full list of all the possibilities:

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named ‘Teruko Tawaki.’ Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Whit: A girl with many friends. Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future. Arei: She doesn’t like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. Xander: She couldn’t stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences. David: She forgives everyone. MonoTV: It’s all your fault.

You may notice the order is somewhat peculiar, and it's for a good reason. It's the order the "bios" (name of the variable in the source code... I think that's how that works) are laid out in the source code of Mai's page.

... I know you can barely see and not all of them are on frame, but just trust me. If you want to check for yourself, you can go to the profile's source code (Ctrl U), and either scroll to almost the bottom, or just search (Ctrl F) for a word like "average" or "confided" which only shows up in the "bios". There's probably easier ways to go about it, but this is how I got there. I'm telling you this because it took me like an hour to find out where the hell the order came from. I am not good at computers.

However, for now, let's just ignore the order (and the tenses of the sentences, I swear I'll get there) and focus on the main points for now.

+Mai is extremely well-liked by the other members of the cast. In particular, some of the quotes compliment her based on faults the character attached to them has.

>Arturo is extremely judgemental based on ugliness, but Mai "sees the beauty in everyone".

>Charles forgot his dead brother, but Mai "loves her family".

>Rose is absentminded and often forgets things if she doesn't see them, but Mai "remembers everything that is important to others".

>The hidden quote on Ace's page has him saying "I don't know what to do with myself anymore", suggesting a lack of control over his future, but Mai "had a bright future".

>Arei constantly causes altercations between the cast, but Mai "doesn't like it when her friends fight".

However, plenty of quotes are simply good qualities, such as Hu's "A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe". The point is, everyone seemingly adored this girl.

+Mai is good at keeping secrets, as implied by J's and Nico's quotes ("She kept it a secret, and told no one" and "Everyone confided in her", respectively). Those same quotes actually seem to imply Mai likely knew those two's secrets, and possibly a lot of the others.

+Among other things, Mai is compassionate, forgiving, friendly, and generally a positive presence.

+Mai and Teruko have a particularly strange relationship. We'll come back to this.

+Mai seemingly did... something, and it brought consequences. This is implied by the quotes of Xander ("she couldn't stand to do nothing") and Veronika ("A girl who didn't foresee the consequences"). But, what was it? Well, to get a better idea, we need to take a look at... the Bonus Episodes.

A Not-So-Unnamed-Classmate

Technically-a-Theory: Mai is the Unnamed Classmate

I say "technically" because I'm pretty sure no one actually disagrees with this. Yes, technically it's never been confirmed, but it seems likely Mai is the Unnamed Classmate who shows up in both of the Bonus Episodes we have so far. The PoV character in both of those episodes has the same voice, which sounds like a girl's, and their personality seems to fit with the very little we know of Mai.

Additionally, as you’ll see, the text boxes in the Bonus Episodes are surrounded by flowers which look very similar to the ones in Mai’s tattoo, further connecting them.

It's not much, but since we don't know anyone else who could be Unnamed Classmate, they and Mai are likely the same person.

With this clarified, let's talk about Unnamed Classmate.

Bonus Episode #1

This episode is mostly focused on Min and the history of Hope's Peak, but we can still start to grasp a bit of Mai's personality. She seems generally upbeat and somewhat bubbly, and we can see glimpses of her kind and caring qualities when she comforts Min near the end of the episode.

There's also a few lines which actually tell us a few more concrete things about her, though. I won't post them in chronological order, btw.

Min: Hey! Put your textbook away! Don’t cheat!

Seemingly an insignificant joke, but it does help establish Mai as slightly mischievous/cheeky, which will be expanded upon later. Other indications of this cheekiness include Mai comlimenting Min and trying to distract her by talking about the sky and her backstory, presumably to procrastinate. I may be reading too much into it, but I really don't think Mai is as easily distracted as she makes herself out to be.

Mai: Auughh, the test is too soon, there’s no way I’ll have enough time! I’m totally going to fail!

Mai: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you to help me study--

Mai: I see. That's how you got your talent. I'm ashamed that I'm only now learning something so important. I'm sorry.

(Yes, I had to bunch a few of these images together because I ran into the Tumblr 30 image limit)

A few lines which seem innocuous at first, but when paired together, they hint at something. Essentially, I believe this implies Mai doubts her abilities and actions, and may even have a self-deprecating streak. She's at the very least much harsher on herself than she is on others. It sounds like a stretch, but I swear it's not as farfetched as it seems.

Mai: You're somebody who buys fish-shaped pastries and saves the chocolate-filled ones for me, because you know that those are my favorite.

Mai likes chocolate-filled pastries. Hey, when I said “everything we know about Mai”, I meant everything (that I could find).

Min: I suppose for someone like you who doesn't care too much about Hope's Peak and who, no offense, would never be eligible for the [Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students] with such average grades...

Min: You might not do very well in school, but you're quite sharp.

Put simply, Mai has average grades, but is still considered smart by Min. Her intelligence is visible throughout the episodes, mainly in the form of emotional intelligence and a hint of deception (that's where the mischieviousness comes in).

However, perhaps it’s the first phrase which is most interesting. Mai “doesn’t care too much about Hope’s Peak”. Which is only reiterated by the following lines.

Min: Maybe someone like you who never cared about Hope’s Peak Academy wouldn’t understand. But it’s everyone else’s dream to be an Ultimate.

Mai: Ultimates aren’t everything. As if I’m only friends with you because of your talent. There’s more to you than that.

Mai seems to have a much more laissez-faire approach to the concept of Hope’s Peak and Ultimates than what Min considers normal. By itself, this isn’t too strange, as we know there’s other people not too attached to their status as Ultimates. However, this actually may have something to do with the incident implied in Xander’s and Veronika’s quotes. I’ll get to it later (overused phrase of the day), but for now, keep this in mind.

Nevertheless, there is one more theory affected by this nonchalance towards Hope’s Peak. Except, it’s a theory I believe is actually harmed by this attitude.

Good Theory I Don’t Believe: Mai is a Reserve Course Student

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cool theory! I just don’t think it works all the way.

Essentially, this theory is what it says in the tin. Mai is the Ultimate ??? because she’s actually a Reserve Course student, a la Hajime Hinata. There are many good posts on this theory, like this one by delightfullydiscordant, and I recommend you read them since they’re well put together! Some of the main points of this theory include:

>Min’s quote for Mai is “An average girl with nothing special at all about her.”, which could imply she doesn’t have a talent. However, there are other interpretations for this line, so it’s far from conclusive.

>Mai seems to be wearing a Japanese Hope’s Peak uniform (check out this post by laly-481), but the jacket around Mai’s waist is darker than the one worn by Ultimates in DR 3. Instead, it seems closer to a Reserve Course jacket. The issue I have with this is that… well, we know very little about what the Japanese Hope’s Peak in the DRDT universe looks like, so this feels a bit vague.

>

Mai: You’re not nobody. Even if I pretend that you’re not an Ultimate and that we’re not both students in Hope’s Peak Academy, you’re still somebody to me.

I’ll ask you to ignore the lesbians for a moment and focus on the beginning of the quote. If you look at it closely, it seems to imply both Mai and Min are Hope’s Peak alumni, but they’re not both Ultimates. Thereby, Mai must be a Reserve Course student.

However, I actually have a different interpretation of that quote, one which, you guessed it, I’ll get to later. But for now, if we’re going to get involved in semantics, we also have to look at this line:

Mai: The US Hope's Peak Academy takes in college-age students, and there's two of them, and we have this really weird curriculum, and there's a bunch of other things, and...

Min: Remember that we’re East Class 27, so that means that Hope’s Peak is how many years old?

Min: Look at what our classmates are doing now. They're Ultimates too. They're all doing things relevant to their career, if not actually out working.

Min saying “we're class 27" could be interpreted as her simply referring to herself and the other Ultimates, but even then, referring to "our classmates" while talking to Mai implies they're in the same class. Also, Mai saying "we have" a weird curriculum feels odd unless both she and Min have the same curriculum, meaning both of them likely attend the same classes, thus again, both are Ultimates.

But that’s only a minor problem. In truth, there are other reasons I believe Mai has a talent, and I even have a guess of what that talent may be. But the main one is what we just established: Mai never really cared about Hope’s Peak.

I admittedly may be missing some context, since I’ve never watched DR 3, but from what I know, Reserve Course students are usually characterized as people who desperately want to be Ultimates and are obsessed with Hope’s Peak, which doesn’t fit Mai at all. You could argue maybe she went to Hope's Peak to search for Teruko as Teruko's quote implies, but the problem with that is that Teruko remembers Mai, at least a little bit (see: dream sequence), which means they should have reunited before Hope's Peak, since the last thing Teruko remembers before the "amnesia zone" is going to Hope's Peak's entrance ceremony.

Not to mention, we… can’t even be sure the Reserve Course exists. For as much info as we got from the Bonus Episode #1, that course was never even mentioned. And seeing this is a post-Tragedy world, the Reserve Course may not even exist. Especially when Min also says that actually being an Ultimate is considered more important than going to Hope’s Peak in the US.

So, final verdict on this theory? While it’s quite interesting and I definitely think it’s more plausible than many of the other things I’ll bring up, I don’t find it to be the most likely, again because Mai’s disinterest in Hope’s Peak pushes her away from the standard Reserve Course student, and because I prefer a different theory about her talent.

And with that, we’re done with the first Bonus Episode for now! Let’s see what the second one brings.

Bonus Episode #2

This one, surprisingly, has fewer lines which gives us info about Mai. However, what it does give us is arguably some of the most important intel we have so far.

Mai: No, it’s fine. Don’t think you’re making me come with you. I'm here because I want to be here.

Mai: [Xander reimbursing her for the trip]'s silly. I can pay for it myself. Besides, you're letting me stay at your place for a week, so if anything, you're doing me a favor.

The first just reiterates that Mai is compassionate and wants to help whenever she can. As for the second, it seems to imply Mai doesn't struggle too much with money, which is info I guess. However, she also says Xander is doing her a favor by letting her stay over. I think that just means the expenses of living wherever she's living for a week exceed the expenses of the trips? I don't see any other reason that would be considered a favor in that aspect. I considered maybe Mai could have a bad home life, but in the secret quotes:

Charles: A girl who loves her family

So, I don't think that's the case. I think it really is just a money thing, and we don't have to overthink it too much.

Mai: 'Oh, speaking of Hope's Peak. I need to ask Xander if he found that document I asked him to look for.'

Mai: 'I didn't want to unload the work on him, but he's much better at digging up stuff than I am.'

Mai: 'But it's definitely not something I should bring up in a public place. I'll remember to ask him later'.

And here we are. The single biggest Mai-related reveal in the Bonus Episodes. Her and Xander were involved in some sort of secretive operation related to Hope's Peak. In particular, seemingly during their trip to visit the graves of Xander's family, Mai asked Xander to retrieve a document related to the Academy, a document they shouldn't discuss in public. In fact, right after this, Mai changes the subject to Xander's eyes so as to not talk about it, again showing she can be somewhat deceptive when she needs to.

This might be related to Teruko's claim that "[Xander and Mai] both wanted to help", but it seems impossible for her to remember anything which happened during HPA (Hope's Peak Academy, got tired of writing it out) time, so I still don't know what she actually meant by that.

Nevertheless, it's pretty obvious that whatever this is, it would be bad news for HPA. I mean, if Xander's involved, there's no way it's good for an institution. But it also ties back to Mai's critical view of HPA and the Ultimate title.

However, messing with something as powerful as HPA could be pretty dangerous. Thus, I believe this little operation is likely what's being referred to in Xander's and Veronika's quotes.

Xander: She couldn’t stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

(By the way, Xander's quote in particular is why I don't quite believe the theory that the document mentioned here is only to get Teruko into HPA somehow. It's a cool theory, but Xander's quote feels a bit too dramatic for that to be the end goal of Mai's plans)

I mean, for one, it's Xander saying Mai did something, and messing with HPA could have quite drastic consequences, from what we know. Thus, from now on, I will henceforth call this vague action against HPA "the HPA Operation", because saying "that thing Mai did which Xander's and Veronika's quotes allude to" is gonna get tiring.

What exactly the HP Operation was, I obviously don't know, we're on chapter 2 of the series and this is quite clearly a mystery which may last until chapter 6 (assuming a standard DR formula).

However, I can tell you one thing. It may not fully be Mai's idea.

Mai: If you set out to do something, then never give up on that, no matter what obstacles may stand in your way. Even if it's risky or against the rules, as long as it's for a good cause...

Mai: I'll trust that you know to do the right thing.

Xander: Yeah, of course (NOT PICTURED)

Xander: That's why I've come to Hope's Peak, isn't it?

The lines about the HPA document appear right after this, although Mai does seem confused at first by Xander's claim that "that's why [he's come] to Hope's Peak". So although Mai is the one who asked Xander to find the document, it's possible the basic idea to go against HPA came from Xander. After all, remember. Mai never cared much about HPA, so it seems unlikely she paid enough attention to it to notice its flaws as quickly as Xander would. Ultimate Rebel, and all that.

However, even if Xander was the one who planted the idea of revolution in Mai's head, she's clearly invested in it. She tells Xander to never give up on anything he sets out to do, even if it's risky or against the rules.

So, there it is. So far, what we know about the HPA Operation is:

>Mai and Xander were heavily involved.

>It may have originally been Xander's idea, but Mai seems to have taken the role of tactician at some point.

>HPA likely wasn't too happy with it.

>It likely had horrible consequences for Mai.

And that's all we had for a while, as Chapter 2 Part 1 didn't add anything to the conversation. Well, except maybe a thought Teruko has when Arei starts crying after her breakdown in the playground:

That pitiful crying... It reminds me of... Of...

That could be about Mai, but I really don't know what it could mean, so I'm sorta ignoring it for now.

So, yeah. Nothing new.

Until it came out.

Going (Literature Girl) Insane

Yeah, the David MV. Mai is listed in the cast list as a secondary character, though her name is crossed out. This likely refers to the portrait of her seen in the background.

The portrait of Mai is labeled "portrait of someone dearly loved", while Teruko's is labeled "portrait of someone dearly unloved", the words flipped. This is one of many things which seem to imply Teruko and Mai are meant to be opposites of each other.

There is also that one image of a girl whose identity is unclear.

It doesn't look like Mai, but maybe that's my prosopagnosiac ass assuming different hair = different person. Generally, people assume this is "Diana Chiem", if she even exists, though I somewhat lean on it possibly being the mysterious name out of frame in the cast list. You know, the name which vaguely looks like "Ms Naegi". However, I'm showing you the image to get a second opinion on something.

You see the hand Mystery Girl is holding? Doesn't it look like it's wearing a glove? Because of the white line in the wrist. Maybe I'm going insane, that could just be a bend of the wrist, but... I kinda don't see it? It makes a bit more sense to me as a glove. And since it doesn't seem to be cut off at the fingers like Xander's, it would have to be Mai's. Other characters also wear this type of glove, but they’re not on the cast list.

The counterpoint is that it looks like you can see the nail of the PoV person's thumb, but I'm not sure that's the case? That part of the sprite is really strange and seems to be different in all three of the Mystery Girl images, so I can't tell. Anywyas, if any of you have ideas, tell me. Again, it's most likely I'm overthinking and that's just a bend of the wrist.

Anyways, enough dillydally, let's get to the big stuff.

The Roman numeral

As you may or may not know, during the MV we’re shown a crossword puzzle which is solved with the characters’ names, and this assigns each character with a different Roman numeral. This numeral later shows up attached to some kind of phrase, which in turn relates that character back to the phrase. I made a post talking about all of them, but I'll go more in detail about Mai's in this post than I did in that post.

Solution by raspbeyes

In the crosswords, Mai intersects Arei and Levi. I don't think this means much by itself, since the way the names intersect doesn't seem to be too important in general. Like, yes, if you squint you can see things like Whit only intersecting Charles, but there's also things like Min only intersecting Arei, Eden only intersecting Rose, Veronika intersecting everyone and their morther... My point is, the exact position in the crosswords doesn't tend to matter much.

