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#i feel bad for laughing several
idascurrentobsession · 2 months
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So I finished 1670 like 10 minutes ago…
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piplupod · 1 month
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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"
me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"
mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"
me: "...my thing?"
mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"
me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"
mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"
me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"
AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!
#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good#not the worst definitely not the worst#just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu#my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything#and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me#''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind#like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over#i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family#this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible#i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out#i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose#i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts#i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them#sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay#im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon#just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid#it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that#suicide tw#abuse tw#ed tw
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bunny-b-b-baby · 5 months
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Love having low self esteem bc when I get treated like shit for no good reason and people talk about me behind my back and say awful things about my character that I KNOW are unfounded and I KNOW I did nothing wrong I still am like “damn…. Maybe I’m a bad person”
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fictionadventurer · 11 months
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It's been a couple of weeks since I watched The Perfect Game, but I'm still reeling from the fact that one of the best Catholic priest portrayals I've ever seen onscreen was played by Cheech Marin.
Can't wrap my head around it. Actual Cheech (of 'and Chong' fame) playing a kindly, lovable, devout Catholic priest who serves as mentor and friend and role model to this team of baseball-playing boys who take their faith seriously. He blesses the boys before every game. Teaches them doctrine while still encouraging their love of baseball. The faith is just part of their very human lives. I didn't think we could see it on-screen and especially never would have expected that casting.
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warrior-of-sunlight · 7 months
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transmandayoung · 5 months
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brb writing an epilogue in which Danny grows up talking to dick sometimes in his head
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snarltoothed · 10 months
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yo barbies do have absolutely inhuman proportions and theyve given ken a truckload of cake. just an observation after play acting a barbie affair to a toddler and trying to reiterate the points her mom was trying to make every time she was upset through Ken, who had to be the voice of reason the way Barbie and Barnie kept hitting & yeling at him bc he had a baby with Barnie and their baby can magically fly and is causing a whole lot of problems and infected Dr. Mouse with her magical flying ability but neither of them are good at it and they keep sustaining what should be fatal injuries by jumping off of rooves and i got nowhere in probing about why Baby and Dr. Mouse want to hurt themselves and won’t just rest it off like Dr. Mouse said before she got magic infection and like Dr. Unicorn said before that before he died (permanently i guess she never brought him back lol) because this little girl had more insistence toward playing barbies for “just a little longer” than i have ever had toward ANYTHING…
(like. 2 hours of barbies prior to driving her around and hoping she’d sleep then bringing her to a playground trying to tire her out then the long way home to see if she’d pass out then for like 3 hours but ALAS she wanted to play barbies again within the hour and we continued on and off for 5. hours. i was three feet from the dolls to take my meds and a drink of water and she was like “ken…?” and i was like “one second honey ken is distracted by the movie but i’ll come back over in just a minute i just need to do something real quick” and she was just like “no! no!” and intensely cried for the 30 seconds it took me to swallow 👁👄👁)
((maybe i was also bossy af at her age, suppose maybe i wouldnt remember being tantrum prone toddler lmao… everything i remember i feel like i was pretty meek but i probs cried a lot. idk if i WAILED tho. my mom describes me as “perfect (in terms of childhood behavior) until puberty”. whereas my brother was a monster until about 3 or 4 and she isnt afraid to say so… either way no judgement unto the toddler, i probably started internalizing my feelings way too young for that to be healthy. tangent. my b.))
anyways point being: why are barbie’s legs still so fucking long??? her torso is more normal these days than 20 years ago but ye gods, the woman has still gotta be 7ft tall… and why can’t we out barbie in flats? literally why does she still have deformed ballerina feet? little girls don’t wear heels. little girls shouldn’t wear heels? not like that? because adult fucking women shouldn’t? (thankfully my psuedoneice wants everyone but ken naked ?)
SECOND POINT BEING: MOMFEMS, SINGLE MOMS, MOTHERS IN GENERAL… i have the utmost fucking respect for you. mothers do more for the world than ANY man, EVERY government & law system, fuck, even all the goddamn charities and every single scientific discovery presently known or yet to be found out. and it is NOT EASY WORK!! it is often THANKLESS WORK. it is always UNPAID WORK. mad fucking respect to moms. i could never.
