#i dont want them to continue having access to my art

[decolonize-the-left]

I just think you're weird for suggesting ai should be an alternative to anything when y'all can't even treat Humans correctly. Like did y'all forget?

The only reason ai exists is so they don't have to pay a fucking human for the same job.

"yeah but I'm embarrassed when I rp"

You should be! It's fucking embarrassing! So what???!

"I can't make art tho"

Then don't!!!

I'm 10000000% convinced that it's privilege that makes people believe that just because you Want something then you should be able to do it or have access to it even when you have No meaningful way of accessing it yourself.

Like when people get pets when they literally aren't even home enough to take care of it so they use those dystopian ass software to train their dogs when they aren't even home. You know the ones that even spit a treat out at them?

Like???? That dog deserves a real fucking person to take care of it and to Spend the Time training it. What the fuck is the point of having a dog if your TV is the one doing bonding activities with it?

It's just for you. The dog's needs are secondary to what you wanted because those needs were inconvenient for you.

AI is no different and the arguments y'all have for it are largely fucking gross.

"I'm too anxious to interact with real people and I'd inconvenience them or something so I'll just use this ai"

Cool so now we're opening up a gate to push care for disabled and mentally ill people off on AI? Cuz you know who Else is seen as too inconvenient to be worth someone else's time?

What the fuck?

And y'all are enabling that "well it's true they would be a bad rp partner."

ITS RP NOT SURGERY WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RN???

Maybe learn some fucking patience? The fuck you mean you'd rather someone talked to fucking AI???

We as a society have FUCKED UP when people are suggesting and enabling AI should deal with people nobody else wants to.

Why doesn't anyone else want to?

Can AI tell you that? Can AI fix that??

The worst part is that AI should be cool. It should be an amazing fucking step forward and instead it's racist and half of y'all act like it's a crutch for having no fucking interpersonal relationships/skills and it's NOT.

I say this as someone who is in fact physically disabled and mentally ill as fuck, okay? I'm not super young either. Like I am, and will continue, to lose my ability to do things and never in a fucking million years will AI be a stand in for a Real Person's talent or skill or help.

Society can't handle taking 30 seconds to put on a mask before they walk out the door and you DONT want me to be upset about all the "helpful" things AI can do?

We wouldn't even need AI if people could afford to go to school or had time to learn to paint or could afford the supplies or had the healthcare to go to therapy or had more people In school to Be therapists or had access to a writing class or-

Hayao Miyazaki was fucking right and more people should be saying it.

“I would never wish to incorporate this technology into my work at all. I strongly feel that this is an insult to life itself.”

AI exists because capitalism's very nature is to exploit humans to our fullest extent. Now capitalism doesn't even fucking need humans to create products. We are the product they use to train our replacements.

And this is.....okay with y'all?

#is it me??? am i the crazy one??? like what the FUCK is going on??? #i am so unhinged about this. like theres a lot of stuff i care about but AI???? AI will be who i find in hell #ai #rant #vent

[azurlily]

Dont ask where this came from, but I was tired and came across a tumblr post abt means lesbians. My first thought was, mean lesbian gf smut???." So now you get: Mean Lesbian NSFW!

She's a bit of a yandere, but that's okay we love her anyways.

TW: The three G's. Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss!

Mean Lesbian

NSFW

[ML stands for Mean Lesbian, I dont have a name for this character yet.]

The whole Mean lesbian stereotype never fit in my eyes, I mean becoming nice for the sake of your girlfriend? Yeah no, how about making your girlfriend worse than you, for the sake of yourself? That's right up my alley, but when you like a girl that's as sweet as apple pie...it takes time to get her to your pace.

"All I'm saying is that she deserved it, I don't care if people think I'm doing it because I like her. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. She was flirting with you."

Very recently a bunch of nude pictures of some random girl had gotten out around school. The culprit being none other than ML, she'd been out snd proud about it. Knowing damn well no one could, nor would do shit. Her daddy has money, her moms a lawyer, how are you meant to fight someone like that?

You aren't, and that's the point. No on is meant to be able to fight someone with power like that. So no one does, and ML likes it that way. No matter how much her sweetheart disagrees.

Quiet whimpers and soft sighs bang around the room, while ML was having her little monologue her girlfriend was in a sticky situation.

On her knees, head laying against ML's thighs, a thick ball gag in her mouth, and pink silk adorning her skin. Soft cries attempt to leave the girls mouth, although it's all in vain. ML runs her hand through the girls hair, and dark smirk on her face.

"Oh pretty girl, my baby girl. You look beautiful you know, you look like a piece of art. Ready to be torn in two, just for me..."

Fake innocence runs thickly in her voice, she wants you to think she pitys you. She wants your dumb brain to think she cares,(which she does) think she loves your weak, useless body.

ML's hand grab at your body, slowly pulling you up on the bed. She's picked up heavier girls than you, she used to be a cheerleader and then she didn't even enjoy picking them up. She gently sets you up, just on her lap. Soft hands running up and down your back, up and down your ass.

Her face is bright red, while ML has had plenty of girls in her bed before, you're her favorite. Which is exactly why she made you her public girlfriend a while ago. Well, you don't know you're her girlfriend, but everyone else does. That's good enough for her!

You feel two long fingers press against your entrance, her long slender fingers scoop up some of your slick. She puts the two fingers in her mouth and sucks on them. She continues this activity by rubbing you with her fingers, giving you just the tiniest sparks of pleasure. Then taking it all away as she tastes you.

You whine louder and louder, you like foreplay but this was too much. You'd pass out before even getting to actually cum as this rate! You whine and attempt to move around, quickly remembering how she has you tied up.

Your arms tied behind your back, your feet tied but not your legs. She wants easy access, one of the rops running down your back onto your ass. And tightly around your chest. ML mentally praises herself for such amazing work.

ML hears your whines and sees your breaking point arising.

"Oh, I know baby, you wanna cum so badly! So let's make a game out of this, I'm going to take that pretty gag off and ask you a few questions. For everyone you get right; I fuck you more. For every wrong answer; I spank you. Seem fair?"

ML didn't wait for you to nod your head, she took the gag off and asked the first question:

"Am I better at fucking you than your exes?"

You feel two long finger slide inside of you, while her other hand is on your ass. She's just waiting for a wrong answer, or maybe she's waiting to reward you...

"Y-yes you're better than them!"

You answered as honestly as possible, and you were greatly rewarded for it. You feel her fingers pump in and out of you, you whine loudly as moves them through you at a painstaking slow pace. She slows even more as she asks the second question:

"Good answer. Second question is easy: would you ever cheat on me...or have you?"

