#i dont wanna get outta bed today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skrunksthatwunk · 15 days

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pleeeeeease cancel classes cuzza the rain pleeeeeease please pleeeeeeease

#it's storming pretty hard #well. ok it WAS #anyway i dont wanna miss any classes but i have an exam ive been cramming for today #and i would really appreciate it if i could get that postponed #and also if i didnt have to walk through that bc yikes #i do not want to get struck by lightning!! shocker i know #(heh. shocker)#also rascal fell/jumped off my bed and onto the vent coming outta the wall and got hit paw stuck in the vent on the way down :(#i have not heard him groan like that before #he seems to be okay now. not limping or anything #american lit why are you doing this to my (<- 100% my fault)

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orcelito · 6 months

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Wow I have not.been making text posts. Uhmmmm OK 3 personal anecdotes from the past 2 days aka the interesting things that have happened to me:

1. So yesterday I woke up at like 2 am from what I Thought was a dream with my heart fucking RACING. Bc in What I Thought Was My Dream there was a very, VERY loud noise and it scared the shit out of me. Nothing else happened, I calmed down, went back to sleep. But in the morning, I went to the bathroom and found. . what do you know.. the big cat carrier on the floor. Which means one of my cats (*cough* tally *cough*) knocked it down from storage, which would've made a HUGE noise, so I connected the dots. Then she pooped on the floor about it and got it on herself. Stinky girl.

2. Cut my finger on a scale 😔 and it's uh actually kind of deep? Doesn't rly hurt much but that's also not a great thing for deep cuts. Oh well.

3. In the night it was raining and I got up and heard water and had a moment of ".....that IS rain, right?" What a life I live where I hear falling water and am unsure of whether it is rain or if my ceiling is actively leaking for what would be the Fourth Time...

Yeah.

#speculation nation #these would be 3 different text posts but i was very sleepy yesterday and went right to bed #so here.have these anecdotes about my days all in one.#yesterday really wasnt too bad. work was busy but i got thru it #for it being the 28th my luck was actually pretty okay #maybe the really loud noise scaring the shit outta me and the finger cut were my penance #the fanart thing made me SO excited and enthusiastic i just HAD to show my coworker #(the ninja turtles fanfic writer one bc They Understand)#hfkshfj im.just very excited about it. and it brightened my whole day yesterday.#printed out a copy of it to put in my room...🥺 bc i wanna look at it Always #and uhmmm. well i sure am getting a ton of hits on itnl bc of it hfkshfjd i keep looking back and Waow #it's at like... hundreds more than it was yesterday morning. i wanna say almost a thousand #but i didnt think to take a screenshot so i dont know for sure. a lot tho.#active encouragement for me to get the next chapter done... i plan to work on it as much as possible today 💪

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wabblebees · 2 years

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#i have a sneaking suspicion that in addition to all the other weird bullshit going on with my body #that at the moment my healing/recovery time is taking WAY longer than usual #and that im like. excessively affected by temperatures+/temp changes right now too #bc yeah while everyone else in my dorm house agrees that it really sucks the school hasnt turned the heat on and its kinda cold #its messing with me fucking HARD right now. like. to the point where today i went out and bought myself a pair of sturdy-ass gloves to wear #While I Am In My Bed Under My Blankets. bc its so bad that ((even bundled up top to tip!!)) if i dont get up every once and a while to run #my hands under hot water they get ICY and start turning fucking PURPLE. so uhhh. my temperature regulatory system has never been Great #but i think this is. much worse than usual #and when we were getting my bloodwork done before i left for school the docs never said anything abt like a zinc deficiency or anything #but??? unless its smth ELSE that ALSO didnt show up on the screenings they did... ughhgh. fuck. idk man #just. hOUGH. i wanna be wARMB and i wanna be CUDDLED and... idk man. i just want to be well. but i dont think thats happening anytime soon.#🙃🙃#time to hop outta bed to warm my hands again bc my phone is starting to not react to my fingers trying to type anymore. wahoo.#bee speaks

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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year

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And im still trying to get outta bed. It's been 3 hours now.

