#i dont want people to be afraid of interacting with me

[thefrogdalorian]

Having of those moments where I wish to yeet the like button into the sun or maybe make it so there was setting you could turn on so that people can only reblog posts (even better with the minimum requirement of adding at least one tag)!!

It's kind of absurd that one of my fics is getting close to 500 notes while simultaneously being one I've had the least actual human interactions come from. Like...... come on, that's now how it should be AT ALL!

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled people are clearly finding it and I guess enjoying it(??) but just having endless likes without people letting me know what they enjoyed about it or even if they liked it kind of makes me sad. That's not why I want to share my writing here!

I love having those little human connections with others. I don't ever want my writing to feel transactional. I would love to talk to more people about things I've written. It's truly one of the best feelings and I would hate to lose that, the more I write or the more notes my fics get. Please don't be shy!! I get the social anxiety, but there is no reason to be. I am truly just a Din Djarin obsessed loser.

Anyway, whine over. I don't want to focus on the negatives here and I appreciate every single person who has ever left a positive interaction with something I've written. You are truly a light!

#i don't JUST like posts too often #really the only posts i dont reblog but like are to save for later or if it's too personal/explicit #or i guess i have nothing to add and OP has said it all yknow #but if i see some writing or art i love then hell yeah i always force myself to add at least one tag i like just so the artist/author sees #otherwise it feels like a hollow transaction and i really want people to know i appreciate their art more than just pressing a button yknow #and I KNOW it's intimidating at first to interact with others!! TRUST ME i get it and i'm still awful at it #but just one little comment can make someone feel so good about their writing... why wouldn't someone want to try that at least #especially if you enjoyed it!!! even a key smash or a string of emojis!!! #and the death of the tumblr tag is SO SAD because where else am i meant to talk to you lot? #i mean these tags are longer than my actual post and that's the beauty of tumblr #you don't have to perceive me down here but you can if you wish and i love you for that! #and it's a nice way to organise your blog to make it navigable for others #ANYWAY said i was done whining and continued whining down here so there's that LOL but i always want to interact with more people #please do not be afraid of reaching out to me! scroll through my blog for 5 seconds and you'll see what a nerdy loser i am #akdjgds i mean aren't we all here #spud rants #writing #but thanks again to anyone who leaves nice comments im giving you a (consensual) forehead smooch MWAH

[kindnessoverperfection]

I've found that, when interacting with others (or myself), it's useful to consider the lessons I'd want to teach a growing child.

If a child makes a mistake, I wouldn't want them to feel shame. I wouldn't yell at them, humiliate them, or in any way indicate to them that their mistake is a reflection of their worth or of who they are as a person.

Instead, I'd want them to associate the process with love and joy. If they say something that hurts someone's feelings, or otherwise ostracizes someone in some way, I'd compassionately explain to them. Ideally, they'd walk away knowing why they said / did it in the first place, how to handle similar situations in the future, and would accept the consequences (e.g. if a friend no longer wanted to hang out with them).

While the consequences may sometimes be painful, I'd do my best to instill in them that mistakes are human and natural, and that the process of learning from these mistakes is an opportunity to improve connections with others and express love.

I have a tendency towards excessive guilt. Memories in which I've said / done something ignorant or hurtful are infused with this guilt and shame- but ideally, I'd feel a sense of love and peace, and perhaps happiness, when looking back on them. Because they were moments of growth, moments I learned how to be more compassionate (even if the actual learning came years later).

So I'll put this out into the void:

When you make a mistake, that is not a reflection of you as a person. It is a moment in time, a moment which was informed by your past experiences. Humans are not static labels, or monsters in an RPG game. We are social creatures who live and learn and react and grow and experience and love. Be gentle with yourself and move forward knowing you're doing so in accordance with your values.

