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#i dont even need to say anything for this one im right
jeon-ify · 11 hours
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| quit staring - song mingi |
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synopsis: it wasn’t the cologne or the grey blazer he put on this evening before the show, nor was it the slight gloss in his lips that made you fall into a craze for the entire night. it was the way his blazer was unbuttoned with nothing underneath. it was the way his chest was so plump with pretty muscles, the crevices and slight contours in his collarbones that made you weak in the knees— weak between your thighs.
warnings: sexting, dom!mingi, sub!bratty reader, reader starts staring hella hard at mingi, degradation (slut, whore, bitch), orgasm denial, fingering, car sex (slight), swearing, if i missed anything, you know what to do!
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there mingi was; stood over you, reaching to grab something on either side of you. the quick scent of his fresh cotton and sandalwood scent sends a rush through your nostrils, as well as the body oil he’d rubbed on his chest. he knew what he was doing tonight— using your favorite products to get you into bed all over him later.
he leans over to whisper something in your ear that you almost didn’t catch, but you force yourself to understand for the good of the group. “keep staring at me with your jaw on the floor so people won’t think something of it,”
you didn’t realize how hard you’ve been staring, but mingi felt your eyes burning holes through his torso all evening. you can’t help it when all you can think of is his hands around your throat while you ride him all through the night.
“i wasn’t staring. and you smell good so its hard not to look,” you whisper back. departing with a smirk, he takes his assigned seat across from you. your thighs nearly clench on their own, unaware of your surroundings.
the conversations and soft music continues to flood the room, as your thoughts continue to flood your brain and trying to control yourself becomes harder by the minute.
you finally decide to make a move on your boyfriend because it can’t keep going on like this. at this rate, if you stand up someone will find a patch of your juices on the chair and a wet stain on the back of your dress.
you turn on your phone and look to your left and right, making sure no one is looking at what you’re about to send.
to: my man
please
i need to go home
my man:
Stop staring at me
No im jp
Whats up? Talk to me
to: my man
i want you inside of me
like all the way inside pls
want u to bend me in half and fuck me
knock my lights out im so fr
with the last of your foul messages to mingi, he looks around and glances at you, smirking before shooting his next few texts.
my man:
Yeah? Do i look that good?
Think u deserve a good pounding from how you controlled yourself all night
Dont u think?
your thighs clench and your heart drops to your ass at the texts mingi just typed back to you, your cheeks turning a flushed berry red, and your nose becoming shiny from the thin layer of sweat hugging your skin.
to: my man
my god mingi
pls lets go home come up with a shitty excuse
say that ur brother just called
say he needs a ride somewhere
my man:
Needy girl
Okay. I’ll let hwa know.
Can u start my car? My keys are in ur purse
*seen*
your hands fidget with your purse on autopilot, rushing to remote start his car. you cannot wait to get home— the feeling is building up and you hope it’s mutual just so you’d get the fucking of your life tonight. you see mingi talking to seonghwa about wanting to go home and somehow it works. whatever he says makes seonghwa look worried for a second, but mingi ends up fleeing in faux worry. you get up and greet everyone with mingi behind you, watching everyone say their good lucks to mingi. hiding a laugh in your throat, you walk out of the door and hurry to the passenger seat of your boyfriends car. mingi follows suit, sighing the moment he closes his door.
“what’d you tell him that made him look so worried?” you begin.
“i told him my brother got sick and i had to drive him to the hospital. i don’t even have a brother,”
“as long as it worked. now let’s go home please, mingi.” the car doesnt move, mingi’s tongue pokes through his cheek as he smirks at you, watching the way your thighs clench and your breathing picks up. he breathes out a small chuckle, almost mocking your neediness. “you just can’t wait, can you?”
“no, baby. i can’t, i’ve waited all day.” your breath hitches in your throat when mingi’s long fingers graze through your inner thighs and up your skirt. he tips his head up to face you, planting a kiss on your chin. he moves his fingers up, pushing your panties to the side and sliding a finger between your folds. he rubs up and down, eliciting a couple gasps and moans from you.
“this what you wanted, y/n?” he stares lasers into your face, distracting you from his thick index and middle fingers plunging into your sopping hole. he curls them, pulling the strings of your orgasm and threatening to ruin his expensive custom leathered seats. “oh my g- slow down! i can’t—“ his fingers move at an ungodly pace, making you oh so overwhelmed with how powerful your orgasm is about to be from his fingers alone. when he doesn’t get the response he anticipates, he lands a harsh slap on your clit making you yell.
