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#i dont really know what anyone elses houses look like
opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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sludgeguzzler · 1 year
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ever since the pandemic ended and i started going out and talking to people with the goal of "making friends being happy loving life" ive started o realize that i in fact do not enjoy the stay at home doing nothing not talking to anyone lifestyle and that i love calling ppl and that nature is actually the bomb, all the times id rather stay in bc "im just not an outings guy" is actually bc im like. traumatized or something
#do i know what caused this no do i want to stop it god. yeah. i wanna go out and vlimb trees :( i wanna hug my friends#and give them little gifts and non stop tell them about everything that im interested in :(#finding out im aromantic also just completely changed how i see my friendships and myself too#like yeah!!!!! friends!!!!!!!!#romantic tension is a lie i am just quirky & chill like that#anyways i AM looking forward to the thing were havong on monday HOWEVER the fact that its happening on my exs house is#unfortunate. like maybe im not gonna be so chill while there. but thats ok im still gonna try and im gonna be mature about it#is it weird hes already after someone else wohin less of a month yeah but its none of my business anymore#i dont want to confront him thats his own mess im being normal about it. i am handling this correctly#if anyone asks me i will be honest if he asks me i will be honest#i have no problem with the girl i only have a problem with him. i actually really really enjoy the girls company#shes so chill. like she says she loves me sometimes and im like woah! i dont rlly know you!#but its a warm feeling i enjoy it#i wanna start saying i love my friends too#i wanna make her a bracelet actually#thatd be so slay#o should invite her and some friends over just to make bracelets#we could make each other little things !!!!#i wanna draw stuff to my friends#yayayayayayayay i love my friends i wanna talk to them so bad omg omg omg what do i talk about#im gonna ask them about their day !!!!!#sg.txt
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haemosexuality · 11 months
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these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone
#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably#bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice#and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me#bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to#did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others?#no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really#likeable. so ill take what i can get#when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start.#treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember#this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend#will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and#now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen#years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow?#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her#to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all#and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things#and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk#to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl#because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant#connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just#not have anyone forever#i guess#especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks#Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the#gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl#and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively#and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-#anyways. certified magnus archives moment
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rosebudfics · 4 months
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Professor!reader and severus being married but hiding it from the students, bc they dont want the gossip and are just private people in general BUT one day sev forgets to take off his wedding ring and the golden trio go on this whole mission to find out who hes married to; completely freaking out when it turns out hes with reader cause theyre complete opposites while teaching
(Sorry if this is too long or doesnt make sense :^ i had this scenario in my head for some time lol)
Secret Lovers
Severus Snape x Professor! Reader
Warnings: use of the name "git" a lot lol, reader is the astronomy teacher but you can swap it out for any class, Snape smacks Ron and Harry
A/N: I LOVE THIS REQUEST SO MUCH OMG!?!?!?! also this isnt really set in any specific year but its more leaning towards where theyre older since snape you know.. hits ron and harry over the head and harry has the map <3
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You and Severus had managed to keep your relationship secret for a couple years now, with the exception of only Minerva and Dumbledore knowing.
Why does anyone else need to know anyway? It was none of their business!
So one regular morning when you and Sev were getting ready for the day in the early hours of the morning, he had somehow forgotten to take his golden band off. You both would usually keep them in a little ring box at home so they were hidden but safe and put them back on at night, but today Severus had just forgotten to take it off.
You would bid your goodbyes at home before you left together, getting one last kiss in before heading back to Hogwarts, then Severus would put his usual cold face back on.
You both headed to your classrooms like normal, Severus still failing to notice the wedding band still on his finger.
When classes started, everything was going how it usually would: he would deduct house points, snapping at kids whenever they would interrupt his teaching, etc. That is until Hermione noticed a particular shine off her teachers hand.
Hermione looked closer before very quietly gasping. "Holy cricket!" She whispered so only Harry and Ron could hear her.
“What?” Ron asked curiously but not very quietly, earning the attention of Severus.
“On Professor Snape’s hand, he was wearing a wedding ring!” She said in a hushed voice.
“You must be crazy Herminone, there's no way that he’s married to someone.” Harry chuckled.
“Yeah, no ones gonna want to let alone be in any relationship with that old git-” Ron was interrupted by getting smacked over the head by Severus, followed up by Harry getting smacked as well.
Hermione just kept quiet, keeping her giggle to herself.
“Would you mind repeating yourself Mr. Weasley?” Severus sneered down at him.
“...no, sorry.” Ron grumbled.
“Mhm. 5 points from Gryffindor, and that's me being generous.”
After class, Ron, Hermione, and Harry all gathered at the library at break. “Are you sure you saw a ring, Hermione? Was it even on his ring finger?” Harry asked as he sat down some books in front of him.
“I'm certain! The real question is though, to who?” Hermione thought for a minute.
“Harry, why can't we just use your cloak to spy on him?” Ron questioned like it was obvious.
“Brilliant!” Harry exclaimed but Hermione smacked him in the arm.
“That's invading his privacy! It's terribly rude.” She scoffed.
Ron then mocked her, earning a smack. After a while of begs and pleas, she finally caved.
“Alright, alright!” She sighed.
They then all made their way back to the dorm to get everything they needed. Harry also grabbed the Marauders Map so it would be easier to find Snape. And then off they went on their little adventure to hunt down his wife.
They had to do some weaving and dodging to not bump into anyone (they bumped into Neville at some point, terrifying him) until they made it to the staff room. Harry looked down at his map to find Snape and you, they're astronomy teacher, alone.
“What are Professor Snape and Professor y/n doing together?” Ron asked in a confused voice.
Harry hushed him and then looked into the keyhole to find Snape and you talking to eachother.
“Are you sure no one saw the ring?” you asked again.
“Yes, dear, I am sure of it.” Snape said in a somewhat annoyed tone. “If someone did see it, I would be getting hounded with questions!”
“Yeah well not if all the students are terrified of you!” you sighed. “Look I'm not mad, I don't want you to think that, it's just we've gone this long keeping it secret it feels weird to just slip up like this”
Severus stepped towards you and grabbed your face in his hands. “Listen love, no one will know. Maybe in the future we can be more open about it.” He then bent down and kissed her gently, and you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer.
Harry gasped quietly and backed up. He was about to say something before he heard footsteps walking towards the door. “We gotta get outta here!”
They all then scurried off down the hall back to the dormitory.
“Harry, what did you see? What were they doing in there?” Ron asked.
“Its professor y/n, that's who he's married to!” Harry was slightly out of breath from running.
“Professor y/n?? But they're so.. so different!” Hermione was shocked.
“You must be seeing things mate, there's NO way Proffesor y/n is married to the old git.” Ron scoffed.
“I'm telling you! They were talking about how he had forgotten to take his ring off or something and then they kissed!” Harry gushed.
They then talked about why you would ever want to marry Snape for the rest of break. Interestingly enough they next class was with you!
Since you were an extremely nice and open teacher, they felt more comfortable talking to you about it.
"So professor y/n, have you been seeing anyone lately?" Ron asked before class actually started.
You were caught off guard to say the least. "Well... I dont really see how my romantic life concerns any of you," you laugh whole heartedly.
Ron then smirked. "You never denied it. Perhaps another Proffesor that teaches here!" Hermione pinched his side as a warning to shut up.
"I don't know what your getting at, Ron" you chuckle becoming a little worried.
"Well the man I'm thinking of is a mean, old, cranky git that likes potions-"
"Thats enough! You don't ever talk about another Proffesor like that!" You scolded him.
"Alright, sorry proffesor... but im right, aren't i?" Ron smirked.
Harry and Hermione perked up to listen.
You sighed, before making sure that no other student or teacher was around, nd then said "You must not tell anyone."
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mangosrar · 4 months
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call it closure
chris sturniolo x fem reader.
long asf. smut. filth. sexy chris 😛😛😛
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your relationship with chris had always been complicated, a will they wont they sort of thing. you both loved eachother, that was obvious, yes you were his, but he wasnt yours.
you both decided friends with benefits would be the best option. well for him. part of you agreed just so you could play pretend, trick yourself into thinking you had him, and you knew nothing lasted forever, but he fooled you for a while.
everyone knew chris had major commitment issues, but you just didnt understand. he treated you like the only girl ever behind closed doors, but the second anyone else was around, he would drop your hand.
you thought this would be fine, you had him, you had him to yourself and that was all that mattered. until you realised you didnt. he had you eating out the palm of his hand on complete puppet strings. he said jump and you asked how high. you had fallen down a dangerous rabbit hole, and the only way to escape was to drive a knife straight through the heart of whatever it was you and chris had.
flashback.
the house was the quietest youve ever heard it. matt and nick were out so chris had invited you over to smoke with him but you were pretty sure he had over done it because he had gone completely none verbal and just started staring at the wall. he was slouched down on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and his hands in his lap. you were too, slouched down on the couch with your knees up. he took a deep breath in before breaking the silence.
"do you think were soulmates in every universe?" he said. not moving his eyes from the spot on the wall. you could have cried right there and then, feeling a deep aching pain bloom in your chest from his words. you hated how he was so absentmindedly killing you.
there was an abundant pause and a thick tension gathered in the air, you wondered if chris could feel it too.
"are we even soulmates in this one?" your voice was so quiet and soft you weren’t sure he even heard you, until he let out a frustrated sigh before bringing a hand up to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"come on y/n dont start this shit now" his voice was harsh. he kept his eyes closed waiting for you to drop it, like you did every time, but you werent sure how much longer you could carry on like this.
"what chris? im being serious, i dont even know what this is anymore, you treat me like im everything one minute and then act like you couldnt care less is i fucking live or die the next!" you let your feet fall and land on the floor as you sat up and turned to face him.
"you know thats not true" he took his hand off of his face and let it rest in the air. his eyes still closed.
"do i?" your voice was quiet and broken. this was draining. the heavy presence of the fact he wasnt truly yours was sucking the life out of you. he opened his eyes and looked at you.
"we both agreed to do this y/n you cant put all of this on me" he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together and staring at you intensely.
there was a pregnant pause, he was waiting for you to defend yourself, or at least try to argue his point, but you couldnt, he was right, to a certain degree. yes you had both agreed to friends with benefits but you hadnt agreed to being hopelessly in love with someone who only reciprocated those feelings in the dark.
you dropped yours eyes, tearing them away from his and letting them linger on his hands before taking a deep breath in.
"i cant carry on like this, its killing me." he tried to cut you off momentarily but you held a hand up, stopping him. "i wont beg for you to love me anymore chris, because i know that somewhere deep down you really do". he said nothing as he stared at you. he was completely speechless. he felt that pain, just like you did, deep in his bones. you searched his eyes for something, anything, a sign that you were lying and just embarrassing yourself, a sign that told you he wasnt at all affected by this, any sense of doubt. you found nothing.
and with that, you left. you got up and walked out of that house, leaving chris to sit there and regret every singe life decision that had got him to this point, but he didnt come after you, he didnt try to stop you, he didnt try to change your mind and thats what stung the most.
end of flashback.
"im going to pack the car so everyone bring your bags down!" chris shouted from the bottom of the stairs.
you pulled the zipper closed on the bag before taking your phone off the bed and making your way downstairs, nick following close behind you. you didnt even look up at chris. you couldnt, you wanted to take complete advantage of the short amount of time you had left to distance yourself from him as much as possible.
it had been about 3 months since you walked out on chris, you hadnt spoke at all, he hadnt tried and neither had you, both of you just accepting fate and trying to move on, but considering the fact his two brothers were your best friends and you practically lived at their house with how much you were over, it was proving to be quite the challenge.
you just politely dropped your bag at his feet and scurried off into the kitchen, bumping into matt.
"you want me to drive the first or second half?" you asked. considering you were the only two that could drive, you insisted you would split it.
"i dont mind but, you sure you wanna have to sit next to chris for that long?" he lowered his voice slightly, his eyes darting to chris who was grabbing all the bags behind you, as his face scrunched up slightly. you glanced over your shoulder at him briefly before crossing your arms over your chest and shrugging.
"its okay, he wont talk to me anyways" you let out a pathetic laugh through your nose, trying to make the situation a little light hearted and a lot less embarrassing. matt obviously picked up on this but was kind enough to ignore it.
"ill do the first half, he will probably fall asleep by the time we swap anyway" he patted your shoulder and you nodded as he made a bee line for the front door.
matt and nick were probably the worst part of this whole situation. they were stuck smack bang in the middle of this pandemonium. of course they both knew what had happened but they gave you the courtesy of separating you and chris with you and them and decided to move past it. you and chris were both aware of how awkward it was for them, and thankfully, he was mature enough to not kick up a big fuss every time you were around. you hadnt spoken at all since that night, only the odd flash of a smile sent each others way when you crossed paths and that was rare, so when nick invited you on their weekend get away to a cabin in the middle of no where with them, you were obviously delighted.
the drive was excruciating. if it wasnt matt and nick arguing it was chriss shitty trap music playing or the gps redirecting you. while you were driving up front chris hadnt even spared you a glance, he didnt utter a single word to you the whole time.
part of you was grateful but another part of you wished he would have, selfishly, so you could just get over it and enjoy your weekend, but nothing was enjoyable anymore as long as chris was around.
"i call the double bed" chris yelled, running through the house.
"y/n theres a room with two singles, wanna bunk with me?" nick asked, slipping his backpack off of his shoulders.
"sure" you nodded, before making your way to the room, setting your bag down and plopping on the bed with a huff, matt trailed in behind you, with your suitcase.
"come on grouchy pants, were gonna have funnnn" he said swatting your leg that was dangling off the edge of the bed.
"i need at least 3-5 business days to recover from being within a 1 mile radius of chris for longer than 30 seconds" you let out a breath as you looked over to matt who was leaning on the door frame with his arms folded over his chest.
"that bad?" he raised his eyebrows in question.
"that bad" you replied flatley. matt just chuckled and motioned for you to follow him downstairs. you huffed and sat up before stomping down the hall after him.
in all fairness, it hadnt been that bad. the 4 of you had eaten, laughed played games and just had fun, regardless of the hanging tension wedged between you and chris. it was now 11:30 and everyone was asleep, but your mind just couldnt switch off, tossing and turning, checking the clock every 5 minutes. you huffed and looked over at nick who was out like a light. hot tub it is.
"i dont know madi, it just hurts" you spoke.