#parenting #internet culture #self compassion #i'd also want to teach them critical thought of course - there are varying ideas of what constitutes mistakes or ignorance or harm #and that's a messy subject which is often a challenge to teach and is beyond the scope of this post but it's important #to avoid being subject to manipulation or becoming reactionary #but anyways #to clarify something in the tags here: it's okay of course to feel bad. that's a normal response. but it's not necessary. and a culture of #shaming people for their mistakes isn't helpful in the same ways it isn't helpful to do that to a child. people become defensive and/or #self-hating. divisive and reactionary and more easily manipulated. fearful and ashamed and avoidant. afraid of disagreements or of trying #anything new. increased all-or-nothing thinking and blowing things out of proportion. it just doesn't help in the long run #sometimes when someone says something i want to express hatred and mockery towards; i think of my trans friend who's full of light and love #and compassion. who came from a smaller more conservative community and used to have some of those same stances (and may still hold some of #those feelings/anxieties). and i remember that i can be firm on my boundaries and spread love and acceptance and safety *without* spewing #vitriol at anyone who makes even a minor mistake. i want people who were impacted by oppression and bias to have space to grow and #find safe communities and be able to think for themselves. i dont want to push them away or be another person in their life screaming at #them. there's always a person behind the screen. #like that doesnt mean i have to interact with them. in fact in most cases it's better to step away. and there are still unsafe people out #there- but yelling at them won't do any good either. saw a tip to focus on the people you want to help rather than the opposition #and that's been super helpful for me

[ablazeinhim]

feeling like such a loser lately and like is it the winter or is the introversion or is it the disability???

#for a while now its been so hard for me to discern if social stuff is hard because im ND or because im an introvert #theoretically i love parties but im horrible at them on my own #i dont know what to say or how to start conversations #i desperately want to mingle and talk to people and have a god time but idk how to start that interaction #esp because i dont love talking about my work/home life (bc it makes me feel like a loser!) so i dont want to ask people about their work #in case they reciprocate and ask me about mine #also the masking #the masking is exhausting #! #the ND masking not covid masking!! #im afraid ill have nothing to add to a conversation #im afraid when i do speak up that ill ramble about something no one cares about or talk fkr too long or being jn skmething that feels like #non sequitur and ill watch peoples eyes glaze over as they scan the room for others to talk with #i have no social anxiety about like asking for help or directions or “hey where did you get that pizza it smells so good” #or “omg i love your outfit!!!” #but in a room full of people who sort of know each ither #or like p much any space where there are clumps of people talking and im not in any of them? #i feel like a bother and incompetent #i crawled out from under my rock for my only social engagement this month and theyre on their 3rd of the day and loving it #hoping eventually i wont feel the need tk mask so much. i know that makes things so much harder #=

[thesuntookgoodcareofme]

My class is made entirely from racist homo/transphobic misogynistic ableist people and it makes my skin crawl but I kinda made friends with this transboy whos 2 year older than me and I drew childe and diluc from genshin impact kissing for him and he got so happy. He told me he was trans and then I said "oh I kinda felt the vibes" as a compliment and he liked it hsjehekje im happy

#I am so terribly afraid of meeting people but honestly It is going really well #i genuinely hope nothing goes too wrong because even Though idont know how to keep friends #i dont even know if i can call It a friendship yet #maybe he only wanted a drawing from me and thats ok honestly #but it's going well and i think it's worth to try #living and interacting #i reccomended utena to him i hope he likes it #genshin impact #child x diluc i guess

[arrowpunk]

I am beating myself over the head with a rolled up newspaper trying to get my brain to stop being paranoid and inherently suspicious of everyone.

Just because people have been terrible to me in the past and treated me like shit and only cared about me because I provided something to them does not mean Everyone I meet is like that! Friendship is a good and wonderful thing!!!! Just because I was bad at picking friends and people have taken advantage of me and my kindness does not mean everyone I will meet just wants to use and take advantage of me!

I hate how inherently suspicious I've become and I don't want to be this way but I am also so so so afraid of being hurt in the same ways again. Because there isn't much that hurts more than finding out that people you trusted and had been friends with sometimes for multiple years, only cared about you insofar as you were useful to them in some way. And then treat you like shit and toss you to the curb as soon as you are no longer capable of providing whatever it is they were using you for.