What's more important are the numerals. Mai's is XI (11), a number which, from my research, is related to leadership and bringing out the best in others, as well as nobility or higher conciousness and spirituality and knowledge and new beginnings- Okay, the point is, I found mostly inconclusive stuff, but a lot of this sort of relates back to Mai, so we take it.

And the phrase itself:

XI. God is dead

What could this mean? Well, in philosophy, the phrase "God is dead" refers to the breakdown of ethical and sociocultural structures as christianity and religion in general became less universal. So, loss in faith in an institution leads to changes in the status quo. One way to interpret this in the context of this numeral is that Hope's Peak is the "God", and Mai's actions involved a loss on faith on HPA, and everything which comes with it. This could even be related to the phrase which directly follows this numeral in the song, "become brainwashed: go do it!". If HPA's propaganda which makes everyone love Ultimates can be considered brainwashing, anyways.

...

But that's not what any of us first thought when we read that, is it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is Mai Dead?

Yeah, we gotta talk about the elephant in the room.

You'll have noticed, lots of the hidden quotes on Mai's profile speak about her in the past tense. This already had people thinking she was dead since it was first found, but the MV really drove the point home. Considering how the characters think about Mai, it's not impossible to imagine Mai is the "God" here, and "God is dead" has a far more literal meaning.

But, let's hold our horses here, no need to kill her so quickly. There is a chance she's alive.

Coping With the Quotes

Like I said, some of these quotes speak about her as if she's dead, but some of them actually talk about Mai in the present tense. Here, I sorted them out.

Referring to a past event:

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named ‘Teruko Tawaki.’ Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Xander: She couldn’t stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

These are phrases which can't be used to determine Mai's status, since they talk about a specific thing which she did. Even if she's alive, these would still be in the past tense. Teruko's is explicitly talking about years ago; J and Eden are talking about things Mai probably did during her time at HP; and Xander's and Veronika's talk about the HPA Operation. These are inconclusive.

Miscellaneously inconclusive

Whit: A girl with many friends. MonoTV: It’s all your fault.

MonoTV's line doesn't refer to Mai at all, so it's not useful here. And I put Whit here because... frankly, I wouldn't trust him to tell us even if Mai really is dead. "[His] mother is dead, [he] omit[s] this truth", and all that. Though his quote does seem to imply she's alive, for what it's worth.

Present Tense

Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Arei: She doesn’t like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. David: She forgives everyone.

Admittedly, some of these don't actually have verbs, so putting them in "present tense" is a bit of a misnomer. Still, all of these seem to imply Mai's alive. Notably, David's line is right after Xander's and Veronika's in the code, so he might be saying this after the HPA Operation fell through? Take that as you will.

Past Tense

Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future.

I was surprised by how few of these lines actually speak of Mai strictly as if she's died. They are all together, too, and separated from Xander's and Veronika's by Arei's and Min's in the code. But what's even more important is that these are still inconclusive.

When Hu says Mai "wanted to keep everyone safe", she could be talking specifically about the HPA Operation, and the phrase would be in the past tense even if Mai survived that.

When Nico says "everyone confided in her", that could mean everyone at one point or another told her their secrets, and again, it would be in the past tense even if Mai is alive.

And although Ace says Mai "had a bright future", we don't know why she no longer has one. It's possible the consequences Veronika speaks of only ruined Mai's future, but didn't get her killed.

With all this in mind, it actually seems like the quotes lean on the side of Mai being alive! That's still inconclusive, and MonoTV's quote is a bit too ominous for me to say they definitively confirm her status.

Especially because... well, the quotes aren't the only part of this discussion.

The MV Killed the Hope's Peak Star

Let's start with the biggest issue, the flowers of an unknown species.

As pointed out by delightfullydiscordant in this post, those flowers appear to be the same ones on Mai’s tattoo and Unnamed Classmate’s text boxes. And as the comments point out, they seem to be camellias.

The issue is that the MV confirms they’re white. And white camellias, in Japan, are popular funeral flowers and are associated with death. Yeah.

Now, let’s not bury the girl yet. White camellias also represent adoration and respect in a more platonic way than, say, red camellias, for example. They can also represent purity, beauty, and even hope. Yeah, we’re dropping the H word.

I also tried looking for literary references with white camellias, in the spirit of the MV. However, the only thing I found was that they show up in “To Kill A Mockingbird”, a book which if I recall correctly is never mentioned in the MV. And it’s a good thing, too, since they apparently represent racism in that book. I don’t think that’s related to Mai, frankly.

So, good news! It’s still not conclusive! Well, but there’s more. In particular, take a look at footnote 20.

This shows up directly after Mai's numeral and the brainwashed phrase I mentioned earlier. It’s a definition of the model of the five stages of grief, with the footnote itself simply claiming it is considered by many to be outdated. Also, there’s an emoticon of someone sticking out their tongue. Don’t know what else that would be, and I don’t know what to make of it.

But the fact it’s a model of how people deal with grief, usually related to death, and that it shows up directly after Mai’s numeral, seems to imply Mai’s dead.

And then there’s the problem of her numeral! Mai has one of the only ones numerals which is colored, in this case gray. The others are mostly just white, with the only other exceptions being Xander's (translucid, "(the world of abnormal sentiment dances)") and Min's (pink, stylised as the X of a death portrait, "democratic-ly" and the rules of class trials). It doesn't bode too well for Mai to have something in common with 2/3 of all confirmed dead people, I have to say.

However, it being gray specifically could be a direct reference to her death as well. Color theory (don’t question it for now) connects gray with the depressed persona of David, though, so this isn’t very conclusive.

And finally, edging into more “confirmation bias-y” territory, you remember how I said the position in the crosswords doesn’t really matter? Well, yeah, but. Mai’s name, as it goes over the A in Arei, also happens to cross the Roman numeral IV (4), a number related to death as per footnote four. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s why Arei has it. You know, the third dead person. Nevertheless, again, crosswords positioning is usually not important, so take that with a massive grain of salt.

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So, what’s the conclusion? I think it’s still up for debate, but I lean more on the idea of Mai being dead. The flowers and the model of stages of grief are pretty damning, and I don’t think most of the quotes being in present tense can really be trusted.

Anyways, let me continue a bit with the idea of her being dead.

Sub-Theory: Shot Through the Heart, Xander’s to Blame

You remember how the MV claims there’s six bullets around? But it also tells you it’s impossible to find them all? I made a post about it, where I found the five bullets which I think are the only ones which i can be found.

My conclusion in that post, which I sort of stand by, is that if there’s six bullets, but only five are visible, the last one is likely loaded in the gun. It’s labeled “(not) a prop gun”, so it’s apparently real, but still connected to Xander.

The issue? That gun is sorta pointed directly at Mai’s portrait.

This kinda fits with the pieces I’ve been putting together. Mai (possibly) died because of the HPA Operation, but Xander may have been the one who originally planted that idea in her head. Or at least enabled her plans by finding documents. In that sense, one could argue it’s Xander’s fault Mai died. So, it kinda fits! I’m going with that.

The question now would be who blames Xander for Mai’s death. After all, I sorta doubt he’s the one who actually killed her. My original instinct was David, since that’s the guy the MV is about, but that doesn’t quite fit. David idolizes Xander a fair bit, so it feels odd to think he’d blame him for this.

Instead, if this theory is true, I think it makes more sense for Xander to blame himself for Mai’s death. Survivor’s guilt is a huge part of his character (see: the Bonus Episode and the quote on his page), so if he survived the fallout of the HPA Operation when Mai didn’t, he’d be quite heartbroken by it. And thus, he may end up blaming himself for dragging her into the whole mess.

So, that's about it for what we know about Mai's status. But would you believe it if I told you we're not done with the MV yet?

Color Theory

Color theory in the context of the MV refers to this post and reblog by accirax, where she went over every colored lyric in the MV and assigned each color a character based on the characters' color scheme and the lines themselves. I recommend checking out her whole post, it's really good and I won't talk about everything she brought up.

For our purposes, the important color is Mai's. And I agree with accirax that Mai is likely black (the color, not the skin tone). Although the color doesn't show up much in her color scheme, she's a generally cryptic character with a generally cryptic color. But the lines work with Mai better than practically anyone else:

>"You" x3: As pointed out by accirax, everyone is obssessed with Mai, so it sorta fits.

>"The track to the ideal country ->" The arrow points to a passage from "Utopia", btw. This makes sense with the HPA Operation. It's a vaguely revolutionary operation which seeks to improve the world, so you could consider that "the track to the ideal country."

However, we have to talk about the elephant in the room. Her color scheme would still set her up to be red. Maybe yellow if you count her eyes, but red is an important color for her. It wouldn't be unheard of for an important character to have two colors, since David has two. But red is a special color for color theory... because it's completely nonsensical.

Red is by far the most overrepresented color in the MV, having practically double the amount of lines any other colors do. And considering the color, you'd imagine it would either go to Mai, Xander or Veronika. However, no character fits all the lines that well, as explained by accirax in her posts. I explained in this reblog what I believe about this in detail, but essentially, I believe red is intentionally ambiguos, and any given red line can belong to any of the three characters I mentioned.

I'll quickly go over the way I would assign the red lines, but I'll only explain the Mai lines, since I already went into detail on the other ones in that reblog I linked to before. Keep in mind some may apply to multiple characters.

Unassignable: Aa, ah, isn't it?!

Veronika: whatever; go mad x3; broken; go insane?; won't change; original; you've killed so many; medicine; self-denial confessions; self-delusion.

Xander: are all just idiots (final verdict); Bye x2; Goodbye; escape!; together; are all just idiots!; ignorant; great applause!!!; won't change; original; and disappear!; 1; medicine; revolutionary; idiot; self-delusion

Mai: Bye x2; Goodbye; broken; God; and disappear!; medicine; revolutionary, self-denial confessions

I will mention, you can also give her all the "idiot" lines Xander has, as well as "won't change; self-delusion" and all that, since David (the guy presumably "singing") may be somewhat skeptical about Mai and her revolutionary ideas.

>Bye x2, Goodbye, broken, and disappear!: She's probably dead, so. I also inexplicably think "broken" works with her death, but not Xander's. I have no idea why.

>God: The biggest reason why Mai has to be included, the others just aren't as God-ish as Mai (hey, it's like that song!). Not much to say; it's connected to Mai via numeral XI, and I already explained why she could be "God" here.

>Medicine; revolutionary: She's a revolutionary thanks to the HPA Operation, and you could argue that means she's the "medicine" of society.

>Self-denial confessions: Mai works better with this line's original context (revolutionaries being coerced into going back on their ideals) than Veronika, but it still leaves behind the question of what exactly she's denying. Maybe denying the ideals of Ultimates, when she herself is (probably) an Ultimate? Something like that. I guess that could also work with Xander in hindsight.

So, there we go! Full interpretation of Color Theory as it relates to Mai. Wow, that was a lot for very little new info!

We're almost done with the MV, but first, we have to talk about the man himself.

David's Relation to Mai, and his Potential Involvement in the HPA Operation

But first, a side note.

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Does David remember Mai?

There's a theory floating around that David might remember parts of his time at HPA, including Mai's existence. Check out this post by anderscim and reblog by xmicrophonyx if you want a full explanation, but I'll cover the main points here. It's a really good theory, and it's not any less plausible than some of the other theories I'll mention later in the post, but I don't quite believe it.

See, the main evidence for this theory is that the Literature Girl MV includes Mai's face in the portrait and an image of Xander with two eyes, as well as things like the morse code and possibly tally 5 which seem to reference David and Xander's relationship during HPA time. And that's my first issue with the theory, I just don't think the MV can be used for this.

Of course, it comes down to interpretation, but the way I see the MV is as an abstract form of storytelling, not a completely 1:1 view of David’s mind. Essentially, while a lot of it is spoken from the perspective of David, it’s not actually a reflection of his real mental state, but rather a representation for us the audience. It’s hard to describe :v

The main thing that I want to bring up in support of my interpretation is the youtube comments scene, I hope you know what I’m talking about. There’s no way David would be aware of these comments, such as the one referencing the J and Arei swap theory. In particular, the comment talking about (presumably, the names aren’t explicitly written) Teruko as a protagonist is impossible for David to conceive, since there’s no way he would know we see her as the protag; and the ones that namedrop Byakuya, Nagito and Kokichi are practically impossible as well, as Veronika has claimed not to remember any other killing games before the one in DRDT. Kokichi in particular would be problematic depending on your interpretation of V3.

What does this mean? This means that the MV isn’t beyond showing us the audience things outside of David’s own mind, for the sake of storytelling. It’s not hard to imagine, then, that the scene with Xander having two eyes is meant to show us that they had a good relationship in HPA, even if David doesn’t remember it. Same with calling Mai “someone dearly loved.”

There’s also a few things about other characters which don’t quite match what David would know about them in the killing game. For example, Rose’s numeral: II. Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum. (I think therefore I am disturbed). This only really makes sense in the context of Rose’s conversation with Teruko and Nico, where she admits to having trouble separating reality from her memory and her dreams. But David wasn’t there for that. Another example is Teruko’s: XIII. or not to be? Which seems to reference her suicidal tendencies, implied in that one thing she said to Arei. Again, that’s not something David would be aware of during the killing game. 

Either David remembers way more about HPA than implied in the theory, or those are also examples of the MV going beyond David’s mind to continue telling us things about the story.

In xmicrophonyx’s reblog, she also brings up the pre-chapter dialogue as possibly being David’s. I… don’t see it, frankly. The pre-chapter 1 dialogue seems to fit Teruko more, imo.

“Half-remembering is worse than forgetting. Her name, his face…”

We know Teruko doesn’t remember Mai’s name based on the CH 1 EP 6 dream sequence from before, and the “he” could be her brother. Prosopagnosia, and all that. 

And while the chapter 2 dialogue could fit David and his feelings towards Xander  better, there’s nothing which explicitly implies he remembers anything about HPA before the killing game.

I still miss you. I miss you so much that I wish you had never been part of my life. The worst part is, even though you left me like this, there’s nothing I can blame you for.

Also I think that’s Eden but that’s besides the point.

And finally, now that you understand why I don’t think the evidence for isn’t very good, we have to address the evidence against. Mainly, the fact that David doesn’t seem to recognize Xander during his introduction. At all. He even explicitly says, “... I don’t believe we’ve met before”, and calls Xander “sir”. There was no indication at that point that they’d be missing memories, so David has no reason to pretend he doesn’t know who Xander is. In fact, I imagine that if he did remember Xander as having two eyes, and he sees him with an eyepatch, he would react to it in some way, right?

In conclusion, although I like the theory, I don’t think it’s very likely that David’s kept any memories from HPA time.

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Anyways, back to my speculation. There is relatively little reference to Mai in the MV, so it's not like we can get much here, but there is still one thing I want to talk about. And that's the morse code at the end of the MV. As translated by dav-suburbiia:

“YOU STILL BELIEVED IN ME DESPITE EVERYTHING I’VE DONE.” “BUT THAT’S JUST FANTASY, ISN’T IT?” “I SIMPLY CHOSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DID.” “AFTER ALL, I’M INCAPABLE OF BEING SOMEONE WITHOUT YOU.”

Now, most people assume this is about Xander, which is perfectly understandable seeing the context of the MV. However, I think there's an argument to be made that this is actually about Mai.

The main thing here is the apparent contradiction which rises if we assume this is about Xander. The "you" in this code knows what David "has done", but they also seemingly aren't around anymore. If we assume the first is referring to David's "manipulation" thing, then this would have to be about HPA Xanvid, since we've never heard of David confessing his issues to killing game Xander. However, if the "you" really isn't around anymore, this would have to be for killing game Xanvid, since Xander only died in the killing game. Am I making sense?

This isn't conclusive, mind you. You could say the code never explicitly says the "you" is actually gone, just that David can't be someone without them. Or, alternatively, that David did reveal "everything [he's] done" during the killing gmae. But it's still an odd way to phrase all this.

So, is there any evidence this is actually about Mai instead? Well, if you squint. The code is directly followed by footnote 22: "The rest is silence". Silence is the dislike stated in Mai's profile. Word association coming in clutch.

