Get ready for another long post full of fanfic spoilers and au deep lore bc it’s time to talk about Sam and Toshiko’s friendship
Sam first sees Tosh - as she did with all the members of the team (besides Jack) - in her vision of the future showing what would happen if she stayed in Saint Lucia. She sees Tosh get shot and bleed out from the wound in her stomach. And, she reacted in horror to this as I mentioned in the post I made about Sam and Ianto.
Sam and Tosh’s first reactions to each other were mutual reclusiveness. Sam kept her distance because she wasn’t quite sure what to make of Tosh, and Tosh did the same because she was nervous of Sam.
"And Sam really balances having a young family and... this job?"
"Apparently."
"Bet it involves a lot of alcohol." Owen put in.
"Better question;" Tosh said, "since you've come here, Gwen, have you noticed any... similarities between Sam and Jack?"
"Similarities?" Gwen echoed, "what do you mean?"
Tosh is still rather observant of Sam, however, being the first one to point out that she and Jack are similar, leading to the discovery that Sam and Jack have the same DNA - so sidebar; if Tosh hadn’t said anything about the similarities between Sam and Jack, they never would’ve found out they’re related, thus Tosh is the reason Jack has an adoptive family. There’s a fic in there I need to queue up.
"Makes you wonder what he might do to us." Tosh murmured. Owen and Gwen shot her startled looks. "You're both thinking it," Tosh said matter-of-factly, "Jack never opens up or reveals his true self until we're in a situation like today. What if it had been one of us instead of Jasmine? Would he sacrifice us?"
"He would never do that."
The three of them jumped and turned around to see Sam standing at the entrance to the boardroom, a dark scowl on her face.
Sam on the other hand has not been observing Tosh, and doesn’t really know much about her. But she does know about Jack.
"This is SO not the black and white issue you're pretending it is!" Sam barked, "there is WAY MORE to it than that and you know it! Jack didn't wanna do what he did, but he had to, for the sake of other people! It was let Jasmine go with those fucked-up sparklebitches or let said fucked-up sparklebitches continue their death-by-flowers rampage across the entire world!"
"What makes you think you know right from wrong here?" Tosh asked.
"I don't," Sam said, "but I know that Jack is heartbroken from not only losing Estelle, but for making one of the hardest decisions a human being could possibly make! I think it's time you three stopped acting like moody children and started respecting Jack for what he goes through."
She doesn’t know how Tosh feels about Jack but still feels a need to respect her - possibly because she’s older, but more likely because she truly doesn’t know who Tosh is at all, though she has an idea. Hence being a little gentler with her.
Choking back her tears, Tosh turned her back on them, which was when the cog wheel door rolled open and Sam strode in - bright clothes, lion's mane of hair, big muscles showing. Her scars and tattoos marking her as a force to be reckoned with.
Great, Tosh thought, what's she going to think about me?
Oh, such a wonderful day...
Tosh was surprised at first and it took her a second to realize those were actually Sam's thoughts. Sam made eye contact with her and there was some sort of internal gasp.
Tosh looks so pretty! I mean, she always looks pretty, but today especially. But she looks so... sad. Why is she sad when she looks so pretty? Oh, never mind, she's smiling now. But she might be faking. I wonder if she can read my mind? Hahaha, very funny, Sam. You've been staring at her too long. FUCK, SAY SOMETHING-
"Hi Sam." Tosh murmured.
"H-hey, Tosh." Sam stammered, looking at the floor and scratching the back of her neck.
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHE THINKS I'M A CREEP. Her mind went.
"Uhhh, what's the matter?" She asked lamely.
Greeks Bearing Gifts is when Tosh really starts to get an idea of what Sam’s really like on the inside. She’s not actually as mean and closed off as she seems, that’s all an act. She’s really an awkward, shy, and kind person deep down.
Tosh wasn't really listening, she was still so surprised at Sam's internal monologue. It was so fast, first of all, like stepping into an overflowing stream. And secondly, it seemed so considerate.
Is that why she's sad? Sam was thinking, awww, poor Tosh! It can't be easy being a tech genius. Maybe I can offer to help her fix it. That's a bad idea. But maybe it would make her less sad. I don't like seeing her sad. She deserves so much and yet it seems like everyone views her as the lowly tech girl. Well, not me. Y'hear me, Tosh? You mean so much to me and I can't say it because I'm an idiot. Yeah. Try saying that out loud, Sam. You never will, because you're a coward. Shut up, me, I'm having a conversation with me. What am I even saying? I'm staring at her again. Jesus Christ, Sam, get a fucking grip.
