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minki-moo · 7 months

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♡‧₊˚ 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙢𝙚 ♡‧₊˚

pairing ♡ bang chan x f!reader rating ♡ e for explicit tags ♡ older brother's best friend!chan, university au, fluff, very slight angst (reader is just overwhelmed/kinda insecure), pet names (chan calls reader princess, good girl), oral (f.receiving), aftercare w/c ♡ 2.6k

a/n ♡ hai!! this is my first little fic (on here). its based off a lil convo i had with a chan c.ai bot and i had to write something about it >.<

"hey, what's wrong?"

chan looks at you, standing in front of his dorm door at an ungodly hour. you look like a mess; as expected from someone who ran half way across campus.

you look up at chan, tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

"i'm-i dont know. i just need to be with someone right now". you take a shaky breath. "i dont wanna be alone."

chans's eyes slightly widen when he sees the tears in your eyes. he gently grabs you by your waist and pulls you inside. "hey hey, listen. it's ok". he moves you to his living room and guides you to his couch, sitting you down. "i'll bring you something to drink and then we can talk about it ok?".

you nod weakly, watching as chan moves to the kitchen. the sight reminds you of your childhood, when your older brother would invite chan over to hang out. chan would often make snacks for them (you included since your brother always had the task of babysitting you), and this scene in front of you was no different.

well, except for the fact that you were always happy back then, cheerful even. but ever since starting university, you've become overwhelmed; the transition and being so so far from home. thank god you were able to get into the same university as chan, or else you would have felt completely alone.

you're shaken out of your thoughts when you feel the couch dip, chan sitting next you. he puts a cup of tea down on the table in front of him and drapes a blanket around your shoulders.

"so bub", chan says, using his childhood nickname for you, "do you wanna talk about it?"

you take a deep breath and start talking about your worries and insecurities from your thoughts earlier. the one thing you love about chan is the way he just listens. he never butts in and just sits there, giving you his attention with the occasional head nod and hum of understanding.

"i just-i'm so tired chan. i'm tired of putting up this 'strong girl' persona. i'm tired of having that expectation tied to me. for once, i want to let go. i want to be taken care of without having to worry about anything else."

chan looks at you with his puppy dog eyes. he moves closer to you and puts his arms around you, holding you close to his warm body. you feel the tears from earlier threaten to spill, but you keep them in, refusing to cry in front of chan.

"bub", he says, his voice vibrating through his body, "you know you can always come to me right? i would never judge you, and i for sure would never leave you alone." he runs his hands through your hair as he gently rocks you back and forth.

at this point, your efforts to hold back your tears fail as the droplets fall, dampening chan's shirt as small sobs leave your mouth.

chan holds you tighter, doing his best to comfort you. "hey, it's ok princess", you notice the change in nickname but choose to brush it off.

after what felt like hours you detach yourself from chan, wiping your eyes on your sleeve. "i-i think i'm a bit better now." you look up a chan with a weak smile on your face. "thank you, channie".

he blushes slightly at the nickname, as you haven't called him that in years. "of course. say, do you want to stay over for the night? i wouldn't want you to go back to your dorm this late."

truthfully, you would hate to stay amd inconvenience chan anymore than you already have, and staying over would make things harder on him.

chan sees the look of hesitation on you face and gives you a stern look.

"hey, i know that look on your face!"

you look at him, startled and blushing slightly. "what look??"

he grins at you, an amused look ghosting his face.

"the look that says 'oh i'm bothering him i should just go home'". chan chuckles as your eyes widen at his answer.

chan sighs and takes your hands in his "bub, i can promise that you are not bothering me. not at all. i barely get to see you on campus, and to be honest-" he looks away slightly, "i'm more than happy to spend some more time with you. i've missed seeing you."

you stare at chan, his face becoming redder by the second. you've always found chan cute (and very, very handsome of course), but you've never thought that he might have similar feelings for you; you always thought he saw you as just a little sister.

chan clears his throat "anyways, let's get you to bed." he gets up off the couch, and you start to follow, until chan pushes back down.

"chan what the-"

he cuts you off when he suddenly picks you up bridal style, forcing a yelp out of you.

chan smiles at you. "i refuse to let you do anything while you stay with me. you deserve a break, and i'll be giving you the treatment you deserve." he makes his way towards his bedroom while you lay your head in his chest, suppressing the feelings that have resurfaced so suddenly.

chan places you on his bed. then starts looking through his closet. "here." he tosses a sweater towards you "change into this. you can take the bed, i still have some work to finish." he walks up to you and brushes back your hair, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead "goodnight princess." he doesn't give you time to answer as he leaves the room and shuts the door.

you sit there, stunned and in utter shock. chan, channie, just kissed you, and you don't think you can suppress these feelings anymore.

suddenly wide awake, you change into his sweater and get under the covers, chan's scent surrounding you, making you dizzy and dampening your panties just a little bit. although his scent is also comforting, you can't seem to calm down, the kiss still running through your mind.

after what felt like forever, you get up and look at the time. 2:03 am. you know chan would still be wide awake, the workaholic he is. you slip out of bed and walk back into the living room.

chan is sitting on the couch, glasses on and looking intently at his laptop screen. hearing your footsteps, he looks up, smiling but also looking slightly concerned.

"can't sleep?" he says as you move closer to the couch, taking the spot next to him

"no", you say, pulling your knees to your chest and pulling the hood of chan's sweater over your head.

he nods, his focus returning to his laptop while you both sit in a comfortable silence.

after a few minutes, you turn to him, unable to keep all the questions in your head any longer.

"chan?"

he looks over, looking at you from over his glasses.

"yes?"

you hesitate, before looking him dead in the eyes and asking him, "why did you kiss me earlier?"

he looks at you, a smile slowly growing on his face as he puts his laptop down, moving so his whole body is facing you.

"why are you asking?" he leans in closer. "did you not like it, princess?"

you look at him, eyes wide and face growing hot. "n-no, i mean-you know what im talking about! you've never done that before so why now?"

chan's smile grows at your reaction. clearly he's enjoying how flustered he can make you with a few words.

"well...i did it because i wanted to."

you look at him, shocked. "you wanted to?"

he nods, moving closer to you and taking you hands in his.

"yes, i did." he takes a deep breath. "you don't know how long i've been waiting to do that. to kiss you, and to let you let me take care of you. i...i've liked you for so long, but you only ever saw me as an older brother"

there are so many things running though you're head, but you chose to ignore them for the fact that chan likes you back.

he has this whole time.

you reach up, holding his face in you're hands. "i stopped seeing you as an older brother a long time ago." and you kiss him. a short, but oh so sweet kiss that makes everything seem right.

you pull away from the kiss, smiling at the shocked expression on chan's face. "what's wrong?", you say, getting payback from all the teasing from earlier. "you didn't like it, channie?"

he finally shakes off his initial shock, looking at you with a different expression: relief.

"no princess", he puts his arm around you're waist and pulls you onto his lap with one quick tug. "i loved it so much."

he kisses you again, and you can feel the smile on his face as you kiss him back, his movements almost desperate.

chan's hands move from your waist to your back, his hands slowly making their way under your sweater.

you break away from the kiss, panting "c-chan please..."

"please what, princess?"

blushing, you respond, "i-i want more."

chan smirks at you, suddenly grabbing your ass and grinding it down into his lap, causing you to moan in surprise.