#diary #personal #i think ill manage soon????? hopefully???????????#its not that im depressed or anything. its just. its too much work. and i gotta hear ppl outside of my room if i want food.#and like i want breakfast but i think talking to other ppl rn is too much.#mn. its a bad spot im in. wanna get out but litterally unable to start my day bc if i do that means i have to do stuff!!!#and i dont wanna.#which sucks bc i wanna go play splatoon but i dont wanna do anything else.#someone send help. pls just hire someone to grab me and put me on the ground infront of my tv.#...this. is an event. ahhhhh fuck. i hate this. I REALLY JUST DONT WANNA GET OUTTA BED.#BUT IF I DONT NO SPLATOON I WANT SPLATOON #AHHHHH I HATE THIS. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN I LIKE. GET CLOSE TO A MELTDOWN/SHUTDOWN THE DAY BEFORE.#like. once i start stuff ill probably be fine??? idk. probably not honeslty. i dont wanna deal with any of this shit today.#my shit tollerance meter is fucking gone.#AHHHHH LET ME OUTTTTT LET ME OUTTTTTTT.#i mean. i could get out. but i also rly dont wanna. mmm. this is hell. im in purgatory.

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vivaladicamillo · 10 months

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CELEBRATING DUNNS BIRTHDAY W/ THE CKY CREW

js a little blurb for ryans birthday! crazy how he would be 46 today :((, i miss him a lot everyday but hey at least today dico finally posted on the internet again! but hope u enjoy this little blurb abt u being ryans friend/partner and celebrating his birthday with him :))

WARNINGS: alcohol, drugs, thats it.

———————————————————

ryan when it comes to birthdays is kinda complicated

hes absolutely fine with spending his whole birthday comfy in bed, listening to music and relaxing

bc as we all know the man hates people

but he also loves his friends

so having a day were they all js hang out, talk, tell stories and maybe even have a few drinks together like old times is also just as good

hes not super complicated or would want any type of crazy over the top birthday

u could give him a jar of dirt for his birthday and he’d be like “thanks i was looking to start a in house jar garden anyways”

so when u and bam had to come together to plan a party for his 28th birthday

IT WAS ONN

u knowing ryan very well knew he wouldnt wanna do any big things involving strangers so probably no clubs

as u and bam talked it out yall decided to wake him up early. take him to breakfast, drive up to the country side and go camping in a field

bam knew a guy who knew a guy who had a field they can use, it was actually the same field that would become “state of bam” in viva la bam

so u call up the guys (minus ryan bc u and bam wanted it to be a surprise) and tell them the plan

everyones was so hyped

rake was bringing music, bam was bringing booze, raab was bringing the gear, dico was entertainment (yes he brought a whole ass speaker and mic to sing ryan happy birthday with) and u were in charge of the food

for food, once again u knew ryan like it simple, js some pizzas, wings, sandwiches, yk things that u could easily have at hand, but u also brought some things to cook over the fire like chicken and steak bc ITS A CAMPING TRIP!

u also brought cake and smoores stuff!

the plan was perfect!

early the next morning, u and bam get to ryans house, its abt 8:00 in the morning

the two of u find his spare key and sneak in, making ur way towards the basement where his room is

you and bam had stopped at the dollor tree to get hats and balloons and noise makers

so as u two snuck closer to his bed bam got the camera out and u counted

“ 3…2��1…”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” the two of u screamed and blew into the noise makers making ryan almost fly outta bed

“come on ry get dressed and oack a bag its gonna be a long day” you say

“…… how did u guys get into my house??” ryan says

you immediately point towards bam like a child getting rid of the blame on their sibling

after ry gets dressed and gets a small bag the three of u hop in the car and drive to the local ihop

“dont worry guys bills on me” bam says

“no way free ihop, thanks guys this is actually sick” ryan says not even being sarcastic

the three of yall sit down and get to talking, ryan ends up getting strawberry pancakes with a side of bacon bam gets some crazy fucking waffle that also has a face for some odd reason and u just get [whatever u want from ihop idk ur preference]

after breakfast and a lot of talking and story telling the three of u leave, with bam paying lol, and head to the final destination

ryan was fully convinced that u guys were hiring a hitman to take him out or something when bam started driving to the country side

it was always out of character for bam to PAY for something that didnt have to benefit him in some way

but u assured him from the backseat that nobody was gonna take him out

after a long ride of listening to rys fav bands you guys arrive and see raab and rake sitting on chairs around a fire pit while dico is up waving his arms around probably doing a skit to pass the time while waiting for u guys to arrive

