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xveenusx · 3 months

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Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored.

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line.

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something.

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered.

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part.

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet.

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before.

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest.

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?”

What was she even doing here?

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself.

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with.

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention.

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with.

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head.

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.”

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did.

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society.

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them.

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting.

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?”

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck.

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement.

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh.

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved.

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.”

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out.

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all.

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded.

Being responsible was so overrated.

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused.

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?”

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..”

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.”

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.”

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused.

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.”

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?”

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?”

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.”

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest.

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone.

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away.

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well.

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look.

“Are you kidding?”

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.”

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough.

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel.

“Are your hands broken?”

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience.

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always.

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body.

“I grew up.”

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive.

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear.

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?”

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me.

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice.

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives.

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty.

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?”

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead.

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?”

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable.

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of the coke laid out in front of me?

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room.

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face.

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them.

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body.

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me.

Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me.

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be.

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction.

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:”

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response.

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months.

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again.

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted.

He was so beautiful.

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin.

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually.

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds.

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch.

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in.

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed.

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated.

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but.

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that.

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest.

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists.

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face.

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear.

“You had a little something on your nose.”

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake.

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it.

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes.

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.”

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room.

“He didn’t want you.”

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel.

“Yeah, well you don’t either.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure.

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left.

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard.

“If you want a whore, go buy one.”

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet.

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore.

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time.

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.”

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz.

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing.

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another.

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other.

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way.

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing.

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun.

Why couldn’t he see that?

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down.

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look.

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right?

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke.

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed.

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me.

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private.

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me.

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself.

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.”

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute.

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain.

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom.

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.”

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?”

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go.

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?”

She nodded, apprehension on her face.

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.”

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.”

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand.

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat.

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.”

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?”

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.”

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable.

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare.

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage.

How the hell was I going to talk to him now?

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired.

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.”

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.”

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?”

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words.

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist.

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down.

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s.

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that.

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day.

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside.

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought.

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?”

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.”

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered.

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror.

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties.

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah and I’m failing.”

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped.

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation.

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me.

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire.

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention.

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up.

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter.

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his.

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin.

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy.

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat.

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse.

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button.

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.”

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses.

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter.

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together.

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants.

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom.

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him.

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal.

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing.

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply.

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle.

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself.

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene.

“That’s not very nice.”

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy.

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe.

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance.

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control.

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy.

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically.

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk.

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door.

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs.

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it.

“She’s a little busy at the moment.”

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again.

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.”

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone.

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to.

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer.

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants.

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper.

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back.

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes.

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious.

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me.

I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more.

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us.

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him.

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank.

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory.

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets.

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets.

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust.

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me.

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara?

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated.

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me?

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob.

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out.

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us.

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear.

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain.

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.”

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.”

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger.

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me?

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex?

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating.

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.”

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy.

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily.

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them.

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt.

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets.

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me.

“I’m sorry.”

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in.

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket.

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away.

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was.

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t.

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me.

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side.

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating.

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home.

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up.

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay.

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement.

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped.

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head.

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me.

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple.

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts.

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me.

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?”

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.”

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.”

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched.

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves.

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.”

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets.

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond.

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched.

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes,

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?”

“It was actually a couple purses.”

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with.

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have.

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.”

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone.

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.”

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat. And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying.

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance.

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up.

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other.

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest.

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself.

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.”

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself.

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse.

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress.

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me.

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

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byechristopher · 2 months

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pleaseee a fic where chris and reader meet for the first time (she's lowkey sad or some shit like that idk) and he's all starstruck by her 😞

lucky you.

–CHRIS STURNIOLO FLUFF.

Author's note: hey y'all. I got the idea from this lovely anon (thank you for the request!🤍) and combined it with something that actually happened to me. Fate truly works in mysterious ways – so take this long, sappy story (based on true events, pft). I hope you like it! Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: long, sappy fluff. Very slight angst if you squeeze, but nothing crazy. Very long, didn't proofread!

My mom used to always say – "that's life; when one door closes, another door opens". And if I still lived in the same house with mom, she'd know; I haven't seen an opened door in a long while. It is unfair but it is what it is and I had no intention of succumbing to tears in the solitude of my nightly despair.

Seated on the chilled bench, I instinctively drew my knees towards my chest in a desperate bid for warmth. The sheer elegance of my black tights, though adorning my legs, proved futile against the biting cold. Unfazed, I refrained from complaining; after all, they were my cherished favorites. Mascara was most likely smudged from my previous ugly crying, yet I ignored it, taking solace in my sweater's embrace.

Leaning my head against my knees, my fingers absentmindedly engaged with the laces of my shoes – a subconscious act of distraction. In the midst of this self-imposed solitude, a sudden exclamation pierced the quietude.

"Shit!" I heard a voice, someone angry. The mysterious guy threw his hat on the pavement and scoffed, his hair nearly as messy as mine. His gaze shifted towards me, a thorough assessment from head to toe, "care if I sit next to you?" he asked quickly. Without much ado, I responded with a nonchalant shrug. I didn't care, I had way more things to worry about.

I could feel him rummaging through his pockets, trying to find God knows what, he seemed upset, anxious, "want a cig?" I didn't see him, but I saw his extended arm in front of me. I don't think he was looking at me either.

"Sure." I murmured under my breath, taking a cigarette from him half-empty packet.

"Why does life have to be such a fucking bitch?" I chuckled in response, treating it more as a statement than a question. Offering another shrug, I watched as he scanned the area, likely in search of his lighter.

"If I had the answer to that, I'd probably murder this bitch." I chuckled, he chuckled too.

He held the lighter in front of me and only then did I turn my head to look at him – he was definitely not what I expected to see from what I've heard. While I didn't dwell on it for long, it seemed he did, as seconds passed without his lighter igniting. His intense pale blue eyes remained fixed on mine, and I briefly removed the cigarette from my mouth.

"Hello?" was my mascara that smudged that I scared the guy? He hasn't uttered a word.

"Oh.. sorry." he shook his head, as though attempting to shake off the reverie that had consumed him in the past few moments in his own world, "I just.. didn't expect you to be here?"

"Well.. I'm pretty sure we haven't met before. So how come you didn't expect me?.." I was confused.

"No, I mean.. you are very beautiful." he almost whispered but I caught that, and if I was just a little disconnected from reality, I probably would've blushed.

"Oh. Thank you." my lips turned into a thin line – I put the cigarette back into my mouth, grabbing his lighter instead.

He chuckled, "and I thought I didn't know how to take a compliment." he took his lighter back, taking a puff of his own cigarette.

"Don't you hear like a thousand compliments on a daily basis?" with my knees still pulled up to my chest, I embraced them tightly, resting my head against the comforting curve of my legs.

"Hm. And yet this was the best compliment anyone has ever given me." he placed a leg on the bench, just so that he'd be able to have his whole body face me.

I couldn't help but laugh, "yeah, I'm good at giving things. Not receiving."

He nodded, his hat still on the ground although he didn't seem to care, "understood.." he smiled and wow, he had a nice smile, almost contagious, "a fellow people pleaser, nice to meet you. I'm Chris."

I reciprocated with a nod and a quick smile. My name slipped off my lips swiftly, echoed by him, and I couldn't help but notice how much better it sounded when it rolled off his tongue.

"Will I ever see you again?" he looked me dead in the eye.

"Probably not." I pursed my lips, looking back at him.

He nodded as if he understood and dropped his burnt cigarette to the ground. Chris grabbed his hat and got up, offering another smile, "I believe in fate."

"I don't." I teased, smiling.

"You probably should." he shouted, already far away from me to speak normally.

What an interaction.

It had been quite a while since said interaction. Not that I thought about the guy a lot, but he definitely was in the back of my mind. Even when I was outside, he'd still cross my mind every now and then, like a nice, distant memory.

I chuckled as I gulped down my whiskey – the music was too loud for my own liking but it was a Saturday night and it'd be a pity if I stayed home once again; my friends begged and I actually like hanging out with them. I watched as my friends danced with each other, not too far away from me, as I rummaged through my purse to find the money so I could pay and leave.

"Fucking.. shit.." I cursed under my breath, turning my phone's flashlight on because the lights in that bar were bright as fuck, but apparently not enough to actually help me see.

"D'you need any help?" I heard a somewhat familiar voice shouting behind me. I turned around and my eyes widened when I saw him.

"I.. you!" I was beyond surprised, to say the least, because I was truly convinced I'd never see him again. Not because I didn't want it; but because I had enough on my plate already.

"Shit.." he whispered, and if I wasn't already looking at his lips, I wouldn't be able to know what he said, "..see, I told you fate works in mysterious ways."

"This was just a coincidence." I convince myself.

Was it, though?

"This was no coincidence and you know it.." he grinned and I let my eyes travel down his body for a few seconds – he looked best in black, ".. I need to see you again.." he muttered.

"Well, it seems you will indeed see me again." I smiled.

"Does that mean you'll give me your phone number?" he grinned and I saw his eyes do the same thing mine did to him; check me out.

I hummed, "..hmm.. no. We'll see if fate actually works." I smiled.

"You can't be serious.." he tilted his head, looking at me in disbelief, "I found you again, how can I leave when I don't know if I'll ever see you again?"

"You said you believed in fate."

I found him undeniably attractive and intriguing. However, at that moment, I realized I wasn't emotionally equipped to entertain the idea of liking someone or embarking on dates. The weight of my personal struggles loomed large, and I couldn't shake the fear that if he discovered the extent of my problems, he'd likely reject me. Hence, I concluded it was better to distance myself now rather than risk inevitable disappointment later on.

It's not like I'd see him again.

Truly, it's been more than a month since I last saw him; I did think about him way more often than usual but he still remained a nice, distant memory. A memory that was in the past and would never be in the future.

"Yo, we're leaving already? It's 2AM." my friend whined, although we were already walking down the stairs, toward the exit, with our jackets on and bags in our hands.

"No, love, we're just taking our fucking bags for a little walk." another friend replied, rolling her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh at their bickering.

Immediately after departing from the bar, he made his way out of the restaurant located directly beneath it. You have to be fucking kidding me.

"You.." he whispered, his eyes widened.

My mouth hung open, my eyes as wide as his; I really couldn't believe it this time. This couldn't be a coincidence, right?

"What.. are you doing here?" there was nothing else that could leave my mouth at that time.

"I work here.. now, you can't tell me this is a coincidence." he walked closer to me, although still keeping a distance to be respectful.

It definitely wasn't but I was still in the same mood I was back then.

"I can't tell just yet." I teased him; deep down I wished I could give him way more. But I knew I couldn't.

"Don't.. tell me.. are you not gonna give me your phone number? Again?" he chuckled in disbelief once again. I nodded.

"He better be a murderer, bitch; that's the only valid reason for you not giving him your phone number yet." shit, I completely forgot that my friends were literally behind me, staring at us; they knew nothing about this.

"Stop." I whispered to my friend and I don't think she heard me but she definitely saw the expression on my face.

"Please?" he said and I almost gave in when I saw those eyes.

I have always been self-destructive but this wasn't it, this time. It was realistic, right? I really couldn't do this; I knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with my lifestyle so I was just doing me a favor by saving myself from possible heartbreak. Right?

"I promise you now; if we meet again, I'm opening up to you. Fully. My phone number, my likes, my diskikes." I gave him a teasing smile, which he seemed happy to receive.

"Pinky promise. Now. I trust fate but not you." he chuckled and so did I.

"But you trust my pinky?" I laughed but he seemed serious, despite his playful stare. I sighed, still smiling, wrapping my pinky around his, "..promise."

This would probably never happen. It's fine.

This time, I really thought about him; dreamed about him even. That was very unlike me but it happened either way. I seemed to be doing lots of things that were unlike me lately – like going to this bar again. I wasn't going to see him but I was hoping to.

The whiskey was cold against my lips, my black dress hugging my hips as I sat down on the couch.

"Third time's the charm."

No.

I turned my head and saw Chris speaking to the friend group that were sitting next to ours; I saw them getting up and leaving, Chris replacing them.

"Oh God.. what did you tell them?" my grin was wider than usual, I really wanted to see him after all.

"That.. I needed to sit next to you. And that it was a matter of life and death." he smiled, taking a sip of his own drink.

"You're crazy."

"For you." he said, searching for something.

Before realising, I saw his phone in front of me, signaling me to dial my phone number. And of course, I did.

"So. Start. Tell me everything."

"Do you have free time?" I tilted my head, still looking at him.

"For you? Always." he chuckled.

I cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, looking into his eyes to make sure he wanted to kiss me as well. And as soon as I felt him leaning towards me, I placed the softest kiss on his own soft lips.

"Take me home?"

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lionheartedmusings · 2 months

Text

i have so much more to say about this but god, my god, the love.

today, bad's father opened the door to their home for the first time in millennia. today, his father unlocked the gates and saw him redeemed enough to be welcomed into his embrace again.

conditional love, awful and cruel, but the only way his father loves.

and bad, oh bad, bad who spent lifetime after lifetime being ugly and broken and unworthy of the holy light of heaven, bad who feels the space where his wings once were so empty and sore, who sometimes just wants to wrap around himself in safety but who is missing limbs.

bad, who had given up on begging for redemption, was offered it today.

for a moment, he almost said yes. for a moment, he almost stepped through the gates and allowed himself to return to a home he's longed for so desperately for so long — to be accepted into the arms of his father again, like a child he never got to be.

but he loves too much, too hard, too human. too imperfect and close and messy. he loves his children more than home, than forgiveness or angeldom. he loves dapper and pomme with the ferocity of something unholy.

he will not abandon his children. he loves too much to be like his father.

unconditional love, flawed and big and warmer than the light of heaven. is there anything holier than that?

#qsmp #qsmp live blogging #q!badboyhalo #qsmp pomme #qsmp dapper #dude dude dude #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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twinkodium · 4 months

Text

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝑔𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝒞𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓈 (𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒹𝑜𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓇 / 𝑀𝒸𝓉𝓌𝒾𝓃𝓀𝓈)

ᥫ᭡ Pairing: Landoscar / Mctwinks

ᥫ᭡ Warning: ‼️ Dirty words, suggestive, sexual activity, anal‼️

ᥫ᭡ Genre: Smut

ᥫ᭡ Word count: 5,4K

ᥫ᭡ Summary: Excitement fills their home, seeing the falling snow outside that makes Lando extremely happy and wakes up his boyfriend. He already has plans for how to spend the day, that don't involve staying in bed.

ᥫ᭡ A/N: No beta-reading this time. I wanted to challenge myself in a way so expect more grammatical errors because I’m NOT a native. Don't mind me posting a Christmas fanfic when it's already long forgotten, I'm shit at time management and sticking to the deadlines 😭

ᥫ᭡ Taglist: @slugesh @formulahuh @laciijane @izzief1rambles @httpiastri @481boxboxbaby @papayaaa04 @landoom @f1extras

ᥫ᭡ Up on AO3 too

‼️+18 content under the cut! Minors, please, do not interact ‼️

“What the hell? Is there an Earthquake?” Oscar is woken up by his bed shaking under his body, highly confused. His disoriented mind needs a few seconds to reboot and it all gets clear what's going on when his vision fixates on the sight of his boyfriend jumping up and down on their bed.

“OSCAAAAH, OSCAAAH! It's snowing!!!” His beaming smile lights up the whole room and while Oscar is not a morning person, a soft smile spreads across his face by Lando’s excitement.

“Wonderful, can I go back to sleep now?” He fake-yawns just to tease the Brit further.

“Don't even think about it!” Stomping his foot dramatically on the bed, he almost loses his balance and falls backward. Quickly circling his arms to gain back his composure, placing his hand over his rapidly beating heart and heaving out a deep breath. Oscar fights back his giggles not wanting to piss him off even more. “Get up Osc, I wanna decorate our Christmas tree.”

“Hm… make me.” He lays on his forearms, the duvet slides lower on his pale skin revealing more of his well-trained pecs. He licks his lips and gazes at Lando, eyebrow cocked in a challenging manner. A cheeky grin appears on the other boy’s face as he launches himself on Oscar. Straddling him over the covers and leaning down to press a sweet and distracting kiss on his lubed-up lips. Before Oscar could touch him and deepen the kiss Lando is already gone. Escaping his embrace at neck-breaking speed, stealing the covers and leaving a shirtless Oscar only in his boxer shivering in bed. What a little shit, he thinks.

“Please put on the Christmas sweater I bought for you and meet me downstairs in 10 minutes.” Lando shouts back from the hallway as he bounces down the stairs to play some music and prepare for the day ahead.