"is this enough for you, princess?"

you look his in the eye, the desperation and neediness making your eyes water.

of course it's not enough.

you roll your hips into chan's now very prominent boner, earning a gasp from the man.

you hear chan whisper "h-hey, slow down princess."

"but chan, i need more. so much more, please", you plead, hoping he will do something about the ache in your core.

without warning, chan moves you onto your back and sits in between your legs. he leans over and gives you another kiss on the lips before moving down to your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin. his actions force tiny moans from you, which only encourage him to do more. as he moves further down, he slowly, almost painfully, lifts your sweater until your tits are uncovered.

without skipping a beat, chan takes one of your nipples in his mouth, while he rolls the other one in between his fingers.

"ch-channie", you gasp, your hands grabbing his hair. chan moans, welcoming the sting, which stimulates you even more.

he takes his mouth off your nipple with a pop, and gives it one final lick before moving down to your thighs. god, your thighs. chan always tried to be respectful when it came to you, but he couldn't deny that your thighs were a work of art, and he always wondered what it would be like to be in between them.

unable to hold himself back, chan rubs the wet spot on your panties, brushing his thumb over your swollen clit. "look at this princess, you're already so wet for me." he continues teasing you, making your whimpers grow louder, and the wet spot on your panties grow larger.

after what feels like forever, chan tugs on the waistband of your panties, lifting your hips with one hand and pulling them off with the other, stopping to take a look at your soaking wet pussy; knowing that he's the reason you're like this makes him even more turned on than he already is.

"now princess", he whispers, blowing a puff of air onto your heat, making you shiver. "let me take care of you, ok?" without warning, he licks a stripe over your pussy, making you gasp and squirm.

"o-oh channie, yes."

he smirks, taking your clit into his mouth and sucking hard. overwhelmed, you buck your hips into his mouth, chasing your pleasure, but he holds down your hips as he ravishes your pussy, not letting a single drop of your juices go to waste.

you're in pure bliss. chan's tongue bringing you overwhelming pleasure, the only things coming out of your mouth are broken moans and incoherent mumbling. "ch-channie please, 'm so close."

"you're close, princess?". his moves his attention to your hole, rubbing his index finger over your tight entrance. "can you cum on my fingers? can you do that for me, princess?" you give him a weak nod.

chan clicks his tongue and pushes his finger into you, only to pull it out seconds later, making you whine.

"fuck, channie please. please 'm so close." tears start to fall as you beg for chan to keep going.

"princess, i need you to use your words ok?" chan's change of tone makes you shiver. "can. you. cum. on. my. fingers?", he says while teasing your clit with his thumb.

you nod urgently "yes, yes i can. please just me-"

the feeling of chan's finger finally sliding into your wet heat makes you gasp. continuing his assault on your clit with his tongue forces louder moans out of you. its almost too much. chan adds another finger and you start to see stars.

"channie channie please please 'm so close please don't stop."

chan chuckles, the vibrations on your clit bringing you closer to the edge. he then takes his mouth off your pussy, coming up to kiss you.

"cum for me princess."

the taste of you on his mouth, his voice and the movement of his fingers are too much for you, as your body tenses up and your pussy squeezes chan's fingers. you know you shouldn't be too loud, but you can't help it. the pleasure he brought you was intense, and you couldn't hold back your moans. he continues to move his fingers inside of you, helping you ride out your high.

after you've calmed down, chan removes his fingers from inside you. he takes a tissue from the table beside the couch and cleaning you both, slipping your panties back on and pulling you into his lap again.

"that's my good girl. you did so well."

finally down from your high, you blush, hiding your face in his neck.

"that...was amazing", you say, you're voice no more than a whisper.

he hums, smiling slightly. "glad to hear that princess." he gently brings your face towards his, and plants small kisses all over you're face. "was that the type of treatment you were hoping for?"

rolling your eyes, you smile at him. "not entirely, but it was still amazing." you kiss him on the tip of his nose. "thank you channie."

"anything for you, my princess." the slight change in your new nickname makes your heart (and pussy) flutter, resting your head on his chest and slowly dozing off.

in your sleepy state, you mutter, "can we do this next time?"

he chuckles, "we can do more than just this, if you want."

"like what?"

chan whispers in your ear, "maybe next time i can have you cry on my cock, teasing you again and again until you beg me to let you cum." he looks at you innocently, purposely oblivious to how flushed you've gotten. "wouldn't you like that princess?"

"i-i might like that."

he smiles, giving you a final kiss on the lips before carrying you to his bedroom.

"of course you would princess. now let's get you to bed."

chan walks to the side of his bed, placing you down gently and then getting in himself. he pulls you by your waist, one arm under your head and his hand caressing your hair.

as you drift off to sleep, you utter one more phrase before sleep takes over.

"i love you channie."

a/n ♡ ahahah i totally didn't project or anything ;) (this also turned out a lot longer than i thought it would) i also think i could have added some more dialogue but lmk what you think >_<

#skz #skz fanfic #skz fluff #skz x reader #skz smut #bang chan #chan x reader #bang chan x female reader #bang chan x reader #bang chan smut

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kairiscorner · 7 months

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Can I request miguel with an insecure reader? :( like they wonder how he even fell for them or what they see in them... and maybe doesn't want kids because they're scared that they look like them and hate themselves as well

Sorry if it's too much and it's OK if you dont do it, love your blog ❤️🫂

AAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS !! no bc i get those feelings sometimes too :'(( i hope this provides you all the comfort you might be needing, and remember, you're all perfect just the way you all are 💓

❝i love you as you are.❞ — miguel o'hara x insecure!reader

there are times when you'd often go quiet randomly, no matter if the moment was lively and fast-paced–or even happy–earlier, you'd go silent all of a sudden and just kind of recluse away on your own without saying a word. you couldn't help it, the inner turmoils and nervous overthinking would always plague your mind and cause you to want some peace and quiet–even if you could never catch a break nor a moment of silence with those raging thoughts in your mind that refused to shut up and quit hurling insults at you that... you believed for a time to be true. you gripped at the blankets and tried blinking away the tears that formed in your eyes as you mumbled out a breath of, "stop it" at your mind; hoping against all hope that through your resistance, your brain would stop filling your head with distorted images of you that you couldn't even recognize. you soon let the tears fall as your mind kept asking you just why miguel was even with you; he's expressed before how much he yearned for kids of his own indirectly, hinting at some other dreams he wanted to live out that you couldn't provide for him.