“SURPRISE RYAN!” bam and u say

ryan was kinda in shock, growing up he lived in the country side (ohio) and used to go camping with his dad and brother a lot

“wow guys…i havent been camping since i was like ten, let alone with friends, thanks guys!” he gives the bpth of u a warm smile

the three of u meet with the rest of the group, all of them ready to give ryan their gifts

rake had gotten ryan these sick new glasses, the were similar to the ones he usually wears but in gold and black

raab got him a drawing of himself, painted from a guy he new and it looks sick, ryan was in shades of blue with a yellow background

dico got him a few graphic tees, some with just text on it (one saying mustang girl in glittery font) to shirts of his favorite bands

bam got ryan a bunch of cool mod decals for his cars, he also got him some things to mod his cars with, tools and such

and you got ryan 2 plane tickets to go to iceland, and a tour package thing to sight see and go to some new places the crew and him had never seen before, u told him he could pick anyone to go with him, from the crew, family, anyone it was his choice

he was so happy with all his gifts, they were all perfect but he liked urs the best, he ended up picking u to go on the trip with leaving bam to in the future by his own ticket so he could go with u (hes not missing a trip to iceland ofc)

after the gift opening the party begins

the night consisted drinking, dancing to music rake brought, telling jokes and stories, smoking a bit of weed and bran freestyling his heart out

it was a perfect night

the rest of the crew went to bed at 3:00am, dico being first then raab then rake then bam

u and ryan had stayed up still talking, watching the sky and reminiscing on early days

the two of u ended up falling asleep on a blanket in front of the first while star gazing

u had ur head on ryans shoulder as u was talking it made u fall asleep bc his voice was so calming

when he looked over u and were sleeping he wasnt mad

he pulled u closed and started to doze off himself

“thank you, so much, for the perfect birthday y/n.” he whispered as u slept

you really knew him well, he was so glad to have u in his life

the next morning the guys found the two of u put there, surrounded by red cups

but even tho u guys got woken up to the crew poking fun at u two

it didnt matter

because ryan was happy, his birthday went beautifully

and thats all that mattered to u

ryan being happy

—————————————

hope yall enjoyed the little drabble i decided to write out of nowhere. i promise u guys a pt 2 to the bams sister story will be coming soon, also a bam/reader/ryan will DEF be coming soon i js have been studying for finals week so ive been hella busy, with this story i tried my hardest to add some actual facts into it, like ryan living in ohio, the gifts he got, the things they did, etc,. sorry if its not exactly accurate i tried lol, see ya guys!

#AUGHHEJWJE I LOVE RYAN #hes so eepy #hes literally my bf #i love him so so so so much #i hope he did actually have a great birthday #him in zach prob celebrated 🥹#rip ryan dunn we miss u !#jackass #cky crew #cky x reader #cky4 #cky2k #ryan dunn #ryan dunn x reader #cky3 #cky clip #Spotify

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kai-atlantis · 8 months

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I'm late 😬 but I broke my ankle again so JUST PLEASE ACCEPT MY LATE ENTRIES OKI.

CW: grief, language

Artwork by @irunaki who graciously allowed me to borrow her work

FowlFest Day 2 - Diary Day

A Glimpse in Time

Holly ShOrt!!!

1953

HI DIARY!!! Today is MaY 3! It's my bIRTHDAY! I'M 32 today and at skool my class sang to me and gave me kandy! Escept for Riles Ross, cause he stole my space bar and ate iT in fronT of ME! >:( so i hit him in his face and all the kids laughed and Miss Persimmon sent me home. :( bUT I CAME HOME WITH CAKE! and its carrot. Mommy says it looks like our hair! :D cause we have orange hair! Daddy gave me a bow n arrow after cake and said I was a natural! Daddy is so strong he could hold me AND MY CAKE TOGETHER! :D then i got in trouble for hitting Riles Ross, but daddy told me later in secret that he was proud of me. :)

Anyway Diary, did you have a good day today? I sure hope so cause I did! I would share my cake with you but i dont wanna get cake on your pages :( sorry. BUT YOU CAN SLEEP WITH ME AND FOXY TONITE! we are having a secret sleep over under the bed. Foxy is so CUTEEE. sHH! Dont tell mommy or daddy. It's only for us :)

See ya there!

