#i dont talk abt work bc i dont like to think abt the fact that i work in customer service but jfc i have to vent (again)

[elftwink]

to preface this post i am anti-advertising i think we should explode the entire industry but it's sooo funny when you people make posts like "and they don't even work!!" like. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes they do. that's why we have to put up with so many despite everyone hating them and thinking its annoying. because they actually work really well and make a shit load of money

#it actually would be way better if they didnt work and made no money bc businesses would abandon them #this isnt like stocks where everythings abstract and is essentially gambling (i dont understand stocks) #like ppl in the ad industry create things. that make a tangible and quantifiable impact on the business #which is then used in further ad planning. it is NOT all smoke and mirrors #like its fake in that the industry is not providing a necessary service the way like. grocery stores are #but its not the level of fake where everything is abstract like theres deliverables #moreover there is an extensive body of academic work specifically on how to make ads more effective #ALSO i think some of u views ads like. as if they have a win condition. which is you buy product #but in current advertising this is pretty rare and comparatively ineffective #which is why you see MANY ads which dont seem to be selling anything in particular. or which have nothing all to do with the product #the 'win' condition for THAT kind of ad is something more like 'viewers remember our name' #like. ex i would say ads for temu have not been effective on me bc i havent bought anything from them #but temu probably thinks they were SUPER effective on me because i talked abt them like 5 different times at work #and i do in fact know exactly what the company does and what they sell #and they were able to capitalize on the reputations of existing companies (wish shein etc) to build their own brand #good idea generator

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[dorkicon]

bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind #for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at #and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years #only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down #despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down #so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen #and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it #and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first #--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane. #and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl #bc of course they dont give a shit about the library #they just care about how scary the queers are #and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town #and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time #(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the #--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right) #when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting #the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display #its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages #talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w #--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens #sourse: i was one of tgose #and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk #and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look #--elsewhere #bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater #--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education #i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too #but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in #--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[limielle]

idk i feel like so much discourse could be easily minimized if people learned to say "i think" instead of "it is"

#like “i think this is a bad game” is way less abrasive/aggressive than “this is a bad game” #do u know where im going w this like #it's literally 2 extra words and it could avoid like 99% of confrontation #ofc there would still be people who are like “omg how can u hate smth i like ur trash” but idk i feel like so much of this discourse u see #on twt especially #is like ? just people being deliberately aggressive abt stuff they dont like to antagonise others and then going “its just my opinion” #and it's hard to read tone online so it's often hard for me (and im sure for others ?? idk actually) to read whether or not sm1 is being #like. just sharing what they think vs them trying to bait out people who will defend smth they like #idk ive been trying to find ffxiv people to follow bc getting back into the game and finally being confident in my art to draw for it also #has me looking for ppl to follow but i wanna avoid the big livetweet first time experiencers and unfortunately that leaves #a lot of people who are afraid of dawntrail/unhappy with the current patch quests #of which i am neither and i also dont want to log on to the internet every day just to see ppl shitting on things u know ? #and i have seen a LOT of like #'x sucked' and 'fandom lacks critical reading skills' and whatnot #but then u see what theyre talking abt and all theyre doing is shitting on the game itself or going 'x expansion was mid' #like . if u stopped phrasing ur opinions as objective fact i feel like maybe ud avoid half those arguments id k??? #just words #SORRY im talkative today the truth is i worked on a drawing veyr hard and i do not have the strength to colour it but it will not look good #without colour and i feel like i cant move on without it so i went and replayed shadowbringers instead and cried a lot #and now i have lots of icarus feelings again #WOW loiok at me writing an essay out here i overshare so much im sorry

[waywardsalt]

on my knees gripping my head hnngggg i thought abt bellumbeck too hard

tag ramblings are fun and on brand but i have too many disorganized thoughts and tags are limiting.

anyways thinking too hard abt him is an extremely good and fun thing but i cannot draw the way i wish and can't really put my thoughts into fic form so this is very much going to be a fun ramble.

bellumbeck drives me insane we all know this. he showed up in my dream last night as of writing this sentence so he is on my mind, which is surprising bc fictional stuff doesn't usually show up coherently in my dreams but there it was.