"I, ummm... I could help you fix it?" Sam said out loud, smiling nervously, "I mean, I dunno shit about computers and I'll probably make it worse but-"
"Of course!" Tosh said a little too quickly and with a little too much excitement. Sam raised her eyebrows in surprise as Tosh tried to calm her emotions down. What Sam thought of her... it was so sweet and kind! She'd had no idea Sam was like this under the surface. Why did she put up such strong walls if underneath she was bursting with love? "Sorry," Tosh murmured, clearing her throat, "of course. I'm sure there's at least something you'll be able to do."
Sam blushed slightly - once again, to Tosh's surprise.
"Thanks," she said, "n-no one's really had that much faith in me being around their things before. Not even Jay. Well, that's because they think I'll break it, and I usually do, so... you've been warned." Tosh giggled and Sam blushed more.
I've lost control of my face. She thought, or maybe I died or something.
She’s surprised by Sam’s true personality, but finds this new version of Sam quite endearing, but doesn’t understand why Sam would hide this sensitive, considerate part of herself.
Ooooooohhh la la, Sam's mind went, perhaps we have a blooming romance here?
For the first time that day, Tosh was able to ignore the thoughts that weren't her own.
"Sam," she murmured, "you're good at fitting into tight spaces - why don't you squeeze in behind the desk and plug the monitor back in."
"Good task to give me." Sam said with a laugh.
That kinda hurt. Her brain added.
"It's not because I doubt your ability," Tosh said, again a little too quickly, "I think you'd be really good with tech if you learned from someone. You're a visual learner, aren't you?" Sam looked surprised.
"Uhhh... yeah." She murmured, a tiny smile curling her lips.
She believes in me? She asked herself, that's... new. No one's really had this much faith in me before. Except maybe Jay. Although he usually takes over when I try to help him. Oh shit, did I forget to fold the laundry this morning? I did. Oh my God-
Tosh suppressed a giggle as she turned to Owen and Gwen, giving them the tasks she wanted them to help her with.
Greeks Bearing Gifts was actually a big turning point for their friendship, because it was the first time they actually start to understand each other.
"Anyone want a coffee?" Ianto asked, causing everyone to look at him, "I'm brewing some of Jack's industrial strength brand."
"Like that boy needs it." Sam huffed, walking up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. Ianto laughed softly, and an expression that Tosh hadn't seen before came over his face. It wasn't quite happiness or bliss, but it was... contentment. Ianto was content in Sam's presence, she calmed him, made him laugh.
I never knew she could be like this, his thoughts whispered, I used to think she was mean. Well, she used to be mean. But she's so... soft underneath. She really cares about me, about all of us. And she's so much more than just the muscle on the team. I've seen her be a parent, a spouse. I've seen her play with her children and fold the clothes the wrong way and get excited about the lawn mower - the lawn mower of all things! She really is an incredible person.
And Tosh was inclined to agree.
The hitch comes later when Mary shows up at the hub
And then there was one voice amid the others that stood out. One voice that filled Tosh both with fear and relief and hope.
No. I'm not letting this happen. Not to MY Tosh!
There was a screech and a flash of long, golden hair as Sam leaped on Mary's back, digging her long nails into her shoulders and using her weight to drag her off of Tosh. Mary's knife clipped the soft skin of Tosh's neck before she was free and Jack's arms were wrapped around her protectively. Sam hurled Mary to the ground and pinned her down with all her strength as she struggled, snarling like an animal.
"DON'T. YOU. EVER. THINK ABOUT HURTING MY FRIENDS!" Sam roared in her face, sharp teeth only inches away from Mary's nose and making Tosh wonder if Sam was going to bite her.
"She's not your friend," Mary taunted with that damned smirk of hers, "she's terrified of you. And this show of brute strength you're putting on isn't changing that. You're no alpha, you act before you think and end up pushing the people you care about away."
Sam looked taken aback, even hurt, by this, relaxing her grip slightly and glancing at Tosh with a worried expression.
"They're all afraid of you," Mary continued, "deep down, you know it. You tried so hard to push them away and you succeeded. Congratulations. You're a monster."
"NO!" Tosh screamed, breaking out of Jack's hold with tears rushing down her face, "don't listen, Sam, it's not true! You're the best friend any of us could ask for! I'm not scared of you!" She turned her glare on Mary, "or you!" She growled.
