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dr4cking · 3 years

Text

His Mother’s Garden.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | enemies to lovers

a/n : this is so random bye :”

"y/n, come down here for a minute, darling. i have something to tell you" y/n sighed slowly getting up from her lovely bed as she heard her mom called her to come downstairs.

"yes, mother?" her mom greeted y/n with a big smile while her father sitting on the couch, y/n feels like she was going to be interrogated, she grabbed a bottle of water and drink.

"sweetie go pack your stuff and dress nicely, we're going to stay at Malfoy Manor for 3 days." she felt as if her breath got taken away somewhere when she choked on the water, her mother worriedly run to her and smack her back.

"pardon me, mother. but i think i've misheard about what you just said" y/n's mother just chuckled at her daughter's reaction.

"no darling, you heard it right, we're going to stay at their place"

"but why so sudden, mother? you know i hate their son" y/n whines loudly thinking about how awkward it is to spend the day with the malfoys.

"well i met narcissa earlier in gringgots, its been so so long, you know we're very close when we were young, and your dad here is working at the ministry with lucius malfoy too, darling. so we really have to catch up" her mother explained it with her bubbly energy, she did tell y/n how she and narcissa were basically best friends in their time.

"but why do we have to literally stay there? we could've just hung out there and then go back home" y/n frowns, taking a seat beside her father.

"of course not, narcissa is the one who suggested the idea and it would be rude of me to reject it, now dont be a baby and do as i say its only for three days, honey. this is the end of the discussion or we're gonna be late" her mother cupped her cheeks smiling so wide and give her a little kiss on her right cheek before taking her hand and shoved her to go back to her room.

she goes to her room, started to packing while blabbering about her mother, she picked a pleated skirt and putting on a knit sweater, she put on a light makeup and grabbed her sneakers, she doesnt want to dress up so much because she didnt want to go in the first place.

she takes her bag with her going downstairs seeing her parents already waiting at the front door, she huffed.

——————————————

"ah, finally the (your surname)'s here! y/m/n, who is this lovely lady, is this y/n? oh my god, you've grown up" narcissa said as she hugs y/n after she hugged her mother greeting her family, y/n smiles and nod turning the gesture politely.

"lucius, draco! hurry, come here."

both of the platinum blonde-haired men appeared at the door, lucius greet y/n's father, giving y/n a small nod, but draco stayed behind his parents, just looking up and down at y/n smirking making her rolled her eyes at him.

the malfoys lead her family in, showing their room for their stay, the house elves taking their things. as y/n wanted to follow her parents, a hand grabbed her wrist stopping her steps.

she looks up only to meet the boy she loathed so much in their school. draco lucius malfoy.

"not so fast y/l/n" draco pulled her closer, a smirk still plastered on his lips.

"get your filthy hand off of me, ferret. i’m not in the mood." y/n snickered yanking her hand back.

"ooo, feisty. listen y/n, i just want to make a peace for awhile. at least can we try to be civil? i dont want to ruin our parent's moment, and besides that, you're staying in my house, i dont want it to be awkward." draco rubbed the back of his neck staring at her.

"ugh fine, whatever draco" y/n turns and run to follow her parents not wanting to talk to draco for any longer, leaving draco behind who just rolled his eyes at her behavior.

the day goes on so fast, their parents talked and chatted all day, leaving draco and y/n no choice but just to listened and joined their conversation, they both wonder if their parents ever get tired, as the night finally came, everyone already going to their rooms.

y/n wake up from her sleep groaning, she took a look at the clock, it was 2 am.

she rubbed her eyes, her throat feels so dry, she decided to go downstairs to grab a drink before going back to sleep.

"what are you doing at this hour, y/n?" y/n turns around from the refrigerator finding draco who stood behind her with his grey sweatpants. merlin's beard, he looks hot.

"cant you see im drinking, idiot"

y/n close the refrigerator and started to walk back to her room wanting to avoid draco as fast as she can but she only made three steps before draco pushed her against the refrigerator trapping her making y/n let out a squeal.

"you’ve got a big mouth, dont you sweet thing?" draco smirk seeing her flushed face, he pressed his body closer to her making her cheeks heated.

"d-draco i-"

"sshh, cat got your tongue now, hm?" draco rubbed his thumb on her bottom lip, tugging at it making y/n shivered at his touch.

"oh i see you like this, yeah?" draco leans into the crook of her neck, his hot breaths against her neck got y/n to rub her thighs together and draco placed his knee between them keeping her thighs apart.

he starts to pressed kisses along her neck causing her breath hitched, her panties are dampen when she takes a look at his lower part and his hard on brushed against her heat, she let out a soft moan and quickly pushed draco away from her.

"i- i should go" y/n runs to her room, cursing herself, draco behind her just chuckled deeply, satisfied at her reaction, but now he got some problem to take care of.

the next day came, y/n didnt get so much sleep after her last interaction with draco, just thinking about it makes a blush appeared on her cheeks, she threw away the thought of touching herself last night.

she quickly made her way to the bathroom and took a shower.

she just finished showering, putting on a bathrobe and letting off the towel on her head, but as she looked at the mirror, she screamed.

why is her hair green?!

only one name crossed her mind, she runs downstairs to get her target with anger bubbling up inside her.

"draco lucius malfoy! you better come back here! turn my fucking hair back to its color!" y/n yelled, running as fast as she can, catching draco who already ran away from her, without stopping his laughter.

"dont worry y/n, you look good with g-green" draco was panting heavily still laughing, he was still running but stopped at his mother's garden hiding behind it, hoping that y/n didnt catch him here. a smile never leaving his face.

but before draco could react more, he got tackled to the ground, y/n was hovering above him, her wand on his throat, threatening him.

she keeps talking but all he could think about was how hot y/n look on top of him, her new hair color still wet enough to drip the water down to his face, her top of the robe is low enough to show him her cleavage.

he quickly made his eyes back up to her, he would lie if he said this didnt turn him on.

"draco did you hear what i said? turn my hair color back!" y/n pushed his chest back down but her face redden as she realizes what was she doing right now, she quickly gets off of draco but only to be flipped over by him.

y/n was about to say something but got cut off by draco silencing her mouth with a kiss, he kissed her harshly, y/n was still in shock but not for long she melted into the kiss, she wrapped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss, they're practically swallowing each other faces, tongues fighting over the dominance, moans coming off from their lips without breaking the kiss.

memories of last night coming back to their minds.

"fuck- you're so fucking hot. do you want this y/n?" draco said as he pulled away, breathing heavily.

"yes, yes please, draco" with that, draco attached his lips to her neck, sucking and biting making a mark of his.

y/n rolled her hips on his crotch grinding against him making him let out a soft grunt, he pulls away to admire his work and he goes to untie her robe but not before he asked her permission, she nodded vigorously.

draco untied her robe making her body fully exposed in front of him, he moaned softly at the view and his lips instantly latching onto her nipple sucking and pulling it between his teeth softly making the girl squirmed. his other hand grabbed her breast squeezing it, he was amazed at how her breast fit perfectly in his hand.

y/n tugged at his shirt signaling she wants it off, draco gets the hint and takes it off, she pulled his sweatpants down making his hard cock slapped up to his stomach. she whimpered at his size wondering if it gonna fits in her.

draco groaned at the feeling of her hand pumping his cock up and down, her thumb playing at his red swollen tip, precum already oozing out of it. he stopped her hand before he cums right there.

he spreads her legs wider making the perfect view of her glistening cunt in front of him, he licks his lip, started to kiss her thighs before going to her core making her body jolted out.

"draco.. please, do something" draco smirk, he loves how he gets y/n to beg him, she sounds so hot, begging suited her.

he licked up her slit before sucking on her clit, he moaned at her taste, sending vibrations to her body, y/n gripped his hair tightly moaning his name over and over again as draco's tongue thrusting in and out of her hole.

he then inserts two fingers in her and pumping them inside of her fast, curling them inside, his tongue still licking her cunt lapping up her juices, y/n already a moaning mess.

"yes! draco right there! right fucking there.. oh god im gonna-"

of course.

of course he pulled out, right before y/n could ever reach her high leaving her whining and glared at him in anger, draco chuckles looking at her face.

"stop being so fucking greedy, y/n. you only allowed to cum when my cock is buried deep inside you" draco pumps his cock tapping it against her cunt, lining his tip up and down at her clit, y/n gets impatient but draco pushed her hips down to stop her from moving.

he slowly pushed in his entire length inside her, both of them cant help but moaning each other’s name out loud, inch by inch filling her inside. draco stopped to let her adjust as he fully inside her. he wants her to feel every part of him. y/n wrapped her legs around his waist, nodding at him to move.

"god- you're so tight y/n, i cant barely move. do you know how long i've been wanting to have you under me" draco's breath tickling her neck as he buried his face on her neck, slowly picking up his pace as he thrusts in and out of her.

"yes- fuck.. harder draco i want it rough and fast, please" draco was shocked at how y/n think her tight little pussy could take him rough and fast, but he obeyed anyway.

he grabbed her legs, putting them on his shoulder and begin to thrusting harder, rough and fast like she wanted making her cried out at the angle.

"fuck! you're such a slut y/n, letting me fuck you senseless in my mother's garden, dont you scared at the thought of getting caught, hm? oh i bet you would love that, right?" y/n only could mutter a low 'yes' as draco keep pounding at inhumanly pace making her whole body shake.

"what is it? i cannot hear you, my little slut" draco gripped her throat with his hand, pressing their foreheads together as he stared deeply into her soul not even stopping his thrusts.

"y- yes draco im your slut, i'd love tha- g- god please.."

"stop stuttering." draco's hand move down to twirling her nipples in his fingers and pinch them lightly making her yelp.

"draco?"

draco and y/n stopped their activities for a minute, staring at each other in horror, draco smirk down at her while she stared at him in confusion.

he starts to move again, snapping his hips harder, making y/n gasped, he quickly put his hand over her mouth. draco was thankful that the bushes hiding their ungodly activities perfectly.

"yes, mother?" draco said casually as if nothing was happening right now, he quickens his thrust, going deeper and harder into her while a tear rolled down on y/n's face at the feeling of the knot in her stomach tighten and she had to hold her moans.

"what are you doing there, draco?" narcissa asked as she cant found her son anywhere, only hearing his voice.

"im doing some school stuff mother, i'll be quick and head inside" draco answers holding his moans between his words feeling he would cum any sooner, he hoped his mother take the hint and leave already.

like draco expected, narcissa gives him an 'okay' before going back inside the manor but not without the hesitation in her voice but she left anyway.

"fuck.. you almost got us caught y/n" draco chuckles as his hand left her mouth, a loud moan suddenly escaped her lips.

"you're insane draco, why didnt you s- stop- oh my god.. gonna cum"

y/n cried out she cant even finishing her sentence as draco brings his hand down on her clit, rubbing in circles, getting her closer to her high, his other hand going back to choking her, he leaned in to capture her lips to hold his own high, he wanted her to cum first.

and within seconds, y/n came undone, it hit her hard causing her legs to shake, her eyes screwed shut seeing the stars all she could remember was his name when she moaned it out loud.

draco look down at his cock covered with her juices milking him, he moaned loudly and with the last thrust he collapsed on her, spurting out all of his warm thick cum inside her, painting her walls white making the girl moaned too feeling so full.

he moaned her name into her ear sending butterflies to her stomach as he rides out their orgasms. draco pulled out slowly making y/n winced, their mixed liquids dripping down to their inner thighs.

"merlin. that was so fucking hot, y/n" draco said reconnecting their lips, kissing her with passion and emotion this time.

"that was more than being civil, draco" y/n laughs making draco join her laughter too. he starts to dressed himself back up.

"there i thought we were enemies" draco said as he cleaned her up and tying her bathrobe back.

"oh we are, i still hate you" y/n poked his cheek making draco laughed.

"didnt seem like it 5 minutes ago" draco said as he captures her lips on his again as he finished cleaning her.

"round 2 in my room tonight?" draco asks as he pulled away. y/n smirked at him.

"only if you turn my hair color back" and he pulls out his wand from his pocket and swished it turning her hair back to its natural color.

both of them heading back to the manor, feeling excited and new. they stopped at their parents already waiting for them to show up in the living room with a mix expressions worn on their faces making draco and y/n blushed madly.

"im glad we decided to stay." y/n's mother breaking the silence making the room filled with laughter.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tagging : @dracoscum :( @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @youreso-golden @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @arzfia @slut4dracoo @alexthealexthealex

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco oneshot #draco fanfiction #draco smut #draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy angst #harry potter

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muichiroslover · 3 years

Text

Disclaimer!!

This fic includes a Manga spoiler

From the manga “Tokyo Revengers” if

You aren’t that caught up and don’t

know the events then you’ve been warned!!!

Also this fic doesn’t follow the exact

timeline of Tokyo revengers!

Without further ado then

[spoilers from the Valhalla arc]

G/n= gang name

(Also yes i lazily borrowed characters from Genshin💀) + trust me to the end guys😭

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

The wind blew and your hands shook as you looked down at your boyfriends cold turning body, it felt like the world around you was spinning, your ears were ringing and your hands stained in the god awful red color of blood

“Kei, Kei please- please you-you have to get up, come on come on baby” you said in a shaky tone as your boyfriends head laid in your lap, his eyes barely lidded open, it was a cold day

He reached his hand up to you, it landed on your cheek as you put your hand over it in a desperate try to keep him here with you

Tears cascaded down your cheeks as your mouth clenched in anger sadness and grief

“I’m sorry...I thought I could do it..” he said hoarsely and you shush him telling him to save his energy until the ambulance could make it

He laughed, his laughter turning into a fit of coughs as blood shot out his mouth

“I’m not making it out babe..” he says and you shake your head “shut up Keisuke you always say the worse things at the wrong time” you cry as you hold onto the cold hand on your cheek

He smiled up at you, fangs showing and all as his eyes began to go dull

“I love you” he says and your eyes widen noticing how his hold on you started getting limp

“Kei! Kei I love you so much! I love you too so-so please d-dont do this” you pleaded and he slowly closed his eyes as he muttered one last thing to you

Your eyes widen as his hand goes limp on your cheek and his eyes fully close, he laid peacefully on your lap as the world fell silent

You didn’t get to grieve long as your vice captain ran up to you, pulling you

“Come on y/n! The cops are coming quickly we have to go!” He shouted, you seemed lost as he dragged you away from your beloved, Kazutora taking your place as he looked at you apologetically

“Come on boss!” Kazuha groaned as you weren’t exactly cooperating, tears streamed down your face as you turned around as you and Kazuha bolted to your motorcycles

You got on quickly as you started your engine, your team following quickly, you took once last glance at Baji and Kazutora as you gritted your teeth and drove off as the sounds of sirens approached

As you drove your head felt as if it was spinning and as if the sky itself was about to collapse on top of you, and you couldn’t stop it

Your mind just kept thinking of him

Baji Keisuke

Your beloved since childhood, no matter how much it hurts he’s gone now, he won’t ever sneak through your window at 3am to sleep

He won’t ever come over when his moms not home so you can cook for him

He won’t ever come over again to tell you about another stray cat he saved

It will never happen again

And that’s painful

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been about 6 days since the bloody Halloween incident, your members could see the way you would seem lost or empty during meetings

The way your eyes would loose focus then tune back in at the last minute

They felt helpless as their leader seemed to fall apart in front of them

You sighed as a knock came at your door, you got up from the couch of your house and opened the door to see your first division captain