"has he even tried to talk to you?" she spoke over the phone.
"not one single word, and the thing is i dont know if i wanna strangle him or just kiss his fucking face off" you huffed, readjusting your arms so they were resting on the edge of the hot tub with your phone in your hands, the rest of your body being engulfed by the warm blanket of water.
"im worried my advice is gonna get you in trouble" she laughed, making you blow out a huff of air through your nose.
"it doesnt matter, i cant bring myself to do either" you and madi spoke for a little while longer beofre you wrapped the call up, put your phone on the ground and let your body sink lower into the steaming water until it was resting on your collar bones.
you sighed and let your head fall back, this is what you needed, a relaxing moment, the quiet calm of the night lulling your brain into a state of tranquillity, no matt and nick arguing, no chr-
"cant sleep?" you almost had a heart attack, your body jolted forward as your eyes darted around searching for the body that owned the voice.
"jesus, chris you scared the life out of me, how long have you been sitting there?" your hand rested on your chest, feeling the rapid beat of your heart from being startled. he just stared at you with drooped eyes from his position on the patio chair, opposite the hot tub.
"long enough" he said. his face didnt show any sign of emotion. his stoic expression sending an un willing chill up your spine, despite the warmth of the chlorine filled bubbles around you. chris leaned forward and you swallowed thickly.
"did you mean what you said?" his voice was alot softer and quieter than before, like he was worried you would break at the slight tone of his voice. you couldnt bring your self to look back up at him, he would eat you alive. you paused momentarily, weighing out your options of whether you even wanted to entertain this conversation with him or just cut him dead.
there was no way in hell that you were letting yourself fall back down this slippery slope again, so just like before, you abruptly got up and out of the hot tub, reached for your towel and made your way back inside, without sparing him a glance, keeping your eyes trained to the floor, leaving chris once again, to watch you walk away from him, and all the same, he didnt try to stop you.
"nick open the fucking door!" you whispered loudly. no reply.
resting your forehead against the door, you mentally cursed yourself for even going in the hot tub. you should have stayed in bed and this whole situation would be avoided, chris too. speak of the devil and he shall appear.
"what are you doing?" he stood just beside you with a questioning look on his face.
you huffed, pulling your head back and looking up at him.
"nick locked the door" you sounded so defeated it made his heart beat a little harder in his chest.
"you can come sleep with me, ill take the floor i dont mind" he motioned his head towards his designated bedroom while keeping his eyes trained to yours.
you dropped your head and sighed. how was this happening. you had spent months walking on egg shells, doing everything in your power to stay as far away from him as you could, and now you were forcing him out of his bed so you could sleep there.
he stared at you waiting for your answer. he knew you had no other option, you couldnt sleep on the couch with matt and you were also stood in a wet bikini and a wet towel. be realistic y/n.
"sure, okay" you looked up at him, and his eyes gained a fraction of hope momentarily, before he nodded and started leading you to his room. this was going to be a long night.
"um, i dont.." you paused and cleared your throat. "i dont have anything to wear" chris looked up at you from his position on the bed before his eyes trailed over your body, stood in a towel in the bathroom doorway shifting on your feet, looking like a nervous little girl.
you cleared your throat again, snapping chris out of whatever trance he had gotten into. he stood up and walked over to the dresser at the end of the bed, pulling out one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers, before padding over to you and handing them over.
"thanks" you smiled.
"no problem" he replied, watching you turn back into the bathroom, slamming the door in his face and leaning against it, you werent sure if this was going to work, your left control was wearing thin.
how had it ended up like this? you tried so hard to have some composure but you couldnt help it, he was shirtless, clad in grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, basically inviting you to jump straight on him.
his lips trailed down your neck as his hands ran up your sides, relishing in the feeling of your skin against his after 3 months of complete torture without it.
he brought his lips back up to meet your in a hot and heavy kiss, tongues dancing together, teeth clashing, the works. frantic hands gripping his hair relentlessly, pulling groans from his mouth.
chris brought his hands to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and separating the kiss, before diving back in and sucking purple marks into your neck and collarbones, earning breathy whines from you.
there was a moment of hesitation from you as he trailed his hands lower fiddling with the waistband of his boxers that you were wearing.
"chris wait" he halted his movements and brought his face up to yours. god he was making this so hard. he was breathing heavy and his hair was messy from your curious hands, his chain dangling between the two of you.
"we shouldnt be doing this" you shook your head, eyes wide.
"why y/n?" he asked breathlessly.
"because chris" you whined. he knew exactly why. all your hard work of keeping your distance from him had just been thrown into a sweltering ball of gasoline and chris had completely set it alight.
"call it closure" he whispered. he could see the inner turmoil you were facing. you knew you were about to give in, and judging by the smirk growing on his face, so did he.
you pulled his face down to yours again and he hummed into the kiss, the feeling of your lips on his being something no drug could ever amount to.
he continues his trail down your body, leaving wet hot kisses in his trail, keeping his eyes glued to yours. he was dragging this out, savouring the blaze of your touch.
"chris please" you whined.
"what baby? tell me what you want" he spoke in-between leaving kisses on your stomach and thighs.
"just fuck me" that was all he needed to hear before he was yanking your shorts down and doing the same with his own pants and boxers. he was on his knees between your legs, pumping his cock in his hand, eyes wondering over your frame hungrily.
"so pretty" he muttered before brining his lips to yours again and pushing his cock into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size before he was pulling all the way out and slamming back in over and over again. you were already a mess underneath him, mewling and moaning like you would never get the chance again.
"missed you so much baby, so fucking much" chris grunted in-between thrusts before peppering light kisses down the side of your face and neck. you just whined at his words.
his pace was relentless and your hands flew to his back, dragging your nails down his skin, pulling a low "fuck" from chriss lips.
"so good to me y/n, cant believe i ever fucking let you go" he said as he stilled his thrusts and pulled back, sitting on his knees and lifting your legs up to rest on his shoulders, and continuing his thrusts.
you let out a lewd moan at the new angle, hands gripping the bed sheets as chris arms wrapped around your thighs, drilling his cock into you so deep, hitting that spot inside that made you see stars.
"oh fuck chris dont stop" you mewled, letting your head fall back.
his pace became impossibly faster, every single thrust knocking the air out of your lungs.
you were pulsating around him, your high getting closer and closer. chris dropped your legs and doubled over, shoving his head into the crook of your neck with a deep groan.
"fuck y/n i can feel you squeezing me" his words were strangled and breathless. he brought his lips to yours once again but the pleasure was so good and you were so close you couldnt keep up with him, chris noticed this and smirked against your mouth.
"come on sweet girl, give it to me, come all over my cock" he said as he brought his thumb down to rub hard, fast circles over your puffy clit making your back arch even further off the bed.
you let out a strangled moan of his name before being launched into a pool of complete, white ecstasy, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. his thrusts did not falter as he sat up watching you ride out your orgasm with hooded eyes.
“you look so pretty like this ma”
he wasnt far behind, his hips stuttered before he let out a loud whine, followed by a hiss and a string of curses, painting your insides white, sending a few more thrusts, filling you to the brim, before collapsing on top of you.
the two of you were sweating and panting, both completely silent, just relishing in the feeling of the post sex haze. your hands come up to his hair and you ran your fingers through it soothingly.
he planted a soft kiss to your collarbone before bringing his face up so he was eye level with you. his eyes trailed over your face, creating a memory and he took a deep breath in before speaking.
"i do love you”.
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YALL😛😛😛😛
sorry for starving you guys i’ve just been mad busy but i’m back !!!! love u. bee ❤️‍🩹
taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @chrisenthusiast @urmyslxt @soursturniolo @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattslolita @flowerxbunnie @lovingsturniolo @its-jennarose @ermdontmindthisaccount @secret-sturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @justaslvttygirl @urfavstromboli @chrisfavoritepepsi @kenleighsbl0g @udonotknowme
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princessbrunette · 2 months
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pervyneighbor!rafe mixed w innocent!reader fhfufj .. imagine he's scarin off guys that leave her apt, workin behind the scenes to make sure he's the only man in her life she'll need. sabotaging friendships or relationships even. gettin a real ego boost outta her walkin across to his door like :((( the shower's broken again n i dunno how to fix it .. - 🍓
🌺⋆。°🧉°⋆. ࿔*:・🤍
the funniest thing is he acts like it’s a total inconvenience to him because he’s such a brat at his core, not sure how to express the softness he feels towards you without being a dick about it.
he feels like he’s hit the jackpot when he gets a knock at his door — opening to find you, a little damp, wearing a silk robe so thin that your hard nipples poke right through. you suck on a swollen bottom lip, eyes all worried and nervy.
“and what seems to be the problem today?” he leans on the doorframe, glancing behind you to see if his dad was lurking about anywhere before back at your sweet face.
“i’m really sorry to bother you, but my shower suddenly turned cold and won’t turn warm again. m’not sure what happened.” you huff and he nods slowly, scratching his cheek.
“and… you don’t have the phone number of a single handyman who can fix that shit for you, s’what you’re tellin’ me.” he licks his lips making you press your thighs together beneath your robe. you could have called a plumber sure — but you didn’t like letting strange men into your home when no one was around. you knew rafe — and he always looked after you.
“just trust you more…” you look down at your fluffy pink slides, awkwardly wiggling painted toenails as you await an answer. he smirks when you look away, knowing he’s always got you right where he wants you.
“damn right. lemme uh, lemme come take a look, yeah? probably something fixable.” he leads you back to your house with a hand on your back— just a step behind you so that he could see the way the skin of your damp ass cheeks cling to the silk fabric of the robe, the movement of them clear beneath their cloak.
he moves you aside to take a look at your shower, fiddling about with things, occasionally walking over to the boiler before you hear a small “ah.” and the water runs once more, steam eventually apparent.
“rafe! you’re so smart! what did you do?” you grin.
“dont worry about what i did alright— y’see this? dont turn this lever anymore. doesn’t work, thats what broke it. alright, sweetheart?”
“thank you rafe!” you wrap your arms around his neck, warm tits pressing to his chest through the silk. if he just pulled the string keeping it together, you’d be totally exposed. he feels his cock bloat at the thought.
“yeah, yeah. you don’t call anyone else if you’ve got trouble in here. okay? i’m your guy.”
“you’re my guy.” you repeat softly, before staring pensively at the shower. “would you mind staying? just incase it breaks again when i’m showering…” you pout and he huffs out a chuckle of disbelief through a smirk. you had to be messing with him.
“i’ll be just outside. yeah?”
you keep the door ajar, a perfect gift for him to peep through the gap into the mirror, seeing you lather your soft body through the steamy glass of the shower door. one of these days you were gonna pay for teasing him like this.
🌺⋆。°🧉°⋆. ࿔*:・🤍
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sunshowerwriting · 10 months
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Pact Marks
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(Obey Me!) Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor x Gender Neutral Reader (Separate)
2.4 k Words
Where the pack marks are and how the brothers react to seeing them.
I am very behind in obey me and i still dont know if im gonna get back into the game but i <3 the boys so even if im way behind im gonna keep writing for them. also i know this has been done a million times but i wanted to write one too so :3
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Lucifer; 
His pact mark showed up right below your collarbone on the right side of your body. It was in a private enough place that it wasn’t noticeable 90% of the time, but if you ever wore anything low cut or were ever shirtless then there was no way of hiding it. 
He had no intention of seeing it at first. He felt no need, it was just a silly pack mark there was no need for him to search it out. And he certainly didn't think he'd feel as drawn to it as he did when he finally saw it. 
When he did finally see it he was enthralled. He was so mesmerized by the little symbol that he had to stop you from doing whatever you were doing so he could just stare at it. (And maybe touch it if you would let him.)
It was a hot day in the devildom. Hotter than it had been in a very long time and there was no way you were going to let yourself get heat stroke while you were here. So you chose to wear a tanktop that had as little fabric on your body as possible. You hadn't even thought that your pack marks would be on display; you simply wanted some relief from the sweltering heat. However, your housemates did not let you by that easily. Or specifically one house mate, one that you least expect.
You were just leaving your room for something to drink but before you could get the sweet liquid your body desired Lucifer stopped you.
“Y/n, face me.”
You knew better than to decline a request like that so you turned around hoping to get whatever this was finished with as soon as possible. But what you weren’t prepared for was Lucifer just staring at you.
It made you a little self-conscious at first. But the self-conscious feeling quickly turns into amusement when you realize what he was staring at.
“Your pact mark.” You said teasingly.
His eyes didn't move from your chest. So you offered your next question with caution.
“Do you wanna touch it?”
Mammon; 
His pact mark showed up on your left side right on your ribs. There was no way anyone was seeing this unless they caught you changing or you offered to show it to them. Which was bad for Mammon.
He wanted to know where it was immediately. But he wasn’t just gonna admit that to you. So he took it upon himself to pay extra close attention to any bit of exposed skin you had. Every time your shirt rode up or you took off your shoes he was examining your exposed skin with a magnifying glass. 
When he finally gave in and asked you (albeit in a very roundabout way) to show him you were more than happy to do so. He was a little thrown off at you showing so much skin to him but after the shock he was really surprised by the pack mark. It's almost like he didn’t believe that it was his pack mark.
“Sure I’ll show you.” Your words were nonchalant if not a little amused at Mammon's question.
You immediately moved to lift your shirt. It may have been better if you had just taken it off but either way lifting it certainly did the job. And there on full display was Mammons pact mark. Mammon had averted his eyes briefly when you started lifting your shirt but when you made an impatient noise he looked back at you reluctantly.
His eyes immediately met with his pact mark sitting on your ribcage. The little symbol fit perfectly there and he seemed to be in a state of disbelief. His eyes were wider than normal and his jaw hung slack.
“Why are you making that face?”
Your words shook him out of his little trance and his eyes shot up to your face.
“I’m not makin a face!” He said, placing his hands on his hips.
You rolled your eyes at him but didn't say anything else on the matter. His eyes went back to the pack mark while you slowly put your shirt back down, covering the little mark.
Mammon would definitely need to see that again at a later date.
Leviathan;
His mark showed up on the outside of your right thigh. It was an odd place in your opinion, but the more you thought about it the more you realized just how perfect it was for the avatar of envy.
Levi hadn’t thought about it initially. In his mind he knew you had a pack mark now but it hadn't crossed his mind that you'd ever want to show it to him. But as time went on he did get a little curious. Not enough to ask you about it but enough to start theorizing about where it might be. 
