#i dont even write because i want people to enjoy it

[felizusnavidad]

"i don't think i'll ever understand musicals the way you do" is something i've heard from one of my friends a couple of days ago when i told him i'm about to cross the whole country just to see one of those (my favourite one!) live in theatre. and i can't blame him. if you'd have told me a year ago that i would do something like that, i'd probably have laughed in your face. life is so unpredictable. i guess i have changed a lot. and i could write thousands of essays about how musicals helped me get through the shittiest period of my life, but we are not going to talk about this today. today we are talking about in the heights, the first musical i got a chance to experience live in theatre, hopefully not last. so grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable, this is going to be the longest essay you've ever seen, friends.

a little warning: spoilers. a lot of them actually. so if, by any chance, you haven't seen/heard it yet and you are going to, don't read it.

first thing i feel like i need to mention is that they had this mini bar inside the theatre and you could order a lot of different drinks there and one of them was called abuela's coffee. i heard one lady explaining to someone that it's actually coffee with condensed milk. my jaw dropped and i was like CAN I STAY HERE FOREVER, PLEASE? for those who don't understand why, here's a quote from the first song:

USNAVI: abuela, my fridge broke, i got café but no con leche ABUELA CLAUDIA: try my mother's old recipe: one can of condensed milk

so this was my first "OH! THEY GET IT!" moment (a little note here: i had a lot of oh, they get it moments, mostly because i don't have any people around me who understand musicals the way i do... honestly, you'd have to live inside my brain). that was the first time ever when i could actually be in the room where it happens with all those people who get it and care about it as much as i do (mostly actors and people responsible for the whole show tho, but we will get to this later).

let's get to the show. so when i finally went inside and i saw the stage, i already had tears in my eyes (don't judge me please). usnavi's store, abuela's door, daniela and carla's salon, all those puerto rican, cuban and dominican flags (one couple behind me was trying to figure out which one is which and it was funny because i knew and i wanted to scream)... listening and memorizing the whole soundtrack is one thing. being able to experience it all live is something else. all those things around me were so familiar and this was the first time in months (MONTHS! OR EVEN YEARS!) i felt really understood. after all, it was all like a little celebration of lin's story (the one i love with all my heart) and i truly felt like home. so that was another OH! THEY GET IT! moment.

i don't think i'm going to talk about every single song here, that's not the point. i will talk about my favourite moments, but also about things that didn't work very well in my opinion (again: this was a polish version so all the songs were translated into polish. and they did a really great job here, surprisingly. but it wasn't perfect, more about that later).

one thing you need to understand is that i will never be normal about musicals so of course i had to burst into tears at the very first song (i don't even know why, i think i was a little bit too excited). i was actually crying in the most random moments like when i first saw nina or at the end of carnaval del barrio because I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT (who the hell cries at carnaval del barrio when everyone is having the time of their lives lol, me apparently).

ok, so the first song. the choreography, oh my god. it was everything. the translation was also pretty good here, i need to say this was probably one of my favourite moments. imagine me leaving today giggling like a child when usnavi came on that stage and started rapping, i was in heaven. also, i have to admit, the cast was amazing. i could never imagine anyone better for this role (and again, i am talking about polish actors because everyone knows who's the best usnavi of them all). he was cute and charming and awkward and so adorkable and also really handsome. he was actually perfect in my opinion.

i kinda lost my mind when i saw nina for the first time. first of all: i already knew who was going to play her and let's just say i fell in love with this actress before i even saw her live on that stage. this was important to me, because (as some of you know) nina rosario is my favourite character. and oh my god, she was an absolute perfection. what a voice, sweet jesus. i'm being serious, this girl is so talented, give her every award (i honestly hope i will have a chance to see her again one day, i'm just crazy about her). and breathe was so good! polish version was amazing, i was so scared they would screw it up, but they didn't, so all's good (this song is very important to me, ok?). also, she's a phenomenal actress, i could feel all her emotions for real. and of course i cried, what did you expect?

i don't have that much to say about benny, except that he was really cute and he had amazing chemistry with nina, so once again, the casting was really good. i mean, he is not chris jackson of course, but i have decided i'm not going to compare all those actors because everyone knows at this point how much i love OBC, i was trying to have an open mind. vanessa was also pretty great, amazing voice and her dancing skills, wow, just wow. i could talk about all those actors for days actually, but i'm not going to do that, so i will just quickly mention that i absolutely loved daniela and carla, abuela claudia made me cry, sonny was the funniest character in the whole play and i don't think i will ever recover after piragua guy's performance (i was the only person in the audience who was laughing when he came on that stage, they don't get it, ok? polish people have no sense of humour and that's a fact). actually, there were a lot of funny moments (obviously) and i was the only person who was laughing, god help me.