The truth is that Sam is not confident in her ability to maintain stable relationships. So yes, she’s terrified of scaring people away after she makes a connection with them. Mary plays on that fear, and Tosh dismisses them by standing up for Sam.
Tosh came back to the hub after the talk with Jack, but didn't go to her desk. Instead she lay down on the musty couch in the corner, turning on her side so she was facing the wall. After a long silence, she heard someone walk up to her. She knew it was Sam, just by the sound of her shoes on the floor. There was a shuffling as she sat on the floor next to the couch.
"What, Sam?" Tosh asked tearfully. There was a moment of surprised silence before Sam spoke.
"N-nothing," she stammered, "I... just wanted to say I was pretty impressed with how you... stood up for yourself like that. That was... pretty radical."
Tosh didn't say anything.
"And, uh..." Sam went on awkwardly, "I... wanted to... thank you, for what you said about me. Because y'know, for a second I... I really believed what Mary was saying about me, I thought..." she took a deep, shaky breath, "whatever, it doesn't matter now. My feelings aren't important right now, yours are."
Tosh rolled her eyes with an annoyed sigh.
"Stop it, Sam," she sniffed, "your feelings are just as important as mine."
Another stunned silence, then a cough.
"So, uhhh..." Sam began, "you... saw what all of us were thinking? That must've been..."
"Why did you attack Mary?" Tosh blurted out, unable to stop herself.
"Because!" Sam exclaimed, "she was gonna hurt you and I wasn't gonna let that happen!"
"Why?" Tosh demanded.
"Cuz I... I..." Sam said, sounding like she was taking great pains to try and force the words out.
"You what?" Tosh barked, finally sitting up and turning to face her.
"I CARE ABOUT YOU!" Sam snapped, then covered her face. Her left hand was bandaged from when she hit it off a desk.
This time it was Tosh who had to take a moment before speaking.
"You probably already know that." Sam added more quietly, voice muffled.
"Why are you covering your face?" Tosh asked gently.
"I don't know!" Sam sighed, "so you'll stop looking at me?"
"But I don't want to stop looking at you," Tosh murmured, "you're... beautiful... or handsome... whichever you prefer." Sam slowly took her hands away from her face and Tosh saw - to her great surprise - that she was crying.
"Are you afraid of me?" She asked in a voice barely above a whisper, "don't lie to me if you are. I don't want you to have to be around me if you're scared of me."
"Sam, I'm not scared of you," Tosh said, "you can be a little... intimidating sometimes, but I've seen a new side of you. I think we all have today. I used to think you were made of hate but you're not. You're made of knives as soft as feathers."
Sam sniffed, wiping her tears away.
"You could be a poet." She laughed.
"I doubt it," Tosh giggled, "I'm better at tech than writing."
"No one said you have to be good at it," Sam said, "you could get good at it, with practice." Then she beamed wickedly. "You could write love letters to Owen!"
They’re slowly making a friendship, and it’s evident that Sam already knows Tosh has feelings for Owen - more on that later. Tosh has already encouraged Sam, and now it’s time for the opposite to happen.
"SHUT UP!" Tosh hissed, shoving her away as she laughed loudly.
"Oh c'mon!" Sam called after her as she stood up and walked briskly to her desk to collect her things, "even a blind man could see it! Owen has a big crush on you!"
"No he doesn't," Tosh growled, "and keep your voice down, he's right there in the autopsy bay!"
"Tosh, are you ever gonna take a chance?"
"NO!"
"Please? For me?"
"Stop it!"
"Aww, now why don't you show me a little smile. Pretty please?"
"No way."
Sam's hands suddenly snaked around Tosh's sides and Tosh let out a little scream as Sam started lightly tickling her.
"Stop!" She gasped through laughter, "leave me alone, you little brat!"
"Oh, that's mean!" Sam exclaimed, mock hurt. She lifted Tosh off the ground and carried her back to the couch.
But of course Sam’s way of encouragement is through gentle teasing. Lmao.
"OKAY! YOU WIN!" Tosh wailed, "just, PLEASE, STOP!"
Only then did Sam finally let up, leaning back and giggling quietly. While Tosh was getting her breath back, she took a moment to appreciate this particular expression on Sam's face. It was playful, happy, adorable even. She still had those scars and tattoos, but that didn't seem to matter now. Sam looked like a child that had just invited a new game, and was having a little too much fun with it. In truth, Tosh reminded herself, Sam was still very young, younger than she was, and was just looking for friends in this big, scary world.
Perhaps they all were.
