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#i dont normally post my vent works but im honestly happy with this
andiebomb · 3 months
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Totally different than my regular posts but fuck u
(TW/ suicidal tendencies, chronic illness, vent)
No one understands type1 diabetes unless you actually have it, I was in the hospital (one time of many) for intentionally putting myself into DKA so that I could lose weight and then die (I’d look so hot in my casket) so the hospital called the crisis guy like how they normally would for an attempt,
but because it was a matter of me just giving up on having to CONSTANTLY monitor and be hyper vigilant of my body (WHICH REGULAR PEOPLE DONT HAVE TO DO) they were kinda clueless on how to effectively help me.
Normally when someone “gives up” it’s on their basic needs like eating, self care and shit like that but for me it was just stopping putting needles in myself, doing math to be able to eat and stabbing the tips of my fingers 20 times a day
I was exhausted, my life is basically being a 24 hour nurse for myself.
Plus I’m fat so having diabetes just means everyone blames my illness on myself, which isn’t how type 1 diabetes works! I didn’t do anything, I never drank soda, I rarely ate sugar but that’s how the general public thinks how people get diabetes! When actually my pancreas is just a little BITCH WHO CANT FIGHT BACK AT MY AMMUNE SYSTEM!
This crisis guy came into my hospital room and started giving a lecture on TYPE 2 DIABETES! I AM TYPE 1 THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT! And even his lecture on type 2 was bullshit!
His man looks me in my eyes and says “if you wanna be happy lose weight by eating healthy and exercising. Your never going to be normal so stop acting like you are.”
…I am also autistic so I’ve struggled with feeling like a foreign creature, unhuman my whole life.
This man just reinforced every. Single. Reason. Why I wanted to kill myself.
And honestly after he said that I started sobbing. He left the room without guilt and said I was free to discharge.
Hearing that I fully started to laugh my ass off at the absurdity of the situation, this man WHOS JOB IS TO STOP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF just signed my death certificate.
I didn’t end up killing myself purely because… FUCK THAT GUY IM GONNA BE FAT AND HATE MYSELF AND BE THE MOST NORMAL PERSON EVER! HE CAN GO EAT A DICK!
Anywayyyyy hideduo is so cute!
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tonypostt · 29 days
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OUSJDG HI CREATIVELY COSMIC HERE.. i had to do a double take when i saw the notif that you reblogged our art and THANK U SM ?
hhh is genuinely a fantastic pokepasta and i couldn't get enough of it once i started wrapping my head around it. we've always been a HUGE fan of more abstract, interpretative, and experimental work so seeing a pokepasta go ALL IN on that approach was fantastic and i genuinely think it's one of our favorites now.
everything about how it was written really.. struck a chord with us. I COULD BE SO FAR OFF THE MARK im so sorry but im trying to articulate it. something about memory loss and identity loss and dissassociation. and how vulnerable it leaves you and how desperate you can become for an escape, no matter how much that escape hurts, because its surely better than the alternative. becoming dependent on something or someone that pains you because theres nothing else to turn to or so you believe.. and eventually it's all you know and turning back seems impossible. and you just fall deeper and deeper because the more it hurts the more it at least feels real and its become synonymous with comfort. its a very potent work to me is what im saying
as for the sylveon in my head its like 50% hexi. half the time its normal the other half it is absolutely NOT. im really glad you liked our art regardless though hasjfjgd
i hope you dont mind us rambling a bit uh!! i want to try and do better at letting people know how much the stuff they make means to me where im able. and happy hardcore hexidream hit HARD (in a good way)
HIII SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO LATE YOU SENT THIS LIEK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NESS (ALTER) STARTING TO PLAY SPLATOON 1 WHICH HE HAS BEEN WAITING TO DO FOR LIEK . A MONTH NOW (you know how it is with those Autistic People /LH)
I AM . SOOOSOSOOSOSOOOOOOOSOSOOSOO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT HHH RESONATED WITH YOU SO MUCH . LIEK IM NOT EVEN KIDDING . esp as the years go by and i form what HHH is in my head more (which will probably not ever be a concrete thing . Liek i just think that's the nature of HHH) and i just even let it sit with Me The Author . it's also just kind of one-of-a-kind in my writing where it started as a one-off but then grew into something instead of me planning out 745395764385634895643987 different multimedia projects HSDKJFGDSKJLFGKJSD .
and liek . DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING "OFF THE MARK" WITH HHH BECAUSE THERE IS NO MARK . my dream is to have a world filled with a billion different HHH takes ..... Because honestly that was what it was made for (or . i guess . Continued for ? it was originally a vent with the first two parts being posted . Twwwoooooo years ago ??? On the pokepasta wiki ????? Fuck i can't remmeber im barely even fronting rn JSKLDFGHDKSJ) , to be talked about and theorized about and just . Conversed . Hexi is everything to me (and she is everything to you !)
WITH THAT BEING SAID . I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR INTERPRETATION SO MUCH . i think a good amount of people kinda miss the subtle themes of trauma in HHH especially if they haven't read my other stuff or know me personally . Mostly because they're probably overwhelmed by the material itself and i dont blame themJLKJSDGFLKJSDGK . you could interpret hexi as either the truama , the effects of it , a reflection of how one views their own trauma or themselves within it , etc . But liek i said that's also only one side of the picture too even within the aspect of it being focused around trauma . the Situation could be representative of the trauma or a flashback . Or it could be some kind of a conversation situation . Or it could be a person . Or it could all be fake . Or it could be the person having a Funky Time !
and theres even more that you could do with this . liek . I feel a bit bad for not being able to put as much as much as i could into the updates that came after the first two chapters/parts to imply Other Things:tm: other than the fact that there's just random chaos going on , mostly because HHH is the type of story where you spot a new sentence you haven't read before and it changes EVERYTHING .
Also shoutouts to the fact that executive dysfunction affects my writing very disproportionately and the fact that there's supposed to be a massive update on april 4th that i dont even know if i can write let alone on time . I WOULD LOVE TO PUT IT OUT I JUST . BRAAAINSJDFHKDSKGSJKD
ALSO IRT SYLVEON . YOU ARE STRONGER THAN GOD FOR HAVING HEXI IN YOUR HEAD (/J i know fictives aren't their source) . ALSO PLS TELL IT HI FOR ME IF POSSIBLE i think it is so swag
ALSO NO WORRIES I . HAVE CLEARLY RAMBLED A BIT MORE in fact there's stuff ive rambled about on previous asks regarding HHH . if you enjoyed HHH you'd probably like my other stuff even if atm i dont have a Ton that is as Crazysillay as HHH !!! they can be found on my AO3 (tonyboyy) . Also obligatory mention to ness's splatoon visual novel that is in the works because im INSANE about it . He hasnt posted about it at all in order to avoid spoilers but just know that whenever last dovesong releases i will fly to the moon . ANYWAY THANK U FOR UR ASK !!!!!!!!
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spaceoperajay · 4 months
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i dont like being alone i dont like that my partner is three hours away. <--- very large understatement on account of how emotional i am. i've been told i am always such an independent person said in awe but like that is not some hard-earned thing its just who i am. i struggled understanding people AT ALL when i was child and that morphed into an ease of doing what i wanted as i did. i do like it about myself, but the independence doesn't make lonliness not hurt.
i miss them and you know what when they're here i genuinely feel independent and strong because i have someone to trust and lean on if i do need it. like i've considered "is this co-dependence?" and my answer is no because i think having someone to come home to is very normal want and american society is so so lonely.
ugh i need to go back on anti-anxiety meds. i think my hesitance is from the Horrible Meds And The No Good Bad Times but to prevent such a thing from happening again i need to 1) get an actually good psychiatrist. if such a thing exists. 2) tell people my treatment plan so if im not following it alarm bells are raised. like i could lie, which me in No Good Bad Times is prone to do, but at least people asking about it would be a check. probably need a sleep aide too.
i am cynical about medication in general. shouldnt i just like, be allowed to chnage my life circumstances so i dont need them. nope lol. function > happiness dont we love pyschiatry. but it the facts are that in the world we live in functioning better can lead to happiness.
another thing to bitch about is honestly i wondered "is this a vent to maybe not post publicly" because of my asshole stalkers lovinggggg to mock me for daring to complain about a medium distance relationship??? like i never implied it was worse than a long distance one. but if they are still going around my blocks to look at my blog or my vents. like. idk. thats kind of sad. not going to stop my lil diary because of them.
work is frustraing i did nothing during the last two weeks because no one was checking that i was. they made passive aggressive comments about a deadline that was missed because i forgot to sign approval on something on a friday then that monday WAS THE CAR ACCIDENT. then they pressured me into going in on tuesday because i had to approve it in person. and i did. ugh. well, went in for liek an hour.
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kaz-playz · 4 months
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VENT POST
Lately the usual suicidal ideation has gone from
Wanting a quick painless death via gunshot
To
The urge to SH and waste away. I don't want to feel pain. I am afraid of it, but i know it is impossible to starve painlessly.
I want to feel numb. And i want to discard this vessel. My psyche is in so much pain. I can't bring myself to feel anything though. Im afraid of hell and im not religious. So i cant die because im scared. Im scared of it hurting, im scared of failing. Im scared of the afterlife.
Normally i bounce back. But i dont think i will. Not because im not capable of it, but because i dont want to. Not even a little bit. I find myself with no motivation to try on anything except getting validation from strangers on the internet.
Honestly I've mostly cast my fears aside. The only thing keeping me alive is necessity. I need to go to school. I need to do work. I cant be selfish. But im not learning or working for me. I dont care about me. It would be wasteful if i died. Everything new i have. For who? Not me. Id be dead. Im not good at doing anything nor do i have the desire to be good. I dont have the desire to be at all. I wish i was never born. Its so selfish of my parents to bring me here and keep me here. I want to be nothing. I want to exist in a place i can be happy, free of physical and societal constraints
I find myself trying to cry and feel sorry for myself as i write this. But nothing more that irritating sniffles and not falling tears come out. I am pathetic.
I am apathetic.
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magicalslug · 1 year
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evil vent below
Here's what fucking gets me:
[Post writing this i realize how horrible this all is. But also it's my writing diary where i can vent all my horrible thoughts so they never haunt me again so. Whatever. You get a peek into my heart and you'll see just how ugly it is. So that u can later see how much i work in eradicating that ugliness]
i am so jealous of my friend. So so so so so jealous. despite her overwhelmingly negative personality (to be fair, mostly on her bad days. she will tell you to your face unprompted how much she wants to kill herself but on a good day she'll be the sweetest and be a good friend) she managed to steal the hearts of everyone in the office. She is the most beloved coworker in all of the office honestly.
While being... Her.
Here's another thing: we are... incredibly similar in some aspects. First off, looks. Height even. We're on the same range of How We Look. We have the same ovaries problem even. Then it's her personality which is incredibly reminiscent of how i was circa 2016-2019(?) Then it's how much she doesn't seem to like herself. I can heavily relate, including her anxiety and pessimism. There's aspects of me i can't help but see in her.
So when she's so beloved by everyone i just.
My beef isn't that i find it hard to believe. My beef is that while being so similar, and me being a far more positive and cheerful contrast to her... then... i never managed to get so many people in the office to be ride or die with me. Mostly because I'm more reserved i guess. I wonder if people think I'm fake or anything, because i will smile and laugh even though i don't particularly want to and i just want people to give me A Good Grade In socializing, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.
So i can't help but be jealous of that.
Because imagine? If i was so outwardly unpleasant on my bad days as she is, so negative and actively suicidal and i MADE IT everyone's knowledge??????
...would people... love me then? would people love the worst version of myself, which ironically would maybe be the truer version of me i can show them?
if i also joined in her suicide "jokes" would she love me too then? instead of being so cold with me when im just trying to be positive? would she stop hating me then?
I dont know if she hates me. I've convinced myself she does. Because... i could never treat someone else the way she sometimes treats me.
Like a nuisance in her life.
Even though i generally try to stay out of her way because the last thing i want is to bother her.
...am i fake? what kind of friendship is this? One where i cheerfully say good morning to her every day and i only receive a cold hello before she proceeds to ignore me most of the day? Where she'll avoid talking to me? Where she clearly isn't interested in what i have to say because I'm no longer part of that office branch?
...i don't know. I'm sure most of these feelings of mine are just my BPD blinding me to reality.
But still.
I can't help but be jealous.
Because i want to be loved.
But clearly putting on the best face i can and being positive and cheerful isn't... working. For anyone. Maybe i do come across as fake. Maybe everyone can tell i am a freak and a weirdo and some kind of bug no one has had the pleasure to squash with their foot.
...i dont know.
But i refuse to accept that me rejecting the idea that i have to hate myself is something bad.
I will never die, i will live forever. I say this because i will never let my suicidal thoughts take over me ever again. Not like they used to. Never again.
And i want to be happy! And cheerful! I do enjoy giving everyone a smile because i think life is wonderful, AND I'M DOING MY BEST to finally appreciate that!!
I don't care if i end up alone forever. I will always try to do what's best for me. And what's best for me is to never give in to my worst tendencies.
That should include obsessing over my friend. Who technically has only done me wrong once or twice. And I'll. Forgive. Sorta.
I can never forgive but i can try to move on. Because normal people don't obsess over these things! I want to be normal!
Sigh.
One day I'll leave this place. And live alone. And be happy with myself because i will have somewhere where to drop all my facades and just. Relax. Literally unmask. And rest.
The truth is, i don't know what makes me Me. What does Snaily-like means?
Being so fundamentally broken meant that i had to pick up the pieces and pretend to be A Person.
And that person is just a shell, i think. I do have thoughts and interests. But they aren't... Grand.
Or easy to perceive from the outside i think, which makes me boring.
Would YOU be ride or die for a boring person?
Why would you? What's the incentive there?
Love is something that has to be won, right?
People don't love you unless you give them a reason to. Unless you make yourself useful. Unless you make yourself loveable.
...
Those are bad thoughts.
All of these are bad thoughts.
In any case.
Back to the point.
1. It hurt me that this guy only asked me about my friend. Not even a hi for me first.
2. When that hurt me, it made me think about all of this.
3. Also i did end up telling him everything he needed to get her a good bday present. It was the right thing to do.
4. Now i just spent the last 15 minutes wallowing in my own mysery before going "ok we are done. Moving on"
5. Here's the part where we move on! We close this post. We forget this incident. And we forget we ever had these horrible thoughts in the first place
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tuggism · 4 years
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just a little note
So I haven’t been on this blog in a whileeeee and I'm not even sure anyone will see this. But I was a longtime fan of RT/AH during my literal formative years - completely obsessed for maybe 2012-2017. I loved all the shows and especially LOVED Achievement Hunter, as you can probably tell from the blog lol. I’ve slowly stopped watching videos, but I still have those “comfort” videos you know like the ones that you’ve seen so many times but you keep watching bc its like meeting an old friend again. now I dont know if I can anymore?
I just wanted to vent and its funny how the urge to vent brought me back into my childhood Tumblr lol. but I heard the news last night and I, like everyone, was COMPLETELY blindsided. I cant even begin to explain the flurry of emotions and thoughts I had inside. I loved Ryan. I truly loved them all. I’m so confused. I’m so sad that hes leaving but then I feel bad for feeling sad because of what he has done. I feel so bad for his family. this is such an ethically muddled situation
He cheated on his wife for years. This shit wasn’t just a single instance - it was over the course of like what? 2 years? Maybe if I was younger I would’ve thought of this differently. Maybe I would’ve been able to personally move on from this and still enjoyed him in past videos and maybe even preached to other people to forgive him. But I’m not my younger self. I’m 22, in a loving committed relationship, and there is only pain even at the thought of being cheated on. That is all there is. I cant imagine the pain? his wife might be going through. I saw the video Tess posted. I slowed it down, even read as much as I could. It was some inexplicable attempt at forcing myself to bear witness to what he had done, in order to finally take him down from the pedestal I didn’t even know I had supplied him with in my mind. It was disgusting. It had all the echoes and similarities with gross and cringe conversations you have over snap with boys you meet on tinder. He even mentioned his kids to her a few times. That really kicked the fucking bucket over. Why would you ever mention your kids by name to your mistress? What was he thinking? what fucking insane state of mind was he in??
He was always the wholesome, family man, married to his high school sweetheart, 2 young kids, HAPPY NUCLEAR FAMILY. Well that online persona did not age well. There are so many issues with this situation. The fan/celebrity dynamic that’s beyond fucked up... I’ve never experienced anything of that magnitude but I remember a few years ago when a guy that was considered “a name” started talking to me. And I ignored all the red flags because even the small rush of adrenaline was so good. A few years ago I was at a university event and was constantly hit on by this guy who was more popular, slightly older, and it felt good. We didn’t do much but when I found out a few days later that he had a girlfriend for the last 3 years, the guilt was immeasurable. But I'm not going to lie. Even after the fact, there was still this TINY, SMALL, like 2% of me, that .. wanted even just a little bit more of that attention. So when Tess says that she did things she normally wouldn’t do because of the attention from her LITERAL idol, I believe her. I believe it. As crazy as it sounds, thats the thing that could've made all thought of Ryan’s family not enter the decision making process.
It is selfish of me, but I cant help but feel so sad for AH. These people worked with him, were friends with him for the better part of a decade. I dont think you could deny his part in AH’s popularity. To me, he was so integral. I thought AH and I thought Ryan Haywood. So many iconic moments that I think of with the HIGHEST childhood nostalgia, involved Ryan. All that is tainted now. Completely tainted. everything feels wrong, everything feels off-colour. I basically grew up with AH and this man. I grew up with them. AH was literally my safe space when serious trauma happened in 2017-2018. I’d put on my old favourite videos and play them so that I could fall asleep easier. That’s how much I loved them. 
I dont know what im saying. I just needed to say something and get it off my chest so that I can move on. I dont know what my personal relationship with RT/AH will look like now. I’ll be lingering to watch how they deal with this situation, but honestly I’d become a very very casual fan anyway by this point. But its more the detriment to my memories of AH that have caused me great sadness. ITs just all sadness. All sadness.
I agree that people can make mistakes. Cheating just happens to be a VERY BIG mistake. I’ve personally known people who have cheated on their partner. They’re not the most vile, unforgivable people. They just made a mistake. And they have changed. I hope Ryan can get the help he needs. Most of all I hope his family can forgive him. If his family is broken over this he will literally spend the rest of his life atoning for it. Nothing else - nothing about losing his job or fans or public reputation being ruined - will compare with the loss of his family. Dont get me wrong - my opinion on Ryan has drastically changed in the last 24 hours. But I want to be emotionally distant. I want to move on with my life. 
This was so long and so incoherent. I just rambled on and on. I dont expect anyone to have read this lol but just know that if you’re confused and conflicted, you’re not alone.