Eventually you brought it up. Asked if he wanted to see it and with some coaxing you convinced him to let you show it to him. He was… embarrassed to say the least. 
When you started unbuttoning your pants Levi started to freak out. You assumed this would happen so you tried not to pay it too much attention. Simply muttering a “calm down” and continuing your action of trying to show him the mark. Once you had pulled your pants down and turned your body to show the little mark Levi had taken it upon himself to cover his eyes with his hands. 
“Levi come on, You're not gonna see anything.”
He mumbled something incoherent but with a bit more prying you got him to look at you. And as soon as his eyes made contact with his pact mark his face went a whole new shade of red.
“It's there!” He practically shouted while trying to avert his eyes again. 
But now that he knew where the mark was he was having trouble keeping his eyes off of it. That seemed to be the way it was with most of the brothers and their pack marks, it was like they were drawn to them. Levi was certainly trying to fight that feeling however.
You laughed at the demon, and started to reach to put your pants back on. You thought you were sparing him the embarrassment or at least some of it but much to your surprise Levi stopped you before you could cover up again. 
“Wait! Can you… can you let me look at it a little longer?”
Satan; 
Satan's mark appeared on the inside of your wrist on your dominant hand. It was one of the most obvious places any of your pack marks had been thus far and truthfully that shouldn’t come as much of a shock. 
He saw it right away. He tried to play it cool. He wasn't even that attached to you so why would he go crazy over a little pack mark. But if you paid close enough attention to him his eyes would linger on your wrist every chance he would get. 
But when he actually gave in and took a moment to REALLY look at it he didn't even bother asking. 
You found yourself situated comfortably in the library. Cozied up reading and enjoying your moment of peace. You were bound to get interrupted eventually but who interrupted you came as a bit of a shock. 
“Y/n.”
Satan came to sit next to you on the sofa with the simple greeting and you put down what you were reading for a moment to see what he was going to do. He glanced at you for a moment before gesturing to a table on the other side of you.
“Would you hand me that book?” He asked.
You did as you were asked and handed him the little book that was sitting on the other side of you. When turning to hand it to him though you were stopped in your tracks when he grabbed your wrist and not the book.
“What are you—“ 
Your words died in your throat when you realized what he was doing. Satan's eyes were boring holes into your wrist, right where your pact mark was placed. His eyes tracing every curve and line of the mark. 
You were content to let him do whatever he wanted so you both sat quietly for some time as he looked at the mark that bound you together.
Asmodeus;
His was below your belly button. It was fitting  and when you realized where it was you knew there was no way you'd let him see it right away. Perhaps you wanted to tease him or maybe you just didn't feel comfortable enough yet. But no matter how fitting the placement was, you weren't showing him right away. 
Asmo begged to see it. He had so many ideas of where it could be, and considering he couldn’t find it on any of your exposed skin, his ideas were getting worse and worse as time went on.
You eventually gave in and let him see it and he was in love immediately. He would not stop looking at it and cooing over how good it looked on you.
“Alright, fine!” 
You were more than a little frustrated at Asmo’s constant begging but at this point you didn’t actually mind showing him the pack mark that much. So you might as well show him now and get it over with. 
Asmo was very excited. You could tell just by looking at him that he was bubbling with anticipation and excitement. His eyes did not stop looking over you for even a second while you prepared yourself to show him the pack mark. 
With a quick motion you lifted your shirt and adjusted your pants to expose the little mark. Asmos eyes widened way before he could even see the mark but when his eyes finally landed on it he let out a gasp. He was enamored by the little mark and he reached out to place his hands on your sides. It was as if he was making sure you weren't going to go anywhere.
“How has it taken you so long to show me this?” He whined.
You shook your head at him but said nothing. Deciding to let him marvel at the little mark for however long he’d behave. 
Beelzebub;
His mark appeared on your left shoulder. You actually couldn’t find it at first. Like you knew one had appeal but you could not figure out where it was, but eventually you did  catch sight of it. It was in a place that someone else could maybe see depending on what you were wearing but you yourself weren’t able to get a great look at it most of the time.
Beel hadn’t thought about it much. He kinda forgot you even had a pack mark for a while but even when the thought crossed his mind he didn't have the biggest urge to see it either.
He did see it eventually though. You didn't make a point to show him but you just so happened to be wearing something that shows off your shoulders and there it was. Beel was very nonchalant about it.
You had been looking for Beel for a while. You had to give him something from Lucifer and you were looking to get the errandend over quickly so you could go back to whatever it was you actually had planned for the day. And luckily for you you finally found Beel eating a snack in one of the sitting rooms. 
“Beel, I have something for you.” You said striding over to where he sat.
He freed his hands momentarily to take whatever it was you were giving him but he didn’t look too thrilled with it.
“It’s from Lucifer… Obviously.”
You laughed as Beel’s face scrunched up at your words but you paid it no mind as you turned around and began walking out of the room. As your back was turned to him you weren't able to catch the face he made when his eyes came in contact with your pack mark. His eyes went wide for a moment and he tried to map out the mark before you really left the room. 
He didn’t say anything, just quietly let you go as he stared a hole into your shoulder. He had never had any interest in seeing the little mark before. But now, well maybe he would ask to see the mark again some time in the future. 
Belphegor;
His mark appeared on the top of your right foot. It wasn't center to your foot though, it was slightly to the outside of your body. You found it pretty quickly as you do have to take off your shoes and socks pretty regularly, but the mark wasn't so out there that someone would see it every day.
Belphie was curious and he asked you almost immediately where it was and if he could see it. He had no shame in the question and if you really didn’t want to show him you could always say no. 
He was quite intrigued by it when he saw it. There was no way he was going to be genuine about that though. So he resorted to staring at it and making a snarky comment. 
“So can I see it?” 
You shrugged at Belphie’s request to see the pack mark. You’ve gone through this before and at this point you really didn’t mind showing him. So you sat down and took off your shoe, revealing the little mark on the top of your foot. Belphie looked at the mark with a strange look on his face, you almost wanted to ask what was up,but you kept the question to yourself as he continued to gaze at the mark. 
“That's it?”
You rolled your eyes at him but he didn’t even look up so you assumed he didn’t even notice. You could tell he was actually quite interested in the mark and you know how he can be so you let him act that way. But if he wasn’t going to ask the question you assumed he wanted to then you would offer for him. You moved your foot closer to him which made him flinch and look up at you. You only gave him an exasperated look before gesturing to your foot with your hand and spoke.
“Go on, touch it.”
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colourful-void · 7 months
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bringing the wild and radical take into sv dlc discussion that i dont think that kieran like, consistently objectifies ogerpon or the player. part of it is just vibes, and im just going off memory here, but like, if it Is him objectifying you or ogerpon, i dont think that means he doesn't see either as living, thinking people. which is a take i've seen?? a few too many times?
when kieran takes you to the dreaded den, his dialouge is soemthing like 'it must be so lonely here, poor guy. i would've let it stay at our house...."
which. that's empathy! he's doing an empathy right there! he sees it as something that thinks and feels??
it's such an odd thing to have as an arguement actually, because "kieran thinks about how the ogre feels" is like. a massive part of his characterization in the games beginning?? the whole point is that kieran looks at this monster of myth and then Thinks About How It Would Feel to be in that situation.
moreover like... reducing Kieran this way kind of takes away from the alternative, which is that Kieran DOES see you and Ogerpon as people, he DOES want the best for you. Don't forget how many times Kieran says "i know this is wrong, but i need it." how he apologizes for stealing the mask, for trying to catch ogerpon. when he loses that battle he apologizes and cries. he doesn't steal ogerpon, he congratulates you even. his hatred is directed at himself twelve more times than it is to you or anyone else and that's a REALLY important part of his character!
Kieran sees you and Ogerpon as people, not just Symbols of Strength or things to possess! But Kieran is DESPERATE, so when he thinks he's going to lose (or lose the oppertunity to have) either of you as friends, that's when he starts trying to cling onto you. him knowing how you/ogerpon feel, but doing these things anyway is the Point. it hurts because you're both hurting, but he doesn't know what else he can do. and maybe this time, if he's a little stronger, things will be different. then he'll be good enough for you/ogerpon to want to Stay.
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wegc · 4 months
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hey! first i wanted to say i loved ur perv!chan hc, and drabble, i want to add something if u dont mind <3
imagine one day y/n/you goes to chan’s house cause it’s raining, and she’s too far from her own home, so she knocks on his door, cause i wouldn’t hurt to stay at chan’t for a while, right?
it’s pouring, so the walk from the car to the front door is almost like a shower, so when he finally opens up, his first thought is “oh my fucking god i can see everything”, all while masking with concern to rush you inside, and make you change into his clothes.
not that he’ll keep your shirt cause it has your perfume on it, or your underwear for… late night purposes.
you guys go and sit on the couch, and you explain your situation to him: your car broke down in a street close to here, and you decided to ask him for help, bit it started raining, and now you can’t go back home. chan really doesn’t mind you staying, but he’s a little off ever since you stepped on his house, so he’s fidgeting a little, stuttering, and you find it adorable, cause he’s just cute like that.
night goes on while you’re talking, and at some point you just got a little too close to him, and he doesn’t know if you’re hinting something, or if it’s all up on his head. and while you’re giggling, and playfully grabbing his arm, he’s imagining the same way you’d latch on him for support while he’s stretching you out.
and then the unthinkable happens.
— channie, you know that i see the way you look at me, right?
…what?
— uhm, what-what do you mean?
— you know, you look at me like you want to… just do whatever is in your mind to me. but you mask that, and act all shy. i just picked up on that.
holy. shit. he thinks, i’m fucked now.
— i don’t really mind, though. to be honest, i wish you’d just act on it, y’know?
and there ends my prompt/drabble!! you can finish writing it, orrr whatever !! <3 have a nice day <3
chan acting strangely quiet and fidgety around you, constantly playing with the strings of his sweatpants, all because he’s trying to ignore the way the buds of your breasts harden due to the cool air :(
your skin’s glowing and now you’re way too close to him, your tits practically pressed against his arm and your voice becoming far lower than it usually is—he can’t think properly at all, he can’t give adequate responses to what you’re saying because he shouldn’t be this close to you and his self-control is crumbling by the minute.
and when you tell him that you know everything—that you’ve heard his quiet pants and grunts in the washroom when he’s jerking off, that you’ve felt his intense stare, that you knew he soiled your panties, or even worse—that he left his phone unlocked one day and you found the cum stained, printed photo of you—he comes lightheaded.
what makes it worse is that you’re a fucking minx—purring in his ear, telling him you don’t mind, telling him that you know how much of a disgusting, depraved pervert he is and how you love it, how you touch yourself to the thought of him doing worse, crossing even more boundaries, how you want him to be the first to touch you, how you want him to make you cry, to ruin your spent hole for anyone else.
yeah he’s fucked.
he shouldn’t. he promised your brother—his best friend. but how can he say no when your begging him so nicely; whining against him exactly how he’s dreamed of? how can he say no now when he’s already bucking his hips against your hand that’s currently palming his aching, twitching cock? god—he’s so close to cumming right there, right in his boxers. he’ll just have to take you. he’ll break this one promise.
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chrissturnsgirlll222 · 2 months
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okok you can make this super fluffy or u can add smut if you’d like, i don’t have a preference. i also can literally see this in my head so i’m sorry if there’s too much lolol. but basically reader + the triplets have been best friends since they were like 6, but reader and nick are closest. she’s had a crush on matt for ages and basically matt finally realizes what he feels (even though anyone w two eyes could see) and kisses her, but they get caught by nick and matt kinda runs out, later being scolded by nick saying smtg like “why are you doing this? she doesn’t need you breaking her heart over and over again anymore.” after that he confesses and at first she thinks he’s fucking w her before realizing he’s being genuine
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sandbox
matt sturniolo x fem!reader
summary - this rec ^^
warnings - kissing, fluff, swearing, use of y/n (i think thats all)
word count - 2400??
NOT PROOFREAD
-
me and the triplets have been best friends for as long as i remember. i honestly think i gained consciousness when i was with them. we have spent countless summers together just playing around outside. showing off our new toys, board games and just growing up together.
we were all inseparable from the moment i met them and have pretty much experienced everything with them. i was always super close with chris and he was even my first kiss at the ripe age of 8. nick and i met first during baseball practice and i was the only girl on the team. nick is my best friend in the whole world and that never changed as we grew up. matt and i are very different people. we always got along and played together as kids but as i grew up i developed feelings for him. i had an eye for him ever since we were 13 when he ditched his date and took me to 8th grade formal because no one else would. he was always my knight in shining armor.
i always thought he was attractive but as time went on i grew to love everything about him. i confided in nick about my feelings when i was 15 and have continued to express my feelings for matt to him. nick promised me that this would be the only secret he would ever keep from his brother and he has kept it for 2 years now.
which brings us to present day.
-
matt was driving me home from school since nick and chris were hanging out with their friends after school.
“did you see that amount of homework our history teacher gave us, i was ready to walk out the second she gave me that booklet.” i say. “oh i fucking know she can be ridiculous.” matt replies. he was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other tapping his fingers on the centre console to the music we were listening to. “matt.” i ask looking at the size of my booklet, “hmm?” he says watching the road. “do you think we can work on these together i really dont think i can get this done on my own.” i mumble, he chuckles looking over at me “i was just about to ask you the same thing.” he smiles.
“ok ill drive over later i need to do some things at home before i start homework.” i breathe. “sounds good.” he says.
once matt dropped me home i immediately began getting ready. although i would never admit it, i always tried my best to look my best when i was around matt. even though we have known each other for years i never wanted him to think i was unattractive.
growing up and watching the girls matt would take on dates and have all of those ‘firsts’ with always crushed me. he never knew it but he broke my heart countless times. the worst time was when we were 15 and he came to me nick and chris after hanging out with his first girlfriend and told us he lost his virginity. that was the night i confessed to nick my feelings for his brother. i spent the rest of that weekend crying in my room about matt when he did nothing to hurt me, i was just in my own head about loving him since i was 13. its safe to say nothing has changed since then and i have continued to be in love with him and i am now currently 17.
