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lemmetreatya · 1 year

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Husband!Reiner x Black!fem Reader

this isnt as hunky dory as i initially thought this to be but i think its still a valid insight into life with rei. surprisingly ive been having a lot of news, convos and experiences with various people in my own life about marriage and children so i guess this post was a subconscious embodiment of that. either way, enjoy 🫶🏾

Husband!Reiner knows he lucked out in bagging you and he absolutely adores people coveting him. everytime he tells someone hes cuffed, he literally cannot wait to show them a picture of you

Husband!Reiner always spoils you when it comes to bringing home gifts. Its rare that he ever comes home empty handed. more times than less he’s entering in with your favourite snacks or maybe a bracelet he thought suited you whilst he was on break earlier in the day

Husband!Reiner isnt picky when it comes to food. that man would eat just about ANYTHING you feed him and say how its the best thing hes ever tasted. not that youre a bad cook, but he’d find a way to praise even the simplest of meals.

“god, baby, this so good!” reiner’s cheeks were bulging full of food whilst he gave his compliment.

with a sweet laugh, you shook your head whilst opening a beer for him by cocking the tin lid with an opener.

“its literally just rice and stew. you eat it all the time by now.” placing the bottle next to his plate, you bent down to kiss his forehead.

he made a grunt of disagreement.

“dont change the fact that it’s always so good!”

Husband!Reiner is quite reserved when it comes to intimacy and sex. the furthest he’d go in terms of public displays of attraction is hold your hand or a quick peck on the cheek. he’d occasionally lean his chin on your shoulder when in the presence of other company.

however, in the private presence of each other, his attitude towards public reservations has never stopped him from pulling you to the side for a quick fuck before you go out with the girls or letting you go down on him once parked outside his family home for a visit.

Husband!Reiner isnt the best with chores. He tried to help in the past, and has the utmost purest intentions when offering his help, but his standard of clean isn’t the same as yours and so you believe you’re better off just doing everything yourself.

Husband!Reiner is really handy with manual labour tho!! if anythings broken around the apartment hes more than happy to get on it right away. if hes unsure how, he’ll find a tutorial on youtube and work it out from there

Husband!Reiner helps with all the tricky stuff with your hair. whether it be helping you to twist it before bed, wash day or being a live wighead for you to style your pieces — he’s available.

he learnt especially for you but always says if he’s possibly going to have a black daughter one day then hes gonna have to learn.

Husband!Reiner wants kids. its one of the few things the two of you disagree on and several arguments have lead out from that. he loves kids in general but he gets particularly broody whenever he babysits or goes to visit his baby cousin gabi.

it also doesnt help that Husband!Reiner has a particular breeding kink. hes okay with you going on BC because that’s your business and it means he can bottom out anytime! but it does sadden him that in result it means he cant give smol gabi a playmate

“i just think it’d be nice for her to have someone to play with!” he said as he tooths another parting in your hair with the metal rod of the comb. he gingerly took a scoop of hair grease from the tub before layering it down onto your exposed scalp.

“but rei, thats not your— our —responsibility to deal with. its her parents job to give her a sibling if need be so you gotta stop stressing about it like it’s your problem to solve.”

the man was quiet for awhile as he continued to grease your head. when he sighed, he looked over at the two of you within the mirror.

“i know.” he said after awhile. “i just…i never had any siblings or cousins growing up, you know? i don’t know if id want her to go through the same thing i did.”

Husband!Reiner is very family oriented. even though its just the two of you, he still tries his best to make the most of holidays and time off. he always insists you have at least two ‘holidays’ to yourselves a year — sometimes abroad, sometimes on an excursion or even just a spa weekend away. that way when it comes to festive holidays, there isn’t a feeling of fatigue from NOT spending time with each other, meaning you can spend it with extended family and not feel drained from lack of timeout

Husband!Reiner smokes as a habit rather than a coping mechanism. his favourite brands are malboros but you absolutely hate the fresh smell of the smoke once hes come to you after one. he doesnt smoke as much as he did when you first met him.

(back then, he promised to ween off of them if you were to give him a chance! — he did for awhile but after he got closer to the Jaeger’s around a year ago, he picked up the habit again. that’s another thing you two argue about)

“reiner, that fucking stinks. get the fuck outside with that shit, i’ve told you about smoking that nastiness inside here.” you say, flailing your arms by your side as you walk into the living room.

turning around with a face of confusion, reiner spoke slowly in a low tone.

“but i literally am outside, im on the balcony.”

“then close the door! all that smoke is coming inside and it’s stinking up the place.” you exclaimed.

“but i wanna watch the match at the same time.” reiner pointed towards the tv but you could only shrug.

“watch it through the window then.”

“but then i wouldn’t be able to hear the tv!”

“reiner james braun, i swear—”

reiner didn’t want, nor wait, to hear what else you had to say to him. with a grumble beneath his breath, reiner complied and leaned backwards to slide the balcony door shut, the action slightly shaking the walls.

Husband!Reiner is hospitable but mostly for people he’s used to. he loves setting up gatherings for your friends to come round and enjoy each other’s company. since uni, a lot of you haven’t been able to see each other a lot but reiners a bit like the glue that keeps everyone in touch

however, since all of you know each other from around the same time (and because they paired the two of you up!) your friends sometimes felt responsible for your relationship and were weary of any ‘threat’ made towards it

“you two thinking of extending the family anytime soon?” mikasa said, her voice hushed as you, her and annie sat on the balcony and away from the bustle of everyone else inside

you made a noise of surprise at her inquiry.

“actually, we have been! i was thinking of getting either a cat or a puppy. im not too keen on dogs but they say if you nurse them from young, you can get them to behave really well.” you deflected as your mug of hot beverage made its way to your lips.

with an amused hum, annie side eyed you.

“you know thats not what she meant.” she said as she took an inhale of her cigarette. “she’s talking about kids and you know it.”

as soon as annie spoke, your mood suddenly soured. with a huff you looked up towards the night sky.

“why does everyone keep asking me this question? im sure no ones asking pieck and porco this shit and they’ve been together longer than us. or you and bertholdt! so why is it me thats always being asked this stuff?”

mikasa shuffled awkwardly in her seat. hugging the blanket she had over her higher towards her chin, she made a dejected sound before speaking. from that alone, you knew she was reluctant to say her next words.

“yeah but…you dont see either of them loudly proclaiming their contrasting ideas. all of them have decided between each other what they want and seem at peace with that. but reiner’s like…the broodiest man ever and never fails to remind us. the fact that you two dont have kids yet means there’s obviously a hold up on your behalf.”

at mikasas bold words, a dry laugh left your mouth. was this seriously the conversation you were having right now?

shrugging your shoulders, you gave her a wild look

“so?! is it such a bad thing for me to not want them? why’s everyone coddling around reiner and his needs of wanting kids? whys no one thinking of me — the person whos gonna have to carry said child and be their primary care giver — who says im ready to give this life up for that?! why’s no one taking my choices into consideration?”

softly hopping in her seat, mikasa briefly hid her face behind the blanket before pouting over at you.

