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fernlessbastard · 10 hours

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im the psychotic wilbur anon (forgot to note im paranoid schitzo and i see myself so much in him ANYWAYS) BUT CWILBUR BPD FOR THE WORLD. (< ALSO BPD.) hottest take is that him and quackity are bpd4bpd and a huge part of their relationship is a learning curve figuring out how to navigate communication with each other and each others splits and such. i also think that wilbur tends to black split on HIMSELF more often, and quackity tends to black split on OTHERS more often. i also think that wilbur white splitting on quackity would be a whole nother thing they have to deal with, with wilbur suddenly being like "you are literally god to me and the only person who loves and cares about and understands me you are the greatest human being alive please let me worship you i love you so much" and quackity just being like "woag dude" LIKE. also im so so so for real wilbur has so much paranoid schitzo swag i dont know how to explain that this man is fucking TEXTBOOK paranoia and he has so many paranoid anxiety habits that make me feel insane. i think he always makes sure to lock the door and check the lock like six times when he comes home and he cant sleep at night if hes alone in the house so he barely slept in paradise and didnt sleep right until he moved in with quackity, i think he has really severe paranoia about imposters and intruders and also barely slept and was constantly on high alert in pogtopia and he could only really sleep when quackity visited or if tommy or technoblade shared a mat with him, i think he also has delusions of grandeur that he has to deal with a lot and reality checking him can be really dangerous especially coupled with his bpd because he then SNAPS to black splitting on himself so hard he makes himself sick, ohhhh cwilbur my sickly man i adore you so sorry for being insane in your inbox

The first ask in question

(Ok so as a disclaimer obviously headcanons are personal and there's no wrong ones and you're valid for reading it this way)

With Wilbur I very much agree, but I don't see bpd in Quackity tbh. It more so looks like ADHD alongside shit like abandonment issues, being invalidated his entire life, being generally overworked and having no healthy outlet for his feelings, having trouble identifying said feelings in the first place, etc - all of which are very common in/characteristic of ADHD. I don't remember him ever splitting. His shitty love life makes sense with ADHD too - deficiency of dopamine makes it very easy to mistake the dopamine boost from "new person to talk to" for a crush (believe me). Hypersexuality is also common in ADHD, as well as emotional dysregulation, alexithymia (difficulty/inability to identify one's own emotions), overstimulation, shutdowns, etc, which can occasionally resemble splitting, but is very different, and works through exhaustion and frustration rather than delusions. Various types of paranoia as well as heightened irritability are also very common, especially when your senses are clouded by sensory/information/emotional overstimulation. And especially the splitting outwards part just doesn't sit right with me - maybe i missed a stream or sth but I haven't seen anything like that in him. Furthermore I'd actually say he generally points negative feelings/breakdowns etc inwards for the most part - and when ADHD is being pointed inwards it usually leads exactly to developing/heightening shit like paranoia, rejection sensitivity, hypersexuality, emotional dysregulation, alexithymia, etc. He can snap and isolate himself, but it's very different to splitting. ALSO - very important part - Quackity doesn't exhibit mania episodes. He occasionally exhibits the type of hyperactivity and excitement representative of ADHD, but it's never this state of delirium with feelings of grandeur, delusions, etc. Wilbur does exhibit mania episodes - pretty heavily at that - and the contrast makes it pretty apparent that Quackity's case is different.