Oscar lets out a sigh as he finally separates himself from the warmth of their bed. Quickly enters the bathroom to brush his teeth and run his fingers through his bed hair to make himself more presentable, even though he’s certain his messy hair is a big turn-on. He checks his reflection in the mirror one last time before clicking off the lights and heading back to the room. He dresses in simple jeans and is about to put on the sweater Lando mentioned but he stops in his tracks when he spots the caption on the front. Choking out a laugh on his way to find Lando with the ugly piece of clothing in his hand. He hears the soft Christmas music coming from the kitchen Lando humming along with the lyrics.

“Lando! I’m not going to—” He loses his train of thought when Lando faces him. His navy jumper has a gigantic candy cane with the text ‘it’s not going to lick itself‘ next to it. Oscar stands there with his mouth open, completely speechless. Lando steps forward and closes his mouth shut with his index finger, seductively grinning up at him as his finger slides along his defined jawline.

“You were saying…” He takes in Oscar’s shirtless form, biting his lower lip at the sight of his creamy skin ready to be touched and marked. He places his open palm over his heart, sliding his fingers over the sensitive surface leaving goosebumps in their wake. Oscar trembles under the sweet touches, a moan escapes deep from his lungs. He swallows the upcoming ones down, wetting his lips yet again.

“I’m not putting on this jumper. It’s ridiculous.” He lifts the jumper to his chest with big balls and the caption ‘If you jingle my balls, I’ll guarantee you a white Christmas’ is sporting on the front.

Lando doubles over with laughter, pressing his warm cheeks to Oscar’s muscular chest as he hooks an arm around his waist, preventing himself from toppling over. Oscar watches his lover having a breakdown, waiting patiently for his chuckles to die down. He places his hand on his lower back to bring his body closer to his.

“Look, I have your balls on my face.” He blurts out, laughing into the fabric between their bodies. The Aussie truly contemplates how the hell did he fall in love with such a child.Lando’s childish behavior and tradition of laughing out loud in serious situations bring joy and happiness to their extremely stressful life. Even when he makes fun of him and bullies him to no return, Oscar swoons over him like a lovesick puppy. Without him joking around, they might crumble under the pressure and demanding focus their job requires. “Okay, sorry. I calmed down now.” He travels his eyes up to Oscar’s, expecting the find annoyance in his chocolate brown obs, but he only gazes back with adoration and love. His heart picks up the pace of his heavy breathing and the thousands of butterflies wake up in his stomach. He’s so in love. “You either stay half naked - that I’d not mind at all - or wear this. No other options available.” He wiggles his eyebrows funnily, knowing oh so well that Oscar can’t say no to him. Especially when he pulls ‘the puppy eyes’ card. Big, sparkly green eyes, pouty lips and he’s a goner.

“Fine.” Lando releases Oscar to step back, crossing his arms over his chest and looking him up and down, clearly enjoying the glimpse of his exposed bare skin.

Oscar plays into his naughty thoughts, flexing his arms when he finally pulls the ugly sweater over his head and smoothes the material down on his wide chest. It stretches over his figure perfectly, if it wasn’t for the stupid pattern and text, he’d even like it.

Lando, on the other hand, can’t hold back his sweet smile, wearing ‘matching’ clothes with his more serious boyfriend truly lights him up on fire.

The change of music interrupts their intense eye contact and they split their sides laughing as the ‘Jiggle Bells’ starts blasting from the speakers in full volume. Once they regain their self-control and get their breathing slowed down to their normal rhythm, they finally make their way towards the living room where the artificial Christmas tree already stands in its naked glory. It’s taller than he remembered. With the star finial on top, it’s going to touch the ceiling.

“When exactly did you wake up?” Oscar begins separating the mismatched Christmas decorations and selecting the ones he wants up on the tree into a neat pile.

“Maybe too early?” A small blush appears on his golden cheeks due to his embarrassment of how excited he is and fully in a festive mood.

The Aussie acknowledges his discomfort with a smile and pulls him closer to kiss his forehead to ease his uneasiness.

They agree to bathe the tree in their favorite colors that represent them perfectly; papaya, some neon green, Australian green, red, and white for the Christmas vibes. It doesn’t take much time to hang the ornaments, however Lando cuts loose with the colorful boas. Either doesn’t realize or most likely doesn't give two hoots that Oscar still stands by the pine when he runs around to throw them on, tying Oscar to the evergreen.

“What was the plan here?” Oscar does his best to rescue himself from the tight embrace, without any luck. “Could you at least help me, please?” He continues writhing to make eye contact with Lando but he jumps around like a little kid in a candy store, getting out of his sight. Probably to hide his shit-eating grin.

“Nah ah, I love seeing your squirm.” Lando lets out a chuckle but eventually steps forward to loosen the clutch of the boas around his body. He crouches under the feathery decoration and immediately backs up Lando to the nearest wall, invading his private space. He places his hand on the wall next to Lando’s body, caging him completely. Eyes fire with lust, their breath mixing as they exhale.

“Let’s see who’s going to toss and turn now.” Oscar bites into his lower lip as checking the Brit out from head to toe.

Lando gulps down nervously, completely aroused by the idea of having his boyfriend’s hands all over him, but they’re snowed under many tasks for the day. “E-easy there tiger! Let’s finish up here and maybe you'll get lucky later.” He obnoxiously winks at Oscar and keeps his eagerness and neediness under control, placing his enormous hands on Oscar’s pecs to have an out.

The younger one decides to tease him a little more, bumping his crotch with Lando’s, earning a low moan from the curly-haired man. Satisfaction brightens his handsome features before stepping back and leaving the flushed man behind. Lando clears his throat quickly and follows Oscar back to the living room table to snatch the last remaining ornament, the star with a picture of them kissing neatly glued to it. He swipes his gaze over the room to find a chair that is tall enough for him to reach the top of the tree without any difficulties. Before he could move, Oscar gets down to one knee in front of him, delighted brown irises leading up, locking with teal sapphire ones. He strikes dumb but rapidly finds his voice to speak up.

“Are you already proposing? Aww, how cute.” His voice comes out raspy thanks to his nervousness and in his usual fashion trying to mask it up with jokes.

“No.” Something breaks in Lando hearing the straight rejection. They’ve never really talked about marriage before, but he knows Oscar is his soulmate. They clicked immediately after their first meeting, he had never felt so loved, so accepted, and safe in anybody else’s proximity. “Not yet.”

Lando gets dizzy by the addition and the softened gaze of his boyfriend. Warmth fills his veins and a newfound smile appears on his cheeks. “Sit in my neck, I’ll lift you to put the star on top.” He itches to obey, immediately throwing his legs over Oscar's wide shoulders, reaching to grab his hand for leverage.

Oscar places his other hand on Lando’s thigh, dainty fingers pressing into his flesh a little harder, making him hiss in pleasure. The older boy stretches out to set the ornament in its place and backs up to admire his handiwork. Unlucky for him, he leans backward a little too much, being in danger of falling off. Without thinking he grabs a handful of Oscar’s hair, yanking on it harshly to become steady again. The Australian lets out a deep growl.

“Jesus, I can feel your excitement on the back of my neck…” He takes a step away from the tree.

“I’m not immune to your obscene sounds and touches… Excuse me for being a weak man.” He drags his hands downwards to touch his sexy thick neck with feather-light touches, amused by the feeling of him swallowing. He shrieks as Oscar’s strong arms push him off his shoulders and drop him between the cushions of the sofa.

“What’s next mister?” The taller man stands in front of him with all of his cuntiness, hands on his small hips, slightly tilted to the side. He could be a funny sight but instead radiates sexuality and confidence. Yet another reason for Lando to get hard in his sweats. He shakes his head swiftly to rearrange his thoughts before opening his mouth.

“DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOOOOWMAAN?” His inner child shows its teeth while screaming the comical lyrics of a children's movie. He jumps up from his lying position to dart straight to the door putting on his boots and winter coat. “CMON, FASTER, FASTER! You’re such a grandpa… so damn slow!” Trailing back to his boyfriend to rush him into his clothes.

“Don’t forget what you've just said when you’re getting railed later.” He bends down to whisper the naughty words into Lando’s ear, making him blush in return. It overflows him with satisfaction even though a soft blush appears on his cheeks too as his jeans get a little tighter at the visual of him burying his dick deep into Lando’s pretty hole.

He’s halfway through to zip up his thick coat when Lando grabs his hand to drag him outside. He might be living in the UK for a while but is still not adjusted to the colder weather and prefers Australia’s warmth over anything.

The snow stopped falling, covering the ground in ankle-high whiteness. Breezing wind swipes over his heated-up cheeks, tinting them the most gorgeous pink Lando has ever seen. He loves making him blush, it looks delicious on his pale complexion. He could spend hours tracing the pinkness, with his big bear hands, with his full lips, marking up his territory.

The Brit scoops up a handful of snow, providing a wonderful sight of his perky little ass to Oscar who fights back the urge to slap it and pushes him into the snow face-down for being slutty. His curly hair is tucked under his beanie yet an unruly curl gets loose and falls over his forehead as he rolls the snowball in all directions, rounding it out and making it bigger.

“Are you done ogling or do I have to do that hard work all by myself?” His sassy remark gets him an eye roll, but eventually, he makes his way over to him, starting the middle part of the snowman. When it's all rounded out, with their combined strengths they lift it to place it over Lando’s.

“Would you fetch some sticks and a couple of stones?” Lando has a light bulb moment and wants to execute it without Oscar’s studying gaze, hence sending him on his way to collect necessities to decorate the masterpiece with.

Oscar stops dead in his tracks and brims with astonishment when he spots the marvelously sculptured creation, the fragment of Lando’s imagination.

“Do I want to know why there is a giant snowcat standing in our garden? Or I better not ask questions?” One of his eyebrows raises a notch while spectating his boyfriend working on the details of the cat.

“I made a statue to honor my lovely and sweet boyfriend. You should be more grateful.” Lando whips around with his hands on his hips, leveling Oscar with disapproval.

“Oh wow, thank you very much, your Majesty. It's surprisingly decent.” He focuses his gaze back on the cat made of snow, checking it out more from all angles and humming in satisfaction. He likes what he sees, but teasing Lando is the higher priority. Hence the emotionless wave of his voice.

“What a compliment.” He pretends he doesn't enjoy Oscar’s sarcasm, but the light twitch of his mouth and soft tone of voice says otherwise.

He extends his hands towards Oscar, impatiently waiting for him to hand him the collected goods which he does. He crosses his arms and stands back, letting the Brits what he envisioned, he was the one who wanted so desperately to come outside anyways. His gaze lingers on him though, literally burning a hole into the side of his face, yet it doesn't divert his attention away from sticking the stick into the snowcat, creating its whiskers.

Out of the blue, Oscar feels the need to disturb his peace, just like he did with his, waking him up from a sweet dream. He bends down to create a little snowball and sneakily throws it towards the unsuspected, concentrated man. Boom, headshot!

His loud, shrill cry could wake the dead, as it echoes back from the high trees around the property. The melted liquid runs under his thick coat, contacting his skin and making him jump around to stop the flow. Soaking through his knitted sweater, there is no way to block the unexpected sensation and shake off the chill it gives him.

“You didn't just do that!” He's already reaching to collect snow in his hands, ready to fight back. His determination heightens as he looks back at his doubled-over boyfriend, laughing uncontrollably over his misery. He uses his permanent distraction to fire the ball through the air, missing the aim completely.

The sudden whooping sound of the rapidly gliding ball just inches away from his face makes him alert, standing up straight to come face to face with the fuming gaze of green orbs, all set to destroy him for the sins he has committed against him.

The Australian looks around to hide behind something from the possible attack coming his way. His thoughtfulness dissipates like wisps of smoke that doesn't go unnoticed by his boyfriend either. Using the opportunity to eliminate the remaining distance between them and galloping toward the nervously distracted man.

Oscar is pressed face-down into the snow, with the smaller boy straddling the back of his thighs and shoveling the white substance under his clothes. Down under the collar, up under the hem, doing everything possible to make him suffer and squirm. “Your reward for being mean to me.”

Oscar chuckles lightly before pushing himself up into a planking position and thrusting one of Lando’s legs to unbalance him. His plan works perfectly, making him fall off his body and lie on the floor facing up the sky. He's too slow, blinking in confusion and Oscar is already on his feet and kicking a thick layer of snow over his spread-out figure.

“You let me torture you, while you're so much stronger and could easily defend against me.” He pouts, wiggling his limbs to get free.

“Yep, correct.” He has no intention of helping him yet, just towering over him and watching the scene unfold. “You had that murderous sparkle in your eyes that you needed to get out of your system as soon as possible. Otherwise, you'll be a pain in the arse for the rest of the day.”

The laying boy sucks in a sharp breath, his lips form a thin line of annoyance because, at the end of the day, the Aussie is right. He's extremely irritating when he has his mood swings, going whiny without any trace when he was jumping for joy seconds before. The brunette boy takes pity on him, sweeping off the whiteness from his body and hugging his slim waist to pull him flush against his muscular chest. Mesmerized by the beauty of his lover, tan skin against the white scenery, emerald eyes digging into his chocolate brown ones. Plump lips are insignificantly purple and chapped due to the freezing weather. They're so close that they breathe in the same air to fill their lungs. He's tempted to lock their lips in a sweet kiss.

“We should go outside before freezing our asses off.” Lacing their ice-cold hands together, he leads Lando toward the entrance, impatient to undress from the soaked-through fabric, avoiding frostbites.

Boots and coats are disposed of at the door, they are not bothered to hang them, just casually throw them on the floor like messy schoolboys coming home after a long day.

Their pants and ugly sweaters get the same treatment, lying forgotten on the hardwood flooring as the boys make their way into the living room, halting only in front of the fireplace. They try to warm up and get the circulation back into their frozen body parts.

Lando’s discomfort doesn't evaporate, quickly realizes the only piece of clothing he wears, is also drenched. He doesn't even think before sliding his boxers down this olive and trained legs, throwing the piece at his stunned boyfriend. At a teasingly slow pace, he strolls to the sofa, swinging his cute little butt side to side. Still trembling due to their previous activity, he reaches for the blanket to wrap it around his frame and cover himself from the hungry eyes of Oscar.

He wets his lips and chokes out a moan watching Lando’s seductive show and obnoxious wink, tempting him. He's going to destroy him for his behavior.

“Come here and warm me up please.” He beckons him with grabby hands, excited to touch his milky white skin.

Oscar takes his time to get closer, playing hard to get on purpose, making him wild. He loves it when He loves him desperate, whining and begging Oscar to get on with it already. Lando’s nails are digging into his palms as he fastens his grip on the blanket, pausing to launch forward and grab him by his waist.

Eventually, Oscar makes it, waiting for Lando’s next move. His mouth falls open when he hooks his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and pulls them down without mercy. Already drooling at the sight of his half-mast dick, eager to brush his fingers over his length but instead just opening the blanket and gesturing to him to take a seat.

As soon as Oscar places his peachy ass on the furniture, Lando climbs in his lap. He positions himself carefully on Oscar’s muscular thighs, leaving enough space for their dicks not to connect, at least for now.

He circles his arms around his deliciously thick neck and buries his face in the croak of it. The inviting pale flash calls out to him, and who is he to deny giving in? He's not God’s strongest soldier, he could never resist kissing down the slope of his neck and marking him up.

His open-mouthed kisses start their descent from his jawline to his collarbone where he flicks his tongue over the area and bites down on the sensitive skin, possibly leaving the imprint of his teeth behind. Oscar’s thighs are clenching at the sensation, a whimpering mess at the mercy of his bratty boyfriend.

Lando can't fight back the smile stretching over his lips. He follows the throbbing veins on the side of his neck with the teasing whirl of his tongue until he reaches his sweet spot right under his earlobe. His luscious mouth hesitates no more to suck a dark purple mark there. His teeth hungrily graze over the two moles on his Adam’s apple, giving them extra attention.

“You know I’m very respectful, but if you don’t stop sucking on my neck, I swear I’ll change the way you walk.” He thrusts his hips upward desperately, their hard erections meeting in the middle, lust clouding their minds.

“That was the plan all along, Osc. Would appreciate it if you let me be in charge for a short amount of time, before manhandling me into next Friday.” Lando loves to be in control, even though he usually lets Oscar make moves and devour him completely. But once in a while, the Brit asks to be the dominant one, not for his own satisfaction but to worship the pale canvas provided to him and show his love and adoration without using words.

Oscar leads his hand up on Lando’s back, grabbing the back of his neck to pull him in for a kiss, sealing the deal the sweetest way possible.

Lando slides closer, craving for skin-on-skin contact. Moans break free just to be muffled by their tongue licking into each others’ mouths. Getting drunk on the taste, driven by their needs and sexual frustration.

Their members are enclosed between their stomachs, every twitch of their hips brushing them together, making the friction unbearable.