so let's get to the first thing that was a little disappointing for me. you will not believe it, but it was actually... 96,000 (this is one of my favourite songs and i seriously can't live like this). it's not the translation tho (it was honestly fine), it's the voice overlapping part at the end (again, the best thing ever, just listen to we don't talk about bruno from encanto and non-stop from hamilton and you will understand why it works so well in every lmm's song). the thing is, you could actually only hear vanessa's part and i wanted to die, because EXCUSE ME. i always sing usnavi's part and you could barely hear a word from it. but apart from that, the rest was fine, the choreography was amazing and it's just something i needed to mention because i had thoughts about it.

paciencia y fe! ok besties, i have thoughts, again. abuela claudia was absolutely incredible, also, her relationship with usnavi is something that you can't see in the movie version (they were so sweet i wanted to curl up and die. i knew about it before, i saw slime tutorial with obc on yt, ok? i'm pretty sure lin would be mad at me for watching bootlegs lol. i just wanted to say this). the translation didn't work out at the very end of the song tho, because when in the og version abuela sings about the "winning ticket", everyone knows already she won the lottery. i don't remember polish translation exactly, but it was something with double meaning, depends on how you interpret it, and i'm 100% sure people who didn't know the plot just didn't catch it. the rest of the song was absolutely beautiful tho.

when you're home. i was so afraid of this one, because i am totally crazy about this song (did i ever mention lin wrote this one after one of his first dates with vanessa? no? yes? ok i'll shut up about this now). oh, they did a really great job with it and it's a relief. i have nothing else to say, except that i was crying like a baby, but this song always makes me cry so what did you expect exactly? one of the best moments for sure. again, nina and benny's chemistry was absolutely incredible.

as much as i loved the club, i was actually really disappointed with one part, which is usnavi's famous "jealous i ain't jealous, i can take all these fellas, wHaTeVaaaaa". i've been waiting so long for this! and they messed it up with their stupid cringy translation which i don't even remember at the moment but usnavi was actually mad at benny and he cursed? ANYWAY. the rest of the song was great and the choreography was absolutely phenomenal, oh vanessa! let me get the next one! (i love her so much, she was amazing here). a little note from me: no one was laughing at the "no hablo ingles" part, NO ONE BUT ME!!! THEY DON'T GET IT! WTF! i was so mad (i am aware of the fact that most people probably didn't even know this story before and they just wanted to see a musical, not THE MUSICAL, which is totally fine. but sweet jesus, where is their sense of humour? they left it at home or what?).

and blackout was that part where the voice overlapping effect worked very well, so all's good. actually, one of the best moments for me as well. people were actually so confused when all the lights went down, but that was just so amazing. all the panic! everybody was screaming, crying! WE ARE POWERLESS! THE END OF ACT I!!! oh, i had the time of my life.

i had this weird feeling that they didn't exactly know how to translate most of hundreds of stories so they just made this song shorter than it actually is. which is fine i guess. honestly, it's better than bad translation, so i can forgive them. what i absolutely can't forgive tho is that the audience wasn't laughing at US NAVY. polish people, you have no fucking taste. i said what i said. and then again, usnavi and abuela's relationship was so sweet this song actually made me cry (mostly because i knew what was coming but also, i was just this weird girl who was sitting there in the second row and was crying at the most random moments).

ok, guys, honestly. carnaval del barrio was the best moment from the entire musical. oh, how much i want to experience it again! daniela was absolutely incredible, carla was so sweet, piragua guy stole the whole fucking show for me (seriously guys! he was just so amazing!). also, those little details i have never noticed before? i can't even tell if the same thing happened in the original version (the quality of that bootleg is actually terrible), but benny dancing with american flag somewhere in the background was so fucking funny and i don't think i will ever get over that part where at the end they were all still dancing and celebrating and nina and usnavi just ran away as fast as they could because... because you guys know what just happened. also, this is the moment i started crying.