Sam has dropped her walls completely for Tosh now, and is letting her see every part of herself.
Tosh sighed with exhaustion and leaned onto Sam, and Sam stopped laughing with a gasp, tensing up, then seemed to relax, wrapping her muscular arms around Tosh.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked gently, resting her chin on Tosh's head.
"I will be," Tosh murmured, "I just... need time."
Sam pressed a kiss into her hair.
"Okay," she murmured, "I understand that."
This is also when Sam starts to form a need to protect Tosh, understanding that she’s not confident in love and needs some support after Mary took advantage of her.
Then Owen gets injured by the weevil in Combat and Tosh and Sam both show up to visit him at the hospital.
"Is this the scene in the horror movie where we find out you're a murderer and you suddenly unplug his life support?" Sam asked, swaggering up to her side.
"He's not plugged in to life support." Tosh murmured, sounding a little uptight. Sam put her arm around her shoulders and glanced at her expression. She looked deeply worried, mouth set in a straight line and her brows furrowed. Sam then looked to Owen. He looked so fragile in his sleep, the bruises and cuts stark against his pale skin.
"So how long have you had feelings for him?" Sam asked softly. Tosh tensed.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She said quickly.
"Oh, Tosh, c'mon," Sam chuckled, bumping her body against hers, "it's kinda obvious. At least to me."
"Just because you've suddenly decided to stop being the office jerk doesn't mean I'm just going to open up to you!" Tosh snapped.
Sam winced, stung, and Tosh dropped her gaze.
"Sorry." She muttered softly.
"No," Sam said, teeth gritted in self-loathing, "I am."
It’s clear that they’re still having to work each other out a bit, but they’re trying to be good to each other, and doing a pretty good job.
"Since I joined Torchwood." Tosh said.
Sam frowned at her.
"I... what?" She demanded.
"You were asking how long I've been pining after Owen."
"Oh... really? Since you joined? Hasn't that been like, five years-?"
"YES SAM IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS!" Tosh exclaimed angrily.
"Okay, calm," Sam murmured, "I just... that's a long time to... hide that."
There was another short silence.
"So, you've got a crush on him?" Sam asked. Tosh sighed in frustration.
"YES, Sam." She said.
Sam pumped her fist to herself, then seemed to remember Tosh was still there.
"Are you serious?" She demanded.
"I- I'm sorry," Sam muttered, "got carried away. Sorry."
"You are unbelievable."
"I said I was sorry! I just think you and Owen would be great together."
Tosh felt herself blushing and turned her head away.
You guessed it folks - Sam’s been a towen shipper since day one.
"Well it doesn't matter if we'd be great together," she muttered, "he doesn't notice me."
Sam made a sound reminiscent of a quiet growl in her throat.
"What was that noise for?" Tosh demanded.
"Nothing," Sam replied, "I'm just wondering how long you're gonna sing that song and do nothin' about it."
"The only reason I'm singing this song in the first place is because I tried to get Owen to notice me or even remotely like me, and he doesn't care!"
"Is that really what you think?"
"Well it's obvious! The minute a prettier woman from the twentieth century shows up he forgets all about me! And when she leaves after a few days he throws himself into the jaws of a Weevil! If I left, do you think he'd do that?"
Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Would you want him to?" She asked, sounding slightly nervous. Tosh sighed in frustration.
"Just forget about it," she murmured, "I just have to face the fact that Owen doesn't care about me the way I care about him, and he never will."
There was a moment of silence and Tosh looked at Sam, who was staring at her with an unreadable expression.
"What?" She asked, annoyed.
"Tosh, do you remember kissing Owen on New Years?" Sam prompted.
"Of course I remember," Tosh muttered, "before Mary it's the last time I kissed someone."
"Yeah, but did you see the look on his face afterwards?"
"No, because I turned and walked away as fast as possible. Why are you saying it like you did?"
"Because... I did."
"You were watching?!"
"A little."
"Why?"
"Because I was waiting for Jayjay to pick me up and I got bored and I saw the two of you headed around a corner so I followed you."
"YOU BLOODY-"
"EASY."
They stared each other down for a moment before Sam moved her hand to Tosh's shoulder.
"My point is," she said calmly, "Owen looked... like you'd rocked his world after that kiss. The only reason he doesn't talk about it is because he's... shy. Self conscious. He thinks he's undeserving of love, yada yada yada, the whole nine yards. The main takeaway being, I think he does like you, Tosh. You just gotta try a little harder. Peel back his layers like an onion. Do you peel an onion? I don't even know! I'm terrible in the kitchen, I'd end up peeling myself!"
