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#i feel a little better now that im home!
lynnbutlertron · 9 months
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He fell asleep before he could make dinner....... sleepy robot.....
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lottieurl · 18 days
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i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward
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kugisaaki · 10 days
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hung out w my best friend after moooooooonths and i was in such a good mood but now my mom tells me that we have people coming over????
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ashfdhfgdsfk · 10 months
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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munamania · 3 months
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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cantsaythetword · 3 months
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This are a little better ❤️
I don't deserve my gf 🥺❤️
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marsixm · 5 months
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big spoiler cw for the finale- i understand why a lot of people didnt feel like it made sense for how ed was acting during izzy’s death scene, like it didn’t feel earned or whatever bc they’d been at odds w each other since last season, but for me, and understand i’m not saying my personal experience making it make sense for me is trying to give undue writing cred or whatever, but i had a very difficult relationship with my very transphobic/bigoted mother. she made my life a nightmare a lot of the time. but i had to care for her in death. i had to watch her die for months. it was a waking nightmare, and it had a profound effect on me. it was complicated. it made my relationship to my memory of her very complicated. (and even if it hadnt been a months long ordeal i was caught in the middle of i’d probably still feel similarly) and that’s how ed dealing with izzy’s death feels to me. just like him having to kill his father, it was the right thing to do, but it still left him with difficult emotions. when ed says “you’re the only family i’ve got left” to izzy, after all the bullshit they put each other through, i get it.
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orcelito · 6 months
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So today went pretty great tbh. Piercing downsizing went fine (it's healing great apparently), and then I went to the art fair! I mostly just walked around and bought things that caught my eye. Supporting local artists!
The fav things I got where this bracelet:
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Which I saw and INSTANTLY knew I needed to get. Bc turtle item and Also my fav color (I was hilariously wearing almost the exact same shade tank top. I am a cartoon character.) Handmade and so nice...
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And these coasters!!!! Which I've been needing new ones, so I saw these and was like "oh BOY new coasters!" Funny thing about this stand is that when I was looking at the coasters of artist mentioned how a few designs had matching light switch covers... pointed at the pink ones, then looked at me and was like "...though you don't really look like much of a pink person" like lmfao I was CLOCKED. and sure enough I bought the black and white set. I do not regret this at all.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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...
#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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rememberthelaughtermp3 · 10 months
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vampmilf · 2 months
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#i just need to make it 48 more days i just need to make it 48 more days i just need to make it 48 more days#clutching the sink knuckles white and repeating it into the mirror like affirmations#istg im running out of momentum and patience and willpower like what exactly am i even supposed to do here#i miss feeling like home and i miss being loved and i miss having people care about me like. man this sucks.#i keep trying to focus on the fact that at least i have the scenery and the peace that i wanted but mannnnn. what the hell#this has been building up for so long and esp the last couple months and im trying sooo hard to hold back a relapse im telling myself like#ok just make it 5 more days bc then the number on the day counter looks prettier <3 ok now just make it another 5 days <3 !#and another 5 days <3 okay maybe just one more day you can do one more day <3#and its not like i want it to happen obviously but at this point i think its naive to pretend like it wont bc ooohhh boy if i dont#manage the jump into the next manic episode and crash instead like. at this point ive bottled it up for so long i know its gonna be#a bad one#if i just time myself right and fuck myself up a little i can make these episodes last until concert week and then thats gonna give me a#good enough boost to last me another month and then its gonna be spring and that can carry me and then its gonna be summer and ill be#extra busy w tourist season and after that maybe this will either fix itself or ill be in a better position to at least#catch myself if i crash#idk man.#doing bad teehee#the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease but you gotta keep on slayin 💅🏼✨️✨️ so thats what ill do 💅🏼✨️✨️✨️✨️
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autistic-shaiapouf · 3 months
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Okay okay so. Thinking.