“i am taking you into consideration! and i know! and im sorry for bringing it up again. eren put me up for asking because he says hes sick of reiner’s whining in the guy’s groupchat. you know im on your side regardless.”

mikasa laid her hand over on your exposed arm, her face laced with remorse but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of discontent at the knowledge that reiner was vocal to your friends about you not wanting children.

blinking forwards, you could only weakly shrug. even though mikasa had given her reasoning for asking, you still couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed

“i know, man but just… miss me with that bullshit. i know what im saying when i say i don’t want em right now.” you mumbled, now feeling more conflicted than before.

that night, you and Husband!Reiner have a bit of a honest conversation about how reiner talks about the whole kid thing with his friends. hes very quick to assure you that he doesn’t talk bad about you behind your back but tells them that he cant have them right now when you have a contrasting opinion to him

you personally dont have a problem with that because these were your friends too — theyed be quick to g-check reiner if he ever said something less than positive about you and then report it directly to you

but for the sake of the situation and with how sensitive it was, you asked reiner if he could refrain from sharing that personal aspect of your life with them

“i know i’ve said it way too many times now but im truly sorry for all this. mika was wrong for asking you that.” reiner says as you lay under his arm. you found solace by burying your face into his side.

“well i dont blame her. if you’re constantly telling people in the groupchat that kinda stuff then yeah, of course they’re gonna feel like they have to intervene. they’re our friends and they only want the best for us.”

you could really tell reiner was thinking this all over in his head by the way he made subconscious groans.

when he had finally made up his mind, he slightly bent down to kiss your forehead.

“yeah i guess so. i wont bring that stuff up again, im sorry for putting you in that position, baby.”

the two of you laid up next to each other, and went on to talk about other miscellaneous things. however, just when you were about to fall asleep, you tiredly mumbled into reiner’s skin.

“its not that i don’t ever want kids. i just…not now, rei. im still very much enjoying life with just the two of us. kids are hard work and a lifelong commitment. everything i know and do will have to change from here on out and i just dont think im ready for that kinda burden yet.”

with a lethargic hum, reiner nods his head.

“yeah, i get you.” he mumbles.

although Husband!Reiner still wants kids, he agrees to getting a puppy in the mean time. he says he might as well get the practice while he waits.

surprisingly Husband!Reiner is in absolute adoration of the new bundled edition. the pup is boisterous and hyper but listens to commands well and learns quickly

the puppy is even more enamoured by smol gabi who always seems to have either its tail or ear within her chubby small hands. still, the puppy only sees it as a bunch of fun

Husband!Reiner isnt perfect, and definitely has so many flaws where he needs to fix up on but he’s trying and he really does love you so you’re okay with working him through all of that.

#reiner braun #reiner aot #reiner x reader #reiner headcanons #reiner x black reader #reiner x y/n

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forlorn-crows · 5 months

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Oh it's Dew for sure to me.

He's always characterized as either a) a complete asshole with no regard for others or b) the whiniest, most pathetic little thing that cries at the drop of a hat. To me it seems like most people characterize him as younger than the other ghouls. Maybe not consciously, but it sure reads that way a lot of the time. Like he's completely emotionally immature and only capable of having a single personality trait (see above).

Like. Has no one seen how soft he can be on stage? I get that he had his little tiffs with Aether and sometimes chokes Rain, but for the most part he's such a softie. He plays with Swiss and dances when Nihil's casket gets brought out. He teases the crowd and clearly has fun with it. He has a whole personality!!

It's unfair to pigeonhole him as "the aggressive one", and I honestly don't know where the idea of him being a pathetic little crybaby came from, but it bothers me to no end every time I see him cry the second someone so much as kisses his neck or something.

PLS SHARE YOUR THOTS CROW

ohhh mr dewdrop, its time for curtain callll

@rrriver yours im gonna touch on at the end here bc its so interesting!!

but yes. reigning opinion seems to be that the babyfied version of dew is overwritten and very 2D. as well as the 'will burn your eyebrows at the drop of a pin' dew. ive touched on these things a little already.

but. dew is the fandom favorite, id say. the one everyone loooves to throw trauma onto. he is the very definition of 'put that guy in a situation'. he is very commonly written as the focus of many fics, whatever the genre. and to me, its so interesting that so many of us dont like these common headcanons, and do go out of our way to write our own versions, yet these things still stay the overarching theme. why is that? rhetorical question, really, but i do think the 'over emotional' idea of dew is very prevalent.

and, like ive said previously, i think he's much more stoic than that. he def shows some emotion. like cirrus, hes not a robot or anything. we see that on stage, of course, with the bits and what not. i think he knows when to joke, when to offer a hug, or when to get fired up about something (excuse the pun)

but i dont think hes going around lighting shit on fire cause something minor happened. do i think hed do that in certain circumstances? yeah absolutely. especially if youre of the belief that this ghoul has gone through some shit. has seen death and treason and went through an entire shift of all the atoms in his fucking body.

but hes strong, resilient. as well as soft and caring. to me, this is a ghoul that listens, that cares so fucking deeply. but he's calm about most things. observant. and a little frisky when he feels up for it.

and river, yes, he's so protective. like i said, most of us think hes seen some shit. so why wouldnt he be more level headed, stronger mentally, because hes seen what being reactive can do to a ghoul

and i really like your take on the different elements hes had and how that transfers to his personality. because there are so many nuances in elements in general! and i even have different ideas to how he acted as a newly summoned water ghoul verses a more 'seasoned' one. and some dont even believe he changed elements at all! but i agree, i dont think hes some shy little pretty water ghoul and nothing more. that boy had sass even back then, maybe even more so. but to me, he's always been that stoic and thoughtful ghoul that i do my best to write him as haha. there are far better writers of dew than i, but i for sure agree with y'all that there's things he isnt.