i was so scared of it. let me tell you one thing, i experienced abuela's death at least fifty times and i still cry every single time. so atención is something i have to mention, because all the emotions and kevin's shaky voice made me burst into tears right away, and this time i wasn't the only one because i saw a lot of people crying when they realized what happened (i also heard a lot of OHs when he said abuela passed away, so yes, most of them didn't know this story and they were surprised). and alabanza was something else. believe me when i tell you i am writing this with tears in my eyes, i have never cried so much in public. this was the moment i was the most scared of and i was absolutely right because holy fuck. i was a mess. all the actors with those candles singing alabanza a doña claudia! (yes, they didn't translate it, all the spanish parts were left like in the original version and i am so grateful for that), it was just so sad and so beautiful. and this time i was actually like oh, they get it now (everyone was speechless and people were crying).

everyone must know at this point how much i adore champagne and i wasn't disappointed (thank god!). once again, usnavi was absolutely adorable here and people were actually laughing this time (also thank god!). how do you get this gold shit off? (my favourite line from the whole musical) was translated really well and the moment when usnavi and vanessa kissed! with all lights on them! this was so emotional and the audience reacted so well! we were all clapping (it was so funny to pretend like i didn't know it was gonna happen haha i was just as excited as all of them and once again i was like OH! THEY GET IT!). 10/10, would recommend.

if you think i wasn't crying during the last song, think again. one thing i absolutely hate about the movie version is that they actually changed the graffiti that made usnavi stay in washington heights, but i'm not gonna talk about that and i'm not gonna talk about vanessa also being there in the movie. in the original version it was a portrait of abuela claudia made by graffiti pete and oh boy, i lost my mind (i knew about it but i still lost my mind because it was absolutely beautiful). i got the feeling it was a little rushed in our polish version, but i can forgive them because it still made me cry. also, at the very end, usnavi did not only finally acknowledge he's home, when the song was over he pretty much told the audience that we are all home right now and may i just say... i felt that. i was home. they made me believe for the first time in my life i was where i belong, and somehow that was everything.

one thing about me is that this is actually all new to me. this was my first musical i saw live in theatre (and also lin's first child, which is exactly how it was supposed to be i think), and believe me when i tell you i've never had this much fun in my entire life, not even at all the concerts of my favourite artists. it was worth every money. it was worth spending 11 hours on the train and 11 more on my way back home, which by the way we should normalize (people are doing crazy things just to see their favourite artists on the stage and it's considered normal, so why can't we consider THIS normal?). anyway, i don't expect anyone around me to understand it the way i do, but i feel like i really found my thing, and it's all because of lin-manuel miranda, our beautiful puerto rican genius. he made me believe musicals can be cool and i truly wish i could thank him for that one day.

and like i said, in the heights is my favourite story with my favourite characters and i listened to it so many times i have memorized all the little details. experiencing it live is something completely different tho and i think it's safe to say this was the best night of my entire life. even tho most of the people in the audience didn't really get it, i finally felt like i was a part of this world created by my favourite genius and for the first time ever i felt understood. so i think i can say that now: i found my island, guys, i'm there, i'm home!

#if you were able to read the whole thing: congrats #also another note from me: i apologize for all those “they get it” “they dont get it” #i swear to god i am not making fun of anyone #you guys just know how much i am into it #and if other people were just there to enjoy it it's totally fine! #not everyone has to be obsessed! #but i am! #so i just wanted to explain it ok? #good. #also i apologize for it being so long but i had so much to say and i still feel like i didn't say everything i wanted #feel free to leave a comment or ask any questions if you want #now if you think i will finally shut up about in the heights on my silly little blog think again #i love it even more now if that's possible #and another explanation: i'm gonna tag this as my countdown because again i want all my ith posts in one place #thank you for your attention #poppy's countdown* #poppy's writing essays* #(not gonna tag this as ith cause this is only for my moots cause you guys get it) #(the last time one of my ith posts was seen by people who dont even know what that is i was depressed for days but that's another story) #(iykyk) #(and you know cause you left me tons of sweet messages guys i love you)

[oozeandgoo-art]

had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.

#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading #oc #im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people #im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though #besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol #sketch #god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking #colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING #and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement #it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it #put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead #ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it #the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does #rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you'' #however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here. #includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares #which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down #and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that... #(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL) #seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.