"...i don't want to have kids, they... oh, they'd... they'd look so..." you whimpered out as you sobbed, choking on your words as you shook out the thoughts of your kids in your mind. you personally couldn't share the same vision as miguel, you didn't want kids—you wanted to live you life to the fullest, and you didn't feel that having kids was the end all be all of your existence, you just wanted to be you and live your life. and yet, you felt so inadequate at not even being able to share the same enthusiasm as miguel for wanting kids. you wept and cried for a few minutes, until a knock at the door was heard, and you sniffled back your sobs. "mi vida, are you in there? amor... can we... talk? i-i'm... i'm worried about you." miguel said with a soft, gentle voice that made you tear up again. how could you ever tell him when he's wanted children of his own for the longest time? wouldn't you seem selfish to him, for not being able to give him just this one thing when he's given you his everything? this made you think back as to why he picked you out of everyone else—there were many other people who wanted miguel, and... many of them were vocal about their desires to be parents–the one thing you were frightened of and had no interest in being.

they were all the same as miguel, eager to have their own families and didn't care about what others thought of them, they moved to the beat of their own drums and didn't stop for anybody, unlike you, who was so self-conscious and anxious about everything, especially yourself. you didn't respond, making miguel open the door out of concern and peek his head in through the crack of the door. miguel walked over to the side of the bed and sat next to you lying down, looking over at you with a saddened gaze, as if he were a lost puppy–sad and alone. "cariño, talk to me... please? if you don't wanna talk, though, that's okay. just, please... don't be scared of me, don't be scared of what you think i'll say or do, i love you, mi vida–i would never hurt you or try to hurt you, i could never."

his words of reassurance were so powerful, so genuine that you felt every word vibrate in your bones and sink deep within you, reaching your heart and piercing it like a dagger. you couldn't keep your feelings in anymore and rolled yourself over to his side, where he saw your eyes wide and swollen–sobbing and wet, your eyebrows crinkling upwards as your lower lip quivered. you apologized to miguel for the mess you were becoming, but miguel ran his hand through your hair and shushed you, saying it was okay, you're okay, you have no fault in anything. "mig, i... i can't make your dream come true." you choked out in a sob. "what could you possibly mean, mi amor? of course you can, you already have..." "no, i can't... i-i don't... i don't..." you stuttered, unsure of how to fully tell him in a way that'll lessen the blow, but you had no other way–you had to tell him, right now. with one decisive breath, you decided to just be honest with him, right here, right now.

"...i don't want kids, miguel..." you murmured out in a whisper, sobbing and gripping at the sheets as your tears stained them. you shook your head and sniffled back your tears, yet nothing stopped the tears from flowing as you kept repeating your truth: you don't want children of your own, and you don't want them to even resemble you. you found it a curse your children would inherit if they looked anything like you, because in your mind, you looked less than desirable; you believed miguel was simply holding out for you and secretly losing feelings behind all his caring smiles and sweet kisses. you apologized to miguel over and over, but miguel reassured you it was... okay. he rubbed your arm gently and shushed you.

"cariño... i love you either way. you don't need to be a parent for me to keep wanting you, i just want you to be you." "and why do you want to be with me?" "because i love you, and that's final. i love you, mi vida... you don't need to bear my children or be a parent, i love you for you, and that'll never change. you already made all my dreams come true by loving me back, and i'll do everything in my power to keep that smile on your beautiful, lovely face. you're perfect, amor, eres perfecta como eres." he whispered to you as he wrapped his arms around you and held you closely and tightly; he kissed the top of your head and rubbed up and down your arms all comfortingly. you cried into his chest and clung on to the front of his shirt while he shushed you and kissed your tears away. though it'll take a long time of undoing the way you saw yourself, the way you couldn't accept many things about you, it comforted you somehow that miguel loved you—for your perfections and flaws, for your strengths and weaknesses, for your comfort and discomfort. he loved you with a love that transcended love, and you didn't feel anything apart from a weight being lifted off your shoulders, bit by bit.

he loved you, and that was all he knew.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @hearts4gabri @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @fictarian @yuridopted0 @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @fable-library @ophanimgold @smokeywhalee @capnshtfce

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara fanfiction #spiderman 2099 #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman 2099 fanfiction #atsv #atsv miguel #atsv x reader #atsv x y/n #atsv fanfiction #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse fanfiction

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actualbird · 4 months

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hope you have a great Christmas and new year!! what fic/headcanon/ficlet did you enjoy writing the most this year, and are there any fic/headcanon ideas you want to write in 2024? 🎄

hi hi anon, thank you for the well wishes!! i hope you have a wonderful holidays too, and a happy new year :DDD

thank you ALSO for this question cuz uehhhhh i feel pretty emotional over my writing journey this 2023. i didnt write as much as i wanted, but im still proud of myself for what i managed to get out

the fic i enjoyed writing the most this year has got to be, hands down, growing pains

(yes i will shamelessly self promo it HAHA, it's the fic im proudest of writing this year!! to anybody out there hasnt read it, if you do read it, itd mean the world to me)

while this fic didnt do numbers or anything, it's the one fic that i'd been wanting to write basically ever since i learned of marius' family's lore and his backstory. it was an idea that i kept in my head for the longest time, and finally being able to write it was so rewarding. the comments i got on the fic too, both on the fic or from people telling me or from aRT INSPIRED BY THE FIC (CHIKA IF UR OUT THERE, KNOW THIS ART LIVES IN MY HEART!!), it all made me so so so grateful and happy. just goes to show that theres no such thing as too late to write a fic idea ;w; someone out there will always be able to resonate with the story ;w;

as for 2024......i....actually dont wanna be writing very much anymore, if im being honest ;w;

i know i just posted a wip of a christmas fic but after some reflection ive come to the conclusion that! writing isnt making me very happy lately if im being honest HAHA. and life is too short to waste on things that make me feel upset. the only reason im writing right now is because it feels like homework, which....isnt a great way to think about a hobby thats sposed to be bringing me joy.

maybe one day in this upcoming year, the joy to write will come back and i'll ferally work on a wip with passion and gusto again. but until then, take this ask as me taking an informal hiatus from fics and most hcs

anyhoo, thank you for the ask anon!! to a fruitful 2024 for us all :D

#asks #anon #if im being real there isnt much in general making me happy lately <3 but thats how mental illness goes HJVJKSHFS we'll get through

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kaisacobra · 3 months

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Thank you for saying that it really means a lot, I actually used to write fan-fiction a couple years back and I’ve recently tried to start again but I’m very critical of what I write and how I write it so I’m incapable of producing a single chapter.

Keep it mysterious, I’ll be eagerly awaiting whatever you gift us ✨

Now that you mention it, yes I completely understand what you mean about R not being able to be extremely cold to Tara. R seems like the type of person who’d be hurt and disappointed, someone who wouldn’t necessarily be cold to Tara but would definitely hide from her. For R I’d imagine it’d be an internal battle of what she wants versus what she deserves, we already get a feel for that in the first chapter but it was easier for her to choose what she wants- which is to provide whatever comfort and happiness Tara wants because she loves her so much over what she deserves- someone who cares about her in a consistent manner and not only when it’s convenient (boo Tara😡). After Tara’s outburst I think R would have to force herself in every way possible to really process that she can’t put Tara’s needs above her own anymore, as much as she loves Tara doing that would reinforce the notion that everything Tara said is true. We know she always runs back but now that’s she’s been ridiculed for it she can’t.

The way she’s always there for Tara makes me wonder about her background. Maybe this is TMI, but I personally have experienced many relationships like this in the past. My father abandoned my sister and I at a very young age, so part of the reason I would always be there for them and never left first even when I should’ve but wouldn’t- was because I never wanted them to feel as unloved and unworthy as I did when my father left me. By the time I was a teenager I’d already forgiven him for all the abuse my family endured because of him, in my heart nobody could ever hurt me the way he hurt me- so I’d forgive them even though the people around me would expressively tell me not to, you know? But im older now and I stand my ground, i can leave when if its what’s best for me and not get too caught up in what’s best for them.