“that wasn’t my question. is this what you wanted so bad in front of my friends? what if someone saw the dirty texts you were sending me, hm? would you want that?”
just when you’re about to cum, mingi snatches his fingers out of you, pressing the brake and shifting gears to begin driving home. “if you complain about not cumming, you’ll never see the end of it, am i clear?”
“yes,” you breathe out, fixing your panties and trying to calm yourself to the best of your abilities.
the ride becomes slower and more dreadful, waiting to get home to finally reach an orgasm.
after what feels like hours, you arrive home and rush up the stairs to your bedroom, quickly undressing, waiting for mingi to see you ready for him. you hear his footsteps walking up the stairs, inching closer to the bedroom. he locks the door behind him as if anyone were to walk in.
“if you weren’t my girl, i’d think you were a whore. take your bra off.” the words mingi says to you never fail to make you feel like the smallest of the small, and never fail to make your panties wet. you almost drool on yourself, feeling how his sharp cat-like eyes watch your body move and your tits bounce with the moves you make. he undresses himself and hovers over you, grabbing your leg and putting it over his torso. he plants kisses on your neck, up to your jaw and beginning a hot makeout. your tongue explores every inch of his mouth, sucking and breathing in his venom.
“fuck, mingi. please do something.” he continues to grind over your heat, rubbing against your black laced panties. your wet cunt is visible to him through the lace, making his breath pick up. he leans down to suck a generous amount of skin on your right nipple, making your back arch upwards. he sucks and sucks like his life depended on it, blowing on the spot and sending chills through your chest.
“yeah? want me to be rough with you? think you deserve a good pounding after what you did to me at dinner today?” he brings his fingers down to your clit, rubbing quickly before unnoticingly pushing his fat cock into your hole. you try to answer him by apologizing, but you need a moment to adjust to his size.
“fuck! fuck!” you scream out as he straightens himself upwards and has your legs on his shoulders. he pounds into you quicker, not giving you a moment to relax. it’s skin on skin and it’s raw. his tip is kissing your cervix, making your thighs shake on his chest.
“there you go, pounding you like the good bitch you are. gonna knock you up, yeah? wanna walk around with my babies in you?”
beads of sweat begin to form on the base of his chest and the corners of his forehead, making you clench around him. he feels your orgasm approaching, making him slow his thrusts just to bother you.
this fucker.
“faster, mings.” you moan and cry in hopes that he’ll let you cum, but…
“you’re not cumming yet. i’m cumming first tonight, i deserve it.”
“i can’t hold it mingi please please please!” his pace quickens at an ungodly speed, making you fall silent and mingi groaning and whimpering at the feeling. your stomach clenches and mingi continues his abuse on your pussy.
“fuck, oh my god, baby. should have a gangbang from how good this pussy is. wanna share my bitch with my crew, yeah?” he leans down and lands a slap on the right side of your face, making your eyebrows furrow and your lips out from how fucking good your boyfriend is pounding you. the thought of a gangbang makes your pussy clench again around him, making his eyes darker and his chest heave.
“what a whore. wanna fuck my friends and show off what’s mine? you’re not even ashamed?” he grabs your jaw and makes you look into his eyes.
“n-no, just w-want you to fuck me. i live for you, i’m yours to use.”
“good girl, finally your brain works,” his cock throbs in your heat as his thrusts become shallow and slower. your eyes roll back as you try to hold your orgasm again.
“can i cum? please please please can i cum?” you beg, holding his hand and begging for a release.
“cream on my cock, pretty. let me feel you.”
“th-thank you! fuckkk,” it feels like you’re floating when your orgasm finally reaches and you let all go. mingi stops while he’s still in you, waiting for you to calm down before he shoots his load into you.
“gonna take a picture of my cum in you and send it to the groupchat. how’s that sound?”
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kawataslvr · 2 days
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im craving some soft Mikey x male reader where reader is Draken’s distant relative coming to visit and really wanted to meet the supposed “Invincible Mikey” and when they do meet, they both like fall for each other immediately but dont say anything and Draken’s just so dumb and needs Emma to spell it out to him and hes just like “ohhh…wait what” and then freaks out not knowing what to do to help or something and Emma just ends up calling Hina and Takemichi to help plan some little date thing for Mikey n reader and Takemichi just ends up like patting Draken’s back saying “its ok to not understand how to be a 3rd wheel” lmfao
anywho, Mikey n reader end up together and have regular doriyaki dates or something <3
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Summary : Fluff ,, He/Him ,, no actual warnings ,, Draken is distant cousins with reader,, a lil ooc ig?
SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG IVE JUST BEEN BUSY 😭🙏
A/N : SHDHFJ, please i love soft mikey and you gave me the perfect excuse to write him again.
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Draken and you hung out every once in a while, even with that, you still hadn’t met Mikey in any one of those instances.
Much to your luck, Draken always told you.. but you were still super curious to meet the so called “invincible Mikey” never really getting to see him even if you lived around those parts.
After convincing him to let you meet him, you finally met the so called “Invincible Mikey” much to your surprise he was much more friendly.
Handsome.
Amazing..
Wonderful..
Why was your heart beating so fast now that he wad next to you? You hoped neither Mikey Draken noticed how flustered you were.
Even if Mikey was just as flustered, the conversation went normally. You and Mikey clicked immediately, it was plain to see right away.
Even if you two lived differently.
Draken somehow hadn’t caught on to you twos obvious liking for each other, even if you two were red as tomatoes very time you two accidentally touched.
Of course, when Emma saw you two.. she immediately saw it.
The marria— The way you two looked so cute together. And how both of you were hopelessly inlove.
Emma quickly asked Draken who the guy was , aka you. He told her and she freaked out, starting talking about how you two were perfect together while you and Mikey talked in the distance in the living room.
“Emma the hell do you mean?”
“You don’t see it!? The way Mikey is looking at that dude!?” Draken still didn’t catch whatever Emma was talking about, until they heard Mikey say something.
“You want some Y/N?” Did mikey just offer you his food? Not any, but his Doriyaki? Draken and Emma went silent.
The tall giraffe Draken finally catching on.
“You see what I mean!” Draken nodded and Emma quickly got to scheeming a date for you two.
Calling Takemichi and Hina over to arrange something for the two of you.
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Draken and Takemichi went to go talk to you, Emma and Hina dragging Mikey away while he reluctantly screeched. Not that he couldn’t pull away, but Emma was scary.
You and Takemichi also got along well, but there was an obvious difference between how you and Mikey talked and you and Michi talked. Draken could now tell.
After Emma explained it to him and the hole sharing food situation.
“Mikey, do you like that guy!?”
“eh!?” Mikey was filled with confusion, not because he didnt. But did he make it that obvious? Did Y/N notice?
“It’s obvious! you like him right!?”
“I- Yeah I guess!?”
Mikey didnt really know how to react.
one second he was on the couch with you, and the next Hina and Emma were planning a date for him.
It took a bit of courage to ask you out on said date though.
alot.
alot of courage.
“Y/N, would you like to.. go out on a date with me?”
your heart didnt have to be pounding so fast. It really didn’t nevertheless you accepted his invite and got ready.
Freaking out internally about it.
After a bit of help from Hina (emma helped mikey.. the two planned this out step by step)
you got ready for the date and so did Mikey.
Draken and Takemichi felt like third wheels, Takemichi was used to this while he patted Draken on the back and said “Its okay, you’re gonna get used to this..”
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You and Mikey were so nervous during the date, even if you two were talking normally yesterday.
You both assumed this silly little first sight crush would pass eventually.
Not end up like this.
Why were you so nervous? It was going great, if anything the sate was amazing.
You two ended up being closer, maybe Draken letting you meet Mikey wasn’t a bad idea.
At all.
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krikitunes · 5 months
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Hey, squeaker! (/affectionate /p)
I don't normally do stuff like this but I saw you liked Aizetsu and Gyutaro as a QPR and I have shipped them in secret since before I saw that. So it made my day to find. As an aro-spec person, I don't really see QPRs talked about much either and most people kind of just don't care about them as a result.
Anyway,
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-> the actual point of my submission is that you recently reblogged one of my arts with the tag "good luck charm" as you were denoting affection to it for helping to uplift your mood during difficult times. It really warmed my heart, so I wanted to make something intentionally for you in that vein of "good luck charm".
I know your original tags were in reference to an endouma doodle, but I wanted to toss you something for one of your rarer pairings. (I was shocked to see it in the wild!! /pos)
Hope your week gets better, man!
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I COULD COMPLETELY BURST INTO TEARS,!!!!!!! THEYRE SUCH DORK ASSES I hope someone stuffs them both in lockers they probably already do it to eachother as some odd affection ritual. Weirdos. OBSESSED.. sincerely I do not have the words to describe how MUCH I appreciate this 😭😭😭! Since you sent this things have thankfully gotten better so thank you!! Your charm worked!! (Things are still scary and new! But im feeling much better :-})
actually I am drawing a little something right now for you .holdon.