[corpsentry]

have you played the newest loz game?? your fics for the series are my favourite ever

so here's the deal. i bought totk the day it released. i got it. i started playing it but then we went on our long awaited planned it for 3 years 1 week vacation and less then 48 hours after i'd returned from that BAM, i was in australia. and what was there to do now? we played taiko, dog, so much taiko, we lived together, 3 college kids in an apartment with a balcony with a view of the city skyline. it was the craziest thing i'd ever done. i loved and cried and fought and learned and grew and got so mf good at taiko and learned that there was still more to do and cooked and cut onions and ate obscene amounts of yogurt and then when it was over it was already august and we were standing at the airport sobbing into each other's shirts not wanting to let go but eventually we did we got on our planes home and then, only then, did i find the space in my heart and schedule and hands to play totk. three weeks later, i was in america

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the real problem at the heart of this affair is that i still haven't found my motherfucking glider. where the fuck is it. i've combed the map north to south east to west i've found every goddamn character in the game but purah. purah you selfish selfish lady. where are you? where are you??????

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and so it was that they would not finish totk not for another several months not for possibly years. which is not to say that i don't want to, i miss writing fanfiction, i missed the drama and the scope of our ambitions and the burning need to write write write but i was also madly depressed and anxious and not doing well and that's where the writing came from, yknow dog? it existed because there was nothing else i could do. it saved my life. and now i am no longer in need of saving, now i've saved myself, i've been searching for years and years for the place where i can have my friends and lovers and stories and also have this. i still haven't found it. but i'll let you know when i do

#replies #it's a hard thing to juggle Life #you see. idk how the fuck people with jobs still hang out in fandom like that shit's wild to me #my farts are extra smelly today. i also go to one of those liberal arts schools where if you dont put in the work u actually do die #and i enjoy the work. and the taiko. god the taiko #guys i started playing taiko because of my ex and then i played more than her and got better and i love taiko so much #i want to do it for the rest of my life dude. that's where all my time went #instead of going home in the evening i go to the studio and we DON KON DOKO DON DOKONKO DOROTSUKU #and it's so good. i feel strong (will be stronger when i fix my health problems) and alive and good #and that's where the part of my heart i saved from writing fanfiction on the internet is right now i think #what can i say. it's fucking beautiful out here #im glad i wrote what i mustt admit is pretty damn good zelda fic. im glad im here right now #so it goes

[thefrogdalorian]

Having of those moments where I wish to yeet the like button into the sun or maybe make it so there was setting you could turn on so that people can only reblog posts (even better with the minimum requirement of adding at least one tag)!!

It's kind of absurd that one of my fics is getting close to 500 notes while simultaneously being one I've had the least actual human interactions come from. Like...... come on, that's now how it should be AT ALL!

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled people are clearly finding it and I guess enjoying it(??) but just having endless likes without people letting me know what they enjoyed about it or even if they liked it kind of makes me sad. That's not why I want to share my writing here!

I love having those little human connections with others. I don't ever want my writing to feel transactional. I would love to talk to more people about things I've written. It's truly one of the best feelings and I would hate to lose that, the more I write or the more notes my fics get. Please don't be shy!! I get the social anxiety, but there is no reason to be. I am truly just a Din Djarin obsessed loser.

Anyway, whine over. I don't want to focus on the negatives here and I appreciate every single person who has ever left a positive interaction with something I've written. You are truly a light!

#i don't JUST like posts too often #really the only posts i dont reblog but like are to save for later or if it's too personal/explicit #or i guess i have nothing to add and OP has said it all yknow #but if i see some writing or art i love then hell yeah i always force myself to add at least one tag i like just so the artist/author sees #otherwise it feels like a hollow transaction and i really want people to know i appreciate their art more than just pressing a button yknow #and I KNOW it's intimidating at first to interact with others!! TRUST ME i get it and i'm still awful at it #but just one little comment can make someone feel so good about their writing... why wouldn't someone want to try that at least #especially if you enjoyed it!!! even a key smash or a string of emojis!!! #and the death of the tumblr tag is SO SAD because where else am i meant to talk to you lot? #i mean these tags are longer than my actual post and that's the beauty of tumblr #you don't have to perceive me down here but you can if you wish and i love you for that! #and it's a nice way to organise your blog to make it navigable for others #ANYWAY said i was done whining and continued whining down here so there's that LOL but i always want to interact with more people #please do not be afraid of reaching out to me! scroll through my blog for 5 seconds and you'll see what a nerdy loser i am #akdjgds i mean aren't we all here #spud rants #writing #but thanks again to anyone who leaves nice comments im giving you a (consensual) forehead smooch MWAH