And this has happened to me... A good few times. And I feel so blind and stupid every time and it's just!!!!! Fucked me up!!! And I don't know how to recover and stop being inherently afraid of befriending people and loving people and pouring my time and effort and heart and soul into people.

#ramblings of an arrow #aaaaaaaaaaugh #I know that not everyone is like those people #its just so so so scary when the most recent person was someone I trusted sooooooo much #until suddenly the other shoe dropped #and its just that the most recent one was so scary and is still scary because they said things to other ppl I had been friends with #who just very suddenly with no warning turned around and treated me as if I was the devil incarnate #when I had literally no idea what Id done #AND STILL DONT #and im trying so so so hard not to be paranoid #but Im still so afraid itll happen again #and that people wont even try to get my perspective on things and drop me with no warning and say scathing things if I ask about it #because its happened before #and I know some ppl Im still friends with still interact at least somewhat with some of these ppl #and thats fine they can do what they want! #most ppl dont even really know what happened #but its. terrifying on my end sometimes #not knowing whats been said about me and not knowing if ppl secretly think im horrid and just wont say anything to me about it #and it makes trusting new people and trying to make new friends so fucking terrifying #because what if it turns out like that Again #what if I am a Fool again #they say no love is wasted but there really are some ppl that I used to love that I wish I had never met and never trusted and never lovef #and if I could erase the impact we had on each others lives I would in a fucking heartbeat and feel no remorse #because in the end they only made me a worse person and I only enabled their shitty behavior for way too long #and I wish I never met them because I still cant think of a single good thing that actually came from knowing them #im a worse paranoid scared suspicious person because of it and Im afraid of making new friends and I HATE being afraid to care about ppl

[flamboyant-king]

that’s meta

#i've been reading webtoons and i've been inspired to draw more #the last few weeks have been long as hell. but i hope i can get a routine down and find time for all teh things i want #and maybe work on projects i've had in mind like gatdamn #the way to success is starting offwith a bunch of failures and its a shame im so afraid of failure that i dont start anything #i need to just go for it....but its a lot of mental power to do more than wake up in the morning #and i still end up rushing to workk phshd #so instead of starting with a webtoon with an actual plot and flow i'll try for makingmore silly comics again #you see how i always went for making bigger storylines and dramatic comics #but i chicken out because man my art sucks bruh #i feel i need more encouragement from somewhere but not from the outside #its gotta be inside me and i was hoping all hte medicine i've been taking would help unlock my confidence #unlock my self esteem and let them tell me i can do it and open the other door of believing it #i have so many ideas i'm too afraid to put to paper nowadays. i miss when i made feh comics i tried to upload like 2 times a week #i made friends and interacted with yall. but now im trying so hard to detach from folks because just how awful people can be #i havent made new friends since feh. i havent grown since then. i want to be something. i had aspirations #but im locked up. physically mentally environmentally aspirationally. for years. since middle school #i made so many comics back then. had many ideas. wrote out story ideas with friends. dreamed of becoming an animator #wanting to make webcomics. selling merch at conventions. becoming a freelance artist. work as a children's book illustrator #dreams that i still holding onto and clutching it towards my chest as i'm crying. im still alive yet i havent done any of that #i think i never strived for my dreams because how every year i wanted to be unalive. and every new dream came out to tell me #hey if you stay alive you could be this. i'm almost 25. i lived over a decade longer than i wanted to because i still i have time #i can accomplish one of these and i know i have the potential to be one of these things. i know inside i can even do them all #but i dont have the support. i dont have the mind or the body to be these things. #i'll stay alive year after year coming up with goals and then not going for them. #ooh i want to make a game. ooh i want to make a tv show. ohh i want to be a baker. #im going to keep forcing myself to stay alive by coming up with goals to strive for but never follow through #and its going to keep accumulating until i truly die with nothing to show for it. a room full of WIPs and lists and sketches and drafts #yeesh didnt expect to go on a rant. went off on a tangent there *wipes away a tear* #anyways. cammy likes to transform into random things just to show off they know how to. cammypus is still a work in progress #but cammy figured out how to break the fourth wall. to becaome a loading screen advicce fairy and speechbubbles