But perhaps more interesting is the phrase "You still believed in me despite everything I've done", combined with:

David: She forgives everyone.

The "you" in the code forgave David, and Mai evidently forgave him as well. It's not conclusive either, but it could be a connection.

Under the interpretation that this is about Mai, it would be related to HPA time. Mai still believed in David, or at least, at one point David believed Mai believed in him, and apparently gave him a purpose in life.

The worrying part about this code is actually the middle. "But that's just fantasy, isn't it? I simply chose to believe that you did". Apparently, it's possible Mai never actually trusted or forgave David, another reason I believe it's possible this isn't actually talking about Xander. As established, Mai can be deceptive when she wants, so it could work. We're missing a lot of information, so what exactly this all would mean is up in the air.

But in any case, it's possible that if David was given purpose by Mai or Xander, he would be involved in the HPA Operation, though how exactly is obviously impossible to know. I know this is really weak, but...

Okay, can we talk about Tally 5 yet? I kinda have to talk about Tally 5. Don't worry, I won't actually post the image.

!!!TALLY 5 SPOILERS (NO IMAGE)!!! SCROLL IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF TALLY 5!!!

If you've been living under a rock under the past month or so, Tally 5 refers to an image you get to by solving a code related to the "correct/incorrect" code in the David MV and inputting it into a webpage accessed via the QR Code in the MV's books. I won't talk about the puzzle itself here, so if you want to solve it, maybe go do that or just scroll past this part of the post.

Anyways, as I imagine you know by now, Tally 5 shows David holding Xander's jacket with the following quotes under it:

I became a villain in pursuit of your dream.

I threw away my humanity for an ideal that I couldn't understand.

But I don't regret it. To "regret" is to imply that I could have done anything else.

I never told you, but the truth is, I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place.

So in the end, you're always-

Listen, I'm not gonna pretend I have some sort of infallible exaplanation of what this means. I have several theories about it, and to give you an idea of how insane it is, one of my theories involves quote 3, the one about regret, being said by MonoTV. Don't ask. I might have to do a completely different post about all this, but I'm sorta waiting until I can read some other peoples' thoughts about it.

But for the purposes of this post, this, to me, heavily implies David was involved in the HPA Operation. He's probably talking about Xander here, and Xander's dream would be the HPA Operation, since as I said, it may have been his idea in the first place. That's the ideal David can't understand: an ideal to change a world David sees as immutable.

Now, the lone jacket would imply this isn't the case. It would seem David is saying this in the killing game, after Xander's death, as holding his jacket seems to imply he's gone. However, I don't know what the dream would be in that case. Killing Teruko? It's possible, but I find that unlikely.

So, yeah. Combined with the morse code, here's a full interpretation of what this could mean in relation to Mai:

Mai or Xander somehow learnt of David's true feelings and the way he sees his own actions. She/he forgave him, or at least pretended to forgive him, and this gave David hope. Mai/Xander then introduced David to the HPA Operation, and asked him to do something which would turn him into a villain, asking him to throw away his humanity for an ideal he couldn't understand. What exactly that would be is obviously impossible to know. David accepts, and even when the plan fell through, he doesn't regret doing what he did, because he feels he couldn't have done anything else.

Am I confident in this interpretation? Not really, but it's a plausible interpretation which is related to Mai and the HPA Operation, so I wanted to bring it up. There's a lot there which is probably wrong, but it's what I have for now.

!!!TALLY 5 SPOILERS OVER!!! YOU CAN START READING AGAIN IF YOU WERE AVOIDING THEM!!!

And with that, we’re officially done with the MV! I mean, I may reference it later, but now the bulk of it is gone. Surely this means we can get to some lighter theorizing and-

Teruko Tawaki

Yeah, we gotta talk about the other elephant in the room. Mai and Teruko are clearly connected in an important way.

The first thing to note with them is that they’re generally set up as opposites. Of course, the most straightforward thing is the “dearly loved/dearly unloved” portraits in the MV, but it goes much deeper. Also in the MV, Teruko’s numeral appears right after Mai’s, if that counts for anything.

Another thing is their color scheme. Teruko is mainly associated with green, while Mai is mainly associated with red. And these colors are complimentary; they’re opposite in the color wheel. Not to mention, taking Teruko’s redesign into account, one could associate her with black and Mai, thanks to her uniform and the white camellias, to white. In particular, it’s notable white camellias actually have a white flower, but a black stem. They’re even the same height, at 5’8”! It’s so they can kiss each other in the lips more easily

Additionally, their attitudes from what we’re seeing are also opposite. Mai “forgives everyone”, which means she’s really trusting, while Teruko is (for now) very distrustful. That one’s a bit looser, but eh. May I even go so far, as to say that right now, Teruko represents despair while Mai represents hope? Alright, now I’m reaching, but it fits. Teruko is someone resigned to her horrible fate (luck), while Mai constantly fought for a better world. In fact, Xander, someone Teruko associates with Mai, calls our protag out on her hopeless view of fate… right before stabbing her.

Hell, practically all good things said about Mai? Not true of Teruko (at the moment).

Charles: A girl who loves her family.

Teruko’s an orphan, and doesn’t remember her brother.

Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others.

Well, you could consider people’s faces something important to them, but Teruko has prosopagnosia.

Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone.

If you watched chapter 2, you know this isn’t true of Teruko.

Honestly, I could keep going like this, but I feel you get the point. There’s no reason for me to dwell on this further when you can just read the quotes and figure out how Teruko isn’t described by most of them.

Well, one possible exception is Levi.

Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm.

Yeah, time to talk about this theory.

Theory I Absolutely Believe: Teruko and Mai are Tattoo ‘Bud’dies

(Get it? Because flowers and buds- Yeah, no)

So shoutout to cider-est for first pointing this out in this post, but it’s true. Teruko’s left arm is always fully covered, either by bandages or by her jacket sleeve. Which is especially odd, considering her right jacket sleeve is always rolled up.

And it’s especially odd, because her left arm is covered even in the jacket-off reference picture.

And yes, there is a suspicious question mark next to Teruko’s left arm. It ain’t even subtle.

But if there’s still any doubt left in your mind, let skulemojee dispel it in this post, where they point out this image from Ch 2 Ep 2:

Yep, you’re seeing that right. Those black lines on Teruko’s left arm look a suspicious lot like the stems of Mai’s tattoo. It's not perfect, since we can't see any flowers and that may just be scars, but we never get a good enough look at the back of Mai's left arm to know if the flowers are tattooed on the forearm, or if only the stems reach that far.

(Also, Teruko in this scene says she doesn’t remember that scar in her back. Part of me thinks it’s related to Mai and the time of the missing memories, but the more rational side of me tells me I need to chill and stop seeing Mai everywhere)

It's also worth noting this would explain the choice of camellias for the tattoo. Remember, although they represent death in Japan, they mainly represent platonic adoration and respect. A very pretty thing to get matching tattoos with your bestie. But since they're not colored they could be interpreted as red and thus romantic for the shippers

So, yeah. I believe they share a tattoo. Which gives a whole lot of context to the quote.

Teruko: Some years ago, she was looking for someone named 'Teruko Tawaki'

In case it wasn’t clear before with the way Mai smiled at Teruko in that dream sequence, or the way Teruko associated Xander with Mai before she got stabbed by him, the fact they possibly share a tattoo implies they knew each other for a while and had a good relationship with each other. Another indication is that Teruko's favorite color, in the latest Q&A, is stated to be red by association. Sorry Xanruko shippers, that's clearly about Mai, since Teruko associates Xander with Mai in the first place.

What exactly the timeline of this mess is, is... complicated if the tattoo thing is true. Because that would require Teruko and Mai to have gotten the tattoo when at least Teruko was 18, both in Japan and the US. In some states of the US, she would be able to get it at a younger age if she got parental consent, but... what parents? She's an orphan.

In fact, when does that dream sequence take place? Is it Hope's Peak time? Can't be, because Teruko wouldn't remember it. Actually, why doesn't Teruko remember Mai's name is Mai had been searching for her for a while?

Yeah, I can't pin down anything specific about their relationship. Obviously I can't, this is a big mystery and we're only in Chapter 2. The best I can give you is that their relationship was clearly very positive, even before HPA.

...

Which is what makes this line so weird.

Mai: Hang on, "real Ultimate talent?" You're the Ultimate Student! I mean, it's not like you're a "Lucky Student" who was picked by lottery.

This line is really odd, isn't it? It seems uncharacteristically mean for Mai, to dismiss someone else's talent so readily. And Teruko's in particular, when again, they clearly liked each other well enough before HPA. This almost reads more like something Mai would say about herself rather than someone else...

Huh.

Theory: Mai, the Second Ultimate Lucky Student

As established before, Mai has a slight self-depricative streak, where she says things about herself she would never say about one of her friends. So, the fact she's so quick to dismiss the Ultimate Lucky Student as a concept could imply she is the Ultimate Lucky Student. (ULS)

Of course, the first question is how this would work with Teruko. A HPA class only has one ULS, and Teruko's there. I've seen others suggest perhaps Mai was the ULS at Japan's HPA, which is apparently still a high school, so it's possible for her to go there and then go to US HPA, which is more like college.

However, I actually think there's an easier explanation. Mai and Teruko both went to US' HPA at the same time. They just went to different ones.

Mai: The US Hope's Peak Academy takes in college-age students, and there's two of them, and we have this really weird curriculum, and there's a bunch of other things, and...

Yeah! Did you forget there's two HPAs in the US?! Because I sure did! I swear, I rewatched that Bonus Episode like 5 times before I caught that. How does this thing keep spawning in information?

I believe this is why Min specifically calls their class East Class 27. Seeing as this is in the US, I imagine there's likely an East Coast HPA and a West Coast HPA. But what would be the point of splitting the school like this? There's no reason the dev couldn't just keep them as just one HPA... unless there's a reason.

Because with two classes of the same age, there has to be two ULS of the same age.

Now, of course, it's possible West Class 27 is completely irrelevant to the story, but if you assume Mai is East Class 27's ULS and Teruko went to west coast HPA, a lot of things start to make sense. Have you ever wondered how Mai could have been in the same class as everyone else, when HPA usually only have 16 students? Well, it's because one (or more, possibly) just went to another class.

This also explains why we have to get this particular detail from a Bonus Episode. Although all the characters have talked about going to HPA, no one ever mentions which HPA they were invited to. It seems like a weirdly specific detail to omit, unless there’s a reason for it. Because if most of them were part of East Coast HPA, and one of them wasn’t, it would immediately stand out as strange to the cast.

And Mai does have some connections to luck. I mean, of course she does, her story is closelly intertwined with Teruko. For example, remember her birthday? February 1st? I told it'd be relevant, right? Well, as pointed out by fuji-iri in this post, on that day, there's 333 days left of the year. 3 is a number associated with bad luck, but there's also associations to "parting ways" and the three stages of life (birth-marriage apparently-death), again explained in the post I linked. That works with Mai and Teruko splitting up... whenever that happened, as well as Mai possbly dying, but the luck thing in particular is notable.

Now, the main reason I believed this before was just that "it's not like you're a 'Lucky Student' line", but as I researched this, I may have found something else? Except, it may just be me being horrible at code and getting really confused. If anyone can confirm or deny this, it'd be great.

Here's what happened. I noticed that when you look up Mai's name in Google, the text under the link to her page had Teruko's hidden quote: "It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all." So I went into the code again.

First, I right-clicked on the title (Mai's name) and clicked "inspect". I expanded the "<head>" section (God I'm bad at this), and found this under <meta name>.

meta name="descripttion" content="Mai Akasaki Ultimate ??? "There's a way for you to be happy." It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all. The protagonist. Despite having the Ultimate title of "Lucky..."

Now, at first, I assumed this was just a coding quirk where for some reason, I was seeing the text of the next character or something.

But, I checked some the other characters, and none of the ones I checked have the same style of text. Look, I'll transcribe some.

Teruko:

meta name="descripttion" content="Teruko Tawaki Ultimate Lucky Student “I will survive this, no matter what!” The protagonist. Despite having the Ultimate title of “Lucky Student,” it seems like the only luck Teruko has is bad luck..."

Xander:

meta name="descripttion" content="Xander Matthews Ultimate Rebel “Screw the rules!” Loud in both voice and personality, Alexander “Xander” Matthews earned the title of Ultimate Rebel through his consistent tendency to go against the..."

MonoTV:

meta name="descripttion" content="MonoTV “Ultimate TV Show Host” “I’m the most beloved character in the cast!” A strange robot with a television for a head. MonoTV claims to be the “Ultimate TV Show Host” who is in charge of an..."

I also checked Veronika, Whit and Nico, but didn't check any more since the pattern's easy to see.

As you can see, usually this section of the code just has the name, the subtitle quote, and part of the body text. None of them have the secret quote, unlike Mai's, which has the quote which is supposed to be Teruko's. But Teruko's name or subtitle quote is never brought up in Mai's "meta name" thing.

Again, maybe I'm missing something, but it really looks like that is meant to be some kind of description of Mai.

It sort of fits. Teruko's quote about trust can fit Mai, hell, is completed by Mai. Teruko usually shows the failing of trusting no one, but Mai may be meant to show the failing of trusting everybody. Mai is also important enough that calling her "the protagonist" is fitting enough.

And, if that really is about Mai, then the final portion is confirmation. "Despite having the Ultimate title of "Lucky..." If this is about Mai, then Mai is unequivocally an ULS.

Again, I don't consider this conclusive because I am an idiot and could very easily be wrong. The wording is exactly the same's as Teruko's, so again, it may be a coding oddity. But with all the other stuff I mentioned, I can at least say this is the theory for Mai's talent I believe the most: She's East Class 27's ULS, while Teruko went to West Coast HPA as their ULS.

Anyways, anything else about Teruko? Oh, yeah, a final sub-theory on her.

Sub-Theory: Shot Through the Heart, Teruko's to Blame

Take a look at the 2nd Anniversary picture.

[The three frames of the 2 year anniversary "video"]

Okay, I know you can't see shit here, but I'm running out of the 30 image limit. Check out lacunasweven's post where she discovered this (to my knowledge), and stfu-sage's reblog where he solved the code.

When solved, that code translates to “It’s all your fault”, which you may remember as MonoTV’s line about Mai.

So, Teruko reaches out for Mai, then “it’s all your fault” appears for a frame or two, and then suddenly Mai’s gone. It’s not exactly hard to imagine that this means Teruko is at fault for Mai’s death, or at least whatever consequences the HPA Operation had. How exactly is impossible to know, because again, it’s a mystery we’re not meant to solve yet. I have a gut feeling it’s probably related to Teruko’s luck, but that’s all it is, a gut feeling.

This doesn’t conflict the “Xander’s at fault” idea, if you’re curious. It’s possible for multiple people to consider themselves at fault for Mai’s death. Xander for bringing her into the HPA Operation, Teruko for her luck or whatever else happened.

Although… yeah, we gotta talk about that right? The scene before the prologue.

I can’t say anything definitive, because again, not something we’re meant to figure out at the moment. But I can tell you what I think.

First, the PoV character is probably Xander. There’s a bloody fork there, and while I’m not the one who came up with the idea, (see: anderscim's post about this) that’s likely the weapon which was used to take out his eye. His wounds do look suspiciously fork-like, though I struggle to explain it without images, and I’m already stretching thin to make the image limit. I’ll have to ask you to look it up yourself.

Anyways, that may be Xander, and this may be the incident where Xander lost his eye. The reason I’m bringing it up is that, since Xander is involved, there’s a chance this is somehow related to the HPA Operation. Here’s a full transcript of what’s said:

... Fuck!! Fuck, fuck, fuck, this really hurts... Ouch... I really wasn't expecting her to attack me like that. I made a massive mistake to trust them. I can't rely on anyone. All by myself... I have to end the killing game. And even if I can't do that... I have to kill Teruko Tawaki. No matter what.

So, a woman attacked Xander unexpectedly, managed to overpower him and stab his eyes out with a fork, then presumably ran away. And this all seemingly happened in some form of killing game. And Xander already wanted to kill Teruko.