[legofemme]

Vani writing tips + personal thoughts that noone asked for but you will be hearing

1: longer is Not always better. If youre telling a story, then your audience doesnt need 3 pages worth of side material. If youre writing to genuinely draw in an audience and tell a story then you need to not treat it like a game where the goal is to get the highest wordcount possible. You should be treating yourself And your audience with respect and making sure the words you use make an impact rather than trying to fill empty space. Brevity is your friend

2: if you need to make a clarification that your work doesnt endorse what your protagonist is doing, or needs to clarify that the protagonist is a Bad Person, then youre not mature enough to be writing that material. At best it shows that you dont understand the nuances of writing villain protagonists, and at worst it looks like you think your audience is too stupid to understand that saying slurs is a bad thing.

3: you cannot attempt to break the rules of writing if you dont understand them in the first place. You arent douglas adams. You arent Mark Danielewski. You need to stop and learn how to use a semicolon and a hyphen and how different words help describe things before you try to make a thousand word 'stray from traditional storytelling' . At the very least learn the basics from a youtube video

4: YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE DIALOGUE EVEN IF ITS BAD. You cannot dodge around dialogue by just having back and forth phrases in quotation marks. And no marker you use to differentiate speakers is going to be anywhere close to just using "he said" or even "he yelled". Youre robbing yourself of crucial storytelling materials. Even if you dont want to learn every part of how to write you Need to learn how to do dialogue or your entire story is going to crumble

#vani verbals #reblogs turned off just cuz i dont feel like seeing this shared everywhere. #peoples opinions on what good writing tips are vary and i dont want someone adding onto or subtracting from my points #but these are just basic things that i notice early writers do. none of it is bad. and you get better with practice #but at the same time. as a reader some of these things really frustrate me. i dont like reading a 10k fic that couldve been 4k if it wasnt #full of random shit that doesnt belong there. i dont like struggling to read 'dialogue' because the person who wrote it doesnt know how #i dont like having a characters actions explained to me because the author assumes im a tiktok using 14 year old who doesnt know what #nuance or critical thinking are. new writers need to understand that even as a new writer there are things they need to do to make their #audience enjoy the work. again im all for new writers! i love it! but you need basic knowlege /with/ that practice yknow #AAANYWAY . just some of my thoughts #feel free 2 leave ur takes in the replies btw i want 2 hear what u guys think. just not in a reblog where it could explode and get annoying

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized. #and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this- #-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace- #-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it- #-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it. #fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get- #-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over. #i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement. #its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every- #-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past. #even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

[tunderilona]

maybe its because its january but im going back to being depressed i think

#also now im convinced i wont go out this year clubbing only maybe once or twice if im lucky. for some reason. i just have this feeling #and if thats true i will kill myself����👍 #sorry my life is so fucking boring i dont do anything bc i have no interests anymore #i dont even care about my so called hobbies tbh like what even is the point of them. im not even having a good time #wanted to go bouldering but idc about that either anymore for some reason. it costs too much anyway #and i dont want to read a single book and i ESPECIALLY dont want to write anything ever again. i dont even enjoy these things anymore #and my average workday looks like i go home go to sleep wake up eat dinner and go back to sleep. and my weekends look like #i wake up eat breakfast lay in my bed not doing anything bc i dont care about anything really eat lunch go to sleep wake up #eat dinner go back to sleep 👍 #i want to go out more often but its so hard finding people for that especially on a weekly basis but i hate being home so much #i fucking hate sitting in my room and i dont want to go out alone because im so bored of doing everything alone all the time #i go grocery shopping alone i go to the bookstore alone i check out the library alone i go to a cafe alone its all so boring

[renniethedwstan]

Eleventh Doctor.

I have a hot take, I think Eleven is better than Ten.

Reason?.......I'm not telling you guys the reason because it's just my opinion, and everyone is allowed opinions, so please just be respectful.

Also, just to clarify, I don't hate Ten at all. I love the Tenth Doctor era so much because Ten is my first Doctor, and he introduced me to Doctor who. but Eleven is the reason why I'm still obsessed with Doctor who.

