#i dont know how to do this therapy stuff

[litt1e-prince]

you guys DONT understand- i read this line from Smiles Taken AU fic and just havent been the same since- went out of my way to learn perspective

#U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE 15 - 17 Y/O XIAOTIAN #NO SPOILERS #BUT OH MY GOD #i wanted to make his room filled with all his stuff #I WANTED TO MAKE IT MESSY- HES TRAPPED THERE #ITS HIS PRISON. its like when u stare at white walls so long that u go insane so u have to add some peresonality to it #ALSO YEA ITS A REDSON PLUSH- IDC IF HE DOESNT HAVE ONE UHHH I MADE IT FOR HIM #i jumped into the taken au timeline. gave xiaotian therapy and taught him about the illusion of choice and then handed him a redson plushie #ALSO THIS IS A WIP I WILL COMPLETE IT #but sketches are so easy and line art + colour + shading is not SO. IT MAY TAKE TIME BUT!! THE CHAPTER JUST DROPPED AND I COULDNT WAIIIIT #my art #xiaotian #taken au fic #lmk #wip #can u spot the tea cups in his room #listen okay i love mk from this fic - i do. i would say hes my favourite #but xiaoxiao? he came for my heart in this new chapter. like. yeah okay - hes my favourite twin now im sorry- #his rebellion? his angst? WHAT I KNOW ABOUT FUTURE HIM... #LISTEN NEZHA AND MK ARE THE BEST UNCLE/NEPHEW DUO THEY ARE THE BEST DUO IN THIS FIC IMO #BUT XIAOTAIN AND REDSON CAN TAKE THE WHEEL RN THEY DESERVE IT. #lowkey v excited to add colour to this piece- i dont wanna do lineart tho sobbin

[aropride]

i love psychology classes i love this shit. because i know like everyything but i get to share my opinions on the reading and i LOVE having opinions

#text #i definitely have a bone to pick with a lot of the field of psychology/psychopathology/etc & how it can be stigmatizing & traumatizing etc #for people who are already struggling with complicated and often disabling conditions and circumstances. and brother i'm picking it. #one thing i do hate about where i am like academically is that i know SO MUCH abt these topics but since all my informaiton has been from #therapy or from my own research i AM missing like. key points that i dont really know about. & thge stuff i know is definitely biased #towards things i'm more interested in or things i've researched for myself. but that means i spend like 14 weeks of class alreadty knowing #everytrhing and 2 just fucking speedrunning some section of psychology i knoww nothing about. like neurowhatever stuff i dont #get much at all like the physical brain/biology stuff. i vaguely know what a neurotransmitter is and the frontal lobe is the thing that doe #doesnt stop developing at 25 but everyone thinks it does. and thats all ive really got #like i do definitely need portions of these entry level classes but also ughhhhh. i know what anxiety is sherrie #Also i dont plan on pursuing psychology for like a career atm i just do not think i could handle a lot of jobs int he field and again i #am fairly critical of the field . i don't know enough about like antipsych stuff to have an opinion on that but i know that psychiatrists #often suck ass! and it's great when they dont but they often do. i don't remember what i was saying here

[frecklystars]

god im so excited for the Barbie movie today. I might be a bit tense while seeing my triggers on screen but honestly I’ve been doing so so so well handling my ptsd the last few weeks and I'm very proud of myself!!!!!

there’s a few triggers I’ve been actively working on reclaiming and I KNOW I’m going to be okay watching the movie bc I am not letting anybody take this from me. I know I’m gonna wanna see it more than once. I even bought myself a cute pink skirt for it ;w;

#I’m gonna wear pink glitter in my hair too for opening night #woof #like i know im gonna be rly tense but i have been doing SO much better than i was just a month ago #if anything ill just be incredibly tense at first. but i genuinely think ill relax more as the movie progresses #bc ive been using grounding techniques for months and ive been working so goddamn hard to reclaim pink #WHICH IS SUCH HUGE PROGRESS FOR ME to think back to january when i couldnt look at pink at ALL #and i think seeing pink literally every single second for 2 hours straight in the barbie movie #is gonna also help my brain be like 'oh hey everything is fine' help it to become desensitized #bc ive been doing exposure therapy and im doing so much better than i was even just one month ago!!!!!!! #barbie is my girlfriend. and ken is my boyfriend. and i have two hands they can hold #god!!! you know how many barbies im gonna kiss!!!!! SO MANY #this is MY movie i have been so fucking excited to see!! its my number one favorite thing ive been looking forward to!!!! #i have wanted to see this! so! fucking! badly! and fuck anybody who tried to ruin that for me #i dont want ptsd to control my life #i feel like im riding a bull and gripping it by the horns while its trying to kick me off while im yelling Not Today Bitch #thats what trying to reclaim triggers feels like #but i can fucking feel it working i can feel myself getting better with some of these triggers i cant believe it #and i think just a year from now most of these triggers wont be severe anymore #which is my goal. i dont even need them to be cured completely i just want to function normally #cannot tell u how fucking unreal it is to have so many triggers that are like. normal everyday stuff #colors. clothes. phrases. transformers. im taking ALL of that shit back #STARTING WITH PINK ONE OF MY FAVORITE GODDAMN COLORS 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 #THE EMOJI LOOKS RED ON DESKTOP BUT THAT IS OKAY.