“Xiao, whats the problem?” You ask as you invite him in

“Someone wants to meet with us, he originally got thrown out of Toman and is asking to join up with us” he says as he stands in front of your body that had just sat back down

“Alright, who is this person?” You ask

“Kisaki Tetta I believe was his name, he was accompanied by a man named Hanma as well, he was at the bloody Halloween incident as Valhalla” he explains, you stare at him

“Okay, where did he wish to meet?” You ask and he hands you a paper that had an address on it

You stare at it blankly then look up

“Who’s free?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rode your motorcycle with a blank expression as Xiao, Kazuha, Chongyung, and Beidou rode behind you

“Y/n are you sure this is a good idea? Mikey must’ve kicked him out for a reason, shouldn’t we at least check with-“ Kazuha began as he aligned his motorcycle with yours

“Kazuha, eyes on the road” was all you said as you sped up, he sighed as he followed you without any other comments

You guys stopped in front of an abandoned warehouse as you hopped off your bike

“This isn’t sketchy at all..” Chongyung says and you sigh as you step into the warehouse, your members following close behind

As you stepped in you saw two boys standing in the center, one with glasses and one unbelievably tall with tattoos on his hands

You walked in until you stopped in front of the two boys

It stayed silent until you sighed putting your hands in your pocket

“So, you say you want to join g/n?” You ask bluntly and the tall guy laughs throwing his head back

“Straight to the point, I like her!” He says and your eyes don’t leave Kisaki’s

“Yes, I wish to make g/n stronger, with my help and the extra members I believe we can make g/n the strongest gang in Japan” he says and your dead eyes stare blankly at him before you smile

“Alright, welcome to the gang” you say

“Huh?! Y/n?!” Kazuha says grabbing your shoulder, your head falls back as you two make eye contact, the silence deadly

He lets you go as you turn your attention back to Kisaki and Hanma, both of them smiling or more like smirking

“I’m Hanma, this is Kisaki, glad to be here boss!~” Hanma says extending his hand to you, you look at his hand that had the word “Sin” on it

“Glad to have you” you say as you shake his hand

And with that the mini meeting ended and you began to head home, you parked your bike on the side of the house and opened your door, you closed it and as soon as you did someone pinned you

Your eyes met with red ones

“Kazuha” you spoke and he backed off

“Let’s have a chat” you say

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood in front of the entirety of your gang on the stage of your little meet up area, Kazuha sat on a crate one step below you and Kisaki and Hanma stood on the slowest part of the stage

Your members talked in whispered voices as they talked about the two boys

“Alright alright quiet down” you said after finishing a conversation with Kazuha, crossing your arms you began

“These two boys, Kisaki and Hanma are now proudly apart of g/n” you say loud and clear with no expression to your face

“What??!”

“Weren’t they there during that day??”

“Why would they join?”

“Quiet” you say and in an instant the whispers stop

“I hope you treat them with respect and how you would treat any other member, they will help g/n grow and become stronger” you say and nobody says anything

“With that, I end this meeting, thank you all” you finish as everyone begins to disband, you watch as your second division captain, Beidou signals you over

You nod at Kisaki and Hanma as you step down and jump off the stage, you follow her to a closed off area and with a second glance she looks at you like your crazy

“Y/n?? What’s all of this? We can’t trust those two, I don’t know why but I get a bad feeling please reconsider this..” she says to you and you stare at her blankly as your ears perk

You sighed

“Beidou, this was my decision alone, I didn’t get manipulated and I’m not tricking anyone, I genuinely don’t even know what to do with g/n anymore so I accepted Kisaki and his group to larger our numbers for now, please trust me and trust Kisaki”’ you say and her eyes widen as her mouth falls open

“Wha-“

“Alright I’m tired Beidou, please get home safe” you say and with that you left a bewildered Beidou alone at the wall as she watched your leaving figure

The weeks had continued as normal, you and Kisaki getting close enough to the point that you would invite him over your house

Your members had noticed your sudden closure with Kisaki and were worried that you were looking for someone to comfort yourself over a certain persons death and found the worse possible candidate to rebound to

So imagine there surprised when you announced you and Kisaki had gotten together, everyone tried to talk you out of it, everyone

“Y/n please, I know your grieving but Kisaki??” Xiao says and you sigh as you run a hand through your hair, tears brimmed your eyes

“Xiao please, for the first time since Baji’s death I feel comforted, safe, loved, please can you guys see from my point of view for one second” you say looking up at him as a tear rolled down your cheek

Xiao opened his mouth then closed it, he repeated this action once or twice before signing, with his eyebrows furrowed he looked at you

“Alright Y/n...just please don’t do anything stupid” he says and you smile at him

“Of course not Xiao, I’m not stupid” you say and he hesitatingly nods as he takes his leave from your house, you listen as the door closes and you sigh as you wipe your eye and grab your cup of coffee sipping it

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s been quiet still, no gangs are trying to brawl or anything” Chongyung reports to you and you nod

“Good, then I suppose we can take a break, I heard a festival was around the corner” you say to him and he nods

“Yeah there is, are you going with Kisaki?” He asks leaning back on the chair in your house, you put your foot on the bottom of the chair as you slam it to the ground, you stare at Chongyung before smiling

“Yes I should ask him if he would like to go” you say and he looks at you before nodding agreeing with you

Chongyung was one of the few who didn’t question your relationship with Kisaki, not because he wasn’t worried but because he trusts you with every fiber of his being, you don’t do things for no reason

If this was what you wanted who was he to say otherwise?

“Then I’m gonna leave now, tell me how your date goes with Kisaki” he says as he gets up from the chair, you nod as you get up and walk him out

“Bye then” you say and he waved as he leaves, you go back in and sit down as you pick up your phone and dial a number

“Kisaki hey, can you come over?” You speak into the phone cheerfully as the boy on the other side of the phone hums and hangs up

You put the phone down as your blank stare shifts to your room, getting up you open your bedroom door, you look at the photos of you and Baji that were still hung up and the pictures of you Mikey, Baji ,Draken, Kazutora, Mitsuya and Pah chin as kids, life was so easy back then

You grab one photo of Baji smiling and smile at it, you kiss it once and then begin taking off all the pictures from your bulletin board

You open a draw and throw the pictures in and close it, you grab one picture, it’s of You Kisaki and Hanma and hang it up

You stare at it before there’s a knock on your door, without a second glance to the bulletin board you leave the room and head towards the door

You opened it and smiled at Kisaki, he looked at you as you stepped to the side to let him in, he walked in and sat down on the couch as you followed and sat next to him

“So what’s up?” He asks boredly and you beam at him

“Let’s go to the festival together” you say and he looks at you with a slight raised eyebrow

“Pleasee, it’ll be fun I promise” you say with a kind smile and tilt of your head, he sweat drops as he looks away

‘I guess I have to put up the act..’ he thinks as he looks at your gleaming eyes, awaiting his answer

He sighs

“Alright we can go..” he says and you grin at him as you grab both his hands in yours

“Thank you love! I’m so happy right now.” You say, your smile never faltering, eyes closed, grip tight around his hands

“Yeah..” he says and you let go as you turn around your smiling falling

“Oh!” You say as he turns around staring at your soft smile “what’s your favorite food? Ill make it for you” you say and he makes a face, like disgust

“Uhm, Anything is fine” he says and you nod

“The festival starts at 6 tomorrow, don’t be late! I’m serious Kisaki!!” You reprimand as you push him out your door as he groans

“Yeah yeah, 6pm got it..” he says and you smile at him as you hug him and let go before he turns and leaves and you close the door

The house falls silent as you stare blankly at the door, you turn around as you head to your room

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tiens-letters · 3 years

Text

upon autumns day, where you and I met. upon autumns day where I remember all of what we were before youve passed. and upon autumns day would I have ever so slowly let go of that pain of the past

zhongli (angst)

@albeidoof its somewhere here hehehe

Time was a luxury. A treasure each and everything holds.

Yet time is a curse as well. It covets, devours and leaves. which humanity neglects to cherish until the heart ceases its steady rythmn, only then do they regret of the wasted minutes, hours and seconds.

Beneath the flow of the rushing waves of things that have come and gone. Only on this particular day would he sit beneath a certain tree. The rough bark brushing up against his back as leaves fell effortlessly to the ground, as if it were ready to let go of from the branches that gave birth to it, only to return once again to the waiting soil.

It was a sunny afternoon, clear of any clouds and only clear unblemished blue, a good time to enjoy a warm cup of tea yet there was no energy in his bones to even move from where he was.

He felt exhausted. Desultory even.

Gone were the halcyon days of the past, and now the present time of the vivid reality he had to face.

Morax, rex lapis, the geo archon. Names that weighted more than one could carry, memories that shackled his soul that lived for a thousand years on end, all but a stain that could never be washed away.

The breeze slowly danced in, playing with his hair softly, kissing his skin and welcoming him. It carried a hint of aromatic essence only he would know belongs to.

You.

He tried to desperately recount the days after youve left the face of the earth and yet he could not remember or did his mind not allow him to as if he did, it would bring him terrible and heavy consequences for an answer, one sane mind would never want to know.

Sighing, he sat back and recalled back the memories of you instead. When you were alive, warm and breathing in his arms. He remembers the way your eyes would shine brightly whenever he would be around, or the small sound of delight you would make when you have finished another one of the many interesting blends of tea youve done over the course of a week of mixing different flowers and tea leaves. Youve made up quite the fortune with this as your little hobby bloomed into a fully run business known across teyvat.

"Zhongli." he froze, youve never called him by his name ever since youve started getting close, it made him feal uneasy as he turned to look at you who stood by the doorway, a neutral look on your face.

"y-yes?" nervousness clawed at him as he racked his brain to what he couldve done for you to call his name like that, he couldnt think of any.

"I came back from the market and I heard youve made quite the generous payment. Why is that, I wonder?" he's done it again, that spending habit of his

"The price was reasonable for such a fine ceramic tea set, I dont seem to find why it shouldnt reflect its quality?" you sighed as you pointed towards the glass cupboard behind him

"You bought the same exact set a week ago, Zhongli. Thats why." having to realize his mistake after looking over the two identical set that on the shelf, he turned to apologize but only to see you missing from the doorway. Footsteps can be heard from the floorboards above him. You were upset.

After minutes of pacing in the living room, he finally mustered the courage to climb the stairs and enter your shared bedroom. A figure already under the sheets as the warm glow of the lamp illuminated your delicate features. The mattress sunk as he sat beside you, fingers brushing away the stray hair that fell on your face.

"Im still mad at you Zhongli." his hand flinched slightly at the way you called him

"I apologize. I seem to not have learned my lesson again. I would gladly return the set tomorrow."

"Its no use, they dont accept refunds." you replied without sparing a glance at him

"What can I do for you to forgive me then?"

"Just go to sleep, Zhongli." groaning you reached for the switch to shut the lamp off but a gentle grip stopped you, forcing you to look at his gloomy expression. Perhaps you went too far this time.

"Please stop calling me in that way. I dont like it." he whispers, drawing your palm to his lips, leaving small kisses upon it. He sure does know his way around your heart, no wonder why you could not stay mad at him.

"Just be mindful next time." you cursed yourself for being weak to his charms.

"I will." yet something was missing "Then can you call me as you did before?"

"Zhongli?" you could see the slight grimace in his face as you teased him

"Stop it." he kissed you without warning "Call me as you did before."

However, his lips didnt stop as they began to travel. From your cheeks to you forehead and then to your neck. Oh dear, he wasnt having any of your teasing.

"A-li." you giggled beneath him as he finally stopped and met your gaze

"Thats better."

He still remembers the faint smile that graced your lips whenever he would wake up next to you tangled in the same sheets. The softness of your skin on his calloused touch. Your lips melting his and your voice lulling his raging mind to peace.

Then everything changed when you drew blood that spilled from those lips he's kissed for a thousand times, painting a morbid image on the sheets. Anger and despair boiled inside of him once he learned of the secret youve kept. Zhongli was a calm and collected man all of the time except when he was with you.

Having to witness him at such a point felt as if his own spear was being driven right through his very chest. He held you in an arms width away, the panic and pain in his eyes increasing over the minute as he begged for you to explain why youve decided to lie about the flowers that bloomed in your lungs, the sickness youve inherited from your deceased mother, whose fate you soon would follow. You didnt want him to find out, not in this way.

He couldve done anything if he knew from the start but alas, you wanted to be cruel, thinking it was for the best. Until your symptoms persisted, a heavy reminder of the remaining distance of the string you have to walk on to reach the end. The heavy feeling in your chest started to worsen as cherry sweet liquid poured from your mouth.

Soon the once pristine sheets were stained in haunting crimson shades as you heaved and he watched in agony. If only he had the ability of what he once had back then, if only he could plant the seeds of the flowers from yours to his then he would, if only he hadnt met you one autumn evening

" please dont look at me like that. " you told him, cold hands caressing his cheeks, catching the streams of salty warm beads that fell freely from your darling's amber eyes.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry..." the last thing you wanted to see was this man to cry. The last thing you wanted to see was to see him relive the past tragic memories you promised to bring him out of

" my disease has nothing to do with you. In the end it was mine alone to handle. oh, you are far from that so please dont you ever blame yourself."

"How can I not? If I havent fallen so deep then you would experienced so much more in life, you couldve been happier if you met someone else. Yet you chose me and I couldnt give you anything, I--. " the words knotted up as he began to shake, hands holding yours as knuckles turned to white

You slapped him.

With all the strength youve gathered in that fading body of yours. The sound cutting the grieving sounds that spilled from him, soul and flesh alike.

"A-li, look at me. Do I look like someone whose unsatisfied with what youve given me? Did my smile ever fade when Im with you? Did your affections ever lack? Answer me." his watery gaze met yours, a torrent of emotions swimming in them

"No. Never." a soft smile was carved unto your lips

"My dear, youve given me all Ive ever wanted in this life and I regret nothing of it."

To him, you were the flower that bloomed at the highest peak of the mountain he's never reached and yet its petals voluntarily detached and fell down, making him the happiest as one thing he's admired was untouchable and now, lay softly in the palm of his hands. To cherish and to protect.

But of course, all things are evanescent.

The familiar feeling of soreness that wasnt supposed to be there rose, ebbed and flowed through his throat. He knew it all too well, it was after he woke from his week long slumber did he feel it along with what his ancient beating heart felt.

"You collapsed." the worried words of the qixing echoed in his head. He frantically got up but as soon as his feet touched the floor did his legs give out underneath him, what use was he in this sorry state. He was helped up and sat back on the edge of the bed.

He wanted to ask many things yet was unable to.

Ningguang spoke as if you were still breathing and was visiting her minutes ago with another one of your tea blends. "Dont worry and rest first, go to jueyun karst after. They will be waiting."

To where the adepti resides, who as well, favored you, that one soul among thousands of others. One to which they shared a few good memories with was allowed to slumber there in peace.

Zhongli found himself waking up to the sun setting in the horizon. Just like how youve gone and resurfaced back into his memories. It was time.

He stood up from where he sat, gloved hands brushing any dirt that clung to him as he made his way to where you slept.

The red bean that was planted by himself still remained, a token of his love for you. Picking one bead and placing it inside the hollow dice he brought along, completing another one of the similar handicraft he's made every visit.

The sun finally died and the moon began its reign. The small wisps of light gathered around before him, forming a blurry image.

It was then he felt at ease, he saw you smiling at him with all there is in the world. Your light seemed to dim a little, hinting the blessing the adepti gave was slowly diminishing. Soon your visits would cease and you were sure that by the end of the power spent, he wouldve let go of the torment that plagued him.