Holly Short

1983

Today was fucking bullshit. It was so fucking stupid, I almost don't want to make an entry about it, but my therapist claims it's good for my grief to vent my feelings, so, here I am. Venting my fucking feelings. And no. I don't feel better.

So, you want to know why today sucked. Today was my second day at the Academy. The LEP Academy.

I've always known I was going to be an officer, but lately, I've been compelled to do something more than LEPtraffic, or Immigration. Yesterday was already weird enough because I got tons of looks from all the beefheads, but then today, in my Criminal Investigations class, the professor asked us what our goals in the LEP were. Anyone that knows anything knows girls who join the LEP are destined for traffic, or some bullshit area of "policing". We never go further than that… Unless you're Wing Commander Vinyáya. And nobody is as cool as Wing Commander Vinyáya. She's a total babe. Definitely not me.

But anyway, I have other aspirations. Dad was Internal Affairs. Mom's LEPmarine. It's my destiny to be in the force, and if I'm gonna go in, it's go big or go home. So, I answer that I want to be in Recon. And I shit you not - everyone laughed, even the professor. The FUCKING professor.

Fuck.

Why can't a girl be Recon? We're not all airheads. Some of us are actually capable of handling ourselves. Mom always says my aim is deadlier than a stink worm too, so those townies don't know what they've got coming.

Shit. Said, not says. Mom is dead. Stupid mistake.

Whatever.

The only plus side to today was that I ran into Trouble Kelp. He's the hot Kelp brother. An idiot, but he has a good heart. He's a junior, and super famous for his scores. Everyone knows who he is, so you'd expect him to be a total glow slug, right? But he's actually really kind. Some guy tried to trip me in the hall, and before I could punch the daylights outta him, Kelp shoved him into the trash can and swore him off. It was totally cool. He'd make a good partner someday, I think.

OH! Back to Recon. Adding onto today's bullshit, I overheard some rookies going on and on about Commander Root. Apparently he's a tough nut to crack and hasn't ever had a girl in his unit, and he intends for it to stay that way. Well, too bad for him, because I've got my sights on Recon. I work alone, and fly alone. Nobody to bother me, no stinky males and their gross ear cheese. Just me, the wind, and the surface sky.

It's what mom and dad would want.

I hope they're proud.

Oh yeah, one last thing: it's my birthday today. I'm 62 today. Is it super lame that I put up pictures of mom and dad on the table with me? Just so, you know… I'm not alone?

Fuck. Duh. That's super lame.

Hey. I'm back. Don't mind the weird gap between pages. Didn't feel like writing for a bit so I took a nap. But I'm back.

Honestly? I'm a bit mad. And before you ask me in the session: about everything?

Being a girl is hard enough, right? 'cause I'm stuck in this gnarly place of not being pretty enough yet also not being "tough" enough to be accepted by the guys. And I just started. Why should my appearance fucking matter? I'm a fucking hotshot. I'm resilient. I already know how to pilot a shuttle. That's more than these maggots can do.

My dad would've known what to say. I didn't know him that long, really. But still, when I'd spaz out and tussle with other kids, he'd always have my back, and he always knew the right things to say. I wish I had that now, you know? I miss him.

I miss mom. But I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about her death and I won't be forced into it either, k?

Oh yeah, duh. My original point. It's my 62nd birthday, and I'm all alone. There's supposed to be some junior thing at a pub in the city. Juniors. Not rookies like these dorks. Mom would kill me if I went.

Hah. Guess I should rebel and go make some friends then? Maybe Trouble will be there? Not that I'm into him or anything. Just a friend or two would be nice.

Anyway. I've got basics in the morning.

Night, journal. See ya.

