#i dont really like posting my art anymore but i like talking about it

[ganondoodle]

been able to keep both my fear and hype about totk in check by watching nothing but elden ring videos for weeks but now i read something on accident and my anxiety is going through the roof again

#ganondoodles talks #pls nintendy #dont do this #it was only a sentence with no clear spoilers or anything #but by god its put fear in my heart again #pls let totk be its own game #id even be willing to spoil myself on some stuff just to know my fear isnt based on truth #i hate that i feel like this #even if im better able to stop panic attacks before they happen #i still feel so silly for feeling so strongly about a game and its lore #but no matter what i try i cant help it #its been my thing of comfort for so long i wouldnt know what else i would focus on if i were to lose it #and it would be so much work - years of work- basically wasted #plus i would feel so bad having made people be interested only to abandon it before its even really started #the only thing giving me comfort if this was the case is knowing id just post all lore -concept art -drafts and scripts #as a sort of -this is what i had been working on for all these years- so at least the people who cared could get an idea of it #and in the unlikely case that it would be liked by alot of people #i would keep working on it despite it making no sense anymore #im rambling on trying to calm myself down #sorry #gotta be exhausting reading my anxious ass tags over and over #;__;

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[burgeaux]

ok now that I'm in elpis I'll probably just post/react and shut off my phone immediately after more than ever to avoid spoilers and allusions and such

#i hope people dont see it as rude but #is this a safe space #maybe its just me not handling sttention well but people's obsession with sprouts livetweeting is a bit weird sometimes ngl #either people not letting sprouts actually go in without any allusion whatsoever #or talking about future events IN MY OWN REPLIES LIKE YALL STOP TALLING ABOUT VENAT IN A TWEET THATS OBVIOUSLY COMING FROM SPROUT IGNORANCE #i mute any tweet that gets traction and isnt my own art anymore just b #people cant help themselves and i see it in other sprout's replies #and dont get me wrong i love people being excited to watch me go through it its very fun but damn some randos are weird #it just feels bad when i can tell people follow for that and not burgeaux/my art #and i know the solution is to stop livetweeting but why should i sacrifice the way i talk/post on my side account of all things #i hope this doesnt make me sound awful i really am appreciative and love talking with people about the story #it just puts a bad taste in my mouth sometimes and im not used to attention like this i guess

[quinn-pop]

mentioning my oc just this once because … it’s her birthday!! here’s a year old drawing lmao

anyway this is mana. it’s been like 6 years and i still can’t settle on an outfit for her

oh here’s her with her *squints* evil girlfriend?

just felt like mentioning her since she was one of my first Serious ocs ever and i love her

so here’s a few even older things of varying image quality lol

#gonna be honest ive felt discouraged lately and i can’t really pinpoint why #so old art posting yayyy #i dont rlly talk about my ocs anymore since i havent worked on anything with them in forever but maybe i could do it a little more? #i have a few things from my magical girl storyline i still like and im tempted to redesign the costumes tbh #my art or something #oc #how to tag this uhh #old art #character design

[sludgeguzzler]

man. i changed so much these past years

#im different from last years me who was different from 2021 me who was different from 2020 me and so on and so forth #it feels kinda weird thinking about it bc i went through *so much stuff* #all of it in just the past 4 years... insane #i found out i was trans. i went on lockdown. i started posting my art online. i made online friends. #i went through three different relationships. every single one of them changed me forever. #i started writing. i finished middle school. i read homestuck. i used discord everyday for 2 years. #i found my personal sense of style. i started going tk school again. i made friends irl. i lost all the online friends i had. #(thay wasnt bc of any scandal i just left the friendgroup and then started to slowly interact more with ppl irl #whi sorta made my online interactions dwindle especially one-on-one interactions #i think i feel better like this go be honest with you. the connections feel stronger and i feel closer to the friends ive made #not saying i dont like the people i know and befriended here just saying that not being chronically online anymore really changed how i #go through with internet interactions) #damn. really feeling the passage of time now. #also this is not a sad reminiscent post im *really* glad im in the place i am in life right now #i have a qpp i have an irl friendgrouo that i feel 100% comfortable with for the first time in my life im doing ok at school #i have a vision for my future my relationship with my parents is sooo much better #idk man. compare that with 14 year old me eating alone at school bc i was too scared to talk with the other people on my class and like. #yeah man. im doing a lot better #i DO have to update my art blog though. its been too long sincd i posted anything #talk

[impostorsshow]

