#i dont know. feels dumb. feels stupid

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with- #-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!! #im sorry :((

[wonderinc-sonic]

Thank-you doodles for Donations

-Edit! Updating the pictures with a couple more recent/ better ones-

It's my birthday at the end of the month (April) and I'm asking my family+friends to make donations to charities working in Palestine right now.

While I don't know any of you well enough that I'd expect a present, if you happen to be making a donation this month to any major charity helping get food, water and medical aid into Palestine right now - send me a screenshot of a receipt with a request (separate messages if you want for privacy) and I can offer you... a crummy doodle to say thanks for donating?

Details under cut 🤷

I'll do my earnest best to do whatever you asked for, excluding anything nsfw or anything ship-ish where any party is, like, a kid, but including any O.C.s providing you send me a link to a reference, description or a picrew.

I'm a beginner and I have a full time job, so I'm not making promises for the quality - you can see from the collage above what we're working with here! However, I have no pride and there is no prompt too silly for me to attempt.

No minimum and no scaling complexity for increased donation - I'm doing this to celebrate your generosity, it's not a commission!

Can be anonymous, or private-message respond, I really don't mind.

Any verifiable charity donation is fine - I encourage you to donate through the channels that maximise the effect of your money. For example, some places of work have donation-match schemes for selected charities, and depending on your country of origin you may be able to deduct tax on your donations to particular organisations, which might help you donate. We're all working with what we've got in a cost of living crisis - definitely worth seeing if you can make your donations go a bit further with government topups!

Everything feels really quite hopeless right now, I'm doing this selfishly because I want to see donations happening and to gas them up a bit.

Oh! And if you have a pet, my birthday is April 29th. I'd love to see them just being themselves. That's what I'm asking for on the day from everyone else.

#god i feel so stupid for this post eurgh #wonderincs #drawincs #sonic fanart #fanart #palestine #current events #stretching my brains for some way i can help. thought of this while making the collages this morning but idk if its helpful #and just because its for being seen i will tag everyone in these silly doodles: #silver the hedgehog #blaze the cat #knuckles the echidna #lanolin the sheep #cream the rabbit #if you think this is really dumb i beg you just ignore it i dont know #trying to think of literally anything i can do at this point #because im already donating and reading and crying but i cant sustain this i want to celebrate something #celebrate the little things #i saw a free gaza written on the historic walls of the city and that was neat. its right where people look. good for them #pinned post #temporary pin #maria robotnik #ark siblings

[mokeonn]

Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

#simon says #to explain here and not in a reblog: #sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb #you might not have done enough research #you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument #you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this #sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution #you do what you can to fight against the problem #you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem #and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem #like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue #but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face #they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you #and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing #sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“ #sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that #i used this while talking with my Dad tonight #he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution #and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now #and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it #and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate #and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before #i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help #and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change #but all I really could do is the little things I have control over #and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over #like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet #which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue #and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best #so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

#not art #admin answers #paranatural #pnat #richard spender #pts-fic-notes-and-blog #before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask! #none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them #this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship. #idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell #he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those #to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness #has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count #to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said #also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats #sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him #its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF #which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him #so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time #TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol

[sag-dab-sar]

Medical professional: *who has no actual reason to know why I'm using my wheelchair* so why are you using a wheelchair?

Me: Legs don't work well 🫤

Medical professional:

#cpunk #cripple punk #mobility aid #wheelchair #void post #result of talking to a friend #about how i get upset when medical professionals who DO NOT NEED TO KNOW #ask me why im in my wheelchair #and i feel obligated to answer because well they are medical professionals #and she called them stupid because ''are they stupid maybe it's because walking can be an issue for you'' #''its like asking me why i wear glasses— well sir because i prefer to see'' #it's actually for legs back overall pain and heart but do they really need to fucking know all that? #and i thought of a better way to answer their dumb question #legs dont work well #not a lie #short simple and probably makes them feel a tad stupid for asking