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fairycosmos · 4 years
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Hi... I don’t know if you saw my last post, it’s ok if you didn’t, i just want to vent. (I was the closeted person who said they might move in with their grandma if I can’t go back to San Francisco). I visited her today. I realized there’s no way I can move in there. Her (now dead) husband was very abusive and inappropriate towards me. I forgot that she would have photos of him on the walls. She kept taking about him too. It was very triggering for me. :( there’s no way I can do it.
hey yeah god i just scrolled and saw your message, im so sorry i didn’t get back to you sooner !! and that you’re being put in this situation in the first place like fuck dude 😞 i honestly cant imagine how painful this must be right now 😞 i dont blame you at all for not being able to handle living there, like you literally shouldn’t have to?? it’s a site of trauma AND you deserve much more than having to deal with a homophobe every day, seriously. it’s fucked up that your grandma would keep bringing him up. god. i can definitely relate to that. family bonds are just so unbelievably toxic and suffocating at times. you said in your other ask that you could stay with your mum but i understand why that’s not ideal either, however i really don’t think there’s any shame in prioritizing your mental health and safety above all else. even if neither option is exactly preferred. COVID really does have all of us fucked up, especially when it comes to planning our futures or moving around our countries, because there’s just no way to know how things are going to turn out. so i promise it’s alright not to have a plan and to process anger, sadness, disappointment etc at the situation, it’s completely natural. this is going to be a long and arduous period of adjustment in which obstacles are to be expected, both personally and generally. as long as you try your best not to internalize these negative feelings in a way that harms or blames you, then you’re doing better than you realize. instead, i think practicing small but positive coping mechanisms every day and building your routine around them could really help - finding a happy place, meditating, breathing exercises, venting to friends/a hotline/a professional, writing. these aren’t solutions or anything, just ways to alleviate the heaviness. you truly do not have to go through this alone, and it’s not going to be this way forever, alright? you’ll find your new normal again. regardless of what your mind tells you or of how stressed you get, you are worth the world and your past/your abusive family members do not change that fact. i promise. as a side note, i’m wondering if theres any friends you can stay with, or any rooms currently up for rent in your area? i totally understand if you don’t have the funds or the resources etc, but if it’s something you could look into i’d really recommend it, just to have your own space and peace of mind. but if not and if you’re going to be staying with your mum for a while, maybe you could save up for a mattress and start making adjustments/room for yourself so that you’re more comfortable there. idk what your dynamic is like with your mum, but you deserve to feel safe and to have a place to live while the pandemic plays out. it’s totally understandable that you’re completely overwhelmed and that you feel like you’re at your wits end right now. you’ve been through so much and had to deal with stuff no one should ever have to deal with, and i mean it in the least patronizing way when i say i’m v proud of you for being here to send this. your grandmother can fuck off❤️ whatever you need, for your own growth and mental stability, whatever that looks like - it’s possible to find. even if it doesn’t happen all at once. im sending you a lot of love, i really hope you can sort something out that works for you. if you need a friend please dont hesitate to hmu. i’ll be here. take it one day at a time love x
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pepperpixel · 4 years
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thoughts and feelings about. my life below the cut. like depression and shit?? u aint gotta read this shit if u dont wanna lol
warning i basically wrote this post like a fuckin diary cuz i wanted to write my thoughts out. so its super jumbled and messy. pls don’t feel like you have to respond, this is just for me to talk lol. vent some stuff. clear the air of my brain.
these past months since graduating high school I basically haven’t taken a moment to think about anything ever. i wake up in the morning i have like. mini waffles and coffee. i watch a couple videos and then draw draw draw for the entirety of the day. i might eat something else. or i might not, i might drink something else, or i might not. and then i lay down and watch more videos until 3-5 am. i then go to sleep. or i don’t. and then i wake up. repeat repeat repeat. every single day. with a few exceptions. of course i’ve gone out a couple times and had fun. but then i go back home. and do the same thing i’ve been doing. for the past months. on autopilot... over and over and over again. i watch the same videos over and over and over again. i draw and then hate everything i make over and over and over again... and i don’t even have the space to be upset about it... because im always doing something to not think about the stuff that bugs me. its just like im a robot on a cycle.and im not even doing the things i need to do. im doing pointless things. im doing the same pointless things over and over, and i have this constant dread in my heart that everything’s gonna come crashing down on me and i just keep ignoring it. and not doing anything about it. until im laying in bed every night and it hits me. but i still keep not doing anything. and my life continues to be nothing. day in and day out.
anyway... i cried today for the first time in a while, and im actually happy about it.... i used to cry all the time. about everything. and i hated it then. but. i like, haven’t given myself the space or time to feel emotions... or feel human.. in what feels like a rlly long time. and i don’t know exactly how but for some reason today i just started thinking. about all the stuff thats changed in my life that i’ve been avoiding thinking about all these months. and i thought about how it made me upset.. i allowed myself to be upset. instead of just brushing it off cuz im “supposed to be stronger now” because i’ve been to therapy and i don’t have panic attacks anymore and thats all that rlly matters right?? all that other stuff that makes me unhappy can just be brushed aside because its manageable. everyone has to deal with bad stuff. why should i be especially upset about it, just move on, just don’t think about it. sure you’re literally eating and drinking barely anything every day and u get an average of 4-2 hours of sleep each night and u barely feel like you’re still alive but that doesn’t mean anything! this is just what life is post graduation! youre fine!!
so. crying kind of. reminded me how it felt to. feel stuff?? like,, it made me feel normal again. like a real person. which im happy about.. i feel like it knocked some sense into me or something.
i used to write down how i felt a lot too. to work thru my feelings and get them out of my head. i haven’t written down or talked with anyone about my feelings in awhile cuz i haven’t thought about my feelings in awhile... but im writing stuff down now cuz it feels like the right thing to do, its what i wanna do. and i still can’t 100% sort thru all of my feelings. there’s still that vague stale miasma.. the dread of the unknown of adulthood. the worry of being a failure, but. im so happy to have taken the time to just feel some of the feelings that i can sort thru. nothing new bad happened. i didn’t have a panic attack. i just cried a bit and got upset over some stuff i’ve been ignoring.. it feels a little like a break through.. and it made me want to feel more.. honestly.. its better then this awful nothing repetition. i’m gonna try to work on being more human from here on out. thats a weird way to put it but i don’t know how else to phrase it? just, taking more time to breathe. to just be alive in the moment. in real life. not on a computer. ((also, i kno thats a thing dumb old ppl say but like.. being obsessively glued to my computer to avoid real life is part of the issue. im not even doing anything of substance im just.. doing jack shit nothing)) i don’t need to do everything right now. sometimes i just need to sit in my own brain and sort stuff out... and then i can really focus more on the stuff i actually need to do. maybe then i can start really feeling in control of my own life. idk.
anyway... tldr i felt emotions,,, it was a mixed bag.. hopeful for future??
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lenjaminmacbuttons · 4 years
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Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛
FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN
thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore
my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.
everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore
the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”
and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!
plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.
im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!
i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.
not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.
and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.
and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that
i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”
and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.
and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good
except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that
but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her
work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.
and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.
whatever happens happens i guess.
she who lives will see.
3 notes · View notes
comicteaparty · 4 years
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November 9th-November 15th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive
The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from November 9th, 2019 to November 15th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:
How do you deal with a lack of engagement from your audience, both emotionally and physically?
IzzyNinjaMaster
Oooo now that's a good question. If my online audience doesn't respond, I personally always show any new page updates to my family and friends and get feedback and comments from them. Really great for support. But sometimes their not available or I don't have anything new to show them. When this happens, I just look to myself for support. I know that doesn't really make sense or sounds kinda cheesy but it's what I do. I get myself pumped up and excited for what I can do next in the story and how awesome it will look all drawn out. And I go from there, I'll start drawing out ideas or writing out new chapters. So just be your own hype man, not just with your comics either but with everything. Great for self esteem.
Sorry went on kind of a rant right there
carcarchu
I prepare myself emotionally to not have any expectations. If you expect nothing and receive something you'll always be happy!
IzzyNinjaMaster
Lol true very true XD
Deo101
I'm not completely sure what this question means by physically, but I just kind of keep making art to move past it. Something that has helped me a TON is to make art that's just for me (like, that I don't post anywhere). I think that if everything is made to be shared, then we get a little too used to trying to find validation with engagement. With comics, specifically, I try to make none of my goals relate to engagement. I only have goals for myself and what i'm producing. If I'm hitting all of my goals, then I feel good about what I'm doing! No one engaging with it is just kind of like "okay!" Another smaller thing that helps me is getting my work done well before I upload it! for some reason just getting a bit of time distance between when something is done and when I post it I dont feel so bad if people don't engage.
Cronaj
I'm fairly lucky that I have a small following on one of the sites I post on, so while some weeks might be slow with feedback or engagement, I'm usually not completely devoid. I also have some very supportive family members who read my comic and often comment or text me after I update. As for what I do personally when I don't have a lot of engagement? I do a lot of self-reflecting, which is probably not the healthiest of practices. I question what I'm doing, trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong and how I could improve. I also try to understand other external factors at play, such as my readers' personal lives, jobs, school, holidays, that might have delayed them from engaging with my work. For example, I know that during November, as we get closer to Thanksgiving, there is going to be a huge drop in readership, because a lot of my younger readers will be preparing for school finals and visiting with family. By knowing this, it helps me cope a lot better. And if all else fails, I vent to my fiance or my little sister. It really does help to have someone to whine at for a bit
khkddn
If I were to get completely zero engagement on something I'd do what I'd always do, message people I know irl like "validate meeeeeeee"
In general I just take a step back from what I've posted and focus on something else. That way I remember webcomics isn't everything, and by the time I check up on things again there might be some sort of audience response.
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I kept my work hidden for the first few years I was working on it (wanted to iron out any wrinkles before I was comfortable sharing) so in comparison, any engagement afterward - even a tiny amount - is pretty great! And even now, some updates get more traffic than others, for a lot of different reasons. Luck, timing, quality, etc. I always keep in mind that this project is - at its heart - for me and my own enjoyment/fulfillment. And if I’m pleased with where it’s going, that’s a win.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Oof, that question really hit me where it hurts. Over the years I’ve lowered my expectations, because while I used to have an active audience in the ‘00s, I’ve rarely gotten any engagement on my comics in the ‘10s. It’s definitely made me feel depressed and like a ‘failure’ to put heart and soul into my comics and art and get 0 reaction online. I honestly don’t have any way I ‘deal’ with it. I make something, hoping to get some comments > I get no comments > I get depressed about it and feel like my work is garbage. Rinse and repeat several hundred times. I keep going because I just love to create, but it’s like an actor trying to put on a performance and no one shows up to the play. It has gotten better lately and I’ve started getting some engagement for the first time in many years, but I honestly don’t have a good answer for how I handle that emotional reaction to reader silence.
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Also good to keep in mind that lots of people may read without commenting, and still enjoy it! I did a poll wondering who would be interested in doing guest art, and way more people responded than I expected. It opened my eyes! Sometimes you just can’t tell until you outright ask for feedback
keii4ii
There's definitely a risk to that, though. You ask and still get nothing. Or worse, you ask and get negativity. Asking is a worthy gamble, but it takes courage! Sometimes when we don't have enough courage, we gotta find it elsewhere first, before we can try that gamble...
I lost that gamble one too many times and need more Courage Fund before I can try again, lol
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
True true! It was a gamble I had no real expectations/assumptions about, so I didn’t have much room for disappointment. Even getting one person who says “This is cool!” is enough to fuel me for days. But I know that’s not how it is for everyone. Once you’ve been disappointed once, it can take a while to get the urge to try again. I can’t imagine getting negativity, though... I think THAT would wreck me.
keii4ii
Sometimes I don't even ask and someone just randomly drops negativity off at my doorstep... I need to remember that I have also had wonderfully positive responses, that it wasn't all negative. But it can be hard to remember that on bad days.
Deo101
Yeah, negative comments always seem to be the loudest ones... They can drown out dozens of good ones if they hit you right.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I did develop a pretty thick skin for negativity in art school, which was really fortunate because my comics garnered a lot of negative attention at first. Though thinking back on it, I was making very androgynous and gender non-conforming characters (even though I never stated anywhere that they were queer) in a time when the public attitude towards such things was far less kind than it is today. At the time it was draining to get so many trolls, but unless I was already having emotional difficulties in other areas of my life, I was able to let it roll off.(edited)
keii4ii
The weirdest thing with my negativity is 99% of them come from actual readers who mean well. So I have a hard time dismissing them like 'oh they're just haters.' It's not necessarily harder than dealing with blatant trolls, but it is an entirely different beast.
Deo101
Sometimes I go and reread positive comments when I'm down about things
Yeah I'm not sure that I've had any trolls tbh... Its all readers saying what they think
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Avid readers who give backhanded compliments and ‘well-meaning’ but very subjective critique can definitely be detrimental.
keii4ii
In Korea, I dunno if they're still a thing, but 1-2 decades ago there was this type of theft called slash theft. It's a type of pickpocketing, done on the street while walking by. They bump into you, briefly and lightly, but you don't think much of it because Seoul is a crowded city and you brush against other people all the time. But during that brief bump, they manage to slash open your purse and take all the contents. It's an amazing ninja level skill for sure. I know people who had their stuff stolen that way. Back to the Courage Fund analogy, sometimes a negative comment isn't just a normal theft of your Fund. The comment slashes your purse open, and now your bag can't contain Fund even if you put more and more into it.
It can take a long time and lots of support to sew your purse back.
Deo101
Idk if other places to slash theft, im sure they do, but im pretty sure historically its been a big thing. The term "cutpurse" comes to mind
keii4ii
(:o I didn't know that was a term! The more you know)
Deo101
(some book i read (wasn't great but you know) used the term a lot and i was like "ok wtf is this")
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
That’s a very good analogy for it, and I definitely understand what you mean. I had to take a three year hiatus from one of my comics once after a IRL ‘friend’ ripped the comic apart and called me a terrible writer in less-than-kind words. I had already been going through some very bad things with my health and family and it hurt me far more than it should. It took some encouragement from some very dedicated readers to convince me to pick up the comic again.
Deo101
(so i associate it with pirates now)
That's really terrible lee... Om glad you picked it back uo though!!!
keii4ii
I can super relate to harsh comments hurting way more than they should, when you're already in a bad state. >_<
Deo101
And also it is a really good analogy keiiii
Yeah things just kinda get harder to deal with in general when you're more tired/upset in other areas
keii4ii
The most devastating feedback I've got would have done far less damage if I weren't in a fragile state at the time.
Deo101
Like you can't go be safe elsewhere if everything is a source of stress...
keii4ii
(For all we know those slashers in Korea could be pirates )
Deo101
:o
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Does Korea have pirates? If so, I’m moving to Korea.
(Sorry, we’ve probably gone way off topic for the discussion)
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I got antsy when someone made a small critique of my lettering (rightfully so, though - lettering is hard and I’m still learning) so a proper heart-stabbing, bad-faith critique might sideline me for a while. Gotta be prepared for that someday
Deo101
Its weird, it really seems to be mostly about how I'm doing elsewhere in life now that im thinking about it. Also being further along in the comic helps cause I've got years of support and "just keep chuggin" under my belt
Like the other day someone critiqued me randomly and called my characters stupid and i was like "dam ok, your comment getting deleted then" but a year or so ago a comment like "I'm sorry im a little confused..." Made me second guess everything for weeks
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Ohhh Maybe the obviously mean/troll comments are easier to deal with, than feeling you let down a reader who was genuinely trying to understand the story. I would definitely react similarly.
Deo101
Iunno, the big old critique was a normal reader who has left other comments he jusy kinda randomly did it. But yeah I think it can be easier to shrug off things that are CLEARLY antagonistic versus someone being harmlessly confused
Because confusion can mean I'm not being clear enough and need to change things and whatever. Its vague in a way that hits your anxiety
keii4ii
Yeah, when someone is obviously being a jerk, you know it's on them
omg... reader confusion has been the bane of my existence
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I dunno, man, art school just toughened me up to most negative comments. If one person out of five is confused, I don’t take it personally and just explain it to them to clear up confusion. If everyone’s confused I think ‘Hmm, maybe I should retcon in some dialogue to make it more clear’. I guess art school really teaches you to distance yourself from your work and be very objective about it. BUT as I said, I’m not immune when other bad things are going on and it becomes the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Deo101
Though THEN you kinda get like "why am I being a target???" And its very frustrating, at the very least, and it does definitely still hurt... (Wrt trolls)
keii4ii
It's hard to tell who's confused and who isn't sometimes
Deo101
Yeah Lee im in art school right now, but for me its different when I make something to be critiqued versus a passion long term project
If I am asking for critique too, im braced for it in a way I'm mentally prepared for. Im not always braced to have someone be like "its pretty good buuut..."
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Ahh, I can understand that. I guess I’m able to view my passion projects the same way I did my school projects. It took time, that’s for sure. It’s a process of desensitisation, and was something I had to build up over years.
keii4ii
I'm disproportionately sensitive about reader misinterpretations/confusion. I'm 95% sure it's because one bad experience. Someone thought my main story was garbage, but they liked parts of it, so they told me to basically make a different story using those parts. After that, every time a reader didn't recognize the main story (I got a very prominent B plot, so it's kinda understandable that some people mistake it as the A), I got vivid flashbacks of that one bad experience. Every time someone said they liked [this character that The Other Person liked], I got flashbacks. Took me good 2-3 years to get over it.
Deo101
Its also a lil different when it's like.. i wont be changing these pages so unless it's a critique for moving forward its kinda pointless and i cant really apply it
Damn keiiii that's really rough
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah, that sucks.
keii4ii
Yeah, it's hard to be motivated when the underlying message is "your first 100 pages are hot garbage, but you can still improve........ even if readers will give up long before they get to the decent 101st page!"
Deo101
RIGHT...
I don't want to have to preface "check out my comic!" Wirh "i promise it gets better..."
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
COUGH That’s exactly why I’m reduxing Eryl’s hot garbage beginning right now COUGH
Also because I’m a masochist and perfectionist.....
keii4ii
I think "it gets better" is fine when it's a reader reccing it. (I remember some of my friends reccing multi-season anime series to each other, going, "it gets better after season 1") But yeah, as the author we can't be the ones saying it.
Deo101
Mhm.
And I'm still hapoy with my old pages. I know I could do them better now but they're perfectly fine and they get the job done so... Idk its just hard when someone is like "wow two years ago you made a mistake, :/"
Like. Yeah, duh... I've spent like a thousand hours on pages theres gonna be some mistakes
keii4ii
It took me a long time to realize that Flaws =/= Problems
Deo101
I'm learning and getting better youre gonna have to bare with me here
Nutty (Court of Roses)
are you kidding i still get crit on stuff i made TEN years ago
Deo101
Mhm
keii4ii
omg
Deo101
Well its not a competition
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Same, Nutty
Nutty (Court of Roses)
True sorry ;;
Deo101
Ur name just changed colors keiiii
You: flaws =/= problems Your name: im ascending
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I think...learning how to like not be bothered by negativity that much is a skill. Super freaked out one time when someone said they didn't know what's going on when reading HotV whoops
(turned out they just had to re-read a bit and it was just webcomics being webcomics)
Deo101
I had a group of readers say they were co fused and one person asked me to explain the last 2 chapters and i was like "holy shit am i being this unclear????"
Its stressful for sure
Nothjng wrong with being concerned with ut
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Keiiii has reached a new plane of existence. The blue is unrefutable proof
Deo101
Its something you're passionate about and you want to be as good as it can be
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Yeah...
Deo101
So any critique, regardless of validity will be something you WANT to consider
Which is fine and theres nothing wronf with taking things to heart like that
But also if youre Happy with it that's all that matters
You gotta be your #1 fan kinda thing
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I'm personally super uh...yeah I am having a hard time dismissing criticism
even if it's in bad faith, haha.
keii4ii
The #1 fan thing sometimes reminds me of that scene from Lilo & Stitch
The scene of Lilo's rag doll. It's been years since I watched it, so memory's a bit fuzzy, but I think all the kids were showing off their dolls, and Lilo wanted to show off hers too
but the other kids didn't like her homemade-looking doll, and it made her sad, almost not like her doll for a moment
but she picks up the doll again afterward
There are days where I relate to that. I never not-love my story and my characters, but sometimes I feel like everyone else has a low opinion of it, you know?
and I'm like lonely Lilo hugging her rag doll in the sad corner
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Yeah I totally get that and...loving what you do first and foremost is really important. I don't think in a medium like webcomics you would be able to keep going
keii4ii
I'll always love my Doll but I do wish this little corner weren't so lonely, kinda thing
Deo101
I feel that keiiii
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Hmm
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
When the ‘critique’ is detrimental it does become a problem. Like that ‘friend’ I was talking about earlier who bashed Eryl to bits. He told me to ‘read some Stephen King’ to learn how to write. I was making a high fantasy story, not a horror story. The writing of a horror author is simply not applicable to building a good fantasy adventure story. That’s when I knew he was full of shit. But the damage had been done, and I lost all motivation for the project for years.
keii4ii
uuugh, I'm so sorry that it happened to you D:
Deo101
Also this story is one that i have dropped and picked up SO many times, and its wildly changed over and over, and so i worry a lot im not making it in its final form, i suppose. I worry i started it too young, and so critique of the older parts hits that anxiety
Wow lee that's terrible...