I love watching Tears of the Kingdom memories out of order /sarc /lh

It took my around 100 hours to even find out the tears were a thing and wondering wtf my mom was talking about when I kept asking for help on what to do but that aside, I had seen #1 and #2 in order, tried to find Tabatha stable for a good 2 hours and then decided to go take a break and got hit with #8, WHICH WAS LIKE GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN

#1: :0 time travel wow oh wait your my old grandparents

#2: "let's go to the castle dear and get some clean clothes"

#8: SHE'S DEAD AND GANON IS IN POWER AND YOUR FUCKING WIFE IS DEAD AND ITS YOUR FAULT RAARU

Also there's 18 memories?? Damn how the fuck is it gonna sucker punch me more than that fucking 180 in story but aside from that i. I really wish it gave you a little way to back out, like it tells you the memory of what your about to watch and if you wanna do it later, I wanted to watch them in order TT AND I STILL HAVENT FOUND TABANTHA STABLE

#once i lost a carton of milk in the fridge and genuinely stood there for like an hour i was later told trying to find it. and then #my roommate walked over and handed it to me in about 4 seconds so i am not surprised i cant find the stable #im gonna go use google now #im mostly posting since i realized i should make semi regular posts on this account for my own sanity even if its not s&m related #since im not really s&m related anymore aside from the occasional art i'll change my pfp to reflect that eventually #i want to start making zelda art but i would want to put ALOT of time learning a more realistic artstyle to be happy with that #and contrasingly im struggling to learn the really cartoony style of aga so uh. shit outta luck with all of my hyperfixations rn #i might make something genuine related to undertale in the meantime? i have some aus ive held incredibly close to my heart #talk talks #hmm okay yeah i should start using fandom tags but i dont want to clutter anything what do i do here #zelda ranch dip #hell if i'll remember that but i'll put it in my searchable tags as a hail mary #would anyone be interested in my wackass theory about how i think link is a witch #i have a giant ass rant in my discord i think as well as a few rants on the fae and the such #oh shit good tag to put in her actually right before i hit post #spoilers #totk spoilers #just in case cause i got spoilered a little bit? but i have really good luck and skill with avoiding spoilers about alot of games and #the only thing i really know is that zelda turns into the dragon..i think ive been told that was wrong but i might be being juked

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

What's the fucking point

#god i feel like killing myself #just existing is a fucking struggle #whats the point of it #moving into an apartment was supposed to help and it did i fucking guess but i am so drained from trying to survive these past few months #fuck i could hardly bring myself to get out of bed today #i could hardly bring myself to eat #small things keep fucking building up and fuck. fuck. im so fucking tired #im gonna be honest i dont know how much fight i have left in me #i tried so fucking long #i begged and pleaded online for help with just. fucking anything. i was fucking homeless and people rbed my post but i hardly got anything #i feel like my art sucks and its not even good enough for people to pity commission me when i was fucking homeless #i know people did commission me. or donate. and i really appreciate it #but the sheer fact i was open about being homeless and had a whopping... two people either comm or donate me #and id make posts talking about how/why the shelter i was staying at was bad for me #and barely anyone helped #ive spent the past few months being insulted by other people at shelters. #having my fucking abusers show up at one of them #and constantly had people downplay my sadness and mental health issues or physical health issues #even though im not homeless anymore its like theres deep scarring from the fucking. whole goddamn experience #im in so much pain #i keep crying #i cant focus #i can hardly function #ive only eaten one meal today and its 7pm now #i dont think im gonna make it. #personal #vent

[kuzunoha-xiv]

whenever i post drawings on my twitter i barely get attention, probably because its not trendy stuff or because hashtags dont work and while i mostly draw for myself and for fun, i wont deny it makes me feel a little bummed out. but at the same time do i really want to get attention or more followers? it would probably stress me out or make me feel unconfident about what i do or post. its my inner struggle, i want people to see my content but at the same time i don't.

#posting my art makes me feel embarrassed cuz its all self indulgent and not exactly great #but at the same time im like. i know im cringe. but im free #i guess i feel embarrassed cuz i explain things about my drawings but a part of my brain is like ''i doubt anyone cares about that bro'' #i think thats why when i post stuff on my art sideblog i just write a little comment about the drawing and thats it. #i talk about this kind of stuff and then realize how fucking dumb i sound sorry #i do get attention on my tumblr sideblog and it makes me happy though. i really appreciate that ^_^ #i guess its easier for my art to be seen on tumblr? cuz of the tags #twitter does really suck for that kind of stuff. and apparently the hashtags make it worse? i dont know what to believe anymore lmao #mucho texto perdón #samael.txt

[risingsunresistance]