it's so incredibly fun to think about bellumbeck. he's such a black sheep of a loz final boss, there really isnt another loz final boss like him in concept or even in 1:1 tone imo. it's so fun to take bellumbeck incredibly darkly seriously.

to be fair bellumbeck is kind of objectively a fairly dark and disturbing final boss on a conceptual level, and it's not really out of nowhere since phantom hourglass has at least a little darkness running through it even if the general tone of the game doesn't really acknowledge or take advantage of it. but if you think about it hard enough even without getting into post-game speculation in regards to what happens with linebeck, bellumbeck is kind of a dark boss and it's great. full on screen demonic possession of a major character with most of the cast incapacitated and link isolated with no escape on the ruins of the ghost ship that started everything and facing a boss that is constantly facing him and both someone he's been with the whole adventure and also the creature that's captured his friends and killed who knows how many people.

it's so oooouuuugghhhh it's so much fun to think about bellumbeck even though it's such a short encounter. it's so... the mystery around bellum, the way linebeck is built up throughout the game and saves link directly before getting possessed, the fucking on-screen vaguely violent possession (i am forever obsessed with the way bellum grabs and tugs on his arms), the way ciela is captured early into the fight, too, the first companion character you meet and, if you had her equipped, it leaves you without a fairy that follows your cursor around for the first time all game, it's very... congrats you and your friends are at rock bottom! good luck getting everyone out of there alive!!!!

of course it's not quite that because this game is geared a bit more towards younger players, but still keeps those streaks of darkness and complexity just simply because they're inevitable parts of this story and it's characters. bellumbeck. i'm talking about bellumbeck. what a soulsborne-ass final boss, huh?

there's only so much a ds game can do in terms of boss animations, but i think a lot about more complicated movements and animations for bellumbeck, so, so much character can be communicated through a boss's animations. in my mind, i enjoy bellumbeck movements with an emphasis on puppet-like flourishes and mannerisms, and an emphasis on weight with how he fights. these two go very well together, and its something i love imagining.

with the latter, an emphasis on weight, would ideally focus on the sword (and im a fan of it being this huge greatsword, reading berserk got me around to liking it because you can do that really well) and how it has to be used one-handed, with bellumbeck leveraging his own weight against it and taking advantage of momentum to use it especially effectively to turn link into a little green and red smear on the wood. attacks blending into each other as he builds up momentum, and using that weight primarily against link, who is a small opponent who relies on rolling around and can’t really stack up at all in terms of brute force.

i imagine this kind of physicality and movement would lend itself very well to bellumbeck also having more puppet-like movements, being a little too tugged-along by his attacks but still retaining his footing, his free arm being just a little too limp a little too often, and his leaning away from his sword side, likely with the intention to properly balance himself out, looks off with how his head lolls unnaturally to that side. the puppetry effect lessens as the fight wears on and bellum gets the hang of the body he’s using, but never actually goes away since he’s not looking to act properly human anyways.

just like... movement flourishes and details that could add a whole lot to the overall experience of bellumbeck that i think about often.

#bellumbeck #loz #legend of zelda #phantom hourglass #salty talks #do you see my vision. do you understand what im getting at here. i need bellumbeck to be a bit scarier #this is. EXTREMELY inspired by my recent elden ring kick. bellumbeck would fit in really well as a soulsborne boss #removing the fact that he only takes damage from one spot. i think you could really easily translate the bellumbeck boss into soulsborne #a few zelda bosses would work really well with soulsborne combat and another one is ww ganondorf #i dont think abt it often but i do love what game animations can convey and i think its like. the way elden ring works has me more #carefully watching game animations bc if i dont learn to recognize them then i die yknow #idk if ill tag linebeck or bellum but maybe not bc this is mostly just a bellumbeck post #technically in a sense theyre both tagged. whatever #‘bellumbeck’s design is a little off/silly’ cool heres how you lean into it. also read berserk. dont read berserk actually #find something else about a guy with a huge sword being taken seriously

[oatbugs]

i feel conflicted abt my relationship...need advice etc . in tags . pls i need input sm