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Gosh...
Deo101
Also you can't really compare Novel writing to comics imo. The structure can be compared but...
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I think HotV is like a project I've worked on since...2008? And it changed with me and I feel pretty confident that it's in its final stage.
keii4ii
and not every story needs to be a Stephen King story
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
But yeah, you can really not compare writing for novels to writing for comics wth
nah
tbh it's weird (I like King personally) but his stories and also his writing do have flaws too so
what
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I actually do use novels as a source to study how to construct my comics. But! Studying the right genre is important. I’ve the feeling the only books that guy read were Stephen King, so that’s the only kind of story he was familiar with.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
God when I was still developing a picture I did got featured somewhere and someone criticised the way I did knees and linked to the picture of another artist going: Hey draw knees like that
Deo101
Every story will have flaws, its impossible to make one that is perfect. Well. Its impossible to make a story thats perfect for everyone. So alk you can do is try to make a story thats perfect for you!
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Agreed, Deo
keii4ii
^ THAT REMINDS ME
Deo101
Omg
keii4ii
(going back to the original question) With no response, or negative response, one thing that helps me is hearing other people gush about their beloved unpopular stories!
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Hmmm
Deo101
!!!!!! Me too!!!!!!!!!
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I am having this problem and went to ask on twitter what ppl loved about their projects
and that's really uplifting somehow
Deo101
I LOVE reading other comics and just seeing how much passion is in them its like a light
keii4ii
I need to remember that just because someone, or even a lot of someones, thinks a story is trash, doesn't make it the universal truth
Deo101
^^^
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I WILL GUSH ALL DAY BOUT MY BELOVED UNPOPULAR STORIES and once you open that damn I am unstoppable. You will regret it, trust me.
keii4ii
And people gushing about their unpopular favorites is an excellent way of reminding myself
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
hehe
Deo101
I have been very lucky and have had a few incredibly kind people who i can remember fondly when i worry my story isnt reaching people. I Know it has touched a few lives, and if it makes even ONE person happier (even if thay person is me) then im doing my job and its worth all the time and effort.
That was kind of off topic i swear it connected in mt mind
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Absolutely
I feel it's connected
Deo101
Phew
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
bc hmm it's a way to deal with times when there is not much engagement?
Deo101
Aha! There we go yes :)
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I do generally write very off-beat, unpredictable stories because I like reading / watching those kinds of things. A lot of my favourite movies bombed at the box office because they weren’t formulaic, which was what I loved about them.(edited)
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Remind yourself that there is people who enjoy what you do and who are happier bc of it C:
Deo101
Mhm ^^
Also i have my characters on a shirt so i can just wear that and be like "fuck yeah. I have a shirt. It cant be a bad comic if I've got merch babeyyyy"
Which admittedly is a very odd way of dealing with anxiety
But like.... You should get your Characters on a shirt.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
dfhwioufheuf Deo that's cool tho
I made so many like...background designs and posters for HotV and some of those I WANT ON A SHIRT
Oh I think what also helps me is to find a friend and just talk about the comic?
Deo101
The place i use lets you get up to 6 items a month as a sample order and it's severely discounted my shirt was like $15
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I should do that. I have designed some T-shirts but that wasn’t for personal stuff.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
omg
keii4ii
I'm actually in the (long) process of re-learning how to talk about my comic
Deo101
And yeah for sure having people i csn talk with/joke with about my comic helps soooo much
Like the fact that i know these 5 people will get my jokes like this
THAT helps a TON
These people actually are the reason I was confident enough to be able to start after having a bad friend drive me to almost drop the story for good
So having their support is probably one of the biggest things thst helps if no one else engages.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Okay, so on the original subject of ‘How to deal with no feedback’ I do talk about my stories a lot with my two best friends. They are my biggest fans and my sounding boards. They let me go on and on about plot threads in my comics and it’s one of the main reasons I keep going. Even when I get 0 reaction online, I still have two people who I know are reading the comic and think I should keep going.
Deo101
Or like, when my family is being homophobic about my work kinda thing. Friends are good for that...
Yessss lee having people you can talk with about it is SO good
keii4ii
ngl, I'm jelly of those of you who have go-to support friends who are genuinely into your story! That's something I hope to have some day, myself
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I don’t know whether to give a sad react for homophobic family or a happy react for supportive friends
Deo101
Happy react ^^
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Still sorry about your homophobic family tho, but your friends sound awesome
Deo101
Yeah but :> I know I'm doing good work. Again those few people who i know my story has touched.. i know I'm doin good work.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
@keii4ii Just know I’ve been an acid fan of your comics for over 10 years and honestly think they’re some of the best comics I’ve ever read
AVID
NOT ACID(edited)
keii4ii
Hey acid is important too
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
GOD MY PHONE
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
hiodcnioefwe acid
love this
I have one friend who has supported me since 2007 and I can always count on her freaking out about my comics Y_Y
so when I feel especially bad I turn to her
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
My phone is old and the keyboard lags and autocorrects like AAAAARGH(edited)
Deo101
Its okay same here lee
Typo club babeyyyy
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I have to edit almost every comment I make THANKS A LOT PHONE
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
shakes fist at ur phone to be more kind
I can't type on phone at all so...
keii4ii
Yeah, swipe-typing is high level sorcery to me
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
As someone who’s normally a grammar freak it causes me great pain that my texting is a syntactical disaster.
Deo101
I've been doing swipe a bit lately so it doesn't hurt my hands to text (I Tex too much)
keii4ii
This actually makes me wonder
What are some good, safe(ish) ways to reach out to people who may be 1000% willing to become that Support Pillar for your comic?
Deo101
I just straight up start doing it
keii4ii
For all I know they exist. But.. Schrödinger's pillar
Deo101
And gague the reaction
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
As an antisocial gremlin who hides under a rock, I have no idea.
Pakky
never hurts to ask
keii4ii
@Pakky You would be surprised
Deo101
Start sharing art, see if theyre curious, get deeper if they're good with it, kinda thinf
I've got friends who like to see my art but don't really care about my comic, and you kinda just gotta take it case by case
Pakky
mm fair enough, i always try to be supportive of content creators mostly because i would hope for the same in return. theres a lot of bluntness in my industry so if you do well you get praise but if you do poorly, you very well know it :/
keii4ii
Me: "Thank you for supporting my humble comic!" (this wasn't even asking, just thanking) Reader: "Well, your comic isn't that good." Me: "?????????"
Deo101
Wh
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I’ll be honest, on the rare occasion a reader starts trying to get really close to me, my dumb brain freaks out and I put some distance in because I have Issues for days.
Pakky
thats just rude on their part
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
what
holy fuck
keii4ii
I've Been Burned
omg, that question mark react is so appropriate
Deo101
I've chatted with some readers here or there but I don't know if id wanna use them as a support pillar
I kind of have trained myself to think readers as fickle.
If they get sick of my story, theyre allowed to leave
They dont owe me their time or energy and them being here is a gift
So I'll chat and stuff and answer questions but unless someone is my friend i will not lean on them for support.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Honestly it’s happened that I’ve gad readers try to get really close or be my sounding board, and I think they were just trying to be enthusiastic and supportive but my stupid broken brain always panics and goes WARNING STALKER ALERT WARNING ABORT ABORT.
Deo101
Hey better safe than sorry
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
juppp
Deo101
I'll chat but i wont give personal information and im not gonna like, get all into spoiling everything im planning lmao.
If someone asks me a question thats a spoiler ill answer it in private
But bringing raw ideas up for help... I need very specific people for thst.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
The thing is they weren’t even being creepy or trying to get really personal. They were just very friendly and I apparently can’t handle that. ><
Deo101
The friend group i get writing helo on are all writers, and they all understand my vision. They don't write stories like mine, i dont write stories like theirs, and we all fully understand our suggestions may go unfollowed.(edited)
Also whoever put the eye emoji yeah if u have a question straight up dm me and I'll answer.
keii4ii
It's okay, your comfort is important. If you want to be more open, you can work on that. But not everyone has the same comfort level and that's okay too
Deo101
Yes! Its all about what you're comfortable with
But I've personally got a small curated group of writers/artists who all circulate our work between eachother
Which i know is very rare.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Same, Deo...helped me a lot and I also know who to turn to when I'm down about engagement
Deo101
Mhm ^^
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
(also they are all perceived better than me so I believe them if they say sth nice)
Deo101
Omg
That group of people have done SO much for me honestly. Im thinking about them. I love my friends.
Also dont worry its nit all about me they also talk about and we help their work too i wanna be sure thats clesr
keii4ii
I figured it was all mutual! but now that you've said it's not all about you I'm suddenly imagining The Cult of Deo
That is 10000000% wonderful though
Deo101
I walk in and I'm like "y'all check out this new millennium lore" and they all take their hoods off and start scouring it for plotholes
keii4ii
Whilst sitting in a circle (a magic circle to be exact)
Deo101
Of course of course
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Damn, that’s awesome! I only see my friends every few months so I dump a lot of plot on them all at once, and it’s harder for them to give really detailed critique. XD
Deo101
Oh, I do this all online
Irl I sit down with my sister and we talk for 4 hours and Lose our voices LMAO
Cronaj
Good convos literally ALWAYS happen while I'm at work
keii4ii
I'm still here
Cronaj
Good, because it made me sad when you said you didn't have a support pillar
And that readers are fickle (which can be true)
But I don't think you know how much I love your comic
keii4ii
I'm seriously honored! I still fear that maybe people are not seeing the story I'm trying to tell, and are following the comic for some other reasons (which is valid, just not what I'm trying to achieve). But hey, I'll never find out if I don't keep going, right?
kayotics
keiiii, i love your comic and i think it's beautiful in many ways, not just the art
but also, on the topic of lack of engagement... I'm pretty fortunate in that my spouse is always really supportive of my comic, so when I need a little pep talk I can always ask them
sssfrs
I’m trying to collect as much negative feedback as I can so that I’ll know my comics strengths and weaknesses and I’ll be prepared to take criticism as it comes in the future. It is pretty frustrating having no response or fanbase right now but I started my comic pretty recently and theres still time for growth
Glowbat (Aloe)
when you're collecting feedback be mindful that there's a difference between constructive criticism and people being unhelpful and simply telling you they don't like your work
the latter wont do anything but bruise your self confidence(edited)
keii4ii
Yeah, and sometimes even well-meaning critiques can miss the point too, like if it comes from someone who thinks your work should be X, when it is intended to be Y. Easy example: My previous comic was a depressing drama centering around a terminally ill young woman and her doctor, and once someone told me I "needed more fight scenes." It wasn't even an action comic! In that case, the lack of fight scenes was not a weakness. It simply meant the comic wasn't for that person.
DanitheCarutor
On the topic of lack of engagement. My answer is really boring, but I just keep working on my comic regardless of how much/little engagement it gets. I never intended or expected to have an audience to begin with since my comic has sooo many problematic elements in it, whenever I get feedback it's super nice! Always a surprise, like seeing the machine light up when winning $500 on the penny slots! (In a way, getting engagement is kinda like gambling. You post a page and you may or may not win some comments in return... Not equating real people to items to win, of course!) Admittedly, if there is a page I feel would cause reaction but I get nothing, it is a little sad. It's not the end of the world, though! I got a story to tell, and as long as I can still draw I'm content.
kayotics
i relate to that a lot, Dani. I also never intended to make the comic for anyone but me, so the fact that anyone reads it is really exciting to me.
Cronaj
@keii4ii (Potentially off-topic, but is there somewhere to read your other comic(s)? Or are they all in Korean?)
DanitheCarutor
@kayotics Every so often I look at my reader base and think "Man, there are people into this kind of stuff??" It's an almost surreal feeling.
kayotics
Yeah I get it! I wouldn’t say mines too out there but there’s so many other fantasy dnd inspired comics out there that they could read that I’m surprised they even glance at mine.
AntiBunny
How do I deal with it? Usually experience a series of emotions such as "how hard is it to leave one little comment you losers?" Then "Who am I kidding, no one is reading this, I'm creating into a void," and finally pry a few comments from people who know me personally, reassure myself that I create out of a compulsion to tell my stories even if no one's reading, and start the process all over for next week. Not exactly a healthy method I admit.
keii4ii
@kayotics There is only one Toivo out there
@Cronaj aaaa the previous one was in English. But I would not recommend it It's unfinished (though it does have more than 600 pages IIRC) and honestly really rough.
kayotics
@keii4ii true....... one weird wizard boy
Cronaj
Dang... I LOVE medical stories. I'm seriously addicted to them. @keii4ii
keii4ii
I enjoy them too and I appreciate your interest!
Cronaj
scours the internet for the lost records
keii4ii
The site layout is also broken so yeah...
I guess another thing I do is try to comment more on other people's comics, to rec them publicly, etc. Being the change I want. I don't do this as often as I want, but I think/hope even the little bit I do counts.
mathtans
Heh, I'm basically with Cap'n Lee in terms of a cycle. I think part of my issue is I won a fanfic competition in 2004, and it's kind of been downhill since. I've posted regularly to a serial site for over 4 years, accumulating 300 posts, and last month it had 100 total views... there's been 2 comments since March.
On the actual comic side though (not serial) I've relaunched it more than once, and tried to flag the more recent index as a starting point. And yeah, just hold on to the few good comments, like the guy who applauds me for continuing to post even though I only have 10 people following on Tapas.
These days, of course, I'm too darn BUSY to really think much about the lack of engagement. So one solution might be to get married and have a kid. Then you're just happy when you manage to get content out, never mind if anyone remarks on it.(edited)
Mharz
Popping here just to answer the question becos it's interesting. The lack of engagement was a bane in my existence and honestly one of the factors why I had to see a psychiatrist. My doctor told me I have self-esteem issues which leads me to seek validation from strangers. This is the first thing I work on. I have to be confident enough to not break even if nobody likes my stuffs. Which means I have to love myself first. (People prolly see me as vain at this point) Second thing I do is keep a mentality of "nobody has to care. They have things going on as well" which helps me appreciate the small percentage of people who actually took the time to engage, talk, and be friends with me. I also try to put a positive spin on it. "Nobody cares therefore I can make as much noise on my social media as I want and no one will bother criticizing becos nobody cares." If people unfollow, it's on them. It just means they're not really a fan of my work and I shouldn't waste my time. And if my mental illness is too much, then I will disconnect from the online world a bit. Treat myself. Do something fun like gaming and baking and hang out with friends IRL if possible.
Mharz
I sometimes think it's karma on my end becos I'm so vain, I rarely get interested in anything so I'm not really a fan of many stuffs so that is something I accepted as well.
AntiBunny
Perhaps being a webcomic author sort of goes hand in hand with needing validation.
MJ Massey
OH BOY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A LACK OF ENGAGEMENT?!
over the past week, I got 24 users. Granted, I didn't update, so that's probably why
So this is a four month overview of my website traffic. I hit a high of 184 unique users in August, and after that it plummeted to just barely over 100. And I hadn't really done anything different
I have never really gained a lot of traction with my comics. I'll admit that Black Ball definitely has more appeal than my last comic, so I have slowly been building an audience with it, but it's still been very slow. Sometimes it feels like I have to adhere to some extra set of rules while others can just throw up their comic on Tapas and have instant success. Of course, that's not the case at all
the key is to remember "why am I doing this? isn't it because I love making comics?!"
and to keep on pushing, keep up that hustle, and enjoy the ride. Make great content and it will be rewarding in and of itself
carcarchu
I'm not really sure it's as simple as simply throwing something up on tapas and getting instant success. there's a lot of work that goes behind every comic even if you don't perceive it
MJ Massey
well yes of course, I'm just saying sometimes it SEEMS like that
I'm a marketing professional, so I know there's a lot of stuff that goes on behind the scenes
Glowbat (Aloe)
theres, i think, a lot of factors in certain comics gaining traction faster than others that are mostly out of a creator's control. on mirror sites like webtoons or tapas you have to factor that more attention is given to certain genres and art styles over other because of what that crowd likes. if they're into slice of life romances in anime-esque styles then someone who writes fantasy mysteries in a more western influenced style may not get as much love as they deserve
its tough out there
ive been fairly fortunate to gain a steady bit of followers on tapas but on webtoons my reader engagement and subs are significantly lower
Glowbat (Aloe)
i chalk it up to the type of crowd
MJ Massey
I've been analyzing my audience and my work and have a hypothesis that my work just works better in bulk format. I think 2020 will be a year of transitioning into bulk distro instead of the page at a time format
and see if that helps. As well as some new marketing techniques and getting back into the con circuit
Kabocha
A lack of engagement... This is definitely... a topic. I feel like, sure, one's general marketability in any given platform will definitely make it easier or harder to attract an audience, but on the other hand? It's also worth making sure you kinda figure out what you want out of webcomics. Some people have been working on their projects (or existing within a fandom) for years - decades, even at this point, which can be a big boost to initial readership on a new project! Other people just have the advantage of being able to sit down and advertise, or having someone do that for them. Personally, though. I went in not expecting to get an audience, and for a long time, actively avoided even having a comment section on my site. I just enjoy making comics and creating things - and if it happens to make someone happy, that's awesome. But comics and art aren't the only thing I do in my life that make me happy, and I've found engaging other people directly about things like comic craft and resources to be about 100x more fulfilling than posting comics themselves. (And it is fun, sometimes, to gush about my OCs and how dumb they can be.) But how do I cope with it? Eh, it's honestly not a big deal to me. It feels less stressful in some regards, because the dayjob can get hella hectic, and trying to balance "OH GOD COMICS" with "OH GOD THE SERVERS NEED PATCHED ALL NIGHT TONIGHT" can be.... interesting.
(But oh god, I will admit, having someone come up to me and say, "I read your thing or used your photoshop/csp brushes" can be incredibly motivating. But other days, I have to be my own motivation, so...)
kayotics
Sometimes it’s helpful to keep a list of really nice comments or to write down memories of when someone told you they like your work. This can take a while to gather but if someone says something nice about your work, keeping it somewhere safe for a day you’re feeling bad can help boost that morale
It also helps me sometimes to think about how there’s a TON of people who never comment on things, but they’re probably regularly reading.
MJ Massey
Totally! I was building a landing page for my email subscription, and I was able to go back and find old reviews from my last comic, and it really got me pumped
Kabocha
Yeah! When I worked in a call center, the metrics on calls in -> surveys was something like... At best, you get 10% of your callers leaving surveys. And it's usually because you left an impression (good or bad). Usually the reality was at best, you'd hear back from about 2% of your userbase unless you gave them an incentive them to say something.
Mharz
re tapas and other platforms: I have to agree that certain genres really are more appealing there. I have two comics with different genres that I regularly update and the numbers are literally like night and day. It's a sad truth.
Mharz
I also love getting notifs on tapas when a person is binging my comics and liking every update. It means I got them hooked. :'3(edited)
nice reminder that there ARE people who like my comics.
Kabocha
Well yeah - even in traditional publishing, some genres generally get larger readerships than others (and higher advances) because they're more easily marketed. There's a reason why some publishers will categorize what's basically a fantasy story with romance subplots as a "romance" overall for a relatively unknown author (it's because they're more likely to attract more readers because romance is HUGE)
MJ Massey
true that
and you have to find where you audience lives as well
Kabocha
Yeah... I have some readers who only engage when they come back to catch up, which can be every 6weeks or more. Some only read when a chapter is done being posted, which is about every six months.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Re: Tapas. Yeah, Tapas especially has very particular styles and genres it likes (anime style + romance, especially BL). I posted Children of Shadow there for six months and had 20 total subs before taking it down. A while later I tried posting it on Webtoons and got 60 subs in one week. That level of engagement slowed down considerably almost immediately though, because the prologue episode is in colour and the main series is greyscale - and I discovered the hard way that the majority of Webtoons’ users do not like greyscale (I even got rating-bombed over it). My second comic is doing much better on Webtoons since it’s in digital colour rather than pencil like Children of Shadow. Each platform has its specific interests and it can be a struggle to get noticed if you’re not making something that falls into its normal styles and genres.