"A-li. Have you been well?" he knew what you meant

"Im letting go slowly my dear. Perhaps in time, I would learn breathe easily once again."

Longest yet lol. Hope yall liked it ehehe

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhonglixreader #genshin impact drabbles #zhongli angst #morax

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

Text

Tea Shop Part Four: Zuko x female reader imagine series

Zuko joins the group and everyone is soon sick to death with the two of you bickering. You finally manage to put your differences aside long enough to help Sokka sneak into a fire nation prison to look for his dad but once there the fighting starts again and gets you both in serious trouble...

Part one here

Part two here

Part three here

Your POV

After your argument you and Zuko weren’t speaking apart from petty comments or mutterings that turned into arguments, both of which happened a lot! You glared at each constantly making the atmosphere very tense and the gang were not appreciative.

"Anyone else get the feeling y/n and Zuko just need locking in a tent for the few hours?" Sokka asked one morning after you’d just made Zuko leave the room with a well timed quip. Toph smirked, Katara and Aang smiled but you frowned "what? Why? We'd end up killing each other". "Ow it’d get physical" Sokka agreed and you scoffed throwing a rock at him. Sokka was under the insane impression all this tension was because you and Zuko had left things unresolved in Ba Sing Sei and so he was trying to nudge you two together constantly but it wasn’t working. "Don’t you think you're being a bit harsh on Zuko?" Sokka tried again and you glared. "Want me to start on you too pretty boy? Don’t get on my bad side". Sokka just stared at you in reply "you think i’m pretty?" he asked and you rolled your eyes and walked away as the rest of the gang all laughed.

The next day

It annoyed you how the others all took to Zuko so easily, as if they’d forgot everything he’d done. You were determined not to be so easily won over and so kept a close eye on him. While you were having supper you noticed Zuko and Sokka whispering away from the campfire. You tried to assess what was going on but couldn’t make anything out. Sokka having secrets with Zuko worried you, what is Zuko hurt him? Zuko could NOT be trusted and so you decided to get involved. That night you kept watch outside the temple incase Zuko tried anything and sure enough you saw him appear in the dead of night. He crept towards Appa and you followed him. "I knew you were up to no good!" you cried before pausing "Sokka?". Zuko was there but he wasn’t the one who’s been sneaking around, that was all Sokka and they seemed to be going somewhere. "Hi y/n" Sokka smiled "erm so i don’t suppose you can forget you saw us?". You shook your head "nope, why are you sneaking around with the traitor prince?". Zuko glared and you just smiled. "Erm prison...". "Good turning Zuko in?". "Look i know you have a problem with me...” Zuko started. "Ow wow you're clever" you retorted and Zuko cried out in frustation. "You are so annoying" he glared and you laughed "Really? Okay lets weight that up so i’m annoying and you’re a traitor, which is worse?". Zuko went to argue and Sokka stepped inbetween you "enough you guys are so loud you’ll wake everyone up! I’m going without either of you". "No" you and Zuko said simultaneously before glaring at each other. "You can’t go on your own you don’t know where it is" Zuko called. "I don’t know where you’re going but there’s no way i’m letting you go alone" you added. Sokka glared "the two of you can’t both come, you’ll argue too much, you can’t work together". "Then just take me" Zuko shrugged. You went to argue and Sokka groaned "no i want both or neither! I am not getting involved in this". You frowned and let out a large sigh, you knew Sokka wouldn’t change his mind when he spoke in that tone. So you either sent Sokka into the firenation alone or swallowed your pride. You debated the Sokka alone plan and couldn’t see a way it happened without him dying so grudgingly huffed. "We won’t argue and give away our cover" you told Sokka "i promise to stop". Zuko looked up at you in shock while Sokka beamed "you will?". You nodded purposefully not looking at Zuko "i promise". Sokka turned to Zuko who frowned "i promise too". Sokka smiled "yay road trip!".

To keep your promise you just stayed away from Zuko. On the ship you stuck to opposite ends and when you got to prison you found the guard helmet covered his face making your anger lessened. The plan to break Hakoda out was on track...and then Zuko got caught impersonating a guard and got you dragged down with him. Needless to say you were furious. As soon as you were let out of your cell you spotted Zuko and stalked towards him. Zuko was expecting this and sighed “Y/n...”. “You just love annoying me don’t you, did you plan this the whole time?”. “Of course not!” Zuko cried “but maybe i should’ve...”. You glared and got ready to argue again when Sokka appeared. "Look i know this isn’t ideal" Sokka tried and you laughed "yeah no kidding". "What was i suposed to do? Let them catch Sokka?" Zuko asked. "No but leaving me out of it would’ve been nice". "Ow like i meant to implicate you" Zuko snapped. "Guys!" Sokka cried "you promised". You frowned seeing Sokka pout and nodded "sorry". "Sorry" Zuko mimicked you and you raised an eyebrow. "Okay so this changes things but i have a plan" Sokka cried and you focused on him and just blocked Zuko out.

The plan was Zuko would get supplies from the freezer but to get him there he had to cause a disturbance worthy of such a punishment. So Sokka proposed he start a fight and you watched Zuko provoke one. The fight went as Sokka planned and Zuko and the other inmate fought before guards intervened. Zuko’s fire bending caught their attention and he stopped to let then arrest him but they didn’t seem keen on taking him so willingly. You watched as one grabbed Zuko’s arms while another snook up behind him. The guard raised his baton against Zuko aiming right for the back of his head and Zuko couldn’t see him coming. "Stop" you cried using earth bending to trip the guard making him fall over into the other guard. Zuko jumped and turned avoiding the man and looked at you suprised. People laughed and the guards glared "you!" he said spotting you. "You were going to hurt him!" you shrugged "i was just trying to make you stop". One of the guards grabbed your arm and Zuko frowned "hey get off her" and yanked the man off you. The man tried grabbing you again and the other guard joined in too. With Zuko’s help you outmanouvered and tripped the two of them again. The guards fell over harshly and glared. The main guard looked furious and called for back up. Immediately more guards streamed into the room and spotted you and Zuko as the trouble makers. They seized you both and forced your hands behind your backs. "Benders" the man spat at the floor "they both need some manners, a night in the freezer". That made you stop struggling in shock, he couldn't put you, an earthbender, in the freezer too. "But i’m not a fire bender!" you cried "I'll die if you do that". "Not my problem" the guard smirked and you and Zuko were dragged away. You tried resisting and Zuko was determined to help you too. He broke out of his restraints and attacked your guards. Not managing to get them off you he clung onto you instead. Not sure what his plan was but not wanting to be seperated you grabbed onto him too and the guards couldn’t seperate you. You caused so much fuss they pushed you both into the same freezer just to get you in there and slammed the door shut. "Let me out!" you cried "i’m not a firebender let me out i’ll freeze" you yelled beating your fists against the door. "Y/n trust me they dont care" Zuko frowned. You ignored him and kept at it. Zuko left you to get your anger out for a while before sighing "y/n stop that". "I can’t i have to get out" you gasped feeling the smallness of the room closing in on you "i can’t stay in here". "Y/n stop" zuko said grabbing your shoulders "they aren’t coming, the only thing that’s doing is wasting your energy and annoying me, we’ll only survive this if we’re smart". You frowned "so what do we do?". "We have to conserve our enevery...we need to huddle" Zuko said and when you rolled your eyes he rushed to explain "my body temperature is warmer than yours! The only way you’ll survive is by sharing my body heat". "I bet you’d like that" you scoffed and Zuko blushed "it’s not like that". "Either way i’m not touching you" you retorted and Zuko frowned "fine then freeze!" and turned away. You went back to banging on the door and lost track of time when you suddenly and shockingly felt your energy ebb. You grabbed the wall and realised your hands were so cold you hadn’t even noticed they were bleeding. The red and blue contrast of your hands made you feel dizzy and you held onto the door tighter. "Zuko..." you said softly and immediately Zuko was there “Y/n?”.You turned showing him your hands and in response Zuko just tugged you into him. You were scared, your skin looked blue-ish to you and you felt numb. Zuko folded your arms into him and wrapped his own over you. "Put your hands against me" he told you "bury your head in my neck and try to think warm thoughts" he commanded. He rubbed your shoulders and arms alternatingly and it felt nice and warm...for a while. "It’s not working" you stuttered feeling the freeze and Zuko shook his head "no, no way i’m letting you die". He frowned and sat down tugging you with him. You were so cold you didn’t even object when he pulled you onto his lap. He tucked your feet under his legs and put your hands aginst his chest. "Keep rubbing your hand together" he told you and engulfed you in his warm bulk again. You fully rested your face in the crook of his neck and tried to tuck your limbs in as much a possible. Again Zuko rubbed your back and arms to keep you warm and even breathed fire surprising you. "I didn’t know you could do that" you stutted and Zuko looked at you "conserve your strength, don’t talk". You smirked at his tone but winced to feel the numbness spread. It was getting worse despite Zuko’s efforts, you didn’t want to give in but the cold was so inviting. You just had to do one thing before you went....you had to say goodbye. "Zuko if i don’t...i don’t think i’m going to...". "Don’t even say it" Zuko cried and he spat more fire warming the air slightly. "Take slow deep breaths and remain calm, you’re fine". "Zuko if i don’t...". "Y/n" he scolded you but you carried on "i’m sorry Zuko...for wasting time being angry at you, i was just hurt and i...". A tear fell down your cheek and then promptly froze. Zuko shook his head "y/n stop it" he frowned "you won’t make it if you don’t try". "I just want you to know i regret wasting that time with you...I wasn’t really angry at you, I was just hurt" you cried "i like you Zuko". Zuko breathed in sharply. “I have since Ba Sing Sei and I should’ve told you earlier but i was confused and i....but i wanted to tell you before i...". "You're not dying" Zuko replied shakily "i’ve seen you fight pleanty of my decisions before y/n don’t fight this one and i...I like you too so you just have to keep trying, you can make it". "Zuko i can’t..." you sighed growing tired and Zuko shook his head "y/n please". When your eyes started to close Zuko panicked "y/n!" he cried shaking your shoulders. Zuko yelled your name but got no response. Running of out of ideas Zuko held you face and yelled your name. He was shaking in frustration and fear but tried his last gambit. He yelled your name and then kissed you. He hoped, one it would warm you and two shock you into waking back up. It did both. Against your cold skin his lips were practically painful but you didn’t care. If you were going to die, kissing Zuko after telling him you liked him seemed like a good enough way to go. "Y/n please for me keep trying" Zuko whispered kissing your forehead. You blinked and breathed slowly but nodded "okay". Zuko smiled and tucked you back into his neck. Zuko chattered constantly to make sure you stayed awake and just spoke about random stuff. His uncle, turtle ducks, the palace gardens. Everything and anything and it was sweet and kept you awake. You even smiled as he explained the time a duck bit him and were feeling warmer when the door snapped open. "Aww how cute" one guard commented and the other snorted "wow she’s still alive, well lucky for her your presence has been requested, the both of you so get up". Zuko helped you to stand and you practically clung onto him as the guards pushed and pulled you faster than your frozen legs could manage. They thrust you into a room and you almost fell but Zuko caught you. He helped you into one of the two chairs and knelt down beside you. "It’s warm you smiled and Zuko nodded rubbing your hands "still regulate your breathing though, you’re not in the clear yet". "I feel fine" you argued and Zuko raised an eyebrow "you’re still ice cold, your hairs frozen and your lips are blue". "Well that’s your fault for only focusing on my hands" you commented and Zuko shook his head but smiled. "Don't worry i’ll get round to it". You grinned as he rubbed your arms and smirked at the serious face he was making. "What?" he asked noticing you watching him and you smiled "nothing". Zuko blushed glancing at you and you grinned. The door opened suddenly and Zuko shot up towering over you. You used the chair to stand up too and noticed Zuko step closer to you as soon as he saw who it was. You frowned and peaked out from behind Zuko to see it was the dark haired fire nation girl. Zuko’s ex girlfriend if you’d read the signals right. From her glare you did. "I told you to bring him, not her too". The guard frowned "sorry we'll take her". "No" Zuko said shielding you protectively, he knew if they sent you back into the freezer without him you’d he dead in minutes. "You won’t touch her! If you send her away i won’t say a word, if you want to talk to me you’ll keep her right here". The girl glared and time seemed to drag on before she glanced at you and sighed "fine". The guard asked it she was sure and she nodded before they shut the door leaving the three of you alone.

To hear Zuko arguing with his ex after you’d just kissed and admitted your feeings to each other was awkward to say the least. His girlfriend was pissed he’d left and nothing Zuko said made it better. You kept your eyes down trying not to listen but couldn’t help it. You chair made a large squeak suddenly and you looked up. Mai fixed her eyes on you and tilted her head to one side "you’re the beach girl, the one Zuko stood up for, aren’t you?" she asked. "Well usually people call me y/n but beach girl works too". Mai raised an eyebrow in disgust "i bet you feel so special having him protect you, having him stand up for you...it won’t last, he’s good at betraying people". "Mai leave her alone" Zuko called but you weren’t intimidated. "Really you're trying to scare me off him? This bickering didn’t do it so i’d save my breath if i were you, i don’t care what happened between you. For all i know the problem was with you not him and based on what i’ve heard about you that’s a safe bet". The girl’s eyes twitched and her hand went to her sleeve. "Mai no!" Zuko called "you’re mad at me leave her alone! It’s between me and you not her". "If she doesn’t shut her mouth..." Mai glared. "She will" Zuko assured her and fixed you a look as you went to protest. You sighed but obeyed. "Atleast you have her trained" Mai commented. You glared but didn’t reply.

Zuko and Mai carried on talking, or well arguing, when a guard appeared informing Mai there was a riot. He offered to be her body guard and opened the door. Zuko met your eye as the door opened and you got his subtle hint. "I don’t need any protection" Mai explained and Zuko nodded "she doesn’t". Mai frowned and Zuko gestured to you. You stepped closer to him when he suddenly threw the guard into Mai and grabbed your hand. Zuko dragged you out of the room before slamming the door closed. Mai’s face appeared on the other side of the door and she looked pissed. "I’m sorry Mai" Zuko frowned "i really am but we have to go" and he turned to you. “How are your legs feeling? Can you walk on them?”. “I can do more than that and I think we’re going to need it” you replied and set off in a run for the meeting point you’d arrranged with Sokka.

You barely made it but thanks to Suki’s fighting skills and suprisingly Mai’s help you made it out of the fire nation prison successfully. You stood on the air ship watching the prison fall away in disbelief. You were trying to comprehend everything that had just happened when you jumped feeling something behind you. "Sorry" Zuko said when he saw you flinch "didn’t mean to scare you". "It’s fine" you smiled "you saved my life i don’t think i can be angry at you again". "I’m sure that’ll last a week at most" Zuko smirked and you shrugged but knew he was right. "Thank you" you said placing a hand on his arm making him look at you "if you hadn’t taken care of me....i’m still sure you enjoyed it somewhat...but either way thank you". Zuko blushed looking down "of course i didn’t enjoy it you were almost dying!". "So you didn’t like the close contact...the kiss at all?" you asked smirking. Zuko’s face went bright red "no, you were in pain, i was too worried about you to enjoy it much". "That’s a shame, it was pretty good from my perspective" you smiled. "I’m glad for you, that was my intent". You laughed "well next time i’ll make sure you enjoy it too". "Next time?" Zuko asked and you nodded "yeah if you meant what you said". "I did" Zuko nodded and you blushed "good so did i". Zuko smiled at you and your blush grew "you know next time could be sooner than..." you started when Zuko, already ahead of you, kissed you for the second time that day. "Now?" he asked and you nodded kissing him again. Zuko held you tightly against him, your hands were against his chest as he pressed closer to you and you didn’t mind the lack of space, you forgot you needed any so lost in it. "Zuko the ships..." Sokka’s voice suddenly cut in jolting you out of it. Sokka stopped his sentence seeing the two of you, his jaw hanging open as he stared. "Ow my god where did you find the time for this to even happen!" he cried. Zuko narrowed his eyes putting an arm around you protectively but you smirked turning to face Sokka "in the freezer". "I knew it!" Sokka cried "you guys are so obvious". "If you knew it then why did you disturb us?" Zuko asked, still pressed close to you. You smirked at his angry face and turned back to Sokka "what’s wrong with the ship Sokka?". "I don’t know i need you to work that out if you’re not too busy". Zuko raised an eyebrow but sighed “fine” and followed Sokka away still glaring.