#fowlfest2023 #holly short #artemis fowl #oops im late but hey it's VIRGO SEASON #grief journal

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starfxkr · 3 months

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sigh ,, moony i started shark week today, can we get some more of your brat tamer!daddy! john b with puppy girl revolution? :(( oh to have john bee baby me, feed me, help me feel better

- 🎐

quite selfishly, theres nothing john b loves more than when you arent feeling well. it means he gets to spend all day taking care of you, which is his favorite thing to do.

you’re never a good patient honestly— just whiny and petulant especially on your period, “everything hurts i dont wanna move.” he had been trying to convince you to get in the tub. both of you know you’ll feel better if you do, but you finally found a comfortable position on the bed. you were hot, sweaty and cramping like nobody’s business.

“if you think i won’t drag you outta here pup you good another thing comin’ now come on, i got you some some bubbles goin and everything.” john b easily lifts you into your arms, tucking you close to good chest.

“can you get me some ice cream too?”

“i’ll get ya anything you want sweet girl, i just want you to feel better.”

𐙚⊹₊⋆☆

#✨.txt #john b prompt #🎐 anon

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mejomonster · 2 months

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My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh

Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please

And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.

Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.

#rant #my health issues

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zhuhongs · 2 years

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Hello everyone. omnibus update. oh my god am i tired but i legit dont even have a bed bc my cousin is.. not v helpful at all. soooo where do i start. lol.

Okay i got outta quarantine at 11 and took a taxi to my dorm. BUTTT my dorm building is located on a street that has a very busy street market. so i was dropped off a little bit further down and the driver told me it was down there and i thought i knew where it was do i confidently walked down a busy busy street with two monster luggages and got lost and almost hit with a scooter until a VERY NICE uncle helped me find the place. Then i checked in. which was ... interesting bc i came at the same time as a dude from shanghai. and the dorm leader was very... laid back and took her sweet time to check ne in. thus was fine but i was like... nervous lol. anyways, afterwards i talked to her and told her yk. why im here, that i speak chinese a bit. she was v nice and friendly. she told me all my roommates are out but theyre all japanese. which is funny bc like... i practice chinese SO MUCH to be like.. here are ur roommates. speak in jpn which. i can do. but LOL. so i go in, i fought with the door. so fucking much. omg that door beat my ASS. LIKE NO OTHER. no one was there. i barely got my things set up and wrote a note and left on the door bc i had orientation right after. and i thought like. oh okay just go pay my fees. get my schedule and leave. NOPE. i go in, I'm immediately doing a verbal interview to gauge my language abilities even tho i already took a placement test. and theyre like. cool, the class for ur level is going on. Right Now so uh. go to class. girl i was do hungry. so i go, sit in class for 3 hrs (not bad im just tired). My teacher is soooooo nice and very animated. i really like her. class is... a little higher than my level tbh. there was a lot i didnt know and it moves v fast... i feel so winded. But ik I'll be able to do it just fine. Oh yea i took the bus by myself and hhhh oh my god. the bus alone was so much. i sit down. wait for my bus. i thought i had the wrong one bc i saw a bus with my number on the opposite side and swore i was gonna miss the bus but i didnt. also i tried to give this old lady my seat and she scolded me by saying that she stands so much to keep herself healthy and then told me that i need to close my legs and sit up straight bc I'll look prettier. lmaooooo. and she told me not to be on my phone like the girl beside me. then the girl beside me asked me if i was a student and we had a conversation. she was very nice. helped me a lot she was japanese so it helped that i speak japanese a bit. there are. so many japanese students here. the guy i sit next to in class is japanese. i asked him his name but from his accent i knew he was japanese so i said "もしかして日本人ですか?" and he was like "はい! あなたも?!??" and i was like... nooo ofc not. and i explained i just studied it as a teenager bc i was a weeb. we talked abt anime. he likes bp which yk... unfortunate now but i doubt this random guy knows that whole deal. but yea, had many good pleasant conversations. tho nothing like deep connection but i didn't really expect that anyways. But yea, after i got out i was supposed to meet my cousins old roommate to get her mattress and fucking.. oh my god. nothing went right so my cousin was like... uh can u stay on campus till i get outta work and im like. uhhh thatd be 3 hrs and i rlly just wanna go back and lie down. and she didnt respond so i came back, met my roommates. which was... nice but kinda strange. there was a point they were kinda just all surrounding me and i was in a corner (like actually physically) trying to speak in half chinese half japanese. which was hard bc im just very disoriented. its been a long day and its only 7pm. but my cousin just got back to me abt the mattress. I'm meeting someone else at the dorms hopefully soon to get a mattress and then i can Finally SLEEP.... today gas been so much but in a very good way!!