I’m from California by the way! It’s 10:30PM right now, you’re from Brazil though? That’s so cool! Did you grow up there? My parents were born in Mexico but they moved to USA in the late 1980’s, I wanna move to Mexico and live there for a couple years because my mother loves and talks about her hometown so much, the idea of seeing where she grew up in person and picturing her as a little girl warms my heart.

- ☘️ (I’m gonna use this as my anon tag from now on)

I feel like everyone is gonna be critical when it comes to their own stuff, like, I'm not kidding when I said i thought second best wasn't that good, specially because I used to be an essay tutor/monitor at school and my writing had to be more than perfect. Just remember that usually you're gonna be more critical of your work than other people and it doesn't mean that what you write is actually bad.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm glad that you can stand your ground now!💪 I know this will sound oddly ironic but all the background information I have on R is about... Tara. In my head, R is divided by past (beginning of friendship, woodsboro), present (the current mess) and future (what's gonna happen) so, in a way, maybe her life is all about Tara😔

I don't think R's family are gonna make an appearance so I'll leave it up for you guys to hc whatever you want as R's reason for being so attached to Tara.

California seems so nice! And yeah, i grew up here and i wouldn't have it any other way🤭 Maybe this happens to everyone in their own home country but i just love my culture and history so much, I can't imagine living anywhere else.

Mexico sounds super cool! I've been wanting to go there, specially in 2026 because of the world cup (really wanted to see it live) but i dont think it's gonna happen😔 Either way it's a beautiful country i wanna visit someday and i definitely have to start improving my spanish.

#✦: 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑠

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disneyanddisneyships · 1 year

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@gyubby99 okay this came to me randomly. I'm not sorry.

"Loreley where are you taking me?" Alistar asked as he was lead through the forest by his friend.

"I had an idea and i called in a favor. You'd better be fucking grateful because my dad is getting sick of me asking to bring back the dead," loreley explained.

"You already let me see my mother again. What more could i even ask for?" Alistar stated.

"A way to stand up to your father maybe," loreley replied.

Alistar stopped walking and just stared at her.

"Look, he won't be able to touch you or anything, but my father said it'd be good for his eternal suffering. And you need a shitload of closure. I already got the go ahead from eve and Rosalyn," loreley explained.

Alistar nodded before he started walking again.

When the two of them made it to the lake where this stuff usually happened Alistar gulped.

"Its okay Al. I'm just gonna be a few feet away," Loreley stated before the lake turned blood red. "I'll leave you to it," she muttered before walking away.

Alistar stood up straighter, his face was stone and his eyes were dark.

The outline of his father came into view, the red tones and shadows making it scarier than it should've been.

"Hello Father," Alistar stated coldly as he stared, not letting his emotions get to him.

"Ah. The disappointment," John replied as his ghost bathed in red looked around. "To what do i owe the displeasure?" He asked.

"The only displeasure here is the fact that I have to see your face again," Alistar answered.

"Be careful son. Wouldn't wanna end up like your mother. Dead and alone," John warned.

"And what does that make you? Dead, alone, and unloved?" Alistar shot back

"Careful," John warned again.

"Or what? You'll kill me? A bit late for that. Because you see I'm up here living the best life I could be, while you will be living out your eternal suffering down there, being reminded everyday of what an awful person you were," Alistar stated.

John made a move to hit his son, but his fist went straight through him like a ghost going through a wall.

"You dont have anymore power here. You are weak. For once in your righteous life you have no power over anyone. You have no power over me. It's over, John," Alistar spoke.

"How dare you! I am a king! I am your father, and I control you, you selfish, spoiled little-"

"YOU CONTROL NOTHING!" Alistar shouted.

"You dont control who I marry. You don't control how I feel. You don't control how I look. And you certainly don't control who i love," alistar started. "I am done living up to your expectations. I am done trying to prove myself. And I am done being your son. I hate you. I've always hated you. And the only reason I never told you that was because-"

"You think I care?!" John yelled.

"DONT INTURRUPT ME," Alistar shouted angrily.

John's eyes widened in shock.

"You have no idea, do you? The pain and suffering you inflicted onto me? All the scars I have because of you? You never loved me. You've never loved anyone but yourself! You spent your life calling me selfish but it's You! You are the problem in this world!" Alistar shouted.

"And yet you still married ella-"

"I didn't! I married for love! And i have two beautiful kids who will never know who you are. I have a family. And I am something you will never be," Alistar explained.

"And what's that?" John scoffed.

"Loved. I am loved. And that's something you will never be. Not by your parents, not by my mother, and certainly not by me," Alistar stated, his eyes burning with anger.

"You're useless," John replied.

"And yet I'm the one who's alive. Not you," Alistar retorted.

"Youll never be a man," John insulted.

"And you'll never be in power. Goodbye John. I hope you rot in hell," Alistar hissed.

And just like that, the red tint of his father's shadow, along with his father, dissapeared.

Alistar let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Kinda wish I could've seen you punch him," Loreley stated as she came back.

"Me too. Come on. Let's go back home," Alistar replied as he and loreley walked back to Ella's castle.

Back at the castle, Alistar's family was waiting for him.

"Well?" Ella asked.

Alistar smiled as tears filled his eyes.

"I've never had the courage to do that until now. Thank you," Alistar stated.

And that's when his family hugged him, tighter than anything.

He had a family. Finally.

He made something of himself.

He was the most fortunate man on the island because of that.

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ritz-writes · 5 months

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Get to know me tag game! I was tagged by @celestialcrowley

It's a long post so I'll put a cut here <3

Real Name: [REDACTED]

Nickname(s): [REDACTED]

Nickname Origin(s): [REDACTED]

Sorry, I'm not giving out my irl name </3

Preferred Name(s): Call me Ritz!

Ao3: RitzWrites

Social Media(s): I have a Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Pillowfort, Twitter. The only ones under Ritz tho are ao3, Twitter, pillowfort, and insta, tho I never use the insta.

State: Won't say the state I currently live in (tho i mightve mentioned it in a post somewhere probably) but I grew up in Texas

Birthdate: May 28

Pet(s): Currently have 7 cats and 1 dog in my house. One cat is specifically mine

Hobbies: Writing, reading, drawing, watching youtube, screaming about my fandoms

Personality: I'm the sunshine character, but I swear a lot. Also if you wrong my friends I feel it personally and will be very angy. I'm very open minded and won't make an opinion on smth until I get all the facts. I want to be friends with everyone but the gods nerfed me with social anxiety ;w;

Favorite Holiday(s): Christmas has always been special to me and give me Nice emotions. Halloween is also good tho.

Favorite Drink(s): Kiddo me would have an aneurysm when she finds out I like vanilla lattes. She swore up and down she'd never like coffee lmao. I also love strawberry milk and sprite.

Favorite Food(s): Pizza, donuts, sirloin, airheads candy, beef stroganoff

Favorite Dessert(s): Cookies and cream ice cream, cookies, brownies

Favorite Color(s): Pink!! I tried changing it when I was younger cuz I didn't want to be the stereotypical girl," but I've always loved pink. Gold is also nice, as well as pastel colors in general.