When you reached camp and explained everything to the others Zuko caught Katara and brought her over to you. "Katara can you check over y/n, her hands are pretty bad and she was in the freezer for so long...she seems okay but i’d feel better knowing you made sure" Zuko said and you rolled your eyes. You let Katara heal and then wrap your hands in bandages carefully. You waited as she examined you for any signs of frostbite or muscle damage and shot Zuko a smirk when she announced you were fine. "Your body seems fine just tired, well done Zuko you managed to make sure no long term damage was done". "Pretty heroic" you smirked and Zuko blushed "i’m just glad your okay". You smiled up at Zuko, both of you obviously smitten and Katara froze "wait....are you two...?". You and Zuko looked at her and she grinned "i knew you liked him! This is amazing!! I should’ve been able to tell from how you’re not glaring at each other anymore! You’re still looking at each other a lot but it’s different now” she trailed off before realising she was embarassing you “i’m so pleased for you both" she cried and hugged you. "Thanks Katara but we kinda need to talk about it so mind giving us a sec?". "Of course" she nodded "sorry" and backed out of the room. "We need to talk?" Zuko asked worried and you shook your head "nope, i just said that to get rid of Katara, can anyone in that family read social cues?". Zuko smirked "you’re the best". "I know" you smiled "but you’re pretty good too". You frowned and looked at him "but while we’re here...Zuko i want to apologise for everything i’ve said to you over the past few days, i was just so angry but that’s no excuse for what i said to you". Zuko frowned "y/n its okay i said things too". "I know but you tried apologisng first and now i think of all i did to provoke you, you’re not a traitor Zuko, you’re not a bad person and i don’t hate you, i’m sorry for ever implying i did". Zuko smiled and took your bandaged hand "thank you for saying that but i knew you didn’t hate me, you don’t hate anyone you’re too kind...plus that kiss definitely was not hate". You blushed "in my defence i thought i was dying"."Hmm that explains why you were just as eager on the ship then?". "Zuko" you whined and pushed him playfully. Zuko smiled and realised that was the first time you’d said his name, his real name, without sounding angry or upset. It was the first time you said it in a good way and he liked how it sounded. You realised he was staring at you adoringly and blushed. "Today was pretty awful but this is the best thing that’s happened to me in a while" Zuko said smiling at you. You were still blushing but nodded "me too, i’m just annoyed it took us this long". Zuko shrugged "we can make up the time now" and you smiled agreeing. “The sooner the better” you smirked and Zuko agreed leaning in to kiss you again.

____

That’s it!! I skipped the whole taking over the capital because I liked that as the ending. Thanks for all the support :)

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dershloop · 3 years

Text

Title: Burning Pile

Words: 2410

Ship: Lava

Warnings: depressive episode, mentions of worthlessness. i wrote this based off od how my own depressive episodes tend to happen/come about so this might not be accurate to everyone so dont start yelling at me if its not "how depression is for you" anyone who says that will be blocked. its more of a comfort fic to get me through the last week of school.

Cole yawned, throwing his bag on the floor and rolling his shoulders, feeling them pop satisfyingly. Finally, he was home. Rubbing his eyes; cracking his neck and feeling his limbs come alive once more. He hated long car rides, they cramped his limps and make him travel sick. That’s the problem being tall and large; the back of cars wasn’t made to accommodate you. Jay kept telling him to learn to drive himself, but he didn’t have the time. Being a ninja was surprisingly hard work, with little time in between to learn to drive. He’d just have to make do.

“Oh Cole, hey dude, forgot you were coming back today,” Jay said, walking into the room, leaning against the counter, a strange look contorting his face, “How’s your dad?”

“Not too bad. Still pretty insistent on me being a good singer. Apparently, I just have to ‘dig deep. Something tells me he’s never going to back off with it,” Cole said with a laugh, Jay laughed, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes, “Are you ok man? You seem… I dunno. Off,” Jay’s face fell, his mouth scrunching nervously.

“You’re gonna be so pissed I didn’t tell you but… Kai’s not ok, he-”

“Wait what? What happened, where is he?’ Cole said frantically, his face falling in panic.

“I don’t- I don’t know dude! He’s barely been leaving his room, I don’t think he’s showered all week and I’ve barely seen him eat anything. We’ve tried to give him stuff and made him drink some water but-” Jay didn’t get a chance to finish, Cole pushed past him, dashing to his boyfriend’s room. From what he could gather, this had started a week ago. When he’d left. He hadn’t had a depressive episode in months now; had him leaving been the catalyst for all this? He was sure he’d been careful, he’d texted him every day. Even if they hadn’t called, he hadn’t asked. Besides, his dad didn’t know about them yet, he didn’t want to accidentally come out because of a phone call. Either way, if Kai had been in a bad way he hadn’t seemed like it. Apart from not asking to call, he’d seemed relatively normal. No slow replies. No giving texts. Nothing.

Cole softly knocked on Kai’s bedroom door, though it seemed pointless. No matter the response, he was going in there.

“What?” A hoarse voice called from inside the room. Kai’s hoarse voice. Cole opened the door, staring in awe at the state of the room. It was… messy to say the least. Clothes were scattered across the floor, making it so you couldn't even see the carpet. Mugs and glasses and bowls and plates littered around, just extra obstacles to the already high-staked trek to Kai’s bed.

“I’ve told you guys, leave me alone!” Kai yelled pushing himself up from his flat position on the bed, twisting his head around and staring at Cole, slightly gone out. His face fell when he realised who it was, staring at him solemnly from his position in the doorway.

“You’re back,” He murmured, twisting himself around fully so he was looking at Cole. Properly this time.

“Yeah,” Cole said softly, stepping carefully around the rubble and decay scattered all over the floor, sitting down on Kai’s bed when he finally got to it, “What… What happened?”

Kai shrugged, not looking at Cole. His hair was slicked back, matted to his skull with grease. Pimples beginning to form on his face, the lack of skincare irritating his delicate skin. Cole would be lying if he said he didn’t look gross and smell just as bad, but that didn’t put him off. Obviously, something was wrong, what kind of a boyfriend would he be if he didn’t do anything.

“I just… started feeling empty. I don’t care about anything and I have no motivation to do anything but… I didn’t want to be a burden, and I knew that if you suspected anything you’d come back so I just played it cool. Half expected one of them to tell you but… I guess they didn’t want you cutting your trip short for me either,” He muttered sadly, still not making eye contact. He couldn't. Not in this state. He was disgusting. His breath stunk like he’d just eaten something that’d been dead for a while and he probably stunk like something that’d been dead for a while too. Despite barely leaving his bed, his face was gaunt, his cheekbones beginning to further protrude, this time to an unhealthy degree and his eye sagging, purple eyebags hanging down as if weighing down his entire soul.

“Oh firefly,” Cole mumbled, opening his arms and wrapping them around Kai’s shoulders and pulling him close, feeling as Kai slowly relaxed into his body, not moving his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Kai said softly into Cole’s chest.

“For what?”

“Not telling you. Lying to you.”

“I don’t care. You have nothing to be sorry for, you weren’t in the right headspace and still aren’t. But I’m home now, so I’ll help you get out of this. Have you been taking your meds?” Cole said, still speaking in hushed tones. He wasn’t 100% sure why, but it seemed to be comforting to him, so he continued doing it.

Kai shook his head slowly, knowing he was about to get lectured.

“Ok, that’d explain a lot. Let’s start with that then,” Cole said simply, standing up and looking down at Kai.

“What?” He said, confused as Cole looked down at him expectantly.

“Come on. I’m taking you to take your medication,” Cole stated, holding out his hand, “If I bring ‘em to you, you’ll not feel any better.” Kai sighed and took his hand, letting his boyfriend’s strong form pull him out of bed. He slumped over slightly, his legs barely able to keep him standing. Letting his arm hang limply, his hand barely holding Coles, they walked out of his room and to the kitchen. He wasn’t 100% sure he was even in the room with him, his mind fuzzing in and out of focus from his surroundings. One moment, he was in the kitchen with his boyfriend. Next, he was in his head, letting his thoughts run wild. The latter was less than ideal; especially without the prescribed dosage of antidepressants in his system; but he didn’t have the energy to care.

“Ok,” Cole said, putting 2 small pills down in front of Kai along with a cup of water, “Take them.” Kai nodded, letting go of Cole’s hand and picked up the tablets, sloppily placing them in his mouth and swallowing them with the cool water. It felt heavenly, rolling down his dry throat and even drier tongue, giving them a new lease of life.

“Better?” Cole said softly, taking Kai’s hand back in his own. Kai shrugged, leaning against Cole and closing his eyes.

“Don’t bother going back to sleep on my arm, there’s more,” Cole continued, firmly but lovingly. Kai knew it was for his own good but… he just wanted to get back in bed. There was an immovable weight on his chest, dragging him down and increasing the effort to keep himself upright. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could actually stay stood up.

“Ok, have you had something to eat today?” Cole asked, taking Kai’s other hand and looking at him softly. Kai nodded, looking back, but not quite meeting Cole’s eyes. His heart twisted with every beat in his chest; his stomach turning in knots. He knew he couldn’t give in and let him go back to bed- he’d never feel better while he’s in this state- but the look in his eyes. It was so… void. So tired. So… emotionless. Yet full of emotion. Twisting and turning. Hurt, anger, sadness and an utter lack of anything positive.

“Ok. In that case, only 2 more things. We’re gonna brush your teeth and shower,” Cole said, Kai’s face falling in desperation. Evidently, he didn’t want to do either of those things; but Cole knew full well that he wouldn’t do it of his own volition.

“Please, firefly. We can watch a movie or something after that. I just… want you to feel better. I’m doing this for your own good. Plus, I’ll help you. I won’t get in the shower with you, but if you need help with anything I’ll stay in the bathroom while you’re in there. Just… how about this. Just wash your hair. Then I can put some deodorant on you and wipe your face. Are you ok with that?” Kai nodded in response, eliciting a small smile from Cole.

“Good. I’m so insanely proud of you Kai, for working with me here. I know how hard it can be when you get like this so I know how much it’s taking for you to do this right now. So, I’m insanely proud of you for actually going along with me,” Cole said sincerely, raising his free hand and resting it on Kai’s cheek. Kai leant into his hand and smiled a small, but tired, smile, raising his own hand and resting it on top of Cole’s.

Walking towards the bathroom, Kai took a reluctant breath and stepped inside, Cole following soon after. Cole turned the water on, pulling the mildly disgusting shirt off of Kai and tossing it into the laundry basket, letting him take off his boxers. Slowly stepping into the shower, Kai winced as the hot water hit his skin, cascading down his body and washing any surface-level grime away. His arms were lead; his eyelids hanging heavily over his eyes. He couldn’t do this.

“Cole,” He said weakly, not moving from under the warm water, “I want to get out.”

“Come on Kai, don’t give up now,” Cole replied softly, moving towards the shower and opening the curtain, seeing the exhausted look in his eyes, “I’ll wash your hair. How about that?” Kai nodded slowly. Cole smiled, pulling his own shirt over his head and discarding it to the side, reaching around his boyfriend and grabbing the shampoo, making sure Kai’s hair was wet enough before applying any. He slowly massaged it into his skull, looking down from his hair to Kai every so often to give him a comforting smile. Kai sighed contently, feeling the first bout of comfort; and even the first sliver of joy; in days. The feeling of Cole’s fingers on his head… knowing he was here and he was ok and alive. He was alive. Cole was here. The steady scratching and rubs keeping him grounded.

Quickly washing the shampoo out of Kai’s hair and turning off the water, Cole smiled, taking Kai’s hand again and leading him out and towards the sink. Cole grabbed his robe from the back of the door, bundling Kai up in it to assure he stayed warm. Cole laughed a little, looking down at Kai’s short, thin figure wrapped in his large robe, like a baby in a teenagers coat.

“What?”

“You just look really cute. You know like when a little kid just gets out of the shower. Their hair’s all slicked back and their bathrobe is about 10 sizes too big?” Kai blushed and crinkled his brow indignantly.

“I do not look like a child, not all of us were blessed to be 6 foot you know,” He huffed, pulling the robe around himself tighter.

“Yes, you do! You’re my cute little baby boy!” Cole said enthusiastically, noticing the smallest of sparkes light up in Kai’s eyes again as he glared indignantly at his boyfriend. With a laugh, Cole grabbed Kai’s toothbrush, putting some toothpaste on it and splattering it with water.

“Open up baby boy!” Cole said with a grin. Kai rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, allowing him to quickly brush his teeth. Grabbing a face wipe from the cupboard, he gently scrubbed the grease off of his boyfriend’s face. Then, finally, he grabbed a can of deodorant and sprayed him all over, banishing any thought of odour away from their minds (and bodies). Cole grabbed his shirt from the spot on the floor where it had landed earlier and pulled it back over his head.

“Hair drying time now,” Cole said, grabbing a clean towel from the cupboard and laying it over Kai’s wet hair, gently beginning to rub it, dragging the worst of the moisture out. Kai sighed in contentment, feeling himself shake and move as Cole dried his hair, the rough towel feeling heavenly as it dragged along his scalp, massaging any worries or unnecessary emotions away. Now all he felt was a deep feeling of peace and quiet.

“Damn, I’ll rub your head more often, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy,” Cole said with a laugh, continuing to softly rub his head with the towel, unable to contain his laughter at the small noises of contentment coming from Kai. Eventually, he took the towel back off his head and smiled down at his boyfriend, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“Now we just need to get you some clothes, then it’s dumb movie time,” Kai smiled, his lips softly curving into a smile; a real one.

“Can I wear your clothes?” he said softly, his voice still hoarse from barely speaking this last week.

“Of course firefly, it’d be rude of me not to!” Cole said lightly, taking his hand and leading him to his room, immediately grabbing his largest hoodie and sweatpants. He helped Kai put them on and stared down at him in awe.

“You. Are. So. Damn. Small!” Cole said happily, looking at his boyfriend’s small frame being taken over by his large clothing.

“No, you’re just too big,” Kai said indignantly, stuffing his hands in the pockets of the hoodie.

“You know I mean it lovingly, you just look too cute in my clothes,” Cole gleamed, his face lighting up in pure delight. Kai said nothing, just let out a small giggle, his face glowing crimson.