#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said #but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard #every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT' #he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project #how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year #i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again #drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it #cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :( #i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard #i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to #i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol) #i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him #it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up #but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough'' #so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa #idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me #idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh #chat #tw death

[mementoasts]

posting stuff online because i truly just love sharing my silly creations with anyone who may also love them vs. wanting to deactivate and move to a forest every time i'm met with positive feedback (i am terrified of people and of being recognized/acknowledged)

#THUS IS NOT A GOOD MENTALITY I KNOOOOOWWW I KNOW DBSJDBSJH im just a non functioning little guy ok #i've gotten out of the 'worried about numbers' phase early but now it's been this fdhsjhsjghs the content machine is unforgiving #there's so many layers to this im TRYING to like slowly untangle all of it but. ugh :( #sometimes i think maybe i just need to stop doin merch and art altogether and touch grass or whatever but... #i dont want it to be my irrational fears that force me to stop doing stuff i like. it's not like there's any other problems #really -- otherwise i like doing what i do!! i don't even really care if ppl hate me and my shit BUT -- #i think i care too much about not doing good enough for the people who DO like my little sillies 😭😭 and i think that's my main issue #maybe also explains why it's so hard for me to like.. talk/put my PERSONALITY out there? im scared that ppl who enjoy my stuff will hate ME #implying i have much of a personality anymore i think whatever was there kinda melted away these past few years djshkshk #SORRY FOR THE VENT POST sorry if u actually read all these tags oh my gosh #i'm just a weird guy aaaaaa i'm silly aaaaaaaaaaaa #the void screaming

[mushroom-winners-proof]

hi hello i am the random stranger who just followed you and came to say, affectionately with hopes that none of this comes off in an uncomfortable way, that your art style is FUCKING AMAZING. i know nothing about kingdom hearts or any other fandoms i skimmed but i'm here for the fact that your art? those lines?? that colouring??? scratches an itch i didn't know i had. i want to print it out and eat it and roll around in it much like a cat would do to important documents. (I will not be printing out your art dw that was just dramatics for self expression)

just. fam it has been a hot minute since i've seen art on my dashboard that made me stop and stare just because of how much my eyes loved it even with having no connection to the actual content. and i wanted to let you know that it's awesome and you are awesome and i hope you have a fanTASTIC day

AWW THANKS MAN !!!! I’M GLAD YA LOVE MY STUFF THE WAY YOU DO !!!!!! ;;

#fave #snap chats #i endorse printing and eating art btw. i used to eat my assignments as a kid i cant shun paper eating #'kid' like in HS LMAO #BUT FR TYSM THIS IS SO SWEET #im glad even though you dont know any of the source material i draw for i'm glad you can still like my stuff that means a lot ;; #i feel bad if youre following this account though since i dont really post art here anymore #i guess the best way to keep track of all my art's through my twitter but theres also. yk. Tweets in between lmaoo #REGARDLESS THO IM STILL SMILIN OVER THIS... i'm so happy people can feel this way about my art #art's always been my way of expressin my passion for stuff since im bad at talking about it #so im glad i can make stuff that looks nice and can Hopefully capture an ounce of my enthusiasm for the stuff i draw #then again i mostly just make scribbles so what does that say LMAO #ive rambled on too much at this point though tl;dr thank you so much im glad you love my stuff ^^

[readymades2002]

i wish i had a way to talk through things with another person but the only people i see in real life i live with and every time i have actually opened up about how i’m feeling it has gone incredibly badly, in part because i’ve isolated myself so far from human beings that i don’t think i’m able to feel or express things in a human way. so i’ve stopped trying to do it.

#i've discussed my art with my mom more recently but in the vaguest terms because i'm always ashamed of how shit it is #and that it is of course usually some embarrassing media thing and she tries to show interest but i can't be honest about it #when i get passionate about things...when i've done it before i look up at the other person while im talking #and i can see them slipping out of my reach and its like being untethered in space so i dont anymore #that or i actually communicate my needs or what is hurting me honestly and then have it used against me or someone else #i talk to people but it is all this like. meaningless chatter that makes me grit my teeth how much its just a courtesy #i cannot relate to human beings with jobs and lives and experiences and friends and skills and so i'm alone here #and i end up crying on here every few hours because disconnecting would be a death sentence but keeping it all inside of me #would fucking kill me and it just. im not reliable enough or warm enough or brave enough to even message people one on one #in a way that means im a meaningful part of anyone's life so its just. yelling in the post editor i go and pretend it helps #i dont want to word it but it is really really deeply terrifying to me how bad its gotten. i really can't imagine a way out of this #i don't think anyone i live with does it maliciously but it feels like i'm being handled like an irritating animal all the time #not like a person. not like an adult. #i dont know. i feel like i have interesting insights into the world and the things i like. i feel like theres so much beauty #i want to show other people to try and express my love because i can't do it in words or gestures #and i feel like it could be so beautiful if i was just understood. if i could just be #i have to stop talking about this now im sorry