[mintcrows]

man i still dont know what to think about the emperor lore, other than im glad i didnt finish/post anything related to it before advancing more of it SDLAKDL

#i feel like its justified in a lot of the way it acts #but at the same time it should get therapy or something #i dont think its an ''i can fix it'' but you know #therapy would do it good #i do find very fascinating how it processes things as a mindflayer #i'll take its word for it that it feels grief but maybe it doesnt but it forced itself to do that #bg3 spoilers #crows caws #i feel its kinda losing its status as a blorbo but i dont dislike it but it makes me sad #maybe i fucked up my perception by doing all the nice stuff first and then messing around with it and making it mad SLDKAL

[birdricks]

they rlly r being super heavy handed w the messages this season huh 😭

#i dont care that much man. i like that theyre addressing stuff #but it does feel a lot less witty than how theyve done it before #rick stright up just Saying ‘oh yeah im bad at knowing when other ppl r smart’ #and the obvious parallel to morty there #i dont MINDDD…. bc u can say its bc of the therapy. making him more able to articulate stuff #vs s3 style ‘maybe you matter so little that i like you’ kind of off hand stuff #i mean. it just feels a littleeee lame tho. esp if theyre not building to anything w it #i still hope the finale can pull thru. #i dont mind them having these little moments but part way thru the ep and then immediately moving on..? sucks #again ik theyve done it like that in the past but thats mostly when its been building throughout the ep #eg wedding squanchers or whirly dirly #that first one being the whole ‘ill never open myself up again’ thing lol #whatverr man it was a fun episode. i just wish they could fully commit to one or the other u know #like whirly dirly Is fun. but the Point is the emotional part between rick and jerry #this one is just a fun ep. u dont Neeeed a hsahtag deep moment every time #again. idgaf as long as they follow theu #ok cool u brought up how rick underestimates morty and thinks it fun to bully him bc of that. DO SMTHHH WITH THIS PLEASE #rnm spoilers

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

i still dont feel like my life has truly "started" yet cause i'm still developing skills while living at home rn, but im trying new things and learning more about myself too im p sure. i also have some goals around like... trying to socialize and approach others

#kind of wish i could get some kind of skill development out of therapy already cause most sessions are me talking her ear off so far lol #i mean i do appreciate getting that kind of support and it feels good to be reaffirmed by someone who like ... works with that sort of thin #like 'oh my childhood has left a considerable impact that im still feeling the ramifications of today. but im worried that when i talk - #- about that it sounds like i won't let go of the past. plus we all were just children who didnt know better' #and hearing from my therapist like 'i'm in my 40's and stuff from my childhood still affects me too. i was also bullied growing up. you can #- acknowledge that you all were children but what they did was still bad and that you deserved better' #with my family it just felt like i wasn't allowed to process trauma. esp with what happened to my ex. i guess they dont like remembering- #- her and how she treated me but its like. talking about it is me trying to process and move on ...

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[jiimwii]

cyberpsychosis could maybe be so cool if it was people being possessed by some sort of rouge ai,or as part of a corporate conspiracy. like as a planned obsolescence thing where certain parts during production are programmed to make people Do That after a certain point so you have to buy the next new 20,000eddies cannon arms to replace the nearly identical previous model or else you might kill everyone you love and die because your cyberwares "outdated". or untraceable viruses infecting competing corporations cyberware using their rival's customer's livelihoods to sabotage their profits. and maybe any one of those things works in such a way that its designed to detect atypical brain chemistry in a host,and thus triggers more frequently with them to tage advantage of and use those people as a scapegoat and a way to further fear monger against them,and you can uncover that this is the case. or something along those lines. and the more cyberware someone has the more likely it is that they could encounter any of these scenarios. but no it is just #crazy people being too #crazy.