I doubt Teruko was the one who attacked Xander. Because Xander calls her out by name at the end, and also because, how would Teruko be able to overpower Xander? Unless you “divine luck” your way into an explanation, I just don’t see it. In any case, it’s probably a different woman. Without knowing anything about the previous killing game, we can’t know much about this situation.

However, the fact that Xander already wanted to kill Teruko here is notable because it seems to imply this killing game happened after Mai's death. After all, Mai and Teruko had a good relationship, right? So Xander wouldn't have a grudge against her until after the HPA Operation fell through. The final conclusion here is that Teruko somehow caused Mai's death, which somehow led to the pre-series killing game. I think? Obviously, it's impossible to say anything conclusive here, and I don't even know what exactly the connection would be between Mai's death and the previous killing game.

And with that, we finish discussion of Teruko.

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Quick Side Note: The Mai-stermind Theory

I’m not funny.

So, in case it isn’t clear yet by the fact I keep assuming she's dead, I don’t think Mai is the mastermind of the killing game. I’m aware it’s a possibility, seeing as she’s very mysterious and all that, but frankly, I just have never seen anyone seriously bring up this possibility, since there’s essentially no evidence. It’s also important to note, even if she is a mastermind, she can’t be the only mastermind, since we know one of the participants of the killing game is a mastermind as well.

To be fair, I did notice some connections to MonoTV while researching. Like I mentioned at one point, they’re the only characters without any highlighted words in their subtitle quotes. And the secret quote in MonoTV’s page is “Her name is Mai Akasaki”, but frankly that feels a bit too… unsubtle. Also... no, actually that’s kinda it.

I’ve also seen some people attribute the “teacher” speech to Mai, but I really don’t think that’s her. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s the text in the code of the About page for DRDT on Tumblr. Here’s a post about it by delightfullydiscordant. I won't go into their theory on it, since it's unrelated to Mai. As you'll see, there’s nothing intrinsically relating the speech to our girl, and nothing in the text suggest she’s the one speaking, so I don’t think it’s related.

With what we know of Mai, I don’t think it makes sense to call her the mastermind. I’m only bringing it up now to be thorough, and because I didn’t know where else to put it :v

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Other Characters, Miscellaneous Connections

Essentially just me talking about all the characters I haven’t covered yet, to see if any of them could have a connection to Mai or the HPA Operation than what may seem at first.

Already talked about: Xander, Teruko, David

No Evidence of Connection Beyond ‘Classmates’: Rose, Arturo, Levi, Hu, Nico, Ace, Arei, Min

What this means is that while it’s technically possible these characters are related to Mai and the HPA Operation, right now we don’t have any indication of it. Sorry. That doesn’t mean I don’t have things to say about them.

Arturo is usually so mean that, honestly, the fact he says anything positive about Mai at all makes me wonder if he may actually be related. Reminds me a bit of David’s quote, I guess. But maybe I’m just biased because I want this guy to be plot-relevant.

I guess Levi mentioning the tattoo in his line could be important, but unless he has the tattoo too (which is possible I guess, but I don’t quite see it), I don’t know what it could mean.

I could actually see Hu’s and Ace’s lines implying a connection to the HPA Operation, honestly. Seeing as they’re some of the only people who actually talk about her in the past tense, I think it’s possible they were involved. Hu would want to help Mai if she felt she “wanted to keep everyone safe”, for what it’s worth. I sorta hope Hu is plot-relevant too.

Even if Mai is talking to Arei in her current subtitle quote, I don’t see much evidence Arei would be involved in the HPA Operation.

You may be wondering about my old theory about the Sleepy MV and how it could tie back to Mai, and while I still think it's a possibility, I frankly don't believe it anymore. It requires a very specific reading of the song which I don't think is entirely accurate, and there isn't actually much connecting the MV to Mai. I still think Min's line being so overly insistent on Mai being "an average girl with nothing special at all about her" could imply their relationship may have broken down because of the HPA Operation, which makes sense. If Xander engineered the plan, obviously Min will dislike it on principle. But that's probably me trying to make Min more plot relevant than she actually is.

Only Connected via “Original Killing Game” Theory: Charles, J, possibly Ace and Arei

What the hell am I talking about? In the Color Theory reblog I mentioned earlier, I described a wild theory that quite a few of the characters we know were actually involved in that pre-prologue killing game, and we can learn who those characters are thanks to the word "original". Sound insane? It is. I won't go over the reasoning here, I'll ask you check the reblog I linked.

This is the "Original Killing Game" Theory, and it's one of the most far-fetched theories I've ever enginereed. But since it's sorta connected, I thought I'd mention it. The characters involved are Charles, Veronika or Ace, David, Teruko, J/Arei, Xander, MonoTV, Whit. I’ve already talked about some of these, and don’t think MonoTV is worth talking about, frankly.

So, why am I only bringing up Charles and J for now, as well as potentially Ace and Arei since they could actually be part of the theory depending on how you interpret the colors? Well, these are the only ones in the “original killing game” theory who I don’t think have any evidence of being connected with Mai any further. Since that theory is already insane to start with, and it’s possible Mai was already dead when that killing game started, I don’t think it tells us anything.

Although sometimes I wonder if J’s quote is talking about something other than Mariabella, but at the moment, I have no clue what that would be. So that’s still the likeliest possibility.

Eden: Eden

Eden, huh? In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been sorta dancing around Eden’s line a bit, because… like, what in the actual fuck does it mean.

Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up.

It’s such an odd line. It’s nothing like the other ones, which you’d think would make it significant, but it’s just… cryptic. I’m sorry, but while I think this probably means something, I don’t have a good answer of what it could be.

… Well, there is the one thing.

——————————————————————————————————

Crack Theory: Mai the Girl Kisser

This theory states that Mai is the girl mentioned in Eden’s secret, the one the Clockmaker kissed.

See? Theorizing’s easy! Just grab a random character we don’t know anything about, and slap Mai on top of it like a bandaid!

I’m aware the dev has sorta poked fun at people like me who see an unknown face and instantly jump on Mai, but at least this one has a bit more reasoning. Mainly, that I just don’t know what else Eden’s quote could be referring to.

Consider this concept: Eden and Mai kiss at some indeterminate point before HP, and Eden freaks out. She gets extremely worried about how Mai’s going to react, and she runs away. Mai tries to contact her afterwards, but Eden was avoiding her. Still, “[Mai] kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up”.

Is this essentially just fanfiction at this point? Practically, yeah, but I have nothing else.

On the insane off-chance this is true, it would come with certain implications. It would mean Eden and Mai had met before going to HPA, which is… uh, something. If it helps, that would mean their relationship would have a “new beginning” at HPA, and Eden’s character has some themes of new beginnings. Her birthday is on December 31st, so New Years, and her favorite color is daffodil yellow, when daffodils represent new beginnings. It’s small, but it’s there.

(And if you know who I am, you know I believe Eden killed Arei to reunite with the girl of her secret (long story). Mai helps here because of course she would have enough rizz to make a good girl go bad, have you seen how everyone talks about her? She would get all the bitches!)

Anyways, again, this is extremely silly, but it’s sort of the only thing I can think of for Eden’s line, so for now, have it. If anyone’s got better ideas, I’m more than open to hear them.

——————————————————————————————————

A Connection is More Plausible: Veronika, Whit

In no particular order, these are the characters, apart from Xander and Teruko and David, which I think have an actual chance of being involved with Mai and the HPA based on what we know so far. Let’s go a bit more in depth.

Veronika’s Peculiar Problem of Popping Up Fucking Everywhere

It is insane how many times I’ve brought up Veronika in this post without being able to pinpoint why exactly she keeps appearing. She shares the color red with Xander and Mai in my version of Color Theory, though admittedly that may just be her hair. She’s in the “original killing game” under that theory. Hell, she’ll show up again when I talk about Whit.

But by far, the most concerning thing about her is her line in the Mai page.

Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

I’ve mentioned this line before, of course, because it’s clearly related to the HPA Operation’s fallout. In fact, it’s the only line apart from Xander’s and MonoTV’s which explicitly reference it. This could easily imply she was involved somehow, either as someone helping Mai and Xander, or actually going against them in some way. Whatever is more entertaining for her, I imagine.

There are two issues with this. One, I cannot discount the possibility that Veronika got that creepy and ominous line because she’s the creepy and ominous character, and it doesn’t actually mean anything for Veronika herself. It’s a very real possibility.

Two, even if she is involved, there’s nothing we have which could help narrow down what she did. Again, she’s too unpredictable.

In other words, while I’m putting Veronika here with the vague idea that she could be connected to it all, I don’t have any concrete theories.

Though maybe I should address the one Veronika-Mai theory which exists, for the sake of completion.

——————————————————————————————————

Crack Theory: Veronika Is Mai

To be clear, I don’t believe this. It’s pretty clear to me that Veronika is her own character with her own backstory. But I still want to point out some connections to show you how insane I’m going writing this.

+They’re both the same height (5’8”) and have long red hair. This is enough for my prosopagnosic ass to confuse them if they change hairstyle. Their weights and birthdays are different, but weight can change and birthdays can be lied about. Their chest sizes are different, though, so I’m pretty sure that rules out this theory already.

+Speaking of birthdays, August 7th, Veronika’s birthday, happens to be 7 months away from Teruko’s birthday on January 7th. 7? Lucky number. Lucky Student. Word association -> Mai.

+Veronika covers both her arms, so no tattoo would be visible.

+Veronika asks Teruko if she would recognize her were she to wear contacts, a wig and different clothes. This could imply she is, and would therefore be Mai.

+Her pose in the character profiles is vaguely similar to Mai’s, but flipped. This is interesting because no other character’s pose is even close.

+She wears a small earring given to her by someone named “Alyssa Belyaeva”. This by itself means nothing, but the earring is a small green triangle she considers a good luck charm. Luck?! And triangles have three sides. 3?! That number we said was unlucky and related to Mai before? And green. Green?! Teruko! Auasfruryg- <- short-circuiting from thinking too much.

+Veronika has plain brown eyes. Come on, have you seen this cast’s eyes? Those are absolutely contacts.

+Her hidden quote about people being broken could refer to the hopeful Mai being broken into Veronika as a result of the HPA Operation’s consequences.

Yeah, most of this is pretty silly, but again, I don’t think this theory is very likely, so I’m just poking fun at how suspicious Veronika can be at times.

——————————————————————————————————

Whit and Tetraphobia

At first, it doesn't really seem like Whit is too involved in this. I mean, his quote is pretty inoffensive:

Whit: A girl with many friends.

And sure, he is the Original Killing Game Theory, but even if that's somehow true, it's no guarantee he's involved in the HPA Operation or anything. Nothing really seems to connect him to Mai...

Except the one thing.

XV. Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"¹⁵?

XV is Whit's Roman numeral, and again it isn't too strange on its own. Other than being the only numeral to ever show up alongside another numeral, in this case Veronika's because of course it's Veronika's.

The issue is the background text. It's hard to see, but there's faint pink text saying "subtract 4, due to tetraphobia⁴". Footnote 4 simply defines tetraphobia, which is the practice of avoiding the number 4, as it's considered a number related to death, and is seen as unlucky. Of course, the fours themselves are colored green for Teruko, presumably.

But the important part is, what does this mean? The most straightforward idea is to subtract four from the numerals on screen, or perhaps the footnote?

For the footnote: Subtracting 15 - 4 = 11, quick math, and that's the footnote which talks about being an only child and that (presumably) Diana Chiem never existed. I... don't think that makes too much sense for this scene, frankly.

For Veronika's numeral, subtracting XIV (14) - 4 = 10. That's Min's numeral, which shows up in the part of the MV most directly tied to class trials. This could simply imply she enjoys the trials and the bloodshed, and it also looks somewhat mastermind-y, but that's not really new for Veronika. You could also do this one more literally, taking out 4 from 14 and ending up with 1, connecting her to Xander, and at this point I'm not surprised.

But, of course. The tetraphobia line only shows up when Whit's numeral does, and it's colored in the pink associated to him via Color Theory, though of course, being background text, the tetraphobia line isn't actually included in that theory. That would seem to imply it's about him, right?

Well, in the same vein as before, if you subtract XV (15) - 4 = 11 (XI). And... that's Mai's numeral, attached to the line "God is dead". So, uh-

Sub-Theory: Shot Through the Heart, Whit's to Blame

The idea that maybe Whit was somehow involved in Mai's death. By the end of the series, I'm gonna end up blaming half the cast for this, apparently.

So, the tetraphobia thing is the most straightforward piece of evidence towards this possibility, but there's a bit more. For one, in the recent Q&A, it was stated that Whit's least favorite color is gray because it's boring, and that's the color of Mai's numeral. Remember how I pointed out it's actually one of the only numerals to be colored? Yeah.

Furthermore, Whit's numeral appears right before Mai's, but that may just be the way the song works out, since LGI wasn't made for DRDT. However, remember that "become brainwashed: go do it!" line I said was directly after Mai's numeral? Yeah, the word brainwashed is color coded pink, connecting it to Whit via Color Theory. And, if that wasn't enough, in the section for footnote five, the one with the Japanese characters? The word blood shows up, in pink, as the song speaks about revolutionaries. Yes, DR blood is pink usually, but there is red blood in the MV (near the snake), and the characters canonically see it as dark red (since that's the stated reason why dark red is Xander's and Charles' least favorite color). My point is, the dev could have made the blood red there, and/or just written the symbol for blood in red, but since it's pink, Color Theory ends up connecting it to Whit.

All of this could point to Whit as another culprit of Mai's death, but don't jump to conclusions. For one, since we have no clue about the circumstances, perhaps he only accidentally caused the death. We've seen that Teruko is also likely to blame in some way, probably in a similar fashion. And because it may have been accidental, this also doesn't mean Whit has to be the mastermind. It makes him look oddly suspicious, sure, but nothing too damning.

And of course, there's a huge chance I'm reading too much into things. There are other explanations for brainwashed and blood, and it's still totally possible that the tetraphobia thing refers to Veronika or even the footnote.

A Summary of Her Story, So Far

To end things off, I'll go over everything I've concluded with what we know so far, though of course I know we're missing a lot, and that a ton of this is also probably wrong. Here's how this is going to work.

Regular text means this is something we pretty much know for sure.

Italics means it's a theory I'm quite convinced of.

[Brackets mean I'm relatively unsure about something]

*Asterisks mean the theory is insanely unlikely, and it can probably just be assumed false*

{Braces are for flavor text, you can ignore this for theorizing purposes}

Closing Argument

>Mai was born February 1st, 20--, to a nice family she loved. We know little about her childhood, but [it's possible she was friends with or somehow got interested in a girl named Teruko Tawaki. However, fate kept them apart for years]. But Mai was not easily deterred, she would search for and find Teruko, no matter what.

>*As she searched for Teruko Tawaki, she met a girl named Eden Tobisa. They kissed, but Eden freaked out and ran away. Mai tried contacting her, she kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up.*

>At some point before Hope's Peak, her and Teruko reunited. *Even when Teruko couldn't recognize her and even struggled to remember her name*, Mai still remembered everything that was important for Teruko, as she always did.

>Mai and Teruko, loving each other so much, decided to get matching floral tattos on their arms. White camellias, a symbol of adoration and respect.

>{But fate really didn't like to see them together.} Soon, Teruko received a letter, teling her she was chosen as the Ultimate Lucky Student of Hope's Peak's [West Class 27]. This was uncharacteristically good luck for Teruko, who before had to hop around schools, always stealing uniforms, just to get an education.

>{The problem?} At the same time, Mai received a letter that she was invited to join Hope's Peak's East Class 27 as their Ultimate Lucky Student, on the other side of the country. Mai never really cared much about Ultimates or Hope's Peak, {but Teruko insisted it was too good of an opportunity for either of them to pass up. They decided to keep in contact,} as Mai headed to East Coast Hope's Peak.

>Alexander Matthews is scouted as the Ultimate Rebel. David Chiem is scouted as the Ultimate Inspirational Speaker.

>At Hope's Peak, despite being an average girl with nothing special at all about her, she quickly became a girl with many friends. She saw the beauty in everyone, and everyone agreed she had a bright future. Everyone confided in her, J even telling her about her mother, something which Mai kept secret, and told no one.