I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:
- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have
- the violin I might finally actually pick up again
- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding
- the list of anime I still need to watch
- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist
- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut
- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn
- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay
- the candles and incense I also already have
In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭
#though. i do want one more candle. they're putting minty smells in the winter ones and it smells cold#i need a cold smelling candle that is warm and on fire i just need that very strange contrast#but yeah!! will spend a little testing out acrylic charms but for the most part#we're gonna hang out at home for a while and express gratitude or whatever lmao#okay but i think it will actually be nice to start getting through all those books skjfkdkd#and to watch the bigger name anime to actually see them lmao; saw a lot at the con i recognized but hadn't actually watched#and also my music!! all my music bc i am clinically insane about music; miku playlist advancement...#this isn't even touching on the games i have now ksjfkf if either of you are reading this 👀 i still wanna get yall something#and I'm planning the exact day i wanna do it 😤#but yeah I'm thinking it over and am like. oh boy time for self improvement skjdkfkf#also finances will get easier bc im not ubering all over and I'm not seeing docs for my stomach now that the ulcer has been resolved#i made back half of what i spent getting the car in only 4 months and that feels good to see#it's still gonna be some hard work but we're gonna make it; I'm also highballing one of the cards#the hotel put a damages hold on my card and my math factors that in; they said that money would go back to me in 5 or so#business days so that'll be a little less to be concerned with; I'll still try to pay what numbers i found though#do it faster and do it better and idk what the fuck I'll do with the cards bc. 30% apr...........#idk i could get groceries with them and then pay them off? take that credit score you'll just eat that shit up won't you..#surprisingly my credit score hasn't taken any super ugly hits from this and i aim to keep it that way lmao#anyways. that's a lot of words to say that i want to actually use my stuff lmao#shai speaks
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strifethedestroyer · 8 months
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my uncle died. hm
this is the first time i've ever reached the tag limit. the last word is meant to be funeral.
#text#interesting experience#i mean it was expected he's been suffering for a couple of months now. he got a lot better at one point and everyone was like woo you're-#-gonna survive! you're not gonna be like before but you're not gonna die but eh voila he died#like a week ago he was sent to the hospital because his kidneys just failed and the doctors said nah dude he's on his deathbed. better#just die at home rather than dying in the hospital alone so they took him home and they've been waiting ever since and here we are#personally i barely know shit about the guy. he used to deliver us bread and he shook my hand once and smiled at me. radiated a good aura#but i dont know anything. dad says he really respected and loved my brother and i so ill take his word for it#but man for the past like month its all you hear about. like i dont mean this in a derogatory way i completely understand dont get me wrng#but its just death death death all around#an hour or so ago i was walking my dog with my mom and brother and i just said i wonder if uncle's died yet#20 minutes afterwards my mom gets a call that he's died. uncle was in a different room from the rest of the family so they couldnt know#exactly when he died (we went to visit at about 5 pm today and he was alive but asleep) but my parents think it must have been around when#i said that. dad's superstitious and all and says that uncle sent me a sign. like i said apparently uncle loved me a lot. im not#superstitious but i'll take his word for it - uncle sent me a sign before he died.#i feel a little bad now. he seemed like a good man. im just replaying my only memory of him - that time when he shook my hand and smiled#like smiled very brightly. he and grandma look so alike. like ofc they do they're siblings but they look so alike#im very worried for my parents and grandma though.#espechially grandma. she's been at his house almost all week becuase she knew his time was soon#when we visited today we were supposed to pick her up and bring her home and then return her tomorrow but once we arrived she apparently#said (idk i didnt go inside i just wandered outside and pspsed at cats#that she didnt want to come home becuase he was very ill. she knew man she knew.#i dont know how she's going to handle this i just hope she'll be okay we'll do what we can to help her#i hope my parents are going to be okay too. me and my mom's relationship is rocky and i dont like my dad much#my dad returned from europe yesterday to stay with us for a month and i was really not looking forward to it. i always dread his visits#like dont get me wrong i love him just like im supposed to i just dont like him very much#but nonetheless i hope they'll be okay#as far as i know my brother also didnt know my uncle very well so i dont think i have to worry about him#he and i will just have to do our best to support our family i guess#about like 30 minutes ago my parents left for uncle's house and they'll return early morning tomorrow and then go back immidietaly for the