#they kinda toyed w something like that in earlier drafts. with dollchips and the project ghost thing thats too much to explain in tumbletags #but yeah #honestly w how little its present in the final game beyond Go Herd Them Up And Beat The Shit Out Of Them So They Can Recover In Therapy #Offscreen In An Optional Sidequest With Literally No Conclusion they couldve easily just retconned its existence in the world entirely #especially since really the only reason why it exists in the lore in the first place is so the humanity system in the ttrpg keeps your #character from becoming too overpowered from too much cyberware. like thats it. #but for how much they dont wanna flesh out any other conspiratorial type stuff for the sake of ''It is a Mystery👻'' #and how much they went with ''idk where cyberpsychosis comes from we dont know if its even real'' ingame #edgerunners and mike pondsmith himself sure have a lot to say about it and exactly how it works #we cant even leave that up for interpretation for players to find some way into coping themselves into believing its not as weirdly ableist #as it is #and we cant do anything else with it that would actually be cool. or make sense. in universe and just logically. #however. im a dumbfuck and am not beyond thinking about how like. in a hypothetical scenario where melissa welles is still around #And jackies bled out corpse is still used for the arasaka supersoldier program and is going around killing people.i cant not think about ho #mama welles would have to handle both of her kids dying and also going on rampages out of (mostly) anyones control. like think about that. #heart wrenching and whatnot. could you fucking imagine with everything else shes been through. #anyway sorry for talking about things that very literally probably less than a dozen ppl know/care about its just. interesting. #i froth over the potential that it had #that im tricking myself into believing that it had

[fireflowersims]

I hate Dutch frats (corps), they will destroy restaurants, infect covid, engage in stunning amounts of misogyny, doxx ppl en masse, have the most obnoxious accents and pull shitty practical jokes on the public that result in your Achilles tendon getting so fucked up it still hurts like a bitch six months after the incident. Fuck the corps and all its offshoots and mutations. Get fucked, fuck off, fail your classes, may the beer be out of stock, step on shit-stained legos you motherfucking aso's

#non sims #rl stuff #netherlands #nederland #in other news if anyone know if a stupid student corps in the Netherlands once detached a bus stop bench and dragged it across the street #then contact me cause I want some damn damage payment for my achilles tendon and the depression from those mofos tyvm #I am not kidding you have no idea how much a torn achilles tendom messes you up mentally #I am still angry about it and I will never not be angry about it #those mofos really dont know what their sick jokes can actually do to ppl. tons of steel falling on tendon = months of physical therapy #defund the corps #I don't care if it's a cultural thing I want justice for my fucked up achilles tendon #things I think about everyday

[krispiecake]

uk moots idk if youve seen the rishi sunak school guidelines shit but. like it was already so bad like its been getting worse and worse for years now and somehow it just. like i dont think ive heard someone say something so obviously VILE about the equality act.. ever. i know its not all official yet like it was a proposed speech but i do not see this being scrapped not with the people in control rn. this is gonna kill lgbt kids especially trans kids and i feel so fucking helpless again.

#in fucking pride month too. i feel stupid and helpless. #i want to be a teacher too. i wanna make school safe for kids like me and the idea of having to follow #these fucking human rights abuses of guidelines makes me feel physically nauseous #how am i ever meant to work in education? how am i meant to be a teacher if my basic rights are encouraged to be ignored. #am i meant to put up with misgendering and disrespect every day until it kills me? until something even worse happens? #how are you meant to protect vulnerable kids when your told to hand them over to potential abuse violence homelessness or even death #conversion therapy is still legal here too. #they keep saying theyre banning it but its been 5ys since they said that and still NOTHING. #not only does it mean outing kids to their families #but it also means that they will not be protected from transphobic abuse and harassment from teachers or students. #teachers dont have to and are told not to respect any name pronoun or gender changes #if the parents dont approve #and even then teachers and other students alike will not have to respect them anyway ‘if they dont want to #you know. the shit that has been proven to fucking kill trans youth. #they wanna gut lgbt sex ed too. like probably all of it. the stuff thats been put forward from stonewall (our main lgbt charity here) #i just. i feel so fucking small. #rishi sunak and every single tory needs their head beat in with a cricket bat i literally do not fucking care. #transphobia tw #homophobia tw

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

its so fucking hard to imagine what a future for someone like me could even look like. noone i know or have heard of is like me. being alive is already really fucking hard and exhausting but especially so when i cant even imagine a future for myself lmao