Favorite Quote(s): "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings," -Lao Tzu

Favorite Book(s): The Enhanced series by T.C. Edge (I haven't finished reading it tho)

Favorite TV Show(s): Good Omens, Lego Monkie Kid, 2003 Ninja Turtles, Transformers Prime, Batman The Animated Series

Favorite Movie(s): Ocean's 8, Black Panther, The Martian, John Wick

Favorite Character(s): Crowley, Aziraphale, Muriel, MK, Wukong, Macaque, Tang, Jason Todd, Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Favorite Actor(s): David Tennant, Michael Sheen, Tom Holland, Zendaya, Robert Downey Jr.

Favorite Song(s): There's so many, but I'll list a few. Last One Standing by Icon for Hire. Ohio by Bowling for Soup. Rich and the Famous by Good Charlotte. and literally anything by set it off cuz they r my fav band

Favorite Music Genre(s): Pop Punk. Or what some ppl r now calling divorced dad rock

Favorite Podcast(s): I haven't listened to it in a hot minute, but My Brother My Brother and Me

Have You Ever Met A Celebrity: I met some YouTubers at a convention once, but I don't watch the channel anymore

Have You Ever Been To A Concert: Yeah. To see Fall Out Boy. It was outside and I had no water. Was fun tho

Do You Collect Anything: Braincells. I keep losing them tho (no I dont collect anything)

Do You Have Any Idols: Uhhhh I'm not sure. I have ppl I think are cool? I guess you could say my mom is my idol?

Is There A Real Life Friend You Can Completely Be Yourself With: My partner @novelcain <33

What Are Your Interests: Anything I end up hyperfixating on. So right now its Good Omens. Once s5 of Lego Monkie Kid comes out tho, I know that's where my brain will be. I also love graphic design, but I haven't been able to do it in ages.

Where Would You Love To Travel To: Maybe Scotland? Or Italy? I wanna go to Japan some day too.

Is There A Random Fact About Yourself That You’d Like To Share: I have binocular double vision, which means I see two things :) My glasses help a bit with that issue

tags: anyone who wants to do it

#tag game #probably lots of typos #oh well lmao #long post #get to know me

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eirian · 2 years

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im this close to being able to have adhd meds which i am so relieved about because like. my brain is so scattered at all times idk how else to describe it

currently im struggling w accepting that maybe..my oc making creativity has kinda. gone away. its just gone. i dont rly make ocs anymore i feel like ive made all the ocs im gonna make. my oc making phase has come to a close i guess, for the most part at least, like maybe i'll make one every now and then but nothing like i used to :(

im tryna accept that i have good ocs i can pay attention to instead of making new ones all the time lol. i guess im also uninspired as hell lately, either uninspired or too inspired to where i cant think of anything specific

ive also gotten way too into commissions for my comfort. i mean i make a living with commissions, thats how i pay rent of course, but i think ive let it get to where its All i can think about and it kinda sucks. i wanna go back to when i drew all the time whether that be ocs or fanart or whatever but unfortunately (kinda fortunately too i guess) art is also how i make a living now so. i gotta focus on it like that

anyway this is all to say i hope adhd meds help calm my erratic brainium

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schaarfyx · 2 years

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lil teaser for chapter 4

Just for the record, I am very sorry for the royals and I know my chapter 4 didnt age very well, but this is a small part of chapter 4 its not proof read or finished but this is what I have done for my way to and from school/work, its just not even written fully because I fellt lazy and didnt want to write what they where doing the while time so that might or might not be added later, it could also be that i really dont like this later or this wont be able to be put into the story, so I hope you are all alright with that. Still have fun reading this small thing for your happyness.

"So, what do you say? You wanna come be in the chapel with me? Or would you like to see it from the TV with the others?" I was walking around with Tommy, as I have been for the last hour, after our talk in the palace we decided that it would be best for us to go outside and get some fresh air.

"I dont even know what to do in there, wouldn't it be weird for me to be inside there when you are there too? Not even speaking about the whole royal family and the other important people of .. well the whole world?! I wouldnt even get the chance to talk to anyone." He anwsered with a slight laugh, I understood that he would be bored in there but it could also be a really cool video if he where to film it.

"What if you wore a bodycam so that you could make a vlog about it? It could make alot of views especially from thr point of view from someone inside the chapel not someone who where look at it from the TV. I also would like someone there that isnt from around my family, i dont even really know what they do around, well, everywhere."

"Well, you make a good argument but isn't that for like, special people. For example ministers, church peolpe and royal family? It would be weird for me to be in there with your siblings, seeing as I cant really be besides you can I?"

"I mean, I guess looking from your side of the story, I guess? But it would really help me alot because I am still not really over the dead of them, all of them not just her.. and my siblings are just like me, you might not be able to talk in the chapel but you can do an interview with me before and after if you want to. You would be the first and last reporter to be talking to me, and you could film some 'behind the scenes' from it." I air coated.

"It's still a few days away so you still have time to decide, it would be fun tho. So just think about it alright?" I looked over to him, he was looking at the ground and then back to the horizon where i could start to see people walking their dog.

"I'll think about it alright, I'm not making promises or anything but I'll tell you when I did decide." Tommy anwsered solemly.

"I really need tto change a few things around the palace, we dont need to have all those palaces and not live in them. There are poeple who really need a home and here ee are just having a palace with noone living in it except the people who work there." I looked over at Tommy, i could see how the whole death of the queen was gettimg to him.

"I really want to change the royal family's money distrebution too, i dont like that everyone has to have one job or even mire to get over the costs of living and my family just gets handed money for free and do nothing. So as long as they are not working the wont get money for it either, what do you think?"

"Mmh, I get what you mean but i dont think that you could just kick them out or 'fire' them, seeing as they need to have money to survive, you know?"

"I mean, yeah of course but I could get them an ultimatum about when the money wont come to them anymore and if they dont get a job in that time then I dont know why they shouldnt, if they dont have an educazion why didnt they, I certanly had to have one and everyone elso has to have one tobget a job that payes well. So I really hope for then that they got one.

@blease-end-me @lolawassad @wardaykgerblin @noahvlux @theinsanespaceship15 @crystal-multiplefandomlover

#mcyt x reader #platonic #platonic tommyinnit #platonic tommyinnit x reader

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murdoc · 9 months

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this is a weird post to make, but i dont really have many places to say it and i wanna share my thoughts Somewhere lol

so i found my dad after more than a decade of being out of contact with him (probably since 2010? at latest, very early 2011). or rather, after every few years of searching for a little while and coming up fruitless, he made a new facebook less than three weeks ago and i just happened to get Really lucky timing.

just before him i had also found my (former) step sister + mom, as well as my half sister (all sisters younger than me and previously i couldnt find), and.. its a strange experience to finally see people who used to be so close to you in your life show uo again, visibly older and doing their own thing.

its hard to explain.. its almost like youve woken up from a coma. you have memories and have had dreams of these people for years and years and during that time you never really realized that the image you have of them was one trapped in amber; even when youre cognizant of the passage of time, your mind just can't take into consideration the individualized process of aging, both physically and where the passage of time will take them and their relationships. you realize these people are now essentially strangers to you.

my (former) step mom has remarried again and has her own set of children (again), one of my step uncles ended up passing away, my step sister is no longer how i remembered her in 2007 from one of the few photos i have of her in my possession and is posting hippie white woman stuff on her feed, my half sister doesnt share my last name (paternal) anymore, nor her mother or new husband's, whom she is having a child with. i was able to figure out it was her because of the name and how she looks strikingly like her mom and has photos with my dad in them.

