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moonlit-positivity · 3 months

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How to recognize when you need to set a boundary

Physical signs of your body telling you "no":

Bile in your throat

Panic

freeze response aka frozen or paralyzed w fear

Heart paced real fast

Anxiety

Unsettled stomach/gut feeling

Head fuzzy

Head & chest feels tight

Face might scrunch up in disgust/disbelief/pain etc

"ick" or "ew"

fainting or feeling weak as a result

crying

feeling like hurting yourself

cheeks hot, face flushed (embarrassment out of fear or humiliation)

fight/flight/freeze/fawn response gets triggered

body feels "charged" or "activated"

wanting to yell or shout back

wanting to run away

wanting to hide

wanting to stuff yourself with food/substances/alcohol etc to numb the pain

heart feels heavy or pounds at awkward intervals

not being able to eat

head shakes "no"

backing away

asking or screaming for help

feeling scared

feeling "on alert"

not knowing what to say

arms protecting yourself

not being able to move

Emotional signs that you are not safe:

Unsettling environment

Fawning aka "going with what they want" even if you don't feel good about it

Uncomfortable

Knowing the other person doesn't like it when you express things different from their own beliefs

Knowing if you spoke up you would be either mocked or downplayed or told you're being too sensitive

Being told you're "disrespectful" or "not allowed" to talk back or disagree in any way

Being told you're too chicken or being forced to feel dumb or stupid if you don't join in

Being openly mocked or talked about by the whole group

Expressing a concern and they get mad at you for being mad at them

You're always the one in the wrong even when you were the one being hurt

They use grandiose words and phrases to assert dominance

"walking on eggshells"

They continue to do the things you asked them to stop doing even after countless times asking them

They don't care about how you feel

They make no effort to acknowledge your feelings or acknowledge how their behavior is affecting you

They force you to participate in drugs/alcohol

They hold their power and good deeds they have done for you over your head and threaten to stop helping or support you or even take back what they have given you

They are physically aggressive/ violent

Rage

Rage during substance use

Touching you without asking

Downplaying anything you need as not important

What to do:

Take a deep breath

Take your time figuring it out

Remind yourself this isn't your fault

Stay focused on the behavior- because they WILL try to detract from it & turn it around on you

Gather your resources

Consider leaving or cutting contact

Consider therapy or online support groups to help yourself breathe and find safer spaces for yourself

Have an exit plan

Do not engage with the arguments & emotional bait

Cultivate your privacy

Cultivate your security

Cultivate yourself a safe space

Prepare yourself for the backlash

Ask someone safe to go with you

Call someone safe and ask them to stay on the phone with you if you do not feel safe

Self defense tools like pepper spray & brass knuckles

Know you're worth the exit

Take yourself seriously when they dont

Honor the gut feelings

Restore faith in your judgement

Honor your voice

Honor your body

Honor your "no"

Ask for a pause- "I need a break."

Ask for clarity- "Can you clarify that?"

Ask what their intentions are- "Are you being helpful or hurtful?"

Bring attention to the behavior and how it's making you feel- "I'm not comfortable with the way you're ignoring my concerns."

Make direct eye contact & deepen your voice- "You need to stop."

Do not apologize

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #bpd #positivity #how to say no #setting boundaries #communication #relationships #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #toxic family #reminders #suggestions #compassionate reminders

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antimony-medusa · 7 months

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hi saw your daddy kink post discussing the phenomenon of giving grown characters surrogate parental relationships, and I understand where you’re coming from, but i really feel like it’s just a matter of the circles you run in, and the assumptions that you might make because of that. you mention how platonic reads of these dynamics are more uncommon than kinky reads, which i just don’t think is the case, and I think that arguing that people don’t even realize that they’re writing a kink is a little bit bizarre, and sort of assumes that you know more abt them than they do by projecting your own experiences onto them.

it isn’t inherently sexual to crave protection or a parental relationship that you may have missed out on, and it is certainly not universal. in my own family, my “grandpa” isnt my biological grandfather (nor do I really consider him to be my grandfather), but he’s my mother’s surrogate father and has been since she was in her twenties. an adult. he sees her as a daughter. she sees him as a father. there’s absolutely nothing kinky about it. and anybody who automatically assumes that must have their mind deep, deep in the gutter and/or the stranger side of the Internet. really, i find it a bit of a strange argument to randomly post in the first place—as if it’s a problem that so many people enjoy non romantic and non sexual relationships, and that these people must, in fact, have a daddy kink that they are unaware of.

that said, i do absolutely agree that fans bringing any part of that into phil’s chat is weird and they should Not do that, and that infantilizing characters is also very weird, and personally i dont even see him as being father figure to anybody on that island except his eggs, wilbur, and MAYBE an argument could be made for tubbo (which other cc’s on the island have joked about), but to each their own and all that.

sorry this is so long. TLDR, i get where ur coming from in terms of “warning , some people might read your stuff differently than you want here” but really not everything is a kink and paternal dynamics can easily happen in regards to adult characters, particularly young adults, without there being any inappropriate connotations. i know nothing i said will change your mind, obviously it’s set, but ykno diff perspectives and all that. hope ur doing well

Thank you for the ask! I see you were on mobile, I believe. :D I am also going to push the character limit with this response, I fear.

I agree that it isn't inhernetly sexual to go after a parental relationship that you missed out on, and there are many such cases. I'll even go so far as to say that it's not inherently kinky to go after a parental relationship that you missed out on, because there is such a thing as non-sexual kink, and heaven knows that MCYT writing is full of non-sexual kink. Lots and lots of stuff that is platonic that is kinking on fear, or being drugged, or kidnapping, or hypnosis, or familial relationships, etc— there's lots of people who aren't doing that. There are tons of people out in the real world (and in fiction), who are simply just expanding their family as an adult, and that's awesome. When I was in college there was this older couple who kind of adopted me and invited me over for thursday dinner, and they were awesome. There was nothing untoward going on there.