THAT BEING SAID I don't have bpd, so for a perspective from someone who does, here's a rant from @octobre-ackedia: <<On so many levels, Quackity doesn't show bpd symptoms. Not all abandonment issues are borderline personality disorder. I don't think I need to say it, but bpd takes over the entire life of a person, it's not just trauma. And I don't really have much to elaborate on with the ask, mostly showing Wilbur's bpd traits but that's for an entirely different rant, and I need to chill out. Quackity doesn't black split on others. It was not shown a single time. He slowly loses trust in people, he builds walls, but that's not splitting. He doesn't start to irrationally hate everyone around himself, think that people are just cruel and bad, and more importantly don't care about him, suddenly becoming aggressive towards them. He backs off a little bit more with each disappointment in people around him, ending up not so much hating, as avoiding human relationships. And he doesn't have a favourite person, not even Slime who was just so perfectly there to be an example of that. Quackity learnt how to trust the guy, building a friendship, but never became truly "obsessed" with him. He grieved his death, tried to save him, but FFS, that's not a favourite person, that's how human relationships work (or more so, hybrid relationships haha). He doesn't get manic. You could say he becomes strongly confident, hypersexual or overworking himself, but the important part in it is the reasoning. He doesn't start believing he is some sort of a saviour for the world and can build a perfect country, or that he doesn't need anyone for that. He starts a project and might go overboard with it, but it's never this... aggressive as with bpd. With the 9 most visible symptoms, he has maybe 3 of them, which are all clear reactions to specific situations. Unstable relationships? Schlatt became an abuser, Karl and Sapnap abandoned him, he never really influenced any of that happening. The abandonment issues and feeling of emptiness are simple reactions to that trauma. His moves are calculated, he doesn't really show any mood swings, he has a quite clear image of himself, he doesn't experience any suicide ideation or shows extreme examples of self harm/putting himself in danger. And what about the part of splitting when he pushes people away after getting scared of becoming too close? He always stays, in the end. Even when he tried so hard not to get attached to Slime. Where's the white splitting? Where's anything, really. I still stand with the headcanon of them having to navigate a hard relationship, with both of them experiencing severe mental issues, but it's not bpd4bpd. Q is my depressed ADHD bitch, who struggles with trauma.>>

Also I'd say Wilbur's heavily autism coded too - as a bonus it does frequently "strengthen" bpd cause of the type of trauma autistic people experience. Q I see as very much ADHD but I also low-key hc him as somewhere on the spectrum too, though I'm not as heavily set on that

Tldr while Wilbur absolutely clearly has some severe mental issues, Quackity's seem (to me at least) to be more easily and consistently explainable by a combination of ADHD (maybe low support needs autism) and some (pretty damn severe (canonically - looking mainly at all the abandonment + sa hints)) trauma

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whis--ker · 8 months

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Hey so idk if people here are discussing it as much as on Twitter is so I'm gonna try and let people know.

There's a bug/hack with Kaveh rn where if a person with a certain client modification joins your world, they can change the object ID of things in your world to that of dendro cores, then can use Kaveh's skill to permanently remove things from your world. Straight up delete stuff. A reinstall CANNOT fix it. You will be stuck with it until HYV patches the bug and fixes the broken worlds.

Don't worry about using him in singleplayer or with people you trust, because this ONLY works with hacked clients and is 100% intentional if it happens, due to the requirement of changing object IDs.

I assume Hoyo's working on a patch for this, it's a pretty major bug tbh. I believe that pretty much anything with an objectID would be able to be changed and deleted. I've seen people delete Irminsul trees in domains, Childe (Boss), chests and elemental monuments, but things like domain doors, the Abyss door, and Katheryne are also able to be removed.

Stay safe in co op everyone.

#kaveh #genshin impact #genshin #man i might go onto co op as kaveh just to scare people #i read someone confirming how it worked this morning but i pretty much figured this would be the issue beforehand #idk how hoyo's gonna fix it though itll work so long as hackers can modify object ids and kaveh can explode dendro cores #this is a really funny bug tbh #dude someone tried to join my world last night with a traveller icon and no name. THAT'S SUSPICIOUS.#genuinely inconvenient that this got uncovered when i got and started to use kaveh huh.... banished to single player #dont ask me about genshin hacks i dont know shit i just know the basics of how videogames work behind the scenes

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twcbelts · 9 months

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* y’all i’m so fucking miserable as of late, i just feel like crying all the time and i just am not well mentally even though i’m really trying to keep it together rn it’s so fucking difficult. i’m usually not one to post much negative on here as this is my happy place, but even here i can’t be happy all the time. I’m just so fucking tired in every way. also, wifi where i stay won’t be back up until tomorrow probably. i’m so sorry.