[lightnersdream]

#WHY DOES IT ALL HAVE TO BE SO MUCH #i don't usually get like this. im usually a kind of person that just lets stuff happen around me and not care a lot in terms of like social #behavior and relationships #you meet people. sometimes they go #that's how it is #there's people that we just drifted away or they vanished and it wasn't hard feelings #and normally i get over it. i miss them alot but it doesnt hit me this hard #and the thing is i haven't even lost anyone #it's just ive been so angry and low energy and pissed off by everything all the time that ive been distancing myself #and even when im not like that.. im just tired. my brain is clouded i just don't have anything to say #i want to say something but there isnt anything #so i havent been talking to a lot of people #and im like really afraid by the time im done working over whatever this is. that people will have found more other people they #prefer to talk to more or are closer with or we just find out its been too long and we dont have anything in common anymore #because i know ive been away from my friends more and more of late of late ive barely talked to anyone at all beyond 1-2 message exchanges #sometimes not at all .this isn't abnormal #but i happen to the kind of person who crumples if i don't get some kind of interaction daily #so as much as im empty-headed and angry and bad at conversation i need to be around people constantly #at the end of the day i don't have anything going on outside of drawing and talking to friends. i have nowhere to be in real life #i cant go anywhere. i don't know anyone and i hate my family #i don't know. im scared and lonely and it feels like i can be kind of a nothing person to talk to #dib noise #some of this is problems with myself which i do work on and i work on them hard. i don't want to be like that #i'm bad at meeting people too. i don't like taking risks or new things its all so much #I SHOULD CLARIFY. i am happy for poeple i am close to when they meet new people. i love hearing about them #and meeting them. i just have a horrible fear of being replaced or forgotten

[icewindandboringhorror]

one of the bad things about having such low social energy/social anhedonia/little interest in interacting with others in any capacity/ Hermit Disease™ is that like.. once every FIVE months here and there I’ll get fleeting bursts of social energy and will message one or two people to catch up with old friends or etc. and then it’s like... 

tfw you message someone and then wake up the next morning to see that they REPLIED to your message so now you’re actually supposed to message them back, which is an obligation you were somehow not expecting despite the fact that YOU sent them a message 

#I feel bad because it's like.. I know I WAS THE ONE who reached out to you but also I have depleted all of my energy stores and have like no #capacity to respond that this point.. Which usually I'll get to it in like 2-7 days and people who know me (people who I would actually #message) know this/are aware it doesn't mean anything/are okay with it so its not really a big deal but still lol #girls and squirrels i am so sorry i dont know what to tell you but I have Disorders gjhgbhj #oh same thing when someone messages me and then I respond and I'm like 'whew finally got that off the to do list! now I dont have to worry #about social interactions for the next few days' and they RESPOND to my RESPONSE within like 30 minutes of sending it #so now I'm back at the point where I owe them a response even though i JUST crossed that off my to do list ghbh #And there's some people out here who are like 'omg.. if people don't text me back in 30 minutes then they must hate me! i want to be texted #back immediately. true friends will drop everything theyre doing just to text you!! >:T' whereas I'm like #god if I reply to you and you reply back to me within less than 24 hours I'm going to scream... just give it a good 2 or 3 days.. let the #message sit PLEASE.. it's social buffer time.. let's recharge our energy... the the conov age like a fine wine #(unless it's urgent. obv if we're coordinating plans or scheduling something we both must reply promptly exactly) #AND ALS THIS IS just a caveat of text communication like I HATE text communication. another reason it's SO hard to find new friends is that #nobody wants to just talk on the phone/discord voice chat/Some Medium Of Real Time Audio Communication anymore #everyone is like.. 'oh just send short little messages through a stupid fucking chat client or text me or message me on a social media' and #it's like.................................... no........ i dont think I will #Real time communication is SO MUCH faster and more efficient like. It would take me 2 hours to type something that I could say in a 30 minut #e conversation. People who I have genuine conversations with (like 5 hour long talks) are the ones who are not afraid to just be like #'yeah i have somehting I want to talk to you about. can we schedule a phone call thursday at 10:30am?' #also like.. if you text me at 3pm I am not going to respond to the message (depending on the contents-obv will reply sooner if #urgent) probably until 3 or 4 days later. If you call me at 3pm then we're talking at 3pm for as long as you want (or as long as is practica #l - also assuming I'm not already in the middle of something etc. etc.) #Like phone calls/voice calls/whatever - are so good because it's immediate. no having to go through and spell check. I am also a rambling pe #rson with complicated thoughts and i AM INCAPABLE of having short conversations. no matter how hard I try #you send me a sentence of text and I will write back 3 paragraphs. this makes text-form communication THAT much more taxing and time consumi #ng - whereas I can explain even really complicated things in Real time in like 20 minutes MAX when it would take 1.5hr to type and proofrea #d and etc. in text. ALSO I love that it is a Structured ONE TIME interaction. I know eactly when a phone call will start and can plan for #when it will end. Text form communications are ongoing background interactions with no clear start or end. no structure. etc. #in person/phone/real time communication is just SO much easier for my brain to process and depletes my social energy slower #. it stinks that the entire earth is slowly moving away from the only form of social interaction that is convenient to me lol.. BUT ANYWAY