- later that night - 6:15 pm
i arrived to their house and walked in after being greeted by their mom and a hug from her. their mom treated me like my own as i was at their house more than i was at my own. she told me that there was dinner left over since chris and nick werent home if i wanted some.
of course all i wanted to do was just hangout with matt.
i made my way up the stairs to matts room to find him playing a game on his computer with headphones on. i walked over to him and tapped his shoulder. “oh y/n you scared the shit out of me.” he breathes clearly startled. i laugh and walk over to his bed and plop down on it. “i actually think i would rather step on nails for a day than do this history bullshit.” i sigh.
matt chuckles while shutting off his computer and grabbing his history booklet and sitting down on his bed. we both got right to work going from looking in our textbooks, to writing down answers, copying the answers from each other and wording them differently. we continued that same process for about an hour before my hand felt like it was going to fall off.
“oh my god matt i cannot do this anymore we need to take a break.” i sigh laying down on my back. “me too i think my head will explode if i keep going.” he agrees. i close my eyes and get comfortable in his bed while he grabs his phone and starts scrolling on it eventually turning it to my face “what do you think of her.” he asks showing me a girl that is in our history class. i just raise my shoulders in response. “words would be more helpful you know.” he chuckles. “i dont know shes the same as the past 3 girls you have been with.” i blankly reply. he hums in response and goes back to scrolling. “so helpful.” he says jokingly rolling his eyes.
“you never really like any of the girls i talk to huh?” he blurts. i freeze not knowing how to respond, i dont know matt maybe because ive been in love with you for years but your too stubborn to fucking notice it? i obviously wanted to scream I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE SINCE I WAS 13, at him but i didnt. my face goes blank and i just turn away from him and go back to resting my eyes even tho i know it wont last long. while me and matt had a great relationship as friends i always shut down when it came to moments like these. matt knows when something is wrong, all the fucking time. its frustrating in moments like these when i am literally mad at him for showing me a girl hes interested in but of course i cant tell him that.
“ok snap out of it what is your problem now?” he snaps. “matt i dont have a problem.” i state lying through my teeth. “anyone from a mile away can read that you are upset right now so just tell me what the issue is so i can fix it.” he pleads. “matt can you drop it.” i huff twars brimming my eyes, “no.” he pauses “why do you keep doing this, you always shut me out when theres a problem. i know that your upset and you know that i know your upset, just tell me whats wrong.” he explains.
“matt i cant.” i say as tears spill out. he lifts his hand to turn me over to see that im crying, his face saddens. i instinctually cover my eyes and sit up.
“theres clearly something wrong, what happened why cant you open up to me anymore.” he says. i sniffle and get up to use the bathroom. i couldnt stand to even look him in the eye. not knowing the strong feelings i have for him.
j went into the bathroom and broke down. i never broke like that in front of him before. every time this has happened i usually just go home and deal with it or complain to nick. this time i was looking him right in the eye and he saw what he made me feel. matts not and idiot he definitely knows why that upset me. if he didnt have a hunch that i was in love with him before he absolutely knows now. everything ive held in for the past 4 years has spilled out and i dont know how to handle what will happen when i walk back in to that room.
knock knock
“y/n can you open the door.” he says in a quiet tone. i put my hand on the handle and press my other hand to the door. “deep breaths” i keep repeating to myself. i crack the door open and matt sees me mascara on my face. puffy eyes and a sniffily mess. he grabs my face and either side and wipes away my tears. i just watch him as he does this. he moves forward to get closer and slowly connects our lips. i immediately melt into his touch and start kissing him back, wrapping my hands around his on my face.
we continue kissing as i wrapped my arms around his neck to bring him closer as he smiles into the kiss. i heavily breathe in as he slips his tongue into my mouth. my heart beats faster at the new feeling. i always imagined kissing matt but this is better than what i ever could have imagined. he moves one hand from my face and places it on my hip.
“what. the. fuck.” i hear nick say from behind.
we both stop and turn around and nick and chris standing behind us.
“nick please dont be mad.” i plead. “i will talk to you in a minute y/n” he says point at me “matt go to your room with me.” nick says sticking his hand in the direction of matts room.
matts pov
my heart was beating so fast as nick followed me into my room. kissing his best friend what was i thinking. she was my best friend too but their relationship was always closer but its still no excuse.
“what the fuck are you doing kissing y/n?” he yells, i open my mouth to speak but he interrupts me. “do you know how much you have fucked with her already.” he exclaims.
now im confused.
“you have been messing with y/n’s head for years now and you have spent the past four years breaking her heart over and over, she doesnt need you doing it again.”
i pause i thinking about his words rubbing my hands over my face.
“she has spent everyday loving you since we were 13 and has watched you countless times talk to girls and being girls around and she has always kept it in as to how she feels. unless you truly have feelings for her that to you was nothing. but matt, what just happened right there.” nick says shaking his head, “just might hurt her more than anything you could ever have done to her.” nick breathes before walking out of my room.
y/n’s pov
i walked into chris’ room after what happened and just cried as he watched me spiral. he surprisingly had nothing to say and the silence of the situation made it even worse. i was freaking the fuck out. i never anticipated kissing matt and especially not his brother, my best friend catching us.
nick walks in to chris’ room “y/n are you ok?” he asks. i look at him and just break down. he walks over and sits down on the bed with me and chris. chris friendly pats me on the shoulder and i smile at him “thanks chris.” i say and he gives me a warm smile.
we hear a knock on the door and see matt open it. “y/n please can i talk to you.” he says and nick looks at me with worry written all over his face. “its ok.” i whisper as i get up and nod at matt.
we close the door behind us and he begins. “nick just told me ive been breaking your heart since we were 13.” he breathes, “why didnt you say anything before.”
“matt i couldnt.” i say tears threatening to come out of my eyes again. matt looks at me with concern. “dont, dont look at me like that. you never felt anything for me now dont start now because you feel bad for me.” i say now feeling angry at him. “y/n but thats the thing, i always felt something for you. anyone with eyes can see that. you know that i never let any girl come into my presence without asking your approval, your the most important girl to me in the world nothing can ever change that.” he says looking at the ground. “bullshit.” i huff. “i dont believe you, if you really ever had feelings for me you would have seen that i loved you for 4 years.” i say tears pooling out of my eyes but i dont care, “4 years matt. ive been seeing you with girls for years envious of their life and then you pass them on like their nothing.” i say putting a finger to his chest. “4 years i had to keep this to myself to prevent it from ruining years of friend ship, not just between us but between your family.” i say pushing my finger on his chest harder and he steps back. “4 years that i had to get my heart broken by someone who didnt give a shit about me.” i say walking towards him now pushing him harder, crying even harder now.
he wraps his arms around me and i fight out of his grip. he doesnt let go as i stuggled but eventually i grow tired and just clutch on to him like if i let go i would fall. “im sorry.” he says petting my hair and i cry into his chest. “you know that i would never hurt you, you are the one person besides my brother that i care about the most.” he says resting his chin on my head. “i love you.” he says. i look up at him from his grip. i moved up to his face finding his lips and connecting them once more. this kiss more sweet than the last.
“ive waited to hear that since i was 13.”
-
thank you for reading xx
taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @accio326 @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry
a/n: i hope you guys enjoyed this and to the person who requested it i hope this lived up to your standards 🤍🤍🤍
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teamatsumu · 5 months
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services. (fushiguro toji x reader)
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summary: With how hectic your life is, you have no room for relationships. But you still have needs, and so you decide to pay to have those needs met.
word count: 4372
warnings: fem!reader, escort!toji, porn with minimal plot, smut, unprotected sex, oral (fem!receiving), fingering, daddy kink, choking, biting, this is so self indulgent pls dont judge me.
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A million guesses in the world and you never would have predicted that you would be spending your Saturday night like this.
The only sound in your living room was the tick, tick, tick of the wall clock, as well as your occasional fidgeting. Your jeans rustled from where your leg was bouncing, an outlet for your nervous energy. You played with the sleeves of your sweater, rocking back and forth just slightly. You couldn’t decide what you wanted to blame this jittery feeling on, your anxiety or the cold. You wanted to go with the latter but you knew that what you were doing right now meant it had to be the former.
Who else would be waiting for a fucking escort to come to their house?
You looked at the clock again and rolled your eyes at your own antics. It was still ten more minutes before he was supposed to get here. Why were you already so clammy and shaky? This was pathetic. Well, getting an escort was pretty pathetic in itself, but this had to be a new low.
Honestly, you hadn’t expected yourself to be in this position. When a coworker had been venting about how your grueling profession and long working hours left no room for having a personal life, you had enthusiastically agreed. It was something you had been struggling with for years. It was the reason your last boyfriend had broken up with you, saying your job was way too time consuming and he felt ignored. He hadn’t been wrong. You were working more hours than anyone else you knew. And while you loved your job and wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world, you knew it meant sacrificing relationships. Sacrificing love and intimacy and even the simple act of a physical touch.
At this point you were so touch starved it hurt.
Your coworker had then recommended this escort service, saying that it had literally saved her life. An over exaggeration on her part, you were sure, but when you had looked at their website and seen how systematic and professional everything was, you really were taken by surprise. The website was clean and organized, and it took everything into consideration. Hell, they even had you fill out a consent form that was almost six pages long, and it had every kink and sexual option known to mankind. The website claimed that the service had a sophisticated algorithm to make sure it matched every client with an escort best suited for their sexual needs, and it encouraged you to be completely honest when filling the form.
Your face had burned as you read through the form, but you thought long and hard about every option you ticked yes or no on. You were lost, truly, because you had a lot of fantasies in your head but many were ones you had never tried before, even with previous partners. It made you hesitate, and you wondered if these were things you wanted to try for the first time with a complete stranger.
“Oh, trust me, you do.” Mei Mei, your coworker, had responded when you talked to her about your woes. She swung her leg and she took a swig of her coffee, leaning back and giving you a teasing smirk. “When I say these men know what they are doing, they know what they are doing. I would argue this is the best option if you wanna be adventurous in the sheets. Because no matter how you respond, the guy will know how to handle it.”
So after many days of ruminating and carefully curating your form, choosing yes on every option you wanted to try, you had taken a deep breath and submitted it. You felt instant regret as soon as you clicked send, wondering what the fuck you were doing. You were a successful career woman, and here you were, hiring a man to come fuck you in sinful ways. God, what had you come to? If your ex could see you now….
Over the next few days, you went through the payment process and finalizing a time slot for yourself. You talked on the phone to a very nice sounding middle aged lady who had the perfect customer service voice, who told you all the details you needed to know, how many hours your were getting, sending you a number where you could contact the agency afterwards, and a whole bunch of other stuff, finally ending it by letting you know the name of the man they had matched you up with.
Fushiguro Toji.
You gulped as you wrote the name down on the paper you were noting everything else on, tuning out her next words for a bit as you stared down at it. So this was the man you were going to have sex with. Was this okay? Or had you completely lost your mind and your self respect officially?
When you finally hung up, you mulled over the option of just canceling. But the thought only annoyed you. Come on, Y/N, what’s the big deal? The lady on the phone said they were a large, country wide agency who had thousands of clients. So they’re probably doing something right. And who cares? You’re a hardworking woman, and you still have needs. You’re just fulfilling a need you have. That’s it.
Pull yourself together.
And so here you were, on a cold Saturday evening, waiting for this Fushiguro Toji to show up at your door. You nearly jumped out of your skin when the doorbell rang, just two minutes before the agreed time. You stood up quickly, swaying a bit because of how shaky your legs felt, before taking a deep breath and walking to the door. You put your eye up to the peephole, cursing when you saw only chest and shoulders, unable to get a glimpse of his face. You were so panicked that you didn’t even register that this meant he was extremely tall. You only clocked in that fact when you finally opened the door.
It was the first thing you noticed. Just how massive he was. Even though his loose sweatshirt hid most of him, there was no questioning how broad his shoulders were, or how he stood so tall that you nearly dwarfed in comparison. You felt your heart skip, swooning. 10/10 for the escort agency on the size kink option. This man was huge.
He had jet black hair, spiky but tamed, and it looked soft as hell. He looked down at you with a little smirk, and your eye caught the scar on the corner of his mouth. It somehow added to how sexy he was, and you swallowed hard. Yup, this guy was a walking wet dream.
You wanted to slam the door in his face.
He said your name questioningly, and you nodded to confirm your identity. Out of instinct, you said his name back, making him nod and his lip curl up just a bit more. You nearly shivered when his eyes quickly mapped over your figure. For a brief second, you wished you had dressed up a bit more than just your jeans and a sweater, but you doubted you could still look half as good as he did.
“C-come in.” You choked out, stepping aside to let him in. He lumbered inside, movements almost slow and lazy, but still smooth. Your breath hitched when his cologne flooded your senses. Fuck. He also smelled great.
Your hesitation only increased, but you shook your head. He’s probably been with a ton of women. His whole job is to look good and be good in bed. Of course he was attractive. The agency had promised that all their workers were physically good looking. You just hadn’t guessed they would be sex on legs.
By the time you closed the door, locked it and trudged into the living room, Toji was standing in the center of it, looking around with slow movements of his eyes. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans, and he was biting the inside of his cheek. He turned to look at you once you were in view again, and you watched him give you another once over. You tugged on your sleeves again, fueling your nervous habit. You heard him snort.
“My boss was right. You’ve never done this before.”
You blinked, not expecting him to say that, or have such a rough tone. It almost offended you, like he thought you were some loser. When he saw your scowl, he immediately raised his hands with a chuckle.
“Don’t mean it in a bad way, sweetheart. It’s kinda cute. Just took me off guard, considering the shit you ticked off on your form.”
Now that made you flush and fidget. The knowledge that this stranger knew everything you wanted in the bedroom was a little unnerving, and pairing that with how heated his gaze suddenly got, and you felt your core stir.
“Would you like some tea?” You blurted out, at a loss for what else to say. He raised his eyebrow in response, making you cringe.
“Or coffee.” You added weekly. “Or we could uh…. just start. Um, go to the bedroom? I don’t-” Your face was so hot, you wanted to cry. Finally, you sighed and gave up, feeling your shoulders slump. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
This made Toji let out a hearty cackle, walking to your couch and dropping heavily on it. He patted the spot next to him, which you promptly took, unable to meet his eyes any longer. You convinced yourself that you couldn’t have done this worse, so there was no way to go but up since you had already hit rock bottom.
“Why’d ya get an escort service?” Toji asked, snapping you from your thoughts. You looked at him and saw genuine curiosity in his eyes, under the bored veneer that stretched over his face. You shrugged.