“I need to be inside you.” Oscar can't take it anymore, wanting to be buried deep, feeling the tight squeeze and grasp around him.

“God, yes please.” Lando is out of his mind, basking in pleasure and sucking into the base of Oscar’s necky. Yet another mark to admire later.

The Australian untangles his hand from Lando’s curls reaching over to grab the lube from the drawer.

“Since when do we have lube there?” Asks the Brit, confused and amused at the same time.

“Since you're a horny bitch and demand to be bent over on every possible furniture and surface in the house and being fucked daily.” Oscar opens the bottle, applying a few drops over his slim fingers and rubbing them together to warm it up. He places the free palm of his hand over his hips, pushing him up a little to have a better access.

“I didn't hear you complaining.” His voice hitches when Oscar circles his finger over the rim of his hole. He isn't even pushed in, but Lando already becomes restless. “Fuck Osc, just give it to me.”

With an evil grin on his face, he does as he was asked, entering him with a sudden push and making him shudder against him. Groans fill the room with every pump, adding another finger alongside, fueling the need for Lando’s pornographic sounds.

He grinds his hips down, riding Oscar’s fingers deliciously. Hands fisting in hair, tugging on soft strands, teeth sinking into the skin of his shoulder silencing his grunts. Oscar curls his fingers inside him, scraping his prostate straight on, making the man on top of him tremble from pleasure.

“Shit… Oscar… I-I, please.” Lando breathes heavily against his neck. He needs him, he craves him. Not done letting go yet. Lifting himself off the skilled fingers, his shaky hand locates the lube next to them. Hastily wraps his other hand around Oscar’s abandoned shaft, squeezing it to the point that makes him see stars and hiss both in pain and pleasure. He runs his thumb over the sensitive head, smudging the pre-cum all over the swollen and pink tip. If he wasn’t on the verge of breaking down, he'd consider giving him head but he's too desperate for release and being filled to make a move.

“If you don't sit on me in the next couple of seconds, I’ll combust.” He drops his head back, revealing his destroyed, thick neck. He has almost as many bites as moles, Lando made sure to decorate it completely, not leaving any part untouched.

Gulping down the temptation to attack him again, Lando busies himself with applying lube on him.

Oscar sucks his lower lip in, fighting back a nasty remark and the urge to throw Lando off him and fuck him sideways.

He watches the lube streaming down his length, before positioning himself over the glossy tip, welcoming and wrapping him in his warmth and tightness.

Oscar finds his hips, helping him emerge. God knows he tries his best to not buckle his hips up and enter him quicker. But he’s as respectful as it gets and would never think of going against Lando’s wishes.

The Aussie bottoms him out perfectly, letting him adjust to his size and drawing hearts over the skin of his hips to distract him from the extreme stretch.. His head is thrown back in a howl of lust, arching his back. He keeps rotating his lower half, edging both of them close to the sweet paradise. Oscar leans towards his throat, nuzzling his nose on his Adam's apple, moving his lips alongside his jaw. He gifts him a matching hickey, tongue flat on the mark, extremely satisfied.

Lando fucks him at a slow but sensual pace, gazing directly into his clouded eyes. Momentarily gets distracted by the sweat gliding down between his pecs, over his abs, pooling right where they connect.

The stalling pace of motion makes Oscar feral, thrusting up to meet his rhythm, pushing himself deeper inside Lando. He gasps out a moan, bending forward to bite into Oscar’s neck, whimpering into his skin while letting his man use his body to chase their releases.

Lando’s face contorts when Oscar tightens his hand, giving him a few strokes up and down his cock. He's so close, nails scratching on Oscar’s skin tearing him open, warning him of what's to come. Every deep thrust of him brings him closer. His throat is dry as a desert, unable to form a sentence, only moans and cries fight their way out.

Oscar slaps one of his hands down his handful ass, lifting him faster and faster and pounding into him harder. Their lips connect in a sloppy, uncontrolled kiss when the familiar tingle appears. Oscar’s strokes speed up a notch, sending Lando over the edge. White ropes of cum spurt out all over their stomach, coating Oscar’s long, slender fingers in the process.

His tight walls constrict around Oscar, following Lando into the blissful release. He cums inside him, giving him rope after rope of his creamy treasure shot, filling him to the brink.

A line of spit still between their lips, foreheads touching and sticky with sweat, but neither of them cares. The comfort of being close together, in each others’ arms overrides every unpleasantness.

“I can’t move. You fucked me up.” Lando backs up a little to look at his boyfriend. Soft gazes go over all of his features; the cute pointy nose, the gorgeous doe eyes, straight eyebrows, Rose tinted cheeks, delicious swollen lips due to hungry kisses, and the moles covering his pale skin. His usually soft hair, messily sitting on the top of his head, a few locks sticking to his clammy forehead. Breathtakingly gorgeous, his and only his.

“You asked for it tho.” Color filters into Lando’s cheeks at the appearance of Oscar’s infamous lopsided grin. “I’m going to clean you up and get us some hot chocolate, okay?”

“That’d be mint, thank you.” Softly wrapping his arms around the small of his waist, shifting their position to lay him down on his back. He slips out of him with a shift move, causing him as little pain as possible, and kissing him on the cheeks.

The sexy, round ass comes into view, tempting him to be slapped with long, raw strikes.. Naughty thoughts invade his mind, already ready for round 2, but he wants his hot chocolate first. He only blows a gentle hit on the flesh to make it jiggle, earning a yelp in response. Oscar narrows his eyes at him but continues his journey to the bathroom to clean up. Soon, he comes back with a lukewarm towel, tenderly scrubbing off the mess Lando created.

The Brit laces their fingers together before the man can escape without placing his lips on his. He signs exasperatedly but leans down for a peck before heading into the kitchen to prepare their seasonal drinks.

Landon starts dozing off when he hears footsteps. Too lazy to get up properly but whips around to look at the naked, Australian God. “I hope you stirred my drink with your dick. It'd taste 100% better that way.”

“I swear you're sick in the mind. Wouldn't want to get a 2nd-degree burn, thank you very much.” He’d pinch the bridge of his nose if he wasn't holding two mugs filled with burning hot liquid.

“I’d be your nurse and cure it with my mouth, don't you worry.” Oscar imagines Lando in a tight white dress that barely covers his ass. Dropped to his knees in front of him, eager to have his mouth wrapped around his length, swallowing it fully. His dick is awakened, standing at half-mast already. “Hmmm… I assume you used your imagination.”

He places the mugs down quickly, spilling some of them on the glass table, and takes his seat miles away from his lover. “I see the dangerous glint in your eyes but I want to drink my hot chocolate in peace.”

Lando pouts but can't do much about it, if Oscar sets his mind on something, he doesn't back off until he succeeds.

The Aussie teasingly licks the side of the mug, cleaning off the whipped cream. He keeps his eyes locked with Lando’s, waiting for him to lose his cool and attack him as he always does. He hums erotically, extremely impressed by Lando’s self-control. Even though he taps his fingers on the table, clearly trying to urge him on, but stays seated and holds back his eagerness.

Oscar finally finishes off the drink and is about to put the empty jug down, when he catches a glance of Lando, rapidly racing into his direction. He wraps his fingers around his wrist and drags him out of the living room and up the stairs.

“You better be ready for round 2, I won't be gentle. Your teasing was over the top and I'm going crazy.” A low chuckle escapes him but accepts his fate with open arms. He knows he's safe with Lando, even though he sometimes gives off mean energy, he's the sweetest boy he has ever known and could never hurt him intentionally.

#f1 #lando norris #mctwinks #my papaya boys 🥹🧡#oscar piastri #f1 fanfic #smut #landoscar #twinklaren #f1 smut #lando norris x oscar piastri #lola writes 🖋️

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fallinforerling · 7 months

Note

Pls pls do relationship alphabet w Jude

fluff alphabet | jude bellingham

a = affection + activities (how affectionate is he? how does he show affection?/ how does he spend his free time with you?)

he’s a little koala bear from all you know

there’s not a moment while you’re together where he isn’t hugging, kissing, or just resting some of his body weight on you

his favorite way of showing affection is rather kissing you to oblivion or just playing with your hair

he loves to take you on long walks where you talk about everything that comes to mind

if you’re not on a walk with him, you’re probably playing games or at the gym (he tricked you into going)

b = beauty - what does he admire about you? what does he think is beautiful about you?

he loves your waist

there’s something about how it looks on the slim tight dresses or workout clothes that make him go crazy

he also adores your neck

but apart from it, he also loves your laugh

so he makes it his personal mission to make you laugh (and that means a real laugh) most of the time you’re with him

it comes to the point where you’re ugly laughing at the most inconvenient times and places

c = cuddles + comfort (does he like to cuddle? how would he cuddle you?/how would he help you when you’re feeling down?)

since he likes hugs, he def loves cuddles

he likes to be the big spoon, so he can be able to kiss your neck or bury his face on your hair as long as he wants

and ever since you felt comfortable enough to not use a bra around, he puts his hands up your shirt, embracing your breasts in a very non-sexual way that makes you giggle

every time he sees the tiniest of grimaces on your face, he hurries to make you your favorite drink, interrogating you to no end until you are pouring everything from your chest

his advices are always the best part

he’s a great support when you’re feeling down

d = domestic + dreams (does he want to settle down? how does he picture their future together?)

he hasn’t tell you yet, but he def daydreams about a house with two kids running around in a couple of years

it hasn’t been a day since you two started dating were he doesn’t picture you being his longtime partner

there’s no one like you for him

he can’t wait to stay up taking care of the kids, or coming home and being welcomed by the result of the love you have for each other

it’s cheesy, but his goal is being the next messi and antonella of football

e = equal (is he the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?)

he’s very dominant, but he only shows it more when you’re in the bedroom

in your daily life, there’s no such thing as a loud tone or something that might be disrespectful towards you

f = fiancé (how does he feel about commitment? how quick would he want to get married?)

as i said, this guy is having 24/7 dreams about making you his wife

he won’t say the word “proposing” in front of you, fearing that he might spoil it for you

he secretly spies on your taste in jewelry and bribes your bestfriend to tell him which type of engagement ring you prefer

if everything goes according to his plans, you will be mrs. bellingham in three years

g = gentle + gratitude (how gentle is he, both physically and emotionally?/ how grateful is he; is he aware of everything you do for him?)

he’s the most gentle soul you’d ever met

he treats you with such care that you catched yourself more than enough times tearing up a bit

he’s very aware of the beautiful connection you two have, and tries his best to keep it as healthy as possible

he knows how much you care about him, about the two of you

he’s aware that despite you having your own life and a strict job, you’re still giving your best, supporting him even though his work makes him travel and move very often

he couldn’t ask for someone better

h = honesty (does he have secrets he hides from you? or does he share everything?)

he only hides his embarrassing secrets from his early teen years

jobe tells you everything nonetheless

you are both very open and honest with each other, knowing how communication is key for any relationship

the only secret he keeps from you is how badly obsessed he is with you (he’s failing)

i = i love you (how fast did he said the L-word?

he knew it way before saying it, he just couldn’t jump right in and tell you, that could’ve been a bit scary for you

you were just the perfect girl, every little thing you did made him think again about how much he was starting to love you

but even he, with a good amount of willpower and self control, couldn't help the words slipping out his mouth one random night at his place

you were both shocked and happy, kissing him senseless until his toes curled

he didn’t doubted you felt the same

j = jealousy (how jealous does he get, does he get jealous easily? how does he deal with it? what does he do when he’s jealous?)

as much as he tries to be the bigger person, he can’t help to get jealous from time to time

and it has nothing to do with you, but more with the fact that you’re so gorgeous, it’s inevitable for other guys to stare at you longer that he would like

he mostly smirks at them, knowing they can look all they want, but you’re his, and his only

but just to make it clear, his hands stay on your waist, your neck or thighs, his lips leaving kisses that last longer than usual

you know, just to make sure they get the message

k = kisses (what are his kisses like? where does he like to kiss you? how was your first kiss like?)

his kisses always feel like the last one he’s giving you

his hands are always holding your jaw or neck, making you smirk against his lips

he loves to kiss your hand anytime you meet, it’s a little inside joke about englishman manners

he’s also addicted to the way the skin of your shoulders feel against his lips

your first kiss was as consuming as the others that followed. there hasn’t been a kiss between you two were you didn’t felt the butterflies on your stomach

you often feel like you’re still on the honeymoon phase

l = love language (what’s his love language? is it compatible with yours?)

he’s all in for physical touch

he just loves to know you’re always at arms length, it relaxes him

and you love it as much as he does

you usually catch yourself reaching to touch him without even looking at his direction, smiling when your hand touches the warmth of his body

yes, you’re that annoying couple that is hugging all the time in public, so what?

m = morning (how are mornings spent with him? what’s your morning routing like?)

he usually wakes up way earlier than you

but ever since you started living together, you slowly adapted to his sleep schedule, making it impossible for you to be on bed past 9

on days where he needs to be up before the sun rises, you drag yourself away from the covers, happy to enjoy a cup of tea before he leaves the house

besides his work days, you’re both working on sleeping in from time to time and enjoy a good breakfast in bed

the mornings are peaceful and quiet, comfortable in the silence of your bedroom while you finish waking up

n = nicknames (what does he call you?)

he’s good at making up disgustingly cheesy nicknames to call you in public

he loves to see how your cheeks get redder by the second while other people stare with raised eyebrows at things like “my honey plum” or “cutie patootie”

besides that, he sticks to “love” or “darling”, knowing how much you like his accent when he says those

o = on cloud nine (what is he like when he’s in love? is it obvious for others? how does he express his feelings?)

oh, he’s obvious, there’s no way of denying that

he kept smiling at his phone, even when he wasn’t texting you, because when he wasn’t, he was staring at a photo of you

he still does that two years later

all of his friends and family noticed the changes, wondering who was the person that was making him all giddy

when he had you around his friends, wanting to keep his feeling a secret for a bit longer, he still managed to be transparent

he couldn’t stop hugging your waist or playing with your hair while listening to you or chatting with someone else

even when he was still denying his true feelings, he kept giving you flowers, sending you meals from your favorite restaurants while at work or just sending a car to pick you up

p = pda (is he upfront about your relationship? does he brag about you with others? or he rather shy to kiss, etc. when others are watching?)

he’s open about anything that has to do about you; if it is about bragging, jude bellingham will be the first one to do so

he’s so proud of you, and even more about having you as his girlfriend

he talks non-stop about your job, your talents, your hobbies, the way you laugh or even how beautiful your hair looks in the mornings

he also loves to soft-lauch you from time to time on insta, driving his fans absolutely insane, which leads to them tryin to figure out who you are

he also loves pda, and he’s not shy about how much he loves you

there’s nothing in the world that will stop that man from kissing you in public

q = quizzes (how many little things does he remember about you?)

he has a game with himself about how many times he can guess what are you going to say next

he’s so enamored with you that he has memorized all the gestures you make and what they mean

it gets to the point where you can’t hide your real thoughts about anything

he also annoys you (in a very good way) with how often he gets to imitate you to perfection

r = romance ( how romantic is he? what would he do to make you happy? what is your favourite moment in your relationship?)

he’s a romantic at heart, even if he likes to deny it

and it’s also the little things that proves your point: from having a tiny pack of your favorite snack on his pocket to the way he has your coffee order memorized

he also loves to gift you things that aren’t that expensive, but actually mean a lot to your relationship in general, making you know that he pays attention

to this time, you can’t erase from your mind that time when he gifted you a handmade book with photos and little stories about every single day you had spent together. it’s your most beloved possession

you still can’t figure out how did he managed to take photos for about a year and a half and remember silly details to put below them

s = security + support (how protective is he? is he helping you achieve your goals?)

he likes to make sure you’re okay

he’s always by your side, especially in occasions were he knows you don’t feel the most comfortable in

he also knows how much of an independent person you are, so he backs up whenever he feels like he’s crossing a boundary

but he also likes to help you just a bit when it comes to a goal you had set for yourself

t = try (how much effort would he put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

the perfect example of how much he cares about special dates it’s the handmade book

he also fights to outdo himself every time a big celebration comes around

you’re not into big expensive gifts, but you love jewelry and he knows it

he thinks hard about which one can be the perfect addition to your little collection of rings and necklaces

and the same effort he puts into giving you the best celebrations possible, he also makes his best to make your life together healthy and happy

there’s unspoken rules you have at home, and different chores each one do, and he’s more than eager to do them next to you every sunday

u = understanding (how well does he know you? is he empathetic?)

as i said, he knows you like the palm of his hand

there’s not a single expression or tone in your voice that he doesn’t know

he loves to surprise you with things you were already thinking of getting

he also understands you better than anyone else, finding more than enough to look into your eyes to know if you’re needing some time alone or a good hug

he’s your best friend, after all

v = value (how important is the relationship to him? what is it worth in comparison to other things in his life?)

you’re his top priority

he doesn’t play around when it comes to you and your relationship

he likes to give little hints about how soon you’re becoming an official member of the family, so for him, you’re already in the same place as his parents or his brother

although he loves football and couldn’t ask for a better thing, he loves you more, but the sport and you are in different schemes of his life

he’s always going to choose you

w = whole (would he feel incomplete without you?)

absolutely

there’s been times when he had to travel for extended periods of time without and it’s been hell

he doesn’t consider himself needy nor attached in an unhealthy way, but god, he really loves you

he just prefers to have you close to him, and there’s nothing wrong with it, he’s just in love

x - xtra (a random fluff headcanon)

in times of stress, he braids your hair

yes, it’s very uncommon and he doesn’t even know where he learn to braid hair, but he does and you find it amusing

but you’re fine with it, so you let him be

it has come to the point where he looks through pinterest for new things to try every time a big game or important interview comes around the corner

he made you keep it a secret between you two

you just laugh it off

y = yearning (how would he cope when he’s missing you?)

it’s difficult for him due to the little time you actually spent apart. if there’s the possibility to avoid it, he’ll take it

but when it’s absolutely necessary, he takes pieces of you with him

like your favorite shirt to use around the house (which was once his)

he also grabs the well-used hairband to put around his wrist during games

and his lockscreen, which is a photo of you, next to a countdown of how many days he has left until he sees you again

z = zeal (is he willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? if so, what kind of?)

he’s willing to burn down a city if necessary

he knows how much you had sacrificed for the relationship, especially since moving with him to spain

he is totally fine with doing the same if the opportunity calls at your door

he wants the best for you, and he’s going to take every opportunity to make it happen

396 notes · View notes

mastermindmiko · 7 months

Text

Blue Butterflies (Harry Potter)

Pairing: Harry Potter + fem!reader

Word count: 4758

Warnings: shitty parents and I think nothing else, but let me know

Part two and my masterlist

It all started when she was six. She had something wrong, but she couldn’t remember what it was. Halfway through her mother’s screams, she’d decided she’d had enough and ran out of the house. She didn’t run away far enough for her to get lost, but enough that her mother’s shouts were far.