Tosh giggled at that and Sam smiled at her.
"And don't think Diane was prettier than you," she added, "you're absolutely beautiful, Tosh. Especially when you laugh."
"Thank you." She murmured softly.
There was a moment of silence before Tosh cleared her throat awkwardly.
"I should get home," she said, taking a step away, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah." Sam said, sounding a little sad. She looked at her feet as Tosh left, then glanced over her shoulder.
"Tosh?" She called, and Tosh turned back to her. "I'm sorry. For everything."
"Don't be," Tosh murmured, "I forgive you, Sam."
Sam smiled gratefully, and if Tosh had been a little closer she might've seen tears in her eyes.
So A) Sam witnessed Tosh and Owen kissing on New Years, and she saw how Owen reacted to it even though Tosh didn’t, and B) Tosh’s forgiveness MEANT SO MUCH to Sam!! Because like Owen she thinks she’s undeserving of Tosh’s love but SHE IS!!!! THEY BOTH ARE!!!! AAAAAA.
Anyway. Sorry. Moving on.
Then we get to TYTNW, which was a hard time for everyone’s relationships.
Tosh and Ianto glanced at each other.
"You two are quiet," Sam commented, "what's up?"
"It's nothing." Tosh muttered, turning her head away.
"Nah, I'm pretty sure it's something," Sam insisted, "call it a hunch." Ianto was surprised to hear Tosh let out a little giggle.
Tosh still feels some loyalty to Sam, however, which is evident by how she reacted after Sam and Gwen’s big argument.
"C'mon Tosh." Sam hissed, once again ignoring Gwen. She jerked her head as a signal for Tosh to follow her, then stormed off, her boots making loud clanging noises on the floor. Tosh gave Gwen an apologetic look before hurrying after her.
She knows Sam’s probably not right here and going with her will likely put them both in danger but she does it anyway, because she doesn’t want Sam to think she’s alone, and she doesn’t want Sam to walk into a potentially lethal situation by herself.
"Should we go get Gwen and the others?" Tosh suggested cautiously. Sam scoffed bitterly.
"As if Gwen would listen to me," she said, "no, better not to waste time arguing. We can get this done faster if we do it ourselves. Don't worry, I'll protect you." She added when she noticed the worried look on Tosh's face, patting her shoulder. Tosh nodded slowly.
"Okay. Lead the way." She sighed.
If it’s not obvious by now, Sam is VERY protective of Tosh.
"We'll be fine," Sam told her, "we just gotta find the missing generator, then we'll get back. See, Gwen? I've got it under control."
Gwen scowled on the screen, but Majesta spoke before she could.
"You do not understand, Sam," she said urgently, "those criminals were imprisoned for bombing parts of the city back on Qhorphris, they may have set a bomb in the room you are in!"
"No way," Sam said, "there's no... bomb... in here." The confidence bled out of her tone as she remembered the ticking sound she'd heard when they came in. There was a bomb in here.
"Oh my God," Tosh breathed, "this whole room is going to blow up."
"RUN!" Sam roared, but it was too late. The door they had entered through slammed shut, and Sam had a theory not even Tosh, with her brilliant little lock-picking device, could undo that.
"We're trapped!" Tosh wailed.
"Don't panic!" Sam said, "just stand over there on that panel." She pointed to the teleportation chamber in the centre of the room.
"Why?" Tosh asked, doing as she was told.
"I'm gonna get you outta here," Sam replied, "I have no idea how to work this thing but I sure as hell am gonna try!"
"Wait, what about you?" Tosh exclaimed, "you have to get out too!"
There was a loud bang on the door. Someone was trying to get in, and Sam had a hunch it wasn't someone who was trying to save them.
"She's right, Sam!" Gwen's voice cut through the noise, "you both have to get out!"
"Tell Jay and my kids I love them." Sam murmured.
"SAM! STOP IT!" Gwen screamed like her heart was breaking.
To the point that she was willing to SACRIFICE HERSELF LIKE THE IDIOT SHE IS and teleport her out.
Tosh appeared behind her and Owen and Ianto caught her as she fell.
"Tosh!" Ianto exclaimed, gripping her arm.
"Sam..." Tosh gasped, tears rolling down her cheeks, "she saved me, and now... she's dead!" She collapsed in tears in Owen and Ianto's arms.
Not realizing how much of an effect it would have on her. The whole time Sam thought that if she ever died, everyone would just move on and forget her, but she couldn’t be more wrong.