#ask #river #anon #papaslittlesunshine

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i-like-giving-orders · 8 months

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[ID: 2 dialogue bubbles. The first one on the left says "If you didn't have your body..." The second one picks it up where the last one left off. It says "...you would definitely be like me." /End ID.]

i know that daniel will probably be haunted by these words and wonder whether there's some truth to them but imo while jiho is right that daniel only got better as a consequence of having 2 bodies, jiho and daniel are very different people

jiho is right that they suffered similarly by being bullied for their looks and he is also right that daniel was able to escape that when he switched, but the things that sets them apart are 2 things imo: kindness and a fighting spirit.

you see, when given the opportunity, daniel chooses kindness. jiho has to be grudgingly coaxed into it. when daniel got his second body, he decided to use his privilege to stop jiho and duke from being bullied. he gave duke a nudge and duke ran with it. he tried to do the same with jiho and jiho got entitled. truthfully, if jiho had gotten a second body, i cannot imagine he would have done similarly. he simply would not have become the handsome and strong saviour of the weak. if anything, he probably would have cozied up to vin jin and become a bully himself.

i dont think daniel would have improved without the confidence his second body gave him and the opportunities it opened to him, but the thing with people is that most don't improve without some kind of support. while his mom tried his best, we see him hiding stuff from her since the beginning as to not worry her, so there's only so much she can do. once he got support tho, just a little, he thrived. jiho, well, is not the same way. he got it, but he focused on the wrong things, and, as the last chapter of his arc pointed out, his schizophrenia didn't help his situation and overall personality.

now, im not sure fighting spirit is the correct term, but english is not my first language so i hope i will be able to make clear what i mean.

so at the beginning of the story neither daniel nor jiho fight. they don't have the confidence, the strength, the technique, etc. they both learn to fight in different parts of their lives: daniel with his friends in an attempt to become better and jiho in prison in an attempt to survive. since they are in such different places for this, we cannot compare them. however, we can compare their spirit.

at every opportunity, daniel is trying to do good. when daniel has to make a tough choice, he doesn't shy away from it. he's making mistakes, and he doesn't let people stop him, but because he cannot conceive giving up now that he knows what he is capable of. on the other hand, jiho fought, sure, and we see he is taking decisive action, but all with the intention of getting a second body so he can escape. daniel even offers him a second chance, despite everything he did, which includes but it is not limited to trying to kill him, and he turns him away to try to kill him again. why? perhaps because it's difficult. it's easier to think you can't change. that way, you can't disappoint yourself. despite what he said, we know it's not because he actually thinks people dont change. his mind didn't conjure an image of his past self trailing after him like a spectre, like a whole ass different person, for nothing. in the end, when refused the chance to escape and fearing betrayal from jake, he committed suicide. jiho didn't sit on the edge the building by mistake. although he didn't know it yet, the moment he had stepped foot on the roof, he had given up.

tldr: despite their similarities, when given a little help, daniel chooses to be better, helps others, and offers second chances. jiho, on the other hand, doesn't.

#wow this got long #daniel park #park hyung seok #park hyungseok #jiho park #lookism webtoon #line webtoon #lookism meta #lookism #my property #queueing this and not looking back lol #park ji ho #park jiho

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lion-buddy · 2 years

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Thoughts on the Tanjiro and Nezuko role swap au?

Oh i love the swap au!! I think abt it alot in my own time. Ive always wanted to like, make my own content abt it but i tend to get pretty stuck on the mechanics of everything

Like, taking the world building of kny and applying it to a swap is super interesting to me, and i like trying to work it out. But there are a lot of specifics in kny that are harder to work around in a swap au. But thats not a bad thing! If anything it leads to more interesting story telling because it ensures that the swap isnt to 1 to 1. its just, a lot of work. and would take a lot of planning. If i were to like, write out a timeline of how i think the swap au would go, id have to figure out exactly how the mechanics and all the plot reasoning first. Cuz the way i see, it once you establish the world and lore rules, you can better mold the characters around that.

To start, demon tanjiro is such an interesting concept on its own. I feel hes the easier of the two to establish a character for, because we have his canon series counterpart to go off of. We can pick and choose from the many traits we’re given in canon and apply them to demon tanjiro, and its really fun reinterpreting them. Demon tanjiro basically takes the whole Im The Eldest Sibling trait to the extreme, and turning it into what giudes his reasoning now that he's stuck in a demon mindset (presumably similar to canon nezukos). Older Brother tanjiro is the best. :D

I can still see him being that little ray of sunshine he always is and just, being stuck to nezukos side at all time, whether it be in protection, or just wanting to help her with daily tasks. Like a lost little puppy <:D. Hes just fueled by the desire to be productive and helpful because that's where he thrives, and hes just going to do what feels correct in his little demon mind. I can see him like, taking things out of nezukos hands wordlessly to carry for her because his reasoning is, “little sister shouldnt be the one carrying everything. Im the eldest sibling! I will do the heavy lifting for her!! >:[].” meanwhile nezuko just like, “brother can i pls have my bento box back pls i appreciate ur help but that's not what i need <:3!!” hes just trying to help in anyway he can, even if he doesn't fully understand why/what hes doing.

I feel tanjiros presence would also be very important to nezuko. Shes young, and the only one there for her is her demon brother. While hes not able to speak, nezuko would still have one sided conversations with him. And in moments wheres shes unsure of what to do, she’d just think, “what would oniichan do?” because even if he can’t offer advice now, he’s still her older brother, and she looks up to him, demon or not.

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Roleswap nezuko is interesting. We already have such a well established personality for tanjiro, but nezuko can be a little tricky since we dont have a lot to go off of in canon. Theres bits and pieces we can take and interpret to the best of our abilities, and it kinda makes it more fun (for me at least) cuz we get to see how people interpret her character in so many different ways. :]

i actually came up with a design for her! nezuko is canonically good a sewing, or at least knows how to. her haori is made of up her old kimono and obi. i feel the checker pattern is important to keep because its kinda what all the kamados wear. also shorts/hand cropped uniform pants. i wanted to do pants but they didnt mesh well with her black leg wraps </3 (also pluggin my old hair timeline post bc its relevant <3)

(i didnt design a swap tanjiro bc hed just look like ep 1 tanjiro but muzzled. but he might have an outfit change like nezuko did in ep one.)

My TLDR version of early story swap nezuko is basically: During the beginning of her journey as a official demon slayer, she is veryyyy determined to change tanjiro back to a human as fast as she can, and is essentially bee-lining it from mission to mission. People are fine, but she is not going to linger for too long if she doesnt have to. Shes got her brother! And thats all the company she needs :]. this of course changes as she meets, trains, and fights alongside other people. She learns to slow down and appreciate the people around her more and how they can help her cause too.

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When trying to write out how the events of a swap au would go, i try to take nezukos character into mind ensure her experiences are different from tanjiros. Because they're different characters, different people, even if they face off against the same demon/character, they're going approach it differently, and have different takeaways from the things they experience

Now as much as i would love to write out/draw detailed scenes, that's a lot of work and planning and time that i do not really have atm. And i'd need to figure out A Lot of in world mechanics in order to create something I would be proud of. But in the meantime, i can establish a scene with nezukos' emotional beats to get a feel for her :D!