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they're stargazing :-}.. I have so many little things in my head of these two but I wanted to make something quick right this second in exchange because AGWAA!!IM GRATEFUL!! I'll keep them close to my heart for EVER💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
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nmsxi · 5 months
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todayisafridaynight · 1 month
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WHY did they call it bleach japan in y8 wouldn’t that carry negative connotations after the founder was exposed and subsequently stabbed to death by another high profile member. sure yeah its ominous to ichi but is that worth the risk of bad pr
oh brother dont get me started everything about ebina pisses me off but the bleach japan bit ESPECIALLY jesus fucking almighty that was so annoying
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transxfiles · 3 months
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one of my top 10 hobbies has to be getting added to a large group chat and then people forgetting i am there.
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girlthingdecay · 3 months
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#i kind of want to kill myself. im so disconnected from anything. i have no original thought. everything is scripted#everything is just put together pieces from things ive heard elsewhere and i do not have a single original thought#everyone can see that im masks all the way down and everyone can see that i am nothing underneath and even that is a stolen way of saying it#i have no way of making nothing palatable but i am simply nothing. invite me over and ill try to adapt to you and write a new script based#off new media but if you make me truly comfortable and somehow manage to unplug my behavior then youll be rewarded with me just sitting#beside you on the floor and staring at whatever media you show me without speaking much and only occasionally seeking further warmth from#you#i vocalized it to someone close recently but im a nothing void and i wish people all acted in exactly the way i wanted regardless#i have selfish fantasies about people just doing everything to make everything easy for me and if i were a god i would be an entirely#selfish one#if the right people would go and stay as i please even though im a nothing void and dont deserve them around#if they would all do whatever i needed like gave me cuddles or sex or affirmation or money or treats#if life was one long cycle of being the most treated god by everyone then maybe i could be something i dont know#maybe something could be manifested into me#everyone already projects an idea onto me so maybe a collective idea held by all with a great deal of love would make whatever they say of#me true and maybe then id exist fully#until then oh well#though in reality im just sanitizing a bit. having others fully as puppets serving me isnt something that i want because i think itll “fix”#me by any measures and id likely only grow far more sadistic and selfish but i wish for that world because i could live in perfect comfort#i could do anything i wanted and have anything i wanted and nobody would stop me#sorry this is just like. a long rambling in tags. i should shut up now
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dullahandyke · 4 months
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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faineant-girl · 7 months
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i wish all addicts, in recovery or not, a life free of sorrow forever
#.vent#kinda. im not gonna delete this one though#i just. i sure am thinking about this a lot.#i listen to like. trip report videos or whatever and like. the comments section on every single one. just nasty#theres no sympathy for an addict to be seen. unless they're also an addict or are recovering#my dad is a recovered addict. hes been clean for 6 years. i love my dad and hes a wonderful person.#i obviously still have trauma from when he was actively in his mess. to deny that addicts have caused others trauma is to be reductive.#addicts can cause trauma because theyre people. and people can cause trauma all the same#but the lack of understand or care or basic respect to anyone dealing with addiction is just. appalling.#im sick and tired of hearing the same old fucking phrase that its the addicts fault cuz they decided to take the first hit. like#man how fucking cruel can you be. how heartless ya know.#like its obvious hardly anyone commenting abiut this knows anything about what being an addict is like. like.#i know i dont. ive been sober my whole life right. i do not have the same experience.#but. i have a compulsive disorder that makes me perform a task that is 1 harmful 2 almost entirely out of my control#and i cannot describe to you how difficult it is to ignore that urge. for your mind to know what youre doing is harmful. but#your body physically is not listening to you.#like. its a different thing when its addiction. but being compelled to do something you know is hurting you isnt unfamiliar to me#plus with addiction the added factor that your body becomes physically dependent on a drug and it hurts you for a long ass time to try and#stop and withdrawl can sometimes literally be lethal. its so fucking sad to see people hold not even. like an ounce of sympathy ya know#if an addict has abused you im not saying you need to forgive them. you dont. but not every addict is youre abuser#and while you do not need to be involved. every addict deserves a good life. everyone deserves a chance.#just. god. makes me mad. makes me upset.#if you are an addict especially if youre not in recovery. i hope your days go well. i hope the world gets kinder to you.