She leaned against a brick wall and started sobbing. She didn’t notice that her sobs had startled someone living in the house that she was leaning on. She opened her eyes to brush away her tears when a blue butterfly caught her eye.

Her sobs stopped and her eyes widened at the beautiful creature. She was staring at it, intensely, watching its wings flutter and move around. It landed on a tree and stayed there. She was entranced by the butterfly, blue was her favourite colour after all. “Oi, Y/N!”

She didn’t recognise the voice, but she recognised that it came from the sky. She looked up and saw a boy gazing down at her from her window. She didn’t recognise him, so she furrowed her eyebrows and fumbled with her fingers while saying, “My mom says I shouldn’t talk to strangers!”

She was just about to leave when he replied with, “I’m not a stranger Y/N, we go to the same school.” She didn’t recognise him, so she continued walking away. “You’re in the same class as Dudley!” He exclaimed.

She looked around and noticed that this was in fact Dudley’s house and she looked back up at the boy, he didn’t look like Dudley at all. “Dudley never mentioned that he had a brother.” She says, and the boy sticks his tongue out in disgust, “Eww, I’m not Dudley’s brother, I’m his cousin!”

“Can you come down? My neck’s getting tired from looking up.” She says, and the boy doesn’t reply. He headed back inside the room, and a few seconds later, the front porch door swung open, and the boy came running out. She couldn’t hear Dudley’s mother shouting, and she thought that maybe it’s ‘International Mother shouting day’.

He came running towards her with his messy hair bouncing with each step he took. He smiled at her brightly, and he waved his hand. She repeated his action with much less enthusiasm. “Were you crying?” He asks, and she scrunches her face as she nods her head.

“What happened?” the boy asked, and she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t remember what I did, but mom was very angry.” she sniffled as her eyes welled up with tears again. The boy looked around awkwardly, not knowing what to do, but he pressed, “You have to know what you did, just think!”

“I don’t remember…” she repeats, and he says, “You didn’t even try to remember.” He pouted and she sniffled again. She tried to think, and the last thing she could remember was her watching a cartoon then the sound of glass shattering. She clapped her hands, joyfully as the memory got clearer inside her head.

“Oh, oh, I remember! I was watching this really funny cartoon about a cat and a mouse, and it was so funny that my stomach hurt, but then the flower vase popped, and it made a biggg mess. Mom kept saying that I knocked it over, but I didn’t.” She explains, her excitement deflating to sadness.

“Don’t worry, I believe you! The same thing happens to me sometimes.” He reassures her with a bright smile. She looks at her excitedly, “You make vases pop too?”

“Well, not exactly, but almost.” He says, and she exclaims, “That’s good enough for me! Let's be friends!” his face brightens and he holds his hand out for her to shake, but she ignores it and pulls him in for a hug.

He stands, not knowing what to do, and he chuckles nervously. She doesn’t notice, but after a few seconds she releases him from her embrace. He smiles, and says, “You’re as nice as Dudley says you are.”

She frowns at the mention of Dudley and says, “I don’t like Dudley very much, he looks at me weird and keeps trying to give me flowers, but the ugly ones.”

“I thought girls liked all kinds of flowers.” He says, puzzled. She shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know, but I only like forget-me-nots.”

“What are those?” He asks, and she clasps her hands together, and she sighs answers, dreamily, “They’re the prettiest blue flowers to have ever existed.”

“What flowers does Dudley get you?” He asks, curiously. She grimaces and pokes her tongue out to say, “He gets me roses.”

“What’s wrong with roses?” He asks, and she grabs his hand to lead him back near the tree where she was crying, while replying, “They’re not forget-me-nots.”

“Look!” She points to the butterfly that’s still sitting where she last saw it. She stands with her mouth wide open as she looks up at it. “It’s blue.” Harry comments, “You really like blue.”

“Like?! I Love blue.” She exclaims, “Mom says that the school where I’m going when I grow up has lots of blue.” She twirls around, remembering the cute blue skirts that her mother told her about.

“Potter!” Dudley’s mother shouts from inside the house, and Harry jumps, startled. “I better go now.” He says, frowning. She mirrors his expression as he starts to walk back inside the house. He walks with his head to the ground, sadly.

“You didn't tell me what your name is!” She shouts even though he’s far enough to hear her say it either way. He spins around to also shout, “It’s Harry.”

“Potter!”

This time the shout is angrier and even Y/N is frightened. She’s quick to run towards Harry and push him near the front door quickly. “Bye, new friend Harry.”

***

Harry and Y/N met up almost everyday for the coming years. They shared their thoughts and secrets no matter how big or small. Harry told her how horribly the Dursleys treated him, and she always asked him if he wanted her to punch Dudley in the face. He, however, said he was grateful for the chores they asked him to do because without them ordering him to clean Dudley’s room, he never would’ve met her.

Y/N was very sad that Harry wasn’t going to Beauxbatons with her. When she turned eleven and received her acceptance letter, she then realised that she was a witch. Her dad was a wizard, but her mother wasn’t. Her mother demanded that she be raised in a normal childhood until she was going to go to the school that her father went to.

She was a witch and as soon as she found out, she wanted to go and tell Harry, but her father told her that having magic is a secret and that she can’t tell anyone unless she is absolutely sure that they are either a witch or wizard. What saddened her is that she didn’t know if Harry was a wizard or not, so she couldn’t tell him.

So instead she settled on telling him this, “I’m going to a boarding school this fall.” They were lying on the ground in the Dursley’s backyard. She kept playing with the grass between her fingertips, and she started into the sky.

“A boarding school?” Harry asked, “You mean the ones where you stay there all year.” She nods and Harry’s frown deepens. He sits up and looks at her, “But I’m going to be all alone without you.”

“You’ll still have Dudley to annoy.” She says, unconvincingly. He sighs sadly, “Even he’s going to boarding school.”

She sits up too, and she grabs his hands in his, “Then you must be too, and you’ll make a lot of friends there!” He shakes his head, and replies, “No…I didn’t get any acceptance letter or email or anything.”

Y/N hugs Harry, and he hugs her back tightly. He’s grown used to and fond of her hugs by now. She was his favourite person, and the only person he cares about, and she was leaving. She was the kindest person ever, and the other girls in pre-school aren’t like her. Anyone would be lucky to have her as a friend, an awful thought enters his head, he expresses, “You’re going to forget me, aren’t you?”

“Why would I forget you?” She pulls back and frowns at him. He shrugs his shoulders and looks at the ground, plucking some of the grass into his hands, “You’ll make new friends.”

“I sure hope I do, but none of them will be you.” She says with a hand on his shoulder, reassuringly. He shakes his head and puts his head in his hands, unconvinced. “I’m serious, Harry! You’ll forever be my best friend.”

He groans still looking up at her, and then a conversation with her mother enters her head. She tilts her head at the idea, not understanding why not. She says, “Harry…”

He removes his head from his hands and looks at her. She quickly leans to press a kiss on his lips, a quick peck. When she leans back, Harry’s eyes are wide. He stands up quickly and points at her accusingly. She tilts her head, in confusion.

“You just kissed me!” Harry screams, and Dudley’s head pops out from his window at the sound. He surveys the garden and shouts, “You kissed my girlfriend!”

“I’m not your girlfriend.” Y/N seethed at Dudley then he disappeared back in his room, calling out for his mother. She looked back at Harry who was still paralyzed in his place with his mouth agape. He screamed once more, “Why did you kiss me?!”

“So I’ll never forget you!” She replied as if it was obvious. Harry stomps one foot on the ground and his cheeks flush, “What does that have to do with anything?”

She started to feel confused, why else would she kiss him? Her mom had said in her story that you kiss someone to make sure that you’ll never forget them, right? Why was he acting that way? “But mom said-”

“Potter!” Dudley’s mother screeched as she came marching into the garden with Dudley wobbling behind her. She has her boney finger pointed towards Harry and he rolls his eyes and folds his arms. Y/N got to watch Harry’s personality evolve through the years to being the boy who stands up for himself.

“Why did you kiss Dudley’s girlfriend?” She seethes at him, and he sighs, frustrated by her actions, “She’s not his girlfriend.” A few seconds later, Dudley’s dad comes stomping into the garden, looking angry.

“What’s all this fuss about, Petunia? I was in the middle of my breakfast!” He exclaims, and Y/N’s confused seeing as it’s noon. Harry mouths, ‘second breakfast’. Her mouth forms into an ‘O’ in understanding. “The boy’s kissed Dudley’s girlfriend.”

“I’m not his girlfriend and not his friend either.” Y/N shouted to stop the bickering. Dudley’s parents look at eachother confused and they then look at Dudley who is a shade of pink that matches a pig. “Aren’t you Y/N?” Dudley’s mother asks.

She nods her head, and Dudley’s dad looks at him and asks, “Then where have the flowers that I’ve been buying gone?” Dudley’s eyes widen and he points at Y/N and he shouts, “I’ve been giving them to her.”

“Even though I’ve told you to stop!” Y/N counters back. For the first time in Dudley’s life, he receives a stern look from his father. Harry looks surprised and very pleased. Dudley notices Harry’s expression and he folds his arms, “I think we should focus on the fact that Harry is friends with Y/N when I like her!”

That shifts Dudley’s parents' attention to Harry whose face has gone white. He goes to stand near Y/N, and she looks between them both. She holds Harry’s hand and she answers, “Because he’s my friend.”

“He’s not allowed to have friends.” Dudley’s mother said, looking at Harry through narrowed eyes. “He’s not supposed to have time to have friends with the chores that he has to get done!”

Y/N sensed that this was not going to go down in a good way, so she pulled Harry’s hand, and she started running. Harry started running behind her, not knowing where they were going. Y/N made them cross the street and she reached her house. The door flew open and she ran, leading Harry behind her, up the stairs and into her room. “Y/N?”

She shuts the door behind them, and she pants. Harry’s very frightened and he stands in the centre of her room like a statue. “Don’t worry, Harry. They won’t be able to get you here.” she reassures him, and then a few seconds after her words, there is a knock on her door.

“Y/N?” Her mother comes in, and she pokes her head through the door. She enters the room in surprise at seeing a boy in her eleven year old’s room. She stands up still, she thought she had a few more years before this conversation would happen, and asks with a tense smile, “Who’s this?”

“This is my friend, Harry.” Y/N explains, and she smiles. Harry waves awkwardly. He stares at the flour, shy, his messy hair falling over his head. He shuffles his feet, and notices that he’s standing on a furry, pink carpet.

“Hello, Harry.” Y/N’s mother says politely, and he waves again, even more awkwardly this time, if possible. She clears her throat and she walks near her daughter, she leans down towards her ear, and whispers, “Why is he…um still?”

“Harry’s just like that because I kissed him, but it’s his fault for worrying anyway because instead of worrying, I’ve fixed the problem-” She explained, quite proud of herself because of her masterful problem solving skills. Her mother’s eyes widen, and she asks, in her normal volume, “Why did you kiss Harry?”

Harry jumps from beside Y/N to go stand next to her mother, and nod his head along, eager to know the answer to that question too. Y/N frowns, she takes a look at Harry and she says, “Why don’t you get it? Mom said that if I kiss you, I’ll always remember you.”

Harry looks at the older woman beside him and he gives her a look of betrayal. He steps away from both girls and moves to the centre of the room once more. Y/N’s mother tuck’s her daughter’s hair behind her ear, and she clears her throat, “I don’t remember saying that, honey.”

“But you said- when you were talking about dad, that he was your first kiss, and that a person never forgets their first kiss! Harry was scared that I’d forget him, so I kissed him!” She explained as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Her mother rubs her face and she chuckles, “That’s not what I meant, I was saying that you never forget your first kiss because it’s special, and that you usually share it with someone that you like.”

“But, I like Harry!” she replied and Harry’s face turned red. Her mother chuckles once more, “No, darling, I meant that you like that person, romantically.”

Her mouth forms an ‘O’ in understanding and she takes a look at Harry who’s already looking at her with blushing cheeks. She looks away, understanding why he felt confused. She now felt embarrassed herself.

There was a long moment of silence where no one talked. The doorbell rang, and her mother started to move outside the room. Y/N looked outside her window to find Dudley’s parents standing outside the door, rather impatient. Harry looked out the window from beside her, and she sprinted towards her mother, and hugged her tightly. “No, Mom! You can’t go, they want to take Harry because they’re mad that he’s my friend.”

“Y/N, I’m sure you’ve got it all wrong, and I have to answer the door. I’ll talk to them.” She speaks, calmly, rolling her eyes when the doorbell rings two more times. She walks out of the room, and Y/N closes the door after her, and she turns to Harry, “Quick! See if you can fit in my trunk!”

“I’m not going to put myself in your trunk!” Harry exclaims, looking at the flowery, blue trunk that’s beside her bed. She rolls her eyes, and grabs Harry’s hand, she opens her trunk and lets the top rest on the wall. “It’s either there-” she points to the trunk, “Or there.” She then points to her door where the Dursleys were.

Harry looked at the trunk with disdain, but then looked at her door with disgust. He groaned loudly and started to place his feet inside the trunk. He put one foot in, and then the door burst open. Dudley’s dad burst it and he grabbed Harry’s wrist. “You’re coming with me!”

He marched, pulling Harry behind him, and Y/N ran down the stairs to find her mom. She hugged her mother’s torso and said, “Mom, do something! They’re very mean people!”

Her mother placed a hand on her head and started to pet her hair, soothingly. “Honey, I can’t do anything, they’re the ones responsible for him.”

Y/N grumbles, unsatisfied with her mother’s answer and she moves to see Harry moving out the door with Dudley’s father still grabbing him tightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” Y/N shouted to Harry hopefully, and before he could answer, Dudley’s mother seethed, “He’s not allowed to have friends!”

She slammed the door behind them and Y/N’s mother tutted as she stared at the door. Y/N looked at the floor, sadly. Her mother brought her into a hug while she mumbled, “But tomorrow’s his birthday…”

***

To say that Y/N was furious was an understatement. The next day, she had walked to the Dursleys’ house to give Harry his present, when the door opened, Dudley was standing there with a wide grin. She scrunched up her face, “Where’s Harry?”

“He’s forbidden to see you.” He replies with a shrug of his shoulders and she nearly growls, “He can’t be forbidden to see me!” He brings out a rose from behind him, and he hands it out to her, “Y/N, forget about him. I’m much better anyways.”

She grabs the flower and throws it on the ground, “You’re vile.” She spits, and she walks back to her house. There was only enough time till summer ended, and she had to go to Beauxbatons Academy. She wanted to spend that time with Harry, and she wasn’t going to let the Dursleys get in the way of that.