In the giyu confrontation scene in ep 1, nezukos first “emotional” arc would have a very different setup, almost opposite to tanjiros. When giyu steals the now fully demon tanjiro from nezuko, she’d be really angry at him. Shes angry someone thinks they can just take her brother away from her, dare to hurt him even, just because they think theyre stronger, just because think they know whats right (giyu ofc is just doing his best but. she doesnt know that </3). At first she’d try to retaliate, fight back immediately, in any way she physically can to get tanjiro back, but of course it wouldnt work out very gracefully. Shes no where near skilled enough to face a hashira, but she doesnt care. Her actions are blinded by her grief and rage from any rational thought. All she sees is this man stabbing her brother, threatening to kill him, and shes the only one who can save him. she has too. hes all shes got left. and this man is in threatening that. She’d tire herself out pretty quickly and fall to the ground, to tired to make another move. When giyu sees this, she’d get talked at for being too brash, running into a situation without thinking, without a plan, with only a goal in mind and no way to execute it. In a battle, you need to remember the people that youre trying to protect, not just the target youre trying to destroy. You need to remember who youre fighting for, cuz you cant fight for them if youre dead. Anyway funny axe throw scene now [insert plot things that happen that i have yet yo work out yet because the involve swap tanjiro. hes gonna be intersting] and we’re done. Even if her efforts to save her brother didnt turn out, there is potential to hone that determination into something, and giyu recognizes this. He believes that its something nezuko can effectively use if trained properly, maybe even help her find answers for her brother. After waking up, giyu would send the kamados off to urokodakis to be trained.

TLDR nezuko has really bad tunnel vision <3

We’re told in canon that Nezuko was not afraid to stand up to an adult if they were being mean, even if she's the smaller one in the situation. This trait is exhibited through her actions in Nezuko vs Daki, and I thought it was good scene to reference for how this scene might play out. i find the situation to be similar here. While it may seem out of her gentle character archetype, weve seen time and time again how fiercely she protects the people she cares about. hell, we even see her do the same thing in this scene in ep 1 when tanjiro is passed out!! In this moment if swap, she’s in shock, having just lost her entire family. she has already broke, this is just pushing it!!

i reallly wanna write more for this post but it is already. long lol. i have a few blurbs of texts about certain topics, and hopefully i can share them someday because i!! really like thinking abt this stuff! i really want to solidify and share my interpretation of demon tanjiro and how he works. things like how nezuko approaches battle and her overall fighting style. how the kamados fight together and help each other protect those they care about. maybe one day!

#god i have so much to say so much i wanna draw #but alas. i have been demoted to Poor College Student #kny #demon slayer #Kimetsu no Yaiba #nezuko #tanjiro #giyu #nezuko kamado #tanjiro kamado #giyu tomioka #roleswap au

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polyamorouspunk · 2 months

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hii taking you up on your advice offer 😭 ur poly so maybe u have more experience with this than me, how would i break up with my longterm partner?

we’ve been dating for 2 years, it really has seemed perfect but lately idk its just felt wrong. we’ve kinda planned our lives around eachother and moving in together once we graduate, but i cant make myself want to kiss them or be romantic anymore, i dont want to respond to their texts, i get annoyed at them for no reason. they havent done anything wrong theyre wonderful its a “its not you its me” situation to a T.

all of our friends are mutual friends, but most of them were technically my friends first (all the people they used to hang out with sucked) so im scared if we break up they wont have anyone to talk to about it. i really dont want to hurt them.

i honestly might realize this is just me being dumb and all of this will pass and ill want to be with them still once it does, but since i have no clue how id break it off i feel so trapped. i want to know i have a way out if things dont get better, i want to stay with them because i truly changed my mind not because i didnt have a choice.

Not in a poly sense but just a “have had a few relationships” sense I guess I can offer advice.

So I’ve never actually broken up with anyone before, except for the last guy I was messing around with (Catboy) just because as much as I had sooo much feelings for him it was like the most unhealthy “relationship” for me. Like I finally realized like “oh I’m actually NOT better off seeing him, my mental health is ACTUALLY worse” because of his shenanigans.

However, I did have a long term partner who I dated for 6 years who we had plans to move in together and get married etc. same kind of deal, all their friends were my friends. And they dumped me, and yeah, it was really fucking hard even though I knew everyone was going to take my side. And the one person who didn’t I ended up not speaking to anymore because I was like if you’re not going to realize that I’m the only one whose going to keep talking to you because my ex doesn’t give a shit about keeping in contact with people, then that’s on you.

I was devestated. This was like 3 years ago at this point and pretty much right up until about this year I felt like I was somehow “living in the wrong timeline” and like my entire life’s trajectory had been pulled out from underneath me. Not from the breakup so much as them just deciding they never wanted to speak to me again, that I was bad for their mental health, etc. which I always told them if I’m ever bad for your mental health then break up with me, and I meant it and stand by that and their decision, but it still fucking hurt.

Like if that’s what they had to do that’s what they had to do. If that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. While I am of course resentful to my ex, and I hope they get hit by a car or something sometimes, I do stand by their decision that if I wasn’t good for them then I’m happy they left me behind. I don’t know if other people are going to have that same view upon being dumped. I mean like I said I still hate them. But to say that they should have stayed with me for my sake is hypocritical.

Not only that, but an issue of intimacy was occurring between us during the lead-up to the breakup. And as soon as I wasn’t with them anymore and I was able to be with Catboy instead I got a taste of what I had been missing and GOD it felt so good. For the first time ever I felt like someone actually wanted to be intimate with me. It was an amazing feeling. My ex dumping me opened up the door for me to have things I was missing in that relationship. So it wasn’t all bad, for sure.

You have to do what you have to do for yourself. You come first. If you need to break up with your partner, or take space, or whatever, you just have to go for it if you really think it’s what’s best for you.

#punk gets mail #the punk gives good advice

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kyoryu · 2 years

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My big problem with the ending is that the story had the characters like. At least a few times discuss how they could totally still be friends even after the adventure was over. And like, I understand there’s a metaphor going on about how your life changes and you don’t stay as close to people as you think you might, but like… it kinda comes in out of nowhere in the last two or three episodes. And on top of that, Anne losing Sprig ENTIRELY and then the dialogue implying she, Sasha and Marcy all drifted apart until that reunion just felt overly sad. Puts a lot more ‘bitter’ than sweet in that bittersweet ending than they meant to, I think.

this is gonna be a long answer so sit tight lol.

disclaimer: I LOVE AMPHIBIA OK? my criticism means i care and i am passionate!! maybe too much, but hey, who's doing the math am i right.

ok i absolutely agree with EVERYTHING u say. i think everyone who disliked the ending is in the same page tbh, we all agree on the same stuff.

what u said about mostly bitter than sweet is EXACTLY what i keep saying. like...i do not see the sweet ANYWHERE in that ending. the "sweet" is the girls finally making it home, yet we dont get to see that. we dont even see anne hugging her parents again or anything, and dont get me started on the marcy and sasha's parents thing (ok i will briefly: refusing to give us anything about them just cuz "you wanna leave it up to interpretation" is bullshit. ur writing a story. commit. not showing us sasha and marcy's home lives and families means youre not showing us ANY signs of us rooting for them to go back home, we aren't attached to the idea of it as opposed to sasha's bond with grime and marcy's love for amphibia. it is lousy)

like, people keep telling me im missing the point of an ending that was obvious since episode one and i just disagree so much. where in the world of episode 1 did we see that anne was going to fight the moon, die, meet god and be offered to become god? what the fuck. i keep saying this ending could only work if the stakes weren't so high and the girls didn't spend as much time in amphibia. for anne to separate from the plantars permanently just because "people in life come and go and it hurts but oh well thats life" is so... devastating. like, imagine not being able to see or talk to your family EVER again. because hey thats what lifes like.