#r#childposting#mom positivity#mother positivity#mother worship#disclaimer that obviously yes there are BAD mothers who neglect and/or abuse their kids and obviously i don’t condone that#this is how you know i love my bestie/basically sister#like it isnt that bad fr because i do love her and her daughter like family#but 7ish total hours of barbies until nearly 2am is not something you’d generally catch me subjecting myself to yknow#my bestie has a broken collar bone so she an her daughter have just kinda been stuck in the apartment w each other#and so she’s been doing this for like a week. plus her kid is starting to get sick of her and was being super mean to her#i knew she needed a break 😭 at least the kid wasnt mad at me#until she started nodding off trying to play barbies lmaoo#her eyes kept closing and she’d start to go limp then she was just forcing her eyes back open and screaming ‘no!’ for several minutes#we kept trying to ask like no WHAT girl we’re all just sitting here#until finally she got sooo mad that she was falling asleep she did her no thing then looked me dead in the eye and went ‘STOP DOING THAT’#my reaction made her cry ☠️ i couldnt keep from laughing a little i was like girl i cant make you fall asleep youre doing that…#she was at the point where ANYTHING wouldve made her cry so i don’t feel that bad it was mostly just so funny#yknow. after she cried and screamed for ~60 seconds and immediately passed out once she laid down#it was less funny before that stopped
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elytrafemme · 1 year
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tomorrow, i have an appointment and then afterward my therapy appointment, which is going to be around the time where the snow starts. where i live has historically been really lucky when it comes to weather, but over time i have discovered a severe fear of bad weather/power outages/large storms. my sister is home with me thankfully and i have a lot of books but i am really scared still. especially because the appointment is running so close like i can do tele-health call but with my whole family home that is risky. 
anyway. i need to go to bed so the plan is to. blockade all my doors again, lock the ones with external locks (can’t lock my bathroom door shut :/) and just. really really hope we have no outages for longer than like, a day.
goodnight everyone, i hope the weather where you are is okay and you all stay safe and warm <3 
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beastofwant · 11 months
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now that I think about it, it was really weird that my reaction to seeing police from the time my parents adopted me was to start hyperventilating and shutting down because I genuinely feared for my life despite being trained that police were safe
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learn-and-accept · 1 year
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I restarted therapy again today and had to take a mental health screening test and hoooly shit my brain is fucked lol
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supercantaloupe · 1 year
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the thing is i have always been the type to get very Frustrated when i repeatedly am not able to do something and get ery Worked Up About It in the process. and also the type to get really embarrassed when i'm visibly struggling in front of other people, which only makes me more frustrated and worked up etc. so uh. rehearsal was not. great for me tonight
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jacky-rubou · 2 years
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tfw you find a playlist of stupid in concept but ridiculously too funny for their own good Gravity Falls videos that you wanna share with a friend but you find out that the very last video in the playlist makes a few icky jokes that taint the whole thing so sharing it would feel wrong... such a fun experience...
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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literalyl insane if my dumb feelings don't go away I'll have to start a normal normal rant tag for him I think –_–
#mine#i feel so bad i havent talked to anyone except my group thats involved in my hyperfixation recently uwagh#i will try to take a break tomorrow. hyperfixation doubled with guy im kind of obsessed with creates literally no time for anything else#im still taking care of myself while being so fixated i cant move for several hours. good on me for that#anyways anyways i tried not to be deranged today. not even fathoming romance atm im just happy i get to be around him teehee#made me rly think about how hes been very chill with everything ive ever said to him even tho i am a little freak . which is uncommon#i am not daydreaming about it because itll break my fucking heart but im content for now i think :) i like hanging out with him#'im normal about him' proceeds to talk abt him on my yandere blog.#im not feeling yanderish i just dont have another place to talk abt this stuff so here it is! bon appetite#im not rly freaking out as much and im good at distancing myself from him. even tho idk if anything will happen im trying to#practice controlling my insane person feelings when around him ;-; im doing good i THINK i havent been as weird#my thoughts around him are all weird and distorted and not quite romantic (yet?) but i know that i just feel comfortable w him#im:) im happy im enjoying. watch him get a partner immediately after this and i go batshit bc that is my freakin luck#well it doesnt matter i had a good time while i could and thats what counts ig . had only a smidgen of hope anyways! but its ok#i am so jaded to romance i am going to accept whatever happens and hope its atleast funny . and he finds humor in it#n i would get to hear his horrid laugh. itd be nice. i like it its very contagious. his voice maxes my brain out in serotonin#he was messing around w me in [hyperfixation] and i really enjoyed the attention hwuwhidhekfn made me flustered#i was saying like Romantic CodedTM things to him and he was just giving indecisive responses but not elaborating . so who knows#im not fretting or anything like its fun its chill i feel relaxed !! very casual stuff am having a good time. he has beautiful eyes also.#hes so talented and knows what hes doing. and hes so freaking smart he knows so much stuff oh my god.#i keep having repeated dreams abt him its weird fjdjfjdk. normal things to say abt ur friend btw. normal#i think his fascination w [redacted] is so beautiful his memory is rly good too. im NORMAL i swear#i like to cause spectacles that are memorable and funny so he pays attention to me more. i like attention from everyone but his is esp. fun#i love my friends so much i tell them that i appreciate them everyday. i hope they know they are loved so much#i probably just love the side of himself he chooses to show n not his authentic true self bc online stuff oh well#tho i do feel if you spend an ungodly amnt of hrs straight with someone then you are bound to know them more intimately#i love doing absolutely nothing with my friends and make our own fun in boredom. reminds me of my childhood#maybe i am allowed to think abt him awkwardly patting me on the head. as a treat#this guy reminds me of a previous love interest too except he doesnt emotionally abuse me or himself and has a freaking soul#💿
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frostedmeats · 2 years
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So I got this one coworker and I ask him if he's doing anything illegal this week, and he says "Yo mama"
And I snap straight to laughing because dude, it's mother's day and my mother is dead and not only do you crack a yo mama joke, you crack a combo yo mama+doing your mom joke
And he starts laughing because he thought it was kinda awkward not to and then I explain to him the layers and I can clearly say I've never seen a man apologize while laughing that hard before
But later he really did come up to me and apologize for real, but he looked like one of those little schoolboys forced by a parent to apologize and mean it and I kept laughing and
That was a day lol
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kaijutegu · 4 months
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Today I was talking with my mom about why seeing an alligator is fundamental to my mental health. At first she laughed but I got her to listen and she gets it now. My psychiatrist and I call this the alligator litmus test, and it works really well for making decisions about my treatment. I bring this up because perhaps there is something in your life that you can use in a similar fashion.