“I work too much. I wanted stress relief. My coworker said your agency was good. Now I’m kinda regretting it.” You explained concisely.
The tiniest of smirks took residence on Toji’s face at your last words, his body turned towards you. He hooked his arm over the back of the couch, resting his head on his balled up fist as he stared at you. “You won’t regret it by the time I’m done with you, sweetheart.”
Your breath caught at his words, body stiffening. To Toji’s trained eye, your movement was obvious, and it made him chuckle.
“You like that? Well, I can’t be surprised. You’re big on dirty talk, aren’t ya?”
He moved closer as he talked, one hand reaching out until his finger was tracing down your cheekbone, over your jaw, up until he reached your lips. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, and your mouth opened on instinct.
“Wonder what kind of talk ya like more? Praise? You wanna be called a good girl? Or maybe the other kind? Maybe you’re a desperate little slut?”
His voice was rough, the air was charged, and despite the cold, heat flooded your veins. You felt like you could barely breathe, afraid to make any motion that could push Toji away. You felt your core pulse when he leaned forward.
“You familiar with the color system for safewords?”
You nodded almost imperceptibly. He hummed.
“Good.”
And then his lips were meeting yours.
It was slow, lazy, like all of his movements. His lips dragged over yours in an almost sensual way. His hand cupped the back of your head and tilted it to his liking, deepening the kiss more. His tongue teased your lips until you parted them, darting inside to slide it over yours. Your eyes rolled shut, shivers running over your spine, hands reaching up instinctively to curl into the material of his sweatshirt. He facilitated every move your mouth made, as if egging you to keep going, and you responded in kind, arching closer to him, pressing harder on his lips, even licking into his mouth a bit, albeit shyly. You felt his mouth curl as he pulled away, a wet squelch as your lips separated. You whined in protest, not even recognizing your voice, and he chuckled.
“We’ve got all night, sweets. Take it easy.”
His hands maneuvered you until he had you in his lap, and it was your first taste of Toji’s strength. You nearly keened at how easy it was for him to pull you around, and you once again felt your insides clench. Being on top of him made you feel intimately all the hard planes of his torso, and you finally let your hands wander. Toji didn’t stop you, watching your fingers disappear under his sweatshirt and meet his bare skin. You sucked in a sharp breath, tilting your head up to meet his lips again as your hands began their exploration.
Toji hummed, letting you guide the kiss this time, and you realized that he had played his cards very carefully to make sure you would come out of your shell. The thought turned you on even more, and you were absolutely sure that you had completely soaked through your lacy underwear by now. You pawed on his shirt, tugging it a bit.
“Take this off, please.”
Toji bit at your bottom lip. “Please what?”
You felt yourself flush hot, picking up on his implication. Another thing you had mentioned on your form. Your body stiffened but Toji squeezed at your sides, hands slipping under your sweater to rub your skin.
“Say it, baby. And I’ll do what you want.”
His lips were wandering, past your mouth, over your jaw and down your neck until his teeth were nibbling on the skin under your ear. Your eyes rolled up, subconsciously grinding down on his lap.
“Please,” you gasp when he sucked hard, likely leaving a hickey. “Please, daddy.”
Toji groaned, the first noise he had made all night, and it shot straight to your pussy. He reached behind him to tug his sweatshirt off, exposing him in all his muscled glory. Your mouth watered at the sight, hands running over him freely. You couldn’t believe you had this man under you, letting you grope and feel him up like this, looking up at you with eyes so predatory it nearly set off alarms in your head. Your touch was getting more and more firm as you continued touching him, his hands pushing down on your hips to encourage the way you were grinding on him. You felt his erection rub right between your legs, where you wanted him most, and you bit your lip in response. He felt big. Definitely the biggest you had ever had. You didn’t even have to look at it to know it would be a tight fit, and the thought of it made excitement zip through you. Your initial nervousness was dissipating, and all your repressed urges were now floating freely in your head.
You needed him to ruin you.
The thought made your movements more frantic, tugging and pulling at Toji, moaning into his lips when his hands wandered under your sweater and groped harshly at your breasts. God, when was the last time a man had touched you like this? You were so wet it made your whole body arch, pulsing with need.
“Daddy. Want- want you.” You whimpered in his ear, feeling his intake of breath at your words. Toji tugged your sweater off, pushing you back so he could take you in. You knew you already looked like a mess, and the thought made your face heat up. Toji smirked at you, stretching the little scar on the corner of his mouth. Without thinking, you leaned forward, licking at the healed over skin. His grip on your hips got impossibly tighter, and you knew it would leave bruises. He stood up, making you quickly wrap your legs around his waist, before walking towards your bedroom, which you pointed out. His lips never left your neck, nipping at any part he could reach, licking over you. You wondered if Toji had a thing for biting.
He was indulging everything you wanted, but a part of you wanted to indulge him too.
He tugged off your jeans and panties as soon as he had you lying on the bed, leaving you in only your bra. Your shyness seemed to have melted away at this point, your brain so foggy with need that you couldn’t think of anything except having him on top of you. Toji was quick to discard his own jeans, leaving him in his boxers, which were straining against the daunting bulge of his cock. You licked your lips at the sight, and the action didn’t go unnoticed by the man, who gave you a grin.
“You want my dick?”
You nodded eagerly, spreading your legs on instinct when he draped himself over you, slotting himself in the space you created. He hummed and licked his lips, eyes wandering over your figure. You felt yourself clench again at the heat behind his eyes.
“Let me get a taste of you first, sweetheart. Then you can have me.”
And then he lowered himself until his face was level with your bare pussy, breath fanning over it in a way that made your eyes flutter. You shouldn’t be shocked at how brazen he was, since this was his job, but it still surprised you. Your thoughts quickly melted away though, when he licked a fat stripe from the bottom to the top of your slit, parting your lips until he could lick at you unencumbered, swiping his tongue over your heat over and over.
You gasped and arched into him, feeling shivers run down your spread legs. Fuck, he was good. Of course he was good. His movements were purposeful, like he had done this a million times before (which he probably had). His tongue seemed to know every little nook and cranny that needed attention, gliding over your cunt until he circled your hole, sinking into the opening. You cried out when the tip hit your walls just right, enough stimulation to feel good but not nearly enough to satisfy. His lips and tongue left you breathless and wanting more. His massive hands held your thighs apart, teeth nibbling at your clit slightly until you were whining under him.
“Fuck. Toji.” Your voice already sounded so wrecked.
When his finger tip prodded at your entrance, you barely had time to process before he was sinking in, knuckle-deep. You cried out at the intrusion, eyes rolling when he curled it and seemed to immediately find your spot. You felt his lips twist up into a smirk when you cursed, knowing he had you.
His movements were merciless, one finger becoming two and pumping in and out of you so fast you were sure he would rip you apart. No matter how hard you clenched, his fingers were undeterred, as if he was adamant on ruining your cunt. You could hear the squelching of your juices, the sound filthy and so sexy it put you right on the edge. Toji seemed to notice. His dark eyes burned into yours, mouth lifting from your clit to let his fingers do all the work while he watched your writhe under his touch.
“You gonna cum, babygirl? Gonna soak my fucking hand? C’mon, baby. Wanna feel this pussy drench me. C’mon. Cum.”
His voice was so rough, adding to the sensations until you felt dizzy, muscles snapping stiff as you came all over his fingers. The noises grew even wetter, your juices flowing past his knuckles and down to his wrist. He hummed his approval, the sound set deep in his chest, eyes zoned in on your fluttering lips. When he pulled out, you let out a long, deep sigh. Your legs were trembling as Toji made his way up to you, licking up your neck before nipping at your earlobe.
“You got such a perfect cunt, baby.” He moaned into your ear, hips grinding down and pressing his clothed cock against you. “Perfect little pussy, fuck. You tellin’ me you haven’t been feedin’ her with cock on a daily basis? Because that’s what she deserves. To be stuffed full with a big dick every night. Soppy little filthy pussy like that needs loving daily.”
You keened at Toji’s words, your breath catching at how lewd he was being. He hooked a thumb into his boxers and tugged them down until his heavy cock sprang free and hit his stomach, tip flushed an angry maroon shade and leaking precum. Your mouth watered at the sight, not even caring about how big he was or how wide he would stretch you. You whined and wrapped your legs around his waist, trying to pull him closer.
“Need you, Daddy.” You breathed out.
“You have me, little girl.” He cooed, almost taunting. His lips were twisted into a wide grin, looking down at you with unbridled lust. You noticed how red the tips of his ears were, flushed down his neck as well. His hair was pushed back haphazardly out of his eyes, and his body was covered by a thin sheen of sweat. His eyes were blown.
When Toji finally sank his cock into you, in one slow stroke, he groaned and cursed loudly, sinking down to his elbows on either side of your head. He let out a long breath, cursing again before a large, rough hand came up and wrapped around your neck, squeezing the sides just a bit. You gasped and arched into him, eyelids fluttering. The light haziness in your head was now intensifying as Toji bullied his cock slowly but surely into your cunt, no matter how much it tried to resist the intrusion.
“Fuck.” His voice broke a little. And somehow, that was better than the orgasm he had just pulled out of you. Knowing you had that kind of effect on this man who had never met you before, that you were reducing him to this just by your body alone, made you feel powerful. You clenched around him on purpose, and his grip on your neck tightened, making you freeze. He looked down at you, his grin almost manic.
“You playin’ games with me, sweetheart? Nasty little slut. I never would’ve thought.”
He pulled out then, until only the tip of his cock was inside you, before surging forward, hips slamming hard into you. You screamed and arched, and Toji didn’t give you a second more, thrusting into you in earnest.
“You forgot I was the boss here, little girl. Me. Say it.”
You could barely choke the words out, having the wind knocked out of you with every brush of his cock on your g-spot.
“Y-you’re-” You screamed at a particularly brutal thrust, legs kicking and twitching. Toji’s grip on your neck tightened, and you could no longer breathe. Your eyes crossed at the feeling.
“Look at you. Can’t even say a word. Such a whore for daddy.”
When he eased his hold, you took in big gulps of air, only a few moments before he tightened his grip again. His movements didn’t slow down for one second, driving his cock into you at a maddening pace.
“I’m gonna-” You didn’t finish. You couldn’t. Because in that moment, your orgasm crashed into you like a freight train, so intense you could barely breathe, even despite Toji loosening the hold he had on your neck. Your vision blackened, stars bursting over it as you writhed and twitched under him. He didn’t stop fucking into you, didn’t even pause. He groaned when you came around his cock, and he kept going.
You realized that this was just the beginning of a very long night.
………………………………..
It was around 4 in the morning when you tapped out. Or rather, Toji finally let you tap out.
You had come so many times you couldn’t count. You had positively lost all feeling in your legs, and every muscle in your body was sore and buzzing. Toji had pulled and twisted you into every position known to man, spanked and slapped you around, choked you, tugged on your hair until your scalp tingled, and had stuffed his cock, fingers and tongue into your abused pussy so many times you felt like you were dying. It was the most you had ever felt, every sensation amplified, crying until tears soaked your cheeks, cumming until you just couldn’t anymore. He quite literally fucked the soul out of you, plain and simple.
Now you were lying on your side on the bed, watching with half lidded, barely open eyes as Toji tugged his clothes back onto his glorious, god-like frame. He had only a few marks. Your teeth marks on his neck and shoulders, and some scratches down his back. Compared to you, bitten and bruised all over, he looked unaffected.
He turned to look at you, smirking when he saw that you were already watching.
“You sure you’re done? Ya have me for two more hours at least.”
You nodded and let out an unflattering snort. “If I had to go one more round you might have to take me to the hospital.”
He let out a laugh at that, walking closer to you. He fished in the pocket of his sweatpants, pulling out a small, rectangular card. You could barely make out his name and number.
“Don’t call the service next time. Call me directly.”
You raised a teasing eyebrow. “You do personal services?”
He shrugged in return, sending you a sleazy wink. “Only for really sweet cunts like yours.”
You groaned and buried your face in the mattress, hearing him laugh loudly before standing up.
“I’ll see myself out.”
You didn’t move until you heard the front door slam, feeling your lips tug up in a smile. You would have to thank Mei Mei profusely for her recommendation. And now you understood that she didn’t exaggerate the effectiveness of this escort service.
This was definitely not the last time you would be seeing Fushiguro Toji.
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584 notes · View notes
hazelvrr · 2 months
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Chapter 1: The fair
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S/n: As promised here's chapter 1, let me know if I should continue with this fic as I've never written a full fic before so I might be rubbish, also it's not proofread but any mistakes should only be minor. No use of y/n. I tried to capture their personalities to the best of my ability but they are so funny that they're also extremely difficult to write. I tried to not repeat any scenes from the movie, they still happen unless I mention them differently but I didn't want to sound like a broken record.
Summary: you get ready with pj and josie for the fair and they question your friendship with hazel and then you see her at the fair.
Warnings: none
Word count: 2.1k
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The fair was the one thing you looked forward to at the end of summer. Pretty much everything else about summer ending absolutely sucked but at least there was the fair.
Every year as soon as August rolled around, you were counting down the days until you could ride the ferris wheel, get cotton candy and most importantly, see hazel for the first time in 3 months.
Your 'best friend' hazel, if you could even call her that, volunteered at some charity or association of some sort all summer every single year without fail, so you couldn't see her for 3 months straight, which always drove you crazy.
You weren't quite sure why, after all, it was the same with pj and josie because they were away at some abstinence camp for the youth or as pj called it 'an anti sex cult run by a bunch of jealous old nuns who dont get any and are trying to ruin her life because shes hot as fuck' (her words, not yours) so you didn't see them either but you couldn't care less, so why were you so bothered about not seeing hazel?
Either way, you were super exited about this year's fair and had decided to get a ride from josie (only because you were embarrassed to tell anyone cool that you had failed your drivers test 5 times over the summer and had acctually managed to get yourself banned from the local dmv from 'assaulting your driving instructor' which you only did because he totally had it in for you) so naturally you thought it was a good idea to get ready at her house with her and pj.
BIG MISTAKE.
You should have known that pj and Josie, being the horny pervs that they are, spent the whole evening scheming about getting the cheerleaders attention, and how they were planning on getting possibly the straightest teenage girls you had ever seen in your whole life to fall head over heels for them.
Absolute losers.