(Okay, maybe fitting in all the quotes isn't as easy as I hoped it'd be)

>*She even reunited with Eden, and they decided their relationship would have a new beginning*.

>However, she also met a very interesting boy: Xander Matthews. He had gone to Hope's Peak with one goal in mind: revolution. He confided in her, as they all did, his issues with Hope's Peak and the system it was built upon. Mai was revolted by the truth, and asked what she could do to help. She couldn't stand to do nothing. She wanted to keep everyone safe.

>With that, the HPA Operation started.

>They started small; stealing a few documents here and there. [But their plans grew bolder over time.]

>[Along the way, they discovered something shocking]. David, who always spoke of change and hope, was hiding his true feelings. He didn't see himself as human, not being able to relate to his peers as the others did. He saw himself as a manipulative bastard for lying to all the people he gave speeches to. He hated himself, and expected Mai and Xander to hate him, too.

>[But they didn't. Xander still saw the best in him, and Mai? Well, Mai forgives everyone. And to make him see the good in himself, they asked him to help in the HPA Operation]

>He didn't understand it, not really. The world wouldn't change, no matter what Mai and Xander told him. But even though he didn't understand, he still wanted to help them.

>As the popular Ultimate Inspirational Speaker, David had more connections and influence than a simple Rebel or Lucky Student. That meant he could offer things to the Operation the other two couldn't, even if it was through... less than moral means. But to David, that was no object. He would become a villain in pursuit of their dream, throw away his humanity for this ideal. It's not like he could have ever been human, anyways.

>*Not everyone was as receptive, though. Min in particular, after finding out about the plan somehow, got quite angry with Xander and Mai. It wasn't unusual for the Student and the Rebel to disagree, but Mai still didn't like it when her friends fought*

>Mai knew it was risky, she really did. But nothing could prepare her for what was about to happen. She didn't foresee the consequences.

>[When Teruko was visiting], the HPA Operation faced a huge issue. A plan gone wrong, a variable miscalculated. And, with Teruko to blame, [and possibly Whit] *and Veronika, who got dragged into this mess at some point*, Mai died.

>{Chaos ensued. Mai's death broke the class, reverberating through the students like the rumbling of a fallen god's corpse. "It's all your fault!" Xander screamed at Teruko,} hiding that he felt responsible for her death as well. After all, he was the one who had dragged her along. And now, he was once again left alive to mourn a death he himself narrowly avoided. Talk about survivor's guilt.

>[One thing led to another, and a killing game was set up]. Xander and Teruko got stuck in it, with Xander losing his eye as he tried everything he could to end the game, or at least kill Teruko. *Charles, Veronika/Ace, David, J/Arei and Whit might have also present in this killing game, ran by MonoTV.*

>More stuff happened, and finally, the students all lost their memories and wound up in the killing game we follow throuhout the series.

>A shattered dream, a tragic fate, a broken hope. Though mystery continues to shroud her existence and her role in the story, for now, this is my final conclusion on the story of: Mai Akasaki, the Ultimate ???

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holy hell this was pain to write. I don't want to make another post this complicated for a while. Jesus. This broke my soul.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my insane ramblings, if you really were strong enough to put up with my madness for this long. I still want to hear any thoughts you may have, since this character is really interesting and cool and fun to theorize about.

But for now, I leave. Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, then just know, Mai would be proud of you! And you should know, because you should practically be a scholar on her by now. Take care!

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #fanganronpa #mai akasaki #drdt theory #xander matthews #drdt xander #david chiem #drdt mv #teruko tawaki #i am so tired

[soft-girl-musings]

Last Night -- Chapter 2 (Shots Fired)

chapter 1 chapter 3

cross-posted to ao3

Jake Lockley x fem!Reader

tags: more angst, potential misuse of alcohol, author likes to say the fuck word, insensitive language toward the system

wc: 1.4k

fic summary: You're usually tight-lipped about your frustrations, especially when it comes to Jake. But a drink too many leaves you spilling your thoughts one by one.

You'd known you couldn't hide forever.

__________

"Hide" is a strong word. But as you'd knocked back your third, fourth, and fifth shots of the night, you'd realized that's exactly what you were doing. You were hiding.

Meaning it was only a matter of time before you were found.

And there was always a 1-in-3 chance you wouldn't like who did the finding.

If it'd been Steven, he would have doted on you, as always. He wouldn't pry or pester for details; he'd make sure you were comfortable and at ease before turning in for the night.

If it'd been Marc, he'd have likely let you sleep it off on your own. You never really discuss the hard stuff with him; you both get so uncomfortable, you tend to call it quits until you can regroup over something else.

You'd really hoped it wouldn't be Jake.

So of course it was him who had whisked you away from your pity party, zeroed in on your stress and wouldn't back down until he was satisfied.

The ride home is quiet, unbearably so. Not that you want to talk; your head is still spinning, and you're not sure you fully trust the thoughts that threaten to come out. But you can tell that Jake's itching to speak to you, his eyes flitting between the road and the rearview mirror to check on you every few seconds.

His anxious gaze would be bad enough without his refusal to break the silence. You shift in your seat, leaning against the window. "If you have something to say, just say it."

"I was hoping you'd take the lead, querida." You can't see his hands beneath his gloves, but you're sure his knuckles are white.

You let your eyes drift closed, your head now throbbing. "I have nothing to say." A boldfaced lie, but he doesn't need to know that. Knowing Jake, he's close to figuring it out anyway.

"Who's Evan?" There it is.

"Don't worry about it."

"Of course I'm going to worry, look at you. If he made you do this to yourself..." Jake clicks his tongue, and you're sure he's imagining ways to get back at him.

"I didn't 'do anything' to myself, Jake. I'm an adult who made an adult decision."

"An adult mistake," he chuckles dryly.

"Oh, real mature." You press yourself against the car door, eager to go home and put tonight behind you.

"....So you're not going to tell me about Evan?"

"No, Jake, I'm tired."

"Was it just that guy from work, or wherever? Or is there something else going on?" You feel his hand come over and rest on your knee, making your stomach lurch at the touch that's usually comforting. You push him away.

"It's nothing, Jake. Just drop it."

"Cariño, if you have a problem, I want to help-"

"I know, but I said drop it!" you shout. Something you've never done before.

Your outburst hangs heavy in the air between you. Jake's hand moves back to the wheel, gripping it with the same force as before.

"Bet you'd tell Marc or Steven." he mutters under his breath.

"What was that?" You turn in your seat, finally facing him.

Jake sets his jaw, eyes on the road. "I said, I bet you'd tell Marc or Steven whatever's bothering you."

You sit up. "You want to go there? Let's fucking go there, Jake. You're what's bothering me right now." You can feel your face heating up, your anger rushing to the surface once more.

"Marc and Steven would give me a chance to catch my goddamn breath. They wouldn't hound my friends for my location-"

"-She called me, I didn't-"

"-they wouldn't drag me home like a child, or jump down my fucking throat every time I have an off day."

"You didn't answer your phone, we had plans and-"

"And I forgot! Fucking sue me, Jake!" You throw your hands up in frustration and turn back toward the window. Whatever sober, sensible part of you that had remained was now drowned out by the broken emotional dam you couldn't shut off if you wanted to.

Shaking your head, you sigh. "Things were easier before." You don't know if you mean for him to catch that.

He does.

Drawing a deep breath, Jake turns so he can see your face when you answer. "Before what, cariño?" he asks quietly.

Your eyes are already closed as you lean against the glass. All the energy you'd spent venting left you exhausted, the alcohol finally staking its victory over you. You manage the strength to murmur a reply before you drift to sleep.

"Before I met you."

__________

The next morning hits you like a ton of bricks.

You struggle to move from beneath your blanket, you're so sore. Funny, you don't remember getting into bed.

As you reach for another pillow to block out the sunlight, you feel the soft sleeves of your sweatshirt shift against your arm. You pause. This isn't what you were wearing last night.

Last night...

The memories are slow to surface, all jumbled into one big mess of headache and chaos. What happened last night?

You open one eye to check the time. You wince; it's almost noon. Looks like you're calling in sick.

–the thought of which makes you gag, and you rush to the bathroom before you ruin your bedsheets. Thankfully you make it in time, hunching over the toilet with breakneck speed. You get a flash of a memory: who the hell let you order whiskey? And so much?

There was whiskey… and Jake. You definitely remember Jake being there.

“Jake?” you call out weakly. He had to still be around, especially if he was at the bar (ugh, you're never going back there) when you drank. He wouldn’t leave your side for a cold, let alone a hangover.

You groan as another wave of nausea hits. “Hey, Jake? Can you bring me a seltzer?” You’re going to be here for a while.

By the time you’ve emptied every possible ounce of your stomach, you realize you never got a response.

“Jake?” You lift yourself off the floor, gripping the bathroom counter. When you steady yourself, something seems off.

Half the counter is empty.

“Marc? Have you been cleaning again?” Taking stock, you see none of your favorite products have moved. The others are missing.

The silence in the apartment is now unsettling, your voice echoing a bit louder than usual with no reply.

Yelling. You remember yelling. Was that really you? That can’t be right, you never raise your voice–

Yet your throat smarts, indicating otherwise. Combined with the acidic punishment your stomach just put you through, your voice feels hoarse.

This isn’t right, something must have happened.

You decide to retrace your steps as best you can, jumping through the shower to clear your mind.

I got off work, the girls took me out. There was yelling, at some point. And Jake. We drank… no, he wasn’t there until the end. Right? He left me– no, brought me outside. And we drove…

The hot water does little to unscramble your memory; your head feels as foggy as the mirror you peer into as you brush your teeth. You put on clean pajamas and venture to the living area with caution.

On the kitchen counter, you find your favorite bagel and a banana arranged on a plate, a jar of peanut butter beside them. Your water bottle is full. Shivering, you turn to see the window is open. It’s chilly outside, but the fresh air does help clear your mind a bit more.

Steven must have set this up, you conclude. You beeline for the water and down most of the bottle before you notice there’s a note taped to the side.

When you read it, the bottle slips from your hand, spilling as it clatters to the ground.

You’re frozen in place as everything rushes back to your memory: every emotion, every word, the entire evening. Including the last thing you said to Jake in the car.

The words of the note bleed together from the spill, but you crouch down and pour over them again and again, too focused to notice the puddle you’re kneeling in.

Going back to mine for a bit. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about last night.

-Jake

You fucked up.

__________

A/N: one part to go! this was a trip to write, but I'm enjoying the process. tysm for reading! <3

tagging @lunar-ghoulie and @romanarose, as promised (ty for your support!)

#my works #moon knight #moon knight fanfic #jake lockley #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley/reader #jake lockley x fem!reader #jake lockley/fem!reader #jake lockley angst #jake lockley fanfic #jake lockley fanfiction

[barb-l]

Do you have any wenclair fic recommendations?

Yes, I do, and it's called My Bookmarks on ao3 lol

Lemme show em here anyway tho, in no particular order, for people who aren't in the mood to be taken to a "second location". I'm not listing all of them here tho. To know more, just click the link.

So aside from literally everything made by @//eggplant-crusader there's also these:

This was really fun. I know nothing about Eurovision, but I really like the moral about dreams and priorities and having the maturity to pick your battles.

This one got me feeling all kinds of yearning. I'm not really a big fan of angst when it comes to literary media(because it feels a lot more... consuming that way, yanno) but this one also had a lot of hope and tenderness in it that i couldn't help but keep reading. Binged it in like two days? Worth the sleep i lost.

Aside from what I said above, it's also super funny and cute btw. And i love the fic's format, the way every chapter starts with stuff like soc med posts or emails or scribbles written on walls that add to the setting of the story rather than the plot. Reminds me of how I Kissed Shara Wheeler would do that(reading that book rn btw. Would rec that too if you want a fun wlw book)

Has a really cozy feel to it. It reminds me of the older fics i used to read when i was younger for some reason idk

This author has other works that are really good too(notably a fake dating one that i enjoyed) but this one is my favorite of their works. The whiplash i felt when the jokes hit while im still crying was oddly fun

It's an unfinished fic but it doesn't really follow a continuous plot, so it's fine. It's just a bunch of snippets of Enid casually showing off her strength and is quite a joy to read. Also funny. When it comes to me, it's a requirement for something to be funny ehehe

One of my top fics for any fandom i think. It's a short one but a really well executed premise. The thought of Wednesday wooing Enid with anonymously sent two sentence pieces is so cute to me.

I really like the characterization in this. Probably one of the most show-accurate Wednesday's I've read, mostly because they don't forget that Wednesday would still be a little shit to Enid even if she's in love with her without overdoing. It's a shame lots of writers forget that lil bit about her.

#wednesday netflix #asks #Wenclair

[zoyaofthegardvn]

Hey, doll :)

I know you are currently drowning in requests, but I wanted to ask if I could request an angsty mor x reader. However, if someone has already asked something like that just disregard this one xx

ILY 🌺

New Friends, Old Insecurities (1)

A/N: Yes yes yes! I love writing angst to fluff stuff! Thanks so much for the request, anon! :) This will be divided into two parts!

CW: None! But this is pure angst, so the fluff isn't til I write a part 2!

Update: Part 2 is now posted! Read it here!

---

You sighed as you watched Emerie and Mor spar, taking a seat off to the side so that you could finish up the work you'd brought along with you. You decided to come today because you've been missing your mate, but it's clear that you won't be receiving any of her attention today like you so desperately craved.

Ever since Nesta had become best friends with Gwyn and Emerie, they'd become close to everyone in the Night Court. In fact, you'd grown especially fond of Gwyn, and now considered her one of your dearest friends. Emerie and Mor had clicked, and their friendship had taken off fast. You were happy that Mor was making more friends, especially female friends as she'd spent so long just with Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel. But, you were, in fact, jealous.

You tried not to be. Really. But it was a deep insecurity of yours, that Mor would find someone better and leave you. She was just so bold, so confident, so commanding and brave. And so was Emerie. You were reserved, and quiet. You weren't a warrior like Mor, sticking to more intellectual pursuits. You didn't like to party, and you never had any interest in learning a sword. You had always wondered if Mor wished she'd been mated to anyone but you, but for the most part, you were able to look past the insecurities, as your relationship with her was loving and perfect.

But she was spending so much time with Emerie. They'd train together even when the Valkyries weren't, they'd go to Emerie's shop and talk weapons for hours, they'd patrol the camps as a pair and often sat together to talk about anything and everything. It'd been weeks of this, and though it was you that Mor came home to every night, you that she made love to, you that she said she loved, you genuinely had your doubts.

You were interrupted from your thoughts when someone came to stand in front of you. Looking up, you're greeted with Gwyn's kind smile.

"Hey," she says, hand over her eyes to shield from the sun.

"Hey," you respond, but your heart isn't in it.

Gwyn looks back over her shoulder, to where Mor and Emerie are laughing as they take a water break, and she looks back to you with concern in her eyes.

"S'fine," you shrug, a bit embarrassed that others had began to notice your mate's affections for another female.

Gwyn shakes her head. "It's not," she says, reaching her hand out to grab your own. She pulls you up and places a hand on your shoulder. "I'm done for the day, how about we go into town before dinner? We could go to the bookstore?"

You glance behind her, where Mor hasn't even turned to look at you or made her way over to say hello, and then you nod. "Yes, I think I'd quite like that."

---

"She adores you, Y/N, I think she's just forgotten how it's like to make a new, true friend, you know?" Gwyn says, taking a sip from the hot tea she'd ordered from the bookstore cafe.

Your eyes roam the shelves in the Fantasy section, your iced coffee clutched in your hand. "I never see her anymore, and when I do, it's when we're getting ready for bed, or she's about to leave in the morning, or I see her when we're all in a group. And even then, it's like she's not even with me."

Gwyn hums, then grabs a book with an emerald green cover, a dragon illustrated on the front. She flips it over to skim the back. "It is pretty shitty, I'm not denying that. But I don't believe it's because she loves you any less than she always has."

You shrug. "I don't know what to do anymore. The only time it even feels like we're in a relationship is when she wants to have sex."