[electronix-arts]

is this a safe space where i can be upset with those “reblog if you are/arent _________”

#like i dont know man i find them so stupid #i cant explain it like its so annoying like it should be obvious?? #like yeah ‘helps weed out the bad ones’ but what if the good ones dont wanna repost that shit because it just feels dumb #like oh ok so automatically i am a woman hater homophobic ableist and everything else #is this a rant i think this is #whoops #update_log.txt #rant.mp3

[skunkes]

#SO ANXIOUSSSS ABOUT SAVING MONEY SPENDING MONEY. what a horrible world to live in #anybody know jobs stupid people can get that pay well and dont require making fone calls #*pjackk voice* u can say [no] because i know truth is supposed to hurt a lot for dumb fucks like me #talkys #ok sorry im already going to bed so i dont start freaking out and spiraling hut oughhh #all i do is save money bc i know im never ever going to have a good paying job. so spending money always makes me feel sick #goodnite everyone ^_^ #this isnt actually a negative post i jst needed to shout into the void for a bit i know the feeling will pass

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[gomzdrawfr]

Idk if anyone ever experience this but sometimes my drawing process goes:

I need to draw this guy, i forgot if he has [A] or [B] though….

OR

I wanna draw this character…[only vaguely remembers how they look like from memory]…yeah i can draw them right?

Is literally one click away from google to look up how to draw them with proper reference

Also me: i can do this w/o ref pfttrt who needs those

[after finishing the drawing then finally looking up the reference and realises how severely off I was being]

Why tf did i not look up references

#rambles #idk is it ego or just plain dumb #look sometjmes i have a good set up with my tabs and i just dont feel like opening a new tab and messing up the flow!! #flow is so important to be like its such a bad thing to depend on i know #cuz like #if i cant draw a circle right #on my first few tries especially #then I literally just wont draw anything ever LMAO #cuz my chibi style literally involves around squish circles spheres and shit #so if i cant get that vibe right initially then jt all goes downhill EVEN if they look okay #anyways #gummmyspeaks #this is usually the shit i say on twt LMAO #since im taking a break from there yall about to witness how fucking stupid i am

[soldier-poet-king]

U know when u reach that point of mentally unwell that it's like, u realize it's stupid and dumb and your (mal)adaptive coping mechanisms and inbuilt trauma responses aren't helpful and aren't logical and you're complete aware of this and yet can't eradicate it and it's so frustrating and in some way you're more upset about not being able to force ur brain into being normal and stop being Like That, than you are upset about whatever thing happened in the first place

#the duality of fran #anyway yes yes i know im tired and stressed and its winter #and all these things mean all my bad brain stuff harder to cope with #and all my yucky bad maladaptive mechanisms come back #and its stupid and dumb and i cant fix it overnight. or really ever. and YET #im just. gonna throw myself into reading and video games i guess. keep myself distracted #i could have healthier routines but its really fuckin hard to be consistent with anything #when im living with my parents and not much is actually within my control #when it comes to routine and living arrangement and such. its uh.... #real difficult to assert autonomy and control and break hurtful patterns of behaviour when living in the space #& w the ppl who caused those problems in the first place yknow #how can i stop hiding and ppl pleasing and acting like a hollow shell of a fake person #when all of that was developed specifically to protect myself emotionally from these ppl #did it work??? NO. sometimes it feels like it didnt even preserve a tiny core of me #whatever the me that existed before. or was supposed to exist. just. is gone. never was #ik ik dont think of unlived lives theyre not real theres no alternate version of urself #but maybe...there is....and that fran is so much better

[pomfiores]

the nice thing about living at work being offline for chunks at a time is the people u used to really dislike seeing on the dash (by no one's fault, promise), it doesn't really bother you anymore when you see them pop up as recs or smth. like. neat. lol. it's nice! it's comforting. i feel like I've def moved on from things, its liberating.