Glowbat (Aloe)
both tapas and webtoons really dont push their scifi comics hardly at all. Tapas' top scifi section is littered with discontinued stories (at least theyve abandoned tapas at any rate idk if theyre for sure no longer continued) which means that because i update weekly and sorta fall into a semi-anime inspired style i get some decent traffic from the small demographic who go hunting for a scifi comic
RebelVampire
That's not that surprising, tbh. Even in the realm of novels sci-fi is more of a hunt for where the audience is sometimes.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Scifi is an under-appreciated genre, imo. Unless you’re Star Wars, Star Trek or a Marvel comic, it seems like people don’t talk much about scifi.
It might help boost views if you rework your genre labels on places like Webtoons. Like, have Adventure or Drama as your main genre tag and Scifi as your secondary genre.
Glowbat (Aloe)
actually ever since avas demon went on webtoons ive been getting about 10-15 subs a week there
for a while i had listed aloe as drama first but the results werent fantastic as i think that genre has been flooded over there
keii4ii
I think sci-fi has some very prominent associations with the genre that don't apply to every sci-fi story -- e.g. the first thing a lot of people immediately think of is spaceship explody battles. So if someone sees sci-fi and they're not into spaceship explody battles, they won't read.
Glowbat (Aloe)
i may try adventure though if scifi doesnt pan out
keii4ii
Alternatively, if someone sees sci-fi and they ARE into that... and only that... they will leave once they find out the comic is not about that
Glowbat (Aloe)
thats also a good point
keii4ii
I've had similar difficulties even though fantasy is more widely accepted these days as a more varied mega-genre
People expect X, comic contains only a sprinkling of X and is about Y instead.
Glowbat (Aloe)
in my personal case, i've alienated potential readers i feel sometimes simply by having the cast be primarily lgtbq with an agender lead. but i dont regret that and im happy to have it deter people who arent down for that
RebelVampire
That is definitely true about sci-fi. Film has really biased people as to what fits sci-fi, where in reality sci-fi is a really wide genre. So a lot of stuff never gets a chance cause it confuses people.
Nutty (Court of Roses)
Yooooo i feel that, glowbat. On one hand, I want ppl to know that my comic is a safe read for LGBT, but at the same time I know that announcing it as such will deter others on principle.
The Q - working on WAYFINDERS
I feel the same way. The whole cast of Wayfinders is some form of lgbt+, but we don't actually adress it much, because it's an adventure story moreso than a romance. So it's like.... how do we tell the readers it ain't straight
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Fantasy does seem to get drowned by numbers. Eryl gets about 5 new subs per update and Children of Shadow only gets 1-2, and I think they’re just getting lost in the crowd.
Nutty (Court of Roses)
Two of my characters jokingly told each other their identity through bard puns, plus I keep pushing for gay ships within the story, so I'm pretty overt with my readers about it ahaha.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
@The Q - working on WAYFINDERS I’m having some difficulty with that dilemma, too. Both my comics feature large LGBTQ+ casts but romance isn’t the focus of either. It often feels like there’s no good way to bring it up naturally until the romance threads surface very far into the story, and I’m always worried about homophobes lashing out when they eventually discover the comic is G A Y
Glowbat (Aloe)
in my descriptions i describe the comic as a lgbtq+ themed scifi flat out
keii4ii
Early in HoK, one character embarks on a journey for a personal reason, and the MC tags along. I've semi-recently heard from an American friend that she didn't really get the character's reason. He wanted to take a younger family member away from a bad living situation, but to the friend, the situation didn't seem so bad. After some talking, we realized it was a cultural thing. The situation was very obviously bad to Koreans, but it didn't/doesn't seem like a far departure from the range of normal life in the US, for cultural/societal reasons. I suspect that was a big part of the reason why people kept pegging my comic as a "fun adventure romp" despite the lack of fun adventures (it has elements of adventure, but is not that as a whole). The reason for the journey seemed superficial, like the author (me) just needed an excuse to start the Fun Adventure-Filled Journey. Whereas Korean readers, back when I was publishing it in Korean, immediately understood it was an intensely personal, difficult task that the shy boy decided to accept for the sake of love.
And yeah, LGBTQ+ as a tag/ part of the description seems like a good option to me too!
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
But then I’m also anxious that LGBT folks will think that’s false advertising because the characters’ labels aren’t mentioned until really far into the story (and it’s no where near that point yet). Aaaagh maybe I just overthink everything.
Glowbat (Aloe)
its really interesting to hear the difference in reception HoK gets
keii4ii
Yeah and the setting itself apparently feels different, too! To Koreans, it evokes secondhand nostalgia. But some non-Koreans have told me it feels fantastical and Ripe For Adventures
Glowbat (Aloe)
I feel you Lee- almost none of my chars have mentioned or done anything to illustrate their identities yet
keii4ii
(I also feel the need to mention, there have been non-Korean readers who got what HoK was about. Those readers mean so much to me! But I don't know if they understood that particular detail about Danbi's motivation for the journey early on.)
The Q - working on WAYFINDERS
(I'm gonna put so much lbgt+ love in the background of the story everytime they get to a new city ahahahaha >:) )
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
To me, @keii4ii HoK is very reminiscent of Studio Ghibli films because I get similar whimsical vibes. But Studio Ghibli has always been more about emotional journeys so after a couple chapters I was like ‘Ah, yes, I think this comic is about the characters’ emotional growth’(edited)
Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS
(muhahhaa, also just let Sallly flirt with all the ladies in the BG)
Glowbat (Aloe)
yesss flirt with ladies
MJ Massey
I'm worried that my comic is not "gay enough" to warrant the LGBT+ label. The character's sexualities have very little to do with the actual story, and one character is actively hiding their identity
The Q - working on WAYFINDERS
SAME
keii4ii
I'm aro/ace/agender and I don't really feel "LGBTQ+ enough" so I can't really use the LGBTQ+ label for my own comic, even though I know the label isn't exclusively for ownvoices stories.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I admit I’m not sure I ‘got’ Danbi’s motivations on a cultural level, but I felt like the tone being presented in that scene made it pretty clear she was in a bad situation?(edited)
Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS
but... we have calculated a total of 1 straight character in our whole comic.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
‘She’ as in the niece, not Danbi. XD(edited)
MJ Massey
that's what it seemed like to me too, or at least that by leaving their village they were going to a better situation
Glowbat (Aloe)
first of all- high fives keii because agender solidarity and second of all if you have chars who identify as either not straight or not cis or both rolled into one then its gay enough to have the lgbtq label
to heck with gate keepers
there are plenty of queer peeps who just want to read stories that casually include people like themselves
but if you dont feel its needed you dont have to either
MJ Massey
I guess there is a certain expectation when you say "I make an LGBTQ+ comic" of how that comic will be, and I don't want to disappoint people or set them up to expect something different
I just figure that all kinds of people exist in the world, so I should include as many different kinds of people as I can in my work
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I probs should just put LGBTQ+ labels in the descriptions and be like ‘this is genre fiction but almost everyone’s queer even though you can’t tell yet’. XD
Nutty (Court of Roses)
I use the term "LGBT-friendly" to indicate that they're present, but might not be the full focus
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I write genre stories because I’m not that into romance-centric stories myself. I want queer heroes in the kinds of stories I like to read without the entire focus being on their sordid love-lives. I just want to read about the hero who slayed a dragon to rescue his prince instead of his princess, lol.
Glowbat (Aloe)
lol im in a similar position where i'd rather see the hero befriend the dragon
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I have plenty of that in my comics, too!
There’s some nice dragons and some very-not-nice ones. XD
Glowbat (Aloe)
(im insufferable in d&d i was a bard who tried to be friends with everything)
eryl is on my lisssst <3
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
This is why I love bards
Glowbat (Aloe)
hehe
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I'm always happy when people mark their stuff as LGBTQ+ if characters are present tbh Y_Y
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Also agreed with everything said above
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
All right, now Imma definitely have to add the LGBTQ+ labels to my comics next time I do website maintenance.
Glowbat (Aloe)
yay!
Nutty (Court of Roses)
Aw ye aw ye
Join the brigade
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yiss
I feel a bit bad bc I rarely read sth that's not clearly marked as LGBTQ+ or where I know the authors are part of the community whoops
But it's mostly the fact that I consumed hetero-focused media my whole life and now I can...choose.....
the dream
Glowbat (Aloe)
heck yes
im way more drawn to stories that are marked lgbtq+
keii4ii
Don't feel bad, because seriously, even if you exclusively read LGBTQ+ marked stories? There ain't enough time in this life to read every good story that fits that bill.
There are too many good stories out there and we do need to choose.
Glowbat (Aloe)
its just nicer because then i can enjoy the story without having to worry that in the middle of it im going to get a rude wake up call from an off colour joke or somethin at my expense
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah that's true
keii4ii
Sometimes we miss out on stuff that we may have fallen in love with, but that's the name of the game, the game of not having enough time
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Webcomics feel a lot safer than other media in that regard atm
Jupp especially if you're also working on your own stories
Glowbat (Aloe)
it sucks thinking theres a bunch of stories out there that im sure id love if only i had the time or mental fortitude to sift through a bunch of others.
keii4ii
(OTL that reminds me... there is one instance of trope use in an early chapter of HoK that falls into that 'off color joke' category. I don't have any excuses for it, just 'I just thoughtlessly parroted a trope that I saw elsewhere.' I regret it and hope to figure out an elegant way to rewrite that one scene.)
Glowbat (Aloe)
i dont have the energy to be burned so often by stories that seem good and then hit me with random transphobic bs or using slurs as jokes
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah, as someone who grew up in a time when no one positively portrayed queer folks in mainstream stories (and there was no internet and living out in the boonies made it impossible to discover underground cultures) I love that now I can seek out tonnes of LGBTQ stories and drown myself in the gay every day.
Glowbat (Aloe)
yesss
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
jupp ;;
Glowbat (Aloe)
man if i could give ten year old me printed copy of paranatural and turn to the pages with rj's identity being explained? that kid would have grown up way happier
living in small towns aint great for queer peeps
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Nope it’s not. I was badly repressed until honestly only 3 years ago when I suddenly asked myself why I loved reading about and writing so many gay characters. And then suddenly my whole life made sense.
Glowbat (Aloe)
im so happy for you<3
Glowbat (Aloe)
its a heck of a thing thinking back on things and realizing why you do certain things
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Honestly there were giant clues from when I was still a little kid and I can’t believe it took me so long. XD But I’m digressing from the comic talk, lol.
Glowbat (Aloe)
haha i understand what you mean
i think its why its so important for comics to be inclusive
spare some poor kids the heart ache and confusion
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yes! The internet has created such a boom for indie comics and that huge variety of voices has been so so important.
Glowbat (Aloe)
as much as comics are an art, they're extremely powerful as a vehicle for teaching and generally conveying ideas
FeatherNotes
Can i just say how happy i am that y'all are making LGBTQ+ comics that aren't just romance tho? I'm pretty indifferent and on the ace spectrum for sure, so its so refreshing that we can have a queer cast just being cool and not hurt by identities. I wish i had that as a kid
Also no shade on romance but there's def a lot and lgbtq+ isn't just for that genre
So yes yall are 'gay enough' lol
Glowbat (Aloe)
i agree! queer peeps shouldn't be squared off in romance, which unfortunately i think is a result of people's gross misconceptions
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Admittedly, I use my comics as a vehicle to work through my own issues, so there are scenes planned where the characters have to deal with transphobia or homophobia. But I will always counterbalance that with other scenes that validate the characters’ identities.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Hmhm my story also deals with transphobia and dysphoria bc I'm working through own issues. I don't think that's a bad thing though
generally I think it's pretty ok if the story is not a constant misery train
(even those can be written well, but they are usually not my cup of tea)
Glowbat (Aloe)
i think its perfectly acceptable to use comics as a vehicle for that lee
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeahh tbh
MJ Massey
there's no wrong reason to make comics/create a thing
Glowbat (Aloe)
youre a queer creator and you're working with what you know so why not
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I know focusing on queer suffering has been criticised a lot but I feel there's more nuance to it. Especially if it's a LGBTQ+ person writing about it
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah. I’m a miserable emo and I write miserable emo stories, but I try to inject some hope into it, because I think that the majority of humans are good and/or want to be good.
Glowbat (Aloe)
theres this comic called dropout that does a wonderful job exploring the grittier truths of being queer
its a fairly short read but its super good
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Hmmm, I may look that up
Glowbat (Aloe)
i can dm you the link! no pressure to read it tho
twothirty
gosh, i just want to chime in because i really relate to earlier comments around labelling comics. I'm bi, but i don't wear it on my sleeve, and my own comic has like...1 straight character. I feel like there is an expectation for comics labelled as lgbtq+ and i don't want to disappoint people who are really looking for that content to be directly addressed.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Tbh I feel many people are just happy, if there's queer characters doing cool stuff (at least that's how it's for me).
Glowbat (Aloe)
i label my own comic as lgbtq+ and the plot hardly hinges on that being the central theme
just a bunch a gay scientists and robots in space
...i swear its way more interesting that that lol
man i wish i could get more of my comic out faster so i didnt have to worry about spoiling basic things geeze
twothirty
haha im into it! Ahh, well probably a big part of it is my own insecurities, but what are webcomics for if not... for figuring out your own crap (edited)
keii4ii
I feel that X'D
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
juppp...I get the anxiety tho
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Mess of anxiety solidarity.
Glowbat (Aloe)
oof yeah
also hey while we're at it with the queer biz in here:
aro/ace/bi peeps are all gay enough full stop
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
YES
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
jupp
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
As a demi-bi dude I fully endorse that all labels are valid.
And that gatekeeping sucks and helps no one
Glowbat (Aloe)
yeah anyone who makes you feel like you dont belong under the lgbtq+ umbrella isnt doin right by you
and your comics should be allowed to be considered as queer as you want them to be
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Also all gender identities are valid and don’t hinge on having a physical transition. You’re valid as trans whether you change your body or not.
Glowbat (Aloe)
^^^
YES
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
YESS
Glowbat (Aloe)
all our experiences are valid and the comics we make because of those experience are beautiful
Deo101
Oh man I missed a huge convo, but I love y'all and it's wonderful seeing so many kinds of comics out there and seeing people make their own content
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Yo, nothing "gross" about romance, and the reason people flock to it is because romance with same-gender couples and/or trans people has been treated as "deviant disorder that needs to be cured and cleaned up, or at least kept far away from polite society" for so long (and still is, in many places)
All queer stories are valid, queer characters don't need to be in a romantic storyline to count, but please let's discuss that without echoing homophobic rhetoric about queer romance being "gross", yeah?(edited)
MJ Massey
I don't think it was meant gross as in queer romance itself being gross, but more in the finding a general distaste for romance tropes and romance as a genre
but I agree, that we should be careful about implying those sorts of things with our work
keii4ii
Romance as a genre is valid too; the consensus was just that there's a lot of it, and other genres are valid too. That every genre is valid
MJ Massey
true, but people might just feel strong distaste for certain genres from a personal point of preference
it's part of what makes the fabric of human existence so fascinating, we all have different opinions, likes, dislikes, viewpoints...
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
tbh I love romance stories but the thing that disheartens me is that the queer stories people take most serious are romances
keii4ii
The pigeonholing
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Can you elaborate on that Keiiii?
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Those are the stories that get repressed and erased the most, is the thing, so it takes more effort to get them produced and shared, and that makes people extra-happy
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I don’t think anyone said romance stories were gross?
Just that it’s not necessarily our jam.
keii4ii
Oh, I meant that's what people are doing when people start exclusively associating a very diverse experience/ group of people with ONE thing, to a point where the people in that group are not allowed to be anything other than That One Thing
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I was reacting to "queer peeps shouldn't be squared off in romance, which unfortunately i think is a result of people's gross misconceptions"
keii4ii
and it's a really unfair, inaccurate restriction
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Ahhhh
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
OH okay, thank you for elaborating, Keiiii. I couldn't really associate anything with the term at first!
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Misconceptions are the reason queer people have been excluded from most romance for so long
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I think in that case it was more about people's misconception of queer identities being inherintly sexual and/or romantic though?
and not about queer romance being gross
DanitheCarutor
Huh, I thought 'gross' in that context was more akin to 'outlandish' or 'exaggerated', but I could be misunderstanding.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I think it means more that a lot of people fetishise queer relationships when there’s only representation in romance.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Associating "queer people being sexual and/or romantic" with "gross" is still hella dicey
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
the misconception is what's gross, not the queer people or their romance?
Glowbat (Aloe)
re: gross misconceptions :Oh! i think i said that Erin- i don't think i did a great job of explaining my thoughts on that. on sites like tapas and webtoons its fairly common for gay couples to be exploited for an audience thats less interested in representation than fetishization(edited)
MJ Massey
yes I think there was some lamenting that it could be difficult to show queer characters without an element of romance to make their identities apparent?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I don’t think they meant gross as in disgusting but gross as in ‘far off the mark’
MJ Massey
because some people wanted to have queer characters but not focus on a romantic plot
@Glowbat (Aloe) I know what you are talking about I think
Deo101
Yeah, though I'd like to add on as someone who is writing LGBT romance, I get lumped in with fetishization content a lot and that is very frustrating for me, too
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
And it does take a lot of digging to find respectful representation in romance instead of stories made by and for straight people that use bad stereotypes to fetishise queer relationships.
Not that all romance by and for straight people does this.
But it’s a problem in the genre
Deo101
I work very hard to portray healthy loving relationships and people lump me in to their hatred of romance in general or categorize my work as bl or discount it for having that. It gets fetishized or dismissed an awful lot and that's very frustrating for me to see happening
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
If you want to talk specifically about something you feel is stereotypical or fetishizing, I wouldn't object to that, it's the broad swipes at all romance that become a problem
Glowbat (Aloe)
agreed
queer romance is very important to represent
i dont think anyone here would imply otherwise
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
And, hey, sometimes queer writers/readers also enjoy a romance that's unrealistic or trashy or silly or melodramatic, I don't want to dismiss "all romance that wouldn't represent a healthy and respectful relationship IRL" either
Glowbat (Aloe)
very true
Deo101
Yeah, not what I was trying to say.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Idk if anyone was saying that tbh
Glowbat (Aloe)
i think our initial conversation though boiled down to that we were happy to see stories with queer people being allowed to just be people doing things that didnt focus on romance
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I'm personally very glad that we are getting a wider variety of queer romance now
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
What we were discussing earlier is more that it’s important to portray queer protagonists in all kinds of genres, instead of only romance. Which doesn’t mean romance isn’t also a valid genre.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Sure, and part of my discomfort is that queer characters have already been "allowed" to do non-romantic things in mainstream media for a long time -- it's being "allowed" to have an explicit romance that's new and different
keii4ii
^ I don't know about that. It probably depends on where you are, both IRL and part of the internet?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I never saw a queer character that wasn’t either tragic, a deviant, or the butt of a joke in media until the late ‘O0s(edited)
MJ Massey
both views are valid--it's good to both want explicit queer romance and to also just want to see queer people doing a wide range of things
DanitheCarutor
@Glowbat (Aloe) Yeah, to parrot what you said. I just chalked the convo up to seeing queer characters expand into different genres, and being happy that queer fiction is starting to be known for more than just romance.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
There was no positive representation in any genre in the media I had access to for most of my life(edited)
Deo101
It helps with the normalization of stories like that, but I also think it makes homophobes be "more comfortable" with gay stories sometimes in a way that bothers me
I have had someone say that my story is the only bl they can stand so I'm sensitive about this subject though
Cause there's a lot to unpack there
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
The "if there has to be a queer romance, at least make it awful and tragic" trope was absolutely true in my area too
yikes, I can see being sensitive about that
Deo101
Like me writing something that primarily isn't romance and just has a romance b plot is making homophobes and fetishizing people read my work and that's frustrating for me in a way I can't articulate. I'm very happy within the LGBT+ community to have these works be made but among the straight people I know it's uncomfortable when they start saying things like "oh yay finally some gay stuff that isn't romance" kind of thing
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah that makes sense
Deo101
From other gay people I get it, it makes sense and I'm the same way! Especially with the oversaturation of bl
DanitheCarutor
@Deo101 Gah I got a comment like that before, it was a weird situation because not only was it unnecessary but... TGtaHR isn't even a romance...
