#i dont want to have this dumb brain that i do

[todayisafridaynight]

minedai is so important to me esp when it involves daigo staring at mine with big ass heart eyes and cupids flying above his head and grinning and smiling and fluttering his pretty lashes at him but mines still like Does He Like Me ............. all the while mentally doing the exact same thing towards him

#snap chats #i cant even call this stupid4stupid mine's just stubborn and daigo doesn't want to overstep..... so maybe stupid4stupid actually... #mines forever funny to me #he'll fall for literally anyone who shows him a modicum of decency yet he'll think they dont like him the same #usually cause he right people do be usin him for ulterior motives OOP BUT STIIIILLLL #daigo loves him so much ..... mine you dummy dumb dumb .... #the bit in rggo where daigo asks mine if he's single lives forever in my brain it's like my brain's wallpaper #like daigo ......... my son are you flirting rn ............ i know you got that charisma stat MAXED .......... #the concept of daigo flirting is so funny to me because on the lowest of keys i think he can be SOMEWHAT smooth #not SUPER slip-and-slide smooth but he naturally has that aura to him that makes anything he say sound reasonable and attractive #his voice certainly helps him with that donnit BYE #this turning into a daigo love post but its been like A Year since my last one so let me cook #I HAVE TO BUY THE DAIGO DONDOKO DLC WAIT FUCK BRB

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Thoughts on baby sasunaru, like academy days where Sasuke realizes ‘shoot, I like this idiot’ after Naruto is carried into the class room laughing by disheveled ANBU who had to chase him around the town for 3 hours.

Anon I've been thinking abt this all day

#listen. i love sasuke a lot. and i see a lot of hate for him and i cant stand it #im obsessed with how sasuke sees naruto. he looks at naruto and naruto makes the world feel less terrible #that is literally canon. but at the same time their dynamic in the academy is so weird bc like they do not talk but they gaze #longingly at eachother. its so weird. so i think to make sense of this i would say that sasuke thinks naruto is fun #he likes his sort of carefree off the walls nature which is something he feels he cant show. i also dont understand sasuke's intelligence #like were told hes smart but he also struggles with the same stuff as naruto. thus i must assign him auditory processing issues/maybe #dyslexia. bc i like to inflict dyslexia upon my faves. and i like the idea of iruka seating them together so that he can give special #attention to naruto and to sasuke with sasuke having to speak up abt it. but thats just me making stuff up. i also like the idea that #sasuke just like blank faced glares so much to cover the fact that he has no idea wtf is happening. like he's super smart but his brain is #on a delay lmao. anyway i just love the idea of sasuke wanting to be a dumb kid doing dumb kid stuff with naruto to the extent that he #forgets his anger. and being 100% on board for narutos stupid ideas #uzumaki naruto #uchiha sasuke #hatake kakashi #umino iruka #haruno sakura #is this the 1st time ive drawn sakura? maybe. i have complcated feeling abt her for obv reasons. bad writing i mean #naruto #also i say sasuke thinks naru is fun. im looking past the fact that they feel eachothers pain. more why do they vibe together personality #wise. does that make sense? maybe idk. i just love them a lot #oh god i wish i could edit my tags at the start to clarify what i mean. but god i dont wanna rewrite this

[tunapesto]

cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)

#mmmmni love having expensive hobbies HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAJHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYAA #Tbh for most of my life all i did was draw so like #i get surprised when shit costs stuff #w drawing #esp digital it s kind of like an investment #where u buy one device then after that have fun go crazy #w cosplay it's like . paying up Per character and Per accessory which is Yay #amazing even #and then i picked up cooking #it's consumable so obviously . youd have to buy shit all the time #im just very . i forgot the word. cautious about my money and end up spending it on dumb shit anyway #i am a hoarder at heart #but also deeper inside said heart is just a monkey brain that smiles when yellow color sad when blue color etc #simple minded activities of a person trying to feel something after being numb for a long time #also trying new hobbies because i fear the passion i had for drawing has been spent #i still do it because its what i do best and itd be a waste #but like yeah i kind of hate it sometimes #its cool when it turns out nice then a few hrs later i dont wanna look at it ever againnnnnnnnn #truthfully #i want to restart my brain #maybe itll do better on its 2nd try

[screamingay]

* my predominant reason is compulsion (they're uneven and i have to make them smooth) even though i also do it for other reasons listed. if you feel multiple apply as your main reasons, pick the one that you notice the most or that affects you the most

pls reblog and elaborate in the tags if u can!