However, the next day, when she came looking for Harry again, their neighbour had told her that they left. When she asked where, she got no answer. She spent the next few days of her summer, looking out her window, first thing as she wakes up to see if the Dursley’s cars are outside their house, if they’re back. But that never happened.

Soon enough, it was time for her to head to Beauxbatons, but with no sign of Harry she couldn’t be even a bit excited. Her father held her hand, and held her trunk with his other hand as he spoke, “Darling, you have to cheer up! You’re going to learn magic!”

All she could do was hum silently and stare at the floor. Her father was one of the most important people to have ever gone to Beauxbatons, so instead of going by boat like everyone else does, she went by floo.

Her first year was enjoyable, she had made new friends, even with the older girls and boys. Her best friend was a third year student called Fleur Delacour, she was brilliant and part veela. Her father told her before she went that she was also part veela which is why Dudley was always drooling over her. She couldn’t figure out why Harry wasn’t affected by her magic.

She was top of her class, and madame maxime’s favourite student with her being top of her grade. The part she enjoyed the most was the abundance of the colour blue, just like her father had said. Her uniform was a bit uncomfortable, but she got used to it. She just hated how her skirt would ride up sometimes.

Other than that, Beauxbatons was a wonderful place, and she enjoyed her time there. However, every so often she would find herself thinking about Harry and what he was doing. She wasn’t even sure that she’d see him when she came back from break. She couldn’t find him with the Dursleys when she came back home, her only hope was that she saw him during the summer.

When she came back home, near the end of June, she was surprised, angry, and relieved to see that Harry was with the Dursleys. He didn’t come to speak to her the first day which only made her angrier because he left with no word and then he comes back almost a year later and he has nothing to say to her.

Thankfully, the next day, the doorbell rang and she was the one to open the door. The expression on her face was neutral as she observed the boy on her doorstep. He’d grown taller, she noted, it made her heart skip a beat. He opened his mouth to say something, but she brought her fingers to her lips to silence him.

He didn’t speak, and he waited for her to do something. To his surprise, she brought him into a hug, it only lasted for a few seconds. She inhaled his familiar scent, but noticed it had changed slightly. She’d missed him so much, and her heart was racing against his chest. She pulled back with no emotion in her eyes, and he started to speak again. She hushed him, “Shh.”

He didn’t speak again, and she took a step back. Looked him in the eye, then slammed the door in his face. She stormed up to her room, furiously. She was glad that he was alive and well because now she can be angry at him in peace. “Y/N!” He continued to shout, but she paid him no mind.

She went up to her room, and she could still hear him calling for her, so she shut the window. She laid down on her bed, and opened a book that one of her muggleborn friends had lent her. She had opened the book, and took out her bookmark, when she heard thuds on her window.

She turned to look and saw stones hitting the glass. She rolled her eyes at Harry’s antics, seeing that he was disturbing her and the birds on the tree next to her window. She decided she had enough when the birds had enough as well when they flew away. She looked back at her book and started reading.

She was about two pages done when there was a sound of knocking on the window, and the faint sounds of her name. She looked to her window to find that Harry had climbed the tree outside her window. Her eyes widened, and she rushed to her window. She opened it and she shouted, “What are you doing?”

“Trying not to die!” He screams as he looks down at the faraway ground. She can hear him mumble about something being ironic.”Give your hand.” She instructs him and he obeys.

He carefully manoeuvres himself till he’s inside her room. She moves to her bed, and he turns to close the window behind him, taking a deep breath after that small adventure. He turns to look at her, and he gets hit with a pillow in his face.

“You-absolute-git.” She said, hitting him with the pillow after every word. He goes to grab the pillow to stop her from her assault. He grabs the pillow from her tight grip and he throws it on the floor somewhere faraway in the room. He holds both her wrists, and he says, “Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, you insensitive idiot and you made me lose my page!” She shouts, and he laughs at the last point. “This isn’t funny!” She struggles against his grip, but he’s gotten stronger since last summer.

“I’m sorry.” He says, and she rolls her eyes, still struggling against his grip, “You should be.” She states, getting tired after all the effort she exerted to break free. She stops moving and he says with a small smile, when did his smile get so cute? “I got accepted into a boarding school just like you did.”

She looks away, she can’t help but feel happy for him. She keeps a neutral expression as she says, “congratulations.” He smiles again and decides to let go of her wrists. She walks to her bed and starts flipping through her book to find her page. Feeling her heart almost beat out of her chest from his gaze on her.

“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” She says, still not looking at him. He furrowed his eyebrows, and she continued, “That you were worried, I’d forget about you, but you did the same to me…”

She trailed off as she found her page, placing a book page in between the pages. He sits down beside her, and he says, “I didn’t forget you.”

She hums, unconvinced. She gets up to place her friend’s book on the new bookshelf her parents bought her. She needed to keep that book safe, her friend gets really made when his books get ruined. “You’re still my best friend.” He says, and she rolls her eyes, “You expect me to believe that?”

“I’m sure you’ve made lots of friends, Harry. A minimum of five, and I’m sure that you like one of them more than me by now. Having spent a whole year with them, and very politely ignoring me!” She says, interrupting him when he opens his mouth.

“I wanted to talk to you, and tell you but I couldn’t!” He says, looking ashamed and on edge. She turns around to look at him, and asks, “Why not?”

“We aren’t allowed phones or anything like that in there.” Harry explains as best as he could. She scrunched her face, seemingly satisfied with the answer. “I wanted to talk to you all year long.” He continued.

“I didn’t see you at christmas.” She mumbles and Harry says, “I had the option to stay at Hog- there, and anything’s better than staying here ” She pursues her lips, that did make sense, knowing how terribly he was treated here.

“Okay then.” She says, shortly. Harry beams, he jumps off the bed and walks up to her and asks, hopefully, “Am I forgiven?”

“Yeah…” She mumbles and he hugs her. It was the first time Harry hugged her, she’d always be the one to hug him. She sunk into his embrace then she grabbed his hand, excitedly and led him to her bed. She sat cross legged as she asked, “Okay, now let me all about this boarding school of yours. Don’t leave out any details, oh, and tell me about your friends!”

“Umm…”

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hanniebanggi · 9 days

Text

𝐫𝐡𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 • 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧

genre: fluff, enemies to lovers, established relationship

warnings: y/n is she/her, some profanities.

Chan leaned against the doorway of their cozy apartment kitchen, watching Y/N move around with practiced ease as she prepared dinner. The sight was familiar yet surreal, considering where they had started.

In high school, they were fierce rivals, constantly competing against each other in dance competitions. Chan had always admired Y/N's skill and determination, but he never let that admiration soften his competitive edge. Y/N was his rival—someone he needed to surpass.

"Just because you won right now, does not mean I'm bad at dancing." Y/N said while holding the silver trophy with number two carved on it.

"Just admit it, kid. I'm better than you'll ever be." Chan said with smirk on his face, waving his gold trophy in front of Y/N.

"Well that's because I just started a year ago, little dumbass. And who are you calling kid? I'm literally taller than you. Bet you learned dancing from the dwarves."

"Oh, you think you're funny? You look like The Grinch with your green ass outfit!"

"Knobhead!"

"Ugly!"

Their rivalry continued through college, where they both pursued dance as a major. It was during those intense years of training, late-night practices, and heated competitions that something unexpected happened. Amidst the rivalry, a mutual respect grew. They pushed each other to new heights, each striving to outdo the other while secretly admiring their passion and dedication.

"It would be better if we're in a V formation before that. It looked messy." Y/N said as they looked at the wide mirror.

"You think so? But it's my choreo, right?"

"And I'm improving it."

"Why don't we ask Soonyoung then, huh."

"CAN'T YOU TWO GET ALONG FOR ONCE?!" Soonyoung groaned as he looked at the two in front of him.

It wasn't until after college, at a chance encounter in a dance workshop, that they began to see each other differently. They bonded over their shared experiences, the highs and lows of their dance journeys, and soon realized that beyond the rivalry lay a genuine connection.

From fighting because of who's the better dancer, the better one to lead the group, the better choreographer to fighting on who's paying for the meal, fighting whether Chan will walk with Y/N until she gets home, fighting if Chan would drive Y/N to her errands. And fighting their own self about their feelings.

Now, here they were—five years into a relationship and newly married. Chan still couldn't quite believe it sometimes, how the competitive fire that once burned between them had transformed into something deeper, warmer, and lasting.

Lost in his thoughts, Chan's gaze lingered on Y/N, who was humming softly to herself as she chopped vegetables. She glanced up, catching his eye with a warm smile.

"Hey, what are you staring at?" Y/N teased, her eyes twinkling with affection.

Chan chuckled, crossing the kitchen to wrap his arms around her from behind. "Just admiring my talented wife."

Y/N laughed, leaning back into his embrace. "And I thought you were supposed to be the tough, competitive one."

Chan rested his chin on her shoulder, a contented smile playing on his lips. "I guess some rivalries have a way of turning into the best partnerships."

Y/N turned in his arms, her expression softening. "I'm glad ours did."

Chan pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, feeling a surge of gratitude for how far they had come. "Me too, baby. Me too."

"You're too sweet, maybe you can chop these up."

"Nope, I won the rock paper scissors, you do that, pretty."

"Tsk." Y/N said as Chan removed his arms from Y/N's and laughed loudly.

"Alright, I'll do it. Just sit there, baby."

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biocrafthero · 3 months

Text

An analysis of WKTD and HWBM in relation to psychology, Christianity, and oppression.

Spoilers for almost all of We Know The Devil and parts of Heaven Will Be Mine (only stuff from when you play as Saturn tho that’s the only character I’ve played as so far)

This post is very much off the cuff so it is quite messy but I really needed to put my thoughts into words, I guess. Hopefully it makes sense, and sorry if there’s any errors!

vvv Analysis under the cut because this post is LONG vvv

Okay because when WKTD said “the devil is the shadow of man cast from the light of god” and when HWBM said that the Existential Threat was just a byproduct of the shadow of humanity cast from gravity (via humanity’s Culture) its like the enemy that humans want to fight is just themselves. The concept of the “shadow self” (also called the id, but I’ll be using shadow instead) in psychology refers to the parts of oneself that does not fully fit in with what society expects of them (Super-ego) and sometimes separately from the true self (Ego), typically leading to rejection of those aspects and self-conflict.

Now, please note that I haven’t 100%’d HWBM but I have 100%’d WKTD, and in that game the true ending results in the main trio all becoming devils and embracing those sides of themselves they’ve been running from for the entire game. The thing I quoted earlier is an actual line from the game said by god, the line following it being “the meaning of this phrase is that there is no devil.” Only through self-acceptance and helping each other alongside ourselves do we really reach the true ending to these stores.

While WKTD leans more towards individuals, HWBM puts more emphasis on the idea of the collective shadow; the story still focuses on individuals, yes, but is very much about the conflict between a humanity that is tearing itself apart over the things that don’t fit the collective image. The main conflicts of the story focuses a lot on that general unrest, and was initially the Existential Threat, but after that dissipated humanity still saw its own shadow, this time in itself. An email you can find in the game even says that “In abandoning Existential Threats to address the threats of our home, it will inevitably result in us turning to conflict between humans one more. And in turn, the Existential Threat will thrive.” The Existential Threat literally feeds on unrest and trauma, manifesting as paranoia and leading humanity to fight it, only for them to find that they were just fighting their own literal shadow.

It’s also important to note that HWBM briefly mentions that the Existential Threat is tangentially related to “their cousins on Earth, and even those are so weak kids with radios can take them out”. This, while it can easily be seen as a nod to WKTD for those who played it, the fact that the reference is super blatant (along with the mention of the Scout programs, likely referring to groups like the Summer Scouts from WKTD) leads me to believe that these two stories exist in roughly the same universe (or at least their worlds do, maybe not the characters present in the stories themselves existing at the same time*). This is for a very specific reason, and it has to do with the themes both of these games are tackling, regarding acceptance of the self, both on an individual and societal level, symbolized by the apple.

Both games reference the apple when talking about the idea of becoming something new, sometimes even beyond humanity. It’s about the embracing of the shadow and all the parts of yourself, seeing yourself as a whole being and accepting all of it. The joy and contentment brought upon yourself by finally letting go of all that repression and division, even if the world around you is going to perceive those parts as scary or ugly. Bad endings in these games are brought about by rejection of the self, which makes sense considering all the themes around queerness and transcending one’s humanity, so obviously and fittingly the true endings focus on healing oneself by accepting all of their aspects as part of the greater whole.

The apple in these stories, especially noticeable in its original thematic incarnation in WKTD, is in reference to the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden from the Bible. Man was forbidden from eating the fruit, but Eve (VERY important to note that the dev studio is named Worst Girls Games btw) is tempted by the serpent (was not originally the devil, but came to be in the New Testament) to eat the fruit, which they do and become aware of themselves. God banishes them from the garden for breaking this rule he set out for them, also punishing the snake in the process due to how it tempted Adam and Eve. This incident is referred to as the “original sin.”

What is interesting about this part of the Bible though is what God says at the end of Genesis 3, right before the banishment actually occurs: “And the Lord God said, ‘The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.’” The specific wording of “become like one of us” in the context of the apple metaphors from the games from Worst Girls Games is super intriguing to me, mostly due to how the idea of becoming something new is super common throughout these stories—becoming the devil in WKTD, and becoming one’s Ship-Self in HWBM.

There’s also the framing of the serpent in these stories, as well. The serpent in modern Christianity is almost always depicted as the devil, tempting humanity away from God throughout almost the entire scripture. In the book of Revelation, the devil is said to have gone to direct war against God and fighting against his angels; “Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fight back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.” These verses can easily be seen in parallel to WKTD, with how the devil forms are said to be unstable and her world more fickle than god’s, and how in HWBM the Ship-Selves are delicately maintained by the Lunar Gravity Well.

But here’s the thing: the framing of the devil in these stories puts it in the position of being correct, with humanity making the right choice to follow it. This may sound strange, almost like villain behavior, until you remember these games deal with themes regarding repression of the self under an oppressive society, which is why these societies tend to be characterized by Evangelical conservative Christianity. Under this lens, alongside the themes of queerness and transcending humanity (rising to the throne of god, in a way), everything begins to click into place. The idea of being forced to live a certain way by a society that hates parts of your very being is killing our main characters, and they want a way out. The personification of the Collective Unconscious (ex: the devil) gives them this out—even if it’s less concrete and stable than the known world (the light), the unknown world (the darkness) is what truly gives our characters the freedom they desire.

They cannot do this alone, however, as we see in the Bible further into the book of Revelation, when the devil is aided by a beast from the sea and a beast from the earth, all three of them holding one another up and emphasizing one another’s’ powers and authorities. This, of course, most likely is reflected in the games in the main trios we play as. While I am still unsure about specifics, I trust you guys enough to understand what I’m getting at here, even if my speculations are likely flimsy at best. Either way, the idea gets across—the true endings for the games can only be obtained if everyone supports one another properly.

The scripture states that the devil does not have long on earth to do what he wishes (“… [The devil] is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.”), but that doesn’t stop him from trying at all. When it comes to the games, in WKTD the main trio stay in the cabin only for the night (player choices start at 7pm and the final one is at 1am, 2am onward being the ending you got, so choices go on for 6-7 in-universe hours), and in HWBM they have eight days to get back to earth before humanity declares them to be a threat. In both stories, our protagonists are all under strict time limits to do what they can in order to get the outcome they desire. As it’s said in WKTD, “the devil only ever gets one chance.”

Even though in the Bible the devil is ultimately defeated, in these games it’s the opposite. This is less about the theology they draw from and more having to do with undoing oppressive power structures through solidarity and community support while doing what you can to avoid infighting. Systems of hate and oppression are easily undone, which is why they put in so much work to scare you away from even trying to undo it and make you fall in line; resistance scares oppressors. Of course, resisting is not an easy task, but that’s just part of the work—they don’t call it a fight for no reason, after all.

Accepting all aspects of yourself and embracing that is the first small, yet very important step, to rejecting oppressive systems as a whole, and when society as a whole accepts what the system rejects, that system will inevitably fall, freeing those who are under it. Even though the world that comes after may be more uncertain and unstable that the last one, we still have each other to rely on and a foundation to build something greater and healthier than before.

So, roughly and basically…

Super-ego = God = Culture

Ego = Humanity (consistent throughout both games)

Projection = Light = Gravity

Resistance = Radio = Ship-Self

Shadow (personified by Collective Unconscious) = The Devil = Existential Threat

Acceptance (of the Shadow) = Apple (consistent throughout both games), characterized by devil possession forms and Ship-Selves (Ship-Selves are dual natured like that, I think)

… Or something like that. I dunno, I’m not a psychologist.

Once again, I have seen all of WKTD, so I can say these things concretely about that story. However, I have not seen all of HWBM, so it more so feels like I’m making guesses as to what happens in that one, so just bear with me. I’ll be super hype if I’m correct in my theory/analysis.