#* . ･ › 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐊𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 ˎ commentary .#* . ･ › 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐊𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 ˎ psa .#negativity /#i'm sorry guys i'm just really in a rough spot mentally. i'm so ready to get off work and go be with my kids.#i just really wanna cry all the time anymore and idk this shit in my personal life is just killing me tbh #i dont know how much more of this i can take #i'll be okay i'm just trying not to have a mini breakdown at work tbh i just am not okay mentally #ugh i just wanna cry all the time #i can't say it enough because i barely ever sad cry and now it's just so often it hurts

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diningpageantry · 5 months

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haaaaiiii guyyyyssss (gn) probably gonna be on here more often again soon. life events occurring. have occurred? still occurring, i suppose.

i'll probably post abt it more in depth at some ltr point, still in the very early stages of some stuff. i dont want to classify them as positive or negative things, however they're certainly things.

there's a lot of thoughts in my brain (hah), and ultimately i want to share them, but for now this is kind of me waving at everyone with a smile while my life has an "under construction" sign

#the last sentence also pertains to system stuff bc there was a major split from a significant alter #so like imagine an 'under new management' sign as well #not a host shift tho afaik but the split has resulted in a new fronter who's very active and has been co-con very frequently since #i've been having a Time recently in ways i'll ltr divulge abt but i finally established a solid communication with her today and that helped #i dont know how many splits/alters had broken off because intuition is saying a few but she's the most present and active in my awareness #i think we settled on her name being Lily but that may not be concrete #for a few alters i get like a single letter for their name and i try to work with them to find a name within that letter that feels right #one of my oldest and closest alters has only had the letter 'E' for the longest time and he and i cant find a solid name yet #every now and again im like 'edgar??? edwin??? edward??? emil???' and he's like 'fuck if i know' so like. fair enough dude.#i wonder if he'd like ez/ezara given that's a name we picked for ourselves pre-diagnosis however he doesn't fit that name in my opinion #ANYWAY. Lily is a teen girl in very much every way possible and she's very much an ANP #she is loved but as i type that she made it clear she's having an eyeroll reaction but that is the best i've got lol #i dont really mention system members often on here and mention them moreso to friends however i have a feeling she'll want a sideblog tbh #which is not something i've created/done for alters before as generally most of the system choose to be more private #but she seems extremely social and i want to give her her own space #i hesitate to give her an okay posting on her own on here mainly because i am an adult and i consider this blog an adult space #but im also okay discussing her in reference if that makes dense #anyway. yeah. as you can probably imagine shit has been Going On given there was a major split/restructuring but again that's for later #that's enough rambling from me lol ttyl

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theygender · 1 year

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My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life

In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings

I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭

...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭

#rambling #the friend i showed the message to was the same one i made ask the other girl if it was a date #and he didnt even answer he just raised his eyebrow and stared at me like 'really?'#god im just. remembering how stupid i was in high school now #there were two other crushes that i had who may have potentially liked me back and i may have even been told that by multiple people #but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭#they both were friends of mine and they eventually stopped talking to me completely and i couldnt figure out why #and now i hope its not bc they they thought i was leading them on. bc i wasnt. i was just a massive idiot #you have to explicitly tell me that youre interested in me or want to go on a date or whatever or im not gonna get it #and tbh. that didnt even always work #my first major crush in high school was on a girl who told me directly multiple times that she was into me #but i was even DEEPER in my self hatred at that time #(and also only just figuring out how social interaction worked bc she was helping my autistic ass learn)#so i just. assumed it was a joke. bc no one could have possibly been interested in me and definitely not such an amazing person #i guess at least i have a scrap of self confidence now and im brave enough to ask for clarification now #and if i specifically ask someone on a date at least i would know for sure its a date?#and it could either be lame or cute but i could ask for permission to kiss them. it worked for my gf #i cant interpret signals for shit 😭#i dont even have a valid reason to be thinking about this right now lol its not like i have permission to date anyone else romantically yet #but ive been watching clone high with my gf and abe keeps misinterpreting joan directly saying that she wants him in increasingly dumb ways #and i just keep cringing bc i realized that that was me ahdjsksl....#only difference is in my case it was never bc i was ignoring them for someone else. it was ALWAYS bc i was an idiot #literally i would be there pining for them and every attempt they made would go right over my head #you have to be morosexual and very persistent to date me 😭 or tell a mutual friend whos very persistent ig lol #i know we are All useless lesbians but i think i deserve a medal or smth #ill hang it on my corkboard next to the souvenir that one of my crushes who i didnt think liked me back got for me in high school #which was a plastic license plate that said 'babygirl' on it bc that was her nickname for me 😅#god i really hope people didnt think i was leading them on. imagine someone thinking im a player flirting with a bunch of different girls #without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭#and if we WERE in fact flirting i wouldnt have realized it. i was just SO scared and SO stupid 😭😭😭