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havegood · 2 months
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the perspective of looking at new jersey apartments again makes me glad im living where im at now, honestly ... ^^ ''
#i SO wish i could hop over there though ... the price of living is SOOO high and the pay doesnt match even a little#its bad everywhere .. but new jersey's got a special kind of sickness like that because of its nyc proximity#everyone lives there and commutes to the city like 1.5hrs away for the better pay . but i just lived there lol#i feel like compared to here everything in jersey's tinged an ''old'' way ..#i dont know how to describe it but EVERYTHING from the stores to the apartments has a ''grandma's house'' feel#a ''hasn't been updated in 40+ years'' feel#and austin's so new and booming. apparently. but i agree it doesnt have that old tinge to it#the apartment im living in isnt new. but it isnt old either. it doesnt have the feel to it#i thought it was just nostalgia speaking but looking at nj apartments today was like. oh wow. its nice to know im not going crazy#this same apartment in nj would be SO SO SO much more expensive. people here complain about prices (they SHOULD. its bad)#but looking at where i was and why i HAD to move elsewhere .. i remember now yknow. this place is a luxury i could never have had in nj#which doesnt mean its good. its sad. i wish things were different. i DO .. sort of .. wish i never moved out here to begin with#but im glad im here. i feel like ... you know when a hero goes on a quest and makes friends along the way and then .. doesnt return home ..#even though the quest was supposed to be a transitory period .. yknow .. maybe im just home now#atleast awhile longer. im happy calling here home awhile longer#i do kinda miss that old tinge to it. i always said everything in nj was like .. ''tinged yellow '' .. and it really is. yknow.#i just need to put some antiques and lighting into my apartment. lol. feels just like home
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lesbiacnh · 2 months
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omg i get a little stressed and to cope i end up playing esthetician until 130 am and go to bed feeling worse than before. and like id pluck every leg hair out but haven’t brushed my teeth yet. and after that my skin gets soo bad and im like whattttt why is this uappening.
#text#the past couple of months have been crayzeeeeeee but now things are cslm. but im still 🫨🫨🫨 mentally bc im not in a good routine or anything#it always starts bc im like ‘i need to take better care of myself’ and then ends badly. lol#tiktok ‘everything shower’ joke kinda made me get back into the strange habit of doing the absolute bare minimum + doing everything in one#night and feeling worse. instead of like having a more consistent routine#rly i need to start working out again. it helps me regulate things bc i like to plan ahead lol#im on anxiety meds now so im gonna TRYYYYYY to help myself by getting in a better routine#AND BY THAT. i mean SLOWLY bc ive gone through this cycle before and and starting things all on the same day is a variant of this.#and i gotta get off my phone. my neck fucking hurts from sitting weird and scrolling too long#tiny bit cringy to admit but i want to find a stim toy that i could do the same scroll motion on. if that makes sense#like a smooth peice of metal or something. maybe i’ll buy a little keychain and see if that could replace the motion while im chillin doing#something else#SORRY if anyone does read this usually i reread my posts to make sure im coherent before posting but its 140 something am and im high again#ALSO 2024 resolution im done being high on most week nights. i need to calm down w it#ok last thing bc this is funny#phoebe bridgers song came on while i was driving home and the one lyric was like im not afraid of going back to school…….#and it hit me in that exact moment bc I AMMMMMM AFRAID TO go back to school but im not‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ it’s fine‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i am not gonna#ok goodnight. i brushed my teeth#sabotage this.
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tobe-sogolden · 10 months
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is this thing still on......
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