“Now come! My sweet little baby boy! We shall watch dumb movies made for people 10 years younger than us until you feel better!” Cole exclaimed, sweeping Kai off his feet and holding him bridal style, carrying him towards his own room where he dumped him on the bed, turning on the TV and preparing for at least a day of watching weird movies and enjoying each others company.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago kai smith #ninjago cole #ninjago fanfiction #ninjago lava #lavashipping #ninjago kai/cole #kai/cole #ninjago fic #dersh’s fics

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younghosfavewhore · 3 years

Text

mine forever . 1:27am

part 1 [a] / part 2 [s]

wc; 1.5k

plot; nctjohnny!boyfriend x femreader!girlfriend

the members of nct have been stirred up in dating rumors and scandals for the past month. when pictures of johnny meeting with a childhood friend begin to float around, you must remind johhny that he’s yours. forever.

prompts; [a]6 “She was nothing to you, was she? Then prove it.” [a]20 “People talk- people will always talk...”

warnings; (mentions of TAEYONG’s injury) fluff?!, jealous reader, angsty!!!

My eyes skim over the articles. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The headlines seemed to drag on forever, “Johnny Suh; NCT’s 5th member involved in Dating Scandal”. Another read, “NCT Johnny Caught with Foreigner; Photos Below”

photos?

I couldn’t resist clicking the link that my cursor hovered over. The full article was now displayed onto my screen. The pictures loaded for a second, then they were displayed before me. And there it was, Johnny Suh -my Johnny Suh- at a cafe with a blonde-haired foreigner. I continued scrolling, which was probably a mistake, but I was in shock. Certainly they were doctored by some vengeful sasaeng. Another link pops onto my screen, “NCT Johnny Suh has Foreign Girlfriend? VIDEO FOOTAGE”

you’re fucking kidding me.

A notification sound blares from my phone, the sixth one in the past half hour. I haven’t even picked up my phone, I know what the notifications are. There was no doubt in my mind that it was Johnny texting me a sad excuse for the video that’s now playing on a loop on my screen. I recognized her. Her blonde hair and small frame. It was his high school sweetheart; Madison. In the video -which was only about 8 seconds long- you could see him embrace her. They stood at the cafe table, drinks in hand, about to depart. Johnny’s long arms then spread out, welcoming her into a hug. He initiated it. Even in front of all these people, all these cameras. He hugged her. He knew exactly what he was doing. Another notification sound blared through my phone speaker. Why did this make me feel so threatened? So weak? I pick up my phone <6 unread texts from johnny❤> I open the messages, taking a deep breath as I do so.

johnny❤: baby?

y/n? text me when you get this.

ik you see my texts

i know you’re upset please just text me

i can explain, i promise…

im omw to the hotel, we’ll talk when i get there, ok?

My eyes widen at the last text. Why was he on his way here? What made him think that I wanted to see him?

me: dont bother, i dont think i want to see you rn

I send the text with tears welling in my eyes. I was just beginning to fully wrap my head around the events that unfolded before me.

*ding* <1 new text from johnny❤>

johnny❤: please, y/n

you know me better than anyone, don’t believe these rumors, y/n

Me: i saw the pictures johnny… and the video. what excuse could you have?

My head began to spin, no way did he think I was going to fall for his pity story.

johnny❤: this is why we’ll talk in person

i have a lot of explaining to do, i know. just listen to me please

i’m only 2 minutes away, ill explain everything i promise

Take a deep breath. I think to myself, convincing myself that maybe he would have a good excuse. After all, it's Johnny. Would he ever do anything to hurt me? I struggled to gain composure as I heard a familiar knock on the door. The lock clicked and the door crept open. I stood in the living room of the homey suite.

“y/n..” Johnny’s voice breaks the silence. He peeks from behind the door.

My eyes meet his and I feel faint. What’s going to happen? I ask myself, not knowing the right answer as hundreds of thoughts fill my head.

He continues inside, closing the door softly behind him. He takes slow strides in my direction, and that’s when the tears well in my eyes. Why? I’m not sure, I’ve always been one to get overwhelmed easily, but this was new. His hand reaches out to take mine and I flinch away. The images of him taking another girl into his arms flashing in my head.

“Why her? How--” My voice breaks and the tears finally fall from my eyes.

“It’s not at all what you think it is, baby.” His voice was soft and genuine. Almost desperate.

“Then what is it? Huh?” My voice changed from calm to angry. I took a deep breath in an attempt to try to calm myself back down and I back farther away from him. “I... I was patient. I knew this would happen. I was understanding of the rumors, the lies. But this? These pictures? These videos?” I began to lose my cool. “How could you possibly explain this?” Anger was tainting my words, what was I saying? “If you want to be with her then just say that.” I spit the words out.

Johnny looks taken aback, rightfully so. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it, Johnny?!” I shouted, menacingly. “It isn’t adding up.” I plead as my voice cracks. “Please, just fucking explain yourself.”

He walks towards me again, I don’t have the energy to fight him anymore. He takes my hand and places a light kiss on it.

“I know you’re confused. I know you’re angry.” He doesn’t take his eyes off of mine. “People talk. In this industry, people talk so fucking much.” His tone was so gentle; he was hurt but still so gentle with me. “People will always talk, okay, y/n?”

I nod, tears streaming down my face at this point.

“I’m in the wrong here. You saw the videos, I know, but there’s more to it than that.” He sits me down next to him on the couch.

“I just don’t understand.” My voice trembles. “With the other members, Doyoung, Mark, it was just gossip, easily dismissed. But…” My voice trails off.

“I know.” He sighs and pulls me close to him. “Those pictures were taken completely out of context.” where is he going with this? “Yes, it was Madison. And I’m sorry for meeting up with her without telling you, especially with everything that’s been going on…” He traced his fingers in small circles along my back, something he often did when he needed to calm me down. He sighs and pulls me closer to him, we sit in silence for a bit before he continues. “As you know, Taeyong… His injury?”

I nod my head against his chest. “I know…” I whisper in response. what does that have to do with anything?

“Well… Madison, when I met with her at the cafe,” He paused, awaiting a reaction but I didn’t give one. I wanted to hear him out. He continues, “She moved here a few months ago. It has nothing to do with me, or NCT as a whole.” He disclaims. “She’s studying abroad here for a journalist internship. She’s-”

“Get to the point,” I whisper, barely being able to hear him ramble on about her.

He places a kiss on the top of my head. “Everyone knew about Yong’s injury; the managers, the staff, even the stage crew noticed it.” I wince a bit at the thought of Taeyong having to deal with this kind of injury. “You were busy with studies and I didn’t want you worrying about me or the boys. I vented to Madison about it. She explained that she had ties to news sources that could have exposed SM for overworking him. So…” He sighs, “She threatened SM. Unless they gave us all a break or hiatus, she threatened to report it to national broadcasting stations.”

“Wait-” I interrupt him, the puzzle pieces finally fitting together in my head.

“Let me finish.” He cuts me off in return. “I wanted to treat her to coffee while she was still in town, as a thank you. Nothing more. Because of her, me and the boys were able to finally get a break and Taeyong is finally getting rest.” He explains.

im such a fucking idiot, i think to myself.

I was speechless, how could I have been this stupid. I finally built up the courage to look up at him; his eyes scanning my face for a reaction.

“I’m sorry.” It’s all I can mutter out in my state of embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. I promised to be transparent about this stuff and instead I hid it from you. I’m in the wrong too. I’m sorry.” He replies, softly. His hands trailed up and down my back.

I look into his eyes again, begging for forgiveness without saying a single word. He got the hint and leaned in to press a soft peck to my lips.

“I love you,” I said, my lips brushing against his as our foreheads rested on each other.

He smiles before kissing me back. “I love you, too.”

“So, she means nothing?” The sudden, whispered, inquiry was cold in the quiet air.

There was a pause, a moment that I nearly regretted asking.

“She means nothing.” He said, his voice was gruff and direct.

“Then prove it.” The words rolled off my tongue, and before I had time to think, Johnny’s lips were pressed back up against mine.

#johnnysuh #kpop #nct #nct127 #youngho #kpopangst #angst #this was gonna be smut but ??#i feel like the angst aspect is 10x better #unless a smutty pt 2 is needed #hmmm😏😏#ponderinggg #johnnyangst #nct angst #this is veryyyy different from my normal writing style so i hope its not too #...#bad

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vampireqrow-moved · 3 years

Note

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

#asks #long post #anonymous #pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #my post

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one-girl-once-upon-a-dream · 4 years

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Lucifer’s Challenge Ch. 1

Description: MC is finally back where she belongs, at the House of Lamentation as well as in Lucifer’s bed. Yet she is surprised that while sharing a room with him that he hasn’t taken advantage of her to the fullest. When she finally find out what has been on his mind shes shocked but shes very interested in hearing him out.

Warnings: fem MC, nsfw themes

Prologue here! Chapter Two here!

Title: Lucifer’s Proposition

MC knew Lucifer too well to think that he wasn’t happy that she was back. He acted calm and collected, not falling into the tizzy that his brothers had been in the past week since her return but she saw the smaller signs. It was the fact that he was working exclusively from home, even taking his meetings on conference calls so that he was never far away. It was the way that his door was always open a crack and that he was playing music he remembered she liked. They were all invitations for her, hidden ones that were meant only for her and ones she knew that he wished she would take.

Along with all these subtle calls for her attention was the one glaring sign that he wanted to be with her, the fact that they were sharing a room. This was of course blamed on the fact that her previous bedroom had been destroyed the day of her arrival. Mammon claimed that it was an accident, everyone was using it as a storage room and he just happened to use it to explore fireworks that mysteriously went off. No one else seemed to mind this and were more than willing to offer a place in their own bed for her but Lucifer had been quick to stop the war that was ushering in, saying with no room for argument that his room would be where she would stay. This of course didn’t actually stop the arguing but it at least turned all the anger on him instead of them all bickering among themselves.

MC didn’t mind this solution at all, more than willing to share the luxurious bed with the oldest, but she also didn’t buy that he hadn’t expected this. Mammon was not a master of stealth and the extra pillows, emptied dresser drawers and new silk sheets made her believe that Lucifer might have let this little mishap happen. She also didn’t buy that it was going to take months to repair the damage as he claimed but she didn’t argue, only bit her lip and nodded along to his explanations of needing a very specific and hard to find stone to make the proper repairs. There was nothing to complain about on her end, especially not as she thought about the last night she had spent sharing a bed with him.

Surprisingly though they hadn’t shared another night like that yet. There had been lots of touching and skin on skin, every little bit making her melt into the bed, but Lucifer seemed to be taking his time with her. She just hoped that it wouldn’t be a full year this time before he decided to take that plunge. She was thinking about it again that night, watching the door expectantly as she rubbed lotion onto her very exposed legs. Her sleeping shorts weren’t much longer than panties, leaving lots of soft skin to lure Lucifer in with. The clock chimed and right on time the door knob turned, just as MC stretched herself out on the bed with her legs kicking behind her.

“Why Luci if you don’t pull any all nighters I would think you actually want to spend time with me,” she teased when he entered, batting her eyelashes and crossing her ankles while propping herself up on her elbows. He smirked but said nothing as he undressed, not looking at her as he did so but making sure to keep his body turned towards her so she would get the full show. She watched with a tilted head, appreciating every line and curve that was exposed to her while he changed into monogrammed pajama pants. They were the type she was sure had to have an equally as expensive top but he chose not to put that on for which she was very grateful. This allowed her to feel nearly all of him as he flipped her with ease onto her back so he could cage her underneath him.

He brushed his lips to her forehead and nestled his nose in her hair for a brief moment before hovering over her. “And if I didn’t know any better I would think that you wanted all my attention, waiting here for me every night. Such a good girl, knowing who you belong to,” he chuckled darkly, the back of his fingers tracing her body with feather light touches. She shivered, toes wiggling and fingers clutching at the blanket as she struggled to dispel all the energy he seemed to fill her with.

“You did tell me that I was going to be rooming with you. I assumed that I meant I would be sleeping here. Or was I supposed to take that as a hint to sleep in front of the fireplace and become Cinderella?” she pointed out, bringing up her hands to rub at his shoulders, trying to keep them from going where they truly wanted. She thought that this was just their usual snippy banter but she was surprised to find his eyebrow raised in genuine questioning.

“Human fairy tales have no place here. But you have never been one to follow my orders before, I’m just surprised that you chose now to start … that isn’t to say I am upset with obedience,” he said with an air of dismissal but his eyebrows were still knitted together tightly, several hard lines wrinkling his forehead. MC couldn’t help but frown in return, shifting under him so she could sit up and look at him properly.

“Lucifer I’m not just here because you told me to be. I want to be here with you. I thought your offer meant that you wanted me here too … i-if I misunderstood I’m sorry. I know it's been so long, it's probably awkward and it's hard to just pick up where we left off and-” her rambling was cut off with a firm kiss. She sighed into it, hands finding their way into his raven locks and keeping him there. She feared what he might say when he pulled away so she was happy to live in that moment for as long as he allowed.

“Stroking my ego could be a dangerous thing but I can’t deny that I adore hearing you say how much you want to be here,” Lucifer said with their lips still brushing against hers. Her breath caught in her throat and she stared up at him with wide, confused eyes. He laughed at her expression, taking another kiss before pulling away to fully explain. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I was so quick to take you into my bed and yet I haven’t actually taken you yet, my love. Trust me it has nothing to do with not wanting you, you are the only one that I want MC.”

It warmed her immensely to hear these words and she hummed her appreciation of them but she pushed him a bit more “I sense that there is a ‘but’ that is coming with that statement?”

A sad smile graced his features, highlighting all of his hauntingly beautiful face. “I did miss having another intelligent person in the house. There is indeed a bit more to my desire for you. You really are the only one that I want but I know that I am not the only one that wants you,” he said, rolling over so that he rested beside her, pulling her in close with one firm pull “you mean a great deal to all of us. My brothers care for you just as much as I do, in that I have no doubt. So while I selfishly would love to keep you to myself, I can’t. It’s why I’ve restrained myself, I know once I have you it will be quite some time before I let you go again.”

Now it was MC’s turn to laugh. She wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed as close to him as she possibly could, finding that comfort in being tangled with him. “Oh Luci I love that you think of your brothers so much,” she cooed at him, getting a playful growl and eye roll from him “but I love them too. The fact that I get to be in this crazy relationship with all of you is something I cherish more than anything. I may be yours Lucifer but they are mine. So as much as I crave you, I don’t plan on abandoning them just for you.”

It seemed like such a strange discussion to be having, soothing her partners' concerns that she wasn’t spending enough time with her other partners. She certainly hadn’t ever had to tell a partner that she planned on sleeping with several other people and the fact that he was now smiling about that declaration was hard for her to wrap her mind around. But that smile was enough to erase any unease that she might have. This was new territory for her but she was lucky enough to have a very good guide for this experience, someone who wanted to help her navigate it all so that everyone came out happy. That wasn’t to say, however, that he didn’t have his own agenda at the end of the day. MC was about to find out exactly what he really had in mind for her.

“I am very glad to hear you say that,” Lucifer said, MC feeling the rumble in his chest with every word. His arm was still draped over her waist, his hand had been rubbing circles on her lower back but was now dipping lower to grab a handful of her ass. It pulled her closer so that she could hear every word he whispered hoarsely to her “because I have what you could call … a challenge for you.” He emphasized this news with a lick up her neck that ended with a nip to her ear. Her body tensed as she forced herself to not whine and writhe under him, instead hoping her waiting patiently would give her some bonus points for whatever challenge he was about to lay on her.

“I meant what I said, I don’t plan on letting you go for quite some time once I finally have you. But I still dont want to deprive you or my brothers of your deserved time together. Plus let’s be honest, I like it when you’re all worked up for me and what better way than to get you warmed up with them,” he continued, the thought apparently as appealing to him as it was to her from the growing tent in his pants “so, my precious pet, what I want you to do is to seduce all my brothers before returning to me.”