#i dont think i have ocd but i certainly do have some compulsive tendencies and this is one of them #like. if i actively try to stop myself when i want to bite my nails i have to focus my entire brain on it and it makes me kind of upset #that seems like compulsive behavior to me #but i definitely also do it when im hungry or bored or stressed #sidenote it's so stupid that you can't insert poll options in between existing ones #i kept adding and deleting options and every time i had to delete the bottom ones and then re add them. thats DUMB

[oysterself]

revoking everyones she/her privileges cause im getting real tired of cisgenders always calling me it and its pissing me off every time i hear it from anyone now

#meowing #literally was at the pharmacy earlier ordering a refill for my testosterone and the girl had to go ask another guy abt it or whatever and #he was like ask the patient what she wants to do its her choice (i didnt have enough refills on my prescription to get my normal amount) #like i guess youre not really wrong but take a hint dumb fuck if im ordering testosterone why would u immediately refer to me with she/her #atp it just always feels malicious like seriously can you guys not. at least ask for my prns like i dont like being asked feels like #im getting clocked but maybe break out the brain cells and stop being a fucking idiot FUCK I HATE CISGENDER PEOPLE YOU PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!! #i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰 #i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!! #its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

[squidult]

there is no joy in ocd, only repetitive pain that circles back on itself and violates you and your sense of self.

#ocd #emotional journaling #i am doing way better than i was-say- three years ago #but that is because i did painstaking work to get better #i still feel violated by this disorder and only want it to leave #but i am stronger #right now i have an obsession that nothing 'feels right' because im secretly an awful person and repressing it #i dont like that at all #its so very dumb! #shut the fuck up brain! #lemme think about my blorbos instead!

[chronicowboy]

okay this is a reminder we are not going into 2024 still afraid to ask beloved mutuals for their socials

#sami rambles #my sweet sweet mutuals you are more than welcome to my instagram all u have to do is ask #and if you're doing the whole 'oh but maybe this isn't about me' thing i'll start naming names #nina jjudaslips u already technically have it so if u would like to hit follow pls do! #ash beloved! #seti wifey! #trying to remember who has it already and who doesn't but my brain is mush #abby dearest!! #i know ive forgotten people im dumb and tired #but yeah pls dont hesitate to ask if u want <3

[spirirsstuff]

i drew some idiots /aff from @overbrookpod​ because they’ve been taking over my thoughts (go listen to it right now it’s amazing)

#my art #overbrookpod #she is scolding him for wanting to do something dumb #yes that is a hiveberry cup in the trash can there #i just used the outfit description wynn had in episode 10 even though it was technically from one of locke's visions but eh its fine #i dont even remember how i found overbrook it appeared on my dash one day and there were only 3 episodes #i guess it paid off though because now these idiots have implanted themselves into my brain #cant wait for season two i will definitely be drawing more fanart once it comes out

[dearedwardteach]

twitter and tiktok lgbts seriously need to learn to shut their fucking mouth and get educated on shit before they open it I am dead serious queer theory is not a fucking toy you can pull out as you please everytime something doesn't agree with you personally godddddd

#yes this is about the bury your gay/queerbaiting drama surrounding the ofmd season finale #but its also about what happened to that poor boy who plays in heartbreaker #ppl dont owe you shit #tv shows dont we you shit except for a good storyline and characters staying true to themselves and/or their character arc #just because you dont like something doesn't mean it has to be morally wrong / made into something that's not safe and needs to be cancelle #or whatever other dumbshit idea your social media riddled brains are producing #queer theory is not a toy for you to play with #why do you think we have medias with so many queer characters today huh? not bc u were on twitter 20 years ago cancelling medias that didnt #BUT BECAUSE QUEER AUTHORS THEORISED HOW OPPRESSION TRANSLATED INTO MEDIAS WE HAD ACCESS TO! #BECAUSE THEY PUT FORWARD CONCEPTS THAT ALLOWED US TO SEE QUEERPHOBIC PATTERNS AND BRING THEM TO LIGHT! #EVERYTIME YOU USE THOSE CONCEPTS JUST BC YOUR SORRY ASS WASNT HAPPY WITH THE DIRECTION A SHOW TOOK #TO MAKE IT A MORAL PROBLEM #YOU UNDERMINE THEM! YOU UNDERMINE THE TOOLS WE HAVE TO ACTUALLY BRING TO LIGHT QUEERPHOBIC PATTERNS IN MEDIA! #GOD WHY IS IT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND YOU DUMB BRAINWASHED MORONS #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd discourse #izzy hands #idk how to tag this for ppl who dont want to see the drama so i hope this is enough #bury your gays #queerbaiting #queer theory #god i am pissed off. #heartstopper #sorry my bad