I have severe major depressive disorder, and I treat this depression with medication. I've been on meds for about... seven years now, and sometimes we have to mess with them. But sometimes the emotional part of the depression is just super bad and there's something underneath that needs to be addressed. When we are figuring this out, my psychiatrist says to take one alligator and call her in the morning.
See, no matter how bad I'm feeling, seeing an alligator almost always cheers me up in the moment. (This works with other large crocodilians, too- they gotta be big, it doesn't work with caimans. I don't know why.) I can't look at their goofy toofers and beautiful eyes and bumpy hides and not be a little wowed by them. Millions of years of evolution have led to this amazing creature and they are completely unbothered by me. Almost all of the time, they make me feel happy. Or maybe I'll feel sad for some unspecified reason. Maybe I'll get worried about the ecosystem or something- but invariably, I will FEEL.
Unless, of course, it's my brain chemistry. If I can experience an alligator and not feel anything- not happy, not sad, just numb- there's something wrong and we should talk about adjusting my meds. Usually with a little tweaking I'm back to my very functional medicated baseline in quick order- instead of wasting time with coping skills and such alone when what I really need is brain chemicals, it's a much quicker way to communicate what's going on with me. At the same time, it also helps me know when the coping skills ARE likely to work without changing up my meds, or when there's something I need to work through with some help.
It's a pretty solid test. Might not work for anyone else on the planet, but it works great for me!
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bittersweetnightshade · 4 months
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thinking about that straight couple from college i mention sparingly
y'all don't know this, i don't think i ever gave details beyond "i hate their pda". but i think the girl is influencing the guy in key ways
like. he had a mullet. then one day? short hair. like nick from heartstopper level short (don't make me come up with another guy with short hair rn). and he also used to dress comfy but now he wears these. just.
i often judge men's fits and women's fits because i'm bisexual and bored and horny. right. and with the men the default is "wow innovating with the t shirt and pants"
that guy started innovating by wearing the UGLIEST ARTICLE OF CLOTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN. it's not even fun ugly it's like this bizarre bright orange jersey or smth. i just roast him by thinking he's coming out of the high school musical set that had a one dollar budget
and ever since they started dating he talks way more sparingly to his friend, i notice it because his friend's an alright guy, one of the few in that hell. i just. it's way more annoying to hate a couple when you feel like they legitimately maybe should break up. beyond just "public pda is annoying if it's making out in front of me" and "i'm bitter as fuck about being single"
#night spill#disclaimer i'm not interested in that guy. it's just impossible to ignore him and his girlfriend#honestly my most embarassing thing has to be about the possibly rumored gay guy who's fit and insists on wearing his pants slightly low#like. i'm not interested for several reasons but because i have no one to focus on i catch myself fucking. looking at him#he exclusively wears t-shirts and jeans. it's not snapbacks but brother in christ what a boring outfit#why are men addicted to only wearing boring fits (i'm allowed to say it because i at least try to wear unique pants and t-shirts)#the real reason why i want a date is so i can raise my damn standards#probably only two people i'm attracted to in my college that i don't feel bad about#one looks like this one youtuber who's hot and the other is this one really cute girl#i'm very obsessed but never mentioned it here#i don't care anymore about saying it here tbh soooooo#she's really really cute and she's a bit funny but anxious and she wears really cute outfits and she has this weird laugh#and one time she jokingly flirted with me and i was just gone for an entire hour#my friend asking me something was funny bc i answered like 'what? ☺️' sounding floaty as hell and barely paying attention#we never really talk but i am very gone. i hope we do not talk because i know id end up like oH hi hOw aRE yOu#her boyfriend seems cool. and after everything i'm glad to have a layer of separation#though i still wonder if she's Just Like That after that joke flirting. like. we do not know each other#ehhh fuck it i'm already ranting i'll specify#this legitimately happened and it was nuts. she out loud asked the room if anyone had the thing the teacher erased from the board right#i quietly sent my photo of it in the group chat right#and my friend also sent smth but out loud said they sent it and she thanks him normally#then to me she goes 'oh my god you're so hot for doing this' with a flushed emoji. and i bluescreen and just send the same emoji#not answering is weird but cygnus dot exe was NOT working
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