Bonus TYTNW/Dinner & a Show content:
"They're good for us and they're bad for us, y'know." She said.
"Who, Sam?" Tosh asked.
"The people we love," Sam murmured, "for Ianto it's Jack, for you it's Owen."
Ianto felt himself blush.
"I never said anything about love." Tosh protested.
"You didn't have to, dear," Sam said, "it's written on both your faces. What I don't understand is why things are so different here. When did love become a contest? What happened to long walks in the park and strawberry ice cream and holding hands and stolen kisses and hiding flowers behind your back? Yo no comprendo!"
Tosh beamed at her in surprise.
"Why, Sam," she murmured with a slight laugh, "you're a romantic!"
"No I'm not," Sam scoffed, "I just wish things were like they were in the good old days, in Saint Lucia. The countryside is so..."
"Romantic?" Tosh supplied cheekily.
"Sure. Romantic. The city... isn't. There's no warmth, no fresh air, everything's grey and black and smelly. Love lives in color, in flowers and birdsong, in the flutter of a butterfly's wings, not here."
~
"I didn't know you could be so poetic." Tosh said, breaking Ianto from his thoughts.
"Well," Sam muttered, "I... dabbled in writing when I was a teen. I still do, sometimes."
"Did you ever think about writing a book?"
"I have, actually, my brother Daniel and I used to write mystery stories. We'd go on all these wild adventures, there was even one where our father got kidnapped and the only clue we had to find him was a crushed beer can."
"You should write about romance, though." Tosh insisted. Sam made a disapproving noise in her throat. "No, really! I think you could write wonderful stories about love."
"Really?" Sam seemed intrigued now, raising her scarred eyebrow, "what do you think, Yan?"
TOSH HAS SO MUCH CONFIDENCE IN SAM AAA plus she thinks it’s adorable that Sam’s a romantic 🥰
Anyway moving on to season two. Jesus Christ the ramp up to Exit Wounds and The Queen of Hearts/season three is just gonna be hell. Help me.
"Because it's so fascinating!" Tosh exclaimed with a sudden light of excitement in her warm, dark brown eyes, "we got to see how their ships work up close while we were in Tibet - the sonic speed, the anti-gravity, the cloaking mechanisms! If we could recreate that metal on Earth, who knows how far society could advance?"
"You talkin' flying cars?" Sam asked from where she was leaning on the wall a few feet away.
"I'm talkin' technology the world never dreamed of having," Tosh said, "and besides that, if a human being could recreate Stegman ship metal, they could experiment on its capabilities without having to steal it."
So it’s clear here that Sam and Tosh are both dreamers, but I put this in here more bc of the way Tosh likes to mimic Sam. She does the same thing when she and Sam are talking about Owen after Combat (see above).
"Are you okay?" Sam asked Tosh in a gentle voice as they left the hospital, her strong arm around Tosh's shoulders.
Tosh bit her lip.
"I'm fine," she lied, "I'll be fine."
"Listen, I know you had feelings for Tommy and stuff," Sam murmured, "and I just wanna say I'm... sorry it had to be this way."
"What are you talking about? You've been gunning for me and Owen to get together since day one."
"Well yeah, but that doesn't erase the fact that you have feelings! How shallow minded do you think I am?"
After Tommy gets sent back to his time, Sam is the one to check in on Tosh (before Owen that is). She’s so respectful of Tosh’s feelings even though she wants her to be with Owen!!! Like !!! What a glow up from her previous uncaring nature!!!
Then Tosh has a vision of herself and Owen in one of the rooms - with CHILDREN, the older of the two being named SAMUEL (HELLO??? 👀)
"Tosh?" Sam asked, snapping Tosh out of it.
"Huh? Yes. I'm fine." Tosh said shakily.
"Are you sure?" Sam pressed, "you seem... really rattled." Tosh saw her eyes dart to the room she'd been staring into, which was now empty as it had been before. "Do you wanna spend the night at my place? Jay won't mind."
Tosh nodded slowly, feeling tears starting to roll down her cheeks.
"Thank you, Sam." She choked out. Sam smiled sympathetically as they kept walking, following the rest of the team back to the outside world.
{Listen okay there is a problem with this scene and it’s that Sam was pregnant during TTLM and went into labour soon after Tommy left. I forgot about that when I wrote this particular fic so here’s my fix for it; Tosh was unable to spend the night at Sam’s bc she was in the hospital with her new baby, but she ended up staying with Owen or Gwen bc Sam begged her not to spend the night alone just because of the baby being born. Sam said self care and Tosh said ok.}
"What did I do?" Owen demanded indignantly.