Thinking about it, that's actually kinda worrying.
Deo101
But it's important to remember that the LGBT+ community is a bubble and though it's safe to explore all sorts of stories here, it's not safe outside of our bubble
Or, not necessarily safe
Like a homophobe reading a gay story with an unhealthy dynamic could just bolster their bad opinions about gay people even if it's exploring it in a healthy way
I have a hard time explaining what I'm thinking and I really hope this all makes sense
keii4ii
I get you
Glowbat (Aloe)
(i get what youre saying deo <3 )
Deo101
And its not something we can really change but I think it's important to remember with regards to society at large and how our stories are percieved outside the community
Phew lol
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I get what you're saying, although in that case, the homophobe was probably going to think that no matter what, and if it wasn't the story they'd find some other "evidence"
Deo101
Yeah absolutely
And I think it's important to remember that when talking about exploring stories that have unhealthy Dynamics and things other than romance and whatnot. I don't want those things to become safe for cishets to exploit basically
Like "oh great now I don't need to write them kissing so I can access BOTH the LGBT and everyone else!"
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Ah, you mean like "the author says they're gay, so that counts as representation and LGBT people should buy this, even though there's never anything explicitly gay in the story"
right?
Deo101
Yeah
Deo101
Which again within the community I get and it's important to explore things like that for sure
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I think the important difference is, writers within the community are going to do something to indicate the queer identity, even when it's not "having an on-screen romance"
And that's something that, say, your average JKR doesn't bother doing
Deo101
Again I have a hard time explaining myself and I might be tripping over my words a bit here
Yeah that's true as well
I trust LGBT people to be navigating stories with an inherent nuance
For the most part
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
That, or (I think people were talking about this upthread) we don't advertise a story as "look at all this representation!" while the characters' identities haven't come up in the comic yet
Deo101
Yeah I know I didn't say my story was LGBT til I had the married couple kiss cause I was worried people would think I was gaybaiting
I know I'm not but it feels wrong to me like I'm trying to rally up readers kinda thing...
But also if you know you're planning to do it I feel like you can say it'll be there
I just have anxiety LOL
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
No, I get you. Even if it's definitely going to happen in the future of the comic, it'll disappoint readers if you rally them up for something that isn't there yet
That would happen with anything, not just queer identities
Deo101
Yeah I also don't tag my pages or whatever for disability if a character isn't disabled on the page
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Like if it was "read my comic for cool space battles!" when you had only posted the 5 pages of setup with characters having a chill talk in a field
sssfrs
I think what bothers me about lbgtq focused romance stories is that they’re often centered on how ~scandalous~ the relationship is and how the characters have to overcome personal biases or homophobia/transphobia as the central struggle
Deo101
I don't want the wrong audience. I mean I also could probably slap bl on my cover and I feel like I'd get a lot more readers but they're not the readers I want
sssfrs
Or at least I dont enjoy reading stories like that
Deo101
Yeah that frustrates me too, personally
But some people like seeing that overcoming idk
sssfrs
My comic has at least 2 visible prominent gay relationships but its not about romance at all
I guess thats personal preference(edited)
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I think a lot of the time you also know what intentions the person behind telling a story like that has? I have a straight aquaintaince writing BL and it's totally clear that she thinks the whole ordeal is kinda cute and endearing when it's pretty...harsh for actual queer people
Deo101
Mines got 5 and it is about romance cause I absolutely love romance and I love love, but I am overly frustrated with romance as a genre. Which is why I write my own
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I think that goes back to the "talk about a specific trope that bothers you, don't treat it like the whole genre" thing I was saying
Deo101
Yeah I think there's a lot of nuance to it that cishet people largely don't have
sssfrs
I feel like it makes the romance into a statement about how society is bad and its not interesting or groundbreaking to represent that bigotry in your media without adding something new
Deo101
I'm frustrated with the often unhealthy Dynamics and the frequency with which homophobia and transphobia are shown.
I live in a homophobic household I don't want it in my romance cause it hurts to see
But, I don't think it's bad to tackle those issues it's just hard for me personally
sssfrs
I like pairing up side characters but only 2 pairs are going to have an Arc. so far....
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I...feel for many cishet authors it's also a good excuse to not have the characters get together right away without actually thinking about why they would not for other reasons (like personality based). So there's a lot of "I'm not gay!!!" type of thing
Also totally understandable Deo :C
Deo101
Yeah absolutely.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
It’s also valid, as a queer author, though, to show characters that do have to overcome their ‘gay panic’ when they first realise they’re gay. It’s something a lot of us have gone through, but it’s important to show the comfort you finally feel in yourself when you come out the other end if it.
sssfrs
Why should fiction include all the shitty parts of real life
Deo101
I think straight people see LGBT authors tackle these issues and go "oh so I can too!!!"
And yeah this is why I'm largely drawn to sci-fi and fantasy, I get to entirely remove all the things that hurt me about reality. Dude can just use a cane and everyone is like dope
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Because sometimes fiction helps us process all the shitty parts of real life. Both happy stories that take away shit and gritty stories that acknowledge shit are valid and important
Deo101
Ppl can just be trans and it's fine
I agree they're all important
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
(I think I'm just super bitter bc here I've seen cis and straight women get awards for their queer romance stories which just hmm)
Deo101
^
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I agree it's a super nuanced topic
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
...I feel like you've also gotta make some allowance for bad writing. Like, maybe someone's not getting a lot of nuance in their story because their skills aren't sharp enough to handle it yet.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Agreed, Erin!
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
And one of the ways they'll get good enough to write better stories is by working out issues through writing the worse stories.
sssfrs
My main character is a butch lesbian gnc completely androgynous person and no one is ever going to say anything nasty to her about it
Deo101
I feel you sssfrs lol(edited)
Deo101
I thirst for gentle, nice LGBT stories. I just crave them
Nutty (Court of Roses)
I feel that. As I build Prismal and decided to include lgbt folks in it, my first thought about it was "would there be any reason for them to be hated in this society? No? Then why would I include that theme?"
Deo101
And yes it's important to delve into the harsher realities and I think it's good to use fiction to explore and work through those themes, definitely, but personally no thx
sssfrs
I like where ppl are just all expected to be pan or bisexual by default
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
heh, I literally have 2 comics and one of them is "real world where characters struggle with realistic prejudices" while the other is "fantasy world with 0% homophobia/transphobia."
Something for everyone!
sssfrs
Nice
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I’m too goddamn miserable to write such nice stories, lol. But writing gritty stories where my characters go through hell helps me process the stuff I go through in my life. But I love reading those nice stories where we can forget racism and queerphobia exist.(edited)
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
hehe...I've decided to go into some queerphobia in my next comic only bc I want to...explore historical queer spaces and the kind of space does not make sense in a world that's 100% accepting
Deo101
Yeah it's just all about that nuance babeyy
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeahhh
Deo101
I think that's also why we see so much more LGBT content of all kinds in indie media
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Absolutely
Less gatekeeping, less opportunity for homophobes to shut it down
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
No big boss complaining it’s not ‘marketable’ to be inclusive
Deo101
And I worry that mainstream stuff will be like "ohoho, so that means I can do it too" *stumbles and sets gay people back 10 years in the eyes of the general public *
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
YEEEEEEAH there’s that
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I think the mainstream is going slow enough that that's far from my biggest worry
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
But change never happens smoothly
Sometimes it goes up and down before society evolves into a better mindset
Deo101
Well yeah ofc, but even on a smaller scale of bad people reading good works it is kinda happening I feel like
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
So there’s gonna be periods of shit before being queer is faithfully represented in the mainstream
Deo101
Yeah for sure
It helps normalize things but it also can do it in an unhealthy way and it's frustrating
As in people going "yes let's include gay romance *it's just bl tropes *"
And things like that
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I think the best way to counter that is by producing & supporting more stories of all kinds -- the more complex and multifaceted a view people get, the better
Deo101
Yeah
From people who are handling those stories well, too ^^^
Which is subjective of course I know that
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Also, something nobody's mentioned that I think should come up...a lot of times you don't know who's straight/cis and who's not. Like, if it's Famous Mainstream Author JKR, you can be pretty sure, but with small-scale indie creators, how much can you tell the difference between "straight/cis artist who thinks BL tropes are how all real gay relationships work" versus "gay/bi/trans/etc artist who understands IRL fine, but it's fun and self-indulgent for them to write those tropes"?
Especially since the artist could be actively in the closet. Or could still be on their own journey of self-discovery and not know they aren't straight and/or cis yet. All the more so since indie creators are more likely to be younger than well-established mainstream standards.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I don’t know about you guys, but it’s always BLATANTLY obvious to me by how they’re writing.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
How did you confirm it? Did you ask them?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Call it intuition
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I don't think it's always confirmable tho :C
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Granted, sometimes a person writes with enough nuance that I can tell they're queer, but how do you tell a straight writer from an awkward/inexperienced/clunky queer writer?
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I know a lot of authors thinking they were cishet and later on realizing they were not
and some of them wrote a lot of "yikes"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
There’s writing patterns and use of tropes that signal whether the person is actually respectful if the queer community or not
Deo101
Also just cause you're working through things doesn't mean it's a healthy exploration that is good for the community at large
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Even if they’re queer and self-indulging, there’s a lot of tells both in the comics and in their commentary
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
tbh I think some tropes are fair to criticise no matter if the author is queer or not but there are also queer authors writing disrespectful tropes
it's not sth that I see a lot, but I've seen it
Deo101
^ yeah this
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
All questions of their writing aside, there are definitely queer people who don't respect the community IRL, either...
Deo101
Like it's not good to write glorifying rape fic of pedophilia no matter who you are or how it's helping you work through things. I mean you can write it but then to share it is something else entirely
Not saying those are common things but they're pretty very much "bad" things
And actually glorifying rape is something I do see much more than I would have expected
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
And that’s problematic, too. When you’re part of a community but not respectful of it, that’s just as bad as a straight person being homophobic. Sometimes the worst homophobia cones from within the community, but that doesn’t make it okay or healthy.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
If you share a dark story behind accurate warnings and labels, then it can reach other people who are working through something by reading it, and be avoided by people who don't.
Deo101
Yeah there's a lot of lateral agression within the community
Okay but glorification of it isn't a healthy way to work through those things it's not a dark story
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I'm not saying homophobia from within the community is okay or healthy, I'm just saying it doesn't have to indicate that the person is straight/cis.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I have a lot of dark themes in my comics. There is rape, but it is never shown on panel and never never glorified. I think it’s a subject that’s important to talk about, but I find it extremely disturbing how much it’s romanticised in fiction.
Deo101
^^^
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah...
DanitheCarutor
Huh, this convo reminds me of an article a friend sent me from someone's Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/posts/25994657 It talks about creation policing, and problematic fiction. You all proooobably won't agree with it given the direction of discussion (which all points of view are totally valid), but this whole subject is super interesting.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
All right, true, you can’t always know if an author is queer or not. I should have been more specific in whether an author has a healthy view of the LGBTQ community or not.
Deo101
So you might not be able to tell if someone is gay by their writing, but there are certain trends that gay people do not generally fall into that MOSTLY indicate someone is straight, though there's no way to know for sure.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
THAT is always obvious to me.
Deo101
And like def there are bi women who fetishize gay men, and there is transphobia and biohobia and everything within the community
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
If they’re being homophobic or just don’t ‘understand’ the queer community, I mean
Deo101
Etc etc, so even if you can't tell whether a harmful representation is written by someone who is LGBT it's a harmful representation regardless
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
^^^^This
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Yeah. I'm always very hesistant on how to address things like this
Deo101
Me too esp since I have such a hard time saying what I mean
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I'm not saying it's impossible to write harmful representation, but "this is harmful!" gets used as a cudgel against any representation, so often that I'm wary of talking about it as a vaguely-defined blanket category.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
It’s hard to articulate things clearly when in fast-paced chats like this
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah, haha
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
At least it's good for leveling people up, huh?
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
eifhiuef pfft
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Lol. ‘You levelled up talking about homophobia!’
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
(I feel we're all respectful and try to explain ourselves and give others the chance to do so too)
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
At least it's good for something??
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
(so that's good haha)
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yes. Talks like this are super important to help see each others views on tricky subjects
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Yeah, I feel like we're making good-faith attempts to understand each other, which...is not something you always get in internet discussions
To put it very very mildly
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
We all have our own stories and unique perspectives, and that’s important to share both in the fiction we write and in discussions with each other
DanitheCarutor
@Phin (Heirs of the Veil) The subject is pretty sticky. On one hand artists should be allowed to create whatever they like, on the other if that work can perpetuate harm for a certain community should it be allowed? There is a lot of this going around right now where people want sanitization in media, and what works of art are and are not allowed to exist. Not saying it's bad, but it is fascinating. I'm not fully getting into the convo because I'm honestly super neutral.
kayotics
I’m definitely watching the convo play out, it’s interesting to see a chat like this develop
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
yeah I'm taking notes this is not my area of expertise, and it's all good stuff to keep in mind
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I'm okay discussing & criticizing specific examples (which is probably why I keep bringing up Dumbledore...), but I don't like being critical of broad categories, because they can be so ambiguous & easily misused.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
@DanitheCarutor I think it is very hard to differentiate between people who want difficult subjects to be explored (which is valid) and people who don't want to be called out for certain kinks for example and a lot of the times stuff like "purity policing" gets used to shut legit criticism up. On the other hand there are a lot of examples of callout culture gone wild and honestly ??? Idk anymore.
Deo101
Its very frustrating
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
But I'm also at a point where I'm getting super tired of constant discourse so
Deo101
Yeah I've literally had to block words like "ace" cause it's just so often discourse from either side and I'm just so tired of it
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Plus there’s always going to be stories that help one person work through things but that are very toxic and upsetting to someone else. Just like there’s people who are toxic to one person and important to someone else.(edited)
Deo101
I've also blocked LGBT and "feminism" kinda things
I JUST see cats and memes now thank you
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Lee: absolutely, which is why accurate labels are important
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Eyyyy, it's my turn!
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yes
kayotics
I think it’s important to curate your online experience, and sometimes NOT curating your experience leads to purity policing
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
HMM
kayotics
But yes tagging is really important!!!
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I think there is the creation of a lot of anxiety in what and what you can't tell in stories
Deo101
Tags are super important but also when someone doesn't think or realize they're doing something harmful they might not tag it
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Warning labels all around are always a good idea
Deo101
Like if someone is being a homophobe just cause etheyre homophobic they're not gonna tag that
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
True
Deo101
Why tag it's glorifying abuse if they think it's hot or reality and don't realize that's bad
Etc etc
kayotics
There’s definitely a lot of creator anxiety lately, I’ve had a lot of friends come to me with anxieties about not wanting to start a project they love because they’re afraid of who might attack them online
Deo101
^^^ I've been scared about this
kayotics
Me too, honestly
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Same honestly
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
There’s always the issue if ‘should harmful ideas be given a platform’ vs ‘stifling voices you just don’t want to hear’ it’s a fine line.
Deo101
I once got all in a tizzy cause I was like "oh my god my planet of women is asking a man for help"
Yeah cause some free speech silences other's
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Same
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
And sometimes you get people thinking "if I label this with a warning that it contains Bad Content, the internet police will come after me," so they don't use warnings for that reason, and then it's just bad times all around
Deo101
Yeah.
And also there are things no one thinks to warn about, like some very specific triggers
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah...
Deo101
Its just all around a very difficult to navigate space
DanitheCarutor
@Phin (Heirs of the Veil) Right? People do that with anything, if it's not the "purity police" excuse it's "my style", or "I'm friends with -insert minority here-!" I don't bother with the arguments anymore since I've been pushed into them enough, I'm more into seeing opinion on general art policing, or what is and isn't allowed to exist in art. Sorry, I'm being slow at typing again.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Heck, if we're talking about actual psychological triggers, most of them are going to be super-specific
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I have a trigger for fungal growth on bodies now bc I have 3 people who either have probs with plants growiing on bodies OR funghi lol
Deo101
Ya I have a "someone watching someone else sleep" trigger which people use a surprising amount
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
...wait, Phin, now you have a trigger, or now you use a warning for it?
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
@DanitheCarutor srsly don't worry about it, haha. It's a nuanced topic and I think generalizing is pretty bad when it comes to what you can and can't portray
I use a warning for it, sorry Erin, wasn't clear
I had multiple people approach me so I warn in update posts and should probs also do it on the website
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
no worries, just wanted to be sure
kayotics
I do have an extreme phobia of needles and you’d be surprised how many news sites use active needle shots for vaccination stories
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
GOD I KNOW
I am not afraid of them but like once they are near skin
I don't wanna see...these shots
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I have a deathly phobia of vomiting and there are NEVER warning labels for it.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah I think most people don't regard it and sometimes it's hard to get everything...
a friend of mine, Eli, creates a very gory comic and they put all their warnings on their update post images
and I kinda wanna try to be similarly mindful?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
(I’m okay if it’s in a comic and off-panel or the gross part is not shown but the sound and sight are crippling for me and shows and movies just SHOW it all the time)
kayotics
That’s true. Not a vomit fan.
DanitheCarutor
Ah I've thought about using page by page TWs, and I tried it out with one page, but with the amount of triggering thing in my comic I decided on a general warning. (since almost every page would get a warning) A few of my readers also said they preferred not to see them due to possible spoilers.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Hmm...I have a list of possible triggers in my about section
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I probably should start doing that bc my comics get very bloody
kayotics
I know I’ll have a scene eventually that I’ll want to have a warning on, but I’m not sure how to warn for it without spoiling?
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I installed a spoilertext plugin on one of my comics for that! Now I can put specific warnings at the front of a storyline, and readers who don't have triggers & don't want spoilers can leave them hidden.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
OHH that's a cool idea
DanitheCarutor
Yeah, mine is like a general pop-up that you have to click on to proceed to the comic.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I’m going to have to look at that plugin. Potential spoilers are the only reason I don’t have really detailed warnings on my comics
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Here's the one I use: https://wordpress.org/plugins/inline-spoilers/
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Yeah I'll look into it too. It seems super useful.
Heck thanks Erin!
DanitheCarutor
I don't know how you could make a warning without spoilers, @kayotics! I mean, you might have to if you want to do a page specific one.(edited)
Sorry, my cat sent the message for me.
kayotics
I was thinking a page specific one for the upcoming scene.
So I’m glad that doesn’t seem weird
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I'd say super-general warnings are mostly not spoilers. A movie will say "contains graphic violence", and that doesn't tell you who's being violent, or why, or how it's resolved.
DanitheCarutor
^^^
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah, I think that's not a spoiler, especially if the comic was already violent
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah. I have warnings for things like ‘graphic violence, blood and gore, nudity, etc. But some chapters or pages probably warrant more detailed TWs.
Deo101
Yeah I'm gonna put in my a/n for a few updates before like "hey there are some spooky scenes comin' up!'
kayotics
I wouldn’t say my comic is already violent, so it’s more applicable for this one scene
Deo101
And yeah things like "watching someone sleep" is gonna be at least somewhat of a spoiler...