But look. I am an emduo fan who likes to see my guys be murdery, and because of that, I've ended up reading a bunch of Dark SBI. I've ocassionally gone "this cannot be what everyone is doing" and I've read stuff tagged as "family fluff" that I find recommended. I am aware of where the genre is going, particularly with the rise of "dadbur" and "dadnoblade" interpretations.

And look, you have just got to trust me on this one. People are writing stuff that in any other fandom I would be recommending they put kink tags on the work so that people who liked that trope could find it and people who didn't like it would avoid it, but that comment in DSMP would just lead to people getting doxxed, so I just grit my teeth and go "i guess that's baked into Dark SBI or Tooth Rotting Fluff now, I sure hope that doesn't hit anybody's triggers".

Like I PROMISE you. The first draft of this response included excerpts of fics that I've read and I was like "can YOU pick the ship fic from the /p fics here"? But I have a horror of ever leading to someone getting cancelled on twitter, so nothing that could possibly be identifiable of these writers. But like—

Some of the ways that Tommy gets treated in the narrative are almost indistinguishable from a bodice-ripper romance. Some of the tropes being used— within DSMP we've all clasped hands and agreed to interpret it being platonic, but in any other fandom, you are going to start getting comments that you might not want to get. The tag is FULL of stuff that is DD/LB in everything but name. Maybe my mind is in the gutter here, but if you move out of this fandom, you are going to move into circles where a lot of people's minds are in the gutter, and you are going to get a very different response from your comments!

And I was talking about daddy kink here specifically, because I see that one come up a lot and it's gotten egregious lately, but this also applies to dehumanization, and fearplay, and predator/prey, and "instincts" (in every other fandom that's gonna get people in a mashup of A/B/O, Hypnosis, and sometimes Agere responding to it), and kidnapping/drugging, AND the way a bunch of "piglin instincts" stuff is just a BDSM au now where the Brute (dom) needs to be callmed down by their Runt (sub). The SBI tag is super kinky right now. And I don't have a problem with that idealogically, write your truth, but a) please don't bring that up in front of the streamers, b) if you move to another fandom you have got to be prepared that not everyone is doing their kink platonically.

Like I'm assuming that people don't know what tropes they're playing into, they're just building them from first principles, because the other alternative is that they are deliberately and knowingly writing kink and posting it in the & relationship tag with insufficient trigger tags, and I prefer to believe that people don't know.

I'm glad we agree about people bringing that into Phi's chat, or Pol's, or Luzu, or any of the other streamers that people have decided is So Old. A lot of people aren't comfortable even being assigned dad, as we saw with Felps, so bringing it even further is just— uh oh, no.

I do not have a problem with people liking non-romantic and non-sexual relationships. I find it a bit odd that much of the fandom can't concieve of a non-romantic and non-sexual relationship without making it familial and specifically lately father-son— don't you have close friends?— but I am fully in support of gen writing. I primarily write gen! I'm an avid commentor on gen fics!

But some of the tropes at play in the fandom are kinky, there is no way to avoid that. The fact that they are set in a familial relationship doesn't negate that. Some of the ways that the DSMP characters get treated would be distinctly non-familial if you ever brought it out of that context. And I am just warning people, if you bring it out of that context, be prepared for the response you get.

You cannot take DSMP tropes and apply them one-to-one in other fandoms, with other streamers swapped in, and expect them to be read the same way. Like i'm sorry, but that's just true. If you are posting the same sort of stuff that for Cellbit & Phil that you would post for Tommy & Phil, people will assume that you have a daddy kink, because usually when a relationship between a adults that are actually similar in age is refered to with paternal language it's a kink thing. That is how the broader internet works. (And anon, if I had a daddy kink, would I be complaining about the fact that I can open any SBI fic and have about a 40% chance of hitting it and I'm seeing signs of this appearing in QSMP? I assure you I'm not "projecting [my] own experiences onto them" here.)

#long post #anon #discourse #ask #fandom meta

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itgirl-111 · 2 years

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DANGEROUSLY HOT 💋:

(these affirmations aka some facts;) are a bit exaggerated and you can still use this no matter if you're single, or in relationship depending on your intentions)

All eyes on me , i am the center of the ring just like a circus

I am literally the hottest, most perfect, most beautiful, dangerously seductive, attractive, the most charming, dazzling, ethereal and scrumptiously hottest person to ever exist. My beauty and hotness is literally ground shattering. Whenever i walk into any room all eyes turn on me! Everything from my confidence and aura is seductive, attractive and jaw-dropping. People gasp air when they see me. I am incredibly magnetic, desirable, unforgettable, unattainable, irresistible and irreplaceable. Every encounter I get love, respect and admiration. People don't know perfection till they see me. One second is all it takes for me to become someone's obsession. I am treated like a princess/prince but worshipped like a goddess/god. I don't need people, they need me the most. I literally embody first love and sensuality. Its a obvious evident fact that i am the hottest person in the room, my beauty is beyond comprehension, beyond what words could ever describe. My presence makes them feel like they're on cloud nine, I am like a drug nobody can resist. They miss me when i am not around, constantly begging for attention. They can't formulate their words while speaking to me, how can they? When i am literally this breathtaking!

Love me? Get in the line...

Its tiring how i recieve love confessions 24/7. Everywhere I go people ask for my socials, my number! I walk in the room and all eyes turned to me, jaws dropped to the floor and constant whispering about how they'd die for me (not literally - ). But seriously tho, I can never not recieve compliments! They feel a constant urge to compliment me , spoil me , pay for my food and drinks. They know i am so incredibly far out of their league yet I literally get asked out uncountable amount of times. I am literally everyone's type, The prize, The trophy, The award , the irresistible drug they can't get enough of. Its cute to see how People literally get so flustered , struggling, trying to formulate their words while talking to me, pretending they dont get butterflies just because i am too hot to handle.