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the-kipsabian · 8 months

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#feeling really weird in my body tonight so im going back to bed #idk just.. have had gender and identity issues today. its just. a lot #like being ngc and not out of the closet cause i dont wanna talk about it is so exhausting and im just. yeah #not to mention the whole aroace thing #just been thinking a lot today. idk. i know im not faking any of it but bringing it out to ppl is just. so much sometimes #i have two irl friends who know. one thats thankfully very careful about it around other friends cause he knows im not out yet #but its still exhausting. especially when the conversation goes on those rails while undermining specifically my identities #without these ppl knowing about it. and i dont wanna talk about it cause technically its irrelevant but like..#idk. im just afraid of being left alone. being called awkward and weird and faking it and that its just a phase and... yeah idk #idk where this is going im just complaining now. i would just like to exist as myself without having to explain shit #cause these are terms and things i would have to explain. oh whats an agender? then why do you still look feminine and not enby(???)#how do you know youre ace if youve never dated? or aro?? as if these things dont work the other way around #im just already tired of it but i feel like eventually i should break it out. these ppl are my friends. we have a trans person in this grou #and ppl understand him and his perspective. i guess part of that is the thing im afraid about tbh. that they think im following a trend #or an example. that i havent been dealing with this for at least like five or six years before they came out as enby and later trans to us #but.. idk. its just hard. these identities are so hit and miss with ppl and them understanding and being hurtful later on #aaaand now im crying. this is so stupid im going to bed good night #night is an absolute mess on main #(tho be clear tho ive known im ace for over half of my lifetime now. the five to six years was about being agender/enby. fyi)

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toytulini · 6 months

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can i access the tunglr on work wifi but not discord. insane

#toy txt post #apologies in advance. nonzero chance this means i liveblog The Horrors. of slogging thru work #and or also liveblog. my own going insane over tryimg to remake character playlists now that the characters have evolved enough #that i look at their og playlists like.......what was i thinking #mostly. mostly Bytte #its just #hard to find things that match Bytte or Headloose or both of them and their. fucked up little dynamic both tonally and lyrically?#like in theory i Want to put Shakiras She Wolf on Bytte's playlist. its so iconic and In Theory. it could match. i could force it #in practice........god i dont even know how to expkain how it does not fit Bytte like....tonally and probably not even lyrically #i love bridge city sinners sound and a lot of their lyrics and would love to put them on both playlists but like lyrically and subject wise #theres just.....not much that fits?#i might be willing to try to explain Why It Doesnt Fit if i had more time ? and wasnt just typing in between printing labels..idk #and defining what doesnt work and why might in turn help me find more stuff that Does #i think i need to listen to a little more uhhhhhh. megan thee stallion? is that how u spell her name? for bytte. unsure. its so tricky #like half the shit on her playlist like only a couple lines in the song Really vibe w me idk #i actually just. remade her playlist completely the other day and im less mad at it now but it still could use a lot of improvement #theres not a good like.....flow between the songs? ig?#need to. figure out headloose now also.i think in fairness when i made Bytte's playlist i still hadnt really developed her as a character #much at all yet? idk #im not As Mad at either of Headloose's playlists theres just a bunch i need to add and reorganize and prolly need to trim? and tbh i prolly #need to just honestly make multiple separate playlists for all of them like i did for Suki....#that will be similar and have plenty of overlap but have different nuances for the different eras of their lives #like. idk maybe Bytte needs to just have a Separate playlist for how her approach to and relationship w her sexuality evolves between #how she is as a human and. warlord. and then ig after she is w headloose which #is after she decides to become a demon but before shes fully transformed cos shes not dead yet so the evolution there is still #more subtle until she turns fully. and headloose gets 1) better at controlling the shapeshifting and healing factors and #2) Headloose getting more fucked up kinks. i guess. or learning more of his own fucked up kinks. or whatever #and the influence that has on her as well AND ALSO her like. lowkey toxicity in any attempts at long term rships #due to being a woman in a weird position in a point in history where we probably didnt have a word for aromanticism #...im out of tags. how does this happen everytime