Cheat? You two aren't even dating, right? Right? You ponder for a second too long and a sharp hand slams down on your ass. Your cry out, but it doesn't matter and she does it once more. After the second time she stops, you don't dare move or speak for that matter. Her fingers stop and you almost cry at the loss, you dont though because you know what would happen.

"You took too long to answer, I'm talking it as a yes. And because of that I'll be asking something different for my third question. Were you actually flirting with that girl, hm? Or did I just take it the wrong way and...accidentally ruin her reputation?"

There wasn't any anger in her voice, quote the opposite, she was happy and you knew damn why. You've seen how obsessed she gets over someone, you're the example after all. The worst part is that you hated that girl, that's exactly why you were in fact flirting with her. You knew exactly what she would do, and you loved it.

"I- I was flirting with her, why are you jealous? Green isn't a good color on you-"

She gently flicks you on the back of your head, you don't need to look up to know the look on her face. Angry with a hint if pride.

"Hm, wrong answer."

#wlw #lesbian #im bad at this #women are hot #i cant write #mean lesbian #mean girl x fem reader #oc x reader #oc x fem reader #wlw nsft #lesbian nsft #love mean lesbians #mean lesbian x fem reader #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #corruption kink

[box-life-hermit]

Hi! I have taken a pause on posting from Jan 21st-Jan28th in participation of the global strike for Palestine. I have scheduled posts that will resume after the strike is over, (although this dosent mean I will stop talking about Gaza)

Anything that I post on any of my social media accounts will have to do with Gaza / Palestine! If I dont have any resources to share, I will not post!

I am striking in other ways as well outside of the online world, and so should you!!

Ways you can strike:

Email your reps!! Call your reps!!! Demand a ceasfire!!

Call out of work IF YOU ARE ABLE TO!

Do not do ant excessive spending!

Example: maybe you want to buy something to eat but you have food at home- then just eat the food you have at home!

Continue to boycott companies such as Pizza hut, Starbucks, Disney, Mcdonalds, ect!

Do not do any excessive banking! I've even seen some people pull money out of their bank account, and encourage others to pay in cash

TOTAL SOCIAL MEDIA BLACKOUT: only post about GAZA and PALESTINE, artists- draw art related to palestine!

DONATE! There are wonderful charities that I will link below that give Palestinians access to e-sims, menstrual products, medical aid, ect!

EDUCATE your friends and family who may not know! Encourage them to talk about it & boycott as well

I would like to add that not everyone will be able to do all of these things, and thats okay! But you should try to do most of them.

Websites for Palestine:

This website tells you what to boycott, and why. It is super detailed and very helpful! If you dont know what to Boycott, here you go! If someone you know dosent know what to boycott, send them this website!

This website allows people in gaza to have access to hygiene products like shampoo, and gives people access to feminine hygiene products.

This one is very important. E-sims for gaza. This allows people in gaza to show the world what is happening to them, if you are able to do so I strongly encourage you to help out.

This is such an easy way to help that literally all of you can do! You click a button once a day, and then they will donate! You can choose who you want to help; children, palestine, poverty, refugees, ect. They will send you proof of donation and you can track it as well to make sure it is actually helping! If you cannot afford to donate yourself, but want to donate, you should use this website!

This provides you with a bunch of information on how to contact your representatives to demand a ceasefire!

This link shows you the history of Israeli propaganda, this genocide is not a new thing!! Its been ongoing for years! This is available in multiple languages, so please read it

For more information to understand this strike and why its happening, read this twitter thread:

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA,

PALESTINE WILL BE FREE. 🇵🇸

#palestine #free palestine #free gaza #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #free palestine 🇵🇸 #i stand with palestine #gaza #gaza genocide #palestine genocide

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

is there any reason to recover when you have a shitty family and no friends? there is nobody to celebrate when i eat a fear food. instead there is just "dont eat too much you don't want to get fat"

there is just denying me food and taking mine (classmates)

classmates share food with everyone else, but when i ask they say no, for everyone they can eat but not me, i dont deserve it

what is the point anymore

My heart goes out to you, because it is so hard to heal when the environment you're in is making you sick.

You're asking if there's a point to recovering in the context of everyone around you. Of course there's a point to recovering - for you, not for them, so that you can feel happy and good in your own mind regardless of what they're like! But it's easy to feel like it's pointless when your environment has conditioned you to feel this way.

I suggest you take time to focus on you, as much as you're able to anyway - focus on your recovery in the context of yourself. Don't share your eating habits or successes with your family members. Remain as minimally engaged as possible in conversations around your body, eating habits, and weight. Then, extract yourself from the situation as gracefully as you can manage and tell yourself whatever you need to hear. That their shitty commentary is not your fault. That you can build better for yourself than they have built for you. That one day, with hard work, you will cultivate a much healthier environment for yourself.

When you eat a fear food, celebrate it by yourself. Learn to love yourself and be your cheerleader and best friend. (Feel free to message this blog and tell me - I might not be around to congratulate you immediately, but when I do get to my inbox, I promise I will care!) See if you can find any online support groups for ED recovery, so that you will be less alone and may have access to more advice and community. Support groups/forums about toxic family and friends might be helpful too as you might be able to learn some strategies for how to build a healthy environment for yourself once you're able to build some boundaries between yourself and toxic influences. It takes a lot of time to learn how to do it. Stay patient with yourself, and if you don't find the right groups right away, keep looking.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this isolation at school with no supports at home. My best suggestion is, when you're still in this school, keep food items from home stashed in your backpack, and keep your backpack on your person at all times. Or keep it stashed in your locker, but only nonperishables. You don't want it to rot and develop an odor. Instead of seeking friends in a toxic environment, just survive until you graduate. Engage in practices like art and writing in order to connect with yourself, vent, hype yourself up, and just learn to express your experiences. It will not cure the loneliness, and I know loneliness can be crushing. It can help you feel like you don't have to seek love from a loveless environment. I heard a quote to put it in perspective - going to a person for a love they're not capable of giving is like going to the hardware store for oranges. No matter how desperately you ask for oranges, the hardware store will not give you any. It's not your fault - you didn't stock the hardware store - but continuing to seek oranges here will yield you only disappointment.

Hang in there, learn who you are independently of the toxic people around you, be as kind to yourself as possible, and research what you will have to do in order to build the future you want. It may be a future in which you have some distance and limited contact with your family members, or don't go back to your old hometown. I truly wish you the best of luck.

