big spoiler cw for the finale- i understand why a lot of people didnt feel like it made sense for how ed was acting during izzy’s death scene, like it didn’t feel earned or whatever bc they’d been at odds w each other since last season, but for me, and understand i’m not saying my personal experience making it make sense for me is trying to give undue writing cred or whatever, but i had a very difficult relationship with my very transphobic/bigoted mother. she made my life a nightmare a lot of the time. but i had to care for her in death. i had to watch her die for months. it was a waking nightmare, and it had a profound effect on me. it was complicated. it made my relationship to my memory of her very complicated. (and even if it hadnt been a months long ordeal i was caught in the middle of i’d probably still feel similarly) and that’s how ed dealing with izzy’s death feels to me. just like him having to kill his father, it was the right thing to do, but it still left him with difficult emotions. when ed says “you’re the only family i’ve got left” to izzy, after all the bullshit they put each other through, i get it.
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So today went pretty great tbh. Piercing downsizing went fine (it's healing great apparently), and then I went to the art fair! I mostly just walked around and bought things that caught my eye. Supporting local artists!
The fav things I got where this bracelet:
Which I saw and INSTANTLY knew I needed to get. Bc turtle item and Also my fav color (I was hilariously wearing almost the exact same shade tank top. I am a cartoon character.) Handmade and so nice...
And these coasters!!!! Which I've been needing new ones, so I saw these and was like "oh BOY new coasters!" Funny thing about this stand is that when I was looking at the coasters of artist mentioned how a few designs had matching light switch covers... pointed at the pink ones, then looked at me and was like "...though you don't really look like much of a pink person" like lmfao I was CLOCKED. and sure enough I bought the black and white set. I do not regret this at all.
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Okay okay so. Thinking.
I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:
- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have
- the violin I might finally actually pick up again
- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding
- the list of anime I still need to watch
- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist
- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut
- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn
- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay
- the candles and incense I also already have
In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭
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