[carnival-core]

Ok it is rlly late for me rlly early for others so fuck it I'll make a post here . If I remember to I'll delete it later if not it's not like anyone stalks my blog that I know of so whatever

But gotta ask , partially as just a depressed person but especially as a trans Floridian . Like . What's the point. Of anything. Anymore. What's the point.

#I hate that I #Gotta fight and claw and scream every day so stupid old dudes dont take away my constitutional rigjts and it doesnt even work #and I Cant fight #I got like three diagnosed mental illnesses and god knows how many undiagnosed physical chronic ones #I dont know how to drive #I dont have the energy to fight . #So I guess some day #the people who are supposed to protect me will kill me #fine #I am too afraid of what might come after to die #but I #sure don't want to live #and I'm #supposed to interact with people and be nice and do things in spite of everything? #What's the fucking point #neg #ask to tag #behind the tent

[raamitsu]

I FEEL LIKE IT’S A FATE OR DESTINY FOR ME TO WATCH KIMI NI TODOKE CUZ SAWAKO IS TRULY THE KINDERGARTEN, PRIMARY, HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭

#and this is also the reason why i ghost most of my friends cuz i realized their actions towards me were toxic as fuck #im keeping my circle way too small and only interact with people that i truly close with + tumblr besties #like i am no longer trust these bitches they can sweet talk to me all they want i dont care #one time one of my old high school friends found me on socmed and interacted with me (even asked for my phone number) #and proceeded to bully me so i bullied her back and threatened to block her number. after that we stopped talking for good. #like be serious- it’s been years since the last time we said goodbye and you’re sticking with ur annoying attitude? #she’s married anyway- like?? girl pls grow tf up. #glad we don’t talk anymore. i’ve had enought being a good innocent girl… afraid of people leaving me. #like if people don’t like me… fine then. if people think i’m boring… fine. #whitney houston was right… ‘i’d rather be alone than unhappy’. #btw im sorry for these ramblings i was so mad watching this anime series 😭 #this happened in the past and also around 2010’s #kimi ni todoke

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[crescentmp3]

soon i wont even be vagueposting about my pain anymore im just gonna start posting in detail like my blog is a journal.