"Tosh asked you, specifically, out on a DATE, you fool!" Sam exclaimed, "she meant just you two, not all of us! And Tosh, c'mon! You've gotta learn to have a little more self esteem! Speak up every once and a while!"
After Meat, it becomes evident that even though Sam wants to crack Owen’s shell, she’s also trying to encourage Tosh to do the same. She wants Tosh to be confident, especially in love.
"Sam, don't you think you're being a bit unfair?" Tosh spoke up.
Likewise, Tosh keeps Sam from being too overbearing. Their friendship is all about helping the other become a better version of themself 🥺🥺
"Tosh!" Sam exclaimed, "welcome b- you're hurt!"
"It's nothing." Tosh said. She sat down on the couch, looking like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure how.
"No it's not!" Sam protested, "who did this to you??"
"No one! I did it to myself!" Tosh exclaimed, "I just tripped and hit my head."
"Uh huh. Sure. I ain't buyin' that for a second, Big T."
"Stop calling me that, Sam."
Sam being happy that Tosh is back from London is one thing, Sam dropping everything because Tosh is hurt is an entirely different world of soft, and that’s all I have to say. Also Sam’s nickname for Tosh is “Big T” and Tosh pretends to hate it but secretly she loves it. 🥰
GREAT NOW I’M ONTO MY THE TWILIGHT STEETS AU AHAHAHBSJKPNSDAJKLVDDJB
Suddenly, there was the sound of a door opening, and Sam whirled to the right, eyes widening in fear.
"No..." she breathed. Jack couldn't see what she was looking at, but he already knew.
Sam felt herself begin to tremble as Owen and Tosh walked towards her in the exact same calm pace, hand in hand, though there was no affection in the entwinement at all. The worst part was their eyes, which were emitting a creepy black light.
No. Not light. It was darkness, darkness itself, as if Tosh and Owen's eyes had become tiny black holes waiting to swallow her up. Sam took a step away from them, fists clenched and teeth bared like a dog.
"Hello, Sam." Tosh murmured with a dead smile.
"Hello, Sam." Owen echoed with the same expression and in the same tone.
"We're so glad you're back," Tosh went on, "have you come to join us?"
"Never!" Sam snarled, "whatever you are that's inside my friends, listen up! You're not gonna get away with this! We're gonna beat you! I don't know what you want, but this isn't the way to get it, and it ain't gonna work! Now get outta my friends' heads!"
Tosh and Owen both laughed, and it was the most horrible sound Sam had ever heard - there was no joy in it at all, only malice. Cruelty.
"Aww," Tosh cooed, "look at you, the big strong warrior. You're not that tough at all, really. Your heart is breaking over something you can't control or fix. This was destined to happen. There's nothing wrong with this version of the future. It's okay, Sam."
"I know that's not you talking, Tosh!" Sam exclaimed, feeling tears in the corners of her eyes, "I know the real you is still in there! Fight it! I know you're both strong enough to fight it!"
This is an entirely different world of hurt okay - Sam has as much faith in Tosh as Tosh does in her, so much so that instead of running away she’s putting herself in danger to try to break through to her.
"Why are you doing this?" She demanded, tears streaming down her face, "why do you want this world so badly? Why are you doing this to my friends?"
"We wouldn't expect you to understand, Sam." Tosh said.
"It's because of a war that's been going on forever, since the beginning of time." Owen added.
"And we're finally winning," Tosh concluded with the most horrifying smile Sam had ever seen, "join us. Join the winning side. You'll thank us."
"No I won't!" Sam cried, "because I'm not a part of this! None of us are a part of this! Why can't you just fight your own battle with whoever you're against? Why take over human beings to do it for you?"
It gets worse.
"Jack Harkness over there killed him," Tosh said, pointing at the imprisoned Jack, "remember? He provided us with the perfect opportunity to take over. And in turn we will use his energy to build our empire, he is the true heart of Torchwood, and we honour him!"
"This is not honourable!" Sam seethed, "this is madness! The human race was never a part of your petty little spat, why can't you just leave us the fuck alone?!"
"I do apologize," Tosh murmured with a hint of genuine regret, "but we can't. This is not your world anymore."