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
hmhm
DanitheCarutor
@kayotics I think it really just depends on the person too. Some readers like page by page TWs, and don't see them as spoilers, others are the opposite. Your readers might appreciate a warning more than mine since your comic isn't overall super graphic.(edited)
Gah I can not type today!
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I put "this will get bloody" before some of the vampire storylines, not spoiler-cut -- because it's not a given, but shouldn't exactly be a surprise, either.
Deo101
I also do not mind spoilers whatsoever and I WILL spoil to anyone who asks as I've said many times, but I know not everyone is like me and spoilers are a big deal to many people
"i don't mind spoilers" i love them and they make me enjoy things more for many reasons
DanitheCarutor
Ah same! I'd love to just spill everything!
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
(Deo high five bc same)
Deo101
My people
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
tbh spoilers got me interested in many comics and I actively spoil myself
like getting into new comics and reading the updates before jumping to the beginning haha
kayotics
I’m very much the opposite
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I don't want to spoil anything, I want to keep people guessing! But sometimes you gotta.
Deo101
Yes. I get incredibly stressed about whether or not things will work out and spoilers relieve that. Even if it doesn't work out like at least I know
I get so so sooo stressed about it
kayotics
Whenever people tell me spoilers I actively like content less
DanitheCarutor
I don't mind them myself. My mom absolutely hates them, and used to make me spoil every movie if I saw it before her, so I'm pretty alright with it.
Deo101
Yeah ik many people are that way
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah I also think that's fair
DanitheCarutor
Also spoilers don't affect me either since it's not the content that means anything, but how it's used. Imo
kayotics
Usually for me it’s like. “Ok you spoiled a major character death/reveal, that’s not fun for me anymore”
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
OH yeah Kay! Tbh
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
If there's a big twist, I want to be unspoiled the first time I watch/read/etc the thing. If it's handled well, I can always rewatch it again with the knowledge.
kayotics
Because then I don’t get to experience that anymore
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
that's sth that can also ruin a story for me
kinda didn't get into the current season of CritRoll bc of such a spoiler
with comics it's kinda like...I see them on twitter, read along a few updates and then jump to the beginning so there I don't mind spoilers at all
it's more scoping out if the story's for me
Deo101
Oh man I sometimes only get into things because of spoilers LOL I know I'm weird with this but genuinely I love spoilers so much they make me comfortable with what I'm watching. I love rewatching things cause I know how it goes down and I'm not stressed by it
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I sometimes have troubles to deal with...raw emotions towards media so spoilers help me with that too
like preparing myself for it to hurt
(not always tho)
Deo101
Right yeah for sure
Even if I know it won't work out I KNOW and I don't put energy into getting my hopes up
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I hate spoilers, personally. I love going into stories completely blind or with just the bare-bones ‘genre, overall theme’ because I LOVE being shocked and surprised and have plot-twists thrown at me, so that’s what I do with my own comics(edited)
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah that's also fair. Right now my brain's not in the mood for that so I gotta play it save hehe
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I still don't like saying "here's what the Beings are" in ads or sales pitches for BICP, even though the page where it was revealed is several years old by now
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
But everyone likes different things so there’s nothing wrong with giving spoilers for your own stories if people want them(edited)
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah it depends honestly and that's pretty okay.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Everyone’s different and everyone’s valid
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I don't spoil my own story, except with artworks and mostly it's without context or cryptic enough that it's not...a real spoiler
yeah!
in that regard, it's just a huge matter of taste
twothirty
i also jump into webcomics, read them backgrounds for a bit then realized im actually into it and read it properly haha
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
hahaha yes
If I get invested without context I know it's good lol
Deo101
I don't spoil on public platforms cause I know people don't wanna necessarily see that (unless it's in an ama but I try to avoid spoilers still) but in private? I'll spill whatever tf u want like
I have and I will again!!!! Lmao
I know no one is gonna write it like me and also it's p linear so the only spoilers people really ask are Character things not plot things, anyways
So I'm not worried about theft im not doing anything super wild or original lol
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
all my favorite panels I've done are all the most spoilery ones, so... whether I share them or not, I lose
Deo101
Aw man
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
SAME
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
nooo
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
but it makes sense! I put all my effort into those moments where the story twists and turns
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Some of my fave panels or pages are when big reveals or plot twists happened
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
and it shows
so meh, I'll live
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
So I can’t share them to people who haven’t read my comic yet XD
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
luckily they don't make a ton of sense out of context, but... as soon as people start reading they might be like OHHH I know what's coming now
but it got them reading so shrug
I guess all mileage varies
Deo101
I feel like even the way I talk about my comic spoils it LMAO whoops
I'm made out of spoilers I can t hold them all in very clumsy
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
haha
I feel the same a lot
(But I also just wanna scream 24/7 about my stories whoopsie)
Deo101
I once had readers asking me to sum up a chapter caus ethey were confused and I just waited til someone else did it cause I was worried I'd spoil Something in trying to sun it up
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Linear stories are good too, though! Just reading a satisfying, well-written story is great; there doesn’t really NEED to be twist and turns for it to be food.
Deo101
Who doesn't wanna scream all the time and their stories hahahahha
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
GOOD
NOT FOOD
GAH
Deo101
Millennium is yummy yummy yum
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
...for the in-universe version of spoilers, I just had a moment of "hang on, this scene could've been way more dramatic if this one character hadn't already been given a certain reveal last chapter"
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
good food, agreed
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Normally I get away with not having a long buffer prepped ahead of time, but for once I wish I could still change this
Nutty (Court of Roses)
i spoil a lot about my characters more than i do the plot lol
i mean except their backstories sometimes
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Oh :C sometimes it's like this, Erin. Reasons buffers are good, but when do you have the time....
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I've tried putting this one on hiatus to prep a buffer, but it turns out I need the deadlines and the regular feedback to push me through making the pages...
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
oh I see. Understandable though...the only time I create real buffer is when I finish a book for print and have a deadline there.
(I wanna try to actually...get better though, since I wanna start a second comic project)
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I mean, sometimes if there's a process that works for you, you gotta just go with it and not waste energy fighting it. Even if it's not the Best or Most Professional way.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
yeah that's true. It's just frustrating when you compare the work you get done in these phases vs. every other time.
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Clearly the solution is to split it up into smaller books, so you have more print deadlines!
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
haha, that might be!
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I need buffers or I get super stressed. Unfortunately I also find them difficult to keep up.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Buffers are very hard to keep up. I'm running out of mine next week, whoops
But I've already started working on new pages
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
I have...a half-finished, past-deadline page open in another window right now, lol
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I haven’t been able to draw for about a month, so one comic’s buffer is getting low and the other’s going to either miss this week or be late.
And I’m stressing about it. -_-
sssfrs
I’m so excited for my story to progress. I’m tempted to talk about it but when I am I think that nothing I say casually will be as impactful as just letting the story actually play out
Desnik
I deal with lack of engagement by throwing my ideas (or myself) at people. I learned that keeping secret twists as spoilers was inhibiting my growth as a writer, so instead I talk through my plots with my writing group and I often walk away with much better ideas to write
We're a kidlit/MG/YA group and I'm writing in a similar fashion, so we usually don't have to warn each other about anything we're writing, which is its own kind of freedom
if I can get the content to be good enough, and land in front of someone who'll help me take it further, then the engagement will follow
keii4ii
(This the right place?)
Deo101
Speaking of a lack of engagement, i feel like my engagement rates are incredibly low. I get a good bit, i get comments on every page and im very happy with that, but it's odd that i dont get more given my amount of readers and I wonder if some comics just aren't the kind of story people feel a need to say anything about, or what?
I think so?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
My engagement rates are... almost nonexistent.
keii4ii
I TOTALLY GET THAT DOUBT
When my anxiety is bad, it gets... really bad. "Maybe my story isn't worth commenting/ there is nothing to talk about it." I know that's just anxiety, so I try my best to not listen to that voice.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Although I think my audience is just not there? My page-views are pretty low, too, so maybe I just don’t have enough readers to comment (outside of you awesome SF perps)
PEEPS NOT PERPS
MY GOD THIS PHONE
keii4ii
Yeah, my views are fairly low too, considering the sub count I have on platforms
Come on, phone. We're not criminals. (Probably. )
Deo101
Yeah, its just weird when i have like. 1000 readers on tapas and get 0 comments i guess? I do kinda feel like my comic is very.... Its very linear its character driven and people can onky say "aw cute ^^" so much so idk what they would say
Like its legit .1%
keii4ii
hides the bloody knife
Deo101
ITS IN THE FLOWER POT!!!
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I was getting about 1k daily views right after I joined SF but now it’s back down to about 100 a day, so shrugs
keii4ii
Views though, it's natural they spike like that even if you retain 100% of the people who checked out your comic!
because typically, people only go through the old pages once
so they give you more views upon first visit
Deo101
^^^
keii4ii
But I 100% understand the worry of "why do people check out my comic and decide not to read it... is there something wrong with my work"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
On webtoons I think I have relatively good engagement for Eryl considering my low sub number. I have about 350-some subs and get an average of 1-2 unique comments per page, though that number goes up when a character dies. (edited)
That’s true! They do get kinda ‘falsely’ inflated when people binge-read archives
Deo101
Most comments i ever got is when I said "tell me your pet names"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Lmao, I should try that
Deo101
And then outside of that when luzio and sage do something cute is the most I get like, organically just frim my content
Amas are second most comments which are again, me starting the discussion
Maybe alk my authors comments should be like "tell me about your fave color" that'll inflate my stats
keii4ii
One person told me they don't comment because everything seems so obvious, and they don't wanna be captain obvious. Which I can respect. But I don't think everything is that obvious if the most common comment I get is "I'm lost"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Hmmmm
Deo101
Hahahahhahahahah
Like "NO PLEASE SHARE THESE THINGS"
keii4ii
IKR
Deo101
Help everyone else out!!!
keii4ii
There is a term in Korean comment section culture
"Konan" (from Detective Konan)
It's a term for commenters who explain obtuse stuff for other readers
Sometimes you'll even see comments like "Hurry up, Konans! I'm too tired to think! Spoonfeed me what happened in this update!"
Deo101
Me reading every comic ever
keii4ii
I NEED A KONAN IN MY COMMENT SECTION
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Honestly I wish western readers did that, but they either get attacked for being ‘Captain Obvious’ or people scream SPOILER!!!! at them
Deo101
I really wish people woukd expkain for me too because then i know some people get it, but ALSO i dont want to explain things i didn't show, accidentally.
snuffysam
one thing i've found that helps with engagement is making sure to include something on the page for people to talk about, no matter how relevant it is. like a while back i had a (in my opinion) fairly boring scene where it's basically "where do we gotta go" "i'm not telling" "please" "ok you gotta go here" so to give readers something to talk about i had one of the characters take a hotdog out of a pokeball and eat it.
keii4ii
There was also this incredibly, incredibly obtuse comic. It had a fascinating hook but then became almost impossible to follow. You'd see comments like "so this is the Forbidden Realm that even Konans cannot enter."
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Hahaha
Deo101
I try to make every page have something, i usually have 3 goals i want a page to accomplish but it's not very... Fun i guess? Its just kibda like "yes this happened"
keii4ii
It's also kinda sad when you DO put something important to you, and nobody says anything (or worse, says "so when is it gonna get interesting???")
Deo101
Yeah...
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
So once I spun this theory on a comic by picking it up from context clues. And I was like ‘Hey guys, what if X character is the dragon???’ and everyone was like ‘WELL DUH IT’S IN THE HOVER TEXT.’ I read comics on mobile where hover text doesn’t always work, and after getting sneered at for something ‘everyone knew already’ I was put off of ever being a Konan type again.
Deo101
:(
I never read the hover text unless its by accident I just dont think t
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah. And it wasn’t obvious from reading without the hover text so I was really proud of myself for figuring it out. But it just goes to show how rude commenters can scare away well-intentioned ones.(edited)
keii4ii
aaaugh D:
snuffysam
tbh i'm not sure why an author would put something important in the hover text where mobile readers can't see it. or tbh in blogs, side stories, etc. if it's important to understanding the main story, it should be in the comic.
Deo101
Yeah that's what im thinking... Hover text should be for puns
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
It was revealed later that chapter in the main comic, but apparently it wasn’t a ‘secret’ like I thought it was.
keii4ii
Bleeeh, sorry that happened to you. >_< This is why we can't have nice things
Where is the nearest Konans R Us, I want to order one for each of our comics.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah... I’m very socially anxious / awkward so I’ve been scared away from quite a few comment sections. I still read the comics and buy them if they go to print, but a negative commenting experience usually discourages me from ever participating in the discussion.
keii4ii
100% understandable
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Which is why I feel it’s super important for the creators to moderate their comments (or hire a good moderator if they don’t have the time). A lot of comment sections get toxic if the author is lax about fostering a positive discussion environment.
Deo101
That makes me feel much better about the times ive asked people to cut Something out or deleted comments.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I appreciate that effort very much.
Deo101
I worry that its "disengenuous" or something and if someone has a negative opinion I don't want to be like "nope you're ONLY allowed to be nice to me!!!" But it's not good, i don't think, to let people feel safe being mean In my comments.
keii4ii
Yeah, there is being critical, and there is being mean
Deo101
So I rarely do it but I have and I don't feel any guilt over the times i have
Right
keii4ii
Sometimes a comment can tread the fine line between the two and it's really annoying that it's not Obviously, Blatantly Mean
Deo101
Yeah hahahahahhaha
keii4ii
But I try to remember that I too have walked that line unintentionally and obliviously, back when I was younger
Deo101
Right. I have too
I was like "oh man I am so smart and im about ti IMPART MY KNOWLEDGE ON YOU!!!" *Is a jerk *
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
That one comic I was talking about earlier: the author had a hard time keeping up with moderating and eventually took comments off the main site. It was 100% not her fault and she was herself getting emotionally distressed from the amount of negativity in the comments. Especially since the comic itself is really thoughtful and has a lot of messages of acceptance.
Deo101
:(
keii4ii
>_<
Deo101
Uhh but yeah! Does .1% feel like about what y'all get as far as comments:readers goes?
.1-.2
I feel like i have no actual gague for this lol
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
It varies from comic to comic (for no quantifiable reason, usually) but that is about right. 99% of readers are lurkers.
Deo101
Dope, I was worried I had like super low numbers when talking with some people and it got me worried about my content
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Plus subs don’t necessarily translate to active readers. A lot of people just never clean out their library after they stop reading something / subbed it to read later and never got around to it or left the site entirely.
Deo101
But I've also just got a lot of anxiety about what im producing and how it's percieved in general
Yeah ik
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I can see people binging my archives from my stats but maybe 1 in 100 or less leaves any comments.
snuffysam
on average, each subscriber to my comic has posted about 45 comments total (which is like 0.07 comments per subscriber per page) if someone clicks on a page (subscriber or not), there is a 0.5% chance of that person leaving a comment.
Deo101
See for me its like. 1 in 1000 leaves a comment...
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
(It’s okay I get anxiety over it, too)
Deo101
Yeah i was gonna say uhhh whats it called
Shoot i lost mt train of thought.
Right. I feel like the longer a comic goes on tbe less frequently people engage
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah, I’ve noticed that in my comics, too.
Deo101
Like less readers will have made it to the end, more will be inactive, etc
snuffysam
i've found that my active commenters take a jump in early march (i.e. right after the comic's anniversary), and any time a book ends (since, i guess people like seeing how all the stuff that's happened in the book culminates)
Deo101
Oh that's an interesting note
snuffysam
i suppose that's some other advice on increasing engagement - give a reason for even caught-up readers to leave comments. one thing i've been doing is redrawing old pages and releasing the redraws on anniversaries, which gives reason for people to re-read.
and for end of book stuff, i suppose people are more willing to predict how something is going to end when it's close to ending
Deo101
Hmmmm
I'm taking notes
twothirty
seeking validation through comments is my downfall, because i just dont seem to write a comic that has the type of readership who is into that. What helped was just looking at google analytics and being like "oh right, of course people read this, its clearly here in this data" haha.
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
twothirty, same. It's kinda hard to get out of that mindset.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Raises hand I need constant reader validation and get depressed easily when there isn’t. It’s not healthy, but it’s really hard to break out of that mindset.
Deo101
Im not seeking validation through comments, but when i have thousands of readers and get only like 5 it does make me look twice and start wondering if there's something I'm doing wrong.
And yeah it's hard to break out of the mindset
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Me constantly atm haha
Deo101
Especially if you've bee. Hurt in the past and you feel like people secretly hate your work because... In the oast they have
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
I wonder if it's actually...a change in how people interact with media nowadays?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Oh yeah, definitely, Deo. I got so much negative feedback when I first started posting webcomics and it still sticks with me today.
Deo101
Yeah I've been lucky where people have been mostly nice to me or otherwise just indifferent which makes it so I don't have a super negative experience that my anxieties latch onto
And its STILL hard
Because words of affirmation is my love language lol
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Partly I think it was because I was creating a lot of gender-nonconforming characters in an era when that wasn’t well-accepted in Western comics (reminder that I was surrounded by a veeeery conservative environment at the time), and partly because my skills were just not what they are now. There were a lot of nasty comments from both strangers and people I knew, and it was really tough to work through. I think if I hadn’t had the Tomgeeks forum to hang out in, I probably would have given up.
(For you young’uns, Tomgeeks was a webcomic list site and we had a really tight group in the forums. A lot of that old crowd are now in Spider Forest).
Kabocha
(Sorry, saw the tomgeeks mention! I remember aspiring to be in that group one day, but I was a lil' too much of a noob back in the day.) A lot of media is kind of... Sometimes you need to put a call to action to be like, "HEY LEAVE A COMMENT!" or something - else, they forget in a lot of cases, but ofc that's no guarantee.
keii4ii
Re: people being less willing to engage the longer a comic has been going on, that is definitely a thing
I think it's called archive burn or something
and I feel it too sometimes, as a reader. I feel like I'm not "allowed" to start reading a comic unless I can find a big enough chunk of free time to finish the archive in one session
It's 100% irrational but... it is a thing
I've found that I don't experience it IRL, with physical books. The end of each volume is a really good stopping place
snuffysam
then i suppose a problem is that webcomics don't really have stopping points you can physically see like physical books like when you're reading a book series, you know where one book ends, but when you read a comic you don't really unless you check how many pages each chapter has
and even then it's hard to keep that in mind when it isn't physical
mariah (rainy day dreams)
I definitely understand that feel. It's kept me from doing a lot of the book club comics because I'm like "I got ten pages in, but that's not enough to comment" T_T
snuffysam
maybe someone could program a widget for comic sites that works similarly to the page indicators in ebooks. like "you're 40% of the way through the chapter, and at your current reading speed you have 10 minutes left"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Comic Rocket!
mariah (rainy day dreams)
Does Archive Binge also have a feature like that?
I feel like they might... I don't use those kind of readers so I'm not super familiar with them.
snuffysam
archive binge lists what page you're on and how many pages the comic has, but there's no reading speed thing no
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I don't know. I'm technically on Archive binge, but didn't get any subs there so I didn't look into it past creating my listing. I don't use those services myself because I like a nice long archive to work through, but I know that comic Rocket shows you how much of an archive you've read.
snuffysam
also, the thing i'm talking about would be for chapters as well as the whole comic. because if there is a big archive, people like to know how long they have before a good stopping point
mariah (rainy day dreams)
I'm on Archive Binge. I don't think I have any subs either but definitely get traffic regularly as if I did. How even does internet work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
snuffysam
i guess recently updated?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I usually check out the archive page of a comic to get a good idea of chapter length, myself. So I know if I'm in for 10 pages chapters or 100 page chapters. Plus, idk, I have no problem stopping anywhere and picking it up again later, but I may be a pretty atypical reader.
