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#i dont see why i would be upset about it ๐Ÿ˜„

*surprised pikachu face*

#is THIS why my therapist was trying to get me to draw humanized versions of my 'intense emotions', #im having realizations and its making me annoyed that she didnt at least explain it to me why she wanted me to do certain things, #she was trying to get me to draw them and have them interact with each other bc i said most of my self art doesn't have, #any kind of interactions. just stands there mostly, #this is sorta upsetting tbh i wish she had just told me instead of act like im too stupid to know whats happening, #delete later, #im for realsies not going to draw it ๐Ÿ’— and even if i did i wouldnt show her bc i dont trust her, #when i said humanized vers. of my emotions she was like. talking about 'do u see people in your head you talk to a lot' like ya what abt it, #n she wants me to draw them but like no ๐Ÿ’— if i do and choose to show it it wont be w ppl who dont understand it, #but i dont feel comfortable doing that i dont think., #i dont even know anything abt alters and stuff besides basics i dont even know if im like, #Enough you know. theres only 1 i can vaguely get a grasp on so im probably just making it up idk othr ppl say they can talk n shit but i, #dont feel like thats ever happened w me it doesnt feel real for me, #i know osdd is different bc the amnesia isnt there i think but like i would assume id have some sort of idea of whats going on in there, #a lot of it feels very off limits for me and confuses me, #i mean shit who's to say she isnt lying to me or that this is actually happening i could already be dead and i wouldnt know it, #my head stays empty idk what goes on in there, #this shit sucks man what the hell, #id talk about the vague person ? but idk if hes real or if my psychosis is making it up, #i haven't talked to him in there for over a year now but i figured that was just bc i found a new special interest to keep me preoccupied, #im realizing things as i type and its very tiring i dont want to think about this anymore, #pack it up lads im officially self diagnosing myself as neurotypical if ur not paying rent then go away, #it probably doesnt help that the only knowledge on this stuff i have is from a single youtuber like im p sure ppl experience it differently, #but not me im not allowed <3, #god. im just saying shit now i really dont know what any of this is, #idk what the fuck i wrote down anyways ive already forgotten most of it, #like i thought everybody has ppl in their heads they talk too sometimes???? in a house or smthn mines an apartment building, #like dont other ppl do that too.. idk, #this is why i hate therapy but only bc ive only ever had horrible experiences
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#i think im broken, #or more messed up than i thought, #this drop in mental health has really shown me that i am.... a very needy and hypocritical (???) person, #i kinda talked abouy it earlier but like... i need comfort? i need a hug from a non family member that i trust and respect and whom i know, #loves me and i dont have anyone lile that, #and it's shitty as fuck because when i think about being in a relationship with someone like that i panic, #i say why the fuck would i do that and i try to think about something else because the reality of being with someone else terrifies me, #the surface idea of it is really nice and i think i really want that but once i think further on being in the relationship i think, #no way in hell and i hate it because i feel like a fucking hypocrite, #but im lonely, #im so lonely and have no one to physically comfort me because of my hypocritical issues and my physical aint big on physical touch, #(nor would i actually go to them woth this), #and it sucks because my anxiety has been making me feel like if my friends arent texting me then yhey hate me and im wasting their time, #and i know thats wrong but it also feels like it isnt and i just.... fucking hate it, #plus jajaja my dudes when i think of who i want physical comfort from it's chan all the way and i hate feeling like that???, #i hate feeling like im depending on him too much and whatever because im some delusional person that doesnt see it but like fucking shit, #i want a hug from him, #a really long hug so i can stop being a needy stupid and annoying person and so i stop feeling sad and lonely, #but that will never be ppssible which makes me sad and then mad that im even sad about iy and it's just a full cycle, #om a mess and im scared to actually look into why because the reasons i already see make e so embarrassed and upset because i let them hape, #im tired of it and i want to sleep and wake up without anxiety and depression bit i cant., #in conclusion im a fuvking mess of a dubass and want to cry, #personal
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Of course! Anything you all are willing to share with me, I would be more than willing to see. Even if it’s a group of stick figures I would still feel privileged that you were willing to devote your time into it— not that you’re any less of an artist if you only draw stick figures. Any stories or creative outlets when in regards to my stories are also always welcomed. Like I said before, anything you guys are willing to do I’m willing to see it ❤️.

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