[jayskai]

i’ve talked more about this on insta, but i think im going to take a small break for some time. im still gonna post art but not as often as i did recently, and also i want to draw for myself and practice more to improve my art. i was getting a bit tired of rushing to finish new drawings just so i had something to post 👍 if i posted a lot of things recently, that’s the reason why lol i wanted to post all my most recent doodles and sketches to take a break after posting them.

#jay talks #i havent really said anything on twt but i dont think i have an audience there anymore so who cares #ever since i stopped caring about fandom twt drama my acc just. died. what shame rip #not like i have many followers here but i think here someone will at least see it lmaoo #(off topic but i rlly dont know when i’ll go back to having an actually active acc on twt instead of just posting art and leaving. #i hate that app but i think that as an artist using it would benefit me. but yknow. sighhhhh)

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

I play this sick game when I draw comics its called "how badly can I draw a keyboard because I dont want to have to look at a reference (I have a keyboard right in front of me) before somebody notices"

#Ignore how fucked up Nate's fingers are in that second image IM GONNA FIX IT- #Third one is a character from Stats that has three fingers on one hand her hands are fine #Also Im gonna say it here as casually as I possibly can. If you havent already guessed from me fully working on a different thing #My webcomic Stats probably isnt going to happen. Im considering it dropped for now. I dont really want to talk about it #I am pretty lucky I dont have anyone who follows me for my art but do want to just like say it in case anyones wondering why Im not #posting screenshots anymore. Anyway nobody look too closely anytime I draw a keyboard.

[bluegiragi]

I hate to ask this cause it feels stupid but I dont wanna do a bunch of research on whatever the recent cod mw fandom discourse is,

but I saw the reblog of someone accusing you of supporting people who write sexualized pedophilia and that really is personally my only """"moral"""" with nsfw shit, (I'm a patreon subscriber and ig I just wanna know where my money's going) is THAT true?

this is such a never-ending nightmare.

i used to follow an artist who, 5-6 months ago made racist art featuring gaz in a slave context, which I didn't like, retweet or interact with in any way. they also made under-age art of ghost soap, which I also didn't interact with . people on twitter called me out yesterday, for retweeting art they'd made as evidence I stood by/encouraged/was an avid fan of all these tropes. Also, the art I retweeted wasn't either of these previous examples of art, but one where ghost and soap were sleeping in a bed together, as adults, peacefully. I can't emphasise enough that I have not interacted with this artist at all, for literally six months.

genuinely, my only crime is not unfollowing + blocking this artist earlier on, and then daring to retweet a fic tagged with "non-con" (ghost gets soap off in a context where he can't really properly consent, they're in front of a crowd of strangers and they have to fuck, but both parties are into each other) written by a friend as I wanted to support their writing.

and now i have pedophile claims because I accidentally retweeted a fandom bingo post that defended loli-con, and then immediately un-retweeted it when I properly read it.

And people are calling me a zoophile for supporting someone who wrote zoophilic fic and called people slurs (???) and I genuinely don't know who they're talking about there.

And the same people called me racist for making Horangi's eyes in the monster!AU sensitive because they thought I was making fun of Asian eyes. The real reason is because he's a cat hybrid and cats are sensitive to light (and I'm Chinese).

I tried addressing all this in a simpler way earlier on, and responded to an ask talking about my "support" for the artist who drew the slave Gaz art by saying the fanart in question was tone deaf and in poor taste. It wasn't enough for some people, so I'm happy to say it again - yes, it was racist, and the reason why I didn't want to be more aggressive is because I didn't want to extend all this mess by throwing this artist under the bus - I genuinely believed them when they said that wasn't that their intention, and think they should've deleted the post at the time.

And also I'm now called a rapist bc I like to entertain fics with dom/sub dynamics that dip into cnc, as an asexual woman who's personally repulsed by sex when it comes to myself.

That's everything so far. I really don't know what you people want from me anymore. I followed the wrong artist. I retweeted the wrong post. And I've undid those actions now. And for so many people to have taken literally everything spread by these people at face value, without even checking if their claims are true, is incredibly hurtful and isolating.

#there. the entire sequence of events #have fun i guess