Lmao, I have no idea how the internet works. I was one of the first people to list on Archive Binge and I have never gotten a single click from it. I get a steady number from Comic Rocket, though.
keii4ii
I wonder if it'd be worth experimenting with chapter numbers? Like, re-number existing chapters like "Season 2, chapter 2 of 15" instead of "chapter 20" ?
Deo101
^ thats a good idea
seeing "chapter 20" makes me as a reader go like, oh god, theres so many,,
snuffysam
^ that's one of the major reasons i label things "book X chapter Y" instead of just counting up chapters forever though adding "out of" is an interesting addition...
keii4ii
I'm nearing the end of season/ book/ whatever 2. I should give this a try
Cronaj
Lol, my books are going to be 3 chapters long each, so I don't think it would make much sense for me XD
keii4ii
Yeah, my chapters are short but numerous, so this might have a different effect than comics with longer but fewer chapters
Deo101
I'd be afraid of saying "out of" cause... well, i dont know how many heheh...
it all gets wacky when it comes time to actually make the thing
snuffysam
i mean, could add 'em retroactively as each "season" finishes
Deo101
oh thats true!
keii4ii
I would probably do "Chapter x out of [REDACTED]" (not that but something similar) when I start posting book 3
Cronaj
Yeah, my chapters are around 35-50 pages, so they're pretty long'
snuffysam
listing how many chapters are in book 3 would kinda spoil a twist lol, so i'll probably only do it retroactively
same lol
and some are 80 pages
book 3's going to have one 120 page chapter which is wild
Cronaj
I was thinking about printing 4-5 chapter books, make it more like a manga-length
keii4ii
You know, some comics (Korean comics do this a lot) do like... Chapter 10: Happy Day, followed by Chapter 11: Happy Day (2), followed by Chapter 12: Happy Day (3)
Cronaj
but full color printing is expensive
keii4ii
Dividing what might have been a single chapter into digestible chunks
snuffysam
i've split "arcs" into multiple chapters before, but unfortunately there aren't really any solid split areas in the chapter in question
Cronaj
and I doubt anybody wants to shell out $25+ on a 200 page comic
This is of course, a consideration for the future, as I don't even have the first chapter finished yet, but ya know
Come next year, I'll have some big decisions to make
@keii4ii Is that a webtoon thing? I've noticed that webtoons have shortish chapters
snuffysam
webtoons an entire chapter is posted at once
keii4ii
It's a Korean thing, which means Webtoons gets some of it
Cronaj
I mean, technically I post my comic in scrolling format, so I consider it a webtoon, but it's definitely drawn for print
@snuffysam, I mean the length of the chapters. The chapters (or episodes) are usually somewhere between 50-100 panels long, which is anywhere between 10-20 pages of a traditional comic
keii4ii
(Tangent, but as a Korean speaker I'm very weirded out by the word "webtoon" in English contexts. Over there every webcomic regardless of format is called a webtoon; I guess it's like anime/manga in Japanese? That in Japan, every animated show is anime, and every cartoon thingie is manga?)
Cronaj
Yeah, that makes sense
In the english speaking world, originally there were comics and webcomics, with little difference between except that one was posted online
but when Korean webtoons entered the English-speaking market, the naming conventions changed
The major difference being the prevalence of scrolling-format webtoons, which made people think that the difference between webtoons and webcomics is the format
but really, it's just a naming thing
You can call a comic a manga, and people expect a black and white comic in a specific style, but really, it's just a comic in Japanese
keii4ii
Yeah
Deo101
I usually just say "scroll style comic" or "page format comic" because im putting pages up on webtoons so it feels... weird to me
keii4ii
That too
IT'S A PICTURE STORY THINGIE WITH SPEECH BALLOONS
Deo101
hahahaha
Cronaj
In the end we are all just children XD
kayotics
this is really late, but i've been getting a lot more comments on my main site lately and I have no idea what I did to encourage that.
Deo101
people caught on
kayotics
That's probably all it is, but it's really surprising that my main site is the one getting more comments, since I wouldn't say it's necessarily a well built comment system? It's the native CMS comment system, and I require the first comment to be moderated
keii4ii
Does this mean I can claim I started reading Ingress before it got famous 8)
kayotics
yes
BUT, I'd say that the estimation of 1% of readers (or whatever the number was) is still accurate.
Deo101
.1% ish
kayotics
I have the most eyes on my comic over on Tapas, and while I do get a handful of comments there, it still equates to less than 1% of the total people subscribed. I'm sure there's a lot of reasons for that (like subscribers who aren't regular readers, people who quit the app, etc), but even the ratio of views to comments is pretty low.
Deo101
yeah I've been noticing that too
I have the most eyes on webtoons but I still have like. a good chunk on tapas and I think those are just more... casual sites
kayotics
yeah absolutely
Deo101
like on comicFury I have way higher engagement rates and i think that's pretty typical cause most of that audience there is also creators
kayotics
I'm sure there's some people who are pretty dedicated on Tapas, but I'd guess that there's more dedicated readers on my self-hosted site, just because they have to specifically seek out the content.
Deo101
^that makes a lot of sense to me
I know a lot of people who follow me on tapas are following 100+ other comics
and i know for SURE I wouldnt be able to take the time/effort to comment on like 10+ comics a day, assuming theyre even keeping up with all thsoe
wow yeah I just checked my list this person has over 6,000 comics theyre subscribed to, and a few have over 500
just on the first page of my readers(edited)
sooooo yeah it makes sense why engagement would be low if people are regularly reading that mant...
keii4ii
I actually rambled about this on twitter recently!
Deo101
and also makes me feel a little bit less bad when people are confused hahahahaha
keii4ii
How I thought I'd get a very small readership who are into what I'm making, but I ended up getting that very small readership PLUS a huge number of people who are just casually reading it
That first expectation was mostly based on my experience with my previous webcomic, but things were different back then. Big platforms weren't a thing, so casual readers were less common.
Deo101
yeah that's really neat
since I've only been making millennium for like... a little over 2 years and it's my first comic, I kinda just started with like 5 mirrors and was like "alright well, lets see how this goes I guess"
I had only ever read one webcomic before i literally have no idea how or why i got so convinced into making a comic
but since I was like 12 years old I was like "hm... I am going to make a comic i think." I just never did any research or tried til recently
or read any. I dont know how this happened
keii4ii
Casual readers vastly outnumbering the dedicated ones used to make me feel like I was doing something wrong, but I think that's just how the times are.
Deo101
Yeah :/ it's hard NOT to notice and feel like you're doing something wrong though.
when its like "okay i have 7,000 subs and got 5 comments" it's like ??? what am i doing WRONG
even though... its nothing wrong
it just be that way
hard to match those two ideas up though
almost went to continue this thought in an entirely different channel.
I think there is also something to be said for people not wanting to repeat a comment
like "oh someone already said what I thought so I'll just give it a thumbs up"
keii4ii
That's what upvoting is for!!!
Deo101
yup!
keii4ii
though, tfw highest voted comments are like "I have no idea wtf is going on lol"
Deo101
YEAH.
also do you ever comment on your own pages?
like not replying to people
keii4ii
I think I did once or twice, back when I actualy had relevant info and didn't have enough room in author's notes or something
Deo101
I've done it a few times, but it's usually kind of to ask questions where I can get replies
keii4ii
I have also seen a pro Korean creator post "first" on their own comic because they were tired of seeing so many of those
Deo101
I did that once LMAO
it's funny when people comment on my comic "FIRST!!!" cause i'm like. dude i get like 10 comments it's not that special to be first
but i'm happy theyre there and theyre excited its kinda cute i guess
keii4ii
Yeah, it's harmless
Deo101
and it's also nice to have people think that they have to race to be first
even though they don't
so it's kind of a nice comment to get even if it's not commenting on my work at all
keii4ii
It's kinda like hitting the like/heart button, just with more HURRY POINTS
Deo101
yeah hehe
oh i do 100% like all my own pages though
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I actually get the most commenters on Webtoons but I’m (fairly?) sure I have more readers on my website.
Deo101
on webtoons, I don't do it on tapas cause you can see i did it LOL
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I think I only ever got one First! comment and that was the only comment on that page.
keii4ii
Hey no shame in being your own #1 fan
Deo101
the one time I said "first!" was cause it had no comments on it for like a year and a hal
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Oh no, I don’t like my own pages. For some weird reason I feel like it’s cheating.
Deo101
and hell YEAH! I'm my number one fan so much that i'm making a dang comic for how much I like these characters ;D
keii4ii
I don't feel bad about liking my own pages, but I rarely do it because I wait a bit before even looking at the post
Deo101
inflate your own stats its cool. all the cool kids are doing it
keii4ii
And by the time I look at it, I forget about liking
Deo101
I only do it on webtoons cause I have to manually post there anyways
so i post and its like "heres the page!" and im like :) good job me :)
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I might start doing it. XD I get an average of 5-10 likes per page so why not.(edited)
Deo101
I also rate myself 10* or whatever the max is wherever I can
keii4ii
Yeah, and TBH one like isn't gonna give you an unfair advantage anyway
Deo101
^
keii4ii
If you're making a dozen alt accounts to give yourself more likes, now that's a bit questionable
Deo101
yeah that would be not so good
but you're a real account who likes your work so why not!
keii4ii
Yeah!
Deo101
I also honestly kinda like to sub to my own stuff and like my pages partially to make sure it's all working right
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I should probably rate myself 10* bc both my comics got ratings-bombed at one point for really dumb reasons.
Deo101
like to see when the page goes up and everything
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
The ratings have slowly crawled back up a ways, but it’s always disheartening when people attack my comics for stupid things.
keii4ii
Oh, to go back to an earlier point about asking questions to readers to encourage commenting, I might straight up ask next week if my comic is making any sense.
Deo101
ohhhhh man i dont like swingin at that hive lol
keii4ii
I'll have to word it well because I do not want it to be a pity party
Deo101
but i mean it might encourage the people who do get it to go "yup!"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I do straight up ask every now and then. Sometimes I’ll get a pity comment when I do and sometimes it’s still crickets.
Deo101
also I feel really lucky that I havent had anyone be like, mean to my about my work.
I feel like trolls have really gone down in popularity
keii4ii
like even right now I feel like nobody's getting it (except maybe <10 people) so..... I don't think the answers could make me feel worse
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I meant I straight up ask for comments, ugh, I misread Keiiii’s post.
I GET IT, KEIIII
I LOVE UR BABIES
Deo101
oh man, I could never just ask for comments. if I'm feeling really down I usually send it to my friends like "can i have smth nice please" I just get really anxious asking people for things
not that asking is necessarily bad I just, as a person could never do that
also keiiii I havent read it yet but it's on my list cause the way you talk about your work and what I do know of it... seems like it would really jive right with me
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I usually do it along the lines of: ‘If you enjoy this comic, don’t forget to leave a comment! Getting feedback motivates me to keep drawing!’
Deo101
oh okay thats not so bad
oh my god how are the eyes moving
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I’m shameless, you can say it
Deo101
I have too much shame probably
keii4ii
It is my anxiety moving the eyeballs
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Give me sone of your shame, it’ll even us out
Deo101
please take it
keii4ii
(anxiety with Nitro powers)
Deo101
NOOO dont be anxious im gonna love it
god that eyes shaking emoji is so great
keii4ii
ikr!
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
So fun fact- my real face eyes do that
keii4ii
I think Tatsumaki wants to see you do it
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
It’s called nystagmus and it’s super trippy if you’ve never seen it before!
keii4ii
OH, I knew someone with that condition!
I never noticed anything about their eyes (only heard about them having the condition from talking), because I never met them while wearing my glasses X'D;;
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
My eyes just RANDOMLY do it a lot and it really freaks people out XD
Desnik
I've found that comments don't matter too much, but getting a boost from someone with a big following does
and the only comments I take seriously are from people I trust, although I get it: chasing the internet numbers is fun
snuffysam
what do you mean by "comments don't matter" you mean, like, in terms of garnering popularity?
Desnik
yeah, and as validation they can be a bit fluffy too
my perspective changed when I started printing out my work as zines and got people to buy them irl, it was very eye-opening
very few people commented on them online but in person I've found out they're not bad? And one of them got me a lettering job
keii4ii
Eh, I think it's okay to have different goals. To some people, good comments mean the world, and that's totally valid to want that.
Desnik
I know, just stating my pov
keii4ii
I mean that to some people, a good comment is not just an "internet number."
Desnik
fair enough
I believe I allowed for 'good comments' as being from someone I trust
keii4ii
Me, I treasure insightful comments from anyone who's invested in my story. To each their own
FeatherNotes
I have a book that I write them down to give me a lil boost to morale when I need it! i def appreciate the time it took for someone to write something thoughtful
keii4ii
Yeah!
Capitania do Azar
Oh comments are like.. What I like the most! (not all comments are the same tho). The reason I put my story out there is so I can share it and discuss it with people and the fact that a few take some time off their day to actively tell me what they think it's what keeps me moving
eli [a winged tale]
I really enjoy comments too. I always respond to my Instagram ones but not the comic ones mostly because of platform difficulties
Glowbat (Aloe)
I love reading through all the comments- they really motivate me when I'm having a low point and need a pick me up to get goin on pages. I just wish I was better at knowing how to respond instead of just liking the comment and hoping they recieve my telepathic brainwaves of gratitude
Phin (Heirs of the Veil)
Replying to comments is very hard and I always have the anxiety of "ruining" it haha ;; whatever it is (the person's enjoyment of my work?? who knows)
Glowbat (Aloe)
I feel that- part of me is always nervous I'm gonna say somethin to off put them or smthn.
Though I do try my best to curate comment sections if things are looking like they're gonna get rowdy
keii4ii
YEAH, and/or sometimes you're like "this comment is Awesome and deserves an Equally Awesome reply... HOW DO I DO THAT" and get stuck in a loop
Glowbat (Aloe)
yesss exactly that
I'm not that clever and I require lots of time to come up with anything I'm confident in lol
and by the time I have something cool to say back its been like a week
keii4ii
I made a Discord icon to express my internal response in a visual form to such Awesome comments, but I can only use those on Discord
This one:
Glowbat (Aloe)
Hehe
cuteee
and also a mood
keii4ii
Sparkling tears of happiness
Capitania do Azar
I believe them
Cronaj
Man... I will admit, I barely respond to comments
And that probably sounds terrible
But I honestly don't have time to respond to every comment
As well as the anxiety of not know what to say
It does depend on platform tho
keii4ii
I mean, as a reader I don't expect a reply if my comment is like "ooo nice!"
Cronaj
Generally, I respond more readily to comments on Tapas than on Webtoons, because I only have like 2 commenters at most on Tapas
And usually it's readers who ALWAYS comment, so I almost feel like they deserve a response, even if it's just a smiley face or a "thank you"
keii4ii
But if I've written a long ass essay comment, it would be nice to have some kind of engagement with that. Don't get me wrong, the creator doesn't owe me a reply but it's like... should I ever do this again with this comic. Or is my reply-writing time better spent on another comic
Cronaj
True
keii4ii
I def respect that not every creator has time to read all of the comments, regardless of how many comments they typically get
Cronaj
On Webtoons, I have way more engagement, but most of it is thirst for my characters or talking about the art style
keii4ii
and that not every creator may even aim to get comments
Cronaj
So I don't usually know how to respond to stuff like that
keii4ii
But if that is the case........ I would rather know before committing myself to multiple essay-length comments
Yeah, that is understandable!
Cronaj
I read every comment, but I don't want to respond to all of them
keii4ii
I'm 100% cool with "thicc" comments on my MC's butt or on my tiger dude's legs, but I can't necessarily think of productive replies to those
Cronaj
The only comments I respond to on Webtoons are either a) incredibly funny, b) meaningful and noticing more than the art, or c) a genuine question
Like if someone asks about my update schedule
Or if someone wants to know which programs I use
I had one comment about how good my grammar in the dialogue/thoughts is, and I felt so honored that someone else noticed
Usually I get comments about the art (which is also nice), but I prefer comments about the story or subtleties
keii4ii
It's the best thing when people notice the things that you put a lot of thought and love into
Cronaj
For several years in high school, I played around with the idea of getting a writing degree, so grammar and literary language have a special place in my heart
sssfrs
I respond to every single comment... I get one comment a month pretty much though
When friends or readers say nice things about my comic on any platform I save a screenshot and read them if I start to feel like nobody likes what I’m making
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
I do the exact same
FeatherNotes
Its a good practice when things are kind of slow! Or just for that lip morale boost too
1 note · View note
onemillionfacepalms · 5 years
Text
TW: some stuff i guess, whatever, guess ill do tags.
Ok so, personal post thing, might be long might not. No idea how to do an under the cut thing, maybe itll do it automatically on long stuff, no idea.
So im not sure how to start this out... im really just trying to get this noise out of my head. Im fairly recently on meds for bipolar depression and yeah they seem to be doing ok, i dont really have mood cycles anymore but stuff seems to still trigger down episodes, although not really as severe anymore. Its hard to deal with them though because im not really sure how to handle them, i mean before they just sort of blurred into the background sad and didnt really get noticed but now theyre their own thing and im kind of tripping over myself. A few of my friends from uni have said that i can talk to them about this stuff and family has too but i honestly dont feel like i can... im genuinely terrified that theyll see/treat me differently once they see how broken i feel like i am, rationally i know they wont but i dont want to take the risk. So i guess this post is my vent? A way for me to talk about it without talking about it?
So in like 3 and a bit years ill be 30. That scares me cos at the moment i live with my parents, i did live on my own for a few years but moved back cos of house stuff (non issue) and my plan is to go back to uni this year, in like two months, (context; i had a big breakdown about a year ago and kinda stopped going to uni and spent all my time alone and couldnt function properly, which led me to seek help for my issues, hence the recently medicated status) and the idea of going back scares me real bad. I honestly have no idea if i can do this and i dont know what im going to do if i fail, again, cos i have no idea what id do for work, hell im not even sure i can work well enough to not get fired. Im slow, like physically slow, i dont type fast, i dont move fast and tasks take me longer to do than most people, so physical jobs like packing shelves or warehousing stuff will not do well. Also i know a lot of my family and maybe some of my friends think im bright and smart or whatever but im really not, im a straight up idiot, i just put on an intelligent front and i mean yeah ill retain random trivia and can wrap my head around really abstract concepts but even when i was doing well at uni i was still struggling to understand. I mean fuck, what if i succeed? What then? I have no idea. Ill still be 30 and living with my parents, and that is not where i want to be, ill still feel like i failed somewhere. How do people honestly expect me to be able to just sit down with them and drop all this on them? How am i supposed to tell someone that ive been thinking about killing myself for the past two years, like seriously thinking about it, because im terrified ill never be anything more that a failure. Dont get me wrong i do appreciate my freinds saying theyre there for me and if i need to talk theyll listen but they all have their own lives, their own shit, most of them are in relationships too so taking on the weight of my stuff isnt fair to them.
I often try to imagine myself in an ideal future, which for me is married and living in a house with my wife and kids. Funny thing is whenever i try and picture it it feels so alien, like its beyond what ill ever be able to reach. I havent dated in like 10ish years, i dont see that changing soon either, i really just dont feel like im good enough for anyone. There was one exception to that actually, one girl who made me feel normal, like i was actually good enough to be someone. Ive had feelings for her for like 3ish years and she was the one person i actually felt like i could talk to about this stuff. She and her boyfriend split mid year i think and i thought id wait a bit and then ask her out. True to form i waited a little too long, i was going to ask her out at our uni group christmas picnic but there i found out that she had asked out on of our other friends a week or so before. Hes a really good guy, like, i want that on the record, super nice guy. But i felt like id been stabbed. It hurt so bad but i had to keep a straight face. Im still super conflicted about how im supposed to feel about it, like on the one side im really crushed, and angry, not at them, at me, im angry that i waited too long, angry that im more focused on me than i am on being happy for them and angry at myself for being angry at all. Make no mistake i am really happy for them, i think theyll be good together and im sure theyll both be really happy, they deserve it. I dont really think i have anyone i can talk to about this stuff though, she was usually who i went to.