"but vinnie they'll obviously see each other again!!!" if u keep saying this, then u just disliked the ending as much as i did and ur in denial lmao. we can make all the hcs we want, they can add all the fix-it they want to marcy's journal (context: matt braly implied marcy's journal could include terri and mr x giving the girls "a surprise" in the timeskip) but yknow the damage is done. the ending is there and it tells you that the plantars and anne say goodbye forever and thats how it is. at least accept it.

"its been set up since ep 1" i completely disagree. season 1 in its entirety is about anne learning to love wartwood. sure it makes sense if u just watch ep 1 because anne is desperate to get home but um, the point is that anne comes to love wartwood and its people and becomes a part of the plantar family. how is that ending an ep1 set up? well, wheres the WHOLE SHOW set up? it makes no sense.

and even for the trio, i understand the growing apart thing but man, after what they went through wouldnt they be bonded for life, having been the only ones to have ever experienced this same trauma, and be closer than ever? especially with the portal permanently gone. id totally be behind it if the portal was open, cuz anne sasha and marcy choose their new amphibian friends over each other to spend time with and eventually come together again as teens, but still close all together bc i cant stress it enough. you dont just grow apart from someone u fought the moon with.

amphibia was already their time apart yknow. again, if the stakes were lower id get it and it'd work. but u cannot have these 3 go through all they did and then try to apply a Down To Earth realistic ending. i dont get it.

like, ur telling me marcy had to move away and she did it happily after being stabbed, comatosed, posessed, etc? sasha and anne stop talking in hs after anne had held onto sasha's arm for dear life before she lets go to her possible death, after they both leaded a fucking army together for a WAR AT 13 YEARS OLD? they just...move on? with a smile? sure it works if you say it does. but if you look it from a writing perspective its just weird, incomplete, lousy. no drama.

everything happens and we dont talk about it. everyone's just freaking happy ig.

i could excuse the sashannarcy separation though but that along with the goodbye forever to amphibia are TERRIBLE combinations. like sasha anne and marcy close this book and open a new one, and how on earth are they even able to do that after everything they we through???

sure im happy theyre happy. it could be that simple. but to me its not. to me this ending ruins the entire show lmao. if u were gonna go for this ending then dont write such an epic story bro lol.

and for the "YOU JUST WANT A STVFOE ENDING/WHAT, IS ANNE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE HER PARENTS EVER AGAIN?" gang: shut up dingus. no one talked about mixing both worlds or keep anne just in amphibia. thatd be just as bad. they should just have a way to access amphibia whenever they wanted, they met GOD. they literally had any excuse to make this work.

"but thatd be unrealistic" oh so sorry if i dont mind the story about 3 humans landing in a world of frog people, getting superpowers, leading an army, fighting a war, fighting an evil king and posession and the moon, doesn't have a completely realistic ending

"it would be too good to be true" so u agree. u agree the ending wasnt good.

what i would've done to make this ending Work, i would've added 3 simple things.

1. anne is a whole lot more broken up over saying goodbye to amphibia forever. shes not that calm about it. she's upset and thinks its unfair.

2. we get to see anne reunite with her parents back home

3. in the 10 year timeskip, we get an open ended situation with the trio opening a portal and its up to interpretation if this is the first time theyve done it or not.

thats it. i still wouldnt be a fan, i think anne deserves to grow up being able to see her family, but i think if they wanted that ending that badly they shouldve at least added those things. idk.

BASICALLY: i get what they were trying to do. it just does not work with the kind of epic high stakes story they've decided to write.

#new ask tag #pleeeeaaaase avoid sending me shit anom hate over my opinions #i got plenty of those ive heard ur arguments over a thousand times #u liked the ending? good for you buddy. dont have a gold star to give u tho sorry #the prize is minding ur business and leaving me alone in my hater sandbox #the hardest thing spoilers #amphibia finale spoilers #amphibia finale hater sandbox

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themediummultiverseau · 11 months

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Sorry I put the question in the wrong place before. What were the ghosts favorite holiday when they were alive?

(pretty sure you put it in the right place before! dont worry haha)

dream - i never really paid much attention to holidays, but there were some people in the village celebrated something they called "Litha," id see them light bonfires and dance, flowers woven into hair or fur, and i just remembered they looked so pretty and like they were actually having fun, but i dared not join in, not after my brothers death...

Dust - New years, i always saw it as a time to improve myself....make a new start and leave it all behind. Of course, that never happened, im such a failure, i could never improve

Killer - i was never raised very religious, but mum was, so i guess Eid ul-Fitr. We always had great sweets and i remember putting up pretty decorations, it always looked pretty and i just remember it being like, so cool

Horror - Christmas, spending time with my family and cooking a huge meal for them all to enjoy? Right up my alley! I always hosted, pretty much every year, and seeing the joy on my siblings face at the food that was so limited dressed up to be a meal fit for a king... It was just perfect!

Nightmare - I was always fond of All Hallows Eve. Once, i dressed myself up to be seen as a demonic spirit to scare some villagers scream, i can still see the look on their faces all these years later, and i could help those who were kind to me when they came to my door for offerings, of course, i couldnt let them know thats what i was doing. I did always enjoyed apple bobbing too... That always upset mother haha, something about it "disgracing our souls," never cared much myself honestly.

Ink - oh, huh? Holidays? uhhh, i dont know... Oh! Guy Fawks - Bonfire Night! I always made the guy to put on the bonfire, and fireworks are pretty too! Great to paint, and pretty simple haha! (Nightmare looks on in horror)

Error - Bah humbug - (Its christmas; he likes spending time with family, even if he doesnt want to admit it)

Geno - oh, i always liked boxing day, christmas was always so hectic, and the next day you got to just sit around and eat leftovers! I liked halloween too, we always went to the graveyard and lit candles for the graves, i always liked doing that.

Cross - ...Would it be silly to say St. George's Day? I grew up on those stories, and wanted to be like him when i grew up, a strong and noble soldier...

Lust - Valentines..... ( he used to give out wild flowers he picked to people on the streets as gifts, but he never found anyone who'd give one back...now he never will.)