*On this note, it is very amusing to me to imagine the WKTD trio as space mech pilots. The idea of the main cast of HWBM having to deal with devil possessions is also very fun :3

Sources for information + screenshots I’m referencing

Wikipedia: Shadow (psychology) (links throughout the article lead to other things I’ve mentioned like the Collective Unconscious)

Bible Gateway: Genesis 3, Revelation 12, Revelation 13 (New International Version)

(from WKTD) (not my screenshot, stole this from my friend) (hi Ash <3) (platonic)

(I don’t have a screenshot of the line that comes afterwards or the line talking about the metaphorical apple in the epilogue of the true ending but I know they’re there. I have it in my brain. I’m too lazy to get a picture of it just trust me I know what I’m talking about trust)

(from HWBM) (screenshots taken by me)

(I don’t have absolutely everything either just work with me here sorry)

#rambles #hwbm #wktd #analysis #sorry guys I had a category 10 autism event and needed to get this out of my system #we know the devil #heaven will be mine

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besthimbomachine · 1 year

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slow morning

summary: Kenny spends a lazy morning with you in bed and it makes him feel that there is something important he wants to ask you about. pairing: kenny omega x reader word count: 3585 warning: smut, it’s just smut and fluff this is a quick and fluffy one, just fluff and smut much how I like it. been planning something a bit longer tho, a multi chapter and a few other oneshots maybe, hope you enjoy it I had fun!

Sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains, soft and warm as it touched the bed. Kenny was still in a morning haze as he felt it on his skin, blue eyes having only just adjusted to the light. He wouldn’t mind sleeping a little more, not really. But when he woke up he found you in his arms, still asleep, and now he couldn't tear his eyes away. You looked so soft, so peaceful, a far cry from the intense woman everyone saw in your daily life. It was a side of you he felt privileged to see, even if only here and there.

You laid on his chest, skin flush against his own as one of your arms held his torso in an embrace. Sometimes you’d twitch in your sleep and hold him tighter and he wondered what it was you were dreaming of? As egotistical as that sounded, he wanted to think you dreamt of him. Especially since you’d been gracing his dreams more and more in the recent days. Although, his dreams still weren’t as good as the real thing.

Kenny watched as the early morning light tinted your skin in its warm glow, eyes tracing every line and mark he could see. You were wearing one of his tank tops, the thing sitting loose on your frame. One of the sleeves slipped down your shoulder, revealing the fading green of a stubborn bruise from your last match and a scar from an old surgery. He remembered tracing it with his fingers one day only for you to comment that it looked ugly. God, he really wished you could see yourself through his eyes, there was nothing in you he thought was ugly. Every imperfection attractive in its own way.

God, he had really fallen hard. He knew it deep inside for a couple days already but now, as his fingers caressed your messy hair, it was clear as day. Fuck, this fling between the two of you had been going on for about two months now. Maybe it really was time he got to asking you about making it serious. He really wouldn’t mind waking up like this more often. Having your body on his, treading his fingers into your hair, and just enjoying a slow morning by your side.

A noise outside his window disturbed your sleep and you moved a bit more aggressively now, bunching the covers around your waist. Kenny could see movement under your eyelids as you buried your face further into his shoulder. A chuckle escaped his lips as you mumbled something unintelligible, eyes fluttering open slowly as you took your time to return to the waking world. Yeah, you definitely were not a morning person.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Kenny spoke into your ear, so close you could feel his breath, voice still rough from sleep.

You just grunted in return, feeling his chest trembling with laughter. His soothing voice, the gentle caress of his fingers in your hair, the warmth of his body under you, it all almost lulled you back to sleep. With great effort you opened your eyes, being met with his baby blues shining under the soft sunlight. A clear sky on a summer day wouldn’t look more blue, it was almost fucking wrong.

“Morning,” you mumble into his skin, your own voice still strained from the lack of use.

Kenny laughs again and it vibrates through your skin and into your chest, shaking your whole being. He shoots you the most beautiful smile, brighter than the sun and somehow just as warm. The arm around your shoulders tightens more as he brings his face close to yours, noses touching and lips millimeters apart.

“Sleep well?” He asks but doesn’t wait for an answer, mouth connecting to yours just as the words leave his mouth. You only humm into the kiss as a reply, too busy as you feel him sucking on your bottom lip. Kenny doesn’t need to ask twice before you part your lips to let him in, welcoming the feeling of his warm tongue inside your mouth.

The kiss is soft, lazy and sloppy all at the same time. You two slowly explore each other’s mouths, sharing in the warmth of the other’s body. One of your hands finds his jaw, feeling the stubble rubbing against your skin. The hand he has on your hair holds your head in place gently. There is no rush, no pressure, only a slow kiss that tastes like a lazy sunday morning. The blissful break in your busy life that you ever so often found in his arms.

You don’t know how long the kiss lasted but when it ends you still wish it wouldn’t have. Kenny rubs his nose against yours gently before leaving a peck on your lips and drawing his head back. You finally take a good look at him - now awake enough to take in what you are seeing. His curly hair is still disheveled, parts sticking to his face as he yawns, the corners of his eyes wrinkling slightly as he closes them. Shit, he looks so handsome, and feels so warm and you really don’t want to leave this bed. But Kenny has other ideas.

He turns around, pulling the covers from over you both as he tries to get up from the bed. It’s not even a second that he is gone. Not even enough time for Kenny to get his feet on the floor but it already feels cold without him. He was warm like a furnace, so much so that you could almost forget that winter had just started. But only so long as you stayed in contact. So, as soon as he moves away from you your arms find him again, latching tight round his torso as you rested your face on his back.

“What,” he pauses and laughs, turning his head to look at you, “I was gonna go make breakfast, got something against that?”

“I’m cold, you are warm, you can’t leave,” you say that as your arms tighten around him even more.

“Oh come on, it’s not cold,” he says, laughing again as he caresses your arm.

“You say that cause you are always at the temperature of a fucking car engine,” you mumble the words into his skin as you bury your face further into his strong back. “I’m cold, and not ready to get up.”

Kenny chuckles again, feeling warmth spread from his heart through his body at how needy you sounded. All he really wants is for you to need him, to want him, and even just a tiny bit of the feeling was enough to have him set ablaze. How could he ever say no to your request?

“Alright, alright, I’ll stay,” you feel him sigh, whole body moving as he takes a deep breath when you finally let go. As Kenny turns back to you he has a mischievous smile, blue eyes dancing with a playful malice, “I’ll warm you up.”

Falling in bed beside you, Kenny lays on his side and sneaks one arm around your torso, pulling you flush against him. Once more you are enveloped in the warmth of his body and drowned in the smell of his skin. His large hand on your back bringing you so close that you can hear the powerful beating of his heart. Its rhythmic song almost hypnotizing. He buries his face into your hair, the hand on your back traveling lower. As it brings your hips against each other you feel something else. The clear shape of his hard bulge pressing against your panties.

Kenny breaths in the smell of your hair, groaning low and heavy as it courses through his body like a drug. His hand digging into your flesh and pulling you ever closer. Your body fit so well against him, it felt like a perfect match. His hand travels down, pulling your hips into his as he lightly presses his hard cock against you. If you are gonna stay in bed, might as well have some fun.

Snaking one arm under your neck and around your shoulders, Kenny pulls your face ever closer to his own. One of your hands moves to his chest as the other comes around his waist, caressing the muscles on his side. His mouth finds your ear, biting softly at the lobe and pulling a small whimper from your lips. The sound urging Kenny on as he moves to your face, kissing a sloppy trail from the side of your jaw back to your soft lips.

He doesn’t even need to ask for anything this time around, already finding your lips slightly parted and eagerly waiting for him. You sigh into the kiss as your mouths meet, moving one leg between his and pressing your hips into his heavy erection. Kenny’s hisses are silenced by the kiss, his hand moving from your hips to your ass, sinking into the soft flesh as he gropes with force. You moan and he can feel the vibrations even as his mouth swallows the sound.

This kiss is even sloppier than the first but equally as lazy, neither of you rushing as you taste each other. Kenny feels your fingers digging into his back, nails pressing against his skin. He bucks his hips into yours, the hand on your ass holding you in place as he seeks the friction he needs so much. The feeling of his cock rubbing against your body sending jolts down his spine.

Neither of you want to break for air but you both need to, though Kenny doesn’t stay long with his mouth free. As you part, his lips find your neck, biting at the sensitive spot right under your jaw. You cry into his ear and he grunts, deep and animalistic as he thrusts his hips into you again. This has you moaning out his name and he can feel his cock twitch in response to how it sounds coming from your abused lips.

His mouth travels down your neck slowly, nipping and sucking along the way. You draw a shaky breath, nails dragging across his side as you moan out again. It’s his turn to cry your name when you roll your hips into his, making his hard erection pulsate in response. His hand travels from your hips to your leg, fingers sinking into the skin of your thigh as your own hand drags down his back and down to his ass. You are pulling him further into you and if only he told you how unnecessary that was. If Kenny had it his way, he’d never let go.

A hard bite to the base of your neck has you crying and shaking. If this man leaves a mark you are gonna have to find a closed top to wear for your next match. Not that you’d have the mind to care about it right now. Especially not as his tongue soothingly licks at the spot he’d just dug his teeth into. His strong hands hold you in place as he rolls his hips against yours, you can feel his muscles moving as your own hand holds strong onto his hard ass. You snake your fingers from his chest up to his neck, delving into his curly locks and tugging lightly.

Kenny responds by grunting into your skin, the sound husky and shaky as he rolls you both over. He hovers above you now, bearing his weight in one arm and caging your legs between his knees. When you look back at him the blue is all but gone from his beautiful eyes. Chased away by the inky darkness of his dilated pupils, a pool of desire and lust. You are pretty sure you probably look very much the same.

Lowering his face to yours Kenny brings you into a kiss again. His free hand snakes inside your shirt - his shirt - pressing hard into your waist as it slowly travels up. Your skin feels so warm against him, so soft, and something in him desperately wants to add a bruise of his own to the ones you already have. Though, he knows better than to mark you in a place you can’t easily hide. And he likes it better when only you two know the sinful bruises he has left on your skin.

When his hand finds your breast he gropes hard at it before pinching the nipple between his fingers. You moan loudly into the kiss and he does it again as your fingers tug at his hair hard now. God, he is so fucking hard already, feeling heavy and so fucking sensitive. Lifting your shirt up Kenny exposes your breast, parting his mouth from yours before his lips find the supple skin previously hidden. He sucks and bites making you cry out again, a broken sound so desperate it has him shuddering.

His hand leaves your breast and travels down to your hips, fingers slipping into the soft fabric of your panties before they find your pussy. You are so wet already and Kenny grunts, indulging in the feeling and the way your body shakes as his deft fingers tease your clit. It doesn’t take long for him to slip his thick digits into your eager hole, sinking them to the last knuckle as you moan his name again. You feel so good, so soft and warm in the most sinful way.

Kenny starts moving his fingers inside of you as his thumb finds your clit and you feel like you are losing your mind. His mouth on your breast and those thick digits inside of you driving you insane. He finds your sweet spot fast, calloused hand working you into a frenzy masterfully. It doesn’t take long for the pleasure to build into you, higher and higher with every passing minute. The pressure in your core building so tight, you can hear your moans and they sound too desperate, too needy to be your own voice. You want to shake and tremble but he has you caged under him with little room to move.

Digging your nails into his skin you can feel your body start to spasm, white stars taking over your vision as you cry his name like a plea. It’s growing and growing and it’s all too much. It’s like a torture as you feel your senses blurring and screaming at the same time until you finally fall over the edge. Your sight goes blurry and all you can feel is you and him as your orgasm washes over your body, muscles shaking as you feel his fingers sliding out of you.

You sigh but only for a second before his mouth finds yours again and you give into the kiss. It’s gentle and warm and wet and you could get lost in this forever. The hand you have on his ass moves to slide under his boxers, finding his hip bone and trailing from it through the delicious V line down to his crotch. When your fingers finally find his cock Kenny hisses, shaky breath fanning your lips in the messy kiss. His length feels so hot and big on your hands as you pull it out of his underwear and you can already feel the wetness gathered at the tip.

Kenny’s free hand finds your thigh, large palm sinking into the flesh as he moves you around. He frees your legs from under him, hand moving to the inside of your tight as he pushes it up against your body. His mouth never leaves you as you line his cock with your pussy, feeling the head pressing against your entrance before he fully moves into you with one long stroke. It feels so good, you both moan into the kiss, staying still for a moment as you enjoy the fullness he brings. He is so thick, stretching your walls in the most delicious way and for a second you forget how to breathe.

You feel so good around his cock, like you were made for him and Kenny curses into your lips, biting and sucking as he regains his self control. It’s like you have a hold of his sanity and can take it away whenever you please, something scary and exciting all at the same time. He starts to move slowly, long strokes as he pulls out to the head before sinking down to the balls again. His cock drags your walls with every movement and it feels so damn good. By this point you are barely kissing, lips and tongues in a gorgeous mess as you both moan and cry with every movement.

He can feel your nails digging into his skin as your hand moves from his shoulder to his back, the one on his hair pulling at it hard. You feel so perfect, taste so good and fuck he wants to take you like this everyday. To feel your mouth on his, the sweat gathering on your bodies as your skin rubs together. He wants you wearing his shirts and crying out his name in bliss every morning and every night. To feel your pussy tightening around his length as it does now every fucking day.

It's not long before Kenny starts picking up his pace, setting a faster rhythm that has you whimpering and him grunting like an animal. His hips snap against yours with power as he drives himself fast and deep into your pussy, hitting your sweet spot, still sensitive from your orgasm. Every whimper and cry he pulls from you makes his hard length twitch. Kenny can feel the pleasure building within him, it rages inside his body almost bordering on agony. He keeps the pace, sinking his entire length down before pulling out again hard and fast.

You moan out his name and Kenny feels his cock pulsating hard inside of you, his self control faltering more with every passing minute. His thrusts speeding up as his precum mix with your wetness making sinful wet sounds with every thrust. He fucks you deep and rough chasing his high until his rhythm start to falter, his length twitching with every movement. It’s all too much and he can feel himself ready to burst.

Kenny moans out your name, slamming as deep down as he physically can. The sloppy sound of his cock slamming into your dripping pussy only driving him closer to the edge. His length twitching violently as he thrusts his hips into yours in a desperate haze. He feels all his muscles contracting, burying his cock into you to the hilt as he senses his orgasm hit him. His cock spasms with abandon as he shoots rope after thick rope of cum inside of you in a torrent that almost feels never ending. He paints your insides white, making sure to drain every last drop before pulling out.

You whimper at the loss of him and he chuckles, peppering light kisses on your face before falling on the bed beside you. Both of you are breathing hard as you just lay there for a few seconds, his hand reaching for yours and playing with your fingers. After he regains his breath Kenny turns to you, pulling your body closer to his own as your hand finds his stubbled jaw again. You get lost in his beautiful gaze, their gorgeous blue now having fully returned.

“You fully awake now?” He asks, voice back to its usual sound.

“Hmmm,” you humm in agreement before a yawn finds its way to your lips, “can’t say I’d mind waking up like this more often,” you laugh, eyes still closed.

Kenny stays in silence for a moment, basking in the beauty of your soft laughter before his lips move with a life of their own. “We could do this more often, you could stay around more, we could make this something,” when he realizes what he is saying it’s already too late. His throat feels dry and he can only hope the fear gripping at his mind isn’t as clear in his eyes when your gaze finds his.

“Kenny,” you pause, holding his eyes in your own with the powerful pull of the sea, “are you asking me to be you girlf-”

“If you want to,” he doesn’t even let you finish your sentence before he speaks again, though he soon regrets it as the moment of silence following has his mind reeling, “I mean -”

It’s your turn to cut him off as you pull his face into yours, lips crashing in a soft kiss before your eyes find his once again. “Yeah, if you are gonna keep waking me up like this I think I’d very much like it,” you chuckle and you can see his baby blues brighten even more, his smile spreading to his eyes as you feel his hand touch your face lovingly.

“I’d be happy to wake you up like this all the time,” he replies with a chuckle of his own, lips crashing into yours, diving into a sweet kiss that melts his heart. Yeah, he’d be glad to wake you up like this every day. To have your soft lips first thing in the morning would be a pleasure he feels lucky to have. However, just as you indulge in each other’s taste a grumble from your stomach makes you both laugh and break away. “But now, I guess we really need that breakfast.”

#kenny omega #kenny omega x reader #kenny omega smut #kenny omega imagine #aew smut

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noraunor · 4 months

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HOLD ME TIGHT PLEASE, PUDDING

Kenma Kozume x Fem!reader

WARNINGS : Panick attacks, mentions of self harm

Genre : romance

Summary : Kenma is Y/N's boyfriend since the first year of high school, and when kenma came to visit at Y/N's place, he found his beloved kitten having a break down on her room.

° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °

The sound of my heart pounding in my chest is the only thing I hear, the sound of my agony I'm trying to hide, the lump of my throat that is literally heavy and it's making harder for me to hold back my sobs.

I don't know why I am like this, why am I like this? I was happy earlier, I thought everything was going well. How did it turned out like this? Why am I feeling like this?

A train of thoughts ran miles and miles to my mind, the more I think, the more heavy my chest gets. It hurts so much.

It hurt so much that I started to hit my chest, clawing it to, desperate to breath. It hurts... So so much. Someone please... I begged.

Everything was to much to the point that I was scratching my neck and arms leaving marks all over it and also a specks of blood starts to show on it.

Just then, I felt someone embrace me. Taking me into their arms, embracing me so warmly and gently. I felt the person held my hands preventing me from injuring myself any further. The person was rocking out body back and forth as if they were consoling a crying baby.

" shhhh.. It's ok kitten, I'm here, your pudding is here, it's ok my love.. I'm here.. " they hushed. Pudding? Wait I know that name.. Who was it? Where have I known them.

" look at me baby, look at me. " I felt the person grabbed my chin gently making me look at them, there I was met with such beautiful cat-eyes with Hazel Hues.. Wait I know these eyes. Oh these eyes held such adoration and Warmness.. And care in them. Oh I could just stare at them for hours.

" that's it, good girl, now beat her with me honey, breathe me.. That's it. " they then held me closer. I tried to mimic their breathing which was working, I felt their hands rubbing circles on my back while.

" there we go, you're doing great kitten. Just keep doing that.. There we go.. " they kissed my forehead. A sense of familiarity ran through my veins. My mind was foggy and messy before so I wasn't able to recognize the perosn show as holding me right now. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that he was the one who is holding me right now.

I pulled out in his embrace as I stared at his beautiful cat-eyes. I examine his feautures. Jaw length hair with a yellow dye below his black hair, making him look like a pudding, cute cheeks.. Pointy nose and oh the the eyes I always love to get lost at.

I cupped his cheeks as another sob escaped my lips, more tears spilling through my eyes.

" k-kenma.. " I sobbed, lips quivering. He then smiled, the little smile I always love to see in him.

I felt another whine escaped my lips, biting my lower lip to supress another ugly cry.

Kenma, my boyfriend, pulled me back into his arms. The comfort he was giving me was enough to break the walls I was trying to built making me cry like a pathetic child.

Kenma held me tight as he whispers such sweet comments and compliments to me. The fact that he was giving those beautiful words for me only made me more emotional. Why am I such a cry baby? I feel embarrassed, yet so loved at the same time.

I clutched his shirt, crying my heart out into his chest as he rubbed circles to my back, kissing my forehead and whispering such sweet things to me. How did I became this lucky.

░░░░░░░

After seems like hours. Y/N finally calmed down, but asleep.

I looked at her puffy eyes and her flushed cheeks and nsoe from crying, I wiped her wet cheeks and the snot on her nose with my T-shirt and also wiping her sweats.

I sighed for a bit before looking at her again, so beautiful and so fragile. I sighed yet again before chuckling. But at the same time, she's one a hell of a woman.

I tuck a few strand of her H/L H/C behind her ear before carrying her in bridal style and placing her gently on her bed. once I placed her on her bed, I quickly went to her bathroom, taking her med kit and taking out some disinfectant and bandages.

I cleaned the scratches on her arms and neck before wrapping them up. Once I was done I tidied up my mess and her room. In the process of me on cleaning her room, I heard a soft knock coming from the door.

It opened slightly and to only reveal her mother. I bowed at her politely and also greeting her.

" how is she? "She asked with a worried look in her eyes.

" she's.. Fine now, just calmed down. " I answered. Her mother looked at her sleeping figure for a moment before looking back at me again.

Her mother gave me a bow before giving me a hug, I felt myself froze from the spot not really used this much contact before, well, apart from Y/N.

Mrs. L/N let go of me before giving me a sad smile as she went to Y/N sleeping figure, sitting beside her.

Mrs. L/N stared at her daughter for a moment before caressing her cheeks.

" Y/N is very lucky to find a boy like you, you know? " Mrs. L/N started, I felt myself getting flustered at her comment.

I was about to object when she cuts me off.

" back then, her attacks were far worse then this actually.. To the point that she to he admitted to a hospital. " she sighed.

" before you came, my duaghtee, Y/N, was very quiet, rarely speaks and go outside. But thanks to you, that all changed. " she looked at me.

" I'm very thankful for everything you did for my daughter. " she walked up to me and patted my head.

" please continue treating my daughter with so much care. " she smiled before bowing again and leaving the room. I stared at the now closed door for a moment before sighing and inviting myself to the bed next to her, also carefully pulling herself to me, cuddling her real close.

I promise to treat you with so much care and love. I love you so so much L/N Y/N.

#kenma kozume x reader #comfort #haikyuu #kozume kenma #Spotify

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bengiyo · 1 year

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Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse Characterization and Loving Queer Men

Folks have been posting some excellent rebuttals about Akk and Ayan in response to the question: Are they acting out of character. I enjoyed @respectthepetty reminding us that they’ve always been this way. My fandom soulmate @shortpplfedup has been going off this morning about Akk, Ayan, Kan, and Thua. Fellow clown @lurkingshan has also posted about the lines between actors and their characters. What I want to talk about today is the misuse and abuse of the tools of criticism to just say the vibes were off for you.

I want to get this post out before I watch episode 2: I will say this clearly as we begin: It is completely okay to say that you had hoped for one thing to happen and are disappointed that it didn’t turn out that way. Xiao Zhan gave us the best way to express this:

What bothers me so much about the instinct to deconstruct the characters and accuse them of being out of character for me is that it can be disingenuous to the characters, the actors, and the creative team. With The Eclipse in particular, you can’t watch this show without accounting for the violent response to the Thai student protests or the fact that Golf was unceremoniously ejected from their role in government. Gold has been using their characters as a mouthpiece for their ideas about the intersection of the personal and the political, as well as the role social media plays in protesting and fighting for change.

I was saving some of this for when A Boss and A Babe ended, but I want to also get this off of my chest. I see the debates about whether something is Queer Cinema or Boys Love cycle through once a season, and for me the conversation doesn’t matter. They’re all queer cinema, but they’re not always romances, and sometimes they pull from different film and cultural traditions. The real distinction for me is in the viewers. Ask yourself if you also love queer men (and other folks) when they aren’t being sexy, titillating, funny, or entertaining? Do you love us when we’re ugly, when we’re sick, when we’re old, when we’re being mean or catty? Oliver Sim of the xx recently revealed that he’s been living with HIV since he was 17. He’s “ugly.” Do you love him less now?

I often see viewers recoil from emotionally difficult themes and plotlines in these shows. I don’t begrudge people their needs to engage with content in a healthy way, but I find myself particularly defensive of the pain queer men feel as a queer man. I personally hate being told to smile all the time and present a personable face so that other people will like us more. I don’t want to put the kids through that. They can have messy plotlines that require you to embrace someone else’s complex humanity.

With the Suppalo boys in particular, folks have joked that they’re “my favorite war criminal” and “his rat bastard boyfriend.” These are not necessarily kind people. I call Akk and Ayan “Captain Repressed” and “Mr. Bad Bitch Walk.” These queer boys are messed up, and they won’t be the best communicators for quite some time. They are sorting out themselves and what their relationship will be, and this is the crux of Golf’s messaging.

It’s okay to be frustrated with a plotline, truly. I just ask that you consider if the feeling the show is bringing out in you is an intentional part of the viewing experience before questioning the characterization.

#our skyy 2 #the eclipse series #the eclipse meta #ben writes

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tripthelightfandomtastic · 1 year

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imagine fucking sam in his tesla and him being hesitant about being caught

Oh, I wanna rock his world in that ugly ass electric car. I imagine it's right after you two go to the movies one night, sitting next to Sam, who had his hand on your thigh damn near the entire time, has made you a mess. The way his thumb would mindlessly sweep back and forth over your bare thigh driving you wild.

You get back to the car, chatting about the movie in the dark and nearly empty parking lot, the moment the doors shut, you ask, "Please fuck me." You sound insane, you know that, but at this point, you don't care. "That's the plan-" "No, Sam. Here. Right now." You nod your head towards the backseat. "Here?"

"Sammy honey there's like no one around, everyone else is still in there movies and the windows are tinted-"

"So people are just going to ignore the bouncing car in the parking lot?"

"Please baby, just feel me..." You ask softly, your hand pulling Sam's larger one to slip under your skirt, his breath shakes as his fingers graze over your wet panties. "Oh fuck." He whispers. Your eyes meet in the dark of the car, Sam looks to the back of his car and shrugs, "Fuck it."

You giggle as you climb awkwardly to the back, Sam follows you not so gracefully either, both of you quickly taking off your shoes, Sam takes his belt and and pants off, you discard your panties and pull up your skirt as Sam unbuttons his shirt completely. He lays you down on the seats and kisses you. It's messy and frantic, both of you now with a desperate itch to scratch. Sam's hard on in his underwear pressing against your exposed pussy makes you whimper, "Sam, please." You breathe. Sam takes one last look out the windows before pulling his briefs down.

He slowly presses himself inside of you, making you moan unabashedly at the feeling of him filling you up. You pull him close to you, he begins a slow pace at first, his breathing uneven is the only sound in this practically soundproof box, making you tighten around him even more as his moans escape him as he picks up the tempo, fucking you harder.

You're a moaning mess, your hands on Sam's back underneath his undone shirt, clawing at the muscles in his back. Sam's height being an issue even in this luxury car, his legs are all over the place, trying to find a good hold, his thrusts inch you up the seats and your head hits the door. You and Sam laugh as he apologizes quietly before placing his hand on the top of your head, cushioning you from hitting the door again.

Sam finally loses himself in you, no longer looking out the windows like his head were on a swivel. He's all yours, lost to the rest of the world in your embrace. Your legs tighten around his hips, the new angle slamming into your g-spot every time, his movements practically punching the moans out of you. His head hangs low next to your ear, his hair in your face in this cramped spot brings a sort of humidity to the not running car, just the warmth of your two bodies filling up the space, surely fogging up the windows in the process. Sam places his unoccupied hand on the window infront of him, "Fuck, oh fuck." He whispers out in a groan as he slams into you, you're practically crying out his name as your climax edges into view. Your own hand comes down to your clit and you can't help but whimper at the intensity of pleasure washing over you. Your pussy tightens around Sam, he doubles over as both of your climaxes take hold, orgasming in the others arms as you both surrender fully to the crashing waves of euphoria that pull you to the deep.

Sam's body lays on top of yours as you both look to catch your breaths. It's so warm and muggy as you hold him to you. It's almost stifling, but to hold him to your slamming heart like this and to play with his pretty long hair makes it bearable. He kisses at your neck sweetly, "I love you-" his voice is cut off by the sound of a car alarm going off.

You both sit up and scramble for your clothes pulling on the basics to look presentable and jumping into your chairs in the front seat, your hearts going a million miles an hour just to see a guy fishing for his keys halfway across the parking lot. You both breathe a sigh of relief, laughing at your misplaced fears. "That was fun." Sam smiles as he turns the car on, blasting the AC. You grin as you look over at him, his messy hair and pinkened cheeks along with a half-assed buttoned up shirt making you laugh. "It was. But next time, let's roll the windows down."

#wild wednesday #sam kiszka smut #gvf #greta van fleet #josh kiszka #jake kiszka #danny wagner #sam kiszka #jake gvf #josh gvf #danny gvf #sam gvf #gvf smut #greta van fleet smut

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theextratreefairy · 2 years

Text

The Prey of the Hawk p.4

Warnings: swearing, forced affection ect, yandere hawks being a bitch with forced affection, Reader tries to be strong but very much 'fails', Reader just wanting to cry. They/them Reader P.1, P.2, P.3 | Masterlist P.4 - the Freedom of emotions

Reader refused to nest; they refuse to indulge in Hawks delusional thinking. But it looks so comfy. Hawks had showed Reader how to make a nest and had dismantled it so that Reader could do it themselves.

And God, it was so tempting, but Reader's self-respect outweighs the comfort they want to feel. 'Yeah, screw that, I want comfort.' Reader thought, Reader had grabbed the supplies Keigo hadn't touched, not wanting his smell to be near them at all.

Let's just say Reader made a very messy nest in on the bed, Keigo felt a sense of pride coming over him, and Reader? Very much on the verge of a mental breakdown, the dawn of being kidnapped hitting them hard.

"Isn't this so comforting?" Keigo questioned in a condescending tone. "No, not with you around." Reader cried out as they started to make themselves comfortable in their nest. Big tears falling down their face and their underlip wobbly.

"Baby bird... Let me hold you, my angel." Keigo whispered in an endearing tone, but to Reader it was condescending as fuck. As Keigo tried to climb in Reader kicked his chest crying. "Don't you dare get in my nest!"

Reader was full on ugly crying, much to Keigo's dismay. "But, baby bird, how else will I comfort you?" Keigo tried to coax them into letting them in their nest. His eyes were sharp, his senses full on telling him to comfort his darling mate. "I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN COMFORT, FUCK OFF!" Reader cried out.

Yeah, that didn't scare Keigo off at all. It just made him want to comfort them more. "Oh, now, don't act like a moody little brat." Keigo teased as he caught Reader's arm and started to embrace them in a hug, kissing their forehead. "Now, don't you cry." Keigo whispered. "Your boyfriend will protect you." Reader was smacking his chest is frustration crying loudly. "Oh, my dear, how about we sleep peacefully?"

"I don't want to sleep in the same room as you, Keigo." hissed Reader, who was still very much ugly crying. Keigo ignored that statement and started to kiss reader's forehead, slowly wrapping his wings around reader, turning them around so that they are laying on his chest.

"Now, let me take care of you, my little darling."

#yandere #yandere hawks #yandere purge #male yandere #soft yandere #yandere bnha #yandere hawks x reader #yandere keigo #yandere keigo takami #yandere my hero academia #yandere mha #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #tw yandere #boku no hero academia #yandere boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #yandere blog

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wysteria-clad · 2 years

Text

Chapter #57 in a book called 'Things you do when you love'

paring: moon boys x fem! reader; established relationship

genre: angst

warnings: swearing, arguments, violence, blood, injuries, doctors, hospital, coma, amnesia.

a/n:

I added an oc character Magnolia 'Maggie', reader's caring, protective older sister.

Written in third person pov. I'm happy with how this turned out, I'm proud of it.

gif credit x, x

--------

How far you would go for love? What would you do for someone you love?

What happens after people confess their love for the first time? What happens after they get into relationship?

Y/n and her boyfriends were like unguided stargazers. Exploring the constellation of their love on their own terms, drawing their own destiny.

Her boyfriends were completely different and she adored that and loved them for it.

However, it wasn't all red cupid hearts around the head and sparkling eyes for Y/n and her boyfriends.

They had moments—messy, ugly, some even threatening to question the whole relationship at times. It was one of those moments.

The rain drops pelted hard against the roof, sliding and rolling down on the glass window as if each raindrop competing which one was going to reach the ground first.

She was upset and angry at them for not telling when they left for this particular mission. She already stated and asked to be accompanied with them to the said mission.

Now, they would literally bring the moon closer for her, but that? Putting her in risk of danger, huge 'no' in their book. They balantanly ignored her words and went on that mission without telling her.

What started as normal argument, escalated too quickly and too big. Khonshu's missions were draining them physically, emotionally and mentally. It was one of those days when they just wanted to hit the hay and embrace their girl.

Jake fronted when they argument began, but Y/n didn't bulge.

"I'm sick of staying behind"

Distant thunder rumbled, followed by a flash of lightning. Like a warning of Y/n's anger.

"Princesa-"

"Don't 'Princesa' me right now, Jake" she crossed her arms in annoyance.

He sighed. He did not want to argue right now, especially with her. His body was sore, he was drenched in the rain. He was tired and irritated. Without saying a word, he moved past her, peeling layers of his clothes.

Jake was good at being silent whenever he wanted to, really good. His silence made her even more upset.

"Are you ignoring me?!" she followed after him, walking into their shared bedroom. "Jake, talk to me."

He clenched his jaw and bit down his tongue to avoid lashing out.

Silence.

"For fuck sake." she flailed her arms in disapproval. She knew how strong willed Jake was. She hated being ignored, especially by him. It made her feel like her emotions were disrespected. She stormed off, wanting to sleep on the couch that night, leaving him to sleep alone on the bed. He wanted her to take the bed, she didn't bulge, he gave up.

The next morning wasn't any better either. Jake knew you would pound him, he let Marc front to defuse the situation.