Confidence is my middle name...

I never need validation from others because i am confident in my own skin and myself as a whole. I know my worth and exactly what i deserve and do not settle for less. I have high standards and i never lower them for anyone or anything. I always get exactly what i want. I am never afraid to ask for what i want boldly and recieve it. I am free, i am unapologetically myself eliminating the need to fit in or conform to norms. I am loved for that! I know my boundaries and I can say No whenever I want to without feeling guilty because I put myself first. Putting myself first is a form of self care. I am never afraid to speak my emotions, thoughts and feelings. I have excellent communication skills and my vibes are immaculate. <3

#vaunting #manifestation #manifesting #affirm #affirmations #affirmdaily #affirmyourlife #loassumption #manifestingreality #manifestyourreality #master manifestor #beauty affirmations #self concept affirmations #self concept

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bubblegyu00 · 1 month

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ZB1 LEGAL LINE AS FRAT BOYS

a/n : i lost the ask 💔

tw : mentions of drinking, drugs, sex (?), suggestive content, cussing, nsfw

mdni !!

• jiwoong

- the biggest asshole out of them i don't care fight me 💔

- will obsses over you at basically stalker level until you sleep with him cus he's delusional

- but the minute he gets you in bed he'll act like he doesn't even know your name — or he genuinely forgets a day later

- he probably doesn't remember half of the times he's ever fucked anyone cus it's not a big deal to him he was just horny

- has multiple girls thinking " guys i slept with jiwoong last night i think we might get together!! " but he's doesn't even remember what you look like 🙁

• hanbin

- a literal girl magnet

- like he could just sit there drinking and he'd get like three girls numbers in the span of an hour

- has a girlfriend for everyday of the week ( @lunicho is friday 😛 )

- he just has this certain charm to him that all the girls want a piece of him

- he's not as outgoing as the others, but he gets a good fraction of the girls

• zhanghao

- born to be valedictorian forced ( by ricky ) to be a man whore 🙁🙁

- no but frl i don't think he knows how insanely attractive and alluring he is — which is hard cus he lit has one girl on his lap, one girl under each arm, and like six other girls in the room wanting to talk to him ??

- but zhanghao is also rlly wanted because he is a man of mystery

- once you get into his pants ( which is a rlly hard thing to do — you go girl ) he's never speaking to you again

- like the minute he cums, he won't even look at you. like he'll literally go make a sandwich or something ??

- but out of all the ( 7 ) girls he's slept with, they say he's they best they've ever had. so now EVERYONE needs to experience zhanghao

• matthew

- DONT FALL FOR HIS TRICKS ‼️‼️‼️‼️

- has fucked the most girls.

- he likes to trick people with his sweet and caring demeanor, but really just wants his dick sucked 😛

- i feel like he'd be the only one to actually take you out on a date before he fucks you and then ghosts you 🥰 ( my standards are low..... )

- he's the most heartbreaking one cus he actually seems like such boyfriend materiel before he leaves you on read until he wants head again 💔

- but the girls always come back because he's literally in watch mojo for top 3 pussy eaters in the world

• taerae

- HE DOESNT GHOST YOU AFTER YOU FUCK 🎉🎉🎉🎉

- oh but he does fuck like twenty other girls while he's " dating " you

- he dates bunches of girls at the same time and they're all aware, but at least they're one of kim taerae's girlfriends ⁉️

- will take you on really good, perfect dates, but he's doing it to nineteen other people so it's not special 💔

- basically rotates girlfriends every two months, so that's sixty girls he's dating per year... you go rae 🥰

- his schedule is honestly so serious for him so the minute the two month mark hits you're cut off.

- but he's a good guy besides all that 🤗

• ricky

- is basically the leader of the fraternity like idk 🗣️🗣️

- the longest he's gone without taking a girl home is like.... three days ( i was last tuesday 🥰 )

- has fucked like every girl on campus like it's not even an exaggeration at this point

- kind of an asshole but it's okay i love when they're hot and toxic 🥰 ( can you tell i have relationship trauma )

- SUCH AN ASSHOLE WAIT CUS NOW IM THINKING..... he'd like flex his rolex while taking a picture on his family owned yacht that his rich ceo mom bought for him while wearing gucci....

- he's honestly such a smooth talker?? like he could def get you to sleep with him in under ten minutes of speaking, that's how good he is

- professional frat boy 😛

• gyuvin

- he's actually insane

- like he's going around snorting cocaine from girls' tits kind of insane

- he's the person everyone is chanting " CHUG! " for like ??

- LIFE OF THE PARTYYY

- if you show him any signs that you want to fuck he'll pull you into the nearest closet cus he'll buss it down anywhere

- NO BUT THE THING IS, HES SUCH A GOOD STUDENT NO ONE EVEN TRIES TO REPORT HIM FOR DOING DRUGS CUS THE TEACHERS WONT BELIEVE IT

- he's honestly the nicest cus he's actually such a fun guy to have around

#bubblegyu00 #zb1 #zerobaseone #zb1 frat boys #zb1 ricky #zb1 matthew #zb1 jiwoong #zb1 hanbin #zb1 zhang hao #zb1 gyuvin #zb1 taerae

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emsgoodthinkin · 4 months

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As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x disabled!reader #steve harrington x ill!reader #tw sui talk #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x gn!reader #tw sick mention #mental health awareness #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x chronically!ill reader #steve harrington x sick reader #steve harrington angst #stranger things #joe keery #chronic pain issues #bpd #spoonie

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kissablening · 4 months

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06 - stop avoiding me

warnings: use of drugs, language

written chapter. lowercase intended

a/n : YAWLL THIS MIGHT NOT HIT 🙏🙏

RYUJIN

ryujin stepped out of the back seat of karinas pink tesla, adjusting her watch. she waited for the others to get out of the car.

“rina i love you but your ass cant drive for shit.” sunghoon says catching his breath.