Sans - not a ghost, but i think you can guess... (its april fools)

I really wanted to put a variety of holidays in here, but i myself am pagan and brought up in a mostly christian country, so if i messed up with anything, im sorry, it was not my intention - also, i put a bunch of holidays that are only celebrated over here in the uk, i didnt really think about it, and now there here - this au is mostly based on british history, because thats what im familiar with, and most of my historical knowledge is just from my own head, but theyre not really british, they live in some weird world that doesnt really exist so idk, think what you will haha

ii was not sure what i wanted to draw here, and it ended up being nothing - but theres a change i might add some at a later date)

Thank you for your support decadentroadmakerturtle, it means the world! :)

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burning-sol · 8 months

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me hc'ing pcs relationship to makeup:

gillion tidestrider, he didnt rlly wear makeup in the undersea and has internalised that but he would happily wear makeup if offered, like god someone PLEASE givr him permission. just make sure that its suitable for a triton though.

jay ferin, she's great with stuff like clown makeup and sfx. if she tries normal makeup looks she will mess it up and start cussing tho.

chip, he used to use makeup but with the bandana he doesnt now lol. anyways he's not perfect but DAMN he's better than u would expect. he refuses to elaborate on how he got so good at it (he's just very insecure abt his appearance okay).

goobleck, bbg eats that shit.

ashe winters, she literally had all the time in the world to practice at home she's SO fucking good at it. she consumes makeup tutorials like nobody's business. makeup QUEEN.

william wisp, he applies so much black eyeshadow n stuff. its in his bonez. really good with stuff relating to nail polish and all that. after meeting ashe he started to get more ambitious with his makeup, up until what happened. then he started wearing MORE black makeup and then even MORE after realising he has no blood. after gaining a new heart she's started wearing warmer makeup with more reds, and also doing more horror-esque looks. uhhh i guess basically she changes her makeup a lot depending on how she's feeling and what's happening.

dakota cole, not interested. might have some internalised feelings of thinking it makes him look less genuine or faker somehow. and gender issues.

vyncent sol, id have to think more abt whether the cat boy would wear makeup.

kian stone, prolific in it babes check him out she's rocking it. LOVES doing drag makeup. fuck yeah!!

rand, makeup would probably require him to clean himself up which is already too much to ask of him.

rolan, he likes when ppl do his makeup for him but probably doesnt really wear it otherwise. too scared to wear makeup in public most of the time. big fan of all the drag he's seen.

thanatos, um. i mean. yeah. i mean he's a robot. peter can paint him?? if he wants??? nobody else though its an exclusive peter privilege.

peter, okay i think he'd be decent at it but his REAL passion is face painting. let him draw a lizard on your cheek right fucking now.

rumi, they actually suck at makeup so bad holy shit all they do is magically sparkle don't fucking ask them to do makeup.

exandroth, she doesnt need makeup he think he looks great (it HATES it the sensory issues god no dont put anything on him girl wasnt built for this)

aster aeliana, she's really good with makeup but dislikes wearing it. merely performing her stereotypical girl duties.

ryan selucreh, he will do whatever the group's doing bro.

connor connors, hmhmhm u know what he's already seen as a loser he would sorta know how to use makeup and wear it while he's out and about. already a con-erd right? not very commited to it tho, its just a hobby.

cherry blossom, she would never

aren auguste, "no thats gay"

jebediah lightbringer, no except him and brian have matching nail polish cause you know how it is homos.

#📚 my posts #📌 thoughts

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kindestegg · 4 months

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i like it when characters who have lived up to a certain point believing their destiny is to be the antagonist (not necessarily even knowing theyre an antagonist- just that their role ends up being that in the plot, one that impedes the protagonist or clashes with them) realize that theyd rather change completely due to their new experiences and embrace this new thing because what they have seen is worth fighting for

and i like it when characters who have been kicked down all their lives n ignored finally get to have someone look at them with kindness n offer them the chance to heal n start to find their real selves peeling away all the layers of maladaptive coping

im not really sure what youd call those arcs, i guess the first could fall under a type of redemption? id say maybe self redemption even, a character who doesnt necessarily need to be reasoned with just realizes they want to switch sides because it feels right. the second one though, i think it can be applied to any type of character, not just antagonists, any character that starts out kicked down n slowly comes into their own...

i guess i enjoy revolutionary self discovery n catharsis arcs more than anything. and to be fair in a way that also does include corruption arcs. i like it when characters feel like theyre cornered n cant go anywhere else but downwards, feel like the only thing left to try is to be one of the bad guys, because then maybe if they lash out and take control itll stop the hurt, maybe theyll gain respect, the power they crave.

either way its always like. "im unsatisfied with the way things are right now. somethings got to give. something needs to change. if i dont change something im going to go insane. maybe this is me going insane. but its all i can think to try."

#commander's orders

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hikari-ni-naritai · 3 months

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How do you manage to enjoy shows with a lot of like, unavoidable problems? I've seen your posts about the like, cool creativity and such in middling isekai, and I want to appreciate stuff like that too, but I usually can't get myself to ignore the worse parts. How do you do it?

i mean it depends on what you mean by 'problems'. if you mean like, bad writing, that i cant offer any advice on because i have never had a discerning eye. in fact, watching isekai is kinda what taught me to notice when something was bad. before id think things were either really good or just enjoyable and okay. im teaching myself the discernment i lack. but crucially, that is all in my head. in my heart i still very much enjoy things that arent very good because like. i can put good taste in my head but it doesnt mean i feel it in my heart.

but if you mean like 'the problematic elements'. that is an entirely different question. and im not sure im qualified to answer it, really, since i grew up with 'problematic elements' being that something was like. not christian. i dropped that obviously but i didnt exactly like, swap it out for anything. so my aversion to problematic elements is just kinda mostly gone.

but like. a lot of it is that like, i recognize that the media i consume is not a statement on my political beliefs, and i have a very firm foundation for my morality. yes its morally reprehensible for an isekai to portray slavery as like. A Good Thing For These Girls Actually, but Emily doesnt believe slavery is good. so if a girl in an anime is perfectly happy dressing like a maid and being some guys slave, that has no effect on what i believe in real life. if an isekai portrays the monarchist nobility as a good and necessary institution, that doesnt affect Emily's belief that monarchy is dogshit and nobility is double dogshit. if sousou no frieren's depiction of demons as mimicry predators of humans is fascist because it creates an ontologically evil Other that looks like humans yet is incapable of true emotion and needs to be wiped out, that doesnt affect Emily's belief in the intrinsic value of all human life and the fact that genocide is extremely fucking evil.

so like. figure out what you believe and why you believe it, recognize problematic elements in media, and dont let them affect your beliefs. if your problem is that people will think youre a bad person for watching something, understand that those people dont dictate your beliefs either.

but also yknow, a lot of it is the fact that nobody's complaining about these things bc theyre not popular. nobody's discoursing about black summoner, nobody's bitching about smartphone isekai, nobody's discussing karakara. its a lot harder to enjoy things when youre hearing discourse about them constantly. it feels safer to draw your own conclusions, even if those conclusions are 'this is a problematic representation of this thing'. theres no pressure to hate it for its faults bc nobody gives a shit except you. yknow?

anyway theres still lines i dont like to cross, like i hate watching shows with sexual assault or severe bullying, but thats only bc it makes me uncomfortable to watch, not bc i think theres anything wrong with depicting it in art.

if you choose to try and change this about yourself, i wish you the best of luck! it takes time and will probably be uncomfortable, but personally i think its worth it.