Gwyn's head snaps up. "That's just wrong! I'm sorry she's making you feel this way. You deserve better. Have you tried talking to her about it?"

You shake your head, and try to stop the tears welling in your eyes. "No, I haven't. I don't know how."

Gwyn reaches out and rubs your arm gently. "You're one of my best friends, Y/N, we'll figure it out together."

You smile at her, a pure, genuine smile, something you hadn't done in weeks. "Thank you, Gwyn."

She returns the affection, then hands you the book she'd pulled. "This sounds like something you'd enjoy."

---

You and Gwyn spent hours at the bookstore, browsing and reading. Gwyn had been right, the book she'd found was exactly what you enjoyed, and you two read your new books, hers being an obscene romance title, for a while at an outdoor table, sipping your drinks and sharing a few slices of lemon cake.

You two also discussed how you'd confront Mor, and when. It was decided that you'd ask her about it tonight, before bed. You'd remain calm, and you'd try not to cry. You would avoid an argument, and you'd explain how you'd feel. It was a good plan. A solid one, that you hoped would work.

You two decided to leave as the sun began to set, knowing you'd be late for dinner at this rate, but you wouldn't miss it entirely.

You could hear your friends laughing and drinking as you arrived back at the house, and as you and Gwyn slipped your shoes off, you heard Cassian call, "There they are!" before him and Azriel came into the hallway.

Azriel smiled at Gwyn, bending to plant a sweet kiss to her lips before pulling her along to the dining room, where a full meal awaited her. You grinned at them, beyond excited that they'd finally accepted their mating bond.

Cassian clapped you on the back, smelling strongly of wine, and pushed you into the room as well. Instantly, your eyes fell to Mor. She was sat next to Emerie, who was sat in the seat you usually occupied. Instantly, your smile vanished. Gwyn met your gaze and rolled her eyes, shrugging, as if to say, "Screw them."

Your lower lip trembled at the small betrayal, but you swore to yourself that you weren't going to cry. Rather than take a seat at the table, you made your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine.

As you poured, you heard the door swing open behind you, but you didn't care enough to look.

"Where've you been today?" Mor asks, curiosity lacing her tone. Usually, you told Mor about your every move. Mostly because she worried when she didn't know where you were, and you liked the idea of someone caring about what you were doing.

You still didn't turn around, filling your glass nearly to the brim before setting the bottle down and taking a deep sip.

"I went to town," is your curt reply, cold and to the point.

You hear her take a few more steps towards you, but before she can reach you, you spin away from her and head towards the door, straight back to the dining room where you take an empty seat beside Gwyn, across the table and on the other end from where Mor and Emerie have taken seats.

Mor enters shortly after, looking confused, and she stares at you a long while when she notices that you'd sat as far from her as possible. You refuse to make eye contact, instead, you focus on making yourself a plate of the dinner Feyre and Elain had made. It smelled divine, and you were starved.

Conversation remained light, and mostly, you could tune out Emerie and Mor's voices, whatever conversation they were having. Gwyn, bless her, spoke to you nearly the entire time. She was a great friend, and a welcomed distraction.

When everyone began to clear their plates and put stuff away, you instantly went to the door after cleaning your mess. Usually, you and Mor would hang out for a while, then make your way home together. Without fail, nighttime was reserved for one another.

You waited by the door for a while, growing impatient and nearly ready to just leave Mor behind and wait for her at home, when she came around the corner.

"Hey," she says, furrowing her eyebrows at the sight of you all ready to leave.

"Are you ready?" Is how you respond, again, cold and to the point.

Mor rolls her eyes, confused and a bit agitated. "Well, actually, Emerie wants me to come to the shop tonight and work with her, I just wanted to let you know."

Cold dread washes over your body, your heart dropping. Once again, Mor is choosing Emerie over you, and once again, you're convinced that she wishes Emerie was her mate and not you.

"Are you serious right now?" You whisper, voice angry and brittle.

Mor says nothing, just looks at you with a questioning glare.

You laugh, humorless and bitter. You throw your hands up. "Well, Mor, you just have the most fun, and how about you stay there tonight, since you're so fond of her, hmm?"

So much for not starting an argument.

Mor recoils. "Excuse me?" she grits out, beyond offended.

"You heard me. Stay with her tonight, let's stop pretending like you don't prefer her to me," you spit, your voiced hushed as you're aware of all of your friends just in the next room over.

Mor shakes her head. "You cannot be serious right now," she glares at you like you've gone mad. "So, you're jealous?" she asks, and you don't respond. She scoffs, "I thought you were better than that."

And that, to you, is the nail in the coffin. You can't help the tears that well and spill over your cheeks. You look at her, you shake your head in disappointment, then you pull open the front door and leave.

---

You made it back home in record time, in case Mor did decide to come home, you didn't really want to face her. You slam the front door shut behind you, and in the privacy of your living room, you let loose a sob.

For weeks she'd been neglecting you, ditching you, spending more time with Emerie than her own mate. Her wife. She'd started giving the time of her day always dedicated to you, to someone else. She was never home. She hardly acknowledged whenever you were in the same place as her, and when she was home, it was to have sex, then sleep, then repeat. It hurt. And you couldn't take it anymore. You could feel the bond pulled taut between the two of you, and you closed yourself off from it entirely so that you could try to forget it even existed.

You're in your bedroom, still crying, when you hear the front door open. Mor.

She calls your name, sounding beyond frustrated. When she can't find you anywhere, she goes upstairs, and throws open the bedroom door.

When she barges in, her eyes land on your form, sat on the bed, head in your hands.

"What the fuck has gotten into you?"

Your head shoots up. "Me? What's gotten into me? I'm not the one falling in love with another woman!" Your voice is shaky, and your hands tremble as you take Mor in, her hands on her hips as she paces the room.

"Are you nuts? Emerie is my friend! I cannot believe you're acting like this out of jealousy!" She shakes her head like she's disappointed, like she's scolding a child for bad behavior.

You stand up, but you don't approach her. "And what about your mate?!" you roar, pointing a finger at her. "What about the female you married, the female you never fucking see anymore? Huh?"

Mor looks taken aback by your sudden shift from sadness to rage. "We've been bus-"

"DON'T! Don't give me that shit!" You bring a hand up to wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. "You're the one that's been busy with another female, I've been here, the whole fucking time, waiting for my mate to act like she's still in love with me!"

Mor flinches like she's been struck. "You can't be serious! Of course I'm in love with you Y/N, and I have seen you, every night I come home an-"

"And you fuck me then go to sleep, so you can wake up and see Emerie again." You spit, knowing it's a low blow, but that it's also true, and a cruel part of you wants to hurt her the way she's been hurting you.

Mor pales, her jaw clenches and her hands begin to sake with barely controlled anger. "We have never, ever, just fucked, and you know that. How dare you? How dare you act like every time we're together it doesn't mean something more than that?" Her voice cracks at the end, and it surprises you, that she'd start crying over this too.

"Do you think about her when we have sex?" You know you're just antagonizing her, but truly, you're convinced that you're not the female she's in love with anymore.

Mor's eyes widen, and she snarls before marching towards you. "Don't you ever fucking say something like that again! I have never not shown you that I'm in love with you!" She's in your face, and her angry tears are spilling from her eyes.

You push past her and make your way to the closet door, needing to put distance between the two of you.

"No, you've just started spending your entire days and evenings with her, only coming home to have sex with me then leave before I wake up. You've only been dedicating your time spent with me to her and her workshop, our breakfast dates to training sessions with her. You've been neglecting to ask me about my day and how I've been so that you can tell me all about your day with her. You've just been ignoring me when I'm in the same room as you two, because you're clearly having too much fun with her to be bothered. And you've started giving her my seat at the dinner table, because rather than find out where I am, you'd rather have her fill my place."

Mor's dead silent, staring at you from across the room. Her tears are still dripping, her hand is clenched into a fist and her other hand has come up to cover her mouth.

"All I've wanted these past few weeks is your attention. Your love. And no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it. But... but Emerie has no problem." You pause and take a deep breath, trying to steady your voice. "So, no, Mor. Maybe you've not exactly shown me that you're not in love with me, but you have shown me that you're falling in love with someone else."

She chokes on a sob. "No, Gods, no, baby. No. Never could I love anyone else."

You're crying again, and you choke on a sob mixed with a bitter laugh. "I-I think that you want to believe that. Mor, I've always known that I'm not right for you, mates or not, I think you know it too."

You turn and open the closet door, entering the small space and grabbing one of your larger bags. Mor walks in after you.

"T-That is not fucking true!" She blubbers, heaving deep breaths as she watches you pack some of your clothes.

"B-Baby, s-stop," she tries to plead, but you ignore her, and shake her hand off when she tries to grab your arm. You've just been grabbing things at random, but you need to get out of this house, now, so you can only hope that you've grabbed enough pants, shirts, dresses, and pairs of bras and underwear to actually last you a while.

You storm out of the closet and head into the bathroom to grab toiletries. Again, you grab at random, hardly able to see through your tears. And, of course, Mor follows.

"Y/N, p-please stop, we can talk about this, plea-"

You whirl around. "I've said all I needed to say! I'm done, Mor. I'm done."

Mor cries harder, looking down at the floor in utter devastation. The sound of her sobs breaks your heart even more than it already has, and you resist the urge to comfort her, to tell her it's okay, that you two can move on.

Reentering the bedroom, you throw the bag on the bed so that you can zip it up. Mor trails after you, and watches as the love of her life gets ready to leave her.

"Baby, please, I-I love you, so fucking much. I'm sorry, I-I'm so, so sorry," she can hardly get it out from how hard she's crying, and you know that if you turn around, you'll break. So you focus on sliding your bag up your arm and putting your shoes on. When you're ready, you make for the bedroom door, and you practically run down the stairs, eager to get away from the heartbreak tainting the house that was meant to be your home.

Again, Mor grabs your arm before you can open the front door. "Please don't leave, let me make this right," her voice is a whisper, muffled from the congestion caused by her crying.

You close your eyes, you don't turn to look at her. "I love you, Mor, I always will," you hear Mor's breath catch as she waits for you to finish, as she hopes that you'll relent, that you'll put the bag down and take her into your arms and let her explain and apologize and let her change so that she never hurts you again. But you meant what you said, when you told her that you couldn't do it anymore. "But I'm done. I-I'm sorry."

And with that, you're ripping the door open, and leaving into the night.

---

A/N: Whew! That was angsty! Also, just wanna add, I love Emerie! I tried to not make her sound like a female trying to take Mor away from reader, but she is the source of the issue here. Just please know that my characterization of her is not book accurate and was changed for the sake of a fight fic, I love Emerie a lot!

#reader x morrigan #morrigan x reader #mor x reader #the morrigan #mor #morrigan acotar #morrigan #mor acotar #acotar mor #a court of silver flames #a court of thorns and roses #nesta archeron #gwynriel #acotar #sarah j maas #acotar smut #acosf #the valkyries #nesta x gwyn x emerie #a court of mist and fury #acomaf #acowar #gwyneth berdara #emerie acotar #mor x emerie

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Season 2 Chapter 54 Translation (Lucien's Route - Part 1)

⚠️  SPOILER ALERT  ⚠️

This post contains a VERY HEAVY SPOILER for the chapter that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

"Speaking of which, if there's a beautiful dream, would you like to stay in it with me?"

"A beautiful dream? Is it the kind where I don't have to go to work every day?"

"More beautiful than that—it's a dream where we can always be by each other's side."

Translation under the cut!

Previous Lucien’s chapter -> [Here]

[Background Info]

Please read Lucien's previous chapter first before this chapter jnsnjsdjd. Lucien might feel OOC if you don't.

Long story short, although the world already diverted from its original path of heading toward destruction caused by a comet, now the world is ascending to the fourth dimension and the rifts are the manifestation of it. The boys' each route is basically how they deal with it.

About me dividing it into parts- the S2 Chapter 54 is FULLY translated and released at once. Just for fun, I divided it like this so you can also choose and get bad endings just like in-game~

[Chapter 54-1]

In the office, I occasionally hear birds chirping outside as if they are singing in celebration of the arrival of a new day.

I type the last Enter key in the document, click the save button in the top left corner, and take a deep breath.

A client I've been pursuing for a long time finally showed interest in collaboration yesterday. However, they also presented additional requirements, requesting a draft proposal by noon today.

I'm working overtime with my colleagues, and we've finally put together a decent draft.

I asked Anna to send the document to the client's contact person and I massaged my sore shoulder.

Beside me, Kiki suddenly leans over and shakes her phone.

Kiki: Boss, I just discovered a hidden gem of a beverage shop! I heard their best-selling hot chocolate is especially delicious. Do you want to order takeout together?

MC: Sure, send me the link to check it out~

I open the store page, and the cover features promotional image of their best-selling drink. However, the packaging looks a bit familiar.

=Flashback Start=

Lucien: On the way to your company just now, I happened to come across a newly opened beverage shop.

Lucien: The staff recommended this "Orange Hot Chocolate", and I thought it might be to your liking. Do you want to give it a try?

He hands a steaming paper cup into my hand and passes on his warm scent with it.

MC: Wow- it's delicious! It has the refreshing fragrance of oranges and is quite sweet. But I can't keep something this good all to myself~

I raise the paper cup and bring it to him, Lucien bends his eyes to a smile and lowers his head. His hair gently falls amidst the dense steam and----

=Flashback Ends=

The sweet warmth from the memory gradually surfaces at the corner of my lips, and I shake my phone at Kiki.

MC: I'll pass for now; I suddenly remembered I have something to do and need to step out for a bit. Go ahead and order; it's on me!

As I speak, I walk towards the exit and pick up my phone to send a message to that person in my heart.

MC: "Professor Lucien, are you still in? I'll come over now to see you~"

Lucien quickly replied with two voice messages, accompanied by a sticker of a little fox looking dizzy while doing experiments.

Lucien: I just finished a task, now I'm pondering on how to capture a photo of the scenery outside the window that hints I miss you a bit.

Lucien: But I'm happy because you'll get to see it in person soon.

I reply to him with a smile while briskly walking in the direction of the beverage shop. I can't help but feel that this year's winter isn't as cold as it seems.

MC: Hello, give me two cups of "Orange Hot Chocolate," please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, but we just ran out of the ingredients for that beverage this morning. Can I offer you a different flavor instead?

MC: ...Oh, okay.

Feeling a bit disappointed, I point to the "Rich Winter Hot Chocolate" on the side of the menu.

MC: I'll go with this one.

The clerk starts preparing the drinks and hands me the two cups after a moment.

Clerk: Please be mindful of the cup's rim, it's hot.

MC: Okay, thank you.

I instinctively reach out, my gaze still fixed on the phone screen. With a muffled sound and liquid splashing in my peripheral vision, I abruptly snap back to reality.

MC: ...Oops!

I frantically try to catch the fallen cups, but it's too late.

The newly changed shirt takes the brunt of it, and the little mochi* beside me isn't spared either, now adorned with unsightly brown stains.

[T/N: The little mochi is a keychain that Lucien gave to MC in the last chapter]

MC: …..

Frustration and speechlessness well up within me. I impatiently grab tissues to wipe it, but the effect is minimal.

So, I quickly ran to the restroom, wetting the stained areas with water. Despite my persistent efforts, hot water successfully turned a few drops of chocolate stains into a large light brown patch.

Looking at my disheveled reflection in the mirror, I take a deep breath.

Forget it, who cares! Lucien won't mind anyway. Thinking so, I hastily walk out, only to be tripped suddenly—

I manage to grab onto the wall, preventing the third mishap of the day.

MC: ….

Why does it feel like I've been a bit unlucky since leaving the office...

Suppressing my dismay, I push open the shop door, and the cold wind hits me as the wet clothes turn stiff.

Without thinking, I quicken my pace. Let's just walk faster, get there a bit sooner, and see the person who can soothe all my irritations.

Fortunately, the way to the Bioscience Research Institute is smooth.

The elevator carries me up, and when the door opens, a somewhat familiar voice reaches my ears.

??: ...So, you want to activate it again.

It's Cyril's voice... How could he be here? I freeze when I see Lucien standing in the corridor not far away from Cyril.