#ed recovery #sick society #abuse #toxic family #self love

[calpalsworld]

Reading through the OREGON ULTIMATUM tags is quite interesting especially the characters the way some of the art looks reminds me of David feiss (the guy who made cow and chicken) and i could see it animated in that style. Do you have any voice claims for any of the characters? idk why but i hear dr. window having a midwest accent.

I've never watched Cow and Chicken but thank you *takes notes*

Dr. Windows lives in Ultimatum, Oregon, and attended PCS (Portland College of Science). (These are not real locations and are not meant to parody any real locations.) BUT... Where she lived beforehand is ambiguous... so she could've grown up in the midwest!!!

(and im midwestern so tbh they probably all have midwestern accents when in my head)

MORE BELOW

If I was actually to cast them, it may be difficult to find the right voice actors, because Dr. Windows and Dr. Treetop both have speech disorders/impediments. Dr. Windows has mildly slurred speech and a prominent lisp, and Dr. Treetop has disorganized/stuttery speech.

I usually put Windows' dialogue in italics. Its meant to indicate her speech disorder. Their speech is consistently slurred and they struggle most with "s" sounds.

As for Treetop, I've been thinking a lot about how I should type out his struggles with continuity. I want it to be in a way that is accessible for readers and seems accurate to real life. Unlike Windows, his speech disorder isn't consistent, and it affects the things he says, so it is something that has to be typed out. If anyone has any good examples on how to handle stutters in writing/comics I'd eat the suggestion up.

ANYWAY, for voice claims....

Hellmann - I'm unsure... They are emotional so definitely a voice that can sound neurotic and get mad.

The Hivemind - Limbic system from disco elysium but with a layering effect. Perceiving its "voice" physically feels warm.

Windows - Ummm gay and androgynous, metaphorically warm, soft but not quiet. (In my head, I sometimes imagine something similar to Raine Whispers from the Owl House ngl)

Treetop - Hissed, intense, particular with his words, usually monotone. Since he's supposed to come off as intimidating, I originally imagined him with a deep, rumbly voice, but ehhh I'm not a fan of that anymore. His voice definitely wouldn't be intimidating, he would sound like a pathetic edgelord. (In my head I imagine him sounding similar to Razer from GLTAS...??? but i can also picture something less aggressive, like patho 2 bachelor).

Sutthi - nasally and deep (Honest to god I think I've been imagining Squidward Spongebob in my head.)

Cuautle - I have this distinct voice in my head for some reason. Normal and old but very androgynous for no particular reason. Over the phone people probably think they are a woman.

Anthill - Sounds Scared. Been watching dungeon meshi and yeah, she would probably sound like english dub Marcille.

But yeah I dont mind if people imagine them differently and have their own headcanons :)

#oregon ultimatum

[tomatoart]

ive been really wanting to get into metal gear lately and i noticed you draw art for it, do you know where i should start??

HIIII 💙 YES . this is the playlist but Ok so I know it may seem intimidating at first, I thought it was too when I started watching it a few months ago, but it was so easy to get rlly into that It stopped feeling so massive! I watched the first two games (“metal gear” 1 & 2 (not to be confused with metal gear *solid* 1 & 2)) but I don’t think they are a great place to start watching for attention span’s sake. Especially bc everything in them is retconned later on, but the summery IS still important so I’ll put like that for you before you start getting to the starting point under the cut:

MG1: The first Metal Gear game follows Solid Snake, a rookie of the FOXHOUND special operations unit. He is sent by his superior Big Boss to the fortress in South Africa known as Outer Heaven, with the goal of finding the missing squad member Gray Fox and investigating a weapon known as Metal Gear. Big boss was secretly the leader of a terrorist nation state. Big boss was holding nuclear weapons/robots ready to threaten the world with, he wanted to make an independent military nation for soldiers to be free. Snake defeats Big Boss in the last battle and escapes the Outer Heaven compound as it crumbles in flames behind him. After the end credits, a message from Big Boss is displayed saying that he will meet Solid Snake again. (You may think this is confusing since he died in the fires, but it’ll make sense way later LOL)

MG2: Set in 1999, a few years after the events of the original game. Solid Snake must infiltrate a heavily defended territory known as Zanzibar Land to rescue a kidnapped scientist and destroy the revised "Metal Gear D". Snake faces off against Gray Fox in Metal Gear D and eventually destroys the mech. Both men later fight hand-to-hand in a minefield, and Snake finishes him off. (because greyfox had remained loyal to Big Boss.) also Kaz Miller, FOXHOUND’s survival consultant also sided against Big Boss during the Zanzibar Land Disturbance, in favor of Solid Snake (this is just letting u know solid snake and miller were familiar and mutually respecting since he is in mgs1) As you can imagine this entire “i was tricked into helping a nuclear development and had to kill my bro” bummed solid snake out. So by MGS1 (METAL GEAR *SOLID* 1) he is a legendary solider who repeatedly has tried to retire.

Congrats! Now you can start watching, if you’d like to play them most of the games are accessible on the xbox and such but I watched most of them on YouTube. Skip metal gear 1 & 2 (THE FIRST TWO THT DONT HAVE “SOLID” IN THE TITLE) and start from this sequence onward (its already in order on the playlist dw i just wanna diagram it:

Metal Gear Solid -> Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty -> Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (this is a Big Boss centered prequel very important) -> Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (ends Solid Snake’s Story timeline) -> Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker (continues the prequel story that continues onward from this point) Metal Gear Solid Ground Zeroes (this is a short game demo that sets up the main setting of Phantom Pain. also TW on this one for very detailed torture tactics..) -> METAL Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain (end of series)

they made another game but kojima left the making of MGS Rising which is pretty irrelevant (2 me) but takes place during the Solid snake and co.’s timeline. but I haven’t played it yet/ it’s spotty in canon-ness

i sooo so recommend mgs, it helps if u know whats happening in its real world counterpart (our real world rn) because its a rlly fun game thats all abt how war is a terrible thing in many ways. but its also a game tht doesnt take itself too seriously and thats why i love it sm too, it keeps you smiling and laughing at how crazy all the characters act and how silly some of the situations are. most ppl hate mgs for that reason but i think its such a specific brand of goofy that it makes it an unforgettable experience. for example: solid snake has a rant where he explains bisexual men dont rlly care what a homophobe would think of them. kojima is canon god. big boss believes in santa clause. people are named stuff like deep throat. its insane. 