#🐌.txt

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utteringtruth · 2 years

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Day… ??

20 after midnight and I’m wide awake… I mean yes that shot of meth might have something to do with it but that’s besides the point. “What the fuck are you doing?”- the voice in the back of my head, constantly repeating this question. And how the hell did it get this bad this fast? Within a month I was slamming (or banging-for those who prefer that term, I personally do not) (and for those who are fortunate enough to not abuse drugs, slamming means shooting up) i was back to slamming like i never stopped. It’s been about 2months now since I relapsed, in the beginning i made sure to just stick to smoking… i really didn’t wanna start shooting up… I mean i was only ganna use for a couple days anyways (ha… in my case, i dont use drugs… drugs use me)… and using needles just means a bigger monkey to get off your back… well that changed very quickly… my poor fucking arms, all bruised and tore up. I’m really ganna hate myself 2maro morning, i have to be back at work at 5am… and today sucked ass. All the stares i got, the awkwardness of them knowing I’m high as fuck, and me knowing that they know but pretending like everything is fucking rainbows and fucking butterflies. Ive lost my ass and tits, I look sick. I went from 138lbs to 115lbs… i just gotta make it thru this month. Boss man leaves on Monday for 2weeks, he comes back and i leave to Reno. Reno? Yes Reno… that’s my plan… since I’m a fucking lame that literally cannot stop using drugs unless i get arrested with new felony charges… i will be going to Reno for a week to get clean. I have to get away for a lil bit away from everything and everyone. I just have to make it to the 24th with out doing anything stupid or illegal. Don’t fuck this up, just make it till then… the idea was Lucas, he’s such a fucking sweetheart and I’m putting him thru hell… well I’m ganna go wash my face and try to get an hour or 2 of sleep before i hate myself even more than i do now… but then again I’ve been saying that almost every night and every night i find myself picking the shit outta my arms at 3am and hating myself even more which I didn’t think was possible… Kids… don’t do drugs. Oh and i have to go drop the key off at the gift shop, the one i just got fired because anytime i pick back up and use… i end up fucking everything up. Addiction is sad and lonely, my heart goes out to anyone out there battling addiction… i wouldn’t wish it on my enemy. Nothing has ever brought me so high and at the same time so fucking low as using… and just in case no one asked, because all they see is a drugged out nobody… “is everything ok? How are you?” And sure you might lie, or i might lie to just get someone off my back and say “I’m fucking wonderful… i love my life” and sure just maybe they might be insincere, or just being fucking nosy… but at least it would be nice to know that at least 1 person… just 1… cared enough and got the fuck over themselves to at least ask. So if someone in your life, important or maybe that cute lil Mexican girl that works at 711… that used to glow, and smile (well sometimes) she’s nice but she can be pretty bitchy… that now looks sad, and rough and god damn lost way too much weight.. she looks sick. And looks like she’s on a sick one every single time u see her… what the fuck happened? You know something ain’t right… just ask… you don’t have to be noisy or pry. Just ask, “hey, you doing alright? Is everything ok? I don’t mean to be rude or pry or be nosy… just wondering if your ok?” Are you ok? Such a simple question with the most complicated answer. Get your shit together i keep telling myself. Holy shit I’m fucking rambling, get your ass to bed!!! Holy fucking shit i just got a text message from the crazy meth fulled ex of this dick wad of a guy i kicked it with for a couple days… fuck my life… seriously kids do not do drugs. Till later - xoxo

#Spotify

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bladesout · 2 years

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❛ so basically this means we can’t do anything ? ❜ notnext im just lazy dont wanna switch blogs

❝ Not when Amelia can hardly get outta bed. ❞ Hating to be the bearer of bad news, she gives @notnext a meek smile. ❝ I'm sorry – I totally forgot it was today. She's finally getting some rest after being sick all night. ❞ The dark circles under her eyes proved that she stayed up most of the night tending to her daughter. ❝ Raincheck? ❞

#(answered.)#notnext #verse. || resident evil.

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reraimu · 3 years

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Me 🙈