"Baby, listen. It was too dangerous. I couldn't let you into something like that."

"Why didn't I have a say in that?"

"Are you even listening to me?" He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Because we got the suit and you don't. Why don't you see we are just trying to protect you?!"

His voice came out more harsher than he intended. He immediately regretted when he saw the hurt flash in her eyes.

She walked away, tears stinging in her eyes. She didn't want him to see it, she walked away without a word.

"Y/n.."

Jake and Marc didn't speak to her again that day. They knew she would want to talk to Steven.

He fronted the next day.

She was tired of bringing up the same thing again and again. And honestly, so were they.

Some moments in relationship can be exhausting, this was exactly one of those.

"I can't..we can't risk your safety, Y/n/n."

It was taxing.

Steven didn't yell or shout in an argument like her or his alters. His sassiness was enough to irritate her even more. He was calm, bitter and sarcastic, he knew exactly what to say to fire her fuse.

"Bullshit. You know I can fight-"

"But this isn't your fight, innit?"

There it was.

This is not your fight.

"Oh, that's how it is now, huh?" she let out a bitter, mocking chuckle to mask her hurt.

"Yes."

"What happened to 'we'd deal everything together?" she swallowed thickly, her eyes threatening to pool with salty tears, betraying her calm facade.

Hurt and anger, never a good combination.

"Not everything is about you."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, his head was pounding.

"I didn't mean it like that. I-"

"Would you stop smothering with your constant questions and let me–let us breathe for a minute?!"

Her eyes widened upon hearing those words, before her lips curving into a snarl. Tears pricked her eyes.

His words of acid left holes of erosion in her heart. She stormed off, sniffling and grabbing quick things—jacket, car key and her phone. The only place she could think off was her sister's.

Steven swallowed thickly realising what he had just said. His throat went dry.

"Y/n-"

The scars of those erosive wounds would remain in her heart. It began to fester and erode his own heart with guilt.

"Wait, love, we can talk this out" he reached out to grab her hand, but stopped when she sent him a glare of steel. His hand froze, before he retracted to his side.

"Love?" she chuckled, dryly. "Don't touch me" she spat venomously. "I'll leave then, so you can breathe without my constant smothering" she stressed the last two words.

Jake wanted to say something, but chose not to. Everyone had moments of bitterness, cloaked in frustration and anger. Steven was right. They needed some time to cool off. Y/n too.

Perhaps if they left for a couple days, the distance would be good, giving them some time to think, cool off and calm down. They can talk it out later.

It was past twelve in the afternoon when Y/n knocked on her sister's door. Luckily, fi her, Magnolia didn't live that far, forty minutes drive from Steven's flat.

Magnolia was the only one who knew the truth about moon knight. And it was on accident. She had been weary of Y/n's boyfriends ever since. Not in sense of their characters, but the danger that clung and followed them. It means her sister would get hurt sooner or later.

"I don't know, Maggie. They were so angry with me, I've never seen them like that before..." Y/n mumbled in her sister's arm, "...with me" it was almost a whisper but her sister caught it.

She wanted to bitch about the boys, she was angry at them for making her baby sister cry, but she knew it wasn't gonna help. She let Y/n cry in her arms instead and mumbled comforting words.

It was four forty in the evening when Y/n wanted to leave her sister's place and get back. Her sister insisted she could stay and she wouldn't mind. Her sister was welcoming, her place was nice, but Y/n wanted to go back to her home, back to her boyfriends.

"If they make you cry again, I know how to bury a body!" Magnolia called out, with a tiny smirk on her face.

Y/n smiled at her sister's joke, or at least she hoped it was a joke. Bidding her sister goodbye, she got into her car for the drive back.

It happened too soon. Whatever was left or Harrow's cult seeked revenge. To kill the moon Knight, only to be met with unsuspecting Y/n.

"It's their girl" one of them stated.

If they cannot kill moon knight, they were going to take away what was important to them.

Y/n wasn't defenceless, she was trained. But even a well trained person could not fight off a dozen of raging people out for revenge. One against twelve hardly seemed fair.

Amidst the chaos she called her boyfriends, desparately hoping they would answer.

She knocked down nine of them before her head was banged against a wall. She groaned in pain, pressing a hand on the spot, only to feel hot, thick liquid. They kicked her down continuously, her lips were split open. One of them yanked her by her hair roughly, she screamed in pain as they carved her beautiful face— a cut in shape of crescent moon as a mock reminder.

Jake fronted when he saw she was calling them. He wanted to answer, he really did. But he didn't want to lash out in annoyance if her words were angry again. He watched it ring fully before it stopped. He would talk to her again. They would see her soon and resolve the argument.

His heart jumped out of his throat when he got an alert from the hospital hours later.

He rushed into the hospital as fast as he could. Their number has been added as emergency contact in her phone.

Not giving a single fuck when nurses didn't let him inside Y/n's room, he pushed them aside.

The sight in front of him made his legs weak, his heart clenched in agony.

Her body was bruised, huge sections of her face and head was covered in dressings. She was wounded, she looked like a battered ragdoll.

"Mi corazón..."

He dropped on his knees in front of her bed. He did not protest and resist when a couple of security guard dragged him away. He didn't have the strength.

She was in a coma, the doctor said.

When Y/n was allowed visitors, Steven fronted.

He played her voicemail. At least they can hear her voice again.

"Jake, Jake! please call me, they are here now. Oh fuck, there are at least a dozen of them. I-I can't take them all down. Marc?? Are you there? Steven! Help me- they are so close....I'm scared, please come back. Jake are you there. Jake? Marc! *glass shatters* *voice cuts off*

Regret is magenta.

It's hot red anger seething loudly in your veins, yet your heart wrapped in heavy blue sadness.

It's the longing to get back in time—to crouch down and grab your words back and change your actions. It's desparation clawing at your heart. It's walking the line between wanting to move on—your heart trying to shake of the blanket and your seething veins refusing to cool down.

Alas, one cannot turn back the time.

She needed them and they weren't there.

"I'll leave then, so you can breathe without my constant smothering"

Her last words towards Steven...towards them, ringed loudly inside their head.

Steven touched the top of her hand, drawing small circles with this thumb, "Hey, love. You can hear me right? I know you can" his voice was raspy from crying earlier, "I want you to open your eyes, yeah? And you can yell at me, at all of us, really. You can punch us. We deserve it" he attempted at what he thought was a chuckle, "But I want you to wake up for that" he added softly, "Don't leave me, my darling."

Jake wanted her to wake up. He wanted her to say, 'It's gonna be okay, papi' like always she did whenever he was feeling down or scared and kissed his head. "Abre los ojos, querida. You can punch me, kill me..anything you want. I'm begging you.." Jake wasn't the type of man to get scared easily, he welcomed challenges and went head on against problems, but this, seeing the one woman he cared about, loved, banged up in a hospital with no assurance of her waking up again, Jake Lockley was terrified. He wanted to hear her speak to him and tell him everything is going to be alright. "I promise I will never leave you again even if you ask me to" he dropped on his knees next to her bed, as if praying to his Goddess, his love, to Y/n, "Mi amor, I swear on my life, I'll never let you get hurt again. Don't leave me, mi corazón" he pleaded, tears blurring his vision. Tears of guilt, anger, sadness, fear and desparation.

Marc blinked away his tears, he took her hand and brought her palm against his lips and kissing it softly, "Y/n/n, come back to me, baby" he looked at her bandaged face again. Half of her head was wrapped, there was a long cut covered in stitches, running from the corner of her eye running down reaching her jaw line. He clenched his jaw as the realisation dawned, it was a crescent moon. His anger dissolved when he pictured her screaming in pain. Because of them. He couldn't even stand a little paper cut on her finger. Now those bastards carved her up, like a jack-o-lantern for display. She needed him and he wasn't there. "Please" he begged, pressing a light kiss on little spot uncovered by bandage on her head. He glanced at her face again, fresh tears rolled down on his face, he clasped his hand over his mouth. It should have been him instead of her, he thought. He would trade places with her if it was possible. He left the room because he couldn't stop crying, he couldn't stand her face. She looked tiny, she looked fragile. She looked like she would never wake up again.

Y/n was unconscious for fourteen hours. When they found out she opened her eyes, nurses physically tried to restrain Steven, urging him to wait until the doctor checked on her.

"Darling.." Steven choked.

Her vision blurred for a moment before she could focus on the man in front of her.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "W..who are you?" her voice was small and strained.

The boys panicked, but didn't show it. "She just woke up, she is gonna need some time to process, that's it, yeah?" Steven was trying to convince his alters, but it seemed like he was convincing himself more.

"Hey, hey, baby...do you remember what happened?" Marc touched her hand.

She instantly moved her hand. Was that fear in her eyes? Burning his hand in fire would have hurt less, he thought.

"Who are you?" she asked again, her voice was small. First this guy spoke with different accent and now another one.

"Princesa, you don't remember anything?" Jake outstretched his hand to touch her cheek, only making her to flinch back in fear.

Why he was speaking in this accent again? Everything was confusing to her. She flinched again.

A flash of hurt passes in his eyes.

You adored me before, my sweet princesa.

Jake's eyes became glassy, he furiously wiped them with his sleeves.

"He wouldn't listen, Doctor Rivera, should I call the security?"

Finally, the doctor came in to check on her, followed by a frantic nurse. The doctor understood in sympathy and brushed off the nurse, assuring it won't be necessary.

In a calm voice he said, "This might be stressing for her considering the injuries she sustained, I suggest you wait outside"

"What'd you say? Leave her?!" Jake's yelling made Y/n cover her eyes and shrink away.

"Jake, mate, you are scaring her. Let's go outside. Let the doctor do their job. We won't lose her again, let's just go outside, yeah?"

She watched the man go from American accent, to Spanish to British. What was going on? Why was he here?

Reluctantly, Jake let Steven front and waited outside her room.

Everything went out of focus, after the doctor uttered, "She doesn't remember past few year events and previously familiar information. Medically, we call it 'retrograde amnesia"

The rest of the words drowned in Steven's head after, 'she doesn't remember last events and previously familiar information.

She didn't remember their first kiss, all the memories, tears and laughter. To her, they were strangers. But to them, she was everything.

His chest tightened, rest of the doctor's words reached his ears in unintelligible sound, as if he was drowning under water.

"If you loved her, you would let her go"

"Don't say that-please don't say that."

"It was a fucking miracle she woke up, I'm not risking losing her again. How long before someone from your...jobs" Magnolia chose her words carefully, "come back for revenge on you? On her?" she sighed tiredly. She knew it hurt them, "I'll leave-we will leave. Move away from this place. It's the new start she deserves, don't you think? safer and normal, happy life"

Every word was a stab with a knife to Steven's heart. She deserved to be safe, she deserved a normal, happy life. But that means letting her go.

"If you truly loved her, you would let her go..all of you, please"

"Would you stop smothering with your constant questions and let me–let us breathe for a minute?!"

"I'll leave then, so you can breathe without my constant smothering"

How would he breathe without her?

How would they breathe without her?

It replayed in his mind like a broken record. If only he could change what he said that day.

His headmates agreed with him. He nodded, blinking away his tears.

"Thank you" Magnolia whispered and walked away in haste.

The doctor approved she could leave the next day.

"C-can I talk to her one more time?" Steven didn't know what came over him.

Magnolia looked at him with surprise, even though part of her expected it. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off.

"I will not bring up anything, I promise"

She knew what he meant.

"Please." He needed to hear her voice. They needed it, one last time.

Magnolia only nodded in response.

They were co conscious when Y/n talked to them, probably for the last time in their life.

If only they knew it would come down to this.

"Because we got the suit and you don't. Why don't you see we were just trying to protect you?!"

Marc would have spoken to her more softly.

What's the point of power and the suit if he couldn't save the one he loves?

"Would you stop smothering with your constant questions and let me–let us breathe for a minute?!"

Steven would have held her a little longer.

"Jake, talk to me."

Jake would have said sweet words to her. Who was he going to call his princesa again?

Of course, Magnolia was there when Steven entered her room.

Y/n straightened up upon seeing him enter.

"No, don't, don't get up on my presence" he didn't want her to strain herself unnecessary.

"It's fine, I was getting tired of lying down. I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm sick of sleeping" she chuckled. In that second, everything seemed normal. The way her eyes lit up as she chuckled was the same way she did whenever she joked with them. Maybe this was all a bad dream, he only needs to wake up.

His thoughts were cut off when she probed him with a question.

"What was your name, again?"

It wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare he couldn't wake up.

"Maggie said you were the one who found me after I got attacked by robbers and called ambulance. Sorry for freaking out earlier"

Oh.

They didn't know it was Magnolia's mercy to let Y/n think they saved her or mirthless punishment to nail the fact they weren't there when Y/n needed them. Magnolia wasn't a heartless woman. She knew how her sister's boyfriends made her happy. She just wanted her to he safe.

"Steven" he forced himself to speak.

"Steven.." she said in experimental tone, "with a V"

His eyes lit up, brain sending a jolt of shock. Maybe she remembered? God, as selfish as it was, he hoped.

"Or with 'ph'?"

Oh. It wasn't just a bad dream.

The way she smiled, so innocent. It was a weak smile, but it lit up her face. She still must be in pain, but not the same kind of pain as her boyfriends..ex-boyfriends were feeling at that moment.

"It's Steven..with a 'V'" he forgot they were supposed to let her go.

"Thanks for saving me, Steven with a 'V'" she smiled sweetly, she didn't question his display of different accents in their earlier encounter.

The irony.

Slicing up their heart might hurt less. He bit down his cheek and forced a smile or what he could deem as a smile at that moment.

Steven nodded his head in response, before standing up, he lingered for another beat, gazing into her eyes, memorizing everything about her before she finally disappear out of their lives.

Marc fronted when Steven went into panic after bidding goodbye to Y/n. Marc exited her room and disappeared out of her view. He knew if he stayed and watched her, he clutch her close to his chest and never let her go. He dropped to his knees on the parking lot, his legs gave out. Tears pooling down his face, unrestrained sob choked out of his throat.

Their place didn't feel like home without her anymore. She was the light that sparked their home. It wasn't their home, it was the remnants of ruination of their love, their relationship.

Around every corner, she was there smiling and laughing. Her unfinished artwork on one of the wall was another painful reminder.

The pain would linger in their fragile hearts, because that pain was the only reminder she were in their lives, that she loved them.

And they cherished the pain like a pearl.

It was the only reminder she loved them.

They never touched her things. They didn't dare to.

The ghost of her presence haunted their place, haunted them.

Marc became a shell of a man he used to be, drowning himself in alcohol and anger. Alas, anger was not the only visitor. Grief followed anger sooner.

How do I love again? How do I breathe without her?

He swore he would never love again, watching and letting his true love go.

Steven and Jake watched their first love walk away. And they were the reason. That was always going to hurt.

Jake fronted less and less. He was supposed to be the protector. But how can protect their hearts? How can he protect their hearts when his own heart was cut to pieces as if sliced by a skilled surgeon? Guilt began to gobble up pieces of his heart like a hungry goblin, shared among his companions—regret, anger and grief.

The light slowly began to fade away in Steven's eyes. He wasn't different to his alters either when it came to his heart. He let loss of his love, guilt, regret pick at his heart like a vulture picked on a carcass.

How do you grieve someone when they were still alive? How do you grieve the loss of your heart?

None of them dared to open their hearts again. Maybe they didn't deserve her love, maybe they didn't deserve her.

If it meant she would be happier and safer, they would let her go. Even if she took away their hearts with her unknowingly. She would always be loved by them.

How far you would go for love? What would you do for someone you love?

They would always love her from apart, hidden in the shadows. They would always love her.

They let her go, even if the act ripped their hearts out and stomped on them constantly. The bloody trail followed wherever she went.

When you love someone, you let them go.

------

Translation

princesa - princess

mi corazón - my heart

abre los ojos, querida - open your eyes, sweetheart

mi amor - my love

taglist & tagging everyone who commented under the sneak peak for this fic (tell me if you wish to be removed 💕):

@twwcs @friendlyneighbourhood-parker @fayes-fics @devilish-mirage @syrma-sensei @gaymistakeboi @scarabgrant @mintpurplemnm @kittiesluvyou @luke-o-lophus @nana1000night @this-is-me19 @bibli0thecary @elliaze @sakuralikestars @unspokenmoon @davosmymaster @lich1 @jhiddles03 @ahookedheroespureheart @twistxdx @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @chickencouncilrep @crypticcowboys @mandalorian-theway @anisas-nonsense @violet-19999 @alovingelf @joannie95 @stevengrants0sugarmommy @redoceanx @ahintofkiwistrawberry

#marc spector x reader #marc spector imagine #steven grant x reader #steven grant imagine #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley imagine #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #moon knight x reader #moon knight imagine #moon knight

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