You were so used to their antics that your brain had completely tuned them out as you applied your eyeliner, sitting beside pj, faces pushing eachother out of the way to fight to look in the tiniest mirror on josies desk.
You had stopped listening after josie had started ranting about the size of Jeff's penis, you were planning on stuffing your face with corndogs in less than an hour, and that was really putting you off the idea, that was until you heard josie say your name.
"Soo, have you spoken to hazel since school ended?"
Pj looks over at you with a shit eating grin on her face, "what she means to say is, have the two of you fucked yet?"
You roll your eyes at pj, not even dignifying her with an answer and turn your head to face josie, who was now stacking snapbacks on her head whilst looking in the mirror.
"To answer your question, yeah we've facetimed a few times and texted a lot."
"Oooo phone sex," pj giggles, "kinky."
You just flick pj in the head and begin applying your lipgloss.
Josie picks up one of the snapbacks from the floor and launches it at pjs head and instead misses and knocks over the mirror.
"Dude what the fuck." Pj hisses, standing up to go over to josies closet door to look at her outfit in the full length mirror, posing and checking herself out.
"Seriously though, when are you going to make a move?" Josie asks, backing away from pj and going to sit on the bed.
You look at her with a confused expression, "what do you mean, we're just friends."
Josie cocks her eyebrow and smirks, "please, you've been in love with her since 5th grade, you know it, I know it, pj knows it, pretty much everyone in a 10 mile radius can see it, except for hazel herself since she's an oblivious dork, but that's besides the point."
You go to answer but pj comes back over and sits back down next to you and you take the opportunity to escape and use the bathroom.
You take your time in there staring into the glass, turning your body around, checking that your hair is straight, your makeup looks good in natural lighting, oh and that your cleavage is poking through your tank top just enough, for no particular reason other than looking hot for yourself (well, that's what you told yourself anyways).
As you open the bathroom door to return to josies bedroom you hear pj and josie whispering, and being as nosy as you are, you press your ear up against the door to listen to what they're saying.
"Shhh she's gonna hear you" josie hushes.
"Shut up no she's not, that bitch couldn't hear a rocket land if it landed on the roof."
"How much did you say you wanna bet again?"
"50 bucks. If by the end of the school year they haven't fucked, I owe you 50 bucks, but if they have, you owe me 100."
"How the fuck does that work, why do I owe you double?"
"Because I'm fucking awesome... okay because I'm broke as hell and am gonna need the contribution for my homecoming dress so I can look sexy for brittany, duh."
"Yeah yeah whatever, its a deal, I think she's coming."
You once again roll your eyes at how pathetic they are. You swear to god that if you spent any more time with them than you already do, your eyes would permanently be fixed in the back of your head.
"Hey guys, you ready to go it's almost 8," you suggest as you open the door, "josie, what the hell do you think you're wearing?!"
"What do you mean?" She looks down confused at her spiritual playboy shirt, 5 carabiners hooked onto her pants' belt loops and her arm sling on her right arm.
"You look like dyke throw-up," pj cackles, standing up from the desk and following you both out of the bedroom door.
Josie looks back at pj as you're all walking down the stairs, "pj you can't say anything, look at you, you've got suspenders over your nipples like a goddamn freak."
Pj flips her off from behind her head and you can't help but giggle as you follow them out to the car and hop in the backseat.
"How'd you break your arm again josie?" You lean forward and ask as josie turns the keys and reverses out of her driveway.
"She flunked out of anti horny camp and fell out of her bunk rubbing one out," pj replies casually, looking down at her phone that displays brittanys Instagram posts from the summer, "fuck, she got even hotter over summer, how's that even possible?"
"Is isabel in any of the photos?" Josie questioned desperately, sneaking a peak down at pjs phone as she pulls up to a red light.
"God you're both pathetic."
You finally arrive to the fair, granted you're 20 minutes late because josie circled the parking lot at least 10 times as pj yelled at her to just fucking park, but josie wanted to make sure she could find a big enough spot.
You hand over your tickets and walk in, they're both muttering about something or other but you're not really listening, you're just scanning for hazel until you feel a tap on your shoulder and nearly jump out of your skin.
"Hey guys," hazel smiles, bringing you in for a hug, "long time no see, wait.. pj, josie, you never come to the fair?"
You point over at isabel and brittany standing a few feet away, where they had been gawking at them for the past 5 minutes.
"Ah, I see," She nods, I haven't seen you In ages I've missed you."
"Yeah.. me too," you blush, looking down at your shoes.
"Oh shit what happened to josies arm?"
"Masterbating."
"What, is her vagina made out of concrete or something?"
"No what? Hazel, she fell out of her bunk," pj scoffs.
"Can everyone please stop talking about my vagina?" Josie interjects.
"Soo hazel, what's this I hear about you volunteering at a slop farm?" Pj questions.
"The national meat association? Yeah it was good," hazel replies, "so did you guys get up to anything crazy over summer?"
"Yeah we killed this girl at camp for snitching on josie, got arrested, taken to Juvie and spent the rest of summer there, nearly died but they let us go when we told them that we're dykes and called them homophobic," pj explains sarcastically.
"What?! Are you guys okay?"
Josie facepalms.
You were about to explain that pj was being sarcastic when you hear cheering and you all look over to see Jeff appearing with the rest of the football team.
You all exchange disgusted looks and then pj notices that isabel and brittany are walking in your direction.
She snatches your corndog out of your hand and hands it to josie and then takes hazels cotton candy and hands her a wad full of tickets. Her and josie anxiously keep swapping the corndog and cotton candy mumbling to eachother until isabel and brittany are standing right infront of you all.
Josie drops her corndog, well actually YOUR corndog and kicks it away in hopes of isabel not noticing but both isabel and brittany look down and watch her do it, then look back up at her and raise their eyebrows.
"Hey can I uh, get my cotton candy back?" Hazel asks as she reaches forwards towards pj to grab it, but instead is hit in the head with it by pj who just ignores her and takes a bite out of it.
You look at hazel and shrug your shoulders, jerking your head to turn her attention back to the disaster of a conversation going on between the four of them.
"Oh hey, didn't see you there," brittany says to you poking her head round to look at you, "how's your summer been?"
"Yeah it's been good," you reply, "looking forward to cheering again though I've really missed it, what about you guys?"
"Yeah, I've been practicing all summer I'm really looking forward to getting back into it!" Isabel smiles, stepping forward.
The conversation goes on for a painful amount of time, every second making you want to gouge your eyeball out with a fork as you just make ridiculous faces at hazel, who just looks back at you the same way before giggling.
You went to follow pj and josie out to josies car when hazel quickly follows, "I can drive you home if you want, your on the way and I doubt you want to listen to another second of them babbling on about isabel and brittany."
"Yeah that would actually be great, thank you."
"No trouble at all," She says, "plus, it's an excuse to speak to you, we haven't had much of a chance to talk tonight."
She pulls out her car keys and unlocks her car, of course its a range rover. Her mom gave it to her as a pity gift when her dad left which obviously didn't fix the issue but hazel didn't complain and just accepted the car, even though she wasn't old enough to drive at the time, which her mom forgot because she barely pays any attention to her own daughter.
The drive is only 5 minutes long, since you live so close, so you don't get long to chat, but she tells you all about the meat association and the cool tshirt she got to wear, even showing you a photo when she pulls up on your driveway.
You lean over and give her a hug, "see you at school tomorrow?"
"Wouldn't miss it," She grins, "meet me outside to walk in together?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
Once you had kicked off your shoes and lazily removed your makeup, you got changed and plopped onto your bed.
Tonight was so chaotic yet for some reason you weren't thinking about pj and josies funny attempt at flirting or how they had made complete asses out of themselves, only about the drive home with hazel, how her hair blew in the wind, framing her face perfectly, how her hand gripped the steering wheel as she reversed out of the parking lot and how her eyes practically lit up when she was talking to you about her voluntary work over the summer.
You try to sleep but instead you lay awake for hours staring at your ceiling thinking about it. You simply cannot get her out of your head.
Huh. Maybe, just maybe, you did like hazel callahan? No. Surely not. Unless...
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daryl-fucking-dixon · 21 days
Text
Tw slap of homophobia
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“Tha’ hell? No way, we’re jus’ friends. Stop tryna make it into somethin’ tha’ its not”
“‘Jus’ friends’ don’t look at each other like tha’ little bro, think yer hidin’ somethin’ under yer shirt”
“Yer fuckin’ delusional, Merle”
“Yer a fuckin’ fag, Daryl
Darly Dixon’s first love, a boy from his shitty hometown. He was like a breath of fresh air after months of drowning, head barely above water. His parents were also shit, but they were never home either, and his house had become Daryl’s safe space.
He was certain this was just his friend, best friend even. But the side long glances, nervous touches of fingers, and awkward eye contact, he’s not sure anymore. At first it scares him, the idea of being gay, he knows what his family would think, and they already despise him. He’s hesitant, even flat out denies it for a moment.
“Nah… I don’ really think m’into anyone”
Over and over, he kept telling himself that, hoping if it played on loop enough that it would actually start to be true. Nervous touches turn into soft caresses, ones that make Daryl’s heart skip beats. His bedroom is small, bed even smaller. It made Daryl nervous, he was scared, but so excited at the same time.
Soft caresses eventually turn into hand holding, and Daryl has long gone stopped watching the TV, cheeks red and gaze everywhere else in the room but in his direction, that is until he gently turns Daryl head, forcing him to make eye contact in what felt like years.
He smiled at Daryl, and it was like the whole world had just completely stopped, only the two of them alone together. He pulled Daryl’s hand to his chest, shyly glancing at him before tugging his arm over his shoulder, crashing into Daryl’s lips. He was taken aback at first, but easily melted into it, his heart hammering and cock twitching.
Simple and innocent hangouts had morphed into messy and heated makeout sessions, each kiss deeper than the last. It was like their own personal routine, waltz around his empty house before going to curl up together in his bed, kissing, touching, exploring each other. He was Daryl’s very first time, making him feel so good in a way he wasn’t even sure was possible without drugs. He was Daryl’s very first love, first kiss, the first time he felt safe.
He was Daryl Dixon’s very first everything.
。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆
“Eeeerm actually Daryl wouldnt gay because well I dont see him being gay 🤓🤓” Like what does a gay person look like to you bro I can assure you I do not give af if you think hes gay or not please dont hop on my page with no shit bc I always have the time TRUST😭🙏🏾
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ugotcooneycrossed · 4 months
Text
a christmas education • kyra cooney-cross
a/n: little something based off this since its christmas tmr
you're determined to educate your girlfriend on all things christmas
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------------------------------------------------------------the build up to an appropriate time to blast christmas music has you buzzing. having been on the team for two years now- everyone has promptly banned you from anything christmas related until december first. a rule in place after your first year with the team, when you rocked up to training donning a santa hat, singing jingle bells at the top of your lungs, two days after halloween.
so, the moment your alarm sounds on the first of december- you shoot up in bed, in your excitement, you momentarily forget your girlfriend spent the night, and you send her tumbling out of bed.
leaning over the other side you smile at her sheepishly- she's sprawled out on the floor, face hidden in the mass of blankets she brought down with her.
"oops- sorry ky."
she sends you a thumbs up- sitting up fully now. her hair still messy and yawning.
"come on kyra- it's christmas time!"
"it's only the first baby."
"umm yeah- the first of december! now come on-there is so much christmas music we can listen to from now until training."
-
"tell me baby- do you recognise me?! its been a year, it doesnt surprise me!"
"oh god- here she comes."
you dance into the change rooms- invisible microphone in hand. your christmas sweater-complete with flashing lights, bells, and a protruding, squeaky, red nose- jingles as you shimmy your way to your locker.
"merry christmas everyone!"
kyra comes in after you- dragging her feet, she stops at lia, whispering in the older woman's ear.
"why didnt you tell me she's crazy?"
-
you steal the gym speaker before anyone else can-connecting your phone and ignoring the groans that ring out.
"babe! what's your favourite christmas song?"
"uhh- i don't know."
"what do you mean, you dont know?!"
"if im being honest (y/n), i dont know much about christmas stuff."
kyra shrugs-brushing off it off, smiling at you. but when she see's your mouth hanging open- eyes bewildered and unresponsive, her smile faulters.
"babe?"
"what do you mean, 'you dont know much' about christmas kyra!"
"dunno- just never really thought much about it."
"we- i need to fix this."
-
"so, first we decorate the tree- yes i did take everything off, so we can do it all over again together and listen to all the christmas music possible, then we're going to decorate gingerbread houses and watch all the christmas movies."
you smile proudly- standing in front of your now bare christmas tree.
-
"rudolph the red nose reindeer- something, something, some-something."
kyra sings softy under her breath- moving around the tree- hanging the ornaments on gently.
finally, you reach down- handing her the star, and nodding to the top of the tree.
"you want me to put this on?"
"yeah!"
-
"okay- so we'll start with the grinch- and then see where we get from there!"
you watch kyra decorate and watch the movie with a grin- something about kyra loving the grinch just makes so much sense.
-
"done!"
you look up from yours- the final touches perfecting your house, you look at her's, then yours, then back to hers.
she's brandishing it to you proudly- grinning at you with frosting around her lips.
the roof of her house has collapsed in- some of her gummy lollies half bitten and stuck to random parts of the house. most of the frosting probably eaten instead of holding together the walls of her house.
"its beautiful?"
"thanks! i know right!"
-
"now this is my favourite part of christmas."
you take her hand- leading her to your bedroom, the door open.
"your bed?"
"no you idiot- look up!"
"why do you have a random bush-"
"its mistletoe ky."
"ohhh- oh- oh."
you put your hands around her neck- her own wrapping around your waist- and you share a sweet kiss.
"mmh- you taste like frosting."
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manicpixiefelix · 3 months
Text
he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way)
{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }
Summary: When Oliver's lies are revealed to you and Felix, you have a much better time understanding his reasoning for it all, and Oliver convinces you to help talk Felix around into hopefully forgiving him. Felix, however, just grows more frustrated as it appears that you've very quickly moved on from the betray, and are urging him to do so too. Meanwhile, Oliver has come to realise that no matter the outcome, Felix will never really want anyone else if he has you by his side.
Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.