#i love my gf a lot and i think our relationship is doing rly good rn . i miss her a lot bc im in a diff country to her but ill see her #in a few weeks etc. anyway things are good....HOWERVER. i am worried abt . our future #like u are supposed to live in the moment and have fun and be young etc etc but this is like..the fact that its going well #is making me consider how our life paths would go tgth and if it would be fair to stay in a relationship u know wont work forever. like #this was one of the reasons why i felt hesitant at first etc. basically i swore to myself i would only date an academic or at least someone #who like. has. A Thing. that they are working towards that they are rly rly passionate abt. bc i thought it just wouldnt work out otherwise #and it seemed after a while of talking that she IS like that...shes applying for a graphic design degree and she seems to genuinely #love art etc so much and also she is amazing at it. HOWRVER...she hasnt drawn in a while #and is working a min wage job despite meaning to quit for ages...and as far as im aware #she still hasnt made a portfolio...etc etc. but im so confused bc like...shes great and ik she can do it i just dont #understand why she wont. she could also get an internship etc in the relevant field but i still dont get it...and its not my place to be #pushy abt it. like i already suggested these things and asked abt them but i dont want to ask any more bc like. its her choice #what she does w her life etc. but anyway its like...am i being pessimistic/impatient and everything is gonna #go well for her or do i hold genuine concerns. and if the latter/both potentially...is it unfair to be like #hey babe ik things are amazing rn but we have to reevaluate bc idk if in 10 yrs i would be happy w where we are #my friend was like. Break Up W Her from the beginning bc he thinks u shouldn't get into a relationship w smn whom you think will not also #elevate u in some way..and ur life paths dont align etc...but he is genuinely married to his academics like hes sworn off #love so i didnt rly listen bc hes rly extreme w his. love gets in the way of academics. etc #but also his point was valid i think? that you want the person u spend ur life w to elevate you. u want them to challenge you and make you #want to work harder and be better and achieve more and more...and i do want that and i have been trying to be that for them #but A) i can only be that to a reasonable extent for them before it starts being like nagging/being pushy and #B) i feel like if they end up going the way they are rn they can never be that for me. is that bad #like am i a horrible person for thinking this way. obviously i am not casting a moral judgement on her or anyone #for whatever path in life they choose to go down but also is it like...Silly to give up on a perfectly good #relationship bc ur like. as it stands i do not see you walking alongside me in 10 yrs etc #like im lich rally 20 . but what if it DOES end up going rly well and it DOES end up being thr case that we end up staying together #and then im like. feeling discouraged bc my partner in life is just not the kind of person i imagined being w when i was 19 or 20... #like in terms of careers etc. more importantly is this a discussion i should have w her . bc i literally do not know how to raise this #without sounding like a dick but is that bc i...am being a dick? is this a bad thing ?? is this thought not that of a good person ? #it sounds so WEIRD to be like hey babe either u have to start being more ambitious and insane abt ur art or i might break up w you. like :/

[kimmkitsuragi]

"if i finish this i will watch a horror movie" thing kinda backfired it's 9pm lmao

#will i still do it. yes. probably. #it would probably be more fun in the night too so yeah #but god fucking damn it can i please just finish this thing #i cant even be properly mad at myself because ive been Actually Working in these last days lol #at last!!! #it feels like i can actually finish the whole thing next week :') #i started this at the beginning of September goddddddddd 😭😭 #if i took it more seriously from the start it would've been done by now lol #but i guess at least im making progress #i am kinda getting nervous thinking abt deadlines and actually applying even tho i still have like a month for one school #and 2+ months for others lol #there's one in italy that's earlier than that but not sure if i wanna go for that one tbh so........ idk #but since it's wayy cheaper and i dont have many cheap options and i fear the same thing (aka not being able to go bc #of money) will happen again this year lol #so yeah just. not sure in general. #if i think too much about any of this i start to question everything anyway lmao so i shouldnt <3 #i gotta visit my old uni to talk abt some letters too which i Know for a fact they would write #but it's so nerve wracking to think about butttt i gotta do it this week/early next week so..... #(this week means actually the next week in this case i guess lmao since it's friday rn) #bc they said 2 weeks notice sooooo im guessing that would be okay but u knowwwwwww ugh #okay. my goal is to just do this thing today #then finish the whole project tomorrow #then do the other readjustments for the other projects in a few days hopefully #then go to school #yeah. doable. perfectly doable #i gotta arrange the (redacted) and (redacted) meetings too lol buttttt yeah #🗒 #wow i didnt intend to write this much tbh anyway