#im queer and trans but not even in the semi palatable way. im a multigender he/she with feelings and attractions noone shares or understands #im polyamorous and i dont want to marry. i dont think i want kids (definitely not the bio way) i dont even think i want to live w anyone #im not white. im arab and im muslim. im an immigrant. #none of my bio family will want to associate w me after all comes to light (minus Maybe my sister) and i dont have a found family either #theres zero people i know will be in my life for the long haul. that will care for me when im sick or even just. be around for 5+ years. #im mentally fucked and i dont know in what way. maybe cptsd or a pd or psychosis or who the fuck even knows. cant go to therapy. #i dont have any major hobbies or dream jobs or driving forces. i feel like a hollow shell most days. just kinda perform for others #im chronically fucking suicidal #how do you build a future from that #how do you find anyone to look up to #im so bitter nowadays that seeing others succeed or form close companionships either makes me feel nothing or just. vitriolic anger. #there might be people i cant share one or two points with but. but never all of them or even close to all of them. #i cant imagine a fucking future for myself. how am i supposed to keep going when i dont know what im even continuing to trudge along for #hah. #amber actually saying stuff #vent #suicide #tw suicide #suicidal ideation #tw suicidal ideation

[variousqueerthings]

not a fan of when im doing behaviours that i know arent healthy and im self-aware enough to see them from the outside like im banging on windows asking what tf is going on in there??? can only shrug and keep on being so desperately afraid of conflict to the point that people will treat me badly probably without realising that's what they're doing and i'll say nothing about it unfortunately

#it's cool im looking for therapists but atm. ooh the things are piling up. #me #personal #to delete #i dont usually like posting about myself going Through it but for some reason today was a slight straw on back for me #and i have no other outlet because i need to be vague and i need the void that is this webbed site #recently confessed to some people that im conflict averse and i realise that i dont say this to a lot of people #and now im wondering whether that might be a step in the door #letting people know where my boundaries are on this -- the difficult thing is then letting people know when they step over them #because some people DO know this about me. but dont seem to realise when they're taking out their personal stuff on me #more noticeable still because they're not doing it to others around us and i dont think anyone else is noticing #just me noticing #so how do you get from step a to step b. therapy probably #we're dealing we're feeling the emotion and then we're moving forwards on it #i wish people were nicer though

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

bashing my skull in

#yeahhhh i figured something would go downhill. we do be breaking down rn #haha. hahahaha #i know saying i want to be dead and I want to kill myself is like. bad and not good for me but i Want To Kill Myself. #wait fuck nvm did the. Suicide???? from. Book Lost Canines????? im fine now #i hate that that actually works this is so fucking cringe of me uhm anyway #Yeahg #good news is i have a therapy appointment tomorrow bad news is i dont know how im gonna talk about this and then im gonna have a headache #afterwards from the time outside and im. aoeugh #god i fucking hate my mom man #i love her but shes. a real bitch sometimes #especially recently #aethers rants #personal posts and stuff idk #cw vent #cw sui ideation

[nightmareonpeachstreet]

its rly hard to work on your anxiety and depression when therapy gives you anxiety and depression

#social anxiety things…f #also like…i feel like it was a bad idea to put 2 empaths in a room together and say ‘’ok do therapy’’ #like my brother in christ i know how it feels for ur heart to just sink at someone else’s problem #and i dont wanna inflict that on someone else #and now i dont wanna talk about my problems fiddjvjdbfjd #empathy is so counterintuitive fr #mental stuff //

[crabs-nonsense]

Holy shit! I just realized the reason I couldn't fucking see darker art on my phone screen is because I forgot I turned the brightness way down last night and never fixed it. I feel so stupid.

#i can now see the fanart id been looking at without it being mostly shadowed aha #crab says words #i keep my brightness pretty low but i had a headache last night so turned it almost all the way off #it was enough for it to be darker but not super obvious hence the being dumb and not fixing it #anyways i actually came here to talk about how i had a physical therapy appointment but they told me that actually im fine so uh #they recommended seeing neurology for my head issues and maybe pain management and to come back later when i knew more specific stuff #i didnt even know there was a specialized pain management department at the hospital #honestly i think i manage just fine *dramatic flailing that indicates that im both horribly offend and also lying* #anyways yeah still not diagnosed and still in constant pain lets go! i have another appointment next month for something else #its like rheumatology? i dont know what they do aha but apparently i need to see them to get diagnosed? #i am a perfectly mature and functional adult.... (my mother made the appointments and knows the information) #i am absolutely useless :D #and with all that said! sorry i was too lazy to make this two different posts lmao #the pt appointment left me with a horrible headache that i still have so im gonna go cry about it :)

[widevibratobitch]

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time) #and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die. #and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus. #but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help. #but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation. #i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.