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xenodogz · 3 months

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hey man. also facing thousands of dollars worth of dental work due to poor care here. i literally lost one of my incisors. if you think posts reassuring people its ok they have trouble taking care of their teeth are "anti recovery" youre straight up stupid like i dont know what to tell you. nothing in the world helped me get better at taking care of my teeth than learning i wasnt alone. i thought for a long time that nobody in the fucking world was as bad at dental hygiene as i was because nobody talked about it!!!! nobody felt like saying anything other than "brush your teeth"!!! in my early teens i completely broke my tooth brushing habits because i fell into the worst depression id ever been in and i thought i wouldnt live long enough for my teeth to matter. i spent so long not taking care of my teeth At All. i went months without brushing them at a time. and never in my life until like a year ago had anyone ever told me that i wasnt alone. i lived in so much shame thinking i was repulsive (id have people ask me to my face what was wrong with my teeth before) and beyond repair so why even Try. but learning that there were other people who struggled just as badly as me motivated me to get better like nothing else. i didnt know i didnt have to be ashamed. i didnt know that my existence wasnt unilaterally disgusting to every other human being on the planet. i didnt know i was allowed to talk about it, much less that i was allowed to talk about it without adding a billion qualifiers about how you should brush your teeth actually.

i just. like. the problem isnt that we dont know we're supposed to brush our teeth. the problem isn't that we think it doesn't matter (like trust me op i think everyone else whos dealing with dental hygiene difficulties is also facing the consequences). the problem is that dental hygiene is so cloaked in shame and guilt and it feels impossible to talk about without judgement. this honestly reads like calling posts about self harm "anti recovery" because they didnt attach a psa about how its bad to cut yourself actually and you shouldnt do it. We Know That. and if all we get in response to our suffering is "here are the things you should do to not suffer" with no reassurance or emotional outreach then very fucking little is going to change. nobody with difficulty brushing their teeth is going to be helped by a tumblr post saying "brush your teeth". they already hear that from everyone else constantly and its obviously not fucking working. if posts offering emotional support and solidarity didnt help you then im sorry and that sucks but it doesnt mean those posts are anti recovery as a whole and its fucking insulting that you believe that to be honest

#barking #suicide tw #self harm tw

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pumakaji64 · 5 months

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i suffer from this annoying problem you see-

i want to do more, i really think i do- but i just feel so confined by my current living situation where i am consantnly around my family- you see in 2020 my father mother and eldest sister had to move in with my older sister and i because of covid costing my parents their jobs- i wasn't exactly doing stellar before this but i was feeling like i was starting to get a handle on my life and starting to figure important things out- but since the move i feel like ive had to put that all on halt......

i stopped going to online therapy because i have no privacy to do so and feel safe because if i wanted to get any real progress id have to talk about my family and my childhood whici i do NOT want any of them hearing about and i cant go physically because i cant drive and i dont want to waste more gas and the time of the others- i stopped drawing because i have no privacy to safely express myself without their eyes unless if i lock myself in my room which they will judge me for and now my dominant hand is permanantly injured making it painful to draw unless im careful about it- i am confined downstairs in the living room most of the time because i need to watch my dog (this is on me though I can accept that) so i feel like i have no space for myself and when i take leisure time feel nothing but guilt everytime my family comes by- they love teasing me over the dog too saying i dont do enough i dont know how much theyre joking i already feel like shit all the time so i dont really appreciate the jabs- being on here is the one consistant thing i can muster up enough energy to do- but even so not without constant guilt- most days off dont feel like much of anything.

its hard even to engage in my interests anymore- dont have the time, dont have the energy, dont have the privacy, dont have the intelligence, dont have the confidence, idk... just been tough lately i guess.

not even my room offers much respite- my parents room is right across and they love to keep their door open- i feel them watching everytime i go in

i feel stuck

i feel like im wasting my life

i feel like i will never get out of here

i do not know what to do

i dont think theres even anything waiting for me even if i can

tw suicide talk

i cant go back to school because i have no idea what i want to do with my life- theres so much pressure for me to be succesful and each day i feel like more and more of a failure- and i know if i try and fail again i might end up trying to kill myself like i did last time

but to be honest i know i cant even kill myself because i know the cost of a funeral wont be worht it and because im too much of a coward to do so

but staying alive isnt much better when you feel like a constant financial drain and worthless layabout all the time

and everytime i think i find some sort of plan or some way out its like a carrot on a stick thats tugged away from me like a joke

it's so funny- i was openyl gushing about how hopeful i felt and now realitys crashing back down once again! there's no getting out of here.

to make it all worse this year has been terrible for me healthwise- im falling apart in so many ways and i feel even worse about being a waste of money-

i dont feel like i can talk to any of them about how awful i feel- most of the time any attempt to do so ends poorly and even when it doesnt nothing changes- i dont know where to make heads or tails of it all- i know im to blame for a lot of my own issues i know i overreact and take things too personally- i feel like i paint an unfair picture of them sometimes but eveyr day feels harder to keep on going- i already struggled with doing basic shit to take care of myself but recently it feels impossible

they did always say i just dont care enough- either its always been true or at some point became it.

i dont want to go to my stupid fucking job that bores the shit out of me- but i have to- i have to be of use somehow- i didnt sleep last night- i dont want to go to work because when im at work i just think about all the things i could be doing- actually useful or fufilling things i know i wont do on my day off despite how badly i wish i was while at my job

but i have to- it's almost time- so i guess i will.

whats the point of writing all of this- a cry for help maybe? pity seeking maybe even if i try to deny it over and over- i guess im just nearing my breaking point- something about these ast few months have been really grueling lately- again probably to do with all the suddent medical issues and the fact that my 20's are halfway done and i have nothing of worth to show for it- i dont know what to do i dont think im ever escaping this place and maybe thats for the best

I’m not a good person- I have all the same horrible traits they do. I just hide it on here to appear more likable.

im 25- its too late- ive wasted my entire life- it was always going to end this way everyone whose ever knwon me could see it thats why they all gave up on me- i did too. theres no point in prentending i can be fixed and wasting any more money. i feel like a ghost in this house watching life pass by. i feel like a stupid child trapped in an adults body.

i dont know what to do anymore-everything feels like sawdust.