[bibleofficial]

my father asked me ‘why do u belittle ur brother so much’ like BC YALL FUCKING CODDLED HIM HIS ENTIRE LIFE SO HES STUPID

#diary #like do something worthy of my respect and MAYBE i’d give it to him #MAYBE #BUT HES YET TO #like honestly we were talking abt germany earlier & i was saying if i were to go id want to visit a death camp but like i would NOT do it w #my brother bc he’d start saying shit like ‘was it rly 2million 🙄’ & id start beating him #like he’s LUCKY he didn’t say SHIT abt the trans girl until later bc i would’ve CLOCKED HIM SO FAST #like my parents were like ‘that’s his opinion !!’ LIKE NO U CANT HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT A FACT SORRY THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS AND ITS BRAINDEAD #TO THINK THAT AS SUCH #IM NOT TOLERATING IT #IVE HAD TO CLAW RESPECT FROM PEOPLE W MY COLD FAGGOTY HANDS & I REFUSE TO STOOP FOR NOBODY #RAISE YOURSELF OR BE BELITTLED FUCK YOU #I DONT CARE #‘but their education is different ..’ THATS NOT AN EXCUSE #if u are CORRECTED and DONT change ur mind that’s ON U & u WILL be bullied for it i DO NOT CARE #‘bullying doesn’t change peoples minds’ i don’t give a shit ? #if they didn’t want to be bullied then be correct ? it’s not that hard ? like #that’s how that works #‘don’t eat the poison berry’ ‘im going to eat the poison berry’ > suffers #like GOOD bitch DAMN u SHOULD suffer #u were told to DO EXACTLY NOT THAT #i don’t feel bad & i WILL make fun of u #bc it’s fuckign FUNNY

[puppyeared]

i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court

#im joking #i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture #and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet??? #its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure #i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^ #i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th #story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get #that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel #like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty #so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then #i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why #idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens #but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes #smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can #be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn #yapping #oc talk

[mantisgodsdomain]

Winning a prize personally by being someone's "well, this trope isn't usually my style, but i know this author is Really Good at writing so i'll check it out anyways" author

#we speak #if you are the person we're talking about here: points at u. <3<3<3 #at some point we will post works that are slightly more fluffy #but unfortunately you will have to deal with the fact that we fucking love morally dubious idiots and we also fucking love Situations #at all times we are looking between our works where bad things happen and our works where its just a passive Emotion Swirl #and then picking Bad Things Happen bc we think its fun #eventually we will get around to fluffier stuff we're just allergic to not swirling in a few bonus emotions #we are sorry but we have tried! we cannot write straight fluff. we need smth extra to make it interesting #otherwise our brain simply Does Not latch on #we salute the brave fluff makers out there for being capable of creating straight up fluff its not generally our style and we dont know #how to make it #is it really a tender moment if u do not get there through daring ur friend to eat u while still like 50% sure u might die #perhaps with a tiny bit of the impulsive want of “if im going to risk death then its gonna be at the claws of someone i love” #we think not. also bc something something love we find the need to note our vi is Very Aro. this is due to The Aro Anxiety #us writing anything about love: but what if they think its... ROMANTIC??? oh gods the horrors the horrors #that said we do not think team snakemouths relationship fits into any relationship definition #and if we ever write a relationship chart for whatever reason their dynamic will be listed as “team snakemouth” #right next to mothiva and zasps “in love and incapable of not being weird abt it” and levi and celias “married (immigration purposes)" #they sure are team snakemouth. people look at them and go “thats team snakemouth all right”. #you could ask thirty different people and get thirty different answers as to their relationship and they would all be wrong #anyways. we've derailed somewhat. we are part of the *checks* #...77.1% of the whump community that is aspec and we like to do funky fresh pain things #alas it is one of the many things that must be tolerated about us and our writing. however if u follow us ur probably fine #we are most obnoxious on our tumblr blog where u have to choose to enter bc we are secure in the knowledge that u can leave at any time #we dont need to tone ourself down here! theres a bunch of buttons u can use to choose our volume for urself! its fucking great! #gods we love being obnoxious on the internet it is SO much fun. more people should do this #its also fun to post things abt fics that we may not finish for months at a time. we love to do that #we will get around to all of our works eventually but the wait will be Long. in the meantime u get to see us talking abt how cool we are