my dad himself has aged significantly since he's last shared a photo of himself anywhere. he used to always wear hats, but in a new photo he's got solid white hair despite being in his early 40s and is balding (HE did this to me..) and finally learned what glasses suit his face better LMAO. honestly, he looks better now than he ever did when i've seen him. which i think was one of the biggest shockers because god he looked so lame. this also gives me hope for myself B)

the thing i noticed the most though is how "normal" him and my half sisters turned out. granted, he was always so much more put together than my mother-- i'm sure thats why they didnt really like each other lmao. but, while im not sad about my life, even if it's definitely different than i assumed for my age, i can't help but wonder where i'd be if i had allowed myself to overcome the fear of my mother and went to go live with my dad like we had planned in 2008 or 2009.

however, just from how hard it has been to piece together the state of that side of my family, i don't think any speculation could even be remotely accurate. ive also never really been one to dwell on what could be anyway. at the end of the day i cant undo how horrific my childhood was, but i can make steps to grow from it and learn to love who i am and where i am now.. for how cheesy that sounds 😭

i am glad i finally got a bit of closure on this though. i knew my dad was still around somewhere, but not knowing anything beyond "he's alive" for so long left me with a lot of questions, now mostly answered. it's nice to know he seems to be doing good and that he's there for my younger sisters (not sure about my step sister, but i have an additional half sibling that i never met beyond a few times as a toddler and it seems she's fine too). i know that social media doesn't tell all and is usually finely curated to share the best moments, but i'm saying this in comparison to my mother who would never in a million years do what he seems to be doing.. down to having custody of his kids LMAO.

i don't think i'll ever reach out to any of them though. i know my dad still thinks of me once in a blue moon, as he's dedicated a birthday post to me some years ago on a now deleted profile, but if you can imagine.. i think my change in the last 13 years or so is a bit more drastic than just growing up. not to mention they have their own lives going on and it all seems just fine.

i guess if he ever does try to find me, he'll find out that my former step uncle (different one who is still alive) who teased him about only having girls was wrong LMAO. but i dont think he could ever find me unless he got in contact with my older sister who isn't doing too hot rn, or my mother.... and if it's my mom he goes through, i sure as hell hope he thinks finding his now son was worth it. i sure as hell wouldnt go through talking with my mom if i was him.

i dont think i ever made a post so long and detailed about my life on here??? if someone fsr actually read this... hi :) why did you do that? you are silly

#diary #very long and personal post. you can read it idc but its primarily about finding my father and there is a quick death mention Unrelated

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woozi · 21 days

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helluu yza <333 🫂🫂🥰🥰🥰

i've been doing good overall <33 it comes and goes hddjkd last year ended up leaving a sour taste in the mouth, it's been quiet since 2024 started, not liking it but can't do much to change it either, can you tell i have a hard time letting things go lmao?it'll eventually get sorted out (i hope)

ANYWAY, i decided to join letterboxd community, i am a complete movie person now (if you wanna be moots there lmk), the recent one i watched was "call me chihiro", do watch it when you can, i liked it, AND AND AND there's this indian movie called "three of us" (2022) i'm still recovering from it, people who think 2521 was traumatic wouldn't be able to handle this movie at all, it's about this woman going back to her home town with her husband for a visit after something happens to her, to recollect herself and she meets her childhood friend there 😭😭😭 IT'S LIKE PAST LIVES MOVIE BUT ALSO KINDA DIFFERENT. i love both of them equally. please do watch it if you can't find link i'll send it you <333 there's too many gems i've been finding out about after making an account on letterboxd. ( also i finally watched kiki's delivery service, i had been meaning to but kept delaying it, it's soo good, the kid with specs annoyed me lmao but i got over it quickly (in the sense that i didn't care much about him or his plot hdjskss)

we can always pick up our movie hangouts, feel free to lmk on disc or even if you want ro reach out to say something 🥰 it'll reach me faster compared to here im not much of a tumblr girl anymore it seems

what's new with you? how are you doing?

i hope you're well

i find myself humming to wait so much these days, it's funny because when it was released i listened to it and then never looked back 😭 ( fake carat booo fake ot13 booo 🍅🍅🍅🍅) now it stays rent free in my mind as i go about my day, the dance break towards the ending is so so good, i've been also enjoying yugyeom's album esp summer blues it's so my kind and OMG YES I WANTED TO ASK WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON BIBI'S BAM YANG GANG? 🎤 (atp i feel like i should call myself bibi stan)

thank you for even replying back even though you don't really have to hddjsk i missed you too 🫂 you're so kind to me always <333 sending you more peaceful and good weather days, i hope you are also finding space and time for pausing in between the chaos around you 🥺💌

MA CHERIE 🥺🥰😻😘😚😍♥💜🧡❣💝💞💟💌❤💛💚💙🖤💓💖💗

i'm so sorry to hear that :(( and if it's any consolation, it really is as they say!! all things really will come to pass, it's just a matter of time <3 hope u know i'm always here to lend an ear as well i lov u 🥺

ALSO LOVE LETTERBOXD REALLY IS A FILM GIRLIE EXPERIENCE FDJKJFDJKFD i unfortunately dont have it (shame on me as a prev film major LMFAO) but i'd love to be moots i'll create an acc for u <3 ALSO LOVEEEEEEEE THESE RECCS I'M TAKING NOTES!!! also still dk why 2521 was So Sad for people, i really loved it and just thought it was realistic 😭 AND KIKI'S!!!!!!!!!!!! that was also super fun for me and i loved jiji's little love story line SOOO MUCH

also felt abt that </3 I WAS ALSO JUST GONNA TELL U ABT DISC GJKFDKJFDKJ we really r soulmates atp <33 think i've also been away from tumblr since jan of 2023 now 😭 i honestly just come back during times when my love for the sebongs is Monumental and bc there r svt nets who still dont have admins 😭

the past year has also been super rough for me so i really get u when u said u hope things will sort themselves out soon FDJJKFD but i'm sure it will on both our ends!! that's just how life is sometimes. thank u for checking up on me <333

ALSO SO REAL ABT JUST CHECKING OUT RELEASES AND DIPPING DKJSJKDSS I LOV U SM!! AND I REALLY LOVED ITTTTTTTTTTTTT, think it showed a v different side to her <33 ((although the lyrics are Very Much still bibi, it's just the melody and presentation that gave her a new spice)

AND WHY WOULD U EVEN THANK ME 😤😤😤😤 i should be thanking YOU for the gift of friend chip <33 hope the days r also kinder to u, i'd fight ur demons if i could 😡 LOV UUUUUUU LET'S HANG OUT AND WATCH MOVIES AGAIN TGT SOON <#3333333333333 MWAH

#cherie 🪂#s-cxups #y.ask #long post

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screechingkingdomhottub · 4 months

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eating "healthy"

Sup so a lot of you youngings dont know what health truly is. Let me explain. Health is doing things that your body or mind is benefitted by. That's what it is. Here are some things that are commonly thought of as healthy but are actually unhealthy: - Fasting. No honey, that's starving yourself (unless for God or something but even then there's usually advice to be careful about it, as I understand it during Ramadan you don't fast if it's unsafe for you, which is a really important caveat, well done Islam! but I'm not muslim so pls dont take my word as fact) Eating is incredibly important and you shouldn't make yourself ill starving and causing yourself to lack nutrients for "health" - Cutting stuff out cold turkey. Unless it's like a super serious addiction, you should be able to ween yourself off of things, this is much healthier and less of a shock to the system.