“no for real. how the fuck did u acquire a license?” sungchan adds getting out the passenger side.

“it wasnt even that bad. if thats the case you two can walk back home.” rina argues, locking the car before walking to the house.

“you two need to shut up sometimes.” yeji says walking off, soobin follows her. ryujin follows the both of them. hearing the other two guys mutter behind her.

the house wasnt that small , or big either. just a friends two story modern home. ryujin never wanted to see her this place again but shes doing it for yn.

blowing out smoke, she takes another sip of her water. ryujin was high off her ass. and she had yet to see yn. checking her watch, she see thats its been atleast 45 minutes since she first arrived at the party.

she runs her hands through her black hair, taking another dose of the blunt, throwing her head back, letting out the smoke. “where the fuck is she?”

she closed her eyes and sighed. “oh hey guys youre finally here!!” ryujin hears someone from infront exclaim.

raising her head, she opens her eyes to see the person shes been waiting for.

the person thats been avoiding her for almost 2 weeks.

the person who looks sexy as fuck as of right now.

yn.

the sits up and watches her hold conversation with her friends, before looking up and making eye contact with ryujin.

ryujin doesn’t break eye contact as she continues to watch her, man spreading, taking another hit.

she watches as yn looks away, and heads to the back of the house.

following her, she ends up right behind yn. “what do you want” yn asks feeling goose bumps rise on her skin.

“i want to know why, you keep avoiding me. yn” she says still holding the blunt in her hand.

yn scoffs walking into the bathroom, attempting to close the door on ryujins face.

ryujin stops the door, and walks into the bathroom with her.

“ryujin what the hell?!” yn shouts “i have to use the bathroom, get out!”

“not until you tell me why, this is the only time ive held a conversation with you in the past 2 weeks?!” ryujin shouts back, throwing the rest of her blunt in the toilet and flushing it.

she stands against the door, locking it waiting for yn to speak.

“leave.” is all she responds with.

“no. i dont know if this will be the last time i ever see you again. im not taking any chances.” ryujin starts “do you know how worried ive been yn? you cant just ghost me without an explanation.”

they stand there in silence before yn speaks up again.

“im embarrassed ok?” yn admits “are you not embarrassed about all of this?” she gestures her hands between the both of them.

“what we did wasnt right, and i hate myself because i can’t remember half of it. and im sure you dont either righ-“

“yn” ryujin cuts her off “is this what thats all about?” she scoffs.

“yn listen to me,” ryujin puts her hands on each side of yns cheeks, “this is nothing you should be embarrassed about, yes we were drunk, but that doesn’t mean you have to avoid me because of it. talking to me about it would’ve been alot easier, please stop avoiding me and just talk to me. im listening.” ryujin practically begged.

“i…im sorry. i just…couldn’t face you after that happened.” yn looks down, but ryujin takes one of her hands and lifts yns head up so that shes looking her directly in the eye.

they stare at each other for what feels like eternity before yn clears her throat and looks away.

ryujin smiles before leaning back on the bathroom door. “so does this mean were friends again?” ryujin asks looking back at yn.

“i dont know…” yn says hesitantly.

“yn-“ ryujin begins

“im just kidding, of course were friends again. not like we werent friends but anyway..” she pulls ryujin into a small hug, ryujin wraps her hands around her waist.

they stay there for a while before yn pushes herself off of ryujin. “no actually leave, because i really have to pee.” yn says unlocking the door.

“fine. but when youre done ill be outside.”

“outside?” yn questions

“yes outside. i really didnt want to come here, i came here for you. i actually just wanted to make up with you, and leave.” ryujin explains

“oh okay, well you want me to come with?” yn asks

“no duh.” ryujin says sarcastically leaving the bathroom.

finally she could breathe.

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©KISSABLENING

TAGLIST OPEN

@eun-luv @hyuk4ngel

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trailerprk-princess · 2 years

Text

—dating dean winchester | dean winchester x fem!reader headcanons

!!!: my work is not to be reused without credit/permission!

request rules

warnings: nsfw & mentions of drugs! minors dni! fluff & not edited

authors note: im really obsessed with him rn🫣 requests are open!

he is so desperate for your love & attention that its kinda concerning. he never got love growing up or has been involved romantically with anyone for long & he is used to one night stands that dont go anywhere. so its very refreshing to him to have someone being as equally in love with him as he is w u

he is very hesitant to talk about his feelings & past to everyone, including to those he loves. but you really get him to open up to you about those things. which is really good for him bc he learns that his dad was a shit father & he finally gets to know what real love is. & what it actually feels like to have someone be concerned & care for him. & he knows that he doesnt have to hide anything from you bc you wont judge him or think of him any differntly

when sleeping next to him, he finds it very hard to let you go from his grip. hes very touch starved & craves any touch he can get from u. whether it's spooning you, putting his hand on ur thigh, or just holding ur hand

he is a very conflicted person. almost in every episode he thinks something is wrong w him bc he "enjoys" killing. but it really is bc hes pushed aside every emotion he has ever felt & doesnt deal with them. him being with someone who is willing to listen to his vulnerabilities really helps him figure himself out

he is a VERY loyal person & boyfriend.