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scattered-winter · 7 months
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ducktollers · 7 months
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imma keep it real with u guys idk how im gonna stand the anxiety this semester . and i must stand it i have no choice
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bellincurl · 9 months
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Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.
#ig it's just that unpacking that and ingrained beliefs and the urge to be centered and coddled is#something you have to be doing regardless and i kind of jsut cant respect not doing that#like i care abt ballroom there is a ballroom scene here and my ruminations can play up on anything like#i absolutely cannot engage with the ballroom scene here its not a space for pakeha reslly and i dont want to come off as a white drag race#fan who isnt aware of privilege and wants to be inserted everywhere egotist ect maybe even being into drag at all is problematic ill never#understand ballroom bc i didnt go thru enough and bc im white and z and x and x#and like THAT is disordered thinking that is feedjng off scraps of white fragility and online discourse#but there is truth that the scene here is intimate and new and primarily for maori and pacific and takatapui and that is how it needs to be#like i hope im not wildly off base. idw be one of those ppl who are like just found out abt opression im going to make myself the singular#voice and educator on it coughing at breadtube phenomena kinda thing right right right#like just white ppl bouncing obvious things they just learned back and forth to feel more progressive#i just think ocd isnt a good reason to feed into the left cannibalizes itself cant say anything these days isms of it all and the like#ohhh ur a puritan bc u think cp is bad parts of the net#my self analyzing and ruminations are a thin line but it has genuienly improved me to understand that#your shame and guilt whether it's rational or disordered or not isn't the center of the world and does not need to be coddled#anyway LMAO it did spend 5 hours writing this bc it is disordered and got stuck on it#long post
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myriadsystem · 1 month
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#i cant do it i cant any more im worn out!! and i know i have no right to be!#ive been worn out for a long time. i know everyone has. i know i cant take a break from the internet because Palestine still needs coverage#and now with the *drama* happening on tumblr. i dont want to tag it i dont want o be delet but you know the one#feels fucked to even have to call it drama but im one blog. im one little blog and im gonna be devastated if i get got for speaking out#ive had one blog removed by an authority figure it was soul crushing and i only had that one for like 3 years#this is over a decade of my life. if its gone my soul goes with it so i cant risk speakin out in any way that matters or is too conspicuous#but its all just too much. i need to go grocery shopping and it feels hard and bad. i try to come to my one safe place on the internet#to give me courage but its just post after post about more bad news. i saw a photo of a group of soldiers smiling and laughing#about murdering diabled people and taking their walking aides. i know the captions were people saying how horrible those soldiers were#and the active participation in ending diabled lives those soldiers had to take those photos and im just. why was it posted at all#we know the worlds bad. we know. why are you giving these people more publicity. i dont want to see that sickening smile#i just cant any more. i cant deal with anything its all too much its too much on a personal note and its too much internet wide#but i cant complain about it because im not the one being actievly genocided or harrased and i also cant leave because the people who are#need as much support as they can get and i want to support. i want to help#idk idk im crying im stuck i just wanna be able to get groceries but everything real life and internet is too fucking much
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toytulini · 1 month
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dont get mad at me this is a subjective opinion but like. like i enjoy stardew a lot and this is by no means a criticism, more of like. just a Wish.
I want a game very similar to stardew valley in terms of play and "difficulty" but animated/artstyle like, botw.