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magicalgirlmascot · 8 months

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My last day is tomorrow. I'm sad.

#ive said it to a couple people now but. getting to do a job i actually give a shit abt doing well at for a couple months #has really made it hit home how much i miss library work. i dont want to go back to my crappy retail job i want this again #this summer was hell on my schedule but. i want library work again. this was very affirming for me tbh #when i was laid off i considered trying to go back to school to change careers but didnt know what to go for #and now i know its because this is what i want. and its next to impossible to get it.

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 year

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#i love fiction podcasts so much. theyre like half of my life #and ive been working on a story idea for years #'working' is a really generous word tbh #but its been in my head and my heart and my google docs for years #and ever since i started listening to fiction podcasts i realized #that this idea would work really well as a podcast #shit man every time i think of this idea for more than three seconds i get another good idea to add #but when i realized that it would be good as a podcast. i realized that i dont know how to write a podcast?#or do any of the directing or producing or editing required for it #also it would require multiple voice actors #damn it it would work so nicely

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gazelessmenagerie · 1 year

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Where can we learn more about Sachipa?

( It’s not much and its pretty much only DBZ AU but here. if it wasn’t already read. I can’t say I have much more just bc I’m still trying to figure out his entire shtick bc this was all just a mishmash of me playing through the story of xenoverse 2 and I had the funny idea to try and bring my OC, Gabriel Na’ashdoitsoh into it. )

( He was originally just a fandomless oc I made up back in 2012 and I just kept dabbling with him without really committing to his story or anything. But upon looking at a painting in my home, i got inspired to make him a personification of the universe with his dust manipulation abilities. *mary sue cringe fanfare* )

( I never got much further than that bc idk what story to give him but he’s been hanging around at the edges till I just decided to try and do some dbz au bc xenoverse was easy to work into and I thought him being a Saiyan would be funny and sad bc of how his personality is to avoid fights up till he can’t afford to anymore. Granted, he doesn’t have nearly as much power in that way as he does being the Universe in creation and destruction. )

#|| Tag: OOC #( i need to revamp his og blog tbh bc I've somewhat expanded on his story but jfc idk how people can just write shit. )#( I barely have like 4 oc's and I only truly /developed/ Gabe/Sachipa the most. in the loosest quotations. )#( I just don't know what to do or how to make them seem interesting without being bland or just feeling like they're copying off something )#( or just. idk. its hard to say why it's difficult for me. )#( but yeh. i want my oc's to have the same amount of work I put for my other muses but its hard as fuck )#( its like trying to shift gears when my brain only wants to stick to one out of fear of misremebering or not knowing how X muse responds to #( Y event/muse. bc it never occured to me and I just ??????? brain turns off. or there's misunderstandings. )#( I just dont talk about them unless I'm asked and even then. its hard bc I dont know what to do with them outside of basic things. )#( im happy other people can just make things up on the fly and write spectacularly. im just not one of them alfsjgng )#( idk its really wierd with oc's dude. but yeah. thats my spiel for the moment. thx for coming to my dumbass tedtalk )#( im going to go hide in my hole now )

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mrfoox · 1 year

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Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over