#i dont even get enough sleep

[fairycosmos]

i think people think i’m lying when i say that i don’t want to “be” anyone or anything and that i don’t care about conventional success. but nothing would make me happier than being left alone to just breathe and exist if my basic necessities were covered for life

#like if i ever just had a flat i could get enough sleep in get enough food in make and consume enough art in invite enough friends in #and that would take so much effort and like....so many positive traits ppl swear can only be found in the highly educated + highly #successful but just making my own small life float and have it be warm and full of love would be a whole massive journey all in itself a #worthwhile one too and i dont know why it is so undermined why ppl dont get that there is something.....impressive #is not the word but close enough impressive in that and even if there wasn't it would be so worth it to have a tiny #deeply comfortable existence rather than this demand to be the best of the best and in the capitalism validation trophy whatever the fuck

[mrpsychokiller]

in the last two days or so i was able to actually properly take my meds at night, sleep, and wake up fully rested in the morning, had actual filling meals, and i just did those simple exercises in the video i reblogged and they werent super hard or time consuming like daily exercises usually are for me. so now.. im feeling actually pretty optimistic? maybe i can make my life a little healthier. thatd be pretty nice

#🧃 #i took a shower this morning and im going to get my nails done in a couple hours #i also hope to finish this commission ive been procrastinating on today and then i can take some more #i also saw a while ago a guy talking about how he set himself to read 10 book pages a day and ended up actually reading a bunch of books #which sounds doable enough and i could finally read all this stuff ive been putting off #idk. my life sucks so bad and ive been feeling so terrible but i guess that doesnt mean i cant try to make it a little better #and i can have goals to seek and achieve even if currently my goals are ''remember to shower'' and ''sleep better'' #i hope i can keep this idea going i dont want to give up and fuck it all up again

[bloodpressurecuff]

how can we bear to live in a society where we dont raise children communally and where we dont have like. midwives as the cornerstones of the community and where we dont revere the cycles of death and birth and ohhh my god. we arent okay. we do everything without any kind of. initiation into it and we're floundering and our ancestors are crying and wailing and flinging themselves against the walls

#everyone should get any abortion they want and be supported through it and #everyone should be taken care of postpartum #and babies should be taken care of by everyone #and we should all get enough sleep #and we should never ever make someone pay to be taken care of #and ohhh my god. everyone should look around at their life and see 100 places they can turn instead of 0 #i cant take it. the everyday cruelty. it hardens you. we are so brittle and we dont even know how brittle we are

[rox-of-iu]

heads up i finally scrambled together enough brain power and caught up with cultivate and i am not going to be normal about it and im going to make it everyone elses problem <33

#cultivate🥰🥰🤗☺️😊🤩😊🤗🥰🥰🤩☺️🤗🥰 #ykno that feeling when u have a beloved fic but are not in the right vibe to read it even tho you want to so you gotta wait #until that breaks because its so good and you dont want to ruin the experience and it deserves the right vibes tm or am i tripping- #fhkjfhdkANYWAY IFINALLY DID AND 🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖 hdkjfhs #sooner or later doodles are back on the menu boys because im sooooooooo normal about this fic aha smile :)))))))) #speaking of being normal #BEES BESS HBBEES BEES BEES BES BEES AHHAHAHA #LISTEN im gonna sound like a loonie right noW BUT LISNETN #ever since those arctic bees were mentioned way beck when I DID NOT. STOP THINKING ABOUT THEMM. buzzing in my brain THIS WHOLE TIME #and ever since then i was like ☺️what if that concept actually showed up aha 🤗 and it wasnt just throwaway LQG thought ☺️aha #AND I KNOW THIS ISNT EVEN MAYBE A CALLBACK TO IT I KNOW I KNOW OK MAYBE IM CRAZY BUT LET ME HAVE THIS #crystal cave bees are a callback to arctic bees in my heart 💖 #you dont understand fuzzy litol blue bbys so beloved i was even planning to sneak them into a future piece thats in the microwave lmao #AND NOW THEYRE PROPERLY CANON AYO B)) #speaking of future pieces absolutely do not let me forget that i wanna do bai zhan and taoren spouses outfits properly thats also very 💖💖 #im just waiting if we get more details on howd they look #ok enough rambling more sleeping gbyyyeeee

[anotherpapercut]

anyone else get so so tired.... of being tired......