#asks #PLEASE GET INTO IT P #EASE PEKASE PLEASE. i hope u like it im sorry if im not tht good at explaining but i prommy its so fun n hilarious and touching #also no one asked but my fave characters r david otacon and quiet. just have to say ok ty

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hello,

I've sent in a couple asks before so you may recognize my story but I just have to ask. I was an artist, worked my whole life to be close to good and I even made it into one of the top art schools in my state. Before I applied and even for half of my first semester, I admit I became lazy and greedy. To create art wasn't something that came from the heart anymore, I only cared about being "good" and drawing what was most popular or what I knew would get the most likes on my personal account. It got to a point where I faked my skills and traced all because I was to unconfident in myself. I lost everything and it made me really look at the kind of person I was becoming. I hated myself and it was the worst I'd ever been in terms of mental and physical health. for my second semester I purposefully took on a large number of classes and worked myself into exhaustion. I remember for one class I completely fumbled the final and embarrassed myself in front of the chairman of the department, everyone, and I felt so ridiculously small. I felt like I didn't deserve to call myself an artist, to be there, to even be alive. I attempted suicide over five times and shut down completely. At that point, I dropped out and told myself this wasn't the path for me. I left, began to pursue psychology, but part of me still wonders: what if I'd stayed? To be an artist, a real one, is painful. You love the work and the methods but it kills you to create something truly unique. No artist I've ever met is ever happy or content, we simply move on to the next project. Despite everything that's happened, I now wonder what I could've created had I stayed. Why did I leave? Why couldn't I handle it? Why did I do this to myself? Who am I now but another 20 year old who's flailing through life as if she knows what she's doing. Am I truly content being a psychologist for the rest of my life? Why didn't I stay?

I don't know what to do and whether or not going back would be a good idea. I think stepping away at the time was the right decision. If I continued the way I was going, I would've killed myself or worked myself sick. But, can I say the same now? The person I am now isn't the same as back then, so would the me I am today be able to handle what I couldn't back then?

It's so complicated and I don't know what to do. I look up to true artists who were able to overcome and create their own stories, become the people they wanted to be. I want to do the same, I have a message to spread and a story to tell, there's so much I want to express but my words will never do what I feel justice. Why can't I do this? Do I deserve the pain of an artist and the beauty of fruitful work? Will i become another invisible person in an unkind world dedicated to work I dont care about and money to keep me comfortable? What do I do?

Hello anon,

I wanted to begin by saying that I am so glad you’re here, and I’m so sorry things felt (what I imagine) so unbearable for quite some time for you.

I think you’re absolutely right that who you are now, is not who were back then.  Just going by patterns of behavior alone, it seems you’re taking care of yourself in a way you didn’t have the tools for before (and that’s not a knock!  We all have to learn skills that speak to us and those might be as varied as we are as individuals - if one thing worked for everyone, we’d all be doing it.  And of course that’s not even getting into the other important factors like resources, access to mental health care, and a support system).

Which I think helps segway into potential next steps - in that first I think it’s important to acknowledge that stereotypes of the “tortured, suffering, starving artist” are just that, a sterotype.  While the creative process can invoke a full spectrum of feelings, not all of them venture into the sphere of painful and strained (and that’s speaking as an artist myself).  I also think it’s important to do away with the notion that unless you check off a social-cultural check box of say, art school, you aren’t an “artist.”  This is where I copy and paste Picasso’s lovely quote: 

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

And I think that is a problem I’ve seen among many people who want to be creative but aren’t sure if they have the “skills” the “degree” etc.  And while of course, depending on what you’re hoping to do with your art, it would be imperative to study and have some training - but who gets to define what your goals are?  You.  Who gets to say how you study and learn?  You.  You have the power to decide for yourself moving forward how you’d like to be creative.  And the best part?  You already are.  Everyone is.

Now you get to decide how you want to create (does it have to be in the same medium as before?  Could it be multiple mediums - mixed media, writing, poetry, ceramics, embroidery, digital art?  You don’t have to stick to one format).

And in what environments (getting a degree?  Taking local community classes to practice seeing how it feels to be in a classroom for it again?  Online courses if the social aspect feels overwhelming?  Free courses online in case you’re worrying about “wasting” money?)

And what you’d like to do with it (are you wanting to sell it?  Are you wanting to share it?  Are you hoping to process something during the creative process?)  

Nothing says you couldn’t get your current degree in psychology, while you do any and all of the things above.  Because the beauty is, you can have a “comfortable” situation with your job, and still be creative.  But it never has to be an either/or, or a waiting for all the stars to align kind of thing - you can tap into your creative side at any time, and see where it leads on not only your artistic journey, but you’re healing one as well.

Regardless of what your next steps might be, I wish you well, 

- Mod Kat

#trauma talks #tw suicide attempt #mod kat #tw sui

[kalesorbet]

ep 86 liveblog

chip jrwi just called me a little baby broke bitch

also to note he did introduce himself as "chip just roll with it" that is his full legal name

GRIZZ SKELETON MOMENT OH SHIT BIZZ SKELETON MOMENT

charlie didn't do the gillion voice :(

grizz please w the lip bite i can't

most? of the stuff?

i adore gill's response to the face

chip parkour moment

ur telling me chip is acting like this and then he's surprised the captain hits on him

OH MY FUCKIGN GOD

'you've never had a man in your life' PLEASE

all his deepest thoughts and hes fuckboy facing

imagine you tell someone you got robbed and they LAUGH at you

I LIKE A BIG SPENDER

"D O Y O U W A N T M E ? ?"

why would they say that

my body is a temple so true

gillion my boy my sweet boy i love you

ollie is so baby

"how old you think you are????" "how old AM i??????????"

oh lord jesus

not the cup song wtf wtf

GILLION SINGING!!!!!!!

'one time she pantsed me and i died'

they're ALL trauma bonded

FELIPES FUCKIN DIED>?>>???

we should not be laughing about this

damn thats tough

you're a man now ollie

gillion good lord have mercy

'im going to get you at any moment if you dont SHUT THE FUCK. UP.' chip i love you

"i can send you to heaven though" P-LEASE

where are the pretzel noises

:( gillion i am hugging you right now

basically 'what if we had healthy coping skills'

'i got some tricks... you tryna....'

"so we're in a group environment!"

'thats what friends do' NO ITS NOT KING

please not the alarm that was so good

"im sorry ive been hurting you but ive never had anybody care about me before" [paraphrased] wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf

the flirting is getting more and more explicit with each passing moment

:O THE ART IS SO COOL!!!!!!!

its not just about having the bracelets so that gillion can feel at ease its also chip trusts gillion enough to give him access to his mind

wait lol mistake moment

WAIT I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT CHIP WANTING TO DATE EDEN I FORGOT ABOUT THE PHONE CALL

IM LITERALLY HAND OVER MOUTH RIGHT NOW

:OOOOOOOO <- LITERALLY ME

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

LORD LORD LORD LORD HELP HELP

i am unwell.