MC couldn’t help but laugh, she hardly thought that something she planned on doing was much of a challenge, but seeing the sadistic glimmer in Lucifer’s eyes that followed she knew she had done the wrong thing. “You know I thought that might be your reaction,” he said, fingers digging into the flesh of her upper thigh just before the point of bruising “so that is why that was just the set up for my challenge for you. I want you to seduce all my brothers but in doing so you are not allowed to cum.”

Her mouth hung open, half lidded sultry bedroom eyes now wide open at such a demand. It just didn’t seem possible! “I’m not sure if you just have very high confidence in me or none in them. They are far from being bad in bed Lucifer, they are more than capable and in most cases very focused on making sure I get off. More than one of them seem to prefer that more than getting their own rocks off actually,” she laughed nervously, waiting for him to playfully scold her for denying his ridiculous request and use it as an excuse to punish her. Yet while she laughed his expression hardened until her laughter teetered off.

“I’m sorry, did I make it seem like I wanted this to be easy?” he said harshly, leaning away from their cuddly position he grabbed her face, tilting it up to meet his burning gaze “I am more than aware of what they are capable of but when you finally come to me I want you to be little more than a proper bitch in heat. I am not telling you to not enjoy yourself, I want you to feel as much pleasure as you can but your cum is for me and me alone. At least that is the first time you cum this trip, I won’t deny you forever … at least I have no intentions of that now.”

MC believed every word he said and each word made heat grow between her thighs, the thought of being edged so thoroughly burning her up. Still she wasn’t convinced that it was something she could possibly do, she only had so much control over that and the brothers could be unrelenting. “I want to try but Lucifer I’m not sure that I could, just biological wise. There is only so much I can do to stop that if someone else is trying so hard to make it happen,” she said breathlessly, not wanting to let him down in the slightest. Yet instead of disappointment MC saw a smile return to his features.

“You would really like to try?” he asked in nearly a purr, squeezing her cheeks just a little tighter as he waited for her to nod her agreement. Once she did he pulled her face close to his, his breath hot against her as he told her “Good. That’s what I needed to hear, since you are so willing I am willing to give you a little bit of help to accomplish this.” He then kissed her hard, his tongue in her mouth when she gasped but there was something different. It wasn’t in his usual dominating, exploring way, it felt somehow more deliberate as if he was spelling something out with his tongue. It definitely wasn’t any letters she recognized so she tried to ignore it and enjoy the kiss but before long her mouth was filled with a taste she could barely begin to describe. It tasted the way a lightning strike smelled, like burnt ozone and charred metal.

She was choking on the taste and she struggled to pull away as panic set in her chest but he held her firmly in place even as she moaned in protest. Then, just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. He rolled away from her as she gasped for air, every hair on her body standing up and her skin feverish. It took her a second to realize it but she had felt that once before, the night that Solomon had given her his powers. That had been the unmistakable feel of magic. “Lucifer what the fuck!” she hissed crawling away from him, she trusted that he would never do something to harm her but it still seemed rude to perform a spell she hadn’t been prepared for.

He allowed her to escape, giving her an apologetic look as he slowly reached for her hand. He inched towards her hand but allowed her to close the distance between them before he took it and spoke. “I’m sorry, I do forget that you aren’t used to things like that but I thought it was the best way to transfer the spell. Here take a look,” he said tilting her wrist up. She nearly screamed seeing what looked like a moving tattoo there, a sigil surrounded by seven runes constantly rotating around it. She huffed and tried to stutter through some sort of demand but he cut her off before she could get far.

“It can be removed quite easily if you decide that you don’t want to go through with this, it will be as painless as being put there. But if you chose to follow through in the challenge I have given you then this will assure you follow the rules. Each of these represents one of us brothers, once you have successfully seduced and brought us to bed they will disappear. And this seal will assure that you can not cum until all have disappeared. You will be allowed to feel every pleasurable moment up until the second you are to reach that release,” he explained almost tenderly looking down at his handy work before meeting her eyes once more. An intensity that she could nearly taste hung in the air when he asked “so what do you think, can you save yourself for me so that I can make you feel pleasure beyond that even found in the celestial realm MC?”

MC could only hear her own heartbeat but she felt her lips form the words she knew that Lucifer had been waiting to hear “Yes sir.”

#obey me #obey me lucifer #polyship #fem MC #obey me shall we date #obey me fic #obey me fanfic #obey me lucifer fic

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beyoncesdragon · 4 years

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Oh lord (Loki x Reader)

Pairing: Loki x Queen!Reader

Warning: fluuffff I suppose. No swear warning this time and that’s a first lol

Summary: Loki had not exactly planned on going back, or better; he had not thought he survive it. Thor being Thor couldn't care less about that, naturally.

A/N: lets just...PRETEND this is how Vanaheim looks. I did my research dont worry, but...it’s fiction after all. and the old norse is real aHA!

My Masterlist

The chains around his feet rattled with every step he made and the dragging sound of the iron was painful and annoying to listen to. “I don’t understand why you are dragging me to this very place brother.” Loki asked annoyed, before eyeing the few other people who were accompanying them suspiciously. “And why you felt like bringing them with you.” Thor didn’t even bother to turn around to answer, he only pulled at the chains, making his brother almost stumble forward.

“They have a right to know where you are kept safe, after you attacked their city.” He explained quickly, before pulling his brother towards a tree in the middle of a corn field. “And why, by the gods…” he started again, but Thor silenced him with a glance. Instead Loki sighed and tilted his head to the right, attentively watching the attractive red haired assassin lining up in front of him. Right to her left stood a man in skin tight uniform with his (in Loki’s eyes) ridiculous shield, and next to him Tony Stark. Not to forget the guy with the arrows he couldn’t remember the name of and the Hulk. Even though he wasn’t green and a bully creature in this moment, but more of a slight built scientist. Loki let out another quiet sigh and closed his eyes. They shot open in horror only a few seconds later, when Thor held his hammer high and a sudden beam of yellow and white light beat down from above.

He sucked in a breath when the light disappeared and showed them their new location: an unreal blue river surrounded by incredible high trees. Some of them were so high, that their tips grazed the clouds above. Strange plants wound themselves around their massive trunks, pulsating in many different colours.

“Where are we?” Stark spoke up, seeming to be the first to catch himself again. The beauty of the place was nearly hypnotizing.

“Vanaheim.” Loki whispered, his face pale by now. “Brother…” he started, but Thor just shook his head. Natasha looked around curiously.

“So what are we looking for? Is there a path…” she got cut off by a roaring sound from somewhere above them. Everyone’s eyes snapped up, gasps getting loud. Coiled around the tree near them, an emerald scaled dragon-like beast looked down, golden eyes glomming hostile.

“Don’t move.” Thor spoke quietly. “What the heck is that? A dragon?” Clint whispered, his hands slowly wandering towards his arrows.

“Not exactly. This is a drakon. They are several millennia’s older than dragons and can grow almost twice as big.” Loki whispered, his eyes fixed on the reptiles’ head. “Can it fly?” Natasha asked and Thor shook his head. “As far as I know, it can’t. but who knows maybe she gave’em some wings…” Loki stiffed up. “No. No, she didn’t. Now let’s leave, even I do not particularly feel like triggering a drakon by hanging around his tree.” Everyone agreed, much to his surprise and they slowly backed off. The drakon wouldn’t follow them, it stayed on its gigantic three-mile tree and only hissed warningly.

“So, where are we even going?” Natasha asked, attentively observing the surroundings. She had two knives drawn, her body tense and always ready for another drakon to drop down on them. As if a knife would help against a seven ton, rock hard scaled, ancient beast. “To the palace.” Thor answered drily and received a rather annoyed look from the avengers and a pained one from a certain frost-giant.

“I really don’t think that this is a benefitting idea for either of us brother.” Loki tried to pursue his brother, but Thor cut him off. “It is the best option for all of us Loki. It’s the safest place where I can bring you, not only just for your safety.” Clint seemed like he wanted to say something, but Natasha gave him a small push with her elbow. “I can’t believe she agreed to do this.” Loki just whispered and Thor chuckled mischievously.

“She hasn’t agreed on anything actually.” He then pulled at Loki’s chains since the prince stopped on his tracks immediately. “You haven’t asked her? She will behead me brother, the second she sees me!” he protested and stumbled forwards, still putting up resistance against Thor’s pulls. “She will not. We both know that and now come on.” Steve carefully cleared his throat. “Not to be impolite but who exactly are we talking about? And what is Vanaheim exactly?” he asked silenty and Thor gave him a motivational smile. “We are talking about a dear friend of Loki, also a dear friend of mine actually. She basically rules here and stuff. Really laid back lass.”

Loki huffed and rolled his eyes. “Friend of mine…” he whispered almost inaudible before carefully avoiding a bluish pulsating ivy creeper hanging from one of the trees. They seemed to follow a small path through the sparsely grown forest, almost unnoticeable for untrained eyes.

“But rules over what?” Bruce asked, his eyes wide. He brushed over a bush with silky soft leaves in a light green and yelped shocked when the rims of the leaves were razor-sharp. “Hvasslaufsblað-Laukr.” he snapped around.

“Excuse me?”

Loki stood behind him, his eyes following the steady trickle of blood that dropped from the long cut the leaves had caused him.

“Hvasslaufsblað-Laukr.” He repeated and pointed at the plant. “It’s called like that. Roughly translated it means Sharp-leafed plant. How ugly.” Bruce blinked confused as Loki passed him without another word.

“Vanaheim is one of the Nine Worlds and exists on the highest level of the World Tree.” Thor explained whilst carefully making his way through the slowly higher getting grass. “The World Tree?” Tony asked and Thor nodded. “Yggdrasil. Its inhabitants are the Vanir, masters of sorcery and magic. They are also widely recognized for their talent to predict the future and so on.” Loki rolled, slightly irritated by the rough description of his brother, his eyes again. His description wouldn’t even come close to the many wonders this world held.

“It’s beautiful.” Natasha sighed and he only snorted but said nothing. Suddenly the sky opened up, the trees stopped. The group had arrived at the top of a small hill where a silver glomming path leaded to a gigantic building. It looked like a mix between a forest, a palace and a beehive. The whole construct seemed to actually breathe and radiate energy.

“Ha! I knew I could still remember the way!” Thor cheered triumphantly and determinedly started to walk towards the magical place. Loki’s pale face almost turned ashy.

When the guards in front of the living tree portal recognised Thor, they lowered their weapons. They weren’t surprised about their appearance and that made Loki more than suspicious. Especially because they seemed to even expect him. Him, Loki the god of mischief that had parted with the people of Vanaheim in not a particularly friendly way – at least not with their leader. And with her, he was about to meet again and he was not ready for it.

“Look at who’s finally deciding to visit me again.” The voice was chilly, demanding and with a hint of anger. Thor immediately bowed respectfully and the rest of the avengers followed his example. Loki however stood still, his eyes on the ground.

“Of course minn dróttning.” Thor immediately answered and the woman chuckled softly. “I am not your queen Thor, son of Odin. How have you been and who have you brought with you?” Thor stood up fully and gave the woman sitting in front of them on a simple chair a dashing smile. “I have been very well. Let me quickly introduce my friends from Midgard to you.” He said with a knowing smile as he saw how your eyes flashed up in a bright and vivid green. “Midgard?” he nodded and carefully and slowly started to introduce every single one of the avengers in the old-fashioned way of Vanaheim, listing up all their titles and heroic deeds. The queen’s eyes changed colour all two to three names and titles, depending on the emotion you felt the second you heard them. When Thor finished you leaned back, her eyes now quickly switching between a deep purple and a vibrant red.

“I welcome you.” Was the only thing you remarked after a few seconds, still not paying attention to Loki, who slowly got jittery. “It looks wonderful here. Truly magnificent.” Bruce bubbled out and you tilted your head. “Thank you. It hasn’t always been this way.” Your voice suddenly seemed ice cold, eyes drained from all colour. “Vanaheim was one of the battlefields in the Vanir's raging war against the Aesir. It still is ravaged after the centuries-long war.” Thor shared an alarmed look with his brother who just pressed his lips together. He knew that the queen wasn’t in a particular good mood when it came to asgardians and particularly not when it came to the family of Odin.

“It was the marriage of Freya, one of the leaders of the Vanir, my mother, with Odin, the King of the Aesir, what finally brought peace to Vanaheim and the rest of the realms.” You continued coldly. “After the marriage's fallout, Odin locked the path to Vanaheim through Týr's Temple, allowing nobody to visit the realm. Which is also, why I haven’t seen my mother in over a decade and me and my people hardly ever get visitors.” The temperature in the room had dropped, all the lights lost their golden tone to it.

“Now, what are you here for? And why in the name of all god’s is he here.” you asked coldly, finally looking straight at Loki.

“Your highness…” Loki got down on his knee and the avengers threw each other surprised looks. Loki kneeling was a whole new thing. Your eyes had changed again, still whiteish and only a gleaming white ring was sparkling angrily at him. “You left, almost a decade ago, with the city on fire. It took us three weeks to put it out.” Loki had his eyes still glued on the floor.

“It was an accident milady.” He mumbled half-heartedly. “An accident?” you laughed coldly getting up abruptly. “An accident?!” you repeated again, your voice now noticeably louder. The avengers stepped back softly.

“Then so was that!” you snapped, slipping something from your finger. A golden ring gleamed up in the light, a snake that was about to swallow itself with a huge green jewel on top of its head. Thor sucked in a breath and so did Loki whose face had lost all colour again. He stood up as well, raising his hand.

“Please…” he only pushed out, a sincerity in his voice that surprised everyone in the room. “Don’t do this.” your hand shook lightly, the arm still risen and ready to throw the ring to Valhalla. “Give me a reason! You’re not even wearing yours.” your voice had turned into a whisper at the end, a pained expression flitting over your face. Loki frowned softly and rose his left hand. A green ring of light and energy wandered over his hand, the illusion of a bare hand disappearing. Suddenly, there sat a set of three rings on his ring finger, all of them connected by a octagon cut emerald that resembled the yours in colour perfectly. It seemed like they were both cut from the same emerald and Tony’s head spun at the thought of how big the emerald must have been. “Loki…” Thor whispered but Loki rose his hands. Thor closed his mouth again, staring at his brother in disbelief. Your hand sunk slowly. You sat down carefully, mustering the prince with a piercing glare.

“You haven’t took it off?” Loki shook his head. “Not once my queen.” you sighed softly, waving him closer quickly. Loki walked towards you, approaching the steps to your throne slowly and still a bit shaky. You extended your hand towards him, so he could slip the ring back on your finger.

“Forgive me.” You mumbled softly and Loki mustered a soft smile. “Forgive me, my love. I shouldn’t have left after the fire.” You just nodded, getting up once again. Suddenly you looked tired and drained, very unlike the vivid young woman everyone had first seen. “You have been missed. My people loved you.” you explained silently, having forgotten the rest of your guests that still stared at the two of you in confusion.

“Only your people?” Loki asked with a soft and knowing smirk before very carefully supporting your stand by placing his hand on your lower back. “You…I do not wish to elaborate my prince.” You brushed his comment off before giving him a sincere look. Loki just smirked mischievously bowing his head, gaze falling down to your lips. You had obviously picked up on his gaze, raising one eyebrow questioningly.