Look, i get this was a long post. Feel free to just ignore it and keep scrolling, i wont think any less of you at all. This is not a suicide note. At all. To me suicide is like a multi million dollar mansion at the top of a hill, god itd be great to live there and ill fantasize about it but the reality is i dont think i ever will its out of my realm of possibility, so dont worry about that. Like i said at the top i just needed to get this out of my head.
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crybabybyee · 2 years
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i really needed a place to vent.
im so emo, stressed, angry, bitter, and all i want is to be happy again. 
i really hope this feeling leaves in the next few months now that im FREE so i can remember the person i was before this
but will i stay free? thats what im scared about. i dont want him back, no matter how much he wants to, or begs me to talk, i wont.
but im so used to him messaging me every day, even though i would hardly back, and he last messaged me yesterday “i really miss you” or “please can we talk” i dont remember, i dont even open them. he hasnt today, so all i can think is ‘hes forgetting me, hes moved on now’
honestly i dont really care if he finds someone else now. its what to be expected with his list of 20 girl strangers on snapchat, who have no idea who he really is. i hope he gets back with that ex, his first ever gf he cheated on, i think, if she and he are really that desperate and dumb they deserve a life of cheating and shitness. she doesnt even know he has a baby
im not living that lie anymore, no matter how he tells me im the most precious thing in the world to him (not our son, then?)
no matter how much he tells me he loves and misses me. i dont care im never living that toxic relationship ever again i hope
“i only did it because you made all of me die and i talked to them just to feel a bit better i would never have met them or anything”
love that for me
you need to remember this. come back and read these posts even if it hurts
you may have treated him bad the last 2-3 years, but thats the consequence he suffers when he cheats on you
i wanted it to work but i knew it wasnt. i tried to leave MANY times and he wouldnt let me, would fight for me and all that crap
make me believe im the only one
then blame me for his cheating, because i treated him like crap. BITCH YOU WERE FREE TO LEAVE
WHY DESTROY THE LAST BIT OF MY MENTALITY I WAS TRYING TO NURTURE BACK TO SAFETY. FUCK YOU
he broke me so hard the first time i had breakdowns consistently that ultimately led to one awful psychotic break which caused me ‘physical’ pain in my nails which i managed to get under control after a few days with medication, and i can honestly say its the most torturous thing thats ever happened in my life
and he takes no accountability for it.. because i had ‘issues’ before i knew him, but obviously didnt get to that stage because of him
how the fuck do i even find boys like this? i started to believe it was normal for him to talk to girls online and thats how the world works these days
im so glad my old friend got in touch with me a while back, who is also a guy, and told me that is NOT how someone should ever act. i thought i was being crazy and controlling but obviously not, considering hes still just a big fat cheater pretending hes not. its nice to know there are some guys out there, who practice common courtesy in a relationship, and dont start making new female friends from games therefore making their gfs feel like ugly shit.
but i have to live my life as a single mother to my 1 year old boy now, not that he even lived with us before.. just a visit on the weekend and now im thinking he lied about jobs being available here, just so he could purposely stay at his parents and not have to life with me because i ‘make him unhappy’. stupid piece of shit traitor
literally been living a lie....him telling me how happy i make him, how much he loves me, wants to marry me, me going from “no” to just nodding along (considering it, if he proved to never cheat on me again). pff 
and he was on snapchat for months!!! maybe more!! i have no idea how long hes been cheating or should i say, as he says “half cheating”
i would have laughed hysterically if i wasnt in such a rage at the time when i found his phone on new years eve
atleast i started the new year with him out of my hair. kinda.. i have no idea whats in store for me now, he will visit his son occasionally - luckily my mum offered to take him out to meet him and his wack parents that just enable his behaviour and ignore anything bad he does, cuz their son could do no wrong, and IM probly the one in the wrong
im sure therell be more texts asking to talk or to forgive him. theres no way im talking to him again unless i have to because of our baby boy. im just so sorry for him having a deadbeat dad, who couldnt even change for him?
he just doesnt deserve any more words from me. hes taken enough. if hes looking for more closure he can fuck off, cuz he doesnt deserve closure. right now im okay not talking to him ever again. yesterday i started crying remembering how he would treat me nicely, call me his baby girl, treat me little because i age regress at times (i blame the bpd and autism) - and i really needed that. i will probly never have that again with someone. i can be an adult when i have to be, but when im with someone and feel safe or am upset, its nice to be able to be babied a lil and be looked after too. but i can only ever be adult now, forever
i dont think ill ever trust anyone again after this. how can i..?
im paranoid as fuck, and if i see snapchat or instagram or think about private messaging services, im so triggered
how can i trust anyone in this day and age now
when everything is so secretive?
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ikemeu · 6 years
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i havent Actually posted here in a while so i thought id do a small like life-update mostly for myself but also welcoming to anyone else who would like to read ♡
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i got into the second half of my animal care level three college course!! this should definitely be celebrated as you had to pass a really horribly hard biology exam that had, even the teachers admit, been amped up in difficulty now that we’ve switched exam boards. but i managed to pass! with unfortunately just a pass and not a merit or distinction but i managed to squeeze myself in and, honestly? im happy with that.
im not sure i posted about it here but i had a brief month-long relationship with a boy from my class, who ill call K. i really liked him for quite a while and there was a big intervention type of thing with him, my friend jayde, and another friend jason. K ended up admitting that from the start he felt nothing for me and thought that if we dated he would eventually grow feelings for me. that didnt work out well as halfway he did seem to genuinely like me but once his mother asked him about me and mentioned that she didnt think we’d last long and that he wasnt right for me (she said that i was “too good” for him and that she thought he’d end up hurting me), he changed his mind. we broke up after a month, after him promising to take me to the cinema as a date, after him saying he’d love to take me away on holiday to show me places he thought id like.  we’re good friends still and he’ll send me memes and we’ll joke about in class but it still aches a little seeing him be so infatuated with other girls in my class that are so much better than i am.
during all this, i started jokingly flirting with a girl who i found out was bi. her friend kind of rooted for us always saying we should get together and such and we eventually did. she asked me out and said she really had liked me for quite a while and we spent a month together. we went and did pottery, we held hands, we kissed, we talked about the future. but due to my mental issues i had an episode in front of her and it scared her away.  and recently i found out that very soon after we broke up she had been talking to a guy in a romantic way and i know i should be fine with it but some part of me feels... weird knowing she got over it so very quickly and just went onto someone else. i dont really know why i feel like this but i know ill get over it soon
i dont feel im very comfortable with relationships anymore. every time i get into one, they always say that im for them that this will be the one but it always ends so early with promises of still being friends but it never happens. K will stop talking to me once college is over as i have no real reason to see him irl anymore and B, my recent ex, doesnt seem to hold kind feelings for me anymore.
anyways enough of sad relationship talk! :-) im super happy to say, mostly to myself, that my mental illnesses are getting so much better and so much easier to handle. my anxiety is WAY down, my depression is getting a lot better with help of meds, my ocd has calmed so so much and im overall just a much happier person. i dont really overthink much anymore. i can now dress how i want, do my hair how i want.
my only hurdles now are just a few things. im still afraid of replying to messages if i cant see what the message says beforehand, which is why its hard for me to use apps like snapchat. but im trying to get better at that! and i am! :~)  im trying to be more bold with makeup. im still clueless on what foundation is even for but i think im good on a few other things. i dont have the money for eyeshadow pallettes, i cant do eyeliner due to my shaky hands but hopefully ill get better!! a few of my phobias have popped up here and there but im working sooo hard at getting them out of my life.  i guess the last big thing is that ive been very ashamed recently about liking anime. my whole class knows me as “the kid in our class who likes anime”. im not really known as much else. and i really really wish i was exaggerating. everyone calls me a weeb, in a friendly way, but it still gets to me that despite trying so hard, everyone just sees me as that kid in their class who likes anime. its made me feel a little.. ashamed. 
i LOVE being over the top and bubbly and cutesy and sunshine-y, my teachers are constantly telling me how much they love my smile because they say it makes them happy (and wow, that makes me so warm inside whenever they say that), but for whatever reason, people pair that bright bubbly me that i put out as me trying to be anime-y. and that makes me really sad.  i know i shouldnt feel so badly as liking anime isnt a bad thing! but i think ill try and act more.. normal. i dont like being reduced to one thing, i want people to see me for me and not just for that one interest i have. so even if i have to put out a fake me for people to like me ill be willing to do that i think.
anyways! sorry for such a sad ending. this isnt even meant to be some kind of diary or vent blog but i needed somewhere to put this. appologies for it being so long i honestly dont expect anyone to actually read this ahah
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loyalbreed · 6 years
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M Y    G A W A i N     V  S   whatever the fuck people think about him. Im throwing hands down in this post so lets go. A few things before we begin, there are no real canonical?? Ages--to be honest I find this to be debated rather widely. I always hc Gawain to easily be my own age in his Mid 20′s due to where it is he is taken in life. I’m going to apologize in advance the names of some people slip past me, as someone who works 40 hrs a week and is trying to research other things at the same time!! My ability to retain information isn’t as good as I use to be. FURTHER there are many iterations always of the Arthurian Legends. As well as mass amounts of thesis and research material, this is my own pull from reading what I have. O O 1 .  ( This may be a bit touchy please read at your own risk! ) The Tale of the Green Knight is a story about Gawain more or less finding himself. He is youthful at this age in my interpretation he’s roughly in his teens. My biggest gripe and interest in this is the whole Ordeal with The King  ( Bercilak ). Gawain asks to say in his castle for the time being, waiting for his challenge etc. Bercilak agrees on one condition, whatever gifts he receives that he must return to him by the end of his stay. My  G R i P E and own individual interpretation which imo heavily reflects his personality as of now when dealing with women. Is ONE OF HIS GREATEST challenges in this story is his plight with Chasity. Gawain had that more or less taken by him, pushed and pulled--forced on him to think about. The Grand Ol’ King sends his wife purposely every knight to Seduce Gawain. Who refuses her, where he often times is just there sitting. Admitting that she is most beautiful and coaxing his nerves that he finds her most darling. She pushes himself onto him time after time. Night after night. And he is subjected to this. In some narratives it is him desiring her back but making the choice not to because he knows it is the right thing to feel. In others he is most uncomfortable, where its described she is kissing him where he is just there feeling it.  What  i m p o r t a n c e  does this have? A lot actually;  Imo Gawain is a victim in this story. First of all he is unacknowledged that in some cases his own damn mother put this all together. To ‘Challenge’ him as a man and a Knight. Forcing a woman onto him to test his ‘Chasity’--which if we all Know Gawain is thrown out the window as he often finds himself wooing women and before the battle of Camlann comes to Arthur in a dream surrounded by women. However he is forced into this subject at the beginning of his ‘Youthful’ endeavors as ALLOCATED in the story this is PRE KNIGHT Gawain this is one of is basically the story that makes him who he inevitably becomes!! So yes this is established in a air of his youthful tidings.  Also I think this is a great underlined issue on how people don’t think men can suffer the same things women do when they are forced into sexual situations they dont want to be. Hey so lets remember that.  ALSO HEY, afterwards he is put in situations afterwards where women are woo’d by him most easily. Want him. Desire him. Etc, I do not recall reading a moment where he was ever quipped with the desire of WANTING someone himself. Not at all. He loved and enjoys women, but there was not entirely a moment where he himself pursued anyone specifically? If there is I’ve yet to read it and there are far more times where the latter is true. Take the story of Ragnell, Arthur fucks up and in order to save his ass he needs basically to ship his favorite Nephew ( GAWAIN ) off to some old hag lady. Gawain much obliges, he understands and loves his King. Admitedly doing anything for them. The story of Ragnell is great I’d love to write a meta( like with the Green Knight )about that but rn, the point is. Gawain didn’t want to marry her it was an arranged marriage. So when he comments about having left his marriage behind and wishing to pursue women freely again. Like at least he knows what he wants? 10/10 .                 And ontop of that, despite it turning out all well in the end. Gawain was the MOST hospitable husband. He was loyal to her. He loved her. He respected her. And he made damn well sure he was the man he need be for her. It’s stated time and time again that Gawain was a Knight established with this romanticism about him. As if to say he was more or less the ideal Knight for women. This is established more in all sorts of literature as he is always very endearing toward standing up for women. And believing in what women do and their own choices. Further I stated that Gawain never truly pursued women and was always swept up by them in text. Gawain is use to making women happy, when he is around he is most pleased to make them smile. To see them smile. He is around women and they ARE ALWAYS happy. That is just how it is-- FOR ME I INTERPRET THIS as a means that he MUST ALWAYS make women happy. He almost sees it as a job or a conditioned fault of his that he must do. And if he fails--then this is bad on him as a knight and as a person. It is sad in a sense that with a lot of his literature imo it comes off this way, that he just need be this way. he must always be the Knight whom women most love and respect. But what does this have to do With N A S U ‘s interpretation! Actually a lot!!!!!!! I love Nasu’s version of Gawain its rather spot on save for a few sexist things that I feel are a matter of cultural differences. That could easily be omitted and chalked up to Gawain being an idiot, rude, Blunt more likely, or just daft. Most of his rude comments are almost always because the other person has done something that he himself feels its warrant by to say. Where as someone may state ‘well you should know better.’ Gawain would out right tell you, ‘You were stupid and deserved what happened to you.’ As such is the difference, Gawain calling Nero a Whore despite being an adversary of women in arthurian legend marked me as odd??? For Nasu to do that, something I kinda was like mmmmmmmmmmmm. I do not agree, but then I remember how hot blooded Gawain actually is in Arthurian Legend. He has killed people for lesser reasons, started fights because he didnt get his way, and ultimately was a bit??? A brat. So him being mad and choosing the route of acting like child and making rather uncomely comments could make complete sense. Im down for this aspect / interpretation of Gawain. Even the comments about breasts and constantly having a taste or judgement of women. Which makes me laugh because I joke he is a fuck boy cause he kind of is? But he would never? Like he might tell a woman ‘You are not my type because I like this type of women.’ It would not be to insult them but to make that evident! But in my interpretation I make it that he has fetishes ( big breast etc ), but would genuinely adore all types of women. Also that he would be a bit dejected and confused if a woman denies him but he wouldnt be so much as--harmed by the ordeal?  Tbh hes more like THOR so I append any comments I had jokingly though Gawain to be mildly sexist. It really isn’t that he is not purposely saying bad things, he genuinely likes women. Wants women to be women and do women things. HE just knows what he wants. Likes what he likes and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WOULD PROBABLY TAKE A YANDERES LOVE AND BE LIKE???? OH SHOOT YOU WANNA KILL THE PEOPLE I LOVE??? I UNDERSTAND U ARE MOST EXCITED BUT I BEG OF U TO CEASE AT ONCE! Also if they kill him hes just like ‘well u are most welcome to try ma’dam.’ GAWAIN STRAIGHT UP WALKS IN ON BRYNHILD AND SIEGFRIED--WITH BRYN HAVING TIED HIM UP AND STRAIGHT UP WAS LIKE oh this is normal I apologize for intruding. As wel las Hakuno and Kiara--like Gawain is just stupid/daft/is chill with a lot. Which honestly if you put in aspect of a lot of the things with what I said prior. It can all tie neatly over and make a lot of sense.  Okay I think Im done venting/talking about him in this aspect!! I don’t condone his rather shitty words he’s an ass and says a lot of stupid shit. But I enjoy that he has personality--like dont get me started on his loyalty. This was about him + women + his lore and how this effects my interpretation thanks for reading.
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werewolfwilds · 6 years
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i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that
new answers bolded
1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?
my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika
2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
nooooope // nah
3) what was your last text message?
my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol
4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?
hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,
5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?
hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe
6) what was your coolest halloween costume?
a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh
7) what was your favorite 90s show?
uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,
8) who was your last kiss?
(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao
9) have you ever been stood up?
nope //  nah
10) favorite ice cream flavor?
vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it
11) have you been to las vegas?
nahh // nope
12) your favorite pair of shoes?
idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now
13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?
i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?
14) what is your favorite fruit?
hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!
15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?
….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol
16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?
hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)
17) do you smoke? if so, what?
nope dont wanna // no thanks
18) what do you do to get over your anger?
usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh
19) do you believe in god?
nahh // nah
20) does the person you’re in love with know it?
i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.
21) favorite position?
………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A
22) what’s your horoscope sign?
virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven
23) your fears?
literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))
24) how many pets do you have? what kind?
two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog
25) what never fails to turn you on?
i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof
26) your idea of a perfect first date?
im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha
27) what is something most people don’t know about you?
i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.
28) what makes you feel the happiest?
nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to
29) what store do you shop at most often?
does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target
30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?
kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l
31) do you believe in karma?
sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed
32) are you single?
yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao
33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?
i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.
34) are you a good swimmer?
ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao
35) coffee or tea?
ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me
36) online shopping or shopping in person?
depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety
37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?
ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older
38) cats or dogs?
do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you
39) are you a competitive person?
ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah
40) do you believe in aliens?
i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me
41) do you like dancing?
i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina
42) what kind of music to you listen to?
nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !
43) what is your favorite cartoon character?
i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this
44) where are you from?
philadelphia uvu // philly!
45) eat at home or eat out?
hmmm at home. // at home
46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?
i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it
47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?
bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think
48) why do you think your followers follow you?
uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!
49) how many hours do you sleep at night?
it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me
50) what worries you most about the future?
everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol
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January 29th, 2021
     Good morning from my weed and coffee. Its been one hell of an emotional fuckery of a month honestly. To be honest, im not even sure if anyone who actually follows me is still active much on their account much less mine. But if you are someone who does continue to read my vent posts.. I am sorry LOL!! Anyways without further a due. My dad died Dec 14th, my grandma Jan 24th and my uncle Jan 25th. SO to say the least i have been so fucked up emotionally and distressed for the past several months. I will literally cling onto anyone who will be kind to me. And like right now it is quite literally THE WORST person ever who could possibly comfort me!! What the actual fuckkkkery        Like the actual worse person ever in my entire life of choosing the wrong person to start liking. BUT HOW CAN SOMEONE NOT LIKE THIS GUY!! Like im going to try my best to explain wtf is going on but holy shit. Like this guy wasnt shit to me from like March to fucking october! that was just 8 months of hanging out in pur just friendlyship you know? like a dude to dude level of me being the other dude. Then all of a sudden in october i notice how truley fine this person is like WHO THE FUCK!!! Anyways i cant tell if were actually flirting or if hes just being werid cause i guess that is supposed to be “normal”         First of all this dude held my hand in a corn maze and did let it go. But more than that he held my hand WAY before we even got into the maze... WHy?! why are you doing that sir. But i guess its normal for him to do that? its not like he really has any close girlfriends i dont think at least?? We’re texting every fucking day mind you his ex girlfriend still texts him every day too. Probably calls him and stuff. Cause that what living together for 5 years does to you. Before it was just casual stuff and i dont know when we started to get ourselves into. Maybe hes just used to and misses texting someone. It really doesnt have to be me of course. Im just what his best option is and its at my expense. Hell literally text me goodmorning, and good night like its a ritual. If i dont reply hell always make sure to text me good night..... Like my weak ass heart can not stand it.        I wish i could just tell him freely and our friendship could go back to normal cause then he would reject me and it would be normal. but i like where we are and i dont want to ruin anything for myself cause i am happy where i am and i am used to being the support character.      But fuck man i really like you, like you you. the entire piece of you that does things for a reason every time and someitmes you have to reflect on it but you wont ever do anything out of spite. idk ugh i hate this sooo much.     But i told myself since nothing is obviosly inst going to work with him. Im just gonna have to give up on all men and romance. cause theres nothing that can top my standards for men now LMAO CAUSE IT FUCKING EXISTS NOW THAT I KNOW. and i wont accept any lower of a standard. 
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