'im still going to go to bed'. based

thinking very hard about drey seeing the cycle continue...

i dont think he wants them to keep solving issues like this. like he gets that it was how it goes but he wants better for them

theyre having fun <3

i want whatever they're on rn

I. AM. HIGH!!!!!!

57 DAMAGE>????

GILLIONS GOING TO FUCKING DIE

love you jay but i dont think eden is as sweet and innocent as you may think

#jrwi spoilers #jrwilb #jrwi riptide #jrwi #long post

[pokemonfriendlocke]

Ai art makes me lose all hope for my future. And its not because AI art itself is inherently bad- infact its an awesome tool that artists can utilise. The problem (as it so often is) is capitalism. AI art takes the labor of artists and without paying them uses it to create a commodity that corporations can use. It gives corporations yet another excuse to not pay artists for their work, while they continue to benefit from the labour. It genuinely terrifies me as someone who from a very young age has wanted nothing more than to create art as a career. I dont know if there will ever be a future for artists as long as corporations have access to AI art. Fuck AI art. Fuck capitalism. Support artists.

#politics #ai art #anti capitalism #pokepost

[spikeinthepunch]

i have my 2022 art summary queued up and just want to ramble about the last year,... lots of stuff happened, good and bad! been a strange time.

i imagine most followers around have probably been here since late 2020 but 2020-21 i did art quite a bit, but the thing that really stuck for that period was i was super involved in warrior cats RP for some time-- i love RPing and these group also got me motivated to draw too! but i feel like i kind of wasnt around in the typical way due to how consumed i was in it. i dont think i need to go into detail of every month during that time, but it wasnt until early this year where i dropped it, and i didnt really publicize in detail why due to the issues surrounding it, but it was probably the biggest impact on me this year mentally, and in terms of art direction. and i feel like itd feel good to document this in a blog after it has now blown over- and why ive shifted my direction too.

i was very happily running my own RP server for just a year before i had to close it this year and it still makes me sad, as much as i moved on. ARP was like... a very big deal for me and i cant deny that. i dont have a lot of projects i get that into or get even close to setting off with its story figured out. i wrote well over 100 pages of documents for the world and the 6 planned arcs. i drew loads of art i couldnt even share until it closed (tbh im not positive i have shared it anyways bc i didnt wanna post it here). i made a website, i made riddles and code, i developed lore that was far outside of the warrior cats scope to it basically just being original!

truly i have never developed a project as far as i made ARP and to shut it down in order to save my privacy and past trauma from being further exposed in such an inappropriate way really sucked ass. a lot. it was a situation where there was no control given to me, no sense of understanding from the community. im not writing this out now to be pointing fingers and calling out names- just venting how it took a toll on me this year. what had happened with my server was that one of my own mods decided to dig into my profiles and found an old nsfw page, which even more indirectly led to an old flist, which exposed various things i was into around 17-19, reflecting trauma and abuse id been through (in it, voiced wanting to take part in certain kinks; ex. being a victim to violence and dubious consent scenarios). this information was at first presented as a threat to minors viewing my RP page (as in "ppl can see your nsfw profile from the blog!") which wasnt true/accessible as they said it was and required many many clicks to find, and then slowly revealed to me the people exposing this were in fact two of my own mods and was promptly cut off from explaining anything else as it spread in a private mod discord in the RP community. Which was worse to me than everything else that could have happened honestly, and i only learned this second hand from a person who saw it in that discord and thought it was horrible this information was spreading like that behind my back. in some ways things were okay-- i didnt get "called out" openly as i did my best to explain how these pages were not current to those around me, and that they had dug into some deep cutting trauma and a period where i wasnt getting any help to cope properly. it still didnt stop the fact i left every other RP i was in due to connections w those exposing it, and in turn closing my own. i dont want to say im thankful i didnt get called out publicly, but the damage was bad enough in so many other ways because i couldnt continue my server at all, and in the end people's obsession with purity culture in the fandom still made them deem me "bad" because i had nsfw accounts in any capacity. thats not a space i want to be around anyways...

ill forever be thankful for those who stuck it out to the end and witnessed the documents i got to share before closing it for good. but this was a HUGE part of my life for the last years of the pandemic, and i wasnt there for warriors cats- i was there for the people i knew, and the stories i made. i still miss RP a lot, and i want to host projects like that again after moving on mentally from that ordeal.

but my 2022 art summary shows a major shift that was 100% in part to disconnecting from wcrp. humans everywhere! seriously. for a solid few months i couldnt even bare to look at anything related to ARP. i didnt want to think about how i lost this story i developed so hard for so long.

honestly didnt really start drawing properly again until the summer- my art during my HL phase was very very light and very messy. i fell into a hard depression early summer and i only crawled out when i got into mcyt- and even then i was hiding it from this blog. i think i just needed to not feel like i was "online", because August included me joining a onceler RP and again, not saying anything about it. which Weehawken was the first RP thing I had done since i closed ARP too, and it was weird. not the RP itself, it just felt weird to try that again.

and it wasnt my favorite month, i just felt so tired and exhausted- that depression was kinda lingering and drawing a lot for an RP again was something i wasnt really used to anymore.

the past three months have been.... better? or i have at least enjoyed what i am drawing more. i think im far enough removed from what happened with ARP too that it doesnt weigh on me as strongly. i wasnt blaming myself for anything but it doesnt feel good when you know you have to kill something. we talked about recovering it, i had ideas, but i just knew it wouldnt be worth trying to with so much damage caused in my own self, and the impression that whole community left on me knowing people would willingly spread such personal information without question. having trauma exposed after going to therapy and relearning how to use the internet in a way that doesnt lean on trauma dumping and whatever unhealthy bullshit? its quite a blow. i dont make personal blogs like this often because i have good methods to deal with my shit these days.

despite this messy year im doing well. its been ups and downs. overall i know im far more confident in myself, i moved out to live on my own, and im just doing my thing. whatever bull shit happened this year, call out or not, i know im still just gonna keep doing whatever it is im doing. and heres to hoping i can bring a world to life like i did with ARP again, bc i really have a lot i want to tell and show and do.

#2022 art summary #art summary #if someone from wc is lurking and comes to my inbox to shit #i will snipe you on the spot

[lunardoesfandomart]

🗨Large announcement❗

I won't be posting art for awhile. if your interested in why, do continue reading.

There are multiple, if not, several reasons why I am hanging up my hat in the drawing community for a few. 