#◟ ⋆ㅤㅤif my hair's a mess﹐my mind's a mess.ㅤ( ooc ) #to delete * #still on brainrot about this crush or whatever it is #decided to be upfront with her lol donnnnt have the highest hopes but #as someone who likes transparency and directness -- i feel its right. #and if not! im 100% ok with it too like its not my first time #i am v clumsy w this tho bc i don't usually tell people lol if im even Remotely interested. so. #she's branching out for'shore. #also confided in my brow girl who's also a lesbian and she was like 'girl ask her. that'd make it clear like whenever ur in the area' #she's absolutely right. so. there's that. thank god i have one lesbian person irl who i can talk to about this shit #she wanted to have me do gay clubs that she knows of. women only. sounds fun! but. nah. work keeps me :') #she's a teacher :') a professor technically. i feel so stupid LFKASJFA #i dont think im dumb! by any stretch! but. the fact she teaches (art) and is tech a teacher im like god akjfsha #how do i talk wtf akjfsa i can sound Smart totally oh def (help)

[bl00dw1tch]

God. God. God. Holy fucking shit i love Avatar so fucking much

#horse.txt #im being so real right now it breaks my goddamn heart that so many people hate it on principle and go into it waiting to be disappointed #like. god. seriously? how do so few people seem to see the shit im seeing? how do people not GET its RIGHT THERE??? #idk man im like. high and the hd release is out so it feels like Christmas but this shit has been on my mind and its at like a precipice #its one thing when ppl just aren't into it but the absolute LOATHING and DISDAIN people harbour for these movies is just. baffling #i cant understand it #i hate statistics. why did it have to pan out this way #how can anybody hate this production literally decades in the making? the fucking DEFINITION of a Passion Project? #the labour and love and inventive GENIUS that has gone into these films--and #you know what? the writing ISN'T that fucking awful. its not perfect because no movie is ever fucking perfect and sometimes you #have to give a script and characters breathing room. room to make mistakes!!! because this fucking obsession with #'characters dont have to be realistic!' is BULLSHIT. and NO saying that does not conflict with the idea that Characters=/=real ppl in #discourse!the ideas can fucking coexist! having realistic characters is GOOD its fucking GOOD when theyre stupid and do shit you dont like! #because thats what REAL PEOPLE DO thats what makes them fucking COMPELLING thats what youre SUPPOSED to let draw you in!!!!!! #but noooo no no no no keep repeating your smurf pocahontas jokes and roll your eyes at anyone who does like it like theyre stupid #because you can't be assed to give something a chance just because everyone Else is calling it stupid #and you dont want them to roll their eyes at /you/ #i know this is dumb to be so heated about but im just. im sad man. im happy im having a great day!! but im sad #about how few people i can share it with yk..???

[enbyblades]

my official rotb review:

okay

#NO SRS i have so many thoughts and feelings on this movie ok #but overall it was just very mid i think dhakfhskjf #like i loved the characters and their interactions!! but that doesnt save it from having a plot ive seen a million times before #and bumblbee 2018s plot was mid too dont get me wrong but the like. emotional character driven aspect is what i #absolutely loved about that movie #and they tried to do the same thing here #but i feel like #cuz of all the Stuff that was happening and all the characters that were introduced we didnt get as much time with them #so it just didnt hit as hard #i liked the parallels between optimus and noah!! but im also a bit torn on optimus . #i have so many thoughts but one thing i know for sure #donT EVEN GET ME STARTEDDD ON WHAT THEY DID TO BUMBLEBEE #AIRAZOR TOO FOR THAT MATTER. at least they rectified it with bumblebee. they hate women </3 #BUT WHAT THEY DID TO MY BOY HAD ME SO SHOCKED AND UPSET I LIKE. THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING THE THEATER #not to be cringe but thats my comfort character my special son boy. i was so pissed off #and again they Fixed it but like. that was so stupid. that was so dumb. what was the point #anyway. many thots and feelings. #blades talks #rotb spoilers #even tho this is vague as shit sjakjfks #tf #oh yea also The Teaser. :/ lame 2 me but ok