Lucien: This is a necessary step to obtain the results.

Cyril: May we both achieve the worlds we each desire.

Cyril says this as he walks past Lucien towards the direction of the elevator. When our eyes meet, his cold gaze blinks, seemingly surprised.

Cyril: Didn't expect to see you here.

MC: ...Shouldn't I be saying that?

I can't help but make a sarcastic remark, but Cyril doesn't answer my question. Instead, he takes another step in my direction and speaks calmly.

Cyril: Have you made a decision about the matter I asked you last time?

Our conversation in the jewelry store flashes through my mind. I look into his clear eyes and shake my head.

MC: I still need time to consider.

MC: After all, the world in the dream is false. If there's another solution, I don't want to choose this method.

Cyril nods, his expression as calm as ever.

Cyril: I understand.

Cyril: But if you delay further, you might fall behind.

Fall behind... what does he mean?

I'm slightly taken aback. Before I can ask, Cyril has naturally walked past me.

His slender figure, accompanied by unhurried footsteps, quickly disappears into the elevator.

MC: Why does he never make things clear...

I glance back from Cyril's departing figure, and when I look up, I see Lucien walking towards me.

His gaze inevitably falls on the large stain on my clothes, then slowly moves to my face.

I thought he might ask what happened or say something comforting, but he just smiles lightly and speaks.

Lucien: I smell the scent of hot chocolate, but it's different from the previous one.

I blink in surprise. It’s as if the earlier worries have suddenly dissipated and I take a step closer to him.

MC: It's the Rich Winter Hot Chocolate~ from the same shop as the "Orange Hot Chocolate" you brought last time.

I open the bag, watching as Lucien takes out one cup and uses his other hand to push open the office door.

Meanwhile, a researcher comes out from behind the door. As they pass each other, Lucien's hand holding the cup inadvertently shakes a little.

The cup tilts ever so slightly, and a few drops of hot chocolate splash onto his cuff.

Lucien: Hmm... This is troublesome.

He walks into the office and fixes the glasses on the bridge of his nose in a slightly distressed manner.

Lucien: I'm not very good at dealing with these stains. Can you help me think of a solution?

He says it quite seriously as if facing a challenging problem. I can't help but laugh, feeling a softness in my heart.

The little thoughts I keep to myself never need to be explicitly stated; this person always understands them.

MC: Of course. But I just learned from personal experience that you shouldn't use hot water.

MC: Unexpectedly, both Professor Lucien and I are getting a bit of chocolate "favor" today.

Lucien: Hearing MC say that makes this small trouble seem kind of cute.

We exchange smiles, and he raises the cup, gently tapping it against the one in my hand.

Lucien: So, before dealing with it, let's toast to these cute little troubles today.

-

[Chapter 54-3]

Following Lucien's footsteps, we enter the laboratory deep in the corridor. Unlike the usual laboratories filled with the smell of disinfectant, the air here is surprisingly fresh.

Lucien skillfully takes several bottles of reagents from the shelf and places them on the table.

Lucien: If you want to deal with stubborn hot chocolate stains, there are actually many methods.

Lucien: The reagents in front of us can all address our current predicament at a molecular level.

MC: But using them to clean up little chocolate spills, wouldn't that be a bit wasteful?

Lucien: How about considering it as conducting a fun little chemistry experiment?

His words create a cascade of ripples in my heart, and I can't help but laugh, pretending to roll up my sleeves and stand up straight.

MC: Well then, Professor, please give me instructions~

The transparent bottles and jars in the laboratory reflect the cold light from the overhead lamp.

Under Lucien's guidance, I pour the reagents into the beaker, submerging the little mochi treated as the "experimental subject".

Its originally dull fluff becomes damp, and soon, a faint color begins to emerge.

MC: It works quickly!

Lucien: After all, it hasn't been stained for a long time. As long as we target the lipid-soluble pigments appropriately, solving it is not difficult.

After confirming the results, we also took care of the clothes stained with the hot chocolate spills.

I inadvertently turn my head and see a few scattered experiment documents on the nearby table.

MC: "The possibility of transferring perception through neural links"... Is this your recent research direction?

Lucien's gaze sweeps over the proposal, placing the stirring rod on the dark rubber tabletop.

Lucien: It's... a kind of unexpected gain.

Lucien: In a recent neuroscience experiment, we discovered a similar phenomenon, but it has been temporarily set aside for now.

My gaze lingers on the obscure experiment documents for a moment, then turns to Lucien's composed face.

Thinking about my recent overwhelming matters, I can't help but let out a "sob".

MC: Darn it, how come I don't have a brain that can multitask problems like yours...

I mutter wearily, and Lucien immediately strokes my head.

Lucien: (chuckle) It seems there is indeed a challenging problem troubling our Great Producer.

MC: Absolutely, a super-sized problem!

MC: I need to absorb some of Professor Lucien's intelligence energy to make my thoughts clearer too.

I rest my head on his shoulder, rubbing against it, and hear a soft laugh by my ear.

Lucien turns towards me, pulling me into his embrace.

Lucien: If that's the case, then you can absorb a bit more.

I "hmm" in agreement, and after a moment, I lift my head, looking at Lucien with a feigned look of grievance.

MC: Professor Lucien is so cooperative; he doesn't think I'm silly, does he?

Lucien is slightly surprised. He places a hand on his lips, his voice carrying a clear sense of amusement.

Lucien: Miss Producer, if you think like that, you're unfairly judging me.

Lucien: What I meant is, there's still a troublesome future waiting for us.

I lock eyes with Lucien for a moment, only then realizing he's referring to the troubles we faced in the rift before.

Being captured in the glass chamber in NW, the chaotic escape during the pursuit... scenes after scenes flash before my eyes.

After a moment of silence, I let out a deep sigh.

MC: Oh no, let's just not talk about this for now. Let me be an ostrich a little longer...

MC: Dealing with the troubles at hand is already more than enough for me to handle.

I suddenly pause in my words, realizing something.

MC: Lucien, what if there are other troubles in the world at that time point? Would NW not have the time to deal with me?

Lucien: For example?

MC: For example... I recently saw a terrifying vision.

MC: Our world will face countless disasters in the future, and everyone's lives will be in ruins.

Thinking about those devastating scenes, my voice unintentionally carries a hint of gravity.

Lucien: Is this what has been troubling you these days?

I nod with a hint of distress.

MC: I really want to find a solution, but I have no clue where to start.

MC: How could these disasters suddenly happen out of nowhere? I always feel like there's a missing key link in the middle.

The steady breath falls by my ears, Lucien seems to be thinking seriously, and after a moment, he speaks.

Lucien: Perhaps I can help you find that link.

I instinctively look up, inquiring with a hint of surprise.

MC: Do you already have an idea so quickly?

Lucien: Because the question you mentioned aligns perfectly with my previous hypothesis.

Lucien: Let's go, I'll take you to the laboratory.

The quiet corridor echoes with our footsteps. After turning several corners, we arrive at the entrance of a hidden laboratory.

Lucien raises his hand and enters something on the keyboard on the wall. Accompanied by a series of beeps, the massive door slowly opens before us.

After passing through several rows of intricate instruments, a wall of glass comes into view, enclosing a white, sealed space.

A rift silently stretches across a corner, its edges faintly shimmering. I observe for a moment, then hesitantly speak.

MC: Why do I feel like the shape of this rift is somewhat familiar?

Lucien: Because a few months ago*, we used it to enter NW.

[T/N: refer to what happened in the previous chapter]

MC: It's been so long, and it hasn't closed yet?

I murmur in surprise, but thinking about the recent influx of submissions regarding the prolonged duration of the rift, I decide not to inquire further.

Just out of curiosity, I turn my head and look at Lucien beside me.

MC: Is there a specific reason it was deliberately moved here?

Lucien: No, it just has an unusually long duration, no different from other regular rifts.

MC: So, do I need to do anything? Should I use CORE to close it like before?

With my previous experience, this doesn't seem like a challenging issue for me. However, Lucien shakes his head.

He then picks up a small glass orb-shaped device from the lab bench.

Lucien: This time, our goal is not elimination but addition.

MC: Addition? It can't be as simple as figuring out 1 + 1 equals 2 to find the crucial link, can it?

I blink with a bit of confusion, but Lucien doesn't seem inclined to provide further explanation, a mysterious smile playing on his lips.

Seeing him deliberately keeping me in suspense, I clear my throat and pout, then take the device from his palm.

MC: Alright, I'll listen to your explanation later~

I exhale deeply, invoking that familiar power within me once again.

The device in my hand trembles slightly. I lift my head seemingly in response. I look expectantly at the rift behind the glass.

The next moment, it suddenly enlarges before my eyes.

-

[Chapter 54-5]

The rift expands without any warning, like a wound suddenly torn open, stretching out before me and Lucien.

I pause for a moment, unable to help but softly exclaim, "Wow," swiftly turning my head to look at Lucien.

MC: Lucien, its area expanded so much in just an instant!

Lucien: Well, it seems our "addition" has worked.

Lucien: With this, perhaps the link you're looking for will soon appear.

As Lucien speaks, his inky eyes slightly narrow, there's a hint of cunning in his voice.

I lock eyes with him for a moment, unrelentingly leaning closer to him.

MC: No more teasing! What's the connection between this experiment and the "critical link"?

Lucien takes the instrument from my hand and places it back on the lab table, looking at me with an unhurried look.

Lucien: This experiment shows that the impact of CORE on the rift is actually bidirectional.

Lucien: Apart from closing, it can also trigger the expansion of the rift.

I contemplate his words for a moment, then ask with a hint of confusion.

MC: But what happens after the rift expands?

Lucien: The change in area is just the most apparent manifestation. In reality, the energy within the rift is also expanding.

Lucien: Once it surpasses a certain critical point, it spontaneously seeks a more suitable "outlet", no longer manifesting catastrophically.

Lucien: This way, the situation you're concerned about won't occur.

[T/N: Not gonna lie, I'm not sure how to explain this one except that it's similar to how the stars turn into a supergiant and then white dwarf once it runs out of fuel lol. Or once the rift is big enough it'll let go of the energy less chaotically. Anyway, it's just sci-fi don't think about it too deeply]

The question that had troubled me for a long time was resolved so casually. I blink my eyes, feeling a bit surreal.

MC: ...Is it really that simple?

Lucien: The essence of this issue is not as complicated as it may seem.

Lucien: But if the lady wishes for a more convoluted approach, I can certainly give it a try.

MC: No need! I trust Professor Lucien's discovery, of course~

The heavy gloom that shrouded my heart finally reveals a glimmer of hope. My tone lightens involuntarily, and with a touch of anticipation, I speak.

MC: What do we need to do next? I'll do everything I can to help~

Lucien's gaze shifts to the window, seemingly lost in thought for a moment. He changes out of his research attire and opens his mouth with a light smile.

Lucien: I do have an invitation.

Lucien: Next, let's go and see the snow.

After a simple drying process, I hold the small mochi keychain that has regained its fluffiness and whiteness. I follow Lucien down the stairs with light steps. As we step out of the Bioscience Research Institute, I blink in surprise.

Countless delicate snowflakes silently dance in the air—this year's first snow has arrived so quietly.

The snowflakes gently blanket everything around in pristine white.

I can't help but raise my hand, catching a few falling snowflakes. Lucien looks at me, and his eyes seem to soften a bit.

Lucien: You look particularly happy.

MC: Of course~ I've been looking forward to a scene like this for a very long time.

MC: This time last year, I was running around in a time loop, searching for dark matter...

MC: There was never enough time, and I never had the mood to stop and appreciate this scenery.

MC: Until spring arrived, we never had the chance to quietly watch the snow together.

He tightens his grip on my hand. Lucien seems to follow my lead, tilting his head upward, quietly gazing in the direction of the falling snow.

A few delicate snowflakes land on his eyelashes, softly melting away without a sound.

Through the warm night, I hear his gentle voice.

Lucien: (softly) Perhaps… this belated snowfall is a gift for us now.

The fine snowflakes soften the features of the person before my eyes.

As the snow gradually intensifies, pure white flakes float down from the distant sky, quietly tinting the boundless night in serenity.

Reluctant to part with such fervent snowfall, we return to the car.

Lucien casually turns on the radio, and light music immediately fills the car. Accompanied by the swirling snow outside, it feels like a scene from a crystal ball.

I rest my head on Lucien's shoulder, gently rubbing against it, unable to help but murmur with emotion.

MC: So beautiful... it's like a dream.

The sounds of the evening breeze wafting in through the window crack resembled a delicate and subtle white noise. The fatigue from staying up all night last night gradually surfaces.

The phone screen lights up for a moment, and the digital clock shows eight in the evening. I let out a gentle yawn.

MC: I can't believe I'm tired at this hour... blame it on the recent excessive overtime.

Lucien shifted, allowing me to lean more securely on him, and he spoke in a gentle tone.

Lucien: (in a very, very gentle tone) Have you been tired lately?

I nod and lazily begin counting with the fingers resting on my knee.

MC: I'm exhausted... there's a ton of tasks at work to push through, and I also need to figure out how to save the world.

MC: It either keeps me tossing and turning in insomnia or gives me a night full of nightmares.

Lucien: (gently) What kind of nightmares are you having?

I vaguely recall for a moment and make an exaggerated gesture.

MC: I've been snatched away by a dinosaur this big—

MC: And I've been flattened by this many project proposals—

MC: But you know~ After waking up, as long as I see the messages you send me, all those dinosaurs, all those project proposals, seems like nothing!

Lucien: (chuckle) Mm... I've had that kind of dream too. I wonder if the dinosaur that snatched us is the same one.

Lucien gently squeezes my hand, a hint of uncontrollable laughter in his voice.

I imagine the scene and can't help but burst into laughter as well.

Lucien: (laughs softly) Silly, next time, come knock on my door before you get snatched away by a dinosaur.

The snow outside falls gently, and Lucien speaks amidst the delicate melody.

Lucien: (murmur softly) Speaking of which, if there's a beautiful dream, would you like to stay in it with me?

MC: A beautiful dream? Is it the kind where I don't have to go to work every day?

Lucien: More beautiful than that—it's a dream where we can always be by each other's side.

MC: If there's such a thing I'm willing to dream it for eight lifetimes!

A low chuckle comes from above my head. His voice quietly melts into the night breeze, sounding like a casual sigh.

Lucien: What if I say, I hope never to wake up from this dream with you?

MC: That sounds good too. As long as I'm with you, anywhere is fine…

I blink my heavy eyelids and hear a soft laugh beside my ear. A warmth covers my eyes that I find a bit hard to open.

Lucien: (whispers gently) Get some sleep.

Lucien: I'll make sure to wake you up.

—--------------------------------------------------------

Winter seems to have truly arrived after that night's first snowfall.

With the dropping temperatures, a layer of frost forms on the branches along the river and roadsides. The news on the streets gradually shifts to reports about snow and cold prevention.

I pull my gaze away from the lengthy red light outside the car window and engage the handbrake.

The rift continues to quietly spread, casting shadows of various sizes throughout the city.

However, for some reason, the popularity of news related to the rift is steadily decreasing, and the submissions on this topic are dwindling.

Perhaps people have become completely accustomed to these rifts. Despite some lingering confusion, I do feel a sense of relief.

The green light in the middle of the road lights up, and I put away my phone. After turning a few corners, a spacious bridge suddenly appears before me.

...Strange, there were so many cars just a moment ago. How did it suddenly become so empty?

A hint of confusion creeps in as I carefully survey the surroundings, finding nothing unusual.

As I drive onto the bridge, I suddenly feel the wheels slipping. I instinctively hit the brakes, but the road in the rearview mirror shows no signs of anomalies.

Just as I fall into bewilderment, the throttle gauge on the dashboard spins violently.

The tires emit a harsh, squeaking sound as they uncontrollably move forward.

MC: What's happening...?

Before I can grasp the situation, there's a distinctly audible sound of shattering beneath the car. The next second, the car suddenly plummets.

MC: ....!

I struggle to push open the car door, but the resistance of the water turns my efforts into futility.

No matter how hard I pound and shove, the door remains steadfast. Only the icy water keeps pouring in through the window crack.