#eleventh doctor #doctor who #matt smith #tenth doctor #david tennent #i just think Ten is a Doctor people always watch first because hes pretty so that means people always end up missing out on nine #then because they like ten so much they sometimes become very closed minded and have to much high expectations #yes its okay to have expectations but people wanting David Tennant back permanently as the doctor because they don't like the writing #or casting is a bit stupid. just enjoy the show mate #and if you dont like the new writing or casting just switch it off stop bloody moaning #Doctor who is for everyone and not everyone is going to like the same thing #and certainly not everyone wants to have david back just becuse youre feeling nostalgic and cant handle change #just accept that #i love eleven because hes the kind of doctor that acts happy but really hes just really good and putting on a face #hes super dark and his stories are absolutely amazing #some are scarily underrated like why is no one talking about these more #even though there was some romace in elevens run it wasn't constantly and i actually liked river #i cant stand s2 rose #she became so boring in s2 which sucked because i loved s1 rose she was so sassy and spunky #in s2 she just becomes......idk theres nothing she just becomes annoying #i used to love tens era as a kid but as ive gotten older the more ive actually gone......ughh cant be arsed to watch #and thats because its just....it takes a lot of effort for me to watch ten #and almost every person ive met saying ten is their favorite #doesn't helo at all especially when they say they only watch ten and completely ignore the others #it just makes me so bloody annoyed like if youre gonna watch it WATCH THE OTEHRS TOO AND DONT SKIP NINE #im so sorry for that rant im just so tired of hearing about ten #i just wanna hear people talk about 9 #11 #12 #and 13

[i-luvsang]

need to not have my mom sit next to me while i'm writing fanfic thank you very much

#listen i adore visiting my grandparents #like truly #but this time around i have no private time basically #because they dont have ac so i can't stay in the attic room bc it's TOO HOT #so i'm sleeping on the couch in the living room #and that's fine chill i am not burning to death and i'm grateful for that love it #but now i can't write fanfic without the risk of my mom seeing #not the end of the world if she did but she'd probably be weird abt it #feel like she knows i do but #idk she didn't know i was gay so #anyways!! #it's just hard to be writing ff rn #like thank fUCK i wasn't writing smut i think i wouldve DIED #but like all the requests i want to be getting done are smut #and so even if there aren't people IN the living room #i don't particularly enjoy writing all this nASTY ASS SHIT while my grandma is cooking dinner in the other room yknow ??? #or like. anyone could walk in and sit down next to me or in the armchair at any moment #and i really just prefer to write smut not in the presence of other people esp my family at that !! #anyways lol #not like majorly frustrated or anything #but i want to be doing my milestone requests for my other blog and :') #it's just slower than normal lol #hopefully i can pump out the jongho one tonight or at least start #and then i'm going home tomorrow so i'll be chilling after that #anyways! adventures with maria

[kjqhaujdffjryakhf]

i feel like a different person

#its been permanent #i just dont feel the same #i dont enjoy the same stuff anymore #not as in ive just changed interests i mean i just dont experience enjoyment the same anymore #hope that makes sense #im paranoid and want to cut myself off from everyone i know #ive barely been eating unless its something i can make myself basically from scratch #because if anyone else gives it to me its been poisoned or has razors #i cant play games or write or do things anymore because i feel like i have hidden cameras in every room im in #and i dont even know who put them there #i feel like people i know/talk to have some way of contacting my family members and tell them about me #or find things out from them #i cant join groups or chats or servers anymore because people i know are already there on alt accounts i wont recognise #and i cant be embarassing in front of them #im scared to go to sleep because someones going to come in and hurt me #or someone will break in my window #i spend at least 30 mins every night just imagining that scenario playing out #im scared and i dont trust my head because it feels different and i dont know what to do #sorry if ive missed anything important by the way. ive barely been checking tumblr

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

#wl26 #<- little weirdo #SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!! #i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it #and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy #but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it #and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made #but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it #n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that #this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends #and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift #and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands #except for sounds i suppose #but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture #and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return #and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that #but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd #this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please #wouldnt that be so nice #this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018 #5 years... god

[scorndotexe]

I hate fake freaks, why the hell are people freaking out about the grave scene in Saltburn? I haven’t even seen the fucking movie and even I know it’s supposed to be symbolic/thematic/representative WHATEVER

nah anon you've got it wrong i need it to be about 30-75% more intense. there should have been actual necrophilia. cannibalism too actually. also no shitty twist at the end so the symbolism of the acts remains relevant. i know you havent seen it but jesus christ it was such a bad film

anyway people are freaking out because they don't actually care about the themes or symbolism of saltburn they just want to be like "ooooh this film is sooo fucked up oh my god emerald fennell is a sick sick woman."