Warnings: death (YOU DIE IN THIS ONE), murder via overdose, oliver's birthday party situation, oliver being incredibly manipulative, reader and felix arguing a lot, felix being a bit of a dick, angst with an unhappy ending, toxic felix/oliver endgame, heavy drinking and drug use
{ now with an epilogue }
A/N: 6267 words. ooft ouch ooft my heart. i dont like reader & fi fighting and this whole thing fucked me up bigtime. like bigtime bigtime. big angst, please heed the warnings. what do you think about this one? i like it even if it made me cryyyy
TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)
----
"Please," Oliver's lip trembles when he grabs your sleeve. He doesn't try and chase Felix after you all get back from the disastrous trip to his parents' house, perhaps part of him knew he wouldn't get through to him in this state, so he latches on to you instead, "you- you know," and even just the helpless sense of desire in his voice is familiar to you, "I just wanted to be his friend, be your friend; be close to you both -" Oliver's fidgeting with your sleeve and your heart's breaking for him, despite the betrayal of his lies.
"Ollie-" you sighed, but he took both your hands in his, tears gathering in the beautiful blue eyes you've come to care so deeply about in the past year.
"I never meant any harm," he insists. His hands are shaking.
"I know, Ollie," you finally concede, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.
"He won't listen to me- won't believe me; please, please, I need you to believe me, I need Felix -" and though he can't seem to finish the request, it's enough. The lies he's told, what they mean for the friendship you've all forged, it makes you feel more than a little queasy, but you think you understand him. At least better than Felix would in this moment.
"I'll try," though your tone doesn't inspire confidence, "just give him space, give him time -"
"I don't have time," Oliver croaks out weakly, gave dropping to the floor, "he'll throw me out tomorrow and never look at me again," this time, when his grip on your hands tightens, it becomes almost painful, face scrunching up as if dreading the tears he was about to shed, the things he was about to say; "and even if you don't hate me the way he does, I'll be losing you too."
Your silence speaks volumes. You hate that he's right.
"You know you're the only hope I've got left." Oliver's nails dig into your skin, but your hands don't shake.
"I will try, that's all I can do."
By the time you get to your room, Felix is already cutting up lines of coke with a delicate little razor from one of the various stashes you and the other wards of the Saltburn Estate had hidden throughout the building over the years. He doesn't look up when you enter, quietly, and furiously focused on the task at hand, cross-legged in the middle of your bed.
Sitting behind him, you lean in to press your forehead between his shoulders, sighing deeply.
"Yeah," Felix mumbles, "it's a bit like that, isn't it?"
Squeezing your eyes closed, all you can see is the love and desperation in OIiver's eyes as he'd held you back, begged for your understanding, forgiveness, friendship -
"You never loved someone so much you'd do anything to keep them around?" You asked softly, and feel Felix go still, "you never lied about your family because you were worried about how people would react if they knew the truth?" The more you consider, the less anger you feel towards what Oliver had done.
"You're different," Felix's voice is carefully neutral. There's a pause, a snort, a line of white powder going up his nose, "you didn't pretend that your dad died just to get sympathy out of me," he points out, already picking at the threads of similarity that you'd laid before him in hopes of softening the betrayal he felt so strongly.
Then he's moving again, doing things you're still not sure of, forehead still pressed to the fabric of his shirt between his shoulders. Sighing, louder this time, you go to say something more, to try and argue your case further, but Felix cuts you off. It's the sharpest he's ever been with you, you think, practically orders you not to talk about this anymore.
Then, he shifts, he reaches for you behind himself, and you move with him, without prompting. Felix leans back, and you move to his side, allow yourself to settle your head on his chest, looking up at him. One hand loosely draped over you, Felix tucks his other behind his head, eyes closed; even if they were open, he wouldn't be looking at you.
"Just shut up about Ollie, just shut up -" his tone is much softer now, but his words still bite more than you're used to, "I don't want to hear anything about fucking Oliver Quick right now." There's a nausea twisting in your gut that you're unfamiliar with, heavy and upsetting, that you somehow know has everything to do with Felix's tone. Part of you feels so embarrassed for even feeling like this, for being so wrapped up in pleasing him that even the slightest hint of disapproval for the first time in years has you so viscerally uncomfortable.
The other part of you ducks your gaze, and curls up against his side, obedient.
"Sure, Fi."
A long silence, softened only by Felix's deep breathing for several long moments before you finally feel him relax.
"I love you," it sounds almost like an apology. You wonder if he knows how to do that. Still, the nausea in your gut immediately begins to clear. This time, when you close your eyes, you try to just be present in the moment for what it is, Felix's arm around you, his steady heartbeat warm beneath your ear; you can find contentment here if you tried.
Much to your chagrin, Felix's mood and feelings of betrayal also meant he was no longer interested in the full costume you'd put together for him for Oliver's birthday party. He's well aware his mother would be appalled if he just showed up in jeans and a shirt, so he reluctantly pulls on the wings you'd spray painted up on the roof a few days before.
"I put time into this, Fi," you pleaded softly, looking at the rest of the costume you'd put together hanging sadly, untouched in his wardrobe.
"Maybe I just want to save it for a happy occasion," Felix refused to even sit down at the dresser, despite where you'd neatly set out both of your accessories for the night. He doesn't even spare the various, gold accoutrements that you'd curated for his costume a second glance, simply fusses with his hair in a way that won't even last.
"You're being ridiculous about this," you finally voice, unable to stop yourself, "he's still Our Oliver, his family doesn't change that -"
Felix goes still in the mirror, expression displeased when he meets your eyes in the reflection. Nausea again. You never want him to look at you like this ever again; you half want to apologise already.
"I don't care about his family, I care about how I don't know if I can believe anything he says! He lied to you, to me, he was clearly lying to his family, considering they have no idea he'd be nothing but a fucking joke at uni if it wasn't for me!" The outburst blindsides you, it seems to even blindside Felix, who has to take a few moments to compose himself before he can look you in the eyes again. Softly, that look of betrayal is turned upon you, "how can you be okay with that?"
A million answers blow through your mind - love, compartmentalisation, hypocrisy - but none feel right. There's no way for you to justify this to Felix, at least, not one that would make him happy, make him understand.
"Our Oliver-" but as he's standing, he cuts himself off, shaking his head, "Your Oliver -" but the words get stuck in his throat. After a beat, he scrubs his face over his hands, "I just don't understand," far calmer, he lets out a deep breath and continues, "how you got over this so fast," but before you can answer, his eyes open, and there's no fire, nor fury, just hurt; "and I need you right now, but not if you're going to be like this."
Oh, you're going to be sick.
It's apologies that spew out of you, nervous, still only half ready, and regretting every word that made Felix look at you like that. He tries awkwardly to tell you that it's not that bad, that he just wishes it felt like you were on his team. Insisting that you are gets you a weak smile from your best friend, but he still leaves seeming unconvinced.
There are voices outside, on the grounds. The party has begun, the sun will be set soon.
Half of your costume hangs up beside Felix's, your elegant, green gossamer robe shining next to the matching, gold gossamer pirate shirt that you had made for Felix. Neither leave the wardrobe, and perhaps you are underdressed in what was basically a set of incredibly ornate, bejewelled, and bedazzled lingerie, and boots, but you couldn't even bring yourself to care.
Perhaps, you consider, if Felix had blown up before you'd gotten this much on, you'd be as dressed down as he was for the event.
Before you leave, however, you go to double check yourself in the mirror, and don't think to knock. Oliver catches sight of you in the mirror before you properly realise he's there. Both freeze, both deer trapped in each other's proverbial headlights. Both with red-rimmed eyes. You wonder if he knows, if he waited with baited breath and an ear pressed to the bedroom door as Felix tore him down and you immediately gave him up to keep your best friend happy.
"You look like a dream," Oliver's voice is hoarse, and he turns to properly face you, to give your costume a generous look over, "merry wanderer of the night," he offers, meeting your gaze again. The line, pulled straight from the play upon which the whole night was based, was one you'd gleefully recounted to him when you told him you would be going as Puck.
There's a slight, sad smile on his lips, a shyness to the way he leans against the counter, but none of the awkwardness he carries around others. There, in his boxers alone, you realise how vulnerable he truly is in this moment, the moment you've so callously interrupted. But Oliver doesn't call you out, nor does he shy away from your gaze.
All words have escaped you in this moment, however. Even the idea of Felix's reaction to his moment makes you feel ill, but part of your heart still breaks for Oliver, for this boy so overwhelmed with love that he would do anything for it.
"I can go," Oliver says softly, apologetically, when you seem frozen even still. It breaks you out, however, and you shake your head vigorously.
"No, its okay Ollie."
"Your," he says slowly, pointedly, "Ollie." He'd heard. Fuck; how much? "I heard all of it," he admits slowly, approaching you. This time, you are the wild animal, cornered in the bathroom. Oliver doesn't look at you like prey, he doesn't approach you like a predator; he doesn't want to spook you, "I didn't mean to get between you and Felix," his voice is soft, and he sniffles a little, but tries to smile through it, "ever; back at Oxford, over Summer, ever."
But you can't bring yourself to look at him. Gently, you loop a finger through the fine, silver chain around his throat, keeping your gaze focused on it without ever tugging it too hard.
"I'm trying," you whisper, voice watery despite your best effort, tears gathering in your eyes, "but I -"
Oliver pulls you into a hug as the damn finally bursts, and the tension, the pressure of the day that had already been pressing down upon you finally breaks. Oliver lets you cry on his shoulder, petting your hair gently.
"But you're a good dog," he murmured as he pressed a kiss to your temple, and you're too distraught to catch the echoes of resentment in his tone.
"It's all I know how to be!"
"I know, pet, I know."
Once you've calmed down, you apologise for your outburst, for having him comfort you at a time like this. There's something different about him, about his smile, the look in his eyes, as he just assures you that it's fine, that he's going to still try and enjoy his night.
After cleaning yourself up and fixing your makeup, finally you make it downstairs. There's more people on the first floor than you'd been expecting, so you have to worm your way through the crowd to search for Felix.
"My gentle puck, come hither!" Felix voice rises through the crowd; if your ears could prick up, they probably would. Just the brightness in his voice lifts you from your melancholy, and when you finally reach him you're beaming.
And he's already drunk.
Which you would like to be too. As if anticipating your requests, he puts two fruity looking drinks in your hands, and picks up another two with a wide smile. You trot along behind him as he cuts a path through the crowd towards the sofas where your friends from Oxford had found themselves. A cheer rises when they see you, all glad for your company, all desperate to hear how your Summer had been so far.
At first, you're simply sitting on the arm of the sofa, beside Felix, bright and animatedly engaging in conversation with the others. Felix finishes his first drink and his arm goes around India, tucked up against his other side, but as soon as his second drink is finished, and you've leaned across him to put your own empty cup on the coffee table between you all, he uses it as an excuse to pull you into his lap.
"Felix," India says when she means what the fuck are you playing at right now? Felix gives a surprisingly cold smile, his hand slipping from her shoulder, moving lower to grip her side rather possessively. You simply wait, ready to move at a moment's notice.
"What?" There's something biting in Felix's voice, something that sounds so uncharacteristically mean as he raises his voice enough for the group to hear, "aren't you all still deluding yourselves about me and Y/N? Don't you still think we're related - or whatever it was Farleigh told you all?" Immediately the tension in your little circle of friends spikes. Felix's hand is practically between your thighs, gripping your thigh like he owns you. In any other circumstance you'd probably enjoy this, but every single one of your friends is suddenly looking at you like they'd never seen you before.
"You hot people disgust me," India finally breaks the tension flippantly, and everyone else cackles with laughter. Felix does actually grin at her, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
"No we don't," he teases gently, and India tries to continue playing at being annoyed, by insisting that she needs something stronger than the bar could offer. As she stands, she looks back, holding out her hands to you and Felix.
"Come on, disgusting hot people; I know you're both already high and probably want some more."
"Knew there was a reason I liked you, India," you grinned, glad to have escaped that encounter without much of a mental or physical scratch, though Felix does make a point of grabbing your ass as you stand, even with India holding his other hand.
However you're another line deep in the bathroom, with India, Felix, and two of the others who'd followed along, when that good mood evaporates. Oliver stands in the door, waiting, watching; you're the first to notice him, to catch his gaze properly, but all he does is clear his throat. Felix looks to him when Oliver finally calls his name, but pointedly acts like he doesn't in the next moment.
"Can I, er, talk to you for one second?" Oliver asks faintly, but is met with no response. Instead of looking at Oliver, Felix momentarily flicks a frustrated gaze at you, like he feels your sudden discomfort and fidgeting is a personal betrayal, "you can't ignore me forever," Oliver tries, but Felix gives him a cold smile.
"I can try."
"Fi," you hissed, but all you get is another glare.
"Felix, we need to talk," Oliver was begging now, but he turned his attention to you, pleading, "can you get him to please listen to me, just for a moment -" but his words have your heart freezing in your chest. You can't even stutter Felix's name out before he's dismissing you both.
"I tried being nice about this," Felix huffed, "but if you're still insisting on playing Devil's Advocate for him, the both of you can fuck off and go bother the rest of the party." He relights his cigarette, but he doesn't even look at you once. One more time you try, reaching out, apology on your tongue, but he shrugs you off and finally gives a cutting look, "no I told you, okay? You're over it; fucking great for you. I'm not, and I don't have to be, so piss off and be over it away from me."
You stand, momentarily unsteady on your feet before you regain your balance and head to the door. Everything in your mind is a mess of emotions. The drugs and alcohol are sending you into overdrive, though neither is the reason you're feeling so sick. Still, while you know where Felix is coming from, one look at Oliver as you reach the door and you can't help but stop. Turning back, you hope Felix can read how damn hurt you are by all this;
"I'm not a monster for having a heart, Felix."
And you take some small victory from the surprise in his eyes. Before he can respond, however, you grab Oliver's hand and lead him away.
With another two fruity drinks, you and Oliver sit on the edge of the fountain outside, watching the revelry, mirroring each other's weary slump.
"How are you finding your birthday party?" You asked lamely after a few minutes. Oliver took a few moments to deliberate, while you sipped down your drink quite quickly.
"Don't know anyone," he says mildly, "and the people I do know think I'm a joke -" right, he'd heard Felix's earlier comments about the group from Oxford's feelings, "and I was aware kind of from the start of knowing youse," he casts his gaze to you now, turning to you, eyes meeting yours, "that my two best friends were bonded like those cats at the shelter, the kind you can't separate from each other or they'll cry all day and refuse to eat until you put them back together," the smile he gives you is humourless, and doesn't even reach his eyes, "but one hates me and the other has no spine," he shrugged like he hadn't just insulted you, going back to people-watching, "so I don't think it'll go down as my best birthday ever."