The air inside the car diminishes, and I strain to tilt my head upward, closing my eyes in a somewhat desperate attempt.

The world before me gradually fades into darkness.

Next Part-> [Here]

#mlqc lucien #mr love queen's choice #mlqc cn #mlqc spoiler #mlqc translation #mlqc #mr. love queen's choice #mr love lucien #mlqc xu mo #mlqc spoilers

[prismatic-bell]

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[golbrocklovely]

okay since a bunch of you asked, here is my review of kris' podcast with snc ! :)

first off, i highly recommend you go watch it. i'll link it right here. it was seriously so fun to watch and very silly. but it had some really good points in it too.

i'll give some overall thoughts and then i'll point out random things that i liked.

so i think the flow of their conversation thru out the podcast was really fun, even if they were hung over from the night before. kris is really good at interviewing ppl, or at least snc. so i'm interested to see her do other podcasts in the future.

the beer pong element was a fun way to break up the podcast without getting it too far off topic.

this podcast also really made me love kris. i've watched her from time to time, never been a huge fan or anything. just someone that i could occasionally throw on in the background or whatever. but her banter with snc… top notch. i want to be friends with her just so we could sass snc together.

they were all so giggly together and it was just so cute to see. 10/10 watch this podcast again.

also…. was it just me or was she flirting with colby??? i KNOW they are just friends. i'm not actually shipping them…. but if they ever got together i wouldn't be mad. just saying.

okay, here are some random things that i liked that happened during the podcast:

kris saying colby should do voice acting: YES. she is just like me forreal. especially with the mics she was using, my god his voice is hot.

the reoccurring joke that colby is conceited was kinda fun, until i started thinking of ppl taking it too seriously. that man already gets enough shit, yall better STOP before it gets bad lol

kris' hair looks so nice. i love that color on her. it really warms up her face.

when kris made the joke of "are you guys gonna quit now since you hit 10 mil", and colby said "he (sam) gets to decide that, not me." and then followed it up by explaining their dynamic as "he's the leader and i'm lazy as hell, i don't do anything." this man was feeling SPICY that day lol i love sassy colby it's kinda my favorite

"i'm the girlfriend." - colby brock

sam being the stern one and colby being the go with the flow one makes perfect fucking sense. have i not said this before a 1000 times lol

sam not respecting astrology ppl but then admitting that it's kinda true…. something is not clicking there, cheif

i said this in an ask but them not being able to see but refusing to get glasses; yall are too rich to be BLIND

what is with snc getting houses or staying in places with no ac??? that could NEVER be me omg

so snc ended up mentioning the conjuring house and that what happened there is gonna change lives and might get on national news……. i'll try to say this in a positive way: i LOVE that snc love to shoot for the stars when it comes to their content. and them believing in their own content, being passionate about it, is really nice to see. but like… bffr.

kris having a snapchat group with snc, that's adorable.

i highly recommend watching the part from 20:46 - 21:23. i want this shit to be permanently on repeat in my mind forever. everything about it was a masterpiece. - kris whooping snc's ass - colby complaining the table being too long - kris saying "i'm throwing the same shots as you boi, i'm throwing the same shots as you baby." - the look colby gives her when she says boi (😀), and then the look when she says baby (😏) - kris then saying to sam when he misses a shot "is your mom proud of you?" and then colby's face???? I LOVED EVERY MOMENT

colby saying he can't read comments bc they just make him feel bad breaks my heart. that sometimes he has to refuse to read them just bc they get to him too much. i need everyone to rewatch that clip back next time they want to say something about his appearance that isn't extremely nice. yall fucking suck.

snc strategizing pics on insta is so true. just watch jc's livestream when they hit 10 mil. it took them 20 minutes to post about it lol

re-rack, reconfigure, no no. the real word you're looking for is rearrange. that's what we used to call it.

i love snc with my entire heart, but sometimes it becomes very apparent that they only got a high school education. what do you mean you don't know what the word gaudy means???? ostentatious??? and then colby not knowing what the bible belt is???? cmon now lmao

colby talking about dating/his love life just a bit… kris really is trying to get on my good side sksksks

colby's raya profile saying he's a wwe wrestler, and then his caption being "6'0 on a good day with the right shoes"…. how does he get laid as often as he does???? i can't with him anymore

him also admitting to ghosting and getting bored talking to ppl. imagine being ghosted by colby. i would be embarrassed lol

it was interesting to hear their opinions on 25x25 now. i personally loved that content so to hear them say it wasn't as authentic as the haunted stuff is a bit confusing. i don't know if i would agree with it, but i like hearing what they have to say about it.

sam saying back to kris "if you make this shot, i think ppl will love you… finally." and then saying "make your mom proud"………… why do i find this hot something is wrong with me lol

if you're wondering if i could ever take snc in a fight, the answer is YES. i would absolutely murder them sksksks

snc listening to country music???? what has this world come to?? i mean i'm happy to hear they like country but it's just so surprising

colby saying his favorite movie is 'life of pi' but not understanding it and kris saying "you're so cute." i love that moment.

colby needs to make more music STAT

kris saying she's sleeping with socks on and colby not liking that: sir, you enthusiastically told xplrclub that you watch cist popping videos i don't CARE what you have to say.

colby also not wanting to saying anything to get canceled is very accurate

the little handshake they all did at the end of beer pong was adorable.

colby being good at moving his tongue fast………. i'm not even gonna say anything lmao

also his inability to do the cowabunga with his left hand. i fucking cried laughing at that.

#sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #kallmekris #personal #text

[1julak1]

Fortuitous pt. 1

Sanemi cosplayer x fem!reader

_____________________________

Word count: 1.5k

Notes: So, I'll be completely honest - I have no idea what i'm doing there and why. The idea just popped in my head - as something i'd like to do, haha - but then i thought of making a story out of it. So! I want to say - this is not a typical fanfiction with Sanemi, it's about reader with a cosplayer!

Enjoy!

Since her childhood years, YN has been always viewed as a normal, sweet, intelligent girl. Everybody, always, has been jealous of her knowledge, grades, judged her every move and pointed out smallest mistakes.

But yes, YN has always been a normal girl.

Going into her teenage years, she had plans - ambitions, big hopes for the future, aiming for college and a good middle school to get her ready info further life.

But when she actually got accepted into her new school, she didn't realise how much of a mistake it would actually be.

The first year was going quite well, nothing seemed to be foreshadowing the nightmare that her school days would become. But as YN's best friend - only true friend in class she had - changed schools. Gradually, YN has dropped her grades, and started closing up from others.

Going into second year, her life became an absolute nightmare. Scared of talking to people, teachers, ditching school, getting authorities over her head - it seemed like NOTHING was going well anymore.

Her cousin enraged her, also. She never had perfect relationship with her, but what made her most furious was their conversation weeks ago.

°°°

Why do you even want to switch schools?? With your attitude, you're always going to complain about anything. Everything's going to be the same whatever you do. <

YN gazed at the message, her mind flaring with anger.

The next messages her cousin sent were just self-centered yapping about how she struggled with her own work, her colleagues, her situation, her mood, her feelings - her, her, her, her. Not even once has she thought of YN's feelings. The fact she may not be in total control of the things going on in her life.

> Go fuck yourself

YN texted back, seething the same words trough her gritted teeth.

Since then, she understood that she doesn't want to have anything to do with that bitch.

°°°

YN was scrolling trough Instagram - once again ignoring the fact she should study - and noticed a quite pretty post. A cosplay of her favorite character.

Oh, right! Because there was an obsession YN had. It was Sanemi Shinazugawa - a character of her all time favorite anime.

- Fucking hot.. it would be lucky to have someone cosplay him for me.. -

She stared at the pic for a moment with a blank expression on her face. And then she blinked, because then it clicked.

Usually YN overthinked everything she did - but not this time. She texted the man without hesitation.

> I've got a deal for you???

And then she waited.

Regretted her decision.

Then waited, waited, waited.

It was agonizing, almost. The hope of the man texting back was slowly fading, replaced by a shame caused by her doing. She was so taken over by this revelation that she dreamed of it, until one day, finally, she woke up to a reply.

What kind of deal?? <

Oh now THAT was the moment for action.

Seeing he was active, she carefully chose a reply.

> I'll pay you to cosplay Sanemi for me

Oh now that's new. If you want a pic with me, i won't make you pay. I suppose you live nearby??? <

The girl's face heated up at his words. From embarrassment, but also because he would be willing to take a picture with her for free. But that wasn't what she wanted.

> No, i don't want a picture. I'll pay you, for pretending to be my boyfriend.

He read that. He's seen that.

Silence.

And do I get to be a lil touchy 😏 <

> I'll cut your salary in half

Worth it <

> Is that a yes??

Let's say so. Where do i meet you up, princess? <

> In front of my school tomorrow, 7.50. I'll send you the adress later

YN felt like she needed a cold shower to take that news. And so, she went to the bathroom and spend nearly an hour there, nearly dying from excitement.

Then it was time to tuck herself to bed, to the thoughts of having a.. new boyfriend???

°°°

The next day, YN was waiting for her "boyfriend" in front of the school. And just when she was about to give up to her anxiousness and get inside the building, somebody grabbed her by the hips and she was pulled against a firm chest.

- Hey, princess~! Not like i stalked your profile, but i did stalk your profile. You're looking even cuter in real life than those silly pictures -

- W-WHAT?!! -

YN was so startled, she almost pushed her elbow into the guy's face.

- Are you insane?? Stop attacking, immediately! -

Just in case not to get murdered, the guy let go of her and stepped aside.

And when YN looked up she was even more startled than before. The guy was towering above her, at least a head taller than her. His hair were white, and he had this makeup indicating those iconic scars on his face. He was wearing a simple white button up shirt - with a few top buttons left undone - and black pants that were tight around his waist.

- I-is that a wig..? -

The guy's face expression softened as a chuckle left his lips. She didn't miss the fact that he had purple contacts.

- Oh? No, i dyed them this way. -

He put a hand over her shoulder, bringing her a tiny bit closer to himself.

- You wanted me to be your boyfriend, why so silent now?? Do you not love me?? -

He pouted, enjoying the teasing. YN huffed, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him after her.

- Let's just get inside -

They didn't exchange a word while walking, but he changed their position, so that now their hands were entwined together.

As they walked down the hallway, some people who knew YN were eyeing her - and she, deep down, swelled with pride.

°°°

YN had to be honest. Having a man like that walking around with her for the whole day, like a puppy, was satisfying. Her lovely "Sanemi" was all smiley - a little out of character - and his acting skills were perfect. He had no problems with playing pretend, as if he and YN knew themselves for a longer time than just those few hours.

- Wait. What even is your name? -

YN spoke about that matter after the first lesson, when she realised she never asked him this - and there were no informations about it on his profile.

- Oh fuck, right, i never told you. I'm loosing my head here with you, see? -

He let our a chuckle and brushed a hand trough his white hair.

- My name's Aiden. But you can just call me Sanemi, you know. That's what i just am for you, right? -

YN raised her eyebrow questionably.

- You sound pretentious -

- Huh?? No offense. You're just oversensitive -

The girl didn't like his response at all, but decided to just wave it off.

For the rest of the day, she had a loyal puppet running around her like he was over the moon with her.

Maybe he was?

Or what's more possible, he just wanted to be worth the money.

What YN noticed, and wasn't against, was for sure, how touchy he was getting. Seems like his message wasn't just a joke and he really was taking the opportunity. Though they knew each other for like... Max 9 hours, YN didn't complain. It would probably be the only time a man would be touching her anyways.

After school, it was time to pay him off. Aiden got dragged out of the school by his "girlfriend" - while he talked with the friends he apparently made - and when YN made sure they were far enough from familiar people, stuck a bunch of bills into his hand.

- Isn't it too much? -

His purple contacts pierced trough her as his confused face expression almost made her giggle.

- I'm paying in advance -

Her explanation was fairly brief, but Aiden didn't comment it. The thing that surprised him was how she just chose to ignore him as she quickly walked down the street.

The girl jolted in surprise as she felt her hand being grabbed.

- Why are you running away from me? Let me just walk you home -

The white haired man spoke, taking YN's silence as an agreement. When they stood in the door to her house, he did so much as to lean down, kiss her cheek and smile before walking away with a little wave.

- See you tomorrow! -

YN was too stunned to answer to his words, as she stared at him before he disappeared around the corner.

°°°

When she laid in bed, the only thing she could think about were his hands over her, the WHOLE day. She knew she shouldn't, but she felt a tiny squeeze in her heart anytime she recalled how his hands would squeeze her waist or hold onto her own.

And so, even though he wasn't hers, it seemed that YN's "boyfriend" would be what pulls her out of the cage of her own misery.

#kny sanemi #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #cosplayer x reader #cosplay #demon slayer cosplay #Sanemi Shinazugawa cosplay #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba ff #kimetsu no yaiba #Sanemi Shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #sanemi x yn #sanemi x you

[jad3w1ngs]

So this is a bit of a vent and also a bit of a positive thing? Hard to describe but anyway.

I finally seem to have a kind of diagnosis for my pain.

Turns out that my ligaments are all a little bit too stringy/long so they aren't holding my bones in the right place.

I am viewing this part as the positive bit because I've been trying to get someone to say/know why I'm constantly in pain since I was 23 (I'm 29 now). The fact that it's taken this long for someone to actually, properly look at me, to actually examine me instead of telling me that I'm either imagining it or that I should just lose weight.

I mean the fact that I literally lost 3st (42lbs) just to stop them using that as an excuse should probably tell you just how often that was their excuse.

So that leads me into the ranty part of my post. I've been going to the doctor's on and off since this pain started and mostly focused on my lower back and tailbone (because that's where most of the pain is) and every time it was just waved off like 'oh everyone's backs hurt a bit'. And okay sure, the human spine sucks but I'm pretty sure most people (especially in their early 20s) are still able to sit in a chair for more than 10 minutes without pain, more than 30 minutes without being in so much pain that they can't focus on anything else.

I'm sure most healthy, non-disabled 20 something's don't have days where their legs feel so week because their back is fucked that they worry about climbing stairs because they're sure they're going to fall.

Now onto how I finally got the doctor to listen to me. By talking about something else.

I started the way I normally do (fresh doctor because I moved a little while ago so I've had to start the process over again) talked about my back, how I've been in pain daily for over 7 years now and I want to know why/if they can help me. I also brought up the fact that I've finally put two and two together in that my joints don't always seem super sturdy, that the reason I'd made that appointment in particular was because my leg gave out on a walk and my knee has been sore ever since and keeps clicking etc.

Doctor does what all the doctors do. Said, oh we'll ignore the back for now because we all have bad back (she legit said this too me) we'll focus on your knee.

I was annoyed but also just kind of let it go because I had made the appointment about my knee and also if I talk verbally about my pain too much I start crying, especially around medical personnel.

Now's the part that really pissed me off, because of the next question she asked me.

'does your joint pain actually stop you from doing your job or going about your life'

And I'm sure there's probably a reasonable explanation for that question, there is a possibility I'm over reacting but it very much came across as something that if I said no, it doesn't effect my ability to do my job, that she just wouldn't have helped me.

Anyway, I said yes. Because yes, there are days my joints just don't work. There is also a lot of manual handling and a lot of walking involved in my job, so on days where my joints feel extra stringy or my legs feel wobbly I can't do my job.

She manipulated my legs, moving them from side to side. Tried to see if there was still any swelling etc. And that was when we discovered that, and I quote I 'have the stretchiest knees she's ever seen' that my joints would be the perfect ones to show trainees because the hyperflextion (I think that's the right word) was textbook and really visible.

So now I know. I still feel quite patronised and dismissed but I know. Because it explains everything. My ligaments aren't doing their job so my bones move about. Not stretchy enough for things to dislocate properly but they do for a few seconds. This also means my hips don't sit right when I sit down hence the pain.

I have a path now, it's mostly physical therapy to train my muscles to do what my ligaments can't (basically I have to become super strong! Get hench! That kind of thing) and I have something that I can start with when I go to the doctor's from now on.

#long post #about me #a little rant #medical trauma