Sam heard a click behind her and realized Owen had bound her hands with some kind of futuristic handcuffs. He put his hand on her head and firmly pushed her down so she was kneeling on the floor in front of Tosh. Sam didn't hold back her tears, she let them flow freely as Tosh stepped closer to her, gently touching her face.
"Why are you crying?" Tosh asked, almost gently.
"Because I love you!" Sam sobbed, tears leaking into her mouth as she spoke, "Tosh, please. I know you're in there somewhere. Don't let this happen. Think of Jack. Think of Ianto. Think of Owen and Gwen. Think of me! You're my... you're my Soul Sister. And I know you're strong enough to beat this so please, just try!"
"I am not your friend anymore," Tosh said coldly, "but I can be. If you surrender yourself to us."
Sam closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to look anymore, couldn't bear to see Tosh and Owen's dead, black eyes any longer.
F U C K
The only time Sam was willing to confess her love for the team was to try and get Tosh and Owen back AND IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK NO WONDER SHE KEPT THE SECRET FOR SO LONG
I’m okay, it’s okay, this is fine
"What have you done to them?" She demanded, rising to her feet so she towered over Bilis - though he hardly seemed intimidated, "what have you done to Owen and Tosh? And Gwen? And Ianto? And Jack? I saw Ianto and Owen die! and I saw Tosh get shot too! And Jack was in a glass case getting his life drained out of him! What have you done to them?! TELL ME!"
Bilis blinked nonchalantly as a few flecks of Sam's saliva spattered on his face.
"They are fine," he said calmly, "you need to learn to relax, Mx. Ryder."
"Shut up and tell me where they are!" Sam snapped, balling her hands into fists, "or with God as my witness-"
🎶 trauma dumping on my own oc 🎶
Aka Sam being so disturbed by what she saw that she almost lost her fucking mind. Yeah.
The first thing Sam did when she saw Owen and Tosh again was hug them.
"Owen! Tosh!" She cried, "thank God you're okay! I was so scared!"
Oh 🥺😢
"Sam, it's alright," Tosh said awkwardly, patting her friend's heavily muscled shoulder, "none of that really happened."
"I know," Sam sniffed, finally putting her and Owen down, "but it felt like it did."
OH 😭😭😭
TOSH. CALMING SAM DOWN. AFTER. HER TRAUMA. I. CANNOT. There are literal tears in my eyes omfg help me.
"You retconned him, didn't you?" Sam asked. She was taking up a bit more room on the couch than necessary, laying on her side next to Tosh with her knees pulled into her chest and her chin resting on her forearms so she looked almost like a sleeping cat.
~
Seeming to sense the hollow pit of sadness in Sam's belly, Tosh lightly ruffled her friend's short golden hair. Sam closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, so relieved that Tosh was okay and not possessed by some sentient shadow particles from hell.
JESUS CHRIST ITS TOO SOFT I CAN’T-
IT’S TIME FOR PIECING US BACK TOGETHER ✨ AND I HATE MYSELF ✨
"What about Tosh? Is she okay? The last I heard from her, she sounded hurt, but she wouldn't tell me what was happening or what was wrong. Where is she?"
Owen saw a look of fear come over Sam's face as Zephyr darted away.
Zephyr mimics Sam’s emotions. Zephyr went looking for Tosh. What else can I say here? Oh yeah, FUCK!
"NO!" Sam screamed, leaping over the railing and landing in the puddle of blood around Tosh, grabbing her hand and looking intently into her face, begging her to hold on. Suddenly Owen was right in the centre of it, Sam shouting at him to do something, use her blood for a transfusion, cauterize the wound, do anything to save Tosh's life.
Sam darling stop hero complexing people are gonna think I’m trauma dumping on you again and that’s… definitely not what’s happening here…
Okay I’m not even gonna put in bits from The Queen of Hearts bc I physically Can’t but the gist of it is that Tosh told Sam about the Saint Lucia Rift awakening after the Cardiff Rift said “ight imma head out”, knowing that Sam would have to leave but putting aside the fact that Sam leaving would hurt for Sam’s sake. Instead of trying to keep Sam from leaving she told her the truth so she could finally go home and help the people she grew up with. Even though that wouldn’t just hurt Tosh, but all of them. Tosh is a Saint no I refuse to take criticism (why would you want to give me criticism on that anyway what’s wrong with you?)
BONUS CONTENT BC YOU ALL PROBABLY NEED SOMETHING HAPPY AFTER ALL THAT
After moving to Saint Lucia, Sam tracked down Toshiko’s little sister and got her to come and visit Tosh. I mean how fucking pure-
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