#many topics but one of them is impossible to talk about here because person in question will see. next topic then #i relistened to two audio messages my ex-classmate sent me when i was still in middle school and in love with her and i want to cry! great. #im the reason we drifted apart‚ is what causes the pain mostly. #im so terrible at starting conversations it caused our entire friendship to end. our four year friendship #we had so many intimate moments together and heartfelt conversations and told each other things we never spoke a word about to any other/ #/person in our lives and i was the reason it all ended just because of the stupid fear i have that if i send a message first i'll be/ #/annoying. by god i accidentally ended a four year friendship out of fear of it ending #one thing i hate about my tendencies is my overworrying over every little action i take. #i know that if a person i talk to is worth being a friend with‚ they'll forgive these little mistakes i'll make‚ but the idea of being/ #/imperfect is so terrifying to me that i cant even bring myself to talk to someone unless they explicitly tell me its okay. #and on top of that i need it constantly too. #the thing is i hate this. i hate that i cant. i know its illogical and im making up things to be afraid of but i cant stop. #its that if im imperfect that means the person in front of me has a chance to hate me and that thought is so terrifying i choose to not/ #/interact at all #i hate to admit i silently pray for a few specific people to interact with me every day because i know i couldn't do it myself #the way this is is because if they interact with me first that means i can be sure they want it! theres no other way to be sure #and i dont even know why i need to be sure. i know i dont. i can just attempt conversation and go away if they'd rather not talk to me #i just. its terrifying #let me summarize. what if they hit me with the beam #basically. #♚ — vent ! #vent tw #tw vent #ask to tag

[semercury]

Every time I have an awkward interaction I want to die.

#stuff sarah says #and every time we kiss i swear i could fly #jokes aside i really hate it #like can i not be in agony every time something is a little awkward? #all it was was me saying it was time for me to leave and waiting for an affirmative so i knew it was okay #like its not the end of the world but i feel like i can see it from here #anyway when i was like 13 i started hanging out with the friend group i was with through high school #bc one of the girls (the leader in the way friend groups often have them?) asked me to a sleepover bc she felt sorry for me #and she later like literally told me that #and idk ive been thinking about that a lot lately bc of the music ive been listening to bc im listening to it for the first time #but they all really liked the band back then and were pretty adamant that i wouldnt and idk it made me feel like i didn't belong #which like i guess i didnt in a way? and i never really belonged anywhere #but anyway like. can you really blame me for being afraid of social interaction and always thinking people will hate me #when most of my formative years were spent with people who either wanted to take advantage of me and thats why they liked me #or with people who felt sorry for me. i remember another friend group. this one more in elementary school. likr late. 6th grade. #saying i was like a lost puppy and that comparison still hurts so bad to this day #so just like i dont get what people would ever like about me so i have to act perfect to make up for it bc apparently im pretty undesirable #and this isnt me asking for compliments in fact please dont bc ill feel bad about it #i just like. please understand i am still unlearning a lot of this and some days are easier #and rn im emotional and want to cry or scratch my face off bc i felt awkward at work and i just have to live like this #sorry im weird in friendships. i mostly assume people dont actually want me around #bc the alternative is that they want to hurt me and at least tolerating me out of pity is neutral? #fuck idk

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

I’m going actually insane rn tbh

#i want to say something but I’m afraid I’ll look like an asshole #but idk…if you don’t get more sarcastic or joking commentary #or don’t really do analysis #I’m not sure you’ll enjoy this blog! #and I really really really don’t enjoy getting comments that basically amount to ‘HUH?’ or otherwise miss the point #i know I don’t HAVE to explain everything but then I feel guilty and obligated to and it’s just stressful esp when it was lighthearted #I’ve been getting a lot of comments on stuff where it feels like people are just confused by me? or not reading all of the post? and idk #what to do about that bc it does bother me tbh #i get notifications for it yknow #like I do like having people interact but only if it’s actually relevant you know #AUGHH this doesn’t make sense. i should’ve been an askblog tbh #I’m not anti comment just. pro comments being about the post #/not missing something that was already addressed #i don’t want to seem mean it’s just stressing the hell out of me lmao #like am I really this bad at explaining myself? #ugh. sorry guys just disregard this #i mean I’m pretty genuine irl so if you legit don’t understand something you can just send me an ask. you don’t have to bombard a post #i don’t want people to be confused I’m happy to explain it #you can also put commentary in tags #PLEASE DONT TAKE THIS SERIOSULY IM JUST TIRED #and not v good w people stuff #afraid I’ve been seeming bitchy today. no one said anything but I’m afraid #my post