[databent]

[pained wailing emoji]

#.pdf #rd #THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE #i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out #every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️ #im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much #my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24 #(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so) #and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work #and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only #time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive #i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really #work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all #so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol #ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse #idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would- #-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs. #i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..

[semiotomatics]

slept like 15 hours, which is great, but also (seemingly) spent that entire time having one long, incredibly vivid nightmare, which is. not so great

#and the thing abt nightmares is that they stick around #even tho im awake now. i know im awake now. i still feel like im there #or i guess more specifically i still feel like the things that were true in the nightmare are still true here #namely: that i had a stage 4 brain tumour and had been given weeks to live #which. i get _why_ thats what i dreamed abt #id been looking up my recent symptoms and a brain tumour was mentioned as a potential cause uhhh multiple times #not that i actually think i have a brain tumour #i dont #but still #i guess my brain held onto it #its dumb cause most of my nightmares are simple straightforward shit like someone's chasing me n trying to kill me or w/e #or theres some apocalyptic disaster #things that suck in the dream but that are usually p easy to “leave behind” once i wake up #like i know no one's chasing me anymore bc im lying in bed not running around or hiding or w/e i was doing in the dream #but this one was so. normal #i was on _discord_ #i had to tell my _friends_ #my brain keeps trying to file it away as a waking-world memory instead of a dream-world one #not to mention it clearly wants to pick up where it left off #like no. you dont have to tell me what wouldve happened next. you dont have to remind me of how i felt in the dream #_it didnt happen_ #anyway #glad i got so much sleep at least

[mini-minish]

cr discourse (ish?) in the tags cause im sick and i need something to complain about that doesnt actually affect anything important in real life 💖

#im sure people have said this before but since im new here and i love complaining im gonna say it... #liam implying shadowgast break up bc essek might outlive caleb meanwhile vex and percy are married #with 5 kids and neither of them are TIME WIZARDS #like girl look into my eyes. be SERIOUS rn. #i recognise the council has made a decision etc etc #coward behavior no joke. shoving them in my purse and leaving as fast as i can #DO NOT FIGHT ME ON THIS i will forever be against that idea its dumb and i hate it <3 #besides theyre both unhinged we dont even know if they WILL live long enough OR if essek will outlive caleb like #theyve both got the m9 genes going in their veins anything could happen- but this is a whole different conversation #maybe shipping HAS rotten my brain what of it #i want my TIME AND SPACE POWERS wizards to be happy and together and gay and have as many cats and cupcakes as they want??? is that so hard

[bluesidedown]

.....

#why must my brain insist that dating is existentially terrifying. #like literally there are no actual red flags in this relationship but my brain is just like. this is change and vulnerability which os Bad #so obviously you should break up immediately for zero reason #but then when i tell myself umm hello that's stupid and also deeply selfish and hurtful dont do thay #then my brain is like ah. but that is because secretly something is terribly wrong and you obviously want to pursue this relationship #despite what prudence and good judgment™️ would have to say #and then im like no there is no reason why this is not good hello #and my brain is like ah. but are you sure. because you are young and naive and have never dated before which disqualifies you #from having opinions. #and then i pray about it and God is like. child chill out a bit i am leading you. trust me. #and then my brain shuts up but my emotions are like. *nebulous dread* #anyway. #we are having a Growing Experience over here and it is probably good for me but not real fun #(except when yknow i actually spend time with the boy and then im like. why am i dumb.)