-Smoking weed (cmon I know my branding haha), look I'll admit that some tests and personal anecdotes are concluding that CBD can be helpful in pain relief and sleep. However, smoking a mind altering substance may not be incredibly healthy due to the smoking part. Mind altering can also mess with people's mental healths sometimes and cause you to have panic attacks or similar, but that's not everyone's experience. Wow how nuanced damn I'm growing up...Weed bad! dont do it! hate everyone that does it! yknow i just dont have the energy to have that kinda hate anymore like i just got so much love now it's actually so weird. It does have side effects and it's tiring defending that it can be bad but I think the general opinion is beginning to realise people just wanna get high and I'm realising I'm salty cause I'm an alcoholic. I'm sober but like damn I wish I could have fun. Anyway that brings me to: - Red wine. "Red wine is good for your cholesterol". Anyone saying that does not know what a cholesterol is. It's when too much of a fatty substance is in your blood. Alcohol has so many risks and especially wine which hits you slower and tastes like juice (this is from a guy who downed bottles of wine in 5 minutes...it's so easy and so dangerous) , alternatives are: nuts and oily fish mainly. Have some fruit and veg. So all health is a lie? Not exactly, you can be healthy but like here's some things on the flip side. Things people think are unhealthy but are healthy.

Laziness. Be Lazy Sometimes. 99.9% of the time, people want a lazy day to have a day of rest. They're overworking themselves. Doing a thing every day is great and admirable but if your brain is dying then it isn't worth that one leg day. You can skip leg day today. <3

Fat. So much fat food. Here's the deal, some fat food is good for you. There's literally a thing called good fats. Unsaturated fats are the good ones: nuts and fish. Also a little bit of "bad" fat is good because fat itself gives you vitamins such as Vitamin A, Vitamin D and vitamin E. A helps your vision and defend against illness. D helps your bones, your mood and your immunity. (love vitamin D, take the supplements if you live in the UK they change your life mate) and Vitamin E helps healthy skin and eyes. Trust me, you'd rather have a lower risk of skin cancer than a little bit of a belly.

Sugar. Having a little bit of desert or pudding is not going to kill you. What people mean is they don't want you to eat nothing but sugar and get tooth decay.

Gaining weight. OH YEAH IM COMING FOR THIS ONE. So for the record, I'm a very low stakes body builder now. I have gained about 10kg of muscle in the past year (my god that's an unbelievable amount) and the way people in the scene treat their bodies is insane. People assume we're all healthy but it's horrible to put your body through the bulking and cutting like your kidneys can't keep up with the protein and your stomach is confused trying to digest it all and your poor intestines too. Just cause someone looks super muscly doesn't mean they are. Gaining weight isn't always bad, sometimes people desperately need to. Also if you've previously not been eating enough then your stomach will think you're overeating when you're eating normally. This eventually passes as your body adjusts but gaining weight at this point means you're eating enough and your brain will be fully prepared to function. This is something I see particularly common with people recovering from EDs. They get scared to see they're gaining weight and think they're eating too much but it's really just their body needing to adjust to the correct amount. Also you need to eat to get nutrients, important ones especially.

If this is useful pls let me know. If it's not useful...fuck you

#health #healthy #nutrition #wellbeing #wellness

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breathingwithdifficulty · 5 months

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i don't feel good. i feel little. words are hard to find and i want to talk to someone but its late and no one is awake and i dont really have anything to say.

i feel bad for myself. like, not really the myself of the now, she doesn't need my pity, but like my small self. and maybe that is the myself of the now. at least, that's what it feels like.

this year its gotten progressively harder to remind myself that my parents love me. i know they do. they do, right? but like my dad never visits and my mom doesn't text anymore and no one knows my interests or my hobbies or what im doing in school and it just feels so lonely sometimes.

most of the time i feel normal. grown. i have my own apartment and my own money and my own life. but sometimes my car breaks down or an assignment makes me cry or i look at my bank account and i just want an adult that i can call and say "i feel sad, please help" and actually get help.

i don't feel good. i feel sick-sad, where my stomach is all twisty and my hands feel like they're buzzing and i keep rubbing my cheek on my stuffed animal just to feel its softness. i feel scared. i feel alone.

it makes me feel insane sometimes, this distance between my parents and i. it makes me feel desperate, crazy for seeking out this parental relationship with any adult that comes into my life.

my friend's mom sent me a starbucks giftcard. i cried. a different friend's mom bought me a crockpot because my friend told her ive been struggling cooking meals for myself. a different friends mom offered to buy me groceries because i was worried i wouldn't be able to afford them. each of them have had more one-on-one, genuine conversations with me than i've had with my parents in the last few years. i feel sick. i went to my professor's house and he watched me accidentally burn 2 marshmallows in a row and said "do you want me to make you one?" and i literally could've cried then and there. i went on a date with a girl who talked about how she loves her mom so much and knows she's her number one supporter. she asked me about my relationship with my parents and i didn't even wanna say it. i feel insane.

i feel pitiful, but i just wanna be taken care of for a bit. just wanna lay down on the couch with my head in someones lap and not have to worry about taking care of myself for a minute. it doesn't seem so much to ask but im wondering if it really is. if im too much.

when i get like this, sometimes i get a thought like "i miss my dad" or "i miss my mom" but then i see them and it doesn't make the ache go away. i don't miss them, i miss something i don't think ive had in a long time (maybe ever) and its devastating because i don't know if i'll ever get it. i passed the age where i can sit in my mom's lap and cry because i got a hole in my favorite socks, or where i can call my dad and ask him what i should have for dinner because i can't make a decision right now. i feel so old and so young and so sad.

thanksgiving is coming up and im looking forward to it for the food and the company but like. i can't even be myself around my family half the time, not because they would disapprove (some of them would) but because they don't care. it's always "how are your grades? still in your major? where do you live now?" and not like "so what've you been up to? done anything fun? how are you? what do you like to do?" because in their mind, they don't need to ask those questions, they think they already know. they think im still the quiet, book-nerd, shy girl in the back of the class. which, part of me still is, but i like other things now. im another person now.

every year i get asked what i want for christmas and every year im happy with what i get. im not hard to shop for, i don't think, but especially these past years ive realized that like... no one knows what i want because they don't know what i like. part of that is because im intensely insecure about my interests and part of it because i have a reason to be - id get made fun of and there's certain things i just really don't wanna hear shit about.

so this year i sucked it up and made a christmas list. an actual one, with stuff i like on there, even if my family doesn't understand it or know the tv show references or why i want so many stickers. i made a big list of everything ive secretly been wanting, ranging from like $1 stickers to like $40 sweaters. it was oddly scary for me. it still is. i don't know if anyone will get me anything off that list, but if they do, im scared for the reaction, just a bit. i don't wanna open something on christmas and get "yeah, so what is that? i don't get it" or "that sounds gay" when i explain it, or "okay..." when they're disinterested.

i know its a little silly but i don't really care. im sad. my head hurts. its late but im not tired and i just want a hug. i wanna rock back and forth and hold my weighted dinosaur and chew on his horns. im so done with this

12:16am

11/14/23

#text #its that time of the year #mine #.txt #inner child

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skrub-dubs · 9 months

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C is for care! What do you do to care for your pokemon, and how do they care for you?