#i am on the highest dose of wellbutrin (as a stimulant not as an anti depressant) u can be on without risking seizures #they dont want to give me anything else because i have severe insomnia which is fair since im taking 2 sleep medications also #but even when i get enough sleep i am so fucking tired #all the time! i tried adderall a few weeks ago and i was still so tired i had to just lay down all day

[newkiqx]

#We put them in a big cage this week so they have some turf to disagree over and stuff to do #It was pretty exciting at first as they immediately started working on a pecking order #But nothing too bad #Its getting friendlier by the day and they sleep in a big pile even after chasing eachother the whole day #They're bonding fast and honestly its the best i could have hoped for #Yay #My mice #Mice #Mine #Dont worry I'll give them more bedding once they like eachother enough i just want to keep track of them now #Peace and love on planet earth

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im still procrastinating so bear with me #ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system #bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i #moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me #like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them #like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract #and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone #surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow #i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents #like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case #its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl #bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my #skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control #and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with #the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum #its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all #still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working #sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain #works better in the early morning rip #unrelated

[im-still-watching-anime]

i remember breathing oxygen once….it was nice hope i get to do that again some day

#im dying of the allegies #allergies #this is the worst they’ve been in YEARS #and im house sitting rn so i dont even have any allergy meds #im never going to get to sleep like this #i want to go home and put myself into a medicated humidified coma #alternating no breathing and no breathing (nosebleed edition) #so many nosebleeds #and they don’t even have actual tissues here #the lack of breathing wasn’t enough apparently and my skin has to get murdered too #i am going Through it lately #and i just wanna go home

[stevethehairington]

book 5 of the year done!!!! im literally one book away from halfway to my goal and the first month of the year isn't even over yet fjsksk i am DEFINITELY going to hit it this year!

#SUUUUPER bummed to say tho that ive made it to the first book of the year i havent enjoyed :/ #the worst part is — its the first in a series apparently and like. i WANT to know what happens next #but also i dont CARE enough to want to keep reading the rest of the series yknow? #like. this first book was just SOOOO disjointed #it was ALL exposition #it spent 500 pages giving individual backstories for each of the characters. as in each character l i t e r a l l y told their story #which first of all absolutely BORING way to get to know your characters and second of all NONE od these characters were even likeable!!! #and the worldbuilding was just. weird. it kind of didnt make sense and felt all over the place #and FULLY felt like he was just throwing random sci-fi-y words around to make it sound cooler but like. it wasnt. #and like all these characters are together on this pilgrimage right #but it is NEVER really revealed why/what they plan to do when they get to their end destination/anything like that #and im between each of these character backstories it feels like the same stuff one person is like oh wow what a story lets get some sleep #and then they do and they wake up and they do the tiniest bit of traveling #(which is like. described in the most lackluster barebones way) and then they eat and share another story and rinse and repeat #it was SO boring #it honestly reminded me of the movie the eternals LMAO #all these characters and you get to know a little about them but not enoguh to become invested and none of them are all that interesting #and the purpose of their journey/the purpose of THEM is completely unknown is completely devoid #like it felt like there was no plot #it was. ough not good. #so yeah would NOT recommend hyperion by dan simmons :/ #mack reads

[androideql]

Alright so the day started terribly today and I'm going through some turmoils so prepare for any unusual behaviour

#android talking #i swear to god that i don't fuck up on purpose and i wish i could stop it from happening #ive been feeling like a pretty useless member of this household lately and when i forget crucial stuff and everyone gets mad i just #i cant #im trying my hardest and i know it's not enough but nobody understands that when i say im constantly exhausted #i dont mean like i need to chill down and sit down for a while #i mean i cant sleep i cant bring myself to even do what i want to do and i physcally struggle to stand up some days #and it's not like i havent said this #they know im severaly weakened but they forget #the moment i cant do what i used to be able to they get so upset... #alright enough tags for now #negative

[stupid-dyke]

I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.