[professionaljester]

what are you suppose to do when all the coping skills a therapist would teach you arent working

#ABC shut it #trying to self therapy myself sucks but how am i suppose to get better #but none of these skills seems to be working anymore and im just sick of it #sick of feeling depressed and bad all the time #sick of feeling like only bad things happen to me (they do) #(i get my hopes up and encourage myself for once and its always the same outcome of sadness and dissapointment) #like what am i suppose to do when the world is out to get me #and i feel like i havve no one and im so alone #its so bad i justhave a meltdown over every little thing bc nothing in my life NEVER goes right nothing good EVER happens #this is not the depression talking these are facts and tract records #itry and i try and things stuill dont work out for me #i try and make more friends and i feel like they all just think im annoying and wish i wouldnt talk to them #like i know i cant except to be talked to first but what am i suppose to do when i try to engage and im just talked over and ignored #or i get thevibe the person doesnt actually like me or is talking to me anyways just to get it over with #and and the paranoia is bad on top of just the general depressionbut what am i suppose to do abt it if i feel i cant talk to anyone abt it #bc all i do is complain but what do i have to talk abt if my life is boring and nothign interseting happens to me #the only interesting thing abt me is i know ppl who have way more interesting lives then me and are more successful than me #like what am i suppose to do when i want to kill myself but cant bc all the ways to kill yourself sound fucking horrible ways to go out

[damianogender]

"why don't you go and actually watch scorsese/de palma/some other 70s popular director just because they're white guys doesn't mean they can't make deep films how can you say you like cinema and film analysis with this mindset" well you see it's because i don't like them. hope this helps

#goncharov #jokes aside there are some 70s directors i havent seen at all or very little (like scorsese) #and there are some i have developed a pretty good idea of (like de palma) #and the reason i choose not to watch them is not because i dont know they exist or think they're problematic just bc theyre white guys #(+its really annoying when ppl act like de palma or godard or kubrick or polanski or whatever are unknown theyre as popular as it gets) #but it's true i don't think their films are deep enough bc i have seen them and i dont think they understand what they're rly talking abt #i dont think they arent deep bc theyre white guys with big awards but i do think that is one of the reasons that their art doesnt get to me #and im not talking about their ability as a director when it comes to technical things like cinematography editing etc #i couldnt say anything bad about the prom queen scene of carrie by de palma #but i simply do not think de palma actually understands what carrie represents (nor does stephen king tbh) #and yes i think that is because he is a cis straight white guy who i also think is a weirdo just by looking at his directing choices #like im not saying he isnt deserving of the attention he got/gets bc he is a white guy #but i do think he isnt deserving of the attention he gets and he also happens to be a rich white guy #and like even if that wasnt the case i dont think it's an unreasonable thing to assume a rich white guy can understand teenage girl psyche #i wouldnt dismiss anyone based on their race gender level of nepotism etc #in fact despite the pure nepotism (with certain criticisms ofc) i love the work of the new gen coppolas (sofia is one of my all time favs) #im not judging anyone who likes de palma i dont give a shit but dont act like your taste is superior u sound like a 1800s cambridge brat #do you understand what im saying??? basically stop being annoying about goncharov we're trying to have fun

[nomaishuttle]

justt realized that th site i ws using t figure out my salary assumed id be working 56 hours a week when in reality i usually work likee 15 hours a week max . im gonna throw up Lol Lol Lol