Regarding these things: 

1: art block/ burn out

2: family event

3: new don't hug me I'm scared video possibly

4: art style situation

Keep reading if your interested in more detail, ill put it below

1: 〰 ART BLOCK〰 

❗

I've been doing a lot of doodles and random drawings , but the more as time has progressed the less and less I had confidence in the drawings. I started running out of ideas and losing motivation. Usually my imagination runs wild , but for the first time in awhile I had to request help with my art block because it was getting so bad..now I've ran out of ideas and have noticed the increasing struggle I have trying to draw something

2: 〰FAMILY EVENT〰

❗

As you all know, hopefully, June 19 if coming up. On this day I generally spend time with my step-father.. Its a must even though I don't want to. I won't have much time near my devices , and probably won't get much time in my room even. I know this usually is A date (for most people) that isn't that big. But because I don't want my dad to keep telling me that I hate him , I feel obligated to devote several hours to him even though me and him dont really have a healthy father- daughter relationship.

3: 〰new dhmis vid possibly〰

❗

I've heard from many people I hold close that there are new ones coming out. Now wether or not it will be on YouTube, I have no idea. Someone I know suspects it will be on June 19 that they appear but I'm not so sure of that. However , if they do happen to appear on June 19 on a watchable platform that I have access to I will definitely be watching them on June 20. 

4: 〰art style situation〰

❗

Back when I was genuinely happy to draw, I did line less art. It made me really happy when I found out about this art style because for some reason it made the art i drew  more fun and I was much more proud of it. But someone told me I was doing it wrong, so I went to line art. I haven't been proud of my art since then, and its taken me awhile to get the courage to want to go back to line less. I'd have to say thank you to several people I know that use this art style, as it has reminded me that I shouldn't be afraid of someone telling me I'm drawing incorrectly anymore.

〰 〰 〰 〰 

I probably won't be very active on Tumblr nor discord because of some of these reasons as well, we'll see I suppose

That's the overall big reasons why 

Sorry to anyone who this troubles ,but I deserve a bit of a break to figure things out! 

❤This is lunar, temporarily taking a break from drawing❤

#apologies to anyone this inconveniences #Even though its most likely no one since not many people follow me anyways that care #I have a lot of things going on #Hanging up my hat #Lunar #Lunar art

[yeimythings]

on writing

i consider myself a newcomer to the art of writing. prior to 2023, i only wrote essays for school assignments. fiction felt like something i was equipped to read, but was not gifted enough to write. i wrote my first fiction story last year after pulling out an old typewriter i bought from facebook marketplace in 2019. typing on the old dusty ribbon required a bit of force to make the ink stick to the page, so i would wait until my house was empty and pound the keys. my walls are thin, even to the exterior of the house, so i am sure my neighbors though we had some interior construction project going on.

ive had two writing revelations in the less than 25 hours i have spent writing:

the process of writing, in my opinion, comes so naturally. in my mind, the writing greats (aka the young adult novel authors i admired in my youth) had words pouring out of them. they sat in the perfect room at the perfect desk and wrote directly from their mind with no barriers. i knew that deep in my soul i did not have access to their brilliance. but when i finally sat down to write, it wasn't excellent writing. but i felt so comfortable. i spend so much of my life reading, so these stories were not alien to me. it felt like a meditation on an idea, and a challenge to express it accurately.

my second writing revelation came after rereading a small page of writing i left on the floor. what was surprised me was that it was good. i enjoyed revisiting the imagery and the story i was spinning in that moment. i did not feel like a bumbling idiot. i felt like i was reading a rough draft of a book that i would like to continue. and, to go even further, i felt inspired by my art. as someone who is prone to bouts of shame and self-hatred, i was astounded by my lack of hate against myself. reading my writing made me feel like an artist. i simultaneously could and could not comprehend that those words came from my mind.

i want to be the genius writer who has a hectic but inspired writing routine, forcing myself to wake up at 5am in order to get down my prose before the cock crows. but i like to do things that do not challenge me as much as writing does. that is not to say that my other hobbies, like knitting, journaling, and pole do not take a considerable effort on my part. writing feels different in that i am creating something entirely new that wasnt there before. and it feels really intimate. but my desire to create a story beats out my feelings of self-cringe and self-judgement. theres that quote from the defunctland youtube channel that i think about all the time:

i have several plots for stories i find interesting. i definitely want to see them realized, but i also want to honor the fact that i am not a seasoned writer. i dont do well with critique in general, and i certainly do not know how to go about getting feedback on my writing.

maybe this hobby is just a personal thing. i have no schedule and have not dedicated consistent effort to write more, but i think about writing a lot. i know i do not have to make art to share. but sometimes, it feels good for people to know that im working on it.

#writing #yeimythings

[dexterlittle]

New iPad - It’s Now Urgent

Hello everyone! It’s now urgent as title says. I need a new tablet ASAP.

I have some commissions that needs to be done before spring FOR spring but because my (borrowed) iPad is too full, I cannot access the files or open them in procreate to continue my work. I have been deleting so much in the past months but there isn’t much left but procreate itself and the needed assets installed like brushes. I can’t even download images or upload some on Google Drive anymore.

This is after my most recent clean up and it never stays like this for long… Medibang has the files for my most recent and urgent commission and I can’t even keep it on my iPad.

I NEED a new iPad yesterday.

I hate asking for donations and for help but at this point I can’t do much at all. Not even personal projects as I can’t get what I need to do so then post it, backing it up on GDrive.

This is for work, it’ll be just for art and animation and working on commissions. Not a toy like a new game console. For literal work. As far as I know, I cannot pay per month due to my disabled and unemployed situation. (I will still do more research and check my local stores but I dont have much hope)

I was trying to save for one but with some… personal family issues, my money went elsewhere to travel and eat while away from home. And considering that in Canadian dollars the iPad+Pen alone (no protection or else) comes to more than 1000$ and this is what I receive each month… I can’t just buy one. As for my credit card well, it’s way above my limit.

For whoever helps me raise money and wants a commission will be at the top of my list once I can work and make art again. I’ll prioritize them for sure!

You can donate directly on my Ko-Fi! Or share this!