#wrong ask to send me hfdjkshfg #i loveee the symbolism dont get me wrong but i'm here wishing there was more fucked up shit #saltburn was NOTHING in terms of fucked up films. i've watched more fucked up films on an average tuesday. and enjoyed them more #because they're better constructed #i do think one of the faults of the grave scene. if we're talking about it divorced from the "ohhh this film is so fucked up'' thing. is #that it has no real thematic relevance. same with the bathtub scene #i cannot appropriately discuss them within the context of the film in the way i want to (about whether they went far enough) because #the last act of the film negates everything we've seen so far #not in terms of lying to us. but in terms of oliver's motivations #and it makes so many of oliver's actions entirely unnecessary #it's entirely inconsistent #''ohhh but he's an unreliable narrator'' #that still doesn't make it a well constructed narrative about an unreliable narrator #yes he's an unreliable narrator. and then he goes and tells us what the audience has already figured out. #it's sloppy. it's sloppy writing. #it doesn't trust the audience enough for that aspect. and i'm not sure if making an oliver an unreliable narrator on that second layer #even *was* intentional #anyway anon all of this is for people who have seen the film not you #asks

[junkie-virus]

anyways. i have been feeling vaguely unsatisfied with media. mainly queer media . i dont know it all feels the same. of course maybe i could widen my horizons though i dont know where to start but im kind of tired of the halfway-redonating. i can never really fully resonate with any queer media because it only wver focuses on one identity in a way i can’t relate to because mines are heavily influenced by one another . only ever gay/bi. only ever trans. only ever white. only ever allo. etc etc

#ro rambles #i dont know this makes sense but this is my diary im writing in bloodsoaked with my sparkly pink pen and a fuzzy end with a cat bell and ri #bons #also u can literally never ever escape top/bottom bullshit in fandom. its a neverending powerplay #i do enjoy contrast ships but its always one enjoying one being coy or shy or reluctant or whatever. #idk im not even one of those niche high class media people or whatever i just want more trope subversion #or allowing characters to be versatile & dynamic (ha half joke) #not just one note always #idk im alays looking for ways to subvert things and that does lead to me being like “is this even in character anymore? like the obvious ch #oice is obvi because their personality would influence them into making that choice. but u can make it in character hilst making them choos #something that seems unexoected for them. yk. #im rmbling. #because its my blog and i can. #(aggressive) #i encourage recs but if its geaveyard boys or whatever its called dont do it i already bought and tried reading & dod not like it. #dropped it but so desperate maybe ill try it again #i just have a grudge bc its one of tge only rep i have covering like. an okay amount of bases & that i was hoping to relate to #BECAUSE EVERYONE SUGGESTS IT WHEN YOU ASK FOR BOOKS WITH THAT CERTAIN REP #& it dissapointed me #ah well #im talking. im talking . #trying to make my own gay people. settling on that. though character deesign hard…. #my thoughts are nowhere near fone but this is liter so stream of consciousness that theres no point #no sense #im just yappin #am a professional #could fo this forever

[feliciteacup]

i just realized i havent posted here in weeks oops

i have a youtube and a tiktok where i post mostly everything but i keep forgetting to post it to here too 😭 so if you like my stuff maybe you should follow me there instead of here

honestly i dont know if theres even like a community or interest for voice acting on tumblr or anything but im still here just less active here than other places!

[lots of rambling in the tags...]

#idk #i just have fun with it even if i can barely find an audience #maybe its the fact that im so late to it? #i watched mlp from like 2013-2015 then fell out of it and only got back into it last year #and only started ''voice acting'' since february #and all the mlp voice acting videos i see on youtube are from like 2016-2020 when i was not in the fandom #so maybe i just missed the height of popularity or whatever #but people in the mlp discord servers im in seem to enjoy it so i like that #i would like to join servers specifically for mlp voice acting communities since i want to make friends who do this kinda stuff too #but idk if those even exist? #is this like a niche interest and hobby now idk #i just like doing it because it brings me joy #and ive been happier than i ever was before these past few months ive been doing this #and ive become more confident #not cringing at listening to my own voice anymore #not as scared to post my voice to the internet #ive found something i enjoy doing and even if other people dont care thats fine because i care and i have fun doing it #and i know no ones reading this and im just writing this for myself but its good for me to write all of this out somewhere

[caffeinatedopossum]

I've always really wanted to make music (almost all of the 250 notes on my phone are lyrics I've been compiling for months and there were hundreds more on my other phones that are lost forever now) but I've been so scared and idk why. I should just do it because I think I'll regret not doing it but there's so many things I'm scared of.