“Waiting on something?” your voice was quiet and not more than a whisper, but Loki’s eyes snapped up again. His eyes met yours, yet in a light pinkish colour, like a bushing sky in the morning. He swallowed thickly, eyes falling back to your lips.

“May I…?” his voice deeper than before, his warm breath feeling hot and a bit quicker against your lips. You only tilted your head, eyes switching into a deeper pink. Almost hesitant Loki moved in, lips delicately placing on yours. It was as if a spark run through the whole palace, the lights suddenly seeming to shine golden and warm. Thor couldn’t hold his smile back, so he looked down. As Loki moved back again, his cheeks were full of life and colour again, eyes vividly sparkling.

“I missed you too.” You whispered, a small smile gracing your features, as you linked your fingers with his. Loki took a deep and shaky breath, looking down at your beautiful appearance.

He had been lucky again, too lucky almost. Not that he complained, of course not.

And oh had he missed you too.

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki laufeyson #loki odison x reader #loki of jotunheim #loki odinson #marvel imagine #tom hiddleston #loki is an avenger now #loki is the biggest softest baby fight me #imagines #one shot #avengers

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screechingtrashcalzonewombat · 4 years

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"Apopalictic Astral Asending" Reavaluate disassociate my self worth...

The galaxies have birthed an uncontrollable being ....

I've feel as tho Ive seen myself split in two ..

Witch side do u wanna see if ur lucky I'll let you choose .

Cause in the end I loose..

One of hate one of love could both be from up above..

Or down below ...

I've began to show signs of delusions as half my mind goes an tells me it's only mild confusion. As my body fights my brain an heart to escape theys terrible illusions.

Yet the other half tries to start a fusion of body an mind an all the suddently my thoughts are no longer mine..

But a evil so Divine that its wound it's way threw time itself I've fealt the damage the energy dealt. I've yelped in anquish an pain been stuck for 7 long years in the rain with nothing to gain .. I can barely fathom to explain im not fully on earth I'm on another astral plane but i fear i flew out of my lane I've gone insane never wanted fame Ever fealt like bat man I mean oops Bruce Wayne. Nah fuck hes spoiled a wet rat infact I'm more like hulk duck when I'm near i wearly see I'm drowning inside my mind but no one can hear my dear I fear I've lost control again but cant compute I've been booted out of the system I've clawed hit an kicked to try to get to the top but i outta of known I've been ripped an thrown from my throne ive been shown what this beast can do but who woulda thought a demon bought my soul ..a jackal a goul.....you'll see me shift into numbness I suposse it was my own dumbness for being to open now cause of me my body an mind are broken an stole. as I weep an shutter an i try to speak but only stutter I found myself weak in defeat ....as ik this demon reaching its peak will plunder an pillage the town I've found I'm bound to this beast nowhere to run not north south or east I can run it will feast on my soul until the end of time ..

For diamonds cannot compare to the rarity of a soul nor a bowl of Ruby's an jems rolled in gold .....

A bold statement you say........

.. theres no ray of light here they stole it away buried it in your mind but how can u define being locked trapped in yourself ...

You've dealt your own fate ...

Wanting ansers u dint deserve ..

Did you like your just dessert's...no?

Dose it hurt ..... After you itll kill children's childhood freinds like bernie & eart ....whent bizzirk an bashed there brains makeing bloody rains

curking on everyone with cutlery forks an knifes* slice *cook big bird with chives after I've shanked him 900 times... 100 more woulda been devine serve him drink to dry alone cooked an ripped him to the bone but not quite alone u may not be home inside but u can still watch...I thought I taught u better than to close ur eyes dont beg or look surprised look away an I'll adopt another stray to do the same a slow sweet death cure's my hunger anyway

.the wines innocents blood bitter sweet to the taste of the tounge

no one thought it capable I seemed...looked ...so young..

They dint know it had just begun it wasn't me but the evil half committing crime with glee an fleeing repetavidly revealingly images to my mind of times & crimes so sickening I thought I'd die forever scetched seered into my mind .binded with no power as one towers over you using your power you cowar for how dose one define the disasbalment of there an every defined mind while ur inner demon dines on flesh making a mess of your vessel you cant even wrestle your way to the light to stay only break down in defeat that your so far away you've became an internal mess cant even stand on ur feet the beast has u chained in defeat u cry an apologize looking for answers as of how to stop.....an then...you hear a voice .." you outta stayed silent instead of talk back. U shouldn't of complained do u still think ur life used to be pain...... . Ur a sack of shit ur wit is less than that of an ant not to rant but I'm not done yet I have ur soul now I'm never letting go no no no I have plenty more so much to show many souls to reap an emotions to subdue after all u said yes.....

...did you forget ur the one who started this.

mess ......you dressed your mind with fantasy an fiction word to the wise never mess with other worldly friction an your itching for a way out but I doubt ull get there before the end of time .after all you had a devil an an angel on ur shoulder an you chose wrong this time. Only took 666 times but I'm patient an always waiting for 6 years hating an burning flesh waiting for a prayer a call after all Lucifer was once an angel an the most beautiful you just dint get to see from what angle he had beauty wrath an determination but u humans resulted in his isolation incarsorason. So now we will end up being humanity's enialation when were done there entire selves with evaporate for the demons have released self hate to pro create creatures in confidence we annihilate the fate of the human race at least the trace slight like us able to bust threw dementions so weve mentioned a start to find the inordinary soul an heart ......humanity was doomed from the start.. you stole our purpose our reason to be......humans sit in sin an glee.

Your humanitys Pride is overbearing never genuinely caring ..

Greed is sweeping the nation its reached ever state an it's got a hot heaping plate of corruption for mankind's consumption greed is grotesque in its steps of the darkest quest to corupt ur mind an want. .want..want until that's all you are is wanting more

Lusting over losely draped garments you've tarnished ur soul .

Envy of what you do not posses but for all you know that information an life would make you a mess but ud still test ur envious tendencies.....

Glutton glutton what have you gained it's not knowledge no for it's to plain rather glutton uve found a urge that wont go away....

Wrath an vengeance blood draw too no one stops till some dies him or you....

Sloth last but not least cant forget you cause uuuh wait what that fuck do u do....you sleep an sulk sit slither out of simple tasks an that's why ur not 1st no ur last like humanity just ask ....

So soon the day will draw near the the number 4 is what you should fear our dear old freinds were sending up for a visit so they can reddit ur fate for each a horse an a trait the first out the door with bow in hand riding a white horse with bow in hand

Conquest the start of the final test leading the restthere dark version of light on a white stallion he leads the way an soon will follow hades anyway.

War was next on a red steed he rode prepared to purge an quench new blood for the wars an battels would just begin brother against brother an close of kin witch to win?

Famine foe of all on a black horse with the courses hair so fair merely bone but dont let his appearance fool you hes for he is full devouring your greed taking away everything you want or need an now ur rationed to nearly starvation stretching farther than destination world wide sensation...

Pleage reaper of souls slowly apears steadly trotting riding a very sickly steed looking pale an almost gruesome green with sores an sickness best keep a distance. For he shall be the bringer of death an reap you all one by one to the four you shall fall...

Will you be spared are you true....

Are you happy with your life what did you do...?

Rapture no you still must die.....

Say good by to this earthy chapter theres so much more that manifest after.

But only your earthly husk must rust an fall your all energy of grate mass....

It's time to take the task of self evolvment an enjoy an enlightened installment

this world was just step wrench ur third eye wide open an accept the token of eternal life.

Grinded it to atoms a flash of dust all together ur a self fulfilling must memory pass u in a rush.....

. sudently ur bodysuit is gone ....

But it dint felt like it quite belonged.

You were 7 grams of light matter to be exact an sudently you've cracked the atmosphere ..steering energetic waves my metal psyche caves to the new information flying threw stars consolations.

Suddently speeding at the sound of light the stratosphere seems to disapear ..

My fear is gonewithout a trace an freedom transferred in its place

but am waved in infatuation to find out about out true destination...

Restoration of the soul the goal of a higher self being achieved as I crash into the sun 1500°

I feel a warmth like no other each being hues of light I might of missed earth if not I heard a voice but a mental push no need for speech just thinking it shall be done said by the the brightest in the sun.

Rejoice at last but ur journeys yet to pass ..

This is merely were you start ....

Our flames grew high with frantic waves not wanting to give up the new life we were just gave

Suddenly our flames grew dim as we felt a swirling deep from withn sudently the surface of the sun turned to tin an bent in a cracked an caved with itself our time an space sending us ascending in alignment the same assignment.

Because the sun has begun to change ina twisted way a black hole some could say.

As all of our astral beings were ripped an tore apart at the seams we all merged an formed one all knowing creative being an sudently everything I've know has little matter I'm past a point of human chatter i understand infinity the holy trinity I down in the milky way an experienced every life I've relived it twice I've spliced my genetics into over 2000 million beings I've seen good an bad in between experienced every tragedy to build my strength an studyd every thesis an theory thread an chain nearly drove my vessel insane even took knifes threw my veins in anger yet it failed I was just a trailer.ive seen love hate an anger

Comprehension compasing many others I have love an understanding past many beings there anger seems to brush by me cause I'm with 2000 souls an minds that have formed one to reach a state I can medidate in the milky way an force your negative away .

Our astral self has accumulated complete power an understanding by costuming to our full potential our old body's merely a rental.

Gentle at first then bursted into power showered in knowledge I know now much that I wondered before but now I want more an I've thought till I an 2000 shared beings head hurt cause my girth of knowledge will now never be enough it's tough cause now I must find .... how to ascend again but for now i must defend my vast mind defind crime ...?

Keeping 2000 vast voices locked away so I can focus an try to learn anyway leaning in to vast places is I the 1st 2nd or 3rd or other many plains I cant quiet place I'm traveling threw them all searching for everything I couldn't before .

This life isent like the countless other this life I like it has interesting teathers

I've surpass Angel's an there feathers an vison of a hawk.

I've surpass demonds and there demonic temping talk ..

I've walked on water as I was ripped apart an I felt my self rebuilt every cell of my being got hit with rods of power lightning not even myself can fight me god like abilities the universe as built in me theres ben a spiritual shift a tilt in me somthing generations of DNA sprawled out in a numerical display my old life experiences is the price I pay so that I can be god even if only for a day

I think I'll sit an think somewere in the outter spink of the universe I've cursed myself with knowledge an now I'm aware step into my astral space....

If you dare...

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mytholora · 5 years

Text

do you hear my heart beating

Fandom: Mamamoo

Rated: T

Pairings: Moonsun

Characters: Solar, Moonbyul, Wheein, Hwasa

Summary: Yongsun knows she’s an idiot but she’d thought herself to be an idiot with good ideas.

Yongsun knows she’s an idiot but she’d thought herself to be an idiot with good ideas.

They’re in a seedy club at some inhumane hour of the morning. Byulyi has somehow managed to convince her to go even though she’s got a paper due tomorrow and hasn’t washed her hair in 3 days.

“ISN’T THIS AMAZING?” Byulyi yells over the crowd of people wildly bumping their bodies into each other and the blaring music. It’s humid. Yongsun’s sure she’s stepped on something gross. At least 2 people have tried grinding on her, she doesn’t know. What she does know is that Byulyi’s holding her hand tight and she’s about to spontaneously combust.

“It’s really loud in here!”

“WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?” Byul makes a pained face at her, stretching back to hear her better.

“WHAT Oh—never mind.” Yongsun sighs, realising that no matter how loud she shouts, Byulyi can’t hear her over the loud music. How is she supposed to flirt with Byulyi if they can’t even hear each other? Another body falls on her and Yongsun is this close to biting someone’s ear off. She grunts under the weight of a clearly inebriated body and struggles to push him back on his feet. Of course this fucking caveman has to fall on me, of all the people in this hellcave.

Suddenly, Byulyi appears in front of her and pushes the man off her.

“Hey, watch where you’re falling, asshole!” Byulyi snarls, anger flaring in her eyes, arms holding Yongsun closely, tightly, and Yongsun feels her face heat up as she presses herself closer to Byulyi’s frame.

“Thanks, bodyguard,” Yongsun breathes out.

“WHAT?”

“I said thanks!”

“WHAT?”

“Forget it!”

“...WHAT?”

“LET’S JUST GO!”

“I can’t hear you, let’s just go!” Byulyi pulls her arm to signal her to start moving and they start wading through the swamp of people once more. A light bulb flickers to life above Yongsun’s head instantly. They can barely hear themselves in the noise, much less each other. It’s an opportunity falling on her lap and Yongsun’s damned if she won’t take it.

She clears her throat. “Your hands really turn me on.”

Byulyi doesn’t even turn around to look at her, just keeps pushing forward through the crowd. Yongsun bites back laughter and squeezes Byulyi’s hand. She turns around at that, tilting her head in slight confusion, face sporting a grin. Yongsun shakes her head and they continue moving as glee at the prospect of what she can do in her current situation fills her up.

Walking deeper in still, the club gets louder and darker even though Yongsun didn’t think it was possible mere minutes ago.

“Hey, hot ass lady holding my hand,” Yongsun tries. “Could we go get some drinks before hitting the dance floor?” No reaction.

“You sexy beast. Hold me tight. Grab my tiddies and drag me into a kiss.”

Nothing. If Byulyi can hear her, she doesn’t show any indication that she does.

It’s even better than I thought, Yongsun thinks incredulously. She gives a tug to the hand that’s holding hers.

“Can we get a drink first?” She asks in her normal voice, not even trying to compete against the noise. Byulyi frowns and leans closer, lips forming a ‘what’. Yongsun smiles and gestures towards what distinctly looks like a bar and tilts her head back to mimic the act of drinking. Byulyi perks up, nods, and they head off to a new destination.

It’s a little quieter at the bar, the air still shaking with heavy bass, but Yongsun can actually hear her own thoughts now. A familiar beautiful woman with a smouldering gaze is already waiting for them at the bar, an eyebrow raised, and Yongsun fights back a blush when the woman glances between Byulyi and herself as they walk towards her.

“Surprise!” Byulyi yells and almost leaps across the counter to wrap the woman in a hug.

“How did you manage to find me? I barely started working, like, two days ago!” Hyejin laughs, arms going around to return the hug before pulling Yongsun into another smothering one.

“I have my sources!” Byulyi says and Hyejin rolls her eyes.

“Wheein! Of course.”

“Where is she anyway? She owes me 15 bucks!” Hyejin motions to somewhere behind her and not even a moment later, a young dimpled girl appears beside Hyejin and squeals, dragging all four of them into a group huddle.

“HELL YEAH! The gang’s back together for a night of booze and bad decisions!” She jumps around excitedly and Yongsun feels her heart melt at the sight. She glances at Hyejin and Byulyi and she’s sure she’s not the only one. They are all soft for Wheein and her bubbly energy.

“Making bad decisions won’t be a problem with how fucking LOUD this place is! Are the speakers busted or something?” Yongsun winces as the music somehow gets louder than before, a remix of some top 10 EDM song reverberating in her skull.

“We don’t really know why but the other bartenders tell us it’s the DJ! He always plays the music this loud just cuz it ‘sets him in the mood’!” Wheein explains and Byulyi rolls her eyes.

“What an asshole.”

“Right?! Most of the DJs we’ve met here are really nice but he’s the only one that’s a big meanie! Just earlier tonight he…” Wheein launches into a story and Byulyi listens attentively, straining her neck forward to pick up on Wheein’s excited chatter. Hyejin quickly fills up two mugs with some cheap beer for them and is off to respond to a customer calling for her. Byulyi sends a wink her way as thanks before focusing her attention back onto Wheein and her flailing arms.

