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#i dont. necessarily envy the way i was a couple of years ago. i was carefree and far more gullible and i guess that
winderrific-moved
·
3 years
Text
if it wasnt obvious enough im having a night where i feel terrible and talk about it because i dont have the energy to regret it
#wind howls
#trauma tornado
#not even sure if this counts as trauma for anyone else because im the only one who knows what im talking about.
#but i am talking about traumatic events i have lived. im the only one who gets to know them however.
#maybe its because im in a depressive state where i feel especially disconnected/inhuman/lonely as hell but god
#this sucks. everything sucks. i can only blame things on my aunts presence for so long.
#sure her being here makes me uncomfortable but i dont know for sure if thats whats making me have a trauma night rn
#i. feel like im failing at everything. lately it feels like im especially failing at any interaction i do. like
#i feel like whenever i open my mouth everyone around me goes like [affection - -] like in the sims like everything i do just fucking sucks
#so to prevent that i dont say anything. i follow along others ideas and only add what i need when im really truly needed. but am i ever ?
#but sometimes i get a burst of bravery and i share my ideas and then get so scared and insecure that i never go into detail about them
#and everything gets so much worse its like a vicious circle of Fuck This Guy
#i dont. necessarily envy the way i was a couple of years ago. i was carefree and far more gullible and i guess that
#in a way. im scared that ive hardened to a point where its difficult to approach me. the last thing i want is to be intimidating
#but im so scared all the time that im afraid im pushing other away and god this really sucks
#sorry im having a night i started thinking about so many things at once
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