[arcadequeerz]

the anxiety i feel anytime i rb artwork to my werewolfkin blog

#Cade.Txts #i get so worried because im afraid people will get mad at me For It. #i got no issue w people sending me a ask being like: hey can u delete ur rb- for whatever reason- #BUT i seethis killer art n i see it n im like. houughh..me. #n i always make sure it isn't someones Oc BJHKGFDHJG #BECAUSE i feel weird if i rbed someones oc or whatever 2 my blog. #like i wouldn't like someone tagging my own ocs as kin so i doubt they'd appreciaste ME doing it so. #like is there a way 2 find out someones ok w kin interaction or is it just. dont bother asking n if persn #wants me to delete the rb i just do or jkLGFDHSIF #i just dont wanna make someone mad if i overstep ig. #uhhhh artist friends maybe weigh in.? i wanna know how u guys feel bout it.

[pansypr3p]

i dont blatantly sys post often!!! im not super into syscourse, i am not always against non-traumagenic systems. it depends. but i am here to complain abt how fucked up it is that anti non traumagenic systems/people are called sysmeds. like. its a play on transmeds y'know? and the thing about transmeds is like. being trans isnt a disorder. this is because. gender is not real. its a thing we made up. cant be a disorder. nothings wrong with you. yknow?

but like. being a system is stressful if not inherently caused by or influenced by trauma!! like. i fucking love and adore my headmates and wouldnt give them up for the world but. its hard sometimes, yknow??? like. switching is hard sometimes, role switches and internal conflict and all this bullshit. we love each other but having like 200 ppl in one noggin is a Bad Time, especially when there can be like 15-25 people in the front room at a time, not to mention the dissociation. i cant remember friday. or thursday, or wednesday, or tuesday. i think i have a vague idea of what happened? but i just. its just not there. yknow? and yesterday and today- ive been fighting feeling utterly apathetic because the dissociations so bad. and that was all because someone yelled at me for a second and i shut down because i got triggered because hey! trauma! woo!

so yes. being a system is a problem. not for others around you! but for me and many others. and i dunno. i just like. i just really wish they wouldnt compare us to transmeds?? like systemhood IS medical. maybe you got some other shit going on like systemhood, and yeah, okay! sure! cool! whatever! i could care less. but if you dont have that trauma, that dissociation and struggle. i want a different space!!! than you!! bc that shit is fucking hard. and fuck it. if you dont struggle like that i dont want you to talk like you do. and if you do, and you still think youre non-traumagenic. okay. sure. whatever. i dont want you in my space either. denial is a bad look.

maybe that was rude. i am sorry. i dont like being mean to people and i much rather respect everyone and leave them alone. bur i got a little frustrated so here! a rant.

#anti non traumagens who attack endos+ are not welcome here btw. i dont care if theyre endos #you dont attack other people in any way #ive seen ppl get endos banned just because theyre endos. that is fucked up. stop #mostly i just like. systems who are created via religion or spirituality or your own will fuck me up. i dont like that. please leave #got spirituality trauma! #and i don't respect people who just decide they Want to be a system sorry lmao #just #my personal shit #anti non-traumagenic systems #traumagenic systems #endos okay to interact but pls be respectful !!! #just like. hold ur tongue if u r super angry at me i am not afraid to block skdjf #but i dont hate you #i dont hate people really #minus like #cooperate fuckfaces and abusers <3 #fuck them #minus that!! #ehehek #sorry if this isn't understandable i ramble a lot #syscourse #sys stuff #system stuff #anti endo #anti endos !! interact !! unless you harass endos in which i ask you go to therapy and leave me alone ty #anti endos interact #sysmeds #sysmeds interact #hate usin that #but oh well