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nothisis-ridiculous · 3 years

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Take Me Home Now: Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine: The Radio Reminds Me

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

Notes: I know this is a slow build, but it was always meant to be more about the re-entry of Shep than a romantic story. I will have more Shenko content, I just don't want different expectations put on this work.

The mass of biotics division huddled around a central table, while most craned their heads to get a better view, some jostled their way in closer. Jane only approached because it was something to bide her time, well really, it was to avoid Rahna and their 'friend date'. Specifics were not important.

"What's going on here," Jane questioned.

Three-quarters of the biotics stood taller, and all stopped moving. The woman still spoke with the authority of a commanding officer, would have been if... well, that wasn't important either. Here, she was just Jane. Even after the deference, the biotics instinctively gave her as they allowed her front row access to the device on the table. Jane chalked it up to her reputation for holding her biotics at full force with a faulty implant rather than face the reality of her other-self.

Jane picked up the comm, looked it over, then promptly set it down, "impressive paperweight?"

A brave student snickered, plucking the device from the table, "did they not teach you old folks tech?"

"Said the 2nd Lieutenant to the N7," Jane smirked, "tell me, how long did it take to put your bars on and still leave them crooked?"

The kid fussed, trying to wave away his faux pass with some technobabble and blustering. Leave it to Alenko to be soft on his kids.

"We've been scanning the airwaves for news, news outside of earth," the soldier finally stammered out, "I found a promising channel I just have to.."

"Well, everyone is waiting."

"Aye, Aye ma'am."

The kid nodded, bringing out the interface of his omnitool, punching out codes until the box relented.

"Relayed July 23rd. Charon Relay is inoperable. Mass relays comm buoys inoperable. Attempts to fix relays have begun. Repeat message."

"The 23rd was a week ago," a voice commented from the crowd.

"Is there another channel?"

"Please respond. We are alive. This is Commander Bailey, C-Sec, on a looping message. Please respond. We are alive."

The lightness a simple broadcast brought to her shoulders was rejuvenating, sublime in the brief moment of having one friend survive the war she wrought upon the galaxy. Until the weight returned in the form of a warm hand resting on her left trap, prior commitments and all.

"Jane."

"Rahna."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Jane leaned back, folding her arms tightly across her chest. Proficient in the use of silence, she kept an easy stare at Rahna. If she had to play the hostage, she wasn't about to make it easy, defiant yet still compliant. Speaking now put her into a position of giving something away- well something more than she wanted to give away. With the level of fame Shepard had reached curious hands liked to get into her file, while against the rules, those with access often did. What else could be juicer than personal details on the Commander? On her failures? Successes. Her psych profile.

It was violating.

"It's good to hear someone on the Citadel is still kicking," Rahna broke first.

"If anyone could have survived, it was him."

"Someone you knew well?"

"Compared to most C-Sec officers, he was a dream," Jane allowed her face to relax, "a real cut through the red tape kind of guy. Bailey really came through during the Cerebrus coup."

Rahna nodded, returning with a small smile, "that sounded like a tense situation. Everyone back home was shocked we never thought Udina-"

"Udina was a rat."

"You would know," she mumbled, "I'm glad it ended as well as it did. Without losing another friend."

Jane's lips tightened, shoulders bracing for the mental impact of the emotions she wanted locked beneath the surface. The cacophony of feelings blurred and grew, loss, regret, pleasure, reconnection, and the legion of secondary emotions attached to the cold anger freezing her system. A brittle connection shattered, leaving behind a numbness.

"Is this all about Alenko?"

Rahna's eyes widened, reeling, the blunt words not within the realm of what she expected, "that wasn't-"

"You couldn't; you rejected the man he was," Jane snarled, pitching forward on her chair, "is this jealousy? I can armchair you right back, Strawberry."

The woman chuckled, "you've heard about me."

"Yeah, I've heard about you. I don't need to go snooping into your file."

"Then you should know we reconnected a couple years back- and nothing happened," she returned cooly, "it was obvious he still had feelings for another."

The immediate surge of pride warped with bitter jealousy, her throat tightening. If she didn't know better, Jane swore her heart stopped the long pauses between the beats petrifying the organ. Her world grew cold, hollow. This jealousy was certainly foreign, the Commander was better than this. Mary knew better, knew that after all Kaidan had returned for her- had written that after all this mess, he didn't know, they both didn't know then.

The Yeoman's call that she had a message at her private terminal had grown past the stage of annoying- Mary had hinted once that Chambers should switch it up. Apparently, her tone had been too jovial, and a week later still nothing had changed. Not even a crack at a 'message for you' or a plain 'message.' With a sigh that Kelly met with a quick glance, Mary sauntered over to the terminal. The sender had her retreating.