Yongsun adores that part of Byulyi that is so attentive and pays attention to details. The one that tries her best to be inclusive. The one with so much kindness and care in her heart. It was a quality that attracted so many of her friends to her and helped her to easily make more.

“I love you so much,” Yongsun stares at Byulyi and the words slip out before she can stop it. A spike of anxiety stabs her before realising that it is too loud for anyone to pick up what she’s saying. “That jacket looks great around you but you know what would look better? Me.”

Byulyi doesn't react. She’s still listening attentively to Wheein’s enthusiastic storytelling. It’s a chance she can’t miss.

“You funky lesbian, why the fuck are you so perfect, huh? Wanna fight? Wanna sit on my face? I dare you. I’m so in love with you. I’m not even joking. I would lay my life down for you like a knight for her queen, except like, I don’t wanna die, so maybe not. I’d fight a man for you, though. I’d choke all the men in the world for you. Fuck, you look so good. Marry me.”

Yongsun is on a roll, spitting out cheesy compliments and flirty pick-up lines. She says it to no-one in particular, keeping her eyes on the hyper duo next to her as she nurses her drink in one hand.

That is, until she realises her phone has been incessantly buzzing in her pocket. It’s enough to get her to take it out and look through her notifications.

Hyegi: oi

Hyegi: im on the other side

Hyegi: bitch dont ignore me look here

Hyegi: are u talking to yourself or smth wat the fuck

Hyegi: who you talking to

Hyegi: oh my god

Hyegi: SKJSHDSJFH

Hyegi: omg u hopeless gay

Hyegi: sit on your face???

Hyegi: yong pls

Hyegi: pls do not start fighting here i dont wanna be fired

Hyegi: im begging you pls stop

Hyegi: o fuk that’s so NSFW im gagging

Hyegi: bicth

Hyegi: thicc byulssy???? UVE GONE TOO FAR

Hyegi: HELLO!! LOOK HERE ASSHOLE!!!

Yongsun is absolutely mortified. Her eyes quickly dart to where Hyejin is leaning against the counter a few metres away, smoothly typing away on her phone, as if she didn’t just ruin Yongsun’s entire night in a few texts. Hyejin glances up to look at her and smirks. Yongsun's fight or flight response is fully activated and screaming at her to somehow knock Hyejin unconscious and make her lose all memory of tonight.

Yong: FUCK

Yong: dkjfhsljdfh

Yong: what the fuck

Hyegi: calm down

Yong: im gonna fukcking

Yong: what the FUCK

Hyegi: CHILL i wont tell

Yong: i will die on the spot if you do

Hyegi: please dont

Yong: DIE you hear me

Hyegi: I WONT I SWEAR

Yong: this whole time

Yong: how

Yong: did you bug me with a mic

Hyegi: what?? no i can lip read

Yong: how? since when??? what the fuck

Hyegi: took a course back in college

Yong: why

Hyegi: i wanted to be a spy

Yong: uh

Yong: ok

Yong: anyway pls dont spill

Hyegi: chillax i wont. I got u babe

Yong: thanks ily

Hyegi: ily too

Hyegi: also u are one giant horndog u know that?? fuckin intense!!

Yong: and what about it? she’s hot. im hot. we’re perfect for each other

Hyegi: LMAO right so why u seducing thin air

Yong: im just

Yong: building up my offense u know

Yong: training to fight fire with fire

Hyegi: by talking to the air

Yong: im TRAINING u fool

Yong: im like zuko and she’s azula because im gonna take her down

Yong: except we’re not siblings and i wanna date her

Hyegi: fuck u dont ruin that show for me

Yong: im not supporting incense im just saying they were both hot

Hyegi: incense im its incest u illiterate

Hyegi: ok look if i give u another drink on the house will u PLEASE shut the fuck up

Yong: a nicer one please

Yong: thanks

Yong: also zutara should have been endgame

Hyegi: dont test me because i will throw this drink in ur face

Yongsun laughs and looks up only to see Wheein gone and Byulyi staring at her and smiling. She feels her heart jump out her chest and tries to not let it show. She raises an eyebrow and Byulyi shakes her head and takes another swig of her now finished beer. Hyejin walks up to them with Yongsun’s drink on the house.

“Hey, how come she gets another one?!” Byulyi pouts, shifting closer to Yongsun and her new drink.

“What can I say? I’m a natural charmer!” Yongsun shrugs, a teasing lilt in her voice, which makes Byulyi pout even more. Hyejin rolls her eyes and walks away. Yongsun realises that it’s just her and Byulyi now. She clears her throat uncomfortably, unprepared to face Byulyi one-on-one, despite all the ‘training’ she’s undergone.

“Holy shit, I love this song! For a shitty DJ, he’s got pretty good taste in music!” Byulyi perks up. She gets off her chair and sways to the song now playing through the speakers. Yongsun watches awkwardly as Byulyi dances without a care in front of her.

She thinks she’s disassociating. In another dimension.

Byulyi? Sexy dancing in front of her as she sits and watches? Not even trying to escape? Absolutely unheard of.

She’d already be running for the hills on a normal day.

I’m too fucking gay for this shit. Is this happening? Is this really happening? What the fuck.

Yongsun doesn’t budge an inch on her seat, doesn’t even grab her drink. Her eyes watch Byulyi intensely, expression unchanging as the younger girl dances without a care in the world, unaware of the quickly deteriorating mess that is Yongsun’s sanity. Byulyi’s eyes lock with hers and she feels something important escape her body.

Her phone buzzes again and again and Yongsun forces herself to tear her eyes away from the spectacle that is Byulyi and respond to it.

Hyegi: u lesbian

Hyegi: SHUT UP ur sex eyes are so obvious

Hyegi: U look like u are one blink away from pushing her down!! Fuck

Hyegi: i cant deal with this

Hyegi: remember to use protection xoxo hwasa

Yongsun rolls her eyes. Her phone buzzes again. What now?

---

Wheenie: byul-unnie

Wheeinie: i got him to play the song u wanted

Wheeinie: r u sure dis will work

Wheeinie: make sure u do wat we discussed

Wheeinie: unnie u luk v intense

Wheeinie: ya work those sexy moves

Wheein: sway ur hips more!! bat ur eyes!!

Wheeinie: she looks turned on as fUK keep doing it

Wheeinie: lmao she’s looking here?? move closer

Wheeinie: get more in her face!! blast ur hormones! show her ur willing and ready!!!

Wheeinie: wait

Wheeinie: OH FUCK

from this shitpost of mine

after more than a year here i am...... my measly attempt at comedy..

comments r appreciated and criticism even more so because i get turned on by both

#mamamoo #moonset #moonbyul #solar #wheein #hwasa #humour #humor #moowritings #had this saved in my drafts and forgot to post it???#mamamoo fanfic

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r0xelita · 6 years

Text

Lets talk about something super personal and important thing: EMOTIONAL LABOR

Since I have no one to talk about this issue and i often see how fixated society is about not opening up about mental illness because it is still seen as personal weakness I feel the NEED to share my thoughts on this topic and my personal experience with it. I am not seeking pity for my situation, I just want you to think about your own position towards emotional Labor and I BET many many many of you will probably relate to the things im going to say.

I hear it very oftenly that people envy me because of my lifestyle, because it seems to be so romantic and achievable: i do cool art stuff, i am a good dancer, i study at art school which seems chilling for many people, i love to powerlift, have good athletic skills, a unique style, a beautiful apartment, a sweet dog, many people view my look as desirable and many other stuff i hear. Yes, these things are strengths of mine, these are things that make me feel alive. I can take these compliments and i am happy that people love these things about me (except the fact how i look this is not a personal strenght or anything that makes someone worthy of love). ...

But the thruth is that these are things that only sound romantic in theory. I am not happy with my life. And i often hear that these things are reasons that I HAVE NO RIGHT to be unhappy because other people view them as positive. And here is the reason why i am constantly unhappy in my oh so pretty life: the amount of EMOTIONAL LABOR i am bringing up towards almost everyone in my life and how it slowly kills you when you dont stop it in time!!

I am happy to say that i am a (not yet fully) recovered grown up that is very aware of their actions and seeks constantly for self improvement, since i started therapy in 2008 i am very focused on my 'mental hygiene' and i am good at handeling myself with all my deficits and taking care of myself. Even though the emotional labor stuff is this one thing i think is super hard to handle because you somehow can not act as the FULLY grown up sometimes.

Every day is unbelievably EXHAUSTING. In many relationships (not only romantic) in my life i brought this HEAVY amount of emotional labour and not getting anything in return and just ending up being exhausted by starting the same conversations over and over again, taking responsibilites of other people because i was accepting the fact that they "couldnt do it", taking alot of damage because i confounded neglecting your own needs with "being emotional strong" and thinking that it somehow is your own fault rather than letting the other person to be held accountable of their own shit behaviour.

You can say it - on a psychoanalytic level- that it really is somehow my fault. It is scientifically proven that we always seek for partners or relationships that we think can solve our childhood trauma. I grew up under extremely chaotic circunstances without any stability in my life which heavily affected my mental health as a child and teenager. Due to emotional abuse, manipulation, violence and the fact that my feelings or just the way i am is not valid and always wrong i (just like every child that learns any concepts and behaviour to be accepted by their parents because its dependent on then) adapted everything i felt and did with the goal of being loved, valued and accepted.

(This is a very critical topic when your parents also suffer from mental illness, i do not want to speak of guilt and i do not want to call anyone out.)

So logically seeking for partners that somehow represent your parents to replay your childhood trauma with the hope of solving it, everyone does this, even the mentally healthy people and it is not always a negative thing. For me it was falling in love with way older men who seemed to be able to give me the fatherly validation that i was missing, but also ending up with men who are aggressive, shouting when theyre angry and letting me down. You seek for these things because these are the situations that you are used to and give you a kind of false comfort.

When i became aware of my problem and seeing my childish needs that were never fullfilled (and sadly developong a personality disorder because at one point you start feeling and acting like you learned it from your parents) I seeked therapy... and it helped me to turn into a well reflected, grown up responsible person. I am obsessed with improvement and my psychological knowledge is probably the most expanded thing about me lol. So i am sometimes a little bit too fixated about "doing the right things" and not letting my chilhood trauma to control my life anymore. But this is also a dangerous thing, as it collaborates with my childish concept that other peoples well being is more important than my own i somehow, like i said before, i felt like being emotionally developed and strong allows me to put up with problematic behaviour and seeing it as a kind of self validation, like being the one who is strong and has the capacity of helping people who are still struggling with their deficits.

But this is SO WRONG. Just because you are strong doesnt mean that your partner/family member/any person has to use your ressources without giving anything in return.

Just because the other person has misconceptions as a side effect of their trauma it gives them NO RIGHT to act their unreflected emotions out!!

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLES BAD FEELINGS. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE FEELING "ATTACKED". THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO ATTACK YOU JUST BECAUSE THEY FEEL ATTACKED.

THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO ACT IT OUT JUST BECAUSE YOU TRIGGERED THEIR TRAUMA.

EVERYONE HOLDS THEIR OWN ACCOUNTABILITY OF HOW THEY FEEL AND ACT.

A PERSONS ABUSE DOES NOT JUSTIFY ABUSING YOU.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND FEELINGS.

And so the roles reversed, i am unvoluntarily often in the role of the caretaker, the mother, the one who has to put away their problems. When i want to critzise someone i have to think about how other people will interpret my critique/problem according their own beliefs and traumata, most people will see it as you attacking them. But me not talking about my problems is not the right solution, it would put me in the same role as i was as a child. So the right way is to take your responsibility to talk about your needs and problems and setting limitations towards the person feeling attacked and the following abusive behaviour against you.

But why is this so hard for so many people? Think about your emotional labour you are bringing up to the table. Think about how many times the other person does not reflect their behaviour. Think about how you ALWAYS have to explain why something is wrong and literally have to play the therapist or mother just because they do not care about their emotional hygiene and they do not take the responsibility of their needy child inside of them. Think about how often you hear "I feel bad because YOU.../I am angry because YOU.../YOU are responsible for how i feel!". Thinking about all the times they are "sorry" but never make any serious attempt to change their situations and keep putting the responsibility for everything on you (and even keep justifying their actions/feelings)

Think about how much energy you spent to "make them feel better" until you realize that this is not your fucking job. Think about how many times you asked yourself if it maybe was your guilt? Think about how many of your expectations they meet, what you get in return? How many times did you think "I have to put up with this because i love this person/they are my family/etc." and you also keep justify their abuse, because you HAVE to be the wrong one? It will ALWAYS create an imbalance in a relationship and you will never be on the same eye level, which is the absolute basic thing any sort of relationship needs.

There is a huge stigma of being the one who acts wrong, so many people do absolutely not want to admit that they did anything bad or are in an abusers position. In my therapy i learned to have a healthy relationship to my mistakes, bad actions do not define me and i have enough self confidence to admit when i am wrong and i am reflected enough to be aware of taking responsibility of it. Thats how learning works. But back to the topic.

That means me putting up with this equals not taking care of my emotional wellbeing. That is my BIG mistake. Ive already lost alot because of my duty to take care of myself and speaking. For example the half of my family. This is a sad thing but i can live with it because i know i acted like a grown up and recognized their false (childish) behaviour. And then comes my emotional labour again: i want them to understand the situation, I HAD to explain that i am not personally attacking them, I wanted to make them feel better by forcing them to think about themselves. I was the one who reflected THEIR feelings.... and putting mine away. I stopped. This was not right. I had to leave them with their misconceptions. I had to leave them with their anger. They are responsible. And i am responsible for saving myself from behaviour like this. You cant be always the understanding person who puts up with everything. You can not achieve/force their understanding. Its not your problem. And not your fault.

(Believe it or not. It is also a misogynistic concept rooted in our society where the woman needs to put up with mens shit, childish behaviour is a thing that is accepted in men, almost expected, so many will not feel the need to think about themselves, seek therapy or seeing anything wrong in their behaviour. It also explains why most of straight couples are more like mother/son relationships because their (aware or not) inner child seeks for a second mother lmao. What i want to say: it is not an indivdual problem, rather a cultural/social one. )

I am still in relations such like that. How does my "romantic and achievable" life look like. It looks like lying in the bed. The whole day. I cannot move, i have zero energy. I have several somatic issues like chronic intestinal and stomach cramps, aching limbs, migraines, fatigue, i am literally never hungry because i am full of emotions that there is no room for food and when i force myself to eat i always have the feeling i need to throw up (not in relation to my bulimic past, its rather the cramps that cause this feeling), my skin is terrible because of my psoriasis which gets worse with every stressful event.

I do nothing. I cant finish my comic. I cant get myself together to make art. I barely response to messages. I often skip class. I have problems to handle a 3 peoples household on my own. I barely do things i enjoy. I isolate myself from people.

Not because i think thats right. I learned how to handle depression issues. But can you imagine how fucking big the impact of emotional labor can be, even on a person who is in good therapy for 10 years?

I try anything. I change my noutrishment, my environment, i pay for medicaments and try to fix these symptomps. But it wont help. You have to work on the root. Take care of yourself. Of YOUR emotional hygiene. Yes, help other people and be supportive but never never ever put yourself away to make others feel better. You can be a loving partner/son/daughter/friend/etc. and STILL take responsibility! You are not a rehabilitation center for other people.

Yes, it is hard to keep the balance. But you will figure it out and will grow!!!

#personal #emotional labor #emotional load #feminism #sexism #misogyny #psychology #bpd

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