I feel overwhelmed when people talk about making music and it sounds so hard and like their process is so intense and requires so much knowledge and equipment and and *insert x thing they need here* and I'm over here, recording a bit of audio on my phone and trying my best with pre-made instrument loopers on a free app. Idk, it's like somehow people convinced it can't be easy or I'm doing it wrong and I honestly still don't know if they were right or not

#im also so scared about people not liking my music #but also scared of people liking it too #its like i dont want people i know to hear it i think because their opinions matter too much to me maybe #im scared people i know will like it and actually really listen and realize im talking about myself and see me differently or smthn #its not that theyll see me differently... its that theyll see me at all #thats a terrifying thought #but sometimes i also wonder if some stranger on the internet will listen to a song- maybe just once or twice #but for a small moment theyll be there with me in a way #getting lost in what the song feels like and appreciating it #maybe it will be the shitty song someone shows their friends when they pass the aux #maybe as an artist I'll be some small treasure to a few people. something that they feel they can keep forever even tho it isnt me #idk i like those thoughts i think. i dont want to be famous or anything i just kind of want it to be recorded #i want to be able to be seen even i dont ever decide i want that #i want to make something that i love now and in 5 years listen back on and go 'wow this sucked ass lmao. good for him' #i want to know something and i dont know what it is but i feel like if i keep digging and writing and exposing myself #and thinking and trying and making things... maybe I'll be able to give form to some new concept #maybe ill put it into words- what i really want to say but dont know how to. maybe ill make something out of these abstractions and chaos #and most of all... maybe I'll actually enjoy it too

[kylo-skywalkerr]

Confession time im not really into Anidala. Yes, I like the angst! The love that made vader the cruel and broken man that he became! That's cool and all.

But idk I didn't really like the characterization of Padme in the prequels. She could hold her own a bit, but the writing was so. ??? She didn't give that much of a shit about Anakin slaughtering an entire race, including their women and children who didn't do anything wrong and was like. "Anakin wtf :( How are you evil? Why would you kill those younglings?? This isn't like you!" Girl, he did that a few years ago to the sand people! You just didn't view them as "human" enough to see it as a red flag! At that point, you deserve to die from something as stupid as being very sad! Bitch it wasnt even just the flag that was red, the whole house was, and that red was the blood of the innocents that Anakin had previously spilled pre-vader 😭 You knew about most of this!

And yes. You can die from a broken heart, but it isn't... like that. She could have died from intense stress instead and had a heart attack or something, but they gave her the weakest reason to die. A broken heart. Tbh, it would have been cooler if it actually was the injuries from Anakin that killed her. It would at least be less... victorian era woman cliché where women can't handle intense emotions without fainting or dying. Obi wan didn't die from sadness. Ahsoka didn't either. They all loved him far more than they should have, and platonic love absolutely does measure up with romantic love. They painted padme as strong and then threw it all away to give Vader a reason to be Vader.

Disclaimer, I think Padme's an okay character, just a bit bland and inconsistently written. I'm also biased since I'm not huge on the prequels, but I dont mind them either. It's more of an "eh" compared to my love of the OT and spiteful love of the ST. They tried to make Anidala a romeo and juliet tragedy, but it reads more like Musk and Grime's whole "This isn't your heart." stuff.

#augh vaders so damn cool but they could have done so much more with their relationship! i dont enjoy them #han and leia? amazing. straight people real #but i just dont feel the same about anakin and padme #if you have propoganda in their favor share it w me because im really trying to see what people find interesting outside of #their relationship's consequence #ive seen some cute skywalker family art but the writing is all the same. shes just a mom/wife stereotype #but i may be biased since i really hate the direction the vader comics went in #where vader became super ooc for padmes placeholder chick even after realizing she wasnt actually padme #and it was just so lame!!! like this mf is so insane about padme #youre telling me that he'd just replace her? the same man who tried to re-write the universe to bring her back? (vader immortal) #man i want to like padme so bad but im struggling #posts that would get me death threats and called the r slur on facebook/instagram #it's happened before just bc i said i didnt hate the sequels