#toy txt post#if anyone gets on my ass about this i will turn reblogs off so fast im just wishing and this isnt even hating on the artstyle of stardew#more. wishing i could further customize the house and grow crops in botw or totk#you can do more house customization in totk but its still not enough also my house in totk is like. maxmimum number of buildings#which i cant remember? but its that many of just fish ponds stacked on top of each other in a spiral and then every blood moon i get that#many free easy sanke carp#anyway the point is i really loke both games and i dont hate the artstyle of stardew. but its not like my favorite?#also sorry for making this post more disclaimers than opinion at this point i just really want to get it across that i Like Stardew Valley#and i likw the artstyle and this is not like a call to action on the dev or a demand or anything it is me daydreaming about a game that#doesnt exist. also if i had the controls i have in botw maybe i wouldnt be getting mugged in the mines so much#also im a fake gamer so i dont know all the right terms but i know there are like Other Games that have like the exploration vibe and#probably the ability to customize a house and give gifts to ppl and shit however all the ones im thinking of.........#to be clear here when i say art like botw i dont just mean like oh expensive 3d rendering and all that shit. like a little but like#CRUCIALLY. NOT AIMING FOR REALISM. it (DAYDREAM GAME MADE UP) needs to be stylized bc#listen i was being nice w the sv i dont hate the stardew valley style. im not going to be nice here: i fucking despise games trying to look#like real life and real life ppl every single one ive ever seen is uncanny valley to me EVEN DESPITE the many advancements they have made.#i recognize theyve made a lot of advancements. and i recognize this is also a subjective opinion i hold. but i just think all the ones ive#ever seen are so fucking ugly stop trying to capture the realism just lean into some stylization please im begging youuu#the worst part is there are games whos premise i would probably find interesting? but theyre so fucking ugly im not spending over $40 on#that shit ESPECIALLY if it has the audacity to be first person pov#i can maybe be tricked into it in this regard if its heavily ocean centric. i can be bribed with ocean
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hearties-circus · 1 month
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↖️ *guy that is having such a normal one right now* *guy that totally isn't fucking losing it* *guy that surely isn't about to explode into a million pieces with no idea how to put itself back together this time*
#gamer txt.#i cant i can do this i xant its too hard its too hard#zo yous know that post i made a bit ago? how o said i was fuvking desperate and hanging on by a thread?#well unsurprisingly as it turns out the sevonf ppl extended help i closed mysf back off and started lying again. who couldve daw that coming#ive vroken down plenty of times over the years but ibe always got back up ive bever had a 'i cant do it this time' moment#well i mean. until now#i just cant i cant do it it all hurts so much i cant enjoy anything i dread everutbing theres nothing theres fucking nkthing#it hurts all the time and i xant do anything about oy because no one in this house gives a shit#and i ca t do anything becayse eberyone online is do easy to ignore so easy to lie to#ive never veen this bad before ibe never dreaded life like this#i really dony know if i can xome back fron this#ya know on the 24th i would've been 3 years clean. i relapsed about a 2 months ago i wanna say? im really close to doing ot again#but i dont know if i wkuld stop. nor when i isuallu do anyeay i think i would keep going past what i know i could take#it would be stupid#no one gere would nhtive anything wrong until ot was too late id hust be making the worst mistake of my life#but despiye that. despite everything its so tempting. just for the chance that someone might notice#that someone might actuallu acknowledge theres sometjing wrong with and gove a fuck about me#i know this fanily. i know how they work. i know how they treated my xousin the last 2 tjmes she tried to off herself#but one of them would care right sureky? even just kne#i need someone yo see me to actually fucking see me and not all the walls ibe set up#someone to recognise that im in no state to take care of myself and never has been#something that will fight me when i obviously lie#but theres no way for me to get that#im not stupid enough to risk myself and um too much of a coward to call out in any other way#what the duck an i meant to do?#im a wreck thats too scared to tell anyone#ive been theoen into the middle of the ocean and the water is the strongest ots ever been#and there is the vague imsge of a life boat off in the distance but its too far and ny arm hurt too much to swim#even if i did make my arms hurt too much to climb aboard and theres no one on it to help me up either#so i just have to float here because at least drowning is less shameful than yaving made it to safety and been too weak to grasp it
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beomgyutruther · 2 months
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#snapped at my mom because im stressed about my preboard results and then i apologized and explained that i was rly stressed and accidentally#lashed out and she started saying that im always rude to her and taking my stress out on her ??? and that i never do this to my dad#and then she said i never talk to her about anything even though she's the only one who does everything for me yet i still dont talk to her#and well. maybe if she didnt tell my brother 'if u do this u will end up like ur sister in the future. u dont want to fail in life right ?#then dont do this' (nearly exact words) when she was scolding him . i mean maybe then i would actually want to talk to her#and it sucks because i cant rly talk to anyone irl about this because i still feel scared that they'll like. judge my mom#because i still love her a lot and dont want people to think badly about her#but its getting harder ! to exist here ! and the fact that i am constantly used as an example of what my brother should NOT be#especially when i work this hard partly because i want to be someone my brother can look up to#and to have that come from my own mother . it's really hurtful and makes me feel like nothing i ever do will be enough for her#not to mention the fact that i have come out to her 4 times and she still constantly asks me if it's just a phase#<- i thought that part was getting better but apparently not#but i've stopped expecting anything from anyone in that respect so it doesn't really come as a surprise lmao#anyway rant over i just needed to get that off my chest because i really dont know how long i can keep crying and then forcing my voice#to be normal so that no one asks what happened because wow it is taking a toll on me! who knew#do noooot perceive this
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