I truly feel bad but this is truly for work. So I can make more content for people here and more commissions. -DexterLittle

#new ipad #urgent #please boost #please help #art commisions #ko fi commissions #ko fi support #community support #emergency #need this yesterday

[calumaai]

(Unbecoming).(freeassociations)

It's funny that I've chosen to focus so decidedly on how we as a society are framing the internet as a space, when it's a space I personally avoided for much of my life. After being an early adopter of Instagram when it first launched in 2010 and amassing a following (mainly of paedophilicly inclined gay men) I deleted my  account in 2016. My conscious memory of the time was that I had just left boarding school and set blaze to pretty much anything I held dear and moved to Paris. Instagram had just launched their stories function. I would wake up and look at videos I had uploaded drunk and automatically delete them in total embarrassment. Getting used to living in a different city was hard, and suddenly having access to the detail of what I was missing in London via the immediate and intimate stories function felt quite intrusive. It's not that I didn't want to know, it's that I didn't want to have the choice. The problem continued when I would return to London, and see the fun my friends in Paris were having, the parties and dinners i was missing that weekend, wherever i was, Instagram showed me the cost, the other, and would rub my face in it. I would respond by sharing my own stories into the void, showing off how funny, witty and ultimately messed up I was online. I don't know if I wanted to shock, appeal or seduce. If I could see those stories now, I don't think I would feel I succeeded in any of those metrics, but maybe that isn't important. 

I was never interested in art when I was a child. I hated going to films ( but this may be because I was sexually assaulted in a cinema when I was 11) art galleries and the theater. I liked fashion and musicals (who would have guessed I was queer) but I also think that's because my family worked in fashion and took me and my sisters to musicals for our birthdays. I liked my family, I liked spending time with them, and I liked talking to them about musicals. I mean don't get me wrong I also did like musicals, but maybe not as much as everyone thought I did. But I loved seeng art being created, I loved being in the middle of something that felt bigger than the sum of its parts. I loved being in the room when things were made, channeling energy for art itself and seeing it manipulated in physical form. I saw beauty and culture being used as source material to become something that transcended the laws of reality. I liked that.

People say that when you start free climbing or bungee jumping, not that i'm planning to, the adrenaline rush is so large it fries your receptors and it alters them forever, meaning your tolerance and ability to feel happiness, fear and adrenaline are changed forever. I think I had that with beauty, or art, or commerce, or all of it. I have such a high tolerance for it but I also really crave it. Yet when it's happening it's not exciting. It's just that I do stupid things when I haven't had that energy for a while. I don't even mean too, but I have a penchant for being able to reduce things to rubble out of sheer boredom and desire to shake it all up. 

I'm a big believer in precipitation. That simply my presence is enough to create something new. The alchemy of my mind merging with the external world will create new knowledge. And i dont think I'm wrong here. Everyone is so busy living their lives that they don't really see how if we let go of the idea of control, we become magnets. Focusing on the pull of life, where it takes us produces quite interesting results. I can say this as I quit my job and spend a lot more time at art galleries. I don't really research or know what I'm going to see, but when I arrive I put my consciousness on autopilot (usually helped by music, especially William Basinski) and become a magnet, allowing myself to be pulled towards new knowledge and views. Sometimes that's reading the writing on the walls, sometimes that's trusting that there is nothing in the room is pulling me too it and continuing forward, sometimes it's sitting in front of a painting until i feel i know it intimately and have drank it dry. I always take photographs now for my own reference, so I can remember pieces as when I'm in the translucent state my memory can be quite weak. But allowing myself to enter any space not as a dominant force, but as part of a reaction, to be shaken about with the other content of the space (Art, people, believes, aesthetics, culture, floors, moods) and see what precipitates out, good or bad or indifferent, is how im finding joy right now. It's both freeing in its acceptance of my own scale and in how little we control but how much we know. Whilst it very much focuses on being present, it also allows me to trust that what happened in the past was correct, and that if I enter the same room on another occasion and different things precipitate from that concoction, it's because different elements were present this time around. I guess what i'm trying to say is i stopped living my life like a control variable. 

I also had a short run on facebook in my pre-teens. Again it was devastatingly cringe, and I was using it to get up to lots of awful things. On facebook ,there was a feeling that it was your inner circle, people you knew. Even though I think I had 1200 friends which is insane at the age of 11 and i didnt know even half of them probably, it was fenced off, what you put in the space was protected, firewalled off and I had to admit people in to see it. Even Peer to Peer interactions were protected and happened within an amphitheater of guests I had invited. Yet that had to go, again i can't remember why. I think partly to do with shock value, but i remember telling people i didn't like that i met people and they had seen me online, on facebook before. If we take our permitted space, whether it was real or not i didn't like it when i felt that was violated. When someone had seen in and taken something from me. I didn't realize that what i was putting online was building concepts of me i wasn't in control of. Because yes i was a bully, i seemed popular and witty (to 11 year olds) and older than my years. But internally i had no basis of a self, so when others, especially others i hadn't even friended yet, were putting together pieces of digital ephemera and artifacts to deduce who i was when it would take me another 14 years to even begin the same process, it was incredibly threatening. So i pulled the plug, on everyone. They had taken something from me so i would take all of myself from them. The circus has left town and to me, they all died the moment i deleted that account. I had taken back the control. They would be left starving.

Now that I think about it, I deleted instagram because of my abusive ex. It was the summer of 2016 and my gaslighting boyfriends story had just become undone, and as the curtain he enclosed me within fell, i saw just how much life had happened whilst i was stuck in cave he created for me. I felt so weak, feeble and stupid. All the people who had messaged me telling me about him, my family's messages of fear, my silence throughout it all. But i didn't delete instagram to heal, well not only that. I did it to punish him. I wanted to be dead. To be gone. We already lived in different countries, so we weren't going to run into each other, but that wasn't enough. My instagram profile felt like a tie between us. Somewhere he could come to drink from me. An unguarded back door. And I wanted him to know I would rather die, digitally, than let him have anything from me. He didn't want me, well then he couldn't have me. So I committed digital suicide. I took myself offline, I closed access to me. Fuck everyone else fuck it all. I managed to sever the line of self. I was an instagram influencer but he died in 2016, RIP. 

I think feeling like this is how I feel about all social platforms now. That they allow others to commodify you, to consume parts of you, and you lose control of yourself. Now maybe that's not true for everyone, but maybe it is. These spaces where you tie yourself to your name, drank my desires, channeled them away from reading, from art, from music, and into them. I believed i would form myself on the battlefield of social media, ruling my own little kingdom, commodifying a shiny branded form of identity to shield the undeveloped shriveled self i really was (am)

Social media filled voids with opinions and limits, gave fake spaces that could appear full, with no windows to see that they were actually prisons. I could squeeze myself into them and trick myself that I was comfy. There was no space for emptiness. i was relived to be Shrowdingers cat with the door always open. I could never evolve or become because someone was always watching. But at least i was never alone. I was forever visible, a line of a digital meeting point always living with no time to reflect or contemplate. 

Derek Jarmans words below echo what I want now and what I have taken from leaving social media, why I am glad I left the coliseum when I did. But make no mistake, what i did was suicide. But sadly no one even noticed. 