he likes to give gifts & is very close to being ur sugar daddy from how much money & gifts he gives u bc he thinks that the only way to keep u around is to give u everything u could ever dream of. which is very unhealthy thinking on his part

he needs CONSTANT reassurance. he needs to know that you will never leave him for someone better. believe it or not but hes pretty insecure. hes not insecure of his abilities in bed or looks but insecure of his lifestyle

he gets you little souvenirs from every state he visits! & now u have a whole bookshelf of knickknacks

type of person to tell u that he loves u within a week of dating. im half joking but he falls for people very easily

hes pretty controlling & protective of u, he just doesnt want you to get hurt. he will not let you go hunting with him, anyone, or alone. he needs you to be safe at all times. which yes, is understandable but you have to tell him that its toxic when it gets to the point hes too nervous about you leaving the bunker, your house, motel, anything really. & there's probably a tracking device in ur bra

he never smoked marijuana or says he does in the show. but everytime he sees a bong hes gets weirdly excited so i think hes a pot smoker. which is nice! bc hes very good at getting you strains of marijuana that r good for u & fit ur needs. he rolls ur blunts/joints for u!! & he even lights them for u as well! smoking weed is a huge part of his aftercare for u as well bc it helps to calm u down

he is very casually dominant! he orders for u, ties ur shoelaces for u, takes away ur soda if uve had too much, denies chocolate from u if u have too much cause he needs u to be healthy for him & eat right. he turns off the tv at the same time every night & makes u go to bed. he doesnt like it when u cuss & gets on to u everytime that u do cuss. he likes to pick out ur outfits as well. he also doesnt let u drink due to the fact his father was an alcoholic

he teaches u how to play pool & poker!! & even takes you out shooting every once in awhile!

he has the BIGGEST innocence kink known to man. he literally loves taking virginites

he literally has an angel kink. theres nothing that screams innocence/corruption kink more than that

he likes to dress you up as an angel too!! white lace lingerie & it would get him going more if he could get you to wear a halo headband!

his literal petname for u is, 'angel.' inside & outside of the bedroom. youre just so sweet & precious, how could he not call u angel??

literally just wants to corrupt u everytime he has sex w u. taking your innocence or making you look innocent while doing a not so innocent activity

a lot of people think hes a switch but i dont think so tbh. he literally has no control in his real life which would make him more likely to want control in the bedroom. not saying he tops everytime but theres no chance i can see him giving up his domination/control

but what i do know for sure is that this man is a FREAK

his list of kinks is longer than the amendments on the bill of rights

breath play, bondage, knife/gun play, impact play, corruption/innocence kink, praise/degradation kink, literally anything if youre down

i mean. he is horny 24/7 so it is for certain that he would try anything once or do anything sexually w u as long as u liked it

he LOVES to praise u! youre his 'pretty baby' or 'good girl' but he also LOVES to get praised too. he needs to know how good he is doing

but there are times that hes very degrading, usually when he has had a bad day. because u can be his 'good girl' one day & the next youre his 'dirty slut'

he is also a brat tamer! if your acting too bratty he will bend u over his knee

dean winchester masterlist

masterlist

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sygol · 3 months

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Lately, I have been considering doing acid. I have some experience from a few years ago, lets say 12 trips give or take. I'm wondering if you have any particular advice beyond the usual tips of set and setting when it comes to taking acid? Thanks for being a chill person and overall source of beauty and whimsy through my tumblr dash btw 🦷

with acid its really important to facilitate a calm and positive state of mind, because its very "flippy", i think acid requires more intention and you want to focus on what you want to get out of it, this goes for all psychs, but comparetively to tryptamines like shrooms or DMT, i feel those are inherently a lot more positive and euphoric, and thus easier to have positive or transformative experiences without as much applied effort, before dropping, meditate and resolve any anxieties you can and take note of which anxieties are societal or out of your immediate control, theres no point in dwelling on these or you may end up feeling doomed, its very easy to get caught in loops or spirals on acid as its very fractaline in the way it orients your thoughts, so stay focused in things you can improve, go about your daily life and figure out how you can make it better and focus on refining your skills in art or thought, do not go on social media or watch drivelling entertainment movies or do online shit, and be mindful of who you talk to or share it with, acid in particular has been used to brainwash people for a reason, also dont smoke weed, unless it's like a little hit later on when the acid starts to fade out (itll make the trip come back, but only smoke a tiny fraction of what you would normally, you can always wait like 30 minutes and do a little more if needed but you cant undo what youve done) the effects of weed+acid are not like any of the effects you will find with these drugs individually, and is a recipe for extremely nightmarish melty spiralling trips if you dont respect it, if you have someone you really trust it can be good to have a trip sitter.

but personally as an "advanced nutjob" when i do acid i do it alone and i get stoned as fuck and writhe around for 19 hours in hell, i wouldnt recommend this unless you really know what youre doing, but since i am strange i may be forgetting some other things that possibly people who are more "sane" might need with setting a trip, so do your research and ask around and listen to yourself, you know you best and acid will intensify everything about you

in severity truth becomes apparent, what you think is what you live, what you believe is who you are

#asks #<3

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lucifermeo · 2 years

Text

since i caught up on the canon content ive been catching up on skk fics as well and i kept getting distracted by how mori is ALWAYS so ooc in them its so?????

i do understand despite dark era & fifteen & stormbringer we still have a sizeable knowledge gap about what happened between mori, chuuya (15-22), and dazai (14-18) but theres no way you can convince me he beat dazai up or experimented(???????) on him. or that chuuya is somehow unaware of mori's "dark" mafia business (news flash: all mafia business is "dark") or mori actively harming him for no reason like theres just no way.

first of all theres literally no reason why he would touch dazai physically. mori's logic isnt always perfect because utilitarianism itself isnt perfect but he does things for a reason and what purpose would hurting dazai even serve?? mori wants dazai as his right-hand man (and arguably, eventual successor) so the thing about his manipulation was always to make dazai think theyre partners-in-crime. and dazai did, because up until mimic thats exactly what they were: they scheme and plot and reign over other people's lives, together. tbh i dont think current dazai even thinks mori "led him down a dark path" or its child abuse or whatever moral reasons, he's still mad and bitter as hell about mori simply because he feels betrayed by the man. they were supposed to be in this together, y'know?