I have a small bit of routine for each of my mons. My team has a whole lot of individual needs but I try to overlap em whenever I can. This is probably gonna be long, so I'll put a cut. Dont wanna clutter anyone's feed.

Most of my team has specified food times, except for Luna. It's hard to get her rounded up so I have a food and water bowl specially for her to have at any time. I've gotta clean it a lot, sadly. At least the others don't steal her bowls.

Early in the morning before it heats up and before I get busy, I go on a walk with the senior members of the team out into the desert. We have a spot where Chams and Baps Jr like to meditate while Bowler goes out digging. Before we head back inside, everyone - including me - gets sprayed with the hose so we don't get any extra sand inside.

In the afternoon as it cools down but before it gets dark, I take The Baby, Cham-Chams, Baps, and Bowler out to get more sun. I make sure to have ice packs and cold water on hand for the mons. ... Even if I'm mostly the one that needs them.

After spending that time on the porch, I take some time with Han. Giving her her supplements, doing some physical therapy, etc. She's finally able to shut her shell completely closed and keep it closed with a solid amount of force, so she's getting there. Her shell isn't ending up scratching or flaking anymore whenever I accidentally scratch her shell with my nails, so she's been doing wonderfully.

And.. how my Pokemon take care of me.

Honestly I don't know how I'd ever live without them. Luna's always the best alarm clock. I don't usually wake up to my own alarms anymore, but Luna's always there, right on the dot to jump on me and wake me up. I think she only does this to get a treat in the morning, but as long as I get up I don't mind.

Chams is always so good at reminding me of things. After I feed all the mons, if I forget to feed myself or drink some water, Chams is always there with a water bottle and a bit of his own food. Of course the sweet boy keeps his food, but it reminds me not to leave myself without my own.

Baps always helps me in public. I don't always have the best awareness, so he nudges me through crowded spaces and bumps me away from things when I'm about to get myself hurt. I have no idea how his reaction time is still that good.

Bowler and Han keep my head straight honestly. They're usually the ones to come up first and remind me that I've got a life and shit to do. Mons to care about. They've helped me focus and realize when I need to do better.

I love all of em. Don't think I could survive without em.

#long post #pkmn irl #amy “days” rillis

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everything-i-couldnt-tell-u · 1 year

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the thing i said on the playlist i made for you "you really feel like a nice dream i woke up to on a summer day" , i think that's the greatest thing i could honestly say to express my appreciation for you. actually explaining it in full detail just to feel satisfaction in being able to tell you exactly how i felt when i was with wouldn't be enough but i'll try. so i don't really know how to describe it, but waking up to this one specific kind of dreams on a summer afternoon, leaving me with this very fascinating feeling all the time as i look on the ceiling, taking a while to process the dream somehow and really take my time (sometimes even cry over it because of how beautiful the feeling is) but i dont know exactly what this is.

i just love the way it leaves me with a nostalgic bittersweet feeling, similar to "meeting someone you feel like you knew your whole life while having a beach vacation, but you never met them again anymore and they just remain as a memory you always love coming back to" type of vibes. it's so fucking amazing because i would love to see more of the dream and feel more of it, but you know it's like im already satisfied with everything and it didn't really leave me empty. yes waking up to the dream left me with this heavy feeling on my whole chest and body, but my heart feels so excited at the same time. and those dreams are always so comforting honestly.

most of the dreams i wake up to the same feeling are ALWAYS the same story. i get lost in some really dark place, but then i meet this really great boy who i became really great friends with for a while and it was so fucking great all the time. but then after a while you know, i gotta wake up and then i part with that boy from my dreams. it's really sad because i wanna be with them for a bit longer atleast, but im happy at the same time that i got to feel what it's like to be with someone like them.

i cannot explain really and i cant wrap my mind around this idea either that you might really have been the boy from my dreams (sorry if i sound obsessed over it, but i really have this very very deep longing for that boy from my dreams and the way you felt so fucking familiar to me is like you've been that boy all along and im happy about this stupid theory of mine)

so back on explaining a bit more, so like my dreams are like metaphor to me with my friendship with you and it's so weird. so first the very very familiar and nostalgic feeling you gave me whenever i talked to you, it's so oddly similar to the feeling that boy from my dreams gave me. and then the heavy bittersweet feeling i get whenever i wake up from my dreams about him, it's the same damn feeling i got when i cut ties with you for the third time.

okay so like from my dream its - i need to wake up and get back to living in my real life so goodbye now boy from my dreams. and with you it felt so similar, as if it's a metaphor of those dreams ending - so i got an emotional outburst and episode as if it's waking me up to confront my personal unresolved problems that's why i need to leave you for now, and let's just meet again when time lets it happen. the exact same with my dreams. i feel kinda sad but also happy, but i have already accepted that i need to say goodbye to him and just wait til i manage to dream of him again and feel his company once more.

okay so enough of maybe being the boy from my dreams, the feelings you really gave me feel so fucking amazing and it always leaves me wanting to find the words and scenarios to somehow describe how it feels because of how nice it genuinely is. and anyways im really sorry about me randomly ending things again, i don't think explaining it would fix anything and honestly i feel kinda nice being alone here right now because my social battery is really dead. i just think i really need time alone with my thoughts and sorting my feelings out because im the type of person who takes alot of time processing and learning stuff (idfk why this brain of mine works like that) but it feels nice taking things slow here at my own pace.

cutting ties with you for now really left me with the same feeling as waking up from those dreams during a summer afternoon and i can't explain it any better (this is a /pos) it didnt really leave me empty, it left me with this bittersweet feelings that i really adore and this slight longing for you, but i need to go now. i'll come back, i don't really know when, but im sure it will happen. i like overanalyzing and overappreciating these kind of feelings and memories i get left with whenever i lose someone, and honestly im enjoying it. NOT ENJOYING THAT I FUCKED UP THE FRIENDSHIP THO IM JUST SAYING THAT ITS REALLY VERY NICE when i take my time appreciating them a bit more and being alone with those thoughts.

so enough ranting, i love you so much and thank you for leaving me all those feelings. they really mean a lot to me and i think about those constantly. no one has ever made me feel the same level of closeness and familiarity like you did. your company was so different from my previous best friend and it still fascinates me. my previous best friend made me experience company that felt like cozy rainy nights and getting lost enjoying really fun stuff, and this time with you i got to experience the familiar warmth of summer and the bittersweet feeling i get when it ends. (stfu if i sound cringe rn dont laugh at me im writing this at 12 am and i always end up saying the cringiest shit at this hour) wait actually maybe on summer (idk if ill either get better or things might even get a thousand times worse because i can feel it coming and i have to start facing my issues and heal even if the thought of it really makes me tremble and feel like throwing up. i dont know when i'll heal lmfao and im scared of going through the process) so maybe let's be friends again on another summer once i finally get capable of getting a grip on my feelings and controlling what i do whenever i get emotional outbursts. love you and thanks for really being a great listener and a friend <3 bye bye ill crawl into my safe space again so see you when i get better AND ALSO PLS DONT KYS TIL I GET TO MEET YOU AGAIN okay bye

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