[pensymbols]

if u believe that jason grace is lame gtfo this is NOT safe space for you

#everytime someone claims hes a boring character and a blank canvas i losd up a gun and #like jason ISNT a boring character hes actually incredibly interesting #but rick riordian fucking hates his guts and refuses to give him anythin #like genuinely #like first of all jason getting his memory wiped but hes never able to regain them??? #so despite people knowing WHO he was and him having the general feeling of knowing who he is he genuienly cannot remember shit #and those memory problems persist all the way up throughout toa #second of all his general past?? #like the grace siblings had such good backstories in the sense they were intriguing and actually defined everything and every choice they #-make #like jason who was proclaimed as heras/junos since he was born stolen from thalia who was raising him and she cant wver find him again and #-so she assumes shes dead and being reluctant to take in annabeth whos supposed to be around her baby brothers age #that shits peak #and then theres jason who was raised by wolves and then eventually found his way to new rome where he was only ever seen as jupiters son or #junos champion and he was only ever going to be the praetor and no one there truly saw jason for who he is #like thats PEAK #AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE JASON VS PERCY THING BCS A) I THINK ITS DUMB AND B) ITS STUPID #also rick DOES hate jason grace bcz they killed his character long before toa when thwy tried to make jason more like zeus so the rivalry- #-could make more sense #pjo #percy jackson and the heroes of olympus #jason grace #percy jackon and the olympians #heros of olympus #trials of apollo

[hey-hamlet]

its only taken one and a quarter degrees but i am finally having my university breakdown era <3 i type this as im legit crying over having no fucking clue about any of the content im supposed to know for tomorrows exam

#i hate! feeling! dumb!!!!! #something something 'only worth i had as a person is intelligence giving me complexes' something something i know i know #i fucking hate this so goddamn much #study talk #fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #everything has a stupid little name and i have to know fucking all of the #AAAAAAAAAIGUHKIFGH #every organelle has its own stupid fucking names for the same god damn thing and i have to learn fucking all of them and!! i dont know them #looking at the practise questions they FINALLY released and!! i dont understand shit!!!! #im gonna eat my icecream and cry #and then maybe try a little more #maybe i can get my result to a point that i can pass if i just do well in the next exam #but idk guys

[spitblaze]

because i am always always ALWAYS anxious that someone is gonna interpret something i say in bad faith i made that anti-transmasculinity post bc there was a minute or two on tumblr and twitter where trans men were the Embarassing Cringe Queers Du Jour and people were like 'lol trans men dont even face any sort of discrimination outside of garden variety transphobia' which is patently fuckin untrue and im very tired of being called a 'pussy' and a 'whiner' because people do not take me seriously as a man unless its to claim im a predator or violent so. theres that

#spitblaze says things #inb4 'lev you gotta curate your online experience better' DO YOU THINK I DONT TRY!!! #DO YOU THINK I DONT ATTEMPT TO KEEP MYSELF AWAY FROM THE DUMB SHIT PEOPLE SAY ONLINE #DO YOU THINK I DONT HAVE TO CONTINUALLY TELL MYSELF NOT TO THINK ABOUT INTERNET TRANSPHOBIA IN BED AT NIGHT #BECAUSE MY ANXIETY LOVES TO FOCUS ON SHIT LIKE THAT #DO YOU THINK. I HAVE NOT TRIED TO PUT THIS OUT OF MY MIND AND IGNORE IT. #idk why i got so mad about that. its been a while since ive been able to openly complain about shitheads online #without getting 'just curate your online experience better' in response #complaining is cathartic and they're right but like. it feels good to complain esp when its actually bothering me lol #i mean they're absolutely right that i gotta curate better but. adhd/anxiety yannow lol #anyway. in case some weirdo tries to claim im a stupid dumb idiot who knows nothing abt anti-transmasculinity #i tend to forget shit and that post was made at a specific point in time so dont fuckin @ me