and then theres chuuya. morally upright, kind and just and caring, chuuya. lol. dont get me wrong mori definitely doesn't tell him every single morbid details about his scheme of the day (chuuya's morals are not quite dazai's), but theres just no way chuuya gets to executive position without having his hands/knowledge in every pie of the mafia business. plus, chuuya's a very important asset to the mafia, too important for mori to discard/hamper/harm unless theres an extremely good tradeoff. i think a lot of fanon underestimated chuuya's contribution to the mafia tbh, hes not merely valued for his combat power (though he has a significant amount of it) thats akutagawa's position as head of the combat forces. chuuya was recruited at 15 and immediately trained not to fight but to manage mafia's assets and business partners (under kouyou's tutelege), and his first significant position, after only a year of joining, was handling the mafia's entire jewellery trade. even people he hung around (the flags) were among mafia's leadership ranks and candidates for executives, and then theres the fact he was dazai's partner and expected to keep up to him. hardly any of which had to do with fighting on the front lines, in contrast to akutagawa whose only value-add to the mafia, even after six years, was rashoumon. in my opinion these positions showed mori actually regards chuuya very highly (and ironically values his capabilities way more than fandom on average) so then again if there ever was a situation mori wanted to harm chuuya the payoff better be huge for it to be worth it in his eyes.

tangentially related: not excusing organised crimes or the mafia elsewhere, but in-universe the port mafia under mori has been implied to be "cleaner" than under the old boss's reign multiple times, so tbh i dont think their illicit businesses would ever be enough to cross chuuya's - extremely sketchy - moral lines. at 15 he was fighting turf wars with the pm and didnt hesitate to go the extra mile 3000m above ground just to personally hunt down an enemy, and at 16 he ran the illegal jewellery business for money laundering and his only worry was not catching up to dazai's achievements (read: crime list). we do know for sure the pm doesnt dabble in the drug trade at all (dazai outright said any member touching drugs are to be disposed of and implied he had killed subordinates before for being unclean in dark era). human trafficking & prostitution is 50/50? they do make a nasty habit of employing underaged kids and especially those with abilities but then so does the ada and the government/military (yosano? tachihara? anyone) so maybe minor labour laws in bsd-verse are just that bad. other than that just i just dont see chuuya having a problem with other mafia stuff like weapons trafficking (pretty sure the sheep did this too), arson, extortion, bribery, fraud, counterfeiting (his bestie was pianoman lol), gambling, theft, murder (again lol). i had to pull that list of mafia-related crimes off wiki lol

anyway i guess people want a villain for skk and mori's sure no good guy but theres no need to make him so ooc guys. to be frank once you make mori ooc skk themselves become ooc as well because now dazai and chuuya are ""absolved"" of their mafia crimes but look like total weak-willed idiots who do whatever the big bad mori tells them to. and wheres the appeal in those characters?

#sorry that was long #moris not an idiot nor a sadist guys #idk it just drives me crazy whenever i come upon this in fics #people can have headcanons about whatever happen in the gaps in skk history #but make it make sense??#im not talking about aus obviously but fics that take place in canon timeline #for some reason this depiction of mori is SO popular its in almost every fic that has him where did it even come from????#not canon for sure #bsd rant #i guess #bungou stray dogs #bsd skk #bsd mori #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #mori ougai #soukoku

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pinazee · 2 months

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the writers trying to make chapel a “she’s stronger than she was in tos and has more agency hashtag girl power!” character meanwhile they got her crying in an elevator at the drop of a hat all bc boimler said spock shouldn’t be so smiley like what is this going on here

Oooo okay. So first of all, my apologies to all the ppl in my inbox. I keep forgetting to check that 😬

I can’t remember if i posted this or not, but Chapel has been the hardest character for me to, i dont know how to put it, adjust to. I want to word this very carefully because i like Chapel, but she’s just missing something for me.

On the surface she’s written as a character i should like. She’s a badass who’s not afraid to take huge risks, she’s brilliant, and she’s snarky. But the problem, for me at least, is I don’t think this “fixes” how she was written in TOS, which is what it feels like they’re trying to do. its like they overcompensated to the point where she almost doesn’t feel like a real person.

Like personally, i think it would have been fine to keep chapel more maternal like she is in TOS, and still make her a badass. She didn’t need to be a combat pro with m’benga in S2E1. I actually think it would have felt more badass for her to not really know what she was doing but went a little crazy and beat some klingons because drugs haha

i dont know, i think maybe my real problem is that her character arc is so wrapped up in Spocks, she feels like a secondary character to her own narrative. Like in Under the Cloak of War, they gave her this dark war background and they focused so much on how her being unable to talk about it affected her relationship with Spock. Which is fine, thats a real conflict people have, but don’t then focus on how Spock handles it. Focus on how this maybe makes her feel isolated or alone because she can’t bring herself to talk about it with anyone.

Plus, we don’t really know much of anything about her. Most of the time she’s on the screen its to serve spocks arc. I dont know if thats because they’re focusing on our more well known characters first to try to draw audiences in (because we also haven’t really had any Sam or Erica screen time which is a shame), or if this is purposeful, as she self describes as being distant with people. And we know she has some murky relationship history thats left a mark.

So maybe it’ll shift in her direction in upcoming seasons. I hope it does. Im really looking forward to getting to know Chapel and her backstory, without it being a plot foil for her relationship with Spock (or korby if it comes to that).

#i really want to like chapel #i cant wait to see where they take her #star trek #star trek strange new worlds #strange new worlds #snw #chapel #spock #spapel #tos

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northsealight · 3 months

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Hey, when you said RHATO Jason is the worst version on your last ask, were you referring to the first comic, second comic, or the Webtoon? (Honestly annoyed the Webtoon took that name, makes things even more confusing)

I have problems with all 3 (Webtoon most of all for sure, with the second and first switching places behind it based on what characters or plots I’m thinking about tbh), but I was just curious haha

oh. oh. oh you're not ready for this. I've been trying this entire week to find a good time to air out my thoughts:

so! in my opinion (again, this is not shaming anyone for liking what they like! if you happen to like RHATO!jason all the more power to you! dont read this!) all three reiterations of RHATO!Jason .. are not great. the one I think might have potential to be salvaged is the second one with Artemis and bizarro! (although roy harper is in my heart of hearts)

the way Jason is written in rhato... the rhato written by Scott Lobdell anyway, (who is actually a sexual predator and when you start to think even a LITTLE about how the women are written in RHATO makes so much sense) portrays Jason as yet another cookie cutter anti-hero-deadpool-esque personality who's mainly confined by the narrative restraints of his character.