While she was under no guise that she had privacy, Mary liked the illusion of it.

Back in the empty room of the Captain's Cabin, Kaidan's picture flickered on accusingly. Still, Mary grasped for it, a thumb tenderly resting over his cheek.

"I want to think you're angry, that you'll tear me a new one. But we both know better."

She set the frame down, looking away, focusing on the one-third finished model of the Athabasca Class Freighter. It seemed like a simple ship, not something flashy like a Geth Dreadnought or Sovereign, but it was apparent to what drew her to the model. A sentimental reminder of the Canadian she loved. The man that stared at her when she walked by. The one she talked to in the billions of moments she regretted working for Cerebrus. Kaidan was silent, but it was better than nothing, the picture at first was a warning to what Cerebrus could take from her. Now it became a lifeline. Unhealthy. But a small drop in the bucket compared to the Suicide mission she had thrown herself headfirst into.

"You could never stay mad at me long... you'll even expect me to, to-"

Tears tumbled from her eyes, the first to come since her time aboard the 'fake' Normandy. One painted in colors and emblazed with an emblem that made her skin crawl. It was all wrong.

It filled her head with screaming.

Mary didn't read the message that night.

Or for the next week.

Kelly stopped reminding her about one unread message.

Shepard put the Athabasca down gently, careful not to disturb the drying sealant. Her eyes flickered to the picture that stared at her, "I know it's time to look."

They hadn't spoken in that time, either.

Kaidan was predictable. His gentleness- his compassion. The love he claimed to have for her obvious, even if Mary was fighting to ignore it. After all this, after turning up in bed with a terrorist organization, he still beckoned her to be careful. To return to him when, if, things settled. Most of all, his honesty.

Damn, did it hurt. Her heart squeezing and constricting itself.

Could Mary blame him for attempting to live happily?

She wanted that for him. In her current situation, she would do nothing but bring him strife. It was selfish to reach out now. To clamor for his attention, to stir up old feelings. To let him become a target. The Illusive Man had tried once; what was to stop him from doing it again? As much as she hated bringing Anderson into her troubles, it was becoming apparent she needed to lean on him, at least to get Kaidan out of the line of fire.

Mary left the message unread. Call it revenge or heartbreak.

"You didn't know?" Rahna pressed, her fingers raking across her forearm, "I thought you- well. It was only to reconnect; that's how I got recruited to Biotics Division, eventually. I don't think he had been assigned-

Commander?"

Jane's pupils narrowed, "what do you want from me? This is- this-"

Rahna tried to interrupt, but Jane was not finished, "do you like seeing me squirm? Do you like that I'm not the person you saw on all the vids?

What fucked up reason do you have for doing this? You were stupid enough not to see Kaidan for who he is. You spurned him for trying to help you. I bet you couldn't even look him in the eye. Beauty...sure. But kindness? I see someone who can't stomach a hard decision and is infected with naive idealism. He stopped Vrynnus from torturing more kids, like he did to you, and you just-

Now you have to pull me into this? Do you regret losing him after seeing the compassionate man he became over the years? You could pull anyone, is only the capable and handsome Spectre enough? Or is it more fun to gloat over the decimated competition?"

Rahna watched as Jane rubbed at her cheek and the strange flashing scars. Observing the woman's tension across from her as she only grew more enraged as it did not elicit the reaction she desired from the accusations, pity filled the void that might have been anger.

"I doubt either of us has moved through life without regrets," her voice was silk and cool, "Kaidan and I could have both handled that better. Perhaps I was naive, but what is done is done. There was no longer a spark; we both knew that was the end of an 'us.'"

The blonde huffed.

"I won't lie and omit that I have seriously breached protocol and decorum by perusing your files; the 'Commander' is a fascinating subject to anyone that paid attention. She was hope to many," Rahna looked her in the eyes, playing the woman's staring contest, "can't blame a girl for being curious."

Jane slowly settled into her chair, swiveling her eyes away, arms folding across her chest. More so in a move reminiscent of a pouting child, but it was a start.

"Do you know what your file said? Specifically your psych evals?"

The woman didn't look at her, going stiff as stone. Jaw flexed in her effort to maintain silence.

"Brass had you tabbed for immediate evaluation after the war," she let that settle in, the woman's throat bobbed, "and more than that. I see someone who needs help. Selfishly- I hope I can help. Even a little, even if it is just someone to listen. After you have helped so many."

"Shepard is dead."

The Commander walked out of the room for the last time.

#fshenko #kaidan x femshep #mass effect fancition #take me home

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