I want to share this emptiness with you; Not fill the silence with false notes, or put tracks through the void. I want to share this wilderness of failure with you. The others have built you a highway; fast lanes in both directions. I offer you a journey without direction, uncertainty, and no sweet conclusion. When the light faded, I went in search of myself. There were many paths, and many destinations.

[anabundanceofblue]

ways to decrease the true value of something by adjusting the price or give out incorrect information concerning the product

ways to decrease the true value of something in using perspectivism & social value (what other people personally regards as important or valuable); to someone who appreciates art and beauty, you can easily do this by lowering someone else's or something else's value by making them ugly or appear ugly , to someone who appreciates status you can easily do this with advertising which humiliates the subject and lowers their status and in effect the product they represent, to lower something with value entirely you can do this with market fluctuations, in using borrowed money to buy and sell as giant conglomerates & have pricing plastered on important websites to generate public interest / hype while withholding valuable information concerning the true nature of the product whereby the public is made to believe one thing while the opposite is actually true. this contradiction is an opportunity to profit. buy low sell high etc. another example is high risk 'gambling' where essentially something like a war or heightened paranoia about an event can trigger enormous profits simply because people will react with their money in a predictable way whereas those without the typical emotional responses will have the advantage of knowing when to utilize it. like betting even higher.

the advantages of being emotionally stunted is super helpful in terms of detecting emotional responses in others and what other people want, their likes/dislikes and when to take advantage of their emotions

again without the burden of emotions, faster reflexes can be utilised to detect slight movements in emotions, for e.g. pity when you see a picture and is associated with an event/person, the 'pity' which is detected is immediately utilised by an adjacent / succeeding offence which the user has previously done to offset the memory links and refreshes the slate essentially to allow for future use. the trust bond / trust relation between one individual to another is also not absolute, it can shift and vary depending on the time and severity of event.

with high severity you can wait a bit longer for the emotions to cool down and memory to fade, on top of high level gas lighting such as the aforementioned offend -> trigger happy / pitiful emotions -> clear previous offense by either minimizing event (making it humorous or justifying it in someway like stacking it on top of something the accused has done recently negatively for e.g. one time i liked a comment on facebook about the leaked nudes of actresses way back in grade 10 or so about them not taking nudes or something i dont recall the details therefore my own private photos sent to one singular person deserve to be exposed; they have a really strange way of "teaching you a lesson" like a warped form of karma but with motive and 100% involves money -- the way of making money is basically make you look bad and extract your value through force, intimidation, fake news / propaganda, like okay i regret saying it? can i have my life back? ), essentially events and actions can also be catalogued in such as way such the time is not a linear formation but continuous interchange of new event -> new responses -> old event -> new responses. the constant shifting between old events and new emotional responses (human emotions and goodwill is an endless pit which can and will be taken advantaged of) leaves a lot of room for adjustment and rehashing.

although this technique is often not very viable in real life because there is a face attached to the person doing the offense, it's generally better as a group of people witnessing the event

as you can see with a singular head viewing on top of untapped & unlimited access to anonymity and online tampering creates unlimited time for shifting and editing events and perceived truth. often the emotions triggered at the time of event occurrence is entirely blanked due to the highly abstract nature of an 'emotion'.

imagine an event such as viewing a loved one die, this intensity of emotion can be triggered again and again, those who do not understand or comprehend or event felt a loved one die is unable to empathize with the victim & once upon reflection you begin to type about the pain of losing a loved one, words are inadequate in describing this sort of emotion. also depending on the subject the emotional levels experienced are also variable. not even has the same level of emotional intensity, and not everyone feels the same sort of emotions towards something as other people so the only only subjective experience someone feels is the emotion they feel.

in capitalising on this subjectivity, offenders can get away with very severe offences without any evidence to back it up simply because emotions are fleeting, abstract and without any tangible form. however the psychological damages & financial damages may be much more severe than a broken leg or lost life.

in using these more subtle forms to subjugate your victim, you are sitting at an enormous advantage, with no moral inhibitions , untapped advertisement (both online & offline with no legal repercussions) , targetted solely at a singular subject who is then associated with a money bank you can see how dangerous this is. on top of the soul binding phenomenon whereby you can activate the other persons thoughts, memories, emotions and even speech, to essentially control them entirely.

there is also an aspect of memory clearance which i will write about next where you can have your mind cleared and feel positive emotions depsite trauma,

so you have most of the world divided into racial groups, like segmented united groups trying to improve their quality of life through doing normal activities like agriculture, trade, maintaining good international relations and then you have companies / conglomerates multiple wealthy & intelligent men with stature erected simply to game the 'singular' head with the intent to cause as much emotional damage as possible, never giving the chance to exit , propped up alive with artifical feelings of peace and calmness every 2 days interspersed with sleep deprivation, electromagnetic waves (im assuming? to cause deafness) -- this lasted 7 hours at one time), harassment (i have people following me around with their babies because i watched some anime i found on 4chan one time), calling me ugly & fat, making fun of my already established insecurity, sitting inside my head (thanks again buffet) to make it spin and tilt in certain directions where the noise/static is at the most severe which can then be scapegoated onto me (and people who look like me).

do you see how one paragragh cant even begin to articulate what 1 year of emotional and psychological trauma can do ? you can say yeah i sat there and cried almost everyday because theyre stalking me through my house and sitting inside my head so i cant sleep and making jokes about weeding the plants but is that all?

#more to come #politics #horror :) #thanks america

[wildcatofgreen]

((oh right!! i made an ICON CREDITS PAGE!!!!! will be updated with new icons when i get them and yada yada

((and also i gotta update a lot of other BLOG THINGS like character tags [if you havent noticed, neera's tag has changed from ''scary ice lady'' to ''frost knight frequency'' and lilac's from ''lilac's looks'' to ''wandering dragon''] but those are for later. credits page has been a long time coming and

((if you want my honest opinion it was kind of dreary to see how many MIA artists there were. i cant imagine how many artists i used on the old blog are now equally as dead. really depressing!!!

((i dont expect every artist to continue drawing or even continue drawing freedom planet art, but good grief for almost every artist to not have an accessible art handle? or for their links on the booru to be dead??? honestly i didnt look into every artist for their new platform or name or whatever, but gosh its just kinda like... sad.

((either way! expect a patch notes when i finally get off my ass to change some stuff around here

(([and if anyone has any theme recommendations ill gladly take them, i kinda think the current one is GAUDY]))

#ooc posts #catmun speaks #i know WHAT i need to change i just need to actually change it