I say this because hes so.... the way he goes about his vigilantism is so .. shallow. It's like the narrative is finding excuses to make him violent so the reader can be stimulated with Michale Bay explosions lol. You hardly see any stories in there where Jason is an actual champion for the people, and you hardly see his background as a street kid come into play... its like... he became... a vigilante because....he knows how the system can fail those... alienated and forgotten by those sworn to protect them... and thus channels his energy into said people through acts of radical protection... (also because the whole bruce thing yeah I know)

I keep thinking about injustice!Jason's monologue where he literally says something along the lines of "while bruce and clark were fighting I fought for the people who were being caught up in the whole thing" like if that doesn't just tell you who he is idk what will! and sure, injustice isn't Jason source material, so look at under the red hood! he literally becomes a drug kingpin TO CONTROL crime ... and then instead of getting these immense shows of care he has for the community in RHATO, we get panels like this:

like ok get it I guess 😭😭😭😭

this is the new and improved Jason!! he's suave.. hes American... he's... just like every other antihero now!!

I don't know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot- best bet is to read the comics yourself to kinda get what im saying! but even rebirth Jason is (kind of) getting what RHATO Jason doesn't-- he's a product of his huge heart. rebirth Jason has countless stories where we see how Jason ACTUALLY operates as red hood, and what his symbol means to the citizens of Gotham!

if you pour too much grit and "edginess" into Jason, then you kind of miss what he's all about- he can still be silly and sarcastic! in fact, one of my favorite Jason moments is from red hood: lost days, a series where he's portrayed as an edgy, "misfit" ruffian:

like. hello this is hilarious. and we can still have moments like these while balancing his emotional range as a vigilante that's motivated by his big fat heart! (ignoring the fact that he slept with Talia in the next issue 😭 Jason fans can't have shit 😭)

but anyway! ill likely add more when I'm not feeling so tired, but god!! is it so hard to show Jason's propensity for kindness!! is it so hard to realize that his character to the core is revolved around a deep understanding for others based on personal experience!!

there's a reason why DC (in the rare moments when they know what to do with his character) always writes stories with Jason consoling children, or Jason being good with kids in dangerous situations!

it's because he's been there before. he's felt the grief and confusion of being helpless in a situation of his control. he's felt the consequences of adults who were supposed to protect and raise him! he's been killed for daring to cling on to the notion of trust even after all he's been through!

and I don't know, I think his dedication to the people, children especially, is his way of forgiving himself- his way of telling little Jason that it wasn't his fault.

#I went a little crazy midway through but I hope this answers your q!#and I hope it makes sense. I swear im more coherent when I have my thoughts together #the last panel actually makes me sob god above what the hell is that and why are my eyes sweating #Jason robin :(((((#Jason todd #vee's soapbox #asks #thank you for the question btw!! I love answering qs like this #batman #red hood and the outlaws #under the red hood #red hood lost days #red hood

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ghostofwriting · 29 days

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love of my life by harry styles is also a song that i think rafe would put out on the album.

"i dont know you half as well as all my friends [...] maybe you dont know whats lost til you find it."

idk at this point every sad harry song makes me think of #them .

okay me. There are a lot of songs that make me think of them but none of them come close to Place In Me by Luke Hemmings which is why I chose it and keep mentioning it in the tweets.

I'm using this ask as a place to dissect it because my brain will not stop thinking about the correlation between the song and Rafe x reader. I didn't even base this fic off the song but it fits so perfectly so I HAVE to talk about it.

Hold on I never meant you any harm Got no legs to stand on I was just dancin' in the dark

"dancing in the dark" was his mindset during that whole era, he was on drugs, and his mental health wasn't doing well at all. It's not an excuse but he's finally coming to terms with how much he hurt her but he has nothing to stand on because he shouldn't have done what he did to her, there's no excuse. He's telling her in song to hold on, to listen to the lyrics for insight on how he feels because he doesn't know how to tell her any other way.

Now with my eyes wide open It's heaven in your arms, mm

He sees it now, now that he's in a better place mentally and he's clean, he can see the harm he has caused and what he has lost. "Heaven in your arms" obviously knowing that she helped him so much and he was so safe to fall apart with her, realizing his feelings go way deeper than he thought they did but being stuck. And of course 'heaven' to tie it back to 'angel.'

Hold on I never meant to start a war I was just dead wrong I know we've been in this before

Again, not excusing him but, he didn't know what he was doing when he said those things to her. He had his reasons, which I will expand on in the fic. He didn't mean to start this friction between them for all those years and make his friends choose sides. He realizes that he was wrong but again, he's stuck. She won't look at him how she used to.

Now with my eyes wide open I tore you right apart, mm

Speaks for itself, he tore her apart, he ruined her and he knows that now that there's clarity.

Call me in the morning, yeah I'm sorry that I let you down, I I'm so apathetic, it's pathetic But I need you now, now

This is him knowing that he's in the wrong for needing her because of how much he's harmed her. Y/n said that she couldn't believe that the person she had known since she was 10, the boy that he was at 13 would have done to her what he did to her. And he knows that. He knows what she thinks.

Sun's gone But you always liked this time of day No words left to play on How many chances does it take? Now with my eyes wide open I'm nothing but a fake

This verse explains how tied he is to her, how his identity is very much based on how she sees him and how he doesn't think too highly of his self-worth if she sees him as a bad guy. "No words left to play on" The fact that she doesn't give him the time of day, there is nothing that he can do to fix it with her.