#idk how on earth id get that many hours And also if i had that many hours id kill my shellfish #its still gonna be a fine amt of money ill make rent nd everything but im gonna have a lot less t put into savings #im so fuckin stupid idk why i didnt check how many hours itd be. ughhh #bc like. i need at least 2 days off a week for appts + my sanity #preferably itd be 3 days a week off but. sigh #so if im working 5 days of th week and im doing..lets say 50 hours a week thats 10 hours a day thats 20 rooms a day. lmao. lmao #even if i only take 1 day off which i quite literally cannot do thats 8.3 hours a day #which is. more doable but thats still like. 16 rooms? which has only happened to me like..once #th one time i worked 9 hours i genuinely intended to kms abt it. bc i ws in so much pain #n my pains gotten a lot better now but i still dont think i cn do that. Agghhh aghhhh #n if i do th starbucks job. well 1 if i ws in customer service id kms. i hate talking to ppl my hearing is too bad for it i cannot do it #but even if i did ik for a fact that i wouldnt get that many hours.. sigh #whatevr. frows up #ok. doing th math it shouldnt be that bad it will literallly be ok. i just need t calm down #most days at my current place are 3-5 hours #n idk how long theyll be at th new place but i assume theyll be similar.. #but. that wuld have me making anywhere from 1002-1670 a month #which is good . rent is 380.. so i should be making likee. anywhere from 2.5 times rent to a little bit more than quadruple rent... both r #good. bc then i cn put abt 300-500 in savings each week and have some left over... okokok #calming down now . smile

[evilhausen]

the way it’s so, so easy to not interact with fanfiction you don’t like  💅

#i got into drag just to put the nailcare emoji in babe that's how much i care abt this topic #literally the content in question triggers MY personal gender issues and yet i have nothing but love for it existing #and the author who i know nothing about #simply bc that's LOVE and CREATION in a fandom and that's soooo sexy #the effort and passion that goes into writing for the fun and joy and satisfaction and ENGAGEMENT is so so fuckng good bro #ppl engage with fan content in stupid bitch ways on web 2.0 huh. some people acting crungo and entitled #on anon huh. weird. WEIRD. #sorry followers im vaguing but im so so so passionate abt this subject-- #im gonna write a shitty drabble abt matt jackson in tights with bows on them getting manhandled now. just for anon. #he might even. shock horror. get called babygirl. #explodes on impact-- #i rlly need a like. discourse tag i think. bc i know some people dont wanna see it and also i talk A LOT #especially bc my adhd meds havent kicked in yet so im sitting in these tags writing an essay about nothing at all #who wants to come over and paint nails with me omg #im waiting for an uber to take me to my death sentence at work tho so can u blame me it's all nervous energy #so rlly. come over and paint my nails and i'll try paint urs with my shakey medicated hands #also i have found it's hard not to interact with fan ART u don't like so the fact this anon is wildin over fanart WHICH IS SO SO EASY BRBBRH

[mechawolfie]

this is so funny to me. i just know that if it was harry doing this kim would be like “don’t be childish, lieutenant. you have *two* pens, surely you can give up *one*.” or smth. i love him

#the reason these two get along so well is bc theyre both the most annoying men ever #and then the fact that if u decide to let him keep his pen ur reputation w him goes up. hes rly just like this unironically #i love him sm. if i met him irl i would loathe him #my man u have TWO!!!!! what r u even doing w Two pens #n then using 9 yr old kid tactics when someone asks for them so u dont have to share.. #i mean it WORKS. I GUESS #but... HELLO???? #anyway im thinking of tht tweet where like #harry is meowing. and kim meows back #and jean (this poor man) is there thinking Oh my God theyre BOTH like this #like i dont ship them but they truly are perfect for each other. at least during the events of the game #which i have. Thoughts abt btw.. #smth abt relationships that even if brief completely change ur life. maybe even open u up to the possibility of #a better one. yknow #like whether or not they stick together in the future they still undoubtedly made #a huge impact on each others lives #basically everyone talks abt how harry mightve gone about living a healthier life but. im curious abt kim....... #independent of harry specifically #like we know that hes got his own Issues. i wonder if he ever tries to confront them or if he just goes back to #same old same old #though i cant imagine itd be easy to just go back to normal after going thru smth like that with someone like harry. idk #disco elysium #smudgy.txt