#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy #because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP. #Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity. #AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME #BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis. #no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl #haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha #cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to #and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli #outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone #friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened #by you anymore and you never hear from her again #its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of #I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever #my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ok so apparently it's not normal that whenever someone goes to a restaurant and I'm with them, I expect them to get just themselves food and then we leave. Like if you get me food or ask if I want anything I will in fact look at you like you're a stranger who just walked up and offered me a 100 dollar bill

#what can i say im just used to getting nothing #both my parents and my older sisters would go to get food and basically never get me anything #if i did get anything it also wasnt 'what do you want' it was 'heres what im getting you youre welcome' #lol and i was okay with that? guys. guys am i supposed to raise my standards #is this like. am i not respecting myself enough #like this is me having gottwn much better too. i used to be even worse #if i went to your house and you let me sleep on something that wasnt the floor i would stare at yoy in shock #i was mentally incapable of comprehending that i could get whatever i wanted off of a menu #one time my friends mom actually yelled at me because she took me to dunk8n donuts and asked what i wanted #and i froze up so bad that i just couldnt say anything because i didnt know what she meant #i was like 'oh you dont need to get me anything' 😭😭 and she INSISTED she had to get me something #for context i mustve been like 9 and i had NEVER had anyone ask my what i wanted before #i also was so prepared to just skip breakfast due to the anxiety of this situation #turns out having kids skip breakfast is also not super normal? me and my sisters usually wouldnt eat breakfast #especially on sunday mornings before church because there was snacks there

[tomurakii]

I made a post a little while ago about how I find Gale's arc much more satisfying when you're dating him, and in a similar (but opposite, I guess) vein I like Astarion's arc much more when you never sleep with him.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that is a little uncomfortable with the idea of building a relationship off of sleeping with someone who did it to manipulate you into looking after him, and I also feel like letting that happen (to me personally) feels like you reaffirm that world-view to an extent. Even at the end of it all, there is reason for him to believe that his bad intentions that night really were the reason you got roped into liking him. He doesn't have to "get on his back for breadcrumbs" anymore, but he still did, and it still worked and secured him the only person who's ever cared about him. I find it much more narratively satisfying for Tav to have never been attracted to him, but to care deeply for him and watch out for him regardless. It means that there's no way for Astarion to worry he tricked Tav into liking him, his initial come-on didn't even work. Tav supported him despite having literally zero stake in it, because the world has good people in it. Because people can care for him for more than his appearance or utility.

I think the dialogue if you break up with him at the confession also reaffirms this; he says he's had thousands of lovers, but never a friend. I think what Astarion needs, more than to fall in love with the first person he ever bit (what with vampirism and blood-drinking being a long standing metaphor for sexuality, making Astarion basically a Vampire Virgin which I want to make a proper post about), are people who are unphased by his attempts to play to his assets, and yet care for him fiercely anyway.

Plus so many of his cutscene dialogues portray such a great friendship. His gossipy little dialogue that triggers the day after you sleep with someone else, just asking out of curiosity and becoming invested if you tell him it was good. Describing/complimenting his appearance and ending it by saying he's not quite as good-looking as [insert love interest], which he approves of. Engaging in a silly little hypothetical conversation about which of the others you think would taste best. Astarion (by virtue of having the most dialogue in general) has the most dialogue about the other companions, which I think gives him this "best friend you talk shit with" vibe that I absolutely love. He's the bestie that you go to and share your dating horror stories with, who'll roll his eyes and pat you awkwardly on the back as you cry while also planning a murder about it.

Also I (personally) find him deeply unsexy. So this is largely wish-fulfillment lol.

#like he's objectively pretty in the face. but the combination of drawn-on abs racism and smarmy fuckboy aura are not intriguing to me lol #notice me adding “(personally)” a lot because I do not want the astarion stan smoke #this is not to say I think its bad to romance him. just as my other post didnt say that I think its bad to NOT romance gale #i just like this particular dynamic more. #on another note is it even possible to get into a relationship with Astarion if you dont sleep with him first? #as in if you dont fuck him from his first proposition up until meeting oblodra?? #because I would also love a relationship that like. blossoms while he's healing yk. a sweet and gentle and pure-intentioned one #but idk if that happens and it seems realistic that Astarion would HAVE to believe that he's tricked you #in order to open up enough for the romance to start #anyway #astarion romancers I love you pls pls pls take this in the right way #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate

[arolesbianism]

Some stuff I've drawn semi recently

#keese draws #oc art #oc #ocs #furry #furry oc #furry art #Ive been going thru it recently but Ill survive #on the bright side the pet sitting job for my aunt is coming up soon #so Ill have a house to myself for a bit at least #Im probably still gonna be fairly offline for the foreseeable future unless I somehow manage to fix my sleep schedule anytime soon #not to say I will be on any sorta complete hiatus or anything just that Im not getting any more active most likely #not that I think anyone rly cares at this point since its been the norm for a while now but yknow #Ill still be around to answer asks and stuff just dont freak out if I take a lil bit to see it 👍 #anyways enough of being a downer Im actually pretty happy with these even if theyre mostly just doodles #also I havent posted any art of these guys in a While but say hi to them while you can cause theyre back into the void of my brain now #first is keese (the oc™) second is toon and third is clyve #all from different stories but toon and clyve are both from the magic cat universe #their paths never meet tho the closest connection they have has to go through like 4 characters first #you can also tell theyre from different stories because one is anthro and the other isnt lol #generally speaking I consider anthro designs slightly more canon but both are canon depending on the story #not in a shapeshifting way just in a me being an inconsistent bitch sorta way #but yeah keese the oc is much older than either of those two I just dont talk abt them or their story ever #but hey if any of yall remember suckerz those two are besties #suckerz is sort of younger than the other two and sort of much older than all three #shes a sort of updated version of a reallyyyy old sona sort of character I had in like 6th grade I think #back during my lilo and stitch experiment oc era where I had one that was music themed #I also had a digimon variant of her she was called like beatramon or smth like that #she was basically a hypothetical music mascot and shes kind of still that tbh #if I ever get enough into making music that I start posting shit it will be my music mascot

[undefeatablesin]

I love them so much and it is Not Fair!!

#sin speaking #(this blog only exists bc death of sleep is what lured me into the fandom and therefore the game!!) #(they dont get enough love THEY ARE SO SPECIAL LOOK AT THEM) #(i have another embarrassingly long ramble about them in my sideblog drafts which shocks no one im sure) #(ur lashes good hunter!!! by the gods.........) #(trust sin to be obsessed not with one of the main characters and not even a character from the game but one from the comics lmao) #(BELOVED!!!!) #(dont mind me i am spiralling in the whirlpool of my own brainrot again and i dont intend to get out) #(they are so beautiful and quietly tragic and intriguing to me and i am not well about it) #(when i grow up i want to be able to draw comics that look this good) #(says the near 30 year old woman)

[witchspeka]

Thinking about powers... and what they mean to people...

To Mob its a hindrance, an unnecessary addition, something separate from him that's evil and bad and should be contained

To Teru its the complete opposite, it's an integral part of him, of his identity, its something to flaunt and be proud of

To Ritsu its a new thing so he for sure doesnt consider it something natural, I think to him its like with Mob, a separate thing from himself, but not in a bad way? He doesn't view his powers through a negative lens, he just views them as a skill, as something to be learnt, something that's useful and practical, an idea that exists separate from his self

To Ritsu its a tool, a weapon, a defense mechanism. Its a goddamn pipe dream turned reality

#mp100 #cine te a intrebat #mob psycho 100 #ritsu kageyama #only ritsu gets tagged cause i dont talk about the other 2 enough for that whxnwjz #this was started by me thinking I Wonder How Ritsu Views His Powers can u tell #anyway this is also to say that ritsu will eventually learn to view powers as something more casual and use them for every small lil thing #for at least a month or smth. hed be so obnoxious about it. god i just remembered that lil extra i rbed LITERALLY THAT LMAO #man that also reminds me of a drama cd where he says he doesnt wanna use his powers for 'something boring' #WHATS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN... truly the most 13 year old ever... #hes got such a childish way of viewing it once you get over the Coping Mechanism aspect of wanting powers... #how can u look at this kid and make him an edgy caricature. like fr hes such a lil nerd he writes his progress in a goddamn journal cmon now #i should sleep but i miss mob i should rewatch ...............