But I’ll be fine… I’m numbing it all out. I don’t feel enough to want to hurt myself this time. like i said i have to go to work soon

im going to go downstairs and my mother will see my horribly messy hair and she'll make some annoyed comment about me needing to brush and ask me to run my fingers throught the tangles and we'll go to work. and i'll tell stupid jokes to try to make her smile because its the least i can do.

despite it all i love them still- but some days i wish i could love them from a safe distance.

im tempted to delete this like i do with all my breakdowns that i post on blogs that arent my vent blog but i think i'll keep this one up- because deep down i think i do want some advice or help or something- i cant keep living like this. i dont know what to do to stop. i just wish i had more to offer in return.

or maybe i just need to yell- whatever- doesnt matter- i'll go back to my usual postings on both of my active blogs regardless of whatever happens after this post-im sure i'll regret it later and try to just ingore this and hope you all too but it's like 4 am so whose even gonna see this lol

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magnoliamyrrh · 6 months

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and abt to say something controversial but no its not Only the guns. yes the guns are obviously making it easier for ppl to do mass killings, a gun is more dangerous than a knife or maybe even driving a car in a crowd. but theres other countries that have a shit ton of guns that Dont have random ppl doing mass civilan shootings and terrorism all day every day. by this point weve got so many guns in america that restricting or banning them wont rly do jack shit bc it is insanely easy to get an illegal gun, ive met several ppl who have them and offered to get me on easily, in california, a state w some of the most strict laws. i think by this point yea sure restrict and do whatever but i dont think thatll do nothing i rly dont. we need a severe and drastic change in the Mentality around guns in this country. mental health, social health, fucking idk anything, no more glorification of guns. its such a bad issue. this county is doomed and fucked in many regards but id want to believe there exists some sort of solution so that random families ppl civilians and damn school kids could stop being shot

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catspinach · 1 year

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sobriety reflection:

ive been completely sober for 4 months (make it 5 months if u dont count my brief christmas meltdown) though its been over a full year now since i realized that i needed to make a real change in my life. i stopped drinking for about a month before finally getting a job. at first I was able to go 2 or so months sober at a time before caving in, but there were scary periods where id be unable to stop for a month or so. sometimes id take shots before my shift, and a few times I've drank a full-size 700mL bottle of vodka in a span of 24hrs.

After binge drinking until i reached my absolute limit, I'd eventually get so hungover that i couldn't keep anything down and i wasn't able to slowly wean myself off of the alcohol. I'd suddenly stop drinking, eating, and sleeping, and to pass the time all i could do was pace around my little bedroom or throw up. nobody in my family knew how much i drank so i couldn't risk going downstairs, the tv was way too loud and bright, and i guess I'm simply unable to sit still when I'm not feeling well so I couldnt even sleep it off. when it got unbearable id attempt to meditate. that was probably the only thing that brought me any sort of peace.

My time drinking was spent bumming around alone, feeling depressed and extremely horny. when i was hungover I'd voice chat my (long distance) gf on fb messenger about how miserable i was, and how much i just wanted to die. then when i was feeling better id be unable to even look at our previous convo bc of the extreme guilt i felt. i cant imagine seeing someone i love going through such hell. having only me to bring them solace, yet not being able to help at all. It made me hate myself, which made me drink.

I went through another withdrawal phase and became aware that it was getting harder every time i tried sobering up. It really felt like I was on my deathbed, and I called everyone I could to try to get some sort of outpatient help, but they refused unless i did a month inpatient, and again my family didn't know. I was alone in this, very adamant about not going to AA. I was scared I'd run into someone I know and I heard it's not very effective for young alcoholics anyway. I drank on Christmas Eve a month later and threw up at grandma's on Christmas day. That was when I realized I had a choice to tell someone. That I had no excuse not to tell someone. So I called my sister in and I sat naked on the floor crying as i explained to her what was happening. We all left and she brought me to walgreens to get some Tums, promising not to tell anyone and offering me to stay at her place. which I declined lol fuck that

4 months later and i still get cravings often. i can stop myself from drinking now by reminding myself that tomorrow is a busy day at work, and by imagining it going down my throat. Now when so much as think about drinking I taste vomit.

The other day I almost snuck into my moms room for a shot before work, but stopped myself. I make $19/hr plus overtime, and I know that if i lose this job I won't be able to score one with matching pay. ive been practicing being kind to myself.

Lately I've been bumming again. sometimes life doesn't feel much different from how it did at my lowest– aside from feeling less nauseous now. i guess that's a start to bettering myself though.

#im proud i really am #but it still feels empty #sobriety #now im hooked on marijuana lol but at least its not making me sick

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keniaku · 2 years

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okay so i've been sending my moots the random jjk top five questions like once a week for the past month because they are. interesting. and your answers to the last one were great, so if you wanted more random jjk top five questions, here's the one latest one! feel free to ignore this if it isn't something you're interested in!!! just wanted to offer because i love seeing people's responses!!!

you get to steal five (or three, if you prefer) jjk characters' cursed techniques: which do you steal and why?

these questions are always fun to read whether if they're for me or just the way blogs i follow reply to them thank u

the obvious number 1 is reggie star's. replicating anything by burning paper receipts that contain proof of transaction of that something is just so amazing and convenient for every day life, and it's not limited to objects. i don't even need to look for specific receipts for specific objects or services, i can just dig through the trash bin of a nearby ATM and burn those for some easy cash. like can you imagine. it would be life-changing. why did reggie even agree to be in the culling games he should just lay low during the culling games in his own corner or whatever. instead he had to go out and cause trouble and die like a loser

okay so it has some drawbacks but geto's is also very nice and versatile. the major difference between me and geto is that geto has a stick up his ass while im a loser with little to no ambitions, so if i had it i would simply not turn evil bc of the vomit balls. it could help me do chores and work, easy transportation, and even sleep better since i could set up a curse for a sentry in nights i feel particularly anxious. some curses could be pretty cute, they can be like companion curses to boost up morale, i like petting cute things. overall it definitely worth the trouble of eating vomit. also i hypothetically could gain the next cursed technique:

mahito's idle transfiguration for ideal body even for my inconsistent vision of what i desire to be. i literally can be anything i want. thats great

it's not a cursed technique but having a heavenly restriction on maki's side of the scale would be nice. i think i'd be happier with a stronger and healthier body i'm still working on it lol (thumbs up) if thats not allowed i’ll go with rct bc. wahoo

i can’t think of anymore techniques i’d want so i guess i’d pick gojo’s too. NO six eyes tho just the infinity. i dont wanna be plagued by assassins all my life. it’d be harder to manage without the six eyes but i do not care i’m not here to be the strongest or anything grandiose im just here to teleport for fun and also prevent other people from touching me

i also considered takaba’s comedian but thats too much power and responsibility i can’t handle that. maybe if the usage is limited to once a day then id be ok with taking it

#that-was-anticlimatic #answers.txt #this took so long wow lol #having takaba's power with limits would be nice bc lmfao. yknow. lol #but as it is its too much for me to willingly take to my own hands #were lucky hes just a silly guy

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