Don't you move Can't we just stay? Can we start over? Don't fade away

'Cause you'll always have a place in me

You'll always have a place in me

I think the rest of this is pretty on the nose. That's why it fits so perfectly. He doesn't want her to leave, he wants a chance to start over with her but he's dumb and has no idea how to tell her that and is going about it all wrong. As well as the fact that y/n doesn't want anything to do with him. Had this been anyone else, she would have left their life and never looked back. He knows that and he also knows that she only tolerates him for the band. In a way, he's lucky because without the band he would have never seen her again. He's very limited in what he can do to get her attention and ask for another chance. He also just doesn't think he deserves one. Selfishly though, he wants her to stay with him forever, even if it's at arm's length. even if that means she never talks to him again. Because she will always have a place in him.

Anyway thank you for reading to the end of this if you did. I love this song, I love Luke, and I love how well this goes with Rafe's pov.

#kildaresplit au

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violentviolette · 3 months

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i think i have aspd or traits . but i dont wanna go to a psych and be like " btw here are my symptoms ive never told u about before , have fun ! ( insert the entire ASPD criteria here ) . sorry " because that makes me look bad & i appear the opposite ( passive , fearful , not aggressive ) , & dont want to appear as a threat and i most definitely dont want them to think im manipulating them when im not ( like for example when im just telling them my symptoms regarding other conditions ) . and i dont want to admit to committing crimes incase they report me or i have to go through a security clearance for job reasons and they go thru my stuff . anyways as far as anyones concerned i seem nice but weird but not the type of person to have those kinds of symptoms , and i want it to keep my Good Girl(tm) image . but also . i dont want to start having legal issues , become dependent on substances , pursue any illegal occupation , etc since it would suck to get caught and im only 21 so i keep trying my best to avoid it everytime i almost continue with it , but i need help bad lol . any idea of what i should or can do ? anything helps

okay real talk but literally do exactly the opposite of everything ur doing and also get out of ur own head and stop overanalyzing every thought u have to find justifications for not doing the very simple basic first step towards what u know is the right thing to do but just dont want to because being vulnerable feels yucky and ur scared

i say this with genuine compassion and no judgement because i *absolutely* did and still sometimes do the same thing but unfortunately the only way to get urself out of that cycle is to get over urself and touch grass (encouragingly) so that u just Do The Thing u know u need to do

being open and honest with a therapist about ur thoughts and feelings is the only way to get any actual positive growth or help out of it. u cant fix what u dont talk about and keeping it all to urself will only drive u more and more insane. staying cooped up inside ur own mind without telling other ppl what ur thinking out loud creates a feedback loop of crazy. u gotta hear urself talk to another person sometimes to actually really *hear* urself, u know? ur brain is where the crazy is and u cant stay there alone and expect it to work out and get better. u have to talk it out and be confronted and challenged with other viewpoints to realize where urs are disordered if u look for reasons not to do something u will absolutely find them, and while i could offer rebuttels to a lot of ur concerns, things like how ur medical records and psych details are not that detailed. u doing illegal behavior like stealing or doing drugs is not something that gets listed on those and falls under patient confidentiality. the only thing that gets documented is the official diagnoses name which most therapists are going to be very reluctant to hardline diagnose someone with aspd (and even then it only gets logged with that practice and submitted to ur insurance only if ur seeking care like meds or hospital stays or get incarcerated. otherwise, if u dont tell someone "i saw dr.x at yclinic from 2019-2022, then they have no way of knowing or finding out what that dr wrote on their internal records/notes. there is no centralized database of "medical history" outside of ur insurance company and specific practices internal networks) individual symptoms like "illegal activity" do not get listed and unless ur planning on enrolling in the military or working for the feds no job is looking more deeply than that into ur history unless u personally volunteer it. what comes up when specific companies do background checks with a medical history is ur insurance records. ur insurance only knows what gets submitted to them specifically, if ur therapist doesnt file paperwork with ur insurance to list aspd as a diagnosis they are looking for ur insurance to pay them to treat u for specifically (instead of more generalized things like "depression" "anxiety" or just "mental health care" ect, which they have to get ur permission to do) then there's no paper trail of what u two talk about in that office or how ur "good girl" image is legitimately worthless garbage and will grant u absolutely nothing in life and clinging to it in the false hope that other ppls perceptions of u will change who u actually are and make u happy is only gonna lead u to looking at ur shitty unhappy life in 5 years and being filled with nothing but regret and anger and wanting to kill urself or that while u cant know or control how ur therapist sees u or reacts to the things u share with them, u can control who they are. if u fuck up with this therapist or it takes a turn u dont like or they start treating u badly, u can very much just get another one. u can request a different person at the same clinic for any reaosn or u could switch clinics entirely. most insurance in the us is taken by more than 1 provider in an area and there are almost always multiple practices that take the local insurance. and even then, if u wanna drive 45mins to see a therapist a town over cause u burned a bridge with this one u can do that. ur not beholden to a single person, u can get dozens and dozens of opinions. ive had over 15 different therapists in my life. if u fuck up with one u can always get another

but all those rebuttals dont really matter because if u want to, i have no doubt u could find counter points to all those points. i know i could if i tried. so really it just comes down to the simple question of are u going to keep standing in ur own way or are u going to cut the bullshit and take it seriously and do the hard thing because u know its what u need to do? ur young still, uve got so much time, dont waste more of it waiting for the perfect solution or situation because it will never exist. do it now, do it messy, do it scared, fuck it up and get it wrong a bunch, and then try again and again until it works

#jack.speaks #aspd #aspd tag #actually aspd #i know that was a lot and sounds harsh but this is honestly how i talk to myself #and its been the most effective way for me to cut thru my own shit #so pls know im not trying to judge u or be mean or hurt ur feelings or put u down in any way #this is all shit ive told myself before because sometimes u just have to be blunt and say the quiet part out loud to get thru to urself #so i hope that helps u to and i hope u start doing the real work to get better #because u deserve to get better and to have a good life that u enjoy living

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