"I have a spine," you scowled, as if straightening your posture proved his point at all.
"Why? You don't need it," still as mild as before, Oliver takes a long, loud sip of his drink, "you've got Felix."
"I'm trying to help you, Oliver, I swear -"
"You don't know how to stand up for yourself, Y/N," this time, the look that he gives you is simply pitying, "I'm sorry I asked you to try and stand up for me." The words ache like a punch to the gut, "you're not even trying to help me for me, or for how much you supposedly love me; you love that I love Felix."
"Oliver, I love you!" You insisted through angry tears and gritted teeth, "how your mind works, how you figure things out, the books you like, the way you're constantly watching and cataloguing and remembering, it shows you care about the world around you and the people in it. I love that you're obsessive and ambitious and that you can be ruthless -" it comes out messy and unrehearsed, but you slowly see the shock and genuine awe on Oliver's face as he comes to terms with the fact that you're being genuine. For the first time all evening, you think you see guilt in his eyes. It's gone too fast, Oliver turning away.
"I love you too," he says gently, following it carefully with, "but we both know who you crawl into bed with at the end of every night." Then, under his breath, sounding so forlorn, "do not separate."
"Oliver-" but he stands, stretches, and finishes off his beer.
"He's probably already missing you, waiting to forgive you," he puts his empty beer bottle down on the edge of the fountain, and for just a moment, he reaches out and gently holds your face. Nothing is said, but there's endless, unreadable emotions in his eyes as he gazes into yours.
Then he's gone.
Making your way back to the estate itself, you forgo looking for Felix, half ashamed of the idea that Oliver was right, and instead slip beneath the velvet rope that cordoned off the upper floors of the house. Back in your bedroom, the stash of coke Felix had raided before the party was still reasonably well stocked, and the bottle of bourbon that you'd stashed in the broken piano last Christmas was thankfully untouched. There was something seriously sad, you think to yourself, about drinking and snorting alone in your room, upstairs from a party where you know your friends are all doing it too. But you don't want to see them. Don't want to see anyone.
The remainder of yours and Felix's matching outfits taunt you silently from the closet door on which they hang. They're beautiful and vapid and cold; you hate them.
"Oh, sorry, didn't realise you were -" it's Felix at the door - of course it is, who else would it be? - who startles you out of your thoughts. There's no frustration in his eyes anymore, no anger, just surprise. His gaze roams over you, from the drugs balanced on your knee to the half-full bottle cradled in your lap, "you okay?" Oliver's right, of course. Oliver's right about a lot of things.
"Yeah," you sniffle, taking another swig of the drink, "what did you need?"
"Think they're gonna sing happy birthday to Ollie soon," Felix leans against the doorframe. You share in an awkward silence for a long moment.
"That why you're here?"
"I came up to see if there was any of that coke left from before," he says, looking at the mirror on your knee and the still mostly full baggie on the bed next to you. Then, he gives a sheepish little grin, "yeah," he admits.
"We should be down there," you say without thinking. Felix's expression falls, and he kicks at the doorframe for a moment, "you do care about his family," spills from you; you're not even sure from where. Felix's expression grows darker.
"Why are you so insistent about doing this?"
"Because you love him, Felix," you remind him firmly, before putting down the bottle and rolling up the already significantly curved bill beside you, "and he loves you, and you know that," picking up the mirror, you make short work of the last line to avoid looking at Felix. Dragging your finger across the glass, you pick up the last of the residue, wiping it on your gums. Your hands remain busy as you pack the remainder of it all into the little, wooden box it was kept in, as you spoke, "you hate the parts of you he figured out, the buttons he learned how to push; Oliver," you snapped the box shut, looking up at him, "was too good to be true, and that's why you're hurt; you're scared it's like Eddie all over again, too good to be true -"
"You shut up about Eddie -" Felix warned, but you stood, box in hand, approaching him with a fierce, intoxicated determination.
"Eddie was never too good, you were just in love! Eddie wasn't even loyal!" You cried, shoving him with the box, letting out a desperate sentiment that you'd let fester in the darkest part of your heart for over a year, "he was never going to be loyal! He never loved you as much as you loved him! Never! And you were so blinded by how happy he seemed to be with this 'better life' you were offering him, you could never bloody see it -"
"You are drunk and high," Felix spits at you, clearly holding himself back from tears.
"But all I ever want is you to be happy," hanging your head, you push the box into his grip and stumble back to the bed, searching for the bottle, "why can't you trust me about this?"
"Oliver fucking lie to me, betrayed me -"
"Us!" You shouted, unscrewing the lid with vigour, "to keep you in his life. You just don't like what the lies he used to keep you around say about you." And with that you furiously started chugging more of the drink.
"I'm done with you," Felix's voice is weak, hands coming up to cover his face. Lowering the bottle, all you can do is stare at him. It's like you've been splashed with ice water.
"Fi -"
"I need space; I need you out of my room for the rest of Summer."
"Fi, please -"
"I thought you were fucking better than this!" He snapped, finally stalking away, while you were too disorientated to even go after him.
The first thing you manage to do is stumble to the bathroom and throw your guts up into the sink. Physically you feel a bit better, but the nausea you can now tell is psychological. Downstairs, though you don't know how much time has passed, the house has transformed itself into a rave. Too bright. Too hot. Too sticky. You think you catch sight of Ollie, but your gaze quickly moves to Felix, silhouetted by neon and haze, looking like an angel. Beside him, India sparkles and giggles and her hands are all over him. You want him to be happy, you don't want to interrupt but you have to -
Someone catches you before you faceplant in the middle of the dancefloor, and it turns out it is Oliver.
"You look like a bit of a mess," he says, aiming for a light, joking tone, but it almost sets you off. Seeing you about to start crying, Oliver starts to panic, and suggests the two of you get some air. Though you want to protest, you see Felix and India, hand in hand, making their way to the side doors. Oliver, champagne in one hand, has his other arm under yours, supporting you as the two of you made your way out too.
The night air is cool, a sharp contrast from inside, so sharp it almost stings.
"I should'a kept my mouth shut," you whimpered, "I didn't need a spine, why did I listen to you?" Oliver is simply quiet, listening to you ramble, getting the gist of what had happened between you and Felix as you slowly made your way to the maze.
"I don't wanna go in," you whispered at the entrance, looking down it's tall, green corridor. Oliver looked at you strangely.
"Worried you'll get lost?"
"I could never get lost, Felix made sure of that plenty of times." Carefully, you extract yourself from Oliver, sitting cross-legged by the entrance of the maze, looking out over the rest of Saltburn with your back to the hedges; Oliver watches you curiously, "I can wait for Fi here."
"I can't wait," Oliver finally says, "I don't have the time. I have to try."
You, surprisingly serene and content with your decision, more at peace than you'd been during the entire walk over, make no attempt to stop him. You just tell him you'll be here when he gets back. This time you genuinely smile, insisting he go in without you.
"I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."
So he goes, and you listen to his footsteps retreating. After a few minutes, however, he returns.
"I think you need this more than I do," and he hands you the bottle of champagne he'd been carrying. Turns out there's only really a quarter of the bottle left, but at least you think it won't be enough to make you sick again.
As frustrated as Felix could get, he's never not forgiven you. That's all you can think about as you finish off the bottle.
You would apologise. You would make it up to him. You could make this better again.
Except...
Hang on, wait, who was that who just ran out of the maze? Someone ran out of the maze? You were pretty sure someone did anyways... maybe India, if Oliver had confronted -
Oliver is the second to escape the maze. Instead of heading directly back, he waits, unseen for Felix to leave, observing the way he'd stumble out, not even glancing around enough to see you on the ground in the shadow of the maze itself. Once he was sure he was alone, Oliver crept over to your catatonic body, mouth agape, bottle still clutched but empty in one hand. Still breathing, though it was shallow, he checked your pulse only to feel a heartrate like a humming bird. If he called out now, Felix could hear him, could get help, could save your life.
But Felix would want for nothing as long as he had you by his side.
When you start convulsing, Oliver leaps away, startled. But he watches, and remains quiet. He takes the bottle, and just for a moment presses his forehead to yours.
"I'm sorry," it almost gets caught in his throat, "I loved you, I promise I did."
And he leaves.
Oliver wakes to a knock on the door. While Felix doesn't exactly seem happy to see him, it appears he has bigger things to worry about.
"Is Y/N in here?" He cuts right to the chase; there's dark circles under his eyes.
"Have you gotten any sleep?" Oliver yawns. Felix shifts his weight from one foot to the other.
"I've checked literally every other room in this house," ignoring him, Felix explains himself, "I told them last night I wanted them to stay somewhere else, but I didn't mean it," he frowns, peering around Oliver as best he could, trying to see for himself. Oliver, who already knew this, but still played dumb, went wide-eyed.
"You didn't talk to them last night?"
"I was talking to them a lot last night -"
"They were waiting outside the maze for you; they were there when I left."
Oliver's never seen Felix run so fast.
It takes Duncan informing the rest of the family over breakfast that a gardener has spotted Felix sat by the edge of the maze for the past hour, to clear up his whereabouts.
"And have you heard from Y/N?" Elspeth adds, though Venetia buts in.
"Probably at the maze with Felix," she rolls her eyes; Oliver looks at his eggs, his runny, sickening eggs, and keeps his mouth shut. Elspeth sighs and requests someone go and collect them, tell them that lunch is ready, and promptly directs a smile at Oliver, asking how he'd enjoyed his birthday.
Oliver's halfway through an awkward thanks, assuring her it was grand, before Duncan re-enters. For the first time since Oliver first laid eyes on him, he looks genuinely shaken.
"I, uh, I do apologise," his words keep getting caught, and he can't seem to focus his gaze for too long, "I have some tragic news; Captain Y/N has passed away."
The world stops.
Felix Catton sits in the shadow of the hedge maze with you, his best friend, the love of his life, dead in his arms.
"I thought you were fucking better than this!"
His last words to you echo endlessly in his head as he cradles you to him. He'd found you slumped over at a painful angle, clearly having been sitting cross-legged on the grass, waiting, just as Oliver had said, still wearing part of the outfit you'd prepared. You looked so cold, so he'd wrapped you up in the robe he'd been wearing, maroon; you'd always said it was your favourite of his, but you'd never wear it, said it looked better on him.
"Can't believe I made you wait," it wasn't the first time he'd muttered it since finding you, "I'm so sorry, I won't do it again," he assured, and leaned in, pressing his forehead to your cold shoulder and collarbone, "and I didn't mean it about needing space from you; I couldn't even do it for one night, I got so lonely I spent the entire night searching all hundred and bloody something rooms we have, for you."
"Felix?" Venetia's voice is the first one he's heard since Oliver's, and it shakes, "Feef?" And maybe it's the way he can tell she's started crying, or the nickname he hasn't heard since he was six, but it all hits him at once. Finally he starts to cry, the shock giving way to anguish as Venetia drapes herself over him at the sight of you. Farleigh goes into shock, silent, falling to his knees before he brings his head down too, completely shutting down.
Oliver doesn't know how to react, doesn't know if he can. He stands back from the others, back from even James and Elspeth, silent. He did what he had to do. It takes him a long time to realise he's even started crying too.
Elspeth and Sir James try to keep up a sense of normalcy around the house, but barely anyone is able to keep up. Farleigh and Venetia show up and barely speak, Oliver can't bring himself to even look at anyone at the dining table, and Felix hasn't shown up for three days straight. He's been locked in his room, and none of them blame him.
None of the others know that he comes out at night. Well, he opens the door during the day since the staff have started leaving plates of food for him at his mother's request. But during the night, Felix leaves his room to crawl into Oliver's bed. Oliver never makes comments, but he always makes room, and Felix still hasn't kicked him out of the house. Small steps to victory.
"All those lies, all that shit you told us, you did it because you'd do anything to keep us around," on the third night, Felix speaks into the darkness, back to Oliver under the expensive sheets.
"To keep you around," Oliver corrected quietly, "I knew as long as I had you around, I would have them too." After a few moments, he could hear Felix start to sniffle. Carefully, testing his luck, Oliver shuffled around to face Felix. Wriggling closer, he draped an arm over Felix's chest and pulled him close, pressing himself against Felix's back. In the moment, Felix takes Oliver's hand and laces their fingers together.
"They always loved you, Felix; I never saw anything like it."
Small steps to victory.
At your funeral, Felix finally sees your parents. He wonders if looking at them is anything like looking at the idea of who you would have grown into. He doesn't think so; their expressions are so cold beneath their performance of grief.
They do, however, seek him out, ask his name, and hand him a framed photo. They say they won't be needed it anymore. It's you and Felix beneath the Eiffel Tower, arms around each other, each of you using your free hand to together form a heart between you, laughing at something just off camera. Oliver makes a disdainful remark about your parents, but slips his hand in Felix's, and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
Elspeth asks if Felix wants to keep the photo in his room, and when he remarks that he doesn't know, she suggests it gets placed with the other family photos over the fireplace in the television room. It fits in perfectly.
"I love you," Felix mumbles in the dead of night, pressed up along Oliver's back, lips in his hair, arm around him, "like proper love you." Oliver is quiet, "the kind of love I've been wanting to tell you for a while, but now I'm terrified that the reasons I love you aren't even real."
It's been a few weeks, he's intergraded back into life at home, but has taken a leave of absence from Oxford. As has Oliver. He still hasn't left Saltburn, he wonders if he ever will, if he ever has to.
"What parts?" Oliver said, voice barely more than a whisper, "I'll never lie to you again; I want you to know the truth of me." There's a rush of electricity, his fingers and toes feel all tingly; he doesn't want to sound too enthusiastic, but can't help but feel a giddy rush.
"I like how you can figure heaps of stuff out, but," Felix hesitates and hums, "I don't think I like what you figured out about me," he admits.
"I'll never bring that up again," Oliver reassures him, but Felix just hums once more, "and I figured out more stuff about you, good stuff; I figured out what made me love you too."
Felix presses a kiss to the back of his head. He doesn't smile, but that's to be expected nowadays. Felix doesn't really smile a lot anymore.
But Oliver takes it for what it is; his victory.
{ epilogue }
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